Raccoon Wars, NFL Scammers & Past Crimes - Matt McCusker #1149

People of the UK and Ireland, if you've listened to Modern Wisdom for a while but haven't seen me live, it isn't just a podcast on stage where you can finally see my legs. It's a show that I've spent over a year building specifically for a live audience. There are stories I've never told before, ideas I've deliberately saved for the stage, audience confessions, and a Q&A where I try to solve your biggest problems. Dublin has already sold out and all of the other cities aren't far behind. So if you want to see me live, head to chryswellnumson.live. That's chryswellnumson.live. I'm in a battle with raccoons at the moment and my backyard is just me versus raccoons at the moment. Are they going to roof? I've got this nice couch thing, like they said, it's like comfy, you can lie on it, and they've just wrecked that, every single night they're coming in and they wrecked that. They decided they were going to tear up one croc. I had like two crocs, a pair of crocs left outside. I mean, they might have done me a like fashion fucking favour. I always feel bad, I almost fought the urge to wear crocs here today. You're a crocs guy. I'm off-crocs. Anyway, I'm actually at war with these fucking raccoons. It feels very demoralizing, like losing a war of wits with an animal that survives exclusively on garbage. Yeah. Oh, that's what's defeated me, but I haven't been able to get rid of them. Yeah, you got to trap them. You trap them, but then what do you do? Get a professional. Get rid of them, man. Go send them somewhere. Have a professional can trap them. They'll just release them somewhere else. Right, but, oh, okay, well that's just like drown them, right? You can't. I kind of love raccoons, but I was growing watermelon raccoons just destroyed my watermelons. When were you growing watermelon? The summer. You came one. I had one big watermelon forming and I came, I woke up one morning and the raccoon had just torn it to shreds. And I was like, that was like my croc. Yeah, except I hadn't had to grow it. I guess, but yeah, oh fuck. No, I was pissed, but I do kind of love raccoons, I was like, all right, well. I can't believe that Austin allows you to grow watermelon. I don't know where I thought watermelon grew, but I assumed that the climate had to be way more exotic. No, you grow watermelon. No, you can grow watermelon here. It's like a short season, you got to start early. Otherwise, I get burned out in the sun. Otherwise, the raccoons come and get it. Yeah, I got to put it behind the fence this time. Yeah, I keep imagining what it would be like to be in a fight with those raccoons. They've got claws, so I'd look like a lunatic. I've got one crock on now because of the other crock that they've taken away. Like a broomstick for self-defense. He's like, be like, be one of those guys in World War One that's got like a bugle into sandwich. And that's what he's sent over the top with. My neighbor used to have raccoons for pets. He had two raccoons in a cage. I remember Erkel cereal. I don't know if you were here when I was, yeah. It's like, family matters. The show Carl Winslow. Remember Erkel, the black nerd? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He had his own line of cereal for a while. And my neighbor who lived behind me would feed them Erkel cereal. He had his own cereal and they fed him Erkel cereal for like a while in a cage. It's illegal to keep them as pets, apparently. The American desire to turn anything into a legitimate commercial opportunity. Yeah, like you were just. I'm telling you, I've never seen Erkelos. Yeah. Help Erkel find Laura. Like what year was this? Back in 1991, Steve Erkel got his own cereal. Erkelos was basically strawberry and banana flavored fruit loops. Yeah. I just remember seeing Erkel cereal next to a raccoon cage and being like, "Damn, my neighbors' raccoons eat Erkel cereal." Well, that was pretty. Now I was like a real little boy. I was like, I just stored that fact away in my head and it's. I break it out anytime raccoons come up. They actually love Erkel cereal. Like, go see a raccoon, in fact. Is Erkel cereal? Yeah. I mean, imagine you're already entrapped. Your life is in a cage. Another next thing that happens is you have to eat Erkel cereal for the rest of your life. Like banana flavored cereal sounds horrible. Fake banana is awful. It's the worst thing. Fake banana is polarizing. I remember banana runs where I love banana runs. They're for runs. You're going to have a hard. We're doing this in America, British. This is going to be tough. Well, the Rons are just a hard candy that are like. They're shaped like real fruit, but this is a hard candy. Okay. So there's one. There's the banana run when I was growing up. Everyone would be like, dude, get there's a way for me. I actually like the banana run, so I would trade up all the time. This ended up with a ton of banana runs. I have a story for everything. You want to talk about banana flavoring? We can talk about banana flavoring. The idea of you trading up. Nobody wanted 'em. Because you get them in a variety path. Yeah, yeah. Every little fruit comes and I'd ever. Oh, he's banana ones on a grill, let's go. Hit me. Yeah, hit me up. If I can take the water man. If I can take the straw man. Unbelievable. Here's a cherry. Yeah, yeah. I do want to teach you about some British stuff. Do you know who Francis Bojoire is? Okay, so I go to the grand tour, which is that thing Jeremy Clarkson did on Amazon. It was about cars and stuff. It was this big car show and then they kind of moved into this other thing on Amazon. He's the new guy that's taking that. He's a train. Got he's a train spotting. Dude. And I kind of. Oh, here we go. So just watch this video. Yeah. I'm about to see the largest steam locomotive in the world. I've waited my whole life to see 4014 big boy in action. So today is a very important day. With crowds lining the tracks. An unexpected arrival before the main event. There's 21 hours. Oh, no. Where's that brutal angle? It says it on every video. Here it comes. Oh, no. It's big boy. That's such an important moment. My phone dies and I have to reach for Amy's phone, which is fortunately of the camera on your fucking head. Big boy. A dream come true. But 20102 is a part of the world. This was in Pennsylvania, wasn't it? I think so, yeah. Dude, so this was really hot that day. A lot of those guys passed out. That were working. A bunch of fat legged autistic guys who went down. I'm telling that day, my friends are telling me about this. There are a bunch of people who are standing in the field and they passed out while waiting for big boy to come. Well, I mean, Francis. He was one among many. Meanwhile, Francis Bogewan, he managed to. He had to live the dream. I was telling my friend, I was like, if I was there with my kid and they passed out awaiting a train, I would step over him and his walk away. I would just step right over him and feel like I'm out of here, man. I'm not doing this. Train spottings an odd. But it's very weird. That particular archetype of person does. There's like a type of white that only exists in America. But there's also a type of white that only exists in England. And that is a category of white that I don't think that you get in America in the same way. We have them, man. We have train spotters. Right, yeah, I suppose so. But they present in a different way. Oh, yeah, for sure. Our American train spotters are a little probably a little more quiet. Kind of stand there and watch. That guy was pretty talkative. Yeah, I have no fear that Francis Bojouar is going to become a future school shooter. You said you have no fear? You don't think you have no fear at all for him. Yeah. But if I was to make him like Frank Boujee, which would be the American equivalent. That makes sense. Watch him. Yeah, you'd want to keep an eye on the internet history, for sure. I can't believe that people passed out. Yeah, people passed. It was, when I heard it, I laughed for like 10 straight minutes. That a field full of children just fell out waiting for a train. It was a kid's that. Yeah, it was like, yeah, it's just got hot in some of the. Well, I suppose like. Not all of them, but enough went down. It was a bit of a problem. Some of them missed big boy. Big boy was coming. They just went down. If your kid passes out, it's kind of easy because you know they're not going to move. So you think, well, they're going to stay there. Yeah. They're just going to stay in that location. For sure. You know, you put a little cool pack on them and then you can go and see big boy and then come back. Yeah. I mean, you're there. They were all waiting and they went down and big boy just went, right fine, they came back. Like, what happened? They just teleported beyond big boy. Yeah, he had to just be like, yeah, you saw it, man. You saw it, you saw it. I promise, I promise you. Like child memory was working. But yeah, there's like, there's two. There's basically two, I think, categories of stereotypical British person. One is Francis Bogevoir and then the other one. I don't know that you've seen British people going to Boge on the internet. So this is a guy called Big John and he does takeaway reviews and this is. Oh, right, okay. This is him. This is the guy. Could I have 2.1 mesh twice, please? So he's like, kind of a food reviewer, I guess. And he's getting it. pies and Matt, don't say that. Don't do that. Don't do that. There's two colors on that play. No wheels today, no wheels today. The wheels can save you. Oh, he's being asked if he wants eels. That's. The food of my people. There you go. Well, it says it ain't. I've got this one, I've got that one. So you think about that? All over the liquor, all over the mesh. That's your salt. Apparently a dash of salt. Yeah, you ready? Like that's. I love the idea of eating with just a spoon and a fork. The knife is totally irrelevant. And it's funny, I have a friend who's English and he'll send me the pictures of the classic British breakfast and I'm like, ew. What don't you like about it? The sausage and tomatoes and beans, it's like. Making bacon, potatoes, eggs, no beans, you know, you don't want tomatoes, and it's not, it's not really appetizing when I see it. - I will stand on business with the beans, like, hot. - I'm sorry. - First thing in the morning. - Yeah, what a way. - You're farting all day. - I'd be. - That's a power move. - True. - The remainder of the day is a- (laughs) - You're destroying a room at day. - Yeah, you've loaded the magazine. - True. - For the remainder of the day. - You're ready all day, true. That's not bad. Then they're out by the time you go to bed. - Not farting in your- Yes, I'm bad. - Correct. - I'm more of a- - If you invert it. - I'm more of a raccoon when it comes to farting. I'm nocturnal. I'm all night. - All night, dude. I'm farting all night. It's terrible. It's actually kind of, I'm concerned. It's been like, usually you'll get it one day out of the week. I've been on like a four-day stretch, where I'm like, he's changed something. I need to change something now. - There's a machine, like, apps for sleep tracking that record when you make noises or move, and fucking love to hear what yours would be, because yours would be broken by either snoring, or rustling or something, or just straight ripping. - Could be. - Down in there, that's pretty crazy. They actually track the noises. - Yeah, so when it's silent or ambient noise, whatever, and then it just turns on the recorder, it's to work out whether you're snoring or not. - Snoring or not. - Talking in your sleep. So- - I might have to get there. - That'll be sick. And then you could make a compilation of all of your favorite farts. - Ooh. - What would you make? Like the nighttime ones would be awesome. - Yeah, you're like, you know what, you're not missing your own fart while you're asleep, is like, it's like being a child that passes out while watching Big Boy. You're like, I missed it. - True. - This was the entire reason for me eating those beans at night. - Yeah, all the waste. - And I didn't, I wasn't even there for it. Like my mom got to see it, or whatever, like the wife got to see it. She was a part of it. - Have you ever woken a woman out of sleep because you farted in bed? - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. It's not a good feeling. - There's a level of. - I don't know. I don't know. - There is a level of like shame and pride. - Yeah. - It's equal pot shame and pride. - Well, it's so funny. But you're also, you're like, yeah, that's a horrible way to wake up. - There was a polo joke. (laughing) - I'm so sorry. - Yeah, I've done it. - I've done it before. - Yeah, the old fadalam. - Yeah, we're not even, I'm saying not audio. I'm talking wake by smell. I've woken by smell before, and that's when you're like. - Wake by smell is crazy. - Wake by smell is pretty devastating. And she was in such deep sleep. It was just my life. She was in such deep sleep. She forgot. So I had a good like four days where I was like, oh my God, you didn't even mention that. - I got a scut free. - And then the memory came back. Did you tell her? - I brought, eventually I brought it. She was like, holy fuck, I forgot about that. I was like, yeah, my bad. - You told her about the fadalam? - I was like, I was like, you have to remember that. I can't believe you don't remember this. And then she was like, ooh, I do remember that. That was gross. And I was like, yeah, my bad. - Did you admit it to the crime? - I had, dude, I had to know. I'm like, how did you just champ that? (laughing) It was like kind of bother me. I kind of, actually, I wanted my penance. That's what it was. I was like, I can't get away with that. I wanted to atone, but I needed to remember. (laughing) - That's right. - It's a combination of like, I want you to recognize just the power. In case, in future, I need to like hold it over you. You think, well, I. - No, I turned myself in. It was like a guy who killed somebody and just can't live with it. I was like, I got away with it. And I was like, I got to go to the authorities. I got to report, I got to turn myself in. - What is the wake up of someone who's working by a smell that's so noxious? It's like, eyes are still closed. It's all the whole thing. Eyes are still closing up. Oh, it's just like a groan. It's like groaning into consciousness. And then you go, oh, I think going back under it. I was like, oh my God, that was the craziest thing I've ever seen. It's like coming into hell. You go, and then you just go back under it. It was really upsetting, honestly. I was just all in, I was like, holy shit. You made so much trouble when I wake up, and then you got up, scud free. And then you put yourself through. - Two days went by, and I was like, telling everyone knew about it and finally I was like, I was like, I got to tell her, I can't, I can't. I have to let her know that that happened. - The idea of like telling it in pride behind the scenes. - Hell well. - Like to. - I guess what I managed to achieve last night. Fucking sick. - Yeah, it was hopefully 101. That was the only time. - No, I thought you meant by sound. 'Cause you can rip on this line, and I thought it was like, yeah, you can get that. - But it's the slow, I wonder how many breaths it takes. It's gonna take like the first one's gonna hit, and but you're gonna hope that the body's gonna hope that when it gets exhaled, it's not gonna get hit again. And then the crescendo, I think it's probably a two breath, a two breath final arm. - Yeah, there's one that's kind of like, but apparently I think, I could be wrong, but I think your amygdala is like really close to where smells come, so they're linked. So she like, that was a threat immediately. That's like really linked with threat. I think smells. Sort of good. - The wake by far, the off. - It was used, it was used, terrified. - Fuck me. (laughing) - That is true, that is very true. I went to, I went to the PBR. I saw Shane at the bull riding thing, which is weird, because again, talking about very British things and also very American things. It's like close to about as American as you can get. - Yeah. - But it is a rena of people hoping that somebody gets injured by an animal that weighs like a few thousand pounds. (laughing) It's a very strange sport to watch. And not a massive amount of racial diversity in the audience, and then Nelly played. - Yeah. - So he kind of offset it toward the end. But yeah, PBR was crazy. That was like, that was a very interesting experience. - Yeah. Yeah, I only ever watched it on TV, but bull riding, I like bull riding compared to bull fighting. - Bull fighting seems like one of the mean, it's so mean. - Yeah. - I just learned they pre-stab them. The bulls are pre-stab before they even, you fight the bull. - Like that scene in Gladiator. - Yeah. - Like, shipping before he goes out. That's all of the bulls. - Exactly, they just poke them up a couple of times. I gotta get out of them. - So them weaker? - Yeah. - I found out that the reason that the capes, what's that called? - Oh, I don't know. - The red rag to a whole thing. The reason that it's red isn't because bulls see red and get angry, it's to hide the blood as the bulls run past. Because otherwise, if you had a white sheet or something. - It would look horrible. - Yeah, it would just be marked with the blood to a whole blood. - Yeah, that's, I didn't even know that. - That's why. - That's why it's to hide the blood. - Dude, I'm not making sense because they've been pre-stabbed. - Yeah, oh, that makes sense, yeah. I thought my whole life, I thought like if I was wearing, I would like, been around bulls a couple times and I'd always scan, like, bro, I hope I'm not wearing any red, they're in a fucking charge here. (laughing) - I had a bull, actually, that also looked behind me. We had a bull that just was in-- - Why the fuck did you live? - I lived on it, so my dad and his brother bought a piece of property out in like, the suburbs of Philadelphia, but it was like, when we moved out there, it was like really rural. Like, there was nobody out there, there's no sidewalks, but they bought this like, plot of land. And so they each had a house and they, you know, they had like a spread, we were right, I was right next to one of my cousins and then behind us was this like, other house up there, so they just rented it out to this guy. And he had like, that was a guy who had the raccoons in the cages. So he had like animals, he had like a weird kind of, he had like a barn, there's horses, you know. - Great cereal collection. - Yeah, great cereal, and he had a bull for a while and we had, it was a old apple orchard, but the apples trees dried up, so they only made crab apples. So me and my cousins would sit up in the trees and just shoot this bull with a little slingshot with crab apples all the time. And it got so aggressive and like so nuts, so we had to get rid of it. 'Cause we were going to sit up there and torment it all. I was like, nine years old, we just said they're going, boom, and hit it with like it, and it would just shake. And they were like, we gotta get rid of that thing. - You got PTSD from being hit by these little crab apples. - All day long. - Can you imagine if you were a ball and you didn't understand how physics and gravity works? And you're like, that tree is throwing apples at me. Like that tree is my mortal enemy. It keeps on pinging me with crab apples all day. And there were those, like I don't know if you had those like real nice slingshots, they were like whole, they were like, you'd pull 'em back, but they had like almost a wrist brace so you could really rip those things back. - You were hitting it with high velocity crab apples. - Yeah, very hard explosion on upon impact. And then bulls got, when you shoot someone in paintball, and it's just got loads of mobs all over its back. - Yeah, we were, and again, it's like that thing started getting nasty. Like we had to get rid of it, got to cantankers. So now I'm like, maybe they just got rid of it, but I'm pretty sure we fired that thing up. 'Cause it was, we were just like, taunting it and fuck with it all around. It was really nice natured until, maybe that would be a good, 'cause the owner, but a CEO guy of the PBR was in the area that we were. And obviously I have no idea what's going on. I don't know how the scoring system works. I don't know anything. And he loves bull riding. Absolutely loves bull riding. And he wrote the rules. So I'm like just harassing him autistically about any, like how does this happen? And how do they train the bulls and stuff like that? But I didn't realize that the people that own the bulls, they have so much pride. And like no one's ever ridden. Like this element have got a bull. And it's called ride in salty. 'Cause he can just name it whatever you want. Yeah, it's also the other. Ride in salty. And no one's ever ridden it, some shit like that. He's like, oh, this is, it's the best rider in the world versus the hardest bull in the world. And this kind of these match-offs, they pair them up. And then it's coaches on the teams of the riders who know what way the bull turns. And they put a guy that's like really good in the clockwise position or whatever. It's like matching fighters up against other fighters. I like, I don't know, a sport where you got all the guy that's on the left wing. He's a little bit slow when he cuts in. So if you put a guy that's right-footed on that. And there's its squads and there's training and they've got tactics. And I was like, I just said, guy holding onto a bull. That's what I thought. I didn't know they have teams too. They have a bunch of teams. Yeah. Like each city's got a different team. And then the city that you're in. gets to be the final one, and this workout music and that each guy comes out to different workout music and stuff. It was sick. Yeah, it sounds awesome. It was really good. 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Right now, you can get a free sample pack of elements, most popular flavors with your first purchase by going to the link in the description below, heading to drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom. That's drinklmnt.com/modernwisdom. Yeah, I haven't done much super like Texas stuff. I did the two-step dance lessons. Have you seen that before? I've seen it. The broken wheel. What's that? You can go in there and take lessons for two-step and it's this old lady runs it and I honestly was like, it takes a lot to kind of astonish me when people are like doing certain things. Dude, she apparently can just grab lady's asses and like, so she was, I shouldn't say this, but we were in there and she would, she'd be like, come out here and dance to me, young lady and she'd be like, God, your ass is flatter than cardboard, just smack like it was insane. She was just grabbing and smacking lady's asses and just, I mean, you know, any kind of racial thing, she would throw that in there too, just to like, flavor it up. Dude, there is she. I was sitting there like, bro, this is insane and she never was like, yeah, this is cute. I get it. I've been transported back to the 1950s. There's a level of bigotry that you just let when people get beyond a certain age, they just get a pass for it all. Yeah, you have to let this lady cook. It was really good because it was, it was a lot of, it was a good amount of like, Asian tourists came and she was having a field day with her. It was wild. It was wild. There's nothing there for me to grab. Yeah, no ass on it, look at where you from, Viet Nam, get out of the way. She thinks the wall is still going, but it was fun to see it. It was fun to see. It also was nice. It brings everyone down. It's like, yeah, let her do her thing. It brings everyone down to like a, you know. That's what being British is like, actually, that level of like insulting everyone. Were you any good? Is it hard? I've never tried. No, I wasn't very well. I was alright. It's pretty easy, honestly, but it's all about, you have to kind of like, it's like easy to do. You have like 30 people in the dance floor, everyone, you don't know which way anyone's going. So it's another people who are like actually really, really good at it and you're like, I'm in the way now. Do you know what? You're in the way. Yeah, you're just in the way. They're like whipping people around and throwing them. It's also very important that you have to lead your partner and it's like, I am horrible at dancing. So I'm kind of like, trying to, I'm stepping on her feet the whole time and I'm like, actually, I'm in charge. Be quiet. Don't move. And it's like, she set up. The lady's grabbing ass is set up in charge. And it was a, yeah, I didn't, I sort of be over there with the Asians. I'm not going to make a sit down on the fucking substitute bench. Yeah. So it was fun. I would definitely go back. It's a, it's a, it's a fun night. You go there, especially if you roll their stag. I mean, dude, ratio is in your favor. It's mostly how many people are going on their own. I was, there was a couple. There's a lot of women actually go, but they're going as girly group thing, but you need a male partner. Hard, hard to peel off a chick from a group of chicks, though. But in a, in a, in a formal, in a formalized dance setting, easy as pot. It's like as easy as it gets, of course, because they've got legitimacy to leave the friends at least for a bit. Yeah. And there's that, there's that like inner feminine kind of rivalry where it's like, now whoever you ask to dance, it's like, oh, because of them, yes. Because of the ratio. Yeah. Yeah. It puts them. It really throws them into like an upside down world review. Now you're the commodity. You get to be like, the lady. I was peeping all this with my wife. I was like, this is great. Yeah. Watch in the, watch in the dynamic. Go on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You step in on a feed. It is going to be hard, though, if you're not good at dancing. And you're like, okay, I need to do this thing. I need to lead them. You said you need to navigate the traffic of the rest of the room as well. Yeah. And you're trying to lay down some game. At the same time. Plus get the phone out. Like, you know, can you do the thing, do the nudgy thing, like take a number before I'm going. Yeah. Spinning around and stuff. Yeah. I mean, you have to go a couple times. There's a lot of old men that go there. Like they're like experts at it and they just kind of twirl young chicks around for like two hours at a time. And then also the instructor kind of feeds them like, no, if you see Dale, he'll spin you around. Do you dizzy? Go on. Don't be shy. And she kind of like feeds him over. It's pretty wild. Oh, yeah. Like, this does begin, like, sounds like it's going to be a Netflix documentary. Yes. It's like one of those ashrams where, like, some yogi that developed a new type of yoga. But all of these disciples were the ones that were feeding in the new followers. Yeah. They thought, yeah. Like the next-yam cult. Yeah. That's what's that one? What's that? That was the, God, who's that guy? He was like branding chicks. He was getting chicks. Yeah. Yeah. He was just serious. Yeah. Keith Venerier. He had the next-yam cult here in America where I don't even know what he did really. It was just, he just had this cult and then the thing he did that was genius. Obviously, he's a cult leader. He's having sex with all the women in the cult. There's married couples. So he instituted a rule where everybody has to kiss on the lips when they greet each other. That way, he could just kiss every girl on the lips and no one, they wouldn't know that he was fucking all of them. It was pretty kind of an ingenious move. Yeah. Well, I mean, what's interesting is that he decided to brand the women in the cult as opposed to just using crab apples in a slingshot. He could have just got them from way further away. True. I could have came from anywhere. If he got really good with, he could have written something on the side of it. True. No, it wouldn't have been really good. Yeah. No. Yeah. He was brand-apparently at all. People for sex trafficking. So whenever you move a lady across state lines to have sex with her, that's when it's like, isn't that crazy? Yes. That was the thing. Who was it? Under false pretenses. That's the key term. Who was it that got fully diddled for that across state lines, trafficking women across state lines thing recently? There was some big case. And that was the main, like tons and tons and tons and tons and tons. You know, Epsin. Epsin or Diddy? It was Diddy. Diddy. Correct. You said Diddle too. It was Diddy. They get you. I don't know if he actually got charged for sex trafficking, but that was the one they were trying to know. The trust state lines. Yeah. But under false pretenses. But what's the issue with the state lines thing? Why is that? I don't know. So under false pretenses within the state is fine. I think so. So I get into a motel that's just a cro- Yeah. Yeah. If you can trick a woman, if you're in Texas, you can trick Texas women. If you trick a woman in Oklahoma. Fuck. You're going to jail. And it's all false. It's a very vague thing. Yeah. Yeah. So we were getting trouble for because it's like if you lure someone here saying, hey, I have a job for you and they travel and then I don't know what you brand them and keep them like you're slave in the base. And then you get in super big trouble for a draw double making them go across double trouble. Yeah. And worst of all, he made them go to Oklahoma. Yeah. It's like, oh my god. No. We must take him to jail the guys of monster. Yeah. It's a very weird rule. I've always thought about it. It's a, it's a, it's one of those things that it's like it's really weird. So can you chat, you see why, why is it, why is it across state lines for, what is it? Sex trafficking. Sex. Well, it's like trying to work out why sex trafficking is so bad dot, dot, dot across state lines. Yeah. It just seems like, well, it's, you know, within state lines. It's not great. Yeah. It's just one of those extra charts. It's like an enhancement they toss on you. It's like an upgrade. Yeah. Do you want to go with super large on the, on the Happy Meal super size? Yeah. I don't know. It's a, but it's one of those things. I think that's very important in these cases. Where they, if they can get you on that, that's how they kind of get you in a little bit. Oh, here we go. Crossing state lines isn't inherently considered more evil than committing state sex trafficking within one state. The reason it's treated more seriously in U.S. law is largely about jurisdiction and federal authority. Oh. Not great. A moral blame. Oh, because it's like, when you get higher penalties, that's what they're saying. Someone can be prosecuted, prosecuted for sex trafficking, even if every act occurred within a single state, as long as the conductors, the required connection to interstate commerce. Ah. Oh, hang in a second. So that brings you FBI in. But so sex trafficking under current federal law, someone can be prosecuted for sex trafficking, even if every act occurred in a single state, as long as the conduct has the required connection to interstate commerce. So if it doesn't, if you manage to find a locally owned motel, and you don't use a payment processor that like routes it through fucking Delaware or something, you pay in cash. Sex trafficking is just free. That seems like a loophole that needs to be closed. Yeah. They get you for tax evasion then. Oh. Okay. Why did that cash drive front? Yeah. Have you seen this day, John Love, thing, this case that's everywhere? Who was it? Was that the guy? Who was that? The fake football player from the 40 minutes? Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Who's been going around saying, I caught that. I was like, it was actually doing a podcast. I went to the bathroom, and I was like, checking my phone. I saw someone I know is like, one of the influencers I follow is just kind of like, oh, man, I almost thank God I didn't pay this guy. And I didn't even know he wasn't a player. I'm like, damn, I was the excellent guy for $200,000, and I came back and I was like, yeah, that was a dude. Yeah. They said this? Oh, yeah. Well, say he was trying to dental men and women. Yeah. Especially women. Yeah. Yeah. I think he was really going for the women's money. But yeah, there was a guy influence right now who was like a health guy, and he got like, they tried to go for him. Yeah. So he was. He went for $200,000. He's like, give me $200,000, and I'll like promote your, you know, electrolytes or whatever. I think he didn't have that many followers on, it wasn't a huge, so yeah, for the people that don't know, this guy pretended to be a 49ers player. Yeah, and he was starting my receiver here we go 35-year-old day John love Who federal authorities say faked an entire NFL career as a 49ers wide receiver to scam others There's been arrested and charged with defrauding over 26 women out of more than 1.3 million dollars Love allegedly met women through dating apps convinced many they were in a legitimate romantic relationships with him Betrayed himself as either a wealthy NFL player or a successful real estate investor Fake 49ers fake Instagram theme presents fake banks and investment. I think he had like An 18-year-old that he would put on FaceTime and was like oh, this is my investment advisor and it's just like one of his friends. He was 18 years old and One one woman lost around 87,000 and helped him get a McLaren to qualify for the McLaren He made her a fake pay stub saying she earned about 50 K a month another woman gave him seven grand for an apartment He never got for another gave him around 30 grand for a Mercedes After a while you just think like these people kind of deserve it. Yeah The role the romance scams are really really messed up also working him working out on the beaches hilarious Just a football helmet on the beach is like that's one that I'd even catch. I hold on a second. I don't see me Brady. Yeah Still swim shorts Yeah, it's like a regular football It's a memory. It's a it's a memorabilia helmet Yeah Is there not one of them I swear he's got his helmet like in the car at some point have a look on here. Keep going Yeah, that one's hilarious. Go back It's him like You've got to go to have the helmet and just pop in the helmet in the passenger seat I don't know this You know what this is? This is Karma from the bad men of the world for the Lindsey Clancy case This is the them trying to come back around. This is like some dude. Yeah, like comically going like there's something that women are getting Complained about at for at the moment that I'm gonna I'll leave in the States and I'll give us something that men can be Just so I'm sure Clancy is the lady who everyone's trying to like get her out of jail right now. Yeah, protesters dude wrote It's a mistrile. That's a rough look. It's a it is a mistrile It's a mistrile one guy one supposedly allegedly one male juror held out for six days. It was 11 1 and The one juror was like no, no murder not doing it mistrile So just she's like free at the moment What or is she on bail was she me on bail? Well, she has she can you work out if she's got bail or not, but mistrile So they've got to do they've got to run it back to it again They've got this whole thing has got to happen again at least again or maybe go up to some yeah, good court Well, dude, it's I so I was actually reading about this last night I didn't realize first of all it happened like three years ago three or four years ago The husband's already met he's remarried, but the weird thing is it's been three years is quite a long time Yeah, it's not a long time to get over something traumatic But for everyone that I didn't I'd never heard Lindsey Clancy's name until three weeks ago. Yeah, and for him This is I'm part of I think about where you were three years ago three and a half years ago You're like that was quite a long time ago. It was a while, but it's like yeah, but I think I think he's just like I could be wrong I think he's like works in an office Doesn't go off the shop yet. Is that's like an office shop? That would be it'd be insane. I had a psychiatrist Earlier on this week and he worked in the ward where she was discharged from he like knows the doctors that prescribed All of the medications the people that looked after a cat everything and there's a little bit I think especially a lot of guys sort of defaulted to she killed a kid's right yeah, and then There was a little bit of me as he was expecting it was an hour of him just explaining the deep neuroscience of what happened with the pharmacology and What happens with the psychosis and how all encompassing and and like totally compelling it is and basically your agency is taken away from you To use the example of talking of like farting and shedding you use the example of you know when you go to the bathroom And you take a dump and you're like one huh one wipe wasn't enough like I need to go again And you don't even think about it you just do it so that's kind of what psychosis is like you don't even think about it You kind of just get compelled so he's an hour of him explaining it to me and as he was doing it There was a little bit of me that was thinking This is I thought I had my position and now you have decided to like Just pull the pin on this grenade and now I now I'm all conflicted again And now I mean I'm now I'm with everyone else because I don't know what the how do we deal with this is a society? It's I think to me. It's like yeah, it is it sucks It's like the whole situation sucks the poor I like really felt bad for the dad I was reading about him last night. I'm like damn this guy. He's actually just started his life over him like that sounds sad And then you have the lady who was like yeah, she you know strangled her children to death and you know Maybe she was in psychosis. The thing too is like if she had been a Math addict and got high on meth and then killed her kids ever and I get throw the book at her. Mm-hmm since I guess she's trying to get you know help or whatever It's slightly different might my only problem is when like because you get you have people now who Even like neuroscience types who are like free wills and illusion. We don't have free will. It's just all it's all expression of genetics And it's like okay, well if that's the case and somebody does this if they're just essentially like a lump of meat Just why not just discard of them, you know what I mean because if we have it There's no free will and people are just gonna do this kind of thing which I don't think is her case really because it was like the medication in psychosis, but I don't think you got a part I think you just got to park those people forever. It's like look But they they are the sucks that their thing is she is gonna be parked forever It's is she gonna be parked with culpability or is she gonna be parked with I couldn't an excuse or reason right it's like she's gonna be well if she gets the psychosis I think she's mandatory like psychiatric asylum for like a per year at a time with her case to be reviewed every year So there's a world and she gets all yeah, I think she'll only be held for a year I could be wrong, but I think she'll only be held for a year before she gets review it gets reassessed and they could keep her forever They could reassess her every year. She could get out So it's one of those things where it's like even even if it's pure psychosis If someone can fall into that level psychosis and obviously it's on record It's like you're you kind of got to be she's a distinctive looking lady as well It's gonna be very hard to come out even in five years time and not not be Well, she's paralyzed still right That as well. Yeah, but all of that it's too it's it's it's I think the saddest thing that's it's like not need to satisfy It is really fucking sad, but it's as close to a sad as it gets doesn't I mean Dead kids Suicide attempt paralysis Like post-partum depression public scrutiny Loads of women wearing pink. It's it's OJ Simpson for white women. Yeah, that's what it is. Yeah, that's exactly what it is It's also again, it's one of those things where it's like I'd love to ask the protesting ladies like where do you want to see happen in this? You want to have her to live with you like what are we talking about? Are you gonna take care of his lady? You know, she's like the state failed her put her in the hands of state mental care It's like maybe not if the state failed so badly because that's where she's going back to you You got a parker you got to give her the bane treatment dude. It's like sad bottom of a well Chained yeah, or yeah bulk her up feet of pizza It's so fucked up and I did the same thing. I heard about that. I'm like fuck that lady dude And then you read about you like god that's so fucking sad, but it's also like She's a sick ticket dude. It's like you get once you strangle your children in the basement It's like all the bets are off in my book. It's like it's just it's sad. It's fucked up. There's complexity to it But it's like you know what else is interesting. I think You look at the gender split of support foreign against it's almost exclusively women who are in support But not necessarily only men that are against because mothers kind of get split into two groups because some of the mothers especially the ones that have been through Postpartum go wow that was fucking rough. That was really hard and maybe I think Dr. K gave me the stats. He says about three and 10,000 Get postpartum psychosis and of the psychosis sufferers 5% get homicidal Ideation thought. Yeah, so it's like a chunk of a chunk of a chunk like it but yeah because there's 60,000 births a day in the US the law of large numbers means there's like one person every one lady every day Who's maybe gonna have this the homicidal thoughts with the psychosis and all the rest of this stuff He's like, you know explaining it to me and going through all of this But what that means is there's some women who will see the beauty and the delicate nature of their children and just get the total Tiger mum mother bear like I can't believe that this would happen aggression And then there's another group of ladies Who are gonna think I was close to feeling down and bad. Yeah, I wasn't myself So even that is kind of split into two different groups. It is it Stuff like this. I mean, you know, you have to think when situations like this occur Netflix all of the executives must just be going like Yes Here's six more hours of content Exactly. Yeah, they've got this is season two Netflix just renewed season two of a documentary. They haven't finished filming Well, they must have done cuz they're gonna run the trial. Oh, they'll they'll have yeah Well, they're thinking to themselves are like well, there's episode five. Yeah, and then fuck they're doing it again Cool, right. Okay, we finish it on five episodes. We'll run it back for season two. This is like making a murderer. Yeah, we're like hey, keep the case going Yeah, come on. Yeah, this is another (laughing) Tell me if this sounds familiar. You train regularly, you eat reasonably well, you feel fine, but you're just kind of going off vibes. Most people have absolutely no idea what's going on inside their body, and that is why I partnered with function. Function gives you access to more than 160 advanced lab tests, spanning hormones, heart health, kidney function, and even detects early signals linked to more than 50 types of cancer. To put that in perspective, your typical annual physical might test 20 markers, function runs over 160. It's huge, best of all, you test twice a year, and everything lives inside of a simple dashboard. So you track trends over time, make sure you're moving in the right direction, and this level of testing would usually cost thousands, but with function, it is $365 per year, just $1 a day to actually know what's happening inside of your body. And right now we can get $25 offering it down to $340. Get the exact same blood panels that I use and save $25 by going to the link in the description below or heading to functionhealth.com/monumism. That's functionhealth.com/monumism. - Oh, dude, yeah, it's fucked up, man, but it's really what I think, though, is that like, I would say, especially women are not supposed to be by themselves after they have babies. Like that's a thing that like that's how people live now. It's not what you're supposed to do. Like they really should be, like as soon as you have a kid, you should be with other mom ladies and other ladies and just like you should have a lot of people around you at all times. I think it's a relatively pretty new thing to like just have a kid and sit in a fucking house for a year by yourself. As a lady, I think especially it's like really fucked up. - I asked literally an expert who wrote a book called Dad Brain. So there's membrane, which you lose about 3% of your gray matter. It's like executive function. You forget where the keys are. But what is interesting is you actually become better at knowing about stuff to do with the kid. You're just really bad at knowing about some of the stuff, you can managing your calendar or doing finances or whatever. And dads have kind of the same sort of thing. I was talking to her. And she thinks the same thing. She thinks that it's almost exclusively mediated by, is there support? Do you feel like you're well contained and held by the local community? There used to be this time Louise Perry told me about this. There was this time called Laying In. Have you ever heard of this? So Laying In was a month long period in the Middle Ages where a woman that had just given birth, all that she did was lie in the living room or whatever. And everybody had to do stuff for her. Like be nice to her. Like bring her food, help her go to the bathroom, help her get washed. Like what do you want? Do you need a shoulder rub? Like we'll look after the day. It's just everybody was a kind of probably an infuriating amount of attention. Like actually if you were a bit of an introvert, you're like, okay, this has been nice, but I would like you to leave. And that was it. And now you think no mandatory maternity leave and people are back in the fucking solo cubicle office within like we still haven't even physically recovered. Oh yeah. Haven't, haven't physically. And now you're at work going like, I make, you know, I have to make more than basically daycare basically. If I don't make as much as daycare, then I'm at home running on a treadmill. It's you versus daycare. And if you don't run fast enough, you like kicked off the back of it. Dude, it's, yeah, it's brutal. And especially when you have a kid, that first like two weeks or so, everyone's like, hey, everyone's stopping by. And then it's just like, that's over. And it's just you, you're like, you know, if you're sitting there, you're nursing it all the time, and that's like constantly releasing hormones when they're feeding from you that you don't produce enough milk produced. It's, it's kind of a nightmare, dude. It really is, should be revisited as to like, how people go about doing that kind of stuff. 'Cause it's, it's not, it's not good at all. I think we got the 90 day maternity leave from a, there was just like a therapist back, I think it was an English guy who was just like, Winnicot, he was just like, you know, you gotta give these, you gotta give these people like, at least a couple of months. Yeah, he determined he was like 90 days is the bare minimum. You can't give them nine months mandatory. Is it really? Yeah, I don't think we do that here. I think we got like, I think people can turn and burn, yeah. Yeah, he's gotta get you back into the meat grinder, dude. Yeah, there's some emails that need to send him, come on. It's nine, you said it's nine months. Nine months. You can pick when as well. So if you want to do from a month before and then have eight months after, my business partner's wife was like, like trying to take it up to the fucking limit. Like, absolutely. She went to a Spice Girls concert the day she was due, and then went the day after. We gave birth the day after and they were like, look, if we give birth while Jerry Halleywell's on stage doing like, what I want, what I really, really want, it's fine. That's fine. That's kind of a cool story. But they had floor tickets. It's how Spice Girls were made. They had floor tickets. That's insane, dude, floor tickets. Floor tickets in the middle of a stadium for Spice Girls as a concert was seated, right? But like, bro, that's big. Crazy. That's it. Like, on a Swiss ball this morning, Spice Girls tonight. Just imagine, like, I was at the Spice Girls concert and then like, some ladies water broke next to me. It was fucking wild. Yeah, it does. It definitely, when you're like with a woman who goes through the whole process of like, being pregnant and giving birth, it really does flip a switch in your head where you're like, wow, you guys can do cool stuff. Not in a bad way. I know that sounds passionizing, but I got. I just, like, you just got in the way in my body. It really, I should say, that's a horrible way to put it, but it really does give you a deeper appreciation where you're kind of like, damn, that's, 'cause they fucking champ. Childbirth is terrifying. And you watch them go through it and you're like, where the fuck was this fucking stoicism? (laughing) Where is this shit? I've known you for three years. Like, I've seen belly aches take you out. Now you're just literally like, if I pass out, grab me, I'm like, okay. You're like, what the fuck? Like, like, battle vest. It's like Jocka Willings. (laughing) Is that your white spotty? (laughing) She comes in in camo fatigues with a fucking rifle. It's like, kind of, it's like terrifying. You see it, it's unbelievable. But yeah, that is a thing that kind of completes the whole picture. We were like, okay, all right. This is, now I can see the full kind of spectrum here. The Lady Navy Seal transition is crazy. I wonder, what changed, what changed with you? Like, how did you change? - Well, would having kids or something? - Yeah. - Well, the main one, it's kind of funny. The main one is like, kind of painfully obvious. It's like, you don't realize. And not even like, in a bad way. I don't know if it's like necessarily bad ways. I think everyone does this. Just how self-absorbed, how all of your thoughts are just like, bong, bong, bong, bong, all day long. And it's like natural. It's very natural. Then you have like a kid and you're like, it literally just plants almost like another self in your brain that you're always thinking about. This person, you're still thinking about yourself and then like, it's very weird how that works. 'Cause it is, because you notice like, you know, you're like, all right, it's time, I'm gonna do this. And you're like, you have to do something with a kid. And you're like, all right, I'll get to that later. Then you start being like, I'll never get to that. Other things, it's just not happening. Like, I'll never gonna do it. And you kind of go through this weird, kind of like inner transformation over time where you're like, just letting certain things die off. But it's nice, 'cause you know, you feel good to like- - No one really enjoys an insane level of selfishness. I think too much attention on your side. I saw this tweet the other week that said something like, you're not autistic, you're just spending too much time in the house on your own and it's making you weird. - Mm-hmm. - Household don't think, you should like, I don't think your brain's designed to think about yourself for more than like 30 something years. Because I had a kid when I was like in my 30s and I remember being like, I've played all the hits of like, why don't I do this? I'm gonna do this. And I'm like, I remember thinking like, just getting kind of fucking old. I'm like circling all these tracks. And you have a kid, you're like, all right, thank God, I can just think about you now. - Yeah. Jimmy Carter talks about saying it's having a child is it's a surgical procedure where your own heart now lives outside of your own body. - Yeah. - Like you just, okay, now this is the thing that's the most important. But yeah, I mean, I definitely believe a lot of the malaise and like business pursuits and like weird habits and like obsessions that guys have are just surrogate families. They haven't got around to yet. You think so much of this would be fixed if you just had a, - Yeah. - Had a baby that you were looking after because it would clean out all the barnacles off the bottom of the ship. Or maybe it would just completely torpedo life because you can't afford it. I don't know. - That too. But also, there is something where it's like, like I've tried a lot of stuff. For all the kids I've been like, I'm gonna do this. I'm gonna do that. And you do things and you're like, yeah, I guess it's kind of cool. When you have a kid, it's like it clicks in a very obvious set grooving your brain. And you're like, yes, this makes sense why I'm doing this now. 'Cause I would do things. I'm like, why am I even doing this? And you're just like, okay, this all makes sense. Yeah, it's like a baked-in kind of purpose. And it's funny too, 'cause like when you examine it from like, you know, like advantages and all this stuff, it's like just more so disadvantages. Like I get hit in the nuts constantly. I get woken up really. Dude, kids just hit you in the nuts. Right, as soon as they're like, they'll go to like, hit you. They're just nut-hite. And they just go and they'll jump on your nuts. They just, they're just like, oh, they don't have any concept of like nuts. So they just jump, they just jump. Like I'm about to land on my dad boom right in the nuts, punch you right in the nuts. So you're getting your nuts. They're just getting obliterated. Never any way. You're waking up all the time. You never get sleep. Every day you're like, I'm, you know, making meals, doing stuff. And it's like, it's just, you're happy to do it. It's weird. It's like a very, I don't know. It's like a very funny thing about like the deals laid out. Like, all right, what am I getting out of this? And it's like, you'll get repaid with like, like last night, I was about to go to bed. And I did, I saw they had, they're, we have like an inflatable alien thing in her house. They won from like Chuck E. Cheese. And they addressed it up in a princess peach dress. So I'm going, I look up the steps. It's just an alien princess peach dress. He used laugh for like five minutes. Like, fuck the fuck. And it's like, that's you get like a little reward from just like complete nonsense. Just run. them shit. Well, I wonder if you could market this is my showing how much I've spent time in America that if you're on a TV show, you can commercialize yourself into a serial that given that Dad's hitting the nuts a lot. Maybe you could make a special cup that's designed just for dads. That wouldn't be bad. The dad cup. Yeah, it wouldn't be bad. Just wear it for a couple. Actually, not a bad idea. Even if it wasn't full, sports cups can be a little rigid, but even just a little bit of padding. It needs dampening a bit. Yeah, just a little bit because you get it's you react in the moment as if some just random guy came up and punched you in the dick, you're like, oh, sorry guys, I'm fine. You're like instantly like, oh, we're about to fight. You have to be like, ah, sorry, guys. It just really hurts me when you do that. You've got to try and explain. Like, does it hurt? Child language. Yeah. Like, does it hurt now? Like, no, it's going to hurt. Hold on for 10 seconds. Like, yeah, here it comes. Yeah. But it really does though. It helps me. For me, it really put into perspective. Like, okay, I love my kids a lot. That other human being somebody's kid, I should try to be as nice as I can to them. If I can help it. Was somebody's kid in the past as well? Well, now you have like, you have, I don't know what you would call it, but it's like now you have something people can be like, I hate as if someone's like, I hate you. I'm like, whatever. I don't give a fuck. Someone's like, I hate your kids. I'm like, fuck you, dude. So you're like, I can't be, because if someone were that mean to my children, it's more so like doing to others as to yourself, but like your kids are like 10 times, you know, that goes back to your thing about what age do we say, okay, this person's culpable. Like, this is, this is your, you're responsible for it. Yeah. Sam Harris says this great thought experiment. You know, Uday Hussein, Saddam Hussein's son. Okay. Have you ever read about what he did? No, he's a bad guy. He makes his, he actually makes his father look like a lovely man. Like a very, very nice man. He's like mini Cooper. Crazy. How ruthless he was. He would like turn up at weddings, kill everybody except a husband, then assault the wife in front of the husband, then kill the husband, then kill the wife. Jesus. Just because he could. Like, it was why I once had a guy on the podcast who had to look after him as he flew to Vegas and like get him cocaine and all of this stuff. And he was just going around Vegas trying to be this warlord from the Middle East. Anyway, Sam, Sam Harris has this example. It's kind of like maybe one of the most evil guys that's ever lived. Yeah. And you say, at what point does Uday Hussein become culpable for his actions? You say, okay, so he's two years, he's got the genetics of his warlord father, right? And he's three years old. And he's pushing the other kids in nursery or whatever he had. And you go, well, you know, he's three, like kind of not really. And you go, okay, roll the clock forward. He's six. And he's pulling the wings off of flies. And he's grown up in this honor culture, this sort of father, the genetics. But then this reinforcement of dad is, he lets him do, everyone lets dad do whatever he wants. And he goes, well, he's six. And then you go, okay, like just roll the clock forward. Like at what point? And it's really difficult. I'm not saying that people that are adults aren't responsible, are kids aren't responsible because they do. But it's kind of, it's fucked you up as a question because you go, I don't know. You do look at a kid and think, well, no. And we also even have that reflected in the legal system where there's Juvee, right? Oh, they're an equivalent. Yeah. Why, YA, where that Johnny Chang guy went, young, young offended, so whatever it's called, young, I don't think. Yeah, yeah. What point does this horrible guy, like maybe one of the worst people that's ever lived, do you point the finger and go, yeah, you're now, you're responsible for what you did. And the same thing with, well, he was someone's son at some point. Yeah. And but some people are assholes. And you know, let's say you hate them. Yeah. Well, it's also like, yeah. Again, he was an arm who's saying son. So I think most people like fucked both of those guys. But it's like, it is, it's just kind of colors you're thinking. You know what I mean? Where you're kind of like, yeah, you know, I mean, like more for just like strangers would like do stuff. Usually, you know, you drive around. You're like, oh, that guy like offended me somehow. I'm just going to go nuts. And you start to kind of be like, yeah, maybe that guy's down to tell you know, small stuff like that. But I feel like once somebody does irreparable harm to another person, you're able to be like, it's sad. That is someone's child. But, you know, we got eight billion of us here. We got a guy's, we got enough. Sorry. Yeah. Put him away. Yeah. You lost your chance. Yeah. Exactly. I feel like it comes a point where it's like, you know, it's not ideal. But you know, bro, get out of here. Yeah. It'd be nice to be like, oh, let's just like put you away. And like one of those Norwegian jails where you get to learn drums or whatever. And it's like, I don't know. Some people just got to be, you know, it tossed away. That's a lot. They have to, the jail in Norway. It's kind of sick. There's a, I'm pretty sure there's a quiz on the internet, which is, is it a Norwegian jail or a British university halls of residence? And it's essentially impossible to work out which one it is. And like the halls of residence, a lot of the time were old jails that were just near a university. And then they cleared people out. That was the case in Newcastle where I went. One of the halls of residence used to be like a correctional facility. Really? Yeah. And they just like, that's a big building. We can probably put students in there. That'll be fine. I just want to change your painting. Put some paintings up, you know, like change the color, get rid of the bars. And we'll be fine. That's crazy. I used to have a, I was, I was, well, I used to as an office, but I had an apartment that was in an old insane asylum. It's pretty cool. It was an, when you had to get in, there was just like, kind of like labyrinth under to get kind of like, you know, the basement level. It was fucking terrifying looking. Are you not worried about ghosts and shit like that is? I didn't sleep there. If I had slept there I'd have been terrified. I was just in the office. It was like my apartment office apartment. So I'll go there and work during the day, but I'd never slept there. I would be so scared of crazy ghosts, for sure. No, maybe stranglers. In other news, have you ever noticed how some websites make it ridiculously easy to buy while some feel infinitely harder? Back in my day, I had to walk 10 miles to the local store. I'm getting younger than me. Yeah, but my dad got a DUI. Anyway, the reality is most businesses just get the website wrong. And if you're set up his messy, you lose a ton of sales, which is why I'm such a massive fan of Shopify. They power 10% of all e-commerce in the United States, including brands like Gymshark, Skims, Allo, and Utonic. Because when it comes to converting browsers into buyers, they are best in class. They check out 36% better on average compared to other platforms and with shop pay, can boost conversions by 50%. So upgrade your business and get the exact same checkout that we use at Utonic with Shopify. You can sign up for a free trial period by going to the link in the description below or heading to shopify.com/modern wisdom. That's shopify.com/modern wisdom. I know that you're into writing and stuff. You ever read Leo Tolstoy's diary entries? Have you ever seen any of these? I read some of his short stories. Might be some of the best diary entries ever. What was he on about? September 19th, 1858. Decided that one must love and work and that's it. September 20th, tired, didn't work and didn't love. Just the best. March 31st, 1852, woke up at six o'clock, woke everyone up. I did not get up and slept until nine. January 25th, 1851. I've fallen in love or imagine that I have went to a party and lost my head, bought a horse which I don't need at all. The guy sounds fucking awesome. He does, man. Tolstoy was another one of those Russian guys, right? The Russian writers are unbelievable. Built different. Yeah, 100%. They'd be living in the insane song. Yeah, I would love that. They're wild, dude. I'm reading a Dosty Eski book right now or obviously his name and it's dude, those guys are that time. I don't know when Tolstoy was live, but that like 1890s of Russia time period, since I was, it's insane because like, you know, obviously there's no cell phones or whatever, but like you're just in a town full of people and like they would obviously have their beefs and quarrels and stuff, but like you couldn't like, you know, you can text someone out like, hey, what do you want to do? If they don't get back to you, like, right, I think they want to hang out. You'd have to go to someone's house and they'd be like, go away. You'd be like, what the fuck's your problem? He's like, I don't like you and you'd be like, okay, fuck. Do you think this is unique to Russia? Oh, it's just that time period. In general. But it was just like, you know, they're just the way they talk to each other so far. I think in general, probably the whole way the way that the way that beef unfolded before cell phone before being able to make phone calls is everything's face to face. And it was also that like old time kind of like vocal register where they'd be like, you're your presence offends me. Get out because you would do, dude, it's like if they do it in the book, we're like, you got to find matches. So if you don't know where your matches are, they were like your cell phone because like if you were, if it was night time, you had a light matches, light of candles, people just come into your house and be like, hey, what's up? Hey, I need my wife's giving birth. I need your, I need, so you're just sleeping. He's like, who's there? And he'd be like, oh, it's me. He's like, get out. I don't like you. And he's like, hey, I need to talk to you now. And they'd be like, be going full. And he like, where are my matches? And you'd be fumbling around in the dark and you'd like to match and be like, oh, fucking some other guy. It was like, it was fucking, it was crazy to think about. They'd be like, well, very well. I shout and come back. And I'll leave you here. You wretched beast. And be like, you're a fool. It was just like, all right. Then he was go to bed. You're like, fuck that guy. The idea that you're in your entire existence is relying on whether or not you can find your matches. And you've got you've got beefs that play out in front. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's a, those Russian guys are fucking wild, man. There was, I think I think it was told story, actually. He had a story about a guy, and maybe it was like an old hotel that he like just wrote down. But there was this guy who had like a farm. And he was like, damn, it's farm school. I need a bigger farm. He got an even bigger farm. He's got greedy for more and more land eventually. He went to these like, I don't know what they would have been like indigenous Russian kind of like in any, in any way. went and found those guys and they're like, dude, if you can have all the land you want, he traded them something for it and he's like, but you got to walk it off. And as far as you walk from sun up to sun down, if you make a particular square and connect the dot, we'll give you all that land. And he's like, right on, he walks so far. He ended up just dying basically 'cause he kept walking and trying to get there, ran and just dies and there's like, I bury him. I was like, I've got the photo of what it fucked up. - It's the most Russian story. - Yeah. - I read, it's called a swim and a pond in the rain. And it's basically nine short stories, Russian short stories. And after every page, the guy that actually wrote the book explains how to read it. - Yeah, who was that by Sander? I maybe I forget. - It's kind of famous. - Yeah, it's kind of famous. - Yeah, I'll be like, this one's boring. Yeah. - Yeah, this one's just sucks. I mean, those guys, I don't know what it is. It's so stark and just, you're reading it. You're like, Jesus Christ. - Life sucks. - Yeah. - Doesn't make me feel good. - It was actually, we were talking about this before, like some things, some experiences that you go through. You can do NAD, which is this IB thing that's supposed to make you healthy. And it's awful, the whole time, it's awful. And then once you've finished, it doesn't feel awful anymore. And you go, oh, maybe I'm better. Maybe it improved my health. Or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore. And it's kind of like reading anything about Russian literature about that period. You're like, maybe it's taught me something about my life. Or maybe I just don't feel awful anymore because that sucked. Like, it's so, me, everyone's mean and everything's gray and there's not enough food. And the horse just died and the wheel of the carriage broke. And someone's son just got like, you know, leukemia. And no one even knows what leukemia is. And I was about to die of dysentery. But I, you know, and then you go, oh, that's over. And now I feel better about my life by contrast. - Yeah, it gives you like 30 seconds. And you're right back to being like, I'm bored. (laughing) This coffee's too hot. - Yeah, I don't like this. This beans over roasted. - Go ahead and hit in the nuts. - Yeah. - Just got fucking whacked. - Yeah, it's, it's, that stuff is nice. I do like to kind of think about that stuff a lot. Or just like, I really, really, really challenged myself to not sink into, and I can do this easily of just like, whatever that mindset is and me being like, this is bad. And just getting like shitty and nasty. It's like, there, it's, for me, it's just like, it's so inexcusable, dude. It's like, you don't, what do you do? That should be the first for me, I'm talking to myself, the number one focus of the day. Usually I'm like, I gotta get this and I go to this. I'm like, I need to not be just whining. - Whining and just kind of like, well, if I said that to you, you mean anything, it's like, you shut the fuck up. It's just to me personally, like, shut up, man. Why are you doing this? So I really try to like, every day, I like wake up and I'm like, give me one. Let me try to get it perfect one day. - Defeat the voice that complains about stuff. - Just bullshit, dude. - It is interesting, the more that somebody complains, the less accurate their view of reality is, 'cause usually you're complaining about reality not meeting your expectations. But that's not reality's fault. Like, it's your fault. It's your fault that reality didn't meet your expectations. Obviously stuff can happen in the world that's unfair and that sucks or whatever you should point it out. But the complaining bit to yourself. - Yeah. - Why is there all this traffic on the way to work? You go, well, because there's traffic. And you didn't anticipate that being traffic, but it's not the traffic's fault. And let's not forget as well that you are traffic. - Yeah, you're another driver. - I'm contributing to this in the middle of it. And yeah, reality's a thousand and no undefeated. It's total knockout. The reality is completely undefeated with regards to this. And the more that someone complains to you or, you know, if you go to a friend who's always complaining, like, I don't think you understand how the world works. You can't, straight up can't understand how the world works. Because if you did, your expectation would be closer to it and therefore you wouldn't be complaining as much. - Yeah. - No, yeah, it's 100% true. Or for me, it's like raising if things are good, I'll find trivial annoyances and I'll just put them to 10 and be like, this is fucking bullshit. I'll just focus on that for like four hours. But just fucking bullshit. You're like, it's not even a real problem. Like that's in comparison to problems you've had before that's like you can just ignore that. - It's strange 'cause when you've got loads of big problems, you think, oh my God, all of these problems are big and sometimes you actually have ones where you know this is a justifiable issue that you need to deal with in life. And then other times when there are no problems, it's like the demand for problems is fixed and the supply needs to be brought up to meet that. It's like, I have a waterline of problems that I need to have in my life and I will lower the threshold for what constitutes a problem until I'm able to like make the things that are happening in my life. It's like this fucking, I should have got it blended. I should have got it blended, I got it on the rocks and I should have got it fucking blended. I know I should have got it blended. Morgan Housel's got this fucking awesome story where he kind of talks about this. He planned for a long time to go away to this holiday with his wife and they would done the research about, it was the first one I think where they were taking both of their kids, it was gonna be this big deal and it was the first time the kids were gonna go abroad and they were all excited and they had the kids for a while so they haven't really been able to go away and they've saved up the money and then they even looked at the restaurant that they were gonna go to in this big resort in Mexico or something and they knew even the menu in advance and the table, they knew the table they wanted to sit at 'cause it's got apparently on the reviews, it's got that view of the sunset and this is the cocktail I'm gonna get and I'm gonna get it blended and so do whatever. And then they finally get there and they've got the kids and it's a fucking nightmare and they arrive and they've dumped all of their stuff and it's the first night and the kids are at the nursery thing that looks after them for a little bit and they've got this first time to sit down away from the kids in another country since they've had the kids, all the rest of it and the first thing that he thought was, well it is nice but like there's some sand between my toes and the sand is, that's distracting me and I should have got it blended rather than on that and the sunset, like the sunset is nice but I actually think it would have been, I don't think the reviews are quite right and I think that that table there would have been better to see it and I didn't bring my glasses and now the sun's so low, it's sort of hitting me in the face and that's kind of a bit uncomfortable. He's like, what the fuck am I doing? Like what am I doing? I dreamed about this thing and the experience is so close but I just, the human curse is to, for everything to kind of be not quite as nice as he thought it was going to be. - Oh yeah. - And then for you to focus on all the ways in which it's not as nice. - Yeah, I think about it a lot. Like I remember, I can like clearly remember, you know, when I was like kind of living and dying by like, I'd have a job or I fucking hated that job and I was like, one day it'll come together and I'll make a living doing a thing I like and then I remember when that started to become something of a reality and it's like really unsettling. I remember being like, side all these problems I could rely on, be like, fucking my boss is a dickhead. I hate this and I don't know if money. And then that stuff started to go away and I was like, I felt like weird. I was like, oh, this doesn't really feel good to not have all that stuff kind of like, it's not like a tough problem. - It's a comfortable way. We're like, at least I like am familiar with this and then you get out of that and you're like, yeah, I kind of did it and then it's just like, you're flooded with just different problems that you're just, when you look at 'em, 'cause you get so used to what life becomes and then you're like, I remember being like, I would never fall into that kind of stuff and it happens and you're like, I fuck. Then when exactly what I said, I wouldn't do 'em with pieces shit. But yeah, it's, you know, it really does, for me it's just like learning how to just slow myself down and not be such a fucking spaz every day. Like if God forbid, if I don't get something done or just one day, if I don't get this ever that done, it's like just learning how to chill and like, I don't know, man, just like really hash out my priorities rather than being like, you know, just doing the things you think you're supposed to do. - You have to perfectly dominate the day and if you don't, then you go to Battle Luzon. - Yeah, or just feel like-- - That's not a big deal. - Because again, with your ability to dream a world, there's always gonna out-strip reality's ability to deliver that to you, you're literally fantasizing about what this cocktail could have tasted like or how the sunset was or the lack of sand between your toes. - Yeah. - And you think, well, if you set this almost impossibly perfect standard for every single day, you're kind of guaranteeing yourself to be miserable. And it's interesting on the, you get escaped velocity freedom from this thing when all of the problems in your boss's a dick and you don't like it and you get out of that. And then you almost have to grieve this weird life that you lost. Connor, one of my friends who was on the show this week, he talks about how when his wife was pregnant with his first kid and he'd lived in his car and rode a motorcycle with spikes glued onto the helmet. All of the things red flags in your future sun in law, like all of the shit that you don't want somebody to do. And his life could have gone in such a horrible direction, like smoking weed and selling weed and drinking booze and getting in fights and doing all this stuff. Wasn't a good productive member of society. And then he remembered when he was married with a house and a wife who was pregnant. And he had this moment of like, I made it out. I made it, I've finally gotten free of what could have happened in my past life. And now I'm blown away by where I am, but he said he made him, he didn't even know what it, what the emotion was. It was very confusing of like, fuck. That could have gone so wrong. And now I'm in this new place. And I don't think that I could have to worry about those problems anymore. I don't have to worry about those things that were like my driving, my motivation, my ambition, all of that was driven out of like, I just don't want to be that guy that I was when I lived in my car in a Walmart parking lot. I still haven't. that guy anymore? - Yeah, that's the funny things. I was possessed to escape the nine to five job. That was when I was younger. I would have done anything to just get the five. I can't do this, but in an office I did that for like, I would do it for like three weeks and quit. I was like, I still am, I think about it every now and again, I'm like, dude, that terrified me to such a level where I was taking insane risks just to get out of that. And it's like, who knows, I could always go back at any time, but it's like, dude, I remember, I was thinking about that driving the other day. I was like, dude, when I was, my 20s were like, just fucking insane, like I could have died. Like for sure a couple times. It wouldn't have been that crazy. - What was the close, what was one of the closest times that you came to debt? - I've had guns put on, I used to sell me too. So I don't have guns put on me twice. So that was like, any other day, the guy could have been like, yeah, I'm just gonna shoot, actually shoot this guy rather than I do it. I thought about it, and I was like, holy fuck man, that was crazy. - Came really close. - Yeah, so you think about it and you're like, holy shit, like that would have not have been that crazy. Like I said, debts and stuff like that. - Mm-hmm, robbery. - They're robbing me, I was not a robber. I was a robbie, so I would get robbed. I would get robbed constantly. That would just be like, whatever, fuck it. - So it's like the worst drug dealer ever. - Well, here's the thing, hold on. I was, it was these other guys, the worst drug dealers. I was doing my job, I was on time, I was punctual. I was very quality controlled, very quality controlled forward. I was never trying to rip people off. But for me, I was always, for me, money was always to buy kind of freedom. So I didn't care about like nice stuff. I never wasted, I would just save all my money and be like, yes, I don't have to work for like six months. This is awesome. Then I would get robbed and I would just be like, all right, I'll make it again. Come on guys, let's go. But like you just, you think about it and it's like, for me, it's like, yeah, it's cool, you know, the blah blah blah to get out of it and like risk taking. I think that's all good stuff. But then it's like, dude, I could have just like chilled out something internally too. I didn't have to go that crazy, you know, I could have, I could have slowly but surely figured things out and blah blah blah. And it's like, yeah, I'm just, it is a relief. You're like, never have to worry about that. Like, I've got pulled over my cops recently and just kind of like, hey, what's up guys? Before I'd been like, my life's over, I'm dead. This is terrible, I'm going to jail for it. Now I'm just kind of like, what's up guys? Hello. How are you doing, brother? It's so nice. You sound like a very stand-up drug dealer. I was. These are nice. Dude, I got that. It was one compliment I always get. They're like, dude, you're actually on time or this or that. I was very good. I didn't, I never read people off or anything like that. Shame that they're on trust pilot reviews for drug dealers. Wouldn't that be good? You'd have had a great rating. I think that's like the dark web now. So I think you kind of, if you're like, a lot of them just operate on the dark web. And it's like, you can just forego all of the drama and crazy stuff. In other news, if you're trying to go from Joey Chestnut to Joey Swole, the RP Strength app is the best place to start. I've been in the gym for 20 years and it wasn't until the past few years that I had the best training sessions of my life and RP was a massive part of that. Actual scientists built this thing around one obsession to beat up their high school bullies and provide the most science-backed effective path to maximizing muscle gain. It tells you your exercises, how many sets, reps, and weights that you need to do, everything. So all that you have to do is show up and lift. If the RP app could wipe your ass for you, it probably would. And it adjusts automatically every week based on how you're actually progressing. For me, following a proper evidence-based plan has made a massive difference. And if you're serious about training, it'll do the same for you to. Right now, you can get up to $50 off the RP hypertrophy app by going to the link in the description below, heading to rpstrength.com/modernwistum and using the code modernwistum, a checkout. That's rpstrength.com/modernwistum and modernwistum, a checkout. - But the thing is, if you're a drug dealer, a supplier, I guess, on the dark web, the game is completely different 'cause it's not about who you know. - It's basically essentially running a Shopify store. - You are. - Like, how good are you? - Dude. - At product photos. And writing headlines and stuff. - There's just guys in one bedroom apartment now, just quietly raking in millions of dollars a year, really quiet, unassuming life. You do it for a couple of years, you get out, you've got a piece, you have to watch a big coin. - I watched this Netflix documentary once about a guy that ran a similar service to the Silk Road from his bedroom and he was young. And as a part of the documentary, they recreated the bedroom perfectly. The old computer he had, the exact desk he had, the full undimensions, put it into a soundstage. And after he'd got out of jail, sort of put him back into it and seamlessly cut from archive footage of what was going on to, like, reenactment by the guy in the same size, same shape, same color, same lighting, same computer bedroom. It was so immersive, it was really cool. - Yeah, that's crazy. - But, yeah, the fact that being a drug dealer now means that you can basically just be an online marketer. Like, how good are your Facebook ads, dude? It's a very different world to the one that you lived in. - Yeah, it is. I didn't have, I remember hearing about the dark web when I was younger and like, I knew guys who used to do that stuff, but I was like, I'm terrible with computers. I was like, I'm just, I'm gonna click, yes, and get arrested. So I'm like, I mean, just do what I know. And just drive around here in my beat up car. But yeah, it was, you know, it was just, like I think about it now, 'cause it is, it was just such a weird thing, 'cause I was like, it was like a decade, like I did it for a long time. So I had like a very, very long time doing it to where I, I think I like fried my nervous system. My hair's, I mean, my family does kind of go gray early, but I like went hyper gray really fast, 'cause you're adrenalized every fucking day. And it's like, so if you're in an office, you're bored and that's a problem. So I escaped that, and it was just like, constantly flooded with adrenaline, just for like 12 years. What are you worried about being caught? - Being arrested pretty much. It's mostly being arrested. Any other problem-- - I'm interestingly not being killed. - I didn't, I was like, they're not gonna kill me. I went, there was one guy who pulled a gun on me and then I went back to them later, 'cause I was like, you have to front me stuff from now on. So I figured in my head, like if I didn't have any leverage, there'd be no reason to try to rob me, I guess, if that makes sense. - Okay, yeah, yeah. - So I remember I went back like a battered wife, and was just like, all right, I'll hang out with you again, but don't do that, all right? That was really fucked up. He had thought I had robbed him, that was his whole thing, 'cause I had given him money to go get something and he would go get it and come back and he came back like, hey, they took all your money, why the fuck did you, I'm like, why would I rob you to take my money back? And he was like, I don't know what's going on, he cocked a gun and was holding that, me and my roommate at the time came out and was just like, and he ran outside and then he ran out there. I was just like, who the fuck? - No, hang on, the roommate was the one that got chased. - I poor roommate. - No, he just came out like, hey, what's up with this guy? - Yeah, but he was the one that got chased. - Well, he was just like, go get him and I was like, I was just frozen. And then he ran out and just kind of like, I'm out here too, but he ran out right after him and I was just like, fuck. - Was your roommate not involved in, not at all? - Not at all, he was mortified. He was very-- - He was the worst roommate. - Horrible. - I am, I think, I was the worst roommate. I was cool though, I would cover extra stuff, but at that time-- - Because he was selling drugs. (laughing) - Come on, it's the one thing that you can provide. He's drugs and cash, that's literally it. - But it was funny too, 'cause I did have a, I had a real serious conscience about it. 'Cause I remember like weed is like, you can really conscious free. Like, you know, I wouldn't sell it like high school or something like that. So it was like-- - The ethical drug dealer is crazy. - Dude, I remember I dabbled in trying to sell coke, which I've never done by the, I've never done coke. I tried selling coke for a while and I remember this guy would come get it off me all the time and I remember stopping people and being like, dude, you're doing this stuff too much, you have to chill and they'd be like, shut the fuck up and-- - Actually an ethical drug dealer is a horrible drug. You're a, you're the worst-- - Oh, that drug. - That was bad. - Yeah, I can't believe you had the decades career in something that you're bad at. - Well, it was also though, the weed was my strong suit. 'Cause that was like, you're dealing with kind of like-minded people from the most part, you know, and it's pretty chill, all things considered. But once you scale up and you get into like bigger money, that's when like a real criminal element enters and that's when people, yeah, yeah. So yeah, I know someone who got just shot in the face, point blank, they tried to set up like a, you know, 50, 60 pound deal. Someone flew out, cross-country to meet him, right in the head. That was it. - Yeah, it's like, it gets gnarly, but you start off just like slinging ace to like your boys and it's just all-- - Very chill. - You slowly gets like scarier and scarier. - You was saying before about, you know, you walk up the stairs. I mean, I guess your old roommate would have maybe seen something crazy at the top of the stairs, but it wouldn't have been inflatable alien with a princess peach. I mean, just replaced one like slightly intimidated, very worried roommate with two small sort of insane. These kids are kind of always on drugs. Like they kind of behave in the manner of a, like a child is essentially a drunk adult in tiny form. - For sure. - Like what are you doing? Like head stands, like why? Like I don't know. - It's rules. - Yeah, it keeps you sick. - Sick. - It comes up and punches you and stuff. - Yeah, that's about it. - I've got my, I've got my dad cup on, thank you. But the difference is, my housemates away in Montenegro at the moment, and there is something really kind of despondent about coming home and nothing's moved. Like nothing's changed. Like that cup is in the exact same place, as when I left it this morning. And I just want someone to come in like, even if they mess my stuff up a bit. - Just vanalize it slightly. - Just a little bit, like move the cup. - No. - I just want new mess or different mess or something. - Yeah, but it's really like, oh, it's the same, it's the same as it was before. That's what there it is. - It's dude, it's a, yeah, that's when I travel for stand-up, all like my hotel rooms, it's just saying, I walk into that silence and I'm like, it's just kind of, people like, "I must be great," right? I'm like, "No, I don't, I really dislike it." But yeah, that was kind of like my whole, I guess the thing that I've like learned, like horribly in the wrong, like the hard way, is that like, if at my early 20s, 20s because the problem was is like at least I think in school it's geared towards like a chief for yourself and yourself alone get into the best school make the best make the most money. But then you're like set on this track that you're like like I remember being like in college being like I don't really care about that but I also want to do well and I want to have a nice life and it was like had this big conflict where I was like if I were to talk to like a 20-year-old now I'd be like find something you like to do that maybe benefits other people and that will actually give you enough meaning to like endure the horrible time in your really career where you're eating shit and everyone you know it sucks because I tried to like lightning jump ahead of that and it just was like a fucking disaster for like 15 years it was a one disaster after another just to get out of like I was such a pussy about having a job being like I deserve more than this and it's like I could almost die to just have a gun pointed out yeah I almost literally died because I could have just like found something else because I tried to drink coffee inside in a cubic dude knife for real I like see office guys hanging out at like lunchtime like 10 people at lunch and we'll get to the point where I would like envy yourself and I'm like dude that actually looks nice it looks nice your friends you're right time everyone's kind of chilling don't need to take your work home with you you're not worried about someone breaking your door down your housemate doesn't hate you yeah you're just you're just it's so it's like and I remember like almost craving boredom at a point where I was like I wish I fucking was bored that'd be awesome mm-hmm not have to worry about like 90 million different things and you know it's like people really sort of shit talk university going to college or whatever and then they do the same thing about having a night of five and it's cool to be being able to do your own thing or build your thing or work on someone's thing that's smaller and you've got more ownership over oh that shit's great but it's not it's not necessarily better and that I don't have to take my work on with me I get my weekends off when I want I don't have to worry about like making pay for the people that work for me and all of that shit a lot of people think are working for myself means that I get to choose when I work but what it results in is you just working all the time yeah and you go I do you want that is that kind of what your dream is and you're right as well to say that um you're going to have to endure a bunch of like you're gonna have to eat some shit yeah it's like what flavor shit can you eat yeah because some people can eat the cubicle coffee lunch break shit super easy and other people can eat the I'm never going to get a day off shit super easy it's like which what pain do you want in your life because people does that line about like do what feels like play to you but looks like work to everyone else but that kind of ignores the fact that even the most existential aligned thing that you do in your life is regularly going to feel like work it's regularly going to feel like shit so what shit do you want yeah not what fun and play do you want it's like even writing your books and stuff you turn up and you manage to have the perfect morning and you've seen sunrise and the kids are off and you're you trains and you've got the right amount of caffeination and you sit down and you go fuck yeah just a blinking you've a blinking curse or you're just tweaking a sentence for the 30th time and you're just like you're like dude I feel like I'm gonna pass out I'm like I'm sitting in a chair I've no blood go into my brain and I'm like is that a perfect club yeah it's just anything and I love writing and it's like even then you're like fuck but that that's with anything it's like you're not even like what it's like just what just if like just figuring out like why are you doing this outside of your own personal gain because that'll fizzle out even if you get it it's like is there a compelling reason to do a thing is it for other people is it for just like you know creating something new of yourself whatever the fuck it is but that that was the one thing like I completely missed and I got older and I was just kind of like uh there it is yeah fuck I could have there should be a name for when you disregard cliches and then in future realize that the cliche was right yeah you know yeah yeah it's it's that thing that everybody says but because everybody says it it feels trite which means that it can't be true so I'm not going to do it because that's fucking gay yeah and then you realize like oh god I already had it I literally had it and I got rid of it and it was some shit my mom said to me when I was 13 yeah that was uh I've been reading you know Chesterton Williams yeah the thing another Englishman UK Chester yeah you get Chester and that's his name he uh I love reading his essays and he he's has this book I'm reading right now called orthodoxy where he started out being like I'm about to come up there someone was like he did a book that kind of criticize a lot of other philosophical systems of his time someone's like what's your philosophical system he's like all right get this lays it out and then he goes fuck this is Christianity fuck I just explained Christianity he starts his book with the the story of a sailor who's off one degree so he thinks he's going to South Africa and he ends up just rediscovering English and it goes in a circle lands back in England like I've discovered England guys check it out everyone's like yeah dude it's been here forever and it's just such a funny idea he was like a real like witty you know he's obviously a really sharp reddy guy and he was like I'm about to blow their minds with he's like this is the this is and he just put it together and he's like just orthodox Christianity yeah he said he uh yeah he was like you know he thought he was on like he's like I felt like I was like 10 minutes of head of like the pulse of everything turn out I'm like 1800 years behind he didn't get older and you're all fucking sparks and fireworks you're like dude I'm and then you get old and you're just like yeah I'm just another old guy being like hey be careful before you make decisions man try to think about other man I'm doing this my way okay advices Elaine try to think about others like yeah thanks thanks dickhead yeah and then you find out it's true yeah the um the alchemist bipolar quailo uh that was like the first book I read I went so long without reading a book so I was in uni and I hated academia even though it's okay at it but I just got so disinscient within three weeks of being in university it's like why am I learning about Henry Ford's principles of scientific management like why this is I'm never gonna need this I just immediately started running parties um was like oh that's sick and that actually also teaches me business kind of but I became very uh like a flippant and dismissive of any stuff even if it was probably useful like no it's like stupid because I've learned it from a lecturer who has never run a business right which is the interesting thing about typical business courses everyone goes to think I'm gonna learn how to run a business being taught by people who don't run businesses which is the business theory guys I went to school for business as well and I was kind of like so you're a doctor in business like why are you not in business should you not be like that would be like finding out that you're learning from a doctor the a surgeon or something like a research doctor it's like getting surgery by a research doctor you're kind of like yeah this is my yeah those guys that that was a so yeah that's sorry that made me laugh as that a similar experience being like what the fuck are you yeah yeah anyway so I like I go through university and I'm like I this fucking doesn't really I don't really understand what it is that I'm learning and then I get out on the other side and I haven't read a book in in for like Harry Potter was like the last fuck I read when I was 14 or something yeah and then I go to do love island that reality TV thing and you have a week of media lockdown where they need to release to the press who's going on the show but they don't want any of the people that are going on the show to know the other people that are going on the show so they basically have a guide that supervises you and lives with you for a week and you go and do all of your interviews with the TV and the radio and the press people and then he watches you at all times and you're living in it was Palmer, Mallorca so the South Coast of Mallorca and you have a little geographic area that you're allowed to move in with your shaperone and he follows you 24 hours a day and then all of the other people that are on the show have got different territories and they go to different gyms at different times to make sure that there's no chance that you would overlap each it's really crazy it's fucking wild it's like a military operation and while I was there they're taking your phone off you and you're not allowed to access the internet you can't even go to news agents you're not allowed to go to a news agents on your own in cases you know there's an English newspaper that's about to say the new series of this thing and there's the people that are there or whatever and so I was like I've got nothing to do and all I've done is message people on WhatsApp like hey mate are you coming out tonight for a decade all I've done is that who's probably not too dissimilar to your career and then as I've got this but my mum gave me this book she said you should read this while you're away so read it and if you read the alchemist I have read it a while ago fucking psychedelic trip to read it anyway all of that all of that long diatribe is to say the lesson from that book is um going on a journey and ending up at the same place that you started is not the same as having never left and I think that that's kind of cool because it can suck to realize damn I wasted a long time trying to relearn a thing that I already knew yeah traveling the seas to come back and go England again yeah and uh that it that made me feel less like I wasted my time so I think you kind of learned that a bunch of experiments that you thought might be right were wrong and now okay like yeah you're back at the place that you started but at least you've gotten rid of all of the things that you thought that might have sucked yeah that's all that might be good for you that's also just like there's no emphasis I would say on people's interior whatsoever it's like you know it's like work get a thing get a job do this I gotta but there's I know at least in American school there's no class there's nothing being like hey you know if you feel this way all the time maybe think about this you like it's it's I would say because if in the day I put probably you know 95% of my day into like getting stuff done blah blah blah usually it was like a hundred percent and zero percent of like stopping. even meditating and be like, I fucking meditated today, but just go for a walk, chill, try to calm myself, just focus on what's going on inside of myself. And it's like, dude, I would say it's not as important 'cause if you just, you could meditate yourself. - You need to do stuff. I'm not being one of those guys where you don't have to do anything, but I really think you need 10% of your day of being, even if it's like 10 minutes of your day, of slow down, maybe write your thoughts out. Anything to like try to figure out why you're doing what you're doing that day and like, what are you feeling like that day? Why are you feeling that, what's the plan here? And I've never done that. I don't know many other people who really do it at all. - Well, they're trying to fix the problem by just, I'll just throw enough shit at the wall and maybe some of it will like get through me. - Yeah. - We did this fucking, it's really been so funny to have put Matt on the episode with Joe, Dr. K and Connor. So we had three master coaches. One was a monk in an ashram, another has gone to Tibet and done a gay fucking ivedic medicine. And another one's coached tens of thousands of guys with a youngy and psychoanalytical theory and the shadow work and all of this stuff. We had them around this table and they basically came to that, which was like you should spend some time being aware of why you're doing the things that you're doing. And if you're not, you're kind of just like, in the dark trying to find stuff in a bedroom, they're picking up so I'm like, okay, this isn't it? And you don't even know what you want. You don't know what you're doing. So it is kind of, it does kind of come back around that way. But the reason I said about the university thing is like, people get so much shit to go into uni and having a nine to five. I'm like, university for me ruled, even if I hated the actual course that I did and didn't learn anything from these lecturers. And then the times that I've had nine to five, so I knew it wasn't gonna be forever. But I was like, that also was like kind of nice. I don't know, being disparaging and saying, oh, you need to alone range of make your own way in the world thing is kind of interesting. Let me give you this, this was so embarrassing. So I went to Bali and did the show at the back end of the Australia tour at the start of this year, met up with a friend that used to work for me in nightlife and she was out there doing nutrition coaching, you know, hormone optimization. And this is how to work with your body and stuff. And she'd done some courses online. You saw work in finance in London. She said, you know what it is? I am like five grand a month. And I'm the happiest I've ever been. And I used to live in London and have all of these things and whatever. And I was like, okay, tell me how your business works. She says, oh, well, I coach people over what's that? One and one. So how much do you charge? She said, however much it is. And I was like, that's stupid. What you need is you need to have a big website, you need to have a funnel and you need to have a low level deal. And the low level deal is your squeeze page. Once you've got them in, it's a $5 or $10 or whatever. So you need to make a lead magnet to get the email addresses. Once you've got the email, then you'll upsell them to the small course. And then you've got your middle-level course. And your middle-level course, you don't need to look after. And that's sort of where most of the people are going to be. But then you've got your one and one. And your one and one's going to be an upsell. But that's going to be like, you know, a grand or a couple of grand. So you need to have a sales call for that. That means you're probably going to need to learn sales. And then you need to, you know, if you scale up a bit more, you're going to need to get people to do sales. You'll need to do paid. So you need to learn how Facebook adds with it. And I was watching myself go like, what I stopped. And I was like, what the fuck are you doing? She's literally just told you she's the happiest that she's ever been. And you're like, hey, let me curse you with the same problem that every person in history has said not to do. It was so insane. Yeah. I watched myself go like, and I paused and I was like, actually, just disregard everything that I just said. Like you should just, whatever you've done, like you've already done it. And here's me going like, that's stupid. Like this is what you need to do. Yeah, so done. Yeah, so you need to scale this out of the biggest thing ever. Although I say some of that too is like, if I do have any level of expertise in anything, I'm so happy to dump that, especially, you know, I don't know what your relationship, she's kind of a babe, I'd be like, let me tell you about something I know. But no, it's the same thing. Like, here's what you got to do. You got to do it, and it's like, I'm good, man. Like, I'm, I just told you I'm good. I'm sure. Yeah. No, I, I suffer from a similar thing while just completely dump stuff on people. What's this private investigator thing? Was that like a part of your history? I was a PI very briefly, right? I was a PI. Yeah, the, well, it was, so I hang on. So you went from, it was wild being a person on one side of the law to being somebody presumably that kind of assists. P, well, yeah, it's, it's more insurance companies, honestly. Okay. So what's the process of becoming a licensed private investigator? It was actually kind of sweet. So I knew somebody who was, so they kind of just like, let me do it. And they kind of give you a little thing like, you know, if cops come on by, they just show them this thing. So nothing, you know, basically, yeah, I mean, you could get your real thing, but I didn't have like a real license. I was just doing a kind of like PI grunt work. So they give you like a little fake, you know, I hear you do this and like show, if someone comes up to bother you, they, hey, I'm working with these guys. So you have like something to flash the cops. Okay. Because they'll call the cops on you. They'll be like, why is the person sitting on the driveway? I thought it would be a lot more exciting than it was. It was very boring. I did it for two days. I started, I would sit outside like a fucking, like warehouse. And like, they're like, here's a grainy photo of a guy. I had to just sit there and I like, you know, I had to like wait for the shift to see if it was like the guy came out. But it was like, I, it was just hard to even distinguish. I'd like the grainy photo of a black guy. And then like 12 black guys came out of the building and I was just like, fuck, it was winter time. Everyone's wearing hats and scarves and shit. I was like, bro, I can't, I gotta get like, I need to get like up to face to face to even have a shot. So I just sat there and read books for like two days and like told my body, I was like, bro, I can't, I'm not, this isn't for me. It's like your badge, bro. Dude, he was showing me like fucking spy watches and shit when I went in there. I'm thinking I'm gonna be in a bar like recording conversations. I was in my car just for like 12 hours. Just reading, reading books. And then I come up and like, oh shit, they did a shift change. I was a terrible private high. It was one of my, yeah, it's one of my many jobs. So that was, that was two days. And I would have jobs too during my whole career of, I would say mainly selling weed. It was like, I would have good time. I have booms and busts within that. So then during the bust, I'd go get a job. So I would kind of like constantly be doing like sell drugs, make money, get robbed, take job. Yep, save money by drugs if I can't get the front. Oh, if I can't get them fronted, I'd have to save up money again and then yeah, start over again. And then I would get the job when I knew I had enough money from weed. I would start trying to find weed customers at my job. But then I would quit the job. I don't know, I don't believe the princess peach alien sounds like heaven compared to that. It's the best dude. It's like, yes, that was the big thing when I had kids, I had such a like a weird anxiety and fixation over like, what's my job? And I once I had kids, I remember the guy came in to change like, I was in like the hospital room. And the guy came in to change the paper towels out of the dispenser and I was like, Oh, dude, I could, I could do that for like, you know, I don't care. Like it like it all made sense to me. I'm like, yeah, you just get a job, dude, so you have money to do all this other important stuff rather than being like blinded by like my job as my entire world. Yeah, all fighting records and hoping that you're going to fucking get them away. I just can't, I can't do it. I can't do it. Dude, dude, be the best. Thank you, man. Appreciate you. What have you got coming up? Where should people go? Oh, I have a bunch of shows coming up. Matt McCusker dot com. Let me see, I have, I have one, there's one I got, Newark is the one I got to really move some tickets to. But either way, just go to Matt McCusker dot com for stand up. Matt and Shane's Acred podcast, the whole, the whole Shabang. Second. Appreciate you, man. Thank you, man. All right. Goodbye, my beauty. Dude. Fucking awesome. Yeah, it was fun. Imagine setting your makeup. Then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours, with flexible all day comfy grip, no tightness, no stickiness, no residue, just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new grippy setting mist from Mabelie, New York.