Rewiring Romantic Relationship Patterns

so often, we turn away from experiences of true love, because it's not the exciting up and down, back and forth, dramatic, passionate, but with really high highs and really low lows, type of love, that a lot of us have been conditioned to believe is love. Hello, my friends, you're listening to the Big Conversations Podcast. I'm your host, Haley Hoffman Smith, and I am a subconscious breakthrough coach, a content creator and a singer-songwriter who is obsessed with all things spirituality, rewiring your subconscious mind, receiving guidance from the universe, finding our highest vibration and manifesting the life of our dreams. You're in a replay if you're ready to tap into the magic that's been awaiting for you all along, find deeper clarity on what's unfolding in your beautiful life, deepen your faith in the universe, and learn the tools to accelerate your inherent power. So let's get started with this week's Big Conversation. Hello, my friends, welcome back to Big Conversations. First of all, so unrelated, but I have found this tear miss. (laughs) I can do with anything. This tear missu iced a latte in New York. If you guys live in New York or Brooklyn in Brooklyn, I found it at this place called Ciudamorocafé in New York City. I found it at this place called Ciudamorocafé. I was actually trying to look for tear missu latte like in Manhattan, because I record out of a studio in Brooklyn for my music, and that's where I found Ciudamorocafé. But it was too far away from where I live in Manhattan to deliver, but I found another. It's so exciting. So I don't have to give up tear missu lattes as I give up my beloved studio space, which if you're not up to date, share it a little update last week that where I've been recording music out of since I started, since my very first song is "Shutting Down." And so I actually have my last days at the studio this week, which is really sad, but change is a good thing, change is empowering, and it's gonna be okay, especially since I found a tear missu latte nearby. And now I have a little home studio set up. And I'm actually once again recording on my new home studio microphone. So let me know if you guys think this sounds better. Anyways, today we are gonna be talking about rewiring relationship patterns. And this is actually our February theme in the Dreamway membership, which is on attachment styles. And as I was planning for Dreamway, and also all these other conversations started to come up, I realized that there are patterns we frequently fall into, it's by the way, like in all of life, we have patterns. But specifically in relationships, there's usually these patterns or these stories that we fall into a time and time and time again. And the other week, we were doing a energy reading on Sunday, like we do every single Sunday in the Dreamway membership. And something that came up when we were pulling from the romance angels deck, my dear friend Lahari, who always pulls in Dreamway was pulling the cards. And we pulled out two cards, which were true love and unrequited love. And so obviously it was like mixed messages, like what are we gonna do with this information? And Lahari had a really beautiful spit on it where she was talking about how so often we turn away from experiences of like true love because it's not the exciting up and down, back and forth, dramatic, like passionate, but with really high highs and really low lows type of love that a lot of us have been conditioned to believe is love. And we think about TV characters and in movies, like I think about Blair and Chuck from Gossip Girl as a really strong example of this, or there's always that couple you're rooting for, but it's almost like you're rooting for them because you see them go through so many ups and downs. And there's something romantic about like, oh, but they always find their way back to each other. Even though all these things are happening in their relationship and it was always like wrong place, wrong time or someone cat messing up, like they always find their way back to each other. And we kind of got addicted to the emotional highs and lows of that, even just as consumers, like as we're watching TV shows or movies, it's what makes us like root for characters. But I also think that's a common thing that we experience in our lives as well. So wherever you are in relationship, in your relationship status, in the relationships you've had in the past that you're healing from, rewiring a relationship patterns first requires us becoming so aware of the root of the patterns that have been presenting themselves. So I'm just gonna share like a really classic example, especially in the theme of attachment styles and super appropriate with the February theme. There is such a common trope that maybe you fall into and maybe you don't, where somebody with anxious attachment, which means somebody who needs a lot of reassurance who is frequently giving and maybe like overgiving of themselves, who always wants to make sure that they're safe in the relationship, ends up attracting or being attracted to both. Somebody who is avoidantly attached, who has avoidant attachment, which basically means this individual tends to be avoidant and they tend to not want to get close. Like they avoid intimacy, they avoid vulnerability, and maybe they'll like it in short spurts, but there comes a time where it feels like it's too much and so they kind of bolt in the other direction. And it creates this really perfect, perfect like not in a positive way, but kind of perfect like dynamic of this magnetism where it says powerful back and forth. Like they're running away so the anxious attachment is running after them and so then the anxious attachments like okay well I'm now I'm gonna pull back so the anxious attachment starts to detach and like I need to move on from this and then the avoidant comes back because it feels like there's space to come back. With so critical to understand in this situation or in any situation is how all of us have been taught how to be in relationships through our experiences, usually with our early caretakers and our early relationships. So usually if you've had a parent who is very like smothering and is like maybe like a helicopter parent, they're always around, it's likely that you may become avoidant because of that because you're like please can I just have my freaking space? Or it's also possible that if you had a parent that was really kind of absent and very like cold and at a distance you also decided to become avoidant because that's just how you were like that's how you learn to become more comfortable, right? Like if you're not used to being a deep intimacy with somebody then it just feels easier to just like not because it feels unfamiliar and unsafe. Remember that we talked about last week in the up-level threshold podcast episode how if anything feels unfamiliar and unsafe to the subconscious then it's not, you know, it's not gonna feel good for long periods of time. So sometimes like we have to understand for avoidant people or if you're avoiding yourself as you're listening to this and you're like oh wait, we're talking about me. It's actually feeling unfamiliar and unsafe to sit in intimacy or to sit in consistent intimacy and to really allow yourself to be close to another person, to open up to another person, to be vulnerable in the sense of like I'm opening up my heart and maybe it would be broken because of that and that is okay. I think like people who are avoidant get a really bad rep because it's like oh but they're so like closed off or there's always somebody who's been hurt by somebody else who's avoided and that completely makes sense but it's really important to understand whether you have been trying to get over somebody who's avoided and you're in a relationship somebody who's avoided or you yourself are avoided. It's truly from like a wounded inner child standpoint where it doesn't feel safe to connect. Now sometimes there can even be subconscious tendencies of being avoidant. So say that you're seeing somebody and they're really great most of the time but you just notice these little, I don't know how to put, like I would say red flags but I don't even necessarily. You notice like micro moments where they retreat. Like maybe you spend a lot of time with them and things are feeling really good but it always feels like you can't spend longer than a weekend together before it feels like they're pulling away and then they're not opening up as much anymore or it feels like you're going through these ups and downs in the relationship and you don't really feel like you're causing it necessarily but it does feel like the relationship and whether it's on really good terms or on really bad terms right now are always up to the other person. Like are they gonna allow me to continue to be close to intimate with them or are they gonna pull away. Now the interesting and really juicy part of this is that on both ends and relationships two people are showing up to relationship with their past and their storied histories of all the things that have happened to them and their perceptions of love and what is safe and love as a result. So somebody on the other end of the spectrum who has more anxious attachment was usually seeking a lot of reassurance because maybe they had a parent that only gave them reassurance in short spurts. Like they weren't consistent with their love or a factional attention and so the child learned, oh I'm only safe when I receive this and then that child grew into an adult who is always seeking out that reassurance to feel like everything's okay. Anxious attachment can also happen if a parent was like completely avoided and they never got any reassurance whatsoever and so they're always kind of like feeding for it or hoping for it or trying to get it from other areas in a very interesting experience emerges where you would think that somebody who has anxious attachment would want to seek out somebody who gives them constant reassurance usually the opposite is true. We tend to attract what feels familiar and normal to us and that is why they always say you usually end up dating your parent. Like not actually, but you end up dating somebody who has the same attachment style as your parent did or it mimics your relationship to at least one of your parents or your primary caregivers. So instead of somebody who notices they need a lot of reassurance, first of all like looking within and healing that and shifting that, usually that person goes out and wants to recreate not consciously by the way it's not like you know what sounds good right now I'm gonna just date somebody who can never give me what I need but they tend to feel attracted to the same dynamic that is super familiar and then same somebody who's avoided you think like, oh, well, if somebody is really avoiding, why would they want to be with somebody who's super anxious? Well, usually the avoidant person has reasons why they do want to feel like that reassurance is always there, even though sometimes they feel compelled to run away or subconsciously run away or put up walls. So, that's just like a general overview. At least of my understanding, some really good resources on this. There's an amazing book called Attached. I also did a very juicy deep dive into this back in 2021 with a podcast episode literally exactly on this, but understanding your attachment style is so important because it helps you understand the patterns that you have created in your relationships. And even though the attachment styles are varied based off of like, oh, if you follow x, y, z, then you're probably anxious or you could be disorganized. You exhibit both like sometimes you're avoidant, sometimes you're anxious or you are definitely avoided. It's not so much about that label. I would use that label as kind of a guiding point to understand the core experiences, usually in childhood or in early relationships that have led you to exhibit those patterns and then also understand how it leads to what you are attracting. If you're not happy with what you've been attracting in relationships and the relationships that you continue to have over and over again, this is such a great place to look. To understand why is my subconscious choosing something that makes me so unhappy? Well, your subconscious is more concerned with your safety than your happiness and it feels so backwards. But if your subconscious is so much more used to trying to be in a relationship with somebody who can never commit to you or who is always a little bit avoidant or with somebody who always wants more than you feel like you can give them, it's because that literally is familiar. It's familiar. It feels good, it feels safe and then add on to that all of the programming that we've received from media in terms of TV shows and movies of how up and down relationships can and should be. And then we have a whole mess on our hands, right? There's a level in which there's a fear of success with relationships because if you can imagine being in a really healthy, rooted relationship where you both say how you feel and you're both open with each other and you're consistent with each other and it's just smooth sailing. Like imagine it's just smooth sailing. It's not something that you have to worry about or stress about. How does that feel to you? Obviously that feels like the ideal. It feels like the fantasy, but it might also feel really unrealistic or part of it might also feel like I feel like the other she would drop. So even though that would start to happen, I know I would probably pick a fight or within something. You know, another she would drop, like understand with yourself just by creating that space, like what do you believe could happen if you were in a relationship that actually checked all of your boxes and the person was showing up for you in the exact way that you wanted them to and you felt really secure the relationship because chances are that feels uncomfortable to you because it's unfamiliar. But don't you worry, we can rewire this. That's why this podcast episode is called rewiring relationship patterns. So again, the first step of this is really understanding where you fall in terms of your attachment style. Which one resonates with you? There are some good websites where you could take quizzes, but I think you already know based off how you are in your relationship. And then once again, understanding that even though you may resonate with an attachment style and even match all this characteristics, that's not this label that you are now stuck in for the rest of your life. This is something easy that we can shift and change to move you into a secure attachment style because really it's just about, well, you know, I always appreciate tapping, but there's a lot of work that you can do on some early childhood experiences to help you feel more secure in yourself and to help you feel secure in relationships where you're actually expecting the best. The first step is always this awareness because if you can move forward with this awareness, then you'll understand that things are happening as they start to happen. So say for example, you have taken, you know, some type of attachment or you know, okay, I tend to be anxiously attached. Now I want you to go even deeper with it. Now I want you to become aware of when you tend to be the most anxiously attached. Is it all the time? Because that's fine. Just notice that. Or do you notice it's when your partner starts to act distanced? Your partner is super busy. Do you notice it's when you first start dating somebody and so things feel really uncertain and unsure and you don't like the rules of dating? Is it when marriage comes up as a topic, marriage or children are moving in or big decisions? Notice when that happens and you can also notice the same for if there's somebody you're dating or you're in a committed serious relationship. Notice when their patterns start to arise. Like if you can tell that your partner is anxious or avoided or disorganized, just notice when those things are rising and then just ask yourself, when did I feel this way as a small child? When did I feel like my parent was super absent when I needed them to be there? When did I feel like I really wanted reassurance and I wasn't getting any or when did I feel smothered and like please leave me alone and like I didn't have any independence or freedom, but I had no way out. Just that awareness and asking yourself these questions is so powerful for understanding the root causes of these attachment styles because what you need to know about the brain is that you have all of these neural pathways devoted to your experience of relationships and yourself and relationships. And every single time that you've had a thought that reconfers exactly what you believe about relationships, those neural pathways have become even thicker. So let me share this as an example. Imagine that you have a belief that nobody can be happy past being together for five years. Now maybe this belief started because your aunt and uncle got divorced after five years, your older brother got divorced after five years and your parents got divorced after five years. Do yourself have noticed that you're in this pattern where like you're in a relationship for five years and then things all of a sudden it started to get sour maybe around like the end of the fourth year leading into the five year anniversary. Obviously this is very specific, but the subconscious tends to work in specifics and sometimes when we can reveal these patterns by looking closer at the belief systems, it's like wacky. Like oh wow, where did I get this? And by the way, this could be something you got from just one person. I know I just shared three examples and that would be really wild if like everybody around you was always breaking up with a five year mark, but it could be something like, yeah, you had an older sublime who dated somebody for five years. They broke up and then the older sublime said to you and passing when you were younger, well, that makes sense because relationships really should never last past five years. You might not even consciously remember that this was said to you. It could have been something in a movie, but now you have this belief. So you've been operating based off of it. So say now you've been with your partner for three and a half years and you guys are talking about, you know, taking the next step in some way, but you just feel all this anxiety and you don't know where it's coming from. It's because of that initial belief. Now over time, when we believe something, we're actually primed to look for more evidence of it. So even if it was just one key experience in the beginning, like a sibling said something to you or you saw it in a movie, you are now looking for more evidence of that if you believe it. So that's where you start to see more and more like, oh, I talked with a coworker and they said that they were with their partner, but broke up after five years, ding, ding, ding, more confirmation, more evidence, more belief system. And so then all of a sudden, you start to look for the worrying science. You're like, I really love my partner, but we're approaching the five year mark. This could all be subconscious by the way, but you just feel this like interesting energy coming up for you, imagining your five year anniversary or planning past the next year and a half. This would be why. But going back to how the brain works with it, that neural pathway has gotten so thick with all of the evidence and the number of times that you've thought about it. But we can go in and we can heal the original experience. We can tap and clear it and you would literally be tapping like it's safe to let go of this belief and it's safe to start to look for evidence that couples last past five years all the time. It's safe for me to believe that I can be with my partner beyond the five year mark. It's safe for me to see a future with my partner a lifetime with my partner. It's safe to believe that couples can still be happy at 10 years, 20 years. And as you start to release and let go of the original neural pathway devoted to the limiting belief, then you can also start to look for the evidence, the very, very powerful evidence of what you would rather believe in all the couples out there who have been together for longer than five years. That might be a silly example, but I just wanted to exhibit like that's how the brain works and you're going to constantly see more and more evidence of the story you're telling yourself because the story you're telling yourself is how your brain is functioning in the world. If all of this information coming at you at any given time and what your brain chooses as relevant and important is what confirms what you already believe. You're always looking for evidence that recoms great confirms your original perception of the world in any sense, not just in relationships, but for the sake of this conversation. There are beliefs that you have about relationships that keep getting proven to you time and time again, not because they're true. Just because you believe something doesn't make it true. However, if you strongly believe something, it can make it true for you. You can change it because it's not actual truth. Just because things true for you doesn't mean it's actually true. Just because it's true for you that every partner in a date has cheated on you doesn't mean that that's always how it's going to be or that's just the truth and your destiny to always be cheated on. Just because it's always been true for you that you only attract a void in people doesn't mean that that's the truth forever and ever and that you can't release it and attract what you would rather believe. That's a really good journaling prompt for you. What do I believe? What have I been living by? What do I believe about my relationships and my relationship patterns and go ahead and write down all the evidence if you want to? All the evidence of your behavior and relationships the way that you often feel, the things that always air quotes. happen, the things that would, if you're talking to somebody and you're telling them about your relationships, when you say I always XYZ, what is it? When we speak in these big sweeping generalizations, that's usually reflective of core beliefs and expectations, and identifying that is where the really juicy stuff can start to happen. The next step is once you become really aware of these beliefs, and obviously I super recommend EFT tapping or anything to start to shift that, and by the way, I have several slingshot sessions devoted to this. I have one called Manifestia Healthy Love. I was just reading testimonials from it last night, and somebody said they got engaged after doing that session, which is so amazing. And so many people have shared they've gotten into just really incredible relationships after that. And then there's once specifically for identifying and clearing the main cause patterns in relationships, like the things that happened time and time again, and that one's called Love in Relationships. Then in the Dreamaway membership, we also have some really, really juicy ones, specifically in the Higher Self Tier, the 90-minute workshops. We have one called Happily Ever After, which is what it sounds like, and then a really good one called Trusting Others Again. So that could apply a literally anything it doesn't have to be loved, but opening up your heart again, and then feeling valued and chosen in romantic relationships is one of my personal favorites. And that one's especially good, I'll say, if you tend to be more anxiously attached, which that's actually me, that's how I tend to be. However, obviously, there's so many different ways that you can heal this. I encourage you to find your own modality. I just wanted to share that there are resources that have really, really helped people that are in Dreamaway or their slingshot sessions. But what I really want you to notice from here is where you're still feeding into that pattern, thinking and expecting it's going to change or that you can change it when the change that you're trying to seek is change outside of you. What I mean by this is I have several friends who I love so dearly, who are navigating situations with people who are very avoided. And it's a sore spot for me because, first of all, and this isn't a side. My friendship style, and I wasn't always like this, but my friendship style is so just supportive. I never want to voice my opinion and be too harsh because I really just want to cultivate a space where people can come to their own realizations because nobody wants to hear you need to move on from that person if they're in love with that. Especially from a dear friend. It's more about creating that space and maybe I'm like, you know, I'm a subconscious breakthrough coach. So I always love to apply that on my friend's tips. So I'm seldom super harsh or when I am, I start to kind of feel like, okay, hilly like dial it back a little bit. Like there's no need to be so like harsh and aggressive. But what I've noticed time and time again, and what I would like to offer to you in a very gentle way is that if you are in a relationship with somebody who does not match your attachment style or is not giving you what you want or need or is falling short in some way, there's nothing you can do to change or to heal them. I know that's a really big one and I know that's hard to hear. You might be like, but hilly, but can't you change your reality? Yes, yes, you can and we will 100% get to that. But I just want to lovingly remind you that you cannot love somebody into healing. And what tends to happen is when somebody is not giving to us what we need or what we want, we tend to like bend and contort ourselves to try to make it work regardless. Like there's this really amazing thing that happens where when you detach from somebody and you're like, I don't care about them anymore and you really like get good at moving on from them, they tend to sense it and they tend to come back, right? So it's something that I've noticed. People say and share is like, well, whenever they act up, I'm going to start acting avoided or I'm going to detach or I'm going to pull away because you know based off the pattern that it's the cyclical nature of oh, they start to pull away. No, I'll pull away. And if I pull away, they always come towards me. So now I'm pulling away not because I'm actually wanting to pull away, but because I'm like changing the manipulating my energy in order to get them to come towards me. That's never going to get you where you want to be because relationships and love they're not about being detached. It's not a game of who cares less. It's not a game of how can I hide my cards or not be vulnerable or not be open? I just want to encourage you like, what is your definition of love? What do you believe a healthy, happy relationship should look like and feel like and with like situationships or relationships that you don't like aren't really meeting the mark or they aren't where you want them to be? How does it feel when you sit with this knowing and this acknowledgement that there's nothing you can do to heal or change the other person they need to make that decision on their own? And you can't push them in that direction. Obviously you can offer and recommend resources, but it at the end of the day is up to them. If they want to take up those resources, if they want to heal, what matters most is you. That's what I'm saying. We got to bring it back to you aside from this other person. And I know if you're in that situation, I know you have deep, deep feelings for this person. And it's not about like they couldn't figure it out. And so screw them. Goodbye. This is about you. Are you getting what you want and what you need? Are you happy in whatever relationship it is? And if you're not, it's up to you to understand and see that this is between actually you and you. I'm not saying don't communicate to your partner and say I'm not getting what I want. Please communicate. But if you feel like you've exhausted all resources that is not safe to communicate, you feel really shy or vulnerable around it or you just know it's going to send them running in the other direction. If you need to give it one last ditch effort, I believe in communication wholeheartedly and being honest and open and vulnerable because that's what life is about. But at the end of the day, it's you and you. And if you are not getting what you need, there is nothing you can do to go change that person or heal that person. And you should not be jumping through hoops or imagining somebody like doing the limbo like bending backwards to go under a limbo stick in order to try to like perform for their affection or their approval or their attention or to keep them or to not rock the boat. Your needs matter so, so, so much. So in whatever situation you're in, if there's something that's making you unhappy, once again, go back to that question. What does this remind you of from early childhood? And that can be a very sensitive question and that can bring up a lot of emotions. And that's where I really recommend working with a therapist, a practitioner. I recommend doing EFT tapping, obviously, that's a theme. Even if that's just like lightly tapping as you're listening to this hypnosis is good rapid resolution therapy can be really good. There's so many great resources out there for you, but understanding the pattern will be so critical because how cool is it that if you've been experiencing something you don't like, then you can take a big step back and say, where did this come from? And you can start to mark the pattern and you can be like, whoa, there's a huge trend here. There's a huge pattern here of xyz always happening or me always being with a partner that's xyz. In this probably reminds me of a parent or an early friendship or a relationship with my caretaker and early relationship. Starting to find the pattern is so liberating because it's like, oh, this all makes sense. And the thing about a pattern is that it's the same as a belief. That means that you have a neural pathway devoted to that pattern. And so if you have always believed that it's too much to ask for xyz, like you're always feeling you're asking for too much, then you will continue to find more and more proven evidence that you are always asking for too much. And the crazy way this happens is you'll attract partners who make you feel like you're asking for too much. And it's not something they're coming into your life to do to you. It's not like they come in and they're like, I'm going to make them really question all their needs and my warnings and boundaries. It's more so you're attracted to them because they're making you feel a way that is familiar. Oh, I know that's really, really juicy, but that's where the breakthrough happens. That's where the breakthrough happens. As always, here's where I always come in and I say, take where resonates, absolutely take where resonates because I know this is like a big one, a really, really, really, big one. Then once you kind of acknowledge the pattern and really understand this is about your relationship with yourself and what you want to give to yourself, you can make a list of your gold standards on how you want to be treated from here on out. And by the way, you don't have to be 100% healed. In fact, I don't, I think being 100% healed is a myth, but you don't have to have like devoted all this time and energy and slingshot sessions and EFT and RRT and whatever you want to this in order to make this list. This list should be your guiding factor right now. Gold standards. You are the fricking queen, the king. You are at the helm of the kingdom of your life. You are so worthy. You are so valuable. What do you want as your gold standard? And something like I can't really help with this too is what would you offer a small child? Obviously, the small child's not necessarily getting into these like super romantic relationships. I say necessarily because I got married in kindergarten, but I don't talk to him anymore. So it's a sad, it's a divorce tale. Let's get in. I'm just gonna get it right. Like a small child. What would you want for them as they grow up and as they start to enter into romantic relationships? What do you want for them to experience? And write down your list of absolute non-negotiables. And I challenge you to write things that are different from the pattern. So if your pattern is that you just always feel like you attract inconsistent partners who are really honk old, your new gold standard is I only allow people into my life who are super consistent with me. If I start to notice inconsistency and we communicate about it and they're like, oh no, nothing's going on. I'm sorry. Did that and then they keep doing it time and time and time again. That's not going to work for me. Okay, but here's where we get into the even juicier part of that entire list of your gold standards. We can actually rewire your brain and rewire the relationship pattern so that you just naturally attract that list of gold standards. So it's no longer like this list that you are sizing up your current partner or current like roster against. Instead, it's a list of what you you're literally attracting. And that is by going back and clearing and rewiring memories that made you believe that things could only be a certain way in your relationships. So once again, that's about clearing the pattern from the root. And then I want you to continue to look for evidence. And that could be any type of evidence. That could be like, my gold standard is a partner who their main love language is acts of service. And they're always doing really nice things for me. You may have evidence from the past. You may have had a partner in the past who always did acts of service. Or you may have a friend who's spouse is amazing at doing acts of service. That's evidence. That's evidence that it exists. That's evidence that you can call it in. And the more important you give to that evidence, the more you build out a new neural pathway of what you would rather experience. As you start to do this work, as you start to heal it, as you start to change what you believe and what you expect by clearing out any old pain or muck in the old pattern, it's no longer, again, about like, OK, you've attracted an X number of potential partners. And now you have to size them up against that list. It is now, oh my gosh, I'm now calling in and attracting somebody who just naturally does all this. It's just who they are. I have a friend who just healed from a pretty toxic situation chip. And she just-- like, we did a ton of tapping when it was happening. I was obviously helping her through everything. And then she just met this person who just on his own does everything her toxic situation chip did not do. Like, the difference is staggering. She's always sending me screenshots and she's like, can you believe this? And I'm like, that is so incredible. That is so beautiful and expansive and look at that powerful evidence. But we first had to heal what was causing the continuation of this toxic situation chip. I feel like I just talked and shared so much and so little time. And it was a lot of juicy stuff packed to the punch. But again, in the Dreamway membership, even if you're listening to this way after February 2024, we'll have the recordings of the workshops in Dreamway. And the money date-- this is interesting, actually-- our attachment style and love usually mirrors our attachment style and money. So if you're anxious in love, anxious attachment, you may tend to also feel like you need a lot of reassurance and money or worry a lot about where the money is going to come from or check your bank account a lot, x, y, z. And so we're also going to be taking it from that angle in the money date. But the 90 minute workshop specifically is going to be on healing these attachment styles. And it's going to be a huge step in the right direction to return to secure attachment. Remember, you can do this. I know it can seem really overwhelming at first when you start to peel back the layers and the patterns. But it's also the most rewarding work you can do. And I think it's so juicy and interesting because it makes a lot of things make sense. And you can start to rewire literally right now just by inserting awareness. I always say inherent and awareness is the shift, because there are so many things that have been happening on autopilot in all of our lives because it's just like a subconscious thing. Subconsciously, that feels familiar, that feels normal, that's easy to attract subconsciously. Once we turn on the light, so to speak, we flood out the darkness with light and we're like, my eyes, my ears are on this. I am now aware. Things naturally have to shift because then we're like, ooh, this is an old pattern. And I'm rewriting this pattern. This is not live in accordance with the gold standard that I've now set for myself. And I'm moving in shifting in that direction every single day. I also wanna say that if you are currently in a relationship where the person's not giving you what you want, but you're almost afraid of doing this work because you're like, we, but what if I end up losing them or become so empowered that I'm like, peace out, I'm out of here. This is where things get trippy, but I actually genuinely believe if they are the right person, you doing this work, every relationship by the way, like has an energetic channel between the two of you. So by you doing this work, it will actually shift the nature of the dynamic. And this could happen in multiple different ways. One of which obviously is it becomes incredibly clear that you're not happy with this person or in this relationship. And so it just becomes super unappealing to you. And in that case, it's not like this big heartbreak thing. But also you doing this work, they may shift their behavior. I've seen crazier things happen and I've seen that specifically happen. Many, many, many times with many of clients, many of my friends and even in my personal romantic life. It's truly incredible. So regardless, it's worth it to really look deeper and rewire and heal these relationship patterns. You're so worth it, you're so lovable, you're so valuable. And I would love to have you in the dreamy membership for February if attachment styles are something that you are really trying to rewire for yourself. But regardless, I love you guys, and I'll see you next week. Go buy.