Red Flags Rebooted

[MUSIC] Think a lot if y'all know the words, if y'all throw, I don't know what's wrong with y'all. >> 'Cause this is a hit. [MUSIC] >> He gave me some dick and bed, now I think his dick isn't bedded. Not to leave his text on red, I might let him know that I read it. [MUSIC] >> I could do just the straight instrumental of this. >> Truly and still get my life. >> All right, y'all. [MUSIC] >> I can keep going, but I'm still trying to music well. He might call me at home. >> But I'd like to call it immortal. >> Listen, listen to this track, bitch. >> Victoria Malnay, if you don't know who she is. >> Where have you been? >> Truly. >> Get with the times. >> Hey, co-friends. >> Hi, co-friends. >> How have you been back another week, week two? Back on our bullshit. >> People were so excited for us to be back, it was so nice. >> Are they? >> Yeah, that's good. They were like, I got two people that were like, I'll miss you, Terry was like, finally. >> [LAUGH] >> Did you post anything? No, so I do it now where on the day that we recorded a new one is when I post a headline thing. Because Apple comes out Thursday, I want to give it a couple days and then post a clip. >> Interest there. >> Yeah, I just based it a little bit. >> Yeah, actually, let me take a picture over here. >> No, not right now. >> He always wants to take pictures when I am like not prepared for a picture. >> I don't look busted. >> Honesty is the best policy. >> [LAUGH] >> I'm Tay. >> I'm Charlie. >> And as we said, this is the Hey Co-friend podcast. We are loving being back. This has been looking forward to it again, which has been really nice. >> Oh, side note. My job has these perk thingies and you can look up stuff. So I signed up, because I guess perk spot? >> No, there's actually we have perk spot and then we have a different perk website thingy. But we have a deal with Canon, I think. >> It's still going to be expensive. >> Probably, but I was like, >> Ain't no, probably. >> I've had several of those through jobs. This shit's still going to be expensive. >> So I just signed up and I'm just going to look at some of you and be like, okay, well. 700 dollars better than 900 dollars I guess. >> It's still 700 dollars. >> I'm going to do this in monthly install. >> You don't have to. If you spend this 700, I'm going to damn. >> Well, at this point, y'all go see me. If I spend these 700, y'all go see me after that. Every week, every fucking week. HD, I'm so excited for you to see us. I got to start getting some picture frames so I can start putting art on the walls. I keep saying that, I keep forgetting to get picture frames. Because the last time when you came over, I think I measured everything. And then it has nothing about it. >> I felt like you were measuring things just to do it. I didn't think you were actually going to do anything that day. >> It gave. >> We're talking about it. >> So let me just. >> But I didn't think that you were going to make any moves the next day. >> I just got a little booth in the next. But what's your not today, friend? >> So this is going to be a very personal episode. But we're going to try to keep it general. So, why not today? It's going to segue into the main topic of this episode. But I'm just going to say, try to pick up on red flags for others. And it's so funny because way, way back in the beginning, we actually did a red flag episode, I believe. Because it was about me and how I can't see them. I'm like the horse with the blinders on. We're looking through rose colored glasses and stuff. >> Oh, you're talking about from the very beginning. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this is almost like a part two kind of shit. It might as well be a whole new episode. Who's going back that far? That was literally like one of our first like 10 episodes. >> Like red flags rebooted. >> Like the title of this week's episode. >> Oh, there you go. >> Let me type that shit down so I don't forget. So I'm just going to tell a story real quickly. This happened literally just within a week. And then it triggered me and I got very upset and annoyed. And I was texting age, I think literally yesterday. >> Yeah. >> And I said, we're going to talk about it. But I had went on a date with this dude. One date, one date. Okay, with Gisushi, he got me a little candle. And now for some drinks, and that was it. >> Oh, this is the party that he's on last week. >> Yes. See how quickly that everything changes. Because you were so excited. >> I was so excited. And now I'm not. And then we had started texting about something. I forgot. And then he asked me when I had sex. It was the last time I had sex. And of course that's something you need to be honest about. So I was like a few days ago. And then he was like, oh, you couldn't wait for me. I said, huh, wait for you. And he was saying, oh, he has like self control. And he hasn't had sex in over a year. And he thought that I would give the part that pissed me off. What do you say, give your body a break? >> Yeah, I would have thought you would have given your body a break after seeing me. I said, who are you? >> We went out once. And I was like, I don't know what you not having sex has to do with me not having sex. I said, I could do, I have sex with whoever, whenever I want. The only thing I need to tell you is the truth is if I do have sex with somebody just so that you're aware of blah, blah, blah, blah. Like health purposes, that's it. Cuz y'all aren't exclusive at all, at all. After one day, that does not mean a damn thing. I'm trying to find it. And then he was just like, we have different standards and blah, blah, blah. And I said block, I just blocked them. And then he actually texted and he was like, wow, blocking on Instagram is crazy. And I said, block your number. >> Texting me after you realized you've been blocked is crazy. >> Yeah, cuz I was like giving your body a grace period after our date. That sounds hella possessive. He was like, I don't care how it sounds. All I care about is if you like me enough, you don't, period. You don't and it's all good. We have different mindsets and I'm perfectly fine over here. I've always been different. I'm not possessive. I just have a different standard than you. And then he sent the emoji. You know they can't see that right? >> Sorry, that was more for you, but I mean, I've seen the screenshots. So I know what was said, but you talk about emojis and you do it to me. They have no idea what you just did. >> So it was like rock star. >> Yeah, I guess I just made me like piece or whatever. And I was like, I'm not going to go back and forth, so I just blocked. Cuz this is ridiculous. So that's what we're going to talk about is red flags for these niggas. You really think that you found somebody you're going to connect and then all of a sudden they show their ass and it's like, well, glad we did it now. >> Glad we got that shit out the way. >> Next. >> But that's it. I feel a lot better already talking about it. >> Yeah, he was like, I think my not today is going to be an entire episode. And I was like, what happened? >> What's feeding the screenshot, screenshot and I was like, okay, so just let me know. Cuz I think this was, yeah, this was literally yesterday and we hadn't really decided on an episode because I kind of forgot that that's a thing that we have to do again. And part of me felt like we had already, even though I couldn't have told you what it was. And some reason was like, yeah, so I'll see you one Sunday. I didn't even process the fact that we needed to figure that out. I think it was Friday. I was like, what are we talking about? And I was like, oh, that's right. And I started going through the topics that we have and that was literally as far as it went. And then I saw that you added two and then I added one cuz. >> I was doing my homework trying to. >> That's what reminded me about the homework is I was like, cuz you said something and I was like, oh, that's right, what's supposed to be, and I was like, I probably should have added one. And the sad part is I always think of shit to add and then I fucking forget and I never actually added. So I'm doing the homework, I'm just not completing it. You know what I mean? >> You're doing it mentally. >> Yes. And that is usually as complete. >> It's incomplete. >> It's incomplete. >> Shh. It's there. >> Yeah, I tend to do screenshots in like so a conversation on being loud and wrong. Say less. Cuz that's gonna be another one. We can talk about red flags today, but being loud. and wrong bitch. So just just so you know what made me think that and why I was like you know we can go with it is because shortly before or like during these text messages I'm driving green light this person should not be crossing the street. So they're standing in the middle of the road blocking oncoming traffic waiting for traffic on the other end to stop so they can keep walking. The car that they're blocking is honking at them and she's cussing out the nigger in the car like he's wrong we hmm as well say something terrible when your ass shouldn't be in the fucking street to begin with and he will be wrong if he just just booted your little ass with a tail end to your car just I wouldn't know I would have giggled and kept driving what a shame. So loud and fucking wrong I'm with that so all right y'all I think that would be a part two. I think you did one of those. Hey, spin so long since when we didn't do this last week at all. Now we was literally just talking. I hope y'all enjoyed and got caught up on everything. But y'all know where to find us. Apple, Spotify, Google, iHeartRadio. What else? Everywhere. If you wherever you listen to your favorite podcasts that's where the fuck we're at. We stream on all these motherfuckin sites and if we're not on it DM us at Haco friend podcasts on Instagram and let us know so we can figure out how we can get our asses up on a beach. New episodes come out every Thursday's 9 a.m. Central time. So if you're in New York that's 10 I believe and if you're California that's seven. So bright and early in the month. Fucking morning on your commute when you get ready. Whatever the fuck you doing beach every Thursday. I don't know if you guys know but we record on Sundays. So if there's ever anything you want to talk about as long as it's before a Sunday. Are you missing a name? You are. Anyways. That was one of those I'm thinking it and it just came out. I lost my trade of thought though. If you want to let us know about a topic that you would like to talk you would like for us to talk about you got to let us know before Sundays. That's where you were going. Oh yeah. So let us know before Sunday and we can so that we aging I can kind of discuss it get it going or at least add it to the list. Yeah. And then you know if you ever want to be a part of an episode that's something that we really have to like sit down with you and plan all that and stuff or whatever. Yeah especially if you're out of state out of Chicago. That's gonna be that's a process. Even if you're in Chicago we may still phone you in. Oh yeah. But it's gonna be a whole process like with the setup and everything. But we would love to have more people. We've done it a few times and I've always I've always enjoyed having guests on. We should have tea on again. That was a really fun episode. Tea. I want to get Terry on at some point. And there's a couple who have messaged us and I think they want to get on too. Yeah. We got to figure it out. Hey Kobe. I hope you're doing good. I see that you rebranded. That we all just doing our thing. What else you can donate on Fundly. It's in the link on our Instagram. Also if that's too much work or whatever. Listen if you want to Venmo cash shop. So you want to do that to us directly because the hate coffin doesn't have its own. Just you know if it's gonna be that just put in the note like or the podcast or hate co-friend or something like that. And then boom we'll be good to go. Because if not I'm just think you're being nice and I'm gonna be like oh money for me. Damn shame. But that was it. So y'all know where to find us. We're gonna go to commercial. And we'll be right bike. Let's do this dirty laundry dirty laundry. Oh it's taking us out. Look at that. Perfect timing. We'll be back. Hey co-friends I'm Tane and I'm Charlie and we're the host of the hate co-friends podcast. For those who are new and want to know what it is that we talk about. We're just talking whether it's talking about working on communication skills, working through past trauma or simply playing a game of song association. We put those episodes out every Thursday and more recently we've started recording Instagram live episodes every Sunday at 2 p.m. Central. We really appreciate the love and support you've gotten over the years and we just wanted to share a new way you guys can support us. You can now choose to pay a monthly subscription of 99 cents for 99 or 99. Which will allow us to do more things for y'all whether it's a giveaway recording new episodes via video or opening a merch store. 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Okay so this is just gonna be a PSA for everybody this is gonna we're doing everyone a service right now for those of y'all who are in the dating scene right now you know please please please please you might be oh you are really ready to just get directly into it you are not even there is no second introduction no nothing go ahead oh I'm gonna sit my my kombucha it's just you really have to be picky and choosy out in the streets you can't just be given it to anybody you need to be a selective hope if you will for dating at least you know I'm out here in these streets we know but again that that's a great segue if you are talking to someone because this is the second time this has happened to me and I'm wanted to choke somebody just because we hang out maybe we're going on dates blah blah blah don't mean shit does not mean a thing if a conversation is not had about listen I like that we're hanging out I like spending time with you I would like to continue to do so but I would like to do it where it's just me and you or you know I enjoy talking to you and I would like to be exclusive but you know we can maybe see other people and like maybe an open or poly type situation cool the point is there's a conversation happening now if no conversation is happening I don't know why you would assume why laughing I'm not about to put your business in the streets so we'll address it later if no conversation is happening I don't care and I do not care because the first time this happened me and a person we're talking for and hanging out for I don't know it'd been like two three months at this point that doesn't mean a thing I do not care I do not care and then actually actually had a talk with AJ about it while it was happening and I had to like explain my point of view I guess I don't remember this it was just my idea of like what being exclusive or stuff like that because I think I was saying how the stuff that was expected of me was stuff that like if I was in a relationship or whatever versus like I was like but that was never had so no I don't know why you're expecting that of me which actually we have reconnected but how do you know that you told me I was trying to because you're talking and I'm like I don't know I don't know what you're talking about yeah yeah yeah I'm not calling you a liar obviously but I was like I don't know a situation that we've got yeah but then that that that that hold on whoa you always know when you about to say something for real but you have to be careful because that can turn into a situation ship very very quickly if no conversations being had you guys are hanging out maybe a year has passed and it's just you guys are boom somebody might catch feelings or whatever you really just got to make sure y'all are on the same page and with the second person that I we had mentioned earlier I had let it be known from the jump I knew that he was wanting to like connect and like be in a relationship blah blah blah and I was like I'm not opposed to it but I'm just not actively pursuing seeking that out wherever I was like we can absolutely go on the date and if I enjoy it maybe go on a couple more but for me at least I feel like there has to be I don't know maybe at minimum three dates like like official dates because hanging out and going in a date to me are different. But we have to have at least three dates and then we can have a conversation about if you want to pursue this or not. Not after the first date. How dare you? The goal and the gumption. So just so that I'm following, friend, what is the first red flag that you were discussing possession? Yes. So kind of having that assumption of we'll say we're going to go on a date and after that first date, it goes it goes great. And then now we're like we go together. No, no, no, that's you whoo you really put 10 on 20. You didn't collect 100. You hit go and just went. Yeah. And like with this dude, he tried to make me feel bad because before I blocked him on texting, he's like, well, I guess I have to return these things to God for you. I said, I didn't ask for this. I do not care. Just a dude from the night today. Uh-huh. I said, this is all you. You talking about self-control, you have self-control about sex, but you don't have self-control when it comes down to feelings, my nigga, because we went on one date and now you you you buying me shit and I don't. Am I supposed to feel bad because you went out of your way to do shit that nobody asked you to do at all. Like the candle on our date. That was cute. I was like, okay, fine, whatever. That's a candle. Yeah. A little first date gift. Oh, thanks. But I'm waiting to add and I've been burning it at home. It smells good. It sure does. That the body works. No, I don't know. I don't recognize the brand or the Goose Creek. No, I'll take a picture of it. It's a very pretty like yellowish thing. And I don't know the scent of it, but maybe it's target or something. Probably. Yeah. I don't know. But I never made it a candle. Be careful if someone is because I feel like getting gifts and stuff can be love bombing. Love bombing. Love bombing. That's a new term that I'm kind of confused about what that is. So I've done it before unknowingly. Love bombing is pretty much when you go above and beyond to get some of the tension and then you immediately switch out. Because I saw a poster. I didn't understand it because I had just seen the term love bombing. But it's like love bombing will actually work on me because I love all that love love love love. Yeah, I was like, I wonder if this is me. But that's like literally. And I noticed that I it doesn't matter for files. I noticed I usually do it when I'm not in a good mindset. And I'm just trying to the people pleasing for me. That's my red flag. Not been. Listen. My therapist. Your personal red flag. Yes. Like four. Wow. Okay, okay. I meet her. She is a people pleaser to. It's a detriment. It truly is to a fault. And sometimes I do it because making someone else feel good. Feel good makes me feel good because that's what I'm used to. I feel like a kind of morphed into like you have to take other people's feelings into consideration in order to do anything. And that kind of morphed into like the only way I know how to feel good sometimes is about making other people feel good. Because that's how I get my my rocks. If not partly early, but you know what I'm saying. And so I have caught myself going into a point of love bombing or have like realized in situations where I have love bombed. Because I'm trying to make myself feel better. And it's healthy. So if you notice someone is love bombing you and all of a sudden they switch up and they start acting different. Run. Yeah, which I feel like I dodged a blue with this one. Like we have talked about the love languages too. And I told them gift giving or I guess receiving. That's not even that's maybe I don't know my third or fourth. It's not my top two. But I'm always going to be appreciative. But again, why would you try to be like, well, guess I'm going to return it girl. Take it back. I hope you got the receipt. I don't care. I promise you I don't care. I promise. I didn't ask what it was. I do not care. You're not about to guilt trip me. No. Another red flag. I don't like guilt tripping. That shit to me. Well, I will block you. So fucking fast for trying to make me feel bad. I make myself feel bad enough. I guilt myself enough. I don't need someone else trying to make me feel bad for setting a boundary. Boundaries. Oh, another one. And before we go any further. Boundaries are for you. Boundaries are not for another person. Yeah, boundaries are personal. So if you have a boundary, it's about something that you are now willing to do and or receive or whatever the case may be. Your boundary does not need to be controlling what the fuck another person does. And if you catch someone saying that they're setting a boundary, but what they're really trying to do is tell you what you can and can't do. Right. Snip. Snip. Oh, you already got a two for one do right there. Listen, I have caught it a lot where it's just like, I get where you're coming from. Understand the feelings are involved around this, but that has nothing to do with the mean is everything to do with you. And I don't need to be held responsible or how I should be dealing with the brunt of your feelings. You take that up with God. There probably is a word manipulation control. Maybe they're trying to say that it's a boundary, but it's really just like you're trying to be controlling. Yeah. But boundary. If you let it be known what you're grown up. Okay, I'm done now. If you let it be known what your boundaries are. Okay. And this person knowingly, knowingly crosses that boundary after it has already been discussed. Snip, red, lag, cut it, cut it, cut it, cut it off. Because I'm not going to repeat myself. I'm not going to give you like multiple chances. No, no, no, I'm bad at that. And this is why I'm giving too many chances. When you were texting me, I think yesterday and about a situation and I was like, dang, I feel like I'm heartless sometimes. I'm noticing about this self because normally I'm very quick to just like I love this person and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I've been doing. And I will probably do it again. But I'm happy that you are aware. Yes, I'm what I think I'm doing. It is a maybe it's a defense mechanism or I'm just trying to be more self aware, but I'm being very careful about not either falling fast or not just kind of jumping the gun. And really, really, when I told myself I was going to enjoy my singleness, I meant that. Because like with the date of the dude that I went with, I don't explain it. I had a good time and I enjoyed myself, but I personally wasn't like seeing, seeing like hearts and stuff like that. If that makes sense, I was like, yeah, you know, I could see you and it was cool. I enjoyed it. But it wasn't like, oh my god, I'm obsessed with this person blah, blah, blah, blah, which is not that's almost what I'm looking for. If I'm going to go on a date, if I feel that, then I'm like, okay, we actually got something like, okay, if I drum myself, not that it's not bad, but it's like, yeah, we'll see. Sometimes it takes a while. I'm definitely one of those people where it's like, either feel it or I don't. And if I don't feel it, I'm trying to figure out why again, that people pleasing. When I tell you, on Monday, she got my ass, because I had gone out with a friend. And I'm just going to vent for two seconds. This isn't really a red flag. Quick tangy, y'all, but it bothers me just to smidge when I am like really trying to hold a conversation with someone and like ask questions and get to know them. Like they're just kind of avoidant of answering things. Like, oh, where are you from? I'm from blah, blah, blah. Oh, did you like it there? It was okay. Like, are you? That's so short. Are you interested in holding a conversation? Like, we're in person. If you don't answer questions or you're not really interested in having a conversation, 30 minutes in, I'm going to be ready to go. But feel bad because we just got here and I'm ready to pee. to fuck out go back home heat up a pizza and call them out the fucking day like which I mean you should don't waste your time I should but the people please there it's like let's ride this out is that and like trying to I read body language a lot I read facial expressions I'm like over analyzing because it's that like trying to understand where you are kind of thing because I don't do I don't do well with words not matching vibes I feel like vibes and actions are kind of like parallel to me so it's like you may not be doing anything but like your body language is making me feel like you're uncomfortable and now I'm trying to figure out how to get you back to a point of comfortable so that maybe you will actually open up but that's that people please and like why am I trying to go the extra mile to make this other person and when I finally got around to saying to like maybe I'm just using my people pleasing to my advantage she was just like I'm glad you got there and I was just like I just bust out laughing and I was like really and she was just like listen I wasn't gonna say it for you but I'm happy that you got down to the fact that you're still people pleasing and I was just like it's my superpower but it's still something I'm really actively working on but yeah I don't I don't I don't like that especially if I'm because I'm as you know I'm closed off I don't speak I don't oh why are you hiding that one nail now keep talking no if you're sitting here doing this and now you're facing all the nails and how but I'm just I'm just seeing what it feels like you're doing it on purpose it wasn't even for you well don't don't do it in my face um I'm at a point where I'm trying to be open I'm trying to be honest I'm trying to be vulnerable and when I'm in that space and it feels like the other person in it isn't I feel robbed because why am I doing this shit and you are there aren't or don't want to I just need to get that off my chest oh there you go y'all oh that was only like three minutes that was not that bad glad you got that off your chest thank you I'm doing a real better I'm doing a real good um another one like a sub sub section of boundaries it um sexual compatibility I think that's a really big thing um explain so just making sure that you are sexually compatible and letting people know what your boundaries are in bad I guess you can say um thank you I was waiting for it to understand how it was a sub sect of oh yeah yeah um because you know you're attracted to someone someone they're attracted to you and stuff like that but you don't know what the person's into they don't know what you're into so I don't know it's a first day conversation maybe yes the first day should always be a vibe yeah um but you know sometimes people go up after the first I don't know but um maybe the second or third I don't think having a conversation about sex is awkward and I know some people are more reserved about stuff like that which is fine but you should still talk about if there's any um I don't like to say kinks because I feel like it's almost a negative any interest that you have um why is kinks negative because there's some that I'm just like I don't kinks say but I'm also like I do I do and I don't and uh yeah like for me for example I'm very very vanilla there's this thing that if you have not done it's called a BDSM test and you you answer these questions and then at the end it tells you kind of the percentage of these different categories that you fall into and I was not surprised I was 100 percent vanilla 100 percent switch everything else 000 000 000 000 000 I'm shocked that you're a switch and people are the term switch doesn't it it means like um for me for example this is maybe maybe a little bit team I've heard about but I'm a brat a brat I'm not a brat that's a zero I'm not any of those things so a switch is for me for example I tell people even though I am what they call a bottom there's not automatically mean I'm submissive I can't be but I can still ain't nobody slapping me right I don't want to slap nobody around either but sometimes it's nice I'll see it I get up so not me getting so have you seen that video where dude is like slapping the shit and he starts like punching dude that would be me you got one time to love tapping if I look at you like nigga what the fuck is your problem and you slapped me again now we're fighting we I'm beating something else now your ass because and another way you feel what I'm saying because now you've crossed the line yeah um so even though I am a bottom does not mean I'm submissive and I can be dominant even though I could be bottoming um so that's where for switching that that falls for me um I like to take control and stuff sometimes to um nothing I think you know the story about my I don't like my neck stuff anymore you don't do that um I'm I'm still actually not even a gentle no the minute I feel like hand come up I bring your back down no no no no yeah I leave that alone um and then I feel weird if somebody wants to do it to them and I'll do like a light and they're like hard and I'm like I can't yeah I have a I have a very I feel like because I'm such an aggressive person I feel like when it comes to intimacy I try to be less aggressive please please gross um and so it's a lot harder for me to get into that mindset because it feels like I'm purposefully hurting someone and that it takes me out of it so I understand yeah want me like I can on a cage but even if I do it's like like you and I'll be like oh and I tell people I'm a soft boy my that's fucking for sure my style quote if you will it's more like passionate and sensual is what I like and enjoy uh yeah I do not like I would have to I don't know it just doesn't it doesn't do anything I actually kind of get more fearful I guess you can say if it gets a little rough and stuff like that no thank you rough and stuff for my afro puffs um what's another red flag um another one is uh oh when I was gonna he had said something earlier too and I wanted to comment on it I can't remember what it was um what was I talking about it was during your little rant I don't try to take opening up no um oh so um it was be careful I have become very known nonsense you can give you can talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk to you are blue in the face about you want to do this and I like you if you're not doing anything if your actions are not matching up to what you are saying oh that it's more of an annoyance and a red flag but I'm not gonna give you the time of day like for me it's both it's an annoyance and a red flag it's after my last relationship I was like if actions and words aren't matching we gotta we gotta stop because I can't I realized how much I can't handle it um it's it's annoying just because of how frequently it happens and um it's annoying because I personally am very I'm very action oriented yes first I'm gonna fuck about the more it's coming out your mouth I need to see what that action is yeah follow through you can just woo woo woo woo woo I was watching Siegel live uh living single I'm sorry living secretly yesterday and sing clear was like uh but I'm just gonna be like okay and just be like sure like I'm listen and I'm only gonna entertain it for us along from just like peace I'm over it um if you're like I want to see you when make time um I want to talk to you when like you could I had I made a little real if they want to they will short to a wheel beach very simple if they want to see you they want to make time they want to talk to you they will no one on this earth is too busy to be like hey you know I'm thinking about you or I'm busy but I'll call you later or to there's 24 hours in a day and I understand people can get busy whatever but if you could just take a couple minutes to put aside and and give an update or something cool I don't save numbers I have not saved a number in a long time. I can exchange a number. But until I can see that you are going to be a oh oh oh another one reciprocating energy. I'm not going to be the only one that is putting in time and effort and trying to set stuff up and you know hanging out or whatever. And if I start noticing the minute I start noticing that the only time we talk is if I initiate the only time we hang out is if I set something up. I'm going to fall back because ain't no way. I'm going to be out here looking crazy. And my mom actually is someone who had to tell me like you band over backwards for people real quick. But you need to have them do the same for you basically. Oh so you doing the bending? I thought you were going to say something smart. Shake. My mom has also called me out about being patient of you know you'll bend over backwards or somebody but it doesn't happen for you. And I'm past the point of accepting that as being okay. That is good. That is good. Green flag. Let me tell you this new therapist baby. She'll let me go on a rant and be like or a tangent and just be like okay so as we were saying I was just like oh this bitch you kidding me and I was just a letter. I love it. I love that for you. What else? And I'm trying to keep these broad and I make it too personal but it's very hard. What else? What else? What else? Red flags that I look out for. I can't think of anything right now. I think we've done like five or six and those are those are really good ones. Those are ones that I feel like everyone should be applying to their mentality. I think a personal red flag that y'all need to do. It's don't be please please and I'm trying I'm trying to make sure I'm not going to be a hypocrite when I say this and I'm thinking I don't think I am that do not be digmatized okay. Do not no dingling on this earth. Please go ahead. You must have a dingoing a gold. Love that song. Triple platinum in my house. No because it'll have you be doing stupid things. Always great. Like doing stupid things. Hey, common sense out the window. Looking crazy like a fiend begging for it. Like it's 2 a.m. Go to sleep. It is okay. I've had to catch myself too. This is going to be. Did I talk about this last time? I already did last episode so never mind. You talked about how I'm having a relapse almost so we have to pump your brakes. You know this pineapple kombucha is so good. Have y'all is by synergy. It's delish. I don't know. Actually, I think another red flag could be if you're on a date because you were talking about like you know carrying conversation or whatever. If the person you're on a date with will not let you get a word in and they're just only talk about either themselves and blah blah blah blah. Maybe for me I actually not that I get nervous but I love to talk and I'm always careful to be like you know if I try to be conscious and either pause and like ask them a question or if they ask me something I'll talk to talk and be like what about you because I don't ever want to take over a conversation because I can just I keep going. Yeah that was part of the issue with me. It felt like I had to because I wasn't getting anything out of the other person and it's like I can only do this for so long before I start to get kind of annoyed because I don't want to have to like bitch my back hurts because I'm carrying the fuck out of this conversation and I really need you to do your mother fuck part. Have you ever seen this post where it's like if you really want to know how someone is like go out to eat and see how they react like if their food is messed up and how they like talk to the server or whatever or there's certain situations of how they react to like inconveniences or stuff like that like you know over here we do not disrespect servers and stuff like that. What that bitch if you snap at a server I will literally get up and walk the fuck out. I'm gonna give the server a tip I'm so sorry. The look on my face alone will ruin the rest of the night because how the fuck if you'll snap at them you'll snap at me and if you snap at me we got fucking problems I'm not a dog I'm not an animal of any mother fucking sort I am not a help oh that is actually something yeah like what they do to others will probably eventually fall on you probably so you need to be watching what they do and how they talk to people and stuff because when you're on the date with someone you know you want to not that you put not that you put on a show but you kind of kind of clean the edges a little bit you know most people do most people do they have common sense but you know the the real that might slip out and they might be saying something you'd be like huh and I've seen so many times people like I should have I should have listened from the star I should have paid attention blah blah blah because it's like you see the side right there and it may not be happening to you directly right now but I would hate a year or two later next you know where's my breakfast or like are you listening I'm gonna leave why I put my hands on you like mine I would not be able I would not be able to get past the fact that they don't go fucking snapped at me I would not how could you everything afterward is irrelevant is bitch in my head I just kicked you in your chest like oh what was that couple the the yeah the girlfriends are huge and he she got up and kicked him out there chair that's exactly what I was picturing in my head when I said I just kicked you in your chest oh my goodness I just stomped your mother fucking chest in bitch because how the fuck dare you how dare you how dare you yeah nobody's napping that mean in the body um not unless you want to die another thing I thought of it's when people talk about like past relationships or x's it's important to see how they talk about whether the how the relationship ended how they talk about their partner or whatever or I'm sorry x partner and stuff and there has to be accountability on their part to you know and if it's if it's only downplaying or being negative and blah blah blah it could be it could be true maybe the x is like real crazy or blah blah I don't know but usually there has to be some fault on both sides yeah and if they can't take accountability I feel like that's a red flag ain't nobody perfect at all at all I don't be like anytime someone tells me look oh my god you're perfect and like please please do not let's not do that I hate that word please don't do that I'm not a perfect person I shoot that down real quick um thank you but no right trick wrong bitch we don't we don't do any of that um that's not gonna make me feel no type away oh people that do like double triple texting um that doesn't bother me well no in the beginning so you read exchange numbers oh that didn't it doesn't bother me well not that but like where it's like say they text you and you don't respond to busy and they're like hello see that's different that's double not not double texting like back to back but like a uh if you don't respond back quick enough or on these fucking apps let me tell you before we go that is the most annoying shit ever nigger I'm at work like you should be I'm focused on my job I will respond to you when I fucking respond you're not my man you're not my nigger you are not my boo you are man one to me I don't Know you I don't owe you a fucking response whether I want to or not get the fuck out of my inbox with that bullshit You no one is owed a Response if I master someone and they don't respond cool. I moved the fuck on I'm not going to press someone and figure out why you're not why aren't you responding? What are you doing bitch? I'm minding my fucking business Blocked how about that? Yeah, I find that very Gross like someone messages me and for what any reason I'm just not interested not that I need to tell them I they don't they're not out anything and they want to be like, oh, so you don't want to text me or you're online I'm like so what and this is why I get the premium verse so I can keep my blocks unlimited We need to do an episode on attachment styles because that is a very anxious attachment style. Oh, I don't think I know those I wonder where mine is Other like a few mm-hmm. Oh interesting. They're secure. There's anxious and then there's a avoidant. Oh, I have an avoidant Attachments are interesting. Oh, okay. I like that. I'm gonna put that down. Okay. There you go See boom bitch. I get to or I can use this as my one for the week All right, so we're gonna wrap things up in a little bit. I hope that this has brought clarity to some people I hope that you know if you find yourself. Oh shit. I'm in a situation ship boom get out Or you know you're just out here on these apps in these streets and you're just like dud after dud after dud The problem isn't you maybe it could be you keep attracting bum ass niggas Maybe you need to evaluate what kind of energy that you were bringing to the mother fucking table Maybe it is you and if it is as long as you recognize that boom run the run the road to recovery or if it's not You exactly it's the kind of niggas that you are attracted to And it is then it does come back to you and you gotta do some reworking accountability This is what the fourth time that we have said it is episode. Yeah, it does come back to you But otherwise these red flags please please please keep on keeping up for them Don't be like me with the horse blinders on with the with the rose colored glasses and stuff Does not matter how attractive the person you're talking to is they could look great on the outside and hideous on the inside They usually are are you trying to get slapped around in the future? No I Was so unsure on how to respond to that because I started adjusting the volume for the outro And all I heard was you trying to get slapped and I was like Excuse me and then you said in the future and I was like he is not talking to me But it caught me I was like damn nigger. I'm just adjusting the fucking volume so we can be ready You threatening me and shit like I ain't trying to cut your ISO. Oh, that's what I could Never slap you You would try it just for fun. I like I'm perfect. Exactly. Oh, that's what I'm saying you would try it Maybe a little flicker. You just tried to put your toe on my mouth earlier. Yeah, I'll and I would I would a bit that shit Why did you make that face? I'm so sorry Anyways, I'm tiger teeth any put the music on Thank you so much for you to tell me twice Thank you so much for listening. I hope y'all enjoyed Yeah, so if this is your episode that you're tuning into we made our comeback the last episode so that would be Like mid-October something like that last week. Yeah, the episode before this month that's titled we are back Yeah, so that's that's our like that's our like re re introduction I guess if you it was literally just us catching up So now we're back like we said episodes come out on Thursdays 9 a.m. Central So be on the lookout for that and then follow us on Instagram hate coffin podcast If you're DMing us. Oh We both don't see it anymore We could I can't let you know whatever. Oh, you said the hate coffin log in though, right? Yeah, I'm gonna do is read down with you. Oh, there you go boom, so then we'll be able to both see it If it's ever something like for one of us specifically or anything like that just no tape It's a question or something for specifically and we respond People that either have listened to us or whatever kind of know our messaging styles are a little bit different or would just say who it is talking to you I feel like usually when it's me. It's very obvious that it's not my biggest one is my LOS Because I do a big L little old big L. Yeah, my phone started doing it I really wiped LOL to you one day and it automatically did it and I was like absolutely not a lot of people have been doing and that's so weird That because I do it their phones. I just started to do it. Yeah, it's fucking annoying. I said, oh look at everybody. It's time to catch on It shouldn't But send us questions send us you know big topics Anything messy. That's for AJ. I don't really care for any of that Yeah, or if you know letting us know that you like I love when y'all let us know like you know The episode that you like or you guys just like listening to us or blah blah blah love all of that When listening please leave us like a review and a rating five stars Let us know what you'd like anything that we can improve on or change or whatever You can donate on our fun Lee Venmo cash up now whatever you got options The holidays are coming up. It's the season of giving And yeah, that's all I got for you. I hope y'all enjoyed Stay warm out there I mean at least here in Chicago. It's not that bad Bitches freezing in this apartment. Oh, it's only 60 outside Mm-hmm. I Said I wanted the winter and now I'm kind of regretting it. Oh, yeah, happy holidays coming up And um, we'll see y'all next week. I can't wait to be out of Scorpio season We haven't even started it Exactly Bye y'all