Pretty Little Episode #89

This is a HeadGum Podcast. HandsomePod Chatting to friends on the HandsomePod Chatting to friends on the HandsomePod Pretty Little Episode Hey, it's your friend Tig Notaro on the handsome Pretty Little Episode. I'm sitting here with my co-host, Fortune Veemster. That's me. Hi, Fortune. It's me, Tig. Hi, Tig. I have some news for you. Wait, what? Well, Stephanie and I were invited to a party. Yeah? And we typically don't go to parties much. And I was taking my little nightly bubble bath. Oh, wait, a nightly one? Yeah. Do you do one every night? I do. I love this for you. I love you. So I was just looking and feeling so adorable and clean and like, ah, the end of the day, clean myself up, get into the clean sheets. And Stephanie came in and sat on the little stool by the bath and said, I feel like we should go to the party tonight. Oh, that same night? Yeah, we had already decided we were not. That's tough to rally once you've had your nightly bubble bath. It was. And before we get to the rest, can I ask how long are your nightly bubble baths usually? Oh, that's a good question, girl. I would say my nightly bubble baths are probably 20 to 30 minutes. Okay, okay. Yeah. And you're not doing anything? You're just laying or are you like looking at something? What do you mean looking? Like reading, your phone, or just being? I just am just in there and I think about. It feels like a moment that I get excited that I can just go be alone and think about stuff. Right. You know? And what are you wearing? Nothing. Okay, so she goes, we're going to go to this party tonight. How. That would be. I would be like, ah, there's no way. I just watched the cooter. But here's the thing is I also have to make sure it's clear. We shut down real early at our house. Oh, so this was. This was like 5 p.m. No, I mean, it was probably like 6, 6.30, something like that. But even still, like by that point, we've finished dinner, Max and Finn are like watching an episode of something and then they're going to go take their bath and brush their teeth. Yeah. But it's still, I'm usually in bed by like 9. Okay. And so I'm inching up a little bit on bedtime and she just was like, you know, I think we should. We should go and see some people, do some socializing. And I was like, all right. So it was like a friend party. It wasn't like a Hollywood party. Oh, no, no, no. It was a friend party. And I can't imagine that she would ever come in and say we should go to, you know. A red carpet event. Yeah, no, no. Because y'all were going to have. There were going to be a lot of y'all's mutual friends were going to be at this party. Yeah, just potentially. Just potentially some people we hadn't seen in a while who we really enjoy. And it's always nice to run into some people like that. And I was like, okay, I hear you. Yeah, yeah. Could be good to go out, see some people. And so we did. We rallied at 6.30 and she called her dad to come watch the Cubs and we went. And I have to say, I wasn't even planning on mentioning this, but not only did we see some. Some old friends. Yeah. I saw an ex-girlfriend of an old friend of mine. Okay. Who I hadn't seen in years. Mm-hmm. And she was so a part of my pre-sick days of 2012. Yeah. And for some reason, seeing her, it was such a like, God, I feel like I'm just in such a different place. Right. In my life. And I felt like I was, not that I wasn't open to her, but like, I don't know that I took her in, in the way that I did when I ran into her. Mm-hmm. And I just loved talking to her. Oh, cool. And we just had such a nice connecting moment. Yeah. And Stephanie also spent some time talking to her and we both left the party going, she's awesome. Aw, I love that. It's, I love those moments where you get to meet somebody a second time in life. And is she settled down? Is she with someone, single? Yeah. Yes. She is with somebody who is so adorable. Aw. He's so sweet. Like, his face is just the cutest little sweetest face. And his vibe is so good and they're, they're locked in. Mm-hmm. And I was just so happy for her. Yeah. And, um, she was just talking about how she's just really feeling like she's hit her stride in life and feeling successful with work and love and, and life. And I was just like, man, I'm genuinely psyched for you. Yeah. And I don't know. I just, I felt like almost giddy about, uh, our running. I hadn't seen her in years. Yeah. That sounds like a good, a good thing you got out of that tub. Yeah. I would say it was great to see all the other old pals, but, um, that was a surprise curve ball when she came walking around the corner, you know? I bet. It was a real blast from the past. Like a blast from the past. Yeah. Yeah. And just meeting each other again. Mm-hmm. All these years later, like over a decade later. Yeah. In different places in our lives. And she's like, how old are your kids? And I was like, oh, they're about to turn 10. She's like, what? That kind of thing. That kind of thing where you're like, you have 10 year olds? Mm-hmm. Um, anyway, so that was a, a different thing. Yeah. Um, happened. Gosh, I haven't, I feel like I, you know, I've been in LA 20, coming on. Oh, actually today's May 1st. Mm-hmm. So in like two weeks, it will be my 24th anniversary of moving to Los Angeles. Whoa. That seems impossible. I mean, just can't believe that. Yeah. And, uh, I, I've been through different, many different iterations of LA. Sure. Where it's like my 20s, my early 20s, I had no friends. Meetups. Yeah. My mid, my mid to late 20s, I was so insanely social. Mm-hmm. Early 30s, finally like hit my dating stride. Mm-hmm. The last 10 years I was married. Yeah. And then now I feel like so many friends have like moved or, or settled down in a way that's like kids and, or, or, you know, when lesbians get married, you just don't see them as much anymore. Yeah. And so I, I don't like, I still love LA and, uh, I think I can see a world in which I spend time here and maybe spend time in the South or something. Mm-hmm. Um, but, uh, it, it just is a different place for me now where I don't even know my friends are just scattered all over the place. Yeah. That really happened after the pandemic too. Mm-hmm. Just people skedaddling. Yeah. But then when you have those, like occasionally like one of my Groundlings friends or something will have a party and you'll see all these old friends and just, you think of your life when y'all all hung out all the time. Like, how did that happen? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Those are always cool moments. Yeah. It's wild. Yeah. And then you have this like unspoken, like familiarity. Uh-huh. Where you just sort of like get right to it. For sure. Yeah. Well, that's cool. Yeah. I, I, I think this year I've been in LA 30 years. Damn. And it, it is wild when I think about all the different places I've lived and people I've known, people I've dated, old roommates. Mm-hmm. And just what a tiny blip that was. Yeah. And I never would have imagined that I would have lived in Los Angeles, first of all, second of all, for 30 years. Yeah. Because, you know, when you're younger, certain groups of people or exes feel like so massive in your life. Mm-hmm. And then you look back and you're like, that was a year and a half. Yeah. Of my life. That was it. A blip. Yeah. Yeah. Or I lived in that city for two years. For two years. Mm-hmm. And, or that dated that person for six months. Yeah. But it just felt so massive at the time. For sure. And now I'm like, 30 years in Los Angeles. Yeah. And, yeah, it's, it's time, right? Am I right? Time. Time. Speaking of time. Time after time. It's time for questions? It really is. It is. This is a pretty little episode. So we've got. a couple to get into and let's do it. Let's do it. it hello my handsomes this is JJ from San Francisco I am a huge fan of the pod I was wondering what is one big red and green flag that you find in a partner let's say you're all single this is a world where you're single and looking for a partner what would be the biggest red flag that like gives you the ick and the biggest green flag that you know gives you those little heart flutters that's a good question no one's ever asked this though yeah JJ thank you this is the thing with with our listeners chiming in always good ideas thoughts questions you go girl um let's start with green flag I always have a soft spot in my heart for someone who loves old people yeah um and is really kind to old people like if I if you see someone who like when they see an old person like an elderly person they like get up from their seat and offer their seat to them or they help them with the bag or they like just take a little extra care with anyone elderly that is a big green flag for me because it just means they have empathy and have a like there's sort of an old-fashionedness with that and um that's how I was you know heavily influenced by my grandmother so anybody who has that in them usually is my cup of tea um so that's a big green flag and also just like someone who is willing to help like like make your life a little easier like you're doing things for them but they're also doing things for you um it's a very give and take kind of uh situation where it's not one-sided um you just both are equally want to make things easier and better for each other for no other reason other than you love each other uh red flag would be I mean I don't do well with like mean mean spiritedness in any way yeah no that's my green flag anybody that's just like mean for no reason or um just like a dick to people that's obviously a big red flag yeah and and also like anybody that's like wants the um doesn't want you to have a full life like no doesn't want you to have friends doesn't want you to like do anything outside of them like I I think I'm in a stage of my life where I'm valuing my independence more even you know um where I just don't want to be like you want to be close and with each other and spend time with each other but you also it's important to have your own life and and like want to have a life like a relationship with their family with their friends anybody that doesn't want you to have any of that it it's not that's a red flag for sure how about you bud well I gotta say I love my green flag is I love um laughing with somebody I just love it it's um there is just nothing better to me when somebody just is so surprisingly funny in a moment that it it like hits me from behind yeah I just and I I just find it so connecting like those um your guard is down and you're um just having a good cackle yeah that's I love laughing with my uh well with anyone but I also I don't like the pressure of somebody feeling like I'm laughing with somebody I don't like the pressure of somebody feeling like I'm laughing with somebody I don't like the pressure of somebody feeling like I'm like they have to make me laugh you know that's kind of the worst feeling yeah um but that's where you find your groove with the right person is like you just have a natural back and forth and you amuse each other yeah and then I think a red flag for me is I don't like when people are um heavy drinkers or messed up you know just altered like slop sloppiness yeah yeah I don't I don't mind like somebody's having a drink or two every now and then and um but uh I can't do the oh boy babysitting situation right right well especially at this age for sure that would be a big red flag yeah I just I can't do it I don't like to feel like I'm you know when I'm out to eat with somebody and they you've finished your meal and you're chatting and then they just keep ordering drinks I've been in that situation yeah where I'm like oh my god um yeah so I think those are my main I mean I listen I could come up with plenty red and green flags but I would say those are the main ones yeah those are good does JJ have any if I know JJ and I don't I bet JJ has got probably some good ones yeah classic JJ classic JJ I think for me a big green flag is if I can put the person in any situation like any social situation and they just like vibe yes and they're easy you know to be around yes alternatively a red flag would be if they make a lot of awkward comments and it's I get secondhand embarrassment would you okay say that you met somebody that you were single and they had everything you wanted but weren't that funny well I don't even deal breaker well I don't even need somebody to be funny yeah I just like laughing with people and I've I've dated people that aren't like you know ready for the stage or anything right but they have a good sense of humor and like as long as they can get the joke yeah yeah as long as they get it or get the awkwardness or the funny thing or the um yeah just something we're you know it's just that vibe I was also thinking a major green flag for me is when you like their friend group you know because I've definitely been with some people where I've had to slog through uh dinners and social situations with their friend group and I'm like oh boy this is tough it's tough yeah it's nice when it's just easy all in in that social setting like for sure with their friends and also like JJ said when they're like in your environment too and they you don't have to worry about them they're at ease and yeah that is the best what else you got for us handsome listeners hey handsome my name is Cammie and your podcast got me through the third trimester of my pregnancy my little one is now 10 weeks old and as I'm stumbling through the early days of parenthood the question I have been pondering and would like to ask y'all is what aspect of being a kid do you never want to forget and specifically for Tig how does that show up in your parenting what part of my childhood do I never want to forget I never ever want to forget the freedom that I felt in exploring nature I mean following creeks and just it's so free and I mean I know it's it's the full-on huckleberry Tig and me but like climbing trees following creeks so far back into the forest and into the woods catching frogs all all of the very typical things that um my childhood allowed me I mean I I'm I love I love that aspect of my childhood and um and I think with uh it's it's interesting having children raising children in Los Angeles and you don't have to worry about that you don't have necessarily that freedom or those creeks uh that you're following um back into the woods but whenever we're out as a family and we I mean my son Max is very into climbing trees and um I always when we're on walks point out really great tree climbing trees you know and I love taking them on hikes in the in the park and I love taking them on hikes in the parks and making sure that we're finding ways to be more in touch with nature that's not just playing baseball or um soccer in a field and which of course is great too but yeah um when we go to griffith park there's this little stream that is just full of crawfish crawdads and i don't know if you've spent much time there but i love going there and pointing those out because i used to collect those when i was little i'd get into the water and bring a bucket and so yeah that's i i just try to make sure that they have an awareness outside of just playing in a park yeah do when you guys go to colorado do are all of y'all more nature-y like out in the woods and for sure yeah we're um we go uh find new hikes and uh there's a lot of mountain biking it's not like crazy on the edge of the mountain mountain biking yeah but um and um and um and um and um kayaking and rafting down rivers and whitewater rafting and groups um but it's really fun to just get together with with uh you know we'll go out to colorado with a group of friends and all do stuff together and yeah wildflowers checking those out it's it's it's really great and i also love like i've probably mentioned i love mountain goats um have i mentioned this oh yeah at one point you did yeah i love mountain goats so much and just um making sure my sons are keeping their eyes out for mountain goats but i also like to not that i really know how to survive in the wilderness but i love the idea of like if something happens guys this is how you do it this is where you would go for safety and make sure you have you know your prepared with these kind of things and that's kind of how i was as a kid in the woods i was like pretending like if i had to spend a few days how would i find shelter and what would i eat and um so i think uh they're both interested in that but i think max is way more drawn to that kind of huckleberry tigness yeah that i had i love that yeah what about you uh i try to hold on to the silliness of being a kid like i you know can take things serious obviously and have earnest conversations but i like to be goofy and silly as you know um sure and uh i don't want to lose that i think it's fun to have a playfulness even as an adult um because otherwise everything is so serious and tough and i like some of that lightness every now and then um that i think what's wrong with keeping a little bit of that ridiculousness that imagination that playful part of your personality that was so prevalent when you were a kid so yeah i uh i felt very connected to my childhood when i had a double mastectomy and i was like a grown woman with a completely flat chest i remember laughing with a friend and i was looking down at my flat chest and being like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i feel like i'm eight years old right now um yeah but but uh anyway should we hear uh what cammy has to say yeah for me it's that my feelings were so big and i hated being told that i was quote unquote too sensitive so as my little one gets bigger i aspire to validate his feelings and he is a triple water sign so i'm sure there will be a double water sign many feelings may will explain what that means all right y'all thank you so much i can't wait to hear your response love y'all bye love you dearly not queerly that's right yeah yeah probably some big feelings coming but uh ain't nothing wrong with that am i right that's right that's right well it was wonderful to see you as always fortune feimster fortune marie you too bud what a treat yeah please uh if you haven't already submit your questions and advice requests to speakpipe.com slash handsome pod don't forget our live show in la is in just a few days may 4th so come on join us at the wiltern in la for netflix is a jokes uh festival yeah we're gonna have uh the cast of uh the hunting wives the hunting wives and if you want to see me on tour go to tignotaro.com because i got a bunch of dates yeah same i'll be out there especially you europe folks i'm coming at the end of this month so get your tickets yeah and until next time keep it pretty handsome handsome is hosted by me tignotaro may martin and fortune feimster the show is produced recorded and edited by thomas willett email us at handsome pod at gmail.com follow us on social media at handsome pod what a podcast that was a hate gum podcast