Pride Quest: Queer, Clear, & Open, with DJ CherishTheLuv

You might be queer and you don't even know it to me living beyond societal expectations that's queer Living up to all of the potentials inside of you that's queer Pushing back against the system whether they be societal familial or generational That's queer so I went back to my conversation with DJ Cherish the love. She's an artist a producer and author and so much more Who after experiencing a traumatic brain injury and breast cancer? She couldn't get back to her old life nor did she want She was on a mission to create a new life a life more honest about who she truly would become and is still becoming But as we celebrate pride. I wanted to share an additional excerpt from our conversation Because it reminded me of the great Audrey Lord's teachings and this quote Queer not as in who I sleep with but queer as in the self I make the life I create and the resistance I bring to the systems that are present Welcome to the secret life of T. K. Du Tess a queer clear and open-side quest With DJ Cherish the love I'm really good at like making logic out of things in my life I'm seeing the math in the formula like how I got here But the things I can't understand have got to be older than me and my mom and my grandma And it comes through and like, you know, I don't know I read some science thing that's like We we were there before we were there right because we weren't inside our mothers Yeah, our mothers were inside our grandmother for sure unrelated to whoever you know the other half of the chromosomes and shit Like we were already there and so all of that stress and that pressure and those like like learnings Like we have to deconstruct sure in utero stuff is real. Yeah, right whether it's like Hormone Lee chemically environmentally all that in utero stuff and spiritually is real the stuff we pass on Which is what actually a really really big piece of my understanding my creativity and my output? Yeah, so people perceive me as you mentioned like it's putting out a lot. Yeah doing a lot. Oh my gosh Yeah, we felt like I was busy Busy this is regular like you but so I asked myself. Why is this my regular? Because I do talk to people And their day looks very different. Yeah, like they focus on a you know one or two things, not 13 or 21 things Yeah, you know, so I was like okay, so why why do I feel like and I've thought this so many years in my life? Why do I feel like I'm more than one person like why do I feel like I have to accomplish the amount of one person And ask me this ask myself this over and over and over again. So This is a trip because I don't talk about this often because I only talk About this to folks who are queer enough clear enough and open enough To move around to say with that on a shirt We're not you clear you're not open enough and tell you something that's gonna blow your mind Since I was a kid. I always felt like I wasn't just a girl And I didn't feel like I was a boy. I didn't feel like it was an in between I do Through my just feeling my body. I knew I was more. Yeah Later on in life, I got the words for it. Yes, but this is what happened growing up. I have an older sister She's the gay one officially. She's like, yeah, she's a new one everyone knew Okay, you know, we saw Katie long on TV and we're like you Like she's the gay one. I was the cute in the middle kid who's gonna, you know, like have a husband You know the thing fulfill all the dreams and my brother was gonna do with the youngest boy does just literally whatever he wants Okay I always knew and I always felt like there were other Reference and voices in me not like I heard voices, but I felt like there's more like I have a very complicated way of thinking and ever since I was a kid so People called me a tomboy sometimes and people called me girly sometimes I guess I'm just whatever, you know, but I was always girl, right? Growing up in the early 80s my like the the gay scene was like I remember was LGB Let's be in gay by and all of a sudden it was LGBT No, it's like oh Okay, we're learning about this and then it became LGBTQ and these people are this way Fast forward. Yeah, 30 years later and here I am teaching with a bunch of young kids who have way more language than me And they're identifying as non-binary all these things and They're like, you're one of us and I'm like, what do you mean? They were clocking me. Ooh They knew what I was carrying was more they than any one binary thing because they could see the gender Expansiveness of me. Yeah, and that's what I didn't know the words for growing up. Well, I was like, oh, that makes sense Yeah, I'm she her they as fuck on my best days And I was like that makes so much sense and I don't know why yeah, I just feel like it there's like more than what People know where I know So here's the trip. All right, I always wondered why There was a year in between me and my brother Okay, age difference and four between me and my older sister. I was like, why my sister's so much older My mom has a stroke My mom goes through her healing process My mom starts to recover. Okay, I start to say I need to have more conversations with my mom because my mom was lost her Yeah, in these conversations, she just It's out of truth. Yeah, that she lost two babies between me and my sister. Wow And those two babies entered me and I have drew my life been exercising their potentials and mine as well So that vagueness. Yeah, it's so much sense. Yeah, and I was like, you know the folks who are very conservative Who are like this woke shit? Like why wouldn't you want to be woke? You want to be asleep? Like yeah, it's opposite of being away. I don't understand all this woke shit all the nasty stuff They say about like queer folks and they're calling alphabet kids now. I'm like wait a minute It's not about growing something way. It's it's a it's a biggerness. It's it's a it's a beauty And then I started to look at what that acronym or initialisms became the LGBTQ became LGBTQ I a a p plus plus and I realized I was in there. Yeah, and I was like, I'm in here. Yeah. Oh my god And I've relaxed and how did that um? I just guess like coming to that that point of relax and like realization and one of my DJ students Yeah, who non binary totally like nervous kid felt really safe with me and I was like I need to relax in exactly what I am and not try to say in this society I'm supposed to carve myself into a certain way and I Relaxed just letting myself yeah take a shape, you know like do whatever was gonna do even if it meant expressing whatever manifestation of illness that I Created in that time frame, but then I would heal it, you know, like just like figure out my way to like feel better and do better for myself It is really incredible when you look back at like your whole life and then see what you've created is today Yeah, I mean like this day right here everything. Yeah, that you've done an experience it creates today So if you think about that then you have to naturally start thinking what do we want to create 90 days from now in myself and if you if you look at it that way It's so beautiful actually because you're not a victim to anything If you want to like look at it this way, what about people because like I feel like because we're talking and we Know what we're trying to say to each other, but to the person that's Listening and they're like I call bullshit on all this like I created my own illness and blah blah blah because I you know I'm saying we I know you know it's coming and I want to I want to ask you like just like what what about that person like how can They like realize or turn They're wrapped their head around some of some of this stuff even a little bit to just kind of like I don't want to say except But somebody's calling bullshit on us right now. What would you say to them? I hope their moment of realization isn't too harsh Yeah, I think people come to their own moment whenever they do, but there's no doubt on my mind that hearing it and having that argument in that person's head about is this bullshit or not is not already creating some sort of awareness that maybe I could think a different way, you know, like maybe there is something more than what I'm thinking unless they're really locked in and just like really want to be angry, then that's all other thing. I was thinking about, you know, and just like go back to some of the queer talk, that's the name of the show, queer talk, not because, you know, like, oh, this is the deconstructing. I think for me, I think you were talking about your, like, your realization of your non-binary illness, right, and like people clocking. I think for me, it was always more sociopolitical first before even, like, because I just was like looking at the world always, even as a kid and maybe that's also a little bit of what folks are calling neurodivergent now and, you know, spicy or whatever, like I'm looking at the world and I'm just like, that's dumb. That's dumb. That's not right. Why can't we just be nice to everyone? Like, you know, when I, I don't know, I guess I told my mom, like, I just, people just find out how they find out, right? Like, and my mom was like, how did you, where did you learn that or how did you, you know, it was almost like, I'm not trying to, I don't want to own that, right? Like, I don't want to own that I taught you that, or that I, you know, like, taught you how to be gay or whatever to do, gay shit. And I'm like, well, first of all, this whole fucking conversation got to go since you're doing too much. But I said that in my respectful daughter voice without all the cursing. I was like, they, wow, wow. So then I was like, well, real talk, I just want to say, y'all really did do this. Y'all, we're just awful, the strength of y'all taught us, you know, we love other people, we share, we give, we, we, like, ain't, there's no, not to say no difference between me and you, but like, if I got it, you got it. And so I'm out here loving this shit. And I'm like loving all the people. It's really hard for the generation, the generation previous to us. I didn't mean hard. She was not understanding. I was like, you put us in front of Sesame Street of all shows, motherfuckers just talking with humans, some Muppet, like, that's some cross-pollination. And I was like, babe, I took it in. I took it in. Bernie Nerny, they were just friends. How's your friend Bernie, don't like? That's, this is an amazing conversation because I have a girlfriend, incredible human being in my life, who we met when I was DJing for this Broadway show. Like, we both met at the heights of our lives. And that week before we met, she was setting up my DJ booth, like, that was her job, and I was like, right, don't touch my stuff. But I was like, but you touch it so well. That week, I was like, look what I've done with my life. And I don't need anyone. Wow. And then looking, not at all. And it's so cliche to say this stuff. But don't identify as lesbian. I have someone who is a woman who I love. Yeah. And it's like, and who loves me so much. I, in the beginning, I spoke to my therapist, like, this woman at work, she doesn't leave me alone. And she's really nice. And she goes, my therapist goes, are you saying you don't want someone in your life to come in and, like, love you? And my response was, no. And I was like, oh. And I was like, oh, I don't like that for myself. Yeah. That I actually said no to like someone responsible, kind, educated, and, and like, listens to me. I don't want that in my life. And it's like, wait a minute. What has happened to me that I'm saying no to that? That means I am saying no to that every minute of the day, like, not just in this question. So I didn't like that for me. Right. Because I am in a place where me wants that, me deserves that. Yeah. 10 years ago, no. It's different. I would have taken whatever came. But I was like just in a place of healing in myself. So I didn't want anything to get in the way of my creativity. But when you meet someone who co-creates with you, fun times, food, you know, all the good stuff. Yeah. Why would you push that away? And if a parent sees that because they had another vision of whatever they envision. Yeah. Which I can understand. Yeah. You know, I can't understand that. But I think like people slowly realize you're happy. Yeah. Oh, you're and how that happiness opens up so many other things. And like, on this creative journey, like, you're whole, I'm looking at a person that you opened up. And as you talk about the levels of opening up, it was like the next level of you that was coming in was informed by that last thing. Right. So now you're even more open. And then this is leading you. Okay. It's like, I'm going to do music. Music is going to lead me to this other thing. This is going to lead me. This other thing is going to lead me Broadway is going to lead me to this other person. And I'm like, like, wow. I'm blowing like reject presence. Yeah. But if the elders are seeing that though, because all they thinking about is procreating and you know, this whole thing. And if they don't like go of that, then I just have to wonder why you keep thinking about my genitals. Right. Because I keep thinking about that. That's weird. What's going to come out of my crotch? Like, why? And that's a whole other thing. Yeah. And that's a trauma for them. Yeah. Because that is actually, you know, like the entire worth is tied into that. Yeah. We're not. We freelance by choice. Yeah. It's like, no, actually, you know, like this. We're talking on the eve of TikTok dying. But it's about to refer reference. I don't know. We'll see you guys. We'll see. But there was this person that posted and it was so interesting. Because and this is kind of gets to the socio-political of it all for me of being queer and like also being a person that's embracing their creative journey and and like giving myself the privilege to. And we can we can bookmark giving ourselves the privilege. I want to come back to that. He said this gentleman said something to the effect of society hates the single person. Society hates the person that doesn't have kids because that's what keeps folks tethered, right? You know, you'll find every excuse, well, I got to stay in it for the kids. You know, you can't go out and protest because what if I get arrested because of the kids? Like, I don't like, I don't want to get arrested. But I would know that if I had one or two at home, you know, like it would keep me tethered to things. Wow. And think about that for sure. Yeah. And they love that like when your boss is like, you know, well, when are you, you know, you only get three months, you only get, you know, like, what is that? And the fact that like mothers have to like be like so fearful, scared to leave their child because the what, well, who's going to pay these bills, right? Like, so like that socio-political aspect of like me understanding the world around me, just watching my parents not be able to like have things or, you know, like the struggle and how like we're tied into the struggle, like, I don't want to talk to the struggle anymore. I don't want to be that. So then I was like, if I'm thinking about life this way, and like many people are not, I was like, that's different. And that led me to be open to other things, right? To live my life. You know, you're saying something I came to a reckoning for myself where I really just like sat with my sense of like my parents and feeling infantilized around them all the time. So I sat and I thought like, okay, mom and dad, I release you from my personal struggle. And I release myself from yours because I realized that where they were as adults and parents and grandparents or whatever was theirs. And even their health, this is a big deal. Like I had to detach from wanting better health for them because I was healing from codependency. Yeah. And you can't do for others what they won't do for themselves. And if I kept trying to that point of being captain, as my cousin said, was kept and say the whole. Yeah. God, I hate when she said that. I was like, ow, but it was so true. Yeah. And I realized that I was true. It really was so true. Yeah. And the more I stepped in to save other people and my parents or whatever, I was actually removing them from the dignity of solving it themselves. And that is a crime. Anytime someone would come save you when you could have learned something, you didn't learn something. And then you could repeat it again. Yeah. And I was like, oh, that's yours, it's mine. Yeah. And that's when I started to kind of get healthier with the boundaries and the respect and just like the love for actually my self as well as now. Yeah. Thank you DJ Cherish the Love for being a mirror. Being queer is so much more than who you sleep with, what you call yourself, and how society receives you. Oppressive systems are everywhere. They can be as big as the government and as intimate as family. So every time we go beyond the norm, every time we push back against the status quo and demand answers from ourselves and others in a way that forces change, congratulations. You are querying life. And those shifts can help our world grow and become more expansive than anything that has ever been available to us before. The rest of this conversation is available on Patreon for contributing members that want to support our production regularly. Or for five books for folks that just want to one time in. That's patreon.com/thesecretlifeoftk. Also, I'll be closing the show with a message from listener Jordan Knox who was inspired by our last conversation and shares with us how music and creativity brought her back from the break. You can leave your own message on the secret lifeline at 929-551-4363. Thank you so much for the love Jordan. This episode was hosted, produced, and executive produced by me. Kisha TK2Test for my company Beelow's Future Media with post-production support by C-A-K-A-G-TrapHouse on IG. What's going on TK? This is Girl Jordan Knox. Just finished listening to the latest and greatest episode of your podcast, Nate. Guy joint really had me inspired, currently inspired. Listen to it two times. He did challenge the world with someone that I love and she blessed me in so many ways. I know I'm one of many people that she is just inspired and blessed. And, you know, just listening to that episode, I many think about how music brought me back to life. And as an artist for at the time over a decade, now two decades, but at the time over a decade, I had the diagnosis schizophrenia. And, you know, life challenges as well, I overtook me. And I sound created music, which is, I mean, the worst thing you can do as an artist is to stop degrading. And, you know, you have to be in a dark place, or a hectic place to really stop degrading. And then that was the space I was in. And I think it was also an active rebellion against what I was going through. I was pissed. I was upset, you know. And it was, I was sitting in my old bedroom that I grew up in as a young child in Highlands Queens and Mazda just dropped this album. And I was listening to this one particular record. And it sparked something in me so much. I started writing a verse. I just had to do it. It was so, it was like coming out of me. And I just moved up on the pen to paper again. And actually the first full song that I wrote after that spark is a song called "I Can Make It." Even if the sky is falling, I can make it. It's a lyrics. And most of it's short. I'm going to tell you this right now. God used music to bring back to life. And He still does. Bless.