Reverse Charades

Good evening, gentle listeners or watchers, and welcome to "Destractable" the sepsil. Bob Lee Bob gets burnt, balancing his pool, then starts a pantomime party, Maryly married Mark, plans his honeymoon, gets hot and wet in Iceland, crashes Wade, and deftly describes, "Wardow wonder Wade gets sore, considers a sartorial upgrade, and gives impossibly vague descriptions, from statistically snuffing it, to having a huge O." "Yes, it's time for reverse charades. Now sit back and prepare to be distracted and enjoy the show." Hello and welcome back to your mom's favorite podcast. Yeah, I've probably used that one before. Who cares? This is "Destractable" and I'm allowed to reuse ideas. That's what we do here. My name's Bob and I'm the host. Does I won the last one? Oh, I'm fine. No, they'll cut that out. I'm sure. I won the last one, because I'm so smart and good at not dying on camera. I'm joined today, as always, by the two competitors in this episode. They will be competing to see who wins and gets to host the next one, that's the whole thing, that's what we do. I'm competitors are, as always, Mark and Wade. Not always. Sometimes I've been known to host. A pleasure to be here, Robert. Thanks for having me. So that was very serious. Would it someone die? Probably. I think statistically the answer to that's yes. Well, that's not good. And again, just now. Okay, calm down. Going back to another episode of "Destractable" if you're here, you know what's gonna happen. Unless you're new. Which case? God, I hope you're watching the video. God, you better be watching. You know how we feel about listeners. But yeah, I have a game prepared for today, and it's gonna be really funny, just like they always are. We never miss here. But before we get into the definitely funny game, how you doing, guys? How's it going? By the time this has come out, I will have Honeymoon. I'm gonna tell you what's gonna happen ahead of time. And yes, it's already happened. Shit, this is all planned out. Mark, Mark, some of this could stay secret. It's okay. You don't have to vlog everything. Here's an hour by hour breakdown of exactly how this adventure is gonna go down. Hour is pretty generous, but all right. Minute by minute. That's pretty generous, but all right. A by hour by by hour. Semi hour by semi hour. First, I arrive. Where? I don't know. Let me tell you a story that has nothing to do with this and is relating to something that happened in the past. I arrived in Iceland, and when I, when we were landing, I had read over the itinerary, right? We were going on a little vacation package, so this is gonna relate to this somehow. You'll see. It'll all tie back together. I got some leniency, but get you back into the point, Councillor. I looked at the itinerary, and I was like, oh, we're going to the blue lagoon. Resort, right, or hotel or something like that. I don't know. I said, we were going just to lagoon. And I was like, Iceland. Yeah, they got weird names over there. It's probably just a funny hotel. You know, Iceland with their funny names and all that stuff and silly words. And the way they eat, they eat their horses. It's funny. I see all over. There's like advertisements on the plain little screen. That's like, that blue lagoon. You know, Icelandic. Yeah, Icelandic. Yeah, the famous Icelandic accent. Yeah, yeah. That blue lagoon. And I'm like, wait, why is everyone swimming in the blue lagoon? And I'm like, well, that's weird. I've run swimming because we're arriving at 6am, right? And so I'm like, whoa, I'm going to be tired. I'm going to be ready to take a nap, go this hotel, maybe lay down for a bit, relax. And then Amy leans over to me is like, all right, you peck swim trunks, right? I'm like, whoa, don't eat swim trunks in a hotel. Like a bond of villain hideout is where you just swim to the hotel under the lagoon. And so I basically started, I leaned over to the person in the sea next to us and I asked, what's the blue lagoon? And they looked at me like I was crazy. They kind of chuckled them themselves. And they didn't answer, right? And so now, they only spoke Icelandic. He had to, what is the blue lagoon? What is a blue lagoon? Yeah, you didn't say it right. And then I asked Amy, like, what's the blue lagoon? And she's like, how can you not know what the blue lagoon is? It was on the actinerary. We're going there first. Do you have your swim trunks? And I'm like, what's the blue lagoon? So the blue lagoon, I don't even know if that's the name of the blue lagoon. Iceland, you're funny if it's not. There it is now. It is a is a very large world-renowned geothermal spa in Iceland. So by asking around or trying to anyway, Amy was extremely embarrassed by me asking what the most famous geothermal spa in Iceland was. Well, let's just ask what's Iceland. But she didn't tell me the entire time we were walking through the airports, there's big wall billboards of come to the blue lagoon and I'm like, I don't know why it is. Why won't anyone tell me? No one will tell me. And literally, Amy was like, I'm not telling you. I am not going to tell you. You should have read the itinerary and we I did, I swear. So she refused to tell me until I got outside. And then we had like a local guy drive us to the blue lagoon. And I was not allowed to ask him what it was. Amy forbade me from asking. It's a big, two thermal pool. It's very nice. Sounds fun. Yeah, it was it was pretty nice. So I'm not going to read the itinerary for what's coming in Norway, but I assume that there's some kind of lagoon over there. You really learned your lesson. I'm going to know even less this time, so I won't be confused. You're just sitting on the plate and swim trunks and like arm floaty, just looking at it and be like, what's the lagoon? What color's the lagoon? Tell me about the lagoon. You've got your mountain climbing gear, right? Is that your parachute backpack or your regular backpack? So yeah, I got that. That's going to be the entire crux of the honeymoon. And that's all that's going to happen. Just every day, every activity. Amy is like, oh, you better get dressed. And you start pulling out your like, polar ski outfit. Or swim. You're like gauging Amy's reaction like Tuxedo, not Tuxedo. No, didn't like that. Oh, what do we do? I pack for every occasion because I have no idea what the occasions are. And then I just laugh it off when she gives me the look. And I'm just like, that was a joke. Remember what I didn't know what the blue lagoon was? She puts on like a hazmat suit and you're like, the one thing I didn't pack. That's when you put on your Tuxedo and go out with style. Anyway, so yeah, I will have a honeymoon and it will be great. I think I hope it will be was a good time. It will was it will was you will have done it. Or you had already have done it. Wait, what honeymoon mystery are you experiencing in this past week? Have had you? You know, I don't have any alcohol down here. So I'm just going to take a sip of water, but pretend. Been awake, Bob. Been a week. Oh, okay, there it is. Yeah. Didn't get to play slow to inspire with you guys all this week. And I actually ate pretty well. I'm sore. You know, the people who tell you that you only get sore for like two days after exercising are liars. I played basketball Monday. We got together Tuesday, right? I was like, I'm a little sore for playing basketball. Yeah, we already talked about this this weekend. I'm still fucking sore. You're my arm still hurt. That's been four days ago. But I still been moving around trying to get some exercise. And like my legs are fine because I've been walking. But did not play more basketball since Monday. So tomorrow, whenever I finally stop crying, go shoot some big old hoops. I put on a sleeveless shirt to play. And it's one that I had when I was like, it was, you know, the style when we were at high school was like baggy clothes. So I had this baggy basketball shirt. I put it on. And I've got like beer belly hanging out though. Every time I jump, my like belly falls out of the bottom and the shirt like sits on top. And my nephew's looking at me like, "Oh man, you really sure you want to play that?" "Where that in front of your neighbors?" And, you know, birds and stuff. Like, people and animals are watching. And really the birds are going to laugh at you a lot. I think they did. So I might be time to upgrade my wardrobe a little bit. I've learned. You are allowed to buy a new clothes. I mean, obviously good idea for making clothes last. Because that is, you know, fast fashion has its downsides. And it's, you know, you don't need to be going and burning through clothes. But since high school, I think you're allowed to. Oh yeah. You're allowed to have bought some shirts since then. Not saying we're old. But I think we're all feeling that we're kind of old. Yeah, older than half my life ago. Some of these shirts I still wear, you know, like junior, I still have a couple of sleeveless shirts from junior high. Then I'm like, "Ah, my lucky sleeveless shirt. I put it on twice a year." The logo, it was like a UC bear cat shirt. But all of the logo is gone. So I was just like a blank red shirt with like one little black splotch where there was ones up all. You know, you buy more shirts. But I know what shirt it is. I know what the logo used to look like. You can buy UC shirts at gas stations in Cincinnati. It's not hard. I want UC to call me and let me go and talk to their like streaming podcasting classes. I know they've got them. They have that. It took my niece to Georgia State. They had a whole building that was like technology and something. I should probably know what the building was called. But they're like, "Yeah, we have this big podcasting room and there's like different classes." Where they're like, "They teach podcasting?" What do they do? I just want to be a fly on the wall. You could really benefit from that. I could use a lot of help. Yeah. Did they let seniors audit classes, you know, like a keep active sort of thing? I'm your age. Oh, I was thinking seniors like college, I was like, well, yeah. No, he met grandparents. Senior citizens. There's like, you know, there's those elder education programs where it's like, hey, you gotta You want to do something fun? Come take some classes. I grade and I bottled I bottled I grade and bottled early, but I'm stupid. Man, that really rewrites some of our most iconic bits. I just can't get out of my head now. You just going I'm bottled. I keep getting recommended our shorts lately. I keep watching them. They're all pretty good. We have funny moments. I didn't know we were funny. Yeah, occasionally. Sometimes if only we had our clips game on that's a bad way to say it. They are highlight real goodness, but posting, you know, if we did that good, think of where we would be a little bit further ahead. Yeah, it's Or something like that. Yeah, a little bit louder now. I would like to be a college and it was a time where I thought I was going to go into like being a college professor of philosophy to all my philosophy Professors like pulled out a cigarette. I know they're like, don't do it. You don't want to be like us. Do something else. That's like, all right. They'll smoke like this. That's how philosophy professor smoke. It's part of the rules. I puff Therefore I am. I don't know. I never smoke. Yeah, that's how cool people flick cigarettes. I don't think that'd be fun. It'd be fun to go just be a guest or be a fly on the wall or even just Not to get a degree, but to go like sit in some of these classes and see what they're teaching because like, I'm fascinated to know how do you have a whole class on doing something that I think we're pretty I shouldn't say we're I'm pretty stupid and somehow it's worked out, but like, what am I supposed to be doing to get I don't know, man, probably exactly everything we did on the way here. I know a couple of our friends have gotten to go and be like guest speakers at colleges and High schools, and I'm like, I want to know because it's like being wanting to be a juror. I've never had to be a juror. They never call me for that either. It's like the things I want to do. No, whatever calls me for. I'm like, I call the college. Be like, please let me come teach you I'm begging you. Do you have a business email with which they could somehow? Yeah, I never checked that. Okay. All right then. Well, all you university people who are typing up that email, throw it in the trash. It's not going to be seen. I get the alumni emails. Were they asking me for money? And do you give money? Do you give money? No, I hate those kids. Maybe that's maybe that's how you get into the classroom. You need to give them the money first and then they'll let you teach. I want to teach your class. Here's money. Is that how do you become a teacher? I guess I can become a teacher. Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's how it works. I don't know what my small talk was, but that was it. I wrote down points. Great. I know I'm the host, so my small talk really doesn't matter and I'm not important. But get ready for a lot more of this. I don't know if you can tell, but I'm real crispy. Today was the official opening day of our pool. This is the first time since we moved six plus months ago, where the pool was open. The chemicals were balanced, which I've been battling with for like a week and a half has been really fucking annoying. And we did it and we swam in the pool like all day today. And so I'm pretty red and crispy and I'm definitely going to be kind of sun burning for the whole summer. I'm used to pools that I hope until like May or June. So it's wild that you guys are like able to swim and stuff. Yeah, I mean, it was it was not like hot today, but it was warm enough and sunny and with and the pool is heated. So if you were in the water, it was great. And as soon as you got out, it was kind of like, ah, let's go inside. You probably like cool water. See, I'm I like bathwater. I mean, it's heated. It's a heated pool. It's warm pool. She did to like, I don't know, 80 some degrees, 84 degrees or something. It's pretty warm. See, I'm the guy that went to Florida in July and the pool that's been sitting in the sun baking could basically boil a lobster. I'm like, oh, that's great. I go to the ocean. Like that's a little chilly, even though like, well, the ocean is cold. The ocean is too. I'm talking about like the gulf in summer, where it's not cold. Still cold. So it's natural water is always cold. So cold. I think things you can have it though, because you're the host. Anyway, I'm definitely going to show up to some episodes over the course of the summer and be catastrophically sunburped. So you love that to look forward to. It's probably going to be pretty funny. It's a big pool, right? We could fit upon tune or something in there. So we do a boat episode. No, we're doing a boat episode in the pool. We have to be cool. It's big enough to fit very funny things. Carnival or one of the cruises will sponsor. And they're going to put a cruise ship in your pool. What was that private yacht collection? We read commercials for. Can we get a private yacht in my pool? Oh, yeah, that was the hotel, the famous hotel, but they have a yacht club. When the hell did you guys read? You guys read? Did you guys get a sponsorship that I wasn't there for? No, no, we talked about this. You were there. The luxury thing. Did you go out? What do we mean? We talked about this. I don't remember it. We did a Ritz Carlton yacht club read. The three of us did it because I remember talking about it. We did a Ritz Carlton ad read. It was the Ritz Carlton private yacht collection, something, something. And I'm not going to say it was during the part of the final press, final stretch of movie production, where you were absolutely killing yourself working 20 hours a day. Fitting podcasts in whenever you could around the clock. But you might not remember it for a reason. Did you guys get yachts? And I didn't. I wish I literally set a couple of emails and was like, Hey, I know we get sampled sometimes. I would take a sample of a yacht. I don't know how you get yacht samples, but I just send the money. I learned from watching that Oprah car giveaway that the people that won the car started to pay taxes and stuff on them. I don't know if I want to pay taxes on a free yacht. It's why modern car giveaway. So it's always like win a 2026 Chevy Corvette and $25,000. You don't get to keep the money. That's to cover the taxes on the car. Yeah, that makes sense. I don't what's the tax on a yacht? Hi, hi, well, don't rich people not pay taxes. There's probably no tax on a yacht. It's probably a tax exempt. So if they give you the yacht, you become rich, you don't pay taxes anymore. It's a yacht for educational purposes. So there's no taxes. To learn about how yachts are. Yeah, educate. That's stupid. I'm not going to finish that. Wait, wait, I don't even know where you were going. Yeah, I was going to buy yacht and education, but the education was just the education with a, yeah, it was stupid. It was stupid. That's why I said stupid. That didn't want to move on. Educational. That's better than the education, yacht education, educate, yachts, education, educate. Yeah, education. I think that was too. That was something I didn't like it. It was off-putting. Sorry. All right. You guys want to play a game? You don't have a choice because I'm the host and that's what we do here. But it's really easy. You guys familiar with charades. There's no way. What? This is the quickest side last night. Apparently, I like woke up last night and I had a moment where I was like, man, I've got this great idea for a podcast episode. I typed myself a note to remember today and all I typed on the note. Pictionary podcast. That's literally all I wrote and I woke up today and I was like, the fuck does I feel like what was the idea? I stole your idea and also this could not have less to do with Pictionary. You know charades. One person like draws a card. They get a thing. They have to act it out and the other people have to guess what it is. We're not doing that. I like to call this reverse charades. One person is going to be given the card. It's going to, I'm going to, they're going to be easy. That person has to tell the other person what to do and the person acting out whatever it is has to guess what the word is that they're acting out. I love it. All right. That's great. Okay. It's reverse or inverse charades. I don't know. It's different charades. So we're going to go back and forth and I'm going to flip a coin to see who gets to go first. Getting some more space for this so that I know that there's going to be a lot of physicality here. This is I'm trying to keep it to where like you can stay at your desk, but like you can get crazy with it. You guys are allowed to escalate this to wherever it wants to go. I'm not going to limit you. Could I limber up? I think that's entirely on Wade's hands at this point. I don't know. This is my limbering. That's the maximum limbering I can do. You look so limber. Lady is way lion is Mark. I definitely destroyed because I just told you I'm still sore as hell. All right. The lady goes first. That means I'm going to give. I'm going to send you a word in our secret private chat. Wade and that's going to your word. There's going to be a timer on this, right? So you get all good. Okay. I didn't explain all the rules. It's very not convoluted. It's all is fine. There's going to be a timer and Wade, you get a point if Mark successfully guesses it and Mark gets a point if I successfully guess it before he says it. I'm going to write my guesses down in my in my notes. So shouldn't he just never guess it? No, you have to participate. If you, if you, we don't do that. Come on now. Come on. Everyone's participating. Yeah, we need to structure it in a way where you're forced to participate. Otherwise you suffer. No, I will because I just want to be able to guess it. What is it? The first year of the podcast? I don't know what you're we are every every game every episode was like I'm suspicious about something something a write something. I'm not doing it true. That's so true. Ever since was a secret word that really broke us as friends. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. That's true. I'm setting the timer. Three minutes. Wait. I'm going to send you your word. That's good. So if I can see the word yet. Okay. You have to send it. That's good. - Fine, calm down. I'm gonna set the timer five minutes. We'll see how that plays. I'm gonna send Wade the word and then start the timer. It's a good thing, Mark's limber. - Yeah. - Ready? - Yeah. - Go, I almost just send it to the wrong person. It's fine. - Oh, okay, Mark, I need you to with your two hands, put them together like at the wrist. No, no, no, like hands facing out. Like you're waving with both hands, but you're touching at the wrist. - But at the wrist. - Yeah, then spread your hands out and hide your thumbs. - Hide my thumbs. - Just thumbs, it's just the eight other fingers. - Uh-huh. - And then I want you to kind of wiggle them and start, start high. - Start high? - And you're going to my C-an enemy. - C-an enemy. - That's not it, that's not it, keep going. - Pretend you have them dropping down from something? Like a, that's a secret. - Pretend I have them dropping down from something, eh? - That's the craziest way you could have done this. - I know, man, I much better at the acting than I am to describe it. We know this about me. - All right, continue, continue. Three minutes, 50 seconds, continue. - Okay, pretend I have them dropping down, like it's kind of like wiggle them around and make like a snowflake pattern. - How? What? How? - Not with your fingers, not with your fingers. - That was what? - You're both the hands together. You're going to drop down and kind of like, move in like a diamond shape. Move them to give them together. No, no, no, no, no, risk. (laughing) - Risk together. - No, yep, keep going. - Perfect, perfect. - Yep. - Move them down. I'm moving for all the listeners. - My hands are doing nothing, what he's saying. - Nevermind, you know what, we're going to start over. I got a better idea. I got a better idea. - Uh-huh. Walk like you're kind of just strutting your stuff. Okay, you're going to strut your stuff. You're walking around and getting all of a sudden stop and look very like you. (laughing) - I hate this fucking game. (laughing) - By doing it, I'm perplexed as hell. - I want to jump in and do this so badly because you're so close to doing it right. You're walking and then you're going to come to a sudden stop and start reaching at your face and start picking something off and kind of like flinging it away, throwing it, spin a little, you're disgusted. - Eh. - I walked into a spider nest. - Oh. - Oh, spider web. Spider web. (screaming) - Cabo. - I'm so good at this. - Spider web, spider web. - What the fuck is this? - I was trying to get you to make a web as a spider. - He was trying to get you to make a spider with your head. - I was like wiggling. - That was the craziest shit you could have possibly done. - I'm crazy, we know with it. - All right, watch me. I mean, yeah, listen to me and I'll watch you. - Debbed and got there, didn't we? Also, Bob, I feel like the guessing for you is gonna be really-- - No, you know what? Once I set it out loud, I heard it 'cause I'm telling you what the word is. So I just gave Mark the point immediately because I was right, it was spider web. (laughing) - That's right. I write some of these ideas down at three in the morning when I can't sleep and I'm not gonna lie. - Wait, two, I can't sleep. - I didn't think that one all the way through can tell it's fine. So we're not gonna do that, it's fine. But Mark was a very good sport and Mark did a very good job guessing and I'm gonna get Mark five minutes on this next one but I think we're gonna turn the time down on the next round. 'Cause you finished that with like two and a half minutes and you did just an awful job, Wade. - Oh. - Couldn't have been very much worse to start off on that one. Anyway, Mark, you ready? - Yes. - Go. - Oh, I have it in a way. - It's in the chat. - Okay, okay, Wade, go to the left side of frame. Well, I left it, you're left. Either left, doesn't matter. You gotta go to the frame. Okay, now there's a fence in the middle of your camera, right? Okay, so you're gonna go and you're gonna jump over it and then do it again. Well, okay, I mean, yeah, go back to the beginning and then, you know, just hop, hop. All right, whatever. - Okay. (laughing) - I'm hoppin'. - No, over the fence, the fence. You can just get out of repetition action. Repetition action. - Hop, scotch. - Yeah, but more gently and, you know, do it softer. (laughing) - Softly jump over the fence. - Okay, all right. Now, now, sit back down and you're watching that happen in front of you. You're watching it. You're head, head track it with your head. - All right. - Uh-huh. Okay. All right, it's a whole bunch of them. They're not hoppin' back and forth. They're not. You got that in your mind. - Found, counting sheep. - Oh. - I'm gonna count that. - Yeah! - I've got that. It's just sheep. - Oh, okay. - So I don't know how would you, other than go bad, like a sheep. (laughing) - Well, is it that just the bit of it? - But I was like, okay, that's a bunny. It's hop, scotch. It's jumping jacks. It's the horses. It was an obtuse way to go. It's the only thing I thought of. - That's what I thought was a dangling spider, but, you know, it didn't work out for me. (laughing) - All right, so it's for two and so well. - Oh, no. - I'm gonna, I'm gonna keep it easy. This is gonna be fun. - Oh. - We're gonna do three minutes and Wade, you have your word. - Ready, set, go. - Okay. - Mark, you're, you get to stay on camera, but you're laying down, okay? - Ah! (laughing) - We need those to get you right now. - That would help if you could hear me. Cross one arm over your left shoulder, your left arm over your right shoulder, and your, yeah, cross your arms like that. Okay, eyes closed, and now all of a sudden, burst your eyes away, you can take like a big breath. (groaning) - I'm a mummy. Vampire! - Not a little bit more. - Okay, let's go back to eyes closed. - Okay. - And shake your body like you're getting electric joltz. And then have your eyes and mouth open. (groaning) - I'm a vampire. I'm a mummy. What the fuck else? - Okay, the electric joltz are stimming from your chest. - I'm a patient and cardiac arrest. I'm in the rescue position, or whatever this is. I'm about to go down a water slide, and their cattle prodding me to go down, 'cause I refuse to make the jump, and I passed out at the top. - Okay, maybe it's like short, easy one word things, right? Like one or two words. (laughing) - Minute 30. - Okay, go back to eyes closed. - Okay. - Mouth closed. Let's drop our arms to our side. And now you're going to feel, just have your chest kind of like it's being pushed, and then open your mouth a little bit. (groaning) And imagine someone pinching your nose and blowing into your mouth. - I'm a CPR patient, wait, I'm an error bag. I'm a, I'm a, I'm a balloon. (laughing) - Okay, got it, got it. (laughing) - Let's go a different direction real quick. Move around, move around like your whole body's made of wood. Now, when you talk, pretend your nose grows. - In no queue? - But all of a sudden, you're no longer made of wood. - I'm a real, I'm a real boy. (laughing) Just find some parallel between these things. (laughing) - 25 seconds. - Oh, how monkely's? - A, A, A, A. (groaning) (groaning) - Ah, eyes closed, mouth closed, arms at side. You right now, you're. - Three. - I am dead. - I am. - But when you opened your mouth. - You opened your mouth. - Oh, he said undead. - Oh yeah. - You were close, you were close. - Wait, he did really good. You just see it till like. - What was the word? What was the word? - It was alive. You got you right to like, you were dead. - Well, okay, the thing is I've got to give him actions, right? - Yeah, but like, no, I see it now. I see it kind of, I don't get the wooden plank thing. - Well, I was trying to be your Pinocchio. Now you're alive, you're a real boy, you're alive. You're not just, I was panicking with 30 seconds to find another alive parallel. - That's good, that's good. Okay, all right, I guess it, that's my bad, that's my bad. - Yeah, I got the vampire like coming back, you were undead rather than alive. So I was like, okay, we gotta get away from that. Let's go with like CPR or the paddles or something. I was trying to bring it back to life. - I get it now, I get it now. - I, you just, I feel like you just kept giving up. Right when Mark was on the precipice and being like, let's try something else completely. - Well, it was, it was, I was, I felt like I was only allowed to give him actions as clues. I couldn't just be like, send an M4, like I couldn't do that. So it was like, what's another action I can do to come back to life. - No, I appreciate sticking to the rules. At least I switched to the birth canal. I was gonna go there, that route then. - That would have got me right there. I didn't have time. I was like, okay, here's the perm, you hit an egg. All right, you're popping out, you're baby. - Oh, well then we gotta define exactly what. - People aren't debating whether you are or not this thing. How many weeks has it been? - I've gone that route. - All right Mark, are you prepared to instruct? - Oh yeah. - I cannot tell if these are harder or easier. I'm honestly trying to match the difficulty. So there you go. Right set, there's your word. - Be small. - Well. - Okay. - All right, we're going there. You're tiny. - Yeah, to eatiest bittiest. Flatten out. - Smaller. - Flatter. Smaller. - Flatter! (laughing) Oh no! (laughing) - Oh! (laughing) - Oh, he's nailing this. Flose flat, flat, flat, flat, flat, flat. All right, and now open on one hinge. (laughing) For the listeners, he broiled to his right. Okay, all right, okay, this isn't working. Two minutes. Back out of it, back out of it, back out of it. Back out of it. Make a humming sound. (humming) - Uh-huh. (laughing) - Sound the whole instructions. (laughing) - Okay, now the humming, rise the humming in pitch and then start sweating. (humming) Start sweating. Start sweating. (humming) A minute 30. (humming) And you can't move, by the way. (humming) Oh, okay, now bring it down. Stop sweating. Back down to idle. No, keep the humming going. (humming) What are you? (laughing) (laughing) - A T kettle stood on my T-Rex, I don't fucking know. - Remember, these are like one or two word things is like simple things. - Yeah, okay, all right, can do the humming. (humming) And now you just lost power. Okay, turn back on, hold on a sec. Now lose power in a dramatic fashion. (humming) (laughing) All right, okay, that's my bad. Uh, uh, turn back on. (humming) (laughing) Turn off, but in kind of a dish rendo, I care. (humming) Power switch, power off, toggle, surge. - 15 seconds. - Generator, flat hinge. - Make a box. - Box. - Shake with your arms. A box. Now, narrow the box. Narrow the box. Now push your arms out from your forehead, straight out. Then 90 degrees and then down. - Last guess. (humming) - I know what juice. - No. - No. - No, no. - But juice. - That's wrong. - That's wrong. - The word was computer. (humming) - What exactly were you trying to think of with the what juice? - I was thinking of like Dr. Arnold and Jurassic Park pulling the fucking power. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Fucking, all right, make a humming noise. Okay, now power off dramatically. (humming) - All right. (humming) - This is dramatic. If my computer did that, I'd be very worried. - That would be terrible news if your computer did that. That would not be good. - Mark, I just want you to remember, let's both remember this when Bob gets a one-man show, 'cause this would be really easy. - We'll give him some easy words. - All right, I have another easy one. Wait, are you ready for another easy one? - I'm limber. - Oh, fuck me, yeah, let's do it. - Wade, begin. - Okay, I want you to stand with your arms at your side. Yeah, yeah, that's fine. And start counting down from like 10 in your mind. And as you get to like three, start shaking and get more and more like violent with the shaking and then slowly rise. Am I the Artemis rocket? - I'm gonna count that, I'm gonna count that rocket. It's rocket, the word is rocket. - Oh, thank God. - I felt so much better than him alive in spite. I finally feel confident. - Oh, I'm the best. - Yes, man. Yes. - That was good description, right? I finally did good. - That was pretty good, yeah. But my genius interpretation of his will gets the point here. - At least I feel good about myself for a moment. After alive in spite of what Bob was feeling pretty low. - Get ready. That's good, I'll change that. - I mean, you can do whatever you want. You know that I give people points for laugh, causing me to laugh, so. - That's true, that's true. - All right, Mark, you ready? Mm-hmm. Right set, go. - Be flat, get flat. Flat or get flat. Now stretch out, stretch. Stretch, super not out. Along, along, get long. Now flat, what are you? (laughs) Am I a rolling pin? No, am I dull? - No, enter a lower dimension. Go, get going. (laughs) - What are you doing? - Going down, what is that? - I'm in hell. - Okay, all right, hold your hand in front of your face. Now turn it sideways. Spin, paper, skinny, scrawny. - Mm-hmm. - Go up and down with it. - Huh? - Split, divided, cuts, uh, uh. - Take, take your finger. Put it off frame. Now, go to the other side. But slowly. - I exam? - Oh, no. Close your eyes. (laughs) - Ten minutes and close your eyes. Feel as you do that thing, I said. (laughs) - Drag, pull, uh, okay, all right, forget everything I said. Stand, with your hands and your pockets, you're looking out, you're waiting, right? Wait, check your watch. Say hello, man, when's the train gonna get here? - I'm pace, wait, board, uh, nothing, think. - 30 seconds. - Look at your, what's on your shirt right now? - Nothing. (laughs) - Train, fabric, cotton. - No, look at what's laying across. - Headphone. - Oh. - 40 seconds. - Oh, oh, wait, you've got people in front of you and behind you and you're standing. - Line. - Ah, oh, oh, oh, wait 10 seconds left. Wanna come back? - Oh! - Oh yeah, you said put me in a line of people. I was right there with you on line, okay, yeah. (laughs) - It's got hair, yeah. (laughs) - Oh, it's got you there. - All right, while I will say, I'm using, I'm just using a website for this, I didn't think of these things. I've been keeping it on easy. - Oh good. - I'm gonna tweak the settings a little bit. - Mm. - Well look, there's easy, medium, hard and really hard, and I can also pick the number of words. I'm not gonna go to the highest of either of them. Does that make you feel any better? - No. - Those aren't really needed. What the fuck, hang on, wait, this is just too random. I thought it would be like, okay, I'm gonna take to one word. - Oh, you thought it was gonna be like a phrase? - Yeah, the first one was muscle drums. I was like, that's not a thing, that's not a thing. - All right, it's Wade's turn again, and since we're making it more difficult, I'm gonna take 30 seconds away from you. - Okay, good. - So you have two minutes, 30 seconds. Wade, I'm about to send you your word, and it's not very hard. It's just medium. - All right. - Ready? Set, I typed that in the wrong box. Ready? Set, you should read. - All right, put your leg, stand up, and put your leg up like you're propping it up on something, and then reach up and adjust, maybe like a fancy hat on your head, and then put your hands out in front of you, and grab a boat wheel, like a boat steering wheel, Captain. (laughing) - You could have not said 90% of that, and Silicon Captain. - Well, I was going for the, well, somewhere at reason, the first thing I thought of was the alcohol, Captain, whatever the fuck. - I loved it. - That was great. - Put your leg up. Immediately I could see Mark's face was like, well, that goes up. - Well, I was like, "Picture the guy with his leg on the barrel with the captain's head." I was like, "Wait, I can't say that." - You know, Captain Morgan. - That's his name. I couldn't think of the name. I was like, "Yo, that guy, he-he Morgan." (laughing) - Put your leg up on a barrel and hand me alcohol. Who are you? (laughing) - All right, this one, this one could be explainulated in a thousand ways. This might be too easy for how good you have been, Mark. - You know I'm going to fucking not guess it. I'm going to look really stupid now. - Well, it will be probably easier if I don't send you a typo. Ready, set, parade. - Okay, hold your arm up. (laughing) Now hold your other arm like this. - Purple dick is a little like, okay. Now bring them together. Not that far. Bring a little closer, yeah. Now look, put your head through that gap. No, not all the way through. Just put, frame, yeah, but step, lean your head back. Now look at the intersection. And then gesture the intersection towards me like that, like this, as if I'm supposed to get it 'cause you're playing charades, right? Look, look down at the other second, go like, look at me and go, uh. - Uh. - Uh. - Okay, all right, what are you? - Stop sign. - Are you never going to get this? Okay, all right. Forget this everything about this you're walking up here can't trip a little bit. It's dumb pull. Yeah, you got long. She got long. Trip up a little bit. You got those stairs. You got long. You got long on. It's tripped my long pants, my long shorts, my long legs. One minute. My long dick is getting the way of the stairs. I see, I see the vision, Mark. Don't surrender. All right. Then you're done with the stairs. Now you're just walking. Extend your right hand out. Extend your left hand over your right hand. With your the first hand, I forget which one it was. Move it up and down. And with your other hand, grab onto something. No, it's not necessary. Just grab onto something. 20 seconds. Walk away. Guess something. You have 12 seconds. Why don't you grab a broom up vacuum sweep three. A flat become flat. Put yourself on a wall. Final guess. You're one more guess. Just pen. No, no, no. I just thought words, man. It's because it's like a different version of the word for the thing. I was like, oh, man, it's degree. You are accepting your degree. And so this, it was supposed to be, I figured this would get you close to angle, but you know, I think you could have got me there. More with the stairs. I don't, I don't, I, I understand except the diploma. You're shaking hand, grabbing. Okay. I couldn't just said you're walking on stage, you know, in a row, but we could have said that, but I didn't. Instead, I was just on a random staircase. Fucking like, no, the stairs were done. You were done with the stairs. I'm sure I was done with the stairs. That's a Gundam style. I look, look, it's, it's so pretty. It is. And you grab it and you take it, yeah. And then I should have gotten there, but I didn't close. You've been doing so well, Wade, that I feel like I had to turn it up to difficulty again. So I'm going to give you a really hard one. Are you ready? How much time do I have to and a half still? I'm going to leave the time. I feel like we're at a good amount of time. I don't want to torture you too badly. Wait, here's your word. Go. Mark. Okay. You're standing, you're leaning up against a post or something. You got your back leaning up and you're going to stand there. Look at your watch and kind of look around with like a dirty look, right? Now, you're just going to keep on standing there and pretend someone approaches you. A police officer approaches you and they point and gesture at you and kind of like Wave. Yeah, yeah. And then start walking away. And then you stop walking and you lean up against the post again. And then you're gonna look smuggly back in the direction of the cop. And then just stand there and look at your watch. I'm a criminal. I'm I'm loitering. I'm I'm a loiter. I'm a loiterer. Yes. Oh my god. It's loiter. I'm a loiter. I'm a loiterer. Oh god. You're so smart and beautiful. Oh, I really piece it together after a while there. I really piece together. Yeah. God, I can't. Well, I can't believe you got that. Sometimes I feel like I'm like, am I allowed to describe this? That was so good. When you started and he was he was kind of just do again. I was like, I don't know if Mark's following him along on this, but he did. He took the journey. That was so beautiful. If you hadn't gotten there from there, I was like, I have no other directions for you. How else do I describe loitering other than someone who is loitering? Mark, I'm so sorry. That was great. The only reason I know this is Brian Regan. What do you're in for? Loitering. As soon as I saw the word, I was like, Mark and I could get this in two seconds. You're in prison. A guy looks at you and is like, what are you in for? Loitering. I'm a loiterer. I don't have anywhere to be. I didn't have that knowledge. Some of us are better friends than others. Are we bad friends for not showing him Brian Regan? Probably. I'm objectively a bad friend to wait. We live close enough that we can hang out all the time and I just don't ever we don't do that. You don't do it either. It's not like you text me a lot and I say no, but I don't do it either. And I get I get credit for that for being not being a very good friend. That's totally fair. Same here. Mark, I'm real sorry about this. By which I mean, I'm sure it's going to be fine and I'm 90% sure this is equally as hard as loiterer was. But you have to tell it to wait. Ready, set, charade. Put your leg up on the thing. Now fix your hat like it's real fancy. Now you've got something big and heavy carrying with both hands hobbling along. My legs still up. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. You stand up and you have a big heavy thing and you want one leg higher it. Chest. Ooty. Okay. And then you set it. Set it down. Sit back down. All right. Okay. Rub your hands like this. Read gold treasure wiggle your fingers like you're you're you're a spider or something. Yeah. Do a little more rubbing. Put your fists at your chin and part it minute 30. Yeah. Reach up into the gap. Pull out like you're pulling out something and kiss it. Move your hand towards the big heavy thing. You just set down a key lock unlock. Okay. Turn. Turning the key. Opening the chest. If you sure are then move. Yeah. Put your hands both like this and then move them up and over. Okay. Reveal very treasure dog. You put your hands at your head and you go with the big make your mouth into an O. Breathe out. Hands like this. This hands point of fingers pointed down. Reach down in there. Put your fingers kind of together and scoop up coins. Skulled gold coin. Silver coin. Deblune. Oh. I had to paint the whole picture. Right. I had to had to take you on that journey. I was like, okay. It's the beard beads. I need the beard beads. No, I don't. I need. Oh, it's my hat again. I was sure I do everything without saying part your beard. I feel like you're over restricting yourself. I think you could have said some more words in there, but you did it. You did it honorably and you did it. Well, I could have told you to get flat. You should be grateful. Get flat. I got flat so much today. All right. That was really good. I am now realizing I may have set the points up in a way that rewarded the wrong person. Wait. In no particular order, you earned points for being a sore old man, meaning clothes, education. You got spider web. You got rocket. You gave Mark a very dramatic shot off. You got captain and you got loiterer. Mark, you got points for finally going on your honeymoon or have had been had gone in the whatever points for what's the lagoon points for keeping your honey moon a mystery to keep it spicy. You got points for getting sheep, line and de balloon. And you got points for get flat, flatter stay flat, leaving the final score eight for Wade seven for Mark. I really thought Mark would be ahead of this point. I honestly think there were definitely a couple moments where I really laughed at something that Wade did didn't give him a point for it or anything. And then we just continued. I'm not cognitively at my peak. I can't lie, boys. I'm a little tired. All day in the sun. We'll do that to you. You know. Yeah. Sometimes it's really rough day hanging out at the pool too much pool and sunshine for me. That's terrible. I'm so sorry, man. Anyway, how many wheel spins were you to get? Clearly an odd number. Oh, interesting. One wheel spin. Who's in the lead right now? I don't remember, is it me? Wait, it's up by one. Okay, good. I don't want golf. I was like, I want to see those golf rules. I think I don't want golf rules. All right. I am going to add. Can I add things that are abstract? I want to add got the flattest, but I don't think that makes any fucking sense. I don't care. It's your turn. It'll never come up. Yeah, that if there's one thing we've learned, it's that these will never, never come back to bite us. And we'll always remember what we meant. It'll just be just like the Scottish accent. If it comes up, whichever one of us gets the flattest first to get the point, you know what I mean. Just men mean men. Men? You know what I mean, men? You know what I mean. Anyway, one spin. I'm sure nothing bad will happen. So hypothetically, if like, you know, my car gets smashed by a semi again and gets really flat, but then that comes up and markets really flat on camera first to win. Oh, wow. Man, no question about it. Oh, I guess it doesn't fucking matter what I do. Then does it? You are the king of getting this. The wheel has declared it is sudden death and thusly a tie and thusly. It's a fresh wheel, though. It is a fresh wheel. That's not what that's supposed to look like. Give me a second. Hang on. Wait, is that how small that was when Mark hit it? It was very, yeah, it was very, it was a very a relatively small amount. So what do we have? It's 6% to start at 6. - Yeah, it starts at 6. - So it's 3 out of 60 degrees times 0.06. It's 21.6 because this thing uses degrees for some fucking reason. So I'm gonna set it at 21. Boom, that looks better. - No, it's tiny. - There's no way. - There's no way. - It could not happen. - No way. - My dear God, don't. - You have to hire my parachuting clowns, man. You're gonna talk to God like that you're gonna need. - Oh, okay. - Okay, okay. - It never slows down, it just stops. - Until it wants to, sometimes it's very dramatic. - Yeah, it totally did that to Mark where it was all, (imitates horn) - What an inch of it. - What it wants to be. Mark wins. Hey! I feel like I deserved it, for sure. I feel like I deserved it too, but you had all the honeymoon points and stuff, so you can, I won't even use the coin, I'll just let you have it. - So do we add 2% now? Is that what we've decided to do? - Yeah. - In previous times? - Yes, I believe so, 2%. - Mark wins, congratulations, Mark. - Thank you. - A hard fought victory indeed. Would you like to give your winner speech? - Yes, I would, I was down. By all accounts, I should have lost, but fate. Fate is the only thing that matters, and it smiled upon me today, just like it will smile upon ye, if ye, decide to follow this podcast. That's the only way to attempt fate. I click follow, and unfollow again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, until the entire algorithm doesn't know what to do with us. Therefore, I win, and you can too. It's like a video game with a broken mechanic. If you just follow and unfollow, distract will infinitely, you will eventually achieve infinite luck and be an unkillable god, or win an episode of distract, either one. Wait, loser's speech. - Listen, I started a little slow. Spiderweb and alive, but as we went along, the parabolic curve was really moving in my favor. One more round that I would have been an undisputed champion that even sudden death on the wheel couldn't have stopped, because I have this bad boy, and I would have used it. You've utilized it to the fullest. The new word I made. You're a lot to do that when you're as cool as me. But alas, we didn't have that final round, and the true champion was crowned, and I will live by that. - You're just starting out there that you forgot, you could have used your unfair challenge until it was too late, or did you? - No, I chose not. - He chose not to. - Okay, okay. - Good fight, everyone, and good luck, Mark. Great luck, even. - Yeah, thanks for playing the game. That was really funny for me, so I assumed the viewers and the listeners really enjoyed it. Probably the viewers moving the listeners maybe, but make sure you follow these guys. Mark Plier, Lord minion 777, or minion 777, and I am my skirm. Make sure you follow podcasts, like Mark said. Infinite luck glitch, totally works. We have merch, distractable.shop. Man, I used to make fun of Wade for not knowing it, and now it's, I don't win enough, so I don't say it enough, I guess. And that is it, we will be back next Monday with another episode hosted by Mark, 'cause he earned it with his face. - I'll start winning again soon. - You wish. That's it, see you on the next one, where I will definitely win, and then I'll host, and then Mark won them in Hill host, and then the conspiracy will continue. Love you all, podcast out.