Road Rage (Please Continue)

Hi, it's Phoebe. I'm going on tour. The show is called Don't Worry. If you like hearing me tell stories about people, I've decided to tell stories about my life and the people I love. I'll introduce you to my parents and my sisters and the secrets our family kept. Well, some of us kept. I had to tell somebody just because you were eight. I mean, I couldn't tell you. I hope it's funny. I hope it's surprising. Find all our tour dates and get tickets at thisiscriminal.com slash live. Hi, it's Phoebe. Today we're sharing the latest episode of Please Continue with all of you. This is the show I make along with Criminal co-creator Lauren Spohr, and it's pretty different from Criminal, as you'll hear when you listen. We talk about everything from wild headlines in the news to the television news. We talk about the television shows we're watching to the best seltzer flavors. I talk about my current favorite in this episode. I think you all should try it. I also tell Lauren the story of the time I was pulled over by a police officer. We've made more than 80 of these episodes, so if you want to listen back to more of them, you can do that by becoming a Criminal Plus member. Sign up at patreon.com slash criminal. Now, here's the show. Welcome to Criminal Plus. I'm Phoebe Judge. It's the show's called Please Continue. Lauren, please continue. I'm Lauren Spohr. Nailed it. I have a, I may have committed a crime, and I want your take on this. I feel like I've committed a crime. It happened yesterday. I was driving. I am a, I'm a, I'm a cautious driver. I'm not a, I'm not a speed demon. I don't have a lead foot. I never have. I'm actually a very, very cautious driver. I don't appreciate when people ride me from behind, you know, you know, I just don't, you know, I just don't like aggressive drivers. So I was driving yesterday, and I was being very mindful, just cautious, and I was about to turn left into a gas station, and I heard this beeping, this horn. Someone was laying on the horn, and I looked all around, because I kind of thought, oh, what's happening? You know, who's, what could, what could be wrong? And I couldn't really see anything, and then I realized that the, it was someone laying on the horn at me, and it was a silver RAV4 that came up to my right side, and it was an older woman, a woman of a certain age, laying on the horn, just kind of putting her hand up, like, what are you doing? What are you doing? And I was- Because you were going too slow. No, I don't think I was going, I don't know what, but I was completely baffled. I just thought to myself, what are you, I, what are you, I'm not doing anything wrong. And I, so I was very confused, and she kept going, what are you doing? What are you doing? And looking behind me in the mirror, and something happened. And you know what? You followed her and rammed her. No, but I'd had enough. I'd had enough. And you know what I did? The finger. I gave this old woman, I gave her the finger. Did you do it, did you do it like sort of discreetly up between the seats or arm out the window? No, she was in front of me by this point, turning around going, what are you doing? And finally I'd had enough, and I went facing forward. Yeah, just like that, and my windshield. And did she see? Yeah, she saw. Yeah, she saw. She could even more, but I just thought, and then I pulled into the gas station, I thought, well, Phoebe, you've just given the middle finger to an 80-year-old woman. But she deserved it. And she wasn't a, a meek, a meek flower. With the number of bumper stickers she had on the back of her car, I figured she could handle it. What did they say? I don't know, many. You know that funny bumper sticker? Keep honking, I'm listening to the Indigo Girls. No, I like that. Anyway, I felt bad about it. It is temperamentally something that I have done. I've been, I have both been the honker and the finger giver. But you actually don't seem like someone who gets full of road rage. Never, but do you? Never, but do you remember when the man at the Whole Foods in Durham, do you remember that he thought that I had cut him off? Well, I think you actually just drove in the bike lane for a second. But to take a right-hand turn, there were no bikes. I mean, again, nothing that I was trying to be aggressive or cut. And he followed me into the Whole Foods parking lot and confronted me and said his wife was a biker and how, and he was so full of rage. And I looked at him and I just thought to myself, what is going on here? Because it can't be, but what, and you know what I said to him? I said, I feel sorry for your wife. Very calmly. And you know what I think? And you're going to say, Phoebe, of course, you, I think he recognized my voice. Okay. And I think he was a listener. All right. Anyway, I just gave this old woman the finger and I felt bad about it in the middle of the night, but I think it was deserved. And that's it in the story. There's another thing like this that happened once. What was it? A road rage? A road rage incident? Well, you sometimes, you sometimes don't like that I will stare at someone if I think that they've committed some offense. You know, if I think someone has done something rude or if they're talking too loudly, namely a man in the Sky Lounge having his full meeting on speakerphone pacing loudly, I do stare at him, just hoping that he's getting the message that this is incredibly rude. Have you ever told a story about Officer Metz here? When I got pulled over for the DUI? Most misleading headline. I don't know if I have. That's another crime. You want me to tell the story? It's a wild story. I mean, at this point, it's very old, right? Oh, yeah. It's a, oh, God, it's 15 years old. I was pulled over one night because I was driving in an old Volvo and it had no license plates. And the person I was driving with told me that it was okay because she had, a little piece of paper in the glove compartment, and it was okay that it had no license plates. And so we got pulled over, rightfully so, and I was driving, and an officer, a North Carolina police officer, got out of the car and he said, Ma'am, do you know why I pulled you over? And I said, oh, it's because we don't have any license plates. And he said, no, it's because you didn't use your turn signal. And he said, he looked in the car, and I had been to a concert, and he said, Indigo Girls. Greg Brown. He said, have either of you had anything to drink tonight? And I said, yes, officer, I have. I had half a bottle of beer, which is true. I'd had half of a 12-ounce bottle of beer at the concert. And I was just completely, I said, yes, yes, I had half a bottle of beer. And he said, I'm going to need you to step out of the car. And I thought, what? And I got out of the car, and he had me, he said, you've admitted to drinking tonight, and I'm going to need to give you a breathalyzer. And those words, my life shattered. I didn't know what to do. And he had me get in the front seat of the cop car, and I sat next to him, and he said, okay, so you're just going to breathe into this. And I panicked. And I thought, and somehow, what happened in my head is that the half of a beer that I'd had three hours earlier had lodged itself in my throat, and that when I took the breathalyzer, the beer was just going to go immediately into, so I thought, I can't do this. I thought my life is ending. I started talking to him about, he didn't understand that, I just, it was really, he, so I was so wild that then I believe he thought that I was hiding something else, like I was probably on many drugs. It changed. He was. Because you were so disproportionately afraid. He was saying, you know, listen, hey, my buddies and I, sometimes we have beers, and we, like, have breathalyzers. We have, like, so many beers, and we have breathalyzers, and we're fine. He's like, you're fine. And, yes, because. Just to get you to relax, to agree to the breathalyzer? Yeah, but then it switched. But you were getting, like, more and more uptight? Wild. Wild, just in my panic, and just talking to him about my family, talking about me, talking, and he, I think, finally said, this girl's on something. I don't know what it is, but, and then he got serious, and he said, ma'am, you have two options. You're either going to blow into this breathalyzer, or I'm taking you to the station. And Lauren, I honestly, I honestly almost said to him, take me to the station. That's what you're supposed to do. This close. And then something happened, and I just gave up. What does it say when you just, you just. Go limp. I went limp. Just take me, universe, take me. It's over. This is my head. It's been a good ride. It's over now. What was the breathalyzer like? It's this little tube you blow into, like a nebulizer, though I've never done that. And I turned, so I turned it, and I really just, I remember just looking at him and just saying, go ahead. And I blew into it. I blew into this tube, and I really, it just was like, this is it. Phoebe, it's been a good ride. It's over. And he turned it towards him. And then he turned it back towards me. And on the breathalyzer, it's a double zero. Absolutely nothing in my system. And I swear to you, he, at that point, he looked at me and he said, have a nice day, ma'am. He just wanted me out of his car. He just thought, I need this woman. away from me she's clearly got other things going on double zero i would like to find him to ask what it was like in that um yeah so that is my was my one but you've you always told me that i mean you always said there's there's some there's some thought that if you do get pulled over you're not supposed to tell the officer what you've had is that right well what i was always told is that you should always say no that's not a crime to lie to a police officer but i just thought what's that we are not giving legal advice here no we aren't and but i just i didn't know that and i thought but i think if you say yes then they have to find out what's up oh boy i just remember just i went limp i think he had to put the thing in my mouth for me because i just just completely lost all ability to remember when i drove away i drove away from your house once many years ago and i was t-boned at a slow speed and i remember i called my dad immediately and he said have you been drinking and i said no which was true and then but in the car i had a small for christmas some friends of ours had made skittles flavored vodka shooters do you remember this so i had like in my i had like in my console a little tiny bottle of of like skittles infused vodka that someone had given me for christmas that was clearly like not a professionally sealed item and i was so afraid of the police finding that and i was like should i chuck it into someone's yard would that be worse should i just drink it all right now right yeah i listen it still gives me chills to even think about that encounter with officer double zero double zero ma'am you're free to go um lauren i want to tell you a story but do you want to tell me anything first like a secret it doesn't no no i'm just checking in with you to see if i can tell you do you ever just like not feel like yourself um sometimes when i'm doing crunches and who do you feel like then ever since i was a little girl this is going to sound so funny sometimes when i'm doing hard core exercises i this is going to sound really wild i feel like there is a little woman ever since i've been little that's kind of lives in like my diaphragm and she's like a librarian and she um i just recognize her presence when i'm doing core exercises does that sound wild and officer metz do you crushing her room no when you crush or she's just kind of raise rises up and she's there she rises up and watches you like a genie kind of and she represents an old pe teacher no no it's a kind of a librarian i've never met her before i saw some girls i live near high school and i saw some girls running at like 8 30 in the morning which means that they signed up for first period pe get it out of the way i totally get it but then do you have to shower and get dressed for your day i don't know i don't think people do it because now everyone just wears exercise clothes all the time so i don't know yeah i don't yeah because people are just wearing pajamas and sweatpants every day it just really returned me to the memory of having to like change after pe and feeling like you had no time and i hope they don't do that anymore yeah uh we had to wear certain clothes yeah same here maroon sweatpants we had to wear a saint ignatius kind of outfit it wasn't like you could wear anything it was an outfit you had to put on gym clothes yeah and then you just remember to take them home and do the laundry and bring them back and it's just like it was like more than a seventh grader can handle yeah phoebe how are you feeling about the tour i'm feeling really excited the tour the don't worry with phoebe judge the tour is coming up in um in a couple of weeks and you know we just got the merch for the tour lauren yeah tell me do you have it uh i don't have it i can't hold it up for you i wish i could but we have and i i think it's really good i think is the t-shirt too too hard plastic no it's great the t-shirt's great the hat's great the it's good i'm excited about it says don't worry which is a nice little mantra but the don't worry tour is happening um and i'm very excited about it i'm excited about traveling all over the country i'm excited about seeing so many of you and the good thing is that a lot of these venues are not gigantic and so i get to actually see you and meet you and i love that sometimes when you're in a really big theater you feel very far away and you don't get to come and say hi but these theaters are small and um so i hope i get to meet a lot of you and say hi you know before the show after the show um should we implement some crowd work into the show you always want crowd participation and i love that this is a anyone who comes to the beginning early shows if you can if i will take any of your thoughts about where we could implement crowd participation you mean like crowd surfing what if i crowd surf no i mean like interacting with audience members where you you sort of like look at them in the front row and you say are y'all on a date i could try it um i'm open to anything because we're really trying new thing but uh tickets are going fast and um there are some cities that are going to um sell out soon if they haven't already so if new york and uh minneapolis and los angeles and san francisco if you come uh but get your tickets now because you're going to be able to because they're kind of going quick and uh i'd love to i'd love to see all of you and i'd love to meet all of you and i'd love your thoughts about this show i'm really excited about it i hope people laugh and then they sob it seems like those are the two what do you think lauren that seems like the range of emotions that's the ideal experience for anything i hope so that's what that's what i wanted to do i wanted people to kind of look at who they were sitting next to and mouth did you see what i just meant kind of like what is happening um so yes i'm very excited and the first show's in chicago uh which feels right uh because a lot of this story takes place in chicago so we're going to be in chicago on instagram someone said and your second grade teacher will be there yes my second grade teacher is coming um from lasalle language academy uh she's coming and that's miss waller is coming she wrote me a note and i'm so well isn't that nice but i'm really excited chicago's first and then we'll go to philadelphia i love philadelphia you know what i think i'm going to have in philadelphia cheese steak a cheese steak a good one too i've been doing research and then boston which is you know always wonderful to me because it's like a kind of a second home and i've uh and then new york which will be really fun get your tickets for new york because that's the bell house first night and then manhattan second night in manhattan the first night um and then on and on from there and then we can go to new york and then we can go to new york and then we can go to north carolina too which it'll be fun to be back uh you'll be there in the north carolina show lauren of course um you might be selling t-shirts out front did you know that you yeah if you want to buy a t-shirt from lauren spore herself look for the woman are you gonna wear the phoebe judge hat again sure yeah in the phoebe judge hat uh at the merch table in raleigh so anyway yeah i'm excited i'm i'm excited i hope we'll see you you know what i'm going to do is i'm going to go to we were writing something and and i thought the funny thing about this show is that many of the stories i'm telling could be either on love or criminal you know they kind of they actually could be episodes themselves in some way except they're about my family can i tell you the story now yeah save any eye rolling i'm not going to say that i don't want to ruin it i just want you to know that this is not i know that this is not a story that i'm going to i know that you've said in the past that i'm your favorite storyteller on earth this isn't a story this is a dispatch this is real this is this is journal this is journalism this is reporting uh last week i was clamming i love to clam and you go at low tide and i go very very far out because by this time of year you know the kind of clamors have gotten the stuff in so i go really really far out at low tide so i'm so far out i'm almost i'm at my chest with my clam rake in my bucket which i tie around my waist and then i have a water's not going in your armpits i was wearing waders actually just above so just chest level risky business you do you really don't want your waiters to fill up so risky business but this i'm telling you the story for two reasons one because i think it highlights something we've talked about my personality before which i wonder if any uh like when i almost allowed a plane to be grounded in nebraska when i wouldn't say that i was wearing essential oils and there wasn't hazardous fumes on the plane it's kind of that's called like we could just call that one coward yeah this is also it's it's wonderfully brave coward at the same time that's what this story is going to be both ends of the spectrum so i'm out there clamming and i love it and i find it very very meditative and uh i love i will stay out there for hours raking and you have this long rake probably a five-foot rake with a basket on the end, a metal basket, basket with tines and then you rake through and you can if you clam for long enough you can hear when your tine hits a rock uh as opposed to a clam shell you can kind of just hear what's going on and then you take it up and you see what's in there and you dump your quahog which are the hard shell clams into your basket that's floating it's out there it's a great time i see that another man an older gentleman is also an old timer doing what i'm doing we're way far out has come out there he's doing you don't really you kind of look up and it's bad form to go to where someone else is because you know you don't want to that would just be stealing your you know this is my area that was his area but he wasn't that far away and so i'm out there i'm have a great time and all of the sudden i turn around and about 10 feet away 12 feet away i see in the water two fins no um and i think to myself oh a sunfish which which kind of has a fin that flops over and you can see it and i think it's a sunfish which are gigantic things completely harmless and uh and i think a sunfish and then i look and i realize that the way that the two fins are moving this isn't a sunfish it's a shark and it's not a small shark it's a six foot shark and i think to myself well what's the difference between a shark and a sunfish and i think to myself well what's the do you do now because you are so far offshore that you actually kind of go deeper before you get inshore and uh you're wearing these waders and i turned so i kept my eyes on it and now listen i'm not telling you that this shark was trying to eat me uh but i did kind of look like a seal in this navy green uh wetsuit and uh i thought well it'll just swim away and it didn't it kind now here is where the brave part comes in i turned my back to it and i had my rake out and i thought phoebe don't worry you're gonna be okay i was nervous but don't worry you're gonna be okay if it comes near you you're gonna take your rake and you're gonna jam it in its eyes you're just gonna you know and i had it and i was backing up brave here's the other side of it i was a little embarrassed that i was scared i don't know there was this older gentleman not that far away and i here's here's here's the wild thing i thought to myself do i bother him and let him know that there's a shark are you crazy i know i know i know i know and i thought because you wanted it to be because what if it wasn't a shark and i and i would yeah and i maybe he didn't care and he would have think why is this girl telling me i don't i don't know and i said and i thought about it as i was backing up and i said excuse me oh good thank god i said excuse me and i said i i don't know if it's a shark or a shark and i said i don't know if it's a shark if you care but there's a shark right there and he said what and i said yes a shark you don't have to come in i'm gonna go in but if there's a shark right there i'm sorry to bother and so the the two of us backed all the way with our faces too backed all the way in and into shore now people think sharks need a lot of water they don't uh they need very little water and i learned that from our sharks episode yeah they will come very close you're not safe in shallow water so i had you are i always think i am you're not safe in shallow water yeah i had my rake out though in front of me and the old man will also we backed our way in together why did you back in because i wanted to see it why would i turn my face okay back on the shore yeah because i needed to have my what i had my rake so it wasn't like a no sudden movements logic it was a like need to watch if this shark comes closer yeah and you need to move phoebe backwards in my waders anyway that's my story i don't know why i'm telling you the story and did you and the man have a moment after yes we had a moment and what'd you talk about we talked about that he said well that was wild he said maybe it was well we talked about what type of shark and i did a lot of research out it was it wasn't it was a great white um it was yes it was a basking shark would bend the other kind and it wasn't did you find it on the tracker uh you know the tracker the trackers don't track all the sharks around here but but i was i'm just telling you that that happened and like me giving the middle finger to the woman of a certain age i also need to reckon that i did question whether i should bother the man well i think that you did tell him i did tell us about the middle finger one good deed cancels out one bad deed good um yeah what a world huh what a world out there out there with sharks that's the end of the story once i laid on my horns so aggressively i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die with someone that they exited the highway at the same exit of me and then followed me around so i wouldn't go home so i just drove in circles until they scary far away from my house until they moved on yes i so i learned a lesson that day you know what lauren you have a lead foot you say that all the time and it is not true i am shocked sometimes when we drive together how fast you go that's it's just i think you're just having like an anxiety experience because i never go more than 46 miles an hour i'm just telling you that i have found that you are fat there are fast drivers and they're not fast drivers and they fall in two camps and yeah i i live with someone who lays on the horn and is a very fast driver and it drives me wild and when i make comments the comment back to me is the worst thing in the world is a driver who's not aggressive like you have to be to be safe you have to be an aggressive driver so that's one way to think about it um well i learning to drive in chicago seems like an interesting experience yeah people have personalities i think learning to drive in new york city feels like an experience you know what i bought for my house a metal no soliciting sign do you want me to get you one what no that seems bad why does it seem like a bet like i'm like a grumpy person it seems like a nimby thing like don't but it isn't everyone a nimby when it comes to a google fiber salesperson so if you put the no solicitation sign in yours it means that google fiber is not legally allowed to come up i haven't investigated that it's it's so it's just a gentle reminder not they aren't breaking a law if they solicit if you have the sign out i have no idea that would be okay i feel like i have to come clean i have two signs what at the bottom and at the top just to remind them if they get too far they missed the first one we have i have a solicitation solicitor come probably once a day from google fiber selling you something all kinds of things roof repair tree trimming service uh it's it's constant and i find it really stressful to have to ask these people not to come back here's one thing you can always do though not answer the door so i understand that they're gonna knock but if you see it someone from now the poor gentleman who's just trying i feel really startled when the doorbell rings in the middle of the day like i just don't i don't want it i don't have to have it that's my feeling so i went on etsy and found some what i think are somewhat attractive no soliciting signs but i do feel kind of self-conscious i would feel self-conscious about needing to go to etsy to buy them i mean the ones that they sell at like lows or something felt too felt too uh i don't know industrial or depressing or something so i wanted it to have a little small amount of um social grace well it also says thank you i'll be very in i'll be very interested to know if uh if they work well i'm looking out the window now and thinking somebody just sort of hovered in their car you don't have the people on the little hoverboards or segways to go up and down your street all day long with an ipad relentlessly trying to sell you an alarm system what a hard job huh of course but i i find it really disturbing like disturbing is a dramatic word but and then i i really don't want to be rude and then sometimes they'll like ask for water and it just feels like a sort of um like a kind of an invasion i don't know it startles me did you see what i did for you today no you don't know anything different about me today are your appearance uh you buttoned your top button yeah did you notice what i'm wearing today yeah you have kind of a phoebe look today that's what i'm saying it's a long sleeve black t-shirt and i have see this is this is hip this is how you would do it if you were is this normcore no this is just hip great now this feels very unnatural to me because everything in the world wants me to do something different right now do you know what that is you want to pop that collar yeah i want to do this and this makes me feel see i've been kind of not comfortable i'm comfortable now now i'm okay i'm cool i'm so much better i think this is the first time i've bought a long sleeve t-shirt you're telling me that the way that this jacket was looked better before it looked more hip than this if i were you and i could purchase that jacket over again i would go one size up everyone's just wearing bags nowadays it's that's a fair comment but i think i do think there's something a little um dated about such fitted clothes it's unfitted you know i'm gonna keep it up i'm gonna put the collar up i'm not doing i tried i have a story to tell you it's not about sharks it is something that i thought was very entertaining and i know we have done our own story but i'm not doing it i tried i have a story to tell you it's not about sharks stuff on writer scams, but I read this article on a website I'd never read before called The Dial. Have you ever read that? It's a literary online magazine. It's not a literary. I don't know what you call it. Online magazine. Never heard of it. And it is about scams targeting writers. And it plays on the sort of, the word vanity feels harsh. It plays on the desire that writers have to be noticed. And so if I have a book or anything, they could write to me and say, hey, I'm writing from such and such community center in Seattle, Washington. We would love to host a book club, a Zoom book club where you join us and talk to us about your work. And so then I would say, oh, okay. And then they would say, we would love for you to consider like $100 contribution to our organization and as a way of acknowledging that we're going to promote this event and we'll be selling your books and blah, blah, blah. So then I would pay them $100 or some other number. And then I would log onto the Zoom meeting and it would be, in the example that the woman, the reporter described, it would be 20 people on the Zoom, all with their cameras off with photographs of themselves and names. And then I would give a little spiel about my writing and then they would ask me questions. But the questions, it turns out, are coming from voices that don't match the pictures at all. So it'd be like a picture of a blonde woman and then you can hear that it's like a man. And then the questions are also super generic. So it might be AI entirely because it's like, what was your inspiration? Or what surprised you? Those are the questions. And so these poor writers who have paid for this are sitting there leading an absolutely fake book club. I mean, talk about your nightmare of cultural center showing up somewhere. I mean, you're essentially alone, really tragic. And you think that you're doing an event to promote your book. You think that the ultimate has happened, which is that not only did a group of people somewhere in the world read what you wrote, but that they want to talk to you about it, right? Such a dream. And it turns out that these scams are incredibly lucrative. And this one reporter said, all writers want to be recognized. That's what these scammers are targeting. They have identified a very, very lucrative niche. Isn't that sad? One writer paid $100,000 for what they thought was a movie deal to be arranged. Well, it's making a gal about to go out on tour a little nervous. Also, apparently, the reporter asked one woman if she felt guilty. She was one of the scammers. And she said, do you feel guilty ripping people off like this? And she said, she was in Pakistan. And she said that the mentality is that Americans who are making U.S. dollars have a stable life and they have sustainability. And so, no, these significantly poorer people in Pakistan don't feel guilty. I mean, you've done Zoom book clubs, right? Or where people at some place want to talk to you about an episode or something? But they've been real people. Did they have their cameras on? Yeah. It hasn't just been static photos. I don't know if I've been part of this scam yet. No, I'm not saying you have. I'm just saying we're familiar with the structure. Yes, we're familiar with the structure. So a writer might say like, oh, I've heard of this and then get on there and it's totally fake. It's not mortifying in six different ways. You know what else is mortifying? Should we take this out? Should we not put this in? I have this habit. It's kind of, it's, it's kind of, it's the best pathetic. Why? New York Magazine ran an ad for the tour. It's a great looking ad. Yeah. They're doing a few of them. And I was at LaGuardia last week flying because we were all together in New York. We had a great time watching Press is Right together. I went to a tattoo removal place. We had fantastic time. I don't have any tattoos, but I, whoa, does it seem painful getting them off? But I was flying from LaGuardia and I went around to every newsstand I could find and I was like, oh, I'm going to do this. And I was like, oh, I'm going to do this. And I was like, I opened all the New York magazines to the tour page and I left them open. This is not the first time you've done this. I do it a lot. Like when they advertise love or something. And what do you imagine is going to happen? I imagine that someone is browsing for a Vogue. Oh. Or something. Like an influencer. Probably. Not just someone. Mary is, you know, going for a New Yorker or a Vogue and they're reaching and they think, they see it and they think, oh, wait, I know that. What's, that looks interesting. I know. Do I know that name? Wait, a tour? Oh, I should check that out. That's, that's what I imagine happens. I don't, I don't, you know, I don't even imagine they buy the magazine. I just imagine. And then while they're standing there in the Hudson News, they pull up the website and just buy a ticket. Yeah, that's, or it's just in their head. I put it in their head. Anyway, so I go around, I walk around all the news links or the Hudson News and I open the magazines. And so, and then I leave. And then I, you know, buy my bottle of water and I go to the next one. And some, I don't even buy anything. I just go in, I pretend I'm looking at a magazine, leave it open. And then I. Are you hoping someone will look at the picture and look at you? No, Lauren, that's not, Lauren, that's not the point. You know what I mean? Like, you'll be holding the magazine with your photo. I wouldn't know. That would be incredibly. They'll be like, wait a second, are you famous? Lauren, that would be incredible. Okay, here's a picture of me doing it. Can you see this? No. Okay, this is what I did. This is the Hudson News. We'll put it up. Should we put it up? That's a bad, can we, should we take that story out? That is a really bad story. But I did it. All over LaGuardia. Well, you're, you're nothing if not a hustler. You know what? That is true, Lauren. That is absolutely true. Thank you. You're welcome. Thank you. I, I take that as a great compliment. What am I? You are more radical acceptance, I would say. In the, and that's positive. No, no, I think that's positive. But you're more just, let's just see what happens. Let's just, and I'm more, we've got to make it happen. You know, you're let's see what happens, and I'm more, we've got to make it happen. And make it happen is, what's it? It all. Everything. You are like pushing the boulder. Yeah, always pushing the boulder. And you're kind of like, you're kind of. Yes, I'm not pushing the boulder of life. You're right. But that is a compliment. I think it is a compliment. I absolutely, I'm not, I do think it's a compliment. I need to stop pushing the boulder so much. You can push the boulder a little less. You must be really tired at this point. I'm pretty strong. Lauren, should we talk about some things you've been enjoying lately? Yeah, but there was one thing I wanted to tell you. I was watching The Diplomat. I bet that's going to be one of the things you're enjoying. Yes, it is. And someone said the phrase, please continue. And I was like, well, hearing it in the wild, hearing our show referenced like that on The Diplomat. All right. Oh, we have a new Instagram. We should talk about it. Okay. Yes. Have we put anything on it yet? We're going to start putting. Oh, we put the flippin' triscuits up. Yeah, I'm going to put the, I'm going to put the picture. Phoebe, a lot of people are asking for merch that says flippin' triscuits. We can make it. Okay, great. I think it's good. Can it have a triscuit drawing on it or an embroidered triscuit? No, I think it's just like, I don't know. You can decide that. If there was a hat that had an embroidered triscuit, I would pay any amount of money. Well, I'm sure if you go on your Etsy friend, you could find. Yeah, that's true. We're going to start putting, there's some stuff up. We're going to put the picture of what I did in the airports, the embarrassing picture. We're going to put a lot of stuff up, and you can find the Instagram. We're kind of, we're still, of course, on Criminal, and Phoebe and Lauren have their Instagrams. But the new Instagram for Please Continue is Please Continue Podcast. I'm a lot more interested in this Instagram account than my own. So I'm going to have fun. Yeah, let's, well, that's the thing is that I always felt, you know, we put stuff up on the Criminal Instagram, and our own, but this, you don't want to put too, but this, I feel like it's fun. We can put just a ton of. I don't really ever know what to post on Instagram, but I just repost stories that I think are funny. Like, did you see the one I posted? Yes, of the McDonald's french fries. Yeah, it looked like someone holding hands, but then the other hand was just french fries with ketchup as red fingernails. Did you like that? You put up a lot of that weird stuff. Yeah, you always, I mean, you put up artsy stuff, I would say. Just pleasure, just finding pleasures in daily life. I have one headline, which is, did you read about the cheese and bread and butter in Copenhagen? I did, I read it last night. I don't know how to pronounce it. We can ask Lena Sillison. Bull med ost, B-M-O, and that translates to bun with cheese. Open-faced sort of sandwich, butter, bread, cheese. Copenhagen's top bakeries are in dead heat to make the best one around. It costs about $7. It's been around for a long time, but this new name, the new little acronym, the new acronym for it has made it sort of viral. And so now tourists are making it a project to go around to all the best bakeries and compare the BMO at different places. This is the only thing I ever am interested in eating, ever. Butter, bread, cheese. Cheese. Cheese crackers, butter bread, butter crackers. Yeah, like this is the ideal trinity for me. This is the holy trinity. And in Copenhagen, this is. This is all the trend. In Denmark. Yes, yes. And all the chefs are sort of like tweaking their bread, tweaking the butter, tweaking the salt in either one. The best sandwich I've ever had in my life was in London when I was 17. And it was bread, salami, and butter. And I think about it all the time. So I'm totally into this trend of very simple bread-butter sandwiches. I just, I can't stop thinking about it. And BMO was apparently added to the dictionary, which I think is really charming. That was my only headline. I thought you really needed to know about that. I was just trying to call in a ringer. What's that mean? We have. a native Dane on the staff here at Criminal Production who spends a lot of time in Copenhagen and just returned from Copenhagen. And I thought, what a thing if we could get Lena Sillison, one of the producers here, on the horn to tell us if this really is as big a deal as the New York Times is saying. I'm trying to. I just wrote to her. Here she is. She has no idea why she's here. Nope. Lena Sillison, a native Dane, a woman who spends an awful lot of time in Copenhagen. That's true. Lena, you are a New York Times fact check. We are discussing a recent article in the New York Times about a trend that is taking over Copenhagen. A food trend that is taking over Copenhagen. You want her to guess? I wanted her to guess. We don't have to make her guess. Everyone is going nuts over a very simple sandwich. Oh. Three letters. Three letters. Lauren, do you want to, let's let you pronounce and then we're going to get a real Danish speaker to pronounce these letters. My humble attempt was bol med ost. Right. I knew where this was going when you said three letters. The BMO. Yeah. What do you think? I think that is true. Yes. Everybody's all about the BMO. It's a little ridiculous that it has a name and, you know, even a nickname because it's literally just bread and cheese. And is it true that in Copenhagen, everywhere is now, this is the big deal? Yes, it's everywhere. Yes, it's true. And you seem to think this is not real, not interesting. It's just a roll with cheese. So this isn't like. And like, when we read, Lauren read the article, I read it, this is the greatest thing anyone has ever had. This is just the epitome, the highest quality, three of the highest quality ingredients you can find put together makes this concoction that people are just losing their mind. And they're traveling all over the city to find the best and there's competition. I really like these constituent ingredients a lot. So it's doing, in my imagination, it's doing a lot for me. Right. What is not to like? It's white bread, butter and cheese. So you were recently in Copenhagen. Yeah. In your friend group, are you sitting around with pals and thinking, let's just go get a BMO tonight? It's more of a breakfast thing or morning thing. You have it in the morning. Yep. So it'll often be like, you know, cafes, coffee shop will have the. They'll have it all day, but it's the sort of thing you might get for breakfast or like a light lunch. It's not really a dinner. Sometimes I read that New York Times used 36 hours in, XYZ. It's a place I know very well. And I think, why did they say that? That's not true. It's not that big of a deal. Are you saying that it is that big of a deal right now in Copenhagen? It is that big of a deal because it is everywhere. But again, it is just simple stuff that people have always been eating, but now it has a nickname. But it is a big deal. It's everywhere. Like, yeah, you can't. It'd be hard to find a coffee shop that doesn't have a BMO. And when you're in Denmark, are you calling it a BMO? What would you say? Do you say BMO? Are you saying some Danish letters? No, they say BMO. People who order it would say BMO. Yeah. Do you think the New York Times is obsessed with Copenhagen? A little. Yeah, maybe a little. I mean, I think I might be a little also. So I read every single article. So maybe it's, it's a selection bias a little bit. I just got a text from a friend yesterday who's there, an American friend who's there for the first time. And he said one thing he really appreciates about Copenhagen is that any establishment he walks into is okay with him using the bathroom, even though he's not buying anything. Do you find that is true? Probably. Yeah. That's very sane. Is that, is this kind of a Danish personality that you wouldn't stop someone from. Yeah, I guess. Yeah. That was one of the best things for me about leaving New York City was I left the sort of drama of finding a restroom in the past. It's pretty easy in North Carolina to go into most places. Nice. No one cares. You can always go into the bathroom at Grand Central. Well, if you find one of these in New York, Lena, please let us know. A BMO? Yeah. Okay. It'll be here next. There's no way that a BMO, it's going to make its way, the BMO is going to make its way to New York City in the next three weeks. Three months. There are a few Danish bakeries in New York. I wonder if they have it. I will investigate. Lauren. I would, yeah, that would be high on my list. Okay. Well, Lena, next time the New York Times publishes something about Copenhagen, which will be in a trend in Copenhagen in about three weeks, we'll get you on the horn again and ask your opinion. Sounds great. Thank you, Lena. Bye. Well, there you have it. Isn't that nice, just be able to unspeed dial? You know, what's funny is that. Straight to the source. Let me find this part of the article. The New York Times article says, I thought that was a really big compliment. And then Lena comes in, again, with her understated personality. Yes. Right? Absolutely. Yes, exactly right. It says, The BMO is hard to mess up, but almost impossible to perfect. That's how I feel. That's how I feel about a margarita pizza. Well. Phoebe. Yes. That was my one headline. Would you like to tell me three things you've been enjoying lately? Yes, Lauren, I would. The first thing I've been enjoying lately is the Netflix series East of Eden. Oh, Phoebe. Which is getting. What? Well, you want me to apologize? I mean, it's getting a lot of attention. I made it like 22 minutes into the first episode last night, and I was like, what is this? Because it was too dark? So, it's just so. It's so melodramatic. It is melodramatic. And as the episodes go on, it gets more melodramatic in a way that I didn't enjoy. But I love the book very much. And I thought. How. Like, as I was watching the show, I was like, is this what the book is like? Is this what the book is like? No. The book is better. But if you don't want to watch this show, okay, read the book. The book. I mean, I think the show is good. I like a six-point. It's a six-part series situation. But I think that the. I mean, I think the series is good. I think the book is much better. It reminded me how much I liked the book, and it reminds me how much I like John Steinbeck. It is brooding. It is very brooding. If you're saying that 22 minutes in, I'm glad you didn't get to episode four. But that's the first thing I've been enjoying lately, East of Eden. The first thing I've been enjoying, as I said, was The Diplomat. Have you watched? No, don't tell me anything, because I am excited about watching. Well, I. I crushed the new season in about three days. Oh, I hate when you use that. It's like a frat point. Crushed it. And it ended on an incredible cliffhanger. Okay. I'm going to watch it. Which is like a little frustrating. Don't say anything else, because I'm sure there's a lot of us who haven't watched it. Diplomat. I actually have a lot of questions to ask you about it, so if you could hurry up. Is it full seasons out? Oh, yeah. It's a Netflix drop. Okay. Yes, I'm going to watch The Diplomat. The second thing I've been enjoying lately is. It is kind of interesting. As you know, I've talked before about my love of apple cider and lemon seltzer. Proportions would be three-fourths lemon seltzer, one-fourth, maybe a third. Third apple cider, good apple cider, two-thirds lemon seltzer. Fantastic drink. I've had something the other day that I thought was pretty good. This is a Spindrift, which I don't like Spindrift, because I don't think it's carbonated enough. But this is Spindrift has a Fuji apple flavor that I thought was a pretty good stand-in for your homemade apple cider with lemon seltzer. So that is the second thing I've been enjoying lately, Spindrift Fuji apple. Well, Daniel, in the Patreon criminal general chat, showed a really beautiful. Okay, he says, Not me influenced by Miss Phoebe Judge and running out to mix up some apple cider and polar lemon seltzer and then posted a really nice pic. So, Phoebe, you're an influencer. Somebody else posted about the drink, too. It's such a good drink. Will you try it, Lauren? It's really good. Last night I drank some apple cider vinegar in some room temperature water. It's different. The second thing I've been enjoying lately, and I'm nervous to say this one out loud, is a very small pumpkin on the dining room table. Do you have one? My mother loved a very small white pumpkin. Oh, interesting. She loved. And I thought it was the oddest thing that she always loved a really small white pumpkin. And every time I pass by a bin of them, I think, You should buy one of those, Phoebe, because you don't really like it. But she did, and you should have it. So, no, I. Well, I do have some gourds on the dining room table right now. It's kind of a decoration. Well, I have one medium-sized pumpkin, and then I. So I was like, you don't actually need to buy. You don't actually need to buy. buy this small pumpkin also, it would cost $1.99. at the Fresh Market, and I was like, don't do it. You don't need that. You don't need that. And then I did it, and every single time I see it, I feel happy. I haven't done my secret pumpkin drop this year. You don't have much time left. Okay, maybe I'll do it with the small guys. The third thing I've been enjoying lately. Now, this isn't a Michelin-starred recipe, but this is a recipe for this time of year. If you want something, it's. I don't know what else to say. I would not expect myself to like this recipe as much as I've. I've made it twice in 10 days. It is something called lasagna soup. You've spoken to me about this so many times. I don't like the name. I don't like the picture that you posted. I don't like the picture. I don't like the way it looks. It's fantastic. Lasagna soup, New York Times recipe, it's really, really. Good is relative. It's very comforting, and it's fantastic. It's just great. I'm so happy about it. My recommendation, it's going to ask you for half a pound of Italian sausage and half a pound of hamburger. I just use hamburger, lean hamburger. The other thing is, on top, you're supposed to put a ricotta parmesan mixture. I find ricotta to be a little sweet for me, so you do not have to. I would say, put it on top. I would say, put the ricotta on the side, and people can put a little bit on the top. You could also just use parmesan. I think it would be just as good. Lasagna soup, New York Times, total endorsement. Are you a sweatpants person? Nope. Would you be open to trying some? I have some Viore. I think they call them joggers. I don't think they're real sweatpants that I sometimes put on over my exercise shorts if it's cold, if I'm. bumming around before I go and exercise. Have you been shown the ads for this thing called Mate? No. It's like organic cotton exercise clothes. Okay. So maybe not made with chemicals. I bought some sweatpants. They were expensive. They're called Organic Fleece Oversized Sweatpants. So this will get you out of your dated, tight clothes. They're really big. Really big, really comfortable. I have been wearing them for days. I've never been a sweatpants person. I highly recommend them. They are not cheap. Okay. I'd be happy if you wanted to send me a pair. What? Mate the label. Mate? I don't know what it's called. The website is Mate the Label, and they're called Organic Fleece Oversized Sweatpants. Well, maybe I'll. They're gigantic. Okay. Well, I'm happy to try out anything. Lauren, I think that's all the time we have. Thank you all very much for listening, and we do hope we'll see you next time. We'll see you out on the road. There's so many cities, but Chicago, Philadelphia, Boston, New York, D.C., and Raleigh are the first leg. And Lauren will be there, maybe New York, Raleigh too, and I'd love to see you for this show. Before we go, can we play this voicemail? Hi. I just listened to the episode where you and Lauren go to the Costco. I love the Costco. Yeah. I was only going to call to say one thing about the Costco. I'm not really sure if you guys eat Canadian bacon. I only use Canadian bacon, but if I go to my local grocery store, it comes in a pack of eight, and it costs about $6. At Costco, I can buy a huge pack of like, I don't know, 25 or so, 50. And it's less than like 15 bucks. Can you believe that? Anyways, it's a great deal. Love you guys. Bye. That's all. I just like how the lady says the Costco. Lauren, someone signed an email off to me yesterday, and I love it so much. And as a pilot in training, as they say, on my journey. Wings up. No. Well, it's almost like that. You know what you say? Yeah. Signing off. Signing off. You say, keep your air speed up. A writer named Diane Williams, I like very much, used to sign her emails all salutes. I like that. All right, Lauren, I'm saluting you. Thank you very much, everyone, for listening. You can find us at hello at thisiscriminal.com, 833-822-7850. I'm phoebe.judge at Instagram, and Lauren is laurenspore at Instagram. And also now, please continue podcasts. So we hope we'll hear from you, and maybe we'll see you on tour. And take care. Bye. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.