Reading Confessions That People Never Should Have Shared

Welcome back ladies and gentlemen, today we are going to be diving into some deep dark depths of reddit because these are confessions that people probably should have left in their own mind and not put on the internet book they did and we found them. So let's judge them. Let's go. My wife and I only make love in a pitch black room and we roleplay that we are two blind people meeting for the first time. We feel like it heightens our other senses. I feel like this is offensive. This is culture appropriation, disability appropriation. Is that the word? I don't know what it's a blindness appropriation. On a positive tip, you and your wife trying to spice it up and landing on like, what if we were both just blind in here? You know what I mean? I feel like that's kind of cute. Your marriage feels like we've just been doing the same old regular stuff. We're in the same routine, same positions. Let's get black outshades. Also, let's get the number for this black outshades company because this is unbelievable. This black outshades company is so good. Their drapes are so dark that you keep out all the light pollution to the point where these two people are like, it's so dark in here. Let's just pretend we're blind and fuck each other. I mean, this is a whole new marketing campaign for this company. The blinds work so much that you're blind. Put up the blind so at night you're blind and you could fuck your wife as a blind person. You know, I think that this is good for everybody. It's good for the husband. It's good for the wife. It's awareness for the blind and it's good for the black out curtain company. I don't know. My husband have two years who I also dated for two years before getting married doesn't know I have a sixth toe on my right foot. I sleep in socks, swim in swimshoes. Don't let him see me in the shower, etc. He's just never noticed and has never said anything. This is the weirdest thing I've ever seen in my entire, what's going on in this marriage? He's never seen you in the shower. You're swimming with swimshoes like you're a fucking eight-year-old at a birthday party. Also, at the end of the day, it's just a sixth toe. Cares. Maybe he would be into that. You never know. I'm trying to think right now. I'm not a foot fetish guy. But if my wife popped out with a sixth toe, I might be like, what's that taste like? What happens if I nibble on that? Is there a feeling in it? Can I tackle it? What's going on with the sixth toe? Let's experiment with the sixth toe. It's abnormal. You've got to pack more into a sock, but that's your cross to bear. I'm not going to judge you for it. Also, are you just never wearing flip-flops? Where do you wear on the beach? Air Force ones? Like, what do you wear? How are you hiding your foot from your husband all these years? You've never gotten a foot rub? This is what you got to do. You got to treat this sixth toe. You can't throw it in the corner like it's, you know, this piece of shit that you're afraid of. Let it see the sunshine. It's never felt the sun. It's never seen the sun. Let it get on a beach. Let it get sand between it and the other one, the normal one. I think you need to free yourself from the shame of the sixth toe, all right? This is your husband. He's known you for four years. After two, he's like, I'm going to spend the rest of my life with this person. You think a little sixth toe is going to make a set of running for the hills? And if it does, you don't want that guy. But instead, you'd be like, look, I've been hiding someone for you because I'm really ashamed about it. He's going to be like, what the hell? What's going on? And then you're going to rip off your sock. And you're going to show this extra little toe on the side. And maybe he just puts a little fucking ranch on that thing and goes to town. You never know. And then, then you'd be truly free. I live alone in every night before bed. I put peanut butter between my toes and let my dog lick it out. It's like a free foot massage. I love the feeling. You see, there's people that are ashamed of their toes. And then there's people like this that deserve jail time. You're worried about having a sixth toe. And it's just, you know, it's just the hand you were dealt. This person is actively manipulating a dog into licking their feet. This is disgusting. This person should be in jail. Legitimately, I would tell. If I knew who it was, I'm sending a letter to someone who can jail you. I feel bad for this dog. Also, every night you're giving your dog peanut butter, how is there not diarrhea of foot? If my dog breathes too much in a single day, he'll fucking wake me up at 2 a.m. Like, hey, I got to take a watery shit. I don't know how people are just out here feeding their dog peanut butter every single day and he's just totally fine. That's a lot of, it's a lot of canola oil and fucking protein that you're giving this dog, dude. Yeah. This is completely fucked. You deserve jail. Your dog deserves better. You don't deserve toast. I was short on money so I stole my eight-year-old neighbor's scooter, cleaned it up and gifted it to my niece for her birthday. I even heard the dad yelling at the kid for misplacing it. You're a piece of shit. I mean, let's just get that out of the way completely. If you're the type of person who's going to rob an eight-year-old of their scooter, I'm going to assume the fact that you're short on money is your fault, sir. Okay? I assume you're just a fucking bum and you're just going to result in like, I'll just fucking steal from an eight-year-old and I'll listen to her being yelled at by her father and I'll just snicker about that next door. This is psychotic, dude. Also, you cleaned it up. What does that mean? You buffed it out or you got soap and water and you cleaned the thing and you're giving your niece a stolen scooter. So your niece is the one that's going to pay for this, you know what I mean? She's going to be riding that thing around. You don't think the kid's going to notice like, that's my scooter. With the red handles, that's mine. Tell her dad, now the dad's yelling and then the dad is now yelling at the other dad and they've they get into a fight and then like both marriages collapse eventually because the wives are like, you're so aggressive with people, I keep telling you that and then like the daughters grow up and they hate each other because it's like, that's a bitch robbed me when I was younger and you never forget stuff like that, especially when you're doing it all because you couldn't just get a fucking job and get her a fucking doll. After a poo, British, I always do my last wipe with my bare hand. I then immediately wash my hands. I then immediately wash my hands, but it's a habit I've had since I was a little kid. By the time I get to the last wipe, it's usually pretty clean, but I just have to do that last wipe with my hand. There is a lot going on in here, obviously there is a person wiping their ass with their bare hand here and I just want to look at the language for a second if we could dissect this. By the time I get to the last wipe, right? Which that makes it sound like you've been at it for a while. It's usually pretty clean. Not it's usually clean because that would mean that like, you know, usually six out of ten times, it's clean and nothing happens. It's fine. Usually pretty clean to me indicates it's never 100% clean, okay? There's not a single time that I go for it every single time I'm like, and then you got to wash your hands. You just don't need to do it. You just keep wiping and you're right there. You know that. You're wiping already. You don't need to do this last wipe with that one. Also, how is that technically your last wipe? Are you telling me that you wipe and wipe and wipe and then you use your bare hand and you get more shit on your hand and you go, well, that's the last one I got it. I must move on now. And listen, I can sympathize with the fact that you're calling this a habit. I'm going to call it possibly OCD or something like that. It kind of aligns with that, which there is nothing wrong with having that. But if you feel like you need to do this, it's just something I've always done. This is beyond a habit. This feels like, you know, a impulse of sorts. I would probably invest in a bidet and just spray it to hell. Let's switch out the bare hand with a fire hose of water pressure into your ass so that you don't have to get shit on your hands. Keep washing. I'm happy you're doing that. But come on. We got to figure this out. All right. Before we get to the rest of this video, you have a sponsor and that is Seaky. 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Take someone nice to something fun. Put in that code Joe 2026 and save 10% off of your next set of tickets. You're welcome. I chew my fingernails, install them all in a mason jar under my bed. One day I want to grind them all up, take a trip to another country and spread them like ashes. Power move. What the fuck is going on? Power move. This is not a power move. A power move is accepting the ball from the top of the key and backing down and dunking it on Shaquille O'Neal. This is insane. What are we talking about here? I've heard of people being like, I'm going to chew my fingernails and I'm going to put them in a jar and then I'm just going to stare at them because I, you know, I'm just nuts. But then you want to grind them up in what, like an avocado bold. And then you're going to take them to another country and you're going to spread them. God forbid someone sees you. You're in Ireland at the clips of more and someone's like, he's at your pa and you're like, it's my nails. I, I ground them up from America, they'd be like, yeah, I know, you know, this is crazy, dude. That's a wild one. That's a wild one. I send my mom scam emails for her cable bill. What's going on? She's been paying me for the last five months, thinking it's really her cable company and she has no idea. I don't even feel bad. She's not leaving me any money anyway. What kind of shit she's not leaving you money? You're a conniving bastard. What do you mean? She's not going to have any money to give you anyway, because she's paying double for her cable, because you're scamming your own mother that held, that grew you in her body nine months, pushed it out, probably shittled over the, the, the table that she was on. Maybe she has. She had a C-section, she has not, she has a scar, she sacrificed her body, she sacrificed her time, and her mental raising you for you to send her scam emails? For what? An extra 150 bucks a month? Garbage, your Garbage, okay? This is your mother. She's not leaving me money anyway. News flash, think of the economy. No one's leaving for fucking kids money. No one has money. I bought my husband a fake Rolex as an anniversary gift and he has no idea it's not real. I'm not, nope, I don't like it. I was gonna say this is not a bad idea, but I also don't think it's a bad idea if you're forthcoming about that. Okay, if you tell him like, look, I'm gonna get you a Rolex, but this shit's gonna be fake, but it's gonna be a good fake. Okay, it's not gonna be a $20,000 watch. It's gonna be like 900 bucks, but no one's gonna be able to tell the difference. Let's be in this thing together. We both kind of get what we want, being bang boom. That I think is a good idea for a gift, but if you're gonna pretend like you spent 20 G's or whatever, $15,000, $10,000 on something, but it's actually fake and there is no resale value out of it anymore. I don't think that's fair because what you have effectively done is put this man in position of being like, oh fuck, her next birthday, I really gotta go all out here. But, you know, what happens if you buy him a fake Rolex, he buys you a real Burkin, you know what I mean? That's a $30,000 bag. What are we doing? Unless that's fake too. This is why you gotta get into it, like you gotta have communication, because if that's just gonna be the deal, that's a pretty good birthday ritual. You and your wife are buying each other fake designer stuff. It's kind of cool. No one can tell the difference. It's all a shame. Come on. I have a fear my boyfriend would cheat on me one day. He's never given me reason to, but it's just my biggest fear. So whenever he is in the shower, I check his phone. When he's not home, I smell his clothes and inspect them for hair or perfume. I go through his dirty laundry and all his drawers. I just have to make sure you just have to make therapy with a therapist is what you need. Okay, you don't, like I get happy, like clearly you have some trust issues. Maybe that's happened because of a previous relationship and, you know, I'm sympathetic to that, but this is not something you should just allow yourself to carry into your next relationship. Because something like this could actually push these people away. If you have a good catch and you got some trust issues and stuff, you need to work on them. And it's okay that sometimes you're relapsing your new relationship, but you should be like, you know what, this isn't good. This is a me problem. Because if you keep doing that stuff, this is not you. And they're gonna be like, I don't want to deal with that. And they're gonna kind of, they're gonna push you away. Also sniffing his clothes. What are you a TSA golden retriever or whatever fucking dog German shepherd? Like what do you mean you're sniffing his clothes for perfume and inspecting it for hair? Like you're a detective. What do you have a magnifying glass? What are we, what are you hoping to gain? If you're checking his phone and you're smelling his dirty laundry or whatever the hell else you're doing, you're inspecting it for hairs and you're not finding any of these things. And you still continue to do it. Isn't it fair to assume that those things are actually not bringing you any closure? Maybe we should go down a different route. That's not helping you. That doesn't make you feel more secure because you're gonna continue doing that. We got to find something that you do, you're comfortable with and it makes you more secure. It makes you do less of those things. Especially if it's not giving you a reason to do, to do any of those things. You don't want to be the crazy person who looks like inspector gadget in his room every time he goes to take a shit. I use my wife's toothbrush sometimes and she doesn't know. It's hot to me. A kink, I guess. Whatever. No, I don't like this at all. Listen, if my wife used my toothbrush, I'd never forgive her. I don't like that, dude. I know that like you kiss and you know we're making out and our speed is swapped and whatever. I like living there, you know what I mean? But it's my toothbrush and it's your toothbrush. And when you're brushing your teeth, you're kind of kicking up dirt and whatever's, whatever you ate that day and like. It's just gunk and like there's plaque and like I don't want to have yours and you to have, you know what I mean? I'm not expecting you to want to have mine. This is where we draw the line here. We got to separate the toothbrushes. I don't like that. I definitely, and also it's hot to me. What? Why? And how? I guess the grime and the guck and whatever. People are just like, yeah, I don't want to say grime and guck. I mean, I have a normal toothbrush. My toothbrush doesn't look disgusting. I tell you what, my dad, when we were growing up, he used to use whoever's toothbrush was closest in proximity to him. And this dude brushed his teeth as hard as humanly possible. Dude, his head, the toothbrush head literally looks like you had a middle part. Like it like Moses got to the toothbrush and was like, open, and they would just be pillowing out like this. And basically when that happens to your toothbrush, then you end up brushing your teeth with the plastic that remains at the bottom. The bristles are like, they've checked out. They're weeping willowed off to the side and you're just scrubbing your shit with plastic. He used to do that. So I would hide my toothbrush. Okay. I would hide it in the corner like above the tub. I would hide my toothbrush and be brushing my teeth like that. I hid it behind a plant. This is what I can't have this. We can't have this. I didn't do all that and survive that for then my wife to do it behind my back because she thinks it's a kink. No! Huh! Well there you have it folks. These are some confessions. Yeah, I mean, listen, obviously I'm gonna judge these. You're confessing and you know they're weird. That's why you put them up there. Is what it is. I think that some of you guys probably should have kept us to yourselves. I wouldn't tell people about these things. At least you can do it anonymously like this, but get it together. Before we get out of here, just want to let you guys know that you can watch these on Spotify now. So go check that out and don't forget to subscribe and we'll see you next time.