Reject The Pumpkin Lord w/ Duncan Trussell | Your Mom's House Ep. 880

[MUSIC PLAYING] Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. [MUSIC PLAYING] You ready? What up, Duncan? Yeah. Duncan, stepdad is in the house today. Hello. I'm happy to be here. Dude, you look great. Thank you. What are you doing? Well, I quit smoking. Oh, man. I know. I know. It's a bummer. It's the one thing that has been sort of making me rethink it is smoking during these wonderful, wonderful hours. I could just spend-- I don't mean to be a dick. Do it. Oh, please. It's smoke away. It's 10 a.m. I've got my martini. Because smoke. For porosos. Yeah. I'm drinking and smoking it, too. I'm very good. I'm still drinking. It's water. It's not smoking. Well, vodka, even your trainer will tell you that vodka is like nothing. Oh, yeah. You can drink this and still be healthy. Oh, my trainer says that all the time. My invisible trainer from hell. My demon trainer. Yeah, well, I'll tell you, yeah. I have kicked so many things in my life. Tell me. Oh, I was addicted to ketamine. I got accidentally addicted to pills. How old was it? Can I ask you, how did you-- What ketamine in, like, the inhalation form? Brails of ketamine. Oh, you'd get it as a pill and you snorted it. Snorted it. Just in any form, I could find it. I mean, I got to the point where I was cooking it down. You know where from the liquid is like a pure-- Like a heroin addict? Yeah. Shut up. I would have shot it up, but I was-- I just am not that organized. You cooked it down. You had, like, a cookery, like a spoon in the lighter and the whole-- I remember, like, my first, like, uncomfortable moment with my ketamine dealer is he brought me liquid ketamine. And I'm like, well, what do I do with this? And he's like, yeah, I cook it down. He's like, I didn't have time. I'm like, cook it down. What are you talking about? He's like, you've got to get a hot plate. I'm like, I'm not-- I'm like, isn't this what I'm paying you for? Yeah. I like to cook this down. Isn't this, like, the perk? Is it you cook down? Yeah, he just gave you the ingredients. But these are-- when you're having conversations like this, yeah, these are the red flags. I know. Time to slow down. You're arguing with your ketamine dealer about who cooks it down. So he gave you detailed instructions? It's not that hard. OK, for people listening, I mean, how do you cook down your ketamine? YouTube's going to love this. Two minutes in, and we're talking about how to cook ketamine. It's really not-- you get a hot plate. OK, put it from Amazon. What, you get a list on Amazon? Yeah, Amazon, ketamine, and hot plate. I'm sure there is a list. And you just cooked out. You put the liquid on the hot plate. You have to sort of-- you can burn it. But as the liquid evaporates, you're left with ketamine, the white shit. And so, yeah, and then you just go into a disassociative ketamine alternate reality, so good. It's the best. I love ketamine. I can see that one. Me too. I like pills, like Xanax, but that's-- And those are great. They're the best. Well, what's interesting is the benzos and ketamine, they work on the same part of the brain, and alcohol too. So that's what we like. And they all have different ways of playing around in there. But I'll tell you, compared to ketamine, nicotine is a nightmare to quit. Cetamine, there's no withdrawal. You get bored. You feel like an asshole. You long for it. Nicotine, apparently you grow new receptors in your brain. They only respond to nicotine. Let's grow some right now. You get a garden of these neuroreceptors, and it's like baby birds calling out for their mama. They just want that sweet, sweet nicotine. That's the withdrawal. It's like a month. I'm halfway through a month. It's amazing. Good for you, though. Thank you. Dude, I went to a hypnotherapist when I was 30, and she just hypnotized it out of me. Do you want my-- I'll give you my hypnotherapist. It's not a good ad for your hypnotherapist right now. No, I contacted her. And I was like, you got to treat me again. She's like, nope. She's like, you got to burn this out first. She's like, if I treat you now, you're just going to relapse. I agree with that. Yeah, she's like, just fucking blow it out. And when you're done and you're finally done, come see me and we'll do it again. She's right. Yeah, that is-- she's so right. Because like this, I understand that. Like you have to burn it out, but sometimes that burning it out can take a long time. I've given myself one year. Honestly, just be a year to be a little fucked up. That's good. And then I'm going to get-- I mean, look, I got out of the swimming pool. I was living in my swimming pool for the entire month of August. Like taking Zoom calls and shit for my swimming pool. God, that's amazing. And eating the dominoes. And I've stopped eating dominoes. I got out of my swimming pool. It's great. I mean, you know. These are good steps. Yeah. And for you and your situation, I'm not-- Look, I will be an addict until I die. Do you really think so? Yeah. I mean, I don't want-- I make that my identity or anything. Because I enjoy pleasure, like I do a lot. And I-- It's the dopamine. You know what I realized too, for me, with this nonsense picking this up and drinking and all that, it's just that I don't want to feel feelings, which I never really want to anyway. But now there's too many feelings. It's not just a divorce. It's like, oh, this is a childhood thing. This is a deep attachment issue. Why did I choose that person to be married to? There's so many great things that came out of it. But then you're like, ultimately, that was not a good thing. Why? You go back. And you're like, oh, just because my parents didn't love me. Whoa. Oh, yeah, this and that isn't-- My parents didn't love me enough. Oh, god. My daddy-- My daddy never chose me. Yeah. Oh, my god. How do I deal with that? Yeah, yeah. My fucking daddy never chose me. And now my entire life is compensating for that. Like, I got to be a stand-up comic. Maybe then he'll pay attention. How does that poem go? Sometimes I feel like a motherless child. Yes. Yeah. Who is that? Is that a song? Is that Kat Stevens? I was not Kat Stevens. Is that the Beatles? Is it Bell Hooks? I'm not sure. It's a poet. But that feeling of the universal orphan-- I'm an orphan, you know what I mean? And that feeling of aloneness, which is immeasurable and unbearable. Yes. Yes. That feeling that emerges in your heart sometimes. That's why you're my fucking stepdad co-host. Yes, you get it. Yeah, I get it. That aloneness, that fucking fundament-- Oh, here it is, sometimes I feel like a motherless child. That's who I am, yeah. Yeah. And how do you-- that darkness, that alon-- that fundamental aloneness from childhood is so hard to repair. And I've been trying for so long. I don't-- you know, I'm working on it, man. Well, this is the-- God. This is the spiritual quest, which is, first, you have to feel that before you can even start the journey. You can't start the journey until orphanhood. Until you feel like you have to truly be the prodigal son. You have to be the outcast to the-- you have to be in the great unknown abyss. And then you can start working right out, but until you actually make contact with that feeling, which I think is the wound or the fundamental misalignment. But the good news is that you aren't a motherless child. That's the good news. The good news is you are not alone, that you are held in all of the woe, bullshit. True, but you can't-- you have to decide to start going home again. It's clean there. But it's intangible, right? Sometimes that spiritual-- I know spiritually I'm held. God loves me, the universe. No, no, no, no. But where's the-- sometimes you need the evidence. You needed a mommy. I needed a mommy. I needed a debt. So it's-- yeah, I'm working on it, man. Annie Lamont-- she was-- she teaches Sunday school. She's a great writer. She teaches Sunday school. She wrote it in all these great books. But she was talking-- I think about one of her students talking about sort of the disembodied Jesus, this kid, saying, I want skin on Jesus. Yeah. You know what I mean? I don't want this disembodied, ephemeral, ambiguous, modular love bullshit. I want it in the flesh. Yes, I know. I want a mommy and I want a daddy. And it sucks that we never got it, which is why we're so funny. [LAUGHTER] Why we're just so interesting. And I know my therapist can-- you know, you try to bright side this shit. And you're like, yeah, but look how interesting you are. And you've transmuted so much suffering and comedy. And you're like, yeah, that's cool. I prefer parents. Yeah. I could have done without being interesting. And that's why I've done-- yeah. I could have just been like a normal blonde cheerleader. I could have just been banal. Yeah. Just watch the view and get all fired up about it. And you know, but whatever. You know, hey, stick on the fish. I hate it when I start doing that, Matt. Yeah. I hate it. Yeah, hate it, because you don't know who knows. These allegedly banal people, it could be that there is a root emptiness inside of everything apart. I think you're right. An underlying ocean of this unacknowledged loneliness that is embodied in the symbol of the crucifixion when Jesus-- I mean, Jesus, the son of the divine, the prince, while dying said, father, why have you forsaken me? Oh, shit. Dude, his own son was like, why the fuck did you make me a human? Yes. This sucks. That's right. So if he said it, like, of course. - 'Cause you're gonna feel it. - Yeah, that is the inherent nature of human existence is separation from the mother physically, right? You're one with one person. When you're being developed in a womb, you're quite literally one with somebody. And then you're squirted out of a pussy, and then you're on the subway, and it smells like piss, and you're like, "How do I make money?" Like that's all your primary gotta. - I gotta survive now, boy. - You got it. - You got it. - Fucking sucks. - You go from in-yet-a-metallic. (laughing) - Woo, that's the first 10 minutes of the show. Look how fucking awesome it is. All right, you know what, let's get started. We got so much to go through. - Male mommies hear me out. It's time to stop pretending the hats are purely a style choice. Let's be honest, we all know it's a cover-up. Millions of guys deal with hair loss, and hymns makes doing something about it simple. hymns provides prescription treatment to regrow thicker, fuller hair, all online without beading rooms. Getting started with hymns is simple. You'll answer a few questions online and connect with a licensed provider who determines if treatment is right for you. 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We thank Blutchew for sponsoring the pod and the bedroom. - First, I need you to get a nice message in your heart. - Okay, thank you. - Baby, it's time to wake up. Wake up my honey bunny. It's time to see this day. Come on. - Oh God. - Show! It's time to rise and shine my love. - I want to be a mother with a child. Make me a mother with a child. (laughing) - No mother in the father's name. - Welcome. - Welcome to your mom. - Oh, shit. - With Tom Segura. - Duncan Trussell. We gotta change the-- - Come on. - Welcome to your mom's house. - Meow, meow, meow. (upbeat music) (sighs) (upbeat music) - Oh my God. (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Wow. Wow. Is there anything worse than someone telling you like, wake up, good morning. - You're trying to figure out why am I in a playground? (laughing) - What did I do last night? What did I do last night? What is this? - Yeah, I didn't even think about that. She's an adult in the playground with no kids behind her. She's missing a tooth. - Thank you. - She's sitting on the plastic slide. - I know. - She's like, "Gimuni." - Yeah, this is the experience of being a parent in LA, which is some lunatic old show up at the fucking playground with it's talking to an iPad. - Good morning. - Wake up, you're here. Good morning. - Yeah, I hate it. I mean, this is, I want to see the shot of her holding her phone. Fucking, I don't like it. - You know what? I don't even like it when people say good morning. And I've hated it my whole life. Maybe 'cause Eastern Europeans, you don't fucking, it's like, yeah, you woke up today, congratulations. You don't really celebrate. - Good morning. - Or when people do it and like, good morning, good morning. It's like, shut the fuck, like when I worked in an office and people are like, good morning. I'm like, I want to fucking kill myself. Why are you saying it's good? Nothing's good about me being here right now with you. Fucking assholes. Sorry, I got my period today. I'm a little grumpy. - No, you're identifying like some insidious daily curse that people cast on each other. (laughing) You know, which is- - A spell. - Don't burn me. - Insidious. - Don't burn me. - Yeah. - Okay, you could say I'm having a good morning if you want. But don't sort of invite that for me. - Thank you. - I need to do a pull up or something to pull myself up to your morning fucking level. 'Cause for me, it's not a good fucking morning. - Right. - How about that? My blood sugar is off. I've had three suicidal ideations in the last six fucking minutes. So no, not a good morning, actually. Bad morning. - Yeah, I think that's what it is. It's like, don't tell me how to feel. - Yeah, I know. - I know that's really crazy of me. But I'm like, what do you mean? You fuck you. You have a good morning. Don't worry about me. We're about yourself, asshole. - Like, if you were in a leper colony and everyone's got spoils, and they're oozing, would you go around after you were healed? No leprosy. No boils. No boils. No oozing. - It's like, fuck you. - I'm still oozing over here. - Yeah. I'm like, I'll pray for you. No thanks. Just pray for yourself. - Pray for yourself. - Yeah. See, it's so like. But the thing I hate the most is when people are like, how are you? I'm good. How are you? But nobody really answers the question. Like, in Hungarian culture, you don't fucking. They think you're retarded. If you're like, how are you doing? You're gonna answer it. You're gonna be like, actually, here's what's going on. I hate that formality. I used to watch Tom do his white guy thing when he'd answer the phones or he'd call like an agent or somebody like, hi, how are you? I'm good. How are you? And I literally wanted to put a gun in my mouth every time he did it. And I'm like, why do you people, what is this shit? This phony checking in on. You're not even curious. You're really not. Well, it's a ritual. It's just a ritual. It's like bird song. It's what's it. You're just like, it's meaningless. It's meaningless. It's just, there's nothing there. It's a ritualistic sound from the end of your feeding tube. Yeah. (mimicking sounds) Yeah. I love you so much. Then you get into the core of whatever the thing is. But if you jump to the core too fast, that's Americans. It's enough fans to the core. But it's enough fans. But like Europeans, whatever, I'm not going to get into it. I got so many things to go over with you Duncan. Can't wait. Firstly, I have to plug the YMH merch store. He's got some really, like legit, cool shit. We got this hat. Beautiful. Representing Austin. May I wear it? Of course. I've never felt this really makes me feel like I need to start working harder. 'Cause my merch, this is like, high quality new. This is not shit merch. This is like, this is perfectly stitched. This is a good, high quality hat. Look, this is no joke. You know, mystery boys has to have their merch. You guys have to sell like tinfoil hats or whatever we're working on. Okay, look, and then this is fucking rad. It's a jacket, a cotton one, so it's nice and light. And it's got your mom's house on the back. Austin, Texas. Represent, this is sick too. This is really good. Whoa, look, this is weird. Do you guys put a note like this in all of them? What does it say? It says, "Please help me, I'm not being paid to make these hats." Sin-Zong, sheen-song. I'm not sure what that means. That's extra. Is that in all of them? No, we put that in as a special treat. That's so cool. You get to know the worker which child major has. Oh, wow. It's like cabbage patch kids. You get the adoption papers. I like that. Actually, this is, I am kind of asking. You look amazing. I do like this hat a lot. Cool guys, never quit drinking. Bottle opener, which is fucking amazing. That's amazing. Oh, I am. Yeah. You got your cozy. You can't just, I'm so sorry. Don't just brush it. Can I see that? Yeah, no. This is a side quality. Who's making this for you guys? Just look at the back. It'll tell you. Shanchini. Mm-hmm. (laughing) She does the best work. She's incredible. She's only five, but she's got the dexterity of one-hour-old. It seems like it was made by at least a 16-year-old. But then I have a very special, oh, and this t-shirt that I haven't even plugged. It's the cool guys t-shirt. Wow. Those are good shirts. Your mom sells. Yeah. You guys have a good merch company. We do. always had like pretty killer stuff. Now I'm also very excited. Will you hand me that poster my love? As you know, today is October 7th and this is my most favorite month of the year. October, where things get spooky, your mom gets even weirder than ever. And I am doing a very special promotion for just the month of October for my cosmetics, the mortal bundle. And if you spend a hundred bones, you get this poster and I sign it and I sign it. That's cool. That's cool. Do you want to know what I love about like this photo shoot? Is that we just did it here in the office? What? Yeah, we just we kicked all the boys out. Wow. And the girls and I just threw it. It's always like rag tag. It's not high profile. Do you know what I'm saying? Like I kind of like that it's homegrown. Anyway, the immortal bundle. What do you mean? It's rag tag. No, but that's what I'm saying. Like we just do this. Like the girls who work here. Just fucking do this freaking cool. I know. I'm so impressed with what we've put together because my company is not, you know, I'm very hands on. It's just it's literally me, the satillae in Italy and then the chicks here. It's not the satillae. They produce all this makeup that I have and call this satillae satillae. What is it called? The satillae. You are so sophisticated. You're my most sophisticated friend. You think so? I've never heard that word before. Yeah, and it's a lie. They make makeup, but they make it good quality because it's European. It's not American shit. Wow. Cool. Anyway, all that stuff by it tried out and also Duncan. Look, what I love about having you as the new stepdad of YMH. An honor. It is an honor, but what you really bring to the table, like we've been into cool guys and weird stuff for years, but what you're bringing is a whole new level. What do you mean? Well, you've sent in some fantastic curations and I think we should go through them right now. I mean, look, I've got the chills because I learned from the best. Don't flatter me. No, I'm not flattering you. How long have I been complimenting you on your, you have curations and inspiration 40 years. So then that sent me on my own journey into the algorithm. And so thank you. I love it because you and I are just like kiss and cousins when it comes to our tastes. That's true. Oh my god. This one is so good for October. Here we go. You see the pumpkins whenever Halloween time starts coming around. See the mother with her little girl putting the witches hat on her and little pumpkins. You see the candy. You see the Halloween pumpkins. You see the people decorating their pumpkins. You see the Jackie Landers. The Jackie Landers. My earliest memories of Halloween and pumpkins was it was a very dark time for me. Well, there are people out there who don't just celebrate the trick-or-treat pumpkins, but they'll just holiday to them and they're taking innocent human light. Yeah, I can't say go ahead and have Halloween pumpkins. Even if you're not a Satanist, you know, if it just makes me sick, these Satanists are using this smoke screen. It's pumpkins. It's pumpkins. A horrible demonic pumpkin. Wow. Thank you. That was amazing. Thank you. I appreciate it. God. You want to know my theory about this guy? Sure. It says former Satanist. Okay. I don't think he's. I agree. He's a Satanist now. Because that's like people, I think people misunderstand Satanism a lot. You probably don't. But people miss it. I do. I do. One thing that Satanists love to do is take on character. They will change their personality. They'll become other people. They're really into that. Like shape shifting. Well, not literally changing their body, but the stories I've heard of like actual Satanists, they will just all of a sudden absolutely change personality. For days, there's an artistic kind of exploration of how the world reacts. They will put on rags and go out into the street in a wheelchair and just wheel themselves around. Why? When it's mischief to worship Satan? Not to worship. Well, it's not really looked at in that way. It's like some sort of like a deification of Satan. It's looked at more as a kind of like liberation from fixation on anything other than yourself, which I disagree with profoundly selfishness. It sounds fun. If you're pissed off at your parents or something, but long term, it's not going to fucks you up. No offense, Satanist out there. But I think he is the Satanist audience is very offended. I don't say I don't really get offended like most people. But I think this makes me think this is a high level Satanist putting on a show where he can't say pumpkin, so he's saying pumpkin. And I think this is probably some high satanic breeze to definitely. Well, he says so many other words incorrectly too. Let's sorry, I just want to hear the other words again. Where did this fool learn to speak English? What region of the world is this maniac? You see the pumpkins. It's never Halloween. You see the mother with her little girl putting a witch's hat on her and the little pumpkins. You see the candies. The pumpkins. People decorating their pumpkins. The Jackie Landers. My earliest remembering memories. Is that proper English? My earliest my earliest remembrance. My earliest supposed memory. But I don't know is that is that grammatically correct? Oh, my earliest memories. Who is this man? But I love him. He seems like he like came out of the hollow earth. He seems like he's in the wrong. No, I know where he's from. Where? Iowa. Have you been to Des Moines? Yeah. This is this is this is classic. Iowa. Iowa is so fucking weird dude because it's always dark as shit. There's nothing but cornfields, whiteies. And they try to advertise it. Like it's a sick place to live. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, dude, slipknot came out of Iowa. Look how fucking crazy these whites are. It's too white. This is the problem. Look at him. He's from Iowa. Time for me. There are people out there who don't just celebrate Halloween with trick or treat pumpkins. All right. This guy's amazing. God, thank you so much for bringing him into my life. My pleasure. God. My pleasure. Here's another one you submitted. I mean, I'm just I can't believe I didn't show you my clips right now. I'm blown away. Keep this out of the show. It's totally work. Shut the fuck up. You know, are you joking? So you you've been you've been talking to Zach Efron. But it don't we can't there's no way that we're keeping things private. So like I can't really things private. I think he wants it that way. But you're at a level of talking to him now where you've agreed to keep things private. You know, it's great. You should see my roster is fucking insane right now. It's insane. And this is happening right on Halloween. Perfect. Satan magic. I know. That's what it seems like. This is pumpkin magic. Pumpkin magic. All right. Let's get back into the show. Okay, we're back at it. It is pumpkin magic. Pumpkin magic is real. I'm shook right now. No, you're a whole thing. Oh, sorry. We're still talking about this. But like it's been amazing for my dating life. So yeah, look, if you've been sitting on a business idea, Shopify is here to make it actually happen. 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That's Shopify.com/YMage. Go to Shopify.com/YMage today to hear your first. As summer winds down and autumn approaches, I think it's time we all collectively admit it's by far the best season when it comes to being outside. From the crisp air to the changing leaves, fall makes me want to watch spooky movies while the outdoor darkness takes hold earlier each day. No matter where you find yourself this time of year, it'll be a better experience when paired with the American original, that is Mountain Dew, hailing from the foothills of Tennessee in 1948 by way of two brothers who knew what it meant to have a good time outside. It's a kind of simple routes you can't help but respect. I love the taste of that crisp citrus kick especially after hanging out in a hot tub with my friends when it's a little chilly out. There's nothing better than a nice cold mountain dew when you're sitting in your hot tub and it's cold outside. and maybe even raining? Ooh, it's so perfect. Get out there and enjoy the outdoors with Mountain Dew and American Original. Tasting great since '48. Look for Mountain Dew in stores near you. - No, it's. - Okay, sorry. Okay, we're now, we're back in. - Pumpkin magic. - Pumpkin magic. Okay, this is another banger you submitted. Gosh. (upbeat music) (all laughing) (singing in foreign language) (singing in foreign language) So is that a, is that a, is that another head on his head? 'Cause I see an ear and so that's his cymes. Yeah, twin. But he's doing well 'cause he's in like a ride aid in India, which they don't have that. Yeah, wherever he is, he's just getting his meds and he's doing it good. Look at his skin, his skin is very healthy, he's blowing. No, what's his like handle so people can follow him? 'Cause honestly, like, I love that he's commodifying this and I want him to get money. Can we put his handle up so this guy can make some scratch in India? Please do. God damn it. 'Cause otherwise it seems like we're running some kind of freak show here. 'Cause it's like, for one, he's got a great voice. No, it's awesome. And number two, he's got a lot of passion. Passion, right? He's living life, even though he's got this twin that is growing from him. That's not stopping him from doing. No. I would never do a live song ever in a CVS or anything. So that level of confidence speaks to how powerful this man is. Oh, dude, of course. Okay, I want you to find out his handle and like, let's blow this guy up on the screen. Dude, he's so rad. That was a really good find, thank you. You got it. This one is just entitled, entitled Sad Old Man. Oh, I like this. Oh yeah. Little Marty Feldman vibes. Look at this. Where is he? I don't know. Look at the picture of him behind him. (peaceful music) I feel it, though, dude. I did do it. It's amazing. Goddamn. Oh. I'm calling you from your house. He's got like strong vampire vibes. Like Bellagosi kind of charisma. Oh, shit, hold on. Why are they cut it off there? He's about to go into something here. Uh-oh. No. Why did she leave? Look at those perfect teeth, guys. So good. He's crying. I mean, this takes vulnerability. Yeah. Men are, I have to say like, I'm so impressed as most Gen X or boomer males are not this vulnerable. And I find it very attractive. Well, this is how it feels when you open the fridge and there's no more dead baby to eat. That's funny. Yeah. He's beautiful. And I like the darkness of his eyebrows, the darkness of his hair. He, can we, is it private? I can't play this, but it is punky season. Can we, just 'cause he revised me. Can we just for a second? Even if it doesn't make it in the show. Yeah. Can we play that scene from Lost Highway where he says I'm calling you from, and I'm calling you? We can't, well, they, they won't, the flag it on YouTube 'cause it's copyrights. But that's what he reminds me of. Lost Highway, that David Lynch movie. God. Yeah. You know, the older I get, the more I realize that David Lynch was actually reflecting reality more than anything else. And when you're yelling, you're like, what is this weird shit? And they're like, no, no, no. Life is this fucking surreal. He caught it. He caught it really. He caught it. And that's why when you watch it initially, this, you're right. That's what I'm saying. They look, it's similar. It's similar. That's what I was trying to get at there. Yeah. Wow. Isn't that interesting? Do you think he deliberately did that, or? No, I think that's just the sort of phenotype. That's the look is like whatever David Lynch was pointing towards here, they do exist in the world. Oh, yeah. The people who live inside of the place, most people are always trying to avoid. Yes, I love that. They dwell in that place. I prefer to look at somebody who's a little off. Right. It's so captivating. Absolutely. Yeah, I like that. But that's high level. You have to get there requires being with, here's the thing. I feel like I'm trying to think how we say this without-- because I know you want to keep this private right now. How do I say this? I guess you should be careful what you wish for. Right, and I feel like I accidentally gave you a trick. And it's like, now you've opened a Pandora's box. I prefer weirdos. I don't know, man. You have opened-- you have to watch out. Because once you get invited into that walled garden, you got to watch out. What do you mean? It's sort of like everybody-- I think the initiatory pattern here is that everyone who comes in starts as an outsider. And you feel like, I don't belong here. But the more you go in, the more you-- I'm not saying it's going to happen, you. But it could change you. Look at this one, Zach. Jesus fucking Christ. I know. It's so big. I know. It's crazy. And we-- whatever. I don't want to-- All right, let's not change. OK. Yeah, OK. OK, here's some more brilliance that you've said. We're back in, we're back in. [VIDEO PLAYBACK] What? Fuck. I love this guy. [VIDEO PLAYBACK] [END PLAYBACK] You want to eat it low? Oh, shit. Shit. So he's making candy on the floor. This guy finds videos of these people making on hygienic food and makes raps about making it. Dude, it looks good, though. I still eat it. I want to eat it. Because it's cooked now. Like, oh, you don't know when you're buying it in India. This is like, oh, he's going to cook it out. No, it's crazy. And I'm going to cook out the germs to make a goop scoop candy. Goop scoop candy. It's disgusting. Barefoot. It's just nasty. Yeah. Oh, one of the fuck we going to eat it when it's cold. Come up in that bitch. We going to eat it off the floor. We going to-- I love it. I love it. I love it too. Goop scoop candy. Goop scoop candy. But candy, I feel like, doesn't hold bacteria. It's just sugar. Oh, I'm sure it does. Look at that floor. Look at that. Goop scoop candy. Goop scoop candy. You should see the one he did. I don't know if I posted that it's too late now that there's also one of people cooking a camel's head. Oh, that's just fucked up that he's wrapping up. I don't know where he even finds these videos, but they're amazing. This is an extraordinary fun. And thank you, Duncan. Thank you for watching. The entire community is-- Now I'm going to be nervous as I'm going through these to take you're watching. But don't like-- don't get in your head about your curations. That's what I found is just go with what tickles your soul. OK. And then it'll tickle others. OK. You know? All right. OK. I want second guess. No, this one's pretty great, too. [MUSIC PLAYING] Oh. Oh my god. Wow. That wasn't me. Was that me? Yeah. You sent these? These are Duncan's curations. Oh, dude. I don't even remember posting that one or sending that one. This is other level YMH. Like it's so creepy. And then he's also got bad lighting. And then it ends poorly. You've hit all the hallmarks. Pumpkin season. Yeah. These are pumpkin season picks. Because this is the season of the witch. That is the season of the witch. It is. Fuck. And you can feel it. Thank god you can feel it. It's getting corny out there. I love it. Me too. OK. Hold on. This one's pretty great. So Tom would have this segment called "horrible or hilarious," where people would harm themselves. And I've always felt averse to laughing. Yeah. Then again, some good ones come in. But this one really tickled me. See, cows, have you ever heard of something called "Dadder's Prison?" That's your real idea. "Dadder's Prison." That's all I'm going to do. That's all-- The good one. The cow. Lightfall. Congratulations. What's that in your pipe and smells it? [LAUGHTER] [LAUGHTER] Vengeance is mine, say the Lord. [LAUGHTER] Why is it so funny to see her fall down? It is. Well, but it's the lead up to the fall down. Yeah. There's so many other versions of that where that's super sad. But in this case, you're like, yes. Justice. Just a moat of justice in this unjust world. Yeah. What a-- What a-- Oh, oh, oh. What is that? Oh, the entire look. That's a whole thing. It's a genre, isn't it? Is it a demon? Do you ever wonder if it's a demon that possesses people? I know what it is called. It's a menopause demon. So what happens is women, once they get into this crown era of your life, you're drained of estrogen and progesterone and you stop liking other people. And then it makes you a witch, essentially. Yeah. That's so sad. Yeah, it's kind of fun. But then men get drained of their testosterone. And then you become women. You become like nice people. I'm thinking about getting non-testosterone. Don't tell Erin. Let's not tell her about that. She doesn't care. No, you shouldn't. We don't do anything. I don't do anything yet. All you guys in the Rogan sphere I thought we were all on the tea. Nope. I'm not. It just seems like a pain in the ass Just inject yourself. Oh It just seems like sad. I don't know like no judgment on the anyway. Does it? Yeah, but it does seem like one of those things like once you cross paths past that play isn't it? It's like you have to choose Do I shrivel into a kind of human ball sack with gross moobs and I start drooping and wrinkly like the path I'm on now. Yeah, or do I start injecting and get way too in shape for some of my age? You know what I mean like wait what what path do you pick? No, no, no, listen women I'm dealing with the same thing right now Which is like how much shit will I inject into my face? How many plastic surgeries will I get to fight the inevitability of aging? How shallow am I truly? Is it shallow? Turned on I'm pretty fucking shallow because I love fighting it I just got Botox yesterday. I'm gonna get a facelift. Thanks. You know what I'm saying like is it shallow is it? I don't know cuz my Is it shallow to to rage against the dying of the light is that shallow to fight back? Is it like why have we a noble turning into a walking scrotum? Why have we a noble best? Falling apart. No, look at me, but I'm not true. My fucking teeth are on out. I'm not true. Look at this What is this? Pepperoni nipples dripping down to your driveled cock. You're you're graying pubic mouth Why is this a noble? Is it virtuous to collapse into some kind of fucked up thing? I don't know or maybe both sides are equally embarrassing It's a really thought provoking question though I look at somebody that's here's a thing you and I are Videoed and photographed constantly. Yeah, and I think if I weren't I wouldn't give as many fucks Yeah, but the fact like you see yourself on the internet and you're like oh fucking terrible there I got it. I got it. I got to lift this. I got it. Yeah, that's really the the hook That's the impetus you see those I look at myself through dark circles Fick and puffy. I used to judge people for that shit. I'd see some of those puffed old circles Look at your old puffy hemorrhoid eyes then you see yourself Just disintegrate yo bring up speaking of bring up Jason priestly This is terrible. I see it. See here. This is so let's talk about this because no no current day y'all Go to current. I just found a fucking. Hey, I have some more water to Oh, you get gibble that okay on the far right when he's got the crocodile on his shirt that eyes on holy okay Now Jason priestly was from bh9 my one of my favorite shows growing up. Yeah, he was a heartthrob And now you look and you're like he can you zoom in on this Here's my theory is that if you've got the means you should try to look as best as you can He needs a blepharoplasty. What's a blepharoplasty? That's what I had. I got you got I had my upper eyelids. This is what I look like right now Christina In fact, he looks better than me. He looks bad. This is no, I would like you know he needs a blast on man What's a blepharoplasty? So the under eye he needs to get trimmed up You just go to sleep and some guy does it Beverly Hills. That's what I did I'm getting those I'm getting whatever that is. That's the thing is like if you can then why wouldn't you? That's how I've done. Maybe I'll do a kickstarter for a blepharoplasty. I got the guy for you. Dr. Camie Parsa Shouts out who did my brow lift and blepharoplasty so good He left my eyes hooded which is nice because I didn't want to look like a total fucking freak show. Oh, man It's so crazy. How do you have enough money? You can make yourself seem eternal. I've been seeing these pictures of these beautiful I don't I'm sort of like when it comes to celebrity culture. I'm not good at remembering names these beautiful women In their 60s in their 70s who look like stunning not you know like and it's Showing how the technology is advancing. Yeah, you know how we might if you've ever heard this the idea of functional immortality No, so apparently and this might have changed with COVID every year The human lifespan increases by half a year right sweet So if we could get that every year the human lifespan increases statistically by a year That's called functional immortality And so they're saying with a high With all the advances that they're making that we're getting to that point But obviously it's going to be like only a certain economic Yeah, it's gonna have access to the tech. It's the Titanic. It's like who's gonna live Unfortunately, I know it's not fair, but Whatever get the bluff for a plastic if you can afford it I'll get a bluff All right, let's get on to more intelligent stuff. Okay, sure. This one's fucking great I'm really into tasering people. I think it's funny. Have you ever been taste? No of you I don't think this is a barber shop where they put a digit in there and now he's tasering people What the fuck Why do I like this? It's amazing Oh my god, he's clenored him Who is this guy? There's some angel from heaven doing God's work. Just take the days. I know you're pussy. Take the days. Just take the days Can we get a taser gun? Who can we tas on the staff? Will someone get tased? Tanner probably. Oh, yeah, Tanner will do anything Can we get a taser at YMH? Sure. The YMH taser. That would be cool. Yeah. Would you take a tas? No, I would take a taser. I would give a tas. I'll take it. I will let you taste me Just to see what it feels like. No, yeah. No, I can't. It could kill me My age it could stop my heart. I don't know. I won't do that. Can I stop your heart? Of course. I'll take to myself No, I know Aaron would kill me if I let you taser. So we're going to taste you and I get insurance policy I want to try I want to try it like what is it? It must feel horrible horrible. Have you ever been electrocuted? Yeah Yeah, it's that time 100 I guess, but it's quick. It's quick It just it just makes you fall like freezes your muscles up. I hate that feeling though It's so scary. It is when you get locked on when you're when you if you ever grabbed an electric fix Yeah, just tell it. Oh, dude. It's terrifying. I don't want to tell you it's tasers. Can we get one online? So Josh, how do I order a taser Amazon? Wow, look at that. Thank you Amazon making the world a better place. Always we we discovered how to get rid of a dead body Remember that episode where like oh, you want everything you need. Yeah, you get a fucking Dude, look at that one that 25 dollar one. That's the one The Viper tech's not gonna do anything but piss off whoever you're taezy That's not gonna do shit. Well, what's gonna do shit? Let's pick it up. Pulls to compact self-defense device the four hundred dollar. Yeah, all right click on it. Let's see what it does Does that put the hooks in you like the LAPD? Remember they would shoot the hooks under the way or scope and it does have hooks Jesus Christ. Let's get that one. That's what you want. It's a tax rate of sleep so the taser next to it's bad. What a pussy? You know what? Honestly, I don't have I don't like guns in the house. Look at this guy. Don't worry honey. I've got my taser on my Bible Yeah, but I got a gun get a gun But I don't want to get a gun, but if I got a taser in the house look at him sleeping soundly sorry to cut you off No, no, but my kids will tease each other. That's the problem. Oh, yeah, my kids would yeah It would be like three seconds before someone's taste. They found a leaf blower. They've just been blowing each other in the face. Oh, yeah It's not good. They love leaf blowers. Yeah This is the dumbest picture I've ever seen in my life. She's still awake because she's like who the fuck did I just who's addicted? I just suck. He's got a taser on a Bible next to his bed Yeah, pussy. I agree for it. We're getting her peering over his shoulder at that sad display Why is he sleeping in a muscle shirt too get the fuck out of your look? He's got pretty great. He's pretty ripped. I know Um, well, I don't know about this one then we shouldn't you shouldn't get the taser pulse to just based on the picture Yeah, what other tasers do we have? Let's go It's 400 bones dude. That's gotta be good strike what other reviews five stars dude. It's got like so many five star reviews Oh the pink one. It's like a lady taste. That's nice. It's 20 I'm not 25 dollar taser. You're gonna really put your life. I know. How much is your life worth? They've got a bejeweled Mace is that a bejeweled pepper pepper? I feel like pepper spray is actually a better defense choice than a taser Have you ever sprayed it the problem is you end up inhaling it. I've sprayed it as a joke and you're like, yeah, but now I'm fuck yeah, yeah It sucks up the whole room. No, you got to get bear spray by the way. I think that's the but anytime I've watched these videos on YouTube When you take when you spray someone with that shit, they're done like bear spray. Yeah, what's the difference between that and pepper? I think it's it's the same thing but more powerful Can we get the bear spray please? Let's get both and spray Tanner and tasem. I don't think you want it like bear spray. I think you're I just I just don't have you tried it. I've just seen videos of it Because like if it's pepper spray see that fuck you up if you get hit with that I mean it's gonna stop a bear yeah that's gonna stop a grizzly bear that's true like a they eat beehives no I know and that will stop a bear so if you spray that on a person next episode we're gonna taste and bear spray and get a pepper spray and let's just see what Tanner yeah thinks is the worst yeah I think that's good I think that's good to do that I love a breakfast martini this is really good oh this has changed my life for the better we gotta keep doing this this is gonna be every morning for me for coffee for coffee oh pussy could I babies pussy cry baby coffee drinkers starbucks should have this oh it's so good so yeah why don't they just put vodka and they're fucking fraps dude yeah for the moms that are like oh god just a melt away you know and it's some kind of day drinking alcohol like a bitch you see it for a second right yeah for just a moment it's like something opens up it's a it's a hell around for sure it's a hell garden yeah it's a hell garden but for a second you see it it's beautiful yep you're on a miss bosh he was actually painting something beautiful he you know what I mean yeah pinhead hell razor the synop you see it for a second like you know he's been on the show and friends right now so cool so cool okay it's time to do my tech talks because why not let's do it oh this fucking shit it's a furry being hooked I mean that's what you need to do that's what you need to do there you go there you go okay I'm just waiting for you clear once oh yeah but it better that looks like a transition okay he has so compliant god i'm missing out my sexuality's been so vanilla he's topping from the bottom right now it's not good he's being so disrespectful is that right yeah he's giving her the orders kind of okay so now here we are just gonna take for your questions yeah my god what is this free shit they want to be very disrespectful but why tell me I don't know this culture well if we go back and look first of all he shouldn't have been talking at all like everything he's do like he's doing this sort of famed helpfulness but it's just trying to gain power oh wow she's annoyed with him for it and rightfully so like he he's got a lot to learn like he needs to shut the fuck up yeah he's being a very naughty little fox and he needs to learn his lessons the animal thing the furry thing the furry thing huh I can't I can't this I understand submission dominance okay that's uh yes but the the animal I don't know that's just a realm I haven't even crossed over it well okay it's this is our understanding yeah we're in default reality you and I weren't default reality you know mostly yeah we have a weird lives but we still we've got kids yeah we got to pay the bills we got to get you know the kids to school wearing default mode right that's our lives mostly the furry uh subculture you could you could see that is a sort of stargate of a wormhole if you will that you could theoretically travel so far out of default reality that you end up in a completely different zone all together pure anonymity oh you're wearing a fucking costume no one knows who you fucking are anymore you're gone whatever you were it's gone this isn't again I'm not a furry but I do like watching furry videos what so you're now you're purely anonymous I gotta get into this you're in your persona as they call it your first sonar they call it a persona so now you've like transformed into a alternate being oh wow and no one knows who you are you're essentially you're reborn into this level of depravity I love it I could never get to in your in waking life but hold on so like what animals can I choose from though is it relegated to a fox because I feel like they all wear the same dorky I can be any animal a furry came to one of my shows and gave me a very nice bracelet and told me that they think I would be a crow and I think they're right dude can you bring up like furry crow costume I think you'd be a great crowd I do too I think they were totally right oh my god I know you're a crow furry and I feel like I was like because of real furry came to my show and told me this I feel like I've been anointed for sure but like here's my question do you have to wear the mask and then how do they get to your dick cuz what do you mean well isn't that the point of this is your dick gets hard and then you do stuff I think that they unzip so all of this regalia this is I mean if you ever had a mask on like that it's very sweaty it's not good I don't know I've watched a little furry porn and it like I think they just unzip you just but but you leave the mask on it's very hot in there it's not good I think that's part of it is like you suffer I mean at the heat in the sweatiness yeah I think there's a degree of like self-imposed of massacism I think there's a degree of fur suit you know you're the hair what what a hair shirt I just can hair so you're exactly so you're sort of pardoning yourself with this painful apparatus or something I don't know that's all theoretical I have no idea any furries out there feel feel feel feel free to reach out and let me know where I'm right where I'm wrong I'm not sure Zach are you fucking shit he's so funny that is crazy anyway sorry I gotta stop I know I'm sorry it's very annoying that you know it this is my texts wild this is like you've gone beyond the ice wall or something you found somebody a furry wait what animal should I be well you I think you you I feel like a furry has to tell you that I guess or you discovered on your any furries listening could you please tell me which one I should be yeah okay which one's what can I I can pick any animal a crow is pretty tight oh dude you could be a crow too I feel you have to be drawn to it or something though like it's that your thing like you there's I don't know I don't know I have no idea this is like a furry at a show I have no idea they told me we didn't talk on that kid can a furry please tell me which animal I would be oh I like that dragon the lizard that's cool yeah I'm kind of into that that's cool mythical creatures I'd be a mythical creature I've seen some good dragon really I'd be a dragon I like the idea of being supernatural I don't want to be a dog or something yeah I'm the whole dog cat thing no fence boring furry dog cats out there I just yeah I like pick something kind of cooler yeah domestic totally slave essentially totally yeah dragon's cool unicorn oh maybe I'm a unicorn but I'm gonna be like a dark animal I don't unicorns are you know I don't see you as a unicorn I can't we got to get out of this into something else here we go I fucking love this guy I follow him on TikTok he just dances and goes he just goes hello bitch I love him he's great too he looks good yeah I love when he doesn't New York nobody flinches look yeah nobody cares yeah no one cares it's the best city in the world okay like there's walking past them so good that's great culture jamming culture jamming that's what that is right oh okay yeah you know what I had the best time with you in uh judork titties oh yeah hey Salt Lake City I've got tickets left on the Friday late show how great is that by the way they're like we're not going out at nine o'clock on a Friday that's why I love Salt Lake City there's some tickets left on the other shows but grab your wise guys in Salt Lake City I'm gonna wear the best fucking outfits I've really picked like the coolest ship for you guys and then I'm doing a residency here in mothership yeah do you want to hop on my shows yeah yeah and then I'm doing a skank fest that's gonna be fun I've never done it I'm you know I look okay wait hold on real quick I don't know if we have to wrap up with no the skank fest is the best comedy festival there's no better like you will if you've been to comedy festivals and you have a weird feeling about comedy yeah no no this is what comedy festivals should be okay and I like I'm not saying that just because I'm on it that I've I've it's so you're doing this one I'm looking forward to it the way I used to look for the burning man like dude it's so fun and the fact that you're there and it's New Orleans we're gonna I've never been to New Orleans shut the fuck I've only been to Shreeve Port Louis you've never been to New Orleans no dude I know I should do like a vampire tour like I'm right God are you no no I'm so I'm so I'm troubled I'm so uncultured oh no no no no you're you're coming home oh I know I can't wait it's the most goth dark haunted southern city you've ever there's real vamp there's vampires I know dude and rice she was fucking she chilled there what I know we you know we've got to go to the um we got to go to the if there's this like famous absence bar there we can get real I've never done it oh we got to go and the food is just incredible no matter where - What does absentee feel like, though? - It's like European tequila. You know tequila, you get that little pop. It's like that, but there's some kind of psychoactive. You have to get the real stuff with like food zone. And so you get like, it's dangerous in the sense that, like when I did the drunk history on absentee, which is the most hammer I've ever got, that with like my mind was like so clear. - Oh? - Clear as a bell, but my mind was just so perfectly, it was so great. It was like being stuck in like a broken robot or something that I couldn't get the mouth door. - I think that would scare me. - It was scary. It was kind of scary. - And it's got a high alcohol content. - All right. - But it's great. It's fun. - Like little bits of it are fun. - I'll do like a tiny little mouth. - We gotta do it. - Just a meow, and then see how I feel about that. - Gotta do it. - Anyway, I'm stoked about that. Okay, here we go. - God, you're sexy and you don't even know what to do. - Thank you. - You don't even know how sexy you are. - Damn. - Who is this for? - Give me some. - Oh shit. Who is he talking to? - I don't know. I wish it were me. - Yeah, me too. - Damn. - It's really so horny. Like this approach never works with women just a heads up like straights. - What approach? What is the approach? - It's like you're so fucking hot. And then like if you're if you're broken enough on a day and you get this, you're like, "Well, this guy thinks I'm something special." And then you fucking damn him. Not that I've done that. Of course. Oh my God. So it does work. I must for him. It doesn't work for him. He's putting this on. Tick tock. You think there's people who actually see Anthony. Is there Zonkeys, Weird Zonkeys? Charneski Kutche. Burzennyak is Burzennyak. It is loneliness. - I know. - Is so scary and sad. - I know. - You know, you're born into the world like you said. - Yeah. - Squirted out of a vagina into this like beautiful, potentially beautiful Garden of Eden situation inevitably on the subway alone, broken. Everything about your social animal. You need to be touched. You want someone to love you and you get so inflamed by this loneliness that you end up filming this for real. Uploading it onto fucking Tick tock. You don't care anymore. You're on fire with loneliness, desperate for anyone to just touch you. - But here's the thing. It's like all the Tick tock helpers are like, you have to be whole yourself. You have to be in love with yourself. And I'm like, well then why have a relationship? Then why relate to anybody? Is there just an inherently human quality of loneliness and you need to have the validation of the other or is it a want for the validation of the other? - Let me say this is gonna be controversial. - Yeah. - Here's a controversial statement. Go ahead. This is where I start, you know, like punk and man. - Yeah. - Where I'm like full circle now. - I think he's a Satanist. - Okay. - I do think, and this is gonna, for everyone just know this is an un, sometimes I have things that are still simmering in my brain. Like the rainbow wheel spinning here. But my feeling, safe space, is the cult of self love is actually a satanic virtue. That this notion of wholeness, via loving of oneself is absolutely a satanic virtue that I don't think is real. I don't think that you can actually love yourself into spiritual health. I feel like I'm gonna catch shit for this. This is just, again, rainbow wheel spinning here. But I do feel like, let's go, let's go down the treadmill. Here's the problem with the term, love yourself or I love myself and I've said it myself. I've subscribed to this before. Love yourself. The problem is there's two terms in here that need deep examination. Primarily. - Hold on, I need more alcohol please. - Self. - Yeah. - What is this self that we're struggling with? It's changeable, it's malleable, there is no self. There is no set self. So you're constantly changing, you're constantly, so then what, you need like 20 different partners throughout your lifetime to reflect where you're at. Because what happens is the self changes and then the person you're with, you might go, "Oh, now we're not compatible." And then there goes your whole fucking existence, you know? - Yeah, I know. - And do I need another to reflect as a mirror to where I'm deficient? Sometimes yes, but that's why I like relationship 'cause then you go like, "Oh, here's where I'm fucked up. "Here's where I'm." But then it all leads to self love, apparently. But I agree, who can attain this self love? - I'm confused by this term. - I don't know what it means. - What does it fucking mean? - What does that fucking mean? - What is the way, okay, so what it means? - We need a domino's pizza. - You can get me a fucking thin crust. - We don't know what self is. And then, what is this love thing? What does that mean, what are the, when we're saying love, you can't, you're just saying something, like what is that? So number one, I'm not even quite sure what myself is. And now you're telling me to love it. Well, what is, what was that mean? - I know, I know. Can you call on me so I can answer? - Calling. - Okay. So. (laughs) Okay, here's my theory on the self love thing. Now I remember it. Is that it's to love the fallibility and the mutability of one's own being, to love one's flawedness in its entirety and complexity. And once you've mastered that, it's actually to love the peace of human shit that you think you are. Does that, like, you must love all the shit that you hate in yourself, you must accept. I think that's what they're saying. All these fucking TikTok gurus. - I don't know what love, what the love part still means. - Love is acceptance and celebration and celebration of one's perceived flaws. I think that's what they mean. Could be 'cause the shit that you think are flaws or what make you human and to be human is inherently problematic and shit. And if you can find a way to transcend it and not self-love, now you've won the game. I think. - I'm not rejecting what you're saying. I just, sometimes a lot of-- - You are, I see it in your face, you're rejecting what I'm fucking saying. - These fucking aphorisms. - Yeah, I hate that. - When I do that. - When I do that. - When I do that. - When I do that. - I do. - And you end up stuck in this place of like, well, I want to, I want to be a good person. I think most people do. I don't want there to be suffering in the world. I don't want to cause suffering in the world. But if you're prescribing to me some kind of-- - If I dominoes, okay. - Love yourself thing, which shows up all over the place. But then if I start really examining the terms, primarily the self part, I end up where it feels like you're telling me, I need number one to construct an amalgam of all of my flaws. So you want me to focus on my flaws. Now I've made a kind of scarecrow of all the things that I am consciously aware of that suck about me. And now you want me to approach this fucking weird idol. It's an idol made up of my flaws. - Why are your flaws, I doubt it. - It's about to it. Because it's not real. Oh man, you just broke my fucking noodle, bro. - I'm sorry. - Okay, this is not real. No, you're right. Hold on, let's go down this tangent. Your perceived flaws are not real. Therefore, to love them is that really such a herculean effort? - It's idolatry. - But do we worship the flaws or do we merely accept them? There's a difference between idolatry and compassion, right? Idolatry and acceptance. Those are two different terms. - Yeah, I agree. - Why would you worship your flaws? Worshiping means to bow down and like, well let's think about this. What is idolatry? I gotta take a piss. Let's come back to this. Okay, I thought about it when I was peeing. Idolatry is the blind worship of something. The other thing we're talking about is the examination and the turning over of one's own self. The thorough examination, idolatry just implies blindness to what's actually inside of it hence the word idolatry, right? Look up the word idolatry. - That's good. That's a good start. - Is that, is that? I feel like that- - I don't know, let's look up the definition. - The worship of a physical object, statue, a representation of an excessive supreme devotion to anyone or anything other than God. - So it's the form you represent, you're worshiping the form but not the content. - Yeah, okay, yeah, sure. So if you look at your flaws and you go, they're so amazing and you just look at the form, you're not actually deconstructing and going into the content. Maybe that's the distinction. So if you love the content, the messiness of it, compassion for that messiness, is that the undoing of the messiness? - Here's the problem, I like where you're going because I do think, no, you've dug into like, I think a good working definition of self. Let's just call it some kind of like living current of isness that is maybe has recurring patterns that you can identify or it's happening with it. - This is big. - This is your conference of who you are. - Living, okay, it's like a Google doc that you constantly. - Sure, it's like a Google. - Well, it's a living current of repeating patterns that you've identified as being somehow unique to you or you yourself. - Which they are. Okay, so yeah, but that's fine, but so then the love part is where it gets difficult because it's like, so now that we've identified this recurring pattern of business that is me, now I have to love that. - Yeah. - Right, okay. So two problems, number one, who is that, which is the love purveyor, is it the love giver? - The love giver, the giver of love. Number two, can you give love? Sorry, is it possible to give love and receive love? Or is this one of the many satanic things that Lucifer whispers into the world, which is like, you must not give love. You must not love that being, 'cause it implies you can love. It implies you can give love or take love with whole love. It gives this, it's a sense that you have way more power than I think humans actually have. - No, wrong. Okay, this is where we agree to disagree. - Fine. - The whole crux of existence is free will. Think about it. Society is set up, like what we're doing today, debauchery, I'm drinking a y-clock, I'm gonna have vodka, I'm gonna be a piece of shit. You can always choose that low frequency route versus the love route. The loving self today should have been like Christina, what are you doing? You can't rip darts, it's, it's disagree. - Disagree. - Disagree. - Disagree again, whispers of the devil and pumpkin season. - Pumpkin season. - This is what the pumpkin, the pumpkin Lord wants you to believe that you can't rip darts. The pumpkin Lord wants you to believe in the sacred and the profane. The pumpkin Lord wants you, the, the profane is sacred is what you're saying. - I'm saying when, think that what we all have is an experience of love in one way, shape or form. You've felt it. You know what it is. It is, has nothing to do with any of the machinations of the little self. When you find yourself in the experience of true love. - Have I? - Come on. - Have I, have I experienced romantic love? Yes. True love is only between a mother and child. You, and you know it, and you know it. And that, whatever that is, to be within that state and think, I am giving love. I am the one who is doing the loving. I would, it's a reduction of the experience into a place where you trick yourself and to think that you have more control than you do. It's like a fish going to another fish and saying, better watch out, I'm gonna splash it. It's like you're wet, you're a fish. Everyone's wet down here. - You lost me now. - Okay. - So you're saying it's involuntary, this reflex of love? - I'm saying, this is where, again, rainbow wheel. - I know, we're, we're all exploring here. - We are in fundamental experience, pure divine love. And that is so imbearable that we invent stories with that. - That's where I'm at with it right now. - We are in, here's what I've realized in my, meditations lately. The acceptance of calmness and the acceptance of love is very hard for me to accept. Have you ever meditated? I'll tell you stories. This is very embarrassing, but I'll tell you anyway. - That's here. - I was in my yard, you know, being a hippie in the grass, meditating, and I looked up at this guy and I said, God, who am I talking to? Who are you? What is this? Just as I said that, an acorn fell on my left shoulder. And I was like, okay. Okay, all right, that was fucking crazy and meaningful and whatever this is. And it was so hard for me to accept in that moment the calm, the peace, watching the trees move gently with the leaves and realizing that I am just one of this, I'm part of all of this, my immune system. My system cannot handle that love and calmness. And you're right. And we reject it, we reject it, we reject it. I can't, I can't take the love yet. - That's it. - That's it. - Oh, man. - That's it. And so as part of rejecting, we imagine we are in charge of the love. And also, you caught the acorn thing, right? Like you caught like what an acorn is, right? - Satan, no, an acorn could grow into the biggest trick. - An acorn is like the beginning of life. - Yes, that's the life, yeah. And those forms of communication, that's how it talks. And it gives you, in an impossible moment, the most incredible message all bundled up. I mean, that's what an acorn is. It's like a, it's the data which could form a massive tree. And so, it's so deep. And so yeah, I just think when one says, love oneself, it produces a singular, the illusion of me, the individual, a separate identity from the whole that has been loving myself. Instead of really, you are in love. You are in an emotion of love already. But then why is it so hard to attribute it to the changing self? That's the struggle to attribute it to the fallible human changeable self. - 'Cause we've been bayed and we feel not. - Yeah. - And we don't feel, you know, like your kids, it's one of the saddest things when your child, when your kid feels like they've done something wrong and they have probably, but whatever they've done wrong is no big deal. But to them, because they've disappointed you, it's the worst of worst. - Because they've disappointed you, you've disapproved daddy. Daddy's disapproving of you and now you're shamed and you're wrong. - But they don't understand that you love them no matter what. And this is, I think that what we're existing. - That's our relationship to God. - I think so. - Ooh, we just figured out the fucking secrets of the universe at a one hour 18. Just fucking note that, dude. Dude, we just figured out the secrets of the universe. - And the punk in Lord don't want you to know that. The punk in Lord, the punk in Lord wants you to feel dirty and bad. The punk in Lord wants you to feel like, rip in darts, makes you bad and they don't deserve it. - That's right, that's right. - So the punk in Lord wants, we reject the punk in Lord here. - We reject the punk in Lord here. - We reject the punk in Lord. - That's the name of the episode. (laughing) - Well, you're right. It just has to mirror the relationship that you have with your children, which you see a sacred and lovable inherently to begin with. Why would you not mimic the relationship that God has established for you in nature? Your children are not fallible. They don't come out of you flawed. You take on this identity as flawed. You just can't believe it, man. - You just can't believe it. It's unbelievable that something can actually just love you as you are. - And I have a hard time accepting that. That's hard to believe. - Because the parents, I got whatever I signed up for parents that weren't able to, let's say. And so now my challenge is going to be to accept that love. - Yeah. - Fuck, it's hard. - That's just so much. - That would be so much. - Exactly. - Like, it was in 3 seconds or so then. - I know. - It's crazy. Here's the thing with Zach, is that like, cut this out. He's very athletic. You know? - He's ripped. - Nice. And I'm like, I'm not into that fitness level. Like, I'm a natural woman. Like, I'm, I'm Maryland. I have curves. I like to eat. I'm very hedonically oriented. - Yeah. - I'm not disciplinely oriented. Like, how do I neg him, oh do I call him fat and stuff? To make him be lazier? - Oh no, no, no, no. I don't think that's the answer to call him fat. He's not. I mean, you don't want to lie. I mean, he knows he's not fat. The problem is, is like, you're dealing with like with, you know, people like you. You're sort of like, archetypically the goddess. Right? - And this being is so profoundly powerful and charismatic. - Yes, yes. - It doesn't really care. Like, you're a whole, like, oh wow, you've got abs. Like, in the face of like that, diva energy. It's meaningless. - In difference. - It's a route, yeah. - I think in difference, it's my, not even address it. And be like, what, who cares? I've seen these a million times. - It doesn't matter. It doesn't, that shit works. That whatever your like hypnotic abs thing is, that doesn't work on me. - That tail feather doesn't work here. - Well, because not only that, like, I understand that we're in a meat corpse, this slowly rotting. And like, yeah, you've cheated death for now. - Yeah. - You're still like, permitting. No man steps in the same river twice. It's like, it's mutability, it's changeability. Good, you've got those now. What about in 20 years? What do you got to offer me now, Zach? - Yeah, you got, can you pull up just real quick. Can we pull up a picture of mother Kali? - I love Kali, ma. She's in my bathroom right now. I want to be here for Halloween. I know, but I've heard that that's, I want to be here for Halloween, but Heidi Klune did it, and apparently, she got in a lot of trouble. - What do you mean getting trouble? - Like, it's culturally insensitive to dress up as a Hindu goddess. - I tell you, I will connect you with someone who is an actual shy guy, and you can talk to them, I don't think they would see it that way at all. - Kali ma, K-A-L-I. I love Kali. She's my goddess right now. I literally have a framed picture of Kali in my, but that's the one I have too. Down to the left, I have that one, where the head of the man was going on there. - I do. - That guy offended the village and wanted to kill the children, and so she fucking cut off all their hands and cut off the head of these pieces of shit that threatened the children. - You got it, you got it. Knowing it gets that, this is the embodiment of don't piss off a mom. - Yeah. - That's what you're looking at here, and that's the daddy underneath, that Shiva that she's got her foot on she. - That Shiva, that's her color. - That's Shiva. - That's her consort, sheva, the destroyer of worlds. He's passed out and she's got his fucking foot on it. - He's not dead. - No, he's not dead. She temporarily fucked them up. - We're wearing a garland of demon heads. Now you see, this being when it encounters effrons, apps, it's like, that's true. It's in difference. It's like, I've killed people, dude. - Let's pull up another picture of Kali Ma, though. - I love Kali. - I do too. - But a lot of people find her to be terrifying until you understand what it represents. And then it's the most beautiful thing at all. - It's feminine rage. It's protection of innocence. It's defense of those who can't be defended. It's really quite beautiful. And also another way to look at it is Kali comes in and decapitates, you know, like the way self-help culture is taking all these aspects of ourselves that are not useful when it comes to conducting ourselves in a civilized society and like, a nobles them. Kali comes in and cuts their heads up. - Yes. - This is freedom, liberation, separation from the bullshit. This is that energy that cuts in and frees us from our ignorance. - 100%. - It's the mercy of God. - Yep, and I think that too in the Western world, we're so afraid of feminine rage or just rage in general. And it's terrifying. - In the East, they allow this, which I think is so lovely. And she shows her tongue like, fuck you. I'm gonna fucking kill these motherfuckers. - Yeah. - Yeah, rage is very suppressed in feminine culture. It's considered unattractive for an angry woman. - Until it's too late. And then you get a garland of fucking demon heads in here, the dudes passed out. He's stoned out of his fucking mind. He likes to drink the bonglassy. He's high in look at her. She's just like, yeah, I guess I've got to step up, bitch. (laughing) - I'm gonna be scary. - I can't believe you brought up, Collie. Yeah, she's my, she's my jam. - 'Cause I sell the energy in you. - Yeah, I can feel it. - The feminine fucking divine, I know. You know what, we totally forgot about our TikTok. Should we get back in? - Absolutely. - Day 34 of 45. Still learning how to pop my shit. I've always been confident. There was no one who could tell me I wasn't that girl. But as I've got an older, it's become real clear. Sharing your comeups, your wins, your blessings can get frowned on real quick. I run into two types of people. Some say, keep your bragging close, so people don't sabotage you or feel intimidated. - Fuck off. - Okay, here, for those who just listening, these women are practicing say don't massacism with a Jewish guy. I see a Hasidic Jew. And they're doing it in like the conference room of the courtyard in Marriott. - This is the fucking courtyard, Marriott, it's the worst. It's the smell of the shitty breakfast buffet is lofting in. Is this guy's my, and she's getting whipped and the lighting is terrible. It's like, if you're gonna do dungeon play, do it in a dungeon dummy, what are you doing? There's not, there isn't, I don't think if we take a eroticism, if this is the antithesis, like there's nothing less erotic than a fucking board room. But the carpet's terrible from, you know, 1988. What the fuck is this? - It's SNM for fucking dorks, dude. I mean, you don't do this at the courtyard in Marriott. And they're, what is it? They're fucking, they're convention room. They rented this out. - I would be so happy, though, if I was like on the road and accidentally walked in the best. You feel like, what's going on? - Nice sitting watch. - Any, any, what are your thoughts on this? - It looks like the fucking back rooms. - The back rooms, what's that? - Dude, it does look like the back rooms. - It literally looks like the back rooms. - What's the back rooms? - You know what the back rooms is, the back rooms. - You haven't seen a new movie. - My life is so facocked there right now. I haven't seen anything. I haven't seen the Odyssey. - How fascinated you don't know what the back rooms is? - I have no fucking idea what this is. That's the back rooms. - Niaz, this is a show on TV or about. - Oh my God, you really have missed the back rooms. - No, I'm big, my life is, this opens my heart to you even more. Like, oh my God. - Wow, you really have been in a vortex. - Yeah, my God. - My life is like, the kids come home. I do, I make grilled cheese five times a day. This is, what is this a TV show? - It's like a YouTube phenomenon. A24 made a movie out of it. - I love A24. - Yeah, I do too. - I love it. - You should make a movie with it. - I don't wanna make a movie. - Why? - You know how much I hate acting and I hate sitting in a fucking trailer. Look, we got out of the matrix. Why the fuck would I wanna get back in? - I'll tell you, it's fun to make. It's fun. - I don't want you to-- - When you get to work with a bunch of artists and you get to make something real, it's pretty cool. - Making it right now, man. - Yeah. - That is true. - We're helping more people. - So easy to forget that. - Yeah, come on. - Yeah, well, anyway, that's crazy. You don't know the back rooms. - Doesn't matter. - I don't even know, I don't know. I just figured out who Billy Eilish was yesterday. - Are you joking? - No, I'm in, I'm in, you know. The back, okay, so what is this? - You like Eilish? - I do. - I do too. - I like that she's-- - She seems cool. You should have her on the show. - Oh, Billy Eilish, come on my show. I would love you. Well, because she's like this anti-traditionally patriarchal feminine figure, but she's highly feminine, highly powerful, highly dominant, she's brilliant. - She seems fun too. - Yep, I think she's a good man. - She's generally cool. - And she has Tourette. - She has Tourette? - Yeah. - Oh shit. - Which I love even more. - She pointed out of her interviews apparently, she has like physical text, but when she sings, she doesn't have them, which I love even more. No, she's the best at it. - Come on the show, Billy. - I bet she watches your, I wouldn't be, seems like she'd like your show. - I don't know. She's like 12 years old. - She is a little, she's pretty young. - She's gorgeous. - All right, well anyway, that's getting whipped at the courtyard in Marriott. Fucking terrible. - I'm looking for a boyfriend. I'm 27, I'm retarded. I'm unemployed. I've been in a mental hospital. I say slurs and I know how to cook. - Mm-hmm. - That, okay. The only thing I think, I don't think she's retarded. - No. - Did she mean that literally? - No. - I think she-- - Can we play it again real quick? - Yep. - Of course we can. I'm 27. I'm retarded. I'm unemployed. - This is my Raya profile when he's talking to her. - I love this. - I love this shit. I like her too. I don't like, you know, I'm sorry again. I feel like I've said a few things on this episode. I'm gonna catch shit. - Yeah. I say this knowing how I look. So when I judge anyone's appearance, I know what I look like. I, okay, I don't like football. All right, I don't like football. I've never been able to like football. I don't like that lip puff thing. - I don't either. - Okay. - I don't either. It's overfilling. You don't need to. Okay, can I tell you something fucking diabolical? - Yeah. - So in the rich lady community here in Austin. - Yeah. - The more overfilled your lips are, the more of a status symbol that is. - Wow. - It's a way to signify. It's like an Hermes belt or something. It's a way to signify to the others that you can afford it. No, it's fucking so gross. - It's like a hernia. - It looks terrible. - It looks like a pro-lapse. - Yeah. (laughing) - You know what I mean? - No, it looks like a pro-lapse. - Like a pro-lapse to asshole. Can we bring one up? - You can't show it on the show. - It's pornography. - There's a pro, it looks like something is poking out that shouldn't be fucking alcohol before every show. - It's good. - Fucking cons. - I don't want this show to end. - No, I know. - I don't want to go back to my life. - No, I know either. But listen, it's early. We started drinking early. I can go home and nap before my kids come home. - Oh! - It's a pro-lapse. - But it does have a similarity. I would say the pro-lapse is like a darker crimsony red. But if you took that right there, that pro-lapse, and you lightened it up, made it a little like more pink. - Yeah, yeah, dude. - Then it would look like those lips. - But here's the deal, man. Maybe that's what she's going for. Maybe she's into getting prolapsed. And then this will be a beacon to dudes who are into that 'cause she's into getting her asshole. - Dude, yeah, it's too much, bro. - It's too much. - Listen, you don't have to do this. This looks terrible. - Also, I've heard that the lips and the anus, it's the same tissue. - No. - Oh, it's like nice and soft. - It's not the connected, like, you know, the lips connect directly to the anus, and apparently like both sides are the same. - Really? - Tissue. Can you guys look up if the lips and anus are the same tissue? I saw that, it's just scrolling, so it's probably not real. - I wouldn't doubt that because it's very sensitive, it's very pliable. - Yes, your lips and anus share a similar type of specialized moist lining called mucosa because they form the opposite ends of your continuous digestive tract. So when you're puffing your lips, you're giving yourself like a front-facing rectal prolax. - That's why I don't like it. - So she should also inject her asshole to even it out. - No one's doing that. - Yet, everybody's bleaching their asshole. Why not inject it? Make it more beautiful. - The ends of the snake. We have to do things to the ends of the snake. - But I agree, it's so funny 'cause we're gonna look back in 20 years and see these photos of girls who are all trying to look like the same person. - Yeah, it's so weird. - If you was that person, it's Kim Kardashian? - It's Kim Kardashian. - I think it's the Kardashians, honestly, 'cause they set the precedence for this business. I think, and then-- - I get a little Alex Jones about this thing. I know it's so bad shit, but I do think like, - Is it a spirit that wants to manifest in the world but can't take it on a body? And so it sort of goes through people and you end up with this crazy, I don't know, like something that feels like it's mocking femininity itself. - You know what I mean, it's so, it's so, maybe I'm just, oh, it's a sign of me being old. - Let's go through this because I'm really into the history of fashion right now and female, whatever. Okay, during like the plague, there was a plague look that women would try to attain. So they would put dark under eye circles, pale face. It was like a mimicry of whatever was happening in the zeitgeist and women have historically, like pale face, yes, yes, yes. So it's always in relation to whatever is happening in society. Yes, here we go. So these women are like plague hotties. - So wait, what, okay, so if let's, I guess pull up Kim Kardashian. Like if we're gonna use her as the archetype of like, let's pull it up and then try to like analyze what the fuck is happening in society based on the way Kim Kardashian. - Yes, so if pull up Kim before, like a before and after and it's striking, the same with her young, is it Kylie who's got the makeup? Yeah, look at Kylie Jenner. Like, look, Kim was beautiful before. - She was. - And then that's the aesthetic. Look, it matches up. The only difference is like lip gloss and her brows are too thin. Oh, look at Kylie. Look at fucking Kylie and she says that she's never had plastic surgery. - Come on. - Wow, is it, I don't know. Maybe like the bigger demon here is the way that we look down on plastic surgery. It maybe that's the bigger demon. Maybe the bigger demon, the metademon is not someone trying to make themselves look the way they want to look. Maybe the bigger demon is whatever the invisible pressure that you have to stick with the avatar you came in on. Maybe that's interesting. Maybe that's the true darkness. Is it's like you, you can express yourself through art, music, the way you want to dress, but your self-expression stops when it comes to your body itself. You cannot alter it. And if you do, then you're judged. Maybe that, maybe I'm actually the asshole here. I think I'm gonna take that, I think I'm the asshole. I think maybe that's where people should be allowed to express themselves. Anyway, they want, it's your body to do what you want. - But it's so singular. That's the problem. See, here's the thing, the before Kylie. So there is this Russian girl that I follow on social media where she's like sister, her name is Babushka. She goes sister, your nose is not too big. You're supposed to be representative of the region from which you come. So maybe like in Slavic culture, you're supposed to have a big nose because you are a witch. You are meant to be this witchy look. So when you rob yourself of that which makes you inherently interesting and cool, you've sucked your essence away, and it becomes counter-tractive. - That's a good counter. - Honestly, I would rather have her with her small lips and da-da-da, and just lean into that. I don't know, man. - Yeah, I don't, I look, if there was a, okay. Let's imagine thought experiment. Some machine, some new app. You could just change the way you look. Instantaneously, no surgery. Everyone would do it, no one would judge it. - But here's the thing, when I do plastic surgery in Botox and fillers, I actually like who I was as a younger version. I'm just trying to maintain the younger version that I was. I don't actually want to be somebody different. I just want to go back to my past. (laughs) - So that's diabolical too. (screams) - Oh, I'm not kidding. - I get it, that's the past, the illusion of what you are when you were that person back then. - Yeah. - Really, we want a time travel. - Yeah. - That's what it is. We want to travel through time. We want to be able to connect with all points in the future and the past. - But only aesthetically, because I believe like, especially for women, when you're in your 20s, you're at the height of your aesthetic beauty, right? But your mental place is fucking dog shit. So if I could melt those two timelines together of like, do you hear that? That's thunder. If I could melt the two timelines of like, aesthetic height with mental acuity of where I am now, talk about calling me out. - I think you're doing it. - I'm trying, dude. - It's cool. I don't know. I'm not a, I mean, this is, oh, I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry, I don't want to play that guy again. - I do want to play that guy. - You like that? You've not seen this? - No. - Okay, this guy is in Austin. It's just like a lie. All right, no, I like it too. Why do I like it? How many people are watching this? I get it. What? - Daylight! - What they need to do is take him and put him in the Halloween section of Home Depot. - Tellin' 'em! - Everybody would just think it was like a Halloween. - Tellin' 'em out of the way! - Everybody would want him, by the way. - My kids would be like-- - I love it. They'd, you go to those big Halloween stores. - Yeah. - It's the best. When they have these displays, they freak your kids out. - The best. - It sucks up hours of your day. Highly recommend. - My kids look, yeah. That just looks like a motion activated Home Depot Halloween toy. - I think it's all year long they do this shit. - Where? I wanna go, we should go. - I know, let's go. Can you figure this out? It's definitely local. - It's in a cool video store. - I know. It's not fun. People really, like, M Night Shama Laman, we've been doin' a deep dive on his YouTube. - Oh, who's way? - Oh, sorry, the other stepdads. You're on a roster right now. - What the fuck? How come I don't get on the M Night Shama Laman roster? I wanna be part of that roster? What the fuck? - It's fine, it's fine. - Just, sorry, I'm just, there's so many guys in my life right now. - I get it, it's your busy. - So, this. - Fuck. - M Night Shama, can you, can you find it? - You're gonna die. This is the most-- - I love Shama Laman. - You won't, once you see him being personal on YouTube. - No, I mean, I don't love him like, I love him. I mean, what, it's the most awkward, did you see that, the movie where they all age on the beach? - Hold on. - So, find the one where he's talking to the kid. - Cool binge. - And that's his house. And he's like, he has no idea what's on. Oh, this is it. - What the fuck? - This is insufferable. - This is amazing. - Do this in your art. You're so, so authentic. And you have a light dude. Everybody's gonna come out. - Yeah, I really seriously appreciate that. - No, back it up. - What? - Find it. - There you go, it's my sleep. - Josh, find the clip where he's like, what's your favorite movie? You're gonna die, it's insufferable. - Yeah. But yeah, for sure. Well, I'm kind of interested. We're talking a lot about movies. What are your top four movies in my life? - Oh my god. - I can't do all time. - All time, yeah. - I have 800 on the shelf. - Okay, right now. - Yeah, yeah. - The shelf is a literal shelf in my house. That blue ray is on it. - Yeah, that's awesome. - Blue ray. - I can't pause. - I'm probably having more than anything. - He has more pause. - Blue ray. He's into blue ray. That's all you need to know. He's into blue ray. That's it. End of story. - That's on a tombstone. He put he was into blue ray. That's it, it's over. - He's so cool. - That's the most self-damning thing you could say. Blue rays. No one gives a fuck about blue rays. - No, but I do. - What are you talking about? - 20 years ago, they gave a fuck about, how do you even play a blue ray? - There's 800 in them. - Blue rays. - Are you a fucking blue? - It's being like eight tracks. I got 800 of eight tracks. Like, why is that a humble brag? And also, how insufferable that you don't just immediately dunk in what's your top four movies? Go ahead. - The Shining. - Okay. - I have to go Shining. Hold on, give me a second. You can't just do the top four. - No, but I can't just do something. - There will be blood. The Shining. There will be blood. I feel like I'm going to betray so many fucking movies, right? There will be blood. The Shining. Then if I'm, oh my God. This is going to make people really judge me. The dissent. - Okay. - I can't think for the hot ladies who get stuck in the cave. - You've already rattled off three titles in 30 seconds. This douchebag is like, I have 800 blue rays in my eye. - Like, could you imagine? - You didn't say one. - Yeah, and he doesn't actually answer the question. - Blue rays. (laughs) Don't you see like that? That's all it takes right there. This is called leaking. Like, they leak. People like this, they do, look on his face. Can we go back and just watch the blue ray statement one more time? - God, it fucking hold on. It's making me sweat 'cause I'm so, why does it make me so sad? - The whole situation is fucked up right here. - Wait, hold on, I need a jump. I need a minute, dude. I can't like just go, my body's lighting up. And he's so stoked to meet him. Like, he's so stoked. All right, hold on. - Can you imagine if this was you? - Young Kubrick and this is what D'Aryl Kubrick. - Oh God. - That could be Kubrick and then after this fucking shitty pizza date, he's like, you know what? I'm gonna get into a real estate. - What are your top four movies? - Oh my God. - I can't do all of them. - Exactly. - The shelf is a literal shelf. - The shelf in a literal shelf in my hair. - I get blue-ray that. - I probably have more than 800. - Can you stop? Can you pull up what's the benefit of blue-ray? - Yeah. - By the way, he goes, it's a literal shelf, a blue-ray. - Well, no shit. - Sure. - Where are you gonna put your blue-ray's dummy in a metaphorical shelf? - God, your blue-ray's are on display. - Could you imagine being married to this piece of shit and his fucking 800 blue-ray's taking up space in your fucking living room? - Blue-ray diss offers. How much is a blue-ray way? I'm just curious how much the shelf is holding up. - Fuck right off, M. Knight, sham-am-am. - How much is it way? I'm just curious. - My blue-ray collection. - I wanna see a picture of his blue-ray's 20 grams. - Yeah, so what is 20 grams times 800? - I wanna kill him. - I just wanna know how much weight is on this fucker. How many pounds? What does that come out to? - I'm dumb. How many pounds on this fucking shelf of embarrassment? - 35 pounds of blue-rays. That is crazy. - Why didn't he say that? I have 35 pounds of blue-rays. - 35 pounds, a three-year-old child weighs right around there. It's like a three-year-old child on a shelf. - Stop fucking blue-rays. - And also, you know this dumb dumb doesn't have kids because guess what your kids are gonna do with your precious blue-rays. Destroy them. My kids go to my record collection, which only have 10, and they've scratched up all of them. - This guy has no sense of reality. - Gonna swing shot 'em. - Yeah. - They're gonna put 'em on their shoes and skate across the floor. - Yeah, just Google if this guy has kids. This is nonsense. - He's got like 12 kids, he's got four fucking kids. - It's kids don't, they can't reach the shelf. I think you can say how, I just want to know how big is the shelf. Like how, how many blue-rays did he say at 800? - Reach out to M Night Shyamalan's people. Let's have him on so he can talk about his blue-ray shelf. - I'm fucking enthralled. - You get the fuck outta here, man. - It's a shelf, it's one shelf, though. - Ah, it's software-ray, get out one of my blue-rays. 800. - Look how much room that takes up in your living room. - Just say you can't name your favorite movies off-hand. - Yeah, you stupid cunt. - I scramble, I just say, I don't know, that's a hard question. - Ghostbusters, royal tenon bombs coming to America. Revenge of the nerds. - I like stupid shit. - Fine. - Texas chainsaw massacre. - Great, great, Michael Myers. I like all that weird stuff too. - Yeah. - You're a movie maker. Who's your favorite comedian, Stuncan? - I'm gonna get it. - It's your world. - Bill Hicks, George Carter. - Love Bill Hicks, Carlisth. - I'm gonna see you. - I could go on and on and on. - Of course you could go on and on. - Because you're an actual fan of this fucking shit. How did I get onto M Night? - It's night, it's Nightmarish. - M Nightmare, Shyamalan. - It's fucked up. - Okay. - The blueray thing is fucked up. - Okay, he should have that a whole lot. - Do we have any clips of him to show Duncan? - You're gonna die. - Do we have some? - Show him, have you seen any of these, bro? - No. - Shut the fuck up. - Okay, no one is boring. - Show him the beginning where he's like, oh, I'm going to die. The very first one. - Shyamalan, a filmmaker, make movies for a living. And this is my YouTube channel. What I hope it is is an opportunity to reflect and get to know each other. - He's flat. - He's flat. - He's probably the main thing I've ever been. - Can you pause it? (laughing) That is so sweet. That is someone who's never been on YouTube. - Never. - Making this. Someone who's never been on YouTube. - No, it's so sweet. He doesn't understand YouTube. It's the fires of hell. He's like, I hope this deepens our relationship. I have feelings. As a human, I do feel sometimes. - You know what it is? His team has never let him read the comments section. This is all this is. As he's shielded from the fucking humiliation of the public. This is why comedians prevail always. - I know. - We are the fucking stand-ups. Not improv, not sketch, not actors. We are the fucking marines of comedy. - You're right. - You know how fast you suck. - Like that. - We've developed an insane immune system. - Yes. - To this shit. - This bullshit. - He hasn't no idea what he. - And like his jeans aren't hemmed properly. You can afford a fucking proper hem on your jeans, idiot. - Look at his stupid socks. Oh no, this house is miraculous. - Yeah, house. - I hate his dumb socks. - I don't like the bench. - Another bench socks. - Let's keep playing. - Yeah, I know, it's too good. - You know, in a way that feels that I'm scared. - You seem like you like corn cobs up your butt hole. - It feels like I'm pooping. - Let's do the comments. - He scratched it 'cause he's got back her pee. - Man, this is it all. - Okay, the, um. - And permission. - And feel alcohol syndrome confirmed. - Right. - Both for you guys and for you. - How are you? - Conqueler. - You know, it's like 30 years making movies and I wanna. - I wanna. - Undo it a little bit. - Why would you want to do your legacy and audition? - Whatever. - What? - Or what? - Or anybody's head. - What? - Where's my dumbass? - Maybe a reflection. - Why are you wearing that tie? - Oh, the tie. - It matches the sock, the argyle. - Something about it feels right. - It doesn't though. - As long as I don't feel like I'm breaking any dumbass. - A bench. - I'm important to me here. - That's his cut bench that I'm okay with. - Yeah. - By the way, what? - This is my little bench that I come to think on. - He comes on the bench. - My office gave me this as a present. - Here I go. - That's all people are saying. - Do you jack over the bench? - Do you jack yourself on that bench? - Jack off on the bench. - When I'm not here. - He's best friends with Peter Teele. - And he sucks Peter Teele's dick on the bench. - He's got to wear this here, so get a look at that. - Get the look at that. - And one day that'll be a-- - Oh, what are we looking at? Look at his property, dude. - Fucking asshole. - Yeah, press pause. - I don't know. - Press pause. - Talk about the fucking genocide in Palestine. Why isn't he talking about the genocide in Palestine? Talk about the fucking genocide! He's never be right. He's never been on YouTube. He does not know the comments of YouTube. - I was gonna tell you, when I was on road rules in the '90s, come here, it looks crazy. When I was on road rules in the '90s, they used to give us our fan mail. It was via email. People would have to send email to MTV. And they would give you a packet of your fan mail, which was only complimentary. - Of course. - It was like, I love you, you're the best. They shielded us from the cruelty of the reality of the world. This man is so shielded from his bad press. He has no idea that nobody's watched a movie since the first two. - No clue. - How does he keep getting deals? - Yeah. - He's in some kind of evil Hollywood cabal. - Well, that's what happens. - Yeah. - You get sucked in, and you have like legitimate handlers. You have people who are who-- - Yes, yes, yes. - Their whole job is to shoot. Why the way? This is the story. Emnight Shyamalan. Shyamalan, you should do this story. This is a story of the Buddha. He, Siddhartha Gautama was born into a situation. - Rich. - Rich. And his father tried to shield him from everything. And it ended up like he, it didn't work. You can't, and eventually Shyamalan will read the comments. - I hope so. - Eventually he will be like. - Oh! - Wait, hold on. Because his handlers-- - And we are awakening. - Let's go look at his comments. Because I have a feeling his handlers have handled the comments. - Of course. - Okay. - Now that was a plot twist when I said to him, when I said, "Well, creator, I see the potential." - Thank you, Mr. Shyamalan. It's still waiting for the mind-blowing twist at the end. - Yeah, no, this is curated. - No, this is how, this is nobody's comment section. - No, this is curated. - No, this is-- - Holy, how many views did that get? - Oh, millions. - Let's look. - Good job. - He's got more followers than you and me. - 2.1 million views, yeah, this is curated. - 20 years of work. I don't have that many. - Wow. - Hey, sort by newest. But sometimes they don't, they give up. So sort by newest. I'm excited about getting to know you and how you create. - Yeah, that's not real. That's not real. - Yeah, this is highly, highly curated. Wow. - No, this keeps growing down. - I can't believe he looks so plain. - Wow. - Normal, his movies, this is not real. - This is not, these are bots. - These are all bots. - Collab, congrats on entering ultra hell. That's not true. That's real. Wait, here we go. It's over, bro. This is the status upload on YouTube. That's the beginning. That's the first start. They didn't get to that one. Yeah, my guess would be pretty soon. Like, eventually they won't have the-- Bandwidth to keep to keep curating the comment section and the comments will be blocked oh Christina Pejitski sent me here There you go wait until the guys you know what the fuck to do fuck up. Come on. You know what to do let him know Because it's we gotta we gotta bring it down dude. You're so boring and your movie Mommy's you know what to do Touch my camera through the fence. There we go. We're ready on it. Yeah touch my camera the fence. Yeah, let him know oh There's no way these 21 million two million views are organic. This was horrible to sit through and I hated it. Thanks I love that you didn't have to sit through it bitch. No, that old thing you could just stop you could just leave You didn't know and made you sit through it. Oh, I can't I can't okay. Let's let's keep finishing these talks I can't I can't poor chamalam. Yeah, he sucks. Hey, this is kind of on par with your guy Oh, shit Wow That's scary See you David Lynch guy. I don't know who that is. He's scary. I Want to zoom out does he have I feel like he's got owl legs Sitting on a nest. Oh my god. Totally. Dude. He looks like an owl Shit man, that's a pumpkin man. Yeah, but I'd you like the symmetry. I love him. He's scary the top and the bottoms match, which is fun It's an X. He's so right. It's a pubic X. Here we go. I think you can tease daddy and walk away on to Come here big What the fuck I know that's it. Yep Tony at Tony Pink and oh my god Maybe the shit works. I don't know look at his page Tony pick and let's let's do a deeper dive on Tony Let's go in. I'm curious to see if it does work. It must got it. It's just like my nagging thing worked right you stumble upon something Yeah, this is this is Natural selection right? This is how it works. This is the evolutionary force you discover a thing This guy's probably getting his dick sucked all day long. He couldn't believe that it worked, but it works. Oh my god, dude All right, Tony Tony's got one video 938 followers And he has this is his only video Just through the gate the grace of God dude This is one video play his video again. Oh, yeah here Come here big Okay, now that's it. That's it. That's his one video. He has nine. He has almost a how many followers is he have hookers Come on now. I don't know something says I just teased you and walked away untouched what now What I must be at the end of tiktok but Maybe he deleted other. No, this works. I like the hanging flower to plant display behind. No, it's very nice Everything he's done is very good. Yeah All right, Duncan. I got to eat my dominoes. I drank too much for breakfast. I got to go home and nap before my kids get out of school I get it. I'm actually gonna go interview a Shiveite right now someone who is a actual devotee of Shiva and Kali. Yeah for real. Well ask him how he liked getting stepped on by Kali. Oh Ask about that. It's got a bit of the story. Yeah. Yeah As always, this has been an absolute treasure to have you. Thank you for having me this blessed day Thank you. I love you season. It's season By our merch by my lipstick bundles go see Duncan Tressal live listen to the mystery boys podcast There's on our network when what date is that drop buddy Thursdays. There you go. Try it out. I love you guys. Bye Man, where's my pizza No, I'm excited. I've got to move I start out on my knee. Step to my left. Step to my left We've been scooped along. We've been scooped along here Kali smogs dude. Kali smogs dude Man, it's a ball. It's a ball. It's a ball. It's a cow. We're gonna cow right there Oh (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) I'm going to go down that quick. Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.