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Retro Cell Phones! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

1h 4m 48s

Retro Cell Phones! w/ Kevin Ryan & H. Foley

The episode of *Are You Garbage?* blends comedy, nostalgia, and real-life absurdities to explore the quirks of modern living. Hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley host a lively, self-deprecating conversation that ranges from fast-food lingo at McDonald’s to bizarre personal habits like applying deodorant behind the ears or dressing up as a pimp for Halloween. The discussion touches on consumer trends, including the rise of phone apps, outdated cell phones, and fashion choices like wide-legged jeans. Product promotions highlight practical solutions—such as Warby Parker for eye care, Cash App Green for financial security, and Brunt workwear for comfort. The hosts also reflect on cultural shifts, from 80s-style overpriced consumerism to today’s digital distractions. A recurring theme is the clash between tradition and modernity—like the confusion over TV channel numbers or the oddity of a mom asking an elderly relative for a birthday gift. The episode ultimately presents a humorous yet relatable look at how small, everyday choices reveal deeper truths about identity, memory, and society. It concludes with a call to action for listeners to engage with the show through ratings, subscriptions, and fan feedback.

Transcription

12576 Words, 64747 Characters

English
Whoa! New York City, New York, the Army of Garbage Tour is coming home to the Big Apple, baby! Round up the squad in all the tri-state area, Long Island, I'm looking at you! Come on out and see the boys! Yes, November 13th, we're going to be at Gotham Comedy Club, we're doing two shows, these will sell out very fast, so get your tickets and we'll see you there, areyougarbage.com, love ya! Welcome to another exciting edition of Are You Garbage? The show where you find out if your favorite comedians are classy individuals or absolute trash. Now, here are your hosts, Kevin Ryan and H. Foley. Hey, everybody out there, and welcome back to everybody's favorite podcast. He did not! This is Are You Garbage? Hey, yeah! It's our little show where we sit down with your favorite comedians and we find that if they group to be classy, or if they're just a big old piece of trash, I'm your host, H. Foley, coming at you. On a beautiful day, we're out back here with Tooties in a new edition. She just got a very important fax. Okay. Came over the wire. Uh-huh. I can't talk about it publicly. Obviously. But things are going to change around here. Sure. Michael's coming at you from across the table. It's going to start getting funnier, I hope. I hope that's the big change. Here's what we call a family episode. Just the boys, the bozos, and the homies, just the way we like it. Kevin Ryan, everybody. Hey, what's up, gang? Can't remember if I said it sitting there. All right. Shout out to you. Thanks, Tootie Jack. Thanks for tuning in. As always, please make sure you rate, view, subscribe on iTunes. Full video available on YouTube. Full video available over there on Spotify. And the boys are climbing the freaking charts, gang. Then, obviously, the greatest website of all time, www.patreon.com. Slash all your garbage. You go over there, you get all that bonus content. And we got our hot new Tootie Jackets. Street Jackets. Come stand up and take a look ahead. Look at that. Look at that. Like a street tuft walking around. Bowling League, Kippy. Saturday Night Fever. Get them while they last. Limited supply for cool guys only, obviously. That's why you don't have one. I got one out there. That doesn't fit in the traditional sense. So I've. Yeah, that was. You did not. I asked you, like, oh, what size is that? You did not want to tell me what size that was. I had to try. I think you finally tried on what we call. The real feel. The real feel. Human clothes. However, let me tell you. Not those tarps. Tarp shop you go to. I was down there at the DXL just yesterday trying on a couple of dress shirts for a function that I have coming up. Psycho Bunny. Very important soiree. No, you've scared me off, Psycho Bunny. And not me. The Patreon also. I don't know if you saw it was. I think the kids are calling it dragging you. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going into this. I'm just joking with that. So I went with Crazy Rhino. Nice tap-out suit. I had an XL on yesterday. See, you're. Now, here's the thing. No, dude, this is. Let me tell you something right now. No, this is like the dot-com bubble. This is what the fax was about, by the way. This is bad. You're fucked up, guy. I had an XL on. I had a DXL XL on yesterday. We're living in a bad time in society. Who is the brand? It was Harbor Bay. Anytime your clothing line sounds like a neighborhood, you're in bad news. This is brought to you by Village Shires, everybody. Yeah. Uh-huh. And it fit. Uh-huh. Dude, an XL. It passed the sit-down test. So is that what you bought, an XL? No, no, no, no, no, no. Okay. I went the other way. Bought a polo, button-down, the pinstripe, the classic, and a nice pair of pants. What color pinstripe? The blue, the light blue. You know the light blue pinstripe, the classic? Like a Yankee. Yeah. That's why the Yankees always win, Frank. Can't stop staring at those pinstripes. Uh-huh. Frank Abagnale, Sr. Mm-hmm. One thing I wanted to run by you, I had a fun experience. It's funny to come back from a DXL story about XL shirts. Was that a Mickey D's a couple weeks ago? Five through. Man. You are going to blow up again. The hell I am. Yeah, no, you were just saying out there, yeah, you're dancing with the devil in the pit. I got up to dose. Archmike. Was the Chipotle shrimp pasta a bad choice before the second show at San Diego? Mm-hmm. Sure. But very spicy. I'm not a Chipotle guy. The flavor, not the store. Yeah, you don't want them after you. No. But Chipotle flavor. Get out of here. Get out of here with that. I'm a mole guy. Like a mole. I've seen your back, ladies, gentlemen. Ole mole. Okay. A little squamish. So you're at, okay, let me see if I can get myself into this scene. You're at- Put your head in there. You're at- Drive-thru. Hot guy like you. Hot guy like me. Good looking kid. Hot guy. Before we started, he's looking at us when he goes, is there another guy as attractive as I am? That's what he fucking said to me. That's how far this guy has gone off. I think they call it the reservation. You're out there with the buffalo, dude. You're wandering the great plains of fucking bizarro land. Okay, so you're at a McDonald's. Right. Couple weeks ago. Couple weeks ago. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. I've been to a McDonald's since. I'm not saying I haven't. This is a specific story about me being at a McDonald's a couple of weeks ago. Yeah, okay. I pull up. I get a quarter pounder with cheese. Nothing else. I lose the onions, lose the ketchup, lose the pickles. I thought you meant nothing else. Just- No. You made- Okay. Hey, dad, kook. It's a frizz. Some potato. You have any starch back there? Okay. I asked for mash. He said, give me a baked potato. No butter. They didn't have it. He's like, give me- Yeah, I'll do two fish fillets. Give me a bucket of fries. Okay. Which, did you know if you get a fish fillet- I did not. And a double cheeseburger, that's considered a surf and turf gentleman's move. I like that fish fillet. It's delicious. Okay. Anyway, this trash bag that was working there comes in a window, gives us the order. That was working there or ordering there? What are you talking about? You're going to sit here and cast dispersion on a hardworking guy at fucking McDonald's? Now, I was on a bicycle, but they're still- I got wheels. Obligated to disturb me. And he comes up and he goes- Was I in a shopping cart? Maybe. They're making fresh quarters. Pull up. Use that lingo. You feel cool. Now, you feel like you're in a- You're in the military. I let everybody know. Hey, a fresh quarter's coming. Yeah, what's the whole- I'm working on some fresh quarters. Fresh quarter. Yeah. I loved it. I was like, that's fucking awesome. Yeah, I'll take some. They didn't realize. They probably have their own language in there for shit. Well, quarters is an English word. No, I know. American word. But, you know, to say- Short hand. The layman, us civilians would say quarter pounder. They're cooking fresh quarter pounders. But they got fresh quarters. I wonder what else they know. If you work at Mickey D's, write in. Let me know. I want to know what's going on back there. You know? Yeah, I do. Fresh quarters. Was that it? Just the fact they say quarters? Yeah. Okay. That was the facts. Fair enough. That was the facts that Tootie got. Sure. That was going to change everything. Oh, that was the fact. That was the facts. That they're using- That they use the lingo fresh quarters. It was the facts that I was going to tell the story. Uh-huh. I don't know how I'd spin that in. Hey, everybody out there. Let's start it again. All that's neither- Listen. All this lingo that I can't wrap my head around is neither here nor there. It's pretty cool, though. They got their own language. Hey, listeners. If you're out there and you've been lost due to this high-level shorthand, this fast food jargon that Foley's throwing, this industry-specific jargon. Yes. Industry-specific jargon that I would like to know more of. You guys can check back in. We're going to start speaking English again. Yeah. I mean, you'll get up. You'll get up to speed. Send me a fax about McDonald's lingo. Yeah. Are you typing that up? Are you looking for it right now? Did you ever have a fax machine at the house or anything? Of course my dad had a fax machine. He was a small business owner. Okay. At his own insurance company. My father. Ran out of the den downstairs. Uh-huh. Had a roll desk and everything. What's a roll desk? Like the- Yeah. Like the diesel's desk out there. Yeah. My mom just got rid of that, I think. Uh-huh. Okay. We're going to have to pull the yoke up, get out of this turbulence we're about to, okay, we're about to be in the eye of the storm. From Reddit, the quarter is kind of where it starts and ends. Oh, really? They're doing like nugs for McNuggets. What? Hold on. Can you spell that, please? I like this. To drop means to drop something in the grill or fryer. That's standard lingo. They have the cab, which is where they hold the hot food in the trays. I also, I think- I like that. It's in the cab. I got fresh quarters in the cab. Drop the nugs. I heard they- Stop it, Kevin. I heard they say fries instead of French fries. Can you see if you, can you, I kill it. I don't know who's laughing out there, but you better shut up. I'm killing out in the wild. And instead of Coca-Cola, they say Coke. That's what I heard. I don't know. I never worked there. There's back drive, which is the back drive-through window. Whoa. Holy shit. We're going to have to do our whole- I'm working back drive. I got to drop the nugs and fresh quarters. You wouldn't be dropping nugs if you're working back- Send me in the cab. If you're working back drive, you clearly couldn't cut it in combat. Everybody knows that. You're not a tier one operator. Back drive's all right. Working back drive right now That's when you click on and off, right? Like, they're talking to you. Oh, yeah. But then they're also taking the order, so they click on. Yeah, back drives run on the whole show. And they get the payment. What do you mean? Anybody can hand the fucking bag over. Okay. Back drive is where it's at. Well, then a commentator, then he's like, the back drive is the hole. Yes. So there seems some, like, they're beefing over even the lingo, which I feel like the hole is color. The hole. He's working in the hole? The hole. That's the back drive. Fuck, I'm in the hole tonight. I like the chaos. Listen, just tell those idiots back there by the cab to fucking drop fresh quarters. Why is everybody, why is it, why are you so mean? Why is everybody an idiot? Because they're all idiots. I'm working with a bunch of morons. Uh-huh. Because I'm working the hole. I think that's what you think everywhere you've ever worked. Everybody. These guys are all idiots. Clearly, I'm running the show. That's why I'm in the back cab. Mm-hmm. Wearing fresh quarters. You pull up, you're in the backseat of someone's car. Get me a large bag. You're supposed to be working your order. Get me a McNugget. I have a nice time working here. You would be a hot, you know, you'd be the size of a house. Mm. And. Thank you. I'd probably be a double XL. Yeah, maybe. Yeah, you would blow up. Oh, yeah. You'd blow up. I think everybody, listen, I think even the fittest, Luke would put on 15. What you been trying to do? I've been trying. I'm up to 160, baby. So get you a McDonald's. I don't understand how you can't gain weight. You're not Spider-Man. You don't have, like, a superhuman metabolism. He has a strong metabolism. Mm-hmm. I should have said The Flash, because he has a really strong metabolism. Mm-hmm. My eyes burning. That's deep lore. Deep lore. Deep superhero lore. Yeah. The metabolism. That's the kind of stuff I'm into, the deep superhero lore. Stuff in the back cab. How their metabolism is, and, you know. Well, he runs so fast and runs so much that his metabolism is, he needs, like, I don't know, 28,000 calories a day. So half of what you do. He's good, huh? Get this guy working in the hole. Yeah, right. I'd kill it in the hole. Just drop fresh quarters and shut up. I remember a buddy of mine worked in the hole. A kid I grew up with worked in the hole at our local McDonald's, and I'd go through by myself. I bet you would. Ordering. Wait, that super hot chick you were with wasn't with you? Oh, yeah. She didn't exist. Okay, we got that. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Bug man, back. And it would be this. I can't imagine that. You, a high school kid, cool as you were, going through a McDonald's by yourself. Bumping 50 cent. This is when I didn't. Smoked out. Probably got a heater. Oh, yeah, dude. I had, like, probably a maroon hoodie, a backwards Sacramento Kings fitted on. Can I just get fries? It was, no. Just get fries? What are you, a fucking dick? What did you get, four double cheeseburgers? No, I never, you know. I was probably ordering the chicken. Chicken tender selects back then. The 10 piece. Dude, did you ever see how much that, dude, that 10 piece of chicken tender selects was about a pound and a half of chicky. That was the most, it was like $6.97 or something. I've never had the chicken strips at McDonald's. What? Really? I remember I ordered them at my, I think it was my Uncle Pat went, who do you think you are? I'll do the chicken tender select. He was like, or maybe my Uncle Mike was like, what the fuck? Because from a guy from like. That's like an entree. Yeah, a guy from the 70 or, you know, whatever. Like, he's like. Get a Big Mac pussy. Yeah, it was like. Just get a Whopper. Anything with a selector, you know, the premium, like a gold trim or something. And an unsweetened iced tea. Yeah. I did not that long ago rekindle my love affair with the chicken nugget and the honey. I don't get that. Oh, it's so good. I don't know why. It just is. Okay, listen. All that's neither here nor there. We got a gosh darn family episode on our hands. Please. Also, New York City, New York. Tickets are on the way. They're on sale right now for Gotham Comedy Club. This will sell out. I think it just got listed as part of the New York Comedy Festival. Whoa. How you doing? Get your tickets at rugarbage.com. All right. We just got to go to the parties. Yeah. Remember, we went to one. Remember that? Yeah. Take a hike. It was at a pirate bar or something like that. We were fucking down under. Like, what the fuck? Let's see here. This one's from Angel. $10 bozo here. My wife has this insane way of applying deodorant. I think it's not only garbage, but also a bit crazy. Let's hear it. Welcome to the show. First of all, can I comment this? Please. A dude named Angel? Scary. Tough guy. Yeah. It's a scary name. You got to go see Angel. His last name ain't Rabinowitz either. If you catch my drift. Figure that out. Oh, Hallahan. Yeah. I think it's not only garbage, but it's also a bit crazy. It's a bit crazy. She will run her finger over the top of the deodorant and apply it with her finger on her pits. That's crazy. Now, I've done that. What is the point of that? One, if you're real low and you can't get it, I get screwed. I get, if you're in a wild pinch, for sure. Maybe she doesn't need that much. But then why not just, like, give it a dab? I don't know. But, because then your fingers, that deodorant gets on your finger, that's tough to get off. It's kind of hot for some reason. I don't know why. That's crazy. I don't know. I mean, listen. I'm not saying it's disgusting, but kind of hot as well. I've done it for a while when I was at my biggest. Mm-hmm. So far. Hope in 2028, let's see what feels promising. Okay. When I was at my biggest, I would get sometimes, if I missed a shower, had a long day, I would get- You never missed a shower. Sure. It's like, it's going by and you just so happened, you were doing such other productive stuff, you couldn't get your time slot. Like at one of those sushi restaurants, they have the conveyor belt. You missed the fucking- Ah, fuck. I was too busy- It comes back. I was too busy focused on the salad. I missed my- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Gotcha. Okay. I would get behind my ear. Is this somebody- You know what? Fax this to my office. I don't need to hear it right now. A little bit of a cheesy gordita. Uh, something back there. God damn. Okay. It would just kind of like, right behind the ear. Mm-hmm. A little cheesy. Sure. So what I would do in the morning, if I knew I was having a long day, I'd do that method, take a little deodorant and put it behind my ear. That's hot stuff. You are a hot guy, dude. I've heard Brad Pitt does the same thing when he misses a shower. Really? Yeah. Start calling you Brad Armpit. He's doing that thing that fucking celebrities do. Yeah, I'm sure you love it. I'm sure you're on board with this. He's just wearing goofy shit. Put on a fucking pair of jeans and a t-shirt. Mm-hmm. He's wearing a lot of fashion shit. He looks like a fucking idiot. Got the big pants and the belt. You look like you work at the Talking Heads. There is a level of baggy pants that an adult is wearing right now that is fucking embarrassing. It's crazy. It is so embarrassing. And I'll give you a lot of places now when you go buy jeans, they're thicker. They're wider. That's just, it's in style, so they're just a little- I hate that. They're a little more baggy. You can still get your regular jeans. You can still get your regular jeans, but- I like the skinny jeans. Yeah. Guys like you and me, tight to the ankle. It's such a bad look. Is it? It's so bad. Skinny jeans is tough. I even had to go a little baggier. I had to go bigger on the pants yesterday. You're getting bigger, guy. No, I'm not. Okay, I'm sorry. I just weighed myself right where I am. That's not- This one right here. I'm not getting bigger. All right, relax, man. Cut that. No. PR campaign. Really rolling with the- With the punches, aren't you? Straight leg jeans were great. It bounced back. I know. Straight legs whack. It's whack, but it's kind of more of the- Can I say I'm coming from a very personal garbage experience where I got a pair- I wanted a pair of JNCOs. Denise was not having that devil worship in her house. And my Lee Pipes were too baggy for Denise's liking. She wasn't going to buy me a pair of Lee Pipes. They were going to hang over my shoes. Uh-huh. And then I was going to walk on them. I was going to walk on them and get holes on them and ruin this nice pair of denim that she just bought me. Sure. So we took them to Earl's Cleaners and I got them hemmed. And I got- That was the first time- Just hemmed the bottom? Just hemmed the bottom. And she brought them up to where they took too much off the top and they didn't touch my shoes. They just floated above it. So you had these huge, big- So I had these wide- They were like straight leg. They were like wider legged, dangling. It looked like I was wearing a long maxi dress. Yeah. It looked like I was wearing a- I was wearing a fucking dress, dude. It was bad. Oh, remember those denim dresses? And I would try to like then bust a sag. I would sag them down to try to get them to the shoes. But then my little wieners hanging there, it was just a bad vibe. Brutal. Remember the denim dresses that were popular for a while? I think they might still be a little bit. I don't know. That's a lot of denim. Hated them. I don't know why. Why? They gave you a rash? Yeah, they don't. All right. Show off my underwear. Yeah, I don't never- They weren't in when I was at any- Point of like my adult or like, you know, high school to adult. They were big, I think, when I was going into college. Yeah, they were before my time. Yeah. Of like, you know, women wearing them. That and as I say, the bodysuit. That's huge. That's been so big. What's the bodysuit? It's just like snaps underneath. Oh, yeah. What are we talking about? I don't know. I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna. That's been big always. Why don't you wear some stuff like that around the office? Mm-hmm. Oh, eye candy. Something to look at around his joint. Shut up. kevin's talking about brunt brunt brunt brunt brunt you know him you love him gang you don't have to sacrifice style you don't have to sacrifice comfort you don't have to sacrifice durability when it comes to your work boots and work wear no way you can go to brunt yes and you could look good you could feel good and you can be safe knowing that you have durable shoes and work wear on yes uh these boots are so comfortable right out of the box uh most other boots require uh significant break-in periods and listen if you're a tradesman out there you're working construction you're working in a factor we got a lot of blue collar guys out there wearing boots you know good boots you know good quality you've been looking for good boots you've been looking for good quality and brunt is here with it there's no listen they were nice enough to send us some i wear them around i wear them when i go visit my brother at work and stuff look like i fit in i don't want to think i'm some uh you know some sissy podcaster comedian boy that's right i come i am i come in with brunts i make them dirty a little bit so i look like i play along and go hey brunts i go there brunts i go that guy's that guy know what he talking about mixing concrete down the house yeah in the tub solo uh brunt was tired of workwear brands cutting around the corners there you go you work too hard to be stuck in uncomfortable boots that don't hold up so they build something better boots that are insanely comfortable and are built for any job site for a limited time now our listeners get 10 off at brunt when you use the code garbage at checkout just head to brunt workwear.com use the code garbage and you're good to go and after you order they're going to ask you how you heard about brunt do us a favor and tell them the boy sent you tell the boy sent you kid what's talking about lucy lucy lucy lucy talking about lucy breakers talking about lucy breakers talking about lucy breakers what does lucy breakers have in them that separates them from everybody else oh they had a little pop inside you want your shot of flavor and a little extra shot of what hydration yes which is nice so do yourself a favor gang get over to lucy breakers get yourself all straightened out you don't got to go anywhere to get them you get them delivered right to your house easy peasy lucy breakers yes uh the bite and burst technology built directly into the pouch as the big man said you bite down you get that satisfying click and it releases a layer of fresh flavor right when you want it apple turns icy berry gets a burst of citrus and mint gets even more minty just when you're sitting there and go this can't get more minty i bite down boom gets more minty and i go holy heck my head's blown this is mint on top of mint that's what i'm talking about when i'm doing when i'm doing a lucy breaker biting them popping them how you doing let's go um you can listen everybody they were they send us they're great shot lucy gotta beat them off with a stick with the boys and the boys grab them listen everybody uses them for something different people use you know i know yeah luke uses them at the gym big man uses them when when we're working uh use like i'm on a plane like i'm on a planet listen everybody knows it lucy pouches are proudly made in the usa 100 tobacco free and they have over 100 000 happy customers take that to the bank for a limited time right now our customers get 20 off their first order by using code ayg at lucy.co that's code ayg at lucy.co after you purchase you're going to ask you how you heard about them please support the show and tell them the boy sent you and here comes the fine print warning this product contains nicotine nicotine is an addictive chemical not back to the show back i mean that's i don't it doesn't make sense i don't know why she's doing she has some weird probably reason to it scratched her or something like that i mean it's something but i don't know that's on your hand that's tough to even you know you need soap and water to get that off especially if it's anti-perspirant because that stuff it's made come off made to not come off that's all titanium and shit aluminum nickel slice of pizza later it tastes like fucking victoria's secret not victoria's okay moving on yikes um all right let's hear this one's from this one's just funny what was your trashiest cell phone shout out to a red samsung juke mine had to be this the slide that had the sidekick slide that was my biggest that thing was that was cool though the slide yeah but like not kind of like last year no but it was like i was in college maybe it was it wasn't cool and that i mean that i would that was the trashiest phone it was cool but not it was for like children and i would nv3 that one was big i don't remember it was a phone on the front and then you could flip it open and add the keyboard on the inside oh that yeah that was that was a guy who sold nickel bags wait say it again so it had the phone on the front my boy deli had one yeah the one through nine number pad classic phone and then you could flip it open and then like you could kind of get online with it yeah yeah you had to like dial up yeah yeah it showed you like a globe turning like in real slow motion when it was loading i had there was a minute when i was working at snack taverna uh we were up here from like 2015 to you never had a couple years ago you never had good phones no you always had like someone you always had sec and you currently still have a second hand i do now that i think about it a second hand i think about it a second hand i think about it a second hand you always get a phone where like the butt like the the color on the buttons was shined off you know what i mean due to too much use the sim card holes there was already dust behind the screen and stuff that was that was you the sim card hole is not there's no lid on the sim card yeah yeah that chinese will get right in there that can move different and i bought if this is the first time i ever had a non-iphone like in since i had iphones before that was like nokias whoa yeah you went from iphone to iphone whoa yeah you went from iphone back to a regular phone no i went from iphone to a what are they called the android android yeah okay and it was like no he didn't go back to like a fucking like a zach morris cell phone yet um i mean maybe he did who the fuck knows it was like a panasonic or something like that it was i got the luminix or the razor shout out to the razor razor was all right my razor was huge the color gave them away remember when they were giving the phones away with the plans give you a razor yeah bang out bang then you get a cheap tablet wasn't a die pad look at your movies on here though dad found that out quickly sure gotta put the children's safety on that thing and yeah it was some i actually started to like it but it was so it was cracked it was fucked up can't remember what it was there was well the phones phones aren't they don't really it's tough to have a track everybody just has an iphone for the most part and there's a much less moving parts on the phone before there was a bunch of external buttons there was a charging there was like the charging port there was a headphone jack antenna there was an antenna there was that there was a lot of like oh it flips open it folds back like so much stuff could go wrong i remember i had one i want to think i say it was a razor maybe there was one phone no it wasn't it was that little sam see if you can find the little samsung silver flip it was a little oh and it had the little square screen with the time and like maybe like an like a oh those were great it had to have a rubber band around it to hold the battery on that was remember batteries exist you had to take the battery off and stuff like that is that how you charged it no it would plug in the bottom but there i mean the phones now don't have the removable batteries right you know what i mean yeah um i know the exact phone you're talking about let me see if i what you're fucking the back came off damn that's trashy like the fucking tv remote yes and i had to have a rubber band and i had to find the right size rubber band to like you know what i mean i think it was literally called the samsung snap no let me see if i can it was this samsung e105 the team it had the t-mobile on the front of it that's how we were banging dog uh yeah samsung e105 would they work these days and the little the little antennae you don't know you know nothing about that do you you ain't never you ain't never what was your first cell phone dickhead hey i'm talking to you i'll get it what was your first lg nv3 that was your first and then you went to an iphone that's crazy that's crazy we were getting shit imported from like to like it was just there was it was the wild west of new cool and smaller cell phones when did you get your first 13 years old first cell phone your mom got it for you yeah parents i mean what what is my mom's cell phone i don't know i don't know what's going on with my mom's cell phone probably still gets his phone or i pay for it one or the other it's true yeah i think we do no i pay for it with my own money but you can employ me cutting lawns who bought you the first iphone parents yeah when i was in high school still huh who else would be getting his pimp what do you mean who else be getting him a phone he's a fucking 14 year old kid so i probably got my first iphone like 15 16 it's crazy do you remember what iphone it was no it was like deep to 10 no i mean like one of the earlier models dude some of these phones have our fucking blast from the fucking past this is crazy um i like the standard nokia i had a nokia 3100 or something they were that was big too when it was just the phone it didn't fold and flip yeah yeah yeah um but that phone i had to have a i have rubber band around so it would it would so it would close and the battery would stay it was somebody was also talking about are you pretty cool you put your credit cards in there it's like a money clip i didn't have any credit you open it up everything falls out dude i remember i had a it was like a pink or purple from true mark financial debit card and it was like it was so feminine it was the same one my mom had and i remember it was just like he would like oh i would be at a bar i'd open up a tab it's under i wasn't 21 i'd sneak in and i'd be like like what is it a is it american express is it a master card or whatever i'm like it's a true mark financial it's got a it's got a sunset on it my mom's a cosigner you know what i mean it's a pathmark card um brutal but yeah that was when there was the chaos of phones and chargers was it was just a different fucking time yeah it was wild no one had the same phone nobody had the same it was awesome yeah no that's what i'm saying it was great what's yours do oh yours does that mine does this there was no one had the same all had a gimmick it was the nokia yes it was a nokia that started to uh what's the word get everybody together a little bit a lot of people had the nokia there's nokia i think that i think someone started giving i think they were big with sprint and sprint was the first sprint to sprint for free so like there were you didn't they they so everybody flocked to that who bought sprint t-mobile t-mobile i was i was a sprint man for a bit i was a voice stream man than a t-mobile than a sprint man then that back to t-mobes your t-mobile man now i was sprint they guys they got bought by fucking t-mobile and i used to have to go into t-mobile because sprint they treat like a second class sure you go in there you go they go what's your phone number you give them your phone number they plug it in you go is this is this a sprint you go i don't know why i did sebastian are you on her all done right now and they go i go yeah they go you're gonna stand over there and you're like all right they they help all the t-mobile people man it's soft don't touch that coffee yeah that's that's for paying customers go wait outside call you when we get back from lunch brutal um all right this one's uh this one's from your mother ten dollar board member i have had one read but this is a good one i promise my mom taught the guy who would deliver her beer how to read whoa who's the guy that delivered her beer the guy that probably worked at the fucking beer distributor would go drop off her and she'd get a quart of beer this is either that's pretty good it's either she was ordering every day she'd order like a sixer or maybe a twelve pound beer you know whatever or she was would order like once a week but get like a case or whatever you know what i mean and told him to read and i guess he couldn't read so she taught him how to read that's the feel-good movie of the year that's all right i don't know i i the literacy litter literacy rates have to be up right what do you mean i think there's i don't think you're bumping into too many people who can't read anymore i don't know i'm in a situation where god i can't uh people have to go around the room and read i stink sure i'm saying can't i'm saying not bad at reading but don't know how to read can't put their letters together yeah what do you got literacy rates global rates are about 88 not global global the fuck give me united states of america what it was now what it was in the eight through the 80s was probably well you could like just emancipate yourself and like stop going to school and shit it's like guys in the nfl that couldn't read and shit like that yeah they say it's like about 99 percent for people over for adults yeah that's yeah that's pretty good pretty good it don't get no better than that that's fucking 100 yeah but i mean there's nothing 100 i agree things on 100 about the same in the 80s really really that's crazy they're probably all fluffed yeah i was watching it yeah i was watching a documentary coming in and they were like there was like these kids like 15 in like 1986 or whatever and he's just like yeah he's got just drinking every night and you're like that like i don't know anybody doing that no you ever see those videos of kids from the 80s they look like grown men yeah that's why i was watching documentaries like four guys benching her excuse the murder i go they all look like they fucking killed they either killed somebody or they're dead these guys just go like what was in the water back then i don't know not enough fluoride and you think it's a situation where like oh have you just changed their haircut no i don't know not enough fluoride and you think it's a situation where like oh have you put like a luke hat on oh you gotta pull their eyes closer together or spread them apart or something wrong with these get you dude you look look through a yearbook it's a it's wild it's crazy i think because everything was in black and white too that don't help there's the milk i don't know something the sausages i don't know what it was clean that facial hair up guy i think the testosterone i think there was more testosterone in the world back then than there is now i think there's less testosterone frogs are gay are they sweet in the pond tonight hello gentlemen uh all right let's see here uh this is from frunkus walnuts ten dollar homie is it garbage if you've had to use two different types of bread to complete a sandwich oh that's a good one now obviously trash and jammed up i would make two half sandwiches in this instance yes i would that's what i would do i'd go okay yeah i'd either do two open face but i'm a folder because i like bread meat cheese bread that's what i like i like a fold yeah so that's what i'm saying so i'd fold i'm always folding one when i make the sandwich anyway you're doing a halfie of course yeah that so i would do two halfies and then that and then a lot because i'm a two sandwich if i'm making sandwiches i'm making two sandwiches of course you are right if it's white do you have that at the house no not really but loaf of bread at the house that germans don't they white bread to them is like they don't eat white bread not toasted they call it toast bread because it's such bad bread do they yeah are you upset with me or giving you the facts or her you can you can take it up with the country of germany take it with the embassy sure that's all fair uh they don't uh yeah so she did the white bread and i got if i have it it's i mean i can't keep it in a house let me ask you this is a bigger the size of a house discussion piece i don't hate the idea of this if this caught on what bread would match each other could we be doing like wheat and pumpernickel like on a sandwich what if that was the thing i don't want that why i yeah this is the inherent difference between me and you i think that might be all right what two breads too much when you get a basket of bread you get different kinds of bread like we had a cheesecake factory yeah we don't which was delicious yes you don't mash them together though you could what do you think i can't think of any two that would go together like besides like white and whole wheat like where i'm like but then you're just like yeah like it's it works what if we did it with bagels half poppy seed top half sesame seed i'm with you on that that's just close to the everything though a little bit sure but you don't mean you're just getting closer to the if you're adding i get that you don't want it but then i go just give me the everything because then if i am combining i go i want the garlic i want the you know i want i want all i want all the good stuff i don't want to stop it i don't want to go halfway like a salt and a cinnamon raisin underneath or something i don't like that i'm not a savory guy either or like the sweet with the savory i don't love it but i could see that work yeah sure yeah a salt bagel is good with just get two bagels fine that's just what i i mean you know i don't know yeah i don't that that's it doesn't seem pure to me yeah gotcha that is a bad look that's that's james like one of those was an end too they're probably both ends a wheat end and fucking a white end i would also say it's a bit of a dickhead move to whoever was in the bags before you to do that just kill both fucking you either take one of either someone before you had to chose to leave you with one and one they probably could have left you with two of the same so they're the bug man yeah that's a fucking it's not a bug man get you it's a dh move if you catch my drift um what's a dh dickhead uh but just like i don't know yeah yeah i'll just throw them away um yeah just go like that's it hey because then because then you live under the idea of there's more bread than there actually is and that delays the bread purchasing thing just go we're out of bread but get you out of the fingers being pointed at you what make it look like there's bread you're out of bread you're out of bread you're out of bread you're out of bread there's no bread and i don't know what happened yeah but then you see so you're already lying about it and you've caused you've caused chaos in the kitchen right we think there's bread and then we find out there's no bread and then you lie that it wasn't you that is specifically your behavior my dad would have exploded uh-huh go in he's got half an english muffin that's always the pro the other half's a waffle that it's the anticipation of i'm gonna do this and then you get that you that the train gets rolling down the track all right there's nothing that pisses me off you got the mayo out got the whole shebang we're gonna put this and then dude you're in such disbelief when you have to put start putting stuff away wait what huh uh dude like my world shatters around because you get so close to eating and as a fat guy you're like what if nadine said that to me last night i snuck i didn't see pavlov's dog pop-up's dog what's his name pavlov pavlov pavlov jimmy pavlov's um nadine said it to me last night i snuck out and i got myself some ben and yerry's out of the house i didn't sneak out i said i'm going to the store window i'm going to the store i didn't tell her for what she i she you just said hey I'm going to the store. I said, hey, I'm running to the store. Do you want anything? Okay. You got to give a good one. Oh, no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Of course. And she was like, yeah, get me. That was your scoring. No, she doesn't think that. She goes, okay. Yeah, she wanted a water. Okay, I'll get you a water. Now, you don't say what you're getting. She does. But you don't got to say, I'm going to get us some ice cream. Do you want some ice cream? She doesn't want ice cream. You come back. She's keeping it tight. There was a time when we were ice cream buddies. She's let me march my own journey on that one. Uh-huh. Yeah. All right. So I've been good with it. I haven't had in probably 12 days, maybe 10, 12 days. Good man. I'll do a pint a night. Sure. And what are you going to get? It's 1,440 calories in a goddamn Ben and Jerry's. What are you getting? What? What did I do? I jumped between the soft bake or the half baked or whatever it is, maybe, and the chubby hubby. I really like that tonight, though, that Jimmy found slaver, but they stopped carrying it in New York, I think, because New Yorkers don't like them. Actually, you get into burbs. Stack to the rafters. Sure. Anywho, I come back. We're getting off. Hey, we're getting off topic here. I'm running to the store. Hmm. Interesting. A water. Give me a water. Got water here. Later. We don't have. We didn't have water here. Slam the door. Tomorrow, one of her fancy sparkling waters. Um, I get her like, like, yeah, Gary started. So I come back. She likes. Yeah, that's good stuff. Yeah. It ain't cheap either. No, it ain't. I can whack me over glass bottles. The deposit alone is taking me to the poor house. My mom, always the poor house. Um, I come back. I don't tell her. I go, OK. So she starts talking to me. And I'm like, yeah, and she's like, do you have ice cream in the other room? I go, yeah. Why? She goes, you're so distracting. You're. You're rushing me out of this conversation and you're walking away. I'm like, yeah, I got. I got fucking. Yeah. Whatever. Kyle's funny. Yeah. Yeah. You want to get the board? Yeah. Whatever. He's a great guy. Have fun. Beat it. I got toffee on the brain. What the fuck are you talking about? Got a bed of Jerry's with a with a caramel core. Kevin, it's like about Warby Parker. Warby Parker. As you know, I wear contacts. I wear eyeglasses. I went over to Warby Parker. I got my eyes examined. I wasn't happy with the other place that I was going to. And I think they were ripping me off. Warby Parker was not. Yes. Got a nice pair of frames. Stylish and affordable price. And I got my contacts over there. And I'll tell you what. I couldn't be happier. Warby Parker is my store. And I'm never going back. Yes. As the big man said, you can actually go into one of the stores. You get your eye exam right there. There's no running around the multiple spots. Getting this. Going back to them. Going back. Oh, I forgot this. There's no guessing if your prescription is even up to date. They got everything locked in for you. Right now, Warby Parker 1 is now a one-stop shop for eye exam. Get this. Get this. Get your pencil out. Write this down. Eye exams. Glasses. Contacts. Sunglasses. You don't have to piece it together anymore. And they have over 300 retail stores across the United frigging states of America. It is great country of ours. The best part about Warby Parker, for every pair they sell, they also give a pair to someone in need. They have distributed. Oh, my God. I did not know this. They have distributed over 20 million pairs of glasses to the people in need through. It's a buy a pair, give a pair program. I love that. And right now, the good folks, if you buy one pair of glasses and you get 20% off any additional pairs at warbyparker.com, that's garbage, that's 20% off any additional pairs when you purchase one pair at warbyparker.com slash garbage. Do it. Do it. 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You pimped at nine? Definitely, yeah, I was tricking. Don't make me smack a bitch. Where's my Nokia? What year was that? What year was that? Probably. Probably 2007. Okay, that's still, I mean, yeah, that's still, I mean, I'm in high school at that point. You're creeping. Or I'm out of, I mean, I'm in college, but. I have a big purple top hat. What'd they say? That was the cartoon, they sold that. Yeah. Like, you would go buy, like, you know. Yeah, for like swingers parties and stuff. It was called Small Local Businessman. I don't know. But they can't, they can never say, like, Spider-Man. They go, like, Arachnophobia Boy or something. Yeah. Would teachers ask you? What are you dressed as, Luke? Everyone knew it. Just backhand him. Big baller. Big baller. Yeah, it was probably, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, now, I don't know how that would fly. I can't foresee that being. Every year. There's probably no weapons. You probably can't bring in, like, the bloody knife. Mm-mm. You probably can't be anything too scary. It's funny. Even at 2026, every year, you see on the news some kid whose parents, cross the line. Oh, yeah. It's nuts. Yeah. It's nuts. There's. Would you thought that was gonna fly? There's something going on. It's crazy. Yeah. It's, yeah. It's, it's, it's wild. I saw Bucks County made the national news the other day. Woo! Over, I wish I, you know, over distasteful decorations in the front yard. And you're just like. I like, listen. I, whatever, whatever. It's, you just go like. And I was like, what town's that in? I go, yeah, that's checking out over there. You know what I mean? Crazy. Yeah, and like, I do see how some people might not think a certain way necessarily all the time. You know, or maybe just their head, whatever. But like, you gotta go, let, you gotta, yeah, I don't know. You should take a temperature certain times. Read the room, guy. Read the room, guy. Read the fucking room. Sure. Um, yeah, but I mean, I was like, we would go into school with like, if you were like a cowboy, you could bring in like a cap gun. Yeah. Maybe that started getting a little, because Columbine happened when I was in elementary school. Maybe after that, it was a no-go. Kind of fucked everything up. But I mean, there was no rules of what you could do or couldn't do. Mm-mm. In any time for like high school or, you know, any, any sort of thing. Shit, I was a fucking kid in the 90s. That's what the fuck you want. You guys were disappearing left and right. Right. And you guys were getting got. Yeah, they were getting us. In the 80s? Man, took us all down and got us all fucking fingerprinted. Oh, shit. Get down to Sears, get fingerprinted. I remember that. Yeah. And that's not even so they could find you. That was just so they could identify you. Identify the body. Yeah, they found you in a fucking Coleman somewhere in a fucking shallow grave. Fucking brutal. Mm-hmm. Those fucking weird vans would just come up and get you. Did I ever tell you the time we found that we found like a grave-sized hole in the wood? I probably told you that, right? We found a grave-sized hole out in the woods. And we were like, oh, this is spooky. And then we come to find, I came to find out very recently. I was watching like a film, sort of a fucking documentary. And we thought somebody was going to be buried there. Ah. And we're like, oh, wow. Like maybe they decided not to kill the person or something, whatever. Like in Goodfellas, you dig the hole first. Yeah. Or a casino. And then I found out recently that it wasn't like a six-foot grave or whatever. It was just like, it looked, anything. A shallow grave. Yeah. But that's what happens when you bury someone somewhere because the dirt doesn't get completely compact. So after years, it sinks down onto it. Ooh. So I could have been standing on, so like we were playing in the grave. We were fucking. Joe Calamazilli. Yeah, we were. Crazy Joe. We were 12. You got it. 12 years old. Of course. We're like. oh, it's playing the grave where somebody was. And I was just like, there could have been something. Someone under there. Yeah. We should go back and dig them up. I remember we were playing in, you know, like you'll be in the backyard, but then you'll go over, like you'll cross into other people's yards if you're playing. Sure. Like baseball or something like that. And my one neighbor had buried their dog in the backyard. That was one of the original AYG questions. I don't think people are still doing that. No. In suburban areas. Somebody was running to get, like, a fly ball or something like that, and their fucking foot went right through something. And it was, like, the worst smell, and there were flies and maggots and stuff like that. And yeah, man, it was fucking, because, like, it had, you know, decomposed, and, like, the ground had gotten soft. Yeah, that's what I think, because it's not as, like, you got to tamp it down layer by layer as you're doing a backfill. You still haven't found Hoffa. You can do it right. You can do it right. Sure. Put me in the wood chipper. Yeah, that's not a mess. 300-pound man in a fucking wood chipper. What are you, nuts? Put one of them bags over it. Set it. Where are we doing that, Queens? It'd be fucking, that'd be a mess. This is from Galileo. Long time 10-pound homie. Hello! Is it garbage if your TV remote has advertisements on it? For context, our dog ate our TV remote months ago, so now my girlfriend uses an app on her phone that makes you watch advertisements between each time using it when you want to change channels. Just get a new remote, man. That's crazy. I get in the short term. I've done this in the short term. The remote breaks. You can't find the remote. The baby hides the remote now, and I get, like, the Samsung app. On your phone? Yeah, if you don't have a remote, you can't do anything. Wow, that's technology. Yeah. So I've used, I mean, I haven't done it in a while, but I've used it in the past, where I think the dog chewed the remote or whatever, so you just get it on your, but I order a new one, because they're all, like, the same, and they just get shipped there, then you, you know, it's there in 24 hours. You get it on Amazon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damn, that's pretty cool. But you can use, the fact that you've been using your phone for months is wild work. Yeah, what if she's at work? Stop watching the Weather Channel or whatever. Brutal. You do miss the, the flicking around. You're in a hotel room this weekend, and you just go. A little flicking. You go to the guide, which is nice, because you're learning the channels. You go, what is this? Because. But they're weird now. You got, like, 33.1, 33.2. It depends where you're at. What the fuck is that? I don't know. I don't know what all that is. What is that? I gotta be honest. I checked out when, between HD and regular, when it was, like, channel 5 is standard, and then channel 292. I go, it would be, like, 805. I go, I'm not, I can't. I tell you what, you flip over that, you see that difference. My dad would go back and forth. Huh? You see it? You see it? You see it? Didn't matter to me, though. I didn't like, you know what I don't like? I don't like mentally. It's like, you know how I say, like, I can't mentally live in California, because there's other stuff happening elsewhere? Sure. I knew I really lived on channel 4. I couldn't be on 804. I'm in a different neighborhood, guy. Get me back to where I belong. This is too clear. Too sharp. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going, what are they doing back at home the whole time? What are they doing where I grew up on channel 4? I'm on channel 4 for 25 years. All of a sudden, I got to move to channel 804? What if it's different news for regular guys on the other channel? Fucking program. I mean, you're re-candidating me. I don't like it. No, thank you. Yeah, I hated that. They're up at the 800s. Because those channels were there. Like, they were there, but nothing was on them. So they knew they were going to do all this stuff to us. I don't remember that. I do. Yeah, there was, like, empty channels. It was like they built, like, these empty buildings. And then they eventually put stuff in there. Uh-huh. Because it used to be all that music. Christmas music, all that stuff. But that's when it went up to, like, 2, 300. Once they started, it's like it was up to channel 1688. Like, tuning in to AM radio. That was satellite shit. Old dishes. I don't like any of it. No. It scares me. I don't like change. Bullshit. Yeah, that's funny. This one's from Antodi's Tattooer. Is it garbage if your 60-year-old mom asks her 80-year-old mom for an early birthday present? That's jammed the fuck up. Hey, for a Christmas slash birthday present, can I get a new bike? I'm big on that. What? I'm big on the slash. I mean, I was growing up. Yeah, for my birthday, you know. That'll be your birthday and Christmas. Whatever. Yeah, whatever. Touch. Cut the check. Give it to me now. We'll figure it out. That's fucking December's problem, lady. Hopefully by then you forget it. Your birthday's in August. Yeah. I'm saying, if I go, hey, it's half Christmas, half fucking birthday. Oh, they forgot about that. In August, I go, I got fucked. I lost that coup. Yeah, you know how much shit I'm going to do between that. Danny alone's going to drive you nuts by December. Yeah. I got fucking wide open. Plus, if you do hold that to me. If you hold me to, well, you got the new. I will lose it on Christmas Eve. I got dad to go over. Mom said I can't fucking blah, blah, blah. He had the cash, too. Yeah. Because I had to buy a new book for school, and she said it had to be a Christmas and birthday present. She did? Yeah. That's probably why you left her, right, Pop? Yeah. She was also saying you got a little dick, too. I told her no. Wait, is he saying that to me? I don't know. He says that to you. What the hell? You're trying to make me feel better with that? Yeah. Brutal. My mom, one time, for some reason, one year, stuck it to me. We were shopping at fucking King of Prussia Mall. Hey, I get it. You know, day after Thanksgiving, all the families would line up and caravan up to the King of Prussia Mall. Fist fight each other at the fucking, at the Indians. Go around the whole day. Eat at the food court. That was when I really found my love for just the cheese. I was on a pizza. I was in a phase where I just ate the cheese. I can't remember how old I was. I would let it cool down a little bit. I'd take the cheese off and eat it. Drove my father up a wall. Fucking wasting it. I ate the cheese. She was like, bubble gum. Swallow it. Anyway, my mom buys me this coat at the Gap. Green. Like one of those, you know, the coat that I got from Timberland? Shout out to Timberland, by the way. Fucked us up with some gear. Um, green with a leather collar. And it had like this plaid on the inside. Sure. It was very. Classic Gap. It was very, um, a different world. I had a very different world. Like I could have walked onto the set of a different world. You know that program? Yeah. You do? Yeah. It's a good show. What was the guy's name? Toothpick? What was the guy with the glasses that flipped up? I don't know. I thought, I was, when you were saying that, I was thinking of a glasses, glasses flipping up joke and I was just like, I wish you would walk into a different world. I wish I'd be in a different, a lot of jokes were flying around. Luke, what's his name? Dwayne. Wayne? Dwayne. Dwayne. Dwayne. Great. I didn't like it. What? I was, I was a little young. What years was I? I think I was just younger. Yeah, it makes sense. What year was it? Uh, 87 to 93. Yeah, what the fuck? When were you born? 86. Dude, even, give me till 93. I'm seven, six watching that. It's like, what the fuck? I can't wrap my head around the African American struggle. The African American intellectual in college struggle? I can't. They were in college, right? Yeah, historic black college. They were at Howard University, I believe. No, Hillman. Yeah, it was a fake. Because I ain't go to Hill, man. Great. Hillman's made up from what I remember. A fictional, a fictional historically black college. I think it was probably based off Howard. Howard, yeah. Howard, we know. We played the Howard Theater. Shout out to it. Mm-hmm. Fantastic. One night before Keanu Reeves. Yes, we did. Dog stars, man. Anyway. I go in, I pick the coat out. Now, I wanted to start wearing the coat immediately. I was like 13 or 14 at the time. This fucking broad puts the screws to me. Makes me wait till Christmas. Uh-huh. It was a fight every Friday night. Give me the coat. Give me the coat. I know the coat's here. You were, yeah. I mean, I know it's here. Give it to me. Give it to me. Give it to me. Now, now, now. It was just so silly. But isn't it silly? I mean, there's, you know. Am I a dickhead? There's one aspect. A D-H, as you say? There's one aspect. There's one aspect where you've entered into an agreement with your mom going, I'll get this for you. Don't give me this world politics bullshit. But you don't. It's not world politics, but you don't get it till Christmas. Yeah. And then every, every week until then, you go, now, now, now. How about now? How about now? I know that was different. To change the agreement. Yeah, no. Yeah. That's not how shit works. Oh. It's four weeks. It's very Cosby of you. Ecliffe Huxley. I'm more of a Dwayne Wayne kind of guy. Hey, though. Yeah, it was a piece of shit. I'm just saying, I think there's, in any sort of disagreement or argument. That was a Christmas birthday present, too. Uh-huh. She could have fucking, she was trying to make. And your birthday's not till February, Dickhead. That's what I'm saying. So she's lucky she didn't make you wait till Feb. Oh, I would have freaked out. You don't want that kind of smoke. I could have made things very difficult for her. I believe you did. And still are, from what I understand. Patty, call me. Love you, Patty. Patty's been liking my Instagram. instagram post recently instagram yeah you know she's all i didn't never seen her on there. No. She's on there. No, she's not. Yes, she is. La, la, la, la, la, la. That's not fans-ly. What is that? I mean, don't say you don't know. You're a fucking. I've been here on many vids. I don't even know. That's crazy. You're like a 13-year-old in 92 just knowing shit that parents don't know about. I'm on a. This guy's a fucking Momo. I hurt myself. Okay, let's see here. This one's from Josh. $10 homie, never had one read. Is it garbage that one of my bedrooms currently has a concrete floor? God. Our spare bedroom had a leak that ruined the carpet. I fixed the leak, but I'm too jammed up with baby number two on the way to want to pay for new carpet in a room we don't use often. Downstairs, right? What? It's gotta be downstairs. Can you have concrete on the second floor? I mean, it could just be an apartment. I mean, if it's a two-bedroom apartment, you know, I don't know. I mean, you could have concrete on the second floor. It would have to be like a bigger apartment building, though. I would believe that was poured concrete and would have to be relatively newer, too. Like, it couldn't be like a. Probably rough on the piggies in the morning. That's tough. Throw a rug down. Yeah, throw a rug down. Solve it short-term. I'm big on that. Sheet Facebook. Marketplace rug. Throw it down. Throw four down. Yeah, a lot of that's also, like, as long as you come pick it up, they go, just get it the fuck out of here. Kippy will send you a rug. Send him a rug. Send him a rug. Hit me up. Um. I think we got probably extra rugs here. You're not selling my rugs. I'll get him a rug. Yeah, there you go. Foley's sleeping in there. I like the cold of the concrete. It's just nice this time of year. Feels like my mother's love. Icy cold. Hit us up. We'll send you a rug. Um. Yeah, that's jammed up, but I, you know, I get it. I get, listen, I get it all. There's a lot of shit that I need to button up myself. Uh. You got the house down there ready for the winter? Nah. I gotta get rid of some. I got both neighbors fucking. I got tree issues on both sides. Oh, yeah. Both sides. This is left and right. I got rods gone. You can lose this. I got stuff. My stuff hangs on other people's shit. If that's not. If that's not a fucking. A metaphor for who I am as a person, it's my shit fucking bothering other people. Wow. Yeah. Huh. Of how I feel, at least. Put a pin in that for later. For the Patreon. Okay. Alright, we got time for one more. This is from Trev Dogg. $10, homie. Not sure if this has been asked yet, and I don't know if it has. We were briefly talking about this with you as of recent. Is it garbage you can. Quarters? Talking about quarters? First quarters? Is it garbage you can tattoo for your parent who is still very much alive and in your life? Yeah. That's tough. Mom, I got this for ya. Oh, great. That's nice. How about a job? It all falls down to what it is to me. Yeah, I always think portrait because anytime. Like, unless you get, like, mom. Unless. If it's, like, a saying or something you know, that you and your mom always say or something. Dinner's fucking ready. I told you fucking Christmas, dickhead. I get that. It's also, like, if you have a lot of tattoos and you get, like. Take Ian. If Ian got a tattoo. Hey, this is for Gail, right? That's his mom's name, Gail? Hey, this is for Gail. That's cute. It's kitschy. It's one of. It has lowered the significance a little bit, being the fact that he has so many. But if you were to get one of Patty right now, I'd be like, hello, fucking. I mean, or me of Denise. It's just the coat. Remember? Never forget. Yeah, it's weird. But we gotta wrap it up, gang. What a fun one. Gang, do yourself a favor. Grab some tickets for the. New York shows. Yeah, the New York shows. Also, put a jacket's available on sale. Limited run, so get them while they're hot. And watch American Garbage on YouTube, our special. We love you so much, and we'll see you in three days, baby. Peace! From the studio that brought you WandaVision. I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore. It's like I'm losing my. The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy. That family wasn't real. You sure about that? I had a father called Vision. How is this possible? Why am I losing my. Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy. Now streaming only on Disney+.

Podcast Summary

Key Points:

  1. The Army of Garbage Tour is heading to New York City on November 13th at the Gotham Comedy Club, with two sell-out shows.
  2. Hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley share a humorous, candid episode featuring inside jokes, personal stories, and a focus on everyday absurdities.
  3. The hosts discuss quirky fast-food slang, like “fresh quarters” and “back drive,” revealing industry-specific jargon used in places like McDonald’s.
  4. A segment highlights a bizarre deodorant application method and the absurdity of a 15-year-old dressing as a pimp for Halloween.
  5. The team explores cultural nostalgia, including old cell phones, outdated fashion, and the rise of digital convenience.
  6. Several product promotions are featured, including Warby Parker, Cash App Green, and Brunt workwear, all tied to real-life consumer struggles.
  7. A mock debate arises over whether using a phone app to control a TV remote is “garbage,” sparking discussions about technology and tradition.
  8. The episode ends with a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and social observations, emphasizing how everyday actions can be both mundane and deeply revealing.

Summary:

* blends comedy, nostalgia, and real-life absurdities to explore the quirks of modern living. Hosts Kevin Ryan and H. Foley host a lively, self-deprecating conversation that ranges from fast-food lingo at McDonald’s to bizarre personal habits like applying deodorant behind the ears or dressing up as a pimp for Halloween.

The discussion touches on consumer trends, including the rise of phone apps, outdated cell phones, and fashion choices like wide-legged jeans. Product promotions highlight practical solutions—such as Warby Parker for eye care, Cash App Green for financial security, and Brunt workwear for comfort. The hosts also reflect on cultural shifts, from 80s-style overpriced consumerism to today’s digital distractions.

A recurring theme is the clash between tradition and modernity—like the confusion over TV channel numbers or the oddity of a mom asking an elderly relative for a birthday gift. The episode ultimately presents a humorous yet relatable look at how small, everyday choices reveal deeper truths about identity, memory, and society. It concludes with a call to action for listeners to engage with the show through ratings, subscriptions, and fan feedback.

FAQs

The tour is on November 13th at the Gotham Comedy Club in New York City. The event features two shows that sell out quickly.

Tickets are available at areyougarbage.com and are selling out fast, so it's recommended to purchase them early.

At McDonald's, 'fresh quarters' is industry slang for 'fresh quarter-pounder,' a reference to the burger, not the currency, and reflects unique fast food terminology.

Examples include 'back drive' for the drive-through window, 'drop the nugs' for adding fries, and 'cab' for the area where hot food is held.

Yes, the hosts describe wide, baggy jeans as embarrassing and outdated, calling them a 'bad look' that doesn’t fit modern fashion standards.

The host shares that he used to apply deodorant behind his ear when he missed a shower, a practice reportedly done by Brad Pitt and others, which they describe as 'crazy' and 'hot.'

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