Rachel Kaly Built a Toilet

(suspenseful music) Wave. - Okay, so I went, a couple of things happened. I went, like, in a crisis point, which they're sort of like, (laughs) sort of like, no, of course. (laughs) I don't have a thing. (laughs) It's like, obviously. (upbeat music) I talk to everybody. - You do, I feel like-- - I love to talk to people. - You love a stranger. - I'm constantly, like, banging with my eyes. Please, someone talk to me on the street. And I'll do anything. When I cry, I look out. I'm like, someone asks me what's going on. I'll tell you, you know-- - I'll tell you about it. - Yeah, that's what I love about. And I'm going up to people. I'm like, why are you crying? - Yeah. - And they're like, don't talk to me. - I am too. - You don't want to be talked to. - Oh, I know. I'm going up to strangers and being like, "Hey, what's going on?" I grow the other night. It was stumbling, stumbling, drunk crying. And I go, "Hey, baby, you okay? You need me to call your car?" And she was, "Get away from me." And I was like, "No worries." - Does it hurt you when they respond to that way? Are you just taking it on the show? - It cuts deeper than a knife. - Yeah. - It cuts me to my core. - It's tough to reach out and be chewed away. - It's tough to reach out and be rejected. - Yeah. - Yeah. I told my therapist to-- Not this most recent session, but the one before, that I'm not getting anything out of therapy. And I don't know why I'm doing it. - Amazing. - And she was like, "Okay, cool." - Well, I know that you feel that way because I talk to you. But we can do whatever you want about that. We could stop or we could go down to once a month. And I was like, "No, I think it's good. We should keep it up." I just am trying to be radically honest in here. And as much as I want you to like me, I need you to know that I feel that I'm getting nothing from this. - Right. And so you're going twice a month right now? - Yeah, twice a month. - Okay. And okay, that's interesting. I'm going three times a week right now. - Three times a week. - Sure. - Same person. - Same guy. I'm saying, "What's going on every day? Crying most of the time, sitting in silence, paying him a lot of money." But I'm like, "Can we up the sessions?" And he's like, "No." - He's like more than they come to me. - He's like, "No." - He's like, "Then you should just sort of do something else." But I-- - That's inpatient. - That's inpatient. - Yeah, that's what we need you to listen more, babe. - I had a therapist named, hope she doesn't listen. - You can't. Because of, um-- - Hippa doesn't go the other way. - Right. - I could say whatever I want. - You having not loaded up, by the way? Hippa doesn't go the other way, I checked. - And I had a similar thing with her where I was like, "I don't think this is working." But I don't know what they're supposed to do. Like, when you say that, like I guess they could be mean to you to try to like get you to react and then bring something up. Maybe you should be my therapist. - I really legitimately don't have three times a week to do that, but I want you to know if you were able to go down to like twice a month, I think I could really sort some shit. - Okay, I could do that. - It'd be tough love school with therapy though. - I need that. - I'm gonna be hard on you. - Okay, please, do it right now. - Well, this podcast becomes therapy pretty often, actually. - Well, that's what I wonder about podcasts in general. I'm like, this is just therapy for the masses. - You think? - I don't know. (laughing) 'Cause none of us are being honest, really. - A lot of what? - We're not being honest. Like, there's stuff that I could say, but I won't-- - On here? - Anywhere. - Yeah. - What do you think you're being dishonest about the most often? And be honest now. - Well, I guess like, you know, just, I won't name names today. - Really? - Maybe I could talk about Lin-Man while Miranda. - What do you have to say about him? - Well, we went to high school. He went to same high school with me and in same college. - Says that you didn't go to high school together, did you? - No, no. - Well, I was just, yeah, there's something. I'm about to learn something about you. I really didn't know. - I wish. - Yeah. - And he seems fine. - Yeah. - So that's pretty much not what I want to say. - So you feel comfortable being him? - Yeah. - Just 'cause you weren't going to say anything at all. - Yeah, pretty much. And don't you feel like that's what-- You know what I mean? - Yeah. - Like, everyone comes prepared to not get in trouble when they go on a podcast. - It's true. It's a real shift that we've noticed on this podcast in particular because when we started out, it wasn't like, you know, it wasn't this big thing. And now, so true feels like kind of a thing that people come prepared for. And we've noticed a real shift. - Really? I didn't prepare today. - You didn't prepare? - No, I was thinking of like what I could say that is interesting. - What'd you come up with? - Well, pretty much what I'm doing now, I guess. - Yeah, you came on being like, I'm going to deconstruct the form of podcasting. That's how I can approach today's episode. - Oh my God, disaster. I was thinking of like, 'cause I'm supposed to say like a take. - Eventually. - Okay, so I won't get ahead of it. - Don't get ahead of it. - But I have a couple ready. - You can go now. It's true to you, Rachel. - Can I try a couple? - Let's go for it. Yeah. - Okay. - This episode will be whatever you want it to be. I'm just saying. - That is so scary to me. - Do you, when you turn something down, do you want people to know? Because of like the moral reason? - Well, who to know? My audience or the brand? - Anyone. - I make sure the brand, I do the best I can to make sure the brand knows. I doubt that it's getting back to them. I'm sure my team is going back to them being like, so he fucking loves you guys. - Unfortunately, I'm sure it's not getting to them that I said that their company should be destroyed by fire. But the audience, I don't say everything that we've passed on on here, but I say some of them when it comes up. - I think that's important. - I think so. I don't want to ever seem, I think it is important, but I also don't want to seem like I'm like. - No, I know. - Right. - Like I want people to get in the comments and be like, are moral king? Because I also, my big fear is that, and it kind of happens without my consent already, that people are gonna be like, we made one of the good ones famous. And I'm like, please don't do that to me, because then when I don't live up to your fucking weird expectations that you've put on me, I am trying to be a good person in the world. But the first time I don't live up to your weird purity test like pedestal, all of a sudden, it's like, I never liked him. We could never trust him. What were we thinking? And it's like, I never asked you to make me Jesus. I was just trying to be a decent guy. - Right. - Do you know what I mean? - Yes, I think that being a public figure is so scary. - You think? - Yeah. - What's it going for you? - Well, it's going, it's very incremental for me, but I've been doing press for this show that I'm doing off Broadway. Hospitality. - All right. - Hospitality. - Hospitality. - And it's like, it's a very personal show, and I just keep saying stuff during interviews that everyone's like, are you sure you want them to know that? 'Cause it's like about my dad who I'm estranged from. And like, he's a cab driver, and I just found out one of the interviews I'm doing is going to be in a cab. And it's like, so he's going to be driving and hear me being like, my dad's weird. You know, like, it's hard to think through the effects of like, I don't know. Anything outside of a conversation that feels private. - Yeah. - But who cares? - Genuinely who cares? - I know, it's like whatever. - Someday, the earth will be enveloped by the sun. - Do you know what I saw on Twitter? - Tell me. - Tell me, I think tell me. - Yeah, so basically someone said, all new people in a hundred years. - Yeah. - And that brought me a piece and calm that I haven't felt in 10 years perhaps. - Yeah. - 'Cause I was like, oh yeah, it's all gone. Everyone's gonna be gone. It's reset. It's like I was never here. - And because we don't really keep physical records much anymore, really even like, memory of this time eventually I'll be, so it doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. - You're not journaling by carving into stone? - No, I stopped during COVID. - Yeah, I got that. - I got busy with going out. - Yeah. - I kept going to parties. - It was so fun to do that. - So I had to quit. Going to parties during COVID was amazing. I was at one of the biggest ones. - Yeah, of course. - Yeah, kissing, et cetera. - Did you pick up an interesting hobby during COVID? - I completely wasted the time. COVID is something I look back on as a complete failure of mine. I did start writing for TV during COVID and so I was working on my career during COVID. - Yeah. - Which was like the one time we were supposed to not do that, I think. - Yes, except for I feel like people who did that now are doing quite well. - Yeah. - So that's interesting. - It did work out, but I will say COVID is the one time that like, I look back on it and I was like, that's the one time in our lives. I could have taken up a hobby or baking and all I did was work. - Yeah. - What was I thinking? - That's interesting to have done that. - Yeah, it's really sick. - I applied to a woodworking school in Vermont. - How did it go? Did you get in? - I got in. - Did you go? - It would have been a three year program. And I had, yeah, well, exactly. And I had to choose woodworking or comedy in Brooklyn. And I chose comedy in Brooklyn. But I wonder what would have happened. Like COVID was a time when I was like, this is when I make my pivot if I'm gonna do it. And I doubled down. - Yeah. - But I kind of sometimes I'm like, I would be like a woodworking you know, whatever Bernie, whatever in Vermont right now. - That classic type. - Yeah. - A woodworking whatever Bernie. - Whatever Bernie, whatever in Vermont. - In Vermont, yeah. - I would come up there. Man, I dream of having that kind of like, I wish that I could be peaceful. - You have no peace inside. - I have total joy in whimsy. But I wouldn't say peace. When I'm alone for too long, I get so bored. - Yeah. - And it's when I say too long, I mean like I spent like during my, I had tons of like to me. And which I'm sure I won't have to hear about for the rest of my fucking life. - I need to get one. - Do you? - I wanna opt in. - How, what's going on? Have you had strap? - I've never had strap in my life. - You don't need one. - Okay. - Why do you think you need one? - Sometimes there's like stuff that gets stuck. And I think it's because my tonsils are bit. You have you know Jeremy fragrance who Jeremy fragrance incredible name, but now the number one in flu The number one in fragrance influencer who follows the teachings of Jesus Christ. Okay. He's just a guy online Yeah, who makes me laugh. I don't you know, whatever bad politics is what I was gonna say But he's from Europe. It's different and he Had this video that he posted where he coughed and a huge tonsils stone came out. Sorry. This is disgusting Tell me about it. Yeah, it's disgusting. I think it may be blended on the lens. Okay. Sure I might be embellishing that but that's I'm a writer when I was a little bit. It wasn't my ministry But okay, he he coughed up a tonsil stone. Yeah, and I think I have tonsil stone. Is your breath really bad sometimes? No, okay It's not okay. I'm really I don't like that stuff having bad breath. Yeah, I'm Delegating about that. Yeah. Yeah It's really tough. I just want you to know really. I thought everyone was being a baby when they told me how bad it was because it's so painful It is it gets worse every day of the recovery for like nine or 10 days in my personal experience and During that time I went three days without talking or seeing anyone but my mom God bless you Kelly. I love you. I thought I was gonna kill myself. Yeah, that makes sense. I was like I need to get back to society Wow, I cried at a fried chicken commercial because friends were eating fried chicken together and you were missing that I missed everything about that together You couldn't have the chicken anymore because it would scratch your throat. It would scratch your throat and it was too painful to swallow anything Oh my god. I want you to know I want you to know what you're going through if you have trouble sleeping. No Okay If wait, what do you mean if I have trouble or I do have trouble sleeping? Okay, but not because of my tonsils you don't know Tonsils can cause problem sleeping and people don't know. Well, you know, it's crazy. It's today. I felt a bump right here And maybe it's related to my tonsils. Are you I don't think so are you I have a country? I'm always finding a bump The difference between me Pre kind of healing my hypokondria and post is that when I would find a bump I would do like days of spiraling and trying to go to the hospital. Yeah, and now I just find a bump and I go Yeah, that could be cancer. Yeah, we'll see what happens. We'll see check-in six months. Truly you have bad hypokondria debilitating me too chance new me during this time. It was debilitating. Were you going to the doctor like constantly? Well, I couldn't afford it due to the way our country is set up of course So I would often just like instead sit on the edge of my bed like crying and shaking fearing that I should be going to the doctor Yeah, and not going because I knew it would cost so much But there were several times that I went to the doctor that they're like there is nothing wrong with you Here's your bill. Yeah, okay. Yeah, they do I begged for a brain MRI and then had to pay for it And they found nothing How often were you doing stuff like that? There was a two-year period where it was pretty much that every day. Do you enjoy being alive? You know when you ask that question. Well, I Don't think so or like sometimes. I mean, I have serious issues. That's the right answer by the way It's I have serious issues I'm like my show right now is about like mental health and hospital and I'm doing it like four nights a week And I'm going through my life and I'm like, oh my god, like this is a disaster So it's actually not good for me to be doing this show, but that's where you're catching me giving this answer right now of course Of course, do you find the people that you're often being earnest and people are laughing I? Don't think I'm being earnest, but I think I'm telling the truth and it's so absurd that people laugh at me Well, you just have set you have set you you have such a charm to you and such a dead I find you so charming. You know that I'm charmed by you. I didn't know that because you're sort of Mr. Charm So to be called charming by the charmers, you know You'll scandal us. Oh No, your charm is so in it like so in a way where you say something that I know you're just telling me a fact But I just want to giggle. I'm just like Rachel. I Was with mecky leeper friend of the pod love mecky. He's not been on, but I love mecky. I don't think he likes being on podcasts We wouldn't have him on anyway. Yeah good mecky. You can't come on here. Mecky stay away What I'm not having mecky on here. Oh, yeah, yeah. Mecky could probably come on. He should write to me. Yeah, I bet he would love it No, write to me someday. Yeah, usually I could call him. He's not gonna pick up But he was in New York for a month and we saw each other like every day And he was like I didn't we'd never spent that much time together and he was like I didn't realize that you're telling the truth about everything because he was like walking around with you I see how much shit just happens that is like Random and makes no sense like there was one time where I was just trying to throw away a popsicle stick Missed seven times in a row hit someone someone yelled at me and he's like Yeah, okay, I get it now like this is what's happening to you hit someone yeah with the stick Yes, I just wasn't where they in the trash can they were walking past Hit him with the stick and they're like And I was like totally that's my bad, you know, but it's like so that I have this conversation. He's like oh, yeah Okay, yeah, you just hit someone with a popsicle stick. Yeah, after seven attempts Can't get it in it's it's almost yeah, it's almost like a euphemism like she she couldn't get a popsicle stick and a trash can If she was a foot away from it, she could she had a basketball tattoo. Yeah, cute, by the way, thanks Yeah, I love basketball next You know, I obviously came around for the next this year and I'm from New York. I know that so it was very exciting Yeah, but I don't care about men's basketball Why it's like who cares about Duncan. Yeah, I don't care about men's basketball either. I find it very Not interesting to watch and I think that women are dancers. Yeah, no matter what thank you Women are dancers No matter what no matter what is so completely beautiful. Yeah women are dancers They move through the world with grace any which way every woman is a dancer. Yes, every woman a dancer Yes, but not every dancer a woman. No, no, that's a common misconception squares and rectangles Yeah, every woman is if the answer you're completely right. Yeah, sometimes male basketball players are hot I mean, it's amazing. But they rarely will touch each other in a way that turns beyond well That's the thing too. It's like they're not although there was some sort of like Platonic flirtation with the next players this year between like Jaylin and who is that other guy? They're like really close friends and they were always kind of like smack each other around You know, I do love that. Yeah. Yeah, straight men primarily love each other. I know straight men the average Straight man has been in love with many men and very few to zero women Yes, when I see the way straight men look and talk to each other I'm like no one no woman in their life is getting that right 100% and and it's a connection. I don't even know if other people are capable of connecting that way the way that two straight men do Yeah, yeah, because it's forbidden in ways If if we would just take the stigma of men having sex with each other. I think the number of men that are gay would go from 10 13% to somewhere in the 90s. Yeah, men Well, what it is is that men straight men are not capable of respecting women as we know Mm-hmm, and so the the deep love that they feel for other straight men is is only born out of respect And women are just the the objects they want to have sex with. That is amazing to hear It's awesome. Yeah, I don't think it affects our society at all. Which is lucky. No Not at all. Could you imagine? Oh god. I wait if it affected our society Oh my god, thank God it mostly stays out of everything. Yeah, it's so lucky. 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Yeah, I don't think there's a more admirable admirable group alive Why then lesbians? Yeah, over overall lesbians are good Yeah, there are some extremely toxic nasty lesbians, and I also admire them to be honest me to by the way I really look up to them. I know because it's like obviously. I think yeah, overall be lesbians I think they're an extremely respectable people. I think that they are gentle, but handy. I think that overall I'm not kidding. I think lesbians have an incredible air about them. That's just comfortable to me Yeah, they have removed themselves from the whole The whole heteronormative situation. Yeah, except for when they haven't and they're just redoing those roles among themselves There are those groups. That's interesting. Now that's the groups. I know if I respect who's the person? I respect more than anything like most people in my life. I feel really lucky. I have a lot of like Really admirable people in my life. That's so nice. How do you think and now I'm interviewing you? I'm allowing you for the moment. How do you think because you seem like someone who like Just like loves people Okay, okay But I'm like how do you access that love for people? Yeah, and like show it so well and like talk about it so openly I feel like that is such a rare thing to encounter. Do you love people? Yes, but it's complicated I still I have issues But you say earlier I have extreme issues. Yeah, I've done a lot of work I used to find it really hard to like just tell people honestly like give them praise even though I felt it so deeply And like when I'm in awe of people that's something I've really had to work on and I don't know if it's because I I find it embarrassing to be vulnerable Do you think that's what it is? No, no, then what is it? I don't know Okay, we don't always have to figure it out do you if you're if you're already changing the behavior Are you doing better now at telling people that you admire them? I think so. Yeah, I think so So you do love people, but it's complicated in what way that you just don't feel like you're the best at telling them that I think it used to be like people would be like I don't really know if you like me like my friends would be like, you know Do you like me? I was like, yeah, we're friends. Yeah, but they were like, okay, well that would be nice to hear yeah And I was like totally completely by the way. Yeah, I could say that more. Yeah, so I'm I've been working on that for about 20 years. Yeah, but that it's good to work on stuff It's amazing. It's the project of being alive. Yeah is trying to arrive at who we're supposed to be yes I do love people. I think I don't know. I just have always loved people I think people are so fascinating. I really like I like when it's funny I wrote I wrote in a I'm writing this script right now and I wrote in a version of it that my character who's very close to me Of course, what else do I do? Someone says something really mean to him and he like he likes like he smiles and the producers were like Why would he smile at this and I was like oh because I would yeah, and they're like why and I was like What was funny? Yeah, and I but wouldn't it hurt his feelings and I was like for sure maybe in a way But like he in that moment is more interested in how compelling that statement was and that's how I feel about people is I'm just like, I don't know. I just think it's really interesting that we're alive at the same time. Yeah, it's all the people who Ever live right now we're alive at the same time as the people who are alive That is crazy. Do you think that's on purpose or it's just random that we're alive at the same time? Yeah I find it to be completely random me too. Don't you think yeah, I mean, it's completely random. It's a miracle. We ever met I know crazy and I never met you in Chicago. You avoided me like the plague. I was there doing second-city for a summer Took out a huge loan That's we all do. Hey, you've got some friends in the room. Yeah, we've all we've all been involved in some scams That was my Kickstarter. Yeah, so now I can't do it for a medical build that comes up because I did it for a second city in a Prof-class. Can you only do one Kickstarter? Just like emotional. No, it's a Rachel rule. Yeah, I like to log in and see like an expired one You know, I mean like I can't I can't you might have to step out for me ever once in a while what are actual rules and Rachel rules? Right. And those are two different things most of the time. Those are almost always completely different things from what I've experienced. Yeah, so you went what's what summer was this? 2015. I wasn't even there yet. My love. Really? Oh, no, I didn't get to Chicago until 2017. Chanted, I moved there from Springfield, Missouri together. Uh-huh. And to an apartment a shitty little apartment with two of our friends, Bryce and Doyle, in It was on a street called Bitter Suite in What was the neighborhood called? Boine Park. Boine Park. I know about that because it's but yeah We were up off the Sheridan Red Line stop. So we weren't even there yet when you were taking classes. Okay So you weren't avoiding me at all. All right, so that's nice to hear. But how did your second city classes go? You got something from it? Well, so at the end it was like a college program and at the end of the program They drew a review session where they tell you like what course you should take next because obviously everything is a scam But they told I was the only person they told they were like you shouldn't continue here They were like you should check out the annoyance if anything Which is yeah like the weird you know for those of you that don't know kind of the weird theater where people like yell in their underwear Pretty classically how they've treated every single successful performer from the entire 2010 That came through their programs. That's why those buildings are all kind of I have a lot of love and respect for my time there But those buildings really fell behind the times in a way that like You know, they were telling everybody who was a little weird coming through like Ooh, you might be more of a solo performer go try out stand up and then they did and it's like well then What do we need you guys work? I know. Yeah. I had to do a musical improv class there. I wasn't good and yet my couldn't get my voice out Couldn't sing you would open your mouth to sing Yeah, it's very scary to me singing. I think it's the scariest thing possible. I lived a nightmare recently. What was it? I was hosting a benefit show for Chapel Row in LA And not that was lovely That's not that's not chapel. That's not That's not the nightmare. Okay, that was a lovely experience The nightmare is Muno was on the second night And I was really excited because I love them and I hadn't seen them in a minute And I actually had to cancel I was supposed to see them play Red Rocks But Chapel asked me to do these shows and it conflicted And then I found out the day after Red Rocks They were gonna come and do the second night of the shows and I was like oh my god. I still get to see you guys So I Was being kind of cute and I like put on a moon a t-shirt to bring them out because I You know, we moon and I've been friends with them now for Like even one of their music videos the way but yeah, I was in Soak Shafon with Phoebe like forever ago Wow But I've been friends with them for so long. I was just excited to see my buddies and I brought them out And as I'm walking off stage Naomi goes come out and do the verse on Soak Shafon And I went now I can't and they go we'll see you out there Then they go out and so I'm standing side stage like like re-listing to the song to try and get it right. And I've sang the verse with them before, but this keeps happening to me. - Live? - Yeah, one time. - Are you a singing person? - Listen, with a little bit of preparation, I can do serviceable. - Okay. - But sprung on me out of nowhere, Naomi, it's really nice in suite of them. But I have this conflicting thing where my friends ask me to go on stage with them a lot, and I enjoy the connection between us. - Yeah. - But I feel bad for the audience that I'm like, you guys got me for this one. Like I'm like, of course you would have preferred. It was like, Moona brings out tenoshit. - Right. - And I mean, and it's like, Moona brought a-- - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - So how did it go? - Really bad. I started the song, and I was unsure of how to, I didn't have like, in ears, which you don't need if you're a talented musician, and I am not, and I didn't have anything. And so I came out and was just like, ♪ I'm high and I'm feeling anxious ♪ - Worst I've ever sounded. People posted videos of it, and I said, "Could we have clipped the first part?" It was so bad, and I just was like, "Why are we putting the audience through this?" They would have preferred that Naomi's an incredible singer. - Yeah. - But Naomi do the verse. - Well, maybe you being bad made the singers seem better, and actually enhanced the concert experience for the audience. - You think? - It's possible. - I would be, I'm trying to be nice. - I'm trying to be nice. - 100% happy with that, I'm trying to be nice. Typically, when you're being nice to someone you don't say, "I'm trying to be nice." (laughing) This is the issue I'm talking about. It's like, "I can't do it." (laughing) - No, I'm genuinely fine with it, 'cause I'm like, "I'm not a singer. I'm a comedian, and my buddies wanted me to come up." But I do, in those moments, I feel the thing I'm sure you've felt musical and prof-class, where I'm like, "Why am I doing this?" - It's like, that's not why I'm here at all. I don't wanna sing. - Yeah. - I get stage, I never get stage fright, but I get it doing karaoke. - Oh, really? - Yeah, even if it's like two people at the bar, I remember I did karaoke once. I was on a road trip and we stopped in somewhere in Colorado. That was just like, there was no one there. It was me and a biker, you know? And I was shitting myself, 'cause I was like, "I'm gonna sing in front of this guy." - Really? - "Never see him again." He was black out drunk, didn't care. - Yeah. - But I was just like, "I don't know." - Damn, I remember what song you did? - It's always Bohemian Rhapsody. - Tough song. (laughing) - Long, long song. - I'm gonna go ahead and just out of the gate, say, might be a song choice problem. (laughing) - Yeah, but I love, ♪ Is it so real ♪ - I'm not nervous now, you guys think we come from, is it, you know? - That was a huge compliment to us, thank you. - Yeah. - That's, yeah, Bohemian Rhapsody big swing for someone who's stage fright about singing. - Well, it's basically doing a play. - Yeah. (laughing) - So you're gonna pick the one song that would basically technically be categorized as a one-woman show. - Yes. - Yeah, incredible. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh, now I do, I love to sing. I need to just figure out how to play an instrument and to make my own music someday, but I don't like to sing in the country. - You wanna make music? - I have so much reverence for music that I feel it's inappropriate for me to be involved with it, but I think there's something stirring in my soul that will force it into existence. - Is this the first time you're saying this? - No, no. - Oh, okay. - No, eventually I'll do it, but it'll have to be under the perfect circumstances. - Yeah, that's how I feel about being a DJ, and I don't really like music. - Okay. (laughing) - I'm not, I sometimes I can't. - So just so I'm clear, you don't like music and you would like to be a DJ. - I would love to be a DJ. - Why is that? - Well, it's just so awesome. And I do think that when I get the ox cord at like 2 a.m. at a party, people are loving it. - They're responding. - And it might be like the time and like there's sort of a perfect mix of like alcohol and drugs and so anything will work, but I just, I actually feel like maybe I have it down. - I would love to see you, DJ, if you'll, you know what, here's, I wanna say something. - Yeah. - I have a lot of love for gay guys. Gay guys are my family. I would die for gay guys. Gay guys are such a special and brilliant community of men who challenge a lot of norms and have a lot of fun. - Sure. - Like sleep with them, like hanging out with them. - Yeah. - Gay guys, I don't understand, I'm gonna fucking cry. I'm literally gonna get emotional talking about this. They're really tears. - I see it, I see it. - Why won't they play songs with words? (laughing) - I'm so-- - I'm saying this. - Fucking, I'm literally gonna cry because I'm like, "I'm so fucking tired." - Yeah. - To these gay guy functions and they won't play a fucking song with words. - What are they playing, bass? (laughing) - Yeah. (laughing) - Why are they doing that? - Fuckin' no. - Yeah. - And I'm like literally at my wit's fucking end. - I know, I can see, I feel it. - I walk into a fucking gay guy function and it makes me sick. - It's not okay. - Here's all these beautiful young men. - Yeah. - Beautiful, beautiful men that have challenged every single norm in society in some ways. - Yeah. (laughing) - And then they're just gonna play fucking. (laughing) - It's not, really. - Aretha Franklin, Mariah Carey. - Yeah, the classics. - Destiny's Child, Beyonce, party by Beyonce. There's some words on that song and I think it's worth dancing to. It makes me fucking sick and sad. - I wonder what's going on. Do you think it's another norm they're trying to challenge? They're like, perhaps music shouldn't have words. - I don't know. I'd rather them do body stuff. (laughing) If they're looking for a new thing to challenge, I'd rather them look towards body. - Go on. - Just body image. - Yeah. - And body. - I understand. - Yeah. - But no, songs are not the place to innovate. - No. - Catchy hook with some arms. - Get char. - Lyric. Hello. - Hello. - No, of course. Lyric's fun. Up here, you sing along while you dance. - Yeah. - We can move and sing. - Yeah. - I just don't understand it. - Well, I guess I just said I don't, but I love singing on the dance floor. - Right. - Yeah. - Are you doing drugs? - I don't, okay. I haven't done drugs, really. I take clonipin. - That's a drug? - Oh, that's a drug. (laughing) - I mean, totally. - You know what I was talking about, but that is a drug? - And I did ketamine therapy. - Oh my God, how was it? - Well, it didn't sit right with me. - What happened? I went like in a crisis point, which they're sort of like, sorry. - You know what I'm saying? (laughing) - I don't know what I'm saying. It's like, obviously. - You know, I'm imagining the imagining in a really stable, good place and being like, oh my God. - Oh my God, yeah. (laughing) - I'm sorry, who's saying, yeah. - So I'm calling. I'm like, please, can I do ketamine? They're like, they're like, yes, yes, come in. And I went and I was so scared. I had one good trip. What it was is like, it's an IV of ketamine. And you're sitting there with a doctor who you're paying out of pocket, which is completely insane. And you can, but when you pay them out of pocket, you can make them hold your hand. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's like, I'm actually paying you now. So you have to hold my hand while I trip for 40 minutes. - Now do they tell you that or did you decide that? - Her hand was right there. I was like, I was like, come on then, let's have that. 'Cause I was freaking out 'cause I'd never done that. - In high school, I smoked a lot of weed and I think most of it was laced. So I had done, I had had like some trips. But it was never like what I, I never thought I was going, I didn't know what was going to happen. - Right. - So, but yeah, it didn't go well. Usually like after the first or second trip, you notice a difference helps with suicidal thoughts. - Are you awake? - Oh yeah. - It's ketamine put you to sleep. Put you in a different state where everything is made of sand. - Of course. - So you're not sleeping. You're awake. Like I could talk, but each time they upped my dose 'cause it wasn't working for me. So they put like the last dose I was in a K hole. - What does working look like? Like what you went in just hoping to stop wanting to kill yourself? - Yeah. - Totally. Totally. And hey, love that outcome. - Yeah. - Big fan of that episode. - I mean of course. - And anecdotally that is what happens. Like they're like, it's for treatment resistant depression. - Yeah. - And I had friends be like, it changed my life. And then. - Sorry, I'm so sorry to be someone with friends that changed their life. Are they going all the time or they went for three sessions and then they were different? - No, it's like usually you do four to six sessions like in like two to three weeks and then you can go for maintenance. Just hilarious, obviously. - We're starting to have to talk about it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - My maintenance K. - Yeah. - Sorry, I have my maintenance ketamine appointment. And yeah, but usually it's like the treatment, like they call it the foundation treatment works. - So you were hoping that you would go to for, for four to six treatments of ketamine. - Yeah. - You would stop wanting to kill yourself and you'd be a different person mentally. - Yeah. - What happened in actuality? - Basically every time I went, I just went into deeper panic attacks. (laughing) And they were like, we actually haven't seen this before. And I'm now being, I signed something that said, I could be included in their research. - Okay. Now what's a K-hole guy who doesn't do this? - My experience of it was what's going on? I'm scared, I'm dying. I can't feel my body when I talk. My voice is over there. That type of thing. - I've had all that without ketamine. - What was it? - So it was just that heightened. I've had that just on a day. - Yeah. - But it felt like drug. Did you feel like you were dying? Having a panic attack? - Yeah, it's like having a panic attack, but imagine like you're in a different plane. - Okay. - You know what I mean? - It's hard, I'm not a drug guy. So a lot of times when people talk about drug experiences, they're like, well, compare it to when you did shrooms. - Right. - I haven't. - I honestly thought maybe you've done every drug. - Yeah, that's really nice. But I think if you pay a little more, you'll realize I'm a guy that's done none of them. Right. I probably would be really awakened by one. I just don't want to mess with my beautiful brain. I know. You were in a K-hole. Yeah. How long did it last? It was a 40 minute trip and there's an IV and they're like, if you really, really need us to, we can flush it out of your system and it'll be like gone in 10 minutes. And I was sort of like screaming for them to flush me and they were like, I think you can get through it. Is this interesting? Completely. Okay. Captivated. At least to me, and that's all that matters. Yeah, yeah. So I got through the trip, but it was like this thing, yeah, it is like so stupid to try to explain like what's happening when you're on drugs, but it felt like I was outside of my body like 50 feet behind me trying to like get back in. Yeah. Like, you know, when someone dies on a cartoon and their body's floating above and then like, has this ever happened? I hate cartoons. I'm really scared about, but they're trying to set, you're trying to arrive back into your own body. Yeah. And I was sort of watching it happen, but it was like staticy, it feels like I'm explaining a dream. No, but that's how it feel. That's how it felt. Yeah. It was crazy. Did it at any point feel like get out when he's floating in nothing? Yeah. So it does feel like that. That's amazing. And while you're tripping, you're listening to music. Oh. What do they have on for you? Probably like, they put in AI like, help her. Yeah. In general, it's like they're searching on AI playlists, help girls freaking out, girl freaking out help. And so it's like, it's this music that helps you get through the trip. And there was always a certain drop in the music where it would be like me falling. Yeah. But it was the first time it was nice. You describing it made me feel anxious. Yeah. It didn't work for me, but it works for most people. So then after that, you didn't do any more? No. This was three months ago. Okay. And then did the suicidal ideation subside for a minute or at all, no, it's still there all the time. For me. But I have learned that and then again, you know, I'm whatever, Martin short, it's at his, his daughter committed suicide like in the last year or two. And there was this quote that I found on TikTok, what was him speaking at a conference or something, saying that like suicide is something that some people just like live with. Like it's a, it's an illness and it's just like, you have to learn how to live with it or not. And I found that to be very helpful as like a framing device because I feel like people freak out when I talk about it, but I'm, which I get, but I'm kind of like, I think it's just something I live with and I have to figure out how to navigate it. And sometimes it's like when your allergies flare up, you take clear it in and whatever. And it's the same thing. It's like there's flare ups and then sometimes it goes away. I'm not freaked out at all. I don't feel that you are, but some people really like, which I get, yeah, it's just this people out. But the nice thing about suicidal ideation when I was really suicidal, one thing that brought me comfort is I was like, look over enough time, it's just going to sort itself. Yeah. I am going to die. Right. Like I don't really have to take action here. Like this is going to happen. Yeah. I totally get it. I have so many friends that are like a different degrees of managing it. And there are times where like a friend who's been doing really well was like, I'm really wanting to come myself right now. And I'm like, I hope you don't, but I get that. Yeah. Life is hard. Yeah. So that's why we have to basically find amazing hobbies. Hobbies are huge. Do you have one? Do you have one? Me? It's funny because I look at my friends who have like capital H hobbies that they're like, I knit with this group every Tuesday and I don't have stuff like that. It's hard for me to have routine at all based on the way I live and how I am. But I do consider like listening to music is a hobby of mine, writing bikes is a hobby of mine. Like you go on bike rides. Oh, yeah. Like up. Do you ever go upstate? No, I'd love to. You have to bike upstate. Yeah. Okay. Okay. There is a route. Up the west side highway and then like over the George Washington bridge, you can like bike up to like Niack or Terrytown and it's like through the woods. Really? It's like 25, 30 miles. So just an idea. Yeah. Whoa. I really like that idea. It's so beautiful this time of year. I can even stay up there. Yeah. You can stay up there. I consider trying new restaurants to be a hobby. I think that's a hobby. I really like it. I didn't know about restaurants until about a year ago. How do you mean? Well, basically, you know, I grew up here and it was like, I ate lean cuisine until I was like 20. Really? Yeah. I'll come. Um, my mom didn't cook like, we were always like out of the, I lived in Queens for most of my life's, but like went to school in the city. So it was like, we were out of the house from like 6 a.m. to 9 p.m. Right. So it's sort of like, bless you. Sorry about that. That's okay. We were talking about you. I just didn't know about restaurants except for TGIF Friday. Fucking love TGIF Fridays. Me too. The Jack Daniel Sampler. Yum. Hope they still got that. Fried green beans. Ooh. So good. I love TGIF Fridays. Me too. Those little sticky Jack Daniels glazed ribs. Yum. Yeah. You're welcome TGIF Fridays. This is free. Clip it. I fucking love Jack Daniel Sampler. Do they still exist? TGIF Fridays? Yeah. Of course they do. Okay. Long as there's Fridays. So then I, so then I found out about restaurants pretty recently. That's really awesome. What have you been learning? Just how delicious. They're so delicious. They're amazing. And they can be expensive as well. And most of them. Yeah. Yeah. It's why it's a difficult hobby to get into. I know. I think when I moved to LA, it was like, so you're either going to a restaurant or you're going on a hike. Right. To build up an appetite to go to a restaurant. That's right. That's pretty much the only thing that's going on there. That's right. And a lot of times you're going to a restaurant with people who will not eat almost anything. Yeah. And I don't mean quantity wise. I mean, variety. Yeah. You're going to a restaurant with people that can eat three things individually. Right. Yeah. It is exhausting, but they have good food there sometimes. From great restaurants in LA. I know. To incredible Asian food in LA, which is where I spend a lot of my time. Yum. I love trying a new restaurant. I love ordering for the table. I love, I just love it. I love asking what was in that. I eat something really delicious and I stop to serve when I go, what made it to, there was like a citrusy. What was that? And they tell me. Really? You go to a nice place. Yeah. Do you cook? Me sometimes, but not much. It's such a big mess and I don't like doing a big task. No. And I like to be out. But you seem like someone who has dinner party. I like to go to restaurants with people. I see. Do you know what I mean? That's taking the place of dinner parties for me. I've tried to become a dinner party guy, but to me, so much of life is about being around strangers that I want to be with my loved ones. Yeah. But I want to be with my loved ones right here while strangers are about. Interesting. That's my desire. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. I like being. It's why I came to New York recently because I felt like in LA, I walk. I don't drive. So I'm walking a lot in LA. But there's no one on the street. Yeah. And I'm just like, I need to be amongst people at all times. And I was like, I got to get back to New York. So now I'm here for a bit. I love when you're here. Do you feel a difference? The city shifts. Yeah. You know, I've been coming to New York in search of different things over the course of the last decade plus. And every time I've found it, and I've only recently realized how much of it was just about confrontation of humanity, like density of people and how much I just need to be around strangers and why LA was kind of tough for me. Yes. I had a great life. And I love LA. I love going back. I had a great life there. I love all my friends there. I have a restaurant there. But I realized it took me four fucking years, which I guess is just kind of your 20s. Yeah. But it took me four years to realize why I wasn't feeling completely like activated there sometimes. And then I was like, oh, it's because you want to be around people. Yeah. And different types of people. Because it's like, you'll walk through some neighborhood. And I mean, obviously, this is true of anywhere. But like, I'm just like seeing the same person over and over and over. And I'm like, no, no, no, no, no. I need to see different types of people please. Yeah. In many ways. Immediately. Yeah. And that is happening here. It also is an ego check in New York because I'll be reacting to something and I'll go, you're wrong. Shut up. Like, I'll be reacting to someone being loud. You know, this morning, I was in the coffee shop trying to read a script. Someone's taking a fucking out loud phone call and then another person sits down next to me. Speaker? Oh, yeah. Someone else starts doing it. And I go, it doesn't really matter how I feel about it. We're in public and they're doing it. So you either leave or you focus on your script and shut up. Yeah. But that kind of thing about New York, you're forced to deal with. Yeah. And I like that. Interesting. It's good for me. Yeah. But I fucking love it here. I know. It's amazing. You were saying something earlier about restaurants and going to restaurants and eating. Well, I basically need restaurant wrecks in New York because I don't really know about them. I keep going to Balthazar, which I'm like, why am I doing that? Yeah. Balthazar is fine. Do you eat everything? Yeah. Oh, wow. I have some places to take you. Really? Oh, yeah. I can't wait. - We're at the last time we ate, we went to a diner. - That's okay, that was like random. - That was just for location wise. - Yeah. - I have some places to take you. - Okay. - What's your favorite type of food? - Okay. I also, I'm loving Korean food. - Hell yeah. - I'm loving a burger. - We should go to one of Esther Choi's restaurants together. - I don't know what that is. - She's a chef, I keep meaning to go. - That sounds amazing. - We need to go to an Esther Choi restaurant. - I want to be a comedian whose friends are the chef. - That's easy, we can do that. - I know, people do that a lot, but I'm like, can someone please introduce me to a chef? - Shuka and Shukat, it was Mediterranean. - I need to go to Shukat. - Let's go to Shukat. - It's impossible to get a reservation there, unless you're willing to eat at 10 p.m. - Hey. - Which I am. - Hey, can I tell you something? No, it's not. (laughing) We can get a table there anytime we want. - Wow. - I'll make a call. - You're kidding, you don't like that? - Yeah, I know the owner. - You know the owner? - Yeah. - Oh, it's a woman. - Oh, yes. - Yes, she looks beautiful online. - She is beautiful. She's a beautiful person. We all go, we are gonna go eat. That's what we're gonna do. - Okay. - And we're gonna try a bunch of places. - I love to eat. - Oh, I can't wait, I love to eat. - Pretty awesome. - It's amazing to eat. - I know, eat, walk, sleep, do it again. - These are kind of the big things. - I know. - What are your hobbies? - So this, I'm trying to get back in touch with my hobbies. During COVID, I basically was doing visual art. - What kind? - Embroidery. Pottery I got really into. Painting. Do you want me? - What sort of pottery were you doing? - I was doing wheel-in-hand, but I was taking classes, I belonged to a pottery studio. I was pretty bad at it, but I really enjoyed it. And I just bought paints again. - What sort of things were you making? Coffee cup bowl plate. - I was making a butter dish where the thing where you lifted up was the Twin Towers. Stuff like that. - The Twin Towers pre-during or after? - Free. - Okay, sick. - So it's like, I'm doing sort of like, oh, why don't you make that, you know? - I think a Twin Towers butter dish would be amazing. - Yeah, it was easy to lift. - Well, just because of the towers. - The towers, and they're too. - Yeah. - They're too. - Of course, it used to be. - There used to be too. And then I made these like planters. I sort of, I tried making a toilet, actually. - How to go? - Well, there's this show called The Great Pottery Throwdown. You guys know I'm seeing some nodding, yep. - Yep. - What platform? - Well, let's just say it's channel four, British style. - Okay, what? - Okay. - We put it this way to you. It's channel four. - Yeah, and, or maybe IT, I don't remember. But it's like, it's like bake off, but it's for pottery. And they always make them build a toilet. And I was like, I'm gonna make a toilet. And so I spent about six weeks building a toilet using coil method. Kind of interesting, you think about what will go in the toilet. It's just you roll a, you roll a coil. - Of clay. - Of clay. And then you kind of like wrap it to make the shape. - Can I ask a question that could read as insensitive but comes from love? - Yeah. - How did that take six weeks? - Well, it shouldn't have. - Okay. - Yeah. - That's just what I was interested in. - But there's a, you have to like let it dry a certain amount. I don't, it was about 600 pounds. - Oh. - Like I was doing it, right? - I'm so sorry. I thought this toilet was gonna be miniature. - No, no, no, I was making a toilet. - Oh, like it was meant to be used? - Yeah, like I wanted to make a toilet. - Is that what they do on the show? - Yes. - Oh, baby, I thought this was like an ornament. - No, no, no. They're making a working toilet. I wanted to figure out what to call me. - What? - This was when I was like, I'm gonna move to Vermont. I'll buy a house for $3 and I'll put my own toilet in. - This should have taken years. - Well, I, I don't know, I don't know. - I can't believe you did this in six weeks. - Well, that, I was like, I was going all the time to the studio. Which was, it was amazing to have somewhere to go outside of the house. - Did you make it? - So I made the toilet and then I gave it to them to fire. 'Cause that's what happens. - Yeah, of course, I know that. - Okay. - No, I'm getting there, yeah. - Okay, and they were like, to fire this, it's gonna be $350. Because of how much space it takes up. - Of course. - And I said, forget it. - Would you do with it? - I threw it away. - Oh, I would have paid that for-- - No, no, it also didn't-- - You call me next time this situation comes up. - Okay. - $350, I would have dropped that in a heartbeat. - At the time, that was like, you know, I couldn't fathom it. And-- - No, it's too much. That's what I'm saying is, we should have gotten together as a community and made this happen. - That should have been the second kickstarter. - Oh, that makes me sick to know that you threw it away. - It looked like complete shit. - Of course. - It also would have exploded in the kiln. Like, nothing about this would have worked at it. - Totally, and I knew that. - Yeah, and we seriously-- - It's really, yeah. - Yeah. - So, and that's around when I quit the studio. - Of course. (laughing) - I was so embarrassed, they're like, what is this? Like, they didn't even know what it was. I was like, it's a toilet and they're like, okay, well, that's gonna be $350. I was like, can you scrap it? And then I quit. - There's not, it's not good that they didn't know what it was at all. - No. - It would be like, one thing if they're like, is that a toilet? Like, the question itself would be upsetting. - Right. - But to say, what is this is like, whoa. - I know. It was sharp. I wonder if I have a picture of it somewhere. - If you do, send it to us and we'll put it in right here. - Okay, that's a toilet. - Yeah. - Yeah, but in my dream world, I build a house from scratch. If you can do that. - You got the skills? - I could, I have a resilience that is unmatched. In that, I'm not sure. - I think so. You've overcome a lot already. It seems in your life. I don't see why you could build a house. - No idea, but I could build a house. And I want to, there was also this like, a tiny house workshop. This was all during COVID. I was like, I need to work with my hands. And I had been a barista for years. - You're gonna build a tiny house, are you? - Huh. - You're gonna build a tiny house? - Like a one room house. - Are you gonna do that? - Well, I wanted to. My dream was, it was in all women two week tiny house building, like, I don't know, like camp. - Yeah. - And I was like, I'm gonna meet my wife. I'm gonna build a house. And we all build the same house. And then I was like, well, I'll meet my wife and we'll take the house. - Well, then you got two houses. - Right. - Bring our tiny house. - No, no, no, we're all building one house together. - Oh, I mean, you just built 12 identical houses or whatever. - That would be amazing. - You're building just one tiny house. - Yeah. - Two weeks, 12 lesbians. - Yeah. - Like, get more than one tiny house done. We get more than one tiny house down for sure. - I think you're right, I think you're right. - Yeah, you meet your wife. And then I think, yeah, the other lesbians, of course, would go, they should have the house. - They should have the house, yeah. - But again, that didn't materialize. But I want to learn how to build a house. And then I want to do the toilet, the plumbing. - Of course, what else is there? - I don't know. - Electricity, of course, you don't want that. - Well, I'll need that, but I don't know how to contribute to that. - Maybe the wife. - Perhaps. - What you need to do is write down how many skills you know you have under control yourself. And then when you're looking for a wife, - Yeah. - Make sure she's got the others. - Yeah. - 'Cause if you can boat through toilet, but no one can do electricity, this is not a match. They need to do dating app LinkedIn skills. You understand what I'm saying? - I'm actually very into that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's like, well, what do I offer? What do you offer? - Yeah. - And let's just say it. - That would be nice. - Yeah. - They should make a dating app that's honest. - Yeah. (laughing) - Let's see what that thing is. - They should make a dating app called honest. - Yeah. - Where you just say, like, hey, I have commitment issues, but I'm all too fun. - Right. - Best case, this goes six months really hot and heavy and then flames out. I would be into that. I feel like some people do say that, but those are the people I'm like, that is scary to me. - Of course. I think there are times where I would see that and go, I got six months to waste. - Yeah. - You know, and you really are a good time. - Yeah. - You could blow my life up. - Interesting. - I love all that. - Yeah. - Do you care about marriage? - Ah. (laughing) - Ah, yes. I've heard of this, yes, of course. - Hell is old this time, that. Do I care about marriage? - You don't have to. - The institution or for myself? - I don't know, I guess for yourself. - Well, weddings are a fucking ruse in a sham. - Yeah. - Weddings are like, come on. - I know. - Should just be a talent show. - I just don't get it. - Yeah. - And then now people like to tell me this thing, like Tova's been big on telling people this 'cause I tell her how silly I think weddings are and she goes, well, you know, not everyone has your life. Some people, it's their big day. And I go, well, God, if you want stage, I'm that back. Hit a fucking mic. Like, I don't know. I'm like, if that's what it's about. - Right. - I don't weddings to me are very silly. Although I did just go to a lesbian wedding that I think was very playful with the form. - How so? - And I enjoyed the wedding. Well, they did all kinds of fun things. Karen Maisie, my friends from Chicago. They had a lesbian wedding in Des Moines that I attended as a guest. And there were all kinds of fun things they did. Like, one of them was instead of, you know, how a lot of people, like progressive people, they'll cut out like the old parts of the wedding. They'll cut out the stupid stuff. - Yeah. - They kept in the part where they say, if anyone has a reason that these two should not be married, speak now if they ever hold your piece. - Uh-huh. - And then when the efficient said that, they both turned to the audience and stared daggers at us for like 20 seconds. - Uh-huh. - I like that kind of thing. - Yeah. - That's a theater piece. - Playing with the form. - Playing with the form, I like that kind of thing. - Yeah. - And they also had a lot of gay guys at their wedding, which was a lot of fun. And it won't be a problem. - At one point I made most of the gay guys take a photograph together. I said gay guy picture, gay guy picture. - Yeah. - Did you have to squeeze in? - Oh, there were so many of them. - Oh yeah, there were so many. You can't imagine the patterns. - No, I can't. - Who do you worry about the most? - In my entire life. - Sure. - Homes. (laughing) - That actually brings me comfort. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I probably worry about homes the most, not in romance. - Yeah, no. - But if you're talking about just pure the feeling of worry, there are times on a beautiful day where nothing is wrong that a shiver will come over me and I'll go, what's going on with homes? - I'm hanging out with homes in a couple of days. We've never really hung out one on one before. - What are you guys gonna do? - Well, she said that we could go see a movie that I have to see the Nathan movie. I don't think that seeing the three-hour Nathan Fielder movie is probably the best use of your guys is hanging out if I'm being honest. - And she's seen it already. - Right. - So. - So it makes no sense. - So maybe you guys go to the party. - I think she's just trying to be there for me. - Oh, are you going because of the stuff you're going through? - Yeah, but it's like one and one not. - I mean, that doesn't mean someone shouldn't be there for you. - Right. - I think you guys should go somewhere that you can chat. Maybe I could come. - That's a great idea. You should come. We're going on election day. - I won't be here. - I don't even know why. So that I'm so sorry. - That's okay. - I'll be in London. - I love London. - Come. - Why are you going? - I'm going to film something. I'm going on Sunday evening. I'll be there for a bit. - Red eye. - Come through. You know it. - I love London so much. - Sunday night. - Where are you staying? You don't have to say. - I won't. I'll tell you later. - Do you have you spent time there? Do you need recs? - I have spent a lot of time there and I will still take recs. - I'm going to send you a list. I have a thing though. I have a list of shopping restaurants. But if I send you my shopping list, it's for everywhere in the world. How do I change that? - What do you mean? Don't you just break them out into new lists? - No, I just have one list that's shopping. And then when you click it, it shows you the whole world. - On Google Maps? - Yeah. - Well, you did that. So you just have to, would have to go through a city. - Nothing you're saying is getting through. - You would have to go through a city by city and just make city lists instead of the whole world. - Okay, I'm not going to do that. So I'll send you my shopping list and you can just zoom in. - I'll zoom in on London. - Yeah. - That's fine. I was never worried about it. - Right. - That was always down to zoom. - Okay, great. So we're on the same page. - Yeah, I don't worry about that. - Oh, that's so fun. - I'm excited. I love London, especially right now. - Totally. They should make a London where things are open past 8 p.m. - I know, people are saying that. - I think it could be an even more incredible city. - Yeah. - I think I'll be really exciting. - Yeah, I think I want to basically end up there. - Really? - In London's proper. - Yeah. - Shortage. - Shortage, I could kind of-- - You don't care about shortage. - Yeah. - Where do you like acne? - I want to live in Chelsea. - Chelsea. - Which I don't really know what the comp is for people who don't know about that. - Yeah. - The Upper East Side. - I don't know. - I don't know. - I don't know. - It's sort of like, just on the water and hilarious. - What? (laughs) - Hilarious? - Yeah. - It's just sort of hilarious on the water. - Yeah, this is awesome. - When I go for work, I have to often stay in areas. I wouldn't stay in giving my own choice. - Marlibone. - I have to stay in like fucking, you know. - Fitzrobia. - Hello. - Yeah. - Hello. - Yeah. - I'd like to stay in Hackney. - Hackney is fun. - Hackney's really fun. I have friends that live over there. - Yeah. A lot of my friends live south. - Really? - Yeah. This is it. Maybe I shouldn't. It's a, who cares? - It isn't me. - Okay. Nice. - You're worried about them? - I don't know. I worry I'm too low energy and rambly for a podcast. - Not at all. - Okay. - And you don't have to say anything about it. - What do you mean? - Like, you don't have to tell me that it's going okay. - I would be honest with you if it wasn't. - Really? Have you ever told someone, like, we gotta, like, to time out? - Never like that. But someone has certainly said, "How's this going?" And I've said, "It's going the way that you want it, "that you have decided it will go." - Right. - And we've had really interesting things happen on this show. - Well, it's so easy to talk to you that I imagine people forget what's going on and then say something. - I really prefer that to the episodes where people are hyper aware of what's going to happen. - Yeah. - 'Cause you can feel in an episode sometimes and this is no judgment to anybody. I only have on buddies. So it's like, I'm never, you know, really doing math. - Yeah. - But you can feel when someone's aware of how many people are gonna watch and listen to this. - I just sort of went away for a second. - Yeah, you went away to think about it. - Yeah. - That's okay. - I was a misstep on my part. - No, no, no, not at all. Not at all. - I go, I go. - I wonder how I'll come across. - I go Rachel, have you considered that people will view and listen to this? - I don't think about them much. I only think about them when I'm complaining about something that I've complained too much about. And then I go, - Oh, you're saying. - Caleb changed the fucking record, brother. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you complain about? - Nothing about bringing up now due to not wanting to complain about it more, but I will say, I feel empathy for anyone who's ever been mean to me online. Specifically about me repeating things. - Okay. - And I wish that I feel empathy for them 'cause I understand that would be annoying. - Yeah. - I wish they could feel empathy towards me that my job is to talk constantly for my entire life. - Yeah. - And that if they were to try and do this job, they wouldn't last five hours. - It is, it's an impossible task. But if you're someone who's genuinely interested in people, maybe it just comes naturally. - It's a wonderful job, I love it to death. I just wish that I have a lot of empathy for people who have to be confronted with me. - Yeah. - Like I say, if I go up and do a friend song, I have empathy for a member of the audience who might go, this is the fucking person we got. - Right. - I go, I'm on your team. - Yeah. - I sometimes wish that those people could feel empathy towards me. - Yeah. - That would be lovely. - That makes sense. - But they're not able to sometimes. - What are we gonna do about that? - The empathy epidemic? - Yeah. - I don't think there's anything to be done. I think we just keep rocking out. - I agree. - Doing what we're doing. - I just remembered another hobby I have. - Would you tell it to me? - Sticking pokes. - That's who's. - Yeah. - Yeah. Love to give dick and pokes. - Really? - I only remember that because I'm seeing your tattoo there that I like so much. - Which one, my dog? - The fork. - The fork. Ah, yes. - Carly Cain and I have this matching. - Really? - We got it in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. - I love Pittsburgh due to the bridges. - Wonderful city due to the bridges. And also if I may, the hills. - I don't know about the hills. - Oh, the hills in Pittsburgh. - They have hills and bridges? - They go up, they go down. - Yeah. - Awesome. (laughing) - What's your favorite Sticking Pokes tattoo you've given? (laughing) - My favorite? Okay. The first one I ever gave was to my friend and it just said vlog and he's not a vlogger. He's like offline. - Of course. - But my penmanship was just astounding. - I'd love to see an image of it sometime. - I can send you one. - Yeah, it's on his thigh. - Yeah, and then I gave, I, at a Halloween party once, I gave about 20 Sticking Pokes to people. Some of which ruined their body without a doubt. But I was very honest. I was like, I don't know how this is going to turn out. - When you sign up for a Sticking Pokes, you're signing up to have your body ruined, yeah. - A free one at a party on someone's bed. - Yeah. - And I was sterilizing, you know, I was trying to keep it safe, but it is like, - What would you get is what you get? - Yeah. - You get what you get, you don't throw a fit. - Exactly. - That's what I'd say about Sticking Pokes. - Yeah. But Jesse Mourner has one that I gave her that's across her knee. That's like a flower chain. That's prime real estate. - I know, it's really on display. Like when she wears shorts, for example. - Or skirts. - Could be a skirt. - Swim suit, even. - Press. - Yeah. - Certainly, naked around the house. If she's doing that. - Yeah. - Sorry, Jesse. - No, Jesse's totally open with this kind of thing. - I know, she does that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But that's prime real estate. To give someone above the knee, I've spent a lot of time thinking about what's gonna go above my knee tattoo wise. - Do you have them? - I have no, I only have tattoos on this arm. - Really? - I fell in love with tattoos right around the time the entertainment industry decided to give me a career. - Yeah. - And then I started going to work early to get them covered. And I said, we won't be getting more of these for a while. - And love is enough, yeah. - But I want a lot more. - Yeah. - I'd like to have my legs covered for sure someday. - Cool. - Yeah, and I'd like to get more on this arm in this, I want them everywhere. - Yeah. - I don't want them on my neck. - Yeah. - Just 'cause it would be hilarious because of the way that my neck is. - Oh. - And I don't think I want them on my hands. - Okay. - Beat? - No, there's no point. - Right. - And what are tattoos or about people seeing them? - All my tattoos are hidden from myself. - Yeah. - So I have them, but I'm like trying to trick myself into thinking I don't. - Right. - What is that? - I don't know, I regret some of them. Some of them I think are like hideous. - Really? - But I've designed all of mine. - Okay. - So it's my fault. - Completely. - Yeah. - Yeah, I won't find a argument with me. - No, yeah. Some of them I really like. I think my favorite one's on my ankle. And it's like a kick out bag. - Oh, I like that a lot. - And I like the size of it and I like the place. Although it was painful. - Did you get it recently? - No. This is a couple of years old. - Oh. - But I never planned tattoos. I just go and often like, I have one that I got, that's right here. I got it at one a.m. on Atlantic Avenue with my friend. The guy was like, I mean, it felt like a backroom's room. You know, like it was just like all white fluorescent. Just scary guy, scary room. And the tattoo is like slowly spreading. - Whoa, spreading now, present day? - Yeah. - How? - Like kind of spreading out. Like it's like bleeding. - Where did you get it? - A couple of years ago. You guys think I should know. - It's bleeding now. into this, it's not bleeding like out. I mean, it's like, it's like spread. You understand? - The ink is bleeding. - Yeah. - Okay. (all laughing) - No, I'm not bleeding. I'm not bleeding. - I was like, hey. (all laughing) - No, no, no, no, no. It's not me bleeding out. - Yeah. - It's bleeding within. But I don't think that's good either. - The ink bleeding is not a good sign I don't think, but it feels less medically urgent than a two-year-old tattoo bleeding. - Yeah, seven-year-old tattoo. - Seven, sorry if I said two years. - I might have said two. - And seven is wrong as well. (all laughing) Actually, no, it's right. - Don't worry about it. No one's gonna check. - All right, no one's. - It's all good. - But yeah, it was a guy. It's like, I like decide. As soon as I decide I have to do something, I have to do it. So today, after this, I'm getting my hair colored. - What's color? - I'm getting the Rosalia Halo, which I'm calling it the Rosalia Halo. I don't know if anyone else is. - Okay, that's no worries. - She's beautiful, she's perfect. She has an interesting, you know what I'm talking about? - Yeah. - It looks awesome. It's not gonna work on me. - It really might. - It really might. - It really might. - Okay, we'll have to see. - We will see. - But I just, I'm like, I've been obsessed with it, and I'm like, I have to do it today. - I really want you to get it. - Off I go. - Can I, do you wanna play a game? - Yeah. - I wanna play a game with you. I'm gonna read you 15 statements. - Okay. - You're gonna tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. - Okay. - If you get 10 or more correct, we're gonna give you $50. - You're kidding me. - Yeah. - Something like that. - Yeah. - Okay, you ready? - Yeah. - The original legend of Zelda came out in 1992. - True. - False 1986. - Awesome. - The Amazon rainforest spans nine different countries. - True. - True. - All right aid pharmacies in the U.S. are permanently closed. - True. - True. - Denzel Washington has never won a Golden Globe. - False. - False is one three. Hunter college high school's motto is the care of the future is mine. - I think that's false. - True. It's false. - It's true. - Huh? - I've never, and obviously that's on there 'cause I went there. I've never heard that in my life. (laughing) What is the phrase? - The care of the future is mine. - That is not what they imparted on us. - Okay. (laughing) - Okay. - No worries. Seattle is the capital of Washington. - False. - False, it's Olympia. Zilla was originally a travel website. - True. - False. - Okay. - Always new estate. Swifts. The bird can fly for 10 months straight without landing. - I'll say true. - That's true. No NFL team has ever gone undefeated and won the Super Bowl. - False. - False, the 72 dolphins did. Wesleyan University was originally a Methodist men's college. - True. - True. - The Andromeda galaxy is the closest major galaxy to ours. - True. - True. - Four feature films in the Barbershop series. - False. - True. Vietnam is landlocked. - Excuse me? - Vietnam is landlocked. (laughing) - False? - It is false. Sarah Michelle Geller is six foot tall. - No. False. - False, she's five four. The Culture Club is located at 530 West 27th Street. - True. - True. 11. - Oh my God. - That's pretty good. - You won, that's really good. Maybe the best we've had in a long time actually. - Really, I really trust my God. It's why I like to do trivia. - Yeah. - I love doing trivia. - Really? - And I'm really, I don't have facts, but I have a good gut. - You and Holmes should do trivia. - I would love to, does she like trivia? - Well, I just met instead of going to the movie. - Okay. - I'm really hung up on why you guys would go to a movie that she's already seen. - Yeah, I can't, I'll have to look through our text to see how we got there. - Yeah, okay, no worries. - 'Cause it's a three hour movie, right? - And they did love the film. So maybe that was what they were responding to. - Yeah. - So I want to share this. - But anyway, thanks for coming on. Do you want to tell people where they can find you about your show that they can go see? - Oh my God, yeah. So basically, right now, what I'm doing is I have an off-broadway. It's stand up, but it's a solo show called Hospital Hour. That is about my life. It's at the Culture Club in Chelsea, New York. It's running until I don't know. We might extend. I don't know when this comes out, so who knows? But, and it was directed by Chris Fleming, friend of the pod, presumably. - Yeah. We love Chris over here. - And Bob wouldn't Kirk produced it. Friend of the pod? - Bob has not been on, but Bob is a friend. - Okay. - Bob is a love, we love Bob. - He's a nice guy. So basically, that is what's going on. And you know what, other stuff will happen too. - In your life? - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah, totally. - Yeah. - I called Bob once about a script that I had written that he had read, and I was in Paris at the time that I called him. And I really wanted to talk about the script, and I only had a couple minutes. And he really wanted to talk to me about a box of chocolates that he loves from Paris. And we talked about the chocolates for quite a while. - Yeah. - And I felt bad, 'cause I kept being like, that sounds good. I'll check them out. The script, Bob. (laughing) And he was like, Caleb, these chocolates. - I know. - And then we did talk about the script, but I really, I felt bad, 'cause I was kind of rushing. - I did just do an interview with him for Interview Mag, and the interview, or like the person who was sort of moderating it. Clearly was like, okay, this is over. We have to go. And then Bob gave us a house tour, like on Zoom. - He's so cool. - Which was amazing. And I was like, this is awesome. But like, I think that person has to go. But we both, I mean, I was loving it. And I imagine the other person was too. But it was this thing of like, we are doing, we're listening to him. - He's so generous with his time. It's crazy. - It is seriously true. It's crazy that he has done this, whatever, chill. - It is not, it makes total sense. And it's very exciting. And I'm glad the Chris directed it. Even though Chris is out there on social media saying podcasts should be banned. - I know. - After how fucking good we've been to him. - I know. - It's completely crazy. - It's not right. - Chris. - Chris, what are you doing? - It's all right. - Yeah. - We just love you.