Reacting To People’s Diabolical Revenge Stories

Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Today, we're diving into the most diabolical revenge stories that I could find on the internet. I'm not a very vengeful person myself, but I do like to dabble in reading some, so let's find out how sick you puppies are. My roommate was interviewing for a job at the company I work at. We had gotten into an argument, and I didn't want them to get the job. So on the morning of the interview, I apologized and wished them luck and said, here, I got you a coffee from the coffee shop. She didn't know, but I put laxatives in it. An hour or so later, I watched as she had to leave the conference room three times to go to the bathroom. She did not get the job. Later, she came home and said she shit her pants for the first time in her life, and she must have had food poisoning. She'll never know. You're a demonic bastard, okay? What was this argument even about to the point where you're like, I'm gonna absolutely drug this person and make them shit multiple times during a job interview? Also, we're talking about a job interview here. Livelihood, money to live. And you are sabotaging them, because of an argument you had. Selfish psychoperson, all right? You're the devil. Also, I don't even know why this would be the reason why you wouldn't get a job. If I'm in a job interview, and someone sitting across from me clearly has a cauldron in their stomach, bubbling guts, and they have to leave three times to take watery dumps and come back and try to finish the interview, I'd be like, this person's dedicated, okay? Any other person who doesn't care about this company or care about this job would have called out, would have called in sick, tried to reschedule, but they powered through, and they got here, and they shit their pants in my office. This is the kind of person that I want working here. Someone with dedication, someone who's not afraid to get their hands dirty or their underwear dirty. That's what you want at your company. Went to a restaurant for brunch. Upon receiving my bill, I noticed a $3 charge for table linen. As I was leaving, I folded up the tablecloth. The waiter asked, what are you doing? I said, I paid for it. I'm taking it home. And I did. I get it. But I mean, come on. What are we doing? But I also want, if you're a restaurant, and you are going to make a charge like table linen, don't put it on the bill. Just include it in some of the pasta or whatever. You know what I mean? Add an extra dollar to the spicy rigatoni if you're going to charge me for the tablecloth, all right? If you're going to fucking charge me for sitting, for sitting down or for using a fork or something, just put it into the tax. I'm not sitting there doing the math anyway. Just hide it. Don't put it there because now you deserve it. Now I am going to take it. Not only am I going to take this tablecloth home, but I'm not even going to take it in a way that this person did where they lightly, you know, they folded it up. I'm doing like the magician thing and maybe the whole fucking plates come with me where I'm just like really quickly and see if everything falls off. That's on you. I'm trying to do something cool here with the table and then I paid for it. So I get it. I get it. All right. Had a classic case of a lunch stealer at my old job. I wanted to figure out who it was. So I made a tuna sandwich with tons of ghost pepper flakes in it. I sat at my desk and waited. You know, there's nothing I love more than I like doing a little fucking investigation. And your office or something was like, let me try and figure it out. And then you start setting traps. Then you're waiting from the other side. Like I'm invigorated right now. Like this is what I live for. I would love this. I heard someone start coughing up a lung and choking your first piece of evidence. They were really struggling and people came over to help them and give them water. It was the janitor. Yeah, this is kind of crazy anyway. Also, this janitor was kind of doing you a favor because you brought in a tuna sandwich, which is like, you don't do that. If you're going to eat a tuna sandwich, you eat that at home with the windows closed. Okay. You don't smell the abomination you're about to eat. Hey, tuna sandwiches. Um, but you bring in a tuna sandwich. If I worked there, I'm like this bitch got tuna, bro. This bitch brought in tuna sandwich. Are you out of your mind? It's like eating tuna on a plane. Stinks. Can't have this. So the janitor goes in, he does you a favor and he's like, what's the most bad? Like I'm starving. What's the most wackest shit I could find in here? And he takes your tuna sandwich and he eats it. Also thinking about this man having a coughing fit and coughing a tuna sandwich that he just ate makes me want to vomit. You've just made the entire office smell like tuna spice and, uh, and like the janitor's esophagus. Like, it's just, uh, this is not a good mix. I wouldn't, I wouldn't do it. I mean, I was on board. I want to figure it out too, but this is probably not what I would have done. I commented a guy's phone number on all the one direction fan forums saying Harry's number leaked. He had to change his phone number. I like this. This is a fun prank. Someone does you dirty. I'm going to get revenge. I give you a rate to the one direction fandom. And they're going to eat you up like fucking piranhas. Okay. Cause if you tell someone this is Harry Styles phone number, they will text it. They will go insane. Okay. That's a fun little game that I used to do to my friends back in the day. When you go to a bar and they have a really big Jenga and people write all over them, you would just write like, Oh, text me. It's text me. And I have huge tits. And then, and then a bunch of dudes would be like, yo, this is the big titted queen. And then it's like, your boy's like, yo, I got to change my phone number now. Cause I'm just getting texts from random dudes. This is a fun game. Leaking your friend's phone number. Please don't do it to me. My now ex-husband was verbally abusive to me for years. He's an EMT and would say things like I've seen drowned bodies with nicer skin than yours. Excuse me? Your husband who you married and made the vow and the promise of marriage said this? And your ass has gotten quite misshapen since I married you. What the eff fucking shit? And lastly, sometimes I'd rather fuck a kangaroo's pouch than your dry cooter. I mean, why do we have to bring in? I'm not going to pretend like I've never thought about the kangaroo's pouch, but that's besides the point. We're talking about the fact that you said the dry cooter, this is offensive and all the rest of it is offensive. The kangaroo's pouch is an interesting topic that we can go down a different day. But like the rest of this is very offensive. Like what the fuck is wrong with this guy? This is your wife. You should be, you know, picking her up and complimenting her. This is like the most mean thing I've ever heard in my life. Anyway, eventually found the courage to divorce him. He also collects these NASCAR collections that are his pride and joy. This guy's pride and joy. His NASCAR fucking cars. This guy's a fucking loser dweeb. You got nothing else. What about your wife? How about that being your pride and joy? Instead, you're like, I've seen drowned bodies that got better skin, but this little Dale Earnhardt Jr. toy, you fucking asshole. NASCAR collections that are his pride and joy. And I put them in our fire pit, poured gasoline, lit them up. He came home to his prized possessions, burning and divorce papers, neatly placed besides the flames. I like it. Little nuts, little nuts, the, you know, thinking about the, uh, the visual there. Uh, but, but I enjoy it. I enjoy it. I think that it, you know, it fits the crime. This guy loses his little toys and you get your get back is what it is. It sounds like he signed them too. So I found out he hooked up with a girl he met on vacation. I found his Snapchats to her and their pet name for each other was banana pepper. So I bought 30 jars of banana peppers and dumped them all in his car. That's fire. I like this already. You got a little pet nickname with your little fucking, your little, European slut, banana pepper. Here's 30 jars of it in your new car. Loser. I also had been collecting our dog shit for a week and hid it in our shed. All right, I'm starting to back up. What are we doing that for? When he was out, I took all the poop and put it in the driveway and took every pair of his shoes and stepped in the poop with them. Then I texted his mom that he cheated. We are still together, but I feel better about it. What the fuck? You're nuts. I think that the, both these people are either in the best toxic relationship. And they're just having crazy sex over there or something. Or they're just like insane. And I don't know what's going on, but I was with you. There's the nickname banana peppers. You're like, I'm going to send like this hidden message. I'm going to dump banana peppers all over the inside of his car. Then you're collecting dog shit for a week, which seems like a long time and you don't need to be doing and hiding it in your shed. Can only imagine what the shed smelled like. Then you're putting on a bunch of different pairs of shoes in your own driveway where you've placed dog shit. You're like, I'm going to dump banana peppers all over here. And you're stepping in it purposefully. What are the neighbors thinking when they see this? Like you have a driveway full of shit and then you're out in the front. Like imagine your neighbors across the street being like, yeah, Betsy's out there again. She's stepping on, she put dog shit all over the fucking driveway and she's stepping all in it. Call the cops, call the cops, I guess. And then you texted his mom. Now the mom knows that he cheated. She knows all this stuff is going on. You've got shoes filled with dog shit, a car full of banana peppers. And you're making it work. You're still together. So either that's real love. And this is the, like, this is the most purest form of soulmates that have some issues, but there's something magnetic about the energy. Maybe you guys really enjoy the toxicity. And, uh, I would suggest also therapy. All right. Before we get to the rest of this video, we do have some sponsors. 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Use the code JOE2026. Download SeatGeek. Plug that code in and save 10% off your next set of tickets on me. Enjoy. My neighbor is an absolute dick and called the town on us for doing an illegal renovation by extending our backyard dick. I went to the pet store and bought about 100 of those tiny little fish they sell. And dumped them in his in-ground pool. Uh, murder? Like, I feel like you can't do that to fish. Like, even if you go and you have a fish tank and you buy fish, you've got to, like, put them in the tank in the bag so they get used to it. Then you let it open and then it swims around and it dies in two weeks. That's what you do. If you just throw it into chlorine into a regular pool, I'm pretty sure you're, like, killing them or something. I don't know. Also, I love fish tanks. I know they've kind of gone by the wayside. But, like, those early 2000s, 90s fish tanks in, like, pool movies, I'm like, yo, those are so fire. So if I, if someone was getting revenge on me and I walk into my backyard to my pool and there's just a bunch of fish in it, I'm fucking amped. I'm hype. I'd be like, oh my god, this is a beautiful little ecosystem that I have here. I would, I would enjoy that. But you can't do this. Because you're killing fish and you're making a cool fish tank for this guy. What you've got to do is you've got to go to the store, you buy a bunch of tea bags. Then you throw the tea bags in there. Now you've made his pool tea. The fucking, the pool, he's got to drain the thing. He's got to, he's got to clean the thing. Now we're getting revenge. The fish, I mean, it's not revenge. It's not revenge, trust me. I've been peeing a little in my husband's shampoo bottle for weeks. He's a jerk sometimes, but I still love him. What the fuck is that? Like, he's a jerk sometimes? I need specific examples as to why you would urinate into his shampoo bottles. And also, you're the one who has to sleep next to this guy. He's, his head smells like piss. Your piss. Like, is this not a concern at all? Like, why? Why are we doing this? I've been peeing a little bit in it for weeks. Weeks is also a wild, you are very dedicated to making sure that, like, I am going to piss in this thing all the time. Also, how are you even getting that done? Are we getting a little, what's that called? A funnel situation? You're peeing into a funnel in there? And you're like, okay, take the funnel out? Greg is asking if girls pee in a straight stream. I'm going to go with no. I think it's more of like, you know that one setting on a garden hose where you spray it? And you're like, what was that? And it's kind of like, this is like shower and this. And there's one that's just like, kind of just like, it just like pillows out kind of. It's like that, I think. My best friend found out her husband was cheating. And before she told him she knew, she took all of his suits to a tailor and had them taken in so they'd be too tight on him. I don't know why I thought that was such a good idea when I heard it. I don't know why you thought it was a good idea. This is like an, why would you do that? I would not even think, there's so many other things. I'd key his car, spray paint this. You know, just throw out something he loves or burn something that he likes or, you know, whatever. Something like that. Or just take all my clothes, or throw his clothes into the yard. That's a popular one. You're taking all of his suits to the tailor and getting them hemmed. I mean, I don't even like doing that when I need to do it. Now you're going out of your way to do all that just so he's like, oh, what the hell are my legs? Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross. They're a little tighter than they used to be. I would just cut a hole in the middle of all of them. Like if you're going to like mess up the suits, because also if you do this enough to the point where he can't wear them ever, you might as well just piss on them. You might as well just like, you know, cut them in half, piss on them, do something like that. Light them on fire, throw them in the yard. Bury them. I don't know. I don't know whatever you're into. You know, I don't know if you got a shovel, but yeah, this is, this is a weird one. I don't know. Unless the idea is you take them in such a little bit that he's like, oh my God, these are so, I'm going to have to eventually throw these out. Like they're too tight to wear and you kind of want them to go a little crazy. If that's the case, then I'm kind of into that. I'm kind of into that. All right. You know what? I see the vision now. A kid next door to me always smashes our pumpkins on Halloween with a metal bat. The little shit doesn't care that I have him on camera. I told his parents, but they're apparently deadbeats. I can't control him. Anyway, this year I got three big pumpkins, hollowed them out and filled them with concrete mix, making them solid as hell. The video I have of him taking a metal bat to a concrete pumpkin is gold. The scream he let out is even better. This is how you handle some suburban mischief. Okay, if you got the kid on camera, he's smashing your pumpkins. It's Halloween. That's what you're supposed to do as a child on Halloween. I'm supposed to be going around smashing the neighbor's pumpkins with a bat. You don't call the cops, get the kid in trouble. He's smashing a pumpkin. All right. If he was smashing your window in or smashing your car, but it's a pumpkin. The pumpkin, who needs a pumpkin after Halloween anyway? As soon as Halloween's over, what happens to all the pumpkins? They look like someone shit, like they shit their pants. They kind of fold in and they're like, I kind of droops out. And you're like, oh, and then it stinks. And there's flies. Him smashing it is kind of a favor in a way. Just wait until after the trick or treaters leave in order to smash my fucking pumpkin. But this is how you deal with it. He's pranking you. You prank back. He's going to respect you for it. And I guarantee he leaves the house alone as well. All right. Because if someone like throws an egg at your house and you call the cops, it's just going to make you, it's just going to make them throw more eggs. But if they throw eggs and you are waiting in the bush and you got a paintball gun, you're like, they're not coming back. You know, you prank back. That neutralizes everything. But if you call the police, I'm coming back with a vengeance. Made cherry pie with my period blood in it. Told him two hours after he ate it, then broke up with him. This got to be illegal. I love the idea that your relationship is clearly like going rough because you're heading towards a breakup. And you just go, I'm going to make you a cherry pie. Would you like that? Would you like a cherry pie? And he's just like, yeah, finally. She's finally coming around. And then you. And honestly, now that I'm thinking about it, the idea that you've fished out some uterine lining and put it into this pie is diabolical. Not saying that it wasn't necessary. I am saying it is fully illegal. But I get that sometimes you see red. No pun intended. I love how you waited two hours after he ate it to make sure it was like digested. It's like, yeah, you can't, you know, going back now, it's already in the stomach, you know? And then you're like, by the way, it's over. You just ate, you just ate my uterine, period, secured, breakup commenced. Well, there you have it, folks. Like I said, not really a vengeful person, but it's entertaining to read. I don't know if I have this in me. I just, maybe I'm just like lazy. When people do things to me, I'm just kind of like, all right, and I'm just like, I'm good. I just won't talk or won't, you know, hang out. I just, I'm good. But no part of me is like, you know what I'm going to do now? You just did that to me. I'm going to go hem your pants at the tailor. Like, I can't, I'm not creative in that way. So there you have it, folks. Don't forget, you can go watch this on Spotify. So if you have Spotify, go check out the video on there, or you can watch it on YouTube, wherever you get it. And yeah, don't forget to subscribe. We'll see you next time.