Robert DeNiro Didn't Wanna Be Friends w/ Sebastian Maniscalco | 2 Bears, 1 Cave

texas listen up i've got some live shows coming up november 1st in amarillo at the amarillo civic center complex then november 2nd in lubbock at buddy holly hall and el paso at the abraham chavez theater on november 6th get your tickets at tom's girl.com slash tour 100 your new special it's not coming out till november it's so good no thanks i had to stop it i had to stop watching it that's how good it is shot beautifully shot gorgeous really covered top to bottom uh i'd say in the round but it's in the triangle it's in the triangle it's in the triangle at the united center how many did you shoot and this is inside baseball stuff for comics but how many did you shoot uh two we did two god you so good it's expensive that's it you're done do you need to do anything else i asked that what are we doing oh are we uh how how long is this gonna go on i'm sure you guys are all asking you're like what how long do we have to come to this house how long does this go on i don't know man i don't know i don't know are you friends with seinfeld yeah like he does he still love it yeah yeah he loves doing stand-up comedy it's for me it's like what else do you have to do on top of the stand-up comedy i mean you're you you're a guy who's uh dabbling in a lot of facets of entertainment is this because you absolutely love doing all this stuff or is this the fact that just it's feeding the stand-up what what's the where are we going i mean that's a great question i think sagura's done doing stand-up he's done i think so this is his last tour this is his last special i mean that for real i think his kids are young he doesn't want to travel he loves making movies he really got into this to make movies and television like that's when he moved to hollywood his interest wasn't stand-up it was actor uh writer director and so i think he's getting the opportunity to do that and it's interesting because i remember when i did the movie he told me he goes do good now and it sets up the next 20 years of your life and i was like ah so that's crazy and it i mean it has i've been working doing tv and film i like it there's nothing better than like for me the watching your special you have such an ability you have such an ability to make me giggle that i can't figure out you and napar got to the two people who can make me laugh and i can't figure out how to replicate what you do and so the math of stand-up for me is is fascinating and i and i love it and i and it makes me question myself i get i literally i was on the toilet today going like because i watched it all last night in bed and i was woke up and i said so wait what do i do like do i just share secrets but like but i love stand-up i love stand-up i do television does not feed stand-up i don't think no i don't think so either i think uh i thought at least going into like movies and film i thought oh okay if you do good here this will translate into hard ticket sales, but I don't think that generally is the case. Although I think the podcasting does if you have a big enough podcast. You and Pete are awesome together. Well, thank you. That's real synergy. Thank you. We enjoy doing the podcast. For us, it's not a large moneymaker. It's what I use it for is almost to populate some of my bits. I'm like, oh, this is a good story. I'll tell it here and maybe percolate that on stage. But other than that, yeah. I mean, I love stand-up comedy. Other than that, everything else is kind of just gravy. I'm not like seeking out like a big movie career TV. I'm almost in the Segura bucket where I got small kids. They're eight and six. And I really enjoy hanging out. Like my son came up to me the other day and he's like, Daddy, can you coach my soccer team? That's it. I'm balling. You're a sensitive guy. You cry. And you cry like you have no problems crying on iPhone. My cry is secret. I don't like show to crying. For real. You show everything though. I mean, yeah. I'm a little bit more like I cry, but you're not going to see it. Someone asked me today in the gym. I think it was my trainer. He's like, so was Sebastian like. When I watch him on stage, is that an act? I went, no. That's who he is. That's who he is. Like it's a little, I'd say a tad bit exaggerated like we all are, but you really are the guy that will cock your head sideways and go, you're not going to put shoes on? Well, what I, yeah, I've often seen your show and go, this guy does it barefoot and that's unique. It's so, it's so, it's so makes sense that you'd have a private cry. Was it hard for you to open up to Lana? When you started dating? Like, no, I'm the, I'm the, uh, I'm, I'm very sensitive guy. So, uh, my wife isn't, so she's very, you know, movie I'm be crying. She's I'm like nothing. So, uh, so wait, so Leanne puts everything in a Burton Leanne mode. Meaning like she goes, Leanne is the person who is not, is not sensitive. I mean, she's sensitive, but she doesn't cry at a movie ever would never cry at a movie. I fucking sob. I sob at my daughter's make fun of me. Like I can tell you the dumbest movies, the rock walking tall. When he stands up in the, in the, in the courtroom and pulls his shirt, shows the scars on his back. He goes, I'm here. So this will never happen to any of you balling on an airplane. Wow. Now that increase would age the sensitivity. Yes. Yes. And I think, I think I'm curious. Uh, when things started happening for me, meaning life dreams getting accomplished, I think it, it, uh, it re kind of shifted everything and I didn't know what was real and I didn't know how to react to things. I didn't know how to react to like a sold out Boston garden. And I didn't understand, I think it, it, it all of a sudden reset all my levels and everything for, I think a solid two years, everything was on a nerve. Like everything was about, I can't believe. This is happening. I can't believe this is. And so I started falling apart just about anything. I mean, anything. Did that happen to you? Like, how do you come? How do you wrap your head around going from the guy that sells the most at Madison square garden ever to the person that does sells out the most in every single borough ever? Does that, do you sit in the green room and just, is there a part of us, a 13 year old Sebastian that's like, Holy fucking shit. Or is it just like, yeah, it's a second. It's a, I, I, you know, I, I, cause I, you know what the problem I have is like really enjoying the moment that I'm in, cause I'm always kind of looking at the next moment down the way and I should really take in some of the things that happen and relish in it. And I've tried to do that in the last two years. Um, but listen, this, this was never in the cards for me to do this anyway, as far as, you know, I didn't have on my vision board sell out that, that, that, that, that, that's not what. I had in mind. So yes, when it does happen, it's nice, but it's not, it's not like, I'm not like an overly excitable guy. So do you think your, do you think your culture, meaning like Chicago backyard, no camp dad kind of grounded fucking Sicilian. Do you think that had to do with it? Yeah, I, I, I think I celebrate a little bit more in private than I would do around people. I feel like, I mean, the difference between you and I, I just feel like there's a lot of people in your world, right? Like when I walked in here, I was like, there's half of me that goes, man, should I have all, should I have another home to house my business? Your business is way bigger than mine. The answer is yes. I just, this is how I live. Like I love, I have a fear, a fear of being alone. Yeah. So yeah, I, I, I'm quite the opposite of you. I, I really love the moments. I'm alone just with my family. Not a lot of people around. Yeah. That's kind of, that's my, my vibe. So we're two different guys in the sense that you really love a lot of energy around you, which is great. So we, uh, what's, so when you talk about getting emotional parenting. My thing, my, when I go back to parenting, I always remember the first day of first grade for Georgia. I think it was actually third grade. So it was a new school. We went to Colfax and she said to me, and this is like the beginning of me really not knowing how to register feelings. She goes, what if I'm not cool? And I fucking melted down. And I said, I got, I got into a fight with Leanne on the walk home. I was like, I didn't sign up for this. Like I signed up to fuck you and to date you, take you out to dinner. We'd have kids. Sure. But I didn't know that this vulnerability was going to show up on a Monday morning at eight o'clock and I would be destroyed for the whole day. And she wore a fedora. She put it on and she goes, do I look cool, dad? And I, you know, it's your kid. So you go, yeah, you look great. She goes, ah, mom said I'd, I'd stand out. I look like a fool. And I went, oh, I should have let your mom talk. And then she walked in to first grade. I mean, only a dad can understand this, really, or a parent, really. She walked in. She had the fedora in her hand. And she was like, what if I'm not cool? And I was like, you're going to be cool. She put it on. She goes, yeah, right? And I was like, uh-huh. I was like, in my head, I was like, no one's wearing a fedora. You're the only one wearing a fedora. And then she came out. She didn't have the fedora on at the end of school. I go, where's the fedora? She goes, dad, great call. Everyone took turns wearing the fedora. And I was like, I was like, whatever that energy is, I didn't sign up for that. Like, that is the part that I'm like, ugh, to this day. My diet's all over the map. It really is. Traveling, touring, doing podcasts from day to day, doing a cooking show. 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Well, you know, there's a difference, again, here in you and I. I'm very involved in what the kids are going to put on for school. Of course, yes, of course you are. So I have no problems going, take it off. We're not, we're not wearing it. We're not wearing it today. So I signed up for that. So the first day of school is like a fashion show the night before? Yeah, I mean, I, listen, I, my wife, I got to give it to her. She really dresses the kids tight. I would argue you started dressing better since you met her. Oh yeah. Oh yeah. She's definitely, I remember dating Lana and we moved in together and I came home and there was a pile of clothing outside my closet and this was going to be donated. She said, we're getting rid of this, which is fine. I was, I was kind of hanging on to a lot of shirts that, you know, a lot of, a lot of like a, like a bird on, you know, like seven diamonds. Remember that, that company? No, no, no. I never, I. You don't wear a shirt. Yeah, pull up seven diamonds. Seven diamonds was a company. That I definitely was wearing a lot of back in the day. No, not so, no, this is like, this is new seven diamonds. We're talking, we're talking maybe 15 years ago. I probably, you probably don't even have it on the internet. Do you feel like she rescued you from being the old dude at the store? Cause you were at that, you, when you met her, you were at a crossroads. Well, listen, talk about wardrobe and we have to go back to playing baseball together. I, I, listen, I came to the field. I laughed. With, I was all in black, beautiful wristbands. I think I had the baseball outfit pretty dialed in, no? I don't think a lot of people even know about the baseball games that we used to have. Not even baseball games. It was just like this home run thing we used to do. Home run derby. It was, I'll tell you my perspective. My perspective was I just had Isla. And I had two kids and I wasn't hanging out with any men. And Steve Byrne called me and he said, you should have friends. And I said, I'm good. I had gone through a relationship with a dude that I had, that wasn't that healthy. And Steve knew that guy. And it was, it was really unhealthy and bad. And I was friends with Segura at the time, but even still, and Tommy would say this, I was keeping everyone at arm's length. Cause I was like, I was like, you know what, man? This is business. This isn't friends. This is business. I got my family. I'm good. And, uh, and Steve was like, you should hang out. You should be doing the store. You should hang out with those guys. It's a bunch of good guys. And he invited me over. And the first day I got there, we were playing, we were going to play on the other field down at Pan Pacific Park. The one on the, on the bottom instead of the softball field up top. And Steve said, show up. I think Sebastian should be there by now. He's already there. And I walked down and you, you were getting dressed and you were putting on your outfit. Yeah. It was all, it was all black. I mean like sliding shorts, shorts on top of that. Like I want to say like nice socks, brand new shoe. I feel like you were taking them out of the box shoes, brand new glove, batting gloves on both hands, wristbands, a headband. And I, and I couldn't tell if you were doing a bit and I couldn't stop giggling at you getting dressed. And you're like, what? No, that was, that was no bit. That was, uh, I, I looked the part, but I couldn't hit the ball past third base. So I, it was, it was phenomenal. We're talking about all every comedian you now know, roughly at that time. And you were seeing a glimpse of who they are in real life and on stage by swinging a baseball bat. And it was hysterical. I'll never forget Brett Ernst. Brett Ernst. If you, if you're not familiar with Brett, you should, he's one of the best storytellers in the business. One of our, a good friend of both of ours. He is fucking hysterical. I'm saying if at 1 out of 10 meatheads, brett's at 12 yeah he is a lot of anger coming out of that bat a lot of anger raised by a single mom brother died of aids i mean just like grew up in south florida and he he used to he used to tell a story where he they had punch a honky day at school or something yeah yeah yeah i heard that story yeah punch a cracker and they he just get beat up all day the first time he goes up to bat he stakes he's like god i mean he looks like he's fresh off the jersey shore wife beater fucking gold chain outside of it and he's like come on mother come on come on come on come on and as he swing you go dog sucker ah son of a bitch yeah and he would yell profanities as he swang oh god yeah and that's how i met all you guys really was that one period yeah it was it was fun i mean listen i think uh even to this day now i'm yearning for that connection with a group of guys whether it be golf or anything that kind of because you know you know you get into a a marriage and kids that becomes your world right you need like another outlet um so yeah that's the next step i think of my life is getting involved in something where you know whether it be golf or what have you just to just have another outlet you're playing golf now i try i i was i had a i had an injury for about two years where i couldn't really play but now i'm like a sciatic pain on the right leg so now the word on the street was you were so you moved so much on stage that you hurt your back that was what the the word on the street was it's funny the word on the street i'm not privy to any words on the street i'm so detached i know you from from talking to anyone but i never know what the word on the street is no the word on the street for me the the actual thing was it had nothing to do with movement on stage it was literally i woke up one day and my right leg was i fell to the floor have you ever read the sciatic oh yeah okay so it was like i was in pain like i wanted to perform the last special i did was i was in pain at the tux one move yeah cool move and uh thank god i did pilates and now i'm i'm fantastic you know it's so funny i do have to say your movement in this is very different than the last special yeah last special i just i just figured it was in a tux little little high more high end well that too i tried it in a tux i just wanted to do something different and i generally don't perform in a suit it was restrictive and looking back on it it's not one of my best performances i'm like uh it wasn't really totally 100 happy with it due to the fact that uh i'm not making excuses it was just funny it was uh covid i had a special planned i believe at the and then it got destroyed because of covid so i that material i was kind of sitting on throughout covid and i wanted to put it on a special so out of covid i started up with that material again and i felt like you know when you do a special you feel like it's got to be at the height of the time that you really enjoy doing the material yes right and then at this point it was like ah it's stale for me and uh with this special i actually moved it i was it was planning to do it six months later i'm like you know what let me move it six months earlier i did it in the middle of the tour because i felt like by the end of the the jokes yeah i bailed on bits where i go that's not making it special it's just there's a bunch of bits i have that i've have just stuck around and i just go yeah they're never i don't know they just they suck but they were they were great when they first started right oh god they were fucking they were like they were like so this is the material i remember telling people to come to my show you've got this is a bit you're gonna like and now i look at you or i was thinking about that today wait does does um you are kind of you are kind of not the dude hanging out in the green room hanging out and bullshitting talking numbers talking like you know i i've been removed a little bit from the green rooms at the store but i was there last week and it was like four young comics and they were talking about their achievements and i in a weird way i got insecure and i was like jesus christ am i doing nothing like these guys are fucking kids and they're at the wilbur already like i was it took me like 20 years to get to the wilbur and but you've removed yourself from the green room and you're like oh my god i'm not that is do you have a hard time because when i got to school when i met when my kids went to school i wasn't famous i was just a dad i was actually a loser because i was a comic because is it hard to meet other parents when they know who you are uh is it hard to be no no i don't think so um have you ever sniffed one out where they're like uh hey how you doing i'm bill you're like hey sebastian like yeah yeah nice that's so weird and then all of a sudden they're like yeah chicago's like and then you go oh fuck you cocksucker yeah i get some of that uh i just had an epiphany the other day i was i don't really do well with chit chit chat like um like just talking to talk um but then i was thinking am i boring like in in these scenarios like even in the podcast world i don't do a lot of podcasts because i'm like first of all by the way it's a nice watch um Thank you. Is that new? Yeah. Yeah, it looks new. You wear it like it's new. What's your take on buying things? Are you, I guess what I'm trying to say is, did you see that watch and go, yeah, I want to go buy it? Or do you pine over it? I pine. I pine. So the best part of buying something is wanting something. It's not the buying. It's not the having. It's the wanting. Wanting is my favorite part. Like right now, we lost our dog, our bullmastiff, and I want a new bullmastiff puppy so that our bullmastiff can play. Right now, you'll see her. She's probably downstairs. She just sits there, just stares at you, stares at the wall, doesn't do anything, and you want a puppy. So my favorite part of that is searching for a puppy. I'm not a car guy, but, like, when I do need a car, I get sent pictures of cars, and then I get into cars for, like, a month. Or, like, but watches. This is something I was into. And the idea of looking at what you want and liking it and going, no, no, no, no, no, because you haven't bought it yet, so you're not committed. I love that part. I love the wanting more than the getting or having. And I don't want any new watches. Like, I have the watch I want right now, so right now I'm good. And then maybe in a year, they'll have the new Rolexes come out. I'm also pretty basic in that I don't want anything. Like, I want certain things. I don't want, like, I don't look at Patek Philippe's and AP's or, like, like, nuanced watches. Like, I think about Seinfeld with cars, and I go at a certain point, you can't drive them all, and you can't sit in them all. You couldn't spend a day sitting in them all. What is it about having them? Some people like the collection and like to look at the collection. I like the want. I don't know. It's the chase, getting in their pants. That's what I like. Okay. You know? Yeah. It's like when you make a movie, my favorite part of making a movie or a television show is the development. It's my favorite part. My favorite part about getting ready for a special is writing the material. Like, the writing of the material. When you go, there's only a handful of us in the world, meaning, like, probably, what, 20,000 comedians that know the feeling. Wait a minute. You think there's 20,000 comedians? Got to be at least, right? 20,000 comedians that are doing comedy, like, on stage. What are we grouping comedians now as far as is the guy doing videos in his living room making people laugh on the internet? Is that now? Comedian? According to my kids, yeah. So, that's in your bucket of comedians. I'm talking, like, stage comedians doing stand-up. How many stand-ups do you think there are? Working stand-up comedians? Yeah. I would say 200. No? No. We got a fact check in the back on that? It's got to be. It's got to be at least 1,000. 1,000? Yeah. Because, I mean, we called ourselves comedians when we weren't touring, right? We were doing open mics. So, you figure for every open mic. I'm saying someone that goes into a city and sells a comedy club out. Sells? Well, sells a comedy club out. Now the threshold's just been raised. That's crazy. Because. Well, I mean, listen. What makes you. Well, you know, I take that back. So, open micers are comedians. I'll give them that. Okay. So, then you figure for any. So, let's just say tonight. Let's just take a screen grab of tonight. There's probably open mics in 20 cities right now. Let's just say 20. Atlanta, Miami, Tampa, Austin, LA, New York, Chicago, San Francisco, Seattle. There's probably 20 open mics tonight. So, for 20 cities of open mics. Every city's got two open mics. There's 20 comedians for there. I'm going to say literally there's 400 comedians right there. 400 open micers. Easy. Easy 400 open micers that we wouldn't consider comedians. You can't. I don't know if you could qualify the open micer as a comedian. Okay. So, then. All right. So, then. We're talking working comedians that have established themselves with an act. Wow. And I just came from the Four Seasons. Did an interview there. I worked there for seven years and I was doing comedy. When people asked me what I was, I said I was a waiter. I wasn't like fully developed as a comedian. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. October 10th is World Mental Health Day. And this year, we're saying thank you. you? Therapists. BetterHelp therapists have helped over 5 million people worldwide on their mental health journeys. That's millions of stories, millions of journeys, and behind everyone is a therapist who showed up, who listened, and who helped someone take a step forward. Moments in therapy, like the right question, a safe place to cry, or a small win, can change lives. This World Mental Health Day, BetterHelp is honoring those connections and the therapists who make them possible while showing how easy it is to get guidance from a licensed therapist online with BetterHelp. Leanne and I are both in couples therapy, and sometimes a small win turns into a big win for both of you. I'm telling you right now, if you're not in therapy, you should check it out. It's helping our relationship immensely, and we don't even have problems in our relationship. We just got into it because the girls went to college, and we were home alone for the first time, and we thought, might as well get in front of it. You don't need to be going through the thick of it to get into therapy. BetterHelp does the initial matching work for you, so you can focus on your therapy goals. A short questionnaire helps you identify your needs and preferences, and their 10 plus years of experience in industry-leading matchmaking fulfillment rate means typically they get it right the first time. If you aren't happy with your match, you can switch to a different therapist at any time from their tailored recs. This World Mental Health Day, BetterHelp. Today, we're celebrating the therapists who have helped millions take a step forward. If you're ready to find the right therapist for you, BetterHelp can start you on that journey. Our listeners get 10% off their first month at BetterHelp.com slash bears. That's BetterHelp, H-E-L-P.com slash bears. That's BetterHelp.com slash bears. When it comes to starting a business, I can tell you there's nothing small about it. If you've been losing sleep over starting your own business, I've been there. It's time to stop wondering and start a new business. If you've been losing sleep over starting a new business, I've been there. 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Like I'd be on a plane and people are like, what do you do for a living? I go, comedian. There's no way they can fact check that. Yeah. I just think you have to be, it's a, it takes a lot to develop the act. You know that. Yeah. If you're talking about like, I would say it's however many I follow online on Instagram, probably not as many, I'd say maybe 200 comedians then that are working, that are working comedians, working, paying the bills, comedians. Okay. 200 to 400, I would say just roughly. I guess what I'm trying to say is a very finite group of people that are doing this and making a living. I guess that's, that's what I'm saying. Then that, that gets even whittled down to more specific of the, and, and, and out of that 400, fucking half of them are hacks. Well, then that's another story that we have to get into as far as like, are these people even funny? Yeah. Or, or do they know what it's like to write material or are they struggling, to keep it going on stage? Like, I remember being young and not knowing how to do comedy, but then there's a certain place where you get where the joy of comedy, and this is the thing I'm attracted to. The joy of a bit is like when you say it and it's, and then as you say it, you've left it, but your brain goes, you know what I should have said with that is this. And then that next time you go on stage, you got another three minutes with it. And you're like, Oh, this is going to be, this is going to be a bit like this is that feeling is so fucking, that feeling is the addictive feeling. And that's the thing I'm obsessed with. Yeah. But only, only a small finite group of people know that feeling. And for me, when it comes to creating or, or doing a special or doing a TV show or any of it, that is what I'm addicted to. I'm always addicted to the new bit. I'm always addicted. What's next. I'm never addicted to the hour. Like when I get finally do an hour, the month leading up, I'm like, get me out of here. This is like killing me. And then the last night I do the show where the last taping, I have an emotional moment where I say goodbye to the material. And I'm like, I will never say these words again in this order. Fucking thank God. It's almost like graduating high school, being bullied all, you know, for four years. So you, you, you say so long to the material, except for the machine. You know, I got to tell you, I, you, you, I saw you, I mean, you knew I, I came out to see you at the forum. Uh, you were the first person I ever saw perform in the round. And the first person I ever saw perform in an arena. I'd never seen either of those that night. And, uh, and I had an, an, an out of body experience as a comedian. I wanted to see all new stuff, but I was hoping because I had friends with me that you'd tell some older stuff and you did, you told I like, I think maybe 10 minutes of older stuff of like, you know, like, you know, and I got so excited. And I thought to myself, fuck, should I be doing that? Should I be doing some older stuff? Cause well, if you talk to Seinfeld, he just loves, he goes, why would I not tell the older stuff? It's stuff that I worked on for years and I've polished and crafted. And why am I going to deprive people of not showing that material to them, regardless if they've heard it or not? I think, uh, I don't do it a lot. I think I should do it more. I think I should do it more often. The, the bits that, you know, I have in other specials that that's the reason people are there to see me. Why not give them a little, little taste of that? So what are those bits? Uh, I like the company bit, uh, but you know, and, and, and, and I'm the thing I loved about this special, there were hints of that. There's hints of family and the way you were raised and the way that come back and it kind of encompasses that, which I thought was nice. Like I, like I always do. I try to do an Isla bit, like something about my daughter. Cause they're familiar with that, but keep going, but keep going to the company bit. Fucking amazing. Thank you. I mean, these are just bits that, uh, I enjoy doing and people kind of resonated with, um, the Jewish Passover bit. Um, just saying that the Italians should cater to Passover Chipotle I like doing. So these kind of like in my world, these little greatest hits bits that I really enjoy doing that people like. I feel sometimes it's a miss that I don't do them because people like you, I brought people and I'm a comedian and I want to hear what you're working on. But I had 10 people with me. I'd maybe I'd 10, maybe I'd eight. And I was like, Oh, this is, you're going to love this. I love it. And I was like, Whoa, what am I doing? Well, you, when you bring somebody to a concert and whatever, and you're a fan of that person and maybe they haven't heard this person, you're like, Oh my, this song is going to be amazing. You feel like you're introducing them. To a new comedian, new artists, maybe even a new food, a new wine to go out to dinner. And you're like, you know, Hey, can we eat the pasta with it? Oh, we don't do that anymore. Well, you don't do that anymore. Oh, you know, it's, it's like you get upset that you can't share that experience with somebody else. So yeah, I think, I think you should bring back a few of the bits that people may enjoy. Put that in your notes, everyone, by the way. Um, I wrote, I wrote this, I forgot what this was. The arrogance of boring. What is that? You said that and I thought that's. I said that brilliant. You go, you go, I know, but no, that's, you did say that kind of, you said something like, uh, I don't, I'm private. I don't talk much. I'm keeping to myself. I'm quiet. And then I wondered, am I boring? And then I thought there must be boring people that are so arrogant that are like, I like to be quiet. Oh, I just look at this asshole talking and telling stories and they're like, I like to keep it like here. They're like, well, maybe it's boring. Yeah. I, uh, I don't know. I had this epiphany where I think if I'm in a group of people, I'm generally, I'm not the center of attention. Buddy, you are, you are one of the most fascinating people just to watch from afar, but your every behavior about you is, is interesting. Even your reactions to when people talk are interesting. The way you take in the world is interesting. And what's crazy is I would, I would argue I'm a very interesting person. I'm definitely not as much of a main character as you. Like, if we go to a party, I would love to hear your take on everything, you know? Like, Tom, I don't care to hear what he has to say. Like, but he is actually boring. He is the arrogance of boring, where he's just boring and he pretends that he's quiet. And you're like, you're not quiet. You have nothing to say. Well, yeah, I don't have a lot of information to give you in any topic. That's not true. Well, if you ask my opinion on something, I'll give you an opinion. But like, you're sitting here and as you're talking, I'm sitting going, this guy actually thought about like what he enjoys to do leading up to the special and he likes the development of the movie. I've never even thought of those things. Like, okay. Okay, you meet, okay, let's, let's, okay. So you're, you're, you're friends with two of the most fascinating, more than that, but I will argue two of the most fascinating people in the industry, Derek Seinfeld and Robert De Niro. Now, when you meet Robert De Niro. First of all, I don't, I wouldn't consider like, I don't talk to Robert De Niro. But you. At all. But you worked with him. Yeah. And, and, and even when we were working together, it was no talking. What was it like? Wait, hold on. So, uh, he's a nice man. But we would do a scene and he would go to his chair and have like paperwork be on the phone. And like, he would open up a no boo somewhere. And then he would come back to, to the acting. Nine weeks, didn't go to dinner, didn't hang out, nothing. So it was like strictly a professional relationship. He's got a family. He went home. Uh, to visit his family during filming. And, you know, we did the press together. But other than that, you know, I. Trending number one on Netflix, by the way. Yeah, it was, uh, it, it, it was, it's amazing. This, this movie came out, it came and went into the theaters. And it is, was at stars for two years. Now it came to Netflix and, uh, people are watching it. Number one, number one. Did you notice a bump in tickets at all? No. Yeah. None. Yeah. Are we doing movies? I only, yeah, I only have, thank God. I only have. I only have six, six shows left and, uh. A tour? Yeah. Just casinos. You know, if this is a real podcast, I go, what's, what do you make at casinos? I like it because it's, there's not a lot of pressure. There's no pressure. Yeah. I'm doing a casino on Thursday. Yeah. It's the best. It's the best. They go, thanks for coming in. Yeah. Hey, did you, did you need some money to gamble with? We don't have to open up a private room. Do you want dinner? Do you want anything? Casinos are the best. I'm not doing enough casinos. And I would argue. I am dialed in for casinos. Yeah. Maybe you got to look into the casino market. But here's the deal. You sell a different casino ticket than I sell. I sell, uh, fucking, uh, what's the little thing that drives people around? I like a scooter and an oxygen tank with no sleeves. I'm good at those in the Native American casinos in the middle of the country. Oh, I clean up. I'm going to Choctaw. I'm going to Oklahoma. I've been to Choctaw. I've been there. But you're, cause I bet your, your crowds smell good. Yeah. Generally speaking, my crowd has a beautiful scent coming off them. And, uh. It's the first time I wore cologne as a grown man was going to see you at the forum. I bought, I bought, uh, Henry Ford, Henry Ford, Tom Ford, Tom Ford, Tom Ford. Henry Ford's got the motor oil cologne. Um, but I. It's a lot of pressure being a comedian, doing the venues that we're doing, looking at the seat map and seeing blue dots, right? It's, it's terrible. And the same way we talk about the same way we talk about what it feels like to create a joke or whatever, and have that moment is the same stress that like all the old, I would say only really. 30 of us, 20. 20 of us know that stress of selling tickets. It's a big, it's a big undertaking, you know? And, uh, you start to think, oh, geez, well, what am I doing? And, well, I think San Antonio, I went to, I didn't do, do that well. And like, it's just, it's just not a good feeling to walk into an arena and see black drapes. And you look up and go, oh yeah. And then you go, oh, if they would have had them in the lower levels. They would have put them up too, huh? Rockford, Illinois. I sold out the fucking United Center. Not in the round, not in the round, end stage. And then I'm in Rockford a year later. I'm like, did they not know I was coming? First date of my tour. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to do a meat cream with everybody. Shouldn't take too long. Oh, shit. Oh, fuck. Yeah. No, it's, you know, it becomes, listen, it is a business. I mean, when we first start out, obviously you're getting, you know, you go to a comedy club in Addison, Texas. And that was the first place that, that was the first place I knew how well you were doing. Because I went there and they had a drink with your name on it. Oh. And I was like, Sebastian. I go, you guys know Sebastian? They go, he kills here. So really they go, cleans up. Every fucking show sold out. And I was like, wow. And they're like, he's going to be huge. And then I went back and I was like, I think I was talking to Robert Hartman. I was like, hey man, Sebastian selling tickets. I hadn't watched your special. The one in the, in the mauve shirt. Is it mauve? Mauve. Yeah. Like a peach. Yeah. Mauve is, I guess. And I was, and I was like, Sebastian, huh? And I was like, really? I go, I haven't seen him. I haven't seen him do standup in a minute. And I went back. I had seen you tell a story. I hadn't seen you do standup, standup. And I was like, I was like, oh, I don't know how to watch this. And I watched that special in my man cave. And I think I DM'd you or texted you immediately. And I was like, this is fucking incredible. Like, this is like nothing I've ever seen. Like, this is one of the best specials I've ever seen. And I was like, wow, that's going to be a rocket ship. Oh, that's very sweet, by the way, of you to say. I think the story you were referring to, which you actually inspired me to work on it more was, I think it was at the comedy store. You had said that I did a, it was a swimming joke. So learning how to swim. The best. And I, and when you, and I was unsure of that, that bit. And then you had said, oh, you enjoyed it. I thought, oh, maybe I'll explore this a little bit more. I called like five people. I called five people and did your bit to them. And I was like, dude, have you seen Sebastian? It's one of the best bits. It's one of the best bits I've ever seen because you, you come from a place. Like, I think I come from a, I don't know where I come from as a comedian. I think I come from a place of confidence, but an amount of vulnerability. You come from confidence when your vulnerability shows up. It's such a unique perspective. And your vulnerability in that bit was coming from a place of confidence, like almost blind confidence. And it's, I, it made me, she goes, get in the water. You go, I think that's the fucking problem. So wait, here's my question. So I was wondering this today. Cause I was like, I'm not drinking right now. And I miss it. I genuinely miss it. I miss it in not like a, like crave it kind of way. I just miss, like I'm home and I want to have a glass of wine with Leanne outside. And like last time we got in the hot tub and I was like, I just, I was like, oh, it would have been nice to have like a specialty cocktail, like make something together. Do you, how often do you drink at night? Do you? I like wine. I figured you'd like wine. I like wine. And, and, and not, I like the taste of it. And I also, to your point, like the, the accompanying a act hot tub outside in the yard cooking, gonna make some food. It's hard not to have like a little wine on, on the side. Right. It's just, it's just, it's, it's, it's, it's nice to do. However. - Without the wine, doesn't it feel like you've just eaten next to someone you're just wolfing down food? - Yeah. - When you put the wine, it's like, hey, this is nice. Like it slows everything down. - It slows it down. It slows it down. I agree with you. However, as I grow older and I start to see the effects in the morning and not that I'm getting blasted. - Yeah. - If I have more than two glasses of wine in the morning, I'm foggy headed. I'm sluggish. I'm not, my workout sucks. And I'm like, it's like a, what, what am I doing? You know, I, I, obviously I feel better when I'm not drinking. - Yeah. - So what the hell am I doing for what? The two or three hours that it lasts? That I'm with my wife on the living room and we're having, it is nice. - It's nice. I don't know. I don't know where you live, but I imagine where you live. And I imagine it's a nice yard. And that last night was kind of a cool night. It was breezy and it was windy. And I just had this visualization. I was thinking of it of like, you know, the kids, I don't know if you have a jungle gym, but they're young enough to still enjoy the outside. And you guys sitting in Adirondacks with a glass of red wine talking about life and the kids are running around. That's why you drink. - That's great. - That's the fucking moment. - That's the moment. - And if, and, and I'm sure that sobriety feels a glass water feels great but it's like when you have that wine it just slows everything down the matrix slows down and you can see the images in the numbers you know well i wanted to drink last night i knew i was coming here right yeah i knew that if i did drink i might not be not that i'm a ball of fucking excitement right now but i would be even less if i had someone last night so i i so i would i would argue the opposite for me i actually argued with my trainer today that i think i perform better when i'm drunk because i have an inspiration of why i'm working out like i know that if i push it super hard in the gym i'll feel better because i if i wake up sluggish and hazy i go into the gym sluggish and hazy and i'm like oh this is gonna be a rough one but i have this thing in my head that knows that if i push really hard that i'll go i'll end up on the other side of that and i'll feel amazing my trainer said today it's crazy when you're hung over you come in here literally zapped and i can see it in your energy but halfway through the workout i see you come to life and then when i leave i'm like all right he's alive now and when i'm not drinking i come in alive i leave alive i'm like i don't know no but you you definitely are built differently than a lot of people i mean as far as your ability to consume what you consume and what you're eating and what you're eating and and live a life that, you know, you're productive. I would have a hard time. Like, you know, like I would have a really hard time living your life. I would have a real, because I look at your life. I don't mean this envious, but I look at your life. I really, there's little things in your life that I look at and I go, that's really cool. That's fucking awesome. God damn it, that's cool as shit. That's cool. That I didn't have it when, especially when my kids were that age, where it's like the amount of security to know that like, that if you do decide to take a couple of years off and coach soccer or just pick your projects or do limited casino runs, that it's not going to break the bank. It's not going to destroy you. You're not going to be upside down. I love that your wife's from Florida. I love your wife's friends, your wife, your wife's backstory of who she is and the fact that she's an artist and she knows what she likes. She's definitive on colors and like that kind of shit. I think it's cool. I think your wife is a fucking, awesome partner. Now, I got very lucky with mine, but I'm just saying from the outside looking in, Lana has always been like wildly supportive and low grade, cool as shit. First time I ever met her was in a attic somewhere and she just went up and said, you know this person, this person, this person. I know this person, this person, this person. We should be friends. And I went, I fucking love her. Who are you? She goes, I'm Sebastian's girlfriend. I was like, shut the fuck up. And so I look at life, I think I'd have a hard time managing not overdoing it. Like when I look at you go, I have a couple glasses of wine. I go, dude, you're Sebastian, kill the bottle. Let me see what your wine cellar looks like. Let's get fucking lit. You got a great relationship with your parents. Like everyone's still alive. Like this is fucking, like let's fucking get after it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, I, that's, well, listen, I think where you're at. Why don't you have a boat? Boat would be nice. Do you want to buy one together? I wouldn't do any joint ventures with large purchases with anybody. Come on, you and Seinfeld. I don't like, I don't like, sharing homes. Like people, people go in and like, oh, we're going to get a condo in Florida. Now, if I want to go to the condo, I want to go to the condo. Yeah. I don't have to call you and go, are you using it this week? But boats, that's how boats are set up these days. Cause boats are so expensive. When you get a sailboat, you go in like a timeshare with like four people because no one uses a sailboat every weekend. No, I know they don't. Do you have a boat? No, I'd love a boat. What boat do you want? Any boat that you want. Like, are you, do you know how to steer a boat? I can drive a boat. I can drive a boat. I can sail a boat. Although I'd have to take legit, I'd have to get qualified to sail a boat. But I think sailing is a little more than anyone wants to bite off, but a fucking boat would be awesome. Can you drive the boat and have like a skier on the back? Yeah. We're not doing that in California. I know, but like in Florida, you did that. Okay. See, I, I don't know how to do any of that. So I would need someone like you to, maybe we should buy a boat. Maybe we should buy a boat. By the way, I, yeah, I was on a text with someone, with someone was like, hey, do you guys want to buy a cave together? A cave? A cave. What is that? It was a cave in Arizona that was for sale for a couple million dollars. And like everyone throws money in and we got a cave. And I was like, Rogan was on that text and he was like, I'm in. And I was like, Joe's in, I'm in. But then it didn't work out because it was Stan Hope that sent the text. The same way I feel about Slippery Nipple is the same way I feel about the cave. I'm good. Is there anything you want? Like I was saying, wanting is my favorite part. Is there anything you want that you're like, oh, I, you know, I find myself looking at these. Like I want a motorcycle. I want, I want a house. I want a lot of land in either Idaho or Colorado. Like that's something I want. I would love a castle. I have a friend who just bought a cat. We have a friend that just bought a castle. Like that would be cool. I want to go to Europe this winter. Like, like what do you want? I want vacations. I want like experiences rather than watches or cars or anything like that. I want to. With kids or without kids? Both. Both. I think it's important that Lana and I take these trips to whether it be Napa or, you know, Mexico or what have you just to have a couple of days. But with the kids now being six and eight years old, love to get them and let's go. They came to Las Vegas for the first time last week. And they're at an age where they could really kind of appreciate the, you know, whatever the pool or whatever it might be. We took them to Wizard of Oz at the Sphere, which was, did you see it? No. And I know you've been to the Sphere. I saw it on your Instagram. I think it was either the Eagles or. I've been like five times. Oh, you've been five times. I go to the kids' top. Okay. I mean, I thought that was an amazing experience for the kids to see a movie with the, with the wind hitting you, leaves hitting you. There's like monkeys on drones. It's pretty, pretty spectacular. Where's, where's someone you'd like, like where's someone you would like, where's somewhere you would like to take your kids that you think would be magical for them? And then where's someone you'd like to go with Lana? And then where's someone you'd like to go by yourself? No one else. You get on a plane by yourself and go there for be it intrinsic value or just something you want to do for yourself. I like to take the, the family to Japan. I've never been to Japan. Japan's the fucking greatest. Okay. I'd only been there with the USO tour. Not any, not socially. So that's where I want to go with the family. With Lana, she's, I mean. She, she's traveled a lot, right? So this is the difference between Lana's upbringing and my upbringing. Um, she went on what they call semester at sea. Have you heard about this? Fuck yeah. It's on MTV. Oh, it is? Yeah. It was like a, it was like they did one year of a real world on, or road rules on MTV. Oh, they did? Yeah. Oh, okay. Yeah. Okay. So, you know, in college, a semester was spent at sea going to, you know, safari, Japan, India, you know, all, all these different places. Um, and, uh, I had semester at home. It was no, it was no nothing. It was the amount of experience she has had in, as a youth is dwarfs my experience as far as traveling is concerned. Was there a culture shock when you guys first started dating? Not so much a culture shock. It was, um, you know, Lana comes from, you know, a family that's got some cash. So they've had, they had a different upbringing than I had, which you could see now in the parenting styles, uh, Lana is, I'm the disciplinarian. Lana is more the, you know, happy-go-lucky it's okay. Have, you know, to have it, you know, and, and, and that's good in a way. It's a good dynamic that we share. That's Leanne. Leanne grew up in a trailer going barefoot to school until third grade, like nothing with nothing. And I grew up, I'd probably like Lana. I don't, I don't mean, I don't know. I don't really know Lana's background, but I know it's Florida. I know Florida is certain places in Florida that, you know, I wasn't rich, but I didn't ask for anything. I mean, I, this is how I explained my upbringing. I got a car when I was 16, it wasn't the car I wanted, but I got a car when I was 16. So that's, I think that's, you buy your, you buy your daughter's a car. Yeah. I list, I'm still waiting for her to pass the driver's test. She take it like six times. Wow. I'm starting to think she shouldn't drive. Like she failed it so many times and I'm like, maybe driving isn't for, how old is she? 19. And she's still gonna get her license. Wow. It's this driver test is kicking her ass. I think it's in her head now. You know, it's like, she's at the Yip. Is it the actual driving or the, she never even gotten behind the wheel. Wow. It's the written test. She's dyslexic. So wait, it fucked it. She is like at one point I had a, I had a guest on, I'll tell you his name. Just bleep it out. And brother was like, you know, there's a guy that can just get you a license. So you don't have to take the test. And Isla heard about that. She's like, dad, if you're ever going to use your fucking celebrity for everything, just get me a fucking license. I was like, baby, you gotta learn how to drive. You gotta, there's the, you gotta learn the rules of the road. Road rules or whatever, you know what I'm saying. But yeah, she wants a, what's it, a Hellcat? She has no frame of reference for the dollar. She's never looked at a price ever. She wants a Dodge Charger Hellcat. Type it in. That's a mean car. I think it's $250,000. It's pretty expensive. Georgia, on the other hand, I bought Georgia a car, but I bought her the car, just a safe car. I just bought her a nice car. It's an Explorer. She loves it. But yeah, I got a Fox. I got a Volkswagen Fox. I loved it. My favorite car. But what I was saying is I grew up, like Lana, where I was a little more of the fun dad, and Leanne was the disciplinarian. Okay, yeah. I carry the. The discipline in the house, which is fine. But also I have, I'm completely aware and hypersensitive that these kids are growing up in a different environment that I grew up in. So I am really kind of, I stay on them in regards to chores and, you know, this ain't normal. There's a lot of that going around. Yeah, you got to explain that to them. Yeah, because you could fall into this whole spoiled, entitled brat shit. How do you keep. I wouldn't worry about your daughter. As much as your son. Meaning, like, I think a boy, it's more problematic. When you see a boy who doesn't understand work ethic, that's the fucking problem. I tend to do it with both of them. Yeah. I'm very, I don't want to say strict, but I'm like, you know, this. No one's going to give you anything in life, including me. So go make your bed. There's a lot of that. Really? Wash your dish. You know, I'm trying to make it as. Because I like the way I grew up. Yeah. I like the way I grew up. I like the way my family raised me. Please, thank you. Treat adults with respect. Mr. and Mrs., you know, all that stuff. And sometimes that gets lost in the sauce when, you know, you're wrapped up in career or what have you. I never want to look back and go, what the hell was I doing at Choctaw and not teaching my kids or not being at the game for them? Because, bro, you know it as well as I do, and you're in a different stage. You probably look at your daughters and go, I can't believe they're out of the house or they're at college. And what happened to time? Happened so quick. Quick. And I don't think you could be totally satisfied with the amount of time that you spend with your kids. You'd never be satisfied. But I think if you have the ability to be with them, you know, you should. But listen, my dad was working his ass off, never really was with me, and we're best friends. So maybe it's off or not. I don't know. My dad worked his ass off. And by the way, he also ran marathons on weekends. So he was gone all the weekends. He coached my baseball team. And we went to sporting goods stores together. We have a great relationship. But he worked every fucking day. I always look at that like I have massive regrets about how much I spent on the road. Because I spent all the time on the road, same as you, but I didn't have kids yet. Yeah. So I was just like, I'd have to. But I told someone the other day, a young comic was like, I don't know, they were a young comic. And he's like, we're going to freeze our eggs. And they're not even married yet. And I'm like, you just have the fucking kid. I was like, you know, it doesn't matter. Like, you're going to fucking work anyway. Like, what, are you going to wait until you're doing theaters? And then when you do theaters, you're going to go, well, fuck, now's my opportunity. I was like, and then what, you're going to wait until you do arenas? And if you do arenas, trust me, that's not when you want to start having kids. And so I don't know. I feel like. I'm jealous of you and Tom. And like, even Joe, for that matter, because Joe's kids are a little older now, but he was really present when they were younger. And I go, God, man, that's so fucking awesome. But then I wouldn't have it any different. I loved fucking racing home on a Monday morning to pick them up at school Monday, a little hungover, a little drunk still. Yeah. I loved it. I loved it. No, I mean, like, listen, it all worked out the way it should have. Yeah. So you can't really look back and go, hey, I wish. But I'm just very cognizant of being there for them. Before we get you out of here, I want to talk about you and Pete. Your podcast is so fucking awesome. Thank you. It really is so awesome. You guys have such a rich connection. How did that start? Met Pete on one of those tours. I don't know if you've ever did a Just for Laughs comedy tours where you went to all these little small towns in Canada. Met him on the van with two other comedians. And we basically spent two weeks popping around Canada together and instantly. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We had a great, great rapport. I thought he was one of the funniest guys I've ever met. Without a doubt. Quick on his feet. And I'm like, this guy's funny. We start talking on the phone. Our phone conversations were really funny. I said, why don't we do a podcast? This is what, 12 years ago? And started doing a podcast. No guests, just talking. Yeah. And, you know, he's a beer and peanut guy. I'm like a wine and cheese guy. So the dynamic is. Is he still smoking weed? Yeah. He's, by the way, Pete's, he's so funny. Like I, I, I, I, this sounds crazy, but like, I wish more people knew how fucking hysterical he is. And he lives with his wife and they, they're, were they still in upstate New York in some barn? He, he recently moved to Rochester. Yeah. Uh, from Fredonia. So he, um, he has a daughter, a 12 year old daughter. And, uh. I never thought they were going to have a daughter. I never thought they were going to have kids. Yeah, no. Jackie didn't want to have kids, you know? And then one day, hey, let's have fucking kids. Fucking, I know so much about his wife. Spend time with him. It's like his wife, he's got a great marriage. His wife is his best fucking friend. Oh yeah. And he's, uh, obsessed with her. Like he loves her. Completely in love with her. They, we, I, we just spent the weekend with them in Vegas. She came down for her birthday and, uh, we did Vegas together. And listen, he, you're right. More people should know who Pete Corbin is. And the podcast, we've been doing it again as like a passion project for the last 12 years called the Pete and Sebastian show. And, uh, he's, he's one funny guy. You know, Bert, I, I, I know I'm going to Israel. So I roll like 20 joints. That's maybe one of my favorite things to do is sit down. Jackie takes the dog on a walk. I'm fucking just rolling joints. I put him inside the Marlboro. I then reseal it. Right. I ended up in a fucking Corvette with this comedian. We get pulled over to the roadside. They go, do you have any drugs? Bert, I got 20 joints. I got 20 joints on me. Pete is one of the, like, you know what he is? He's the one, the one exception I would say. And there's a bunch of us like this, that he is hysterical standing next to him at a bar, at a fucking soccer game on the sidelines on stages when he's at his best. I have so many great peace stories. I remember we were smoking pot in, in Denver. Do you remember the hotel we used to stay at at Denver? When you do the improv, it was that, it was that hotel that did this. It went like this. Was that the, the, the, the hotel? Was it the one in the city or the other one? It was outside the city. Okay. Yeah. And it was, the hotel was like this. I remember that. And they had a glass, sliding glass door and a door. And Pete, I remember I went to the, I went to the vending machine. I took my, my shirt was off and I filled the vend, I filled my shirt with, with crackers and chips. I just bags and bags and bags. And then I took him into the room and I opened them all up wide and I spread them out like we were going to have a feast. And Pete's like, look at this guy. And we got beers. We got weed. We got beer. We start smoking weed. And Pete goes, whatever you do, don't open the door. It's going to create a tunnel of wind and all our shit's going into the fucking lobby. Don't open the door. And I get a knock at the door and Pete goes, don't open it. He's trying to shut the window. And I open it and a van's worth of marijuana smoke hits two security guards. And they're like, you guys got to put that out. And Pete goes, I told them not to open the door. They never would have known. God, I fucking love that guy. God, I love, he is one of my favorite fucking guys. He's one of my favorite guys alive. And your podcast with him, if you have not listened to it, fucking go listen. You guys seem like long lost brothers. Yeah, well, thank you. I appreciate it. We do have a great time doing it. And yeah, once a week, Pete and I sit down on a Tuesday and kind of talk about our personal, professional lives. And Pete's one of those guys, to echo what you just said, when he comes to dinner and we're all out on the road, it's like, you know, it's going to be fun. He's one of these guys. So yeah, Pete's a good dude. Take the fucking. Stuffed animal, Jackie. Hey, real quick. I wrote down some things last night that I go, does Sebastian do these? Okay. Because these are things I do. And I was wondering if you do any of these. Do you pee outside? I have peed in my backyard. Yes. Yes, I have done that. Yeah. I don't make it a habit. Have you ever made a spaghetti sandwich? No. I don't know what that is. Is it two pieces of white bread? Yeah. I mean, but that's terrible. You never have two starches together. You finish the spaghetti and then you have the bread. You never eat bread and spaghetti at the same time. Eminem would beg to differ. Eminem sells spaghetti sandwiches at your mom's spaghetti and their sandwiches was pretty fucking good. How short are two shorter shorts? Like what inseam? Five inches, seven inches? Short shorts. like he would wear around the house or outside? - Would wear around the house, yeah. I'd say, I don't know, inch-wise, I'm going to go if it's above mid-thigh. If it's above mid-thigh, it's too high. A little too high for. So you don't wear short shorts? No, I don't wear short shorts. To work out, maybe I'll wear a shorter short, but if I'm going to wear. I'm not a short guy to begin with. I wear like, you know, maybe three inches above the knee. So you wake up out of bed in the morning, this morning. You get up, you wake up. Do you put on clothes to go into the house, or do you go into your underwear and make a cup of coffee? I put a robe on. Do you have a robe? No. I don't put a robe. I have a robe, but I don't wear them. Yeah, I put a robe on as soon as I get up. You put a robe on? Yeah. You put a robe on? And I have robes, different robes for different times of the year. So today was a little. It's getting colder out. I brought out my kind of cotton robe. And then during the summer, I wear a thinner, almost like a silk, kind of Andy Garcia Godfather 3 robe. Yeah. If there's anything I love, I love learning. Do you wear slippers? No. I don't wear shoes now. I know. I don't wear slippers. I don't wear. I usually come out butt naked. Yeah, see, you're one of these guys. It's really, like, comfortable in the nude. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I ain't like that. Really? No. You haven't woken up in the morning and just walked across your backyard naked with your dog and turned on your sauna and then walked and gotten back in bed with wet feet? No. No. I might get some fucking robes. That might be a fucking look. For me, it's more of a. I don't know. I don't know what I want to do yet with the wardrobe. So, it's almost like my warm-up. Like, what am I going to do today? Where am I going today? Oh, wow. Like, I didn't want to get in this outfit right out of bed because I had to eat breakfast. Do you have an outfit before that? Or is that your outfit? Did you go robe? Robe, shower, this. I don't want to eat breakfast in the outfit that I'm going to go out in in fear that anything might get on the outfit. In the outfit. What did you eat for breakfast? I had a breakfast burrito. I had a steak breakfast burrito from Erewhon. Whoa, what's the price tag on that? 140 bucks? I think that's probably an $18 purchase. But I have no kitchen right now. I'm remodeling the kitchen, so. Really? That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah, I am naked, coffee, shit, and then I get dressed for a workout. I work out barefoot, and then I shower in my backyard, sauna, shower in my backyard, clothes, and then that's what I'm wearing for the day. What was this always saying, naked? Well, I have kids, and I have a problem with. I know some kids, some parents shower with their kids. There's an age where you got to stop that. I never did that. Oh, for real? Never. Oh, I did it up until they were 18. What's the longest you haven't showered? Longest I've ever showered? No, you haven't showered. Like, how many days have you gone without a shower? One day. One day? Yeah. Wow. One day. Well, okay. I'm a multiple shower guy during the day. Do you wash your face? Yeah. How many times, like, once a day? So, I do. Your skin looks fucking incredible. Oh, thank you. I appreciate it. And mine looks pretty red, I'm assuming. I'm just. I've got acne on my cheeks for whatever fucking reason. Yeah, no, I saw that. I know, and I've been washing. I'm doing a face regimen now. What are you doing? What's it called? Oculus? Was it something? Hey, what's it called, Sandra? Leon, I just got it. I went to Sephora because I had. Right on my beard, I'd had pimples. Right at my beard. And I don't know. It's the only place I have them. So, I went to Sephora, and I got a whole face. It's a seven-part face thing. It's like a. It's a. It's an oil, then a soap, then an astringent, then a white cream, then a pink cream. Then another cream, then a spray, then an under-eye thing. And I've been doing it every day. Wow. But it's fucking. I'm thinking I'm going to go to a dermatologist. Yeah, you might have to. Yeah. You do wash your face every day? You have, like, a routine? Yeah. Really? And I have makeup on. Are you serious? Yeah. I told you I should have fucking makeup on. God, you look amazing. Well, thank you. Give me a take on the makeup. Like, this seems to be the form of entertainment that a lot of people are watching, right? Yeah. So, when you go on. When you go on Jimmy Kimmel, or you go on Conan O'Brien, whatever the show is, you wear any makeup? Yeah. Okay. So, nothing really different here. We have cameras. This is going to be broadcast to the world, right? I feel like, you know, little powder, little foundation. Little powder foundation would have been smart. I said, should I get fucking hair and makeup? And everyone's like, it's a podcast. Well, I understand, like, the podcast is raw, and it really is raw, whatever. But I had a couple. I had a couple podcasts today, so I. I should have gotten hair. I should have gotten makeup. No, you shouldn't have gotten anything. You have no shoes on. Yeah. So, why would we even start with makeup? I didn't even use soap in the shower. You don't wash your face? No, I did wash my face today. Yeah, but, like, generally speaking, you don't just. I just started, like, a month ago. So, when you're in the shower, there's no soap that penetrates your face at all? It's just water? Shampoo. You use shampoo on your face? Like, if I put shampoo on my hair, I'll just wash my beard and face. Don't you. Don't you. Don't you take a bath in the pool? Yeah, I'm a pool shower guy. Okay, yeah. Like, I showered last night in the hot tub was my shower. I got in the hot tub, I shower in the hot tub, and then I get out. Does anybody else do this on the team? Like, does anybody else go, we're going to shower in the pool today? Leanne actually showered after the hot tub. It was like a lunatic. Well, yeah, you rinse. You rinse that off. She took a shower after the hot tub. She was like, I'm going to take another shower. Yeah. Yeah. That's normal. Nah. It's clean. It's clean. I guarantee you, if you ask Lana, she'd count the pool as a shower. No. 100%. I bet she counts the ocean as a shower. No, no, no. She has to. She went from Florida. Have you ever pissed in a bottle in a bed? No. Never pissed in a bottle in a bed? No. And then put it in the side of the bed and wait to make it? No, my grandfather used to do that. Yeah? Yeah. Because he was 80. Do you smell. If you have a. If you have a slippery smell, do you smell it? I don't have BO. You don't have BO? No. I have the. Whatever the gene or whatever that produces the BO, I don't have it. Are you serious? Yeah. So do you wear deodorant? No. Are you serious? There's no time for my body to develop BO. All right? Because by the time, if I had it, I'm in the shower again. Really? Like, I'm showering after this. I'm showering after this, and it's a whole routine. Really? Yeah. So what do you guys got going on tonight? Lana is having an event. She is doing a collaboration with Shea Jewelry. She's coming out with her own line of jewelry. For real? Yeah. Inspired by her art. So Lana's got jewelry coming out, and she's got a bag line coming out, which I'm really proud of her because. Can we pull it up? Is there anything to pull up? Her art's fucking awesome. I don't know if it's on. Lana Gomez art. Yeah, there it is. I don't know if she has it on her website yet. It's with Shea Jewelry. I don't know if it's here yet. But the bags, interestingly enough, are one of her paintings. They took and made 50 bags out of her painting. So if you put the bags up, they mirror the painting. Can I tell you what's cool about Lana being. She's always been an artist, is she was an artist. She didn't become an artist. She married some fucking comedian. No, no. She's always been an artist. Always been an artist. And now she is. And she's always been a good artist. Like, she's been. She has always been at the highest level of art when you met her. Yeah. And thank you for saying that. She's put a lot of time into it. And she's spent a lot of time with my career and getting my career off the ground. And now it's time for Lana to flourish on her own. So I'm proud of her. Yeah, I'm going to keep Leigh-Anne squashed. No need for two shining bright lights in our house. Just one light. One light. Let's focus on that. Let the moth fly there and make sure that moth is fed. Look at this. Look at this. Do you have a hard time? Like, sometimes I'll take a joke to Leigh-Anne and she'll be like, huh? Or like, if I bring her to my assistant, this is what. I got to work on this. He'll be like, whoa. You're not going to say that. And I go, please don't ever do that. Don't ever do that. But do you have a hard time when she brings you a painting? Because. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm assuming you, like me, don't really. I probably have the fucking finest tuned eye for art, the way like art people do. Does she do a painting? And then she's like, what do you think? And you're just like, I really don't fucking know. Well, no. I give her an opinion. I, you know, she'll go, what do you think? And I'll go, oh, you know, I'd like to see some more color there. I mean, this is my opinion. Really? Yeah. And then what is she. Was she like, yeah, you're wrong? No. Very. I mean, she might do it. She might not. But she's very good at. At accepting any opinion because she's asking me, right? I only ask opinion. to hear you say you agree with me. Hey, what do you think of this? You love it? Awesome. That was what I was looking for. Well, you know, as far as telling jokes to people, I never preface it by saying, you think this is funny. I'll just say it. And if they laugh, then I'll know it's funny. Or if they don't, I go, I won't say that. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I think if you preface it, you set yourself up for like, or set the person up going, okay, now I'm, whatever I say. Yeah. You know? I had a joke about, edited out, but I had a joke about, dude, I have so much shit I've edited out. You'd be shocked at shit I had to edit out. I got a call from, edit that out. Edit that out. By the way, I just want to ask the team and you, how many hours or days of footage is edited out? Do we have a bin where this stuff lives? Oh, we should have an edited out podcast the day I die. Just post it. That's what Pete and I were going to do is like all the stuff we edit out when we pass away, the podcast is going to go on for another eight years with the amount of material. Your special is phenomenal. Thank you. Your special is fucking phenomenal. I love where you shot it. I love, I mean, you're one, there's, when you die, if someone would do a high-profile, high-brow dissecting of comedy, you are in a very rarefied air of people who can take, take anything and make it brilliantly funny. Take the minutia of life and make it so brilliantly funny. I always say, you and Nate Bargatze are guys I can't really wrap my head around how good you guys are at doing what you do. And I, and I do it for a living and I watch you guys and I'm like, God damn it. I had a joke, I had a joke, I had a joke in one of my specials about raffle tickets. I think I might've told you this about raffle tickets, one raffle tickets. I won a raffle, 12 prizes in a row. I bought all the raffle tickets and I kept, every time I did this joke, I said, God damn it, I wish Sebastian would do this part because it would be, you would make it so funny and I, my brain doesn't see things like that. I can't see, like little things you do are so good when you're talking, you're, I'm watching the special last night and there's a little thing you do with your, your mouth where I don't even know if you know you're doing it and it just is, it adds, so much and I always go back to Seinfeld saying, if I can do an act out and it adds to the bit, why wouldn't I do that? And that is the fucking truth. If you can make a bit funnier, which you have such a gift at doing, is taking a great joke and making it so yours and that is this special. It is phenomenal, man. That's very nice of you. I'm so happy for you. It is going to be on, it is going to be on Hulu, but it's, it's, why did I watch it on Disney last night? Yeah, it's under the Disney umbrella. Okay. It's on Hulu. It's going to be on Hulu starting Friday, November 21st. Is that right after Thanksgiving? That is right before Thanksgiving. Yeah. Dude, let me tell you something. This special is going to blow up because every family is going to sit and watch this Thanksgiving week. That's why it's right before Thanksgiving. It's going to be fucking huge. It ain't right. Available on Hulu starting Friday, November 21st. It is filled live at the legendary United Center in Chicago. It's so fucking good, man. Thank you. I appreciate you having me on. Hey, when are Miu and Lana and Leanne going out to dinner? When you stop working. Stop working. I think the last time we broke bread was when you came to do Well Done. And Leanne got fucking Invisalign that day. She goes, I'm going to go get Invisalign. I go, okay, cool. Wait, she didn't eat? No, because she got Invisalign and she had those bumps all over her teeth. And I go, and she goes, does that look weird? And I was like, we're going on TV today. Why would you get this done today? She goes, you can't tell. And I was like, I can totally, I can totally tell. She's like, I'm not supposed to eat for 24 hours. I go, you get plastic surgery and you get your teeth done? That's what you get done? What the fuck? I didn't know that. Thanks, Sebastian. This is so sweet of you guys. I was like, can you just not talk? Just put your hand over your mouth like you're fucking, like a wildling. God damn it. We'll go out to dinner. All right, let's do it. Hey, congratulations, brother. Thank you for doing this. You got it. Bert and Tom, Tom and Bert. One goes topless while the other wears a shirt. Tom tells stories and Bert's the machine. There's not a chance in hell that they'll keep it clean. Here's what we call Two Bears, One Cave. Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices. 30 pounds of pasta, three cases of protein bars, seven, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork and BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at BJ's.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months. Open soon. Limited time offer, new members only. BJ's. Home of the Save.