The transcription begins with a promotion for the podcast "Factually," where journalist Angela Chen discusses asexuality, and then transitions to an ad for "Off Book: The Improvised Musical" on Stitcher Premium. The main content is an improvised musical episode featuring hosts Zach and Jess, along with guest Robin Lord Taylor. The scene is set in Cincinnati, where characters visit a restaurant serving chili spaghetti, a local specialty. The restaurant owner explains the "ways" of ordering chili, including options with cheese, onions, hot sauce, and a magical unicorn strand that grants visions. The characters discover that Cincinnati is hidden by a magical mist that causes residents to forget about its magic when leaving the city, leading to humorous daily problems like forgetting to wear pants. The scene includes songs about commuting through the mist and being "brave explorers" in the greater Ohio area. A unicorn appears, revealing it has been frozen in a magical orb for 600 years and is connected to the city's founding. The episode blends comedy, music, and fantasy elements, focusing on the quirky, hidden magic of Cincinnati. The summary captures the playful, improvisational nature of the podcast, highlighting the central themes of discovery, memory, and the absurdity of everyday life in a magical setting.
♪ Here, love ♪ Right now on Earwolf, Journalist and author Angela Chen joins Adam Connover on a new factually to answer every question you've ever had about asexuality. For more, follow @EarwolfOnSocialMedia. Happy listening. Hey, it's Jess. And Zach from Off Book The Improvised Musical. We're excited to let you know that we are releasing bonus episodes exclusively on Stitcher Premium. Our Scluesy content is wild and all over the place we use some songs generated by robots on the internet. I played a recorder a little bit one time. Oh, yeah, that was fun. Jess and I are just getting real about everything. And really, if you think Off Book is wild, the bonus content is a new level of wild. To listengotastiture.com/premium, and sign up with the code Off Book for a free month of listening. You'll get access to our exclusive bonus episodes plus to be able to hear every episode of Off Book and other great Earwolf podcasts. I'll add free. That's titrapremium.com/premium, promo code Off Book. Welcome to the Earwolf Theater. We now present Off Book Off Book. ♪ Off Book ♪ ♪ We improvise musical wild cast ♪ ♪ We stack and Jess ♪ (upbeat music) Oh, hello. - Hello. - Hello. - Hello. - Hello. Welcome to Off Book The Improvised Musical Podcast with Zach and Jess. That one's Jessica McKenna. - That one's Zach Reno. This is that podcast. - This is that podcast coming at you at 10-ish in the morning, baby. - That's right. - We got Scott Pasarello, King of Pannas, Pannas of Kings on the Keys. Those are some of the notes that he can play. (laughs) - We got Engineer Brett on the fret, Choo Choo. - We got Dana Wiggins on the stick. - On the stickins. - Producing the drums skills they come. - The number of names that we gave Dana for Halloween makes my brain immediately go like, "Oh no, is her name Dana Wicks?" (laughs) 'Cause she plays on the sticks. And then I was like, "No, that's not." - And Wicken, I thought we kept 'cause it was Witchy. - We did, and that's what my brain does. Like, did we change her name for Halloween? It's like, "No, that is her name." - Um, yeah. - So that's my story about Dana. - And stick to it. - But enough about Dana. - You know, that's quite enough about Dana for now. We are so excited to have this guest joining us. He may know him as the pig one from Gotham. He's gonna be on season two of you on Netflix and the Mandela effect. It's Robin Lord Taylor. - Robin Lord Taylor. - Oh my gosh. Wow. - I'm really excited at Nerva. - Oh, you're already crushed it. - Oh my god. - You guys miss some sweet harms in the sound show. - Oh my gosh, harms in the sound show. - And the knowledge that we have never been to Disneyland. - You've never been to Disneyland since you were eight. - Eight years old, yeah. So it was before even like the MGM, whatever that was. - Oh my gosh, did you go to Magic Kingdom or and multiples or just like that? - We did Magic Kingdom and then we did Epcot Center. And we found a cockroach in our salad when we went to French town. (laughing) Hold on. - Hold on. - Hold on. - That's not judge other nations. - It's true. - Because we all know that bugs are going to be a sustainable form of food to solve global. - You know, I read like we all eat like, like 30 bugs a year anyway. - I mean, we're just constantly eating bugs. - I eat more, but I seek them out. - Oh really? Yeah, do you do the like the crickets and stuff? - No, but I do want to show them all who's fault. (laughing) - You're worried that the bugs are going to get too confident. - I am sort of, I'm not, look, I'm not proud of it. But you know how sometimes you have to make an example of someone to scare the rest of them into line. That's me and Buzz. - That's you and Buzz. - You're constantly asserting your future status. - Like I have a test. - Yes. (laughing) I love Epcot. I haven't been there so long. But they got that purple dragon. His name is Figment, right? - Figment of your imagination. - The first, the first, I think only time I was there, I bought like three, I made my parents buy like three versions of him. I had the big stuffed animal version of him. I had the key chain, smaller stuffed animal version of him that I put as a bracelet on the big stuffed animal pants that they were friends. And then I think I had a key chain of him. I was like, I'm all in on this dragon who is not in any movies or television shows. - He's my only memory, I've only been to Epcot when I was three and he's my only memory of being an Epcot. And also we had a Figment magnet for years and years and years on our fridge. - No, they say about magnets. They last forever. That's why we give them to each other when we get married. It's gonna be one of those, yeah. - Oh my gosh, Zach is already giggling. Like sort of an uncontrollable amount and we're just talking about Figments. Well, I'm. - Robin. - Oh, it's Robin. - Robin. - Robin. - Did you have any stuffed animals that made it through like several stages of life? - Yeah, I still have the unicorn that my dad got me at the Cincinnati airport when I think I was like five or something. - Incredible. - And it's, you know what, of course, like little gay boy, I was like, "Dad, will you get me a unicorn?" And I really wanted a my little pony unicorn but he didn't know what that was. So he just got me a stuffed unicorn and then it's still in my childhood closet. - That's very cute. - Good for him, good for you. - I did for the Cincinnati airport for having unicorns on of it. - Right? And it's really not, yeah. It was a nice one. - I don't think I'm that are they native to there? - I don't know. We go now to Cincinnati hundreds of years ago. I'm not that old. (laughing) - Hundreds and hundreds of years ago. - Oh, I'm sorry, sorry, I'm sensitive. Sorry, I'm in LA. (laughing) - We see a group of hooded figures standing in an open field of what will become Cincinnati. ♪ She a report, this magic land ♪ ♪ Will build a city, a city so grand ♪ ♪ And all of the creatures will dwell in secret here ♪ ♪ The time for building is near ♪ ♪ With these rocks and magic stones ♪ ♪ With the druids, she'll make a home ♪ ♪ And will build it here ♪ ♪ She'll make a home ♪ ♪ Will start simple and our materials will be fine ♪ ♪ But soon we'll build up to quite a skyline ♪ ♪ And if you are get hungry and you need something to eat ♪ ♪ Well, what do we have? ♪ ♪ Oh, yes, it's meat ♪ ♪ It's chili over spaghetti ♪ ♪ One day when the people are ready ♪ ♪ Here when what will be Cincinnati ♪ ♪ I don't know why, I don't ♪ ♪ I feel one day they'll call this Ohio ♪ ♪ I don't know why they'll do that ♪ ♪ But man, it feels so good on my tongue ♪ ♪ And we will need help to build it ♪ ♪ And all of its incredible features ♪ ♪ So let's use our true verdicts, our banning circle ♪ ♪ To get help from magical creatures and the Cincinnati ♪ All right, let's activate this druid circle. Everyone hold hands. Mm, what does it say? - Oh, light is a bit different. - It's different, it's a bit different. - It's a bit different. - Light is a bit different. - Oh, what's that? In the tree line, it's beautiful. It's white. - Up in the tree. Oh wait, are you where are we looking in the tree line? - I'm like looking, I love the tree line referred to like where the forest starts. - I'm looking at the Big Firey Bird or the Big Magic Horse. - Oh, I'm looking at the Big Magic Horse, what are you? - Big Firey Bird. - Big Firey Bird. - I was looking at the Big Firey Bird. - Oh, I'm looking at the magical horse. Where were you looking at? - I'm looking at the unicorn, guys. - Oh. - A unicorn. - A unicorn. - A unicorn. - A unicorn. - Here in time. - To help us build. - Of dreams. - Of dreams. - Sincern. - Notting. - Hundreds of years later, present day, at that same spot. At a normal spaghetti chili restaurant in Cincinnati. - Okay, what can I get for you sweetheart? - Yeah, I'm thinking I've just been really hungry. And I, I, what, what, what, what, what's, what's the local fare? - Big or in Cincinnati, we gotta get what they have. But we, I, you know, listen, I was talking about this, the thing we should get. - Oh, that's spaghetti with the chili. - Spaghetti with chili. Is it chili with spaghetti or spaghetti with chili? - Oh, I had the same question. - Yeah, I can tell you, it's neither. It's like treat the spaghetti as the base for a bolinier's chili. - Treat this big spaghetti as the base for a bolinier. - I'm really trying, that's, I'm sorry. - I'm sorry, it's not you, it's me. That description didn't help me. - Think about a bolinier's. - Think about a bolinier's, I mean, it's like, it's kind of just a thin chili. - Like a pasta. - No, the sauce, it's just a thin chili. Bolinier's is a meat sauce. - Sure. - Okay, I'm just saying that's basically like a chili. Like a thin chili. - Does it have the chili spices? Like does it have the cumin? Does it have the chili powder? - That's right, in this case, it's like that. but with chili spices and it's a little--
thicker and we put it on top of spaghetti. It's pasta with a thick sauce. You can think of it that way. It's also chili on spaghetti. Chili on spaghetti. Chili on spaghetti? And then you can get it multiple ways. Do you want to five ways? Ryan, do I want it five ways? I'm not really into five ways. OK, try it. Well, I mean, like, tell us what the ways are. And we'll tell you which are the ways we're in. Yeah. You can get it one way chili on spaghetti. It's super simple. It's not too heavy. Two ways. If you ask me, please, is I put on top of that some cheese? And one, two, three. You ask me. Three ways, what? Will it be? It's fresh diced onions. Yes, you see that's three. That's three. That's three. Three. And oh, if you are more, you want to get to weight number four. All those plus a little must. We're going to add on top hot sauce and oh, if you feel alive, you want to get to weigh five on top. Don't feel for Lord. We get a magic strand from a unicorn. We got spaghetti, chili, cheese. Wait, sorry. Just a check. We five stuck in at the end. My brain was like what the heck? I need you. Let me start from the beginning. Start from where we started at the base. We can walk you back so I can get rid of those shogglutes on your face. We got spaghetti with chili. That's what we're doing this. We're having fun and some cheese. We got two. I remember it, please. No, at weight number three is also fun. You got to get some chopped up onion. For his hot sauce, five is a straight from the unicorn. Wow. Well, I think we got to get weight number five. That sounds really magical. Well, let me warn you. OK. Do not take on the ancient magic of Cincinnati lightly. OK, then we'll do, I think, weigh number two. No, if you think you should do five, then trust you maybe right see. But when you incest that strand from a unicorn, you'll flash back to the moment when you were born. That sounds wild. And you'll see every hand you can take and your future in an instant make the mistake. It's chili. Chili. Chili. Chile weight. Chili. Chili. Five weighs. To fill up your cup every way, it's chili. Chili. Chili. Five weighs. Try it. Can I do three and can I do five and I do unicorn and onion? Yes. If I want it, onion. No, they all build on each other. I can do three and five. Three and five. You go, I would never give someone just onion. You have to build. That's how it works. So you get the chili on the spaghetti and then you add the cheese and then you add the onions and then you add the hot sauce. We're not taking any steps here. We, if I get you, if I get unicorn, I also have to have cheese, hot, cheese, onions. I can't just do. I'm so sorry. There are actually no substitutions once you commit to a way. Okay, here's my problem though. I don't like hot sauce. So I can only go up as far as cheese. Can I ask you what's your problem with hot sauce? Too hot to spicy no thank you. This is not a particularly spicy hot sauce. I'm so sensitive. I think I'm just going to have to stop it for you. It's vinegar based. It's more like a crystal. So it's got a lot of flavor. Can I try some on my finger? Yeah, let me put some on your finger. Oh, it's not as hot as I thought it would be. Okay, like Tabasco. Okay, let me try. Oh yeah, it's like a light chalula. Yeah, it's nice. Yeah. No, if I like it though, it's not too spicy. I just don't know if I like it. Well, if you don't get up as hot sauce, you can't get the glimpse of wisdom from the unicorns. I mean, we came all the way here. Why'd you come to Cincinnati if not to enjoy what we hold here, which is a vortex to our magical past? I mean, nothing about this. This was not on Tripod. No, I mean, neither it wasn't. Really? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. They're not talking about Cincinnati. What do they say about Cincinnati? They said one of Ohio's most memorable places. Okay. Very affordable, like high quality of life, please. Wait, Dale, Dale, get in here. What? Hey, hey, get in here. Hey, Scotty, get in here. Yeah. Guess what? I mean, Cincinnati, they're not talking about how we're magic. Wait, that's really weird. Hmm. Are you saying that there's some sort of, there's no one knows that we're magic outside of Cincinnati? Yeah. These two customers, you were saying they didn't know that we were magic. Do you think that has anything to do with the thick mist you have to pass through anytime you go into or out of Cincinnati? Oh. And like your memories are a little bit different when you go through. Yeah, when I was in high school. Like that thing on my tongue, I was, because I remember we wanted to talk to our relatives in Florida about how it's magic here and they never mentioned it. But then the whole time we were in Florida, we never remembered to say any of that. You're right. I drove through that mist this morning. That's why I'm not wearing pants. Oh, yeah, you gotta be careful. Oh, for God. You gotta be careful. That's why I keep a spare, I keep a spare pant in my car. I keep a spare pant. Because that happens a lot. That's such a good idea. It happens a lot. And also, I can. Well, the real estate inside the mist has gone up so much that a lot of us have had to move right outside the mist. And so that it makes that commute really tricky. Yeah. The commute through the mist. When my memories tangle and fade, from my commute through the mist, really throws complications into my day. And sometimes in the morning, I'm sure I've put on pants. But then I go through the mist and they are gone. Oh, magical mist. Ah, what the hell's going on? In my commute through the mist. To my job at this restaurant downtown. I go on a commute through the mist. And my girlfriend knew then realized she didn't put on a gown. And she's like, we have to go home. I didn't put on clothes. You get the problems or you get the gist. Oh, how hard it can be. To commute through the mist. And yes, also we are magic and no one else knows. The day to day issue is we forget to put on clothes. I'm only wearing one shoe right now. It doesn't seem so bad. But I stepped on a big rock and I heard my toes toe so bad. From my commute through the mist. It turned every day to commute through the mist. I often lose my way and days when I'd be happy. I start just a little bit pissed because the day to day problems of my commute through the mist. So that's probably what it is. Yeah, that sounds right. Well, guys, I think we're faced with a quandary. Is it good that no one knows we're magic or is it kind of a bummer? Sorry, outside of here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, go ahead. No, no, no, you. Well, I'm just. You guys aren't wearing pants. There's that. Honestly, we didn't want to say anything. No one in this city is wearing pants. Well, you heard. Did you hear? We heard. Okay. But I think we could solve this if we tell the outside world from in here, right? Like if we write on TripAdvisor, great spaghetti. That is such a good idea. I know, I know. You're always so good at this. Thank you. I know that. I know that. You guys are honestly sweet. This is a nice dynamic. Well, we travel really well together. And I feel like it's our honeymoon. Are you kidding me? Are you kidding? You came to see me and we're your honeymoon. We are so lucky. Well, I wish you'd have told me I would have offered you the Chili Sixways. I'm sorry. I can't reveal. I can't reveal. Wait, okay, but you can't just say it. I can't reveal. Hopefully someday over the course of this journey today we'll find out what the Sixway of Chili is. Probably we won't. I can't imagine you will. It's probably love or hope or trust or something. I just can't wait to find out what the Sixway of Chili is. Have you guys traveled before together because it can be such a big reveal? Oh, yes. No, we actually know that we travel well together. That's important. We're going to get married. You should go on a trip with like, because boy, can you really see a side of someone? We've been on so many trips. Yeah. And gosh, overcome. Just truly like, it seems like sort of incredible obstacles sort of throw themselves in our way on these trips. Yeah. What was your favorite trip there? I really loved it when we went to, we went on that road trip to rural Ohio. Oh, right. I mean, you know, it's like we don't like to go to.
- Before out of our comfort zone. - We like to go a little, say, okay. We went to Panera Bread. - Young. - Ooh, I loved it so much. - I love a bread ball. - Yes. - I love the Mediterranean salad. The crispy lettuce to the touch. - Young. We went to Hardies. - Hardies. - Sometimes it's known as Carl Jr. And I loved it. I had the fries. I dropped some between the seeds and you said, you always do that. I was like, oh, my God. ♪ And I ate it anyway ♪ ♪ Because I am not wasting that fry, thank you. ♪ ♪ Five second rule in my car is more like five minutes ♪ I guess what we're trying to say is that we are brave, brave explorer. ♪ Brave explorer. ♪ ♪ Brave explorer. ♪ ♪ Oh my God. ♪ ♪ Such brave explorers. ♪ ♪ All over the greater Ohio area. ♪ ♪ Brave, brave explorer. ♪ ♪ Brave explorer. ♪ ♪ Such brave explorers as long as we stand the greater Ohio area. ♪ - Yep, anywhere else do we go? I'm trying to remember there's just too many. Um, hmm, well, we went to Columbus. I think it's the capital, is it? ♪ Columbus Ohio, I believe that it is. ♪ ♪ It was nice, we saw some mice and they were running around. ♪ ♪ We saw them at the pet cow. ♪ ♪ We went to the pet cow in Columbus Ohio. ♪ ♪ They were running around inside of a case. ♪ ♪ They were snake food. ♪ ♪ We were brave explorers. ♪ ♪ Brave explorer. ♪ ♪ And pet cow and hardy's called junior. ♪ ♪ We went to a fountain outside of a hill's and hotel. ♪ ♪ I took a penny, I made a wish. ♪ ♪ I threw it in, you held my hands. ♪ ♪ And then you told me the wish out loud you'd go. ♪ ♪ Well, the wish still came true. ♪ ♪ Yeah, and the wish was to be able to go to Columbus Ohio with you. ♪ ♪ Honey, moon, honey moon. ♪ ♪ This brave explorer. ♪ ♪ This world's in the greater Ohio area. ♪ So yeah, we've kind of traveled a lot. Yeah, we're kind of travelers. Like world travelers. We're kind of world travelers. That's cute. Yeah. That's cute that you think that. And that works for you. That's cute. I love it. Oh God. What? Braw boom boom boom. Oh no, there's so many boom boom crashes. Wow. Oh man. Man, man, there's so many boom boom crashes. Boom. Ah, is this? Oh, the ground is shaking. And it's like opening up. ♪ Oh ♪ Unicorn. What? It's a horny. It's a horny. It's a horn magic ripped. Can you read me? Oh my god. Can you read me? Oh hi. Wow. Can you read me? Are you? Can you read me? That's how you talk. I don't mean to. I did not expect it. Can you read me? Hey, hey. It's waving with its own. Wow. It's weird to see a horse wave. Hey, hey. I am unicorn and I've been frozen in a magical orb for 600 years. Oh gosh. Um, no, it's okay. It was like my choice. I need an app. I don't want like it. I've been working so freaking hard. But I am part of the building of this magical city since Nadi. Ooh, it looks so nice. What a big skyline. And I come back every 600 years when I feel like there are brave explorers who are ready to take a quest. Got it. Something got around the past. Oh my god. Are we sure it's a horn? Because you said-- To another level. Or such play of explore. Hold on. Unicorn, is it us? And well, let me see. My horn will light up when it's nearest the brave explorer. Oh god. I'm going to get this piece of music. That's please me. That's please me. That's please me. Yeah. [MUSIC PLAYING] Come on. Come on. One, one, one, one. Is it you? The unicorn is put on the top half of the skyline. Wow. 600 years. I've been sleeping in that yard. And now I'm here to get on. For more adventure than I can afford. Oh, I've been sleeping. And I've been getting my rest. But I'm here to find explorers who get excited. They're having-- No. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Is it you? It's a thing. It's a thing. Is it you? Is it me? It's a thing. I'm just going to print a little shag I've those cop. Woo. Good luck. I got to get away from the bin in my bin. I'm back in. Years ago, the crew, it's called me from a loop. To say unicorn is time to do what you do. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a you. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. It's a you. I'm not gonna pick my horn wheel to you if-- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Okay, and now I'm gonna do this thing. You know, I'm gonna kind of go back. Like, you're like, oh, can you do the moonwalk really? Like, I'm kind of like, no, I'm like, my feet, my front, my front little hooves are on the ground. Okay, I'm venturing in. I'm looking at it. It's kind of like being in child's pose. And you're like, can I horse do that? No, they cannot. It's like downward horse. So you're in like a sort of differential bow type thing. Yes, that's right. Okay, I'm doing that position now. But we love it. Love to see it. Yes, and it feels amazing on my lower back. I mentioned I've been asleep for 600 years. God stretch it out. I'm gonna stretch it out for six years. And my horn is pointing to you. You, Ryan. And-- Babe, it's you. And you. I'm so proud of you. It's okay though. And you. Oh, wait, hold on. I need to say something tonight. My husband right now. Okay. Well, I'm sad that we weren't both brave explorers. What? But-- No, wait a second. I can't do this without him. He takes me at places I've never imagined. I can't know honestly. I'm like, it's my horn is glowing. It's a little-- My horn is glowing at him. I get-- It's residual glow from my husband, Ryan. And what the brave explorers-- You guys are honestly so cute. I love your dynamic. But I was about to say that two explorers are Ryan and you. Dermit. Oh, and me. Yeah. Oh, okay, good. Yeah, go, okay, good. Okay, good. Yeah, I was like, it was mid. I just wanted-- I mean, we do everything. I just want to like-- Oh, no. Look, the sky is rumbling. Oh, oh. The sky is opening up. Oh, no. Oh, no. Not this guy. Oh. Wow. Joe, what's up, Pudus? Yeah, what's up? It is high, the Phoenix. Oh my gosh. No, it is high, the Phoenix. Wow. I should not build this city. No, you just-- I sort of hung out and made it harder for the unicorn to do its work. Yeah, exactly. I built a different city. I did Bakersfield. That was me. They did not help my help on this one. So I did Bakersfield, California. Yeah. He kind of just hung out and he was like, are you sure? That's where you want to put that foundational stone? And we'd be like, yeah, Phoenix, it is actually. Are you sure, though? Because maybe I've been in a cloud orb for 600 years. And I've been in a ground orb for 600 years. Every 600 years, I come back and just sort of do commentary. Yeah. Honestly. Yeah, honestly. What the unicorn is up to. And then I go and do something. We have our differences, but I did miss you. I find you very judgmental, but it's okay. Definitely. No, you are correctly reading my vibe. Yeah. I sort of think that like-- I got great opinions and I want to share them. Oh my gosh, it's exhausting. Like, is this how they decided to build this town? Oh my gosh. I think it's really beautiful what they've done in Cincinnati. Yeah. But like, what about my idea? What about my idea? My idea is pretty good. And I think you like it if you just would listen to me. You made a skyline. That's incredibly good. But I got an idea for a skyline too. Take the building over there. Two feet to the left. That's a better place for that building I bet. And that building is got windows, dude. But I think those windows are incredibly crude. They should all be one if they were made of stained glass. But those sort of buildings, I think they would pass. Any chest from an inspector. I know this pond, it could be wetter. More water in this pond, falling over the edge. Chill and scorn. And those are just a few of my ideas. My very, very good ideas. My little drinks from the big ones. The whole idea is that I had fully formed ideas that were from my brain. Yeah. You see how this is exhausting, right? Yeah. But it's like a sibling dynamic, like a big brother who's like, wait a second. I'm getting the question.
what you do, but when they give you a compliment you're like wow somehow this means more and yet that's like a problematic idea. Yeah it's manipulative. Yeah it's not great but you know these fun stuff. This restaurant, it's noodles and sauce, what good food man you are the boss of this place right here? That's pretty dope but what if you had a chest come a hope, a hope chest in the corner of the room, old good furniture, yeah dude everyone loves the hope chest, put it over here, more hope chest it's incredibly weird to not have hope chest in every room, everyone likes them, they go boom when you put bombs inside of the chest, a bomb in a hope chest is the best, ooh, something a little wick, a bomb in a hope chest man that's sick, I love to put hope chest everywhere I go, hope chest yet, that's how you know. And he'll honestly be like he'll die on this hill, like just wait like in two weeks he'll be like wait what about my sweet hope chest thing, you're like honestly Phoenix no one thought that was a great idea. Sort of invest, I've got a lot of hope chest I need to love. Yeah I got hope chest in for. Hi I'm a bar by I am the owner of this franchise of Skyline Chili and we do not need a hope chest. Oh yeah, just don't, it was just like, yeah. Oh and this is the other thing is he gets like so different. I guess you don't want it hope chest, you can't fix it on like one design element. I guess fine, I guess I guess I guess input up from like other people is not welcome here. It honestly becomes like easier to just never criticize them because it's like not worth the work to bring it back. Again, a form of manipulation. I guess I'm just stupid idiot. I guess I'm just a dumb idiot with bad ideas. It's so exhausting. I guess I'm just a big pho- I mean whatever, I'm immortal and I come back from my own ashes when I die. I can tell you like every 600 years. I guess my input is not welcome or needed. No, I'm being like what? We're gonna have to like wow, being excess now, we're being at all these. Come on this adventure with us. I'm really miss you. I'll take a hope chest. Okay, thank you. I'd love to. Yes, okay. Thank you. Take a home chest. Yeah, I think that'll be really nice thing. Just got me ready. It'll be like hopeful for like their new home to have a hope chest. Maybe to put their China in. Or like a bomb. I've also got a bunch of bombs. I don't need those. Okay, but you just don't need them now. But thank you for telling us you have them. Good to know. Okay. I know he seems like a real like. Hey, everyone, Zach here. Off book is going on tour. We are coming to Washington on June 27th Vancouver on September 11th, Seattle, September 12th, Portland, September 13th, and Arbor, October 15th, Chicago, October 16th, Madison, October 17th, and Minneapolis, October 18th. That's all our dates for this year. You can get all those tickets at offbooklive.com. That's offbooklive.com. We'd love to see you. Okay, back to the show. That's why, but I can tell you like three really redeeming stories that you'd be like, oh, I see. It's a great dimensional person. You got to find me. You done such a thing? You got to find me. You got to find me. You got to find me. It's a costume. You know, the city is beautiful. You do a wonderful job. Look at that. I really built on the things that you did. Thank you, Phoenix. He's not that bad. He's a home chest. But apart from that, it's like really, really nice. You know, it's like a real home chest. I know. All right. You ready to go on our adventure? Oh, yeah. I mean, you do it. I'll just sort of comment on it as you know. I know. I just was inviting you so that it was more like I had a ton of things. Thank you, Fer. Thank you so much. I would love to go on this adventure with you. Let's go! What will their adventure be? Will they get along? Probably mildly. Find out when we return to the second half of Cincinnati. The musical! Yeah. [laughs] [music] If you think you may be depressed or you're feeling overwhelmed or anxious, better help online counseling offers licensed professional therapists who are trained to listen and to help for anxiety or difficulty in achieving your goals. Anger, self-esteem, and more. It's simple. You fill out a questionnaire to help assess your specific needs and then get matched with a counselor in under 48 hours. Then you can easily schedule security or phone sessions plus exchange unlimited messages to communicate with your therapist at your convenience. 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That's macwelldon.com/book. promo code book for 20% off. Mac Weldon. Reinventing men's basics. Welcome back. Only last left are heroes question mark our brain fragments for you. Join the unicorn and the phoenix and we're about to go on some sort of mythical adventure through the city of Cincinnati. Find out what that adventure is in this, the second half of Cincinnati. The musical. Okay, so the first step is we need to descend into the old city. Okay, so you guys like good at like sponking or if you've done much like that means like in a cave to go in a cave. Okay, he's so smart. He needs to be in a cave. He has one of those calendars that has the day or the word of the day and I think sponkey was last week. Yeah, oh, you have the same calendar. Well, yeah. It was on sale. Anyway, yes, the phoenix is very smart. He has like things that he knows last week. It was the word lepidopterist last week was 600 years ago for you. 600 years ago, I had the word lepidopterist on my okay, so it's a calendar that I made and I wrote down words that I saw other people right? Okay, what does that mean? It's a butterfly scientist. Cool. Wow. Okay, so we just need to so Ryan, Dermott, if you want to just out here all fashioned from a little strand of my pink, okay? And this will make sort of an unbreakable rope. Do we have to eat this in the saucy spaghetti? No, don't eat this because when you eat it, you get like a magical glimpse of every path you're like you're taking. That's how you were born. And how you were born and it's a lot and people like they need like days and days to recover. It's like ayahuasca. Yes, it's very, you know what? We did ayahuasca on one of our craziest journeys. Yeah, that was in Akron. It was behind it. It was behind a 7-Eleven in Akron, Ohio. Wow, you guys are amazing. You're amazing. Did you have like a good experience or did you see like a hallway of snakes? Well, after the vomiting, then I saw, I just, I saw my dad and it was, it was really special. Was it healing? It was healing. That's nice. Also, his dad was physically there. Oh. He was like, what are you guys doing? He was like, what are you doing? We were like ayahuasca. And then he did some and then he was like, oh my gosh, I see my father because his grandfather was also there. Was also there. We're very close family. It was like, was it maybe a strong batch if you like weren't going into full hallucinations or just sort of like seeing the people around you? I saw a hallway full of snakes. Oh, I'm so sorry. I'm sad when that happens. It was scary. Yeah, it can be scary. Well, we did go to the zoo. We did go to the zoo in the reptile hallway. Okay. So I get, don't think that's two of you actually. Okay, you know. It was, we're pretty sure it was highahuasca. How good the stuff is in Ohio, but I mean, they said it was good. What is highahuasca supposed to look like? I think sometimes you take it as like a tea and then you're supposed to be like vomiting and can't really move. And depending on the dose, you could be like one day or sometimes people do it up for like a week. Is it a pack of brand of ayahuasca? No. Okay. Well, we may have made a mistake. We drank it. That is not a hallucinogen past. It explains the bond in the Amazon. I know that word. I know that word. Sorry. Flying in. I know it becacus from the amulet. Did you say it already? Ayahuasca is passed down from tribes in the Amazon. That's the Ayahuasca is passed down from tribes in the Amazon. Okay. When you just re say what I say, it doesn't mean anything. But somebody I say a louder, passive aggressive. And it's a like a real baked in misogyny. I will fully admit that I will sometimes take your ideas as my ideas in my defense. I say them louder than you say it. Okay. That's no defense. Okay. So guys, our mission is we have to spell on down to them.
the old city of Cincinnati because one of the foundation stones in the druid circle has gone and missed. And I know what you're thinking. Well, putting one stone back in a circle, that's an easy job. Bing, Bing, boom, we're out getting chilly. I actually didn't think that. You're like in Lord of the Rings when they have to get rid of that one ring and you think throwing a ring into a volcano should be easy. What would think? It's not. No, it's super hard. Me and Ring books to do it. I mean, I like them, but we can cut that. Oh gosh, could have condensed. So it should have been one and a half. You know, I gave Tolkien a vision because like we do this sometimes. This was you. Well, you know, sometimes like magical creatures. I helped. I helped. Phoenix, you weren't even. I made up Tom Bombadill, the forest lore. We took him out of the move. Sorry, I'm personally. They took him out of the movie. But that was my part. I did Tom Bombadill. Okay. All the rest of it was. Sometimes we can sort of like dream travel for moments when we're in our art, our deep centuries-old slumber. When we feel like there are humans that have like the figments of imagination that can really, I guess I should get into more depth about it. I love it. She's going to sort of explain our whole steas right now. Yeah. And that's it in the world. And we keep that fire burning. When we send someone with imagination, we help them with their yearning. We visit them in their dreams. Give them tiny ideas and then it seems. They grow them and shape them and make them their own telling stories that help us all feel as alone. And I do Tom Bombadill. I came up with Tom Bombadill. My greatest idea. I think that's still when I came up with the forest lord Tom Bombadill. We've as far as so many of the famous people in your world. Yeah, it's true. They craft it. Humans are amazing. But we give them these little snippets of magic. It's pretty incredible. So I may have given Tolkien the idea of a fellowship and different species and races of men who have to come together to fight a universal evil. And Phoenix came up with Tom Bombadill. Tom Bombadill, a forest lord. I don't even know who that is. Exactly. And when we visit a single mother, we gave her a story that would help one another. A human story of a simple boy who learns that he's magic and inspires joy and Phoenix did Quidditch. *I did Quidditch* Was he a sport on the brums when you sit on the brums and throw balls through the hooves? I did it! *I know that* *compa, but ill and Quidditch* *especially the part where the smidge has too much value and the games they end with such ease and the other positions are like basically only the seeker really matters. *oh please* *and unicorn came to Steve Jobs and came him a vision for a company. Oh my god. *that's right I said you have the wisdom you have something for us to see. *and I gave Steve Jobs some bomb but ill. *I also gave him some bomb but ill. *which he and to it it to be the thing where every couple models you have to change the charging jack. *that's on your way. *that's a tomb of the ill. *it's a tomb of the ill. * *I can't believe they cut him out of the movie. I'm learning so much today. Sorry so what's the quest? *we have to put a rune of redrood at groomstone back in a circle. *that's right so first you need to spong down on my little magical hair. *I'm magical hair. *spong? *spong? *spong? *I hope you like use it as a rope? *yeah it's unbreakable. *and it's ever growing. *yeah I did like a simple little *bulin knot up here on the. *today they consider cutting and making wigs. *like I don't know. It's just an idea. *no I love that. *I don't know if you've. *well you've been undergruff for a while but there's this show called Drag Race which I mean they might. *they'd be really good for this. *do you think they'd be into that? *well first of all it's sustainable right because the hair that you make grows unendingly *and there's just one hair. *yeah so I mean I mean. *no breakage? *no breakage it'd be great for drag race it'd be great for locks for love. *what's up? *I mean. *wow there's a. *it's almost selfish if you don't do it. *oh my gosh I. *love that? *you know when Phoenix does it I hate it but when you do it I. *I love it. *why are you being so selfish with your hair? *I mean was that sleep for 600 years where all I could do *is do dream visits? *me too I still gave like six or seven people a vision of Tom Bombayon. *okay but you. *not all of them are doing enough with it. *you didn't give everyone like a physical feather of yourself Phoenix. *I came to Lebron James and I was like hey my dude Tom Bombadill he interpreted that to me and played basketball very well. *you can't take credit for that. *well I gave him Tom Bombadill uniform. *I refuse I refuse like take that. *Bombadill's that ball into the hoop. *don't make it a verb. *I have to have some line. *do not make it a verb. *okay listen if there's time for our quest I'd be happy to leave the two of you with some strands they'll grow. *we'll take we'll take it from there. *yeah yeah yeah yeah we can do that. *because I know a guy I love. *because after we put the stone back in place, me and Phoenix have to go to sleep for another 600 years. *really? *full full boner dude. *don't want to do it. *wait okay. *it's a full boner. *but that sounds like a good thing. *that's bad it's annoying. *I hate it. *right? *yeah I'm a burden. *I don't want that. *you have no use for a boner? *no I'm my own I am my own lineage. *oh that's true if Phoenix dies and then regros dies. *why do you have a boner then? *yes *you see me. *talk to whoever made us. *I have literally no idea why I have genitalia. I have no use for it. *I have a cloaca too like ostensibly to lay eggs out of. *but I don't. * but you don't. *cloaca is the sort of multifaceted reproduction organ for birds. *it for fish it's something else and if I was a fish scientist I'd be called an ectheologist. *okay wow you really I'm impressed. *for birds the word is feather optimist. *I don't think so. *I hate that class. *okay don't know the word for birds scientists. *I didn't get that far. I got fish and butterfly and reptile. *that's okay. *it's okay. *there's still days left in the year. *I mean it may come up you know in the calendar. *yeah when you go back to sleep and you keep turning over that calendar. *just go back to the quest. *are you gonna be like this? *I know I'm fine. *we only get like one day in the world every 600 years. *it's a full boner. *oh my god. *just get back to the quest. *alright okay so we're just gonna spillunk down and it's important that you keep your wits about you because at any point something could happen. *the tricky creatures of the tricky cave. *and the tricky creatures of the wits about you. *you're wits about you. *where are your wits? *keep your wits and your sticks in your wits. *I hope your wits are betwixt your wits in your brain twix. *yes I stand by. *twixt to for us. *none for you. *duh. *keep your wits and your twix about you. *keep your twits for yourselves and your lives and your mouth. *these are sort of the creatures of the tricky cave. *they often sort of like spiral a little bit. *yeah and mostly you just have to distract them. *just distract them. *but there's a bunch of them. *so it's gonna be you know tricky. *hey look over here. *oh a trick so twix. *hey look over here. *whoops piece of sticks. *make the path clear. *hey look over here. *a twix this big sister sticks it twix it twix it twix. *wits. *but before you pass me you must pass my riddle. *who is the star of Malcolm in the middle! -Ricky Munis? -You pass my test! Oh, the God! That Rital is the very, very best! And the more you pass me, you must pass my riddle! Who is a star of ABC's thumb middle? Patricia Hilton? -Yeah! -You're a guide. -You're killing it. Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky riddles! Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky riddles! And before you pass me, you must pass my riddle! What's the name of starbox size that's the middle? Grande! -Yeah! -You pass my riddle! You may pass it to the dark, dark night! And now you must also pass my riddle! Name another star from Malcolm in the middle! I don't know, it's gonna be, I'm gonna say a cookin'. Hmm, a cookin' cookin'! -No, not quite! -A cookin' cookin'! That's not right! Oh, I think this man, you might stand, son! He was later rat, breaking bad one! Oh, oh, oh, Brian Cratsjen! Yes, yes, yes! You have passed my riddle!
All for Reynolds, all having to do with the fiddle And now you're here all alone at the place That houses the trunic root stars. - Ryan, I-- - Holy God, this. It's really got Brian Krampston, Frankie Munez, Garanday. - I beefed it with the Culkin, but I was a put on the spot. - No, it was so good. - Ryan, honestly, you were the only one who answered any of the riddles. - Honestly, when someone looked at me and is like, recall the name of a person in a TV show, all information floods out of the window. - I have been like sort of watching you cult of any of you as my brave Braviksworts and Dermit goes into a full flop. - I was in-- - I was in-- - Shut up. - I was in Charles' pose, my lower back, loved it, my brain hated it. - Yeah, thank you. - You did it. - I mean, you know-- - You got us past all those - I love popular culture. - What can I say? - And we needed you, because Meme Phoenix had been asleep for 600 years and Dermit was in a full flop. - All those went right over my head. Now they'd asked, what do you call butterfly scientists? - We are. - Yeah, remember? - No, I don't. - It's a lapidopterist. It sounds like leopard, but the word isn't leopard. - Is it a leopardopterist? - What do you mean? - Does it start with an L? - No, no, no, no, wait, what? - Lapidopter. - Yes, it starts with an L. - It starts with an A. The word is leopardopterist. - Not a leopardopterist. Like I am an leopardopterist. - Or like an astigmatism. - Right, it's not that. - What's that? - Or is it astigmatism? - I'm always astigmatism. - It's like a thing that's a matter with your eyes. - A matter with your eyes. - Yeah, it's a matter you have with your eyes. - A bother. - Yeah, it's a bit of a bother with your eyes. - No, my eyes are good. - Yes, we know. - Yes. - See that? - I can see that. - You can even tell us what you saw. - The wall of the cave. - Yeah, we all see that. - Yeah, we can see our eyes are all good. - That's something we have in common, bonding. - Yes, I see. I told you. We can't have moments. - So is this the Roonstone Chamber? - Yes, we're in the chamber now. - All these symbols of this ancient language. Oh, I see the place in the sorghler when it's missing. - Yes, so these, this Roon says Earth. - Does this Earth? - That's cool. - And this one says Water. - This one says Water. - This one says Air. - Oh, good. - Wow. - And this one says Fire. - This one says Fire. - And we're missing. - And we're missing. - And this one says Wind. - And we're missing. - And we're missing. - And we're missing. - And called on. I gotta read the rest of it. This one says. - There's a lot. - There's a lot. - So the one that's missing is actually the Sixth. We're missing the Sixth way. - The Sixth one. The Sixth is it in the elements, right? - Hell, you know, not necessarily like-- - Sort of open definition. - Oh, yeah. - He's probably like-- - Probably like a lever trestle something, but like just, you know, he can be like-- - He can be like even open. So we got Water, Right, Fire, Air, Earth, and-- - So it's missing. - And then-- - Wind, and then the-- - We're missing the Sixth one. - Yeah, the Sixth way. - Is it love? - Can we be honest? We-- well, I won't speak for you to corn. I don't remember what it was. I don't remember what the Sixth way is. - I don't recall what the Sixth way is. - I remember it being the most important of all of them. - Yeah, it's like the rest were kind of toppings, and this one was like-- - This was the real spaghetti-- - Yeah. - --with spaghetti chest, exactly. [music] ♪ The Sixth way ♪ ♪ The Sixth way ♪ ♪ Is for the two of you to find ♪ ♪ The two of you to say ♪ ♪ The Sixth way ♪ ♪ The Sixth way ♪ ♪ The Sixth way ♪ ♪ The Sixth way ♪ ♪ Who's for the two of you to grow ♪ ♪ The two of you to show ♪ ♪ The Sixth way ♪ ♪ And this is where we leave you ♪ ♪ To tell the rest of the journey on your own ♪ ♪ This is where we leave you ♪ ♪ But remember, you're never really alone ♪ ♪ 'Cause we will be 10 to 15 feet behind you ♪ ♪ Watching the sea of you get in the right ♪ ♪ And stepping into help if you're like in serious danger ♪ ♪ That's good ♪ ♪ You're gonna be all right ♪ ♪ You'll find the Sixth way ♪ ♪ You'll find the Sixth way ♪ ♪ You didn't know ♪ ♪ For you didn't grow the Sixth way ♪ ♪ Ryan, take the step ♪ ♪ And also take my hand ♪ ♪ Dermits we've been through so much today ♪ ♪ So much, I think I understand ♪ ♪ We'll go down this dark tunnel ♪ ♪ Knowing we are never alone ♪ ♪ 'Cause we are here and also their folks still here ♪ ♪ They're just right over there ♪ (laughing) - Yes, we're here, keep going. - Okay. - At the back, we're not here. - I'm not trying, but you're really just like 10 to 15 feet behind you. - I know, really intimidating. - We're parents and you're a kid and a swim lesson, but we're trying to be like, we're not here. - We're not here, but we're definitely here. - Okay. ♪ We will find the rune stone ♪ ♪ I assume it's down here someday ♪ ♪ You and me together we ♪ ♪ We'll find the Sixth way ♪ - What's this steaming cup of tea? Oh my gosh. - What is it the real thing you think? - I think that's how I was going. - It's not like I could, if it can, it's like, it looks like it's like, it looks like it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, - It's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, it's like, - You drink it. - Oh, okay. - Or I'll drink it, or you drink it together. It's hard for two people to drink out of one cup at the same time. I will try. - Okay. - We've done weirder things. - Yeah. - Oh yeah, not 'cause it's weird, just 'cause it's hard. - Yeah, all right. (laughing) - Okay. - Do you drink out of this side, and I'll drink out of this side. - Okay. - Okay, okay, here we go. - No, it doesn't work. It has to be the same side. You have to tell the cops to do the same. - Okay, oh yeah, we can do this, you guys. Just get really close. Like, put your cheeks in the same place. - It's like a Jewish wedding, but instead of us both drinking out of different cups is the same. - It's the same cup. - It's the same. - Yeah. - Okay. - You're not mad that we didn't have a Jewish wedding, right? - No, I'm fine. I mean, I, you know. - I mean, I either of us are Jewish, but you're not mad that we didn't have a Jewish wedding. - No, but we can always have another wedding. - I think my stepmom would really appreciate it. - Yeah, I could sense that from her, but she was so nice she didn't say anything. - She's so nice. - Okay, okay. - Okay, first I'll drink the tea. - Okay. - Oh my gosh. I feel like I'm gonna. Wait a minute. Is that. - I'm seeing. What? Is that your dad? Well, dad. - Hi, I'm here. - Dad. Well, how do you get down here? Like. - You already know. - I do? Wow. - How do you think I got here, Ryan? - Well, I mean. If I think about it, I think you're always right by my side. - That's right. Keep going. Keep going. I think about all the drugs that I've done and now I feel bad that you were right by my side. - Me. - But he was always there to keep you safe. He always said, "If you're gonna do drugs that rather you do them with me here." - He said, "Oh, it's trust." Yeah. - Wait a minute. Is that your dad's. dad? - I'm also here. - Grandpa? - God, you see you, Ryan. - They let you out of the home? - I let myself out of the home. - Classic Ryan's, Grandpa. - It's such a rascal. - It's scamming a rascal to the end. - Wait, but. - Why are you here? - Damn it. - You already know. - I already know. - You already know. ♪ He's clear to me ♪ ♪ To both your dad and his dad ♪ ♪ The sixth way ♪ ♪ It has to be family ♪ - That's the way. ♪ You did it ♪ ♪ You did so proud of you ♪ ♪ I knew it was something like love or trust ♪ ♪ Or family ♪ - Well, look, see. ♪ They're crumbling into dust ♪ ♪ Kind of brutal but the dust ♪ ♪ The dust ♪ ♪ It's rippling together ♪ - It is. - Ryan, don't worry. I'm pretty sure they were just hallucinations. - Okay, I got it. They were. - It's gonna pass. ♪ The past is coming together ♪ ♪ And they're forming something new ♪ ♪ A brand new creation ♪ ♪ It's the way ♪
♪ Windstone ♪ ♪ The one stone ♪ ♪ It's got a picture of your grandpa and your dad ♪ - All you had to do was one small dose of Iowa. ♪ Wow, you got it ♪ ♪ See your dad and granddad realize the answer was family ♪ So they could disintegrate into dust to make that stone ♪ ♪ And you know what you've done ♪ ♪ You saved ♪ ♪ Since the day ♪ ♪ You know what you've done ♪ ♪ You've been disintegrating ♪ ♪ My daddy ♪ ♪ And I couldn't be prouder ♪ ♪ And honestly I liked it ♪ ♪ Meenix a little bit louder ♪ ♪ You saved ♪ ♪ Since the day ♪ ♪ See you in 600 years ♪ ♪ Meen ♪ ♪ Meen ♪ That was Cincinnati, the musical, we'll be right back after this. (upbeat music) - Welcome back. - Welcome back. - Hi. - Hi. - Hey, Larry. - Yeah. - A dang dream. - Well, thank you so much for doing the show. - It's like skydiving. - We have been flying. - Like flying. - It is like flying. - Oh my gosh. - It really feels like the sheet always opens, hopefully. - I've been really thinking about skydiving lately. - Yeah. - Have you ever done it? - No. - No, I have it. - I feel like I wanna do it. - It feels right for you. I haven't thought about it for even a second. (laughing) - No. - No. - Absolutely not. - I've done like a bungee jump type thing. And then I was like, yeah, I got to. - If God wanted us to plummet out of a plane, He would throw us off of a building. That's what I always do. - You have them in a pillow actually. - I do. - Yeah. - That's an old saying. - And I do. - And I do. - Okay, so we were thinking that, where are you being a great classic, - I conic, bannan villain. - Oh, the penguins. - Yeah. - Honestly, let me just take a moment to say. - Yes, please take. - How crazy to be like cool, to be like forever in that. You're the penguin. - I'm the third penguin. Like in, like, which is really crazy. - Yeah, I know. And I, yeah, that's what I love about the characters. - That's awesome. - There were, there was only like two other ones. - And such a like different fun take. - Yeah, it was really great. We got to show parts that people had never seen before and we really like went back to the comics for a lot of stuff, which was nice. - It's so cool. - Yeah. - Like you're in the DC canon for forever now. - It's mind blowing. - Gosh, I wanna be canon. - You are canon. - You're canon. - I wanna be. - No, Jess is actually canon. Jess is Aqualad. Jess is also DC canon. - Yeah, I am DC canon. - You're both DC canon. - Amazing. - Full DC canon. - What? - Yeah. - So we were thinking we might talk a little bit about more about let's turn some other animals into villains. - Yeah, we know that, you know, he's not like a penguin into a villain, but that's what we're gonna do. - Well, I'm the Ocelot. A small jungle cat. I'm in the suit with leopard spats. Not also a lot of spats, a different cat spats. That's where I'm at and I wear a hat. - Oh yeah, I'm here to take over all. Yeah, I'm a super evil, adorable koala. I'm eating every bit of your eucalyptus. But also stealing money if you get this. Yeah, you know, I'm also inside a trading. And you cheat, know my grading of a teacher. But I give everyone D's, not F's, but D's, yes, if you please. - Yo, I'm turtle, man. I talk really slow, but I am. I am a turtle, man. I'm real, small, green and hard. Komodo dragon, I'm big and scary. I'm covered in scales. I have not hair, I have a poison, it's tongue, and a terrible bite. I kill animals in the jet of the night. And I'm also an investment banker. That's my day job, I'm an investment banker. My brother, Residentist, will help you soar as common cankers. But not me, I'm an investment banker. - I'm a dolphin son. - Here is steel from everyone, but I steal from the rich, and I came to the poor, so I'm actually a little bit better. Like in Laura, like a Robin Hood, out to an ocean good. But I'm stealing from the boats, and I always got to close. When I get in their cabin, and I steal all their food, I always leave, but no, that's totally rude. - Yo, yo, yo bitch, I'm a blowfish. I talk really slow, that I get really big, which I'm in the sea. I know dolphin man, he comes by me every day, I'm like, hey, yeah. - I'm a sea girl, and I eat trash. I'm not a super villain, and I don't steal cash. I'm cats to bird. I poop on your car. That's the kind of villain that I are. - I'm a tiny, tiny, jellyfish. Like a super, super, super tiny, jellyfish. - How small? - Super small, super tiny, jellyfish. - I'm like that, super, super tiny, jellyfish. I'm smaller than your thumb, if you cut it in one, and you cut it into, you're still not happy, do you? If you cut it in four, you're getting closer to the score. You cut it in eight, yeah, you do eight, great. I'm at the time, tiny, jellyfish. I'm stinging your legs, and you're like, oh, did I just get stung for days? And I'm like, yes, I'm in the sea, and I'm making this ab, because I'm staying in the herd, and it hurts real bad. - Yo, yo, yo, like, what's so funny? I'm a little tiny, great fluffie bunny, but when I get mad, yo, look out, I'm coming for ya, mom, I'm coming for ya, oh, yeah. - I'm making mole rat, and I'm on the street. I only do one crime, and my crime is the streak. Throw up on my clothes, in public spaces. Shock on the children, and the women men's pages. - Animals, but we're filling animals. But we're filling animals. Yo, you try to get up, yo, you should not trust, because we're animals, but we're filling us. - Some of them were just doing their natural animal things. - They pretty much were. I pictured them all as people. - That's really funny. I was definitely picturing real animals. - I was for the seagull. - They were all wearing baggy clothes in my mind. - I can't believe how much work I had to do to explain a unicorn and downward dog. (laughing) - Their legs don't bend that way. - They don't, but I needed everyone enough. Oh my gosh, what a blast. - Oh my God, you guys, that was amazing. - This was so fun. - What should the people know? - Oh, okay, so I mean, the second season of You on Netflix, which is a very dark, twisted show about a stalker, serial killer, and it's apparently very big hit on Netflix. So yeah, that comes out December 26th. I'm also in a new independent film called The Mandela Effect, which is about, it's a sci-fi film about a phenomenon that has people aware of, it's like where millions of people misremember something. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, it's like-- - The Baronstein Bears. - That's the classic one. - And so-- - Is it actually called? - It's called, the phenomenon is called The Mandela. - No, no, sorry. - Oh, it's Baronstein Bears. - Right, so everyone remembers it as being the Baronstein Bears. - Yeah, exactly. - They see it that way, but it's never been that way. - Yeah, the other big one is like, Luke, I am your father, was never said. - Oh, right. - Being starwars and yet everyone-- - What is it actually? - It's just like, hey, it's me. - Hey, yo, I'm your dad. - I'm your dad. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, too. - I'm your daddy and I'm standing here. - I'm your daddy. I'm mad at you. - No. - So, okay, that comes on video on demand on December 6th. And yeah. - Amazing, so that is out by the time you're listening to this. - Yeah, check it out. It's on iTunes. - Go now iTunes. - Go now iTunes. - Yeah. - Please. We appreciate it. It was a labor of love and we made it for no money. And it's a really beautiful story. - Oh, get out there and watch it. - Get out there and watch it. - Thanks, guys. - I love it. - Thank you for being here. - Oh my gosh, we had the best time. Give it up for Brett on the fret. - Yes. - Give it up for Scott Pasarella, King of Pianist, Pianist of Kings. Give it up for Deano Wicked on the stickins. Thank you, everyone. We love you so much. And as we say in the end of every episode. - If you're trapped for 600 years. - Tom Bombadill. - Tom Bombadill is waiting for that to come back. (laughing) (upbeat music)
Podcast Summary
Key Points:
The episode features an interview with author Angela Chen about asexuality on the podcast "Factually" hosted by Adam Conover.
The podcast "Off Book
The main content is an improvised musical scene set in Cincinnati, involving a magical unicorn, a restaurant serving chili spaghetti, and a magical mist that causes memory loss and forgetfulness.
The scene explores themes of hidden magic in Cincinnati, with characters discussing travel, marriage, and the challenges of commuting through the mist.
The unicorn reveals it has been frozen for 600 years and is part of the city's magical history.
Summary:
The transcription begins with a promotion for the podcast "Factually," where journalist Angela Chen discusses asexuality, and then transitions to an ad for "Off Book: The Improvised Musical" on Stitcher Premium. The main content is an improvised musical episode featuring hosts Zach and Jess, along with guest Robin Lord Taylor. The scene is set in Cincinnati, where characters visit a restaurant serving chili spaghetti, a local specialty.
The restaurant owner explains the "ways" of ordering chili, including options with cheese, onions, hot sauce, and a magical unicorn strand that grants visions. The characters discover that Cincinnati is hidden by a magical mist that causes residents to forget about its magic when leaving the city, leading to humorous daily problems like forgetting to wear pants. The scene includes songs about commuting through the mist and being "brave explorers" in the greater Ohio area.
A unicorn appears, revealing it has been frozen in a magical orb for 600 years and is connected to the city's founding. The episode blends comedy, music, and fantasy elements, focusing on the quirky, hidden magic of Cincinnati. The summary captures the playful, improvisational nature of the podcast, highlighting the central themes of discovery, memory, and the absurdity of everyday life in a magical setting.
FAQs
It's an improvised musical podcast hosted by Zach and Jess, featuring spontaneous songs and comedy with guests.
Robin Lord Taylor, known for roles in 'Gotham', 'You', and 'The Mandela Effect'.
It's chili on spaghetti, with options like adding cheese (two-way), onions (three-way), hot sauce (four-way), or a unicorn strand (five-way).
A magical mist surrounding the city causes memory loss and clothing mishaps during commutes.
A unicorn helped build the city with magic and is now freed from a 600-year frozen orb.
They build sequentially: chili on spaghetti, then cheese, onions, hot sauce, and finally a unicorn strand.
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