Recover From Failure — Overcome Rejection, Reframe & Restart

Hello my love, welcome back to the busy at pretty podcast. I'm your host Jaden Haley. I hope you're having a wonderful day so far and a wonderful start to your morning if that's when you're listening. I feel like during this time of season we kind of get in a slump and we feel not as motivated which is totally okay but it is important to try to figure out what can we do to make us feel better which is why I love this episode because a lot of times we can feel like if we were rejected by something whether that's our own motivation or rejected by somebody a job anything and just feeling like we overall failed that can be something that really just gets us down in the dumps and I think it is important to figure out how to navigate things after you failed and what failure means like what is what does that mean to you meaning that you failed so I'm excited to talk about that today. I really hope you enjoyed this recap episode and again we're going to be having brand new episodes coming soon in the new year. If you've been keeping up with my health you know I've talked about it over my socials where still navigating my health journey definitely just a day by day process but so grateful for your support and if you always want to chat we can always talk over the broadcast channel. I love talking to you guys directly over the broadcast channel and again if you're active over my socials I just want to say thank you so much. I have been like randomly shipping out things to you guys just people who I see are supportive so I'm just so appreciative for all the support and love and I hope you have an amazing day but I'm so excited to talk about today how you can navigate after you feel like you failed. So you failed so here's what to do sometimes we feel like we hit rock bottom and it literally feels like it's the end of the world. I feel like we've all felt this way whether we end up getting rejected from something or we're so bogged down and weren't able to complete everything it just feels like it's the end of the world and nothing can be worse than our position now. Really sometimes we think there's nothing that's worse than my position but let me just say that is untrue it could be a lot worse and I swear to you so many people would trade their best day for your worst day or for instance you feel like it's the end of the world and you're basically just signing your death and just keep digging your grave deeper than it already is. A lot of times we think well I'm already in the steep so I might as well make it worse or you think okay well I've already messed up this much it doesn't matter anymore I can mess up everything else and when you quote failed the first step you need to do is have realization and touch base with reality because when you really think you hit rock bottom you're really not rock bottom and it most definitely can be worse. Again your worst day someone out there would trade their best day for your worst day so that just reminds you that somebody always has it worse and your situation could always be worse so be thankful for where it is right now because you would not want it to get any worse than it is and to circle back to the word fail failed failure all the fails what do you define as failure because failure has lots of different definitions and but we I want to know what do you define failure because is it being rejected is it somebody saying no to you is it being declined from a job that you applied to is it not getting the validation that you expected because we all define failure differently because we're basing the word and the definition off our experience we're marking our experience a certain experience that we personally have as a failure so I want to know how do you define failure think about that because if it's being rejected is it not getting validation you wanted or if it's not getting the job that you applied to if it's rejection that's a form of failure to you let me remind you that that was not in your control there's times where we are going to be rejected from things whether it's a job somebody telling us no or the guy we like not liking us back there's gonna be rejection in your life but you cannot make the word rejection be the word failure those are two different things because let me just tell you rejection is redirection and I know you're sick of hearing that probably but it's true you were just putting in stamping on the word failure to that and you're putting that as a fail when it's not a fail it's just redirecting you to what's actually meant for you genuinely why would you want something that doesn't want you back or why would you want something that's not meant for you I swear to you rejection is just a part of your story it seriously is because it may feel like deep down well that was the right option that's all I want and that was the right thing that was meant for me but guess what that wasn't the right thing it wasn't meant for you even if you want that you'll realize one day why you didn't have that and think oh my gosh thank gosh that didn't work out because if it did it would not lead me to where I am today there was a time and place where I was in love with someone I was with and I thought I was gonna marry them we had planned to move to New York and I was gonna go to school there and this was just as my social media and podcasts were really starting to take off and I figured out they were cheating and when that happened I was like I could have stayed in that relationship and been disrespected but I also could leave and figure it out and guess what I did I left because I wasn't gonna have someone disrespect me so I was like you know thanks gotta go gonna figure out my new path now it's gonna be a lot different than what I expected my next few years were gonna look like but this is not for me I'm not gonna allow someone to treat me like that so I left and guess what it's led me to where I am today I would have never moved I would have been living in New York or would have been living still at home if I were to stay with this person if that path worked out thank god that that didn't work out because it would not have led me to where I am today I probably wouldn't have had my podcast as big as it is today I wouldn't have had so much in my life and experienced so much if I were to stay in that small bubble that at the time I thought was the only right path until I got forced out of it when I forced myself out of something I was comfortable in and thought you know what I'm gonna have to figure it out I'm gonna figure out a new path for myself it was so eye-opening because at that moment I felt like that was the only right path and then look where it led me that's why I want you to know where if you get rejected from a job if you get rejected from whatever it is let me remind you that it's not rejection it's a redirection one it's out of your control I also when I applied to school um in New York I also was rejected from the school at that time I was like what the heck why am I being rejected guess what I thank gosh didn't go to that school because it led me to where I am today I'm telling you even if it feels like at that moment you knew the right path for you you knew the right position for you and you're so disappointed why it didn't work out you're gonna look back one day and be like thank god I didn't go through with that because it would not have brought me to the right position and right path to where I am today of course I didn't love what happened to me when I was bullied when I was younger and I didn't love that I had my eating disorder nobody who has these experience loves that they had it but I think it's always anything negative in life you could always find the positive out of it and let me just say I'm so grateful that I had gone through this experience and made it out strong to inspire and help others that's where this podcast was started is from my own experiences feeling what it feels like to feel alone feeling sad going through real life experiences that are not talked about enough and now I get to share that with you guys and get to share and help you guys and comfort you guys and look that even the person who left the review on the podcast said they made a podcast and I inspired them to do that it's a domino effect when you make someone feel good they're gonna feel good and want to help someone else feel good so if you're seriously hung up on something you were rejected by you have to stop and think to yourself this is not failure this is redirection because you're not this was not the right path even if you think it is I promise you there's something better out there for you if you were to have gone through with something that you were rejected by because I was just saying how why would you want to be going through with something that doesn't want you back so if you were to have gone through with what you were rejected by and gone through that path you would never have been presented the better opportunity you would never have known it was out there because you would just think oh this is the right thing this is the right path I'm gonna do it anyways even though it rejected me I'm gonna continue on meaning if you happen to get that job that and it didn't reject you and stuff then that would be your path that would be your path but you wouldn't have known what was out there stop taking rejection to heart okay it's not personal and if it is if someone's using personal feelings against you then so be it again why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want you back okay let it go and start building your new path because there is something better out there for you when I get presented with a brand deal opportunity with good money of course I get so excited and I'm like oh my gosh I have my mind fixated on it I had a six figure opportunity presented to me and I would just praying I would book this because I really wanted to book it and they chose a different creator instead and of course it's easy to think and feel bummed out about it but instead of feeling bummed out and wishing I could change the situation I moved on because I knew there was something better coming my way at that moment it can feel so devastating because maybe you worked yourself up to get excited for something but again this is that was not meant for you because there's something better out there for you you have to realize that you're going to hear more no's in life than hear yeses and that goes with every successful person if you think of even um actors and actresses a lot of times they say they hear so many more no's of course than yeses and that's just how it is you you're going to hear more no's than yeses and when you hear the yes and it's the right thing that was the right thing for you so you can't be caught up on something else or you're never going to know what else is out there don't settle for what you think you want when what is meant for you is on its way so when rejection strikes just be open to what's on its way let's say your form of failure that you have in mind is you not reaching your goal so you couldn't reach your goal you didn't succeed in that so to you that's failure or not getting the grade or score that you aim for or you didn't live up to your expectations in results failure from your own doing and not from someone else's doing because rejection that's going to be failure from out of your control that's someone rejecting you or something rejecting you this is your form of failure where it was in your own doing you didn't live up to your expectations you didn't reach your goal and you didn't get the score that you wanted let me remind you that we all measure success and failure differently and we all have different definitions of how we define failure so your definition of failure may be someone else's success what i mean by that is let's say your goal is to write seven paragraphs today but you only were able to complete five paragraphs so in your eyes you failed but while someone else is aiming for to complete three assignments your five assignments that you did is so beyond successful in their eyes so understand the way you someone else your friend your mom your dad your cousins me we are all viewing and defining the word failure based on our own expectations of our i really want to tell you about this thing that i've been adding into my routine lately especially during this time of year since we're just snacking more and it's nice to eat all those holiday meals and sweets and snacking but at the same time it's important to continue getting the nutrients we need for our health so every day after breakfast i've been having my ag1 it's literally one easy scoop that you add to your water i feel like it's that perfect healthy holiday balance that you need so whenever you're just snacking and you just feel off routine it just makes you feel better that you're still getting those vitamins and minerals that you need i absolutely love it and i know you all too so head to drink ag1.com/pretty to get a free welcome kit with an ag1 flavor sampler in a bottle of vitamin d plus k2 when you first subscribe that's drink ag1.com/pretty it truly is just perfect for this time of season with the new year approaching it is time for you to lock in with not just your work that you're currently doing but thinking about having a business maybe you do already have a business or you want to have a business one day it is your time to do so and you don't need to wait to the new year to start even start now because the holidays are truly the perfect time to start when people are buying those gifts that's why i really recommend Shopify. Shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e-commerce in the u.s from household names like aulo to gymshark to brands just getting started they have a great way to use templates to help you just match your storefront to your brand style they help accelerate your content creation they have so many helpful tools for descriptions page headlines and product photography they help you have marketing tools just like having a marketing team so that you can get the word out there and get your business going and rolling they also help you manage inventory to international shipping and processing returns and all truly everything that you need to just get going with your business turn your big business idea into with Shopify on your side sign up for your one dollar per month trial and start selling today at Shopify.com/busyatpretty go to Shopify.com/busyatpretty Shopify.com/busyatpretty yourself and again to remind you that failure is the key to success not one successful person had an easy climb okay let's say maybe they inherited lots of money from their family maybe it's a little easier successful climb to start their business than someone who has no money but let me just tell you that every single successful and happy person did not have an easy climb if you want an easy route then take shortcuts and stay in your comfort zone because you will never grow and you'll never achieve anything and at the end of the day let's say you feel that you failed regardless of what you define as failure you felt that you failed so in your eyes you failed what you do from there is you need to pick yourself up and nowhere to move forward you have to almost create like a mental tool like boxing your head so you have these tools on what to do and where to move forward when you get in these positions of feeling that you failed allow yourself to be frustrated and bummed out for a few hours of the day or the week but give yourself a week max don't wallow endlessly and just think oh my gosh this was the right decision that was the right person for me and all these things because you wallowing and crying is not going to change anything i am all for embracing your emotions because you need to you can't shut it out or it's still going to be there in the back of your head but allow yourself to have those emotions come out feel the feelings be bummed be sad but then move on because it's not going to change if you just sit there you don't want to live your life and sadness you want to live your life and happiness and i want you to be able to pick yourself up to move forward and create a better even better path from there so once you're sad and you're bummed then reflect and see that you can move forward and try again because you can learn from those experiences and your mistakes you also need to focus on what you can control it's very easy to focus on what are they gonna say what is what is this person gonna say do i get the job do they like me back all these different things it's easy to think what's going to be the outcome based on what they choose or what the end result's gonna be but that's not in your control do your action do your part then let it go because when you're so caught up in what the end result is going to be you're not going to be letting yourself live okay you're going to be so wrapped up in one thing you have to realize that focus on what you can control okay so set a new goal and path moving forward when you feel like you failed but set a new path moving forward with steps that you need to take to achieve that thing failure is temporary it's not permanent it's a temporary setback that's all it is it's a temporary setback but it's our human nature to feel like it's some huge thing when we fail or some huge thing when we're rejected or when we didn't achieve as much as we thought we were going to you can't change the past but you can change moving forward so really think about that don't be caught up in the past and think of what can you do moving forward take this past failure to be your new strength moving forward because when you get back up and try again this won't be your first rodeo you're already gonna know what's gonna it's gonna be like okay you already know the steps you need to take you already know what the situation looks like you're aware you know the environment you know how this goes so don't feel like when you get shot down you can't try again you have to try again you have to pick yourself back up even if you get rejected from a job interview and you're like really adamant in wanting that same job interview again at that same job you can do things at that same path multiple times and try and put your effort and you know if you keep being rejected okay try a different thing out but don't give up just because you're rejected don't give up just because something doesn't work out once maybe it didn't work out because it wasn't according to their timeline it has nothing to do with you same with the relationship maybe that person didn't want to move forward with the relationship because they had a lot of things going on in their personal life but you know maybe a few months down the line they're much more open open minded to the relationship because they're much more organized than everything in their life people do things on their own timeline and you have to realize if your timeline looks different than theirs it may not work out and that goes for jobs relationships everything so don't shoot yourself down thinking it's because something you did or yourself or you're not good enough for the job the person the whatever because it all has to do with timeline it's like a puzzle everything's like a puzzle what's meant for you you're gonna fit that puzzle piece and if it's not meant for you maybe you'll fit it another time but it's not right now at the same time of you getting back up and trying again I want you to look and observe others who have achieved those things and who have achieved the goals that you want to achieve because what you can do is look observe and learn from their experiences and integrate that into your life and think okay they took these steps to get where they are today how can I do these same things into my life to get to where I want to be something that's really important when you feel like you failed is remember your why realign with your why and I've talked about this before but having a purpose and having a why is your driving passion and why you take action you're not going to take action when you don't have a passion or a why okay so think of why do I want this what why am I wanting this job why am I wanting this person realign and think of your why because that's going to better motivate you to get back up and try again another thing you need to do when you feel like you failed is start a new routine form a new routine around these goals so if you think okay I want this job then start incorporating into your day in your new routine things that can help you learn more about this job and better fit that job because if you just think gosh I'm just gonna try again and I'm sad but I'm just gonna try again I guess but you put no effort into it you have to in order to get that thing that you want you have to come back better than ever okay come back again even better more informed better equipped better more confident with it you have to come better with your skills everything you can't just come back the same version you did the first time or you're probably gonna get a no again so you have to come back with your skills feel equipped it feel confident and that's going to do such a change going back the second time another thing in life to remember that progress is a goal consistency over perfection it's so easy to feel like we're not completing something or we're not achieving something we all have a vision board I look at mine every day it's hung up on my wall and you know I have my visions my goals they're really big but I've achieved them before I've achieved many of my vision boards that I didn't think I would achieve anything on it I did you have to just think okay I want this goal but don't make that the goal that's the end goal but don't make that the main thing you're thinking about every day think about what steps can I take to better myself and get progress because consistency over perfection if you start and then it doesn't work out you feel like you failed and you don't get back up then you just signed your death for that and it's not going to work out as long as you're getting some bit of progress even if it's not a lot even if it's 0.1% of progress that's better than nothing and when it comes to progress I want you to of course prioritize your personal life and self-care time for you and your routine because going 100% and leaving yourself burnt out tired no motivation no creativity it's going to just leave you feeling sad and drained and it's not going to work out give the effort that you're able to give don't over give yourself and pull from other energy factors of your life so if you have a family to come home to or a spouse to come home to you can't give all your energy to work give as much as you can to your work but don't pull from your energy that you want to give to your family when you come home you want to give all that energy also to work you want to save some energy for that reserve parts of you for each thing and only give as much as you can for that part for work portion out what energy that you can give and save some for your own life or you're gonna feel draining you're gonna feel tired and burnt out every day lastly a quote that I love that I really want to share with you is failure is your opportunity to begin again this time more intelligently I love that quote so much and I really hope you feel motivated and remember that how you define failure is your own definition we all define failure how we define it and it's going to look different for all of us you did not fail this is just a temporary setback okay you can pick yourself up and try again even better and also there's a better opportunity and path for you out there I love you so much and if you feel it felt inspired by this episode please share over your tiktok and instagram and tag me because I always love reposting and when I see you guys comment my podcast recommending it over like tiktok on like comment sections it makes my day when I scroll through the comment sections on people's tiktoks that ask for podcast recommendations and I see the podcast listed I am just so beyond grateful and I just love our community that we have but anyways I love you so much truly and if you listen to this episode all the way to hear go comment a pink flower emoji on my comment section and then I'll know you came from the episode I love you so much and you have not failed you just found a route that wasn't your path and do not forget to stay busy at pretty