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Let me just unload everything. New episodes every Wednesday. Leave those filters at the door, because it's time to get real. Hello, everybody. And welcome back to RealPod. I'm excited. I'm very excited for this one, because we are doing another call-in Q&A episode where you were able to leave me a voice message that I'm going to play today and then give you my unsolicited, not professional, but with lots of care, life experience, and thought, advice. I'm going to give you my advice. I will say I am definitely that friend who loves it when people call me for advice, like, nothing makes me feel happier and more flattered than when a friend is like, I need your help with something. Do you have 10 minutes? Actually, that happened recently with a friend. And I was, and she was like, oh my god, you're so sweet. Thank you for taking the time. And I was like, no, you don't understand how this makes me feel. Like, I'm so honored that you came to me with this. And I'm so glad that I could help you get to a place where you felt great, because I know that I'm going to people in my life all the time for advice. So today is the day I get to do that with all of you. My lovely RealPod listeners. And if you're thinking, wait, what the heck? Vic, I didn't see the opportunity to do this. Just know that it was in my VGB VIP broadcast channel on Instagram. And it was on the RealPod Instagram story. So if you're not following the RealPod Instagram account, make sure that you are. So you don't miss this next time. Or join my broadcast channel and become a VIP. Because the VIPs are always, they're always in the know. So with that said, let's dive in. Hey, Vic, just wondering what advice you'd have for people with imposter syndrome and this need to compare yourself to others. I'm trying to start my career in my late 20s and can't help but question my worth and feel behind compared to my friends and my peers. Sending lots of love to you, Max, and obviously Queen Lini from Canada. That is so sweet. I love that you're sending love to the whole gang. So thank you. And this was an anonymous submission, by the way. Look, I get it. It is very nerve-wracking to put yourself out there and be vulnerable. And honestly, that's what it is. If you're going to go for your passion and your career in life, it is vulnerable because you're revealing to everyone, hey, this is the thing that I really want. I don't know if I'm going to succeed. And I feel scared or like I'm lacking confidence because if it doesn't turn out the way I wanted, like everyone's going to know and how am I going to feel. Right? That's where our mind goes. That's where our anxious brain goes that wants to protect us. But honestly, as I've gotten older and I've thought about what I've built and what I do every day, I've gotten more assurance and confidence to put myself out there because I've seen the benefit. And look, I know you're calling in and you don't have the track record or the on-paper thing to look back on and say, hey, this worked for me. So what I would say to that is, the fear of regret has to scare you more than the fear of other people's opinions. And it's not that I want you to be fear-based but I feel like what would eat me up more if I fast-forward to myself 30, 40, 50 years from now would be, I can't believe I never went for it. I can't believe I don't know if it would have worked. I don't know what would have happened because I was worried about what so-and-so would think who, by the way, like, isn't in my life anymore. I can't even believe I cared that much about what they thought. And you're not even going to remember like who it was that you were nervous about, but you are going to be like, why didn't I just do it? And so I think really reminding yourself that this life, your life, is for you to be lived, you're the one that has to lay your head on the pillow at night and make peace with your decisions, your actions, and how you went about your day. Not someone else. Someone else isn't going to live with those choices, right? So I feel like life is too short and it's too precious to not know. And you're going to be okay on the other side of whatever it is that you risk. And maybe that's an exercise that would help you is like journaling and writing down, okay, these are the people in my life who love me no matter what. You know, I'm still going to come home to this same little apartment and my dog's going to be happy to see me and I'm going to get cuddled up in my favorite sheets and I can still watch friends. You know what I mean? Write down the things in your life that are not going to change no matter what happens with this pursuit and recognize that that's all you need and that it's going to be okay. And if for some reason you're like, you know what, I don't know if it will. I don't know if that person would still like me. Then you're going to have clarity. Whether it works out in the way you want it to or not, you are going to get clarity. You're going to know yourself on a deeper level and you're going to get closer to whatever the answer is. So I say, go for it. Hey, Victoria. I love your show so much. I really loved last week's episode. I'm already talking about getting baby fever because same me and my husband recently started trying. So I was just curious if you were to have a daughter, what do you think would be the one thing you would do to Frank growing up? Especially related to like body image and you know how to raise a confident little girl. Love your show. Thanks so much. You and me both, Megan. We are just getting so much baby fever. I'm glad I'm not the only one and that you enjoyed my episode with Ali Kendrick's. As far as what I would do differently, I honestly feel very grateful that my parents did so much right with me that the list of what I would do that my parents did is longer and louder than the list of things I can think of that they didn't do right. And that's a testament to how incredible my parents are. I love you, Mom, I know you're listening. Dad probably won't tune into this one, but it's okay. So I feel like the two things that actually come to mind are one, speaking of my dad. A few months ago, I was just really reflecting on why I'm so confident, unsure of myself and have a strong sense of self esteem. And it's the reason I wasn't able to be peer pressured to drink alcohol in high school sooner than I wanted to or do something with a boy intimately that I wasn't ready for. I never allowed myself to ever feel like peer pressured into things and it's because I knew my worth and I was confident in myself. And I was trying to track back like where did that come from? And yes, I think there's like the whole nature versus nurture debate. And I think everyone's personality, you're born with that, right? To some extent. And I definitely was born confident with gusto and with some sort of like fearless part of me. Yes. And that was coupled with a dad who always made me feel like I could do anything and encourage me to do anything. Like my dad taught me how to drive a boat when I was 14. My dad put me in all the sports my brothers were in. My dad hyped me up and made me feel like a badass because I could do the things that the boys could do. And I actually wrote that to him and I think it was his birthday card this past year about how I just felt like that had such a great impact on my life. I didn't have a dad who made me feel like, oh, I couldn't do the things the boys did or I wasn't supposed to. And so something I definitely want to do with my daughter is make sure that she is encouraged to be strong and to be ferocious and fearless and that she can do anything. She puts her mind to because I think that that equates to high self esteem and then confidence in, you know, difficult or pressing situations in life. And then when it comes to body image, obviously, I'm going to be incredibly mindful of, you know, how I'm talking about myself, how people around my kid are talking about themselves. Definitely want to go the intuitive eating route with how I raise my kids. And so hopefully I can really protect and have them foster a beautiful relationship with food. Although I know I'm not always going to be able to make sure everything's perfect. And you can't make sure your kid never has a bad experience, right? But I think I will, for sure. I guess this is what I would maybe do differently. I will make sure that my daughter never feels that her appearance is one of the most important things about her. And it's not that my mom did that. My mom was the best and I can think of a thousand times I went crying to her feeling like I wasn't beautiful. And my mom told me I was so beautiful. You know, my mom made me feel so beautiful. However, I just think we're getting farther and farther from the generations where it was really about how a woman presented and how she dressed and what she wore.
and if it was appropriate, it was lady-like, and I was never explicitly told your appearance is really important, but I just picked up on that. And, you know, I think with my daughter, I want to make sure that I'm really cautious of what I'm saying, and even when it comes down to her outfits or her hair, if she's wearing lip gloss or not, I'm gonna be mindful of it. So I think those are my two answers, Megan. I hope that's helpful, and I hope you get pregnant soon, if that's what you want. - What do you do when it feels like all of your friends are engaged or married or insignificant, serious relationships with partners? And it seems like you're the only one who is always constantly single. When it makes you feel like you're going to be the one who ends up alone. - Ooh, this is tough. And this is from an anonymous submission. First of all, I would say, I feel for you. I'm sure a lot of people listening were nodding their heads and thinking, oh, I feel the same. And I feel like I see that come up a lot on Instagram and people will message me. So number one, I want you to know you're not alone. Number two, obviously I'm married and I didn't have that experience that you're in right now. So I want to recognize that like, I don't know it uniquely. What I can say as someone who is married and did find their person is please, please, please, do not settle. Please, do not get caught up in that everyone's getting engaged, everyone's getting married. I need to do that too. And then convince yourself that you are into this person who took you on a few dates that you know, you're just like not that excited about with love. I always imagine it as you know that thing at a carnival where you grab the big hammer and you smack it down and then it sends that meter up. It's almost like a big thermometer. And it's like, if you hit it hard enough, you get all the way to 100. If you don't hit it hard enough, you get up to 80. And it's like depending on how hard you whack that thing and how high the ball goes, you get a prize, I feel like that's similar to love. And I think unless you are smacking that hammer down and it goes up to 100 and the confetti booms, please do not marry them. I think there are a lot of relationships and people in life who they go take a big whack and it gets to 75. And they're like, oh, it's close. Like, I don't know if we're going to be together forever. I think I'll be happy. I just, I could never do that. I think love and life is too precious. And so I know it's difficult and everyone around you seems like they're finding their person and you're not, but pulled out hope and believe that your person is out there. And I've seen that with my friends. I literally have so many friends who when I got married, we're like, can't wait for you to come to my wedding when I'm 45 or I hope you want to go on a bachelor at party. When you have three kids, they've been making those jokes because that's how single they felt in relation to everyone else and how long they thought it would be for them to find someone. And now those people I'm thinking of are in serious relationships or engaged. And honestly, one of them never had a serious relationship ever. Never had a serious boyfriend. And now they do and they're so in love and they're like a match made in heaven. And I'm so happy she didn't settle for the wrong person. So I would say, you know, know your worth. Keep holding out hope, know that every story looks different. Erin Foster is hilarious. She is the creator of nobody wants this on Netflix. And she found her person and got married in her mid 30s. And so she used to post a lot of content about being single. She the whole show is based on her. So that's an inspiring story, I think, to look to. Also, Tanya Rad is a friend of mine who is single into her late mid 30s and is now married to her love of her life. And she read this book called Calling in the One. And she swears by that book. She said she read it and it like attracted her to her partner, Robbie, who she's now married to. So I think there's some cool stuff out there like that to give hope and keep you on the course. And also I would say your feelings are valid. And even though your friends are engaged and getting married and everything's working out for them, if they're your real friends and they're good people, they can hold space for you. And you should totally feel like it's okay to call them up crying and say, gosh, I'm just feeling alone. And like, I'm just feeling scared. And I don't know when I'm going to find my person. And it's hard going to everyone's showers and wanting that to be me and it's not me, you know? And it's just one of those days. And I hope that your friend can hold space for you and support you and make you feel better at the same way. You're showing up to there's 16 events, you know what I mean? So also, please don't feel like you have to mask this and pretend that it doesn't feel that way. I think you need to let the feelings out. And then lastly, I would say, being in a beautiful single girl era is very empowering to watch with some of my friends. And just the time that they have with themselves to create the lives that they want to make their apartment super girly, to deepen their relationships with other women. I think there's a lot of beauty in that and a lot of that will go away when you find your partner. So I would also think about what's the abundance and the beauty of what you can nourish and water in this phase of your life that won't always be there. So I hope that this was comforting and it was helpful. And I have faith that it all works out in time if we keep showing up trusting, being a good person and being open to whatever the universe brings us. Fall is in full swing and it is the perfect time to refresh your wardrobe with pieces that make you feel as good as they look. And luckily, Quince makes it easy to look polished, stay warm and save big without compromising on quality. Last fall, I don't think I made too many new purchases from my closet. I was really wanting to just wear what I had had from the past seasons and not consume as much. And so this year, I'm going to treat myself by adding some new pieces. And I'm loving that Quince has all the elevated essentials for fall. So just think 100% Mongolian cashmere from $50, washable soaked tops and skirts and perfectly tailored denim, all at prices that feel too good to be true. And seriously, if you have not gone to quince.com/reelpod and just looked at their site, you got to do it. 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I wasn't focused on what I wanted to do for school, what my dreams were after high school. I was just trying to make it through to tomorrow. And now that I am here in my early 20s, about to turn 21 in a month, and I still have no idea what I wanted to do for school or a job, and I don't have a ton of friends. And I just feel like my college life or that life in your early 20s, is it what it is supposed to be? It's not what you see in the movies or other people are posting that your 20s are supposed to be your best life, the best times of your life. And I feel like I'm not there, and I just, I feel stuck and I don't know what to do to get out of it. And I just don't want to fall back into, you know,
intrusive thoughts that I had in high school about feeling not good enough or like a nothing all the time. So I was just wondering what the advice you would have to, you know, navigate that life after dealing with mental health and getting out of survival mode. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. I mean, first of all, I wish I could give you the biggest hug. I feel like I can hear it in your voice and I wish I could give you a huge, huge hug. So I hope you feel that from me through this. And something that stuck out to me was the, you know, seeing other things from people online or this isn't the 20s I'm supposed to be living. Honestly, fuck that. Like that is not realistic. Everyone is on our own path. We're all gonna peak and have valleys at different times and it's just not right to compare ourselves and think that I should be thriving now because someone else is because you just never know when you're gonna strike gold in your own life. And I truly believe that life is kind of like a wave and you're going to be down while someone's up and you're going to be up while someone's down and we all have a different frequency. And if that means taking some time off social media, please do it. It sounds like based on the way you're describing everything that you're kind of in a good spot. You've seen the light at the end of the tunnel, right? You're saying, I'm kind of through my darkest days, but now that I'm through, I'm feeling lost, I'm starting to question things, you know, and that's happening. And I think you need to protect yourself at all costs. So, you know, I would get off social media. I wouldn't scroll TikTok and those things if it's contributing negatively to your mental health. You've worked so hard to get to this spot that I think you need to be fiercely protective about how you've built yourself up and what those boundaries are for your mental health to stay intact and positive. You know, I took time off of social media in college and I deleted my Instagram when I was really struggling because of similar reasons and I just knew that's not going to serve me, so I need time away. So that's let's do that first. Secondly, what are the connections or the relationships in your life that you can go deeper with? I think it can be very overwhelming to think I have to make a bunch of new friends. I think it's easier to say, okay, here's a person that I work with or a person that I used to plan a team with or a person that lives in my building and how can I go deeper with them? How can I just reach out and ask for coffee or say, hey, I need to get my nails done, do you need to get yours done? I've been doing that in my own life is instead of thinking, how do I find all these new friends? How do I actually go deeper with people who intrigue me in the community I already have? So that's number two, three, I would say, you know, staying diligent with the support you have. So if that was a therapist or, you know, however you improved your mental health, even though things are getting better and I'm so happy they are, stay on top of those habits and those practices because they're what got you here, right? And so until you're feeling like your wings are really ready to fly from the nest, which it sounds like they're there, right? Like you're like, oh my God, I've built these beautiful wings, but now I'm uncertain, where do I fly? How do I know if I'm going in the right direction? How do I know if they're going to be strong enough to hold me up for the journey, right? It's okay that you don't know those things yet. Keep getting stronger with the therapy or the counseling, whatever it is until you are feeling that confidence. And then lastly, I think it's a beautiful thing to not know. I think you can look at it two ways. Oh my gosh, I don't have my life planned out. I don't know what I want to do next or oh my gosh, I'm staring at a blank canvas. What interests me? What intrigues me? The world is my oyster. I love saying that Aubrey and I, we say that all the time, the world is my oyster. Like the world is your oyster girl. So that's drilling in a way. Who inspires you? Who's done something that moves you? Can you make a few phone calls to some past teachers or mentors? Or can you reach out to a person from your hometown that's doing something cool? And you just want to pick their brain, have a lot of conversations and try to figure out, you know, I like being inside. I like being outside. I like working with people. I like working alone. I want to do something that has purpose and that I know is going to change someone's life or I'm into tech and I'm into fashion and I'm into something else and that's what I want to pursue. So I would ask yourself these questions and I would really start to go on that like inward journey and view it as a positive. Think it's only going up from here. You have been clawing yourself up almost from below ground to ground, right? And now you're figuring out where do I build? And that can be scary, but it also can be really exciting. So I would hold on to that hope and try to look at that optimism. So I just know I literally am sitting here. I don't know you. I don't know the whole story and I just have faith that if we were to chat a year from now, it's going to look a lot different in a good way. And so I hope you feel that and you believe that too. Hi, Vic. This is so exciting. Oh my gosh. Okay. So I am about turn 23 and it's been the last two years sort of prepping for like a law school admissions journey taken that also a couple times. I just was doing that for two years straight telling everybody about it for two years straight. And I recently realized after getting some scores back and just sort of reassessing that I actually don't want to go in that direction anymore and I want to pursue my masters in a different subject. And so I'm having a little bit of anxiety about around conversations that I'm going to have over the next two weeks with people in my life about this career switch. My don't have all the answers. Everyone I've told us with super support. If I was one or if you had any advice in general about speaking on a career change or speaking on I know Max went through that. But yeah. Oh my gosh. This is so awesome. Okay. Keep doing these boys and those things are so I love listening to them and submitting. Yeah. Okay. Have a good rest of your day. You are adorable. I'm so God that you submitted. I'm so God that I heard it and I get to answer it. And I will keep doing these because I I am also very much enjoying this. First of all, congratulations. That's so exciting. You have found clarity, right? We were talking about this earlier in this episode of someone else. No matter what path you go down, even if you change your mind, you'll find clarity. And I think this is actually a really helpful submission for a lot of other people listening to this episode. It sounds like who are so scared of making that first step because they want to make sure it's the right one. But you did that, right? You started to go through the law school process. You passed the test, which by the way are like so hard studying for that all that time to realize, oh my God, wait, I don't think I want to do this anymore. Which is okay. We change our mind. You are allowed to change your mind. Why do we feel like that we aren't able to? And honestly, you know what? You guys, this whole episode is very much helping me because Max and I, which is very exciting, we're thinking about, you know, possibly buying a house, which is so exciting. And also so scary because it's like, how do I know I'm making the right choice? How do I know this is where I want to be? How do I know something's not going to happen in two years? And we're going to need to move or, you know what I mean? There's all these uncertains, but no matter what, if you feel good in your heart of hearts to start walking down a path, start walking down it. And then you get the clarity and it helps guide you closer and closer to what you're meant to be doing. And it sounds like you found that I'm so happy for you. And as far as telling people, you said it yourself, everyone's been supportive that you told, you know, I wouldn't worry too much about that. It might be a shocking moment for some people. But once again, it's not their life. It's yours. And you can't go on to be a lawyer for the next 30 years when you don't want to do that because Sally Sue, you're scared to tell her. And so you're like, oh my god, I think I just, so then I need to just do this. Like, that's crazy. It is your life. You get to live it the way that you want. And depending on the person, you know, you don't owe everyone an explanation. Obviously, the people in your life who've supported you and been on the journey. Yes, I think it would be nice to like keep letting them in on what choice you've made. But know that, you know, this is your choice. And you can go into those conversations, not willing to be swayed or have your mind changed. And if someone does start to say, well, why? But have you thought about this or, but you could make so much money here. But I thought you, you know, whatever you can say, yeah, I totally understand that train of thought. Trust me. This is a big decision. And I've thought about it endlessly. And I'm really confident about my choice. And I'm just honestly wanting to update those close to me. And then, you know, I feel confident on my path. And I'm just hoping to keep having your support. And I appreciate everything you've done so far. Like, it's not up for debate. I'm really excited for you. And I wish we knew, girl, what was the switch up? Like, I'm left on a cliffhanger here. But I'm wishing you the best. I can hear the excitement in your voice. And I'm so happy that you have found the clarity that so many of us do seek. Hi, Victoria. My name is Bella. I love your podcast and your social media pages. My question is about being a podcast host in general. I was wondering how you go about picking who your guests are going to be. Do you see who is popular at the moment? Do you try and connect with something that you're currently feeling and then try and find someone who relates to that topic? Is it kind of random? Do people reach out to you requesting to be on the podcast? Just curious how all of that works. Like, example, Terry and Kenaya, they did a huge intro into Swiftieism last year. And they're big right now. I know that you love Taylor. So, was that something that you'd be interested in? Is that how you go about it? Your personal interest? Or is it more about different topics that you also want to learn about? Just curious how that works. Thanks so much. Love you. Hi, Bella. I love you too. And this is such a fun question for me. I love to talk about the behind the scenes. And I would say that it's evolved throughout my podcast.
career. When you're starting out, you're definitely reaching out to everyone all the time because your show is like non-existent. People haven't heard of it and you're trying to build it. And so you're really honestly asking people for favors to trust that you're going to make an hour of their time worthwhile because you don't have the promise of the exposure of the listenership or the get that they're going to receive from being on it. Whereas now, I do feel grateful to have built up real pod to this place where when someone comes on, they feel that, right? Like, they're can promote a book or they can promote a show or they can promote their podcast because we have such an awesome audience that they want to get in front of. So it's like beneficial for them to come on the show and it's beneficial for me because that's a guess that I wanted to interview. I think that I will look at topics. If you guys have noticed, we have done some more expert type of interviews like when I had Dr. Aditi on and we talked about burnout from our phones. And then I have another expert, Meg Josephson, coming on soon, who's a licensed clinical social worker and we're going to be talking about anxiety and overthinking. And so if a topic is like heavy on my heart, I will often like to get an expert and then we can dive into it more deeply. And then as far as other guests, I'm definitely getting pitches often, which is great. And then I'm shooting DMs to people that I like their accounts or I want to chat with them. I always want to be really curious about the guest I'm having on because then it's more natural of a conversation. I have been thinking about this a lot recently though because it's really important to me that every episode of real pod provides value to your life in some way. Like it encourages you to think differently about yourself in your life and helps you live more authentically, honestly. So I'm always thinking about that because sometimes there can be an awesome person. But it's like, okay, are you able to kind of wrap that point around and provide some good takeaways? And like, if I'm asking my audience to give us an hour, are they going to be happy they spent that hour with us? And I have had times where I haven't felt that way about an interview and then you don't hear it because I just really value you tuning in. And it's not often it's a handful of times that that's happened. And it's not always just the guest. Maybe it's like not my best day interviewing. Maybe we just didn't mesh. I don't know. You know, it's no one's fault. But I am very particular about wanting to make sure that what I'm putting out to you is just like really good piece of work that had thought and intention and it's going to make you feel good and it's going to help you. So that's also a guiding philosophy for me. Is this a conversation that I want to put in front of my audience because it's inspiring, it's comforting, it's helpful, they're going to feel seen, maybe they're just going to laugh and we're going to have fun. They're going to be able to listen to two people talk about something really authentically and that's going to help them, you know, whatever it is. So that's a priority for me for sure. I hope that that was helpful, Bella. Okay, we recently got Caraway Cookware and I truly am obsessed with it. Not only does it look stunning and beautiful. We have the white set. But when they say nonstick, they mean it. I'm telling you, the pain of my existence is honestly doing dishes. I love to cook dinner, but then when I have to clean everything, I'm like, no, this is the worst. And it's just the way that no matter what I make, it just glides right off of this pan with barely anything water, a paper towel, a sponge. It's like so easy to clean. I go to bed with a clean kitchen and I had a delicious meal. So I'm obsessed with Caraway pans and they're famous for being non toxic. Their CEO found that it only took two and a half minutes for Teflon coated pans to heat to 500 degrees and then begin releasing toxic chemicals in the air. And he did not like that. So that's why Caraway is non toxic cookware. They have the prep and board set. It's an 18 piece prep and board set, which includes high quality knives and shears, FSC certified birch wood utensils and boards and storage organizers. They also have the bakeware set. It's what sweet treats or sheet pan meals are made best on has 11 pieces featuring a toxin free ceramic surface and sets include storage organizers to keep your kitchen tidy. And when you buy the bakeware set, it will save you $200 versus buying the items individually. Caraway's cookware set is a favorite for a reason. It can save you up to $190 versus buying the items individually. 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[email protected]. Hi Victoria, I'm Carla and I was wondering if you could give advice on how to stay motivated and what keeps you going when it's really hard to and when you're not finding motivation and the things that you typically do find motivation on. Thank you. Whenever I'm lacking motivation, something that I come back to is asking myself, am I thinking about the obligation or am I thinking about the opportunity? I remember this came to me when I was playing college volleyball and it's just a long day and I've got school and I've got practice and I'm stressed and I'm overwhelmed and I was thinking about the obligation. I have to do this. I need to do that. I don't have a choice and that was the obligation mindset and I would try to switch it into the opportunity. Today I have an opportunity to be better. Today I have an opportunity to learn something. Today I have an opportunity to connect with people and so when I find myself losing motivation and feeling lazy and like I just don't want to do it, I catch the fact that I'm thinking about the obligation and not the opportunity. Of course there are other times where you're having a more serious mental health struggle and it's not as simple as a choice but it sounded like with this question that it's more so, you know, I'm just lacking the motivation and how do I turn that on? Something else I would say is I love motivational videos. I love motivational music. I think the power of getting inspiration from external things is strong. Honestly, when I'm feeling like a negative human, I will go back to the most recent Jeffrey Saude episode which if you have not listened to that, you need to. It is literally required real-pub listening. It is, I think it's called like this conversation will change your life with Jeffrey Saude. It's his most recent one and it's talking about his cancer diagnosis and how he's approaching that and working through that and it is such an inspiring, optimistic conversation. I feel like it is just an electricity shot of loving your life and so I will turn that on and listen to Jeffrey when I need it. So I would also say kind of writing down what are the things that motivate you and then utilizing those tools because sometimes it can't all come from us. We need it to come from other places and that's okay but let's just take those steps to help light that fire under us. Hello Victoria Internet Big Sister. So for context, a lot has happened this last half of the year. I graduated grad school in May. I got engaged in June. My fiance and I bought a house this month actually we closed on it a few days ago. So lots of exciting amazing things are happening but the one frustrating knowing part is my parents are very traditional strict Catholics and I can't move in with my fiance until we're officially a husband and wife. So the dilemma my work is 20 minutes from the house and my parents' house is like an hour away and also I live in the Midwest so those winter will be so fun once that happens my commute will be even longer. So just how do I you know cope with this and deal with wedding planning stress on top of a brand new job and also just you know that frustration of not being able to live with my fiance.
and I'll be drunk as the house every day. Yeah, I'll just have some advice on that. And yeah, thank you. Bye. - All right, hot take. Why do mom and dad get to be the ones that make this decision? I mean, Julie, come on. Sounds like you're crushing it. You just graduated, you're engaged, you bought a house. I mean, you're an adult. You get to make your own decisions. And I mean, I obviously don't know all the dynamics, but it sounds like that's what you want to do. So, you know, do that to play devil's advocate. My mom wasn't a similar situation back in the day. And Yaya was very religious. And my mom moved in with her parents like the few months before her wedding because I think like her rent was up or something. And similarly, it would be like a disgrace to go move in with my dad at that point. So she didn't. So like I said, I don't know how intense, you know, the beliefs are and you don't want to cause all the drama. But also you're an adult and I mean, you could always fib and say I'm moving into the house, but I'm sleeping in a different room. Like they're not going to be over there checking. So maybe you could do that. You could sleep in different rooms, quote, quote. But I mean, once again, I don't know the length of how long that this would need to be happening and how like Miz, it really does feel for you. But I feel like it's 2025. And if you want to be living at your fiancee as before the wedding, you're an adult and you can make that choice. So I would empower you to do what you want. And I think it's also healthy as you start to begin this new chapter with your life partner to establish to your parents that, you know, thank you for raising me. Thank you for everything that you did. I'm now a fully formed human being who makes my own money and makes my own choices. And you just can't like rule over me in this way. So that, that's my heart, take advice. Might seem a little controversial for me, but wishing you the best with that. And I hope you have a beautiful wedding. Hello. Hi. My name is Akisha. And I just wanted to say I am very appreciative of your work. I am a rugby player for my college. And we are all about feeling your body and feeling fit and feeling strong. And I really love that you advocate for that same feeling. And I really appreciate the amount of work you've put into telling other girls that it is OK to be strong and big, and that that's healthy, that's strong, that's healthy, and strong, is sexy. I guess my question is, how did you stop comparing yourself to the way other athletes looked, if they were leaner, or if they gained muscle quicker? I think, me personally, I'm very strong, but I'm not defined with muscles, so I don't have abs or big biceps. So I'm just wondering how you worked through that. Hello, Akisha. Congratulations on being a college athlete. That's incredible. And also a rugby badass. Love that. I definitely understand the struggle of feeling like your body doesn't fit into one mold. I felt like in college, I either was going to be strong and super fit. And like the athlete, or I was supposed to be skinny and super light and delicate, like the sorority girl. And my body always fell somewhere in the middle. And I was actually thinking about this today while I was walking around because I just feel so strong from the strength training I've been doing. And I don't feel like my body actually looks that much different. I don't have these defined arms. And I don't think someone would look at me and think, oh, she strength trains three times a week. But I feel it in my heart and my soul. And that feeling is so empowering. And I want to encourage you to think more about how you feel when you close your eyes and you think about the hard work you put in and the grind you put in and who you know yourself to be. And that that is where you want to find your confidence and your power and not what you see in the mirror. You see in a picture from your game. So that's something that I've been connecting to is the feeling. The feeling that I get to know the work I put in and how strong I am, what I need to be strong. So I want to encourage you to connect to the feeling and disconnect from the appearance in the mirror and in the photos. That's where I've been finding my confidence and strength and hope it helps you too. And like lastly, one of my favorite quotes, even if we all ate the same foods and did the same workouts, we would all look different. So just constantly reminding yourself that of course the mind is going to compare. It's in our human nature, but it's pointless because we could never look exactly the same way as someone else, whether we did more or did less than them. So when I catch those thoughts, I just have that reminder that that's a dead end. We can think ourselves all the way down some black tunnel and it's going to be a dead end. So I just stop that journey and then let's close our eyes, tap into the power that we feel and that we have and know that that is where our strength really comes from. Well, I had so much fun today with all of you. Thank you for calling in and for such great thoughtful questions. Hope you enjoyed my thoughts, take and advice, rooting for all of you. And if you feel so brave, you could hop on the RealPod Instagram and maybe comment. I was one of the submitters. And this is what I thought about your advice or this is what I'm going to do or if you want to chime in, that would be fun. I think for everyone to go look and kind of hear back from you. But we will do one of these again soon. So if you enjoyed it, make sure you're following the RealPod Instagram and make sure that you are in my broadcast channel and our VGBVIP so that you can submit on the next one. Thank you, everybody, for listening. Make sure you subscribe. Leave a review if you've enjoyed it. Send it to a friend if you think they need to hear this. And I will be back next Wednesday. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of RealPod. If this hit home or helped you in some way, send it to a friend, a teammate, Rumi. Share the love, share the realness. New episodes of RealPod come out every single Wednesday. So make sure you are subscribed to this podcast so you never miss an episode. To leave a rating or review of the show, head to iTunes and let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Not to mention, you can stay connected with RealPod throughout the week, seeing behind-the-scenes info and sneak previews of upcoming guests by following the @RealPod account on Instagram. All information about today's show and guests will be linked in the description of this episode. Thanks again for listening. I love you guys so so much. Let's go dominate the day and, as always, keep it real. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode. In a world of ever-changing wellness trends and information, what does it mean to truly be well? I'm Ariel Laurie and I'm going to explore this with you. Through interviews with world-renowned experts in medicine, nutrition, fitness, and even beauty, I am bringing you candid conversations that will equip you with everything you need to live your best life and look good doing it. Think of well as your go-to resource for all of the latest in wellness and me as your internet bestie. New episodes drop every Wednesday. Hope to see you there.
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