Ron Livingston | Club Random with Bill Maher

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Breaking news our merch just got a full revamp with all new designs and items so if you want a little more random in your life, head over to clubrandom.com and check out the store. We've got premium hoodies including our brand new quad hoodies with the updated logo Supersoft T-shirt Supersoft for men and women and even tie-dye shirts. All merch is available exclusively at clubrandom.com while you're there catch up on recent episodes and grab some swag and bring a little random home. Once again that's clubrandom.com. I have a plan of dad, man. Really? Yeah. Wow. You're in a fi agriban. Yeah. Oh, okay. All right. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah. Okay. That blew my mind. Yeah. Run? Hello. Well you've aged well. Here. Do we ever meet? I'm a bit of fan of yours. Yeah thanks. No, I did with you. It's one of you together for three years. Yeah. I think it was politically incorrect. Oh, you did? Yeah. Still got the sign. You saw it? I did. Isn't that awesome? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it just fit there. Yeah. This is your place? Yeah. It's not. I don't know. It could be just like art designed and you guys run it, you know, but yeah. Yeah. This was here when I bought this house. Yeah. Uh, I live next door. Okay. I don't live here at clubrandom. Okay. That's what I was going to say. That's it. No, no, no, no. Luckily, uh, I've fainted, smiled on me and I got a party house. You know, and you got to have one and this is really one because it's underground. It's like, you know, you can't ruin it. And you know, you could spill shit. You could, you could kill a guy and you're telling you I just love that you could leave your own party at 915 and just go home and go to bed. Yeah. That's, that's awesome. No, it is. I know lots of people in your own house. Yeah. Right. Yeah. No. Even like it was amazing how people in a mob, which is a party. It's a type of mob. You know, they just act differently and they just, they said, wow, these are all, I know all these people. And yet this like slovenly thing is like, who puts this cigarette butt out on your lawn? You know what I mean? It's like, I, I thought we were friends, but that's somehow it's still, yeah, still some shittiness to having a bunch of people. A bunch of people over. I don't know. There's, I don't know. How do you, I don't know. I think about your personal life run. You really like kept, is that in, was that always intentional? I don't think it, I didn't have to work that hard to fly into the radar. But I also didn't fight it too much. I really, I kind of saw, yeah, I kind of saw what it was like for people that you, you get another level up and you can't go to the grocery store anymore. And, you know, and I've had, I had moments of order flirting with that. And I didn't like it. Who would? I mean, there are people who do, but it's like saying some people like heroin. Sure. People like their addictions. Fame can be an addiction. Obviously. Sure. And the proof would be celebrities who, you know, are, shall we say in the day new mall of the story of their career. And they go on like, you know, reality shows where you've got to eat worms or some shit. Like, you know, like the things that they will do to keep the spotlight at least upon a little, don't turn it, they're all Norman Desmond, you know, don't turn it off, don't turn off the light. I'm, they still love me. And, you know, and they just do, they really do things that are, you know, debasing. I like to think they just didn't invest well. Dancing with the stars. But, I mean, that's, that became a, you know, that's an American classic now dancing with the stars. Yeah. Which is iconic is Fonzie's jacket. And that takes stones to go on. Yes. Something like that. Like Hollywood's, where has he said in a chair? No, and I think over the years because it's gotten more popular and stayed on. I'm sure it is entertaining if I were two seconds of it. But, you know, they, I noticed, because, you know, again, a big show they get their stories in the news. Like, who, who are the dancers? And I feel like they keep going up a little bit and like, name value. Yeah. At first it was like, oh my god, it's only going to be the bottom of the delist that's going to go on dancing with the stars. But I knew at time when they wouldn't let the Kardashians in a certain snobby restaurant. And the major D said, if I let the Kardashians in, then Jennifer Aniston won't come. That's where the Kardashians were at one point. Right. Jennifer'd still come. Like, she's not running from the Kardashians. I don't know. No, I actually think they were seen as such white trash as opposed to what they are now rich right. Yeah, they really had like, I remember when we thought the sex tape was bad. Like, that was a bad career move. We don't think that anymore. Ron, not that I want to or if you want to, I don't care. I guess you see this. No rhyme or reason to get into politics. But like, I purported that point. You just made, there was like literally nothing that is not completely non-controversial. There used to be things that were like, everybody just agreed. There was no controversy. Hitler was bad. Yeah. Hitler bad was very non-controversial. Right. And now, controversial. Yeah, you'll get a counterpoint on that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like this. The Hitler misunderstood. You know, it's just whoo. It's so I don't think anything's off limits. The younger people don't understand things from my era. And I don't from theirs. Because I mean, you know, when somebody like escapes the one realm, Tom Cruise, the kids know Tom Cruise. But, you know, and I know Clavicular. I don't know. Yeah. No. I was quizzed on Clavicular briefly. But when I say I know, we're friends. Okay, we made out a little. No, I hear it. He's in trouble. What now? What do you do? Clavicular. I mean, maybe I read this wrong. It's like nasty sex assault charge. You know what I'm talking about, right? I don't. You don't know Clavicular? Honestly, I swear to God. I don't. I think that says good things about you wrong. I mean, not only do I fly under the, I kind of live under the radar. Do you stick my hand? I'm trying to, you know, I don't even heard the name. I've never, I heard it. Maybe 15 minutes ago. Really? Yeah. One of the producers heard it. Is I came in. Yeah, it's it. Really? Yeah. I'm sure. Why is everyone growing now? I know Clavicular. I have an idea. I suppose I I've never bought them up before. And I'm not proud. I don't know who it is. Right. You know, I mean, I'm like, how would I know being the proud nourisher? I might feel silly once you explain to it as an augur. I should probably pretend that it's certainly certainly one of those people you shouldn't know and you shouldn't know what a pet rock is either, but we do. It's a, it's, you know, one of these internet sensations, influencer. Okay. This whole thing is doing anything. He's a great looking guy who then decided he could be even more great looking if he like broke his jaw. Oh. And reset it, you know, so it was perfect. So he looks. Wait, do you have a doctor helping with that? Or did he just did it himself? Yes. I think there were enablers there. I mean, there, I don't think you need to make it. But maybe I could be wrong. Maybe longer or shorter, or like a procedure or just a weird like I'm turning into a cat. I don't know, you know, but people, look, you have a nice, like you just have one of those faces. People is part of your success as an actor like, you know, this whole anti-aging industry is backwards. Waiting for deep wrinkles to buy a miracle cream is like waiting for the engine to explode. before you check the oil. Nobody does that with a car, everybody does it with their face. One skin actually focuses on prevention and biology. 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I mean, maybe a people are different, but there's something that I just don't like their face. I've heard people say to me, "Did you see this movie?" And they go, "No, really? It was so kind of go, they go, "Why?" I don't like her face. I don't like his face. That's okay. I'm the audience. I'm allowed to do that. Yeah. Not anything anybody of it did that to you. You can pick that. You have one of those. No, I think my face was nice and safe and right in the middle. You'd enough to be like the guy, the girls. Yes. I could make that clear. Yeah, you were plenty. You were plenty. I could be sitcom handsome. I couldn't be spelling show handsome. There was like that was the level, like the auditions I got for the spelling show were for like the. I don't know. I thought this guy or something. Well, yeah. That's not really what gets women's nads going. It's nice. You don't want someone creepy, but it's just like with us. Sometimes the sexiest girl is the one that's like, "Oh, get a bull." I've always been get a bull, Bill. I've never not been get a bull. Did they most think of you? You know, I mean, it's there were a few. Who did you play a boyfriend on? You must have played somebody's boyfriend on a million shows. I mean, yeah. Sir Jessica Parker. Oh, on sexy. On sexy in the city. I was one of the boyfriends on that. Oh, for a season or just for like half. Yeah, I mean, the season about a season. And what was your character? Which that's a that's like in 20 years on that show. In what way did you prove that all men are very deficient? I think his question I want to ask about that. I don't, you know, I don't know. I think I was on a different track. I'm just asked about the character. Why didn't Carrie like you? Why did she pick you? Because she, of course, could have any men in New York. And she was she was still fucking Mr. Big, I assume. That was always going on in the background. Yeah, I they were broken up. It was if they were broken up, there was Aiden and, you know, I remember some. Yeah. So why did she like, where'd you meet? How'd you meet cute? The me cute, I believe, was like a book party and, you know, she's an author. Perfect for the night. He's an author. Yeah. Something you'd never do today. Right. You could play. You could pitch that. And the genders in the meeting would go, what's a book? Okay. So a book party. Yeah. Right. Cause she was a writer. And they sort of done it. But then he was engaged. Like, if you find out that, oh, he's engaged. Oh, so he was cheating on it? Hey, well, they were, they were just talking at a party. So then I disappear for, I don't know, half a season. And then a little in the next season, he comes back and I engage him as off. He's, he's available. Oh, so she had a crush on him. We see that. Yeah. So then there was a little bit of that. The first episode sort of set the hook. Like, oh, I like it. But he's taken. Right. But that didn't stop her with, uh, who wasn't Mr. Big, uh, not faithful or something. I, you know, it, it seems like the engine of that show is really hard to come up with a, it's not a different relation, like a different way to date a guy, uh, every week. But I mean, it just shows how society changes so fast compared to, you know, 200 years ago, people lived basically like they did 300 years ago. Yeah. But the difference just from when we're adults, yeah, and how things are, including in romantic matters, people used to meet at bars. Are you, you married? I am. Did you, where'd you meet at a bar? On a TV show. I wanted to, I'll call it actors, of course. Yeah. Wow. I had, uh, I visited, uh, I went to my daughter's school. And, uh, you know, the, so we were having discussions with the kids in the class and the, uh, teacher was sort of like, okay, let's tell me about like, uh, you know, your sort of like boundaries in your limits and like what, what the, the, you know, the thing. And, and of course, mine was, there are, we were talking about like curfews and you had to be back by 2 a.m. and, and stuff like that. The kids, it was all about screen time. They're, you know, it should be. Yeah. But there's no way to actually give a, they can out, fuck you when it comes to technology. Yeah. So you think you could do a curfew on the phone and you probably can't. Oh, no, God, no. I mean, they're, they're changing, I mean, there's laws now about screen time. That's new in the last few years. Yeah. Um, but I still think kids are going to see, again, to the point about, they're, they're, they're, they're four steps. How much things have changed? I mean, I'm 70. I don't know what you are. You look fine for 70. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. That's all you can do. I'm pushing 60. Look fine. Okay. So, I mean, when we were kids, I mean, just this idea that you could see porn when you were eight years old or there was this device that you could be bullied on. Yeah. I mean, I had enough trouble with the bullies and the ostracizing that went on IRL. Yeah. You know, if I thought it followed me home on a device. Yeah. I would, I see why they killed themselves sometimes. Yeah. It's a, it's a scary thing, you know, as my kids kind of get in that age, it's a, yeah, it's, it's, there's a trip. I got kids. I got, I got an eighth grader and a fifth grader. So we're in the belly of the beast. My lives are so different. Do you have kids? No, there's people who call me daddy, but I wouldn't tell you. No. No, I've never married and never had kids and I, I know everybody's different and I certainly know lots of people who were, well, not lots, but I know people who are absolutely so much happier because they married and they would be lost really without this spouse. But it just looks so bad. So many people, it's so bad. Yeah, it's hard when it goes well, it goes well and when it doesn't go well, it's rough. That's, that's what everybody says. And it never makes me go, oh, good, I want to like get in a mat where it's like half the time I'm happy. Yeah. Half of your luck. Yeah, it's like half of your luck. Yeah, I mean, and also like, not have the relationship time, but half of the relate, you know, like there's a lot that where it just doesn't work out. And people say, well, you know, you kind of put, put in the work. Oh, good, good. Yeah. Putting in the work. You know what, when I think about romance and sex, that's what I want to do is put in the work. Forget a blowjob in a martini. Give me pump an iron any day. That's, these are the people are like, oh, I love to work out. You love it. Yeah. Do it because I have to. You don't love it. I'm watching the clock the whole time. Like, when will this fucking torture end? Thanksgiving isn't a meal anymore, folks. It's a group project. Families don't speak for 11 months and somebody sends one text about dinner. 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Don't forget, when you order, fill out the quick survey to support this show. Enjoy responsibly and huge thanks to Indecloud for helping everybody keep November gatherings entertaining. I was just trying to do it. That's trying to stay away from it. But I've steered. From exercise? Yeah. What? I kind of, I mean, the saving grace is that I have a lot of steers in my house and I have ADHD. So I will, you know, forget my keys and that's three flights of stairs. And then I realized I forgot my glasses and that's three flights of stairs. And then my wallet is two. And by the, you know, that's how I- So you don't have to mention from not enough exercise? A little bit, but you're not. Really have no, yeah, that's rare of modern man to not have any, like, like regimen. I'm starting a lesbian basketball league. You are? Yeah. Don't we have one already? I thought- No, it's just me and lesbian. Okay. See if I play with, if I play with guys, I get hurt. Yeah. You know, last few times, it was just the night, it's like my feet for a week were hurting it and, you know, my back or something. Is this, we just are too competitive. Yeah. At 70, I don't know if I want to push myself that hard. And the girls play great. But it's just, I don't, I'm not hurt at the end of the game. Yeah, that's good. Yeah, I was saying, I mean, there's some, man, there's some women I would definitely not feel comfortable playing with. But then I suck at basketball too. So that's that's probably what it's saying. Yeah. What are you going to do? Yeah. Oh, too bad. Well, actually, I'm not looking for guys anymore. What am I saying? That's all thinking. I'm not, I'm looking for lesbians with an 18 foot jumper. So what do you do? So what's your, like, like, basketball, that is my, like, exercise, passion or whatever you're happy or whatever you like to do when you just want to have pure joy. Like what's your thing that you do? You know, I used to train like boxing just, you know, boxing is joyful. Yeah, really, I really enjoyed it. I, I, I'd fallen off the horse a bit. But that was the one thing. Don't you get hit in the face? I mean, yeah, yeah. I moved past and through the part of getting hit in the face to the part where you're really just training and not getting hit in the face. Really? Yeah. All boxes get, come on, Muhammad Ali got it. Well, if you're, if you're going to spar, you're going to get hit in the face. If you're, you know, like, what are you doing? I wasn't doing golden golf. Just train, just hitting the bag, hitting. Oh, just hitting a bag. Yeah. Oh, you know, chopper and roll. Who's that really boxing run? It's training for boxing. Who knows? Someday, if I have to box somebody, I'll be, I'll be ready and to get hit in the face. Yeah. No, I don't understand people who do like the most extreme thing. I mean, to the point where they die, you know, rock climbing. Oh, yeah. Like, wow, there's just such a different human being than me. Yeah. You ever think that about, you see things, you go like, wow, people are really on a spectrum. I was expecting that human being. Their brain, I guess you could say also their courage. Yeah. I would call it stupidity, but it's courage and it, or it's a, it's a type of addiction that you adrenaline is a drug. Yeah. It's just one you have to score by scaring the shit out of yourself. I remember there was the thing about that free climber who did a capitan or whatever and climbing every day. Like they scanned his brain or something and the like part of his brain that was supposed to make you scared of things. He didn't, he just didn't have her. There was no activity there. And it was kind of crazy because he, he just sort of had this thing of like, he didn't sweat things, you know. Yeah. And I sweat everything. I mean, if there's something to sweat. Yeah. You know, I mean, I would, my approach to worrying is like, don't give us a venue to worry about because you will. And it's not fun worrying. It's just, it's just negative thinking. It doesn't really, but you always, at least me, my Machiavelli and mine always thinks it's, you know, it's like Don Corleone. He was always like turning it over in his mind, thinking Michael Corleone, he learned that you got to keep thinking about it. And that's what I would do about any problem. And now it's like, now I'm got older and wiser. And I feel like it's like, well, I just, I don't have problems like, you know, like stupid things anymore because I just don't do stupid things because I'm not young and stupid. Yeah. You know, which survived all the ones I did. And I'm happy. I, I have the thing where I don't, I only like, you have kids and you, it's just all kinds of stuff to worry about. What is that like? No, really. It's like, I like to know because I have no connected life. You can't explain it. You know, like, I never, I never like see a child because people know I don't like kids. So like, even if my friends have kids. Yeah. So I never really interact with a child in any way, like animals, dogs, I love animals. Okay. So I like to, I need to start there. No, but I, everything I know about child rearing is what I see in TV and movies. Right. And from there, it just looks like a nightmare. It's worse. It's worse. I mean, either there's a giant conspiracy among every television writer in the world to portray this the way I see it. Yeah. Or it is the case, the parents command no respect. The kids just walk all over them. They don't talk to them like they're anybody different than any other person on the street. They'll, they'll curse at them. They'll, they'll defy them. They'll roll their eyes. They're constantly demeaning them and making them feel stupid and old. They're stupid enough. Yeah. They ignore you too, though. They're not doing that all the time. Sometimes they'll just ignore you and be off doing their thing. That's not the way it was when I was a kid. Yeah. I mean, it just, and I know that's because they could still beat you. Like we stopped beating them. That was part of it. 15, 20 years ago. I think that's a great argument for beating them. I really do. Not often and not hard, but I got, did you ever get spanked? Oh yeah. Okay. Spanked. It was like the nuclear option. Yeah. I, I wasn't spanked a lot, but I feel like if you were spanked once, it was a proof of concept that you could be spanked again. And, but no, our kids kind of, they know. I like it actually. I like it the new way. Like my kids will look at me and be like, dude, you're out of line. You know, like if I'm young and you like it. Yeah, I like it because it's like, you know what, if you're, if you're grown up and some dude is y'all and you like that, that's exactly what I want you to say to them, you know. You think they're old enough to know about when a grown-ass man is out of line? It really worked. They have a stronger, I mean, I hope they do. I really hope they do. At that age? I hope so. I think they pick it up. They pick it up pretty quick. Where the, the thing they really have to wrestle with that takes him about eight or 10 years is they hit the age of 12 and they think they're ready for adulthood. Well, that's what I'm saying. Yeah. They're not. No, they're not. Okay. Well, but you're giving them, you're giving them the credit for being there by accepting this criticism that they're leveling at you. Like it's valid. And I'm saying. It often is. It is? Okay. Everybody's busy now. Nobody's productive, but everybody's busy. We've got the most advanced technology in human history and it still can't do a thing unless you're helping it. Well, that's where Claude co-work comes in. Whether you're debugging code at midnight, building a financial model or strategizing your next business move, Claude extends your thinking to tackle the problems that matter. Claude co-work turns scattered notes into finished reports and builds real spreadsheets with working formulas. And you can check on it from your phone while you're having a life. Real time saver for the team here, ready to have an AI that can tackle real work? That's Claude.ai/random. And check out Claude Pro, which includes access to all of the features mentioned in today's episode. Claude.ai/random. You know, often is. Yeah, sometimes. Like, you know, that's the kid. I really think they're the ones who should be doing that to father. I mean, if they're when they're right, you know, like when they're right. They're not always right, but it's like, yeah, you know, yeah, I guess if I'm, here's a great example. This is, I just wouldn't trust a 12 year old to like be in my, my judge and jury. Unless it was like something obvious, I mean, I've certainly have seen enough TV movies and things like that where it's like dad cheats, and then he's just always apologizing to the kids. Sorry, buddy, I let you down, buddy. Oh, fuck off, you know what? Stop apologizing to your children. Your buddy doesn't know what it's like to be a grown-ass man who gets horny and, you know, they don't know that the couple has sex in five years, and like, there's lots of things that kids can't know. So I wouldn't, I mean, I feel like there's too much apologizing to the kids, but, you know, I'm not the one raising them. You don't think they're a generation that's a little too spoiled and entitled. I'm here for it. I'm here for it, actually. I'm ready for it, because I feel like we kind of cocked things up in the world in some ways that it is. Who's we? Like our generation, you know, like we kind of, you know, that global warming thing, we kind of, we kind of shit the bed on that. There are kids who know better. They know better, but I absolutely know better. I think to have any chance it's going to take a generation that's willing to like look at everybody, you know, in the old days, don't trust anyone over 30, you know, to go, yeah, fuck those guys. Look off. They were, we're taking this over now, and then they'll either fix it or fuck it up more. Look on any kid's Instagram feed or whatever tick-tock or webbers, communicating with them. It's a lot of celebrities getting on private jets, which they think is the coolest thing in the world. So, you know, and how do they get their food? They pick up their phone and they have someone bring it to them from across town. Pretty handy. I got to say. It is. But don't tell me that you're an environmentalist. That's what it takes to fucking like deliver everything right to everybody's door, not just food, but like, that's a fairly recent thing. Everybody got their dinner by picking up their phone and pushing it. That takes a lot of gas. Sure. You know, it's just, it just is a terror. A lot of cardboard and packaging. Yeah. You know, that's just, it's, look, I'm for going out strong. I don't think we're going to last forever with AI, whatever. So like, I'm not, I certainly believe in doing everything we can for the environment, much more than what we're doing. But I also want to live. We could just do it so much smarter, you know. You don't really have to have every meal cause a full baggy garbage bag baggy of waste. Yeah. For one meal. For like two people. It's hard though because it's the convenience we're hooked on it. We're hooked on it. And we used to have, you know, like, we used to have like, generations of women in servitude that just stayed home and made our food for us. True. You know, and like, once you kind of go, ah, you know, they should probably have a choice or some say about that. Oh, of course. All of a sudden, it's like, oh, okay. So I guess I'm soaking my line of beans overnight. You know, or. Let's get a pizza. But even at my age, I never had a girlfriend that I can remember who it was in any way connected with, I'm a great cook. And or I mean, I think of over the years, I guess I've had a few meals made by a few girls. But even from where I was starting dating, you know, in the 70s, I just don't think it was a thing. I certainly didn't ask for it. I didn't want a girl. It was a good, like, I can cook. I can get food. Yeah. You know, I don't need you to make me food. And you know, never thought about eating at the same time necessarily. Do you have a big family meal, everything? No. We can't. It doesn't. Really? We try to. Because it's like, you know, Mondays, there's hip-hop class and Tuesdays, there's a lot of math. Because they have these, they have these crazy, you know, and then there's basketball and soccer. Right. So it's hard to cobble together a half an hour where everybody's on the same page and home at the same time. No, what if you call up your kid's secretaries and say, could you, could you, could you, could you? Yeah. You're looking at him. It's almost like that, right? Yeah. See, that's also so different than my child. Very different. I was not scheduled. I had no afterschool activities except go play. Yeah, they just kicked you out of the house. I was thrilled too. I mean, you didn't have to kick me. Right. You didn't have to kick me. Yeah. I couldn't wait to get home, get out of my school clothes and into my play clothes and run the fuck out the door and into, you know, suburban lists of going down by the creek. Yeah. I was a little buried fin. I mean, this is the 1960s and really. It was like, I was like, it was like a very fit and open sandbox. You know, there was still woods. Yeah. It was a woods. Yeah. And you go in the woods and like, I don't know, we were mesmerized by the woods. I guess it was, we were, what were we doing there? We're doing there. Was it awesome though, you know, it's like it's, it's good. I know. But it's not like we're having a circle, or a, a, a, a, a, a, something or doing something interesting in the woods. We just thought the woods were dark and deep. Yes. As the poem says, alright, so I've probably exhausted you run with my tails of non-secreters. Not yet. Not yet, Bill. Do you have a, like a kitchen cabinet of guys you hang with that, like, people we know maybe other actors, like, you're a little gang, like, like, Bert Reynolds, you still have. Yeah. No. Not really. No. I, uh, those are your, I'm kind of anti-social, uh, really. So there's, there's guys that, like, I keep in touch with, uh, and love the same when I see him. Uh, but I don't have, I don't have like a regular poker now. Oh, you know what I do? And here's what I have a, I have a, I play in a dad band. Um, so really? Yeah, play in a dad band. What do you play? Uh, keyboards and a little harmonica. Wow. You're in a viagra band. Yeah. That's cool. What kind of stuff do you play? It's all 80s covers. 80s covers. Yeah. Cause that's your era. That's like when you were a young boy coming up. It's funny. Yeah. I didn't like 80s music actually because I didn't, I, I didn't like all the synthesizers coming in and like, so folks, let's talk about Medicare for a second. I know nothing gets a room going like Medicare. But seriously, are you or a loved one still on the same Medicare plan you signed up four years ago? Well, no, this plans can change every year. And most people never look again after they sign up. It's like a software update. Something changed. Nobody knows what. And we all agree just to hit agree. Being on the wrong plan can mean doctors and prescriptions you thought were covered aren't. 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If it's done shittily, you know, sitcoms, you know, you can have to do a very traditional kind of sitcom that kind of like, you know, in this era would make people and sometimes those roll their eyes, oh, that's like kind of a harchi bunker era. But you know, when it's in the hands of really good people, who do it well? When it's good, it's good. You know, I mean, fuck, they're still watching friends. Oh, yeah. Modern family. We did a deep dive on Modern Family. What do you mean? A deep dive. Like we watched. Like, you know, the kids. You watch, you start with season one. Do you watch stuff with the kids? Yeah. We watch stuff with the kids. Oh, you're really a, you're Mr. Good Dad, huh? I mean, some of it is the kids have a remote. So it's, they're watching what they're watching and the people in the room, you're watching that. Our lives are so different. The idea that I would let other people, especially smaller ones, I should have the right to say, I have, that to me, that, okay. So that answers my question. What I'm seeing on TV, I see is actually what it's like going on. It is what it is. But I've never seen a psychiatrist about this because it just seems like a couple really. You know, a couple. Not necessarily. about this, but you know. - So, it just seems like a desire, almost like a masochistic desire, like when people like somebody digging their, you know, the heel of the, high heel into their neck when they're on the ground. You know those people need that? - Yeah. - To me, that's, if you can't stop the remote, I feel like it's very similar to that. Like you have to like want to be hurt a little bit. - I guess the best way I can describe it, 'cause you say you like animals, right? - I'm a PETA board member since the '90s. - Got it. - You have pets, you have-- - Of course. - Yes, okay. So we have a-- - Pets and everything around here, you walked in like, it's fucked up because I won't kill the groundhogs. - Right. - Like you saw my lawn, it's not a lawn. - I didn't see it. - It looks terrible. - I'll walk around there. - It's out, yes. - Like, they take advantage of me. I'm beautiful gardens, I eat the food. Like I'm ducks in the swimming pool. Like, I mean, I am super nice to the animal. - That's awesome. - So go ahead, yes. I like animals. - We've got a new puppy, a four month old puppy, right? He's, his name is Pickles. I don't quite, they say that his mother was a Yorkie, but he's definitely got some pit in him, so I don't know how that works out. But he's kind of at the age where he pisses and shits all over the floor. He like, choose up my shit. He like, bites my arm, but I love him, you know what I mean? - Yeah, he's got a train him not to piss me. - We, you're working on it. We're working on that, Bill. - 'Cause that's the one that's the one that's so hard. - Yeah, it's terrible. - It takes a while, you know? It does. - Especially the bladders about the size of it, you know? - Yeah, and they're y'all. - Shot. - And they're animals, you know. - I mean, but you still love, you know what I mean? You have, you just, you don't give up on the puppy because they're horrible to you. - The only thing that can probably really compete with how much you actually, if they could measure it, love to be greeted by and then spend time with the puppy, is like, very new hot love. - Like if you're super hot to somebody and you were really also folding in love, that might compete with the puppy thing, but only that. Yeah, yeah. - And because it's, it's in that thing, you know? It's just that you gotta get the puppy like some, you gotta get the puppy into Dartmouth somehow, you know? It's like a long term, there's a long term project happening. - Dartmouth. Why, that were you in? - No. - Where'd you go? - I went to Yale. - Oh, fuck, that's hysterical. I was like, where are you? I thought you were gonna say Chico State. - No, I went to someplace better than Dartmouth. Yeah, wow, I went to Cornell. - Right on. - Yeah, so we're Ivy League brothers. - We are. - Not that there ever really was a brotherhood of-- - Not really, yeah, it didn't. - I mean, we were just in the same football league. - Right. - And we sucked. - Yeah. - Right, I mean, generally, I mean, Cornell, I think had a good, good hockey team, man. - Princeton always had a good basketball team for some reason, they always made the turf, oh, okay. - Feel broadly of the next. - Okay. - Great, Princeton, absolutely. Yeah, I guess occasionally, but, you know, we're not like, you know, these fucking-- - Some great fencing teams, though, you know. - Fencing, I took-- - The cruel world, you know. - I took fencing at Cornell. - Did you? - Yes, I don't know why it was like one of those-- - Like a PE elective thing or-- - Exactly. - Did you get credit for it? - Yes, absolutely. - There you go. - I graduated with just the minimum number of credits I needed, 120 and seven semesters. - So fencing put you right over the top? - Yes, okay. - I remember that and got nothing out of it. It was just so stupid. - No, I mean, like, for sure, it's not kind of thing you're going to use in your life. I mean, you're gonna use-- - You never know. - Geometry, you haven't had to yet. - But your geometry will come up before fencing and I'm not gonna use that either. But yeah, fencing. And then I just feel like there was a-- I also took a philosophy course at Cornell that I felt contributed absolutely as much as the fencing one did, zero. Absolutely nothing. I didn't understand what they were talking about at the time. I faked my way through like exams and could not have been more turned off to the concept of philosophy. Now, maybe it's this professor and what he chose to teach, but it was just like, what the fuck are you talking about? You know, and maybe I just was too dumb to get it. I don't think so. - I never took any specific philosophy classes, but yeah, now some of that reading it feels like, oh, this is where we talk about talking about things, you know? This is the-- - So well put. - And it's saying, oh, okay. That's a lot of-- - Yes. - That's a lot of talking. - Well, there is a epistemology, you know what that is? - So meaning the study of knowledge. - The knowledge itself, yes, meaning also. - Which is, that is a legitimate study. - Yeah. - I mean, it's not how I want to spend Saturday night. - Yeah. - But actually, there was a time when I did. You know, I mean, I had no social life in college. So I really, that was the era when I really got off on like intellectual epiphanies. - What was your course of study? - First I wanted to be, first it was history major. - Uh-huh. - And then had some consultation with the professors, the old guy. I mean, old, I was, 19, 27, 40, I thought he was nice. - Yeah. - Okay, folks, think about any chaotic stretch of your life. A bad break up, a career pivot, a month where everything comes at you all at once. We've all had the thought, maybe I should talk to somebody. Then you try in the process itself gives you a panic attack. 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I don't know if he was trying to be, but he was just, I would ask him some question and he basically said, you know, we're talking about the Middle Ages. That was the period I loved. I'll talk your tits off if you want to have the Middle Ages sometimes, and I'm sure you don't, but like, and he was like, well, you can't really add anything new and I was like, oh, then why am I doing this? And I just love history. So then I switched to English. It didn't matter. I knew it was going to be a comedian. Right. But I'm glad I went. I mean, they gave me, I'll give them this. They did give me in a different era when college was very different. A great, like, broad education of what it means to be just what we used to think was like, just a sophisticated adult, you know? Yeah. There's like, like we were saying before, nothing is non-controversial. Back then it was like, some things everybody kind of knew. You could mention this. Now, I feel like there's nothing there. There's almost nothing you can say where some people won't be like, I hadn't heard about that. Yeah. Really? Certainly not a clovicular. You know, just a clovicular, yeah. It's just like, we love it. It's so spread out. There's so many, you know, niches. And it's, it's, you know, yeah, there's like something, six, seven, I feel like, was the only thing that became, like when you heard about that. You heard about that? The whole culture, yeah, I mean, I've got 10-year-olds. Oh, yeah. Well, I think if you've heard about that one, that's all you need to know about that generation. That's what that was, genius. And the reason why they loved it is because it confounded us. It's all about trials. Yeah, 'cause we didn't know. It's all about trolling. It's like six, seven. And we're like, what is that? Yeah, we had to know what it was. Like when you like to know. Yeah. Exactly. Wouldn't you like to know? It's exactly what it is. Yeah. It's just a big fuck you to the people who brought you into this world and gave you everything. Mm-hmm. That's what I really feel about kids is like, I don't think they are told enough that perspective. You're luckier than most people in the world. You're probably luckier in this family. You know, there's just a lot of bad shit that could be happening around this big old world of ours. And you're in one of the more, I hate to word the word, privilege spots, but yeah. Well, we don't beat you and we give you the TV remote. So you're right. - You're doing really well, you know? - And we feed you and I mean, there's a lot of, you know, sob story legitimately, you know, stories out there with people, even a lot of celebrities have like crazy fucked up childhoods because the era that I lived in where family stayed together, that's gone. It's much more likely that if you're a kid today in some way your family was fractured. I mean, there are families that stayed together obviously, but like, it's just, you know, divorces, nothing to do. - Oh yeah. - And having parents who like have my mother's boyfriend, my father's girlfriend, second wife, and you know, it's just, it's not, it can't be stabilizing for a child. - Yeah, I was lucky. - I feel like the one good thing is it's not like it was in the 80s where there was like one kid whose parents were divorced and like they kind of carried this big cloud. Now it's kind of common enough that people are like, oh okay, I guess now I'm in the same boat as these other eight people in my class. But, you know, it's rough. We've got some friends that are going through it right now. And it's still-- - Gone through what? - Gone through divorce. - Oh, I know. There's always somebody going through divorce. - Yeah. - And it's always amazing. - It looks terrible. - It looks hard. - Always amazing to me how often, when they announce they're splitting up, it comes as a complete shock to people. Because married couples are geniuses at keeping it together in front of everyone else, right into the end. - Yeah. - It's the last thing they can work on together. It's lying. - Yeah. - So everybody else, and then suddenly, who was it that I just saw God divorce somebody? And I was, oh my God. This guy was just here telling me how much he, the whole thing, and she comes with me on the road, and then it's like, "Ah, divorced." I don't know. - Sometimes I've seen it where the kids know. Like when they, they, they spring in on all the friend group is, you know, the adult friends are like, "Oh my God, what?" And the kids are like, "Yeah." - Well, I saw that coming. Well, that is the kind of thing that I will give kids credit for being able to understand. Because that's something you don't need any sort of like schooling about. You can tell when mommy and daddy are, you know, maybe it's not overt, but they sense it. I mean, we're all very sensitive social creatures, even as children, especially as children. - Yeah. - So you sense when mommy and daddy, you know, there's a cold war going on. And it's probably worse than like letting it out in some ways sometimes. But, you know, I was lucky. I didn't see my parents fight a lot. And when they did, it didn't alarm me. - Mm-hmm. Were they good at it? Did they like fight and then work things out through fighting or did the fighting just escalate into more fighting? - No, I never saw that and I don't think it happened. I think they were pretty good at resolving it. They were in World War II, both of them. You know what, it was like-- - Like, active duty service. - My mother was a nurse. - Okay. - My father was in Patton's Army. - Wow. - Yeah. - Yeah. - World War II people. They were different. - Right, so they're like, you think this is fighting? This is not fighting. This is us having a loud conversation. - I was getting sheld. No, yeah. - I went up against Rommel. - Right. - I can handle you. - I can handle where we want to go to dinner. - Right. - But it wasn't like a fighting era. Like, it's not like my mother was a doormat, but it's like, they didn't, you know, I feel like at a certain point women for understandable reasons, kind of got a chip on their shoulder a little bit just about, oh, you think, no, I don't think we're good now. You know, like, I'm not trying to put one over on you. But, you know, certainly in that era, I mean, it was like, you know, probably a little more me, Tarzan, Eugene, if the man was respectable, as my father was. I mean, he was a wonderful loving guy. So, you know, but they just, you know, they, I don't think they just thought about a lot of shit. And when they did, it was just like, you know, little things like, I wanted you to pull over sooner. I said I was hungry. Now I'm not hungry anymore. - Oh, that's literally flipping in a rat. - You know, yeah. - That's like the hardcore martyr. - Yeah. - That's about, that's about how I won't eat. - That's about as bad as it got. Okay. - I asked if we could pull over. - Yeah. - And you said, well, one more, you know, - Stop. - One more rat. - And now I'm not hungry anymore. - And that kind of seemed like, well, I saw you. You know, are you hungry or not? I don't, you know what I mean? It's one exit. - That was like, that was like a fight. - Uh-huh. - You know, and you saw a mom was not happy with that. But it never, I was very fortunate, you know? I don't know. A lot of kids, I know a lot of kids don't, are not that lucky and that's at a formative time in your life which forms your opinions about people in general. How much you can trust them? How good they are as people. You know, are they honest? Are they lying? Are they fronting, you know? And, you know, so, I don't know. Family breakdown, educational breakdown. It is amazing, in some ways, we're still like, chugging along. - Yeah. - Now AI is going to kill us in four years. Did that one get on your radar run? - I've been thinking that for a while. (laughing) That's, yeah, that definitely, that's definitely on my radar. But I mean, didn't we, - Me too. - Wasn't that the plot of the first terminator? I think was that AI was going to kill us. - I said, I said the same thing. - It's just the movies. Movies always. - Yeah. - Predict what's really going to happen. You know, I remember going to see Steven Spielbergs, one of his many, many, many genius movies, minority report, Tom Cruise, were you in that? - No. (laughing) - I was under the radar. (laughing) - You were in something like that. - Maybe. - Something. I'm not sure what. - No, I, you were. - But you were in, like, band of brothers. - It was a band of brothers. - There was a World War II movie. - Yeah. - And a great one. - Yeah, thank you. - Oh, I love that. It was not Spielberg. - It was Spielberg. - And Tom Hanks, right? - And Tom Hanks. - Yeah, the last guys who actually care about that generation, and they're sort of, and God bless them, unabashedly proud of people who, I know they lived at a time when people did terrible things, yes, and everybody did them, and I don't know. They also did some good things, like, saved the world from fascism. - Yeah, they stepped up. - They stepped up. - When it was time to step up. - Yeah, yeah. They were known as the greatest generation. I asked my mother once about that. She said, we weren't great for the war. We were, like, having fun, like, crazy kids do. And then we just had to, but, like, we weren't, like, born great. - Yeah. - We weren't even thinking about having to be great. We just had to, you know, people were. - Must have been some great generations in the Middle Ages, though, like, when they say greatest generation, I feel like we're not going, how many can we remember, really? - It's not your way of trying to get me to talk about the Middle like, as I'm telling you, I will, I will, I will, I will. - When do you think the Middle Ages started? - I don't know. - We were talking Holy Roman Empire. - That 400, 500? - Yes. - Pretty good. Pretty good. - Okay. - What were your major at Yale? - I was English and theater studies. - Theater studies, of course. - Theater studies. - It shouldn't even be a major. - I. - It was kind of a minor. It was basically English and. There was a theater studies major, the one that I did. It was sort of, it was basically an English major with a theater studies minor in town. - College became such bullshit. It's just, like, you can just take such bullshit and call it college. You know, not that I'm saying we should go back to this, but Yale, not that long ago, like less than a hundred years ago, you had to learn Greek and Latin. - Yeah. - Greek and Latin. Can you imagine? - I do. - And, like, fully understand history and, like, civics and grammar, you know, like, just the basics. And that's all gone. You don't need to know shit. - No. - You need to know white people did some very, very bad things in this world. And that's true. They certainly did. But so did Genghis Khan. (laughing) - I'm telling you, he was. They say he, uh, fathered 11%, like, his DNA is an 11%. That's a lot of. - Yeah, that's good, that's a lot. - I think there were a lot of raping where a lot of. - That's putting in the work, a lot of dinners. - Yeah. - Listen. - Yeah. - I've got to get back to concrete. You just think of all the birthdays. You've got to remember. (laughing) - I've got holes. I've got holes in different conquered areas of the globe. - Yeah. So, you were an English theater. So I guess you knew you had the acting bug earlier. - I had the acting bug. - Really? - Yeah, I had it in high school. And, uh, yeah. So I think I sort of knew in the back of my head that that's what I was gonna do. I had to pretend for my parents' sake that might really my job. dad's sake that I was going to do something else that was not that, but I only had to pretend for a few years and then it was-- I started in high school. Yeah. I did a play. Did you do stand-up in high school? Yes, you know what? I did twice. I did stand-up basically once was-- oh, no, maybe it was just once because then they canceled. There was this thing called the pop show, which was like, you know, the kids who were theatrical put on a thing and all the parents came, it was a big deal. And the English teacher, I should-- this guy changed my life in a way. No, I always knew I was going to be a comic, but this helped a lot. He suggested he must have seen in class that, oh, this kid's kind of funny. Yeah. Just said, I'd be the MC. Okay. And it's really what I always have been, is a host, MC, whatever, talk show. So-- Did you write your own material? Well, I stole it off of Johnny Carson, which is a late-night adult show. I remember Johnny Carson. Yeah. And some of the jokes were way too risque and the parents objected and they stopped doing the show after this. But I got laughs. And it was, you know, probably the greatest drug rush I've ever had was that first time. Yeah. Getting laughs. That's the bug. Where'd you grow up? New Jersey. New Jersey. And New Jersey, were there like comedy clubs that you could go to? No. Yes. Well, yes, soon after. I mean, when I got out of Cornell, I went right to New York and hung out at the clubs. Yes. That's the era when they were thriving. Yeah. 1980? Yes. The comic strip and the improv and catch your rising star and all across the country. There were clubs then. But I was still in high school, did a play, it was a play. Yeah, I guess it's a play. It's called Spoon River Anthology. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's a high school one, right? Yeah. It's not, but it's not really a play. It's like. It's like a choral reading. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. It's like this town, this fucking corny old white ass town, from like 1800 or something in the past. I don't know. And like, you'd have eight people, like four girls, four guys. They'd stand in front of a podium and then the light would hit you and you'd play different characters and you'd told your story. You know, I'm the pastor in the town and I'm blah, blah, blah. Yeah. That was Spoon River Anthology. Oh, I wish I could. Classic. That's a classic. It is? Yeah. Yeah. It's so sucked. I knew it then that it sucked. I was like, "Why can't we do a play?" Like, I remember the year before they did a musical. I went to, like, maybe it was not the. Maybe I think I was in eighth grade and I went to a high school production of how to succeed and show business with that really. Oh, okay. All right. You know, when I'm talking about. Yeah. Okay. That blew my mind. Yeah. I mean, numbers? Musical numbers? Exactly. Yeah. I believe in you, singing to the mirror and, you know, I mean, fuck. And like, a girl and a guy and they had to kiss and like, okay, I got stuck with Spoon River Anthology. Yeah. We're playing a win. Monologues. Mm-hmm. Great. What did you do in high school with? We did a mid-summer night's dream. We did the Crucible. Crucible? The Crucible. We did Peppin? Peppin? We did. Peppin? Yes. We did Joseph in the amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. In high school? Yeah. In high school. Peppin? Yeah. Who Ben Varene was on Broadway career? Yes. Ben Varene. The great Ben Varene. Uh-huh. Okay. What? I played the Ben Varene part. I was just going to say. I do, Dale. You played the Ben Varene part. And how do you think you stood up next to Ben Varene? Oh! Yeah. That was under the radar a little bit, probably. I would say too. Yeah. Ben Varene was so great. I was no Ben Varene. You were no Ben. I like you, but you were no Ben Varene. I was there. Who is? Charlie. No, no. But that involved singing. In both singing, yeah. So there's a medieval tale. Do you know who Peppin is? Oh, uh, yeah. Charlemagne's son and-- Charlemagne's grandson. I didn't know what-- No, Charlemagne's actual history. Charlemagne's grandfather. Oh, okay. Charlemagne was crowned, as we all know, Holy Roman Emperor in the year 800. Christmas Day 800. Easy day to remember. Okay. Uh, the reason why he was able to be the Holy Roman Emperor is because the Muslim army that had swarmed out of the desert after Muhammad's death in 637 took over almost the entire world in a century. Much like the Mongols did later, you know, very successful at taking over the world. I'm guessing this involved more machetes than pamphlets. But who might have judged? They did it. They went all through the known worlds, not India, but as far as the Persian Empire. And in the other way, went all through North Africa, all of Spain. Spain was Muslim for 700 years. In 737, they were stopped in the Pyrenees by Charlemagne's grandfather, Peppin Libra. Ah. That's who he is. Wow. Isn't that what this show is about? Uh, yeah. I think there's maybe one number about that they have. What else is it about? It's like, little, some jazz hands, I think. What's it about? What's the story? No, it's the coming of age. Peppin is like trying to find himself. Yeah. Really? Yeah. We're trying to find himself. Yeah. Uh, he's a young man. But it's a place in the eighth century. Uh, not really. Not really. Not really. Yeah, no, it's, uh, it's. What's he wearing? Ah, boy. Well, in the high school production in Eastern Iowa, I think he wore like a sleeveless tee. Uh, it was maybe it was mesh. I don't remember. So it could have been medieval? Yeah, I mean, it was, it was, you know, I think there's the character of Charlemagne is in it. But it's, it's style. You know, it's stylized. What about pants? What pants was he wearing? Um. Very important. You know, Joan of Arc wore pants. I don't remember. I had these fake black leather tight, uh, pants in this Harley-Convests that's the goofiest thing you've ever seen. You sure that wasn't you after the show? That's what you were just wearing back. I own the dream. It's not what, yeah. Let's be honest, Ron. You're talking about what you were wearing back then. Yeah. How old were you when you got married? Uh. 2009, I got to do the math. Um. Oh, so you were already. Yeah, I'm a late bloomer. I was a late, I was a late bloomer. Well, yeah. I'm talking to. Yeah. The latest bloomer. I don't know. I don't know. I was 42, I think. 42, I think. Something like that. 42, 43. Yeah, people always say like. You know, yeah, I had my wild error and, you know, but that ended not always like. Why are we ending the wild error? I like the wild error. Why are we ending it? Do we get tired? Do we have that? Yeah. If you don't do Pilates, you know. No, I think it's all about children. Yeah. I think there is. Look, I don't have children, but I'm not a stupid person and I've lived in this world long enough and looked around enough to know. There is just no connection and love 'cause it's you. It's kind of you. It's your many me. It's your former guru, now a human. No, I know that's not the most. My kids are adopted, so it's not entirely. That's not entirely accurate. Not your guru. Yeah, they're. Not your guru, but still love you. Which is great because I don't fall into that trap of like. I know who you're supposed to be like. I'm kind of learning, you know what I mean? I'm both adopted. Yeah. Aren't you noble? I don't know. Well, yeah, you. Because, you know, kids without a parent need a parent. Yeah. Just like the dog. Yeah. Parents without kids, you know, they want kids than you kids. Right. And it goes both ways. Oh, it totally fits. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. Is it a onerous task to adopt you in America? Oh. Are your kids from America? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, they're both California girls. More complicated if they're from. There's all different shapes of how it comes together. And I think they have. There's different experiences. But it's. Yeah, I mean. It's funny how they. They just turn. They're your kids, you know? I mean, I'm. Not a dog in this fight, but I think it's great because pregnancy looks like a fucking nightmare. I mean, and, you know. Well, I wasn't going to have to go through that anyway, but it was. No. Right. But like somebody does. And, you know, I mean, obviously, what we've heard about lately is postpartum depression, which I don't doubt is a real thing. Yeah. I mean, it obviously is. It makes people just go crazy. I don't think that lady is faking it. Yeah. You know, it's just. I mean, I don't know, but I did. She's not the first step postpartum depression, so. And it's like. How could we, as men, ever really understand that? Like, we just can't. it's all about hormones, we do not possess. - Well, I mean, the body did this, yeah, all the stuff did. Like, it's kind of crazy, it's kind of crazy, what? - What's that mean? - The pregnancy, like, there's another human comes out of the human, that's like-- - Oh, yeah, no, it's unnatural. - That's pretty, I mean, for something that's very natural, it's so unnatural, there really is. - It's pushing the edge for-- - The closest we could ever know about that is when you have to take a very difficult shit. - Uh-huh, I've heard some people say kidney stones, or, well, yes, are good, uh. - But kidney stones are tiny. - Yeah. - Oh, that's not what I'm talking about. - Okay, I don't need to go into further detail, but. - No, I mean, I know we all know the feeling of terrible cramping, and it must be like that. I mean, yes, look, it's not just Pat, what a woman has to go through throughout months of pregnancy. Must be, yes, there's somebody else who's, you know, he's, the thing is stealing your nutrients, you know. - Yeah. (laughing) - You know, it's a sacrifice. - Yeah, it's a sacrifice, the whole thing's a sacrifice. - And then the pain, I mean, of passing a bowling ball, it's just like, it's crazy. - It's pretty crazy that like that's kind of how, and, you know, unless you're a C-section, like that's how all of us came into the world, is somebody had to do that, right? I mean, that's nuts. - And it is amazing that there are places in the world where the woman does it down by the creek, and then they slap some mud on the kid, and she goes back to like, you know, working the fields. I mean, like, there's no epidermal, there's no post-anything. It's just like back to work. (laughing) The world is a rough place. - Yeah. - These brats who think they have it so tough in America. Do you think your kids understand how lucky they are to be Americans, or do they think America's the worst place ever? - No, they, I don't even think they, they don't even really kind of identify as Americans yet, 'cause they haven't seen-- - Well, they should. - What, they are Americans. - They are Americans, but like, America's kind of their world, so it's, I mean, and we've been, we've traveled places and been out, but I don't think they really understand the difference between, we're in, you know, now or in France. These are French people, you know, 'cause I-- - They don't, I'm an understanding of what makes us unique. - No. - There are-- - Nothing to be proud of. - No, there are-- - Nothing to be proud of. - I think it's that they just haven't really, they haven't gotten to that part of studying the history of-- - Yeah, okay. - Of the identity of the world, you know? It's-- - All right, well, I hope when they do, somebody tells them that, you know, somebody had to bring democracy into the world, and somebody figured out the idea of a government that was divided into three spheres of power that would check each other, which was kind of cool at the time, and that nobody ever before that had ever had any kind of, there had been parliaments, there had never been a leader who's power was checked. You either were king or you weren't. That was the first of our president, but he's not a king, and, you know, we, you know, trial by jury, you know, the Geneva Convention, we thought of some pretty good-- - Sure. - Things, and we did some bad things, and we corrected some bad-- - I mean, you need somebody to do all those things again. - Ah, that is very true, very true. I just always want people to teach the full story, and I feel like in the media world we live in, I never can get the full story from one source, which is kind of sad that you have to always check on everybody, because you're always just pushing your narrative. - Yeah. - Not, I just want the truth, just tell me the truth. - Right. - I'm old enough to make up my own mind, but no, I guess there's no money in it. People want to hear what they already believe. - Bad 24-hour news, I think, changed everything, 'cause it's like when Walter Crockite had a half an hour. - You're so right. - You know, it's like, all we have time for is here's the straight up, you know, here's the skinny. - That's the way it is. - And, you know, once you've got to fill the other 23 and a half hours, you can't do it without, like-- - So you remember Walter Crockite? - Bullshit, oh wow. Yeah, I remember, yeah. - Okay, so you say you're 60, yeah, okay. - Yeah, push a six, I mean, you know, he was, yeah. - Well, you know-- - I mean, Dan Ratter was closer to my guy, but yeah, oh, he was-- - So, okay, now you're in a different era, a different casting era. - Yes. - I mean, you know, Ron, I was in the acting game myself in the '80s-- - I saw in the '80s-- - And the '80s-- - And who are those are jokes? I wasn't in the-- - You weren't in those, okay. - No, but I wasn't, I wasn't in Cannibal Women in the avocado jungle of death. - Okay. - I wasn't Pizza Man. I wasn't DC Cap. I did two murder she wrote. I had three sitcoms. Oh, yes, house two. I think we all remember that. What else was I in? I mean, you know, lots of stuff. Oh, a very memorable turn as the bad guy on Max Headroom. - Oh, okay. - Did I mention two murder she wrote? (laughing) So I know my way around the acting game. - Yeah. - I remember even then thinking, there was like an anxiety about-- Well, first of all, I knew I was in the wrong game. I should always be doing what I wound up doing, but we all had this idea in our head. You go out to California, you get a sitcom-- - Yes. - You do, you do Johnny Carson, then you get a sitcom, I did, okay. And so you're an actor. It was always a bad fit, but I enjoyed some of it. But I was aware that, like, wow. You know, whatever parts I'm going up for now, like in 10 years, I can't even go up for these parts. - Oh, definitely. (laughing) - Really? - Oh, sure. I can't-- - Because your face changes. - Yeah, it's a different product. - Right, now you're a dad. - I'm a different, you know. - You can be a dad now. - I, yeah, a dad. - You could even be a dad. I've been a dad. - No, but you could even be a dad that the babysitter wants. - I'm coming up on grandpa. - That the babysitter wants to fuck. - Yeah. - You could still do that. - Yeah, except nobody writes that movie. - Really? - The kids don't want to see the movie where the babysitter's fucking the dad. - I've seen a few of them. I've seen more than a few of them. - Okay. - All right. - I've talked to my agent. - No, yes. Just, he still can be the dad that the babysitter wants to fuck. - Yeah. - But, yes, that is an era. That is still a good era. - Sure. - You know, your hair is dark. - I have to catch myself because I get a script and I'll read a script and I go, "This is a great part." And then I realize, "Wait, that's not me. "That's somebody I'm this guy." - I just saw this movie called The Girl in the Pool and it was only a few weeks ago. And I don't remember too much. Why, where was it? It must have been on one of the channels that you've scrolled through and I kind of liked it. But she's half the age of the guy. He's married. - He's married with a, he's 50 and fucking her in the pool. And then she's dead, I wouldn't spoil the whole thing. Anyway, yes, you could still play that part, but you're right. You do have to get ready for a background part. - Yeah, pretty much. - It's okay. You know, play this out for as long as whoever's doing it here. - I want to write it into the sunset. - No, whoever's doing your hair and beer's doing great. - Thank you. - It's really, no, I'm serious. I know it sounds very gay like a man complimenting another man. - I do my own beer. - It's very natural. - But yeah, you're still pulling it off the like, but yes, bad grandpa, Giza movies, I call them. You know, if you're, if you're someone the audience wants to see 'cause they've liked you over the years as you are, then there will be a place for you in Giza movies. - Yes. Yes, not a lot of places though, you know. - Well, the audience just do like to see people who they like through the ages. - Pop up. - Yeah, they do. - Yeah. - It's fun. And it's like, oh, it's an old friend. You know, and they accept people indifferent. You know, Michael Douglas is not playing the detective and basic insect now. You know, he's Benjamin Franklin. - Right. - You know, I mean, that's life. If you don't think. - No, you gotta, you know, you gotta look at, okay, now there's the politicians and the corporate overlords and, you know. - Well. - But we didn't do it. - What about the politicians and the corporate overlords? - Someone's got to play 'em. - Oh, you know what I mean? - And a lot of 'em are old. - I thought you'd know that they were controlling these movements. - No, no, no. - Because, you know. - Oh, no, no, no, no. They're just the great parts to get. - Well, yes, you're right. They are. - No, there's a lot of great stuff for an actor like you, who's established himself so well and like they still want to use. This, there could be a golden time of like part. - Yeah, not gone what, not gone what. - Yeah, there is a lot of anxiety with being an actor, isn't there? About like, because there's no security. - No, there's no security. And I was okay with that for really most of my life. I was okay with no security. I actually preferred it that way. I liked to not know what next year was gonna be. And I hate to take it back to the kids, but the kids change. Of course. Because now all of a sudden, you're like, oh, it's not just me and eating my noodles anymore. I've got cool tuition, the paper, and all of that. Yeah, if you're responsible for, you know what I said? It's noble. I never say it's not noble. I admire it. I don't want to do it. At all. I mean, I think it's insane to like trade your life for somebody else's, but it is a noble thing. And there are people who need kids. They're life-traded. Kids, you know, they can't do it on their own. Yeah. I think we keep them in childhood way too long. The kids will need dogs. The kids. You know, certainly 18. I think it could even be younger than that. It certainly isn't other societies. But I've said that before, but it always amuses me. A girl I knew once said to me, I ran away from home when I was 18. And I said, honey, you can't run away from home. Yeah, that's just leaving. You're supposed to be away from home. But that's, you know, that may be running. Their mentality was that, like, I'm still on the tid here. Right. 18. Yeah. And, you know, I don't know what your policy is. 25th to the new 18, you feel like. Right. That's right. I mean, because really it's like, when can you get a job and afford an apartment, you know, with roommates, you know, with eight, get six roommates, figure it out. But I feel like that age is bumped up a little bit. It's like, that's a little tougher to do. And a lot of places. It is. Part of the reason is because they all want to be in a cool city. And, of course, supply and demand. Sure. Everybody wants to be in LA, New York, San Francisco, Chicago. It's going to be extremely expensive. Yeah. And somehow we have to find a way to make three forks Iowa very cool. It's no year from Iowa. I am. I don't think there's a three forks. But, well, yeah. Would you like one? There's a musketeen. I know Iowa. I was engaged to a girl in Iowa. Really? Knoxville, Iowa, you know? Okay. Is that on the West? Oh, fuck knows. I didn't know. Yeah. That's really the 80s. Okay. This one I was. So you got close. I got close. Yeah. I mean, I was 29. Yeah. You popped the question. I thought, you know, at that age, yes. I did because I felt like I was losing air. It was like a poker game where you just like put everything on the table. Yeah. So that, you know, you don't get bluffed out of the game. Yeah. And that worked. But it was not a wise decision. But, yeah, I liked Iowa. And people don't realize it's a wealthy state. Is it? Yes. Because agriculture. I remember their home was quite wealthy. Yeah. Some of that is because land is cheap and you can. Yeah, whatever it is. You know. But it was a bunch of hicks. No. Oh, no, no, no. It's not even even. Yeah, even the farmers are. I'm not saying there aren't. Even the hicks are not. I am not saying there aren't a bunch of hicks in Iowa. Sure. I'm just saying I didn't run into them. And they're not everywhere. Yeah. No, I was a really. I. It's a really interesting place. I'm really happy that that's, you know, that's where I came up. It's quirky. It's like really quirky play. There was a. This is how I describe Iowa. There's, um. There's this. And there was like Maharishi University. Right. Like the Maharishi. The Beatles, dude. Moved. I don't know if it was him or a different Maharishi. But he founded it. He came in and he took over like an old college or something. And, and like transcendental meditation. People came in for, you know, miles away. You know, miles around. And so you had them. You had the Amish. You had regular old farmers. And the crazy thing about Iowa is they kind of all got along. Because the farmers like, you know, those Maharishi people are good neighbors. They keep the lawns mowed and, you know. Like everyone, everyone was crazy. But it was raw crazy. Why do you think they picked Iowa? I don't know. I really don't know. I mean, that's a nice town. Off the radar. Yeah. Off the radar. Yeah. I think maybe cheap land. And there's a college available, I don't know. Don't want people to notice. Yeah. You know. Although they're in the papers, they did a, they did a thing. They had a, they called it a levitation contest. And so once a year, we would see in our local paper someone sitting in the lotus position about a foot and a half off the ground. Is that real? Well, I thought it must have not been real until I saw the video version of it. And it's people in a lotus position on a gym mat hopping as high as they can. And they snap the picture at the thing. But that's the competition is how high can you get? No. Because I guess levitate, you know. So even back then, yeah. Fake news. Nothing changes. Yeah. Well, do we have anything to plug? Can we plug anything for you? I've never talked to you. I owe you some sort of plug. I got one coming out called Christmas at the cringles. The cringles. Christmas at the cringles. Well, that's a very big franchise. It is a new one, I think. The cringles? Yeah. Isn't the cringles a big, aren't there many cringles? Probably. It's public domain, so it was like Santa's kind of name. So I think you can just come up to it. I love a Christmas movie. I've seen every fucking Christmas movie. Yeah. Like even the bad ones. And even when they're corny, someone called Blast Christmas, I think, I get loved it. You know, I don't know. That's how I get into the spirit. What's the classic now that they show? You know, the English one. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like love love. Not love actually. Love actually. Love actually. Love actually. Yeah. Okay. And you can't love love actually at Christmas time. You were an unfeeling person. Yeah. I feel sorry for you. It's a wonderful life. I always went back to that one, I loved that one. This is like-- Bad Santa. No. Yeah, this is more-- This is sort of a Christmas horror slash comedy. And those are good too. Yeah. I mean, I don't take Christmas seriously, so you can't offend me. Right. I'm an atheist. I don't believe in, you know. Yeah. But I have wonderful memories of my own-- We sold her. I was raised Catholics. We, you know, that was a big deal Christmas. Not just because the religious part and, you know, who-- Oh, sure. The secular parts of you. You know, gifts. Yeah. Presidents. Relatives came up. Big party. Yeah. I mean, it was an exhaustive party. Food feasting. Food and the-- Yeah, it was like Thanksgiving in your birthday. Yeah, it was like-- At the same time. Thing. Um, very, yeah. So, what's this? Oh, so Christmas with the-- Christmas at the cringles. And, are you Santa Claus? Are you, uh-- No. What a bad guy. No, I just played a guy that moves to the suburbs against his will. And, um-- Did you ever play a real bad guy? I played some bad guys. I played, like, uh-- I played more, like, weasels bad guys than, like, heavy bad guys. 'Cause I-- I don't know that people tend to be scared of me. But, uh, yeah. But I played some weasels. Yeah. All right. All right. Well, Christmas-- The cringles. What is this? And then it's October 30th. You see what a professional talk show this is. As if suddenly after all this 90 minutes of me being stoned and drunk. It's like-- And, uh-- I'll nape a little bit of that. Yeah, you just-- Well, good. What did you come out this year? It's coming out, uh, October 30th. Oh, my God. You know, it's pretty early. It's, uh-- It's what we call, uh, Thanksgiving, Christmas. Yeah. And then all the-- They might as well just combine them. It's one of our first new rules. One of the-- They combine them all. It's-- Because they start-- They start it now. I mean, it's already-- I think it's a brilliant model. 'Cause it's because it's Christmas horror. They're gonna release it for Halloween. And then it'll hit streaming in time for Christmas. So they're gonna take two bites at the apple. All right. Yeah. That was a real pleasure. I appreciate it. Well, yeah. A lot of fun. Okay. Thanks for having me. Okay. Did we send in to get us canceled? Okay. No, no, no, no. What did they get us canceled? Club Randall.