RIGHT PERSON WRONG TIME

right person wrong timing. Do I believe in this concept of meeting the right person but at the wrong time? I'm going to give you a full-out story time of my personal experience with this and I'm going to tell you the lessons I've learned about the right person wrong timing and my take on it because a lot of you are going through a season right now apparently where you're meeting these people and it feels like it's the right person but it's the wrong time. You feel like you've met the love of your life but you're on two totally different timelines, two totally different stages of life or just two different pages and you can't ever get on the same page or that's what it seems like. To really understand this concept of the right person wrong time we have to understand that there are no coincidences in life. I'm a very spiritual person and I truly believe that there are no coincidences in life. People come into our lives for a reason. They come into our lives to teach us more about ourselves, to teach us valuable lessons and to show us parts of ourself that we may need to discover. I believe every single relationship that I've ever been in has taught me something about myself and has built and strengthened my character in one way or another even if it felt impossible, difficult, even if it felt painful, even if there was loss involved, even if there was a breakup involved. I always look at the glass half full when it comes to my breakups, my relationships, and the people that I've encountered in my lifetime. Now let's get into it. Okay. Do I believe in the right person wrong time? The short answer is yes because I believe in divine timing. I never like to phrase it as right person wrong time. I truly believe that there is such thing as divine timing. Now what does divine timing really mean? The universe knows and will conspire the right timing and orchestrate the right timing with the right person if it's truly meant to be. There are no mistakes. If it's the wrong time with a specific person it means one of you needs to grow or both of you need to grow and evolve your characters in order to come back together stronger and build a permanent solid lasting relationship. I'm going to give you a personal story time of a situation that I was in a couple of years ago with someone who I considered the right person wrong time. I have no idea if he feels this way but I know from my personal experience and perspective and where I was currently operating at at that point of my life, I felt like he was a very significant chapter of my life and it was really brief but it was really powerful and I'm going to share what I learned from that experience. So a few years ago I was coming out of a four-year relationship and that relationship destroyed myself a steam. If you've been in a very toxic relationship before and you're coming out of that relationship you know that feeling where you feel insecure you feel knocked down you don't feel like yourself and you feel like your heads above water trying to build your self a steam again. For me this breakup was something that really rocked me. It was a four-year relationship so it was very long and we had lived together for a period of time and we had built this life together that felt like home. So when you feel like everything has been ripped away from you you feel very unstable and unsure of your identity. There was just so much going on at this period of my life and it wasn't very pleasant to say the least. It was really really hard for me. At the same time my career was at its peak. My podcast was popping off. There was so much going on both good and bad but it just felt very chaotic and tumultuous and I wasn't myself. Point blank I wasn't myself. I was very emotionally unstable because of the breakup and because of everything I had experienced throughout that relationship. I knew that my brain wasn't in the right place and I wasn't really list. Okay to make a long story very short. At the end of my breakup I initially wanted to go to Bali to heal and when I got to the airport I was about to board my flight to Bali and my gut and my instincts just said do not get on this flight. I started having tons of anxiety in the airport. I almost had a panic attack. I dropped my luggage I called my dad. He was like when in doubt get out do not get on the flight if you feel like you shouldn't get on this flight and I was like yeah it just doesn't feel right to go to Bali at this time. Okay everything in divine timing right so I just felt like the timing for me to go to Bali. It was almost a logical decision versus intuitive and my intuition was screaming at me not to go but my logic was like oh let me go heal. Anyways always trust your intuition. So I end up booking a flight to London instead of Bali. The crazy thing about life in the universe is that everything is always being orchestrated behind the scenes even if you can't see it in the current moment. You were always being divinely guided whether you realize it or not. So when I got to London I felt so much relief I felt like I had made the right call and I ended up going out that night that I landed. You know when you're just so excited and feel so free after you liberated yourself after leaving a really toxic relationship and you're just done. You're just absolutely done with the relationship and you're just ready to go out and live your best life as a free spirit and a free woman. I was in that mental state of just feeling like such relief but at the same time there were so many mixed emotions because I feel like my whole world had flipped upside down. But I was like you know what I'm in London now I just landed new city fresh start new chapter. It's a new version of me I'm finally single so I'm going to go out and live my best life tonight. Now I end up going out that night I'm having a great time doing my thing in my vibe. I went to one bar I was talking to the bartender for a bit I met a few women out and it was just such a good feeling to finally reclaim my power. I just remember feeling so at peace knowing that I was in the right place at the right time. An hour or so later I'm walking around Soho in London and I walk into this bar to use the bathroom and then I plan on going home after so I was just quickly going to use the bathroom and leave. But as I was walking out of the bathroom I saw this guy we looked at each other and then it was like right away we started talking. He came up to me he said something I think he said like you look lost or something like that and then we just started chatting we exchanged info. I had no idea the situation I was about to get myself into because I was simply going to London to just get away from my relationship and take some time for myself but of course when you least expect it you meet someone that could potentially shift your whole mindset and change your reality. I end up spending time with this person quite often and it almost felt like we had built a really solid friendship over anything. I was super attracted to him but at the same time it just felt like it couldn't escalate the way that I had wanted to because I was carrying all this baggage from my past and my ex was still in and out of my life. My ex was still calling me and there was just so much chaos going on in my life behind the scenes that I couldn't give this person the most authentic version of LIS. And I think he is a very emotionally intelligent person so I do think he saw past maybe the filter I was putting on in a sense if you could call it that because I was trying to play it cool and trying to act like everything was fine in my life but when you're just getting out of a breakup you tend to put on this mask right of like everything's fine I'm good I'm cool I'm this free person but in reality you're still entangled in a lot of heartbreak and grief and you don't know what to do with that energy so you just try to mask it and you just try to hide it and you just try to put on a smile and pretend everything's fine in your life and like you're this calm cool collected person when in reality my inner world was in so much anxiety and turmoil and I was masking it by going out and taking tequila shots and you know trying to escape by being in a new city. Me and this person end up spending a consistent amount of time together in the short period of time that I was in London and then my ex showed up in London and I was suddenly faced with this feeling of like I can't do this you know when you're trying so hard to enjoy a moment but your past is still lingering over you and haunting you my ex was still in my life and his energy was still in my life even though we had physically separated he was still texting me he was still calling me we were still entangled with each other's energy because after a four-year relationship naturally that's what's gonna happen instead of it being a completely clean break at that moment in time it wasn't so I felt like my energy had been split between two worlds of being single and not wanting to tell this other person what was going on and then my ex who at the time I had built an entire life with at the time I didn't realize that that whole life was just an illusion and he wasn't the person I thought he was I also felt like for some reason I couldn't tell anyone what was going on I also felt trapped in my own mind where I couldn't verbalize what was going on and I couldn't express myself the right way and I couldn't explain to this new person that I had been seeing what was going on because I didn't want him to think I was some crazy person that had this crazy relationship and start carrying all this drama into a new connection because I am very calm as a person and I felt like if I had opened that can of worms it would have just spiraled into messiness and more chaos and I didn't want to get anyone involved in my personal business it was just this crazy back and forth in my brain and I bottled up all of these emotions and I kept it to myself and never really spoke about it with anyone looking back the obvious decision would have been to cut off complete contact with my past and completely cut the cord and sever the ties and move on and give other people a chance and give this guy that I had met a chance and really opened my heart up to it but instead I was just always in this mixed bag of energy where I didn't know what to do. There was a lot of other things that happened and transpired over the course of the next few months with this person and my ex and I just always felt like I was living a lie because I wasn't able to express to someone that I cared about that I had this person in the background watching every move I made. So essentially it was just really hard for me. I'm making this story a lot more vague. There were a lot of details that happened in between. But long story short, I felt like it was the right person wrong time. This guy that I had met in London, I think if I had met him at a different time, things would have unfolded way differently than if I had met him than when I had met him. Because when you meet someone when you're not in a good mental state, you're not showing yourself. You're not showing your true self. And a lot of things can get misunderstood and miscommunicated very, very easily. So I think I had a lot of triggers come up. I think I was lashing out at him for no reason. I think I was beating myself up for acting so out of character for myself. But it was all stemming from my past. It was all stemming from a lot of relationship trauma. It was stemming from things that had really, really mentally destroyed me over the last four years. At the end of the day, I was self-sabotaging because I wasn't willing to communicate what was going on in my life to this person. And I think also to be fair, I think maybe if it was at the right timing, I would have communicated. But it just felt like it wasn't. It always felt like something was holding me back. So whether it was divine protection, intervention, this person wasn't right for me to begin with, I don't know. I just didn't feel like I could tell him the truth. There was a lot happening and it felt like the right person wrong time. For me, okay, from his perspective, he may have never liked me at all. Maybe he just saw me as a friend. Maybe, you know, there was an attraction, but he didn't care that much. But by the time I had been brave enough to speak my truth to him and tell him what was really happening, it had been months later when I finally severed the cord entirely from my relationship. And he moved on with someone else, which fair enough. Something happens for a reason. I wasn't expecting him to sit and wait around for me while we were not in contact because I had told him it would be best if we didn't speak anymore. It was so hard for me to deal with because there was this question of what if lingering over my head for a very long time. Because when you meet someone that you have a really strong connection with, especially if you feel like you get along with them so well and there's like this best friend energy, it's so hard to come to the terms with that they've moved on and you might never talk to them again or you might never see them again. It was just something that I had to sit with in the midst of going through a very serious breakup with someone and then also feeling like I had lost a friend. In the process, it felt like I had lost two things at the same time and the grief was like double grief. So I ended up just having to build myself love on my own. I had to just start over again and take a long time for myself to truly just heal and almost accept the fact that something that I had really, really wanted to happen at that point couldn't happen anymore. It was a lot. It was a lot for me and when anyone asks me this question of right person wrong timing, I always think of this one guy because I did care about him a lot and I know that he cared about me too and when you just can't work it out and you just can't communicate because one person's in a relationship or the other person isn't ready. It can be so frustrating and so hard to deal with and so that's why I started reframing it as there's no such thing as right person wrong timing. It's always in divine timing. If someone is truly meant to be a part of your life, they will be a part of your life. The universe and God and the higher powers, they make no mistakes. I do believe I met this person for a reason and I also met my ex for a reason and I met every single person that I've dated for a reason. All of these people are here to teach us pieces to teach us more about ourselves at different stages of our life. This whole idea of the what if and knowing that this could have maybe been the right person but the wrong timing was probably one of the hardest relationships situations I had to deal with because I felt like there was so much left unsaid. You know, to have to close that door and just know that that person chose a different timeline, I had to choose my own timeline. It forced me to really just hone in on myself and be with myself and understand that sometimes doors close for your own good, for your own protection, even if it's the hardest thing in the world and it feels so painful in the moment. That door could have been closed because I was misreading the entire situation. Maybe this guy didn't give a fuck about me at all. To be fair, I could have completely misread the entire situation because once again, when you come out of a breakup, your brain is all scrambled. You're not in the right head space. I wasn't fully in my power. I wasn't fully my happy self. So you're more vulnerable and you're more susceptible to illusions and false realities. Maybe I was putting this person in a fantasy bubble in my head like something really could have happened or something may have happened. And maybe I'll never know or maybe I will. I have no idea what the future holds, but I do know from my perspective, it did feel like really bad, weird timing when we had cross paths. And I had expressed that to him as well. When I finally did tell him everything and I told him what was going on from my past and I was honest with him, he was like, oh shit. Like I don't think he understood the gravity of what was really going on in my life. And although we did have a discussion about it, it still felt like there's no closure. It's just, it is what it is now and I have to move on and he moved on. And it was up to me to trust in that plan for me and trust that that was the best plan for him. Point blank period. And also understanding that if it's truly meant to be with someone, it will eventually be. If someone is meant to be in your life, they will be in your life. If you're supposed to be friends with someone, if you're supposed to be a part of someone's circle, if you're supposed to do anything specific with your life, if you're supposed to be in a relationship with someone, it will all happen in perfect divine timing. Okay, there's plenty of situations and stories where two people weren't ready or they were into totally different phases of their life. And eventually they ended up back together when they both were able to work on themselves and build their characters and grow separately. They truly feel like someone who is destined to be a part of your life and you feel like this person is someone significant in your life. You don't have to ignore that feeling and you don't have to ignore your intuition. You can trust yourself in that feeling, but you also just have to move on with your life and keep focusing your own energy on you and continue to build your life for you and trust in God's divine plan and the universe's plan and what's meant to be will truly always be. A long story short, with that person, I have no idea where he is in the world what he's doing, but I wish him the best. It is what it is and you know, I've dated other people since. I've been in short relationship since and I've been able to find peace in the not knowing and find peace in the trust in knowing that the universe always works in very mysterious ways. Sometimes we get pleasantly surprised by things that happen that we don't expect and sometimes there's just a reason why things didn't pan out the way you thought they would and that is okay. That is completely okay and you will be okay and just trusting that you're going to be fine regardless of outcome with another person. That's a very powerful position to be in. It did take me a while to get there because once again, I'm a very curious person and I have a very ADD brain so I naturally obsess over things that I don't know the answers to, which is a very common thing too, right? When there's this what if this question mark lingering over a situation, you start to obsess over it because you're like, what if I wasn't crazy and what if they were this person to me and what if they did feel this way, but I didn't speak up, right? We go through our brain and we rack all of these possibilities and what ifs in our head in order to try to find comfort, but what it ends up doing is driving us fucking mad, driving us nuts. And I know for me, it drove me into this rabbit hole of anxiety and depression and I just wasn't in a good head space because I felt like once again, I had to sit with myself and learn this concept of just being okay without any closure, really. Or being okay, just knowing that I had to just move on. It was a tough one, but we did it. We made it through and I ended up meeting someone who reignited the spark in me that I felt like I had lost from that situation and I started meeting other people that really made me feel back to myself and I started building amazing female friendships. I started coming to Bali all the time. I started nourishing my life with things that I love. I started taking care of myself more than ever. I really do feel like I've come such a long way since that experience as far as my inner strength and my confidence and just feeling like I was so busy worked up over the what if of a situation when in reality, it was showing me to never abandon myself again and to learn how to build myself without getting final answers from another person. So now let's get into why the right person wrong timing isn't really a thing. It's the right person and it'll happen in divine timing or they were never supposed to be a part of your life anyway. Okay? People will do anything for the people they love. I would do anything for the person I love. Okay? That's my heart. That's my nature. If you're reminiscing about someone who wouldn't do the same for you, are they really the right person wrong timing? Okay? If they're not choosing you right now, usually it just means they lack the emotional capacity or courage to be with you. And if they lack the emotional capacity or courage to be with you, are they the right person? We often romanticize people's characters and put them on a golden platter and hype them up. And then if you really get to know someone, you realize they really do lack the things that you provide. So for me, I know emotional intelligence and emotional maturity and courage and the courage to come after me and choose me and want to be with me is a non-negotiable for me now. And I think looking back at my past situations, not just the situation. I just described, but in most of my other relationships, a lot of the guys that I had picked in the past did lack the emotional maturity and capacity to love me in the same way that I loved them. I was always so open-hearted and throwing my love onto these people that transparently never deserved it. And you could chalk it up to right person wrong timing or you could just say, actually, it's just not the right person. And that might be a hard pill to swallow if you really care for someone and you really love someone. But most people, and I've said this before on other episodes, most people are afraid of change and afraid of transformation unless they're willing to commit to therapy, do inner work on themselves and really commit to changing at their core. They're not going to be able to just show up and love you the way that you love them overnight. Okay, not everyone is able to love the same way you love or someone's operating at a totally different frequency than you're operating at. And you can't force someone to be on the same frequency as you. If it's a mismatch, it's a mismatch. And that doesn't mean it's the right person wrong timing. It means they're just not the right person. The next thing is a connection that is meant for you is not going to be fragile. It doesn't shatter overnight because of long distance or you're going through a lot in your life. If a connection is solid and real, it will stand the test of time. Even if there's separation between you, even if you break up temporarily, even if you know, you go to Africa on a trip for six months for work and that person goes somewhere else and you're on two totally different sides of the planet. Okay, it doesn't matter because of a busy season of your life or their life. Long term, it will last. If it's meant to last, it will last. Okay, true alignment with another person if they are the love of your life if they're your soulmate has stamina. It is going to work long term. Sometimes people break up. Sometimes we go through separation with someone else. But if it is meant to be, it will always be period. So if you are in a season where you're in separation with someone and you really truly in your soul, know that this person is the love of your life or is supposed to be in your life forever for the long term. Just trust in the plan and keep doing you. Keep looking ahead. Keep moving forward. One of the biggest mistakes, and I don't regret this, but I think a big mistake I made with going through these what if relationship situations in my head was like spiraling over it and getting all worked up over it and constantly shattering my nervous system because of it and making my brain go into these dark loops around it where I just never felt happy because I was always thinking of the what if and comparing this person to that person and like comparing connections with other people and I was never allowing myself to just be fucking happy. I was allowing a situation to steal my joy for so long because I wasn't present. I was always thinking in the past. I was in Singapore and I met this guy at this hotel I was staying at. He healed something in me when I met him. He was like don't let anyone steal your fucking happiness. Why are you letting anyone or anything steal your happiness? If you are a happy person, you're letting someone take that away from you and I was like no I'm not letting them take it away from me but I just feel like ex-wise and he's like no no. You are allowing a piece of them to take away from your joy and your bliss and your happiness. There is absolutely no one that is worth doing that for and I was like yeah actually that's true and then I remember just waking up the next morning and being like yeah that's true like why am I not happy? Why did I let this whole situation control my emotional state? That's no way to live. So just trusting in the divine plan and refocusing on your joy and your happiness it frees you from the anxiety of thinking you could mess up your destiny. You can't mess up your destiny. That is another huge takeaway. I've gotten out of this right person wrong timing experience. You can't fuck up what's meant for you. If that guy was meant for me, if he was meant to be my friend, if he was meant to be in my life, if he was meant to be any part of my world, he would have been a part of my world. But there's no point in letting the what if suck out your life force and make you feel like less of yourself or like you did something wrong or like you fuck something up. You didn't fuck anything up. What's meant to be will always be. The next thing is you're not going to have to micromanage relationships in your life if they're destined for you. You're not going to have to manipulate the circumstances. You're not going to have to try to find solutions to what belongs to you. Okay. If someone belongs to you, if something is right for you, something is meant for you, you're not going to have to do all of these things to keep it. You can just relax. You can just trust with so many things in my life. I feel like in the past, I've always felt like there had to be some sort of strategy to get it to keep it to hold on to it. In reality, what's meant for you is going to stay. What's meant for you belongs to you. There's no need to force. There's no need to overanalyze. If someone is leaving your life, if someone's walked away from your life, you have to believe that there is a reason. There is either a higher power protecting you and higher forces that play protecting you from what you couldn't see and what you didn't know or you need to go through a season to strengthen your character in some way, shape, or form. And if it is meant to be, it will be later on. But you gotta just keep trusting. The other thing is believing in the wrong timing makes you a victim. I think it's a really negative way to look at things. I do think it's like the glass half empty perspective. When you're seeing things as wrong timing, that means that there's no better plan for you. That means that it's fucked up. And now there's no better option for you. So that's why I always have refraised it as believing in divine timing. And it reminds you that everything is happening right now for your expansion, for your highest good. It's always working in your favor. The universe is always conspiring to protect you, to guide you, to bring you to the right place at the right time. The same way I was supposed to go to Bali and instead I went to London. Now I'm sitting here talking to you guys about my experience. Maybe the whole purpose I went through this is to record it to help people heal and to help people move on or get clarity or find peace in their situation. Okay, everything has a purpose. Everything serves a purpose. I always believe that there are no coincidences in life. Believing in divine timing for me has got to me through some of the hardest, most challenging periods of my life because I know that there is a higher power working for my highest good. Trusting in divine timing instantly shifts you being the victim into a creator of your reality. Okay, you stop asking the question of why is this happening to me and you start asking yourself, what is this teaching me? What is this preparing me for? How can I learn from this experience? How can I grow from this experience? That is a way better way to live and a very optimistic way to live in comparison to cursing at the universe and saying, oh, it's right person wrong timing and I'm sick of this and why me and pour me and listen, I was in that state for a while because when you have feelings for someone or you care about someone and you thought a situation was going to go a certain way and it didn't, it can be really hard. But at the same time, what pulled me out of that and what made me a stronger woman and a person is this concept of trust and trusting that everything was always working for my highest good. Always. I was always being protected even if it didn't make sense in the moment. Even if it doesn't make sense now, it's still never really made sense to me. But at the same time, instead of dwelling on why is this happening, I started focusing on what did this teach me? How did this make me grow? How did this make me evolve? The next thing is and this really applied to the situation that I had experienced. If you meet someone from an unhealed place, you're often attracting from trauma. Like you're attracting in a state that is not going to end well if you keep going in that direction. And I think with that experience, it felt way more intense because I was so vulnerable, because I felt needy almost because when you come out of a toxic relationship, you're looking for safety. You're looking for someone else to rescue you and save you. But something my sister-in-law actually said the other day to me, which I loved was this concept of coming into a relationship from a place of pure, clean, high-frequency wholeness and not from trauma and not from vulnerability, you get to choose what works for you. Number one, and two, when you do merge with someone else, you know that it'll be a solid connection and most likely the love of your life and someone you're going to end up with because you're coming from a place of wholeness and high-frequency. And when you're really at a high-frequency, you're going to filter out everyone that's wrong for you. You're going to filter out people that aren't aligned with you. Instead of attracting trauma bonds that feel like you're soulmate and you attract people that you think are going to come and rescue you from your toxic past, you're attracting from a place of solidness where you're literally like, "I know what I want, what I deserve. I know myself, I know that I don't need anyone to come rescue me. I don't need anyone to come save me. I don't need a hero, but I could do life with someone special. That makes my life even better." That's cool. I could do life with someone else. My sister-in-law was telling me how when she met my brother, she was single mom and she didn't want a relationship. She didn't want to get married. She didn't need that filled for her. She was like, "I'm gonna take on the world with me and my daughter, and that's it." And she wasn't looking for any type of connection. She said she was so good on her own, she was working at a high-paying job for herself, and she was living her life. When my brother came into the picture, she wasn't looking or seeking out a husband. At all. Looking back to a lot of the relationships that I have been in in the past, a lot of people that I've met in the past, I was coming at those relationships from a place of vulnerability and insecurity. In reality, and it makes sense, right? When you build those relationships off of insecurity and off of fear, why they're not gonna last. They're not gonna last because I wasn't solid within myself. I wasn't whole within myself. I was looking for someone to fill a void. And the last thing I'm gonna leave you with is, okay? If you are trying to manifest someone back into your life or manifest anything, really, sometimes delayed manifestation is protection from the universe. Because if you got every single thing you wanted, the exact moment you thought of it, you would start building your life structures on top of unstable grounds. And it wouldn't last. And I know I've used this example before. It's like a cheesy example. But with people who win the lottery, right? The reason a lot of them go broke is because they get all this money and they have no idea what the fuck to do with it. And they don't have the means or the energetic capacity to hold that type of wealth. And they have no idea what they're doing with that type of money. And so that's why trusting in divine timing is so crucial. It changes how you view delays or when someone says no or not yet. And you stop seeing it as a bad thing and you start seeing it as the universe, building your foundations, a solid foundation for you, so that what you build lasts a lifetime. And what you have lasts a lifetime. And when you end up with what you wanted or with that person you wanted or with that career that you wanted or with that money that you wanted, okay? When you end up with it, you know that it's going to last a lifetime. You know that it's going to last forever. And with that being said, that concludes today's episode of Lys. Thank you so much as always for listening to the podcast. It means the world to me. I love you guys so much. You're the best. Leave a comment if you enjoyed this episode. I read everything always. Also be sure to follow the podcast on Spotify. It does help the show grow and boosts the show ratings. As well as send me a DM on Instagram @lys.lys. I would love to hear from you. I love you. Thank you again and stay tuned for future episodes.