Reverse Charades

Hank joined BJ's Wholesale Club the day he became a father of 30. I coach football. Now, Coach Hank saves up to 25% off grocery store prices. 30 pounds of pasta, 3 cases of protein bars, 75 sports drinks. And that's just pregame. He knows teamwork, and BJ's knows savings. This is your home, Coach. Home of the Save. Join for just $20 at bjs.com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for 6 months. Open soon. Limited time offer. New members only. BJ's. Home of the Save. Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to Distractible. This episode. Bobbly Bob gets burnt balancing his pool, then starts a pantomime party. Merrily married Mark plans his honeymoon, gets hot and wet in Iceland. Crashes Wade and deftly describes. Wardrobe Wonder Wade gets sore, considers a sartorial upgrade, and gives impossibly vague descriptions. From statistically stupid. Snuffing it. To having a huge "O". Yes! It's time for. Reverse Charades. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted. And enjoy the show. Hello and welcome back to your mom's favorite podcast. Yeah, I've probably used that one before. Who cares? This is Distractible and I'm allowed to reuse ideas. That's what we do here. My name's Bob and I'm the host. 'Cause I won the last one. Oh. I'm fine. That's no, that's, they'll cut that out, I'm sure. I won the last one. 'Cause I'm so smart and good at not dying on camera. I'm joined today, as always, by the two competitors in this episode. They will be competing to see who wins and gets to host the next one. That's the whole thing. Yeah, that's what we do. Um, my competitors are, as always, Mark and Wade. Not always. Sometimes I've been known to host. Uh, pleasure to be here. Robert, thanks for having me. So, well, that was very serious. What, did someone die? Probably. I think, statistically, the answer to that's yes. Well, that's not good. And again, just now. Okay, calm down. Welcome back to another episode of Distractible. If you're here, you know what's gonna happen. Unless you're new. In which case. God, I hope you're watching the video. God, you better be watching. You know how we feel about listeners. But, yeah, I have a game prepared for today. And it's gonna be really funny. Just like they always are. We never miss here. Before we get into the definitely funny game. How you doing, guys? How's it going? By the time this has come out. I will have. Honeymooned. I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen ahead of time. As if it's already happened. Holy shit, this is all planned out. Mark, Mark, some of this could stay secret. It's okay. You don't have to vlog everything. Here's an hour-by-hour breakdown of exactly how this adventure is gonna go down. The hour's pretty generous, but alright. Minute by minute. That's pretty generous, but alright. By hour by by hour. Semi-hour by semi-hour. First, I arrive. Where? I don't know. Let me tell you a story that has nothing to do with this and is relating to something that happened in the past. I arrived in Iceland. And when we were landing, I had read over the itinerary, right? We were going on a little vacation package. So this is gonna relate to this somehow. You'll see. It'll all tie back together. You got some leniency, but you better get to the point, Counselor. I looked at the itinerary, and I was like, "Oh, we're going to the Blue Lagoon resort." Right? Or hotel or something like that. I don't know. It's the Blue Lagoon. Just a lagoon. And I was like, "Iceland. Yeah, they got weird names over there. It's probably just a funny hotel." You know Iceland, with their funny names and all that stuff and silly words and the way they eat. They eat their horses. It's funny. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I see all over, there's like advertisements on the plane, on the little screen, that's like, "The Blue Lagoon." You know Icelandic? Yeah, Icelandic. Yeah, the famous Icelandic accent. Yeah, yeah. "The Blue Lagoon." And I'm like, "Wait, why is everyone swimming in the Blue Lagoon?" And I'm like, "Well, that's weird. Everyone's swimming." 'Cause we're arriving at 6 a.m., right? So I'm like, "Whoa. I'm gonna be tired. I'm gonna be ready to take a nap, go to this hotel, maybe lay down for a bit, uh, relax." And then Amy leans over to me and is like, "All right, you pack swim trunks, right?" And I'm like, "What? Why would I need swim trunks in a hotel?" It's like a Bond villain hideout is where you just swim to the hotel under the lagoon. And so, I basically, uh, started, I leaned over to the person in the seat next to us and I asked, "What's the Blue Lagoon?" And they looked at me like I was crazy. They kinda chuckled them themselves. And they didn't answer, right? So now, they only spoke Icelandic. You had to, "What is the Blue Lagoon?" "What is the Blue Lagoon?" Yeah, you didn't say it right. And then I ask Amy, like, "What's the Blue Lagoon?" And she's like, "How can you not know what the Blue Lagoon is? It was on the itinerary. We're going there first. Do you have your swim trunks?" And I'm like, "What's the Blue Lagoon?" So the Blue Lagoon, I don't even know if that's the name of it, Blue Lagoon, Iceland. You're really funny if it's not. It is now. It is a very large, uh, world renowned geothermal spa in Iceland. So by asking around, or trying to anyway, Amy was extremely embarrassed by me asking what the most famous geothermal spa in Iceland was. Might as well just ask, "What's Iceland?" But she didn't tell me the entire time we were walking through the airport. So there's big wall billboards of, "Come to the Blue Lagoon." And I'm like, "I don't know what it is!" "Why won't anyone tell me?" "No one will tell me!" And literally, Amy was like, "I'm not telling you. I am not going to tell you. You should have read the itinerary." And I'm like, "I did! I swear!" Uh, so she refused to tell me until I got outside. And then we had a, like, a local guide drive us to, uh, the Blue Lagoon. And I was not allowed to ask him what it was. Amy forbade me from asking. It's a big geothermal pool. It's very nice. Sounds fun. Yeah, it was pretty nice. So I'm not going to read the itinerary for what's coming in Norway, but I assume that there's some kind of lagoon over there. You really learned your lesson. So, yeah. I'm going to know even less this time, so I won't be confused. You're just sitting on the plate in swim trunks and, like, arm floating, just looking at Amy like, "What's the lagoon? What color's the lagoon? Tell me about the lagoon." You've got your mountain climbing gear, right? Is that your parachute backpack or your regular backpack? So, uh, yeah, I got that. That's going to be the entire crux of the, uh, of the honeymoon. And that's all that's going to happen. Just every day, every activity, Amy is like, "Oh, you better get dressed." And you start pulling out your, like, polar ski outfit. Or swim. You're, like, gauging Amy's reaction, like, "Tuxedo? Not tuxedo. Nope. Didn't like that. Oh, what do we do? I'm packed for every occasion, because I have no idea what the occasions are." And then I just laugh it off when she gives me the look. And I'm just like, "That was a joke. Remember when I didn't know what the Blue Lagoon was?" She puts on, like, a hazmat suit and you're like, "The one thing I didn't pack." That's when you put on your tuxedo and go out with style. Anyway, so, yeah, I will have a honeymoon. And it will be great. I think. I hope it will be was a good time. It will was. It will was. You will have done it. Or you had already have done it. Wade, what honeymoon mystery are you experiencing in this past week have had you? You know, I don't have any alcohol down here, so I'm just going to take a sip of water, but pretend. Been a week, Bob. Been a week. Oh, okay. There it is. Yeah. Didn't get to play Slay the Spire with you guys at all this week, and I actually ate pretty well. I'm sore. You know, the people who tell you that you only get sore for, like, two days after exercising are liars. I played basketball on Monday. We got together Tuesday, right? I was like, "I'm a little sore from playing basketball." Yeah, we already talked about this this week. I'm still fucking sore! My arms still hurt! That's been four days ago! But, uh, still been moving around trying to get some exercise in, but, like, my legs are fine because I've been walking, but did not play more basketball since Monday, so tomorrow, whenever I finally stop crying, ugh, go shoot some big ol' hoops. I put on a sleeveless shirt to play, and it's one that I had when I was, like, it was ba- you know, the style when we were in high school was, like, baggy clothes. So I had this baggy basketball shirt. I put it on, and I've got, like, beer belly hanging out the- every time I jump, my, like, belly falls out of the bottom, and the shirt, like, sits on top, and my nephew's looking at me, like, "Oh, man, you really sure you wanna play that, wear that in front of your neighbors, and, you know, birds and stuff?" Like, people and animals are watching here, and really- The birds are gonna laugh at you a lot! I think they did! So, I'm- it might be time to upgrade my wardrobe a little bit, I've learned. You are allowed to buy new clothes- I mean, honestly, good on you for making clothes last, because that is, you know, fast fashion has its downsides, and it's, you know, you don't need to be going and burning through clothes, but since high school, I think you're allowed to- Oh, yeah. I think you're allowed to have bought some shirts since then. Not saying we're old, but I think we're all feeling that we're kind of old. Yeah, older than half my life ago, some of these shirts I still wear, you know, like, junior- I still have a couple of sleeveless shirts from junior high that I'm like, "Ah, my lucky sleeveless shirt, I put it on twice a year." The logo- it was like a UC Bearcat shirt, but all of the logo is gone, so now it's just like a blank red shirt with, like, one little black splotch where there was once a paw. You know, you buy more shirts. But I know what shirt it is, 'cause I know what the logo used to look like. look like you could buy uc shirts at gas stations in cincinnati it's not hard i want uc to call me and let me go and talk to their like streaming podcasting classes i know they've got them they have that we just took my niece to georgia state they had a whole building that was like technology and something i should probably know what this building was called but like yeah we have this big podcasting room and they're like different classes where they're i was like they teach podcasting what do they what i just want to be a fly on the wall and you could really benefit from that i could use a lot of help yeah do they let seniors audit classes you know like a keep active sort of thing i'm your age oh i was thinking seniors like college i was like well yeah no he met grandparents senior citizens there's like you know there's those elder education programs where it's like hey you gotta you want to do something fun come take come take some classes i grade and i bought a uc shirt and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna go to a uc shirt and i'm gonna go to a i grade and bottled early but i'm still young man that really rewrites some of our most iconic bits i just can't get out of my head now you just going i'm bottled i keep getting recommended our shorts lately i keep watching them they won't they're all pretty good we have funny moments i didn't know we were funny yeah occasionally oh sometimes if only we had our clips game on that's a bad way to say it are a highlight real goodness posting you know if we did that good think of where we would be a little bit further ahead yeah or something like that yeah a little bit louder now i really like being at college and there was a time where i thought i was gonna go into like being a college professor of philosophy till all my philosophy professors like pulled out a cigarette out of they're like don't do it you don't want to be like us do something or anything else i was like all right and they all smoke like this that's how philosophy professors smoke it's it's a part of the rules i puff therefore i am that's how they flick i don't know i never smoked yeah that's how cool people flick cigarettes i don't know i think that'd be fun it'd be fun to go just be a guest or be a fly on the wall or even just not to get a degree but just to go like sit in some of these classes and see what they're teaching because like i'm fascinated to know how do you have a whole class on doing something that i think we're pretty well i shouldn't say weird i'm pretty stupid and somehow it's worked out but like what am i supposed to be doing to get here i don't know probably exactly everything we did on the way here i know a couple of our friends have gotten to go and be like guest speakers at colleges and high schools and i'm like i want to no one because it's like being wanting to be a juror i've never had to be a juror they never call me for that either it's like the things i want to do no one ever calls me for i'm not gonna call the college be like please let me come teach you i'm begging you do you have a business email with which they could somehow yeah i never checked that okay all right then well all you university people who are typing up that email throw it in the trash it's not going to be seen i get the alumni emails where they ask me for money and do you give money do you give money no i hate those kids maybe that's maybe that's how you get into the classrooms is you need to give them the money first and then they'll let you teach i want to teach your class here's money is that how you become a teacher i guess i become a teacher yeah i'm pretty sure that's how it works i don't know what my small talk was but that was it i wrote down points great i know i'm the host so my small talk really doesn't matter and i'm not important uh get ready for a lot more of this i don't know if you can tell but i'm real crispy today was the official opening day of our pool this is the first time since we moved six plus months ago where the pool was open the chemicals were balanced which i've been battling with for like a week and a half it's been really fucking annoying and we did it and we swam in the pool like all day today and so i'm pretty red and crispy and i'm definitely gonna be kind of sunburny for the whole summer i'm used to pools that open until like may or june so it's wild that you guys are like able to swim and stuff yeah i mean it was it was not like hot today but it was warm enough and sunny and with and the pool is heated so if you were in the water it was great and as soon as you got out it was kind of like ah let's go inside you probably like cool water see i like bath water i mean it's heat it's a heated pool it's warm pool seated to like i don't know 80 some degrees 84 degrees or something it's pretty warm see i'm the guy that went to florida in july and the pool that's been sitting in the sun baking could basically boil a lobster out but i'm like oh that's great i go to the ocean like that's a little chilly even though like well the ocean is cold the ocean is still i'm talking about like the gulf in summer where it's not cold still cold so it's natural water is always cold so cold i think thanks you can have it though because you're the host anyway i'm definitely going to show up to some episodes over the course of the summer and be catastrophically sunburnt so you'll have that to look forward to it's probably going to be pretty funny it's a big pool right we could fit a pontoon or something in there so we do a boat episode no we're doing a boat episode in the pool we have to okay cool it's big enough to fit very funny things carnival or one of the cruises will sponsor us and they're going to put a cruise ship in your pool what was that private yacht collection we read commercials for can we get a private yacht in my pool oh yeah that was uh the the it was the hotel the famous hotel but they have a yacht club uh wait when the hell did you guys read a you guys read did you guys get a sponsorship that i wasn't there for no no we talked about this you were there luxury thing did you go what do you mean we talked about this i don't remember it we did a ritz carlton yacht club read the three of us did it because i remember talking about it we did a ritz carlton ad read it was the ritz carlton private yacht collection something something and i'm not gonna say it was during the part of the final final stretch of movie production where you were absolutely killing yourself working 20 hours a day fitting podcasts in with you whenever you could around the clock but you might not remember it for a reason oh did you guys get yachts and i didn't i wish i literally sent a couple emails and was like hey i know we get samples sometimes i would take a sample of a yacht i don't know how you get yacht samples but uh just send the money i learned from watching that oprah car giveaway that the people that won the car still had to pay taxes and stuff on them i don't know if i want to pay taxes on a free yacht it's why modern car giveaways are so expensive i don't know if i want to pay taxes on a free yacht so it's always like win a 2026 chevy corvette and 25 000 you don't get to keep the money that's to cover the taxes on the car yeah that makes sense i don't what's the tax on a yacht probably high well don't rich people not pay taxes there's probably no tax on a yacht it's probably a tax exempt so if they give you the yacht you become rich you don't pay taxes anymore it's a yacht for educational purposes so there's no taxes to learn about how yachts are you educate that's stupid i'm not gonna finish that word wait i don't even know where you were going yeah i was trying to buy yacht and education but it didn't yeah education but it was just the education with a yeah it was it was stupid it was stupid that's why i said stupid i didn't want to move i want to move on education that's better than yeah education yeah education education yeah education oh i didn't that was too that was something i didn't like it it was off-putting sorry all right tammy regularly hauls stuff to why she shops at bj's wholesale club saving up to 25 off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave meals laundry pods even they can't screw up have you met my kids and with bj's gas she gets there for less they call me the road warrior this is your home road warrior mom home of the save join for just twenty dollars at bjs.com slash mesquite and save ten cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save you guys want to play a game you don't have a choice because i'm the host and that's what we do here but it's really easy you guys familiar with charades there's no way what this is a quick aside last night apparently i like woke up last night and i had a moment where i was like man i've got this great idea for a podcast episode i typed myself a note to remember today and all i typed on the note pictionary that's literally all i wrote and i woke up today and i was like the fuck does i feel like what was the idea i stole your idea and also this could not have less to do with pictionary you know charades one person like draws a card they get a thing they have to act it out and the other people have to guess what it is we're not doing that i like to call this reverse charades one person is going to be given the card it's gonna i'm gonna they're gonna be easy that person has to tell the other person what to do and the person acting out whatever it is has to guess what the word is that they're acting out i love it all right this is great okay it's reverse or inverse charades i don't know it's different charades so we're gonna go back and forth and i'm gonna flip a coin to see who gets to go first getting some more space for this so that i know that there's gonna be a lot of physicality here this is i'm trying to keep it to where like you can stay at your desk but like you can get crazy with it you guys are allowed to escalate this to wherever it wants to go i'm not gonna limit you could i limber up i think that's entirely on wade's hands at this point i don't know this is my limbering that's the maximum limbering i can do you look so limber lady is wade lion is mark i definitely need to stretch because i just told you i'm still sore as hell all right the lady goes first that means i'm gonna give i'm gonna send you a word in our secret private chat wade and that's okay your word there's gonna be a timer on this right so you you get oh good okay i didn't explain all the rules it's very it's not convoluted it's all it's fine there's gonna be a timer and wade you get a point if mark successfully guesses it and mark gets a point if i successfully guess it before he says it i'm gonna write my guesses down in my in my notes so shouldn't he just never guess it no you have to participate if you if you we don't do that come on now come on everyone's participating yeah we don't need to structure it in a way where you're forced to participate otherwise you suffer no i will because i just want to be able to guess it what is it the first year of the podcast i don't know what year we are every every game every episode was like i'm suspicious about something something ain't right something i'm not doing it that's true that's so true ever since was it secret words that really broke us as friends yeah yeah yeah it did yeah yeah that's true that's true i'm setting the timer three minutes wait i'm gonna send you your word i was gonna say i haven't seen the word yet but okay you haven't said it that's good fine calm down i'm gonna set the timer at five minutes we'll see how that plays i'm gonna send wade the word and then start the timer it's a good thing mark's limber yeah ready yeah go i almost just sent it to the wrong person it's fine oh okay um mark i need you to with your two hands put them together like at the wrist uh no no no like uh hands hands facing out like you're you're waving with both hands but you're touching at the wrist at the wrist yeah then spread your hands out and hide your thumbs hide my thumbs hide your thumbs it's just the eight other fingers and then i want you to kind of wiggle them and uh start start high high and uh you're going to see an enemy see an enemy that's not it that's not it keep going pretend you have them dropping down from something like pretend i have them dropping down from something eh this is the craziest way you could have done this i know man i'm much better at the acting than i am to describe and we know this about me all right continue continue three minutes 50 seconds continue okay pretend i have them dropping down like it's kind of like wiggle them around and uh make like um how what how not with your fingers on your fingers that was what you're both the hands together you're gonna drop down and kind of like move in like a diamond shape move them to keep them together no no no wrist wrist together no yep keep going perfect perfect yep move them down i'm moving for all the listeners my hands are doing nothing what he's saying never mind you know what we're gonna start over i got a better idea i got a better idea walk like you're kind of just strutting your stuff okay you're gonna strut your stuff you're walking around and all of a sudden uh stop and look very like bob i hate this am i doing it i'm perplexed as hell i want to jump in and do this so badly because you're so close to doing it right you're walking and then you're going to come to a sudden stop and start reaching at your face and start picking something off and kind of like flinging it away throwing it spit a little you're disgusted oh i walked into a spider nest oh oh spider web spider cobweb i'm so good at this spider web spider web what the fuck is this i was trying to get you to make a web as a spider he was trying to get you to make a spider with your head why was i wiggling that was the craziest you could have possibly done i'm crazy we know what's all right watch me i mean yeah listen to me and i'll watch you got there didn't we also bob i feel like the guessing for you is gonna be really no you know what i once i said it out loud i heard it because i'm telling you what the word is so i just gave mark the point immediately because i was right it was spider web okay good that's right i write some of these ideas down at three in the morning when i can't sleep and i'm not gonna lie me too i didn't think that one all the way through me i didn't think that one all the way through me i didn't think that one all the way through me couldn't tell us it's fine i'm not so we're not gonna do that it's fine but mark was a very good sport and mark did a very good job guessing and i'm gonna give mark five minutes on this next one but i think we're gonna turn the time down on the next round because you finished that with like two and a half minutes and you did just an awful job wayne oh couldn't have been very much worse to start off on that one anyway mark you ready yes go oh i have no way it's in the chat okay okay wade go to the left side of frame my left or your left either left doesn't matter you're gonna go to the frame okay now there's there's a fence in the middle of your camera right okay so you're gonna you're gonna go and you're gonna jump over it and then do it again well okay i mean yeah go back to the beginning and then you know just hop hop all right whatever okay i'm hopping no don't over the fence the fence just get repetitious action repetitious action hopscotch uh yeah but more more gently and you know do it softer softly jump over the fence okay all right now now sit back down and you're you're watching that happen in front of you you're watching it your head head track it with your head uh-huh okay all right it's a whole bunch of them they're not hopping back and forth they're not you got that in your mind counting sheep uh oh i'm gonna count that i got that it's just sheep oh okay so i don't know how would you other than go bad like a sheep yeah well isn't that just the bitch of it but i'm glad i got i was like okay that's a bunny it's hopscotch it's jumping jacks it's the horses it's it was an obtuse way to go it's the only thing i thought of that's what i thought with the dangling spider but you know it didn't work out for me all right since we're doing so well oh no i'm gonna it's gonna i'm gonna keep it easy this is gonna be fun we're gonna do three minutes and wade you have your word ready set go okay uh mark you're you have to stay on camera but you're you're laying down okay we need those to get you right now that would that would have to be a good idea i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know if you can hear me cross one arm over your left shoulder your left arm over your to your right shoulder and your yeah cross your arms like that okay eyes closed and now all of a sudden burst your eyes awake and take like a big breath i'm a mummy vampire not even looking good let's go back to eyes closed mouth closed and uh shake your body like you're getting electric jolts and then i have your eyes and mouth open i'm a vampire i'm i'm i'm a mummy what the fuck else uh okay uh the electric jolts are stemming from your chest i'm a patient and cardiac arrest i'm i'm in the rescue position or whatever this is i'm about to go down a water slide and they're cattle prodding me to go down because i refuse to make the jump and i passed out at the top okay uh remember these are like short easy one word things right like one or two words uh minute 30 okay i'll go back to eyes closed and i'm in the rescue position mouth closed okay mouth closed let's drop our arms to our side and now you're going to feel uh just have your chest kind of like it's being pushed and then open your mouth a little bit and imagine someone pinching your nose and blowing into your mouth i'm a cpr patient wait i i'm an airbag i'm a i'm a i'm a balloon uh okay got it got it let's go a different direction let's go a different direction let's go a different direction real quick um move around move around like your whole body's made of wood now uh when you talk pretend your nose grows pinocchio but all of a sudden you're no longer made of wood i'm a real i'm a real boy just find some parallel between these things oh 25 seconds uh homunculus uh eyes closed mouth closed arms at side you're right now you're three i am dead i am but but when you oh he said undead uh yeah we were we were close you were close wade he did really good you just needed to like what was the word what was the word it was alive you got you right to like you were dead well okay the thing is i've got to give him actions right yeah but like no i i see i see it now i see it kind of i don't get the wooden plank thing well i was trying to be your pinocchio now you're alive you're a real boy you're alive you're not just oh i was panicking with 30 seconds to find another alive parallel okay all right i got you that's my bad that's my bad yeah i got the vampire like coming back you were undead rather than alive so i was like okay let's go with like cpr or the uh paddles or something i was trying to bring you back to life i get it now i get it No, I, you just, I feel like you just kept giving up. right when Mark was on the precipice and being like, let's try something else completely. Well, I felt like I was only allowed to give him actions as clues. I couldn't just be like, synonym for. Like, I couldn't do that. So it was like, what's another action I can do to come back to life? No, I appreciate sticking to the rules. At least I didn't switch to the birth canal. I was going to go that route. That would have got me right there. I didn't have time. I was like, okay, here's sperm. You hit an egg. All right, you're popping out your baby. Oh, well, then we got to define exactly what. People are debating whether you are or are not this thing. How many weeks has it been? If only I'd gone that route. All right, Mark, are you prepared to instruct? Oh, yeah. I cannot tell if these are harder or easier. I'm honestly trying to match the difficulty. So there you go. All right, I said, there's your word. Be small. Well, okay. All right, we're going there. You're tiny. Yeah, hideous, bideous. Flatten out. Smaller. Smaller. Flatter. Smaller. Flatter. I don't know how. Small. Oh, he's nailing this. Close flat, flat, flat, flat, flat, flat. All right, and now open on one hinge. For the listeners, he rolled to his right. Okay. All right. Okay. Let's, uh, this isn't working. Um. Two minutes. Back out a bit. Back, back out a bit. Back out a bit. Uh, make a humming sound. Uh-huh. Is that the whole instruction? Okay, now, now the humming, rise the humming in pitch. And then start sweating. Start sweating? Start sweating. A minute. 30 and you can't move by the way oh okay and now bring it down I'll stop sweating back down to idle hmm no keep the humming going what are you remember these are like one or two word things are like simple things yeah okay all right do the humming and now you've just lost power okay turn back on hold on a second now lose power in a dramatic fashion all right okay that's my bad uh uh turn back on uh turn off but in kind of a direction turn off but in kind of a direction dish rendo I can't remember oh power switch power off uh toggle surge uh 15 seconds generator uh flat hinge uh make a box shape with your arms a box now now narrow the box narrow the box now push your arms out from your forehead straight out the 90 degrees and then down last guess oh the the the the I'm a wajooosh. I'm a wajooosh. No Colin, that's wrong. The word was computer. What exactly were you trying to think of with the wajooosh? I was thinking of like Dr. Arnold in Jurassic Park pulling the fucking power. Yeah, yeah. All right, make a humming noise. Okay, now power off dramatically. All right. That is dramatic. If my computer did that, I'd be very worried. That would be terrible news if your computer did that. That would not be good. Mark, I just want you to remember, let's both remember this when Bob gets a one-man show. All right, okay, we'll do that. We'll give him some easy words. All right, I have another easy one. Wade, are you ready for another easy one? I'm limber. Oh, fuck me. Yeah, let's do it. Wade, begin. Okay, I want you to stand with your arms at your side. Yeah, that's fine. And start counting down from like 10 in your mind. And as you get to like three, start shaking and get more and more like violent with the shaking and then slowly rise. Am I the Artemis rocket? I'm going to count that. Rocket. It's rocket. The word is rocket. Oh, thank God. I'm so good at this. I felt so much better than alive in spite. I finally at least feel competent. Oh, I'm the best. Yes, man. Yes. That was a good description, right? I finally did good. It was pretty good, yeah. But my genius interpretation of it is what gets the point here. At least I feel good about myself for a moment. After alive in spider web, I was feeling pretty low. Get ready. That's good. I'll change that. I mean, you can do whatever you want. You know that I give people points for laugh, causing me to laugh. That's true. That's true. All right, Mark, you ready? All right, set, go. Be flat. Get flat. Flatter. Get flat. Now stretch out. Stretch. Stretch super not out. Along. Long. Get long. Now flat. What are you? Am I a rolling, rolling pin? Dough? Am I dough? No. Enter a lower dimension. Go. Get going. What are you? Here I am. Going down? What is. I'm in hell. Okay. All right. All right. Hold, hold your, hold your hand in front of your face. Now turn, turn it sideways. Thin. Paper. Skinny. Scrawny. Go up and down with it. Huh? Split. Uh. Divided. Cut. Take, take your finger. Put it off frame. Now go to the other side. But slowly. Eye exam? Oh, no. Close your eyes. Minute ten. Close your eyes. Feel as you do that thing I said. Drag. Pull. Oh, God. Oh, okay. All right. Forget everything I said. Stand. With your hands in your pockets. You're, you're, you're looking out. You're waiting. Right? Wait. Check your watch. Say out loud, man. When's this train gonna get here? Time. Pace. Wait. Board. Uh, nothing. Think. Thirty seconds. Look at your, what's on your shirt right now? Nothing. Uh, plain. Plain fabric. Cotton. No, look at what's laying across. Headphone. Earphone. Twenty seconds. Oh, oh, wait. You've got people in front of you and behind you and you're standing. Line. Ahh! Oh! Oh, wait ten seconds left when I come back. Oh! Oh, yeah, you said put me in a line of people. I was right there with you on line. Okay, yeah. Uh, uh, uh. This guy scared you. Almost got you there. Alright, well I will say, I'm using, I'm just using a website for this. I didn't think of these things. I've been keeping it on easy. Oh, good. I'm gonna tweak the settings a little bit. Hmm. Well, look, there's easy, medium, hard, and really hard. And I can also pick the number of words. I'm not gonna go to the highest of either of them. Does that make you feel any better? No. Oh, those aren't related. What the fuck? Hang on. Wait. No, no, no, go for it. This is just too random. I thought it would be like. No, go for it. Okay, I'm gonna stick to one word. Oh, you thought it was gonna be like a phrase? Yeah, I would. The first one was muscle drums. I was like, that's not a thing. That's not a thing. Alright, uh, it's Wade's turn again. And since we're making it more difficult, I'm gonna take 30 seconds away from you. Okay, good. So you have two minutes, 30 seconds. Wade, I'm about to send you your word. And it's not very hard. It's just medium. Alright. Ready? Set. I typed that in the wrong box. Ready? Set. Charade. Alright, uh, uh, put your leg, stand up and, uh, put your leg up like you're propping it up on something. And then reach up and adjust, uh, maybe like a fancy hat on your head. Um, and then, uh, put your hands out in front of you and grab a boat wheel. Like a, like a boat steering wheel. Captain. Oh! Ow! You could have not said 90% of that. It's Silicon Captain. Well, I, I was going for the, for some weird reason, the first thing I thought of was the alcohol. Captain whatever the fuck. I, I loved it. That was great. Put your leg up. Immediately I could see Mark's face was like, my leg is up. Well, I was like, picture the guy with his leg on the barrel with the captain's hat. I was like, wait, I can't say that. You know, Captain Morgan. That's his name. I couldn't, I couldn't think of the name. I was like. You know, that guy. Hmm, hmm, Morgan. Huh? Put your leg up on a barrel and hand me alcohol. Who are you? All right. This one, this one could be esplanulated in a fashion. ways this might be too easy for how good you have been mark you know i'm gonna fucking not guess it i'm gonna look really stupid now well it will be probably easier if i don't send you a typo ready set parade okay hold your arm up now hold your other arm like this perpendicular like okay now bring them together not that far bring it a little a little closer yeah now look put your head through that gap no not all the way through just put frame your yeah but step lean your head back now look at the intersection and then gesture the intersection towards me like that like this as if i'm supposed to get it because you're playing charades right look look down at the other second go like look at me and go uh uh uh okay all right what are you stop sign all right you're never gonna get this okay all right forget this everything about this you're walking upstairs you can't trip a little bit stumble you're yeah you got long but you got long trip up a little bit go up those stairs you got long you got long on i was tripping my long pants my long shorts my long legs my long slippers one minute my long dick is getting in the way of the stairs i see i see the vision mark don't surrender all right then you're done with the stairs now you're just walking up the stairs you're walking up the stairs you're walking up the stairs you're walking extend your right hand out extend your left hand over your right hand with your the first hand i forget which one it was move it up and down and with your other hand grab on to something no it's it's imaginary just grab on to something 20 seconds walk away guess something you have 12 seconds what what did you grab uh broom mop vacuum sweep three flat become flat put yourself on the wall final guess you have one more guess dustpan no no no i just threw up words man it's it's because it's like a different version of the word for the thing i was like like oh man it's degree you were accepting your degree uh-huh and so this it was supposed to be i figured this would get you close to angle but you know i think you could have got me there more with the stairs i don't i don't i i understand except the diploma you're shaking hand grabbing okay i couldn't just said you're walking on stage you know in a row but we could have said that but i didn't instead i was just on a random staircase fucking like no the stairs were done you you were done with the stairs i'm sure i was done with the stairs that's like gundam style i look look it's it's super you do this and you grab i should have gotten there but i didn't close you've been doing so well wade that i feel like i had to turn it up to difficulty again so i'm gonna give you a really hard one are you ready how much time do i have two and a half still i'm gonna leave the time i feel like we're at a good amount of time i don't want to torture you too badly wait here's your word go mark okay you're standing you're leaning up against a post or something you got your back leaning up uh and you're gonna stand there look at your watch uh and kind of look around with like a dirty look right now you're just gonna keep on standing there and pretend someone approaches you uh a police officer approaches you and they point and gesture at you and kind of like wave yeah yeah and then start walking away and then you stop walking and you lean up against the post again and then you're gonna look smugly back in the direction of the cop and then just stand there and look at your watch i'm i'm a criminal i'm i'm loitering i'm i'm a loiterer i'm a loiterer yes oh my god it's i'm a loiterer it's literally loiterer oh god you're so smart and beautiful oh i really pieced it together after a while there i really pieced together yeah god i can't well i can't believe you got that sometimes i feel like i'm like am i allowed to describe this that was so good when you started and he was he was kind of just doing it i was like i don't know if mark's following him along on this but he did he took the journey that was so beautiful i if you hadn't gotten there from i was like i have no other directions for you how else do i describe loitering other than someone who is loitering mark i'm so sorry that was great the only reason i know is because brian regan what you're in for loitering as soon as i saw the word i was like mark and i could get this in two seconds you're in prison a guy looks at you and is like what are you in for loitering i'm a loiterer i don't have anywhere to be i didn't have that knowledge some of us are better friends than others are we bad friends for not showing him brian regan probably probably i'm objectively a bad friend to wade we live close enough that we can hang out all the time and i just don't ever we don't do that you don't do it either it's not like you text me a lot and i say no but i don't do it either and i i get i get credit for that for being for not being a very good friend that's totally fair same here mark i'm real sorry about this by which i mean i'm sure it's going to be fine and i'm 90 sure this is equally as hard as loiterer was but you have to tell it to wade ready set charade uh put your leg up on the thing now fix your hat like it's real fancy now you've got something big and heavy carrying with both hands hobbling along my leg's still up okay yeah yeah you stand up and you have a big heavy thing and you're one one leg pirate chest booty okay and then you set it set it down sit back down okay rub your hands like this greed gold treasure wiggle your fingers like your your your spider or something yeah do a little more rubbing put your fists at your chin and part it minute 30 yeah reach up into the gap pull out like you're pulling out something and kiss it move your hand towards the big heavy thing you just sat down key lock unlock uh okay turn turning the key opening the chest you sure are then move yeah put your pants both like this and then move them up and over okay reveal buried treasure doug you put your hands at your head and you go with a big make your mouth into an o breathe out hands like this his hands point fingers pointed down reach down in there put your fingers kind of together and scoop up coins gold uh gold coin uh silver coin uh doubloons uh oh it's doubloon i had to paint the whole picture right i had had to take you on that journey i was like okay it's it's the beard beads i need the beard beads no i don't i need oh it's my hat again i was trying to do everything without saying part your beard i feel like you're over restricting yourself i think you could have you could have said some more words in there but you did it you did it honorably and you did it well i could have told you to get flat you should be grateful get flat i got flat so much today all right that was really good i am now realizing i may have set the points up in a way that rewarded the wrong person uh wade in no particular order you earned points for being a you got spider web you got rocket you gave mark a very dramatic shut off uh you got captain and you got loiterer uh mark you got points for finally going on your honeymoon or have had been had gone in the whatever points for what's the lagoon points for keeping your honeymoon a mystery to keep it spicy uh you got points for getting sheep line and doubloon and you got points for get flat flatter stay flat uh leaving the final score eight for wade seven for mark i really thought mark would be ahead at this point i honestly think there were definitely a couple moments where i really laughed at something that wade did didn't give him a point for it or anything and then we just continued i'm not cognitively at my peak i can't lie boys i'm a little tired all day in the sun we'll do that to you you know yeah sounds like it's a really rough day hanging out at the pool too much pool and sunshine for me that's terrible i'm so sorry hank joined bj's wholesale club the day he became a father of 30 i coach football now coach hank saves up to 25 off grocery store prices 30 pounds of pasta three cases of protein bars 75 sports drinks and that's just pre-game he knows teamwork and bj's knows savings this is your home coach home of the save join for just twenty dollars at bj's.com slash mesquite and save ten cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only. bj's home of the save sorry man anyway how many wheel spins were you gonna get clearly an odd number oh oh interesting one wheel spin who's in the lead right now i don't remember is it me wait it's up by one okay good i don't want golf i was like i want to see those golf rules i think i don't want golf rules all right i am going to add can i add things that are abstract i want to add got the flattest but i don't think that makes any fucking sense i don't care it's your turn it'll never come up the fuck yeah if there's one thing we've learned it's that these will never never come back to bite us and we'll always remember what we meant it'll be just like the scottish accent if it comes up whichever one of us gets the flattest first to get the point you know what i mean just men mean men men you know what i mean men you know what i meant anyway one spin i'm sure nothing bad will happen so hypothetically if like you know my car gets smashed by a semi again and gets really flat but then that comes up and mark gets really flat on camera first who wins oh wow man no question about it well i guess it doesn't fucking matter what i do then does it you are the king of getting this the wheel has declared it is sudden death and thusly a tie and thusly it's a fresh wheel though it is a fresh wheel that's not what that's supposed to look like give me hang on wait is that how small that was when mark hit it it was very yeah it was very it was a very a relatively small amount so what do we have it's six percent it starts at six yes it starts at six so it's 360 degrees times 0.06 it's 21.6 because this thing uses degrees for some fucking reason so i'm gonna set it at 21 boom that looks better no it's tiny there's no way there's no way it could not happen no i dare god no don't you have to hire my parachuting clowns man you're gonna talk to god like that you're gonna need okay okay it never slows down it just stops until it wants to though sometimes it's very dramatic yeah it totally did that to mark where it was all when it wants to be mark wins hey i feel like i deserved it for sure i feel like i deserved it too but you had all the honeymoon points and stuff so you can you i won't even use the coin i'll just let you have it so do we add we had two percent now is that what we've decided to do yeah in in previous times yes i believe so two percent oh mark wins congratulations mark thank you a hard-fought victory indeed uh would you like to give your winner speech uh yes i would uh i was down a little bit but i'm gonna give you a round by all accounts i should have lost but fate fate is the only thing that matters and it smiled upon me today just like it will smile upon ye if ye decide to follow this podcast that's the only way to attempt fate i click follow uh and unfollow again and again and again and again and again and again and again until the entire algorithm doesn't know what to do with us therefore i win and you can too it's like a video game with a broken mechanic if you just follow a if you just follow and unfollow distractible infinitely you will eventually achieve infinite luck and be an unkillable god or win an episode of distractible either one uh wait loser speech listen i started a little slow spider web and alive but as we went along the parabolic curve was really moving in my favor one more round that i would have been an undisputed champion that even sudden death on the wheel couldn't have stopped because i have this bad boy and i would have used it to the fullest new word i made you're allowed to do that when you're as cool as me but alas we didn't have that final round and the true champion was crowned and i will live by that you're just starting out there that you forgot you could have used your unfair challenge until it was too late or did you no i chose not he chose okay okay good fight everyone and good luck mark great luck even yeah thanks for playing the game uh that was really funny for me so i assume the viewers and and the listeners really enjoyed it probably the viewers moving listeners maybe but make sure you follow these guys mark plier lord minion 777 or minion 777 i am my skirm make sure you follow the podcast like mark said infinite luck glitch totally works we have merch distractible dot shop man i used to make fun of wade for not knowing it and now it's i don't win enough so i don't say it enough i guess and uh that is it we will be back next monday with another episode hosted by mark because he earned it with his face i'll start winning again soon you wish uh that's it see you on the next one where i will definitely win and then i'll host and then mark willman and he'll host and then the conspiracy will continue love you all podcast out tammy regularly hauls stuff to her kids at college that's why she shops at bj's wholesale club saving up to 25 off grocery store prices beef jerky microwave meals laundry pods even they can't screw up have you met my kids and with bj's gas she gets there for less they call me the road warrior this is your home road warrior mom home of the save join for just 20 at bj's dot com slash mesquite and save 10 cents per gallon for six months open soon limited time offer new members only bj's home of the save traditional home security only alerts you after a break-in and that's too late simply safe is changing that stop this is simply safe police are on the way we don't just alert we help stop crime before it starts plans starting around a dollar a day right now get 60 off your new system with professional monitoring at simply safe dot com slash 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