RingerQuest: The Adventure Continues!

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welcome back to ringer quest a role-playing adventure on the ringer podcast network it's been a minute how's it going everybody we missed you thank you guys so much for joining us all again uh this is going to be a amazing journey that we're going to be on this is a continuation of the adventure that we just got on almost a year and a half ago wow and i'm so glad that we're back i remember everything everything unimpeachably the perfect memory for all r.i.p mateo yeah uh that's crazy for anybody that's watching this video and you're watching this video and you're watching this video and you're that's now just joining us this is ringer quest this is a role-playing adventure where i'm going to be taking this group of great people joanna robinson mallory rubin charles holmes joe me a dinner on and van lathan sharing my love of role-playing games and continuing a great adventure that we started quite a while ago but it's going to be fun so to kick us off this is going to be a more or less homebrew role-playing adventure where i've made up some characters and rules and i'm going to be playing a role-playing game and i'm going to be playing a role-playing and a brand new land that nobody's going to be that very familiar with but it's going to be a brand new adventure that we're going to start us off with the number one rule that we're continuing from our last time is no math everybody say with me three two one no math that's right but i thought math is universal language of the universe it is from disclosure day and it is and only i understand it by the way they didn't talk about the fact that that's that's our people that that's racist they didn't talk about that she invented out listen to she invented a new clicking language she didn't invent no new clicking language you know i didn't want to know why the aliens like landed like africa or nowhere they're all they just like kansas city of all places well they saw patrick mahomes on the tv and they was like this is you guys think these will be super topical references when this video yes i liked it it's like it's time travel you feel like what's disclosure day yeah exactly anyway uh no math so all math is going to be on me and all prompting of any actions or combat initiatives anything like that is going to be done by a simple roll of a 20-sided die that everybody has with them and that's all that they got to worry about so for now let's begin let's continue with a great recap recap music done in post all right for those of you just joining us after this long journey began the last time on ring request five unlikely adventurers answer to mysterious invitation from a self-proclaimed adventurer called marcus to the belvedere manor there the bard max martin the warlock talia bloodheart she they runaway elf prince leo's air gnome wizard rye whiskey wally walk it and the animal loving ranger oh daddy tibido discovered that they are all the shares of tragic backstories severe trust issues and an alarming willingness to drink beer out of old shoes that's right they were greeted by patrick a a tuxedo wearing skeleton butler with no memory of whether or not he even had a penis yes i remember that max and her outrageous southern affect started stared too long at patrick's glowing eye sockets and experienced terrifying visions of her vampire friend juan outrageous no no generous southern affect yes okay beautiful southern i thought you said outrageous no no glorious beautiful southern affect after interrogating a corpse befriending then deeply upsetting an owlbear named francisco that's right reuniting with the vampire and the vampire and the vampire had a very suspicious wand the party undiscovered uncovered the truth that the vampire cult known as the children of the blackwood had fallen in under control of the seductive and terrifying carmilla inside of carmilla's catacombs betrayal magic and catastrophic teamwork on the part of leo trying to riz up a murderous vampire yep finally resulted in victory as rye whiskey wally walk it yeah finally destroyed the evil stone containing all of her life essence she sure did she exploded into a hideous skeleton she exploded into a hideous skeleton she exploded into a hideous skeleton pretty awesome part and now our heroes journey home and the final revelation remains whiskey has begun reading carmilla's dark spell book and maybe falling under its influence oh no so we join our heroes you're never beating the patricia on widow's bay allegations now my favorite i sold me we'll just rein you in a little bit that's all she needed for adults with crohn's disease or ulcerative colitis symptoms every choice matters trim fire offers self-injection or intravenous inflammation from the start trim fire is administered as injections under the skin or infusions through a vein every four weeks followed by injections under the skin every four or eight weeks if your doctor decides that you can self-inject trim fire proper training is required trim fire is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with moderately to severely active crohn's disease and adults with moderately to severely active ulcerative colitis serious allergic reactions increased risk of infections or lower ability to fight them and liver problems may occur before treatment get checked for infections and tuberculosis tell your doctor if you have an infection flu-like symptoms or need a vaccine explore what's possible ask your doctor about trim fire today call 1-800-526-7736 to learn more or visit trimfire radio.com this episode is brought to you by nas energy introducing new nas energy grand prix guava for those that want to be fueled up and fired up with a hundred mile an hour tropical tasting power ignite your taste start your engine shift your flavor to high gear with new nas energy grand prix guava hit the street grab a can and get after it when the sun goes down the appetizers come out yeah you heard that right late night half price appetizers are here at applebee's saucy sweet and spicy boneless wings crispy cheesy mozzarella sticks creamy spinach and artichoke dip your favorite apps half price available every single night because why should appetizers have curfews tap the banner to learn more dining only for a limited time at participating locations restrictions apply copyright 2026 applebee's restaurant llc we rejoin our heroes as they approach the belvedere mansion night has quickly approached and they're well worn and tired from a long long journey home they are in need of rest and a good reward you guys are about to approach you knock on the door and in approaches you knock on the door and in approaches you knock on the door and in approaches a person that you actually don't recognize it's a human with a tuxedo and he greets you like wonderfully affectionately my friends wonderful news have you come back you've come back is it the skeleton you got a reflex on him yes it's me it's patrick i think i think from i think what happened i did you did you defeat someone with a big dispel of magic we i think from i think what happened i did you defeat someone with a big dispel of magic we restored you to your restored you to your restored you to your your fleshy former fleshy your fleshy former fleshy your fleshy former fleshy is it time is it time to confirm whether is it time is it time to confirm whether is it time is it time to confirm whether you have a dick i i i do i definitely do you have a dick i i do i definitely do you have a dick i i do i definitely do you don't have to i feel so happy to know you don't have to i feel so happy to know you don't have to i feel so happy to know that i've got my dick back that i've got my dick back that i've got my dick back hold on but you're admitting that you hold on but you're admitting that you hold on but you're admitting that you didn't before didn't before didn't before yes tough well i mean now i have my yes tough well i mean now i have my yes tough well i mean now i have my memories i have all things that like memories i have all things that like memories i have all things that like that magic oh your brain magic consumed that magic oh your brain magic consumed that magic oh your brain magic consumed so i remember now the sum total of our so i remember now the sum total of our so i remember now the sum total of our last campaign is that we re-dict you last campaign is that we re-dict you last campaign is that we re-dict you you got well obviously you'll also be you got well obviously you'll also be you got well obviously you'll also be getting a reward and probably you know getting a reward and probably you know And it's different. A lot of times it's different. Yeah, it's not just the dick. The reward is not just the dick. No. That's what everyone says. Everyone says it's not just the dick. But then when you get that text months and months and months later, that's normally what it's about. Our adventure is really the dicks we met along the way. There you go. Right. Exactly. So thank you all. Marcus is going to be so glad to see you. I'm so glad. You guys must be very tired. I'm so sorry. Come on in. Come on in. And he ushers you back into the mansion. Thanks for that very explicit invitation. I appreciate it. Well, obviously you're here to come in, right? Yes. So he welcomes you back into the mansion. It's very familiar to you and welcoming. Marcus comes in and he is absolutely thrilled to see you. He says, I couldn't be happier that you guys have returned safely. How did it go? First of all, I take it everybody's back safe and sound. Nobody fought. I thought it went well. You think so? Well, there were some disappointments, but we put them behind us. Yeah, Jomie wasn't really carrying his weight. There was some stuff to work through. There were some things there. That's fair. But we're a team. Okay, good. Are we? - Oh, I mean, you arrived together. I would certainly hope you're a team. Are we a team? Are we on the same page? I think we're more than a team. I think we're a crew. I think we're a family. A family? Where's the corona? Well, that's a very good question, Max. And then he snaps Patrick into action, and he brings out a tray of mead for all of you to celebrate your wondrous victory. He gives a toast. The corona of this land. Cheers to everyone. A wonderful return and a safe journey home. Family. I am so glad that I answered and employed the right people. Wow. Please. Handle your shit, Fabulous. Delicious. Very true. I can see why the Vikings were fucking shit up. You know what I'm saying? You waking up drinking a load of shit? Okay. I only give the best stuff to my best friends. We don't have this in the Elven lands. You really don't? You don't? I would have sworn that you guys would. We're making some good stuff. Ours is much better. Y'all got that wine. It's smoother. Yeah. Okay. All right. Well, we like the rougher stuff out here. But yes, I believe that I offered you guys a reward. And then he brings out a wonderful football-sized coffer, and he opens it up, and there's like 500 glistening gold pieces to offer to give to you. So whoever cares to give you this out. This is the currency of the land? Currency of the land. It's platinum, gold, silver, and copper. I asked for mine in Bitcoin. What's the economy like right now? Great question. Well, 500. 500 gold pieces to a peasant. This is like 20 times what they'd ever make in their lifetime. Damn. Should we go ahead and just put 100 in each of our pockets so we don't entrust them all to one person who might betray us? Wow. Well, I mean, I don't know who you're thinking of betraying or who's betraying what. Why would you even say that? Why would you even put that in the air like that? Dissent in the ranks and mistrust in the party. Wow. I just. How was that journey, by the way? I just remember what happened because someone just recapped it for me, and now I remember. The betrayal. The betrayal? I don't know. Listen, everybody's here. They're all back safe and sound. Was it a betrayal? Divvy out this token of my gratitude. Was it technically a betrayal? I was trying to shoot. That's just a little different. That's different. Interesting. At the expense of the pot. Wait, did you try to flirt with a murderous vampire? Listen, you can't help for who you fall in love with. You know what I mean? Okay. This was love. Exactly. Oh, happy pride. Happy pride indeed. Thank you. Happy pride indeed. Love is love. Well, thank you all so much for doing this. And I'm sure you're absolutely dead tired, but thankfully we have guest rooms for you. And in the morning, you know, if you wish to go on your merry way, live your lives. Thank you so much for doing this. You may retire. Anything you need, please ask Patrick. I have two guest bedrooms, three beds, and two beds. So if you choose to sleep where you wish, and I'll let you retire for the evening. What size beds? Hefty queens. Hefty queens. Hefty queens. Hot. Hefty queens. God damn. Him gal knows what I'm talking about. I don't know what the fuck you are right now. I've never been mad at a hefty queen, big dog. I like that type of shit, big dog. Nothing but the best here at Marcus's Mansion. 140 and up. Hey. That's my rule. Oh, daddy, you got the juice. All right. Wait, how did you get to 140? 140. My dad says a woman doesn't start being a woman until she's 150 pounds. Okay, well. What is that? This is definitely staying in. That is. I'm a canonical father. Oh, what is that? So you're a canonical father. Said those things. What? Wow, wonderful. I'm from the south, baby. I bid you goodnight. Yeah. And who wishes to retire where? So you guys, unfortunately, have to share a bedroom. Three beds and two beds. Before we go to bed, can I ask a quick question? Yes. Patrick said he had all of his memories back. Yes. And I'm just curious if any of those memories, memories might be useful or important to us upon our journey. Memories. Oh, okay. That's a great question. Answer it, Santa. Yeah, I like that. I like that. I like that a lot. Okay, this is a good roll. I'm going to roll something. Okay, what would you like to, is there something specific you'd like to ask him? Group? Does anyone have any questions? Is there any fucked up shit in our rooms? Fucked up shit in your rooms? You know, is this a knives out situation? No, no, no. All those hefty queens going up a tree. Yeah. Right? Absolutely not. I dressed the beds myself. I made all your accommodations. Why should we trust you? Put a little mint on the pillow. Hold on, hold on, hold on. We don't know you. We're not trusting you. My G. First of all, you trusted them enough to go on a mission to kill somebody for them. So you put money in our pockets. We wanted that coin and we got it. And then you sent us away to your cursed bedroom. I know. You got a dick now, which makes you way less untrustworthy, to be honest with you. I mean, everybody who seems to have a dick also has one. So do I not trust you? You don't know what I got, but what I'm saying is, we know you got one. And before it was easy to trust you because you didn't have another little head down there making decisions for you. Now you're trying to send us to weird beds? If you wish to. Okay, but like, okay. Also, all of you are canonically very tired. It's like one in the morning. Can we like take a bath or a shower? What's the point? We smell gross. I don't want to get into the hefty queen until I've had a chance to freshen up. All of your facilities. Also, you never know what might happen in the hefty queen. You have no clue. Fresh and up, very polite. You don't sleep with the outside on you. Exactly. You gotta shower, shower, shit, and shave. Absolutely. We have separate bathrooms just for that. Everything you could possibly need. So everybody is freshened up. Everybody can freshen up. You guys can go upstairs. You guys can, you know. Let's roll for freshening up. Let's roll. Okay, sure. I got an 11. I got a 10. I got a 13. 13. 11. Everybody gets a shower. I'm gonna call that. Hold on. I'm gonna call that a dexterity roll. I get plus two. That means I have a 12. So add that plus two or whatever you get. What do you do again? So if you see dexterity at the top of it. Oh, 13. You get a luxurious bubble bath. That's one. Plus three to dexterity. Okay, so what do I do? So you add whatever you roll to that dexterity. So if it's plus three plus what you roll. I love it. So it's fine. A nice body of water. 13. I got a 14. Okay, 14. Great. I got a 12. I got a 13. Everybody's taking a bath. You're pretty well cleaned. Can we push all of the hefty queens together? What do you do? Because I'm a little, like is one of the rooms big enough to actually accommodate us all? Because I'm a little, I don't like this. No, you go into these rooms and it's like a generously spaced room. I'm going to throw out that we all share one room then. Like a slumber party. This is a sound already moving a hefty queen to another room. Feels to me like the Belvedere mansion is trying to divide us as soon as we cross the threshold. And we would like to slumber together. Unless anybody has an allergy to my familiar scotch, I think we should all come together. Yeah. We should all settle into one bed together. Wait, what movie should we watch during the slumber party? That's a good question. I will say that you guys, movies don't exist here. This is a- What's up? So then what scroll can we read? We're going to tell our own stories. Stories from the road. So movies don't exist. You know what I would like? Right. A bedtime story? Either that from you. Right. From Patrick? Are you talking to? Yeah. Or like a peasant puppetress. A peasant puppetress. I want the hefty queens to put on a puppet show. I will clarify that the hefty queens are in fact beds and cannot talk to you. Hefty queen puppeteer. Let's go. Patrick tries to calm you all down because you're very excited. And he's like, "All right, I will put on a puppet show." Put my life on the line. I always try to do that. So you are going to put all of the beds in one room. Yeah. And then you are going to perform Jurassic Park for us. We took a bath. Yeah. Wonderful. All right. So this like- I'm going to do a little bit of a dance. I'm going to do a little bit of a dance. This group is amazing. Alan. All right. Stop there. So it doesn't get pulled from YouTube. Right. Yeah. No DMCA. We're going to do a Jurassic Park three. Alan. So Patrick takes this as not a blatant display of rejecting his hospitality. You all move the beds into the same room. Yeah. Patrick is going to try to perform what he thinks is a story about dinosaurs. Uh-huh. And- It's really a story about family. You know what? Isn't it? It's true. Hell yeah. It is. That's beautiful. Protecting the kids. And so he sets up like a drape and like a little lamp to the side. Yeah. Yes. And it's not the most eloquent puppet show. It's not like he can kind of do like the- he can do like the little dog and he can do like the Abe Lincoln, but he can't really do anything else. Okay. So he really tries for like a good two hours- What the fuck are you good for? To tell a really good tale about- I love a puppet. It's me, isn't it? I love a puppet. Max loves a puppet. It's a great- it's a fairly decent shadow puppet show. Whatever you would rate it, like from your perspective, it's like a six out of 10. Damn. You're just like, it's decent. Like it held your attention, but like it's nothing to write home about. So kind of like Disclosure Day. A little bit. Tough. One's getting topical. Topical. Talia, should we have picked a different puppet movie to watch? By the way, now it's like three in the morning and- I do, yes. Natalia. Wait. I'm not Natalia. I'm Talia. If you guys don't recognize me, I moved to LA, got a dialect coach. Oh, okay. Wow. Get it? Boo. Everybody boo. Boo. Boo. It's really hard for a dark skin queen out here in LA. Right. You are a tiefling and your skin is gray. Oh, man. All right. Don't tell me about my skin. Don't be racist. Oh, by the way, that was so fucking wrong. That was crazy. That was fucked up. Whoa. Have you lost your mind? Whoa, whoa, whoa. I'm talking about her skin. You're gonna tell her about her skin? Hey, can we- She's got horns on her head too. Okay. Is there Al Sharpton in this universe? Can we call him to set you right? That was crazy. There might be. There might be. I'm gonna go to sleep on the center, hefty queen. Okay. So describe where you put the beds, because we have a big square room. Oh, they're lined up. So it's two, two- How many beds? And then two in the center? No. it's five right next to each other I did a great job making this theater of the mind and not using maps one two three four and then a hefty queen in the middle a hefty queen in the middle perfect if we can if we can sit right to that who's sitting who's sleeping in the hefty queen in the middle just smash together we're smashed together or we could just put the beds together and just make one big bed entirely your call this is like Patrick has now like resigned himself and like you guys are in the bedroom together are you gonna go to sleep sleep best that you let us have always that's fine that is completely fine have a good night and he closes the door okay so you guys are going to sleep now well or should we should we keep watch should one person stay up and keep watch I personally don't wanna be locked in this room so I'm taking my sniper rifle and I'm traversing you don't have a sniper rifle that's a great idea safety first cause we need to somebody's gotta be looking out for us yeah cause you aren't gonna do it Tali is on patrol yeah okay so you wanna okay so smart in this mansion that like to your understanding more or less are occupied by two of your like at least acquaintances stop gaslighting us you wanna sit outside and keep watch we've been through we've been through we've been through a traumatic experience so please stop gaslighting us about our concerns the last time we were here we spent quite a while in your morgue okay just FYI alright I love that you're still yelling at Patrick when he has left the room but yeah Marcus or whoever it is Patrick's own income system so Talia you wanna stand watch yeah I'm on patrol okay great so you have like a hand crossbow and your wand yes basically so you're gonna like basically sit outside the room for the evening it's now like two three in the morning Talia doesn't get any rest what about shifts we gotta take shifts you do it in shifts if you want we have to take shifts alright so who wants the second watch I'll take second watch okay great so like in a handful of hours Talia will go inside how long are the shifts uh two hours you can pick that two hours two hours is good okay so like a long power nap worth of sleep for everybody okay actually you know what no no shift for me I gotta take a shift for you I'm gonna sleep as well I was hoping to sleep you know so two four hours right I'm sleeping you guys have the cover alright I feel as if I never I don't believe in that shit I feel as if I owe the group a measure of cover sure after what you did after what I pulled that's right okay that's exactly right so everybody's got their bed set up Talia you're gonna like place a little chair outside of the door yup is the door closed or open you wanna leave it closed or open no everybody's a little scared so I wanna leave it open so a little light just a little jar okay great that's really thoughtful great really thoughtful hell yeah yeah I love a night light I do so everybody else falls asleep Talia you are gonna be like sitting outside does anyone snore what does anyone snore I mean that's really oh daddy's snoring oh daddy for sure snores I'm a bad snorer any CPAP machines any earphones but do they have those little when I put one of those things up you can know a spell that kind of like frees up the sinuses damn so Talia's sitting outside you can and from what you can see like Marcus and Patrick they're like shutting down lights for the evening they're legitimately going to bed okay they like pass across the hallway down from the staircase and it's like a little bit off in the distance you can kind of see it around the corner but they go to bed okay night falls so it's a good time to remind everyone I have dark vision I mean not when you're sleeping yeah it doesn't help if you're sleeping if you're sleeping it's not so dark so when you close your eyes you can still see dark vision on the inside of your eyelids that's a terrible existence if you can always see if the door should close you know I'll be able to find Talia in the dark I just remember being really excited about dark vision yes you were I do remember that dark vision alright so wonderful alright so everybody is going to fall asleep and the irony of course being I can't read the page at all for all of these lights of course everybody seems to sleep soundly but okay Rye you're going to be entering a bit of a dream state right now uh oh well like a pleasant dream like a sex dream about Carmilla you kind of feel seems unlikely a hefty queen dream there's a bit of disorientation as this falls dream sequence time is this like Christopher Nolan's Inception oh my gosh oh my gosh what the fuck it's like my favorite part of the show when we get to do this oh my goodness wow they don't give us these lights on a midnight point wow Rye when you wow you're experiencing this dream as if you are you feel as if you're traveling somewhere okay there's no real sense of place but there's a sense of this is Inception travel there's a sense of distance between you and the party from where you started is it called limbo you're on a train get a room you're on an elevator is it real you're on a train can't quite tell is this my totem um I want you to roll a um uh let me give me give me a a wisdom check right now that'll be okay I have a plus one for wisdom yeah right I think uh 17 17 17 okay great so 18 so when you finally get clarity in your mind I'm still asleep you're still asleep I'm in the dream this is a dream okay yeah but like you know but now you know you're dreaming actually you kind of like have this like lucid dream I love you're starting to feel like lucidity you're starting to feel lucidity about where you are and where you are is essentially Leo gets it Leo gets it great essentially like it feels like you're just outside of the mansion there's like like a big place of greenery but all of this is bathed in like this neon purple light it's as if you were still in the place that you knew okay but everything is just ever so slightly shifted is this Madripoor is well dream when you actually have a dream you're actually in another multiverse it could be what that's canon that's true it's canon you don't remember the movie at all that's so sad you don't remember it's the main thing no I was just like damn man's getting into some weird ass shit you don't remember the movie at all boy we in the dirt so you you gather your consciousness a bit and as you're looking outside you see the mansion to your right and then you see like a man sitting on a bench outside of the I mean he's about like 50 feet away from you and he's you're asking wait sorry did you say if he's hot yeah okay yeah roll for hot just to be clear you said I'm in a dream that I can kind of control this is gonna be my roll for hot give me a constitution saving throw okay as to whether or not you particularly because he's in the eye of the beholder so to you is he hot uh oh a four I'm not interested I'm not interested okay so not exactly but like Wallace Shawn yeah so while no by no means ugly he's not just more so back off what does he have a heart of gold but he's more so less sexually appealing but not necessarily ugly don't even call it the four as we all know understood but as you the moment that you kind of like sense his presence he immediately snaps his head to you okay is scotch in the dream with me my familiar scotch my cat my beloved cat yeah scotch in the dream you look around he's not there like how worried should I be about scotch okay he's not there that's concerning but you're not concerned okay I'm not concerned so he looks at you I'm focused on the four got it he looks at you with like I have to very beady eyes and like urgency and he says who are you okay and I say my name is Rye Wally my friends call me whiskey and he said I'm a gnome of divorce I'm 127 years old and I'm 355 he says I don't remember what happened a year and a half ago and he's and he's I'm really impressed and he's a little bewildered and he's like and he's like oh my god um yeah you're so you're here you have you have you have you have the book you have the book oh boy don't you have the book fuck uh oh this is the dark magic of the book your grimoire dreamwalking god damn it not good do you have the book well I do have the book and I read a lot of it on the train ride over and it's it's gotten a grip on me I think in maybe a worrying way yeah okay alright oh okay and he's immediately he's immediately starting to like he stands up from the bench and he starts to pace and think he's like oh no how long have you had it uh when did we leave the catacombs you I found it in the catacombs history check please if you can remember that because you're still in a dream you can't really like 13 13 should I be adding anything to that okay you accurately you accurately intelligence plus three yeah yeah you accurately say that you've had it for you've had it for about like five days I've had it for five days okay and he's like alright okay there's there's some time here sir my name my name is Jackson I'm a researcher I'm sorry I didn't introduce myself you're a researcher I'm a researcher too research is my passion knowledge is my passion okay well then you'll understand where I'm coming from I was a researcher my spellcasting ability is intelligence great so is mine wonderful Jackson well you're gonna are you a projection of my inner self I don't think so are you a demon from the book well if anything you might be a projection of myself I don't know where you are you're in my you're where I am okay I've been alone for centuries oh well I am used to helping out those who aren't as smart as I am and I patiently explain anything and everything to others alright well he takes a little bit of a front to that because he's like okay well you don't assess my intelligence immediately there's a lot of arguing going on in this dream right now I know it's tough I know I need you to calm down a little bit I am easily distracted by the promise of information and my cute animals you're outside this is Inception so I'm actually in the first level of this dream right we're about to do an elevator drop you're in the van to activate the elevator - All right, so Ryan. - I'm in the hotel. I'm in the snow level Jackson begins to explain to you that he was a researcher of the occult and in his research he's been studying different types of demons and planes of existence and isn't he a devil worshipper? no he absolutely isn't well if you were to ask that he'd answer but he's like in my research are you a devil worshipper or is this more like witch stuff go? no this is more like witch stuff go definitely witch stuff go my research aims to prevent and keep at bay the evils that are inhabiting all planes of existence but evil according to whom? evil according to who? Nazis evils that we all agree on? some people said the black panthers was evil but they were wrong I love the group input from one person's dream we are sharing a bad dream that is true so I need to know I once had this book and it took me to a very bad place it is very powerful but it is also vital something where it took me from where you are to now where I am stuck in other people's dreams? this isn't a dream this may be a dream to you but it's real to me so I don't know where you're coming from but from where I am I've been lost for centuries this is in fact the Wanda Maximoff I have access to another I've been lost for centuries that would be great to be honest with you I love a grimoire I'm a big fan sorry Jackson are you into the void? I don't know where I am I've been here for centuries I have seen all manner of life being both beautiful and terrifying we talk in centuries like time dilation like white Christmas it feels like a really long time to you but it's not I've been ticking the markings of the sun you like that one I love that one I've been ticking the markings of the sun and I've done the math it's been centuries what a crazy episode so markings of the sun I have to warn you about this book okay it will help you but at what cost? I don't know help me with what? I don't know what the cost is but what will it help me with? it's pivotal to what is happening to me where are you? I want a hamburger I don't know where I am like now? but what I have to say is when you use it yeah use it wisely use it sparingly but know that this character carries great importance wait a minute to where I am and likely where you're about to be you're scaring me bro Jackson it's getting I'm frightened I have a few follow up questions if I may and I would like to note that I have a new power okay and it is called I'm not sure if this is right you intended me to mention this right detect thoughts and so I'll know if you're lying right okay well give me give me an intelligence check to like basically again you know you're in a dream yeah but see if you know that you can do that in a dream let me ask you a question first and then we'll gauge whether we think we need to use the detect thoughts but to know if I can do it yeah yeah this is basically 13 and I get a plus 3 for intelligence okay great so you still have the wherewithal to know that you are dreaming and any magic that you might attempt is not going to work here but you told me this that the magic won't work in the dream world but you told me that I've accessed your plane of existence in an actual world I've done it while I'm asleep but I'm not in a dream the dream is just the way that I am understanding it's the door you can come okay it's a portal alright I think magic should work here's what I'd like to know do you have a personal connection to any member of our party because our last quest really rooted in Max knowing Juan uh huh Leo looking for his mother etc and I think that if I recall about one and a half of the three hours really focused on our collective shared trauma it was individual but shared broken families all yes right and so I feel like we are motivated to heal the wounds that touch us personally okay right are you a stranger to us and if so why should we give a shit about your plight wow okay great uh that okay that's amazing give me a give me a charisma check for all of that like that's a very that's a very convincing you gave me a negative two for charisma okay well first of all despite our decade together god damn it I'm I'm reading it's a made up character not an assessment oh what is it it's guys it's a five and now it's a negative two so it's a two really it's a three oh it's a three okay wow I can do this I can do math so he's no math no math so all the things that you say is like it's kind of overwhelming to him he's like I don't know who any of those people are that you just said so I'm guessing I don't have any connection to them oh no but I'm just here to say if you have that book you're meant to do something okay because everything that's happening here is bad but are you like is this like Tom Riddle manifesting to Harry in the Chamber of Secrets and you're a horcrux and like you want you want me to think a certain way because it benefits you he stares deeply into your face and he's like I have no idea what you're talking about but you know because you can detect less he told me the magic we said that and then detect magic or detect thoughts do you want to use detect thoughts wait would this be limited to one use would I be blowing it let's see my memory is that we have you would know that you use it within a 24 hour period every day I can also detect magic once in a so it's a level two spell three slots so you could use if you have three slots you can do that three times in one day three times in one day maybe I shouldn't what do you guys think should I do it now should I use it I think we should wait I'm drunk off meat already I think you should wake up before we lose Van it's probably I'm uh the meat is kicking my take the meat away so in the in your in your decision making I think we know to be wary of the in your decision making he just like looks up to the sky yeah oh no why would you do that okay we gotta we gotta hurry this along I'm here now I'm set I get I get it in your in your description he like looks up to the sky and then immediately looks to the mansion and right where you he knows that room the hefty queens with the hefty queens are yeah where you're sitting and he's like what was one of their names again was it oh daddy it was it was oh daddy oh yeah Tibbs okay you said this was a dream to you I thought it was you said this was a dream I thought it was I thought it was okay but I guess it's not I have known cunning and I no longer think it is a dream he like he like intently like grabs you by the shoulders he's like tell him to mind his head and you immediately wake up witch head god damn witch head witch head it's her daddy you immediately wake up we are back in the mansion witch head we are back in the mansion what does he mean what's that everyone is dead everyone is dead asleep okay it is quiet except for Odette Talia roll a perception check please oh I got a 13 hell yeah okay with a okay that's your point okay great for all you know nothing has passed like it's been completely safe I don't know because I'm looking there's something called the book of shadows here and you were talking about a book yeah no that's your personal spell book oh okay oh okay that's a different book yeah that's a different book nothing evil in that alright so Rye you wake up it is pitch black okay but I have dark vision you do have dark vision so you can see pretty well I have dark vision so technically so Rye give me a perception check right now 15 do I add anything to that from what you can see and your dark vision is 30 feet correct and this is a very big room it says 60 feet 60 feet 60 feet that's pretty okay so in the radius of 60 feet there's still like you can still see you can still kind of make the outcroppings of the walls okay and you can see everybody very clearly in front of you you can see all the heavy queens but like just the absolute corners of the room you still can't quite make out let me roll something this room is 60 feet long well you gotta put all the heavy queens in there exactly yeah hefty it's one of the fifth hefty queens alright and that okay yeah what do you do as I look into the corners as I wake everybody else up and I tell them what happened I wake up the party I'm sorry I know everybody needed their rest okay wait a minute wait a minute so how do you do how do you wake them up do you yell do you fuck guys I had a dream I'm at a four so it wasn't that kind of lucid dream oh fuck this skeleton now hold on hold on I got a 16 for what everybody roll everybody roll everybody stop everybody stop stop stop stop you have to now hold on there you go the rules of gaming is yes and yes and so yes you have to find out if you wake up from her yelling oh okay so everybody roll let me see guys guys guys guys I'm scared give me I got a eight I got a five five oh daddy sleeps well you're already awake I think everyone else is up so you hear that six are you up Max and oh daddy continue to rest I think I got a eight Max and oh daddy you're still asleep that makes a lot of sense when you look over here so Max and oh daddy Leo you're up I'm up Leo's up you're up and you barge into the room yes yes okay absolutely yo what happened down there what's going on what's popping what's happening no we're asleep no you're asleep you guys are asleep I'm awake yeah I know I know why did you you woke me from my slumber who's all sleeping you and Max yeah I'm awake so Leo Talia I just had a dream oh snap tell us about it the whole landscape was bathed in purple like I was at a M&T Bank Ravens game M&T Bank Ravens but instead of Lamar running out there to lead us to glory mm Jackson, a gentleman sitting on the bench, said, tell oh daddy to mind his head i said which head because it's oh daddy yeah but jackson did not respond he also told me that the book that i have and have uh you know worryingly spent five days reading okay on our journey back to belvedere mansion right is very important but i got the vibe that i should be pretty concerned about the the hold that it had on me already wait okay so is this like is he is he warning you in like a good way or a bad way he wanted me to believe that he was giving me words of of guidance and wisdom but i'm on guard because i have no i'm cunning okay right yeah okay because it could be a trick i'm gonna stop i'm gonna stop you guys right there i'm gonna stop you guys right there he said it's not a dream to him it's real to him whoa i'm gonna stop you right there oh daddy i need you to give me what's called a constitution no no no sorry dexterity saving throw dexterity yes you roll that god damn this bitch sucks four you got a four and that's your what is your you have any bonuses i have a plus three dexterity plus three dexterity so plus three that's a set okay great all right you know i'm a researcher so my inclination is to learn more about this as you guys are talking yeah you hear a like clang from like the far right corner of the room i have 60 i have dark vision i have dark vision too 60 feet you didn't i didn't ask you for perception you didn't see shit i got so i don't got dark vision you hear a thud and then a what looks like a crossbow bolt comes out of the corner of that room and hits oh daddy in the shoulder you jolt up in pain i got hit while asleep yes oh that sucker that's you got hit well you cheated and made the room so big that they wouldn't be able to see in the corner you moved into the big room talia's been keeping guard which means there was a threat to the dark vision that's why you wanted me outside you did this i got shot because you i'm confused if you're saying that we both of us have 60 feet of dark vision in a room that's just about like 61 feet if i move a little bit to the right i should be able to see everything in the corner but you've been sat in the bed to the left but i won't i woke leo i think as soon as i i share my concern leo activates dark vision and looks around okay okay we can't retroactively not have him be shot that's why he is shot okay so he's been shot gas lighter he's gas lighter i don't think so oh you'll be so safe in your bed why are you asking this is an adventure full of danger and barrel what are you talking about we're sat here roll everybody roll for initiative me and me as well yes you as well everybody's fighting now i have a 19 11 14 5 all right so wait get yourself a new 13 plus two i got 12 i got five what do we add to it who had a five but i'm plus five so it's 15 plus two for what which category do we add to this at the uh right here oh i have a plus two as well so i have a 21 because i rolled a 19 i have a plus two i have a plus two i have a 16 right yeah i have a 12 12 okay i have 15 pretty strong numbers from everyone other than our wounded party mate tough i mean like he was understandably shot well can we i don't know about the understanding so we each go in order of uh of the initiative so i'm going to tell you where in this fight you're going to be going and taking turns yeah so as he's been shot like basically there are like two flares that like ignite inside of the corners of the room right four assassins bathed in dark clothing they were descend upon you unbelievable where were they at they were in the corners of the room what did they think of dressing none of us with dark vision could see the fucking assassins hey these niggas got some light vision it can't be it can't be dark how you let these people run up on us you know i don't know i let they said they sat through all of jurassic park you don't know where they're hiding but all you know they were in trance they said well hey man it's kind of hooping right now there are four assassins in this room this guy ian malcolm guy what one has two crossbow hand crossbows okay they take a long time to the other one has too long to load it does take a minute to load uh one has a short sword okay and the other one has a dagger and then the first one is going to immediately start running towards wait short sword dagger and crossbow and two ranged weapon two close range weapons but one of them is the dagger you have to be really up on yeah exactly and he's advancing towards you and he's gonna go like about the dagger he's within five feet of you but he doesn't attack you again the dagger guy is and then we've got can we all defend our daddy we do it in order yes how imperiled am i right now am i like bleeding out so all right so in your total hit question are and you're i'm gonna say your total hit points are this but a scratch you took like four points of damage like it fucking hurts but you're okay okay like a but like it's like a like somebody just punched you in your shit like a flesh wound situation yeah but it's cool okay yeah but you're okay um so you're so you're up everybody stood the first assassin has made his way towards you so now it is rye's turn okay to attack who would you like to attack the the closest assassin the dagger to oh daddy to oh die absolutely my mission is to try to defend oh daddy though i wonder if our party should quickly strategize like is there value based on our respective spells in dividing who is trying maybe use some healing magic on oh daddy versus who is attacking the assassin and if i'm gonna try to just kill them should i be in a situation to where i'm like you know you ever see the movie where they're like huh remember uh braveheart uh-huh the older guy and braveheart or like yeah paul ribbons at the end of buffy the vampire right like it's it's like we've watched so many movies guys yeah so you can just call the movie and i know exactly the reference whole thing look so if you're gonna fight can i like give me a sword and let's go or no yeah yeah you can still fight okay it hits you in the shoulder all right so maybe we don't heal maybe i gut it out and then we heal after okay we got two guys and we gotta get them out the room i got healing skills all right i love that all this conversation happened like the micro second that it took okay i have the option i think of using either magic missile or firebolt okay right what would you like because i want to stop this this you said five feet away from oh daddy i can't let this i can't let this happen right okay what would you like so let's see firebolt is one of my cantrips and magic missile is a spell level one slot four yeah that means you could use it uh well that's where most of you use it four times in a day just that one or anything from that anything from that level so once i use one of these i can only do three more in this day i think you're fine i think you're okay i'm gonna do magic missile yeah okay great and that's a guaranteed hit you don't even need to roll for it fantastic i can create three glowing darts of magical force each dart hits a creature of my choice that's the fucking assassin wait can i divide them you can so i'm gonna hit three assassins with these darts or should i go all three on the closest assassin it's up to you divide and conquer divide and conquer okay i'm gonna slightly weaken three assassins and a dart deals 1d4 plus one damage uh they strike simultaneously these are basically mando's whistling birds that's what these are fantastic wonderful great i've done it okay so you've done it all right so which ones are you gonna hit i hit the guy with the the dagger oh daddy i hit the guy with the the short sword and one of the two crossbow okay great so that takes one and then two okay great okay so the crossbow bolt assassin gets like hit just kind of in the stomach and he takes uh two damage from that and then the one with the dagger takes four damage he like pretty much gets hit in the eye and like falls down and then he's like oh my god nice in pain and he's like bleeding on the ground absolutely absolutely deserved it guy in the short sword pretty much the same gets hit in the stomach for two damage is max distracted by the freshly flowing blood does max tempted to like stop for a snack hey max don't worry max i need you to roll a constitution saving throw for me you want to fuck up my one action that's racist 18 18 okay all right so you so you see you see somebody bleeding a lot on the floor and like absolutely fucking delicious but you're gonna be you're locked in you're gonna be locked in and decide on what you want to attack i can do what a team player i have i can do invisibility okay and i can spider climb okay so i'm going invisible and going on the ceiling invisible and going on the ceiling okay so you're gonna use your whole action just to do that yeah where do you want to like position yourself like over the beds like over none of the assassins business because they can't well okay but i need to know that so where you go next you're over the beds yeah okay great max morales there you go all right so i've got my oath bow right and you stash that under the bed i'm assuming i've got i never sleep more than you sleep you sleep you sleep with it under the pillow it's right there right okay keep that thing on me um i i feel like zephyr strike is is a little too too much it's a little od for this what's cordon of arrows cordon of arrows that's like a multi-shot oh that seems good too good we got multiple assassins let's use multiple arrows to shoot yeah cordon of arrows and that's like a james cordon of arrows no no he's not that those these arrows are not invited he's these arrows don't do carpool karaoke um okay great can you describe that for me real quick uh so i've so what we have three bleeding now or two bleeding now one that got nicked and one that is super free correct i want to kill the dude who's near death hit the other dude who has not been touched by uh any arrows or daggers yet uh-huh and then the other two who are bleeding down at that point that's between them and god uh so okay all right sorry i'm actually going to read this back to you uh it allows you to plant uh four non-magical arrows on the ground and basically creates like a trap that if anybody enters them they'll get shot immediately oh i i'm a completely useless power that's not well not in this situation in this situation yes but in other situations it could be we need something else here yeah you might you could you could you could just pull back the bow and shoot at it i'm gonna pull back the bow and shoot you that's the one d8 i've got my d8 what's going on right i know i got the d8 oh i'm doing the math here so first of all roll the hit 10 uh and is that dexterity yes plus one so 11 no no you hit him uh i got him yeah you got him sweet wait who are you hitting uh the farthest dude the guy who hasn't been touched yet by okay no they've been shot at all great you shot him you shoot him right in the neck as joe me all the time you shoot him right in the neck who are you here for eight damage okay and he's like like absolutely like flustered and distracted and like he's like ah fuck all right so now i'm now it's gonna be the that guy who got shots turn he's gonna try to shoot you okay because you just shot him and what is your what is your ac here my ac my assassin's creed okay yes so he had odyssey he hits you in the leg okay for two damage that's regularly i'm fine with that you're fine you just tank that yeah i can take that all right great awesome uh so now it is gonna be talia talia's turn still four they're all we got one we got one on the ground i got one of the grounds bleeding out we got another one that's got shot in the leg one shot in the neck or the leg the neck are are are these assassins okay like give me a give me a perception check for that oh come on me i can't tell you you gotta you gotta size them up you gotta size them up that's the game just tell me you got an eight you look like you could easily take these guys yeah i'm gonna do an like this is like this is nothing for you let's go i'm gonna do an eldritch blast okay great on which one who's the one who's closest to oh daddy how's he doing uh he's pretty fucked up he's like with his eye hanging out jomie took out a guy right uh i mean he shot him in the neck yeah shoving the neck how do you survive you shot the neck because he's like he's like ah and then just bow did that this this all happens within like 10 seconds you know all right i'll take out i'll take out the strongest one okay so the one with the short sword yes great so with the eldritch blasts beam of crackling energy streaks toward a creature within range yes make a range spell attack plus five against the target on a hit the target takes one d10 plus three so you're dead well i mean you gotta roll you gotta roll oh oh that's an 11 plus 11 plus your that's gonna be your wisdom yeah that's a all right and that's his ac is yes you hit all right great all right okay you blast a hole in his chest and he's dead oh come on we smoking that assassin pack all right and that was the guy who had one of the like cider stomach wounds that wasn't the assassin who had the iron neck wound they're gonna die anyway yeah well we'll see oh daddy it's your turn okay lock in so what do you want to do so i'm looking at all my powers here you also okay also okay i'm gonna try to help you out i'm a lover i got animal friendship you also have a long bow a short sword and spell caster okay so i got the long bow and the short sword yes okay all right let's go so i'm gonna i'm gonna use the uh because i'm i'm fucking injured so i don't want to get close to it i mean it got you right yeah but like there's a guy at your feet you can't pull a bow you can't really pull a bow but there's a guy at your feet like i want to use a short i'll use a short sword okay all right so you get okay roll that twice yeah he's just going so 13 okay roll that again 13 okay so what i basically what i did is i'm giving you advantage so whatever the highest number of those two rolls were i was going to give to you i think it was 13 13 he's also on the ground so you're like you're gonna hit him okay so you hit him for and how much damage is that what d6 plus three all right nine plus three all right great uh you basically like stuff that sword straight into his brain all right it's bad rules baby yeah okay well all right so we've taken out one so the two that are remaining one's one's got something in his neck he's like all right fuck this i didn't sign up for this level of bullshit at this job and he's starting to run outside 19 for what to stop that motherfucker so what's gonna happen is that he's near the closest to the door you left your post at the door so you're still not going back man what's going to happen is as he's trying to leave the door oh we should keep one alive and feed him well we need to question the question yeah as he's beginning to run outside i need okay who's the next last one to do it uh so do you have anything as you see him go towards the door to hit him on his way out yes i have my quarter staff is that what you mean you're still far away from him oh okay you need a range you can throw this quarter stuff but you need to you need to like hit him and we need we need i got two daggers okay well it's not your turn yet that was like the whole thing about this game is that like things happen in turns when you're fighting somebody i'm ready ready to kill we need to keep him alive right oh i know what i can do right what's up i have hold person oh okay choose a humanoid you see within range the target must succeed on a wisdom saving throw or be paralyzed for the duration at the end of each of its turns the target can make another wisdom saving throw on a success the spell ends on the target okay second level and chance enchantment range 60 feet okay yes and you know that you can do that are you sure it's more than 60 feet it's not 61 feet no it's not 61 feet you can do this hold person is a level two spell i have three slots i could also use my mage hands that would be the other thing i could do which is one of my my cantrips so that's unlimited and that i could use a spectral floating hand and i could basically grab the person with the hand oh that's free should i do that so i can use the action to control the hand manipulate an object oh open and unlock the door container store retrieve an item from an open container pour out a vial i think you should just hold i don't know if that's enough just hold person oh the hand cannot attack or carry more than 10 pounds that's not gonna work hold person it is okay uh no because you have to cast it and then he has to like basically it's basically his will against that spell so you cast it i've cast hold person yes all right so he's got a role to basically break out of that spell okay and he does not he has stopped at the threshold of the door like mid-run he is frozen big time big time yeah and he's like he can still talk he's still cursing like the fact that he's like yeah well he didn't sign up for this shit um so everybody else is dead we're out of initiative he's held though yeah but basically like every other minute he's got to like try to break out of this spell so what do you want to do with him who hired you it's yeah i have a message spell so can i get him to tell us why he's attacking us message what do you mean by message message i got a message spell that says you point your finger at him and he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god he's like oh my god you point your finger towards a creature within range you whisper a message and then they hear the message and can reply in a whisper that only you can hear right but you can also just talk to him oh okay wait can i can i do vicious mockery because that's going to weaken him psychically sure uh you're still invisible and spidered up on the walls yeah so you want to yell profanities at him invisibly and up on the wall that would fuck me up not profanities i'm gonna say this you ready right let's go you look like you say gay slurs and you look like you voted for spencer pratt and you look like you're scared to go to your high school reunion because nobody ever i love this because it's basically like you get you sick burn somebody enough that they take damage she's talking to dave portnoy damn fuck him you all right so he also looks like an assassin and how much damage does that does that give him no we don't keep that how much damage does that give him i don't like him um that vicious mockery is a 1d for a second 1d4 okay great all right so damn all right you really you really fucked him up you took three damage yeah it was that gay slur one that did it happy pride happy yeah so he's happy pride his now his mind is nearly broken yeah and he's like kind of actually on the verge of death while he's being frozen can we get straight out he's weakened so he's frozen what do you want to say hey who hired you like who put you up to this okay all right fuck i'll talk i'll tell you jesus christ yeah because you got viciously mocked okay wow holy fuck i i just i i came here from a a teleportation uh stave in the basement and i was hired by somebody at black rose tavern that's all i know you don't know you don't know do you know who this person was who hired you no somebody just gave me a contract it was a dead drop i don't know how much is the contract for oh dead drop he paid in noble coin and he said to kill noble coin he said to kill oh daddy oh daddy's target no he said he said kill anybody in this house anybody in the house kill everybody in the house why did he attack patrick with the dick no we killed him tough he just got his dick back oh no i hope he got his dick back i mean you could go out and check is marcus dead too you could yeah we killed whoever hey man rest in peace my nigga patrick oh god like like we was getting at him but at the same time we want nothing bad to happen to him all right interesting so know that he died entertaining you with a mid performance okay so you want to run you want to run out of this room to see if marcus and patrick are actually dead wait wait wait more important questions even if they're dead or not we can find that out later so you don't know who hired you the black rose tavern you said back black rose yeah back rose tavern you got a dead drop at the black rose tavern noble coin a noble coin yeah how much noble coin two noble coin two noble coin like roll an intelligence check because you're a former noble you did all this for two yeah seven okay seven even even even with that low roll you know that two of those coins that's basically like two john wick gold coins that's a lot of money that's a lot of money and it's also like influence and power and it's like it's favors one of those coins at the continental is supposed to be like fifty thousand dollars yeah wow is ian mcshane involved no uh winston adrian palligan rest in peace and he's like oh hold on yeah so you got big bread from somebody to come murder all of us in this house yeah did they mention anything about a book i literally just read a sheet of paper it's like go go to this teleport go to this teleportation save kill everybody in the house you get the money and how were they supposed to verify that this job was done by me coming back and i bring back parts of your bodies parts of our bodies which parts let's go do you really need to know this i do this for money this is how it goes all right are you gonna let me go or not and then like do you have the noble coins on you and can we rob you yep do you have the noble coin okay he breaks out of the spell and he starts to continue to run oh no i'm done now he's making his way down i believe he was almost dead from vicious yeah and he wants to run away with what's left of his life we gotta catch him we gotta catch him i got daggers can i not kill him yeah you could try to throw a dagger at him as he's running down the stairs 18 18 there we go 18 okay hold on do we need to use detect thoughts or do we 19 19 okay you hit him in the back with a dagger and he falls dead on the staircase okay but is he still warm because we need oh his body oh let's feed max let's feed max oh thanks i mean it's up it's up to max really i don't think you can do it i think once they're dead it's bad it's bad yeah it's very bad yeah even if it's like freshly dead no no i don't think it works okay i think their heart gotta be beaten because i read some i saw something about that in twilight it makes you it makes you ill which those rules are infallible it's like poison so you don't want to um i say we hack up these assassins and take them out of the house and i don't want to do that i don't want to their body parts that was the black rose tavern yes do it and we could disguise ourselves as the assassin that's what we want to do yes well can we put their clothes on yeah i mean hell yeah hold on hold on like stormtroopers in this bitch i cast clean laundry only only one isn't either tattered or blood soaked so it would kind of give you guys away i've got disguise cells hold on we need one person that'll give you one person to go in their disguise as one of these hassans but like here is okay so what did he tell you just how he got here teleportation in the basement a stave in the basement yes it should still be open well you have to go downstairs and see what do you want to do do you want to check on marcus do you want those guys are dead let's go to the base i don't much care we already got our money do we need to heal oh daddy i'm about to i can heal myself i got cure wounds okay great i mean but you've only lost like what three hitters three hitters points out of 36 32 oh so you're kind of okay okay like you just you just pop that bolt out and like okay so i look like an assassin okay so you've now dressed up in the clothes well no i've got disguise self so i don't need the clothes you said you said that one of their clothing looks fine one of their clothing is fine who else is dressing up as an assassin do we need well he only made the drop of one person right so in order to not arouse suspicion some of us should populate the end maybe two of us as uh not as weak on as eyes right yeah and one person makes the drop with the evil guy okay sure yeah now uh everybody roll an intelligence and if anybody has any uh advantages in arcana if you look at that underneath intelligence does anybody have any markings in arcana okay i have a plus five plus five in arcana yes i also got and i just roll a okay i got a 13 but i would just like to point out that i have a minus one intelligence okay which is like a 1300 sat that's very upsetting to me like it that wasn't that's not that's not right i mean it's more so an assessment of daddy's intelligence not necessarily your intelligence and it's more so like daddy was it more like verbal or math it was verbal verbal yeah i knew it okay that's the same same all right so you two shit when when you hear teleportation stave you know that teleportation staves only turn on and off and those are only one-way trips so they have to be from one point to another okay it's not like you can pick where you go it's not like they have to build it like it takes a year and very concentrated magic to do that so we can't use it to get you can't you know that you can use it but you don't know where this goes and it's a one-way trip it's not necessarily going to take us to the black rose it doesn't it just takes you where they came from okay to where you don't think they came from near the black rose heaven so wait a minute you're saying they could have been lying they could have been man i should have been lying i should have been lying i should have used detect thoughts well learning experience next time but that's all that's all you know you know you haven't been to the basement you haven't seen this this teleportation save that's all that they said it's a once-in-a-lifetime adventure let's go for it i agree so you guys head to the basement who else has got those assassins clothes on so you've disguised yourself wow just well so it's an outfit for the rest of us then right well there's only one right yeah it's only one it's not like you can so who else wants to go who do we need to do that who's got a stuff i've got plus you might not even need to do that you don't even know where this goes if we just bust up in the black rose we can't do that i don't know you don't know if that goes to the black rose tavern yeah i know but what i'm saying is we want it to go so we have to plan as if it's going to go to the black rose tavern because if we get there and be like yo who put a hit out on us then we gotta fight the whole fucking town exactly well that's what we're doing i'm showing up and i'm gonna be like hello it's me the assassin here are some body parts in my demonically sharp teeth and well i have a question for you disguise person for understanding that yeah so i'm like uh-huh hello it is me how one of the things on my sheet that's highlighted which i think means that you're trying to tell me it's important is hypnotic gaze and i'd like to understand so this says that uh if i can see or hear a creature they have to make but these are going to be important for all of us these they're going to make uh they have to make a d13 wisdom saving throw otherwise they can't move or take action so if we go through this this teleportation machine and we're going to wind up in a perilous circumstance can i just use hypnotic gaze to freeze everyone around us so that we can take a b to figure it out you theoretically then let's go through let's go let's go let's go so then you two are wearing the disguises i'm holding scotch and the baby bjorn once again right but the disguise is too big for me thing yes it's okay i'm only three foot five one of these disguises is useless for me well that could be short of sales so then i gotta wear it it can be short i mean if you want to you don't have to wear it i think you should and i think you should wear it i will wear it because i'm pissed yeah exactly okay they did me wrong all right but you guys my only thing is they wanted us dead specifically which means they know what we look like they just said kill everyone in the castle that's true but they knew and they knew and and the spooky fellow from the dream jackson knew about oh daddy oh daddy so oh daddy should definitely be this guy's that's what i think absolutely of all the people walking in oh daddy should be this guy all right absolutely okay great so you guys are gonna head down to the basement and check out the teleportations dave right all right so you guys head down into marx's basement assassin name to be good question while you think about that you guys go down to the basement and underneath it there's like basically like a small warehouse full of stuff like all these sort of like accoutrement from like years of like assassin name is the vampire king of mississippi there you go great stuff great answer great answer uh and then and then basically in the center of all these boxes you see like a platform that is about like 30 feet in the center of all these boxes and then you see like a platform that is about like 30 feet in the center of all these boxes and then you see like a platform that is about like 30 feet in a circle right and all of there are all these runes and like glowing green structures surrounding it surrounding that thing and it's basically just freshly used and all you need to do roll an arcana check both the two of you the two of you all those two 11 okay nine plus two plus five all right so you see basically some of these stones that are like scattered around the circle are like slightly out of place you know that if you just rearrange those you're gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be like in like the right order that you get the teleportation stave to work again. And you know where it goes, you can't mess this up. So you guys all stand in the center of it, you rearrange the stones. - Okay. brief moment, you see nothing. You feel nothing. You are in total darkness. This is like we're standing like the Avengers in Endgame. Do we have Pym Particles? A little bit. It feels like that. What the fuck is the use of this dark vision? But is it like Star Trek where like we died but then they reassemble our molecules in the transporter? Pretty much like that. Is that how that happens? Because in an instance, you find yourself in another warehouse, but it's a lot smaller. There's like, there's a wardrobe in the corner. There are two boxes of healing potions, some shattered glass that was once a window, and a trail of blood going up some stairs. Love that. What would you like to do? But there are no people. I feel like we could either just go out the window and mind our business or follow that trail of blood. Let's follow the trail of blood. Follow the trail of blood. Can we snag some healing potions on the way? You can. Let's do it. You want to take some? Let's load up. Yeah, let's take some. Let's health kit. You all take one healing potion each. Right. And you head up to the trail of blood. And when you open the door, you see what used to be, what would have been like a very charming and quaint, like, item shop of like swords and potions and clothes and armor, all smashed to pieces. Decimated, destroyed. And coming out from behind the corner is a halfling who is profusely bleeding from the stomach. No! Trying to stay alive. And he says, well, we have healing potions? And he says, you're not from, you're not one of them, are you? And then he starts to slump to the ground. I want to heal him. You want to heal him? Yeah. You want to try to heal him? Okay. Cure wounds. Alright, cure wounds. That is. Alright, so he can heal for one D8 plus three. Okay. D8 plus three. Okay, so you like he like snaps up a little bit and is like, huh, feel a little bit better. And he's still like holding his side. He's still like in bad shape, but he knows he's gonna live. Correct. And he's like, who were they? Who was that? What did they. Fantastic question. What did they take? Who are you? Who are you? Well, I'm Leo. That's O'Daddy. I'm O'Daddy. Talia. Do you recognize the name O'Daddy? Does that mean something to you? A little bit. Sorry. I. These guys just smashed up my shop and decided to. Who's the they? Who they? Who they? The motherfuckers all dressed in all black that were trying to kill me and somebody. I don't know. No, I don't have insurance. Were there four of them? Do you know where you are? We don't exactly have insurance around these parts. Well, this is a single payer world. We don't have insurance here either. Right, it's fair. Yeah, there were four. Yeah, there's zero of them now. Oh, thank God. Did they say anything to you as they passed the rat suit? No, they just burst in and kicked the shit out of me. I don't know who this is. I don't know who you are. Alright, what's the attitude? Calm down. He just went through a lot. I just healed you, so I don't need to. Right, but also my livelihood is smashed. Oh, he didn't do that. I want you to know that you can replace material things, but I've just saved you to have a lot of memories with your family. Right. So I'm going to need you to take it back just one second. He starts to. I've saved your life. So it's time to chill. He's like glaring at you a little bit, but then he thinks he recognizes you, but he doesn't. Can we hypnotize him and get him to talk? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Get him to talk? Get him to talk? I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him. I'll talk to him over here. Just don't hurt me. Just don't hurt me. Max is hungry. Just don't hurt me. We can do this one or two ways. Oh, God. Just give him a second. He's terrified. Give him a quick second. Okay, so he's terrified and you thoroughly intimidate him. Brother, you have to answer our questions. They want to kill you. What? What? So you don't know anything about the four people who came in? No, they just came into my shop and smashed all of my. Wherever you see, no daddy. Yeah, why does he look familiar to you? Your name is O-Daddy? O-Daddy. O-Daddy Thibodeau. Thibodeau. You're O-Daddy Thibodeau. I'm O-Daddy Thibodeau, nigga. The what? The what? Like, basically the crown prince of this city that has been, like, in and out of here for, like, 20 years. Do you see the crown? And then he, like, he looks at you and he's like, oh, wow, really good disguise. Yeah. You shouldn't be here. Uh-oh. Why not? Oh, boy. Where's here? Where is here? Where's here? Where's home for you, O-Daddy? This is St. Vissera. What are you talking about? Guys, this is St. Vissera. I got a family thing. I don't know. We've never really talked about it. So this is St. Vissera. So, like, if you guys roll history checks. What are we about to learn? Kobe. 14. 10. 10. What do we add to that? 14. I rolled an 8. Okay, that's an intelligence. So I have a plus 3. 13. Okay. 16. All right, so, Leo, you don't know much about this. You don't know much about this city. Pretty much all three of you, obviously you, know that St. Vissera is, like, a bustling metropolis that is a big, clear, like, not necessarily like Gotham, but, like, there's very much a. It's fucking Gotham, okay? It's a haves and have-nots type of city. And it's very bustling. It was once highly prominent, and now it's kind of fallen into a bit of disrepair. We used to come here for blood binges. Just like Detroit. For bachelorette parties. For people's blood. For people's birthdays. Wow. Okay, so you've been here before. I've tailgated here. Just on vacation. The shop owner's like, oh, you've been here before? Um, I cannot confirm nor deny. Okay. That I have been here before. You've drained some people here. It's a piece of shit city. Where dreams go to die. You've been here before? While I left. I was born here. Were you? Oh. Spiritual. Spiritual. No, man. It's like you came up here by way of some other place. Yeah. But, oh, daddy, what is your family thing that you. Yeah, what's going on? What's going on, dog? Man, look, I got to tell you guys. Oh, boy. Like, I am the prince. My father is gone. Me too. The prince who was promised? I'm the prince who was promised. Azura is gone. My stepdad is now kind of running things around here. Oh, we got to call him. Kind of running things. And, like, the shop owner interrupts. He's like, he runs the city. He's about to. Is he evil? He's about to be, like, the top dog. This is a. Did he marry your mom? This is the Kendall Roy of this town, basically. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Yeah, he married my mom. I got away because I wanted to go out. and have fun with animals. and hang out with you guys and stuff. But things are really bad. Yeah. And the city is in disrepair. and sort of corrupt. because this guy is not as noble as, like, what, my dad? Got it. Is there, like, a Robert Baratheon thing going on? No, this is either Hamlet or it's The Lion King. So, Simba, are we back? Right. Hey, this is a Simba situation. Like, the shop owner is like, did you use my teleportation set? Maybe. Did you use that? To come along. Wait, why did he know you? This is Marcus' house. What? What were you doing in Marcus' house? Getting money. Oh. Getting paid. Hey, about Marcus. What? You know Marcus? Do you know Patrick? Yeah, I know Marcus and Patrick. Don't pay attention to this bag of body parts. Hey, hey, hey, hey, man. I gotta tell you. I hate to give people bad news. I'll be honest with you, but, yeah. Your man's just gone. Yeah. Honestly, that's probably part of the course for me. All right, well, let's see. Oh, wait, so you're not fucking with him no more? I mean, I don't like you. There's a bit of history with us. By the way. that I'd rather not get into. I don't know what I'm going to get into at the moment. Do we have to kill. What happened between the guys? Do we have to go kill Scar? That makes a bit more sense for what he gets into. Is that what we're here to do? Huh? Are we killing Scar? Where are the hyenas? Yeah. He's killing Scar. Yeah. His stepdaddy. I have to be honest. I don't really want to see my family again. I would imagine not. But they're trying to kill you because you are a threat because you're an heir. Is his stepdad the one who put out the hit? I don't know that. Did somebody try to kill all of you? Wait, so where's his bar, though? Absolutely. Yeah, have you heard? Can I ask you a question? How can you be helpful? What do you mean for me? Because we healed you and we're talking to you and you're meeting us with a lot of skepticism and bad feelings. I see. Roll for death. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. Calm down. What you're doing right there is intimidating. Let's not do that. Let's not do that. Okay, so you can roll for intimidation. I rolled for intimidation. Yeah. A 15. That's a 15? All right. He's like proper motivated. Now. Yeah. So you mentioned the maps right away. He's trying to calm you down. Okay. He's like, all right, Black Rose Tavern, you said, yeah? Yeah. All right. I know where that is. If any of y'all know where the West Ward is, obviously you two definitely know where that is. Yeah. It's like basically if you find yourself in the West Ward now, you'll find your way to the Black Rose Tavern. Okay. Wait, is that a street? A neighborhood? No, it's a bar on a street. I can give you, like he points to a map. You got MapQuest? You got MapQuest for that? Okay, cool. We have a map. Drop a pin. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Send the location. I'm just going to teleport there. No, you can't. I'm sure I can. How? You have a teleportation. I'm just going to move the rune so we can go straight to the tavern. How are you going to do you plan to do that? I had the DMM asking you that. Hey. How do you plan to do that? Yes, and. Yes. Yes. And how do you plan to do that? With my book of shadows. How? That's teleportation. Stop fucking bro. You got to explain what you're doing. Right. My book of shadows. Come on. That's all we're doing. Book of shadows. Damn. Bro, there's so many rules. Yeah, there's kind of some rules in role playing games. Hey, before you leave, what happened between you and Patrick? I'm not leaving. This is my store. What are you leaving? Well, we have to go. Yeah, you got to go. There's things we have to do. But what happened between you and Patrick? Yeah. Oh, me and Patrick and. I mean, listen. I don't care. What's your name? Why do we care? My name is Bill. Thank you for asking. Bill. Bill Millman. Bill Millman. Bill Millman. Okay, your life is hard enough. That makes a lot of sense. Why are you being so difficult? Your life is hard enough. Bill Millman. What do you think about the Celtics? I don't know who that is. I knew exactly. What's wrong with you? We got to break out of here. All right, so hold on, hold on, hold on. Can Talia use her Book of Shadows to transport us to the Black Rose Tavern, please? Are you asking the DM this or are you asking Bill Millman that? I'm asking the DM that. Okay, no, he cannot. Come on. Can we take some of these weapons? You can walk there. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He wanted to kill you. I feel like we've done a niceness. We also have like 500 gold doubloons. No, I'm not giving him none of my gold. I will give you two gold doubloons. Could we ride a dragon there? I'd be interested in that. Okay, but like you look on the map, it's like two miles. You can walk there. I look outside. Roll for two miles. It took us a long time to go two miles. We're not walking no two miles. I got shot. We did not get good sleep, by the way. And so we don't want to walk. We need a buggy or a horse. Yeah, let's buy a horsey for us. I know a guy that can get you a buggy. Is there like some seven league boots, a dark candle that we can light, a feather we can drop, something that can get us there. I don't have any of that. I don't know if you noticed, but most of it is smashed anyway. You can still get some weapons. You got some swords. Yeah, all of them are fucking busted and they took whatever was left. Like this was a raid. It was such an attitude, Bill. I'm sorry. When your life is in shambles, maybe you don't have an attitude. Can we just go? You can just go. I don't deal with this. I gave you the coordinates. I've been trying to keep you alive this whole time, but I can't help you right now. And I thank you for that. I do. I'm going to eat, Bill. You healed me. I appreciate it. I'm sorry. You want to eat, Bill? I tried, you know. I really fought for you, bro. Because really, on the cool, your attitude is shitty. Crazy. Crazy. You saved your life. What did Hannibal Lecter say? He prefers to eat the rude. And so what we're going to do right now, we're going to roll to feed you the match. 13. 13. Bill. Bill. Okay. You take a chomp out of his neck. Yeah. Yeah. Drink deeply. And you drain what is left of him. Bill Pillman. And he is dead now. Bye, Bill. Thanks for nothing. Guess what you missed? Sorry you sucked. That's how it goes. We tried that. We tried that. This is so great. This is so great. So now you have your objectives. You want to go to the Black Rose Tavern. You have a map that points you to it. Okay. Bye, Bill. Thanks for nothing. Do you want to just go and get there? Because he could have given you a horse. He could have, like. No, we stole the horse. Yeah. We're going to take everything. That's what we need. Because we asked Bill. Because we gave Bill an opportunity to help us get to where we were going. Bill did this to himself. Bill did it to himself. So whatever is left over, we take it in. We take it in. Any weapon that is intact, we're grabbing. Yeah. Any mountain steed. So really, the only thing that you can find. You ever see the end of Apocalypto? Right. Right. My assassin's name is Ponce de Leon. Ponce de Leon? Very good. The only really thing that you can find of value. Were those healing potions. And then, like, one sword that's, like, not even that special. Like, it's smashed and raided. I don't give a shit. I'm taking it. All right, fine. All right, so you make your way to the Black Rose Tavern, right? Yes. We're just there now. I mean, yeah. That's where you're going? Everybody's going there? Yes. All right, so you wander through the streets. That's our leader. So as you're wandering through the streets, you find your way towards the Black Rose Tavern. You might have asked a person or two. You're still disguised? Well, I have to be. Because we have to talk this over. Apparently. Crown Prince. You're the man. If we go in there, it's going to be a Dunkin' X situation. Right. To where, like. Yeah, you got to hide that head. You got to shave that head. You got to do something. Because, you know, one thing to be out where the tournament is. Another thing to go. Yeah, you're on the money. to the Dragonstone. You're on the money. Go to King's Landing. Yeah, yeah. So we got to shave. We got to shave. Okay. Okay, so. Let's do something. So you're still disguised? Got to stay disguised. Okay, great. You're staying disguised. Do we all shouldn't. Should we all go in there? Now, hold on. Yes. Okay. Yes, kind of like the strider in the shadows. Yeah, in the smoke and the pipe. Smoke and the pipe. But should we, like, stagger our entrances? Real quick, as an aside, I just re-watched The Fellowship of the Ring. I don't know what I was on when I first saw it. That bitch is a fucking masterpiece. Yeah. Okay. So, look, I just. Were you ever concerned that it wasn't? Just 30 seconds. I went and watched it in the theater, and when we left, everybody was like, that was some of the best shit I ever. I was like, really? We sat down and watched, because we watched A History of Violence, and then we wanted more Vigo. Sure. So we went to Fellowship of the Ring. Or do you have more Vigo than you got in A History of Violence? And you were like, and you were like, Wait, no, no, no. You're thinking of Eastern Promises, not A History of Violence. A History of Violence, they fuck on the stairs. Oh, right. That's true. No, no, no. There was a lot of. Eastern Promises is. Eastern Promises is the bathhouse. Yeah, the bathhouse. All very memorable. There's a lot of Maria Bello. Sure is. Right. All of Maria Bello. Okay, let's. I apologize. All right, so as you were wandering the streets, you kind of start to. You feel like the city is, like, a bit more claustrophobic than it was before. Yeah. Like, socially. Like, things feel uneasy in a town that you once knew and called home. People see you, people walk around, they know that a group like this doesn't come around to places like this. We were quoting Aragorn Boromir lines to each other. I'm sorry. Can you repeat? I was repeating at the same time. I'm so sorry. There's unease on the street because we look so intimidating. I think it's because of us. It's like a couple of people, like, look your way, and then immediately go inside their houses. But is that because there's unease already? Or because there's a barrel in the land? It's tough to tell. Also, two of us are dressed as assassins. That's right. What is it? Perception check. 18. Oh, yeah. Okay, so you're getting closer to where you and your old master used to hide out. Damn. Master? And you're starting to see some, like, posters, wanted posters, kind of, like, criminal, like, letters and write-ups looking for the Midnight Mage. Oh, Bob. The Midnight Mage. Did you say Bob? Midnight Mage, Bob. Midnight Mage is hot. My master. I like that. Hell, yeah. Tell me more about Bob. What about Bob? There's still a presence that rings out in these streets that is fierce. Because I was a street smart. Why does it say I was born a street smart orphan? You were. What? Oh, okay. Under the tutelage of a morally steadfast warlock named Bob. Oh, I killed this shit last time. Yeah, I remember this. This was off the top of the dome, like Lil Wayne. Okay, so what's going on with Bob? Bob. Bob Wayne? Well, he is. Yeah, what about Bob? He died. What about Bob? When you left, he had since died. Yeah, but he never dies because he's in my heart. Right, of course. That is right. But people are still on the lookout for the Midnight Mage because that's, like, a wanted vigilante of criminals. Is that, like, a mantle that could be passed and inherited? Like the Dread Pirate Roberts? Theoretically. Wait. We can totally become the Midnight Mage? You can become Batman. Well, here's the thing. You still know where that is. Anyone can wear the mask. Do you know where the Midnight Cave is? Yeah. Where's the Midnight Cave? Do you remember? Roll of history. Roll of history check. You should go by your real name, Robin. Wait, boy. Master Bob Wayne? Wait, Master Bob Wayne? Do you want to go back to your old chumming rap? Bob Wayne? Daintly Wayne Manor? To where you basically were training with. Or we go to the tavern. This story is getting good as shit. With Bob. We have to go to the tavern. We have to go to the tavern first. But we should reconvene at Wayne Manor. You're fine to do that. We're going to transition because it's, like, been a little bit. We're back in the city now. We're going to transition to nighttime in the city. I got a way downtown. Oh, shit. So you're going to go. Is it just going to be you or is it going to be everybody? We all have to go. All got to go? All right. We're not going to the tavern. We're going to Wayne Manor? No, we're going to the tavern. Tavern first? Yes, then Wayne Manor. Tavern first, then Wayne Manor. Wait, wait, wait. Why would we go to Wayne Manor? What's the. The Midnight Mage. Do you want to go there? Well, I feel like let's go to the tavern, get some more information, then go to Wayne Manor. Yeah, I agree. I really agree. We can hole up there if we need to escape in a hurry. Very true. We know where we can go. Can I ask just a general state of affairs in the town question? Will O'Daddy. What is the likelihood that he's welcomed back as the savior of the city versus people say we need to eliminate him for the current ruling? Well, you could ask O'Daddy how long he's been gone. O'Daddy, how long since you left home? 15 years. 15 years. Is your stepdaddy a beloved ruler? No. Oh. So people will welcome the return of their rightful king. The people will welcome the return. Yeah. Parts of my family will welcome the return of their rightful king. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They'll welcome the return. Well, you haven't been here in 15 years. You actually don't know what's going on. I'm not quite sure. But you know in your heart. You know in your heart. How do you remember leaving things? How I remember leaving is I just said, hey, there's too much going on here. Yeah. There's a dark cloud over the place. I'm out. I would imagine we have to talk to a couple people to get some intel to figure out the state of affairs. Yeah. My family, though, they haven't seen me in a long time. I would imagine that the family will be happy to see me. Okay. The family. As far as but. Not your stepdaddy, though. No, because remember. He's going to be a problem. Remember, he brings a whole part of his family. Damn. Damn. Like, he had this whole noble side that he represented. It's a lot of people. What's his name? Blended family. Huh? What's your stepdaddy's name? Larry. Larry. Oh. Is it Lawrence or is it Larry? Don't feel like you were buried in Blackburn. Like you forgot where you came from. Okay, so the. Not Lawrence Blackburn? Not Fishburn, but Blackburn? Not Lawrence? Yeah, not Fishburn, but Blackburn, but Fishburn. Larry Blackburn. I have a question. Yes. Will your. Will your stepdad kill you on sight? Yes. Okay. You think so? Not with the power of family in front of you. How did you leave? Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. I can't say that for sure. I can say that it would probably be more. I don't think he would kill on sight. Right. I think it would be more of a situation where on sight he would probably have me seized. Damn. in order to talk to me because it is a huge embarrassment to everyone that I am gone. Right. You're such a hippie. Yeah. He would probably have me seized, but I don't think that it would be. I don't think that he would kill me on sight. I don't think. But we can't take that chance. And. I will say this, though. I think that on sight. Yeah. he would stop me from leaving. Let's go to the Black Rose Find out who tried to kill us Is your stepdad the one who sent the assassin? And then go play Batman Because I want to do that But I want to find out who tried to kill us Let's just remember that Jackson said to tell O'Daddy to watch his head So be careful in there Alright so we're outside of Black Rose Tavern Tom walks in Alright hold on So you approach the Black Rose Tavern And it's like this big massive door With like a huge building behind it Is there a bouncer out front? It feels like it would be like this Elegant club A tavern is an elegant club? Now hold on As you walk up there's a gigantic 10 foot tall Muscle bound orc standing in front of the door Is there a cover? We got two noble coins We got two noble coins Do you want to approach? We got to approach You come up to the door And he's like alright names Well we can't give him his name He's the vampire king of Mississippi I'm Ponce de Leon And we have some important Definitely not assassin business here Alright and entry fee? Yeah what is it? You don't know? We got Is it Is there a password? Is it a compliment? Can I do my friend spell? He looks at you and is like Are you fucking with me? Can we make him our friend? Can I use a friend spell? You can try Yeah do it Tom What are you going to do? Say what you're going to do I'm going to be like Can you be our friend and let us in? You just want to say that? Is there a spell? There's a spell What's it called? Friends Okay what does it do? Bro it makes me one of your friends What does it say? What does it say? For the duration you have advantage On all charisma checks Directed at one creature of your choice That isn't hostile towards you When the spell ends The creature realizes that you use magic To influence its mood And becomes hostile towards you We'll be inside of that Okay so you don't have to You don't think the bouncer of this club Is going to Okay fine I also have charm person Okay If anybody wants to use that Charm person Now what Does that make them hostile At the end as well? You attempt to charm a humanoid You can see within range Orc scout It must make a wisdom saving throw And does so with advantage Blah blah blah I can put someone to sleep Ooh It is charmed by you Until the spell ends Or until the charmed creature Regards you as a friendly acquaintance When the spell ends The creature knows It was charmed by you But isn't like hostile About it Okay Do you want to try that? Yeah I do Okay So it's a It's a wisdom saving throw on him? Uh it is Okay Let me pull him up Alright What did What did you say the wisdom saving throw was? It doesn't say It doesn't say Okay Okay yeah So it You can tell that it's not working on him? Okay try the friend thing now Try the friend thing now Or Put him to sleep I can put Yeah sleep Let's see Range 90 feet Not a problem What do y'all have I need a pinch of fine sand Rose petals Or a cricket I have that I have the I have in my bag Okay as you're As you're As you're kind of like Pondering your spells He's an orc? Yeah As you're pondering your spells Yeah You hear like A tiny little like Thud in your brain And it says Open the book Um That's scary I have past out a trace Cash Cash your question He's an orc I don't know that's for all of us Can I use animal friendship on him? Oh that's rude That's not an animal He's a pig That's a good knock That's a little Prince of the world You haven't been back You ain't been around here That's not a Yeah He's an orc though That's not an animal An orc is not an animal An orc is not an animal That's a little racismo That's a little Yeah That's how the elves In one of the rings Were walking around He's an orc A beast An orc is a beast He got a Are you gonna Are you gonna put that Stick on him? Orc lives matter around here man Talia has horns Is Talia being Wow I'm daddy Wow You didn't post a black square On your IG That's crazy Wow You hear it again Alright you wanna use the book Open the book It's gonna It's gonna be bad And seduce you But it'll be a fun story Something's gonna happen Bad towards us Am I able to resist The voice telling me To open the book or no? You can Guys party I hear a voice in my head Saying Open the book Best time I would try the sleep spell That seems And if that doesn't work That seems bad You should open the book For story fun reasons Yeah Yeah Do it for me For content For content Open the book for content We should play this every week Alright so you I'm tired You open the book I didn't get a lot of sleep You're saying this to the orc To the bouncer Well I'm gonna open the book I don't need to tell him a shit I'm just gonna do it The voice in my head Told me to do it And I have clearly fallen under Under the sway and spell Of the book No no no This is perfectly It has to be your choice Like you can ignore that voice And make your own decision Or you can listen to it And open the book Open it Open it Open the book I'll open it Open the book Okay so you open it Yeah And the runes and tomes That used to seem like A foreign language Are completely legible to you now Oh you've got the power of mathematics And it The universal language Topical reference The book now makes complete sense to you Okay It's like crystal clear Full of all kinds of powerful magic And before you even get a chance to Consider what spell you might need Like There's like a Purple flash In the eyes of this orc And he's like Hey come on in everybody Hot That's scary that you can do that But you're our friend So that's cool Thank you for using Your scary powers for our benefit And as he opens the door And you guys walk through The threshold You feel like A wave of fatigue Happens to you I'm like Grogu There's like Your eyes Your eyes get bloodshot I need to know I need a blue cookie You feel like A little like Drag in your spirit Yeah Like you're fine But like you're just like A little like It's like you're hung over Just now Okay Like and that happens So now that you have a book That you can understand Yeah You have this Whoa I'm so glad you opened the book Another book Of entirely new spells So you can read it This does seem to be It is in large print So you can read it Much bigger font Yes Which is great So take that As you open it Whoa From now We will end As they enter the black room Black Rose Tavern And we will continue this On another episode Of Ringer Quest I want to thank you guys For joining This is going to be Our cliffhanger for the week Oh my goodness And we will come back Next time I want to thank Everybody for joining us I want to thank All of our wonderful Producers and crew Alea Zanaris Jonathan Ratliff Jacob Cornett Ryan Todd Kevin Kerrigan Chris Thomas Devin Baraldi Scott Lee And Arjuna Ramgopal We will see you Next time On Ringer Quest Dun dun dun Bye Bye Go to bjs.com Slash mesquite And save 10 cents per gallon For six months Open soon Limited time offer New members only BJ's Home of the save This episode is brought to you By ChatGPT Hey It's Bill Simmons From the Bill Simmons Podcast Have you guys heard about ChatGPT work? 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