Rejection with Rita Moreno

What's the best prank you ever pulled? I don't remember 'cause I'm 87. That's good. (laughing) (upbeat music) Hey, this is Reba McIntyre, along with Melissa Peterman. Welcome to our podcast, Living and Learning. Hey, Melissa, how are you doing this morning? I'm doing good, how are you, Reeves? Doing very well, excited about our topic today overcoming rejection. You're excited? Yeah, yeah, I wanna hear how you overcome rejection. Well, I'm not the expert we're having on today, but I think I'm an expert on rejection, so I'm excited to talk about it too. I think it's great. Oh, we're so excited to have Rita Moreno on the show today. Rita's an actress, dancer, and singer, whose career has spanned over 70 years. Reba, she is an E-got. What? An E-got, what's that? Emmy, Grammy, Oscar, Tony. Oh my gosh. I know, I've never talked to an E-got before. Me neither. Okay, Rita was also in West Side Story, loved that movie, watched it again, and she dated Marlon Brando. Oh, and Elvis, as impressedly. Wow, I know. She overcame a whole lot in her life to have the incredible career that she has had. Can't wait to talk with her all about it. Anybody in our business knows rejection? Yes, has dealt with it quite a few times. And I think everybody can relate to it, you know? And it doesn't matter if you're an actor or not. People, sure, we're all rejected. Yeah, you know, waiting in the audience, and you're up for an award, and you don't get that, or you're waiting at home for a job interview, and you go to that, you're so excited, and you leave, and you're waiting on a call, and you don't get it. There's so many levels, personally, professionally, about rejection, how you can learn to live with rejection, how you're going to react when you get rejected. So that's all the things you're going to deal with today. I'm excited. So when were you rejected? When wasn't I rejected? [LAUGHTER] Oh my gosh. Well, it started, I was born in Minneapolis, Minnesota. Giant baby, just a giant, giant baby. We're talking big. Just wanting to fit in. Yeah, I can think about a million jobs that I had, or that I really wanted and got close to. I can think about boys that didn't like me. I can think about pants that rejected me, because I was too tall as a kid. I couldn't be a cheerleader. I didn't make dance team until I found my people, or my niche, I suppose. I was rejected many times. And some of that's just figuring out where you do fit in. Yeah, you can't just stay comfortable all your life. Sometimes there's a rug jerked out from under you, and you've got to say, OK, I think there's a better way of doing things. And so I think rejection is very positive. So thank you for getting me on the right track with that. Well, I can tell you the best rejection story I have, because I probably wouldn't have met you. OK, go ahead. Right before the Reba TV show started, I had booked another sitcom, and it was a big sitcom. It was starring John Goodman, who was amazing. And I got recast, which is a Hollywood nice way to say fired, which happens all the time. And it was awful, and I was devastated. And I remember thinking, I have to tell my parents, they got fired, and they were so excited. They weren't already measuring for my walk of fame star. And it was awful, but I got through it and got up and auditioned the next day. And the next job I booked after getting fired was the Reba TV show. Oh, wow. Yeah. I remember you telling me that I would not have been available, probably, to audition for that show had I not been fired from this other show. And that's where I was supposed to be. And that was, you know, in the moment, sometimes that lesson was hard, but in hindsight, it was the best thing that could have ever happened to me. Yay. So I'm so glad that you got rejected. Yay. You're so glad I got fired. Yes, I am. But overcoming rejection is a thing that empowers you. You have overcome that rejection. You have gone a step up. So you know whatever is going to come towards you in the future, you can face it. You can take it all. It makes you stronger. It does. Like Kelly's song, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. So go for it. My rejection was in 1978 when I was playing the Countdown Picking Party. And I didn't have a band of my own. So I was using another band. And the band was supposed to back me. Well, they got all their stuff together and they left. So a rock and roll band was going to back me. And they didn't know any of my songs. And they didn't know any country songs. So we finally agreed on three songs to do. And John Conley was the headliner. And everybody was saying, say it hollered. Get off the stage. Well, John Conley and I said, hey, I got to do my three songs. And I think I did them twice. I don't know. But it was terrible. And finally, I got off the stage. And the guy from the Fort Worth Star Telegram was back stage later to interview me. And the Red Steekel, I think, got me that interview. And he said, well, now what are you going to do? You just going to go home and quit? And I said, shoot, no, I'm not going to quit. Mama and I are on our way to Nashville. For FanFern, we're going to talk to the book and agent, and we're going to get me a band. So if I hadn't been rejected, I probably never would have stood up and said things have got to change. So there's always a good reason for rejection. It's kind of a wake up call. Well, we're going to get into a lot more with overcoming rejection. Miss Rita Moreno is going to be here. I love stories. I know she's got some great news for us. Well, Rita, what we're doing today is a podcast about overcoming rejection. Oh, boy, you picked the right one. How do you do it? How do you deal with rejection, whether it's personally or professionally? And God, you asked me this because I'm a good person to ask because I had a lot of that in my youth and actually even when I was in movies, early movies and stuff. First of all, I came here from Puerto Rico when I was four and five years old. That's one of the very first things I had to deal with literally. We came by ship. Well, because who could afford airplanes in those days? I didn't speak English. And then my very first year, I went to kindergarten in public school and nobody, of course, spoke Spanish. Why would they? More than that, this was before the diaspora. So there were very few Puerto Ricans in New York City. So there was nobody around, no kids. And I found out soon enough, even at five, which is so amazing to me, that a lot of people just didn't like Hispanics. And I got called some terrible names, very young. People don't realize how tender children are. They also have antennae all over them. And they're very sensitive creatures. So if you're told often enough that you don't have value and that you're not a good person, you believe it. Because you fight. And you grow up with this. And that's the back part. You grow up with this. It really stays with you. You develop a crust. I don't know how else I can put it. A good way to put it. I love something to protect yourself. But the problem with that is that the people who are throwing these insults at you don't get it. They don't know they're hurting you. And to make a very long story short, I went into psychotherapy when I was in my early 20s. And it's really the only thing that helped me. And I know that a lot of people despise even the thought of psychotherapy. But I was very lucky. I had to show it happened to choose a terrific man. And that helped me a great deal. Because what he had to do was a big job with respect to me. He had to convince me that I had value and that I had worth. And I was a 20-year-old person, 23, 24, 25. I mean, forever, that I wasn't worth anything. And I sometimes wonder how I managed, because I was a person who I had on 10, I everywhere. And I could spot a slight from somebody at 20 paces, because you get that sensitive. This happens a lot to black people as well. And here's what you have to try to avoid. And this is very hard. You have to try to not let anger get the best of you. Because anger is self-defeating. Wow. Now, it's easy for me to say, but it's not easy for me to say, because I was there. And I have lived through this. Something happened to me just about three years ago, at a very big event. And I couldn't believe that it was happening to me. What happened? I was being honored at this particular place, a very prestigious, really prestigious place. Like they had a valet guy there, right? Oh, yeah. And they had more than that, too. They even had butlers. Wow. OK. Before the actual dinner, they had pictures of all people. all of these people they were honoring, they were about five of us, very, very, some extremely famous, some not, but who were very well known. - Right. - And I was one of them. And first of all, they didn't let me choose the picture I wanted. And it was not very, it was okay. All the other pictures were fabulous and they were in color. That was number one. Number two, when all these things were disrobed, does it where they were covered? When they were uncovered, including mine, I was facing this particular wall and they were amazing. A Spike Lee's was an incredible, great photo. And I called the lady over who was in charge, and I said, where's mine? She said, oh, it's in back of you. It's in back of me. And I want to say, why? Why isn't it there? - Mm-hmm. - And I turned around and there's this black and white with me. All of these are color and they're big. They're like eight by 14 or something. I just literally went white. And I said, well, why isn't it on the other side? And I remember immediately my eyes got wet and I thought, don't you dare. Don't you dare, especially in an event like this. And she said, well, what's wrong with it? I said, never mind. Anyway, I'm just putting this in a capsule, but it was very, very meaningful. - Can I ask, does it remind you? 'Cause I totally empathize with that. It brings you back to another time where somebody made you feel less than and small and unimportant and that you weren't good enough to have that. - And more than that, not just the size, it wasn't even the size. It was this wall. It wasn't only over the other people who were being honored. I still don't understand it. I still don't get it. I don't know how I got through it, really. That's how much, that's how hard I was. I was horribly, horribly, horribly hurt. - Now, if you hadn't gone through all the therapy and everything, it would have been a lot harder. - Oh, absolutely. - Absolutely. - Absolutely. It would have been impossible. I came home and fell apart. I had to fall apart and I let myself do it because in the old days, I would not have allowed myself to cry. - Oh, so it's good to have that release, let it go. - Yeah, I mean, I've had terrible experiences and I never cried and I always held my own and all that. And I'm called that brave. I call that avoiding. - Yeah, yeah. - So I didn't really answer your question. How do you live with it? - First of all, I think you have to be able to say and this is insanely difficult. You have to be able to have the courage to say to a person who's hurt you. You have hurt me. You know how hard that is? Do you know how hard that is? Because right away it puts you in a very vulnerable place. You've hurt my feelings. "Wow, what am I doing?" "Wow, you don't have sense of humor, you know, whatever." I learned to do that through therapy. - I'm very good with stuff like that. I can do that. - To confront it. - I'm known as being a very direct person and that comes really from psychotherapy. I do know this and this I learned in psychotherapy that anger and reacting angrily does nothing but hurt you. It makes you ultra defensive. It makes you helpless really and that's what you don't want. That's what you really don't want to happen. And I always tell people therapy was the best thing that ever happened to me because here's the funny thing. The person who suggested I go into therapy was a sicko, named Marlon Brando, who's my boyfriend. - Yeah, okay. - I'll never forget that. He said to me one day, "You need help." - Okay, this is one of my favorite sentences I've ever heard. - This is one of my favorite things was saying to me. "You need help, Rita." But actually I knew I did. And I needed that one person to just push me over. And I was very lucky because I found someone who was great for me, perfect. And in fact, I said to him many years later because we became kind of friends, kind of. An occasional phone call friend. And I said, "You know, it's all your fault." He, this man drove me away from you. - Uh-huh. (laughing) - I got help and he told me that I needed to be away from you. So it was your fault. - Oh yeah. - But that was hard. It was one of those relationships where we were truly, both of us were truly just extremely hung up on each other. It was a very tempestuous relationship. It was a very sexy man. - Oh yeah. - Well, I think it's so interesting that you were talking about early on that as a young girl you had felt so rejected and different and people were awful to you. And then you build up this crust and you go into a profession where you're gonna be rejected all the time. - But you know, it's only a crust. - It's only a crust and like, that's a thing. It's like, I understand what you say about. It's telling somebody that you hurt me, means showing them that your crust wasn't strong enough and we don't wanna do that. - You don't wanna do that. - We don't wanna do that. But I think people look at you and let's face it, you're a P got winner. I mean, you have a P body, an Emmy, a Grammy, an Oscar, and a Tony. - You missed one, but it never was counting. (laughing) - And the Kennedy Center Honor, right? I mean, that's how you would read them that? I mean, look, I mean, I've got a people's choice, but please, you know, it certainly doesn't compare to the ladies I'm looking at right here. But I look at both of you with these amazing careers and everyone would look at you and think, well, you know, they have everything. They've never felt rejected. And I think it's powerful for people to see you and to hear those stories. And the fact that just three years ago, you can leave an event and be in tears because somebody hurt you. And people can relate to that. You can be at an office party. It doesn't have to be a giant thing. And somebody can say just that wrong thing that's that chink in your armor and get ya. - After you won the Oscar for West Side Story, you took a seven-year break from acting. How come? - I didn't take the break. - Okay, that's what I was wondering. - That one broke my heart? - Yeah. - Because I won an Oscar. And I also won the Golden Globe for Best Feature Actress of that year. I didn't work in movies for seven years. - What? Go figure. I don't know. Broke my heart. - I didn't do a lot of crying. I didn't do any crying. - But was it, you're saying that this wasn't your choice? It wasn't like you would just remember the best movie ever West Side Story. - I was offered some stuff, but I was offered the Latina con Chita Lolita stuff, again. And I remember when I held the Oscar in my arms and I said to myself, "I will never, ever do those parts again." 'Cause I did a lot of them. And I did a lot of them because I needed to work one, which was called rent money. And I also needed to work because you had to show your face. If you didn't show your face in some kind of medium, people would forget you. So I was between a rock and a hard place. - Yeah. - Anyway, I turned down not many movies anyway. I turned down about three or four. And they were all these con Chita Lolita things. And that really broke my heart that made me so sad. Didn't cry, but it made me very defensive. I became a very, very defensive person. I had to be really, really careful. - Yeah. - I did do television. Thank God. But it was mostly engine maidens. And those kind of parts with feathers, literally with feathers in my hand and all that. Oh, they had a lot of Westerns on television with time. And they had a lot of use and cold forests in your Edas. Western towns. That's where I literally made my living. That and social security. That's how I literally paid the rent. - Wow. - I had a bit of television. - Yeah. - They put you in a box and you were sort of pigeon-holed. How did you break out of that? How, or are you still breaking out of it? - It was to do theater. And I did a lot of summer theater. And I played parts that I would never have been offered in films. I played Annie Solomon in the America Worker with the I.U.B. Shaxon. I had to talk like that. I didn't. Wonderful. - The Greek are with the Nazis like that. How can you do that? - I'm very good. I have a good ear. - I love it. And you held the record too. Like, didn't you hold the record that you won that you got in the shortest amount of time? Like 16 years span that you got the Oscar? - I got him all. - Yeah. And you were the record holder for a long time. Like, I was. It's true. I was. - Congratulations. - I'll tell you a marvelous story. This year, because it's very positive. I need to do a positive. I tried to do a wait with myself many, many years ago. - Really? - I took too many pills on purpose. - Yeah. And it was because, well, in Brando and the relationship, it was a really horrible time in my life. Anyway, I survived. Thank you, Jesus. - Uh-huh. - About a couple of years later, I was being interviewed on Telly, and they brought up this suicide, [BLANK_AUDIO] attempt and I said normally I wouldn't talk about this because it's you know cheapens something so important in your life and so sad by giving it five minutes I said but I think it's important to talk about it because so many people don't and won't so I talked about it and then I said for those people who are contemplating something like this don't do it don't do what I did I didn't consult with anybody you know you can talk to your priest you can talk to your parent you can talk to my friend we'll talk to somebody don't suffer in silence which is what I was doing and then I did this and by the way I nearly bought it I very nearly bought it I found out so I did this interview a couple of years after that and then about a year later I walk into the lobby of the World War for Storya which is huge and I see a woman going like this waving frantically at me and all the way across the lobby and she ran over to me and I thought it's a fan and she started to cry and put her arms around me and kept saying thank you thank you thank you thank you and I just let her and then I said for what and she said I saw that show where you said don't do it talk to somebody and she said you saved my life oh oh oh my gosh isn't that wonderful yes yes I'm sure this has happened with other people but you don't me it's not something you ever expected that this woman she said I was about to do it that's lovely absolutely and then I thought wow you really do have an influence on people you've got to be you got to treat that with loving care yeah when I had that experience with the lady I found that I have an enormous power and that all and and I'm happy to share it and that I I will do that whenever I can when I'm able oh wonderful that's great by the way I'm not religious at all it's important to mention that because it's something else it's something other than that okay what do you think it is besides other than religion is just spiritual I don't know it's the mystery but it should be a mystery yeah wow read of that stories incredible now we're going to take a quick break and come back to hear more amazing stories in just a minute y'all stick around what's the rejection or failure that you experience that turned out to be the biggest blessing in your life well I'll tell you one that but I didn't realize at the time that it was doing that this is one of the worst professional times of my life I hadn't worked in movies or at all for about three years and finally my agent called and said I have a script for you I said oh is it any good he said yeah and it's not a conchita Lolita I said oh god let me see that it was a featured part with about maybe three scenes of forcing but it was delicious it was funny it was sexy it was all the good stuff so I worked on that script like a dog I have been nuanced every breath I worked on that thing so hard so comes the time for the audition which was to be in the in the director's office and I get there and I take off my coat put down my bag and I said I can't wait to do this for you because I think I think I have a bead on it and I showed him the scene I was going to do for the audition and he was he was an Englishman and he was very famous and he said oh he said oh no dear he said that's not a part you're serious and I said oh he said no dear the part we want to do to read for is the Mexican whole house madam oh my gosh at this point I already want an Oscar a to me a Grammy and twins I tell you the blood left me I felt so humiliated my face was on fire with embarrassment and humiliation what do I say to this man and I finally said because you could hear the intake of air from everybody in the room and I closed this script and I handed it to him and I said I'm sorry I mean my voice was trembling I don't do a whore house madam and he said oh no no darling you don't understand I said no no you don't understand and I very slowly took my coat put it on well they all painfully watched me close my coat picked up my shoulder bag put it on my shoulder and slowly walked out of the room I went to my car got in my car and wept and wept and wept I went home and my husband said how to go well I don't I don't think I'm gonna get it I didn't work unfortunately so and I went two days and he finally said Rita what really happened only a husband a loving husband right I burst into tears and I told him and he did something so wonderful for me he took me in his arms and he stroked my head and he reminded me that I had value that I was a wonderful actress and that it was unfortunate but that's the kind of thing that happens to people who are from another nationality he said but that doesn't change who you are he says you are your wonderful ex-quisite self wow well that's a sweet ending to a horrible story oh my gosh so if you could give a message to any it doesn't have to be you know a young actress but just any young woman or a young person what would be your best piece of advice and dealing with rejection in that moment her severe oh absolutely don't let anybody tell you what you should do with your life if you have something that you love I say do it don't let anybody tell you that you can't hey man that's what I'm saying don't ever let anybody try to throw your focus you have a right to wish what you want for yourself don't tell me what my aim is in life you don't know me you don't know me I agree hundred percent ready we always do a game during our podcast so if you'd like to join us in this little game a list has come up with one that I think is very entertaining we're gonna play a little game that we call never have I ever so I'm gonna give a statement and if you've never had this happener done this you can say never if you have you stay silent okay got it okay here we go never have I ever got in a speeding ticket never never to somebody else drive you all the time no I'm also lucky okay you're lucky all right here we go never have I ever pranked a friend no once at times okay you both have you both you're a friend I love friends I am a born prankster love it what's the best prank you ever pulled I don't remember because I'm 87 that's good okay next question all right never have I ever been told by Marlon Brando I need to seek help never I mean come on I had to say that one that's amazing all right never have I ever gotten a tattoo never never really you told me you got one on a face for your birthday you didn't do that well I had to get that one to write sorry Melissa no I have never I have tattoos here we go never have I ever seen a ghost never never never okay never have I ever thrown a drink on someone never never never never I'm not gonna waste a drink here we go never have I ever sent a text to the wrong person never I have and email and email I've done both yes very embarrassing never have I ever dated Elvis Presley never never oh right to tell us who did I know I didn't know that's why I threw it in you knew I didn't date him for long but what happened was that Marlon was such a Romanizer and I got just furious at him long time because I found somebody's clothing. Let's just put it that way in his place and about two days later, literally, my phone rang and I hear this voice. I said, "Hello?" and they said, "Miss Marina?" And I said, "Yes." They said, "This is Colonel Park." And he said, "Oh, I am the Elders Presley." And I said, "Yes, I know." He said, "Well, my client, Elders, spotted you with the, in the Commissariat, 20th Century Fox. I can't do that accent well." And he said, "He just liked what he sold." Well, and he liked very much to meet you. Would you like to meet him? And this was right after this Marlon thing where I was furious at him. And I thought about Marlon, I thought about that girl's underwear. And I said, "Yes, I would." So I went out with so, Elvis invited me like the next day. He was doing one of his movies. I think it was Jailhouse Rock. And he invited me to visit him and have lunch with him at Paramount Studios where we were shooting. And I did. I got there a little early for lunch and I watched him shoot for a while. He had kind of slightly soft looks. Not really my type, but I mean, it was Elvis Presley and I was angry at Marlon. Perfect. So we had lunch and then he called me after that for a date. And we went to a nightclub at which no longer exists. It's called the Mulan Rouge here in Hollywood. This was the days before social media. But let me tell you, it was in every newspaper the next day. I bet. Every newspaper, Marlon either heard about it or saw a written. And he was angry. He was so angry. He threw chairs. It was wonderful. Well, I don't think I can ask a better question to end the game. Like that's amazing. And the fact that you're rebound guy to sort of get back at your boyfriend was Elvis Presley. The other king, the other king, the king and the king. Most people are like, I'll show you. I'm going to date Chad from accounting, but you date. You date Elvis Presley, who by the way, I still think it was one of the most beautiful men ever. And I take him in the younger days of older days. Yes, Elvis. Like he was beautiful. Did he sing a song to you at all? Hummed. Hummed. Interesting. And we did kiss the second time. We went out. Yeah. It's in my book. And I don't want to say anymore. Well, since you just mentioned the book, what's what's the name of your book? So we can read up and finish the story. You'll get it. I'm not sure. I think you can still get it on Amazon. And it's just a Rita Moreno a memoir. Okay. Okay. There's some funny stories. Oh, there's some wonderful show. This story is good. I love that. I love it. Me too. Yeah. I love it. Thanks for being with us. We love you. Goodbye, girls. What a pleasure. So long. Thank you, Rita. Goodbye. Wow. What a phenomenal show today. Thanks to our guest Rita Moreno, who is a living legend and just a wonderful human being sharp as a tack and so full of wisdom. Don't you think so, Melissa? I mean, what are you thinking about now after our conversation? Oh, well, the first thing I'm thinking is I can't believe I just got to talk to my first egot winner. And it was someone I'm a huge fan of Rita Moreno. I mean, you can just feel her energy, you know, through the microphone. She's just so vibrant and amazing. And yeah, I'm still processing all the wise things and interesting and amazing things she sort of gave us. What about you, Rita? Has anything anything Rita said? Just blow your mind. Well, what I like about Rita so much is that she's so honest and frank about what she has been through in her life and huge disappointments, great accolades, wonderful successes, but how she dealt with the disappointments in her life, it just shows how human she is. And it makes it easier on us to when we do have disappointments in our life that we can handle it with as much grace as Rita did. So it's just it's just very important, I think. Well, I thought it was just incredible to talk to somebody who's had this life of, you know, from the outside in, you know, it's just this dazzling, glamorous, you know, amazing career in life, but, you know, she's also had a lot of really deep lows and was so honest about sharing them. And I think that's really important for all of us to remember that, you know, a lot of things look shiny from the outside and no one's life is perfect. And we can be on top of the world and one little slight that we imagine or real can just, you know, make us all feel really small. And I love that she was willing to share her humanity in that way. You know, because the thing is no matter who we are or what we do, we all face rejection sometime in our life. And like Rita, it's about finding that grace to recover and move on, move past it. That's what makes you grow as a person. I mean, if you don't ever have any mistakes, how can you learn what not to do next? Rita's ability to find the door that opens after the window closes. That's very inspiring. So thanks a bunch Rita for being a great guest on our show today. I've learned a lot from you. You're amazing life story. And I hope all of our listeners have too. We'll see you all next time on Living and Learning. Bye-bye. Living and Learning with Rebo McIntyre is a Spotify original podcast hosted and produced by me, Rebo McIntyre and my dear friend Melissa Peterman. Our executive producers are Liz Gaetley, Yassie Soling, Jenna Delvak, Dana Trevatch and Justin McIntyre. Also produced by Bill and Rupert. Michael Hartman is our editor. Original music is composed by Doug Seismore. Special thanks to cultivated entertainment, Leah Edwards, Alex Nelson, Robert Adler and Casey Sonnerson for Production Support.