Punkie Johnson Fell in a Hole

fall never arrives all at once first the air then the light and slowly the things you love begin to find each other a jacket meets a dress a hoodie slips beneath a blazer an old cap finds a new scarf because you don't simply step into the season you create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall find fall your way at ross this is a head gum podcast i liked i was like no worries all the boys want to jump on me that's not a problem i like that's the problem the boys wanted to smear me yeah if the girls were smearing me i'd be pissed but yeah last time i saw you was on alex english's show and you were lit that night i shouldn't do anything you know what me and alex we are a very dangerous combination we we are we're not even a yin and a yang we like the yang and the yang it's we we are too much of the same person in public we i cannot be around alex without getting into some type of trouble or being dead the very next day i don't even remember alex was that the show when we go sit on the stage and we talk about what's on the screen or something yes you were sitting on the stage talking about on the screen i was there with marie and we were laughing so hard because at one point you you were you were pretty drunk at this point in the show in a very fun way and who were you up there you were up there with uh z way and someone else yeah it was you you went off about how much you love the american flag and every you're you're like fuck the pride flag we already have a pride flag it's called the american flag and you were good and alex was like alex is like punky punky punky and you were going off no wonder why i was getting hate mail from black lives me you , it was cracking me up dude well because i love america you know sometimes i get really upset with all the things that's going on in america but i really love this country this is land of the free home of the brave yeah that's how i try to still live by it yeah i'm saying you're from new orleans from new orleans louisiana yeah and um just to just to piggyback just to backtrack to alex one time i just want to let the world get him back in here yeah i just want to let the world know that alex took me out one time i went to los angeles and alex took me out and he kept saying stuff like i'm gonna show you how a real man do things as he walking like this he's watching his back hey girls he held my hand the whole night yeah bought me drinks and you know what you know what i realized i have not i was you know i was married for 20 years and then i got divorced and i kind of played a little bit but i never really went on the gay scene i kind of just met women however i met him grocery store bank whatever and i went to the gay club with him and i really never really noticed how gay men just be being gay what do you mean gay men is gay as as fuck he they all just be dancing with each other they just go home with each other it is like such a fast connection yeah alex was macking yeah of course he's gorgeous i was like alex beautiful charming everybody wanted him they was just all over him and and it was like some guys confused me because they'll be like the biggest thug of the thug and alex would just basically like top them and i'll be at the bar like what the fuck is going on in this club yeah it was insane because with girls we're just so different i didn't realize how different we were it's just like we go up hi how you doing let's get to know each other maybe we exchange numbers we're not all over each other like that from person to person we're not all over each other like that from person to person yeah you know it's very rare i've haven't had that many one night stands in my life but i think gay men have a bunch oh for sure yeah we do yeah we do yeah i've had like maybe two or three really yeah because i kind of thought you were playing around a little more than that well you know what also i'm a woman so i mean like i am butch but i like a little bit more of a deeper connection you know when i have sex i'll be i'll be for real yeah i can't give i'll be in it well i can't be for real with some random woman yeah like even if i get to know a woman for like a week or two and if i establish a nice strong connection she gonna get the business yeah i know that's right the business you're gonna get the punky treatment guarantee the guarantee listen and i'll send you out with a little care package i love that i'm so happy to hear that for these girls hey and you know i'm a gentle woman too so i'm very gentle and like i could get crazy though yeah don't like if we coming out we had a nice strong night and we all you know we all messed up from the alcohol and you want to get slutted out i got something for that too we'll be a gentle woman we'll slut you out hey whatever's needed hey i could wear i could i could wear basketball clothes and i could wear a suit what's happening a true verse in that regard hell yeah that's so funny dude uh married for 20 years i was i was married for 20 years i was i my um high school sweethearts i met her when i was i think 15 years old she was like 14 i think i was whatever it was a long time ago it was like 30 years ago it's i don't know i can't do numbers right now i was drinking last night don't ask me to do math yeah yeah yeah but we were we were babies knowing each other more than half our lives and we thought we were going to be together for a we were going to be together for heaven and you know things change and tragic things happen and then one person can handle the tragedy and one person can't so yeah she spiraled out got a little depressed i was just like and then started doing like crazy stuff and i'm just like i can't help you no more are y'all friends now or no we could try to be friends but she is still mentally just she just she's just not mentally ready to she's she be inside i don't think she stepped out of her house in three years yeah yeah maybe to walk the dog that we have but she's she's a great dog mom i trust her with the dog she handles that marrying someone so young is such a big choice for such like y'all were kids when you got married that's really crazy you know what we were we didn't get married till maybe 12 years into it so we were still very young yeah we were very young still that's crazy yeah yeah yeah that was my baby i loved her so much i still love her yeah but it's it's it's it's further than i can reach you know so i'm just like i gotta let it go you gotta let it go sometimes yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm like i'm over the love part i'm over the being with her part i move all of that shit i just i just i want her to be well now when we was getting divorced i did not wish did it get a little toxic it was very very toxic you know we got on drugs together but the difference is i got off the drugs yeah i was just you know god gave me something very special and i appreciate him for it he gave me a light switch yeah i can flip this i could stop drinking when i feel like it i could stop eating when i feel like it i could anything i need to do to get to where i need to be i could just cut it off yeah so we we did drugs for a little bit i saw my life wasn't going anywhere i just overnight just done no more no more coke yeah and then but she didn't so it just spiraled from there i would come home strangers in the house i'd be like who are all these strangers man it would be i was like it's you know because crackheads no crackheads yeah so i'll be in the house with all these crackheads in the house i'm like who are these people yeah it just it just got really really bad but for a crackhead it's really fun yeah these are people i met this is a good time i'm not having fun anymore yeah so we just you know what i'm saying and she and she know i love it i'm not you know i'll be trying to tell people they'd be like you gotta stop putting her opinions out i'm like this is i can tell my side of the story without insulting her or like this is just my pov of what happened yeah these are facts these are facts of what transpired you're not telling anything like deep dark intimate you're just like yeah yeah i'll never try to hurt her like that i hope she know that so yeah you think you ever get married again you know what i do not think i'll get married again but you know but also i stopped believing in love after i got married and i fell in love yeah and you just you just never know and the reason why i say that is because i'm very traumatized at how a divorce took place and how we were just so mean to each other and i mean it was it was just non-stop i lost the friendship and the divorce and it was very hurtful so i say that to say i i don't want to break it's divorces are just so hard and it's so crazy that i'm skipping the marriage and the love part and jumping straight inside i can't get married because of the divorce yeah but i'm i'm still just pretty like really still just dealing with the healing of that so maybe once i come out on the other side maybe i'll get married again that's a big huge thing yeah so you you grew up in new orleans yeah you went to high school in new orleans you went to college in new orleans i went to college i'm always tibeto tibeto louisiana and you majored in general studies i majored in physical education okay then whenever you major in something where you have to work with students they send you to the schools yeah to uh do internships yeah and when i tell you i went to school and these children was bad yeah i'm talking first soon as i walked up in there they just eat and they they clapped i'll never forget it like it was yesterday it was like uh fresh meat fresh meat and i'm like 20 years old? I'm 20 years old, bitch. I'll fight you. I'll fight you right now. I'm basically y'all's age. We can fight. Because I was like 16. I'm like, what's up? You know? Yeah. And just like, it just went. And then like, they train you to be the teacher. So I had to handle all like the demerits and the behavior issues and how I would do this and A, B, C, D. And I remember talking to the parents. Because you know, the kids are going to be the kids. Yeah. You know, we can't. That's just how they're going to act. But it was, for me, once I started talking to the parents, and one of the parents was like, oh, that's your problem? I said, I went straight and changed my major. I was like, general studies. I was like, it don't even make sense to even go through the obstacles it would take to become a teacher. Yeah. I'm not taking the test. I'm not doing it. Because if I go to one of these schools, I'm going to lose my career. Yeah. If the parents don't help, then. I'm not doing all that. Yeah. So I'm like, change to general studies. I had all the credits. Ended up graduating with the credits that I had. I ain't had to overwork. I was good. Yeah. So when you got out of college, what was the vibe? Where were you living? What were you doing for work? Got out of college. I tried to go to graduate school. Really? Don't ask me why. I don't know where my brain was at that time. But I guess I was just in Thibodeau, and I didn't really know how to return back home. Yeah. And the woman who I married, we were together at the time, and she was still in school. So I was like, I guess I'll just go to graduate school. I ain't got nothing else to do. Did that shit for one month, dropped everything. I was like, I'm done. I ain't doing this shit no more. And then I worked at this place. Have y'all ever heard of this place called Schwan's? No. Yes. The delivery food? So wait, while I worked at this place called Schwan's, I got like $800 a week. I thought that was so much money. And I drove and delivered fucking ice cream and chicken. I would fucking love for you to show up at my door with ice cream. That would be the most important thing in the world to me. The truck is designed to be a refrigerator on one side, and it's a freezer on the other. Yeah. I was out here selling Hungry Man meals and ice cream. Sauce-bearing steaks, mint ice cream, chicken, green beans, potatoes. I was out here doing that. But the problem was, I had to travel to every single city, and not just Thibodeau. So I had to go to Gray, Louisiana, Homer, Louisiana, Franklin, Louisiana. And it was just, I was just like, nah, I'm not doing this. That is so interesting. Did you meet? Did you meet any interesting people doing that, or just kind of like, whatever? I met a lot of interesting folks. It was, it was, it was, it's the country. Yeah. So you're going to meet some, all right, now I'm getting some, you're going to meet some crazy, like, hillbilly, Cajun motherfuckers out there. But it was, it was just not the job for me. But I had a CDL. Yeah. Ooh. You know, I had a green license. That was fun. Yeah, that rocks. But I had to quit that shit. And then, I think a hurricane hit or something. Like, Hurricane Ida or something. And then we, and then our house was destroyed. So me and my wife, we had to quit. Me and my wife, at the time, we had to move back home. And then when I got back home, I became a bartender at this place called the Daiquiri Shop. Yeah. And that's where my life took off. And that's when I learned how to make drinks. Yeah. I'm like, this way I belong. Yeah. At the bar. Yeah. The bar was, after college, I worked at a bar. I didn't even have to go to college. Yeah. That was crazy. But it was good to do it because, you know, I was the first one in my immediate family. But like, worked at a bar, learned how to bartend, got fucked up at work. It was the perfect job for a New Orleans person. Yeah. To do. Out till 2 in the morning, and then you just wake up at 6 p.m. and start all over again. Yeah. Hell yeah. And so you were, were you doing shows at the time? I was not. I was not. This was, I was, you know, I was, this was like 2010. Yeah. I didn't start comedy till 2011. And then like. Really? I didn't know that. My, me and my girlfriend, wife, girlfriend at the time, we broke up and I couldn't handle it. I couldn't. I was just like, I can't be in the same city with you. And that is what pushed me to go chase my dreams. Yeah. That's when I went to California. Now, I know that growing up you were, I know that you were a big Whoopi Goldberg fan. Yes. I feel like I remember you were like a Richard Pryor fan. Absolutely. Eddie Murphy was big for you as well. 100, yeah. So at what point were, was Punky in Louisiana like, I need to try this? Like, what point did you know it? And then how long until you did it? Well, you know what? I knew it my entire life. Yeah. Because I went, the last thing I would watch before I went to sleep at night was Comic View. Yeah. Where you had like, when, that's when I met, through the screen, D.L. Hughley. Yeah. Montana, if you remember. I remember Montana. D.C. Curry. Cedric the Entertainer. Steve Harvey. Cedric. Cedric was a big one for me. Yeah. You know, just, D-Ray was popping on. Just, we just met. I watched it every single night. I watched every rerun. Yeah. And I was like, I'm going to be a comedian. Yeah. And then my mom cleaned the house with, you know how moms typically clean the house with music? Yeah. My mom cleaned the house to the sounds of comedy. Whoa. So I loved comedy. I knew I wanted to do comedy. I knew I wanted to do it. But for me, I never really saw it because I was just like, I'm just a small dyke in New Orleans. I'll never do it. Yeah. But. Name of the special, by the way. I ended up doing it and it became the best move I ever did in my life. Well, it's you. I think it's what you're meant to do. I mean, you're so, you're such a natural at it. And then you had to learn how to do it. I had to fight for every single, that's one thing about this business that I can truly attest to. I've had to fight tooth and nail for every single thing that I've gotten. Yeah. Nobody gave my ass nothing. And I get it. You know, to know me is to love me. You know what I'm saying? But man, whew, it's been a journey. It's so interesting that your mom is such a huge comedy fan because I know that when you moved to New York to do SNL, she left to like hit a bunch of letters in your luggage, right? Or something like that. Oh. Gave you some letters. Had me crying my ass off. And one of them said, you're one step closer to pay me back for the life I gave you. Yeah. So she was really invested in the punky story. Yes. I have all of the letters that she gave me are kind of faded. Right now, I should have got them laminated, but I still have them all up on my bar and I read them sometimes and I still cry. Go get those laminated. I know. Please go get those protected. Yeah, I will. I will. They fading out. So I will. Yeah. Get them protected. But that tramp dog. Go tell me I owe her for life and all of that stuff. That's so funny. I'm sitting up there reading a letter. You know, the whole first page is all, you know, emotional and inspirational and all that shit. And then I flip it over. Yeah. But you owe me money. Would you? I'm like, God damn. That's so funny. But that's our family dynamic. You know, we don't really like to do the. If we ever want to say something emotional, we have to write it down. We cannot talk to each other. We are weird. Like, if I talk to my brother and I be like, hey, bro, I just want to let you know I appreciate shit. He going to say, man, if you don't get the fuck with that bullshit. I don't know why we like that, but we just. Stop being gay, punky. Get the hell out of here. So, okay. So you're in. You're working at the bar in New Orleans. And then do you. When do you start? Do you start comedy in New Orleans? No. LA. So New Orleans is just, like, expanding. Like, now. Yeah. Like, it's. The comedy scene is fantastic. People. The comics there, the local comics there are really, really bringing it up. Yeah. So at the time, there was. There was. It was not. It was not a lot going on. Yeah. So what I did was, when I moved to Los Angeles, here go the crazy boys, what really helped me move to Los Angeles. What helped me move to Los Angeles was why I fell. I fell in a hole. What? I fell down. No. I was walking down the street, and next thing I know, I was under fucking ground. What? Okay. Punky what? I don't know. They didn't have it sealed off. It was cement. It was wet pavement. Yeah. And I fell in it. And I was up to here. No. And so I was laughing at myself without understanding the true danger that I was in. You're laughing in the hole? I was laughing in the hole. I was like, you big, dumb bitch. How you fall in the hole? Meanwhile, I am going down. Okay? I am going down. Yeah. So then I panic. Yeah. And I'm just like. But while I'm trying to get out, I'm pulling every muscle in my. I don't understand how much I'm hurting myself trying to survive in this damn hole. And I get out. I go to like Walgreens to change my clothes. And then I just go back to work. I don't even. My job is to change my clothes. My adrenaline is going so much. I don't even understand that I fucked all my back, my neck up, my wrists, my arms. I messed everything up. Yeah. And then I go home. And my mama like, what the hell happened to you? I was like, I fell in. I fell in a hole. I'm like, I fell in a hole. She's like, Kevin, this girl done fell in a goddamn hole. So then my daddy come out. Because see, I just thought I was goofy. Yeah. They were pissed. Yeah. They was like, we can on a goddamn phone with the attorney. Like, that was the first time I ever saw the white side of my parents. Yeah. Yeah. We called our lawyer. I went to, I went, like, took care of it. I didn't know I had to go to the hospital. Went to the hospital. All, all, I pulled all kind of shit. Sprang my wrists. Yeah. Had to, you know, had to do all kind of therapy. I think the lawyer got me like, I don't know, like 20 grand. Yeah. And I took that money and I went to Los Angeles with it. And that's how it all started. Thank God for the hole. Thank the. I know. Thank God I survived the hole. Thank God you survived the hole. And thank God your mom was like, lost it. Immediately lost it. And then you moved to LA and got a job at the comedy store. I did. Yeah. I did. And with that, this is what I learned in Los Angeles. Yeah. Everything is like a roll call. Okay. I went to a job interview and it was like an audition. So when I walked into the original room, first of all, I thought it was a comic book store. Right. That's what I thought. I was like, what the. I was like, a comic book store hiring cocktail waitresses? This is. This is gonna be interesting. So I go and, I'm from New Orleans, when we go get a job, we casket sharp, got a whole suit on, hair was done, earrings on, like they want cocktail, so I had to play the feminine role a little bit. I had makeup on, I had a briefcase, I was looking sharp. I get up in there, it's like 75 people. And they all look like this, us, jeans on, I'm like, "This ain't how you get no job." But that's when I told the universe and God, I'm like, "If I get this job out of all these people, I'm going to start comedy." Because it was like, "No way I'm going to get this job, it's too many people. Why would they pick me?" Man, I got that job because the dude that hired me, he was gay. We bonded off queerness, and he loved New Orleans. We bonded so hard, and he gave me the job, and then I started doing comedy. When you met the guy, do you remember, did you tell him about the hole? No. No, I don't think I told him about the hole. Because I was saying, I probably would have hired you if you were like, "I fell in a hole and I used the lawsuit money to move here." I'd be like, "Damn." Here's a job, yeah. I think he asked me what I miss about New Orleans, and that's another reason why I got the job, too. Because I was like, "What I miss about New Orleans?" He was like, "Yeah." I said, "Good old ham hocks." He said, "Ham hocks? Would you make me a ham hock?" I said, "I'll make you a ham hock." Did you? I did not make him a ham hock. But we say what we have to say. Yeah. I would have. You know, I cook all the time. I don't care. Really? Yeah. You're a good cook? I'm a great cook. What do you make? You know, that's how I get the women. Yeah. Yeah. I'm kind of like, once you come to the house and I cook you a meal, it's a wrap. I don't know why. It's just a wrap. Come on. And then I make good New Orleans food, too. Yeah. Stuff that people. A lot of people have not had New Orleans food that I meet. You know, they're either from Cali or New York, and they've never. New York food is fantastic. Yeah. But it's. You gotta get that roux. Once you get that roux, and them girls taste that roux, they'll be like- They're making gumbo? They'll be like, "What is this?" Yeah. Ooh. Ooh. What are you making? I'll make etouffee. I'll make shrimp creole. Yeah. Ooh. I'll make smothered chicken, smothered pork chop. Ah! I'll make some good gumbo. I just made. It's gumbo season right now. Yeah. I'm about to probably fuck the kitchen up. Love gumbo. Hell yeah. Gumbo is my favorite. Yeah. I'll make it. Honestly, invite me over when you make gumbo next, please. Oh, absolutely. I'll come. I'll make some cornbread and come over. Oh. Don't play with my cornbread. Let's go. What are we doing? Let's go. It's about to get cold, too. I love me some cornbread. I'll bring some very good cornbread over. Hell yeah. Let's go. I'll be mad. I'll be cooking. That sounds so good right now. I'll be cooking good, too. Now, okay, when you make gumbo, what all are you putting in it? Are we talking sausage, chicken, shrimp? I do sausage, chicken, shrimp, crab. Yeah. Crab. Okay. Awesome. Always crab. Yeah. Blue crab, preferably. Yeah. Sometimes you got to get rock crab, because sometimes the East Coast don't have blue crab. Yeah. Onions, garlic, bell pepper. Of course. Celery. Yeah. Holy Trinity. Of course. Sometimes I like to use ghee butter, depending on how healthy I'm trying to be. I'll use a little ghee, a little oil, and flour, of course, to make my roux. Yeah. My mouth is watering. It'd be so good. And then you just throw all that shit in the pot, and you season it until it tastes good. Now, okay. When you're cooking for these women, are you pulling it out quick and early? Are you making them wait a little bit? How soon are you cooking a delicious meal for a woman? I do not like people strangers in my life. I don't like people strangers in my house. Right. So I would have to date you at least two months before you come over. Wow. Yeah. You really are not like gay guys. I'm very, yeah. I'll come to your house. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Because I don't like to be rude. So if you do come over, and you don't get the signs that I want you to go, and I'll be like, "I need you to get the fuck out." This is so much fun. And when I go by somebody's house, I'll be out. We do what we got to do, and I'll leave expeditiously. So if you're not like my girlfriend, I don't really see a reason for us to be laid up under each other like that. Yeah. But if I know you for two months, and I'm feeling you, I'm going to throw down for you. Yeah. A good meal. Yeah. And then I'm going to slut you out. I like that. The slut you out is really killing me. Slut you out. Yeah, yeah. A good meal and a slut out. Yeah. You know when a woman wake up on her stomach, arm falling off the bed, half the cover on? No, Bunky, I don't know. I've not seen a woman like that. I can promise you that. I'll be trying to knock them down. Fall never arrives all at once. First the air, then the light. And slowly the things you love begin to find each other. A jacket meets a dress. A hoodie slips beneath a blazer. An old cap finds a new scarf. A new jacket meets a new dress. Because you don't simply step into the season. You create it, layer by layer. Until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way, at Ross. You know, I think we all have like legendary sets that we've seen. Like legendary, like comics doing a set that's so legendary to us. Yeah. Like the Bernie Mac set. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm not scared of y'all. For me, Monique, Queens of Comedy set. Oh, yeah. It was a huge one. Have you seen one of those in person? Like a comic? Even someone we're friends with. Have you seen a set that you're like, "God damn, this is legendary"? Probably Dave. Dave Chappelle. Yeah. You know who I like to. You know, because since working at SNL, we get to see them in action, right? Yeah. And they're like a lot of comedians, a lot of hosts that come to the show. Yeah. But the team, the writers will write their monologues for them. Yeah. But the comedians that come, they write their own monologue. Yeah. And if they need a little help with tagging, then they'll get the help. But I love to watch Bill Burr when he's on the show. Of course. I love to watch him in action. Yeah. I love to watch Chris Rock on the show. Yeah. I like to watch them articulate their jokes. I love to watch the progress from it, from when they practice it on Friday, they go into it on Saturday, they do it for the run-through, and then they do it for the live. I like to watch the specific changes that they've made. Especially like Dave Chappelle, because sometimes Dave Chappelle, he's just so fast, he's so clever, and he's so smart, that what he'll do is, he'll do a whole monologue, his performance for one show, and then a second show, you'd be like, "That ain't what he did for the run-through." Yeah. He'll do a whole different 22 minutes. He's prolific, yeah. It's supposed to be seven minutes. Yeah. That bitch'll do 22. Yeah. But you're sitting up there and you're like, "Oh man, he's a genius." But come on, man, I'm trying to be on TV. Get your ass off the stage, motherfucker. Yeah. But yeah, I really enjoy watching Chris Rock work. I do have an obvious question for you about Dave, which is he's an undeniable legend. Absolutely. But he's spent so much of the last several years of his career really going in on this trans stuff. He did. What do you make of it? How does it make you feel? We have several conversations about it. The number one thing about Dave, he's not anti-trans. Yeah. He's just a fucking idiot. Yeah. He's not anti-gay. He's not anti-trans. He's not like that. But the problem is, once he tell one joke and he get a rise out of people, he will continue to get that rise. He's rebellious in that way. And you have those friendship conversations where you're like, "Come on, man. Come on. Don't do another one, dawg." I've had those with comics, yeah. He gonna do what he want to do. He fucking Dave. And it's just like, with him, he's like, "I'm fucking Dave." He's like, "I'm fucking Dave." He's like, "I'm fucking Dave." He's like, "I'm fucking Dave." And it's just like, with him, if you know him and you know his heart, you wouldn't take offense to it. But in his climate, I can understand why it's received the way it's received. Yeah, absolutely. So, it's just like, I went to a trans party. Yeah. Why my dumb ass had a Dave Chappelle shirt on? I was like, "Pucky, what the fuck?" Yeah. "What the fuck are you doing?" Yeah. "Why did you pick this sweatshirt today?" Yeah. Yeah, there wasn't another sweatshirt. I wasn't even thinking, I'm just like, "You stupid mother fucker." Yeah. I was like, "God, please don't let these people realize what I got on." Yeah. And did anyone say anything? No one said anything, but I felt just so uncomfortable. Yeah. I was just like, "I hope, you know, I'm an ally. I was just so sorry." Yeah. I didn't mean it. That's so funny to me. It was very innocent, but you know. When you were on the show, did you prefer having stand-ups on to watch that process, or was it fun seeing the famous people try and figure it out in a way that they never have to do? What was more fun? With watching a host? Yeah. In terms of hosts, did you prefer a comic, or did you prefer the actors? What was more fun for you to watch? You know what? It's pretty split down the middle. It's pretty equal. I thoroughly enjoyed. Because, you know, everybody's process is very different, and you can watch some of the hosts who won't submit to the show, and they will specifically have a very hard time, because that's the show that you have to submit to, because they're going to do it their way. They've been doing this for 51 seasons. You think it's your. But to take all that ego, you add SNL. Yeah. Drop it. Yeah. And then once people understand that, and they submit, the show goes on. And then once they submit, the show goes perfectly well, so it's just. SNL is a different machine. It's a monster, and it built itself, and everybody. It's a dance. You've been there. It's just like, everything is moving at one time. Everybody understands where everything needs to be. Everybody has the rhythm it takes to get the show done. Nobody's bumping into nothing. Nobody's messing up things. It's just like, these people have been working. Everybody's kind of, sort of, in a way, married to each other, because they're married to the game. Yeah. the way that it moves just, Just the choreography of it is just amazing. I can't believe it runs the way it runs. I'm more impressed with how it all runs and how they change the sets and take them down in 30 seconds. The logistics and the staff and crew on that show are superheroes. I mean, it's crazy. Yeah, it's really nuts. Yeah. I mean, there are some mistakes. I mean, if I ran in front of the camera one time. Oh. Whole head. Live TV. All of this. You see all of this and up in my wig. Yeah. I was like, I'm so sorry, Lauren. Yeah. That's so funny. So, you know. Did you have any, because you've made a couple big moves now in your life. You went from Louisiana to LA, you went from LA to New York. Were there any big culture shocks when you made those moves? Anything that was like. You know what? I'm glad you asked that. Okay, so I beef with a lot of gay people online. First of all, say that. Okay. I beef with so many gay people. And it's because, first of all, I'm always talk shit. Yeah. That's just how I am. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I talk shit about every single thing, every single, every, every person. And if, and if you watch the videos, you could see. Yeah. That is out of love. It's not like some hate, slander, bullshit. But what I realized when I moved, that gay people, it's all regional. Yeah. Right? So when I talk shit online, it's because that's how I was born and raised gay. Yeah. So down in the South, like Texas, Alabama, Georgia, Arkansas, Florida, Louisiana, we have this thing of like, we kind of mirror the head. It's like a heterosexual relationship. So I can't be with no butch. Yeah. But that shit is gay. Yeah. It's gay. Can't be out here doing boy on boy. That's nasty. That shit is nasty. Yeah. I come from the way we were born and raised in a gay community as dykes. Yeah. Right? The boys will be boys. If you play like the tool ball, basketball, you are the boy. And you have to be the boy. You can't be coming out with your nails painted, doing all that gay shit. Yeah. Okay? So then I moved to Los Angeles and these gays just running amok. There's femme on femme action. Femme on femme, butch on butch. I'm like, what is this gay shit? This is stupid. Yeah. Now I'm competing with the butches and the femmes for the femmes. This isn't right. What the fuck is going on? Yeah. Yeah. So that's when I started to, and also what it did was, that's when I started to soften up. Yeah. That's when I was like, oh. So I don't have to be this big butch man that I was taught by whoever our gay commissioner was. I don't even know. But I do realize that it's all different rules. And when I'm fighting with people on the internet, I'll be fighting with people because I heard that they have this thing called dyke dicking or something like that. I forgot what it is, but it's butches having secret sex with men. Oh. And I got online and I was like, butches, say it ain't so. Oh. Please tell me this is not a thing. I had a butch friend do this in college. You can't have sex with men. I know. And then like all, like the new school gays were like, you're starting to look more homophobic to us, more that you talk. And I'm just like, I don't give a fuck what I look like, bitch. That shit is nasty. Well, this is, I get dragged into some, some young internet queer discourse sometimes for things I say on here. And I'm like, there's a couple of things going on here. Number one, y'all spend most of your time online. I spend most of my time in the real world with real people. And so when I talk about people that are different from me. It's out of love for my friends, but y'all don't really have friends like that. No shade. And so y'all are, y'all are just hanging out on your little corners of the internet. And then that's one piece of it. And then the other piece is they're used to now, like a lot of people, they look up to the younger queers. They look up to these like very sanitized, like influencer types. And I'm like, I'm not an influencer. I'm a comic. Correct. I am a comedian. I like to make people laugh. I'm joking around. I'm finding the flaws. I'm making fun of, that's what we do. And so I'm like, you, that's fine. I'm not for you then. Yeah. I don't have to be for you. Also, I don't have to be, you know, like I get into a lot of arguments with the gays because I'm like, I don't have to be with this gay agenda. I don't have to be with it. It doesn't make me less gay than you. I'm gay. You're not with the gay agenda? Motherfucker, I've been, I've been fighting longer than, I've been in this gay fight all my life. Yeah. I'm gay as the fuck. Yeah. And I'm with the gays. Yeah. But I don't agree with a lot of things. Like I get in trouble a lot because I don't like to be called queer, but it's trauma for me because I went to a white school when I was younger and they teased me with queer. Yeah. That's what I was called. I didn't go at the black, because at the black schools they was called dykes, but nobody called me dyke at the white school. They teased me, called me creep, weird, queer. Yeah. And I carried that with me. And now all of a sudden queer is a good word. I'm like, no, I can't do queer. And you don't have to like that. I haven't gotten over it. Yeah. It's like, it's just like, no. So bitch, fuck queer. And they're like, ah, yeah, yeah, you're against us. I'm like, no. I'm with you. I just have my own story. Yeah. So I always have to constantly just fight with that. And sometimes we argue, because I'm just like, why, if you feel like I'm not a part of the gay agenda, whatever that is, the rules that the new gays have made, if I disagree with one thing, then how am I cast out of the community? Because I don't agree with how this works or what this is. I'm just like, no. If it's supposed to be all inclusive, if that's what we're preaching, then that's what we should be, then we should lead example with that. Well, that's the other thing is, like it or not, we're in community together. When they come around us up, we're all. We're all getting rounded up. Whether, like the young online queers that want to bitch with us about terminology or whatever. And I understand it, because I'm partially in that. Like, I feel like I've kind of got a foot in both. I'm like, regardless, this is the LGBTQIA++++ whatever community. All of us are in this thing. And the only people I'm really not down with are the gay people that are like, fuck trans people. Other than that. Oh, no, we can't say. We have to protect our trans people. That's what I'm saying. We have to protect them. That's not your thing. I don't care. We can disagree on pretty much. We can't touch anything about the labels and the language. You know what I mean? Right, right, right. But I don't like queer either. I'm a gay man. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Like, I'm fine with being a dyke-ass bitch. You know? And I'm just like, we just going to keep queer? We ain't going to change it or remix it? Yeah. Just queer. Yeah. Just going to keep that dusty-ass word. Just queer. No quigger. No quincens. No Qs. We just fucking still queers. Okay. Jesus Christ. You create it layer by layer until it finally feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross. Christ. I used to play a game when I was in the fourth grade called Smear the Queer. Of course. Yeah, we did too. And it was a tough. It was just like, nah, I'm not fucking with it right now. I kind of liked that game, though. I was like, y'all can touch me. It was like, oh, no. It was like, oh, no. What if y'all all touch me? I didn't mind it, Punky. I was cool with it. Okay. I liked it. I was like, no worries. All the boys want to jump on me. That's not a problem. I like that. That was the problem. The boys want to jump on me. The boys wanted to smear me. Yeah, if the girls were smearing me, I'd be pissed. Exactly. If the girls were smearing me, I probably would have been like, screw this bitch. Nail me to the cross. Oh, my God. That's so funny. It was just so weird. It was just like, I was just like, nah, we're good. We're good. That is a culture shock. But yeah, I just always want to get. Whenever I do podcasts and get on any platform, I always want to be very specific and heavily say, I love you. I love my gay people. I don't give a fuck if we disagree on this or that. I've been in this fight. Yeah. I love gay people so much. And we all go. Trump taking us all down and being in second now, so we might as well just love each other. Isn't it fun when you. Like, meeting a gay person is just like the fucking best. Like, when you find out someone's gay out in the world, I mean, like an older gay person makes me want to cry immediately. Oh, yeah. I just want to immediately sob. I see like a 65-year-old gay man, I'm just like on the verge of tears. Sometimes, yeah. When I see like the older ones, I do want to cry sometimes because I can't even imagine the barriers they had to overcome. I know. They had to break to just be themselves, finally. Yeah. You know? And now it looks like it's going backwards. It's so fucking weird. But anyway, yes. Yes. You down with G-A-Y? You down with G-A-Y? So, what have you been up to? What's on your mind? What are you looking forward to? What's making you happy right now? You know what? When I left SNL, I was. I don't want to say I was distraught. I was just lost. Yeah. No, because I started as just a comedian. I had no intentions on going to a show. I didn't want to go to a show like SNL because I was very brash, blunt, and a person like that doesn't belong on network television. Yeah. So, they said. And so, when I got the opportunity to do it, I was very shocked, and I nailed the audition, which I sent in some ghetto-ass shit, and they loved it because it was different. And then I got a call back. I was like, okay. So, I doubled up on my characters, and then I got the job. No. With that being said, I went from just being this guy. This comedian who was just out, just having a good time, and thought that that's what I was going to do for the rest of my life, to the biggest sketch show in the world. Yeah. Overnight, right? And then you do it for four years, and you're like, okay, this is my life now. And then you just stop. Yeah. And then everybody is like, can't wait to see the next big thing. And now you're sweating, and you got all this shit. Like, fuck. Well, what's the next big thing? I don't know. I didn't have a plan. And so, for me. I was very stressed. I went down into a dark hole. I stopped talking to a lot of people. And it wasn't out of, like, spite or I hate you. It was just that I was just mean. And I just needed to keep all that negative energy to myself. And so what happened was I just was like, God, just help me. Send me a sign. Like, what am I supposed to be doing? Because I don't want to do the next big thing. I want to do the next thing that is meant for me to walk in my purpose, right? So one day I woke up and the Lord said, we don't have butch representation. We ain't got none. We got, you know, we need somebody out here that's representing for the big dyke butches who are okay with being masculine and putting out that tough shit. Because the world don't want tough if you pay attention. Like, if you watch anything on television, you don't really see the tough, tough butches. Everybody's kind of got that soft, you know, like, we have to keep it soft for television. Now, fuck that. Even with the L word, you ain't seen, like, no real butches, you know? You saw, like, some masculine women, but you ain't seen, like, no real niggas, you know what I'm saying? So I was like, I'm about to get out here and I'm about to start representing for my masculine women. And I ain't going to be scared to do it. And I'm not going to be scared that TV not going to want to pick me up because I'm too brash or I'm too tough, you know? And so I remember when I did my special, like, two months ago. Congratulations, brother. Thank you. Very excited. Thank you. So many masculine women. So many butches. Came up to me and was like, I fucking feel seen, Punky. Yeah. I feel seen. Because I'd be like, I'd be on stage doing all that shit. I'd be like, what a butcher. I'd be doing all that shit and all the butchers would be in the back like. There's a fucking mailman in the neighborhood. So it's just like, I want to do that. And you know what else I did? Because I was just like, I needed, like, direction. I did something that black people do not do. I went to the jungle. And I did the strongest strand of DMT. Really? Yes. That's the death drug, right? It simulates the death reaction in your brain. Is that what I'm thinking of? I did Bufo. Whoa. The toad. Whoa. And the one that Mike Tyson did. The one that Joe Rogan talks about doing, too. I did that and it changed my entire life. Wow. That's so interesting. That's what I, I didn't know it would change. Like, ever since I did that, it's like something shifted in my brain. I became like this person of just like. Well, it's going to be what it's going to be. What's the worst that can happen? We either going to be late or we're not going to make it. What's the consequence? Not much. Like, nothing really truly matters. Yeah. All right. I got a job. I guess I got to come back home, huh? Like, what's the worst that can happen? Yeah. You know, so once I just started living, like, living just kind of with that mindset, everything just shifted in my entire universe. Like, I was able to shoot my special. You know, I booked a really great job. Like. And just like everything, you know, I submitted my documentary to Sundance. It's like, like, everything just started going up because my mindset just happened to change. And it just makes you realize that life is precious. And I want to enjoy every single moment of it. And I don't really want. Granted, there will be things that stress you out. It's just not going to be a perfect, you know, it's not going to be perfect. But I've, I've just been happy ever since I've done it. Yeah. So you went, where'd you go to do DMT? Where's this at? Went to Mexico. With a really, with some really, really great friends. And the experience itself is very scary. It's, I just want to let anyone know, if you're thinking about doing it, it's so scary. You go away. That's all I can tell you. From your body consciousness? You go away. Yeah. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's very hard to explain. You go away. Yeah. It's, it's getting scarier the more you say it. I can tell you that much. Yeah. It's like your brain. It takes you to all these places. It's like the experience itself is like, it's seven minutes. I remember I woke up in it, but I couldn't hear anything, but I could see. And my spiritual guide, I remember just dancing with her. And it was almost like I was floating on clouds. It was just such a surreal experience. And I felt like I was with an angel. And then like, she like laid me down. And then I just started experiencing all these things. And you go through all of these emotions. It's like, whatever. You've been running from. It meets you head on. What met you? And you have to take care of it. What met you? Just like. Or we don't have to. No, it's just like, here go, here go, here go the thing. Yeah. So before you do it, they give you a prayer to read. And she stands in front of you and she holds this prayer. Yeah. And I couldn't get past the third sentence. I was, this woman, no one has seen me cry like this besides my mother. I cried the ugliest. I'm talking about all the deep. I cried a filthy, ugly cry. I could not get past. And I forgive myself. I couldn't. I was like, enough. I was doing all this. I was just like, I could not get past that. Yeah. And in the moment, I was like, damn, I must have done some crazy shit. You know, so when I went in under the Bufo, I just asked for forgiveness for all the things that I've done. Yeah. And just like, and I forgave myself a lot. Because, you know, I felt really bad for leaving my wife in the state that she was in. But I had to do that for me. But that still doesn't take away the guilt. Yeah. So it's just like, and then just a lot of other stuff happened and blah, blah, blah. So I had to forgive myself for a lot of the things that I felt very, very guilty for. Even though it probably may or may not have been my fault. Yeah. And then you just do it. And I spoke with my grandmother. I spoke with my, the one, my ex who I have right now. I spoke to her mom. And apologized to her about things that mean, the fights that me and her daughter have had. And I promised to do better. And just like, just like all kinds of stuff. Yeah. But it was a very, it was a grand spiritual. It was a strong, intense spiritual experience. And you're fine for a day or two. No, what happens is the next two weeks. Yeah. You, your body is integrating back into its human form. Yeah. Which sounds crazy. Because when they were telling me that that was going to happen, I was like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine. I'm me. But you're not you. You, you, you're, your brain has shifted. So for the next like two weeks, my anxiety was at an all time high. I thought I was going to die for two weeks. Really? Yes. See, I don't know anything about these drugs. This is all like learning for me. But all the reason why I thought I was going to die for two weeks was because my anxiety consumed my, I couldn't. I could not breathe. You know, I had to like put water in my face and run up and down the hallway. And I was just doing this and just trying to snap myself out of it. But what it does is it forces you to attack all of your challenges and all of your trauma and everything that triggers you. It forces you to fucking deal with it because it's not going to go away until you sit the fuck down, get your journal and say, why am I acting like this? What am I afraid of? How am I like? What exactly is triggering anxiety? Yeah. And so I start writing shit down, writing shit down. And then once I got to it and started working through it, the anxiety just started slowly falling off. But that was me dealing with my issues. Yeah. So now I'm just trying to deal with my issues head on. And a lot of it was fear, you know, because I left SNL and then I was afraid to take it to the next step, which is crazy because why are you afraid to take it to the next step when you just left the biggest stage in comedy sketch history? This is the point. Next step is always the point. Exactly. So I just had to snap out of it. I had to snap out of a lot of things and and it was just like that imposter syndrome and that what if I'm not good enough and that was I supposed to be on SNL and it was just it was a lot of things that was just I was really struggling with, like, just my self esteem. So I did a lot of self reflection. I did a lot of prayer. I did a lot of meditation and it was it took a lot of work and I'm still working, but I came out on the other side and I just got to work. I call my acting coach. I'm like, it's time to get fucking busy. I was working with my acting coach when I had an audition. Now I'm like, now we need to get on. We need to go every week. I need scripts. I need to get into this study. I need to understand what the writer talking about. Why is this bull? Why is this dash here? I just started, like, really, really getting into script script and scene study. And here we are. Yeah, well, we ask people on this show every every episode. What's so true to you? Is there something that's so true to you right now, Punky? You know what? I think. What's true to me is. I watch a lot of like therapy videos online. And I watch this what people say, what love is. Yeah. And when I watch certain things and how certain people touch each other and love each other and be with each other, I look at it and I'll be like, I don't know if I ever felt like that in my entire life. Yeah. I think I've gotten close. I think I loved my wife. I did love my wife. We were together since we were kids. We were kids. But to love her in that capacity, I don't know if we ever made it there. Yeah. And I want true love. I want to experience that. I want to cry when I look at my bitch. I don't know if I've ever made it there. I don't know if my heart was pure enough to do it. But now I'm like actively working on myself and I'm looking for it inside of me. Yeah. So that I can do it to whoever I'm with later. I think it's all there for you. I think it's going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. I want to be. I want to. I want to be like. You changed my life. I want to say, you know. You. add so much value. I just want to be shit-faced crying, and I just want to find the love of my life. I know she's out there, and I'm a fucking catch. I can't believe this bitch let me go. Yeah, I can't either. You're a huge catch. You know, I have my little issues. Don't get it twisted. We all do. But I'm a goddamn catch. Punky, not for nothing, a lot of lesbians watch this show. Great. Hey, baby. Right now, the hope in my heart is that maybe you coming on So True plays a little role. Maybe they reach out. Maybe you end up with somebody from. I mean, that would mean the world to me. DM me, baby. I need you to be like 5'1", 5'2". Say it. I need you to be like a Felicia Rashad, kind of pencil-skirty. Tell them. And you got to be able to put me in my place without saying nothing. I want you to look at me and do this, and I'm going to be like, yes, ma'am. I want to be. That's the great thing. I want to be bossed around, but I don't want to be controlled. It's a difference. I just want somebody who kind of knows. I want to be able to go to my woman and ask for advice, and she can give it to me. I don't want to be the first. A lot of my relationships like the last relationship I was in, the relationship with my wife, I found myself being on both sides of the gender roles, and sometimes that can get annoying. It's like, damn, I got to go to work. I got to come home. I got to cook. I got to clean. I got to do the laundry. It's like, damn. I don't want to do everything all the time. I don't mind. I will. It's like, come on, baby. Help me out. So it's just like, you can't smoke no cigarettes. You can smoke weed. Of course. I got to do weed, but you can't smoke no cigarettes. And you got to drink a little bit and have some fun. You know? I love that. 5'1", 5'2". Felicia Rashad, pencil skirt. And if you could be bilingual, that would be nice, too, because you could teach me a thing or two. Yeah, be bilingual. And I love a woman who just, like, on top me, ride me, and she'd be like. What accent was that? Just let me know. I don't know what it was. Whatever that was. Better than that. When a woman do that to me and grab my face, I'd be like. Parky! I'm dead. Hey, we have a game for you. Yes. All right. This is the True or False segment. Okay? We play this with every guest. I'm going to read you 15 statements. Okay. You're going to tell me as quickly as you can if what I just said was true or false. Okay. And if you get 10 or more correct, Punky, we're going to give you 50 U.S. dollars. Okay. All right. Let's lock in. You ready? Yes. All right. Squids have three hearts. True. True. In Italy, it is illegal to build a house without a bidet. Wait. Say it again? In Italy, it's illegal to build a house without a bidet. False. True. Damn. The Mall of America is in Columbus, Ohio. False. False. It's Bloomington, Minnesota. Nichols State University's band is the Nichols Core. False. False. It's the Pride of Nichols. Potatoes were the first vegetables grown in space. False. True. Damn. Shaq only hit one three-point shot in his entire NBA career. True. True. Japan is made up of over 14,000 islands. True. True. The New Orleans Saints were originally the New Orleans Pythons. False. That is false. The summer solstice is the longest day of the year. The who? False. True. Damn. Hunting expires exactly one month after being harvested. True. False. It never expires. Damn. Fuck. Thriller was the first video aired on MTV. Say it again. Thriller. Michael Jackson's Thriller was the first video aired on MTV. That's false. False. It was video killed the radio star. The Treaty of Paris ended the American Revolutionary War. Oh, God. These fucking history questions. The Treaty of Paris ended who? The American Revolutionary War. False. True. Fuck. I want to commend you, though. You're going quick. Okay. The Ron Eagle is a real bird. False. False. Africa is the only continent that's in all four hemispheres on Earth. Repeat that. Africa is the only continent that is in all four hemispheres on Earth. That's false. It's true. Rihanna has won nine Grammy Awards. False. Pop. Oh, God. She's won nine? Rihanna, talk to me, bitch. True. It is true. How'd she do? Nine. Damn! As many Grammys as Rihanna. Yeah. You know what, though? I will say you might be our most locked-in guest on the True or False. You got locked in. That was really good. Hey, don't threaten me with a good time. I love to compete. I was very. You did a killer job. Punky, it was such a treat to have you. Will you tell people where they can find you? Yes. Also, it was a treat to be here. Thank you so much. Thanks for doing it, dude. I really appreciate you. I love you so much. Love you. Treat to have you. Y'all can find me at Punky Johnson on everything. P-U-N-K-I-E Johnson and follow me. I'll be doing a whole bunch of stuff. Yeah. I know that's right. You absolutely will. I can't wait for people to find out what you're up to. I can't either. God has blessed me, people. And I can't wait for y'all to see my work. I'm excited about it. Same. I can't wait to see it. Thank you for doing it, dude. Absolutely, baby. That was a HateGum Podcast. Until it finally feels good. It feels like fall. Find fall your way at Ross.