Probably Coke, Tesco Rampage

[MUSIC PLAYING] Hey, I'm Tara Sarabhan, and you're listening to World's Dommest Criminals. If you're keen to hear about the most ridiculous bizarre and downright stupid criminals and crime stories in the world ever, you've come to the right place. In today's episode, you'll be hearing about a drug smoking samurai sword-wearing martial arts knowing credit cards stealing car boosting arrest-resisting role-of-late enthusiasts from Iowa, a Manchester woman with a pen-sharned for going on feral rampages at Tesco and more. Alrighty, let's get cracking. In June 2013, 21-year-old name hog, Deondre Lamar, Ronald Erby, was doing his thing hanging outside the Commango Petrol Station in Tiffin, Iowa, with his guitar. Woo-hoo, good times. Johnson County Sheriff's Deputies were dispatched to the Commango at 11.20 p.m. because although Deondre had certainly come, he didn't seem like he planned on going. Deputies had received a call about him loitering outside the store with his guitar and scaring the customers, which makes me wonder if he was singing the extended version of American Pie. It's so long you guarantee to die before it's done. When deputies arrived, he was still hanging outside the store. They noticed a handle of some sort sticking out of the back of his shirt. They asked him what it was, and he casually told them that it was a sword. The deputies seized the samurai-type sword. They searched Deondre found that he also had two throwing knives and a flask with a white powder inside that he said was "probably coke." I love how flippin' that sounds. What's in the flask, son? Probably coke. Tests were performed later on the substance and proved that it was indeed cocaine, not just probably. Dee was taken into custody on two counts of carrying weapons and one count of possession of a controlled substance. Surprisingly, this was not the first time he'd been arrested for carrying a sword. In 2011, he was seen rollerblading through the downtown pedestrian mall with a 26-inch sword sticking out of his backpack. How's that for an image? Where are you off to Deondre? Just gonna go rollerblading through the mall with my samurai sword back soon. An officer doing patrols of the area on a bicycle saw Dee rollerblading through the mall with the sword and thought, "Well, that's not particularly legal." Sidebar. How fierce and looking a bicycle cops. I don't know if it's the lycra outfit, or what, that makes them appear so lacking in authority. They look like hard work and dads who enjoy a bit of a scenic bike ride on the weekend with their friends and then have a nice latte together afterwards. No offense bicycle cops, but you're just not very scary. Anyway, the bicycle cop peddled after rollerblading Dee and a loathe-fi chase ensued. When the lycra clad off as a caught up to Dee, he saw him trying to hide the sword behind a dumpster. When confronted by the cop, Dee said he did not have a permit to carry a concealed weapon and very new martial arts. Fuck yeah. I can just picture it. The bike cop asks him, "What have you got there, son?" And Dee responds flippantly, "Probably a sword, but you don't want to mess with me. I know karate." Bike cop tried to arrest Dee, but he wasn't having it. He resisted and tried to fight him off, which probably happens a lot because people are like, "Yeah, I could totally take a bike cop." I really think it's the lycra outfits. Bike cop was like, "They make me wear this. It's my uniform, and then he tays a Dee into submission." Dee was charged with going armed with a knife blade greater than eight inches, carrying weapons and interference with official acts. But for some reason, these charges ended up getting dismissed. Don't fret though. Dee had a myriad of other ways to get himself arrested and get himself arrested he did. A month later, he was at the Iowa City Police Station facing a harassment charge when he high-tailed it out of the building while his hands were still cuffed behind his back. A civilian passerby saw Dee bolt out of the police station with his hands cuffed and apprehended him. He was taken back to the cop shop and charged with stealing the department's handcuffs. Which is the blindly ridiculous. As is this 2010 incident, when Dee was busted for smoking weed with Ronald McDonald. I'm not sure if it was the freaky Ranger McDonald's clown guy or not, but for arguments sake, I'm going to assume that it was. It's more fun this way. Just go with it. The cops rocked up to Ronald McDonald's house on Valentine's Day after a snitch called into report a suspicious smell emanating from the premises. I think it is house looks like one of those brightly colored play parks they haven't McDonald's, but much bigger, with a huge enclosed slippery dip all the way around it. Somehow the cops found the front door and they claimed they could smell a strong odor of marijuana coming from the place. Once inside the cops claimed to have found a quantity of marijuana and other drug use paraphernalia. A dark containing marijuana residue was also reportedly found in Ronald McDonald's room and he admitted to smoking weed. Oh, you monster. Ronald McDonald was charged with possession of marijuana and permitting a gathering for the use of drugs. Dee and another dude were also charged with possession. But Dee got lucky and the charges were later dismissed. What's the bad Ronald McDonald pulled some strings and greasers and palms with a shit ton of cheeseburgers and nuggets? In January 2012, Dee decided to upgrade his wheels. He was lurking around peering into cars when he saw a 2001 Jeep Cherokee with the keys inside it parked in front of a house. He jumped inside the vehicle and drove off with it. But the Jeep's owner had not been considered enough to ensure that the petrol tank was full in case some rando wanted to come along and steal it. So Dee went into a Casey's general store, filled the Jeep up with fuel and then just drove off. He was later pulled over after troopers matched the vehicle he was driving to the car that absconded from Casey's without paying. Dee was charged with second degree theft and driving while suspended. He later pleaded guilty to operating a vehicle without the owner's consent and was sentenced to two years in prison. While he was in the pokey, our seemingly innocuous and funny criminal mate Dee got incredibly violent. In early February 2014, and the inmate was having a video visitation when 22-year-old Dee went apeshit and suddenly attacked him. He punched the guy in the head and next several times then picked him up by his neck and slammed him to the floor. Dee was subsequently charged with assault and causing bodily injury. Crash cut to early May this year. Dee was out of prison and according to his Facebook profile, he was studying sociology at the University of Iowa. At 2.30 a.m., Dee was allegedly seen on surveillance video casing the bike rack near Burj residence hall on the University of Iowa campus. He could be seen in the footage picking out a mountain bike valued at over $500. He tried to hide behind an umbrella as he used a pair of wire cutters to attempt to cut through a cable lock. He was caught in the act by campus officers. Under questioning, he allegedly admitted that he intended to take the bike, ride it around town, and then ride at home, which is a kind of long way to say that he intended to steal the bike. Hmm. He also allegedly admitted to stealing an LED light from a different bike before trying to steal the mountain bike. When he was searched by officers, they found he had several state ID and credit cards that did not belong to him. He also allegedly had a glass pipe that contained methe residue and reportedly admitted that the pipe was used for smoking meth. From Coke to meth, that's quite a fall. That's probably Coke. It's definitely meth. Dee was charged with two counts of theft, criminal mischief, and possession of drug paraphernalia. If convicted on all counts, he could be sentenced to 15 months in jail. Now, it would be the ultimate twist if Dee was planning on stealing the bicycle so he could practice to become a bike cop. But he wasn't. Look, I'm mostly just surprised that he didn't happen to be carrying a samurai sword this time. "Be clear, now 10-4. Also, have the Sergeant's cruiser with Sergeant Brown aboard good detection." Did you know that a rugby lead player was the victim of a sensational attempted murder in 1953? That an Australian serviceman saved future President John F. Kennedy during World War II. How about Melbourne being plunged into chaos during a three-day right in 1923? Or one of the world's first mass shootings happening in that city just a few months later? I'm Michael Adams and in my podcast for Gotten Australia, we take a deep dive into stories like this that somehow slipped through the cracks and got left out of the history books. There are dozens of episodes already available, bringing you cops and crooks, murders and movie stars, saintly nurses, savage serial killers and even Australia's forgotten supermodel. So if you're into true crime, dark histories, unsolved mysteries and more, subscribe to For Gotten Australia. It's available wherever you get your podcasts. It's a really leaned into the concept and she went there hard. So Liz went to Tesco, she was behaving aggressively and the staff attempted to chuck her out. The workers on Judy that night may have encountered her before as this was not her first Tesco rodeo. It wasn't even the first time she'd created chaos in this particular Tesco. It seemed that it back into her but wished her at whispers deductively to her on the breeze and said, "Come to Tesco in burry, Liz. Fuck shit up. Assault someone. Breaks some bottles. Maybe pull your pants down and show everyone your whole bum hole. The possibilities endless, endless, endless." Just to be clear, there was nothing in the reporting of this case that said Liz suffered from a mental illness or heard voices. I'm just dicking around with the concept of a Tesco store calling to someone like a siren song. The security officer and manager stood in the alcohol aisle as Liz was being escorted out of the store. Due to her commitment to never, ever, ever go quietly, she grabbed a few bottles of wine from the shelves and smashed them on the floor. Then chaos bent, she Liz scurried to the front of the store and again was asked to leave. But she couldn't. Not yet. It was too soon. There was so much more fuckery to be had. The possibilities endless, endless, endless. Being let out of the shop by the security guard and possibly thinking, "What is the most outrageous thing I could do right now?" she pulled down her trousers, bent over and parted her butt-ex in front of the security officer so that he could see what she had for breakfast. Prosecutor Richard Blackburn later said in court that the security guard went back into the store and told the other customers what she was doing to fall warn them. "That doesn't quite ring true to me." Like he rushes back and tells everyone, "Avert your gaze or close your eyes entirely for she is displaying her whole bumhole. If you look directly into her brown eye, you will surely turn to the stone." I think it was more likely he was like, "Well, you wouldn't fucking believe what she's doing now. What a terrible day to have 2020 vision." Liz, who was clearly still up for creating chaos, followed him back into the store with her trousers around her ankles. Then she exposed her genitals. It's a short trip from brown eye-town to there, so she probably thought, "Eh, may as well," blank. The security officer tried to remove pants down Liz from the store, but she strongly objected. Instead, she grabbed a metal shopping basket and bashed it into his hand. The staff gathered together and eventually managed to force her out the door. Then they quickly locked it after her to prevent her from coming back in, like they were in a zombie movie or something. But Liz didn't actually need to be in the shop to menace those inside with her pants down antics. Perhaps feeling that not enough people had bore witness to her bumhole that day? She pulled her trousers down again and pushed her butt against the window to expose herself to the customers. Yep, she gave them a pressed ham. Apparently, it's not just something teenage boys do on school buses anymore. Progress! Liz pleaded guilty to causing a public nuisance, criminal damage and common assault. However, she failed to attend her sentencing hearing, and a warrant was issued for her arrest. She was a later jailed for 10 weeks in order to pay 175 pounds in compensation. Magistrate commented in court that she had "a f*ckron disregard for people and their property." And no lies were detected. Liz had a previous conviction for criminal damage in May that year, and an assault charge from a 2019 incident at the Tesco in Burry. Counted Tesco in Burry Liz. F*ck sh*t up. Assault someone. Breaks some bottles. Maybe save the bumhole stuff for July 2020. On April 5th, 2019, Liz assaulted a woman and stole six pounds worth of alcohol from the Tesco. But she kept her pants on that time. You don't want a peat too soon. You need to leave yourself somewhere to go. Spaced to develop and grow. And you know, show everyone at Tesco your whole bumhole, but you don't open with that. No, no. That's a closing number that one. That's a finale. That's the big finale. Liz pleaded guilty to the charges and was sentenced to 40 hours of community work, and 225 pounds worth of fines. F*cking people sh*t up isn't something Liz had only recently gotten into. It's not like she hit 40 and broke bad. If anything, she's actually mellowed. In 2001, the police recalled to the new Grovin after Liz chucked a glass at the landlord. She managed to get him in the head with it, but he wasn't badly injured and didn't want to press charges. Instead, the cops went to her place to have a little bit of a chat with her and set her on the straight narrow. It didn't work. She was arrested soon afterwards for threatening to kill a woman who was just walking down the street. To finish up, I have a few punchline crimes for you. These are short cases that sound more like jokes than something that actually happened. On October 24, 2014, a Wisconsin woman named Mary Stry called 911 to report a drunk driver. Let's have a listen to the call. You know, one one. Somebody's really drunk driving down Grant and Rhodes. What's where are they going? They're going towards Grant and towards the nails as well. Towards Grant. Okay, you behind them? No, I am them. You am them? Yes, I am them. Okay, so you want to call in report that you're driving drunk? Yes. Okay, what's your name? Mary. Okay, hold on one second, Mary. Okay. Are you still driving right now? Yes. Do you want to stop driving before you get in an accident? Yes, I will stop. Okay, you're going to stop right now? Okay, I'm stopping. Okay, just say I'm the phone. Okay. What's your last name, Mary? Sorry. Are you stopped right now? You're fine. What kind of vehicle do you have, Mary? I was telling. Can I take my speed belt off? If you're stopped, if you're fine now. I'm in power. Okay. Yeah, as long as you're not driving, as long as you're not moving. So I turn my car off and turn the farsher down? Yep, that's fine. If you want to turn it off and turn the farsher down, then we can find you. Okay, it's all done one second again, Mary. Okay. Oh, Mary. I mean, you've got to give her props for doing the right thing, even if it was a very strange way to go about it. Local media reported that Mary had a blood alcohol level of 0.1 percent or more and was charged with drink driving. Hopefully next time she just calls a taxi instead. In September 2002, Jeremy James stole three young and endangered iguanas from a nature preserve in Fiji and smuggled them into the USA. The bright green, stripy Fiji Island-banted iguanas are under threat of extinction and are protected by an international treaty. But Jeremy wasn't arrested until 2008 when the United States Fish and Wildlife Service received a tip that he was in possession of the contraband iguanas and opened an undercover investigation into him. During the investigation he told an undercover operative that he'd sold three Fiji Island-banted iguanas four years earlier for $32,000. When his house was searched they found that he still had four of the iguanas at his place. The kicker to all of this is that in order to bring the animals into the US, Jeremy had concealed them in a special compartment that he'd constructed in his prosthetic leg. Is that three iguanas in your prosthetic leg or are you just happy to see me? According to the Guardian, a couple of years back a doctor in India named Khan went to the cops after he realised the Aladdin's lamp he'd bought for £72,000 didn't actually have any magical powers. It didn't matter how much or in what direction he rubbed it, no genie ever appeared to grant him wishes. Khan was super bummed out because he'd done his due diligence before he made the extravagant purchase. One of the men who sold it to him had pretended to be an occultist and summoned an apparition of a supernatural figure from the lamp to show that it really worked. Khan had asked if he could touch the genie or take the lamp home but the gang of lamp dealers refused. They said it might bring him harm. Not really, they were just trying to manipulate him into paying more for it. Eventually, they relented and sold Khan the lamp, telling him that it would bring him health, wealth and good fortune. But it didn't, and Khan later realised that the genie he'd seen be summoned was actually just one of the dodgy lamp dealers in disguise. Khan wasn't the only one who fell for their ruse. They'd managed to scam hundreds of thousands of pounds from people over the years. But due to the detailed complaint Khan made to the police, the dodgy lamp dealers were subsequently arrested for their fantastical bullshit. This brings me to the end of the episode. Thanks for listening. Make sure you subscribe if you want to stay up to date with our future episodes. If you dug what you heard, please leave a review. And thanks to LT and GT from the USA for doing just that. If you'd like to support the podcast, head on over to patreon.com/worlddomuscriminals. All levels obtain access to monthly bonus episodes and add free episodes and higher levels also receive some merchandise. I'd like to thank Danny L Kershaw and Lindsay from L's Pins for coming on board as a patron recently. Thank you so much for your support. I released a patron episode last week. He was about the self-described best criminal lawyer in Queensland who was pulled over for drunk driving. Not only did he try to bribe the police officers several times, but he also wouldn't shut the fuck off about how attractive he found the female officer. I'm also doing a patron giveaway of the brilliant new True Crime book hanging Ned Kelly by my friend Michael Adams. You may know him from his acclaimed podcast Forgotten Australia. And if you don't, well you might want to rectify that. Michael and I met a few years back when my former podcast and Forgotten Australia were both nominated for best independent True Crime at the Australian podcast awards. And we fucking hated each other on site. No, no, it was quite the opposite. I have a beautiful hardback edition of hanging Ned Kelly hot off the presses to give to one lucky patron. It even has a section of fascinating ye oldie pictures in it and is a must have for history buffs and true crime of bichianatos everywhere. When it came time to hang Australia's iconic bush-rained and Ned Kelly, the job felt a crap carrier turned quack doctor, turned drunken chicken thief Elijah Upjong. Hanging Ned Kelly is an odyssey into an infernal underworld seething with serial killers, blueless cops, larrican vigilantes, renegade reporters, racist settlers, furious fallen women and cunning wax works showmen. To be in the running to win this glorious time, sign up to become a patron of world's dumbest criminals by the end of October. I'll be randomly selecting a winner from all may active patrons in November. If you're up for more dumb criminals action, you could follow me on Twitter @wdcriminalspot and Instagram @worldsdumbestcriminalspodcast. Or you could join our world's dumbest criminals podcast Facebook group and thanks so much to the brilliant Lorraine Leadwell for running the group with me. Till next time, look after yourself, stay out of trouble and whatever you do, don't commit a crime that makes you end up on this podcast.