Rachel Scanlon asks about vacation horror stories

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Woo-hoo, you guys. Yeah. Yeah. My day started today with someone at a coffee shop going, are you feeling handsome today? And I said, I sure am. And then they go, and then we were like sitting there and then they go, I'm gay. And I went, me too. And I go, I love this for both of us. And then she said, have a handsome day. I said, you too. How old was this person? Were they like 12? No, maybe like late 20s or something. Early 30s. They were just like, she was just like, I'm gay. And I went, I love that for both of us. I feel like I'm going to start announcing myself as gay. I kind of do everywhere I go. I feel like when someone even like says hi to me in public, I'm like, oh, you're gay. Like I. Like I. Oh, that's a nice way to start the morning. Keep. Yeah. Great. Were you feeling handsome? I actually was. Yeah. Yeah. You're looking handsome. Thank you. Very handsome. I got a new L.L. Bean shirt. That's not a joke. That's. Yeah. No, I believe. Nobody doubts you. Nor is it an advertisement. I'm just telling you. I was. I've been with my mom all week doing a bunch of doctor's appointments. And I went to the store in downtown Belmont and went to the sales rack and got me four L.L. Bean shirts for like 30 bucks each. What a steal. My goodness. So, yes, I'm feeling handsome. Quite the deal. Yeah. I did notice you're back in the ginger chair. That's right. Yeah. And I saw your post online that she has a big or had a big appointment. Was that today? She had a big appointment. The other day after her M.R. She had her M.R. Eyes were taken of her liver and then of her brain, which I don't know the results in the brain yet. The liver was they had put the radiation balls in her liver to try to shrink the big, big tumors. Yeah. And so we were waiting for those results. And it's so so far they have contained the cancer. To her liver. It's been a year now. Almost exactly. Unbelievable. Wow. And so it's still contained. And, you know, he showed us the the the scans and it is pretty jarring to see all the cancer in her liver. I'm like, yeah, I kind of took me back a bit. Yeah. But he did show that the big ones he goes, you see that they're dark. That means the radiation did kill those. Well, which is good. But, you know, every doctor reminds her. This is not going away. This is not a cure. You got cancer. You will never be ringing that bell. Right. So that's also a wake up call where you go, OK, all right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, I mean, it's I mean, it's still good news. It is. Listen, it's the best. Yeah. It is her. But it is her best case scenario. Yeah. That's amazing. So we will take it. I told, you know, we had very candid conversations this week where I just said. Listen, now is the time to be doing everything you want to do. Now is the time to be saying all the things you want to say. No stone left unturned. You know what's ahead. We don't know the time frame, but you have a map here of, you know, getting things off any bucket list or, you know. And how's her headspace right now? Yeah. You know, just appreciating life. You know, she hugged me before I left. And she's like, oh, I want to stay in this this place of like warm bodies. My blood's flowing. I bet. I'm like, I understand. So, you know, I think she's just appreciating being here because I didn't realize this when she was diagnosed a year ago. He the doctor had told her maybe 13 months. No one told me that because my mom forgot it. But my sister-in-law reminded her and she goes, oh, I forgot that. He said that. So 13 months is a month from now. Wow. But I don't believe that is her case based on the scans I saw. No, it sounds like she's holding on steady. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, we're just, you know, that being in those appointments for me was good because it made me sort of face everything too. Not that I've been a denial, but I just got more like brass tacks with it. Like, OK. This, you know, we don't know how long you have. You're keeping it at bay. Longevity is the goal here. Yeah. So, like, let's live your life. Yeah. Yeah. Getting very present with reality. Exactly. Does she still have treatment to go? Is she still doing the radiation balls and stuff? She will do radiation again, he believes, in three months. She'll do another. He said you will be doing MRIs every three months for the rest of your life. OK. Because the cancer is that aggressive. And he believes she'll be doing radiation beads again in three months. And for now, she's just doing immunotherapy once every 28 days. You hear these stories, though, of like, you know, keeping it contained for three, four years, five years. That would be amazing. Yeah. We'll take whatever. I told her, I said, listen, it said from here on out, any day extra you have is a blessing. Yeah. So you've. You've already, you know, you in a month you'll have come to what they said. I believe you're going to be going well beyond that. And that will all be extra, extra blessings, extra time. So she actually seems really good right now. I may. And I talked about it in a mini episode, but I've I'm going to move forward with taking my mom to Europe. Yes. OK. I was wondering. And I'm really glad you are. Yeah. Yeah. She's walking well. Her dizzying. She has gone away and I believe she's in the best health that she's been in in a while. And I think she can do it. That's awesome. So the good folks in Copenhagen, London and Dublin will be seeing my mom. She's going to meet the fans. She's going to go to all the cities. She wanted to go to Oslo and Stockholm and Berlin. But I was like, let's just half. I think half is the sweet spot. But she'll feel that love. I mean, oh, yeah, that is really that's going to be off the charts. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go nuts for her. So, yeah. At the end of May, then she'll be or another beginning of June. She'll be coming out to Europe. So I just don't want to I don't want to keep her from like, you know, with not knowing what her timeline is. If she's like, I've never been to these places. I'm like, let's let's do it. Let's go. Yeah. Yeah. It sounds like you guys are all. Yeah. Being very clear headed about it. And it's nice that you have each other and you're there and you're your brother and stuff. And yeah. So will it just be the two of you in Europe? Yeah. I'm going to go to the first half by myself and then she'll join me halfway. OK. And then she'll be there for how long is that stretch of shows? She'll get there Monday morning and we'll leave Saturday. Fun. That's yeah. So I think that's a decent amount of time. Yeah. That's that's a nice chunk. She'll fly out by. herself but i'll meet her in the copenhagen airport and then i'll fly home with her okay now i just must know will you be sharing a room like um with your mom in one bed and you in another she wants me to save money so she's like we can share a room and i go mom i have to sleep i love you but i am going to pay the extra money to get us both our own rooms so okay is she a chatter would she be it would it be like silent for 20 minutes and then you hear fortune it'd be snoring oh snoring okay yeah yeah but she's lost 100 pounds so wait a hundred she's lost 100 pounds so she does she's like maybe i don't snore like i used to i'll go maybe i didn't i actually didn't think to listen while i was there this week but i still think we should have our own rooms okay but it just is fun to think of you both uh in your nightclub like if you got scared in the night and you got oh my god i know i think about if i was in europe with my kids when i'm when when i was gonna say when i'm an adult but that too but when they're adults like i would be so overjoyed to be with them and then to if they were like i want to share a room with you i would be so thankful and happy oh i should have listened if she snores i just need to be able to sleep because i'm working you know yeah you get some of those noise canceling headphones or something maybe i'm the snorer now maybe the tables have turned or you could put like a nose a clothes pin on her nose true true do those things work when the things people you put on your nose wait didn't we have a joke about familiar about in the olden times people walking around when somebody smells or something like that i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know something having a clothespin on your nose it's a really funny speaking of smelly things yeah tell us yeah i can't wait to tell you girls but uh i was visiting my brother and his family and he has a son that is at the tail end of three years old and something came up about bunnies and in in our family i used to tell max and finn that not only was there an easter bunny but there's also disgusting bunny and i'm like disgusting bunny looks like this and he smells bad and he has rotten teeth and um and so i told my nephew about disgusting bunny yeah i have never seen a child so focused in on information oh like i was sitting in a chair and he came up and he was like uh did how did disgusting bunny get to your house and does he ever take a bath oh my god i was like no that's why he's so disgusting and so the night that i the day the night of the day i told him about disgusting bunny yeah he took he wanted to take a bath before bed yeah and then he got up in the morning and then he wanted to take a bath in the morning and then he wrote a letter to the disgusting bunny saying enough and he wrote that he has to take a bath and he has to brush his teeth yeah and oh my god this is heaven to me the bunny needs to hear that though oh for sure and i was there with my opener uh the artist amy berkman yeah and and my nephew was really focused on like wanting her to do things with him and i didn't know how to like try and um you know give her a beat yeah so i just told him i said i was like listen amy here's something you need to know about amy she's very very fragile and she's the oldest person i've ever met in my life oh my god and so uh i mean she was awesome with him and she actually she's an artist and she drew disgusting bunny oh my god this is heaven i know what disgusting looks like well i'll send you or we can post it but i sent a picture of amy's drawing to stephanie to show max and finn and i said ask them what this is and she said max said it's disgusting bunny and finn said he has no idea what he's looking at yeah anyway this character is such a good creation but does he live where the easter bunny lives like same i haven't thought anything through until my nephew was asking a million like i oh and then the next day the they live in an old farmhouse and like the the wood was settling and it made some creaks yeah some creaky noises and he turned to me and he goes is that disgusting bunny oh my god i love this he still thinks the bunny's magical even though he's disgusting yeah and i was like i i don't i don't know if that's disgusting bunny and he said will you go look and i said i'm scared of disgusting i was like i don't i don't want to look oh my god i truly can't believe i'm sure he's still talking about it since i left it was i did not expect this response you need to be making more information about this bunny i know comes and what you get out of it yeah if there's a lesson in there you could write a children's book like what'd you say you could write a children's book for sure about disgusting but trying to get kids to have baths for hygiene yeah yeah yeah yeah well we were saying we did happen to my sister-in-law cooked us carrots and onions and all sorts of delicious things and we were saying that um we were going to throw all of the scraps of the the carrots from the cooking uh for the prep out the door and let it just rot for disgusting bunny to come by and eat anyway okay but what if you one night like you know the way people do with uh like elf on a shelf or like the leprechauns one night when when he's asleep you make like a trail of like i don't know peanut butter or something or like just a mess in the house and then you're like oh my god he was here this is great clearly here well and when i i went up to read him a bedtime story and he brought his little kitten stuffy the little stuffed animal over to me and he put it up to me and he goes this is my kitty stuffy and she is so fragile and she is the oldest kitty i've ever met in my life and i like sponges oh my it is unbelievable oh i truly just thought those would be like fleeting little things that i said to like move his his uh his focus somewhere else like from amy or like um just make him laugh for a second about discussing bunny oh my it's i'm certain it's still going on i do think you should turn it into a hygiene book okay all right i actually because he's now he's because you said he's showering and brushing his teeth oh my god like yeah he wants nothing to do with it he thinks it's so disgusting what if the dirtier you are the more that attracts disgusting bunny so you gotta stay clean or else disgusting bunny's gonna come right well you know it's funny because you know there's a a potential children's book that um that i that uh stephanie and i were thinking about but i'm very curious now if um an agent would see more potential in disgusting bunny for real though i love it i did i did not think it's so cute yeah well i'll send you the picture yeah what's that i just i want to raise kids with you this is making me so broody i'm like this to me i could do this 24 hours a day like i and you're you're right when they lock in on something like oh may you have to meet my nephew it's it's it it this kid has never seen a screen in his life yeah and he's just like jumping out of trees and um just like little imagination alive well i remember my mom telling me that um there was well when we were kids we had a book on tape of like beatrix potter or yeah or rupert the bear and there was a character in it and it said that he gave a fake smile and it was he was like a bad guy and he gives a fake smile and my brother just like the concept of a fake smile he latched onto and he was so deeply terrified of it and he'd be like like with the fake smile and he'd be like oh my god i'm so he was like mom what does that look like and then she would show him like like that kind of thing and he was he hated it but he would practice it and he was like and then he'd go mom is that a fake smile or a real smile like with people yeah the things they latch onto is i know i mean max and finn loved discussing bunny but they didn't have days of questions about his backstory or anything like that does anyone want to know what this is about i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know what this is yes i was just gonna ask where are you what's this beautiful silk glamour curtain instead of youtube go to hulu go to hulu i mean nobody has any questions i have many questions i mean okay just tell us or do we need is this like disgusting money we need to get to the bottom of it i'm just in a hotel room and this is the i'm i have my computer plugged in i light on me and then this is just the the back of the i know but it's beautiful it's just a curtain that's it it's just disgusting curtain where are you what city are you in i am i'm uh where i am where i am i just did the same thing where i got i just got in the elevator and this guy was like hey where are you coming from and i said i don't know i i could i was in i was in seattle yesterday but it took me i couldn't come up with it by the time he had to get off the elevator i said i don't know i don't know i can't i know i'm in connecticut are y'all both doing stand-up right now new town i'm in new town connecticut nice i'm in portland um yeah still on tour portland where portland portland oregon so i was gonna say i'll be in portland maine tomorrow i would have loved portland maine in june okay girl i'm in portland oregon and everyone at the meet and greets recently is asking about our wellness week weekend everyone is like but they're saying the woman last night said listen i said i don't know i think fortune's resistant but i'm obviously wide open i want to do it yesterday and then they said well you got to also make sure on the weekend that tig does things that you would fortune or into like the depuffer that's right that was all they could come up with it has to be stuff we all want to do okay girl we can do depuffers are made for wellness weekend right true yes you're so right we can we can combine that and we can play hide and seek or whatever you want to do may that's so accurately that is what i want to do i want to play hide and seek in the dark do an escape room at some point i do have one of those red face masks too scary the led vibrating we can bring those oh it vibrates mine vibrates i don't think mine does you're sounding like a part hey finally wellness weekend's getting nice we'll do like a spa element and then we do hide and seek for me or some kind of trickery well i when this comes out my birthday will have been three days before and i i uh i booked laser tag so uh yeah that's in keeping with my personality i booked private laser tag private like you're just alone that would be just for your group yeah just for like 10 of us i think oh don't correct me you thought it was going to be may just running around shooting at nothing i would love that i haven't done laser tag in forever it's a real adrenaline high but i'm so tired i this is a can you believe i'm still on tour um yeah but i'm like two years long so yes yeah you're right i do 100 cities and 150 shows yeah you're right you're right yeah are you so you're in a hotel room right now though may just to do the pod because the wi-fi is so bad on the bus so yeah i've got a day room and then i'm getting a tattoo today yeah the tattoo artist is going to come to the venue and give me and my friend matt um friendship tattoos what is it going to be of well actually i need your input i haven't fully we don't know no i was gonna i do i would need this figured out well in advance yeah i'm winging it i think it's either gonna be a little bus a little a little drawing of a tour bus or okay this is so corny and like improv but before we go out on stage matt always says got your back to me and so we were gonna get g y b maybe on my back but i don't know i'm not that i'm not that fussed about what if you do a tour bus maybe you have half the tour bus he has the other half oh that's good or disgusting bunny is an option but we don't want to but we don't want to put out the visualization visual visualization of the bus in half oh you're right you're right it has to be a whole bus god you're good oh my god do you guys know about my god my god do you know about the situation i've been in with the bus and the no did i that no you've been on tour forever may i don't know may no you have to tell us give us the deets stop me girls if i've told you this before please stop me and we'll see you next time thomas because i i can't remember if i have thomas girl i said stay out of it girl thomas so you know i i asked jeff the bus driver like what's the gossip about people you've driven before right yeah did i tell you this and he told me this sounds familiar but continue everything sounds brand new to me okay great so he told me um that bieber well he told me some stuff about bieber and uh then he told me some stuff about ariana grande who's like he goes she's a little freak i said what tell me about ariana grande she's a little freak i said what tell me about ariana grande and then he couldn't give me a single reason why so i was like okay anyway we're just dropping half-assed yeah just half-assed well i said gossip i suddenly was like should i repeat this on the pod yes you should well spill the tea all he said was that bieber would stop the bus to go pray in the middle of the highway like on the divider maybe we should cut this out i feel like it could be they tmz could we're not cutting that out thomas we need more of this anyway okay so he's not in control of edits the lord is so i mean that's not a bad thing to stop for no i was thinking i wonder what his story would be about me if someone asked and then i realized you're up to freaky stuff too no i just realized so i've clogged the toilet twice i've clogged the toilet two times and you're not supposed to poop on the bus everyone knows this no one what are you eating no it's may it is a it is a rule across every no no it's not the first of all i didn't even know you pooped may the poo's not the problem it was it was i flushed a tampon down and i thought it was a composting toilet this is so embarrassing but i'm telling it i guess but uh you're trying to get ahead of the bus driver talking about you yeah and so what happened i'm gonna tell this before he does okay so i thought because it wouldn't flush and i thought that it wouldn't flush because the bus had run out of water so in my mind i thought but just to clarify your poop was never a problem not that i know okay no we're talking about cooter plugs yeah you flushed all 100 tampons down the toilet so we're in the that we're in the space that went up in space in her back now yes all right so i thought it's a problem that we've just run out of water so i thought i'll just i won't flush the toilet i'll just wait and flush it when we get more water great plan yeah so in the meantime i'm still peeing in that toilet anyway this is a big problem then we we realize it's it's broken i've broken the toilet then it's my days off i said to my tour manager kenny who's on the bus i said this is so embarrassing but i can't speak to jeff the driver i can't have him he can know that i know but i can't handle you can't take the fall for it i know i know this is my private toilet pay people to take the fall tampon no i would never i'm i know they that's their job you know like he your friend kevin kenny go in there and be like i did this everyone's got a tampon fall guy okay but everyone does may kevin's gotta take the fall tampon i said just tell jeff that i'm ashamed and that i can't speak to him about this but that i'm really sorry so this i know this conversations happen i can't make eye contact with him i can't make eye contact with him with jeff i leave for my two days off i come back again no i'm like hey jeff how you doing there are signs all over the bathroom that he's put up that are like please do not flush it turns out i've also broken the button to flush the toilet because i was hitting it so hard panicking he had to was that poop related no it's because i couldn't flush it and it turns out that he had to unscrew the toilet and take the whole toilet off the bus and rewire the button i'm humiliated i'm so embarrassed so i'm gonna have to write him a card acknowledging that i know what i did and that i'm so sorry and then asked to stop the bus and pray pray for forgiveness pray for forgiveness man but i'm just like i can't believe that's gonna be how he remembers me so i need to do something oh well you need to get his home home address to send him the card and show up to his home with that car oh are you were you just gonna leave it on the toilet seat don't find this here at the end of the tour i was gonna and that definitely will be your story though he's gonna be like may martin was on this bus and i had to um take out the entire toilet oh my god and then no information beyond that that's it yeah apparently he's he said to kenny he said uh well kenny i said kevin you've been saying kevin but i like that but apparently jeff the driver said to kenny well at least may is pretty healthy i'll tell you that much someone doesn't need a wellness weekend oh my god anyway someone just got uninvited to wellness weekend i will not clog the toilet guys i swear to god but then i felt so bad i thought let's do something fun with jeff let's book an escape room in vegas and he said i love escape rooms and we booked an immersive it themed pennywise the clown chases you through 30 000 so the night before i thought it sounds like you're just punishing jeff again exactly so i thought i'll just check with jeff and make sure he's okay with clowns So I said, Jeff, how do you feel about clowns? He goes, petrified. I punched one in the face once because it got too near to my daughter. He says, I have a traumatic experiences related to clowns. And so I said, we got to cancel the escape room. Thank God. Imagine. Imagine you did that to Jeff and then he had to face one of his greatest fears. And at the end of that escape room, he has to undo a toilet and fix it. It's hell. This poor man. I'm going to have to give him a big bonus and a card. Yeah, you will. How much longer are you on this bus? Till May 12th. Oh, you're in the homestretch. I'm in the homestretch, would you say? Yeah, you're almost done. Still long. It's still pretty long. Are you ready to be off this bus? I'm ready to be off the bus, yeah. May was ready to be off this bus the second they stepped on the bus. But I'm, you know what, I'm making my gratitude lists every night still and it's bittersweet. I'm going to be sad when it's over because it's been so cool. And I'm going to make like a tour book scrapbook and sell it for charity. And so you're doing a gratitude list to try and make yourself think that you're in a good mood? Yeah, and it works. Like yesterday, I thought I had this amazing ice cream. I met this woman gave me. I got personalized darts engraved with my name and all my things that I'm into. What a day. It's been great. That's awesome. I can't believe I told the toilet clogging thing. I guess we're leaving it in. I just want to say I thought it was a composting toilet. I thought it was like it would drop into a hole. I didn't know there was a macerator involved and that's mine. You didn't know there was a macerator involved? No, I don't know. Oh, okay. Are a lot of toilets on the bus composting? The toilets on the bus go compost. Composting. Composting. Why, Fortune? Oh, God. Why not? That's true. Why not? You know what? It was kind of triggering, too, because I realized when I was a kid, I was scared of the sound of the toilet flushing. And so if I got up to pee in the night, I was too scared to flush. And then I'd get in trouble. Well, I feel like the bus toilets and the airplane toilets are way louder. They're scary. Yeah. That's not why. That's why I clogged the. I'm not scared anymore. You face that fear. What precious little traumas you had. Don't worry. I got some real ones. I've got some big ones, too. Okay. I love this. Thank you for sharing, Mae. That was brave. Thanks. Yeah, it was brave. And it was also kind of a little disgusting bunny-ish. Oh, my God, it was. A little bit, yeah. Yeah. The good news is the toilet's all set, and you'll get to ride out the rest. So this tour. Oh, I'm never pooing again or getting my period. I'm going to be squeezed tight. Yeah, you will. Well, amazing. Should we get to our question? I say yes. I say yes. That's why we do this show. Let's do it. Today's question is brought to you by AT&T. Today's question asker is a hilarious stand-up comedian whose podcast, Two Dykes and a Mic, has become a hit show. Touring the country. With a live show. Rachel's stand-up special, Gay Fantasy, is streaming now. Rachel Scanlon, who I have the pleasure of having open for me on the road, who also is a hilarious headliner in their own right. Rachel Scanlon is asking today's question. Nice. Hello, handsome podcast. It's me, Rachel Scanlon. I'm so happy to do this for you guys. I'm obsessed with you all. You three are like the founding fathers. For me, you guys are better than the founding fathers. If I were to be carving Mount Rushmore, I would put your three handsome faces up there. If I was making the pyramids, I would, I would take that Sphinx head, knock it off and put your three heads on top of that cat's body. And that's a positive remodel. I like you guys so much. Thank you for letting me do this. Here is my question for y'all. What is your worst ever vacation story? Now, a lot of times vacations can have a lot of buildup. You plan it for so long. You want things to go well, and then for whatever reason, the universe refuses to let you have a good time. So what is your worst vacation disaster stories? Uh, really, really dive in there. Don't be ashamed. Don't be afraid. Let me know. I can't wait to hear. As you can see, Rachel's not very shy. Well, yeah, I was going to say Rachel has really good energy. Great energy. Yes. Rachel, Rachel, like I said, headlines, but has also been opening for me on this tour here and there. Nice. And the audiences just connect right away because Rachel's energy is amazing. Yeah. That's awesome. Energy is a real thing. I like, like that. Rachel there, I was like, there's light coming out of that person. Oh yeah. Like that. Yeah. So Rachel's always like that. Like that's Rachel's vibe. Ray of sunshine, bubbly, super fun and has a lovely mullet. Ooh. See, I couldn't even see that. My glasses don't work, but I will believe you. Yeah. A little bit of a mullet. We both have the curls. Um, Rachel's is just in more of a mullet shape than mine, but yeah, great, great energy. That's awesome. And great questions. Vacation stories. Oh man. I have one. Yeah. Queued up. Get it, man. It just. Let's hear it. It just came to me. Cause I, so I have this friend, Carolyn Taylor. Who's. I have a friend since I was 13. I waited at the stage door of second city to get her autograph. I was like idolized her. She would have been like 26 or seven at this camp counselor. No, she was a comedian at second city. And I think I remember you telling us about meeting, uh, going to see that show. Right. I would go all the time. I would go like five nights a week and stuff. Yeah. And then we became friends and had got a, had a real friendship. And now she, she did this documentary series. I have nothing. was in my show Wayward and I'm obsessed with her so when I was 25 she agreed to come to the UK to visit me and I still had this hangover of like fandom about her like I still do to be honest and I was like oh my god like she's coming overseas to see me and I was like I gotta plan something fun so I said let me plan a trip to Wales the two of us and let me tell you everything that could have gone wrong went wrong on this trip it was cursed by the gods it was like every train we could miss we missed everyone was like like we were sitting on the platform waiting for our train and then we went to we said to the conductor some guy who worked there their train never come and he went oh but it did come we're like no we were sitting right here we didn't see it come oh no but it did but it was half a train so you didn't see it half a train yeah and then we'd say okay well can we get another train no there's no more trains today and we'd say well is there a bus oh yes there's a bus oh great but it doesn't run today no not on a not on a Tuesday everything was like that and then we'd we ended up in this small town and I've booked this Airbnb and we open or not not it was a B&B so it was run by this woman she opens the door and this smell hits us like eggs and like we're like oh and then she welcomes takes us to our room and it's two single beds in the room which is embarrassing already this is you know carolyn at this point is like late 30s you know i'm 25 and she says oh you've got company tonight we say what she points up there's spiders all over the ceiling no crazy and then like we couldn't get said no no it was like 6 p.m and no one would feed us in the whole town everyone was like oh but we don't serve dinner yet until oh but we finished our service no no but there's no space here sorry and we're like what Wales hates us and then finally we went on this sort of bus ride winding up to the top of a mountain and everyone said oh you got to try Pete's Eats at the top of the mountain you got to that's not their accent by the way we get up there we would never know yeah I didn't know I mean I assume that the people in Wales are Irish No, they're, oh my God, Fortune. They're Welsh. I know, but the way you're talking is Irish. That's a full, I'm doing a full Irish accent because Welsh is like a little ting. Anyway, so we go up to Pizzi's. I order just like fish and chips or something. Carolyn orders a bean casserole. Oh, uh-oh. So they're reading out. Part city. Is she just trying to have a terrible vacation on top of a terrible vacation? Trying to toot the spiders off the ceiling. They give you like a number for your order, right? So they're like, okay, your order number 98. So we're sitting waiting. 20 minutes goes by. They're going, okay, order number 96. We're like, oh, it's almost us. Order number 97. We're like, oh, thank God. We're so hungry. Yeah, you have every reason to think. You need that bean casserole. And then, okay, order number 99. Order number 100. We're like, what about us? "Oh, it's not ready yet 'cause of the bean casserole. "We never usually make that. "We've never had anyone order that before." Then they finally bring- - Yeah, 'cause who orders a bean casserole? - Exactly. And Carolyn eats it and we get on the bus to go back down and she says, she goes green. She says, "I'm gonna shit my pants." And I said- - Of course. This entire casserole of beans. - Yeah, my fortune caught onto this right away. is probably the other part of it. Yeah, yeah. So I start laughing hysterically. Like we've reached a point of like delirium and we get into town and it was like there's no room at the inn. Like she was knocking on restaurant doors saying, can I use the bathroom? And they're, oh no, sorry, we don't do that. And she was panicking. She's shuffling around. Yeah, those Irish Welsh people were having none of it. I said, I hope you never find a bathroom, which was a really dark moment of my personality. And then it just in general was the wildest trip. But also, why would you not want her to find a toilet when if she does use her own pants as a toilet, your life will then become very miserable. Yeah, that would be bad for you. Like even worse than hers, honestly. Wait, but what happened? Did she ever. Well, that's all the time we have. No, so she ever found a toilet? We went to the B&B where we were staying and it was locked, but we remembered that she'd put our extra luggage in this shed and it had a toilet in there. But we go in and the toilet's not connected to anything. It's just an empty toilet. Is this a toilet day or what? She said, I can't go there. So then we finally found a cafe that said she could use the toilet. But it was like the cafe was the size of the studio at HeadGum. And the toilet was right there and it was only like a mesh. And she had to go and have explosive diarrhea while everyone's sitting eating their food just on the other side of this mesh. Oh my God, it was funny. While everyone sat eating bean casseroles. Yeah. That sounds terrible. But we really want to have another go-round. Like, I needed I want to go for round two with the universe, you know? No, there's no reason. Yeah, I would be curious if y'all would have a better time. But also, she probably would order something like that again. Exactly. I do feel like. I mean, if we know Caroline. Caroline. Is it Caroline or Carolyn? Carolyn. Well, we know her so well. Yeah, that's why I call her Caroline. She is your type of person. You would be into her. Me? Yeah. Both of you. But yeah. Okay. Alright. Okay, that's my story. Wales nightmare. I love that. It was cursed. Oh, but the train did come. Oh, but it was a half a train. Oh no, there's no buses. Yeah. The bus comes tomorrow. Well, I have a story. Yes. My friend was at her house in Colorado. Somebody knocked on the door and asked if she wanted to buy a romantic getaway package. Yeah. You always say yes to that. And she did. And she bought it to go with her boyfriend. And then they broke up. Oh my God. So she gives me a ring-a-ding. And she's like, I bought this romantic getaway. From a stranger that knocked on my door. Yeah, somebody selling. Which is wild. Yeah. You know, it's a different time. Right, right, right. So she buys this package, asks me to go in place of her boyfriend. We go to the Bahamas. Okay. And the reason it turns out that this was so cheap was because it was off-season. Okay. There's nobody there. It's burning hot. Ooh. Everything is closed. Oh my God. And also when we check into the hotel room, the bed was heart-shaped. Of course. Oh my God. So me and my friend are sleeping on a heart-shaped bed. And speaking of toilets, I know you love a toilet, Mae. This was like the romantic suite. So we were laughing so hard because the toilet was near the bed, but like it had this little. Like half a wall? Kind of like a little nook? No, it was a full wall, but it had like this little window where you could open the window from the toilet and look at the bed. And it's like what sort of weird relation? Like why would you be on the toilet? Like you, I guess if you just got married and you miss your person. And you can't not talk. You can't be away from them. You're on the toilet, whether you're doing a duker or a tampon. You open a little blind. And you're like, hi. If you're doing a duker. And then we also got lured into the like, you know, go on a tour and meet with. This was so long ago when we did not have enough money to be on a vacation. And so when the people are like, oh, do you want to go look at timeshare condos? And at the end of the tour, you get a free meal. So we went and looked at timeshare condos to get a free meal that was so disgusting. I've done that. My gosh. It was such a. But it's also that thing where I'm sure with your friend, you probably had a great time. I had the best time. We had so much fun. And we also we were taking pictures to create our own pamphlet of like the off season in the Bahamas. And we were just like dripping in sweat. We were so sunburned. Everything was closed. And we're lying on the heart-shaped bed and peeking at each other from the toilet. It's if you can switch your mind to delighting in the misfortune and stuff, then it's really joyful. Everything in life is about that. It's just like you just have to move a few things around and see it differently and then just have a blast. Yes. That's so funny. That's my terrible but good story. I love it. I want to see some of those pics. And I'll send you a pic from the Wales trip too. You can see in our eyes the kind of that's so funny. I have two stories because they're short. Well, one was when I was living in Spain. I went up to London to visit a friend of mine who was studying abroad in London. And another friend of mine who was also living in Spain came with me. And we wanted to all take a trip to Scotland together to Edinburgh. And our, you know, planes from London to Edinburgh are not that expensive, but our friend was really cheap. And she was like, I think we should just take the bus. And we were like, didn't really research it, you know, because this was like pre, this was like when internet cafes were the thing where you had to pay for internet. So we didn't really research how long that would be. And the bus ended up being like eight hours overnight. Miserable. We were like, holy shit, why did we agree to do this? This is crazy. We get to our hostel and it's, like, we've arrived at like 6 a.m. They're like, you can't check in until like, you know, two or something. So we're like wandering about Edinburgh in the cold and we're just like, you know, have nowhere to go because nothing's open yet. Then we go finally get into the hostel. We get this room and it's nice and cozy and we're like, oh, this is lovely. And we go hike Arthur's seat and my friend falls down the mountain. No! No! No! Like rolling falls down the mountain. Falls down. Oh my god. Not like we need a hospital, but like she's limping now the rest of the trip and we had to get a walking stick for her. Her clothes are ruined and muddy. That's quite a hike too. Yeah, it was crazy. And then we go, like, clean her up and we go to dinner and like we're starting to have a good time and we're like, oh, I can't wait. to get back to our hostel, that cozy, warm room. We get back to the hostel and it's only like, I mean, it's like 7pm. It's not that late. And the lights are off in the room and we realize that all of our luggage is like put in the center of the room and we're like, what is happening? And we turn the lights on and there are people sleeping in our beds and they just like moved our luggage to the middle of the room. And we're like, what? But none of them wake up. They're all still asleep. So we go down to the front desk and we're like, hey, there are people in our room and they're like, oh, shoot. Yeah, our bad, but like we're totally booked tonight. So they were like, okay, but like that was our room and they didn't want to like wake these people up. So they ended up putting us in like the the basically the workers quarters where there is like my gosh, 40 bunk beds in this basement of the people that work there and it's free. It is a dungeon and it is like freezing cold. And so we have to sleep in the workers quarters where like with all these straight like 30 other strangers are in there. Oh my God. We're like shivering through the night. Only to like, you know, the next day get on another. I think we stay like one more day. We got a proper room and then I had to take an eight hour bus back. It was like, this is the worst trip of our lives. Wow. Any fun ultimately? Did you have, I mean, not enough fun to warrant all of that. I mean, we had, you know, I was, I haven't been back to Scotland since, which I know it's not Scotland's fault, but it was just like one disaster. after another that like yeah subterranean edinburgh cold like the stones and everything's damp and yeah everything's damp and overcast it was like that time of year where it just felt you just felt worse just yeah walking around it's crazy you're right like these days you would just check reddit and there'd be a thousand people going oh don't take the bus it's worth flying like and yeah it's so useful like spend another 50 euros it's worth it yeah but now the whole time we were like i can't believe we did this at least we got to have these crazy adventures these days very sanitized yes yeah yeah well the other the other trip that made me laugh and it was more of like a overnight trip from la down to san diego but um i can't remember i told this before but i it was this was years and years and years ago and i had just gotten dumped and it was like a week before valentine's day and my best friend andrea who listens to this pod shouted it shout out hey girl hey girl um she had just she was going through a breakup and uh we decided my cousin was like he was like oh like i hate that you're sad like come down for valentine's day we'll go we'll go out to dinner and we're like okay so she goes with me down there and we're just like two sad sacks that like everyone people were starting to recognize me from like chelsea lately or whatever and they're like hey girl how are you i was like i just got dumped i'm sad that's what i would do that's what i would do immediate overcare yeah and they're both like okay you don't have to tell everybody that you just got dumped but like literally every person i was like i've just got i got dumped i'm really sad yeah oh god and then she and i like were we were like this is the saddest valentine's day so we went to the grocery store and bought bubble bath and went back to the hotel and in our bathing suits yeah oh i think you told that that sounds familiar yeah yeah well that doesn't matter i'm here and um we're big supporters we turned it around because that made us laugh so hard that's so great we were making bubble bath mustaches and stuff but i'll never forget just telling people how sad i was and i was bumming everyone out yeah they were trying to have like a nice valentine's day dinner and they were so pumped to see me and i and i was like i'm not great i did that with cancer and everywhere i went people would be like how are you doing like you know i'd be at a bar and i'd be like oh not great i have cancer but um i'll have a drink yeah yeah no one knows what to say after that everyone's just like okay well hope your night turns around that was me filming wayward and trying to inspire confidence as a leader and showrunner but still everyone's like how's it going i'm like well i opened a bear portal and uh my life's over can't seem to close it yeah i think we all just wear hearts on our sleeves that's probably what it is that's our superpower yeah well should we hear what uh rachel has to say yes we shall we should my worst vacation story happened about five years ago my wife and i got into camping because as a lesbian couple you're either gonna dabble in veganism or campingism and we decided to go camping because my wife and i really wanted to go to the rocky mountain national park and we were like oh my god we're going to go camping and we're going to go to the rocky mountain national park and specifically my wife really wanted to see a big horned sheep and so we borrowed a tent from one of my friends and my friend was like this tent is great the only thing is that it's not waterproof so don't get it wet oh god so we got to the national park but it was already nighttime and so it was pitch black and i could not find where our campsite was so i see a grassy knoll and i'm like here seems good we've set up our our campsite we're like here we are we go to sleep 10 minutes later all of the sprinklers turned on and absolutely annihilated the tent i'm like we're under attack i opened up the you know how there's like a zipper door situation i opened it up and the sprinklers just nailed me right in the face water's getting inside the tent i'm freaking out i was like babe we're under attack grab grab the tent we move everything like a couple yards over go back to sleep 10 minutes later boom new sprinklers just nailing the tent i'm like we just moved from one sprinkler section to another sprinkler section it was so upsetting that we just decided to leave immediately we just packed up and drove overnight until the morning in the morning i looked out the window i saw a bighorn sheep i woke up my wife i was like babe it's your bighorn sheep and my wife was still so upset about all the sprinklers that she just looked out the window and went i don't give a sheep i don't say that anytime anyone is upset in our marriage we don't give a sheep that's great well done i don't give a sheep watch your mouth i really like that oh my god but yeah to be in a wet tent overnight no thank you no even during the day yeah yeah yeah but also driving through the night is terrible and then seeing a sheep and not caring anymore is really bad that's heartbreaking if you saw a mountain goat and you didn't care i'd know i did when i was visiting my brother we did go to a local farm and visit little baby goats and they were hopping all over the place and i couldn't i couldn't stand it it was so cute too much oh that's so good did you agree that lesbians get to a point where they choose either camping or veganism yeah i've overlapped have you yeah yeah yeah well don't forget that our uh podcast is now also available on hulu yes on top of where you have been listening or watching it before uh you can also catch it on our website at us on hulu check out handsomepod.com for all your merch needs there's some really good stuff on there and thank you to everyone who came to our live show in la it was um incredible yes it was a good time i always love a live show and also congrats to us winning two webbies that's right we can't it's like i'm blowing my whole trend of not winning anything i know it's a bummer yeah our our podcasts won't stop winning can't stop won't stop thanks to our listeners subscribe and rate and review it is so helpful to this show and uh check us out like fortune said on uh hulu and uh i'm gonna be on tour tignotaro.com i'm also uh at uh largo and dynasty typewriter in los angeles working on my stuff amazing i am doing the final few dates of my tour if you're uh in denver colorado we on may 8th we just added a late show there's still tickets left for that at 10 p.m kansas city may 9th still some tickets at saint louis may 10th there's just like a handful of tickets and then nashville my last show of the whole tour come see me off it's 7 30 and that's on sale speaking of nashville look at that nashville comedy festival anyway go ahead fortune i'm in toronto this weekend may 8th at massey hall yeah in uh reading pennsylvania and then my europe tour berlin stockholm oslo copenhagen london and dublin and then i'm back in the states for rochester minnesota cedar rapids omaha portland maine and detroit and red bank new jersey so get those tickets at my website and until next time keep it handsome handsome is hosted by me may martin tignotaro and fortune feimster the show is produced recorded and edited by thomas willett email us at handsomepod at gmail.com and please follow us on social media at handsomepod what's going on it's lamorne morris and hannah simone and we host the mess around a new girl rewatch podcast on head gum now here's the thing every single week we chat about an episode of new girl and we really get into it like we get up in there we get up in there you know we reminisce about our times on set we share behind the scenes tea we react to re-watching episodes that we haven't seen in years we talk about how jake johnson is dog that's not true we talk about so many memories we have of working with the biggest stars on the planet i'm talking prince taylor swift olivia rodrigo we're just two bffs having a good old time okay sometimes we even talk to other co-stars like zoe deschanel jake johnson max greenfield and damon waynes jr and your dad we talk to your dad on this show as well make sure you subscribe to the mess around wherever you get your podcasts new episodes drop every single tuesday