Richard Perez is Completely Fabulous

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This is the love story of real hinge couple Daniel and Roisin. Written and read by me, Rufy Thorpe. Listen to the free audiobook now. Wave. I have not been that nervous in a while. It's horrifying. Yeah. Isn't it fun? There was like a knot in my throat. Like. I want to go in. Ding. Yeah. Well, maybe. Yeah. Richard. Hey. Hey, gorgeous. Hello. How's it going? It's going. It's going okay. It's going pretty well. But I. I'm so worried that. I guess it's like the things that are going through my mind right now. I'm a little nervous. Okay. And I'm worried that this. Because of my lack of sleep and like my energy right now, that this is going to be on my end. I'm going to be boring. Yeah. I'm so scared. I'm going to be boring in this recording. I've never seen you be boring. So it feels really hard to imagine. But sometimes like I can be like in a conversation. That's like, can I just say as kind of like, how do I put this as like, as like gay jesters? Mm hmm. Which we both are. Yeah, as gay jesters, it's just sometimes it's hard to explain to people that sometimes it's giving boring. It's giving boring. It's going to give boring. Sometimes I give boring and that's okay. I follow the social script sometimes in such a lazy way. Yeah. Like I've always said that about you. Yeah, it's like one of my top three things. I'm like, really funny. Super nice follows a social script in such a lazy, lazy way. That's. Sometimes I do. I'm just like the weather. Oh, it's raining. I was like, I'd like when chance like met me outside, I was just like going to talk about the weather. Yeah. Which sometimes that is so interesting. Like sometimes there is something there. We're all experiencing it and we all know what that's like. We know what rain is like. We know what like 1:00 PM on a Monday, it's raining traffic, whatever. Like we, we kind of know those. This is boring. Do you find it? No, it's not. Did you? Do you find yourself falling prey to this a lot that you're like talking about something you don't care about because it feels like the thing to do, I guess. So a little bit. Sometimes I, by the way, I love that shit. Yeah, that is, I don't even fall prey to it. I seek it out. I love, I love to be like, oh, the me and the people at my front desk have some of the most banal conversations you can possibly imagine at the, at my building. I'll walk in and be like, it is a scorcher out there and they'll be like, it's so hot. And I'll be like, but it's kind of nice to be in the AC. Right. And we'll do this. Over and over again. You see, Caleb, like, but that is so, some people are so good at it. I love it. That is so cool. Like, like, no, like there's times that it's like, like, I'll be with a friend and like, we're talking to like either like a waiter, like, or another person that's at the store to a retail or whatever. Like, and they're having, we're having small talk. But they are engaging with, to ask, like, wait, what'd you say? You were like, it's a scorcher out there, right? Oh yeah, I love that one. And then you said, what? But it's nice to be in the AC for a little bit, right? But it's nice to be in the AC, right? Yeah. To ask that? Oh, I'm. That's so charming. That's so like. This is all I have. Where for me, like, I would just be like, yeah, it's like so hot outside. So you're really just the AC question off. Yeah. That's the one. And I don't, I don't, yeah, I just, I just have to come up with. Some people find it charming. Some people don't. I will say I, I like to bring, I like to bring servers in on bits a lot. I'm really, I'm, I'm no matter what the context of the dinner is. And I will say I've been on some dates where I find out very quickly that this person is not going to be charmed by my whole deal. I'm like asking the server, like, who's your favorite table tonight? Who's giving you trouble? And I can sometimes, I have been on dates where I just see the person's eyes kind of shift to like, well, this is now an experiment and no longer a viable relationship. It's so romantic. You know what I mean? And I mean, I mean it. I want to get into it with the server. Yeah. Yeah. I love that shit. I don't have anything else. I know. Me too. This is my whole life. I do. But then I, um, like, I don't know. I think I still revert to with the server. I'm like pretending they're like right here. I like still, I think I like still revert to like being like 16 or something or like 15, like a lot. My first time alone. At a restaurant or something like in my hometown or whatever. And I'm like, Oh yeah, thank you. Yeah. And if they're trying to spark like a little bit of conversation, I'm like, my heart's racing. I'm, but I'm like trying to find a, I'm like, just be honest. Like just you can talk to people. What's your fear? I think maybe I can't tell if it's like, what is the fear? I like, I don't, I'm not enough. I'm not enough. I think you're powerful beyond measure. Richard, I think you're powerful beyond measure. You have a really funny bit in your show, which I just saw and is brilliant. Oh my God. Thank you so much. And I hope you're putting it up more very soon. Yes, I am. Thank God. Um, but you have such a funny bit in it that we can cut this if you don't want me to spoil it, but you're like talking to somebody at dinner and the tone is very like, we're here, we're talking, we're having dinner. It's dinner tone. And then. When invisible server comes and you raise your voice and look up to a height that is so unbelievably funny. Like I truly had laughed about it the next day about you just being like, yeah, totally. Yeah. The chicken piccata. Yeah. Like looking like truly into the ceiling. Like it fucking held me, dude. It's so funny. Thank you. Thank you, Caleb. I love the show. Thank you so much. What inspired it? Um, I, so I started working on the show in 2022, um, and even like the title of it, I have to do this, like kind of like, I mean, I don't know, like there, there's a few like scenes that I guess I've already have thought about and like, like there was this lady I was dog sitting for actually near here on the beginning of that year and she had a really nice kitchen sink. And I propped my phone up and I was doing her dishes and I just started filming myself doing dishes. Yeah. But then I started like pretending that someone's like my boyfriend, like imaginary boyfriend is like kissing my neck or something and trying to be like cute with me while I'm like, and I'm like, stop. Like, what are you doing? And, um, it really did something to me. And so I, Um, I made a few, I did a few different takes and then I like shared it online and, um, I don't know. I just thought it was so funny. And so then at that time too, I was like really deeply figuring out like live material and like performing on stage, doing comedy and cause I was like fairly new. And, um, then by the end of that year, I don't know, like eventually this one time I was like, time I in the summer I had this like night where I had two shows or something and at that time that was like a huge deal yeah I was like two stand-up shows what am I gonna do and I was so nervous and I'm just like like trying to figure out like do I do new material like what am I gonna like I have nothing like I don't know blah blah blah and then I've just been thinking about this idea for a while I'm like what if I just like lied to the audience and I tell them I have a play and and And I even like a little punchline in describing it to them would be called i have to do this yeah and that someone's like making me do this show or something so i don't know i feel like it's it kind of started from like that place of just like well one me like just like exploring and like reckoning with like my own relationship with performing but also like uh just living in like some sort of fantasy of like a rom-com sort of romance or whatever like playing playing with like that like bedroom fantasy like i think a lot of people act out alone like at home like you ever do that like act out being in a relationship at home yeah well i don't want to say no because it i want you to feel very connected to me right now okay but the answer is no not really okay but i don't i don't know but like i mean like i don't know do you ever like when you're in bed like you're just like you ever like do that just like just like pretend someone's over there yeah i don't but i will say specifically like cuddling in bed is a site of anxiety for me in relationships okay i don't like i it's not i don't like i struggle with another person in my bed okay and i have not been in a bed with somebody because i and i and i pray for it someday richard i hope it happens okay but i someone in the bed is so like i'm supposed to be in here alone sleeping what the hell are you doing in here yeah do you know what i mean yeah yeah i do yeah i mean so much of the show that i just saw of yours is like really well observed i feel like it's very self-aware there's some really there's really great small stuff about who this person is as a character um that i loved and the stuff that's observed about relationships i think is so smart and fantastic how are you in relationships are you anxious well i've never been in one no no and so so i'm 35 you're 35 yeah and okay so tell me what's happened basically um i felt like i started well in high school closeted but thank you i was always like this like everyone knew everyone knew everyone knew everyone you're like first of all i'm straight yeah i was like guys yeah let's get one thing out of the way let's get one thing out of the way i'm straight everyone's like okay and i was like i'm going to art school and everyone's like okay they're like totally totally yes you do it and i think we know the project that'll come out of that yeah i think i know the kind of post we'll be seeing pretty quickly into art school i know in my head i'm like i'm gonna go to art school i'm gonna go to art school i'm gonna go to my mind i was like um because i went to school for photography and i was like that's like because deep down when we were um it was like junior year or something and you're like getting closer to like okay i gotta decide like what major like what am i gonna do as far as like college goes and i was like thinking to myself like i was like well i fell i fell in love with this sort of creative practice photography mm-hmm but i always wanted to be an actor of course and so i was like but everyone's gonna everyone's gonna like know i'm gay because you're doing photography no because i'm doing acting okay like theater school got it got it blah blah and i was like photography that's pretty straight and then truly like and i at that time i'm not i wasn't really much of a musicals person like and that's like so like my own repressed sort of thing and um i felt like not accepted by like the theater community and i felt like not accepted by like the theater community from like my high school from like my high school from like my high school um but uh i saw rent like the movie um and then the straight guy in it is a photographer or filmmaker there's that guy who always brings the camera around yeah and i was like oh just like him that makes me that makes me so both want to laugh and also sad and want to hug you from them you being like i'm the guy with the camera i'm just the guy i'm just the guy with the camera that's me that's me yeah and i'm sensitive and and that's just how i am and you can be sensitive and a straight man by the way yes you can and take your photos and then and also like in high school i just like i don't know i just like really fell in love with it and like this was like for high school high school for me was like myspace was ending facebook was like popping off so there was like that transition like area like era and uh but i feel like i eventually like just taking pictures of my friends which most of my friends were girls of course and you just laying out the textbook kind of yeah literally all my friends and then my best friend gay guy of course the only thing that could be gayer than that is if it was a straight guy that you were secretly in love with of course yes yeah yeah which would yeah that was later that was later yeah of course but i um so i would take pictures of my girls and i put it like i would put it online like they would also put them online and then more girls would reach out girls from other towns girls from other towns were like i need you to take my picture yeah i'll pay you 50 bucks let's go to a field and branchburg whatever the hell new jersey we'll go whatever we'll take pictures and i was living i was like oh my god this is everything and i'm like i'm gonna be the next jurgen teller yeah and um but yeah whatever i'm straight and so then like i i um wait what was the question it was about dating or something i it was about relationships and what your relationship situation is yes so then um so high school was like your truman capote and his swans sort of sort of era you're just collecting swans from every township in jersey except you're photographing them for pay well yes yeah i did and then um but then i i got to college i didn't um i didn't hook up with anyone or i was just way too anxious and just gradually eventually i was just like like i met this guy i became really close with this guy um in like sophomore year i wonder if he'll listen to this i um we got really close and then he he was straight and i like fell in love with him and then that was like the first like yep that's the big one yeah fuck i bet that hurts so bad really bad yeah really bad and then and then i think i think because well because of that then i had to open up to my friends in college and let them know i was like and at first i framed it i was like i'm bisexual i wanted to keep the door open totally you know classic class i'm so classic totally and you might have been by the way and maybe i am maybe you are maybe i am and i just don't know that yet okay completely i am whatever completely but that first unrequited heartbreak yeah that foundational foundational text yeah and then um and then i transferred schools because i went to a two-year program to school that doesn't exist anymore in delaware and then i transferred to pratt and uh the friends i made in delaware we all had the same idea so we moved so i was like really lucky i moved here with a group of friends yeah and um and then like i just feel like i didn't i don't know i didn't date or anything like i was really really anxious around it but you were out to your friends at this point yes as bisexual you were out to your friends as bisexual after you got your heart broken by a straight guy and then i moved to new york yeah it's classic classic exactly new york arrived to new york by the way yes yes if you can move to new york in any way i just want to say to anyone listening make sure that you get your heart broken by a straight person yeah uh are transferring schools and are affording with the idea of being bi that's the best way to come to new york city truly if you get your way yeah yeah truly i had to come as like an already out gay guy boring you were already like seeing it yeah that was boring so but back to you you came to pratt i came to pratt you did not date due to just like sphere of course and then um one of the classic emotions yeah and so then like uh but i remember senior year or the summer going into senior year i i remember i like because i turned 21 so going to like bars and stuff like it was just like everything i'm like this is fab yeah um and this guy from my photo class we like hung out like this one night he was like do you want to like get a drink like we both were staying here in the bar and i was like okay in hindsight i was like was it like a little bit like was there a vibe like i don't know i can tell you that i'm shipping yeah i can tell you we're all on the edge of our fucking seats no i know and i was like what but nothing happened between him and i what we never kissed like nothing happened he was a gay guy he was a gay guy oh richard but i But I know he was dating someone, and they're still together. That doesn't mean anything to gay guys. I know, I know, but I don't know. You know gay guys. Yes, I do. Dating somebody means nothing. I know. It's less than a roommate at most times. Right, right. Most gay guys have a more serious relationship with their postal man than their boyfriend. Oh, my God. To be a boyfriend to a gay guy is like, it's like being their barista or something. It's totally unserious. It could change at the drop of a hat. It's transactional. It's transactional. You meet a gay guy who's been married for like 20 years, and he's like, oh, that's just my husband. Like, it's really not serious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so nothing happens with this guy. So nothing happened between us, but there was this moment where this drunk lady was chatting us up, and she was like, are you guys gay? First of all. And, like, we paused. Like, we paused. He's like, I am. And I was like, me too. Sorry. That was the first time I ever said that. Oh, my God. Me too. I low-key want to cry. Does that make sense? Yeah. That's beautiful. Yeah. Oh, my God. I love that. And it happened literally like a few blocks away from here. Stop. So I'm feeling really full circle right now. Yeah, yeah. Me saying exactly where we are. But, yeah, and then, and then, like, after college, then, like, I started to, I really, like, like, I told my brother and. Older or younger? Younger. Trey? Yeah. Oh, how'd it go? He was so sweet about it until he told my mom. Oh. And then that caused, like. Tension. Tension. Yeah. Mom not cool with it. Yeah. Mom not into it. Yeah. So then that was, like, that was, I was, like, 22 or 23. And, uh, and I got, like, my first job. And so, like, I don't know, I was, like, an adult or something, like, in New York, like, feeling really, like, okay, well, I'm, like, uh, living my life, like, as, like, now that this thing is, like, out of the. Cat's out of the bag, like, I'm just gonna, I just gotta do this. Yeah. And then, um, but then, yeah, I think since then, it was, like, 22, 23 to now, my relationship to dating has been, like, I don't know, like, I. I, I guess I've just always been, like, in my early 20s, I always thought that it was just that other people didn't want me or something that, like, I have to wait for someone. I have to wait for someone to pick me. Yeah. And then, if I get chosen, then, like, we can make this work. But, but then I'm, like, in hindsight, I'm, like, I also think that I put up barriers and I, like, do have a, an issue with, like, intimacy or something or, like, uh, yeah, like, I also got in, I got in my own way or something. And maybe I just wasn't ready or didn't, I don't know. Well, there's an. There's an inherent, like, um, I think signal that we give off when I spent, I relate to a lot of this, but I spent a good portion of, like, the beginning of my 20s feeling, like, undesirable in my, of course, my teen years, but that's, like, I feel like that's given. But, yeah, I felt undesirable and I felt like nobody would want me. And I look back and there are so many things that I'm, like, that person either was into you or could have been into you, but we spend so much time, like, when you really believe that you're undesirable or that someone would not want you. You put out this signal, whether you know it or not, that is, like, that almost convinces people not to be into you. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? 100%. Not saying that that's what was happening with you, but that's what was happening with me. But I really relate to that. Yeah. I really, really, like. It's like a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yeah. It's like, I am undesirable. Yeah. I believe that. The universe is hearing me say that. And now other people are getting the signal that I am undesirable. People don't want me. And then I really think I, like, put out, like, some sort of. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Some sort of energy or some sort of. Or how I, like, engaged with people. Like, I don't know. I just. I think I wasn't open. Yeah. to it. I think when you say that, too, there's sometimes, like, people will, like. Confidence won't get you everybody. Yeah. Like, it's not like being confident will just make anyone attracted to you. Yeah. But, like, not believing that anyone should be into you certainly won't get you anybody. Yeah. That you. Yeah. It's not anybody that you should be having. Right. The people who are into that are crazy. Like, people who are into, like, weak partners are. That's a whole other problem. That's. Yeah. That's actually really scary. That's scary. That's so scary. And that could have happened. Totally. You know? Yeah. Thank goodness it didn't. Yeah. Like. And. Yeah. Like, I feel. Also, I. Throughout my 20s, like, my drinking just, like, crescendoed and spiraled out and. Big drinker. Mm-hmm. Okay. Like, yeah. And then I stopped drinking when I was 28. And then I haven't since. Now, how did you stop drinking? Did you do a program or were you just like, I'm done with this? I just. I. It was over lockdown, which was crazy. Nice. But. But it really. For me, I just. Well, someone confronted me, like, a few months before lockdown. So I just, like, thought about it for a bit. And then I was just like. And then quite literally, I just couldn't. I could not afford it. Yeah. Lost my job. Like, lockdown started. Like, I was just like, all right, I gotta just try it. Yeah. And not give in to this right now and see what happens. And then June, I finally got my, like, unemployment. I was waiting forever for unemployment. So I got, like, back pay. Mm-hmm. So I got, like, $5,000. Mm-hmm. And I was like, I could, like, pretty much drink. All of this, like, for the next, like, month or so. But I'm like, let me not do that. Like, I just. Let me just keep seeing this. Yeah. And I still was, like, trying to make sense of. I'm like, well, I don't think I really have, like, an issue with this. Or I don't know. Like, blah, blah, whatever. And then eventually, like, I was brought to this type of, like, Zoom program type of thing. And then they connected me to a therapist that I was seeing who's been sober for 20 years. Mm-hmm. And we unpacked a lot of things together. I have so many questions. If I asked you about the confrontation, would you tell me or you're not. Don't want to talk about it. The confrontation. You're like, someone confronted me. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. About the drinking. I'll talk about it. What was that like? Who, why, what, how? It was, like, another. It was, like, a classic. It was, like, a pattern that repeated where it was, like, a straight guy that I had feelings for. Hmm. That I was friends with. Okay. And. Just immediately hard to be on his side. Hearing that it was a straight guy, I'm like, you shouldn't be confronting anyone. He was different. Ultimately, I would say it sounds, like, for the best, but immediately when I heard that, I was like, excuse me? He was different. He was different. Straight guy friend you had feelings for. He was different. He was straight, but, like, kind of fruity. Love. What was the confrontation? He was, like, hey, when you drink, you're really handsy. Yeah. And I'm not down with all that. Yeah, I told you I'm not gay. Yeah. You keep. You keep trying to kiss me when you're drunk. It feels like a sober motive is somewhere in there. I don't know. No, like, because I feel like around, like, when I first started drinking, like, in college to then, I think, I mean, I think, like, quite often, especially when I was, like, going through different, like, turmoil, different changes, or I just feel like I was that person that, like, would worry everyone. And I would get so. I would, like, waste it, and then end up, like, weeping, and then, like, run away, and, like, scare everyone. Yeah. They're, like, not answering my phone, like, being crazy. Some of the classic behaviors of getting drunk, yeah. Yeah. And then also, I think, like, just some of my, like, repressed, like, anger, like, I would just, like, like, kind of, like, lash out a little. Yeah. Or get, like, have, like, a bite to me. Oh, I have some friends that, when they've had more than three drinks, either I go somewhere they're not, or. Or I need to also get drunk, because the. I know some very sweet people that are mean drunks. Yeah. And I don't enjoy it. And I was kind of like that. That happens sometimes. But, yeah. And so, like, basically, I have this, like, meltdown type of thing. I, like, run into him, because I used to go out alone a lot, too, before lockdown, slash, like, getting sober, but also before performing. Like, live. I used to go out alone to. I would go to Pyramid Club, like, every week, and go out dancing there. And I got to, like, meet, you know, and met other people that are also regulars there, and, like, got to know the people that work there. And, like, some of my best friends, like, also, like, would come with me sometimes. But, like, on the weekends, you know. And then I would do karaoke a lot. And I think I was just, like, microdosing, like, performing, because I wanted to perform. Of course. But I was really scared to start. And so. Anyways, this one night I run into him. I was like, I really, really, I like went, I think I, before I ran into him, I was at a, it was like, I was working at a startup and they had like a holiday party. So I was gone. You were fucking ripped off the startup. Free. Yeah, let's go. Yeah. Free startup alcohol. Open bar. Yeah. Gone. Oh yeah. And then I was like, I gotta sing. So then. Time to sing. Time to sing my song. Time to sing my songs, guys. I'm completely obsessed. And I'm like walking over to, I went to Asia Roma first. I don't know what happened. And then I went to upstairs bar. Yeah. And then I run into him. I don't remember what, I just remember I was just like rude to him. But then he got concerned. Because I like, there was some sort of, him and I never talked about it. We never unpacked it. And I closed the door. But basically like, I left. And then from his POV, this is what I imagine. Him and I are talking at the bar. It's called upstairs bar. So there's stairs that lead you there. And we're talking and I'm like, whatever. And I'm leaving. Bye. And then I walk out, slam the door. And then I think from him, all he heard probably was. I slid down the stairs. Oh no. Oh, the worst. Not your dramatic exit ruined by a farce. This episode is brought to you by Hinge. Look, dating can be a goddamn nightmare. It can be a daunting and difficult thing to navigate. But thankfully our friends at Hinge are here to help. Hinge is the dating app designed to be, you guessed it, deleted. It's for people dating with intention. Going on dates, putting themselves out there. Hinge is designed for finding connections. What makes Hinge the ideal dating app? 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Apple Pay is more secure than a physical card because you authenticate your product and make purchases with Face ID before you pay. Simple, secure, fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply. I don't think I can be your friend, Isabella said. Rebecca's stomach flipped. This is the love story of real hinge couple Isabella and Rebecca, written and read by me, Temi Denton-Hurst. And at that time, I, like, was in between apartments. I was, like, crashing on a few couches. And so, yeah, he texted the person I was staying with. Like, he was really concerned. So then the next day, he just, like, reached out as if, like, nothing. He just sent me a meme. And just to be like, ha-ha. Was it a meme about someone falling down the stairs? Or was it just completely unrelated? It was unrelated. I love that. I think, I think, yeah. And then. I was just kind of like, I should say something. Like, I. My behavior was, like, inappropriate. Yeah. And so I sent him a message. And I was like, and I think, to be honest, this thing is coming up. I have. I think I have feelings for you. And I think part of my, like, behavior is, like, trying to navigate that or reconcile with it or something. And I'm taking it out on you. And I'm sorry. But then. But he was like, I understand. Like, you know, I, like, I've. Of course, like, he's experienced that, too. Or, you know, like, an unrequited type of thing. But he was like, I'm more concerned about your drinking. Yeah. And I think if you don't do something about it, it's going to get worse. And I was so upset. Yeah. Yeah. Like, were you defensive? Like, he's wrong? Or were you. Okay. And we still haven't talked since. No way. Yeah. But so how long after that conversation did you go, like, oh, fuck, the drinking is a problem? It took me a while, I think. It probably. Because that happened at the end of 2019. And then beginning of 2020 was when I stopped. Yeah. And then I probably feel like by the end. So maybe it took, like, a year. And then, like, a year and a half, I was just like, okay, yeah. Like, I'm really glad he said that. And have you ever. And you've never talked to him since then? We haven't talked since. Damn. And so, yeah. But if he's listening, thank you. Oh, my God. That's so beautiful. Does he. Do you think he still lives in. Do you know anything about what he's up to? I have no idea. Wow. Interesting. Yeah. I really. I wish I didn't handle it that way. Yeah. But, yeah. Yeah. I'm really happy he did. It's the most logical response when someone brings up something big and, like, cutting to the core and, like, foundational. The most logical thing is to be like, well, that person's fucking crazy. Yeah. Project much? I don't think I have a life alternative. I think you're fucking jealous. yeah yeah yeah you're jealous you're jealous of me you're jealous of how much fun i have yeah hello i sing hello i sing my songs i sing my songs alone alone while i'm out alone alone what you do that and i run into you and treat you weird that is so funny yeah damn well shout out to him shout out to him really shout out to him in many ways yes and um and then yeah and then i feel like the first like year and a half of not drinking then like things started opening up again with like venues and bars like you know at the end of 20 or summer of 2021 yeah and then that's when i started like i've been making like videos and stuff like that online um but never gone viral or anything like that like it's just a gradually more like new york like comedians would find me a little bit like little by little and then they started reaching out and being like oh like would you want to do like a set yeah on the show would you want to i don't know and i just felt like i was like well i gotta say yes to learn how to figure out who i am in this context and i just gotta try i was so scared it was crazy of course it's scary as hell when you start yeah i feel like if you're not scared when you start you're either an idiot or a sociopath yes it should be scary it really should be scary yeah it's a scary thing to do especially i think particularly there's a real like i think about audacity a lot as a concept and like what that even means and why we hate it so much like we really i think as a culture we really we despise people with audacity but we like revere them we like we we value audacity as like this very cool thing to have but then we really despise a lot of people who are not audacious and we really despise people who are having it and particularly with humor the idea of standing up in front of a room of people and being like i am so funny yeah that i should be up here alone with this thing and you should all be sitting there listening intently that is like a huge amount of audacity and so of course it's scary that's a crazy thing to do yes it's really psycho yeah that any of us do it is crazy i know it is crazy and you are that funny you should be doing it so it makes sense thank you but of course it's scary are you good at living presently um sometimes i have my moments yeah yeah i have my moments and i eat yeah there are times i'm good at living in the present and in those moments honey i eat i'm eating yeah i'm bad at it i think i can't decide i'm either amazing at it or the maybe the worst person to ever do it actually i don't know am i present right now i'm like i think you're present right you're i think you're being very present right now yeah i feel like you are too i feel really good at being present on this show actually i randomly do feel like no matter what is going on i can walk in to do this podcast yeah it doesn't really matter what else is going on i am really able to sit in this chair and have a conversation and god bless y'all keep watching keep watching y'all if you can hear me watching keep watching share like subscribe tell your friends never ever ever post a mean thing about me be sweet share this video with your friends and i'll see you in the next one bye bye the show but i hope that they're listening i hope they didn't click out they haven't clicked out of this episode they haven't clicked out of this episode okay they haven't clicked out of this episode we this this episode this episode is one that i'm really enjoying richard i'm enjoying it too we don't also by the way it's funny there is a lot of anxiety that people have around coming on this show people get really nervous people i've never seen be nervous before hacked so insane to me and chance and virginia and michelle i don't know if it makes its way to nicole directly of course she bears nicole edits the show she bears all the consequences of the insanity but people that cool as a cucumber coolest people you've ever met dear friends texting me 3 a.m cold sweat panic two weeks after recording the thing i said about obama it has to go it has to go it just like crazy like like my ex watches my ex watches my ex watches please chance can you help me please is it too late chance my ex they cannot be mentioned chance we must cut it's the craziest shit i have ever seen in my life people that i've never seen behave this way yeah and you know we welcome it we say no worries i mean it's just like yeah it's it can be quite um it's quite vulnerable it is very vulnerable and i feel also that it because we don't do a strictly like i have always said this show regardless of how the fans feel about it the show is not uh intended to be anything it's like whatever we want it to be sometimes there's a serious episode sometimes there's a sweet episode sometimes there's a funny one sometimes i come in and i'm in a stupid insane psychotic energy yeah and then we have to do a stupid episode and god love the guests on those days um but yeah the show is the show is whatever it turns into and i think because there's no gimmick uh it can stress people out because i think it randomly becomes kind of revealing yeah totally yeah because like we're just stepping into like a conversation that's like because right now so far it's just been like i don't know this maybe would be what it's like for you and i alone yeah oh my god by the way i listened to sydney washington's episode the latest one yeah and you guys mentioned me yeah we said you said very kind things with both of you thank you so much i meant i meant them i'm very earnest and genuine yeah i really appreciate sydney is um sydney's no sydney washington is a very nefarious player she's a disingenuous character no i love her so much she's the fucking best sydney washington she's the best she called me the other day and she goes she she called she loves the call out of the blue which i love about her and she calls she calls out of the blue and she goes what are we doing for july 4th what is the plan i go sit i don't know i'm not hearing anything interesting it's all like beach or rooftop and i neither is really speaking to me at the moment who knows what'll happen and she goes you know i just talked to marie marie hasn't heard a plan if marie hasn't heard a plan it's dry it's dry it's dry you know it's dry when marie hasn't heard a plan i'm like i agree with that sentiment and i don't know what we're gonna do and she was like all right well keep me in the loop i love you i love that i love that i love that it's my girl i feel like there's times like yeah i see her at like shows in the green room and uh or like once in a while like she'll be entering like getting out of a phone call yeah a facetime or something like with her and i'm just like i love that i love like uh i don't know it's better than like texting or something especially when it's like that kind of thing yeah why not just be like a direct clear like she's one of the sweetest most special souls i have ever encountered yeah she's too good for this world i don't i just she's so fucking funny and smart and nice and good at being a friend and that's the vibe i get from her it's crazy like we don't know each other so well but i i get the vibe like to her friends like the people who are who are lucky to be so close to her that she's just like really loyal and really just like there yeah for them like that that's just like the i don't know i don't know how to articulate it no she shows up it's crazy she really is like a she's like a community organizer good friend she's a incredible friend yeah i it's it's insane i like strive to be as good of a friend as sydney is and keep up with people as much as she does she really keeps it going yeah she doesn't let it fall out of touch i can let it fall out of touch i do too it's hard yeah there's too many people we have a really we have a really beautiful situation where we get to know so many great people yeah but it's hard to fucking keep up with everybody because also i'll call somebody randomly sometimes being like oh my gosh i haven't talked to like so and so and forever and i'll call and they're like oh i'm sorry i moved to la for a couple months i think i'll be back in the fall or like everyone's just always like yes you know you can't keep track of anybody yeah unless you use find my friends i i i i just started this year i don't do it you don't no i don't subscribe to it you cannot have my location i know i know that's crazy you can't have my location that is crazy no and people abuse it too girls abuse it girls abuse find my friends yeah i hate talking bad about girls you know how i feel about girls which are like they're my number one they raised me i love girls all my friends were girls in high school oh my gosh girls are everything they raised me i have nothing if all girls disappeared tomorrow i would kill myself on on site and me too if i woke up tomorrow and turned on the radio and there was an alert there are no more girls all all girls died last night i would put a fucking gun in my mouth and pull the trigger breaking breaking breaking breaking all girls disappeared from the earth last night you would just you would you would pan out to the an exterior of my building and hear a loud shot yes and then and then across town somewhere downtown yeah somewhere downtown big fucking sound that is me killing myself with a gun that having been said girls abuse find my friends they abuse location uh saw saw that ford my friends dots you gotta walk at the reservoir right now didn't get an invite hey so that's not a use of that hey yeah this was supposed to be for safety i thought yeah and now we're using it for trickery and petty manipulate nations it's not good i know i know i share my location with i think six people how many girls three you're in danger boys don't even use it boys don't even use it But I kind of, like, not in like a, you know, it's more like once in a while I'm curious. Yeah. You know, like, I'm like, what are you doing? Of course. I'm like, he's so, like, he's crazy. I have this one friend where I'm like, you're a wild one. You're crazy. What are you doing in Dubai? Yeah, you're doing, yeah. What are you doing? Oh, okay. Okay, you're in Dubai. Okay. Okay, what are you doing over there? I, yeah, the surveillance state can be so much fun. It can be fun. I love playing with my ring camera. I have one. I have a ring camera. I'm fundamentally opposed to it. Yeah. When my friend's staying at my house and she goes and plays guitar on the front porch, I'll sometimes, if I get the alert that she's out there, I'll just say, hey. You know, stuff like that. It's cute. Living in the Panopticon, we need to have our fun. You need to have fun with it. Yeah. Have fun with the surveillance state. We're being watched at all times from every single angle. Let's have a little fun with it. Yeah. It's kind of my thing. Play Subvert the Form. Subvert the Form. Yes, we're being watched. Yes, you cannot escape the all-knowing eye of the government. Yes, we should have a little fun with it. Yeah. Do you, how do you feel about the government, pro or con? I'm con. Now you go. I'm pro. Pro, pro, pro. I love what they're doing. Richard, I have a question for you. Tell me. What is so true to you? Okay. I was thinking about this. Thank God. You're the first. Yeah. I need help kind of articulating it. Okay. Fuck. Okay. Let's do it. So, okay. I'm on a sex journey. Oh, my God. Fun. Yeah. I essentially felt like I re-lost my virginity in February. How so? I went through like a 10-year dry spell. You went through a 10-year dry spell? Yeah. That in February ended. And I would fool around. Of course. Like once in a while. Yeah. Fool around here and there. Fool around. We're talking like. Oral. Oral, no worries. Oral make out. That's it. Love making out in oral. Me too. Two of the biggest events of the show, by the way. Yes. Yeah. Making out in oral are like, hello, we're most of the way there. Yeah. And like, yeah, sometimes just like. A lot of the times we're the whole way there. Yeah. Or like better than like the thing, you know? Yeah. Better than, yeah. Oral is one of the things that God intended it for us. Yes. Oral is one of the most beautiful fruits that we've ever known. Yeah. A hundred percent. It's a special, special thing. Oral. And so I've been having sex since February with different people. So February you started penetrative sex again. Yeah. What happened? Okay. I was in Toronto. Always. It's always Toronto where you get back into penetration. I've been saying this. It's something about Trinity Bellwoods Park. Just charged. Very charged energy. It goes penetrate once more or allow yourself to be penetrated once more. Yes. Beautiful. You were in Toronto. I was in Toronto for a job. Yes. Um, and I also, it was crazy. Like I was in LA, so I had this like mom. I can't tell how much of it was like, okay, well let me, I'm sorry. My thoughts are like, I'm trying to organize them. Oh, you're good. Okay. So basically, um, I had this like two weeks of just like bouncing around. Yeah. Um, which was like new for me. And so I felt like, oh my gosh, like just an excitement from it. And sure. Maybe like there's something with my ego or something. I was feeling myself. And so I'm put up in this nice hotel and, um, I go on Grindr, but it's like the dead of winter in Toronto. Yeah. Um, so I'm not, and I'm only there for like three nights, two or three nights. And so I was just like, well, you know, I don't want to, if I know anything about gay guys, by the way, none of this matters. Yes. None of this matters. If there's a will, there's a way. And almost the only thing there is, is a will. Yes. Yeah. And so I'm on the apps and, uh, chatting with this guy. And then I kind of like let him know, like, Hey, like, you know, I'm kind of down to just like go around. I don't want to go all the way. Yeah. And he's like, whatever you feel comfortable with. Like I'm down. Nice. Hot. Yeah. And I was like, that's really sweet. That's really sweet. I think I'm going to let you fuck me tonight. I think you're fucking me. So then I got ready just in case. Yeah. I was like, let's see how tonight goes. Yeah. And then he came to the hotel. He was so handsome. I was like, huh? And then. Fucking quivering. I had to like meet him in the lobby and then bring it. So we're in the elevator together. Yeah. I was like, Hey. And I'm like, and I didn't know how to close the blinds. And to my hotel room. So I was like, I didn't. And I was too nervous to ask anyone that worked there. So I was like, so I let him know that. That was our elevator conversation. He just, you know, just, you know, like I couldn't close the blinds. So the lights are really low. They're dark. Yeah. So just letting you know, that's kind of what it's like. He's like, Oh, that's okay. And then when he entered, he's like, Whoa, it's really dark in here. I was like, yeah. I'm not trying to kill you. I'm just scared of the staff and unable to work the blinds. And I was like, I hope that's okay. Yeah. And then he was just, then we got, we got into it and then it was building. And I felt like we had really great chemistry. And then he was like, I really want to fuck you. And I was like, do it, do it. And then he was like, are you sure? Then fucking do it. I was like, prove it. Fucking do it. Prove it. Do it. Okay. So what are you waiting for all the way over there? He's across the room for some reason. And I'm just like, hold like out, hold my legs back, do it. And so then he, um, he did. And then when, when he, um, when he was starting, you know, the starting is always hard with anything. Like it's painful. It's like, you got to adjust like everything worthwhile in life. Everything starting is so like, yeah. And so then like when he, when he did, I literally was like, he was so hot and sweet about it too. Like he was just like, are you okay? Like checking in and he's just like, Oh, you're doing great. You're so hot. This is so sexy. Well, and I'm like, yeah, I'm feeling better. And then, but I also, in my mind thought that I was in, um, just my mind was like, I'm not going to do this. I'm not going to do this. Movie reference that I jumped to right away. It was like the montage, like prom scene, uh, American pie when they're all losing their virginities, um, after prom. So in big Ranga is playing sway my way. Don't come and go like you do. And I'm like, and he's kind of like, why are you singing? No, I'm kidding. I didn't say, Hey, knock it off. Now the blinds are seeming kind of fucked up actually. Yeah, I could stop. Um, and then, yeah. And then we, then, then it went from there. And then I was like, Oh work. I love this. We're back. We're so fucking right. Did he, uh, size speaking of size, was it huge? No, I don't just want that. Like it's not, yeah. Sometimes I am like, you know, I don't think today I have it in me for, for this type of, of course, who should, um, but I hate hung guys. They're a natural predator to my whole situation. It's like the girls are gone and it was like, why didn't they take the hung guy? Oh, the girls died last night. Only hung guys are left. Yeah, I'm out of here. I am out. I'm fucking out of here. Done. It's me and only hung guys left. You and only hung guys are left on earth. Oh great. My fucking nightmare from middle school. It's only guys and everyone's hung but me. No thanks. Um, so then, um, and then I had sex and went to LA after that. Nice. And then I had sex there. That always happens. And that wasn't such like, I felt like there wasn't really such great chemistry there. Yeah. And also I felt like this person was like fucking me in this way. That felt very kind of like masturbatory or something. Like I was like, oh, and I'm like looking at the wall, like getting fucked. And I was just like, I'm like, this is just like comedy. Like one night you're like, I'm born for this. And then there's like, and then there's like, and then there's nights where you're like, why did I do that? Yeah. I was like, what the hell was that about? What am I doing? What compelled me to do that? And then I'm sure there's so. There's so many, that's just like, yeah, it was fine. Yeah. Like, yeah. Of course. I did it. It's fine. Of course. Um, and so I was just like, whatever, let me not like attach to any, to any, you know, to it. And so, um, anyway, so my so true is. Completely obsessed. The sex journey in question, by the way, is just having some. I'm on a bit of a sex journey right now. now in that i'm having that i'm having sex yeah and we're gonna make so true merch that says i'm on a bit of a sex journey right now colon i'm having some i'm having some please leave that in the comments yeah would you mind okay and um so being on the apps especially a hookup app i feel like there has to be some way to like navigate between like knowing who someone is in like a public fence or i don't know you're barking up the right tree with this yeah like i just don't like someone reaching out to me on those particular apps to just be like hey diva like right you are diva's gonna go ahead and piss me off yeah like you're a queen and so funny but like the thought of you naked makes my skin crawl like i would never have sex with you not attracted to you but you were like um you're like you're um mama hey hey mama boots that's how i'm taking you're an asexual clown to me yeah but i love your work diva i'm like hey just leave me alone so i'm like just don't do that if you want to show support actually don't ever message me on grinder unless you want to show support in the way that you think i'm funny and because of that you want to fuck yeah then let's fuck then yeah but if the thing is you just want to let me know you're a fan uh you can comment on instagram you can share a tiktok you could buy a ticket you can head to the merch shop and go ahead and make some plenty of ways to be a fan maybe fire up netflix and see the latest movies see my photo yeah if you the image of me and what i look like yeah and and it could be like a yeah he's funny and that is attractive to me nice like if you are like i'm attracted just close your eyes and like check am i attracted then if you are then like say hi yes and we can and i get it you also have to feel it out like just in general like when you see someone you're like oh like you can think someone's attractive and then you just kind of have to like meet to see what the vibe is but if you already know that's like not the case yeah just don't don't do that leave me out of it leave me out of it i've started putting this in my bios not interested in talking to you about my job yeah or like making friends i'm sorry i'm not here to make friends sorry not in this form not in this way i know and i that actually that one does make me feel bad because it is my job i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm sorry i'm not here to make friends and i actually feel sorry if you're like new to the city and you don't have friends totally makes sense i'm not your guy but i totally wish it for you and see yeah and if we met in a different way or i don't know like maybe like i don't know but it's just like i i don't know i'm going in here with the with like hope in my heart yeah that i'll get railed yeah and that's what i'm hoping for and i just don't i i know that's sweet i know it's like i douched and i overreacted and i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh this app for a reason that's another thing like sometimes i open the portal that's what i call douching yeah i'll open the portal too fucking soon before i booked anything that you gotta book first and then nothing works out yeah i'm up till five trying to book yeah cleaned out i'm like but i'm ready yeah so no one wants to come everyone's like no yeah oh i can't i'm tired everyone's like how did i not think this through yeah that sucks that seems like a lot of work awful that's another so true yeah don't douche before don't douche if you don't mean don't douche if it's not on the books or book before you do book before you do douche yeah douche only after booking douche only after booking douche after booking and if they gotta wait let them wait let them wait well yeah that's it that's a tricky that's a tricky game to play as well yeah i'm bought i look i've long said bottoms are this nation's most powerful and important people i love and support all bottoms out there and i'm coming to you guys directly to camera thank you thank you thank you for everything you guys do you guys are a powerful entity i want to thank you for all the work you put into the community you carry this team uh bottoms of all genders you are the most special and kind-hearted among us we look to you we stand on the shoulders of giants you guys are the best and you are the giants and we look to you with hope in our eyes and love in our hearts and we say on this day and all days thank you thank you are you okay thank you you're welcome you're quite welcome thank you and hung tops you will burn in hell when you die you will burn in hell hung tops you are a nasty nasty group you want to hurt people and you're sick sick individuals i love you don't listen to him hung tops don't listen to him i love you no someone needs to love those guys that's real and that's where you come to mama that's real go to richard if you're a hung top um and also just like not your normal too come to mama everyone come to mama come to mama be good to mama mama be good to you yeah yeah um that's so funny well hey look i support you're so true i think they're beautiful thank you and what else was i thinking about it there was something i was thinking of saying to you about that grinder based i think i'm like did i have like a oh my thing was useless i was going to tell you just that in toronto i have really good sex oh fab i always have really there's cities certain cities where i really kill and i've just over the years going multiple places like you know you end up a lot of places the same like you go to toronto multiple times you go wherever i'm like new to traveling okay this is only because of work yeah and in the last couple years i happen to have like wound up in places for work and toronto's a place i'm like i always have good sex in toronto yeah shout out to those guys shout out toronto shout out toronto i can't wait to go back i can't wait for you to go back it sounds like it was a very formative thing it was yeah it changed me foundational part of your lore now yeah toronto will always be a part of your dna a thousand percent yeah it's now like we're all canadian i mean yeah i'm canadian you're part canadian i'm part canadian that's completely beautiful i'm sorry i cut you off though you were saying something i um someone messaged me or i said hi to someone on on the apps i like don't want to say the name of the app um i don't know why it's completely fine but the um this person messaged back like two days later and was just like said all these like oh my god hi like i think you're so funny i like this thing you did in this thing this video ha ha ha perfect for the instagram comments i i think you're really handsome but like you're not my type have a great day just like pan out exterior shot of my building loud noise that is so and i was like wow i was like thank you just don't message just don't message at all don't message me and if you want to just block me yeah if you have the urge to want to say something like that on those apps to me just block block me block me please it's no worries to block me yeah please block me i've got guys on hinge uh really cute guys responding to my prompts with just um viral jokes of mine oh my god just quotes just quote a quote something i said that went viral and subsequently you know sort of improved and ruined my life in equal measure just saying that to me on hinge yeah thinking that i'm gonna respond to that and no matter how hot they are i've drawn a hard boundary yeah i obviously can't respond to that that's a level of self-disrespect that i can't go to i can't do it and i'll go pretty yeah far into self-disrespect me too but that's um that's a level that i can't cross yeah you can get away with a lot with me if you're hot yeah i've always said that i know if you're hot you can get away with a lot i've put up with some pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty ridiculous things for hot people not even just sexually even platonically yeah i just love a hot person i love yeah i think it's charlie uh charlie bardet like my really good friend so funny he was like um i forget where he said i don't know if he was on his podcast or if he said this to me in person that's weird oh fuck charlie charlie don't you're really funny don't listen to this we love you don't listen but he he mentioned like he i forget the context but he was just like he was sometimes when i see like like a really like hot beautiful woman i'm like let's take his picture together and you know what why not let's take a selfie let's get a photo cool let's commemorate you're really beautiful how cool is that yeah you're really beautiful let's take a picture that is so fucking and i'm like that's amazing that is amazing and honestly do it grab the photo yeah do it i don't mind that at all but yeah i don't know what to do what to do with prompts on dating what do you mean let's talk through it i don't i'm so they're all mine are like one word answers okay because i'm i'm so feeling like um i think i'm just self-conscious or something about answering in a way i'm like what's the tone i'm like do i answer in like a funny way how much of it is sincere how much is like i don't know i just mix them both yeah a little i just texted you chance like two days ago chance in our buddy doyle i got i get so sad sometimes on hinge because people will write really thoughtful, like somebody I know I'm not going to be interested in for whatever reason, that there's just something on their profile that I'm not into, you know? And they'll write a really thoughtful response to one of my prompts on Hinge. And you know you'll read it because you'll see that they liked you or whatever. And it makes me so sad. I'm like, oh my god, you were so thoughtful in that response and I'm not going to, we're not going to like, it's not going to work with us. But I get so sad about that because I'm like, oh my god, you like really thought about this answer. And like, don't stop. Don't stop, that's so beautiful. Like, keep doing that. Like, the way you're thoughtful, it truly eats. It eats. We're not a match, but it eats. But it eats. And I'm being the thoughtful guy to some guy who doesn't want to respond to my thing, so don't worry about it. My friend, she told me one time she was approached, like this guy approached her I think she was at Central Park and I don't remember exactly how he went about it, but she was so like, he just like in a really cool, respectful way was like trying to get her number or something. And maybe it started out as like a small talk type of thing and then it led to him being like, oh, I'd love to like go on a date or something. And she was just like, oh my gosh, like she's like, I'm in a relationship like, but the way, like, please don't stop. The way you did this was really, really great. You know, like it was very kind. It was very respectful. I appreciate that. But yeah, I'm, I got someone. Fellas, never let another man make your lady smile. That's the lesson here. Yes. He almost, he almost lost his girl that day. Yeah. Because he was so respectful in the park. Yeah. Yeah. That's beautiful. I will say I have felt that when someone is really like direct and sweet and like cool with it and I'm just not into it. I'm like, God, keep doing that though. You're doing so, that is so correct. Yes. Just because it's not, I'm not, whatever. I have my own shit going on, but that is so fucking cool. Yeah. And I'm trying to like turn it into myself. Yeah. Hello. And be like, Hey, that was, didn't work out the way you wanted it to. Yeah. But good on you. Yeah. You're figuring it out. That's nice. That's how we should be talking to ourselves. I asked someone out. Did you? Recently. Or a few months ago. Yeah. For the like, I've never asked someone in person. I've done it over text or whatever on the apps, but like, I've never in person been like, we should go on a date. And you did it. I did. And I was rejected. That's okay. But I was just like, wow, I'm going to do it again. How did it feel? I was, I've never been that, I have not been that nervous in a while. It's horrifying. Yeah. And I was like, there's like a knot in my throat. Like, maybe when I go in. Yeah. Well, maybe. Yeah. Well, if it came out that way. Yeah. I wonder if it showed up that way. I don't know if it landed with me either. It doesn't matter. It's so, it's so good. But I did it and I tried and and like I'm going to do it again. I am so into this. Yeah. I actually recently, I asked this guy out. It's just like bombing. What did you say? Just like bombing. It gets easier. Yeah. And it gets funny eventually. Yeah. I asked this guy out maybe like I don't know, like a while ago at a bar. A guy that I like kind of knew, but we were in a to each other at a bar and we were chatting for a little bit and it was really fun. And I was like, we should go on a date sometime. That's cute. And he was like, he was like, he was like, ah, I don't really know if that's like my, my mood right now, but like, let's trade numbers and we'll see. And I was like, cool. And so we traded numbers and then like we were talking about something else and then maybe like, I don't know, maybe like a week or two later I was like, hey, like super no pressure at all, but I really would love to take you out, offer stands, like you let me know. And he was like, hey, I don't think that's the vibe I'm getting, but like really, really like want to hang out and like be friends or whatever. And I felt kind of weird about it. I was like, cool, that's totally fine. I felt weird because I was like, oh, should I not have like followed up in that way? I felt like it was respectful, but I just kind of got like, I hope I didn't make him uncomfortable. And then I ran into him recently on the street and it was so sweet and such a nice vibe and like we're totally, we are totally good. And it was like, yeah. So I was like, you were anxious for nothing. It's no big deal. Yeah. Asking someone on a date is only lovely. Yes. And like, it's, it's like I'm sure he would appreciate it, you know? Like it's, it's so, it's yeah, it's sweet. It's sweet that someone would express an interest, you know, and be like, I'd love to get to know you. Also, I've only ever loved, when someone's asked me on a date that I've not been into, I've only ever been like, that was fucking awesome. Yeah. I love that. I wish that happened all the time. Yeah. I wish every minute of every day someone was asking me on a date. How fun. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That would be a life I could live. Please guys, um, to hung and normal or whatever. Hung regular and otherwise. And otherwise, like, please reach out, DM me, um, if you listened to this episode and you are interested in, you're looking at the video, especially if you watched the episode and you like, you like what I'm doing, reach out. Yeah. And on the other hand, hung guys, if you reach out to me, you're going home in a body bag. Just kidding. Kidding. Actually, can I, can I say one thing? One more thing about hung guys. Can I just, everyone stop? Can I, God, you guys, this is like the fucking police state, like the panopticon. I'm living in fucking like, I don't know, like a really oppressive state. I can't say one more thing about hung guys. I have one more thing to say about hung guys. Okay. Hung guys. I am not one of you. That's not my situation. And I, I am, of course, in some ways, jealous. I wish that I was hung like you guys in some ways. And that's probably where part of my animosity comes from. I'm certain of it. Okay. Yes. I bet being hung is a fucking parade every day. Sorry. Hold on. I'm being serious. Hold on. If you are hung, we can totally still have a lot of fun together. You just can't expect to put that thing. You can't fuck me with that thing. Yeah. Yeah. If you have a small to maybe even average dick, there's a world where maybe you could fuck me. If you're hung, move on guy. Or we could do kind of side stuff and have a lot of fun. Yeah. But I don't want hung guys to come away from this episode feeling ashamed or intrinsically bad. Yeah. Or like we could never make out and blow each other. Yes. Because we totally could. Yes. Which is so hot and fun. Totally fun. Fabulous. It's fabulous. It's completely fabulous. It's that's my so true. I'm sorry, Caleb. My so true is that I think making out and giving each other blowjobs is completely fabulous. We're like, we start talking like we're like gay guys from a movie in the 90s. Yeah. We just made out and like the straight protagonist would be like, we just made out and gave each other a head. That's completely fabulous. Fabulous. Oh, well, Cheryl, that's completely fabulous. Do you want to play? Is this chiffon? She'll take that one. Cut. It's a cut. It's a cut to him and his boys playing basketball. Not the gay guy. The hung guy. Do you want to play a game? Let's play a game. Thank God. No one's ever said no. Explicitly. Okay. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Okay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said is true or false. Richard, if you get 10 or more correct, we're going to give you 50 US dollars. What? I know. We're on an awesome show. Dark Horse by Katy Perry was released in 2009. False. False. It was 2013. Blood is red because of oxygen. True. False. Okay. Hemoglobin. Circles have infinite lines of Circles have infinite lines of symmetry. Circles have infinite lines of symmetry. Infinite lines of symmetry. It means forever. True. True. Sloths can hold their breath longer than dolphins. Who? Sloths. Sloths. Sloths can hold their breath longer. False. It's true. Delaware College of Art and Design. It had 107 students enrolled when it closed. Wait. How did you know? That's where I went. Yeah. I went to school there. You think true or false? Um. 101? 107 when it closed. True. That is true. Victoria Falls is the world's tallest waterfall. Victoria. True. False. Angel Falls. Glasgow is the capital of Scotland. True. False. Edinburgh. False. Edinburgh. Zero is not a positive or negative number. True. It's negative, right? Neutral? True. Helium is the most abundant element in the universe. False. It's true. Fuck. Yeah. But I would have also accepted love. The Pokemon Magikarp does not evolve. Oh. True. False. It evolves into Gyarados. Sorry if I'm not saying these right. I'm a grown-up with normal. The first modern Olympic Games took place in 1896. 1896. Yes. True. It's true. Nick Saban is the current head football coach of Alabama. False. False. It is. Kalen DeBoer. Exactly. Borders Books was started by Tom and Lewis Borders. False. It's true. Hummingbirds are the only birds that can fly backwards. True. True. There are 17 Panera Breads in Vermont. True. False. Three. Chance, how do you do? I worked there. That was my first job ever. Chance probably knew that. He's a sick, sick person. Did you work there? No, I just knew that about you. You just knew that about Panera? Yeah. How did he do? Seven. Very, very cool. Very, very cool. Not 10, obviously. Lower than 10, obviously. But extremely cool. What's that? Can I have $25? You're getting no money, Richard. Ten. You're getting no money. I don't like when people do stuff like this. I'll give you $7, and I'll. $7, and I'll leave. You're leaving regardless. Oh, Richard. Someone takes me away. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nicole. Nicole, just. $25! I can't! I can't! Dude, if it was Nicole, you'd be fine, because I'm very easy to beat in a fight. I've many times thought about, if Nicole and I were to get into a physical altercation, the way that I could just sort of pick her up. Or even just sweep her little legs. And place her down on the ground in a neutralizing manner. No problem. No problem. She hates that bit. Nicole, will you say into the microphone what you think of me? What I think of you? Yeah, because. I love you. Sometimes when I do those kind of bits, you really get kind of a nasty look on your face. Well, it's really detailed about beating me up specifically, and no one else. Well, Nicole, come on. You and I have the most tension at work. That's obviously really present in the space. Yeah, and like, the thought of you both at combat is very compelling. Close quarters. Yeah. Close quarters. I will concede totally that if we were far away with some sort of weaponry, I think Nicole could totally stand a chance. Yeah. Be it the case that, you know, I had sort of a knife and she had a gun. I see you. For some reason, I'm getting a vibe that you secretly know how to run against the wall. You're being, like, humble and very, like, shy. You know, very just like, no, I'm chill, I'm chill. But you secretly know how to do that. But with three jumps in a corner, you could be up. Yeah. Yeah, and that will throw Caleb off for, like, five seconds. Yeah, yeah. Which you have enough time to do something crazy in five seconds. That is so fucking funny. And I've seen her do it. Completely true, by the way. I mean, all these three do is silly little shit like that. These three don't ever do their job. I mean, it's like, you come up with, like, a silly little gimmick, and these three have done it instead of their job. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't find good help these days. I mean, nobody wants to do, nobody wants to work. Nobody wants to work. These guys won't help me with anything. Before the episode, Michelle asked if everyone wanted coffee but me. I'm, like, the guy around here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm, like, the guy with my name's on the door. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just don't understand it. I try to be sweet, Richard, but people push and push and push and push. Yeah, and I think maybe there should be just. Consequences. It's okay. You can say it. Consequences. No, it's not true. I love these guys. And I love you, and I thank you for doing this. I love you, Caleb. It was a beautiful episode. Yeah, I feel like. Like, relaxed. It was a beautiful, gorgeous episode. And this was so fun. And I think we went so many different places. We got it all. We laughed. I held back crying. I held back crying. You did. Oh, there were some tears brewing, yeah. I kind of did a little bit. And then I just felt, like, a presence with you. Like, a present moment with you. That's so beautiful. And it's just, like, it's lovely to talk to you. We've never hung out before. It's a gorgeous, gorgeous thing to spend time with you. Yeah. Thanks for doing it. So if you're like me and want to soak up some rays, you got to check out our friends at Sunglass Hut to get your eyes right for all those fun outdoor activities. Sunglass Hut also offers a premium shopping experience you won't get anywhere else with expert, guidance from shades experts. Sunglass Hut. Own your moment. Simple. Secure. Fast. That's Apple Pay. Terms apply. Endless summer escapes start here. Travel the worlds of Netflix IRL. Inspired by fan favorites like Stranger Things and Squid Game. Brave the upside down. Face off with the front man. Play leveled up arcade games. 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