Retirement? with Anna Faris

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I woke up and saw that Hayden Panatier passed away. I had her book in my suitcase because we were supposed to interview her like when I came back from my vacation. Yeah. And to answer something. Yeah, and so that's really, really fucking sad to see. I know. It's really sad. And it's just the fact that she was only 36 and she'd already like accomplished so much in her life and really stuck out to me. I'm like, oh my gosh, she had two huge shows. She did all these movies and stuff. And like, she was only 36. But also it's like, you know, she did this whole press tour for the book coming out, right? We were going to do something with her down the road like so we can talk about the response everybody had to the book. And now that, in fact, at her. But like, you know, you go through all this shit. You kind of feel like people solve their problems. Or when they're talking about it somehow, there's like this magic potion. And like, that's just not the way it is. It's like people's problems aren't solved just because they're doing a press tour about a book that they wrote about the problems. That doesn't mean they're good. They could be, you know, in many cases they are. But in many cases, they're not. Like, she just seemed even when she was doing her press something that didn't seem right, you know? Like, I know, I know. And it's just like, it's just and she's got a kid and like, like just, I just makes me so angry. And I know it's not just this town and this industry, but it makes me so mad that these people don't have the support that they need, that when a woman who has postpartum, like, you know, asks for help, you know, unless you have real people in your life that really care about, you know, I'm not saying she didn't. Of course she did. I'm sure she did. I'm sure she is family. But it's like, you really have to keep an eye on people when they say they have, they they need help. Right. Like, don't leave them. Like, until they tell you they're okay. And, you know, and you know, that they're okay because clearly she wasn't. And I mean, I don't know. I guess we'll find out what happened. But, you know, I guess I know. I can also connect the dots. Yeah, I know. It's just, it's just so sad. And you're right. It's like, if you're concerned about a friend, like, keep after them. Absolutely. I think people, like, don't reach out for help a lot of times until, like, things are really, really serious. So when they are reaching out for help, like, you got to get a stick with them. Yeah. And also people can overcome bad stuff. Like, I have a lot of friends in my life that have been through, I'm myself included, that I've been through rough times. And like, we've come out of it. And like, I've come out of it because of people, because of therapy, because of talking to people, and also just showing up for your friends is a major deal. And like, sometimes you think about people who are going through something hard, as like, oh, they're annoying, or it's a pain and they ask to deal with them. And it's like, no, no, no, no. That person is suffering. So like, go in and double down. Don't back off because they're a burden. You've got to go in and try to help. And like, I know not everybody. Yeah. So, that's how I feel about that. Absolutely. Mad. Yeah. And I am sure she had family and friends that loved her and did everything they could. But this is just a reminder, if you're in the situation to do everything you can for your friend. Yeah. Well, transitioning to a lighter topic, as we go into our interview today, you are somewhere lovely right now. I am. I'm in my, my Spanish, I'm practicing, I'm practicing Spanish all new. I just came back from a big bicycle rod, and I'm pretty sure I have heatstroke. So I'm a little not on it. I'm like, I need a frozen decorate stack. Yes. Absolutely. Have you been in the ocean yet? No, I have not yet been in the ocean. I've been in everything else, but the ocean. So that's calling me. You know, it's like so nice and juicy out there. You've got this nice big bay. And it's beautiful. I know. Excuse me. I just can't stop sleeping. I just want to sleep and sleep and sleep. Yeah. You go into recovery mode. But who do you interview there for a couple of weeks? Who all do you have coming to visit? Anybody fun? Oh, lots of different people. Yeah. Well, lots of different people. But I don't want to draw too much attention to the fact that I'm here. Because when I pulled up yesterday, there were three girls outside my house taking photos of it. No! Which I love. But, you know, I'm also like, wait, what? No. They're like, oh my god, you're here. Are we doing this? Is your house? And I'm like, oh no. And then I'm like, oh my girls. But, you know, like, you know, no, the Americans have discovered New York more because of me, my problem. More Americans in my work are this year than ever before. I'm going to have to find another place to go hide myself. I've got stuff talking about it. You're like, my work is all over my mouth. I'm moving away. And then you don't. I can't shut the fuck up even when I want to. Okay. So this week we, I, oh, you know, I saw Damon Wayne's last week. This is really good to look at. Absolutely. At the Communist Store, I was doing Sats last week in Los Angeles. My next stand-up state is Santa Barbara September 18th and then San Diego September 19th. And then I'm coming to Philly in Pittsburgh and all the fun places. But anyway, Yomini goes with me here in Spain also. So that's fun. She's never been here before her. Her eyes are blah, blah, blah, bulging. I keep taking videos of her taking and all the scenery. It's pretty cute. Our guest this week is in a, in scary movie six, six, scary movie says created by Damon Wayne's and the Wayne's brothers. That's why I brought Damon up. I was so fun to see him the other night. And you know her from mom. Oh, and she's in that new movie with Michelle Bito and Ila and Leslie Mann. Spa weekend. Spa weekend. Please welcome Anna Ferris. One of the joys of being an adult for me personally is being able to light a joint in my own house. Or if one of my friends is having a cigarette that they're allowed to smoke it inside my house, obviously with the doors open because I don't want my house smelling like cigarettes. But I do want my house smelling like marijuana. And so when that that is something that is nice to be able to bring a cocktail up to your bedroom for me, I like all of that freedom. Like I like to exercise my right to party as an adult single woman with no parents living with me. What are the other gifts of aging Chelsea? I think wisdom and confidence. It gets more and more. You get more and more. You have more wisdom because you have more experience to draw from. I love those glasses. You do? Are they new? No, no. They are not new. They're actually one of the very few things that I. took with me right before a house burnt down in the palisades. Yeah. Oh God. I was really, I was a very, I was very poor at evacuating. Like I did not do a great job. Well, it's kind of, yeah, something that not many people are prepared to do. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, so thank you for they are, I treat them like shit for them being one of the few things, one of the few relics. Yeah, you've got to take a care of those. I know. So where did you go when you left? I'm so sorry about your house. Oh, thanks. We went to my in-laws down who live down in palisades. You know, the idea, I think of I really leaned into gratitude in an obnoxious way, I think. But after I felt like there's two roads you can take, your hand is forced when you're house burnt down in the sense of like you, you can lean into like the bitterness and divorce and anger, or you can be like, fuck, okay, I appreciate this, this pair of scissors, I appreciate like, you know, I think what you're saying is really a beautiful, I think in times like when you are at your lowest, that if you can be grateful for the most mundane things or the minutiae in life, just be grateful that you're safe, even though your house is gone. I mean, I've never had a house burned down. So I don't even want to pretend like I know how devastating that must be. But I can understand really digging in your darkest hour for some sort of light, making a lot of sense. It's not like a grief like the loss of a pet or the loss of a close one or so. It's not a death. It's more like a million different winces. Like you wince, you spend like the first six months remembering that thing that you had. And that happens like a thousand times a day, so much so and you can't bring it up all the time. Subnoxious, I suppose. But and there's nothing to be done. So I was at a point in my life when I was kind of feeling that LA that my career was like I was kind of being put out to pasture a little bit, you know, I didn't know what my ambition, this is before the house burnt down, like I didn't know I'd worked on mom for seven seasons, I didn't know where I stood, what opportunity there was. And I didn't know, I think when I was younger, it felt my ambition would kick in my survival instinct. So that and the house money was born of that. I was at a point around age 47, 46, 47, 48, where I was disturbed by my lack of ambition. I was in hindsight, I think pretty depressed, like premenopausal depression without recognizing it. And I was just having a distant relationship with this city and my career. And wondering if I had enough money to retire. You know, wow, yeah, no, I think that's not an unnatural or uncommon feeling. Like I think a lot of people in this industry, myself included, I've had periods of time where you thought, like, should I just get out of here? Yeah. So I'm kind of going through this stuff, the house burns down. And I had had the gig, I would had already been cast in the role of Sophie in spa weekend. So I knew I was lucky enough to know that that was going to be happening when the house burnt down, like three weeks later. So we stayed with my in-laws and then left for Australia where we shot the movie. And it was incredible. It was incredible to have that job. I still it didn't make me feel like I was having a career resurgence necessarily. It felt like a great gig, but it didn't I just didn't, but you know, I'm always hedging my bets, although you wouldn't always know it by the way I behave. But so I'm there in Australia on the gold coast with three incredible women making this really fun, hysterical movie. It was so good for me. It was such a beautiful place to be. And we had this lovely apartment. It turns out there was like a bunch of productions happening. This isn't all that interesting. Anyway, but movie stars Michelle Buto, Leslie Mann and Ila Fisher and you and me before of you on a spa weekend with a very chaotic friend. Do we don't know who the chaotic friend is? Yes, should I tell you? Sure. Ila. Ila is the chaotic friend. Ila is the chaotic friend and she is so brilliant. All of the women are brilliant. And I truly, it was so incredible to be shooting on the beach, you know, with like the beautiful Australian weather, like, to be so far away from the chaos, the red tape of back home, the decision making of the immediate decision making of of what happens when you lose your home. So I was in this kind of surreal blissful state, getting to make this movie with these with these three incredible women still feeling kind of like the town. This is still part of a slow retirement idea. Then Marlon Wayans called and he said, we got our franchise back. Would you be a part of scary movie? And it felt I suddenly, I had this rush of like, what if my destiny hasn't quite forged itself in slow aging actress retirement? What if what if you haven't seen the best of it? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was a very wonderful and heady year for me. Wow. Yeah. It was great. I like that line of thinking because I think that's a great way to look at everything. Like when you hear women and especially in this business talking about getting older, it's like, oh, there's like, you know, there's this kind of idea of an expiration date once you hit 40 and then you see women. But things are different now. Like you want to hit 40. You're no longer relevant. Well, I'm 51. How old are you now? 49. 49. Okay. Like you actually can have all of these things happen to you at a later date. You can actually have the biggest peak of your career at a later date. I love it. Yeah. So just because it hasn't happened in the time frame you thought it was going to happen doesn't mean it's not going to happen. I feel more confident in what I have to offer. Right. Yes. Which might not be, I don't know, a four wide audience, but I feel more solid in my own ability. I wish I kind of realized that earlier. Yeah. I think that's a coming of age moment too. Everyone always keeps asking me like what it's like to be 50. What's the difference? And it's like that is the difference. The confidence in your own capability. And the know like if you're higher to do something, you're going to go nail it and hit it out of the park. Like that's what you do. And you have done it enough times to have enough proof that that's what the formula is. Making scary movie and being a part of that whole thing has been such a bow tie on like a victim triumph of that chapter in my life mentally. Because when I got cast and scary movie, it was my first audition in L.A. I'd never done anything comedic. I wasn't expecting to be successful in L.A. I decided to move here because I fell in love developed a huge crush or whatever that was on a dude and wanted to dip my toe in. And I got cast immediately in a comedy which was something I'd never done. I thought I was going to get fired. I remember being so anxious, so nervous and not having any idea of what every moment meant for my future. Like how defining is this going to be? What does this? I didn't know. And I spent I think the first five years in L.A. feeling that way that well this isn't my place. I'm not a comedian. And I think I'm supposed to have like I felt like the best I could hope for was maybe like I would play the neighbor on some mediocre show or like I didn't I did not have stars in my eyes. But did you think you were going to be an actor or did you just do that only because you were following the sky to L.A.? Yeah. Oh really? Yeah. And what's he doing these days? We divorced. He was my first husband. Oh that was your first husband. Okay. And was he an actor? Yeah. Okay. Is he still an actor? I don't know. Okay. No. Probably not that. He probably not. Yeah. We don't keep in touch. I even know if I would recognize him. Do you have an ex like that that you're probably? I mean an ex I have many in people in my life that I wouldn't recognize after I agree with you. But I think we're strange in that way. Are we? I don't think so. Okay. I don't think so. I mean not not related to like drinking or partying, just related to like there's been so many people in my life. - Yeah. Yes. - But if you were married to him, that's a little different. - I know that's true. - So you probably would recognize him. - I think so. - I mean, if you were married to somebody and didn't recognize him, that's a great plot for a movie. - Yeah. Yes, that's true. - That is like, you know you're a narcissist. - I didn't realize that you had been married. So you've been married three times. - Yeah. - So the third time is a charm. - Yes. - Right, 'cause you guys have been married for what, 13 years? - No, we've been married for, we got married in 2021. - No. - 2021. - No, not 13 years. - No, not 13 years. We've been together for almost 10 years. - Okay. - Yes, I think I needed to, as lame as it sounds, I needed to understand how I wanted to be loved, how I received love. I don't think I did that very well. - Yeah, I think that's not uncommon either. I think we all, I mean, what was your childhood like? Like, did you have a good time as a kid? - Well, I would say that no. - Yeah, I guess it's pretty uncommon. I mean, I had a very traumatizing childhood, but it was also very happy. Like, there was a lot of laughter and a lot of joy and a lot of heightened emotions, I should say, in every aspect. So while there was like bad times and neglect, there was also lots of joy and so it's kind of like, I don't know, I wonder, is that how you feel about your childhood? Do you look at it like that? Like, it's a mixed bag or do you look at it as like an old? - Yeah, yeah, but I also think I was defined by a few things, having a big older brother. I know you and I have little sister of whatever that is in us. It's like the shin kickin'. - Yeah, yeah. - With the shin kickers. - Well, like, we can take a beating. - Yeah, kind of. - Yeah. - For sure. - It's definitely made, it's defined elements of my personality in terms of like self-sufficiency, I think. - Are you do you think you're tough? Do you think you're tough because of that? - Yeah, I think, yeah. - Do you have thick skin because of that? - I wouldn't say I have thick skin, but I would say that you could push me around and I'll take it. - Yeah. - I'm easily push-aroundable. I'd, I choose my battles for sure. - I have been looking for ways to improve my skin and a few months ago, I heard about the Lima laser and I tried it. Three minutes daily. It's perfect on my couch or on the go. The lines around my eyes are softer, portable. Powerful, painless, firmer, younger looking skin, softer lines, a jawline that looks lifted, a neck that doesn't give your age away. If you want better skin, visit lema.life. That's L-Y-M-A.life with code Chelsea10 for 10% off. This episode is brought to you by O'Pill, the first over-the-counter daily birth control pill available in the US. 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In just weeks, Plated has clinically proven to reduce the visible signs of aging and deliver younger, brighter, and firmer looking skin. This is more than skincare. Visit PlatedSkinScience.com. - So you have discernment about choosing your battles? - Yeah, and I don't always take the bait and I think some of them so that gets perceived as being kind of a pushover week, which yeah, it could be that as well. - Okay. - But I do think that - Like if someone treats you poorly, like a director or someone treats you poorly, are you able to defend yourself in that moment or stand up for yourself? - Barely. - Barely. - I think that when I, like the early 2000s was a pretty intense, I mean, I didn't know it. I didn't know anything other than my experience 'cause I had, I didn't know anybody in the industry. So I had no, I hadn't even been on like a large set. Like I really was, every moment was pretty new to me. So when looking back, I do think that the scary movie and doing the comedies that I did during that time, it was tough. I don't know what the dramatic side was like, but I do think it was surprising to me that the comedic sets that I was on seemed to be filled with misery and anger, you know? That the comedic world was a place of how would you possibly know if anything was funny if everyone is just pissed off? - Right. - And ego driven and like - Is that, yeah, that is, that is pretty ironic. - So I came up with this idea of my position in a movie was like the bounce card. Like I was like making a dude look funnier. - Or I wasn't quite sure and I didn't ever feel hot enough to be that girl. - Really? - Yeah, I was like house bunny. - I was starting to, that, I mean, that was different because that was, that was actually very empowering and for a multitude of reasons. I, the writers of Legally Bond, Karen and Kiwi asked if they could meet with me. So we had coffee and they said, do you have any characters you're interested in playing? And at the time I'd been watching girls next door and I thought, what happens to like the lower echelon playboy bunny who, she's not a girlfriend, she's not that, you know, she's just like there in the bunk house or whatever. And she's, but she's getting too old, she didn't, she doesn't have an education, she didn't land the rich husband. What is she gonna do when she has to move on? And that movie came from that conversation. I pitched to them. I said, what if she's a methodic that has to go back to her religious southern town and here I was thinking, yeah, but this is somehow like, this will be my dramatic turn and they were nodding and they were like, oh, she could become a house mom at a soror or something. Yeah, anyway, but I do, I am appreciating this time of getting older and I am proud of myself for leaning into the positives, which there are multitude of and truly getting to revisit scary movie, getting to act with those guys again in this completely different place in my life. Right, felt incredible. Well, like the last time I had acted with them was scary movie two, the last time I saw them was in 2001 promoting scary movie two. And I just remember all that time being so terrified, just so scared, just so intimidated, so just like I'm a stranger in a strange land just by their whole like kind of world that they had built on that set because they've been doing it so for so long. And my like not believing that I was funny when I auditioned for scary movie. So I sent in a tape, I just gotten these managers, I sent in an audition tape from Edmonds, from Washington for scary movie and two other like pilots or TV shows. They asked me if I'd be willing to fly down for scary movie and my mom gave me some miles. So I flew down crashed with my new hot boyfriend and I auditioned for Buffy, which was played by Shannon Elizabeth. And that was on the page in the script that was funny, that was a really funny role that I understood. Then they said I'm not going to get that role on Wednesday, I auditioned for Buffy for three days straight. And then on Wednesday, they asked me to audition for Cindy Campbell, the lead and I was like I'm not going to get that role. And she's not funny. I'm going to understand none of her words are funny. I don't know what to do with this character and she's a brunette. I don't think so. I'm not going to get this role. So then I got it and it's defined in my life ever since that moment, you know that moment was. And when I got the call that I got the role on Friday, I was in Burbank and my picture went off and it was my managers and I called like with dread from a pay phone at a Mexican restaurant. And they said you got the role and I had this feeling of lightheadedness, like I couldn't speak, like in my new hot boy friend and all his hot friends, they're like, "Oh, you got it, you got it." And I didn't even, I did feel like I had accomplished something but I had no idea what, I had no idea what it meant. What it meant was that Monday I was up in Vancouver rehearsing with people who had experience, who knew what to do, who understood their role in comedy and I thought they're going to fire me. They're going to fire me. Keenan's going to fire me. And Keenan was this majestic figure that sort of, you can't help but have you met Keenan? Yeah. I love all those brothers because they just, I mean, they're so funny and they don't take themselves very seriously. And Keenan, yeah, Keenan's kind of like the leader of all of them. I guess he's the oldest, so that makes sense, right? Is he the oldest? Yeah. Yeah, no. I mean, they're awesome. Funny, funny guys. Yeah, totally intimidating. And I was just like, I don't remember saying anything out loud except for my lines. And maybe like, what should I do? It's just so funny to hear an actress talk about how scary it was for you to be on a set because I think most people would perceive an actor or an actress to really be ready for it to be on camera and not to have those kinds of nerves or quams. So I think it's probably really interesting for our listeners to hear you talk about. Oh, my God. Like, I remember how yellow my teeth were like, I didn't know anything. I didn't know until I just didn't know anything. I didn't know. What did you do to qualify, what did you do to qualify your nerves? Like, were you able to do anything? Nothing. Right. Like, I, yeah, I was, I felt like I was just hanging on by the skin of my teeth. Right. And I remember, I was so impressed by how we, in scary movie, we have the original cast members, and then we also have a new generation. And the young generation, those actors were so supportive of each other. They didn't seem to be as jocking, like ego-wise as I remember those environments being in the early 2000s. It felt like they would say to each other, oh, that was hysterical. That was, that, I feel like those kinds of compliments, it was felt cut throat from an immediate moment, everyone was talking about their next gig. I had no next gig. I didn't, I felt really lonely during those days, I think. Right. And it wasn't on anybody. It was a circumstantial idea, and also feeling like, you know, I got, after the movie rap, I moved to LA having no idea what this city was about, and I would go on these general meetings with studio executives or TV executives or whatever, and they would say, so you do comedy. I would be like, no, no, I don't, I don't do comedy, no. And so you do, what, you didn't have any ideals about being an actress, but then you did comedy, and then you were like, I just don't want to be a comedic actress, because you didn't really come out here to become an actress. Yeah, I was just dipping my toe in. And then you wanted to get away from comedy as soon as you tried that. I just didn't think it was, I was good at it, I never, I had never, I understood how to play a character sincerely with conviction, which turns out, I guess that's all you need. I think, I think too, like for so long, I have felt the pressure to, to feel grateful. Like, I know that I have these opportunities that so many people would want, that so many people would, like, I am living, you know, a dream. But it always came with this thing of like, it's still such an ill-fitting shoe for me. When journalists would say, early on, they would ask, are you worried about being typecast? Like, yeah, you're asking the question, and yeah, I mean, yes. And I felt like I couldn't really get auditions for a dramatic work. You couldn't help but be emotionally invested in work that didn't even feel that good, like words that were just kind of lame to say. But yet, I had a little bit of resentment that across my mind, that Keenan, while he gave me this huge gift, along the way in the arrogance of my 20s, I did feel envious of people who got their big break in a different way. And I think that is a really ungracious idea. And it was only in the last, like, year, I think that I really started to notice and appreciate, if and when people recognized me, they would usually smile, you know, like, they'd be like, oh, yeah, like thinking about something, if I can stupid, I did, and on screen. And that I really started to notice that and absorb that. Do you think that has to do with not drinking? Yeah. Because I know you stopped drinking. Yeah. So maybe that lit that up a little bit, right? One of the many gifts that turns out there's a correlation between drinking and depression for me, for sure, for sure, I had to take a step back and not self sabotage. Yeah. Yeah. But I think that that happens to so many people, you know, normal patches. Yeah. And things change also like drinking changes as you get older. It's not the same. It doesn't have the same effect. In fact, I mean, all things change as you get older. So you have to really be like kind of in touch with your person, you know, like, I don't drink the way I used to drink. Yeah. I drink, but I can't, you know, like I just don't have the same. I don't even have the same desire. I have been looking for ways to improve my skin. And a few months ago, I heard about the Lima laser and I tried it three minutes daily. It's perfect on my couch or on the go, a fuss free regimen. I can really get behind just eight weeks. And my skin is tighter. The lines around my eyes are softer. It has been game changing for my routine. The laser is a handheld cold laser device used by surgeons and dermatologists in clinic engineered to fit in your handbag for use on the go, portable, powerful, painless, firmer, younger looking skin, softer lines, a jawline that looks lifted, a neck that doesn't give your age away, total skin transformation in as little as 30 days. The kind of skin that has people asking what work you've had done when you haven't had any. If you want better skin, visit lema dot life, use code Chelsea 10 for 10% off the Lima laser. That's L-Y-M-A dot life with code Chelsea 10 for 10% off, not valid on the Lima laser pro. This episode is brought to you by O'Pill, the first over-the-counter daily birth control pill available in the U.S. I love shedding light on what's important for women's healthcare and one thing that makes [BLANK_AUDIO] health care easier is making birth control more convenient to access. Well, let me introduce Opil. Opil is a daily birth control pill that's FDA-approved, full prescription strength, and estrogen-free. This is our moment to take control of our health and reproductive journeys because Opil is birth control in your control. Opil is available online and at most major retailers, use code O-P-I-L-L-O-T-C-O-P-I-L-L-O-T-C for 25% off your first month of Opil at opil.com. This ad is brought to you by Vive Health Care, the makers of Davado W. Tegravere, Lumivu Dean. Don't take Davado if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking doffetalide due to serious or life-threatening side effects. Tell your doctor about your medicines or supplements, medical conditions, liver or kidney problems, pregnancy, breastfeeding or planned pregnancy. And the latest science from the Mayo Clinic proceedings plus Stanford University. Not only do we know now that visible aging happens in bursts, one day you look and feel like yourself on the next. Well, no. That's why people in the industry are talking about exosomes as the most innovative solution to younger, firmer looking skin. In just weeks, Plated is clinically proven to reduce the visible signs of aging and deliver younger, brighter and firmer looking skin. I finally got on hormones, a hormone patch. Did you have any hormone issues? It made a huge difference for me. Yeah, for in terms of like feeling that sinking feeling or that low vibe, I started to feel that and that's not my energy at all. Like I usually have like a lot of energy and I could be up. But yeah, I went through a phase where and there was totally my hormones. So like you have absolutely no estrogen. And I was on estrogen, but I was on the wrong dosage of it. So then they flipped it around and they increased my dosage because they're like, I said I'm on it and they're like, yeah, but that you have none. So it's not enough. So then when they increased my dosage within 24 hours, I went from like, I remember talking to someone going, listen, I'm not going to kill myself or anything. This is and this was like, I don't know, six months a year ago. I'm not really good with time. I said, I'm not going to kill myself or anything, but if I were, if we were all to agree right now on some sort of group euthanasia, I would be down. I would be down or I'm like, I'm not going to hurt myself, but I just don't care. Like it's almost the feeling of you just and it's the closest I've ever had to what people describe as depression. So I don't want to claim that I've had that either because I don't have enough experience to talk about that personally. But it's the lowest I've ever felt without having a solution. And it's almost like a loss of hopefulness. So as soon as the hormone, like, and it was within 24 hours, I felt the feeling that I could hang on to was a feeling hopeful again. I was like, Oh, wait a second. Okay, hold on. I can deal with this. You know, like these are all circumstances that I can deal with and I can attack and like, you know, be proactive about. But there was a feeling of helplessness before that, that just felt so empty. And you're just like, what is wrong with me? This is not me. I am compounding that with alcohol. I can understand that it's not. Yeah. And a death of a career that I felt confused about. Yeah, but your career is not dead. So that has been like the awesome fucking thing. I think what has it is really felt doing this press tour for scary movie, getting to be on set. The first time I saw Marlon, I was getting fit for my hair and makeup. I hadn't seen them since 2001 on a press tour. I was getting fitted for a wig. He comes into hair and makeup and he's like, Oh, there is like, oh, you've changed. You've changed. He comes in. He's so big and handsome and just Marlon. And he comes in with a bunch of people. And I leapt up out of my hair and makeup chair and I grabbed him by the forearms. And I was like, Marlon, I need you to know I am so fucking grateful to be here. I can't believe I get to thank you in person. And I love you. And he was like, at first, he was like, he was taken aback by my intensity. But I felt this desperation of like, I got to tell him, I got to tell him that this moment means so much to me because I do feel like that the getting to recognize and take in the gift that Keenan gave me and that opportunity to thank him for my comedic journey. You know, that's cute. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, it's, it's been, I don't know a lot of people who get that because I did think about them a lot at night. You know, I was like, I would think like, I never, I never got a chance to thank Keenan to like, really, really thank him after all these years of gone by and that's been such a defining part of my life and launched me into comedy and like, which has been this foreign feeling and the comedy world has given me so much that I did not realize, you know, let's pivot a little to your family life because I want to talk about raising because your son's 13 now and you have a stepdaughter. Yeah. How old is she? She's 23. Okay. 22. And you've been in her life for 10 years. Yeah. Yeah. Right. So you're pretty into your stepdaughter. You guys are really close. We're getting closer. Okay. I love her. I'm really proud of her. I think that I was a stepmom that really didn't know. I feel I was ill equipped to be a mom. Like I was kind of on the fence about being a mom. But anyone, I mean, who is equipped? Like even if you plan to have a baby and you know, I mean, no one, I feel like everyone goes into that equally because you can plan all you want, but once you get that baby, it's like all plans are off the table. Yeah, but you know when that little sister thing kicks in in a way that's not motherly, that's like, that's a little antagonistic, that's a little challenging, like something about having a stepdaughter kicked that in a little bit. Okay. A little bit. But she's incredible. She just graduated from Georgetown with honors, totally driven, and we're getting closer. What do you think is different between parenting like a girl versus a boy? I guess it's different because you're a stepmother and then you have your son. But because I always look at step parenting as like the ultimate. Like that's ideal. Maybe not for the children, but for the parents because like that's the kind of situation I could ease into is being a step parent. I think my son is, he's like a solid as a tugboat emotionally. He just doesn't get easily. Oh, Jard, he handles situations really well. He is religious and are you religious? No, I didn't grow up with religion. Okay. He's asked me to accept Jesus Christ as your savior. Okay. And I said, I told him that I would do anything for him, including this, but it's going to take a whole lot of long conversations. And he's impressive, actually. He's impressive, because I try to challenge him. I'm like, do you think it's a luxury that you get to be pro-life? Do you think that's kind of a luxury? He's like, maybe. Or I'll say, so what do you think of this megapaster that's kind of a grifter? What do you think? He's like, oh, megapasters are the worst. So it's like, okay, he's got, we're getting there. I mean, I'm appreciative. that he's examining religion the way he is in terms of recognizing hypocrisy, starting to recognize hypocrisy. And I'm appreciative that we can have these long conversations and maybe I'll get back into the podcasting world. - Why did you stop doing your podcast? - I. - You were like one of the pioneers of podcasting. You and Mark Marin, who have both stopped doing their podcast. I started it in 2016, early 2016. And I had planned on having like four, five listeners. I didn't plan, I didn't even know you could make money. It was this awesome chapter in my life. And when people come up to me at the grocery store or wherever and say, oh, I listened to a podcast, it did feel like a secret. It felt like I was, I wanted to build a community. I wanted that idea. I didn't want to have celebrity guests. I wanted to just talk to strangers. - Mm-hmm. - And it became, you know, like it became a larger thing more quickly than I kind of was ready for. But I also, I realized too, it was so important for me to have my own sense of narrative, my own way to control the story even though like, because between going through a divorce, between being on mom, like it was, it was liberating in like, if I had to ever round out my storyline, my story, my personal story, I had, I had it, I had an avenue. And I also loved having intimacy with strangers that didn't, that wasn't around the celebrity element of my life, although it became something different when we did have celebrity guests, of course. Anyway, why did I stop doing that? I think I sort of stopped enjoying it as much, I guess. - Yeah. - I don't know, what about you? I mean, it is exhausting in its own particular way. - Yeah, I think with mine, it feels like, I find it just to be, like I like what you say about incorporating regular people, normal people, like that's what we do, we have callers that call in so that keeps me like motivated about it, you know, so it's not just celebrity driven or guest driven. There's another element to it, that's nice. But it always kind of turns into that. I think podcasts always kind of turn into your celebrity guest, you know? So that's why I admire a lot of podcasts that don't go down that road. But I like it 'cause I just like talking and I like listening to, you know. I mean, I like hearing people's stories, too. But I can understand also not wanting to, you know, also not wanting to do it. I mean, now it's like you're kind of probably glad that you're not doing it because everyone in their mother has a podcast. - Yeah, it's true that it did feel like early on. It was, so a lot of celebrities weren't so scared to do it, too. They didn't really know what it was. It was just like wait, we're going to hang out at that actress's house. Like, so I think people were a little less guarded which was including myself. Maybe I'll miss it in a couple of years. Maybe I should get back on that horse at some point. I'd be nice to have the door open again. - Well, I bet people would welcome your return. - Thanks. - Yeah, absolutely. Should we take some callers now? - Let's do that. - So she can get into this ready to talk to regular people. - Yeah, let's talk to some regular people so we can inspire you. - I love that. Three minutes daily. If you want better skin, visit Lima dot life. O'Pill is a daily birth control pill that's FDA approved full prescription strength and estrogen free. This ad is brought to you by Veeve Healthcare, the makers of Devato, W.Tegravere, L'HemiVue Dean. Living with HIV, do learn about Devato. Devato is a complete HIV treatment by prescription only for some people 12 and older. Your doctor will determine if Devato is right for you. No other complete HIV pill contains fewer medicines than Devato. Devato is as effective with two medicines. It is unknown if Devato is safe and effective if you have HIV and hepatitis B. If you have hep B, don't stop Devato without talking to your doctor. Don't take Devato if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking dofetalide due to serious or life-threatening side effects. If you have a rash or allergic reaction symptoms, stop Devato and get medical help right away. Tell your doctor about your medicines or supplements, medical conditions, liver or kidney problems, pregnancy, breastfeeding, or plan pregnancy. Do learn about Devato visit Devato.com or call 1-877-844-8872. - Well, our first color today is Courtney, and she's in a little bit of a messy situation. So she says, dear Chelsea, my name's Courtney, and my husband and two young kids currently live with my 82-year-old mother-in-law. We've lived here for over two years under the condition that she can no longer financially or physically maintain this house by herself, and one day would like to pass the house to my husband to split with his brother. We live in one of the most expensive cities in the US, so to be able to inherit a house in a nice neighborhood with good public schools is truly a gift. But we're learning that that gift comes with a hefty price. The main issue is my relationship with my mother-in-law. I started having problems with her the moment we moved in. She'd make passive-aggressive comments on how I was doing something, comment on my parenting, and even try to meddle in my marriage. Things came to a blow a few times, and we've had many heart-to-heart conversations where I would firmly state my boundaries. She would seem apologetic and receptive in the moment, but she is who she is. It's gotten to the point where I truly just avoid interactions with her until it has to do with the kids. If she's in the kitchen making coffee, I'll wait for her to leave before I walk in. I don't speak unless she speaks first. My husband tolerates her better than I can, but even he's getting worn down by her need to step into a situation and parent us. If it were up to me, I'd tell her to sell the house, downgrade to a retirement community where she could make friends and be happier, and just give my husband the money to use as he sees fit for our family. But she's so attached to this house and wants to stay, even though she has to rely on us to make that happen. And my husband wants to raise our kids here and has poured so much sweat equity into the house, he doesn't wanna let it go either. I feel like I'm going crazy and could use some perspective and some advice on how to fix a relationship with an elderly family member who is never going to change her ways, Courtney. - Hi. - That sounds like a fucking hot mess situation that you're in. - It's not great. - I know, you guys can't figure out a way financially to make it work for you to move out. - Well, I mean, that always is like the obvious answer, you know, and I'm complaining to my friends vending to my family, they're just like, well, why do you live there? You don't have to live there, you can move out. And it feels it truly feels like it's not an option for me because, you know, my husband and I were a package deal. And it's like all of a sudden, then I'm being put in a position where I'm calling the shots and I'm telling them that they need to uproot their life and all the decisions that they've made. - You avoid going in the kitchen because your mother laws in there is like, that's really unhealthy. Like if you can't be in a living situation where you have your, 'cause like you have to worry about A, the example. you're setting, be like your happiness and comfort level. And like all of those things are going to have an impact and effectuate your relationship, your marriage, your relationship with your children. Like, it just doesn't seem like it's a, I mean, you are in a position because you are one of the heads of the household with you and your husband, a stents of, or theoretically, like you are in a position to say this isn't a healthy situation for us. I mean, sitting there and waiting for her to what? Sell the house or die? Like, what are you waiting for? It truly feels like it's a rock and a hard place. And other than that dynamic and her being a part of our lives, like my husband and I are really good team. And we, before a bus, like our little family, work really well together. And so there's moments where she's in her room for a really, really long time. And it's like, feels really good in the house. Yeah. Fives are high. And then she walks into the room and it completely changes. So let me ask you a couple of things if you don't mind. How feasible is this retirement home idea? Has she expressed interest in it? No. So it's almost like when I've asked, why is that not a consideration? It's like, how dare you ask? The unfortunate thing is, with most family decisions, you are in a position to be proactive decision maker. With this big thing of your mother-in-law in your life so much, unfortunately, you by circumstance cannot be the main proactive member of this decision making because it'll drive a wedge between all of you guys essentially. So I wonder how is your husband, do you ever get frustrated with your husband being a passive player in this? Or does he understand and is he on equal level with your frustration? Like, it's a really hard position for him to be in. Of course. I feel like he is in the middle. He's like, this is my mom. This is my wife. You guys need to figure it out. Yeah. And that's not exactly fair for him. That sentiment. Yeah. But he kind of looks at us like we're both pretty immature in the situation. Do you feel that? I admittedly have had some situations that I'm not proud of the way that I handled them. Like I've really become unglued. And he really is helpful to remind me that I can focus on what I can control and I can control my reaction and I can control the way she makes me feel. But I can't control what she's going to do, what she's going to say. So he's really like helpful in reminding me to let it go and not let it affect me so much. And for the most part, I really try. But then it's also kind of like you're just pushing things down and they faster. Did you guys used to have a closer relationship to you when your mother-in-law was there ever a time? Yeah. When my husband and I first started dating, we would talk and it was very friendly and nice. And just circumstances that she's gone in her life through the last 10 years, just been really bad decline for her mental state and her physical state. And I do see like how that's really sad. I'm not going to come in here and just like tell her she needs to, I don't know. She's getting older. There's only much she can do. And she's really depressed. And she sits in her room and she walks to the news all day. And that's healthy. So I wonder how we can change this element. Like I would a lot to deal with. I mean it's just so much to deal with. Like I just don't think that there's a good solution here, you know. But she needs some degree of change. Whether it's like she goes to a senior center pottery class, Courtney, I have a horrible suggestion that you're going to hate. But how would it make you feel if you invited her for like a 15 minute walk every morning? I know. I just think she needs some kind of change, right? Like she's and I can only imagine the kind of passive aggressive language skills you guys have developed. So I do think something needs to change. This is a tough situation for all of you guys. And I do think she needs a small change in her life so we can get her to the retirement home sooner. And I think she starts to have a little bit of irregularity, even just like one thing a day. I don't know. Like Courtney, do you think I'm on the right track here? I think you're maybe suggesting that I could help be like a little. I want your mother-in-law to move out. This is my goal. I want her to move out and go to her retirement home and play bingo all day long and make new friends and stuff like that. But I know that kind of radical change. This is like a eight month process here, 10 month process. Yeah. I mean, I don't know that we can count on her moving out though because it's her house. And that feels like she's being kicked out of her own house. And they're waiting for her to move out. You know what I mean? Like that's why they're there, right? Because you're waiting for her to move out or basically to die. Essentially, I mean, as morbid as that sounds, but yeah, she's like, I don't want to go anywhere. Right. She needs us to make that happen. Yeah. So it's pretty tricky because she's going to, I mean, she's, she's already feeling like they're there because they want something from her. And the more depressed she becomes, the more angry she's going to become at you guys and the more she's going to get into like, you know, that victim mentality, like all they want from me. I mean, my dad got really old and was like, you guys just want my money. My dad didn't even have any money. We're like, we don't want your money. You don't have any money. Like we're trying to make your life more, you know, better. So many old people fall into like bitterness. I know, but it's, I mean, you're getting old and it's not bad like that. It does. Tell her that. Tell her that. You're death is going to suck. I wish I had a good suggestion. But I mean, I have a question because there's a little bit of like a stuff in here about when she does move out of the house, whichever direction that is, death or a nursing home, that the house is going to get sold. And it's going to be split between your husband and the brother. Isn't that something that would likely happen anyway, even if you guys are not living in this situation that's toxic for you? Well, I think the goal is to just buy out his brother share and then raise our family here. So you guys would stay in the house, ideally. Yeah. Are you in any individual therapy? That's my other question. I was. I was okay. During the first year that all of this really started unraveling and I haven't been for a while. And I shared that with her. You know, I shared like, this has been really hard on me. I am therapy and I'm working on myself and I'm working on this. And because this is not sustainable and I'm really unhappy. So she's been told that right, but that's a little bit like I'm in therapy because of you. And a lot of this feels like I've been here too, where it's like I'm upset with the other person because I need to control what they're doing. And I think a therapist, it's not just about pushing it down and like ignoring it. It's about getting to a place where she really can make some comment about your parenting and it really does roll off. Like you don't have to worry about what she says. You're an adult. You're going to make your decisions for your kids along with your husband by yourself. But I think working with a therapist on a regular basis can help you with those like day to day stuff while you're still in this like co-living situation. How old are your kids? Three and six. Oh boy. So you're in it. You are just in life right now. Oh boy. Does she enjoy the grandkids at all? My youngest is very sweet, very outgoing, very personable. And so he has a really cute relationship with her. My oldest just doesn't really go out of his way. He doesn't see, but there's a lot in common for him there. Do you guys ever have like dinner together? You know, to be honest with you, just because of the age of our kids, it's really focused around them at dinner time. Right. So we tried to do the sit at the dining table, and I'll have dinner together. We did that for a few months. And they just make it so unpleasant. Oh boy. If your mother-in-law is even slightly happier, it'll make all of you happier. And maybe it'll change some of the patterns of communication. She's not used to your ways, your where you put the thing or how you clean the thing. And gosh, I am feeling for you. I know. I know. I wish I don't have any, I don't know what to tell you to do other than to remove yourself from that situation and move out until she's just understand the next fucking seven years of your life are going to be a small degrees of hell. Seven to twenty. I mean, probably not if she's having health issues already, but seven to twenty. But yeah, but also sitting around waiting for somebody to expire is also no gr- no grinoe living day today and put having your kids live day today in a house where like they walk into a room and can cut the tension with a knife isn't good for them either. - Yeah, I wonder how we can just change her circumstances a little bit. If they're her degree of happiness, she sounds pretty lonely and miserable. And just as she goes into mental decline, whatever that means, obsessing about certain things, lashing it out on you, you know, that like ever since Courtney rearranged the thing, I can't find where the other thing is, or whatever her fucking grievance is. - I just wonder if bumping her mood, changing her regular routine in any way is a worthy experiment and whether that is. - It's definitely worthy because there's no other idea. So it's worthwhile to try something. - Would you get her a cat? - Maybe, I don't know. She probably complained about that too, if she's really in a bitter state. - But I do like the idea you had about like 15 minutes in the morning, whether it's a walk or coffee, 'cause like you're taking it to a senior center to the library or I don't even know if she would agree, Courtney, to I just think she needs a change in routine somehow. She needs to have her world open up a little bit, so it's not continuing to close in around you guys. - Yeah. - I completely agree. And I wish I had, you know, an easy response for that. - Are you close with your brother-in-law? - I wouldn't say it close, but we have a good relationship. He's in a different state, so. - Okay, okay. I just wonder if you could use some local resources in your area, especially as her mental health is declining, because sometimes a lot of people will lean into bitterness and anger, and that's gonna be poisonous for all of you guys. I think starting, my suggestion would be start with small steps for her and Courtney, you are living an existence right now where you have to operate with extreme generosity and it is so fucking hard. Keep going, it's a long game, you know? And in two years, this will be a different circumstance, no, for better for work, you know what I mean? This time is happening, she's declining. - And also get back into therapy so that you have somebody to event to, like on the regular, that isn't your husband. - Yeah, you just keep long game in it. You know, Chelsea and I were talking about my relationship with my stepdaughter and how we had all these turbulent times. And when I was thinking clearly, I could take a deep breath and think about the long game. Think about like, okay, like she's gonna remember me getting really pissed off at this one thing. She'll remember that more than for a longer period of time than I will. How do I, how do I protect this relationship? How do I protect my husband? How do I protect our relationship with these challenging circumstances that are inescapable? And I do know that your mom may need a small change and you can kinda go from there. She may fucking hate it. And I don't know if we can come from you, you and your husband might have to do some good brains. - Yeah, do some good brains for me and try and think of some different ways to spice up her day. - I used to have a podcast where I gave advice. I should have warned you. - But thank you for calling in, Courtney. - Yeah. Yeah, thank you so much for your guys' time. - And thank you for like, here's you in hard work right now, Courtney. Good job, good job. You're doing great. You really are. - Thank you, thank you so much. - Yeah, thank you, thanks for sharing. - Bye-bye. Three minutes daily. Use code O-P-I-L-L-O-T-C, O-P-I-L-L-O-T-C for 25% off your first month of O'Pill at O'Pill.com. This ad is brought to you by Veeve Healthcare, the makers of Davado, W.Tegravere, L'AmiVue Dean. Living with HIV? If you have hep B, don't stop Davado without talking to your doctor as it may get worse or harder to treat. Don't take Davado if you're allergic to its ingredients or taking dofetalide due to serious or life-threatening side effects. Tell your doctor about your medicines or supplements. Medical conditions, liver or kidney problems, pregnancy, breastfeeding, or planned pregnancy. And the latest science from the Mayo Clinic proceedings plus Stanford University, not only do we know now that visible aging happens in bursts, one day you look and feel like yourself on the next, well, no. In just weeks, Plated has clinically proven to reduce the visible signs of aging and deliver younger, brighter, and firmer-looking skin. Well, our next caller is Pablo, and he says to your Chelsea, I'm from the Dominican Republic. Basically, my issue is that I'm always home. I have a good, fully remote job with an international company doing work in my career path, which I love, software architect. But because of that, I don't get out a lot. My life has turned kind of gray. Thankfully, I have a husband who my love, but I don't have any friends. I can spend months where the only person I see in real life is my husband. I am so with you, Pablo. Is this a problem? It's a weird thing that gets happening. I don't know. The thing is, I don't have any activities that I enjoy that could lead me to meeting new people. I don't go to an office, I don't study anymore, and I've never liked the gym or sports in general. I take care of my husband. He doesn't work. He's a student, and he doesn't like his career. He hasn't found his passion yet. I'm fine with that. He mostly plays games and is pursuing his degree. It doesn't bother me, but I have this feeling that maybe I'm ruining his life by making everything too easy for him. Also, while I love him, maybe I needed someone who pushes me and takes me out to do things. Someone more active than me who motivates me. The worst part is that I think that somehow I'm doing great without feeling great. I live in an apartment that has everything I like, and I have a really good salary that allows me to have a very good life. Everything seems to be good, but I don't know how to start feeling good, or maybe that feeling doesn't exist. And I'm asking for too much. Maybe you have some ideas, Pablo. - Ha! - Hi, Pablo. - Hi, Pablo. - Hi, Pablo. He's like, "My life is going so well. I don't know what to like about it." - Yeah. - You know what, it sounds like to me, Pablo, that you need to just get out of the house a little bit more, be around. - But the thing is that, what activities am I supposed to do at Chelsea? - Go for a fucking walk, Pablo. Go for a walk outside. Go get, what, you can't do that? You can't go for a walk around the neighborhood thing. - I mean, I can, but you say it's fun, or there is something productive. I will force myself to walk just, yeah, I don't know. And how do you meet people like that, anyway. Am I going to be outside in the middle of the streets stopping people like, "Hey, can you be my friend?" That doesn't work out there. - What you need is a change of scenery. So when you have the same scenery day in and day out, you're bored because you're not seeing anything different And news. So whatever that means, yes, going. for a walk down the street or to a coffee shop may not sound like a rip-roaring time, but that's okay because you basically need like, there is scientific data that backs up the fact of what happens to your brain's chemistry when you do walk outside. What happens to your brain's chemistry when you socialize with other people, whether they are friends or strangers? What happens to your brain chemistry when you're forced to bring up, have a conversation with a stranger? So all of these things, well, they may not seem like, quote unquote, fun activities, will feed your soul in a different way. So you have, the world is at your fingertips. You have a job, you have a safe place to live, you have a partner, you have all of the things that most people desire in this world and you're still a little bit dissatisfied. And I would just argue that you just need to like, open up your world a little bit and you're gonna be fine, you know? If you wanna make friends, go to places where you're gonna make friends, find things that interest you. What interests you? Do you like to play volleyball? Do you like to play baseball? Do you like to play games? Do you wanna go game? Go to a trivia night? Do you wanna do, like, what interests you that would be a group activity? Is there anything you could think of that sounds like a good time? - That's the thing for, I don't do sports. Like, I'm on Earth. I'm gonna be really in that regard. That's my career and I love that. But the thing is that, you know, I'm not entertained anymore in to go into bars and stuff. When I was younger, I was into that, but not anymore. I just like to stay at home. And yeah, I don't have, like, those activities is to go what's, I don't have anything to do there. My hobbies are I play games at home. And maybe I like to do card games, but those are 15 minute things. Like, it's not like an activity you can set up or just go somewhere. Or at least I don't know the places. I don't know really how people in their thirties that have a stable life. - I wanna ask you, is this one of the first times in your life where the future feels kind of vague where there isn't like a specific goal? Like whether that, you know what I mean? So, which probably is also why in your letter you mentioned even the vagueness with your partner right now. Like, is this person pushing me enough? What's my goal? Where am I in five years? And what I would suggest along with going literally just taking a five minute stroll, even if you don't just walk to the coffee shop and go get a coffee and sit down and have a coffee. - You have a dog? - But. - Is there any chance? - No, I don't have, - That is a great way to get-- - Well, wait. - Pablo, I think you guys should go on a trip. I think you should start planning a trip. Can you, do you enjoy travel? And would you guys-- - I enjoy traveling. I enjoy traveling. Of course, it's not like you can travel all the time. - Sure, of course. - I do it once in a while. You know, it's not like I do it every month. Should I do it? - Well, here's my suggestion. Like, when I'm in the middle of a job, like a film or something like that, I really love daydreaming, proactively daydreaming about a trip. So, I'm kind of old school, I like a guide book, but even if I didn't actually take the trip, which I usually did, but even if I didn't, having that kind of activity planning was good for me mentally. And you may be, 'cause right now, you're trying to force a lot of big decisions, even in this seemingly small question. You're essentially asking, "Should I be with my partner? What is wrong with me? I don't like people. I just want to be at home." - If you say it like that, it sounds awful. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It just, I just want to give you perspective in that, in that your life right now, you're looking for a goal, you're wondering like, what, yeah. And I wonder, yeah, and I wonder if a small step, like, do you enjoy driving? Like, is there a weekend trip you could take? Is there any kind of new experience you could do for not a lot of money, low commitment, even if it's going to place it's two hours away for a night? - Wow, that's, look, I don't drive, I don't like to drive either. - Okay. - He don't like a lot of things, blah blah. - Yeah, this thing is at my home, I'm a home guy. - I know, I am, but you need novelty. - Like, the human brain responds to novelty, which is what Chelsea was saying. - My human brain responds to puzzles. - What about a common reality television? Do you like concerts? Have you guys got to-- - Yeah, I like concerts. - Okay, so that's an easy thing to do, 'cause you can find live entertainment in your area, playing, I mean, that's something good to play. - Yeah, I love going to the theater, but it's not like, and, you know, I don't think that's something you can do often, you know? - Sure. - Like, you're willing to do it every month or stuff. Like, that will not be fulfilling, is it? - I think, unfortunately, there isn't a big grand answer to your question. I think if you are comfortable being a homebody, that's great. You know what your comfort zone is, and that's okay. If your partner is dissatisfied with your lack of social ability, that's kind of a different issue to address, but you may need to start to question the big question, which is, what am I looking for? As Pablo, am I looking for anything? - I don't know if it's wrong for me to feel like I've done it. Like, I'm fine with what I have. I'm happy. It's, so I don't have like much fun. I'm not into the common objectives of lives. I don't want to, I don't want a house. Like, I live rented, but I live in a rented apartment when I'm happy, and I feel like buying a house. It will stuck me. So I would like to move anywhere when I want to. So yeah, I have like that perspective, so that's not an objective. And I'm just leaving, you know? Leaving my best life, every time I want to get it, I used to get it. - Yeah, I don't know what the problem is here. I mean, you're looking for problems. - The problem is that in the end, even if I have my husband, I feel lonely because I don't have friends. I don't know how to meet friends. People to spend time in my house, where I like to be, people that visit me to have a drink, to drink a glass of wine. And that stuff, I don't have. And also, this life that I'm having, it's not doing well for my health, because I don't walk. And the thing is that when I met my husband, he was healthy, he was a really happy guy. And everything was fine. But now he's been with me for three plus years. And I'm the one causing his issues, because I impregnated my way of living into him. And I love him. So I don't want him to be like that, but my ego is him of wanting him to be here. Doesn't let me just tell him, "Hey, maybe you should leave and be healthy like you were before you had me." You know? - Can I offer a suggestion? Since your husband is in sort of like more of the kept man role, he does not have a lot of responsibilities right now, like he doesn't work, is there a way that he can be sort of the motivator to some of this stuff? Like, "Hey, honey, we've been sitting at home a lot. I need you to plan one day to week where we find a new park to walk to or just walk around the park." We go there and we walk around to find something interesting to do. You know, find some art, go see live music. Find some art, just doing it once a week, exactly. And it can be like his little homework for the week. - Do you know the fun part is that I think he wants me to have Dalin initiative, you know? - So then do you do it? Just do it. That's the only thing you can do. - It's a really commendable thing. - You've impregnated him within. - But you've impregnated him with your lifestyle. You just said that. So now it's your responsibility. Take some of it off of his plane. Be like, "You know what, you're right. You're enmeshed in my life." And now we're like living my lifestyle. So for you, every weekend, I'm gonna plan something for us to do. Just start with small things like that. - Well, that's also a really good idea. - Okay, so just let's do that to start with. - What about you guys taking a 20 minute walk like right as soon as we end this conversation? I like it. - I'll do that. You know what? I'm gonna be more than I'm gonna do that. - Do that. - Okay, I don't know if it's cool enough. I am like, I do not like to go out into the sun so I don't blame you for waiting a little bit till it's cooler. - We just got him and then we create a take a walk. - Let's just wrap it up. - Let's wrap it up, guys. Thank you, go take a walk. And then you're gonna also make plans for the weekend and you're gonna do something. - I'm really grateful. - And report back to us. - You're doing a very new and a month, okay? - Yeah. - About all the places you went. - Let's see how it ends, guys. - Okay, the small question, the big question. - I hope you have a fantastic day. - Okay, you too. - I hope so. - I hope he gets out of the house. Okay, Ana, thank you very much for being here. - Thank you. - Everyone, spa weekend is out tomorrow. Where can people watch spa weekend? - In theaters. - In theaters. - Oh, even more exciting. - I'm gonna leave. - We love it. - Okay, thank you so much, Ana. It's always lovely to talk to you. - I'm so happy to be here. You know, I'm not gonna leave. (laughing) - If you want advice from Chelsea, write in to [email protected]. Dearchelsy is a production of iHeart Media. Follow Chelsea on all socials @chelsyhandler and find Catherine on TikTok @flashkidabra. Dearchelsy is edited and engineered by Brandon Dickert, executive producer, Catherine Law. Find full video episodes and mini-sodes now on Netflix and get tickets to see [email protected]. [BLANK_AUDIO] I have been looking for ways to improve my skin and a few months ago I heard about the Lima laser and I tried it. Just eight weeks and my skin is tighter, my jawline is lifted. That's exactly why velvet exists. They've created science-backed products like Pleasure Wave and Meltwater that help women navigate dryness, discomfort, and the realities of menopause. Vella, understand your body, reclaim what's next, go to VellaBio.com. 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