Pregnancy, C-Section Guilt & Morning Sickness

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Everyone in my life has known for months, like in my real life. - The C-section, I was like mad that I had to do that after like going through labor for so many hours. I used to look at my scar, look in the mirror, and like, ugh, my body betrayed me. - I've done this four times, and every time I'm like, I'm gonna really eat healthy and try to do this, get broccoli. Literally, that's the only time I threw up. Like, my body rejected it. - We don't need that. - I'm like, the baby needs it. - The baby needs it. - Welcome back to Always Here. - We're your hosts, Abbie Howard. - And Abbie Howard. - How are you feeling? - So much better. We had, we got hit with a nasty stomach bug. I'm assuming it was norovirus. Just with how it was in and out and so punchy. - I also didn't look like this, actually, day two after norovirus. - Really? You didn't look like this? So maybe it was just like a 24-hour thing. - No, it was really down. I thought I needed fluids. - Okay, then maybe it wasn't that. - But it could have been. - I mean, okay, so CJ got down with it on Saturday and he got sick a lot, like 10 times. But by the end of the night, he was already on the up and up and we didn't get it for a couple of days. We felt fine, felt totally normal. Wednesday, well, I guess Tuesday night late at like midnight, I go, oh, my tummy don't feel good. It was midnight. - My tummy don't feel, why were you awake at midnight? - I was reading our book. - Oh. - I finished it. - Okay, good. - Yeah, I did. I told you I would. - You did it. - I did it. - Oh, and that's probably what did you in. - Yeah, it was all those words. It just made my stomach all jumbled. - Wait a minute, midnight? - On Tuesday night, I go, oh, my stomach feels really weird. And then I went to bed, woke up at 4:00 a.m. And I said, I will puke at some point. And I had those frownies on my face. I said, I have to get up before I take these frownies off. Or if I throw up with these on, my forehead will get ripped off my face. - Are they that tight? - They're that tight. So I got up at 4:30 in the morning and was taking them off my face. - Did you wake Caleb up because you knew you were gonna throw up? - No, I didn't. - Oh, no, I can't throw up alone. - I didn't, I didn't. No, I'm not scared of it like you are, though. - I'm terrified. - I mean, when he got up for work, and I think he got up at 5:00 a.m. And I went back to bed. And I said, hey, I think I have the stomach flu. And I guess he went to work and then came back and I was still asleep. And he said, yeah, I have it too. And all day we were down. - Oh, my gosh. - Yeah. - And he got it way worse than I did. But it was just one of those things where you're on your back on the couch, just can't open your eyes. - You guys were the only grownups that got it. - I know, lucky us. - It was one of the kids at our gym. And none of the-- - No one got it. Yeah, and I feel like CJ got it the worst of all the kids, too. So I don't know what that says about our family. - Your immune systems are down from lockdown. - They're down from lockdown. I actually was thinking about that voicemail. - I know, you finally got the courage to go back to the gym. Literally, the week-- - Two weeks in. Two weeks in from back to college. - The worst of them all. - The stomach bug. I actually think I have a hot take. I think I would rather a stomach bug than a nose, snot, flu situation. - Probably the same. - You guys are both in the 2%. - I know, but it's because it's one miserable day and one day of a lot of cleanup. But then after that, it's gone, whereas the sinus respiratory infections, they last for like 10 days. - Yeah, but you can tell yourself you're better if you have a sinus respiratory infection. You cannot tell yourself you're better if you're vomiting. - I know, I think it's like a clear down and then a clear clear. You know what I mean? - I mean, I get what you're saying, but I do not agree. I literally, Griffin threw up one time. Auggie never got sick, and Griffin threw up one time, and Matt was gone, and I literally was like, who do I alert? - What do I do? - I cannot. - I know. - I was so scared. I was like-- - Really? - It smelled so bad. Well, I was also being a really selfish mom. I was like, if I touch this, I could get it, and that will be the end of everything. - I know. - Ugh, it is risky. - It was so bad. - It was bad. - But I don't understand how Griffin threw up one time, 'cause he did throw up 10. - I know. I'm like, maybe they got something different, but I don't know what different they would have gotten, you know? - I don't know. Griffin also had a really big day, the day that that happened, but it's still unusual for him to throw up. - Or he was excited. - I mean, we didn't, we skipped naps. We went hard all day, and yeah, I mean. - It's a recipe for a vomit. - Yeah, that just didn't seem like him, so I think he definitely had a touch of it. I don't know if that's even possible, but. - I mean, I think he had to have, I don't know. I was thinking about that voicemail from last week when she asked about having anxiety with the more kids she has with sickness. And I think I've come to a conclusion of why I had that. And I think because my capacity was so maxed out these last six months, like I just felt like I couldn't handle another thing. And so I felt like if my kids got sick, it would just tip me over the edge of my sanity. And so I waited to bring them back to childcare until I knew I could handle them getting sick. - Hey, that's smart. - So two weeks in, we get the stomach bug, and I was like, hey, we're ready for this. I wasn't stressed about it. - Good thing babies don't usually get that. I don't think they even, yeah. - Yeah, I'll report back next week if she does. But I, yeah, I was kind of thinking about that. I think that'd be really weird for a six month old to get. - They can't even really throw up, I don't think. - Yeah. - They spit up. - Yeah, just spit up. - I was thinking about that the other day. I'm like, would I know the difference between a girl's throwing up versus if it's spitting? - Maybe that's the case, I don't know. - Maybe it would just be constant, I don't know. I've never experienced that with like an under one year old. - It'd be really scary too with like the hydration and stuff. - Right. - Oh, I'm so sorry. - Yeah, but we made it through. - You made it through. - Sorry, thanks for rescheduling this. - That's why we're here. We are here to share the hope and the heart of the stomach virus. We all have had it. - We have. - Actually, we were talking, we were like, I have very distinct memories of the stomach virus growing up and one of them I was telling Matt was, which was really ironic given everything. I was like, Matt, my most distinct memory, I literally remember walking in my parents' room. I was one of those kids that never knew when I was born. I was gonna vomit. I was like, I don't feel, and then puke in their doorway. Like, it was. - I honestly am like, as a parent, I think that'd be so funny. - I still get that way as an adult. I don't know when it's coming. 'Cause I'm just like. - Oh, you're anxious. - So anxious. But I vomited in my parents' doorway and I remember what it was, but we'll spare the details. And I, my, for whatever reason, my dad stayed home with me that day. 'Cause both my parents worked full time growing up and my dad stayed home with me and me and him, maybe he had it too. We watched "Life Size" two times. - Oh. - The whole movie with Tyra Banks and Lindsay Lohan. - Classic. - And then I was like, let's watch it again. And he's like, you wanna watch it again? I was like, yes. - Yes. - He sat and watched, this was before cell phones, guys. It's not like he was just like entertaining himself on the side. Like, he fully watched "Life Size" two times. - Oh, that's so sweet. - Four hours of Tyra Banks and Lindsay Lohan for my dad. Shout out. - Shout out. - I remember that. - That's really sweet. - It was, but. - Someone said we should do a "Things Our Dad Taught Us" episode. - Oh gosh, that'd be fun. - Maybe on Father's Day we'll do a "Things Our Dad Taught Us." - That's a good idea. - I can't share what my dad has taught me, actually. I'm really going to have to filter that advice out. - That's hilarious. - Really going to have to filter that advice out. I actually think I'm probably a little bit more like my dad than my mom, which people would probably be surprised by. - I used to think I was more like my dad. I think now I am like a really even mix, honestly. I feel like I see a lot of things my mom that I'm like, and I see a lot of things my dad. Whereas before, I used to only really, really relate to my dad on stuff. - Yeah. You definitely lean more towards your dad, I would say. - I don't know, because my dad feels more like sensitive. Well, no, I'm probably more like my dad. Like, more introverted, quiet. - I don't think you're sensitive. - No, I'm not. My mom's not sensitive. - OK. - Yeah, so I get that from my mom. I don't know. I'm still flushing through it. - I'm still flushing through it. Anyway, so many good men growing up. - I feel like you're way more like your dad. - Yeah, which is surprising, because my dad also doesn't talk in public settings, and I can't-- I saw that video by Ilana Mar, you know? - I think she's hilarious. This was recommended to me, so I think it was like, you know that this relates to you. It was like, shout out to all my extroverts. And she's like, I cannot contain myself. She's explaining all the circumstances in which she's like, I don't want to talk to people. And then she's in an elevator, and she's like, I got to talk about the weather and what you're doing that day. And it's like, I don't know if I'm necessarily like that in that way, but I definitely get energized from being around people. And then when I come home from something, I'm like, wow, I got to like-- - Settle down. - Settle down. And then Matt's already cashed out. And so I'm like, man, interesting. - Totally. - This week's episode, we're actually going to be talking about our February-- - March. - March book club book atmosphere. We're saving that for the end. For those of you that didn't read the book, then you can just step out a little early. Or you can listen to it and just know that there's going to be spoilers. But for those of you that participated in the book club, look forward to that at the-- look forward to that at the end of this episode. - Yes. - Crazy weekend. We had a party over here. CJ got sick. - There was a lot going on in TV. - Our in-laws were in town. - Yeah, we watched a ton of TV. - You did. - I watched a lot of TV. - Oh, you're sick. That's the time. - A lot of "Secret Lives of Mormon Wives," a lot of Disney movies. - Well, you know, why does that feel healthier? than scrolling on your phone it does it does i was like keep the screen time to a minimum glued to the tv like that's actually sad like that was like brain rot when we were growing up and now it brain rot has gotten so crazy worse well the tv is on 24 7 now with march madness starting in our household so oh yeah it started at 9 a.m this morning oh i'm too late to make a bracket yes dang it missed it blake sent it to our family group chat and i didn't do one uh it was for his work oh i'm sorry i i had no odds and it was sheer luck i don't know yeah i need to see i don't study up on a bracket but yeah i like the name of that school we're not really a tv family like we don't really i think it's because matt gets the adhd if the tv were on he would have to be cashed out from everything else and watching it um so yeah i grew up in a tv family caleb changed that in me because he's like hey during the day we should be productive and so i had to learn to turn the tv off which i used to just love like the background noise of it but now i do find it distracting so we never have it on during the day yeah that changed that in me too but after dinner time we always have a show oh yeah yeah that's fun well it's a little sad that the secret lives of mormon rice seems healthier than scrolling on your phone i didn't watch it but it's crazy this this season has been crazy and the news just broke as we're recording this that the bachelorette has been canceled man they took a they took a risk they did they took a risk and it didn't work out i know how i feel bad for everybody that is for oh my gosh all the time slot every single sunday they had booked on the tv network like when are they like hi how what are they gonna fill it with what are we running that time with i mean there's so much can you think about all those men that went into time off work and now they're not gonna get their five minutes of fame exactly i mean all the production everything i yeah i i mean the travel can you look that up i bet you can see it i bet you can see how much it costs to produce a season yeah i'd be so curious producing a season of the bachelor costs seven million dollars honestly i thought it'd be more me too actually yeah they're getting so this says that there's like travel and dates staffing over 200 producers the lead salary which can range from 100 000 to 250 000 she's getting paid more than that for that contestant costs they're not paid really i'm sure they're not paid but they must prepare their own wardrobe and stuff to appear and then the rings are gifted but preface i do not agree with anything she's done i it actually makes me sick when i watch the video i want to see the season i know i do i kind of want to watch the season too watch it she's kind of interested in how and you're like no i just want to see it was a stretch to begin with i know it was gonna be it's gonna be crazy and i want to i know it would have been interesting to watch i understand why they canceled it yes um and i think that was probably a good call but yeah i just feel bad for everyone involved it's just hard really hard situation i just gotta pipe in for those of you that also dislike reality tv and i just can't find it fun even all this like conversation it just really actually stresses me out really so bad well okay i feel like the real housewives does stress me out but a bachelor doesn't feel stressful because it's just so light oh i think the secret lives of mormon stresses me out even more than a house really it feels a little too close to i was gonna say it is kind of personal with like them being creators and like the whole it's all about creator events and brand deals and that's true makes me nauseous can i say i broke the news so i feel like our our whole friend group that that i had to mute i was like here's the thing guess who broke the news to me you're blake blake i love it when husbands get into the he would never admit it but he does watch it i mean your dad watches it with your mom oh my gosh what is up with them they just love tv they just love tv man it is something i don't know why the housewives feels different than secret lives because i think well they're older well i think with housewives it's been on for so long that you kind of pick up the patterns like oh they're going to this dinner just so they can have a fight or they're going to this event just they can't fight i feel like that's no but i feel like the secret lives mormon wise maybe feels different because the all that drama continues off camera and you see it on their videos and stuff where i'm like oh this is real yeah more so to me within like the that's another thing i don't believe it i don't believe any i have so much distrust with like media in general i'm like yeah is that i don't i've also never seen it is it mostly them fighting no no parts of it parts of it i think the reason it does feel real is because they're taking the stuff that's happening in the show and posting it on their instagram story like yeah in real time or i was just watching season three i realized i forgot to watch it and she demi was like i'm gonna go live right now and explode expose everything that's happening and they're like she can't do that that's against her nda and they're like chasing her down so she doesn't go live on instagram they break the fourth wall a lot yeah they do on this you guys are more wives like they're like for doing it i like that though i know i do like that like whitney being like this is business for me like we're not friends and she's like i'm here to do a brand deal with this with mom talk yes it's so it's just so interesting like i don't i'm also a creator that doesn't that i don't relate to any part of that i'm like drama i really did zero percent of that i have a really hard time sometimes i think about that i'm like if i were in their shoes well i would never get casted for a show like that i guess we're the least drama like petty people i'm like i'll just forgive forgive and forget forgive and forgive i'm like i don't just take a bath read a book do a fun timmy i don't know the last time i've ever gotten like a fight are there kids in it no no okay no wow but they all have such like big things going on so it's kind of fun to follow their opportunities literally if they did us it'd be like splash pad burn boot camp hey this is really mom talk let's make dinner and go to bed by 9 30. girls night once a month girls night we just sit around eat cookies sometimes we do a sexy dance class i don't even know what i'm talking about and i'm like i don't know what i'm talking about i'm like i don't know what i'm talking about i'm like i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about i don't know what i'm talking about the lemonati has spent decades keeping lemon on top and lime in the shadows their lemon agenda has infiltrated everything even our music that hit song named after the color of lemons not a coincidence big lemon has been pulling strings in the industry for years think about it but now 7up is fighting back with their new lime lemon soda now lime comes first 7up flip the sip yeah we watched a movie abigail you were sick abigail you were sick we invited you reminders of him yeah yeah i was gonna go did you i almost left the theater at one point nothing to do with the movie i someone came up like 20 minutes into the show and they're like what's your seat number and i was like i'm gonna leave right now not in this conversation before that they were behind us and they looked at the girls who were sitting and said or the people who took their seats because the people who came to you were originally in the wrong seats oh so they sent them over yeah but the people who went up to them looked at them and said figure it out oh what is this it's a movie theater i almost i was started actually sweating we all just went god i started sweating because i didn't purchase my own ticket my friend purchased it and i've been with her i had no idea what my seat number was so i was like it's me i'm gonna go that's the problem i've been over like we had a seat you bought a ticket i had been scanned in but i honestly i don't know what it is about me but that just really panicked me yeah i was like i have to leave right then they started walking around to the other side and we're like someone comes in for her here let's get down i was scared so weird yeah she's like what's your you're in our seat what's your seat number and i was like oh she said it me not just like kindly wondering well you know what that's how my brain oh sure told me what happened but i also was just so frazzled like i was gonna say there were open seats i was there were a lot of open seats in this theater yeah i i said an angel next to me i was like i need to leave she's like everything's fine i was literally like panicking what is it about those small social interactions where it's like if i'm gonna get in trouble for something that i know i'm getting in trouble for another big deal but the little things that you're caught off guard for you're like oh my gosh i'm gonna cry i have no i have no plan for this i am completely improving this situation and i don't know what to do anyway um the movie what what did you think about it eddie i thought it was good i liked the book better obviously what was it called reminders of him reminders of him not to be confused with regretting you because i actually read that thing is it just us that read both of them back to back i don't know if it was this is a worldwide thing both of them back to back and then watch the movies back to back yeah but my biggest thing was the casting did not was envisioned and so then it it was like it hurt me during that during the movie i just i felt like it was forgettable yeah like i was kind of just like you'd have to jog my memory about everything that happened and took place in that and yeah i don't know maybe i'm just like kind of done with the colleen hoover thing but i do think i'm gonna read her next one because it's a thriller yeah oh that's kind of fun i'm gonna listen to it on audiobook because actually it's about a podcast oh cool let's listen it's a podcast thriller type of thing oh we're not doing the book oh my gosh stop but um anyway i thought the movie was it was fine i mean i'm not hating on it i think the actors did a good job but i was just like maybe it's just not my genre i did cry at the end i mean i did as well i did cry one thing one off topic thing that irked me during it was the main character what's his name uh ledger his hair should have been buzzed it was just a little too long and his beard was needed to be cleaned up i don't know why they chose that look for him i thought he would have looked a lot better with a little bit of scruff and completely like shaved off head i agree i agree about that just a random his name is ledger yeah i'm sorry i haven't i've never read any of her books but every time i hear a character's name from her books i'm like i don't like that they're off you don't like ledger either i don't like ledger i don't like that i don't mind it i actually kind of like it i just i guess because i just know all the names that she picks her books are kind of odd then i'm just immediately like come on her name is jack that's kind of normal pick a yeah okay kenna okay kenna and ledger i know this because i'm currently listening to the audiobook it's a little awkward to listen to you um so there's my unexciting opinion on that i feel like uh don't go to the theater i would say watch it if you read the book but don't go to the theater if you haven't already interesting not really necessarily worth it well oh you haven't even said this yet should we say the biggest thing of all i forgot that this episode was about we started talking about other things i'm like wow i'm pregnant that feels so weird to say here i feel like for so long i know we've been dodging i just got so comfortable not talking about it right anyway it's not like i really talk about that much of my personal life either i feel like yeah i feel like we yeah it was just talk about other things yeah yeah i mean yeah it was just different this time like navigating everything is different this time so how far along are you i am 19 weeks so yeah by the time this comes out i'll be 20 you've hidden it very well really yes thank you yes very well i keep saying it's not that it was necessarily a secret from like like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know everyone in my life has known for months like in my real life but it was just kind of like i wasn't ready to talk open it up to the whole internet you know sure type of thing um so yeah it's like that's why it feels weird i guess because it's like it's become so common in a way like in regular conversation in life except for like these couple hours that the cameras are on we just like avoid it but um yeah so halfway which um is exciting i actually saw recently that the biggest growth jump you experience is from 18 to 22 weeks which actually i was like that kind of surprised me and then i was like actually no that checks out i think it makes a lot because by the end i feel like you just start to like you pop yeah well at the end you're growing the baby's growing a lot but i feel like you already have like all this it's just like they just start taking up more the percentage of it and now it's just like right now it's just like yeah fluid yeah whatever's happening but i felt kicks at 17 weeks which was such a gift oh and so um now it's like feeling like better and real but it's been wild journey found out on my birthday i actually didn't know that yeah well i didn't believe it so i didn't really count that yeah i was like it's some there's a line there and what does that mean i was confused did you know how it all happened it was in branson right no no i took a test when you're in silver dollar city i took a test on thanksgiving and it was negative okay and because i took it like a couple like a little early and i feel like everything was off like my ovulation did you just feel off no i we were we were hoping to be pregnant okay like it's time for my period so we're like it'd be exciting if it was positive because it's thanksgiving and but if it's negative it'll be okay because it's still a good day because it's thanksgiving yeah and it was negative we're like boo and then um got back from our birthday trip and i was like wait that's so weird my period still hasn't started took a test and there was like a faint line and then i was like i don't know what that means yeah and so then the next day i took a pregnant and i still didn't believe it actually wait that's crazy yeah the video is very anticlimactic why do i think you did it when you were visiting family no that's when i started to have bleeding did i tell you about any of that no yeah so i had that was six weeks five i think it was six weeks i started to have bleeding and so i thought it was like all done you did tell me this because that's when you told me that you're pregnant and that's also why we started to wait to tell people for like a little bit because it just felt like it was game over for sure and i mean the whole pregnancy has been honestly like a mental warfare right in a way but um fighting for like joy and excitement and i feel like we're getting to like a different stage of it now since we're past like that 17 and a half week mark when we lost emerson at six weeks i started to bleed like i experienced bleeding and i have never experienced any bleeding in a pregnancy before and so that was when we told i don't know that why you told us before that actually because you told us over christmas no i know but that was still i was like a week later than i told you oh so you went to st louis before oh okay okay yeah i'm just figuring out this timeline sorry yeah we're putting the pieces back together in hindsight it's really all blurred it's very confusing a lot going on well yeah and we told okay so here's how the sister-in-law's found out it was really their husband's controversial this is controversial you can say caleb we went to christmas yeah this was christmas we went to church and caleb came home after and he goes i think abby's pregnant and i said why and he goes i don't know she just because she was wearing a tight dress and she's normally really small and she just kind of looked like she had maybe a bump and i was like kill that's a crazy thing to say he was like he was like not embarrassed but he was like i don't you know i don't mean this like she was great but like like there was a little bit of a bump and i looked back at my picture and it did kind of look like he had a ball i was like how did i not notice that um and then they didn't he ask you no he did not ask me i'll clear his name i think he asked matt he pulled matt aside outside and he said i think matt told me this we might be getting this story wrong because we're hearing about it from her husband's third hand but matt he looked at matt and he was like abby's pregnant and then matt was like yeah i remember they disappeared for a long time and i was like where are they you guys were all being weird opening presents yeah because i had a present that i wanted to give you and matt at the same time it was those shirts come inside yes we're opening presents which is so unusual for the two of them i feel like there's a lot of times when the whole family's over we're like where did they go yes seriously maybe caleb didn't tell me that until after you guys told me and that was why for sure i had no idea why they were disappeared i didn't know either so he told me that he thought you were pregnant after you guys told us well because then matt pulled me aside he's like you have to tell abby right now because caleb knows and he's not gonna like it wasn't he's a bad secret keeper so he's not gonna keep a secret yeah and so once again it's not that it was a secret it just felt like everything was so fragile it was so fresh wasn't real then we told you on christmas and then with addy and blake remind me how this all happened yeah so this happened when did we go to the tea party was that after christmas like the beginning of january no it must have still been like late december late december okay so it was late december and that morning we or actually let's start back on christmas also christmas eve blake's making wings and abby cannot stand the smell of it like she was like making remarks about the smell i didn't know this blake told me that after the fact and blake's like they were really stinky blake was like what do you mean like are you pregnant and then he was like and he felt bad for saying he felt bad abby didn't acknowledge it i don't think she said she didn't really hear it or like now that you're saying that i kind of remember it but i wasn't like offended or yeah and so then blake was like like why did i say that like he felt bad about it and then fast forward a couple more days we go to a tea party and yeah this wasn't sly of me let's first say i also was saying we went to the tea party last year and i was pregnant and i was nauseous i was like guys i remember being so nauseous yeah yeah it's like what is it little salmon yeah bagels and stuff and she go we get there and caviar she's taking little bites she's like gagging and then and then i am again remember how i found out about like your pregnancy with emerson like i was just reading something i was really investigating it so then abby was like i can't have caviar like i she didn't say i'm like you're like i'm not gonna eat that and then i see her look something up on her phone and she goes i'm gonna eat it you can have it when you're pregnant i was like you shouldn't it tastes nasty when you're pregnant oh my god like you and your mom are looking at each other so i'm like okay laurie knows if she's pregnant laurie knows and i was like okay then that night also the grandmas were there and you wanted to wait yeah yeah yes and so that night we went to go see the christmas lights and we went to dinner beforehand and abby wasn't really eating and she ordered what'd you order i ordered chicken fingers and you didn't want them and she wouldn't give away them and i was so confused i was like she's like oh they just look so bad oh yeah and you were and blake looked whenever she walked away blake goes i think abby's pregnant i'm like no way this happened today and we talk about our things and we're like the whole time we're walking we're like what's going on here so then i think you guys knew and then you were investigating or interrogating my mom yes and my mom was like you have to tell them immediately and so then we called emergency family game night and we didn't play any games and we just told you we were like game night it was it was just a random day they were like game night and pizza and i'm like blake they're gonna tell us they're pregnant so we have to go oh my gosh not that we weren't going to go but we're like we got to make this work was that before or after always here dinner at buck and rider that was right before it was right after because because you didn't get alcohol and i didn't get a drink and you ordered sushi and had one piece i was like i better start eating this sushi or addy's gonna know oh i knew i knew what that i when we were there i knew because you didn't get you're like telling us i hadn't - I haven't told you yet, though. - Exactly, that's what I'm saying. I kind of knew, but you hadn't told me. i was like i could only eat the bread i was looking at you like eat your soup there is abby there is literally no way this was the timeline i think saturday is when we had the tea party monday was always here dinner and then tuesday you told us okay we were getting into crunch time yeah um so it was so fun terrible job of hiding my symptoms gosh i'm such a whiner i'm gonna be really embarrassed that i told the internet that but he didn't mean it in a mean way caleb he was right i mean yeah it was clear in the dress but i looked back and not offended at all thank you to shopify for sponsoring this portion of today's episode shopify has been a huge player in my life i actually used shopify for five years when i had my small clothing business and it was the best platform shopify truly was so user-friendly i mean it just made the job so much easier i loved shopify and starting something new isn't just hard it's actually terrifying so much work goes into this thing and i feel like shopify truly made it really easy to do it to use it's terrifying but it's a little less terrifying when you have a good partner on your side to help like shopify shopify is the commerce platform behind millions of businesses around the world you can get started with your own design studio with hundreds of ready-to-use templates shopify helps build a beautiful online store that matches your brand style yeah the templates are good too they have a bunch of free options but then also ones that you can pay for that are a little bit more custom and it feels more personal to you even though you have like all this help from a platform but then you're still putting out a product that you're not used to and you're like that feels very true to your brand absolutely love that you can tackle all those important tasks in one place from inventory to payments to analytics and more there's no need to save multiple websites or even try to figure out what platform is hosting the tool that you need everything is all in one place just makes your life so easy it's very user-friendly and it just makes your business operations much smoother it's time to turn those what ifs into with shopify today sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at shopify.com slash abby go to shopify.com and sign up for your one dollar per month trial today at shopify.com slash abby go to shopify.com slash abby that's shopify.com slash abby that's what's been happening what did your was your first trimester did you feel as nauseous as like the past pregnancies so griffin and augie i took nothing for nausea and i didn't know you could take anything you just suffered i just threw up when i'm not gonna say i had the worst morning sickness ever but i did get sick and then when i was pregnant with emerson my i was at a new doctor and they're like oh you can take something they're like oh you can take something and i'm like oh you can take something and they're like oh you can they were more than happy to give me a prescription but they're like why don't you just start with taking unisom and b6 yeah and that was enough for me like it obviously i can't eat normal right i can't like i would still gag but i never threw up with emerson and i never threw up this time either yeah because of that combo i never felt like i needed to go to the prescription medication but um yeah definitely it's so weird when you're pregnant you know like those things that people say like oh i can't eat food from my own house or i can't eat like any vegetable like why is that that's so true like i've done this four times and every time i'm like i'm gonna really eat healthy and try to do this and obviously things for me i'm it all ends after the first trimester really yeah and but it's so weird like i was like one day i was like i am making this up i'm literally like i'm making this up get broccoli literally that's the only time i threw up and it wasn't like throwing up it was just gagging it my body rejected it yeah it was like you're not eating that right don't we don't need that i'm like oh my god i'm gonna eat this i'm gonna eat this i'm like the baby needs it i never eat mcdonald's i want it in the first trimester i think mcdonald's is really kind of gross you need it yeah so yeah it was it's very comparable to emerson's but um likely because of the medication yeah that makes sense can we make that a psa to all pregnant pregnant women is that unison and b6 try it as soon as you find out you're pregnant ask your doctor but then try it because i just my friend just told me she was pregnant and just got through her first trimester and no one ever told her about that and she was really sick does it not make you question like why don't they make an over the counter medication that's just whatever is that combo of ingredients that makes that work and they can just call it morning sickness medication well maybe we should and we could become billionaires don't steal our idea it can get bought out by a pharmaceutical company it's crazy like why do we have to just like go ahead and start like mixing supplements and medications to try to combat that i don't know they don't even know what causes that right they're literally like hormones and you're like that's not actually an answer when you really think about it is unison the sleeping medication it's a sleep aid so i only take half of them because it is enough to knock you out yeah did you take half or did you take a full i took a full and then once i hit once i stopped getting morning sickness i weaned off and i did a half because i was so scared to get off of it and feel morning sickness again and then i took off of it gotcha i never had nausea so that is wild because it affects like 90 of pregnant women both babies i had one day where i was like i am going to puke i never did and it was the day it was like two days before i took my test to find out that i was pregnant because i was like i usually didn't hit that early i know that's why i was surprised too but i did i had one because we were in the dominican republic for kilb's work trip and i brought one pregnancy test because i said this is the weekend that i'll get my period so i'll bring it just we could test it on vacation and it was the day before i took i think it was the day before i was so sick and i was like this is really weird and um sure enough i was pregnant but with cj i had nothing because normally i feel like the worst weeks are like weeks seven to ten week ten is like down bad i mean i'm on my back tired but i don't get yeah yeah six through ten i was nauseous yeah six through ten oh no no actually six through twelve i feel like mine peaks at ten though well after you were the most sick i was really you were really sick after the stomach bug i have immense sympathy for you all because that nausea yesterday was insane and i just think about that it's different i don't think it probably is i'm like that's got to be how it is every day at pregnancy i think the difference is i'm also not afraid to throw up so i would throw up every single day yeah just because i was like it'll make me feel better wait you did it on purpose no i just felt nauseous and so i'd go and i'd throw up oh i fought it for my life i'm laying in bed it makes it so much worse that's blake what happened to you is your mom scared of throwing up it's a real phobia because you you and your brother are both like that it's in my bones it's in blake's bones too because he was also i have a theory that when i throw up it's a violent experience like i pop blood vessels in my face that's because you're trying to hold it in is that it yeah just relax no i'm gonna breathe through it off the ground you gotta breathe through it no i can't i was coaching cj i was like take a deep breath relax and go no no no no no no no no i will do anything to avoid it and so um yeah no had a lot of nausea weird cravings weird yeah i guess my cravings were like i'm gonna throw up i'm gonna throw up i'm gonna throw up i'm gonna throw up i don't know if i had weird cravings oh if you're comfortable talking about your food categories how does that change during first trimester oh everything's out the window really what do you mean your food category what is this i'm a very routine person with food like it has to fit in a category of breakfast lunch dinner snack dessert okay and there's it has to fit in a category uh out of the door first time really no you can do that mentally like mentally oh there's survival for sure it's just not even a it doesn't even add up actually crossed my mind it's actually i have a hard time eating like anything so it's like i know that i'm already at a deficit for everything because i like i'm like cheese quesadilla and like nibbling it i just cannot relate to that my first trimester i'm so hungry both times that's where i'm at right now i gained probably some of the most weight in my pregnancy in the first trimester because i'm starving that's where i'm at right now really like i cannot get enough food in a day that's how i am do you need us to go i haven't really crazy yeah i'm like every hour and a half the baby it's like i had i needed like a full meal every hour and a half i googled what your caloric needs are don't they lie i'm like this is mean it's like an extra 200 calories it's 350 i'm like okay but i'm go jump like please get out of here i don't care true i don't care that's also a blessing of a fourth pregnancy i give zero rips about anything regarding my body sure in fact more than ever i'm like oh my gosh it's such a like this every symptom so welcome like even when i was like nauseous i was like yay like so excited and i mean matt even told me recently like we're laying in bed he's like gosh he's like i can't believe like we're at where we are because he's like you have literally not complained about a single thing yeah and i was like yeah because i'm you're not gonna hear a peep from me you're not gonna literally i'm just so grateful so um obviously the mental aspect of it has been like really tough and so that i have to say i'm so grateful for that and i'm so grateful for that and i'm so grateful i've complained about he did not mention that which is obviously he wouldn't do that but yeah so definitely eating a lot of food definitely getting puffier does the fourth physically feel harder though than the first three is it the same i think it's the same okay that's great news i think it's the same oh yeah abby what was you need to tell people your theory i think i said this on unplanned but i was like i feel like the first pregnancy was such a dream like this is so fun everything about it is so beautiful beautiful and mystical and new and like a little confusing but fun you know yes you feel so beautiful and then the second pregnancy was like this hurts i'm sore i feel fat like you know just like all the things like it was just way harder for me to stay focused and locked in and then you i was like well maybe the first one's easy the second one's hard everything just was like way more sore the second time so maybe the third one you know it's like an exercise set your first set you're like okay i have energy the second set you're pretty tired you're like okay i have energy the third set you kind of get it like a third wind no it's not like that no it It's not like that. You don't get a second wind with each pregnancy? No. I do think they're, most of them report it getting more difficult. And actually, can I tell you my theory? Yeah, tell me. My theory is that you get one pregnancy. Uh-huh. The rest, you're just growing a baby. I think I would second that after a fifth year. For sure. You get one pregnancy. Yeah. You can nap. You can like. Right. Give me my cravings. Right, right, right. Like you can be like, you can be needy. Uh-huh. Second pregnancy. No. Pipe down. Right. You have a child to take care of. Suck it up. You need to wake up. Yeah. You need to take care of everything. Right, right. Yeah. And I'm fine with that. I think that we only need one. Right. And then your husband can just baby you. Totally. Like that's, that just goes for him. And that, that expectation doesn't change. Totally. And I also do think like even for Matt, like it's so interesting. And I think this is a result of pregnancy after loss, but also just like being on the fourth one. Like it's like, I think he has like such a deep respect now. Yeah. Yeah. Like I feel like he's like. He's literally worshiping the ground I walk on. And I'm like, this is incredible. Let's keep doing that. And now he's like so excited too. He's like, how many kids do you want? He's like, really? He's like, we said we'd stop at four. He's like, but. But what if. Are we going to be done? He's like, I think I'd be really sad to think that we only have one more time of doing it. And I'm like, yeah, that's amazing. I love that. I was like, let's leave the door open. Yeah. But I do think like, at least in our experience, like for the husband, like for the dad, like I feel like also I think the nature of like, I don't know. Like having more of a gap. We have a larger gap now than I ever anticipated having. Like, I think that you just get enough time to reset and get your bearings again. You're like, wait, that was super cool. This is what we have to look forward to. And this is the precious beginnings of all that. Totally. And I feel like we both feel that. But it's cool to also see like the husband experience that in like a different way. Yeah, that does. That is really true. Yeah, I can see that for sure. Because every time, like you're saying, it does get harder. And so then your husband's like, thank you for doing this. Like the reward of having your child is the best. It's the best gift of all time. And so then it's like, thank you for literally going through H-E-double-L for this. H-E-double-L. Yeah. Thank you to Policy Genius for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. It's now March and we are getting settled into the new year. All those things that we have put off, it's all coming to the top. And one of those things that at least in our household has been insurance related tasks. Most of the time it is. It feels like a big thing. But Policy Genius makes it easy, which is really, really amazing. Policy Genius can help check protecting the life you've built off your spring to-do list. Financial planning for the future can feel overwhelming. But finding the right insurance policy can help ease that weight. I feel like with life insurance, it feels like such a grown-up thing to do. It's responsible. It's responsible. Especially a lot of people listening to this podcast are probably young families. And going there feels a little easier with the support of a company like Policy Genius. Policy Genius is an online insurance marketplace that allows you to compare quotes from some of America's top insurers side-by-side for free. Their license team helps you. It helps you get what you need fast so you can get on with your life. Easily find what you need, coverage amounts, prices, terms, there's no guesswork, just clarity. They always say that like life insurance, it's really giving you the gift of just a little space. If the worst case scenario happens so that you can just grieve and you don't have to also worry about your finances. That's the last thing you want to think about. Protect the life that you've built. With Policy Genius, you can see if you can find 20-year life insurance policies starting at just $276 a year for $1 million. And coverage. Head to policygenius.com slash abby to compare life insurance quotes from top companies and see how much you can save. That's policygenius.com slash abby. So that's where we're at. The kids are excited. So that's fun. I feel like they're also just like confused. So I feel like girls are a little bit more in tune with that. Like even my friends' kids that have daughters the same age, they're way more like receptive, asking more questions that are more in-depth than like, our kids. Although Griffin did ask us the other day, how did the baby get in there? I was like, that's a daddy question. No, Matt answered it. Yeah, good. I mean, you gotta be honest. I was like, you know, I never want to lie. Yeah. But I don't think you can ever start those talks too early. No, and it was great. And he did an awesome job. And we like, but afterwards I was like, I didn't think that was going to start yet. But I should have known. Like all the talk that we had about like having a baby. And like, we're in love, like all this stuff. And anyway. I'm sure by the, I feel like CJ, it really clicked for him in the third trimester when I was like, really had a big belly. Because, you know, they can visually see the baby more. Well, Augie thinks the baby's in here. Of course. Because those have, he's like, ooh, what's in there? That's a massive symptom I have. My niece, when I was pregnant with CJ, I was like, there's a baby in here, in my belly. And she goes, you ate your baby? Your niece? Yeah. Oh, my cousin. Sorry. Oh, okay. My cousin. My cousin. Yeah. She goes, you ate the baby? I said, oh, oh, you should ask your mommy about that. You should ask your mommy about that. No. How'd the baby get in there? You ate the baby? I feel like you could say no. I did say, I was like, no, no. But you should ask your mommy how it got in there. I'm like, I don't know. It logically made sense. I know. I kept saying the baby was in my belly. I feel like an explanation is warranted. Because for girls, they're like, I don't want this to just randomly happen, right? Totally. I don't want, can I eat something wrong? I don't want to fall pregnant randomly. Totally. This will be your fourth birth. Yes. Does that feel daunting? No. No. No. No. You feel like you were like, you got it. We got this on lock. Well, especially the nature of how, like, we're going to meet this baby is no labor. Yeah. No labor. No. You've never experienced a scheduled C-section. Yeah. Like, okay, I am saying this as someone that had what could be considered, I don't have trauma associated, but what could be. What could be considered as a traumatic first birth. Yeah. Where things didn't go quite right to the point where they didn't really want me to even try to attempt that a second time. To having a scheduled C-section, which really feels like you're checking in to some type of hotel. That's a little weird. It's a hotel. You just show up. I had self-tan on. I had my makeup done. My hair already fully rested. I slept all night. Amazing. Went in at noon. Uh-huh. Holding my baby at one o'clock. Yeah. Where Matt was. Yeah. And I was like. Sick. That was incredible. And my recovery wasn't that bad. So I'm saying, like, you got to understand the life experience I'm coming from when I'm saying this. Obviously, the nature of birth number three is not one that we're going to put in the same category. Right. It wasn't live birth and was deeply traumatic in a number of other ways. Mm-hmm. But between those two, I'm like, yeah, I'll take the second one. Those lights went crazy. I just thought I blinked weird. I was like. Am I losing consciousness? I've been getting a little blackout. Oh, no. A little blackout when I stand, which maybe I think my iron might could be low. That could be low. Spinach and electrolytes, girl. I found it. No, I had to take iron with Griffin and butt shots. I remember that. Yeah. I felt much better. I had it in my five-year journal. Went to Abby's butt shot appointment. Did you go? We, like, dropped you off. Yeah. Isn't that funny? I came back so chipper. That stuff works immediately. Okay. Wait. Let me give a little backstory. With Griffin, with my first pregnancy, I was just. You don't know what to do. You don't know what to expect. Right. I was like, I'm pregnant. Like, I'm going to be tired. Of course. I'm going to be, like, so drained and exhausted and get headaches. I was very, very tired. Right. They checked my red blood cell counts, normal routine blood work that you do. They said that they flag it as anemic, I believe, if it drops below 55. They're like, you have five red blood cells. Five? And normally 55? I was down to five. Your lips were so white. So white. And they were like, you need to come back today. Yeah. Yeah. You need to get. I started taking iron. I didn't need a transfusion or anything. But they gave me a shot of, I think it was B12. Uh-huh. And I was like, is this stuff supposed to work immediately? This is amazing. I felt incredible. And then we went to Joshua Tree. Joshua Tree. It was that day. I felt so good. Yeah. It was that day. I felt incredible. Good thing we got it before Joshua Tree. Anyway, what was I saying? A little bit more. Fourth labor. So no, not. I'm not. I'm not. No, no, no. Yeah. I'm not worried about it. Good. Well, because also it's very predictable. Sure. The nature of this type of delivery, that's the one perk. Oh, also, yeah. That's what I say. Our friend just had a baby and she was like talking about her worst case scenario, which would be her having a C-section. Yeah. I said, well, your worst case scenario is my inevitable. Like, that's what's happening. So not to dismiss your fears, but I'm like, it's not. If that's what has to happen, it's really not that bad. Luckily, it didn't have to happen for her. But I'm like, okay, we can share positive C-section experience. Totally. I felt great. Yeah. I felt fine and amazing. For sure. I feel like I got so many messages when I was going back. I was going back and forth between doing a scheduled C-section or attempting a VBAC. And so many women were like, oh my gosh, I love my C-section. It was beautiful. And my births were amazing. And my mom loved. She had three C-sections and she loved them. She was like, you're in, you're out. You're on the go. It's totally fine. I mean, obviously, your recovery is painful. It's really. It's more painful. It's really painful. And like your time in the hospital, oh, that's enough to make me attempt crazy things. It's not an option for me. Like, realistically, it's not a safe option for me. No. And I tried. This pregnancy, I was like, let's reopen the conversation. And everyone was like. And multiple doctors were not even slightly really entertaining. Like, no, it's all right. They're like, let's talk about it. Like, no, we're not going to talk about it. And even if I were to like find an alternate method, like they don't accept what I've had before. So it's like it wasn't even. It's not really even. Which is kind of nice not having to worry about making a decision on that. Honestly. I'm like, it's all good. It's all fine and dandy. Yeah. And so we're just gonna make the most of that situation. I will self-tan the night before. I will be fine. - I'm fully rested, I will, I'm just, speaking all these things out there um so no it's not daunting the recovery i'm like i'm gonna do things a little differently i'm gonna take the pain medication gosh please i didn't take it last time and i was like why did i do that i can't even imagine not doing that like i was i mean i was in the hospital for a long time but i needed it tylenol no but i needed the oxy yeah i think i did too i don't know i mean you have a really high pain tolerance so i could see maybe in the moments in the hospital you'd be like no i'm good and then you're getting home and everything they're wearing off and then freaking out but like that was so painful oh yeah so yeah that's a good that's a really positive step to change i'm taking oxys no uh yeah that's that's also makes it like less daunting and also just now i know what to expect more from recovery i want that like ice band around there that felt so good oh ice packs around that area felt really really good nice but yeah i mean what are you gonna do right you that stings that you can't pick up your other kids but also they're big enough they're gonna be big yeah so it's not even like that big of a the problem is that you can't lift the car seat and stuff yeah for six weeks i know i kind of did anyway well i mean you gotta do what you gotta do you do gotta do what you gotta do well i did it the first two weeks but after that i was like i have to oh yeah load them up yeah i didn't think i you know you can't drive for two weeks after having a right so i didn't really but you could always put the duna in and then load your baby up yeah yeah i should do that yeah i didn't think to do that after cj but you just figure out other ways later on i know i know now our car seats have expired almost i was gonna ask about that did you know that addy no your car seat's expired after six years yeah you should get a new ours you're doing it needs to be replaced ours needs the handle's like about to fall very wobbly it's wobbly yeah you guys you travel with that thing that's fine um so yeah no i'm not i'm very excited honestly that's the only thing that's like kind of helped the worst days like mentally this pregnancy is just like envisioning and obviously i'm envisioning a c-section like laying there and matt holding the baby and like hearing their cry and like getting back to our room like that's the only thing that has like helped get through i mean the main thing to get through those like hardest days because yeah i mean pregnancy after loss like moms that get it get it it's like you have your pregnancies before and then you have your pregnancies after and they are vastly different and like honestly like it's so interesting like the way it happened for me like having two healthy pregnancies and then a loss and also like a late like a late miscarriage like that really flipped everything upside down it's like i can't even actually relate or remember those pregnancies before it makes sense which is weird and it's like it's sad like i'm like man that was so i didn't even know how blissfully ignorant i was and now we're on the other side of that and you can't ever return to that and i just think i just had to make peace with that early on like i was like it's not going to be the same and so there's other things about it that it's like it's so much better too to fully understand like the miracle of it all and like the just i mean it truly like just the miracle of it all right and i understand that now in a much deeper way but i would do anything to get back you know to before i'm like i wish i could just pretend like i don't know what i already know i've seen what i've already seen right but you don't get that option and you keep going on or you don't and i totally understand moms that choose that to be the end of their road totally there's no that i get it that's enough to that's that was almost enough to make me the fear of it all but for sure here we are and we just really have positive visions of a redemptive pregnancy experience and it's happening yes it is happening yes so we are so grateful oh so grateful yes it's been a lot of it's been a lot you've been a champion through it you're sweet we're proud of you and we're excited and so so happy oh yeah and we can't wait to celebrate this baby thank you to needed for sponsoring this portion of today's episode being postpartum and coming out of pregnancy truthfully your body goes through a lot oh yeah it is a lot and it needs a lot of support and that is where need it comes in which is really really nice pregnancy and postpartum are some of the most nutritionally demanding times in a woman's life and there are so many options for supplements that it's really hard to get rid of and it's really hard to get rid of sometimes it's a little overwhelming yeah i remember just asking my doctor like what do i actually need right and what's actually going to work yes and that's 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i'm a big fan of needed because i just really trust their brand i love that they're developed by women that have been in this exact stage of life and know what they're doing to meet those unique needs in such a hormonally wild physically wild time of our lives yeah head over to thisisneeded.com and use code abby for 20 off your first order that's t-h-i-s-i-s-n-e-e-d-e-d.com and use code abby for 20 off your first order ask ask ask abby hi um i was just wondering if i'm pregnant with my second child my first ended in a c-section my doctor's on board with a v-back i know that abby has just had one recently i was wondering if maybe she had any tips that helped her get her v-back and what they would be thank you that's a great question yeah thanks for asking that i i feel like i have a lot of i made a whole video on it because i'm like there's so many things that i did differently a youtube video no i did like a reel on it okay i think i did talk about in a youtube video too like my post-birth part of q a um i feel like the biggest things like the reason that was cj i had a c-section was that he he never descended down it was like he was like he was like he was like he was like in a good position so my whole goal with vivian was to try to like help my body put her in the best position for labor and so i just did all the things like in the second trimester i started walking daily and i try to walk at least a mile every day just because it really helps every i don't know i'm not going to get into the science of things but i walked a lot um i did the spinning babies i asked my doctor about it and they had a packet with all the spinning babies method exercises and um like some of their tips for having a successful vaginal birth and so i did all the exercises in there at least in the third trimester started doing that um and then the third trimester i did more of like the holistic stuff where i did the dates and the tea every day um i bounced on that ball a lot it was really just like strengthening my body and trying to open my hips up more so that she could descend down better so that was the stuff that i did kind of leading up and then this is not medical advice by any means so take it away this just like with what you will and i think every person is so different i definitely want to do an epidural i want to have pain management um i did not want to be induced with my second just because with cj i felt like he just wasn't in a good position and the induction just didn't help with that um so i really wanted to try to avoid that this time around just to see if my body could naturally get her down obviously if like i needed pitocin or those things i would have taken it um but i just wanted to do what i could naturally to get my contractions going and more consistent so i did that and then i did the second trimester and i did the second trimester so i tried to avoid any like induction medication when i was at the hospital and things were already moving and then i just kind of waited a little longer to get my epidural so that even while i was having contractions and stuff i could be up and moving and she could be moving on down because i read a lot about how like when you're laying there the baby doesn't always move down as easy so i just knew that was from my personal experience that was my problem was that cj wasn't in the best position and so i just tried to fix it doing those things so i don't know what what led to your c-section the first time but maybe just answering some of those questions if yeah with different solutions good advice thanks i'm not a doctor hi abby's my husband and i are trying to prepare our bodies to start a family and i recently found out my progesterone is very low and with that it could make conceiving much harder and put me at high risk for a miscarriage so with all that being said how are you guys able to overcome the fear of the unknown possibilities thank you guys so much love you bye oh that's a hard one i'm not what was the question how are you able to overcome it well you know what you just gotta rip the band-aid yeah there's no way there's no way out the other side but through it therapy helps a lot i understand that's like expensive and difficult and i feel like also just know like everyone says this like you'll probably have some good advice too but like it's not a linear experience like i remember like when i got to like 17 weeks of this experience which i mean granted a lot of people have taken a deep sigh of relief long before 17 weeks but that was like an extremely tough week for me and i like got into therapy and i was like a total mess the whole time like for 60 minutes straight and i was just i remember telling my therapist i was like i'm just so frustrated because i felt like i was past this like i felt like i had like made so much progress like we were like i felt like this was all something that was behind me and like even saying that as i was saying i was like you know they always say this stuff is not linear but then it just feels like it really should be you know and And so just knowing that like there'll be good days and there will be bad days and that neither one is not as like, they're not all going to be bad days. They're not all going to be good days. And going into it with that understanding, you can just have a lot less fear attached to those bad days. It doesn't feel like, oh my gosh, this is how it's going to be forever until we meet our baby. And so, yeah, that was really wordy, not helpful advice. I think that was really good advice. Thanks. I think this isn't in regards to pregnancy necessarily. I just think in general, when I feel really scared, I always try to think on the other side of it. I'm like, okay, if worst case scenario things happen, will I, like, how will, will I be okay in the end? And the answer is always yes. Like, I think that we can get through, we're so much stronger than we believe and know. And I just have to remind myself that I'm like, if the worst case scenario things happen, like I have family, I have Caleb, I have this. There are things that we have in place that can help. Get us through it. And obviously we don't want to go through hard things. And that's why we feel scared about it. Cause it's like, that is so horrible. And I don't want to experience that. And I don't want to do that. But if it happens, I know that we'll be okay in the end. And like, things will look different, but we'll get through it. I think it's just reminding yourself that. And like, that is where a lot of like the faith aspect come in, comes in. It's like, I have to have faith that like, no matter what happens, I can get through this. And, um, yeah, I don't know. I haven't really experienced like, I think a lot of scary things, but. I think a lot of times it feels like with modern science and innovation, we can control family planning more than ever, but we still cannot control family planning. Right. And that is just the bottom line. I don't think this is something that will ever be guaranteed. And that's why it's such a miracle. Yeah. And so I think just going into this, you're already asking the right questions of like, how do I like, cause I think me blissfully ignorant, even trying for our first, like I was like, okay, probably. And then that'll be like it. And then we have our babies and it's like, great. Nine months later. And like, um, you're already asking the right questions and you already understand that this is outside of your control and going into that, you're just already setting yourself up for like, just a posture of surrender in a way that is just like, it re it simply requires like the fact is, is some of us end up with all of our kids and there's relatively no complications. Everyone will face complications and challenges and highs and lows, but relatively no. And, and the only difference. The only difference between them and other people that have, you know, lived the worst case scenario is simply just luck and that's really what it boils down to. And so just fully surrendering and then just like lean on your spouse a lot and your community of friends. And yeah. Yeah. It's just one of those things. It is. Totally. If you're a believer, pray and journal and bring all those fears to God. I think a lot of times saying them out loud and not like holding onto them is helpful to like voicing those things. Um. Oh, totally. Yeah. Cause sometimes I feel like when you're sitting on a fear and you're, it's in your head and then you're ruminating on it, it's really easy to like get into a spiral. And if you can get those out loud and speak through them, I think that's healthy. Yeah. Hi, Abby's. I've been following you both for quite some time now. And I remember that you both had unplanned emergency C-sections with your first borns. Um, that was also my experience with my son this past October. So my question is, did you deal with any feelings of failure following your C-sections or were you scared? Or just wondering if you could have done anything differently to prevent them? Thank you. I had a lot of those feelings after CJ. I think that was one of the hardest things to, I felt a lot of anger at my body cause I felt like my body failed me and it wasn't necessarily that, like I was, I mean the C-section in my head, I was like, oh, I was like mad that I had to do that because it just seemed so, um, hard after like going through labor for so many hours. Um. And so I just was like, man, my body for the first time ever, it just didn't do what I was needing it to do. And I felt very betrayed by my body. And that was like a very weird feeling. And I think there was a lot of like processing for that for sure. So you're not alone in those thoughts at all. I think over time I was like, I think there was, there's just a level of acceptance that I had to reach where I was like, it's just okay. Like that it happened. I think I used to look at my scar and like feel angry at times, not because I had a scar on my body. I was just like mad at my body for not working right. Um, and I can't even really explain that, but I think just, especially when we're young and healthy and like, everything's always gone my way, it just felt like I had this reminder of all the time of like, I always had this reminder where I look in the mirror and like, oh, my body betrayed me. And I think it's okay to feel that preventative wise. I don't know. I feel like if there are things that I would do differently, I think I didn't, I don't think I actually needed the induction and in the long run and CJ was just so high in my stomach that like, he was just not ready to come down at all. And so we really forced it. So I was just one of those cases though, where I had an induction and it didn't work, but a lot of people have that and it works great. So I don't know. It's not like it's just pregnancy and birth. It's just not a one size fits all for everybody. And everyone's experience is so different and they had a lot of concerns about him being too big. And so we just did what we thought was best. And so, no, I don't think, but now that we know that I don't have massive babies, I'm okay. Not doing that in the future. You know, I feel like birth and labor is all like trial and error. Yeah. I actually didn't have an emergency C-section my first time he did come out, but it was an emergency situation. And so I definitely did feel feelings of failure when they were telling me I just needed to schedule a C-section after he did come out vaginally my first, I was like, you mean I'm just gonna show up and lay down and not even try like for me in my spirit, like, I'm like, that just doesn't sit right with me. So I just needed to really evaluate like, what was my own, like, this is gonna, this is my unique situation. I'm not saying this is other people's situation, but like, what was my own ego and what was like actually what we needed to evaluate was like wise medical sound advice from multiple professionals. And so once I like set that aside, but even still this day, I'm like, I'm really just gonna show up and lay down and get frozen and get it like, it does bother me. No. Dang. But it's just, it's, this is the reality of it all. And it doesn't mean that like I'm weaker or I view myself as weaker or anything, but yeah, there's just so much complicated emotions with birth and so much, like it is all just so touchy and everyone had, a lot of women have gone through it. So a lot of people have big opinions on it. And it's also like a peak experience in our life. Like you're reaching the limits of your, and so there's just such heightened emotions around it. And so totally, it's just hard to even talk. Talk about in a way that's like not going to step on people's toes and like, I don't know, I've just had to learn to set a lot of that like aside and like, this is my isolated experience for what it is and any outside opinions on that. It's like, that's actually coming from your personal experience, which really doesn't play a role in my decision-making. And so it's just like, or shouldn't. So I agree. We're going to talk about it with everyone. Like, Oh, this is what I experienced, but it's really hard to be like, Hey, you should do this. I know. That's why even when I talk about like, I was induced with CJ, I get like nervous saying that because I never want to sway someone away from doing that. If their doctors are recommending it, I think I'd probably needed to be induced because you did. Yeah. I mean, he was big and you need to be like early, but just for frame, like it wasn't even like that huge. I know. But it's just like, that's why it's so hard when I say things like that. I'm like, well, I just know that didn't work for my body the first time. So I'll do something different. That's why I'm like, it's hard to sort through the advice. It's so hard to sort through it. Just other, just once again, family. Planning is just a big exercise in surrender. Like it really is. And you can't put too much on yourself. Like there's only so much of that's within your control. Right. And that's what's scary about it. But that's also why it's a great exercise in your own faith too. Cause it's just like, there's so much outside of your control. I, yeah, I remember feeling that way after my friend, after I had CJ and I had the C-section and I was like, well, I want to do things differently next time. And then I had a friend who did literally everything that you're supposed to do, like everything right. And then she went into labor and her body just. Never progressed. And she had a C-section. I just remember crying and being like, okay, there's just, there's no way to ensure a perfect scenario. And so I think there was a level of that where I was like, okay, you just have to accept whatever you really have to go in with an open hand. Control what you can control and then surrender the rest, which is unfortunately a lot of it. It's actually 98%. Let's be honest. Yeah. I felt like mine was different. I did go into spontaneous labor, but about, I think it was 36 weeks and Brielle was still, she was, what's that? Adverse? Transverse. Transverse. So she was still in labor. She was still sideways. So she hadn't turned head down and they told me it was likely that I would have to have a C-section and I bawled like when I left the doctor's appointment because I was so set that I wasn't going to have to do that. And so I do think while I was really sad and I had to go through the emotions of like, okay, that's probably, it was coming from pride of like, I want to be able to do what my body was surely designed to do and not have to have a C-section. But then I was able to process all those emotions. I was able to do it beforehand rather than it being an emergency at the end and having to process it during the moment. And so I was like, very thankful that I was able to like, I was able to talk to both of you about that too and be, say how I was nervous and scared and going through those emotions of like, my body was supposed to do this. Why is she not turning and doing that? And then coming to peace with it and then coming into another appointment, then telling me she was head down. I was like, I was grateful that I was going to be able to try to do it spontaneously that way. But I went through that same experience. when they were not the same, completely different because it wasn't emergent. situation but having to process those emotions beforehand i was very grateful for even though i was pretty upset about it we have a pretty good range here we have a huge range totally i think like you say you think it's easier just going and laying down for a c-section i think like obviously the labor part like delivery part is probably easier because you're just laying there but the recovery is so different like oh yeah yeah i think that's where you're just picking where your pain is i'm just saying you this is a fact you don't labor right so it's like that your labor experience is easier yeah sure sure i mean i guess i technically was in like having contractions you were having contractions for like a month before he never moved down he was never planning on coming out of my vagina and they're like please my body i had so many stress tests because they're like do you not feel those i'm like no i actually do yeah i've been in pain for six weeks they didn't hurt no none of them hurt it was just like pressure you know yeah yeah and i was like i think it's because he was not planning that man was never planning on coming through my breast he's like cut me out or else he was going crazy he might not cry the minute you know c-section babies don't cry augie comes out screaming checks out no they were literally like oh my goodness he's got lungs that's what they say that's like their nice way you actually did you know an elementary i was an elementary education major and i remember one day i show up to class and they're like okay so this is a misbehavior or like a characteristic of like a disobedient student and this is how you present it to the parents and like one of them was like you know he won't sit in his seat it's like he's he's very active learner like or it's like they won't shut up and clap like they have a lot to share like they're just you have like a nice way of saying it and i feel like that was like the nurse's nice way of saying like this dude might be calling some awesome lungs there's a bit about vivian too when she came out like oh the lungs she lost her voice at first the first two days real kind of too actually did you guys they all cry right away for no you guys who cj's was over over a minute oh i listened back and it was like 45 seconds i don't even know yeah cj's was long like my video of birth is that of his delivery was long and he didn't cry the whole video i remember caleb and i had a moment where we were like we were just kind of looking at each other and then when he started crying we were crying it was a long i do think c-section babies take a little they did say that and he was under distress just from like all the time but yeah but he's it's like real too real the quarters dropped around her neck so it was a really fast delivery delivery yeah not labor the labor was pretty quick too but yeah the delivery was really fast because of that and then i think that's probably why she wasn't crying yeah that's all for voicing oh it's a great conversation the book club ladies i finished the book in one day i read 300 pages i actually read it all in one day too yeah it was actually read fast i read it fast i did skim and skip a lot okay disregard abigail's review of this book no no no i skipped like one section no i can speed read you you you read like you pick out a couple sentences on the page and then you kind of see like oh these are the important sections to read i skipped all of the like thought commentary i didn't care about what your review does not count no i read no i did it i i did my homework you can't pick out what you want to read and this isn't a homework yes i can't i loved the sections obviously the in the moment on the space shuttle i read every word of those i read all those words um i loved the storyline with the sister and her niece i read all that everything else i kind of skimmed oh my gosh okay so um i couldn't really care about i didn't really care about the other astronauts i really like this author i think that she does a good job mix between like telling a story and then also it's still like like it's not necessarily like a deep read like i would say it's like a lighter story yeah um this this book might be my least favorite of the ones i've read of hers really i really wanted more of the spaceship yeah experience me too like i feel like it was actually like five percent of the book and i really wanted more spaceship experience i love the woman power i love like women in space and like you know being the first to like you know being the first to like first woman from and nasa first like i love that aspect of it i loved like a slight historical element to it i like i like the space talk guys ever since i read project hail mary i feel like i'm kind of an expert on space so i was like oh i know about this stuff i like the space element i thought it was cool and so yeah i just wanted more about the mission i really did yeah i was a little confused on what the explosion was that like oh you're right like with the door yeah it was and it was just shrapnel yeah so it was from the they left the door open they left the door open so did a comet hit them did a star hit them what no so they were something something on the satellite uh-huh whatever it was and then it like messed up something malfunctioned but you're right i think that i was a little bit confused i feel like that is something astronauts would have to fill in for me yes i wish we got more of her mission of i forgot their names already but it's only about the mission that victoria no and the other one when she threw up the whole time on the yeah that's true we got none of that yeah a little bit i would have liked more there i really liked the dynamic between her and lydia and like all the girls on lydia because i think they all played a different role within like the women empowerment and being in nasa whereas oh yeah like they hated her yeah because she tried to be one of the guys yes and then what's the main character's name i was just asking why can't i remember her name joan joan joan was like why are you trying to be like one of them and there was a line there that's kind of stuck with me she's like we don't need to be oh she said men are hard and brittle but i find that being soft and flexible actually gives you more yes strength yeah what was it or you're more resilient or whatever she said i was like that's just so true yes more long lasting what was the word that she used pull up the quote oh here we go because the world had decided that to be soft was to be weak even though in joan's experience being soft was to be weak because the world had to be soft and flexible was always more durable than being hard and brittle durable that's so true yeah i thought that was a really good quote and i just i liked i liked their discussion there of like we don't have to try to fit in and be one of the guys like we have our own strengths as women and like two things you know it's like they can do their thing and we can do our thing and like they complement each other really well i don't know i just really appreciate that lydia's character was really important too because i feel like a lot of women when like end up getting really competitive it's easy to get really competitive yeah with each other and i think when it's like oh we actually are in the same we should be headed together towards the same goal totally and but like i liked i feel like lydia did have a really good character arc at the end where she was like yeah she was doing what she thought she had to do to achieve make achievements as a woman yeah and like they were doing the same yeah i actually genuinely really liked and cared about all the characters of this book which i think is actually a good the reason why i rate books highly is i was like if i'm invested in the characters then i'm just overall gonna like the book more yeah what's the name that way the name what you didn't feel that way you didn't feel that way i wasn't really invested in the characters really really i liked i like the way that they spoke i thought the character development for all of them was really good i didn't read half of it style of writing i like a little more um younger the what younger younger i'm just like a little more like cheesy and like it just felt a little more grown up to me i feel like it did err on the side of literary fiction more on the side of like romance yeah and so i which i like those types of books but i i i gave it four stars i emotionally gave it five stars because i was like at the ending i was just so invested in what was gonna happen but then after i was thinking about it more i was like it really was a four stars because i don't know that i would necessarily excitedly recommend it to people but i would i'm like i enjoyed it the experience of reading it yeah but i did lower our last book called book two and two the more i thought about it and dissected it i was like that book was actually looney tunes yeah we when we were in rhode island we were she was still i'm still hashing it out and dissecting it i was like it's actually a two to the point where i need to actually make sure other people don't read it i i have my mom read it yeah she didn't like it she didn't i didn't talk about she told me she's like i'm reading your book club book and i'm so bad hilarious i think she said it was dumb i think it was dumb that was the point of it you know she's a you know what people really like her but i just think i might be done with that book but i really do like taylor jenkins read this book i feel like i wouldn't excitedly recommend it but i was very like it was a good read i i felt i felt like i will remember this book yeah i remember the the journey the woman took what i had two quotes that stuck out to me when i was reading it that i noted this one was this is joan speaking she said i always had the top grading class and i would come home and brag about how i helped this boy who sat next to me that was struggling with times tables or i helped the girl with the spelling then one day this boy joins our class and he's really good at math not as good as me but almost and he asked me for help and i told him i'd think about it but i didn't want to bobby simpson i was so scared that he'd take my top score for me i told my mom that i wasn't going to help him and my mom said that if i was going to be proud of myself for being generous then i had to do it even when it meant i might lose something and she said you have to have something on the line for it to be called character and i was like i'm not going to be proud of myself for being generous and i'm not going to that was good really a good point to still help like if someone's going to beat you or be better than you at something but you can still help them like it's not bad to help someone up even if they're like on your same level like if there's something you can help them with yeah yeah i like that though yeah there has to be something on the line for it to be character it's like some like there has to be like a potential loss to yourself otherwise it's just like you feel like you're adding another badge you know totally that's good i remember that too like when she started saying that and then i one other one that i was just like i like the way she worded it was and this is why small as they were joan's choices had added up to something magnificent in the changing of seasons in the past four years joan had found it all i just thought that was cool talking about how the changing of the seasons in a year like so much happens in a year and if you just think you went through all four seasons and something different happened to you're now the person you are this year i don't know i just thought about it that way that is sweet yeah i like those quotes i think those are really good as an author i feel like all of her books kind of feel this way where they're emotional and i like books that are emotional i think they just help me remember them more and then also there's like some meat to the story and i think that a lot of the times it comes from like the context and like the time in history or like the specific setting is is very memorable for me because i think because i do read like a decent amount of books some of them i'm like that was just forgettable and so i like that this one was like it impacted me yeah actually to your point i'm thinking about what that quote you just said um that's you do see her change a lot like her character changes and develops a ton like everything about her but towards the end where she becomes a mom you know it's like and her goal like her career's goals change like everything changes and so that is interesting not hearing that quote i'm like wow it just did run true and how much she did change making me think too how all of the chapters are or not all of them but they're all marked by seasons it says all of this year or spring of this year do you think back to the book being marked by that i did think it was really sweet her like loving her um me so much i was just like i was thinking about i'm like braille's niece braille's aunts love her so much that's never gonna happen because i'm a great mom but yeah oh my god what's her name beatrice yeah it was the mom that reading about her mom i was like what an easy not an easy but i'm like we kind of like i've met people like that you know what i mean that just like make everything about themselves and like cannot see outside of their own point of view and then seeing that as like a mother to a child relationship was really like so crazy and i think she did a really good job of developing that storyline and even just like seeing how her sister joan made excuses for her sister and it's like always wanted to see the best in her sister but then her sister just like continuously never showed any redeeming quality and then it got to the point where it's like oh my gosh you know i don't know that was just a really hard to see that and i thought i was very invested in that storyline of the book i was invested in that storyline actually yeah yeah she did a good job writing that i think it helped it was like i don't know as a reader i was like wow that's just so she made it very clear i don't know it was just good you kind of saw it slowly with her like where you almost i think it's like you're kind of slightly in joan's head like how you're perceiving these things where it was like okay like she wasn't planning on having a baby then and uh like these things are happening to her and she's like oh my god i don't know what's going on with her and she's like oh my god i don't know what's going on with her and then it gets to a point like where you realize that's why i think it was so artful the way that she did it like you when you reach the same realization that joan does as joan realizes it where you're like i can't you cannot excuse this away anymore right like she's a selfish person right and so yeah i i think it was really well done yeah honestly yeah and i think that yeah i would read more by this author yeah makes me want to finish daisy jones in the six you need to read daisy jones in the six i'm like a third of the way through it i don't know why i i'm sorry i'm just not into it what did i read this book i read a four okay yeah a four i rated it a two a two that's crazy i was not picking it up and that's kind of how i i gauged like am i picking it up or am i scrolling and i was scrolling maybe i'll give it a three because i really didn't read everything that's psycho yeah you can't give it a four you can't rate this one because i didn't really i mean i read it but i didn't read it hey you seem to retain some things i retained a lot i've told you i was invested in what i was invested in you know what i mean i read it i read it i thought it was and to me like i skimmed it and i felt like i got the whole book okay you know what i mean and i think that is like she was a great writer because i feel like you know i still got it next month's book club are you ready to move on to that one i'm really excited about this one i have had this book pre-ordered since maybe a year i don't know whenever it was available but hayley fam is another creator uh she released her first book ever called just friends so cool i've heard a lot about it just from i i partake in book talk on youtube because i don't have tiktok i watch full-length videos of people reading books do they just read them out loud no no no they're just sitting there reading them and they like talk about it and then they like there's a lot of categories and but it's it's a whole niche no that's not that crazy because i feel like guys do that with watching big people play video games and talk about it it's just like the girl version of that they literally watch streams of other people yeah so i don't think it's weird okay it is it's niche for sure it's like i find myself i'm like they're there's i'm a small audience yeah i'm a part of a small audience i'm part of a dedicated community um but no more than that i mean i shouldn't say that a lot of people are talking about her book and um i'm really excited to support another creator and also just like i'm excited about this book i've been invested in her whole process of writing it she's documented a lot of it on youtube um so just friends by hayley fam will be our april april april book pick i'm like what's the month and so um this should be a great i think it's like it takes place in like a sunny seaside fun like it's a very settings heavy book which i'm like that feels fun for april and very appropriate for spring yes yes i can't wait cute okay so read that one if you want to join in for next month's book talk episode are we calling this just book club always reading always reading i don't know i thought everything needs to be always blank always hungry it has to fit the theme abby okay what's your recipe for this week okay for always hungry always hungry my recipe is beef and broccoli this is a real you don't like that not the best okay this is good i like it when you make it have i made it for you before you have it's okay if you didn't like it no i did you did well it's really easy and that's what i like it just says like a weeknight i don't know why i just started thinking of chinese food i actually don't no hate to the fellow chinese listeners love chinese people i don't love chinese food that's what i was saying i don't like that i don't like the takeout beef and broccoli i don't like the takeout beef and broccoli i don't like the takeout beef and broccoli yeah i don't either this doesn't taste like takeout it doesn't taste out doesn't taste like yeah i agree and it's it's so simple it's three i mean it's three main ingredients beef broccoli and rice and then you have your sauces that you mix up which is mostly just soy sauce sesame oil it's so easy and it's ground beef huh uh-huh that's why i like it yeah it's just so easy and fast and you could it's actually a 30-minute meal like some people say that and it's not this is actually a 30-minute meal so i'll link it i make it once a week at least in our house at most not what what carb do you have with it are you i just do rice oh yeah perfect um mine is not a dinner option i'm actually just been really craving this uh strawberry shortcake i make this like always like in june for the past few years really with those homemade biscuits oh wow can you please make that again do you remember it now yeah how can i forget is it necessarily like a beginner recipe but it's really you'd be surprised it's not too hard you make i would say this is like the southern style it's so good it's so good it's so good i would say it's like the southern style of strawberry shortcake where you make actual like homemade biscuits and then bake them in a buttered cast iron and then you make the strawberry filling with real strawberries and then make the whipped cream and make it like a little stacked layered sandwich have i made this for you yeah you made it for your mom's birthday okay i like feel like this is the greatest way to welcome in spring summer it's so delightful and you will feel like a chef when you do it because it's it's it is a little bit it's a extra yeah but it's actually pretty easy and the recipe makes it very easy too and it's so delightful i need to make it i'll make it on sunday yes please please or saturday let's do it what's saturday our extended family is in town let's do it for saturday yeah that would be fun then save some for me and save some for addy we'll make you we'll save you well i don't know addy sorry you snooze you lose it really doesn't say well actually make more for sunday sorry i'll make more on sunday double it up um so yeah i really love that recipe and yeah i feel like wow that for one episode what really that's so funny because halfway through i was like we're barely talking and now it's the end we're like wow that was we we filled it up we filled it up you guys in closing let me open my ipad for our closing we're really grateful to those of you that are members of this community and we're just excited to continue to grow this and foster community with you guys and really especially thankful to those of you that leave reviews yeah we have a special for their username so i cannot say it but it's they gave us five stars yeah it says my weekly girl time i look forward to this show every week i listen in with my kids in the back seat and my two-year-old loves hearing the kids intro for the whoa that's crazy segment that's cute this show is fun relatable and i love the community that's being created with ask abby's always eating and the book club oh sweet we're glad that that you guys feel that way because that's we want to that's the goal it's fun for us it's so fun for us yeah and so that's the goal we're glad you guys are enjoying it so please leave a review like comment and subscribe to our channel and we'll see you in the next video comment subscribe share heart all the things download do all the things and um also if you would like to call in and leave a voicemail actually we are going to do a very heavy voicemail episode so lock us in give us a ton of voicemails that number is it is 602-456-9690 and it's also in our instagram bio yeah if you can't find it follow us on instagram and tiktok subscribe on youtube so you never have to miss any of the updates and stay tuned for upcoming live events in the local phoenix area yes awesome and remember we're always here coca-cola for the big for the small the short and the tall peacemakers risk takers for the optimists pessimists for long distance love for introverts you and extroverts the thinkers and the doers for old friends and new coca-cola for everyone pick up some coca-cola at a store near you i hate mondays king's hawaiian cinnamon swirl bite taylor hansen sure i'll try one hey let's get back to work please but taylor hansen's making my day way better with these new soft and swirly king's hawaiian cinnamon bites taylor hansen nice try one king's hawaiian cinnamon bites don't you love them there's nothing like it