Speaker 1Therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough. It shows up in the smallest moments. You bite your tongue instead of escalating. You put your phone down instead of firing off that text. You say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most. Nobody applauds those moments, but they quietly change your life. That's what growing feels like. And that's exactly what Grow Therapy is here for. Grow is therapy that works, covered by insurance. Sessions average $21 with insurance, and some pay as little as $0 depending on their plan. There are no subscriptions, no long-term commitments. You just pay per session. Grow connects you with thousands of high-quality, licensed therapists across the U.S., offering both virtual and in-person sessions, nights and weekends. You can search by what matters, like insurance, specialty, identity, or availability. And you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days, not the national 48-day average. See if you could pay as little as $0 for therapy in seconds at growtherapy.com slash ACAST. That's growtherapy.com slash ACAST. growtherapy.com slash ACAST. Availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan.
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Speaker 3how we look how are comments made are we getting compliments when we look a particular way but no compliments in other ways are we teased are we bullied are comments made about how fast we are because we're not thin enough or are we attractive it's all of these aspects that feed in massively and we know that ultimately this whole notion of body images has such a huge impact on our children's confidence and if they're not feeling confident about their body image because they feel that they're much larger than someone else or they're shorter than someone else or their hair doesn't look a particular way or their thighs aren't a particular way or or whatever that might be that has such a huge impact on their confidence which then obviously then has a negative spiral effect on their relationship with their body and their relationship with food so we know that these are the things these are the factors that are impacting you children and body image so if these are the reasons in the background how do we help our children and i've there are so many different ways that we can help our children but i've tried to boil it down to five for me really key things that we need to be focusing in on in order of helping our children so the first one is really an awareness piece and it's the first one is about becoming aware of our own body image and how we feel about our bodies because this has a huge impact as does the second point in terms of how our children begin to kind of create this internalization of what the body ideal is so the first thing you have to do is actually just do a bit of a reflective piece get a piece of paper out write down what are the things that you feel about your own body what do you like what do you not like where does that come from how entrenched has that been is this been something that's come about as you've become an adult was it something that was always there as a child it's really connecting to how you feel because how you feel about your own body is going to impact some of the language that you use which will come on to but that is part of the information part of that environment that your your children are growing up in and so it is bound to have an impact so it's becoming aware of your own body image and how you feel about yours as well as your partner too if you are co-parenting together whether that's because you're living together and you're married or you're in a partnership or whether you are co-parenting as separated parents it's being really aware of how you view your own body so that's number one and that feeds into number two so once you've done that it's evaluate and reflect on the language you use about your body and this is really key so i can genuinely most of my memories of my mother talking about her body was always critical and in fact probably i remember a lot of my childhood with being peppered with various different diets that my mother was going on she went on the cottage cheese diet she went on the cabbage soup diet you know you name it the atkins diet i can't remember what they were all called but i certainly have a very very vivid memory all through my childhood of my mother talking about her body and of my mother always on a diet always talking about her body not being enough that you know that she always used to be thin and then then she had children and her body bloated and how she was dissatisfied with it and there was always this diet or this exercise regime or something that she was doing to try and alter it there was never a narrative that i certainly remember from when i was growing up where my mother was ever happy with her body and i would hazard a guess and again i say this with love i would hazard a guess and again i say this with love i would hazard a guess that the language that we use and what we say out loud to our children is probably super super critical of our own body maybe we don't like our thighs maybe we think our boobs are too big maybe as men we're talking about not being physically strong enough and we're not muscly enough we need to go and work out the gym to build up muscle whatever it is we are communicating to our children through our language our own dissatisfaction with our body and our own belief around this body ideal that is dysmorphic that is not real is not healthy it's not really about promoting a body ideal that is about our bodies being the vessel that carries us that allows us to be physically active that allows us to be energized that allows us to communicate with others that allows us to do all of the things that we want to do so it's about changing the narrative in terms of rather than the snapshot of what it looks like or the number on the scale what is it that i'm doing with my food and my fuel that allows my body to do what i want it to do so we move away from a number and any number whether that's a number in terms of our height a number in terms of our weight a number in terms of any measurement that we have around waist a number around the size of clothes that we buy it's really beginning to change that and if you do nothing but do those first two points you will make a significant impact to how your child views their own body image and their relationship with their body because it has to start with us children are much more likely to do what they see than what we say so if we demonstrate self-love around our bodies and gratitude about around what we have
Speaker 1therapy's biggest impact doesn't show up in some dramatic breakthrough it shows up in the smallest moments you bite your tongue instead of escalating you put your phone down instead of firing off that text you say what you actually mean instead of what would hurt someone else the most nobody applauds those moments but they quietly change your life that's what growing feels like and that's exactly what grow therapy is here for grow is therapy that works covered by insurance sessions average 21 with insurance and some pay as little as zero dollars depending on their plan there are no subscriptions no long-term commitments you just pay per session grow connects you with thousands of high quality licensed therapists across the u.s offering both virtual and in-person sessions nights and weekends you can search by what matters like insurance specialty identity or availability and you can book a therapy session in minutes and begin in as little as two days not the national 48 day average see if you could pay as little as zero dollars for therapy in seconds at grow therapy dot com slash a cast that's grow therapy dot com slash a cast grow therapy dot com slash a cast availability and coverage vary by state and insurance plan
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Speaker 3make a profound impact now that doesn't mean that if you know that your body isn't as healthy and as fit as it should be and that you need to start reflecting on your own relationship with your body but also your relationship with food there is nothing wrong with modeling that but it's using a language that connects what your body does rather than what your body looks like and that is such a key distinction so the first two things that we we need to start with these it absolutely has to start here first are becoming aware of our own body image evaluating and reflecting on the language that we use and working out how am i going to change this how am i going to change the narrative and what i say out loud and actually what i think i'm not saying out loud but i'm doing in my behavior because i'm changing what i eat compared to my children or i'm saying language around certain food groups that i'm abstaining from or i'm having less of or that i'm using words diet so it's just becoming aware of that the third one where we start shifting the focus away from us and thinking about the language that we use in terms of our children is let's promote the concept of being fit without talking about being fat so we're talking about what it what does it take for my body to feel fit what are the things what are the active ingredients and this isn't just food but what are the active ingredients and components around having a fit and healthy body that allows us to be able to do what we want to do to create the energy that we have to help that with that clarity and that rather than talking about what size we are and that's a really healthy way particularly where we've got children that we know are probably carrying less are carrying more weight than they ought to be carrying because we've not necessarily promoted this notion of being fit and active and instead maybe we've tried to broach the subject in ways that maybe has created this view that our child feels that they are fat. For example or maybe they've been teased about being fat maybe that's part of the issue but what we need to do is move away from the number. around their waist, their clothes size, their weight, and actually start promoting this concept of being fit. How can we be fit? And actually ask your child that question. How can we be fit? What are the things that help us stay fit? And then you can begin to understand what internalisation has your child already got around being fit? What does that look like? What does that mean to your child? And to discuss any of those disparities. So it's becoming aware of our own body image, evaluating and reflecting on the language that we use about our body, and changing and shifting that and becoming much more aware of the language that we use. And shifting our language so when we talk to our children, we're promoting a concept about being fit and our body being a vessel that allows us to be fit without talking about this notion of being fat or weight. Or anything like that. The fourth one is about talking about healthy choices. So talking to our children very specifically about everything that they do is around choice. Because ultimately, and I'm no expert in terms of nutrition, but what in essence what we're trying to do is help our children understand that there is a balance. That we don't need to go to any extremities in terms of what we eat and what we don't eat, but it's all about healthy choices. If I choose this, then what might I do? And if I choose this, then what might I do? I need to choose to offset with that. But it's talking about healthy choices, for example, around water. That water is one of the key important ingredients that our body needs. So it's why do we drink water? Why is water important? Well, water is important because a huge proportion of our body is water. Our brain needs water in order to be able to process information. We need water in terms of our energy levels. So it's talking about things such as water. Talking about fuel. It's something that we take in that fuels us, not only physically, but also mentally. Our brain needs food and that some foods are better in terms of switching on our brain quickly than other foods. It doesn't mean that other foods are foods that we should never have, but it's always about this balance. It's about making sure that our body gets what it needs in order to do the things to keep us physically and mentally alert and awake and fit, whilst also reducing the other fuels that our body just needs less of, that it doesn't necessarily help us feel energised. So it's talking about water. It's talking about food as fuel. It's also talking about portion sizes. What is a reasonable portion size? And particularly around food, what we do know is that our consumption of food and the way that we consume food is really important. So our brain takes a while to recognise that it is consuming food and it takes a while in terms of being able to recognise that it is full. So making sure that when we create healthy environments in which to eat food so that we are eating at a table, we are eating together where possible, that our children are not eating and being distracted. So that's not to say that we can't have TV dinners, but let's reduce those because actually if we're having TV dinners and we are watching something else and being present in the food that we are consuming, then what happens is our brain doesn't realise that there's always this delay in terms of it feeling full. If it's then also distracted, it could be that we end up eating more than we actually need, not because we're being gluttonous, but because we've not allowed ourselves to be fully present in that moment with our food, so that we are then able to recognise when we have had enough. So it's really important to recognise that we are that we make sure that we do these sorts of things. So it's being really clear around talking around portion sizes and also why some foods are really great for our energy and our wellbeing and some foods are not quite so great. And this is when we're talking about healthy choices, this fourth point, it's not about being dictatorial with our children. It's not about lecturing them. It's helping them understand and seek out the information together. Find out more. Why is broccoli so great for your brain? Why are berries really good? What happens when we consume large amounts of sugar in terms of our energy levels? And how do we then offset that? So it's not about, I don't, I think it's really important when we're talking to children about body image that we don't villainise any food groups, that we don't create this sort of notion that these food groups are really, really bad and these food groups are really, really good. Because then potentially what you're then doing for some children, particularly when we're talking about eating disorders, is that we then create this sort of, you know, minimising and completely excluding certain food groups. We want to make sure that our children understand that healthy choices are around balance, that we can have things that we particularly want to eat. And I would certainly talk about changing the language away from treats. So we often talk about, you know, having healthy choices as a treat, or maybe having fizzy drinks as a treat, but instead, because then that makes it sound like they're the really good things to have. And actually broccoli and Brussels sprouts and vegetables and all of these other things are not treats. They're just like, they're not very nice foods. So it's just making sure that when we're talking about healthy choices, we talk about this notion of balance and why certain foods are particularly good at helping us fuel our body and feeling energised and feeling super bright and alert and able and capable of dealing with anything. And why other foods are particularly good at helping us fuel our body and why other foods might sometimes give us a little bit of that slump afterwards, might give us a bit of that instant energy, but then may give us a slump and how we can then balance both of those things and becoming aware and educating ourselves together. So the four tips so far are become aware of your own body image, which is so, so crucial. So it's connecting yourself, being honest with yourself. It might be a difficult conversation with yourself, but until you deal with that, you can't then begin to evaluate and reflect on the language that you use about your body that your child and your children are taking on board. And that is part of internalising their own body ideal. The third thing is about promoting the concept of being fit generally without talking about fat. So we're taking away this notion of actually any measurement of things and then talking about healthy choices and why those choices are important. So it's educating the whole family. And sometimes that becomes an education process for you. You suddenly discover things that you didn't know. And then the fifth one is got to be around teaching your children to be critical of the media they consume. So let's help our children become media savvy. So young children, it can be about beauty ideals. So if you're watching films, talk to them about why certain imagery is there and why that ideal is not necessary. I know that I'm picking particularly on Disney here, but a lot of the sort of the films that we've got, these Disney films that have this perpetual life that our children are still watching, obviously come from ideals that were a long time ago that are no longer relevant in the narrative of our children. So let's talk about that. Let's talk about princesses and the thinness in terms of body. And when our children are squabbling over playing with certain dolls, because one looks pretty. Let's pull them up. Let's have a conversation about why and that this isn't necessarily true and begin to talk to them about what is much more important about our bodies, which is this whole idea of them being fit, about making healthy choices and what our bodies help us do rather than necessarily how they look. And let's also talk to our children about airbrushing in magazines. Let's talk about photographs. Let's talk about filters. Let's talk about advertising that links and body image ideals to happiness, because we often so often hear and see this. It's this notion, even in adults, if when I lose this weight, I'm suddenly going to be happy. Well, actually, that isn't the case, is it? It's about our narrative. It's about what we say to ourselves. It's about how we fuel ourselves, how we feel inside rather than necessarily outside. And so we have to begin to teach our children that the media and that they consume is not reality, that this model picture in our minds is not reality. And so we have to begin to teach our children that in a magazine has been airbrushed, has been tinkered with, has been manipulated so it looks a particular way and isn't actually how that person looks like in real life. And also in terms of what they're consuming in terms of social media and talking about filters that are used to make people look different ways and really helping our children become savvy to all of the information that they're taking in that helps build this internalisation of what an ideal body image is their lives. They're not truths. They're not actually consuming the real thing and then helping them begin to affirm aspects of their body that they love, that their strength in their legs is about. It helps them run and become super fast, that the strength that they have mentally in their brain allows us allows them to be quick thinkers and creative in terms of their minds. It's helping them see the beauty of their lives. It's helping them see the beauty and the strength and the qualities that they possess rather than in that comparison. with others so just to recap the five are becoming aware of their of our own body image evaluating and reflecting on the language that we use about our body because that begins to create the internalization that our children have promoting this concept of being fit without talking about being fat talking about healthy choices and why some of these healthy choices are healthy and being really key on those and then teaching our children to be critical of the media that they can consume that they consume that surrounds them constantly so that they're able to be savvy and to be able to discern what is real and what isn't real so my give this week is these top five tips these top five strategies in a checklist with space to reflect underneath particularly the first two are probably really key and you will probably need additional space to do that you and the idea is that it serves as a reminder but also a tool that you can practically use so as usual go over to my free resource library drmaryhand.com forward slash library where you'll find the link to download the resource all you need to do is pop in your email address and you can get instant access not only to this week's resource but all the other resources all the free resources across all my other podcast episodes as ever if you have enjoyed this episode i would love it if you could follow and review this podcast so that others can find us and we can spread the love so until next time
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