Portugese Man O' War | Son of a Boy Dad #417

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To learn more about the Chase Sapphire Preferred card, go to Chase.com slash Sapphire Preferred. That's Chase.com slash Sapphire Preferred. Cards issued by JPMorgan Chase Bank, N.A. member FDIC, subject to credit approval, terms apply. Yeah, I mean, I'm fine to start. Welcome back to the Son of a Boy Dad podcast. It is Tuesday, July 7th, and we are here back in HQ Trez. Is that the end of our. Chicago episodes? Yes. Cool. So yeah, that was it. That was, uh, we completed all those. Yeah, we had banks and episodes. Yeah, and now we're here. Now we're back. We're back in the studio. I mean, it is a scorcher in here today. Yep. Perfect day for a wool flannel. Well, I mean, you're wearing a fucking denim jacket. Can't be saying that. I gotta look cool. Well, I'm trying to look cool, too. It's also only like 68 degrees. You guys both look cool. To both of your credit, you guys have a good color palette. I had to go swaggy. And really nice layering. That might be my favorite shirt of yours. It's a solid shirt. That one and then the sweater with the fish on it. I love. The green one. Oh, yeah, yeah. That's a good sweater. You're kind of getting a little bit too wrapped up in how you look, though. Big time. I just want to let you know. Yeah, that's my whole thing now. Your outfits, you're putting too much time into them. Yeah, you've gone corporate. Yeah, big time. He sold out badly. Your jokes are suffering. Oh, big time. You got too good looking. Everything's suffering? Yeah. Yeah. Um, but. But if I had known that you might wear something like that, I might have extended an invitation to the dinner this evening. Yeah, well, so, yeah, let's hear about this dinner. We're going to the 86. You would love it. But, unfortunately. Isn't that, like, kind of a term that people use for garbage? Yeah. Or, like, when you 86 a menu item? Yeah, yeah, it's 86. Cancel an order. Yeah. The 86 has a dress code of smart, elegant attire. Any guest who does not appear sufficiently well presented may be refused entry. That's you. I mean, I'm. This is as smart attire as it can get. You are dressed for the 86 today. This is smart. You're dressed like an olive that they'd put in a martini. If I had known you had that in you, I might have said, we're three. Nah, I don't mind. It's all good. I think you mind a little. No, I really don't mind. I'm going. Look, I'm going to Wyoming tomorrow. I'm on vacay mode right now. Wow. Well, what better way to kick off a vacay than, like, one of the top 10 toughest reservations to get in the city? Yeah, but, you know, I don't roll like that. What do you mean? I like to find the easiest reservation to get in the city. I'm more into places that don't have reservations. You can just walk right in. Yeah, we don't accept reservations. There's a mom and pop frequenter. Yeah, exactly. Dunkin' Donuts. Yeah. You just stand up and you can also get ice cream at the same time. Yeah, exactly. They serve breakfast all day round. Yeah, that's more my speed. Wherever you like to go. You've got to be fired up for Wyoming. I am. I'm very excited. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. What's the. What's happened with the hotel situation? Well. So, funny enough, I like forgot about that completely and then Bo hit me up and he had listened to the podcast and he was like, so should we just get a hotel then? And I was like, yeah, I was like, I've been saying we should get a hotel the whole time and then we got a hotel. But it's not actually, it's like a moat, we're in like a shitty motel. Did they contribute or are you covering? Yeah, yeah, we split. I was like, I'll pay for the whole thing and they're like, no, we'll split it. We don't care. We don't want to hear about it on your fucking show. Yeah. This is our lives. We like, we didn't choose the life of being in contact to get fucking poked fun at for our. Yeah. How much are the hotels a night? Well, it's a motel and I think it was like for three people, it was like, I want to say it was like 250, something like that. Total? Yeah. Yeah, that's pretty cheap. It's like Jackson's expensive. You have your own rooms? For a moat, this is like a super eight. Wait, per room? No, for one room. Oh, you got one room? Yeah, we got one room, two beds and a couch, I think. That's not bad. It's not terrible, but for a motel, it's not great. But I know you're not sleeping on the couch, but like, since you split it evenly, you should have the option to wind up on the couch. Yeah, I'll probably, I mean, there's a chance I'll end up on the couch. Yeah. I got no problem with that. One third chance. As long as we can just shower before going home, I'm fine. I just don't want to sit on a plane after being in the woods for a week. Is this a group of friends with whom you have such comfort that all of you guys can like walk around naked after a shower? No. And it's not weird? I don't think I have any friends that are. I thought this would have been. I don't have a single friend that I would do that with. You're telling me you can't go bear shafted in front of your friends? You know, you're just like, you come out of the shower with a towel and you're going to have to change. It would just be like, if anything, you'd be like, I'm dropping trowel, like, turn around. Oh, you would say that? Yeah, yeah. You come out with a, you come out of the shower, there's one towel, you put it around your hair and you just walk out. Yeah, exactly. That's what I would do. You just walk with your pubic mount. Yeah. Yeah. We're not flashing pubes or anything like that, or cock, especially not cock. I feel like girls do that, like, all the time. Yeah, yeah. Girls don't care about that shit. Which is crazy. Yeah. They're like, they like piss together and stuff. Yeah. In the same toilet. Imagine pissing with one of your boys. I'd be like, yo, can you leave? It would, it, it, it, yeah. I mean, urinals is fine, but if there's one toilet and a single use bathroom. Also, I think the assumption would be like, those guys are doing drugs. Like, if me and you were at a bar and we were just in the bathroom together, everyone would be like, they're doing coke. If the bouncer was like, do, do, do, do, do, get the fuck out of there. Yeah, yo, chill, dude. I'm, my boy's pissing right now. We're both pissing in there. We're talking about something. He's having a hard time. Do you mind? Yeah. Men can't get away with that. Yeah, it's bullshit. Yeah. It's a double standard, but they're walking around, clams out, cans out. And I think that it's. I really think that it's because there's nothing that's, like, dudes, their penises are the one piece of privacy men have. Exactly. And women have no privacy because of athleisure. Yes. Yes. Very, very right. Yeah. There's a lot of logic being poured in here, and I'm not sure I follow it all. I'm not a big, like, you can't see. You know what, girls all know, there's no, like, surprises when girls all get naked with each other. They're all, like, you know the girls, like, if she has big boobs or small boobs. Kind of. Kind of. Coming out regardless. Not like a dick where it's, like, you could have the fucking corkscrew dick like a fucking duck. But wait a minute. Hold on a second. Maybe girls are better at reading that than I am, but there have been times where I have unearthed breasts that I thought were large and they ended up being smaller, or vice versa. Sometimes they were a well-kept secret. Well, maybe they don't feel the need to fool each other, and they want to fool you. Exactly. Well, they're not just fooling me and not fooling them. You think? Yes. I think they're just like, yeah, like, I'm doing whatever. Definitely. I think they're fooling you and specifically not fooling them. Oh, I'm going on a date with Frances tonight. Let me wear three sports bras. Yeah, help me with that. That's much more likely to happen going out with you than going out with her friends. I don't want him to like me the way my friends do for my big boobs, for how honest I am about my large breasts. Yeah, I really think that's what it is. I want him to think I'm humble. I really think that's what it comes down to. There's not many friends that I have that I'm going bare shafted in front of as well. But I think that's because I didn't play many team sports. Yeah, I think that's me as well. I think the team sports brothers are more likely to. Like dudes that play soccer? They like run trains. Yeah, yeah. They pretty, yeah, they fuck each other. I think, I don't think it's soccer so much as it's hockey, football, lacrosse. I would say soccer one, hockey two. I do like, I do think hockey is right up there with soccer. I don't think basketball is that high, Ron. I think that a lot of those basketball teams have individuals. Yeah, I think they're also. Teams are small, so they can do that. Yeah, and they're also deeply homophobic. We, yeah, correct. We had to shower. And the type of shower you go through when you check in at Rikers. Yeah. You're going to be sprayed down and your head shaved like you're going into Auschwitz. Your skin hurt. Yeah, exactly. Do you think they changed that, though? Like, do you think since you've been there, like, they probably added, like, curtains? Because I remember when I was in middle school, we didn't have, like, the gym. I mean, obviously, you were only going there for gym, so you weren't, no one was really actually showering after. But then I remember going to high school, and they updated everything, and they had curtains now. We didn't, they don't have curtains. There's a team-building element to showering together. That's how, like, Dion used to be like, hey, you need to, as men, you need to be able to shower together. Which means, like, you need to just be able to have all your insecurities and flaws laid bare. And I think that that's probably what it does. And with basketball players, they have the most to lose because, like, if a seven-foot dude has a small dick, it's like. Yeah, if Wamby's got a fucking. Yeah, if he's just got a nub, he's got a little button, then, like, yeah, that's pretty funny. Yeah, yeah. That shit's actually hilarious. And that'll, but honestly, that'll probably hurt the dynamic of the team. Like, if you find out that your all-star player has a micropenis, you're like, is this supposed to be the guy that's leading us into battle? I'm not passing him the ball. I'm not giving him the rock, bro. You got a micropene, and you want him to take the last shot at the end of the game. Yeah, the game-winning shot. Yeah, that's gotta be tough. But, I mean, there has to be dudes. There has to be dudes who have all the secrets. I think soccer, like, judging off of people I knew that played, like, the soccer kids were always just, like, not even, like, as an insult, not, it's not like a gay way, like, they were all just, like, like, the guy, I don't know how to describe, like, they were, like, energetic and, like, like, didn't really care about anything but soccer. So, it was, like, they were kind of just, like, like, I could see them pulling their dicks out and stuff in the locker room. That was, like, a brotherhood. You're telling me that, like, dedication necessarily leads to, like, forced nudity? Yes. I don't think. Yeah, no, I think it does. I don't think that's, for me, it was more, like, frattiness. I guess that's kind of what I was looking for. But we, I played on both teams, and I can tell you that the soccer team. It's regional. But he played on, in college, he played soccer, too. People never talk about that with France. But he played on the soccer and the lacs. And I showered with both teams, and I can tell you that the soccer team was much more shy about it than the lacrosse team. He's puked on the ground. He's outside. Yeah, they were, for sure. And part of that was that the soccer team was very diverse, whereas the lacrosse team was just all white kids. Yeah, I can see that. That actually, that plays a big factor. Yeah. Race. Correct. Yeah, the U.S. men's soccer team penises have to look like the rainbow. We have all races. We have all races. Did you guys watch that whole game? Yeah. Yeah, that was pretty tough. Sucked. I knew that was going to happen. Yeah, I did, too. I went out. I went out with some pals. Some Belgian guys. I went out with Lev and Shane and all those guys. Gillis? Yeah, yeah, Gillis. Fair. And the famous one. Was Sean there? No, Sean wasn't there. Oh. But I looked at Lev 20 minutes into the game, and I was like, this is over. Yeah. And he was like, what are you talking about, man? No, it's not. And I was like, oh, yeah. It's not. But in the back of my head, I was like, this game's fucking over. Oh, we started. We looked like fools. Yeah. And then we scored a remarkable free kick. That guy. That guy, that was sick. Unbelievable. That was like some hope was back. And then they scored 30 seconds later. Yeah, yeah. And you're like, yeah, it is over. Bro, I honestly, I was going to save this joke for the pod because I made it at the pub last night. Big pop, big roar, of course. And then I looked on Twitter and Trent literally said the exact same thing. Same thing, word for word. But it was a funny thought. Trent. Trent from Barstool. Trent Ryan? You're stealing jokes from Trent now. Yeah. Well, so that's why I had to say that before. But just like the idea of like the goalie getting scored on and then being like, why the fuck am I in the center of the field right now? Like he was so far up. It was insane. I don't even watch soccer. I can't imagine that's a normal. Well, he had to come out and play the ball. Yeah, but he was out. Well, he was. No, his problem was that he hesitated. He hesitated once he had the ball at his feet. All you didn't know, he stopped. All you had to do was just kick it. By the way, Harvard guy. Embarrassing. That's a disgrace. He's a Harvard guy. That could have been you. I know. Genuinely could have been. I had a joke like that could have been you now. I think you could have been the goalie on that. Well, you would. I mean, yeah, it wouldn't be hard not to make that that move. He has to have been so embarrassed the way his foot like hit the ground trying to kick it. It was like his powers got zipped. Zapped like in Space Jam, like everything taken away from him. He was like the it was like the yips. It was like the video of Charles Barkley swinging. Yeah, yeah, that was that was tough. But like, luckily, if it was if they lost three to it would have been way more painful. They got fucking boat raced. That fourth goal was almost as bad as the as the third. Yeah, no, that one was pretty bad. Fourth. The third was as bad. That's like historic. That will do the second. That guy, Romalo Bukaki, came on the field. I knew we were absolutely fucked. He is built so differently from anyone else on the soccer field. Bukaki. They're so fast to the ball. The Belgians. Yeah. Like their first touch. Just so they didn't even play one of their best players. Yeah, that's like that guy who's plays for Man City or did. What's the blonde haired kid's name? I forget what it like. I found it. Fucking Tommy is one of the best assists guys. Then then the guy. Yeah, whatever. We should we should move on. I don't want to. I don't want to talk about soccer, although I want to hide because this is going to come out on Thursday. By that point, it'll be. Yeah, it's true. It's true. But everyone wants to rag on the team. You know, everyone let us down. Yeah. The truth is, we still do have Belgium for our draft draft Kings thing. So that's a draft Belgium. We are traitors. Dave actually was pissed for that. Yeah, it's treason. But Piers Morgan. Yeah. Dave was like, then leave. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. He was like, then get the fuck out of the country if you're going to have Belgian in your draft Kings. Yeah. Cool. But Piers Morgan's having us on the show this week. Yeah. So that'll be good. Should be sick. I don't understand. What is Piers Morgan having someone is Dave on? No, Dave and Piers Morgan are arguing on Twitter. What? And Piers Morgan's like, fuck it. You don't understand the rules. Oh, it's about soccer. Yeah. Oh, OK. Yeah. And he's like, you've invited me on your show a hundred times. Well, Dave said that or Piers Morgan said that. Dave said that about Piers. Interesting. Piers. Piers. Piers. Bullshit. Bullshit name. I don't really know what his job is. Is he a journalist? I have no idea. Judge on Britain's Got Talent through the golden years of that show. I used to watch that on YouTube all the time. If you're British, there is like a job for just being sassy. Like you don't even have to have a specialty. They'll just like put you in stuff. Yeah. There's a little bit of tune. Like Simon Cowell being like the guy who decides like for 20 years what what musicians get to be on the radio. And he's just like a guy with big teeth and attitude. Like what? He doesn't sing. He doesn't like. He doesn't like songs. He's like, you're good. You're not. Yeah. He's just a dick. Yeah. He's just a fucking arrogant dick. And there's just a. Yes. But he's also made the right call so many times. He's the one that told Harry Styles. He was like, you should be in a boy band. And here are the other people you're going to be in that with. And there's One Direction. That's definitely got to be his like biggest thing. Right. Like that. That's got to be his claim to fame. Maybe so. But I mean. When American Idol came out, like Kelly Clarkson was like. Yeah. Immediately. But 1D. Super dark. We're talking 1D here. I know. But like way before 1D. Clarkson. Maybe not stadiums. Stadiums. Having all of them. The fact that he had Zayn too. Did he get a. Did he get a slice of that, you think? Do they get like signed to like American Idol's record label or some shit? I think Simon Cowell has a production company. Damn. Probably. He's probably rich as fuck. I know. I know on Shark Tank, they tried to do that. They were going to be like, we get 3% of every company. And I think Mark Cuban was like, I'm not doing the show if you guys do that. They wanted 3% of every company that came on the show. That came on. Yeah. That's fucking nuts. Wow. Bastards. Fuck you up. Pigs. Yeah. He gets paid for everything One Direction does. I wonder if he still gets Styles money. Probably. You got to get out to a Styles show. It seems like one of the best representations of girlhood. Yeah. Is he touring? I don't think he's touring. I don't think he's touring right now. Harry? Yeah. Buddy. What? Wake up. Is he? Get your head out of your ass. He's not even on the internet and he knows that. But I thought, I don't, am I wrong? I think you guys are both wrong. Oh. No, you're, I'm wrong? Listen to yourself. I think that I, we are both emphatic. All right, well say why. Say why. We're not sure and it's two on one and you're still digging in. I'm going to need to see a fact check. No, no, let him state his case before we fact check it. Why do you think he's doing this? Because I remember last time he was on tour, it was the only thing on my timeline and I haven't seen anything about him in months, years maybe. I don't think I've seen anything about him since he did MSG like 20 times. When's his next show? Like in two weeks. He's going to do a- So he's getting back on the road in two weeks. No, he's going to do a month at Madison Square Garden. He's doing pop-up shows here and there and he's getting back on the road in a couple weeks. Look at how many MSG shows he's doing. He's doing like a fucking month. And that's this. That's right now. Holy shit, Scott. dude that should be illegal that's a monopoly he shouldn't be allowed to do that many look at how many msg shows it is what is it 30 is he doing a whole month there it's got to be over 20 wow so he's just any weekend they don't have something he's like yeah i'll just do one it's not even the weekends it's monday tuesday so do you think that is like nerve-wracking to him at all no it's just like just i gotta go do i think he's just got it dude i feel like music too it's like once you are successful it's got to be the easiest shit ever once you know people like the songs yeah he's got like an unlimited discography of music yeah but he doesn't he can be like oh they didn't like that one i guess i'll just play the one that has two trillion views on youtube it's exhausting and you gotta sell the shit out of it every night you gotta sell it hard you gotta like perform it especially because everyone going it's like the biggest thing of their life like think about the energy difference between us being like i was at a bar the other night and uh anyway i do understand like i'm probably dancing and sweating for three and a half hours and being like are you out there new york city yeah yeah i do agree with that but at the same time like there's no stress of like is this gonna work okay that's not the issue he needs to uphold a level of showmanship that if he doesn't then he's not selling 30 shows the next time he comes to new york i'm kind of with harry on this one i think it's awesome for him every night like he's treated in a way that human beings shouldn't should never like we're not even like biologically prepared to be treated like that like 20 000 people like singing your thoughts to you is fucking insane that's like a aztec emperor like no one should be no one should be doing that night after night his his soul is getting fed up and he's like i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do it in a different way since both of you feel that way i will admit that i don't believe in my point that's how that's supposed to work yeah wow i've never heard that before i seed my point 500 i was just about to say are you seeing are you seeing what francis is doing in real time i am yes seeding his point it generated 11.5 million pre-sale i think like fran and kelly keys just flew out to england to london they went to see him at wembley to watch him at wembley and i think his shows are all fucking girls i think it's a billion girls yeah like like more so than like taylor swift yes yeah probably i don't even think the boyfriends are coming no i don't think the three of us went every girl there would be like look at those three soccer players yeah probably probably showering together they must have been knocked out of the world cup early yeah that was i don't know if there's any bands out there unfortunately that i would travel for honestly that sounds like a nice way to do a trip to have a central thing of the trip yeah i'm going to this yeah like the eagles play in london in october and i think i'm gonna go with my family but go to london but also just like boom okay we'll come yeah i mean i guess would you guys like to can we babysit oh god i'm not bringing my fucking kids oh you're not bringing your kids oh hell no another they're not going on a flight until they're at least in high school why am i getting so many calls from this one person you got to answer it is it could be the is it a it's not a i'm just gonna text them back you have to or just give them a buzz do you know who it is i think so but i'm not entirely sure well it sounds urgent we get edited out we could easily edit it out no this is this is spam i've been getting banged by the spam lately same non-stop same why does it come in waves like that i don't know do they get new spam technology i think they somehow know where you are because when i like get back into a certain region i get it all the time oh really yeah i was thinking i thought it was just like maybe you went on the wrong website for like signed up for the wrong thing your number has been leaked that's what's happened there was a i saw something pop up on by the way you said i'm off the internet i'm back on the instagram really couldn't couldn't stay away just the instagram huh how does it feel i mean i'm totally like aimlessly strolling again yeah just instantly re-hooked yeah i could tell you look so much better you look you look you look at you look healthy well yeah you look well rested the one thing that's changed which is good is that um i'm not like shopping anymore oh that's good i haven't spent money in like eight weeks seven weeks i don't know since i got back from from since i left that was where i said no more and i uh i'm just saving i'm saving endlessly not only am i saving i'm selling oh selling you're liquidating i am streamlining my life everything let's go just close i sold my guitar oh i didn't know you had one i didn't either i haven't played it in so long i got sick of it and i was like this is embarrassing someone deserves to play that it's a beautiful beautiful guitar what kind of guitar was it is it gibson es 335 i think you're as i hear that g i know yeah it was big time a gibson um how's the coffee game coffee game's great okay uh you're not selling your no no no i love those thank you thank you that's it's an electric yeah semi hollow body thirty five hundred dollars no i bought mine used so but it was beautiful yeah so it's like i don't know what it costs what would you sell it for so i i say that i sold it i listed it on facebook marketplace getting a lot of hits though i haven't checked this you should uh sign it no i don't think i'll do that as someone else though you don't have to use like do like bon jovi or something yeah yeah the former owner of the guitar soul signed it like it was his son's coat put your phone number on my phone number on the inside if lost please return to this reward fifty dollars you gotta sign that guitar you could probably wipe it right off there's probably a nice finish on it what color is it beautiful it is very much that dark walnut uh all brown one oh i like that one more yeah the dark dark one on the right there um i didn't i didn't even know that you were a six string man okay hey son of a boy dad listeners we'll be right back but first a quick message from one of our partners football is back and with draft king sportsbook september comes with a boost all september long opt in and get a 50 profit boost every game day with the draft kings game day boost pass new draft king sportsbook customers sign up with the code bss and get 50 profit boost every game day that's code bss in partnership with draft kings the crown is yours gambling problem call 1-800 gambler 1-800 my reset connecticut call 888-789-7777 visit ccpg.org on behalf of boot hill casino in kansas wager tax pass-through may apply in illinois 21 plus in most states void in canada one football boost per customer maximum bet limits and wagering restrictions apply tokens are single use and expire at the end of the final select game each day when offered terms at sportsbook.draftkings.com slash promos all right now back to the episode can i tell you guys a little secret of course i um so i have a bit of a nervous habit that i've developed which is that i scratched my head oh no what are you getting surgery again no again well you got the hairline oh right right right now no i just end up i just sort of scratched my head all the time and it was really starting to annoy me that i was doing this all the time and i looked up ways to stop it and one of the ways they said to stop it was to wear hats like winter hats wool beanies but i can't do that because i get too hot so i ordered a do-rag now you pat it i figured that would be like nice and cool and i'm gonna wear do-rags as i'm relaxing at night that's good that should be so nice you think that's okay yeah yeah of course white yeah yeah yeah yeah gotta be white m&m wore them yeah yeah yeah jamie kennedy wore one in that one movie he filmed i'm gonna wear do-rags from now on that's hilarious not in public just in my private time what about like maybe in the morning if you go out to like get the paper you forget your bonnet's on just that i'm i need to do it i need to wear it during my heavy scratching hours yeah which are it's evening oh yeah yeah yeah i mean that's the most fail-safe way yeah yeah i mean i don't see anything wrong with that speaking of scratching i lost a lot of golf balls this weekend i went looking for them look at what my leg look what i did to my leg oh okay that looks like a pagan symbol there's an x and a crescent moon were you kidnapped by turkey what the fuck is that i was just wading through brambles looking for more golf balls where did where did you hit it into the mouth of an alligator it was all over the map this weekend my golf game is a problem right now don't say that bro do not fucking say that no i might need to sell my golf clubs no we need you dialed in for the invitational me and uh sass are putting big futures on you i love it hell yeah yeah we're kind of depending on that money yeah as a show um dave is too you went to portugal yeah it's present tuesday oh hell yeah it's present tuesday is it it is present Present Tuesday. Oh, my God. It's Present Tuesday. Francis, I got you a limited edition commemorative piece of Cristiano Ronaldo chocolate. Wow. One of one. I love his chocolate. Cristiano Ronaldo chocolate. Just have some beautiful CR7. 70%. I think that you'll really enjoy that. This is awesome, dude. You can honestly bite right into it. And, Sass, I got you a can of sardines. Oh, thank you. That'll be eaten by Harry. Yeah, we got you a can of sardines. That's actually really cool. Look at that tin. Harry, I like that tin a lot. You can use that for your weed. This is crazy. I don't know if it's big enough to hold all your nuts. Are these real? Yeah, they're sardines. Try one. Those are chocolate sardines. They're chocolate sardines. Chocolate sardines. This is sick. Sardines. Of course, bro. You got to share them with the boys on the train. Man, of course. Thank you for this. This is awesome. Bite into it. Bite into it. You don't have to. I mean, what, are you going to save it forever? No. Some commemorative chocolate. Those are going for like 30K a piece. Yeah, I was going to say, do you think I could sell this? You just opened it. At the white party, Mr. Wonderful was wearing one of them as a necklace. Mr. Wonderful was wearing a Cristiano Ronaldo chocolate box around his neck, like some bling. Enjoy the trip. Bye-bye. Mmm. Would you like some? I better not. How is it? See you next Tuesday. Better not have any more. Enjoy dinner tonight. Big dinner tonight. Hero dose. Yeah, that's just some nice, I mean, Portugal's beautiful. Have you been? No. Oh, you'd fucking love it. How was the flight? The flight was bad. Really? Why? Did you have the kids? Yeah, I brought my kids with me. You would know this if you were on Chappie C. Seymour. Yeah. Of course I saw that. And also, I knew he had his kids. Oh, I brought them with me. It's like a 17-hour travel day, and it was an overnight flight. And on the way out, I was really trying to prepare. And so I worked out, stretched, hit the weights, hit my protein goals. Of course. Overhit the protein goals, had a salad, started farting, started farting a lot. Yeah, that's a lot of farting. Walked to CVS, got the Gas X. I was so fucking locked in. I was like, I'm not going to stink up. Does Gas X do anything for you? For me, it kind of like. I think it makes it worse. Walking. Yeah. Makes me hurt. Really? Yeah. Huh. I just don't like shoving pills up my ass, so I don't know why that's the right method. I had the big one, though, so it really just kind of nuked. It was like when Trump threw the nuclear weapon at the hurricane. But it was a fucking terrifying. Like, the whole ordeal of the flight was fucking. Yeah. It just. From the time they sat down on the plane until seven hours later when we landed, they were. One of them was screaming for the entire time. Yeah. That's pretty brutal. And everybody has always been like. It's like five minutes or my kid was fine. It was not fine. No one has ever told the horror story that I went through. And it was so fucking bad and so stressful. I was drenched in sweat just because of like. Oh my God. Having the arguments in my head of everybody else, with everybody else, in my imagination of what they were thinking. Thinking about me in Delta One as my kids are going back and forth screaming. Imagine if you were in. Then I. Gay flight attendant, too. Gay flight attendant. And he was fucking. Even worse. Beating me to death with dirty looks and fucking overpours of other people's wine glasses just to be like, yeah, you're going to need this because that guy's fucking can't handle his children. They were sick. They were teething. It was fucking insane. That is brutal. Delta One, too. Delta One. Delta One. There is no luxury to the. To the experience. I don't know about that. I said in the chat, BCC, if they had put Al-Qaeda through what I'd gone through, we would have known Osama bin Laden's location on September 12th. There's no doubt in my mind. It was fucking. It was so bad. It was so. Francis said after he read it, he gave himself an at-home vasectomy. He's petty. Went in with my. With a pen. Like Jason Bourne. Like MacGyver. I mean. Did anyone say anything? As everybody was getting off, there was another guy who I'd even seen in the Delta One lounge with another. His little daughter. And he was like, oh, look, there's two of them. And then on the way out, he was like, hang in there, buddy. He looked me dead in the eye. I was like, hang in there, buddy. Okay. So you get off the plane. You get your bags. You get to your hotel. You said it was a two and a half hour drive to your hotel. Two and a half hour drive to the hotel. We had gate checked the stroller. The stroller's not there. We had to take like. A bus for 20 minutes to get to the actual place and then walk like three miles. My wife's carrying both kids under each one of her arms. And I'm carrying every duffel bag with my leg dragging behind me. It was like. It was like dragging bodies off Hacksaw Ridge. It was so fucking violent and just so. Like I was so sweaty and like embarrassed and everybody's morale was breaking down around me. We had a dead serious conversation about like just going back. Like when you got. When you landed. Just being like, this is not. This is not good. This is not going to be worth it. Like we talked about turning right around. Wow. It was as bad as it could have been. But it was an incredible. I mean. The vacation was nice, but I was thinking about staying. Really? Because I didn't want to fly back. Yeah, yeah. That's almost. Just move. Just have someone ship the house out. Do you know that as recently as a couple of years ago, Portugal had this thing called the Golden Visa where it was like if you bought real estate there, they would just give you a visa. Really? Yeah. To kind of like grow out their country. Really? Yeah. I don't think it's happening anymore. They might be. I don't know. They don't fuck with foreigners though. And they don't. Like I guess a bunch of British people came down there. A lot of German people came down there. And in the Algarve where I was, they do not. Colonizers? Yeah. The Brits? You see the Brits. You run. Yeah. They're absolutely being. They're definitely being racist. So you're at the hotel. Yeah. And you crash and you guys all get to finally sleep. That must have been a nice. Did you sleep right when you got in? Sleep when we got in. We got the hotel room for a night earlier. So when we got there, we could just check right in. So wealthy. Slept, took a nap, woke up, took another nap. So wealthy. Yeah. I love it. And then they just slept till like 11 o'clock the next day. They just slept like fucking. Two and a half hour drive post flight is pretty bad. It was like 17 hours door to door. And they're like screaming. That's like as bad as it gets. We had an hour and a half. We had an hour and a half drive, I think in Birmingham after the flight. And I wanted to blow my head off. And you're an adult with like control of your emotions. I was the only one I was responsible for. Yeah. You know what you're going through. Like I couldn't even explain it to them that it was going to be longer. They're just screaming at the top of their lungs. Like one of their ears must have popped on the way down. Just like, they don't even know what that is. No, no. That's the first time I've ever felt that. Yeah. It was insane. There's a gun in my head. And somebody has shot my head. I have Havana syndrome. There's a buzzing. Oh my God. That must be hell. It was so funny. So, so I'm sorry. No, no, no. It was just nuts. So you get to the hotel, you fall asleep. At what point did you finally get to the point where you're like, oh, deep breath. We're here. We're relaxed. Now we're on vacation. This is nice. How long did it take? The, I mean that night going out to dinner, it was already awesome. Cause there was like these big steps, like these sprawling staircases and the kids are like learning, trying to crawl and like cute, handsome outfits. And I was like, okay, this actually fucking rules. And then the next day we drop them off at a fucking daycare and we're at the pool fucking slugging daiquiris and shit, talking with people from Dallas. And it's like, oh, I'm home. Yeah. Yeah. Good. Good. Good. Portuguese daycare. Portugal daycare. How long were they at the daycare for? Uh, the whole week. Yeah. That was the vacation. They saw the steps. We heard they had the best daycare and no, they, but they went for a couple of the days, um, to daycare, but we would take them to like little towns nearby. Yeah. It was fucking, it was lovely. It was like, is it like hard to get into the full relaxation mode when you know you've got the flight home? Like it's in the back of your head or you're like, I was like, it literally, it cannot get worse than that. Yeah. I was like, I've already walked through the valley of the shadow of death. I already know what hell smells like. And I've been there before. And so I was like, it can only be a little bit better flight backs during the daytime. So it's like, at least they'll be up. Um, but it was truly just some, some absolutely beautiful dude. There's a 13 course tasting menu that I went to a couple of Michelin stars. It would have knocked your socks off. Wow. I actually ordered six bottles of wine that they gave us. I need to bring one back for you. Present Tuesday. Would you like one of them? No, no, I'm okay. Are you sure? Yeah. It was a bit, it was a smoky wine. I mean, contact with the, uh, I should be, I should with the producer. Um, Instagram messaging with the producer. It was fucking, it was, it was a lovely trip. Maybe you want to travel with you boys. We got to get on the road together. Got to get to Portugal. We got to get to Portugal. I was, I was asking all those detailed questions because I'm just trying to get a sense of what it's like to, you know, have young children and, and whether or not that's something I want or if I want to just continue to focus on my career. career like i have been what about having getting old children and just kind of like jump in third base yeah housebroken housebroken kids hypoallergenic housebroken some battered boys go to the shelter yeah the battered boys shelter and just scoop up a boy or two or something give them like seven years yeah and then get back get back to the career what if you just got like two like 10 year old boys yeah seven or eight years and then they go to they go off to college yeah kind of good i think 10 is you've been in the system too long you start they know all kinds of tricks they're they're bad they're bad at that point they're already bad bad stuff has happened to them they're gonna be bad i think you want like five yeah but five is like what five though you can sorry emotionally immature five-year-old yeah you want one who's mature and emotionally stunted five-year-old you just drop a one you take them to like a a town square and you'd be like find your way home yeah so you want to whoever gets yeah you're right i don't know about this i think that what you want you want like a 22 year old russian girl pretending to be a five-year-old i like that that's the best that might be the plot of the movie the orphan okay maybe that's what that is you just don't want to be on that flight to portugal with like a screaming baby but the baby's five so then people are going to be looking at you like yo can you tell him to shut the fuck up yeah he was in a home you really don't hear shit about orphanages anymore no i feel like they were everywhere are they out of style big time a big a big part of it i don't know this is actually i don't know if this is true say it say it anyway i'm excited i want to hear the theory at least i know that when our relations with china and russia cooled the ability of an american set of parents to adopt from orphanages in those countries became much harder and what do you mean cooled like we don't get on that well like we don't like like not going well my uncle i thought you meant cooled as in like tensions settled down no when things got worse yeah so my aunt and uncle adopted two beautiful girls from uh russian orphanages and uh i don't think that you can do that i don't know if it's possible anymore i don't i would be shocked if it was i don't think they're letting american parents adopt maybe they are but it's i know it's harder and i think that's also true of china but they have to go to russia yeah they had to go i don't think can americans even go to russia right now tucker i would think i would think they can but it's probably ill-advised by the state department or whatever i think that they're also like the problem is they're training these babies as spies and so it's like from an early age like they know the craft they know spy craft very well yeah and it's not it's not safe to have them on u.s soil whole so you can go to russia but it's got a level four do not travel advisory yeah but it's it's only bad when it gets to level yeah yeah um tyler could you just quickly look up whether or not it is more difficult now for american parents to adopt from russian orphanages that should be a standard just yes or no i'm not surprised it's not populating um i know it's a big process for the to get them from china but they also might be hiding the fact that their birth rate is crashing definitely they might just be like oh no you can't have them it is not just harder it is entirely impossible american citizens have been legally barred from adopting russian children since russia enacted the dima yakev love law in 2012 this ban completely shut down what was previously one of the largest international adoption programs in the world i've never been more right on the podcast yeah no it's pretty solid yeah that's so good i've never had something be more true harry i invite you to argue at this point though no no find a way that i'm wrong and you're right on that i'm sure someone's adopted i'm sure there's somebody out there who's gotten a russian baby past 2012 i love it i love it i wonder why they stopped it they just thought that are that like i mean think about it right like parents that want to adopt children are that is like a monumentally important and they're the best of us happiness inducing also could be that they've struggled to have kids that are for a long time whatever the case yeah and russia hating us is like yeah we're gonna take away that joy from oh yeah you think that's what it is absolutely i thought it was just like we don't want russians being raised by americans oh no i think it's they don't want to give us kids they don't want to have us have the joy of having that's right they're punishing us because because uh we were adopting kids from russia for many years well i think china i get why they do it because they want to like slow down our like the growth of the ivy league's schools and stuff like that but like russia like it's not like what the russians are coming to the u.s and thriving at sports or anything like that you know they're opening up barber shops and like fucking if you right in beach if you were to adopt a russian baby does that baby now become american yes you're a u.s citizen 100 like so like your russian baby could play in like the u.s olympics yeah yeah and not only that dude but they're not they're not growing up with russian accents well of course i know i know that where is my i want my bottle mother take me to football practice i'm tired of milk give me vodka i definitely didn't think that um they grow up as little ballet dancers who are drunk and like to climb to the top of buildings they're like oh look the bachelorette is on again i can't wait to watch this and text with my group chat about it i just didn't know like the the logistic like if you're not a bachelorette you're a bachelorette you're not a bachelorette you're not a bachelorette they don't have the dual they don't have dual citizenship good they shouldn't i don't think russia has a birther law or a dreamer law right oh i have no idea where like if you're born there you're necessarily retained citizenship i don't think i bet you that any baby that leaves russia to be adopted by an american family is automatically loses their russian citizenship yeah they're petty about it they're like fine then leave i can't imagine that there are too many people who have dual russian and american citizenship period probably yeah snowden uh maybe uh ovechkin he lives in russia does that mean he's a citizen was he granted i'm pretty sure doesn't russia have snowden like he's like living there and they like occasionally they'll like threaten to give him back to the u.s i think we're wading into those murky waters we often find ourselves in where we start to guess i don't think snowden is a citizen anywhere to be honest i'm pretty sure he's like he's like a russian baby from after 2012 like multiple different governments own him he's like ant man yeah somewhere in a realm we cannot see can you do the same question tyler with china last china baby adopted that was probably like 10 minutes ago yeah earlier this morning they might still allow it oh no they terminated its program that's recent and no one's talking about it wow no one's talking about this except for us yo nobody's fucking saying this i'll be honest i kind of guessed on the china one so i'm glad that was right too but the fact that they're they're being greedy about their birth about their the people that are chinese like i that shows i think they are afraid of the collapse well the question would be is china still allowing adoptions to you know england and china it says it's not impossible it says exceptions are made for stepchildren or blood relatives within three generations the fuck that shit doesn't make sense so you could get one i don't understand how to even read that does that mean that if someone like if your stepbrother was already adopted by an american family and you're born you can still get adopted by an american family no idea where stepchildren could be playing a part in that yeah it is a wonder that you never see the chinese adopting american kids how do you have a stepchild if you're adopting them i think that you can adopt people with within your family you can adopt oh i guess that's true yeah your stepchild or something i guess anyone can technically do that claim legal guardianship or parenthood yeah yeah was uh was portugal great though dude it was fucking beautiful and awesome and uh felt european rose and thorn i think the the thorn was the flight but just the rose is just to get getting to spend the quality time i think it builds the synapses in the youth let them uh let them dick around and just being on a boat you know what i mean got back on a boat so nice to go on a boat of that sun must have been hot it was so nice to get the check too it was so nice to get the bill at the end of the year i think it was so nice to get the check too i think it was so nice to get the bill at the end of it just to see how much i owed that that hotel was so fucking sweet to see that fucking number and all those commas it was fucking amazing it was such a fucking blessing to be able was it like all was it like all inclusive like with the boat through the hotel and shit i booked it through the hotel it wasn't all inclusive though that was an add-on yeah that was a big add-on i fucking gulped when i saw it we leave it like 4 30 in the morning that woke me up real i felt like i just my ears had just popped like my kids what the fuck is that number you guys go ahead i have to work here for the next six years dishes in the back you got to roll up your sleeves i now work for the hotel it was fucking insane but but so worthwhile i i yeah damn ron that's awesome but i i do remember the days when i used to spend like that and uh yeah you'll be all right i'll tell you what man like as fun as it is like those those highs are fleeting and um it's gonna catch up to you as someone now who you know is a saver harry and i are both savers yeah um we're planning for the future well maybe next time the three of us all go together and we can split the hotel room three ways like harry does with his friends yeah yeah so that like yeah you guys can take the beds and i'll sleep on the boat yeah yeah it's not a bad idea yeah keep on the boat sleep on the boat hey son of a boy dad listeners we'll be right back but first a quick message from one of our partners it's fran from chicks in the office the weather is getting cooler and abercrombie's fall has everything i need for the season the best-selling a and f sloan taylor pant is a closet staple for me i'm always wearing it to work events happy hour anytime i want to be a bit more dressed up and the viral dylan dress is easy one and done perfection but my fall uniform will always be denim paired with a henley sweater a bra free top it's comfortable effortless it just never fails find your fall capsule at abercrombie shop in the app online and in stores all right now back to the episode hey son of a boy dad listeners we'll be right back but first a quick message from one of our partners being lucky you should be meet the new lucky one sweet tea from miss peaches the vodka drink that's positively doing good made with real tea and real vodka non-carbonated 100 calories and here's the scoop their new sweet tea is the only vodka-based sweet tea on the market simple ingredients in a smooth full flavor that makes it taste just like the real sweet tea best part every can helps rescue dogs find their forever homes and they'll be right back as they work to a goal of donating one million dollars to dog rescues in 2026 so if you love true sweet tea this one's a no-brainer pick up a lucky one sweet tea today and give back one can at a time all right now back to the episode i was scared to jump in the water about the portuguese man of war oh yeah i didn't realize that the portuguese man of war is out there you know what that is harry is it uh wait don't tell me you know what this is is it a stingray no what is it it is a jellyfish oh i knew it stung it's the nastiest one yeah that's a giant tentacles instantly bad those are the big big boys yeah but they said they're not there the finding nemo one right yeah wait are those portuguese man of wars in in finding nemo the ones that they're like bouncing off of yeah yeah i think so i think what is it dory like gets gets beat up bad but she lives they run the they run the gauntlet drill they run the gauntlet drill they run the gauntlet drill yeah with the football so keep your pads down go forward through the tentacles yeah you got to get low to go through the tentacles yeah but that's really because doesn't she isn't she fine she is but those weren't what the fuck is this answer man of war that's a jellyfish forest it says in disney's in disney pixar's finding nemo marlon and dory do not actually battle portuguese man it's like you know we didn't think they actually were battling real life man of wars right i think that's pretty self-explanatory you saw that google is now just ai it's all ai google is exclusively ai i like it yeah it's wrong though uh you like to think that it's wrong i thought i thought i thought they battled men of war i thought that they battled them in the movie this answer was for me they actually go through the iconic jellyfish forest poor uh j will's buddy was in here and he was like he and he didn't even realize why it was so funny that he was he was like dude i went on ai he's this guy from south jersey and he's like i went on ai and i was like if your life depended on it and you had to take an 18 foot jump shot who would you put out there and i asked ai if it's life depended on it you're asking something that doesn't have like this the intrinsic value of that question is for living creatures only if you're asking ai that question that shit doesn't fly i haven't i haven't been on ai at all lately i feel like i was on it a lot but i guess that's when i was building my computer but since then i've pretty much used it for nothing oh i did ask it if i had uh something on my head i forgot about that i had like a mole on my head and i was like is this gonna kill me and it said go to the dermatologist and i went what'd they tell you nothing yeah i was like it's nothing as if you had something on your head i took a photo of it and sent it and i was like what is this they gave me a bunch of wrong answers told me a bunch of things that it's not i mean i'm sure that they're also like designed to do that they probably would like get a lawsuit if you're fucking asking your ai like hey like am i gonna die from this i get that don't even fucking ask me just go to a doctor i do get that like it it's definitely for the best and shouldn't be giving out like uh medical advice especially telling people that they're fine yeah yeah but at the same time like i feel like dermatologist is a job that could very easily be replaced by ai and it would probably be like better off for humanity you don't think so i'm not gonna say you can scan everything that you're worried about and it would tell you if you've got something or not that's not just what dermatologists do well i know they do like fucking biopsies and whatever but like for me they just looked they did the same thing so that one part would be well served yeah but you just admitted that they said they didn't know no no they said it's not anything bad ai didn't know yes i did not know but that's what is that because dermatologist yeah but is that because they're not allowed to say oh i don't know because it knew but it was like i actually can't tell like it tells you like ideas of what it could be but it's not going to give you an actual like this is this because it can't be positive what they say compound nevi no it's just a mole got it yeah but what did the ai say it was like what scared you about what ai said oh ai was thrown right it never mole never even came up warts fucking a bunch of different shit cancer yeah of course of course that's why i went and got it checked out i've had to do that in a while did you do a full body scan or did they just look at the head i went in for the scan and i left with just the head what once i was already in there and he was like is that it and i was like hmm yes you're you made it all the way in and you didn't want to do the the peace of mind kind of body scan i i only really had that thing on my head that i needed the peace of mind from got a couple other things that i'm like maybe i should check them out but not like this was like not take my shirt off yeah not getting a gown exactly yeah the head was like i gotta get this checked out now i wonder if they would have allowed you to just do a top top up body scan yeah i mean it seems like it's very you just get to like they just ask what do you want us to look at well then you would have gotten 50 peace of mind i got full peace of mind most uh most doctor's offices people people book the appointment just so they can get naked just have an excuse to have someone look at them naked an excuse to derobe the uh there was like a massage place uh at this hotel in portugal and there was like a famous masseuse uh that like i don't know what this fucking guy's doing did he did you did you uh go to him i sent my wife to him i was like see what this guy's all about because i saw him take a client back and he fucking he like grabbed the client like by her back to like greet her he was like oh hello how's it going and like kind of like embraced her as he walked down the hallway and he does his head neck and shoulder and uh she said his his breath was fucking terrible what he was doing but he was a good kisser he was doing like sound bath shit and like just like fucking but she said i mean i don't know she said it worked i just said he just was like the cockiest bastard she said that uh when he he uh she got there he was like standing on the roof of the massage building like waiting for her like pacing back and forth like posing it was like pacing back and forth like impatiently on the roof of the building that's crazy waiting for her to get in and i'm not a massage i don't i've never got one so i can't say but i don't think i'm a massage guy i'm not a massage guy either i don't think that would relax me i think it would just make me uncomfortable yeah more way more than the relaxation i think that uh you just need a really jacked swedish guy i think he's gonna be looking at me and being like you're not jacked at all yeah but that's not that's not what you're paying him for i don't think they i don't think they judge that hard because they see all kinds of bodies yeah it's like the guys on the soccer team yeah it's like a dermatologist honestly yeah we i need you to work with people like that because when i go in because of my body i'm doing him a favor and i don't tip you subsidize me yeah by having such a worse body you have to over when you go in they like thank you yeah they say thank you for keeping they take their clothes off francis has a massage parlor where people come in and massage him they pay a premium to massage him yes that's right i only allow three a day though oh it's not bad it's like uh yeah like a small famous kitchen i'm like i've run out of lotion it's like a tasting menu yeah people love to come in and get some selma francis's bod but bro it was so fucking hot this week yeah it was really it was so fucking hot uh where i was upstate that um i lost seven pounds damn what yeah seven what like i weighed myself this morning versus the start of the week uh and it was just you know i just i was playing golf and tennis and fucking padel at like you were playing golf in that weather from like 11 a.m through till seven or seven p.m and and even at seven p.m it would still be nine p.m 84 degrees would you say that was hotter than it was when we when we did the rider cup probably about the same that second day of the rider cup was something else right did you take a cart or walk well i was taking a cart for golf but i mean i was playing like racket sports through the hottest part of the day and then going to play golf it didn't it was it didn't even matter it was too fucking hot it was miserable i had a headache yeah i went fishing it was like the fish were not even they weren't fucking with it i like wasn't even trying to catch them it was like i mean they're gonna die if i catch them yeah where were you fishing in a river yeah you fly fishing yeah yeah where upstate oh that's right you were in the berkshires no cat skills cat skills yeah but i was fishing and um i saw like four rainbow trout stacked on top of each other under a rock and i was like they're all dying oh because if the water gets if the water gets over 68 degrees trout start dying that's how i feel about going to bed at night yeah yeah my room did you guys set your acs to 78 of course dave sent out that email saying we had to send him to 68 i thought he said 58 he said we're gonna crank the dave was in the office like mr freeze yeah he said he wanted frost on the windows he said open the windows and turn the air conditioning down as low as possible we're gonna get this city cool one one unit at a time i saw a clip of tim dylan saying that he was he's wearing a hoodie and drinking hot cocoa you have to oh man oh man that's a crazy thing to ask my shit was at 85 because i wasn't there that's your uh eco mode dude it's it's defaults to 85 and then you have to go manually turn it down on the ac to like whatever you want and then it'll you only get an hour with it and then it goes back to 85 there must be a setting that's busted there's got to be a law against that can't be right now i don't think they're just you haven't looked carefully enough that can't be right i promise you you have resigned yourself to like thinking that's the way this it was 100 degrees outside i was looking for every ultra every mode that i could find on the thing what'd you do to beat the heat it's ac that was it yeah fuck what did you do it was it was it was it that hot in portugal it wasn't that hot yeah oh i have a funny story talk to us brother tell so on the fourth of july itself classic it was so hot and i was a little tired of being you know in the sort of curated world of the club of course so i said you know what i want to go mix it up with real americans with real lokes what and i drove about 20 minutes to a swimming hole you guys ever heard of us yeah yeah yeah it's a local swimming you went to a local holler you went to a fucking hole a hole is that like uh what do they call it the one with the cliffs a swimming hole probably oh a swimming hole like a quarry yeah like a quarry no not quite a quarry i love a quarry me too who doesn't love a good quarry quarries are dangerous though quarries are very dangerous people drowning people down and drowning all the time brother be careful you just want to go to a quarry i mean see it yourself swimming holes are like universal they have puerto ricans well so yeah so yeah there was a rope swing that i knew about at the at the swimming hole yeah right and it was all the way across and by the way instantly i went there and it was a lot of people but they were all sunning themselves but they all had you know horrible tattoos yeah that's how you knew it was a local yeah a couple anchors just like doughy shitty people with bad tattoos yeah like a bible verse written on a scroll or something like that around their belly button yeah roses around their belly i don't like when people get like involved with like the the part of the body it's not like no what are you doing stop yeah how about people that just put lines on their body that are just like you just wanted to do something and you couldn't even think of an idea people have the sleeves that it's it's just the sleeve there's nothing there's no design or anything yeah that's blackface dude that's very close to blackface yeah yeah black arm black arm yeah what did you want to look like you were about to fucking play outfield for the rest of your life yeah the fucking shooting sleeve on what about uh what about people that like mark themselves you know like cut themselves and stuff like i did that on my leg this weekend and uh it was not as cool as i thought it would be like a brand like a black fraternity scars yeah we are we all we got we all we got if not us then who uh the uh so you went to the hole and everybody's got roses tattooed in a circle around their belly button yeah and i and i went into the water and i had to swim out a long way across the pond to the uh the rope swing that i was so excited to try and as i approached the rope swing i'm swimming up to it um and it's very deep until you actually get to the bank so there's nowhere to stand and i'm swimming over and i noticed that there's like six of the most mexican looking dudes i've ever seen in my life they're up behind the rope swing with a grill that they had rolled in and i mean these guys are i'm not making this up it's the jeans work boots long sleeve shirts that are tucked in yeah they're all like five foot one yeah they're from pueblo yeah i mean solid crew they were that sounds like an amazing crew they were they're probably the funniest guys you've ever met there were six guys and i was like hello hola and like one of them was like hola which is a universal sign for like not one of us speaks a single fucking word of english amazing and my spanish is really really fucking weak but you had to use some on them well i tried but um i was like trying i was like do you know rope swing safe and they're like no hablo no hablo ingles and i was like okay and then one of them came over to me and goes and he handed me a fucking beer oh hell yeah so sick and i drank a beer on the fourth of july with guys who turned out to be from guatemala ah that's where they were from very nice now guatemala i don't know if you guys know they're not doing so hot well they're in uh i'm guessing they're in upstate new york yeah i was glad that they had escaped guatemala is the basically like it's like the tip of mexico it's like the northern most central american country right i don't know other than i know that guatemala is not does not have a lot of money but they got cervezas well these guys do plenty of survey mucho cerveza grande cerveza yeah yeah and we were drinking coronas and it was it was awesome and i drank this with them and i tried to communicate with these guys i was like their beers i was like i was like you have eight well i only had the one then they finished it and then they brought me another i was like no no no and then they were like carne carne you want meat did you try some carnage flipping this meat like it was a pancake did you get any of it no i had eaten 30 minutes prior so i just swim back it would have been the best carne you ever had you're not wrong yeah yeah but oh wow what that you're invited to the fajita cookout i had a especially you know if you had the carna and then you had to swim yeah puke everywhere right yeah so i i had a beer with these guatemalan guys and then i hit the rope swing a couple times just by myself that's so amazing and it was pretty fun how'd you hear about the rope swing yelp i had around this pond before in the fall and i saw the rope swing then being initiated into the mexican group is such a dream and how nice is it that these mexican guatemalans none of them like they don't try to be anything they're not they just drink corona it's like they're not like oh yeah we drink corona and modelo it's like we don't they're not trying to be like hipsters about it actually we like this it's like no we like corona yeah that's amazing i thought that was cool if all everyone's just like yeah we just like budweiser we really drink budweiser and miller lei i said at the end i was like uh feliz navidad cuatro de july and they were like what which made me think they didn't know that it was the fourth of july we celebrate like this every day and then i was like it's always a party to us yeah i don't know how much of a clue they had of what was kind of going on but they were great they were really kind to me and uh it was weirdly a very american thing you have a beer with a bunch of guatemalas from mexicans yeah yeah and hit a rope swing and then swim back that's pretty sick they probably saw you like wading across the water and like whistled like ice is coming yeah i got to the grill everybody ran away they left some meat just for me it sounds like a great fourth that sounds like such a fucking i mean just being initiated into the group shows uh yeah it's just that that's an all-time dude experience it was cool it it i was embarrassed at not knowing more spanish i was embarrassed by that you gotta know a little bit of spanish everybody here should should know some spanish at this point right but i mean these guys don't know much in the other way yeah i think they're probably gonna stop even teaching that shit dude come on all right i'm i mean dude everyone learns english they all learn i get that i get that but like every other country you know so many countries are bilingual they have like a dialect and then a language or whatever majority i feel like like it wouldn't be that hard for me to have like a fifth grade level of spanish yeah and i don't have that but i think that that's like telling the being like they will like it wouldn't be that hard for them to learn some english like they don't know english you don't know spanish you know french it's like you guys learn english i don't i feel like this is a hard country brother i swam up to them they had the beer true they had the carnet they had the cerveza they had the cerveza they were sucking the cerveza but i also think that there's some power in the people from other countries who are super famous i was thinking about this last night when i was watching portugal play when cristiano cristiano ronaldo was playing his last game remember he used to like bang kim kardashian oh yeah and they didn't have a single word that they could spell it out and they didn't have a single word that they could spell it out because he doesn't have any english and she doesn't have any portuguese and so they were just like but do you believe that he doesn't have any english he's got some english i bet he's fluent he's done interviews in english i've seen yes yeah yeah yeah i bet he is he played for manchester united for like four years i think that he just does his thing he's just that good i think he just chills out and just like doesn't really have to communicate like i don't buy a single professional athlete who's been in professional sports for as long as these guys have been in professional sports have that claim they don't know english i think he i think cristiano's got more english than you'd think i also don't have a word of it i don't think he has my otani's reading harry potter books every night before bed like he's fully he knows he doesn't have a fucking word of it bro you i don't think you can be around people that only speak english that much and explain the watering hole where francis was swimming he was only there for five minutes and they communicated beer and meat i was exactly that's what i'm saying that's my point exactly because i had like half an hour half an hour he knew cerveza and carne already he already had learned their language well they they were able to figure it out i dude there's no way that show hey otani if someone if one of his play if one of his teammates was like hey you want to go warm up in the field he's not going to be sitting there like okay but like he's not going to be letting out one of those like he clearly would understand like oh yeah let's go warm up it is like it's like npc sounds um but i don't think that like i think that those guys know english for sure i think there's some people that just don't know english did cristiano and and kim kardashian really date tyler maybe if you could look this up but i think that they would like fly to each other and i don't even think that their private jets would leave the like teterboro like i think that they would just put like their their private jets next to each other and they would bang on the jetways that came out from whoa i could see uh i mean 2010 he might have not known english 16 years ago no because that was after his manchester united spell or like right around it he was he was there during that time maybe they were meeting up because she was teaching him english he doesn't know and then people like roan head in the gutter run with it and make it this sick perverted story there's no way that they were dirty talking in english i don't care what ai google ai says this guy doesn't speak a word about english i don't care what google ai says this guy doesn't speak a word about english i don't care what google ai says this guy doesn't speak a word about english he can't count to 10 in english he can't order he can't ask where the library or the bathroom is dude you opening up your folder can we open these yeah open open your folders guys you've been served yeah do you have any idea what it is of course open the that packet that came out whoa so roan did open his rip that open or are these from roan whoa whoa oh are these tickets rip that thing open bro no way wait i can't read this no way i'm confused oh wow i'm nervous wait a minute what the heck so open it up what what playing cards did you get which who are some of the famous soccer players that you got in your pack fidel escobar i got who plays for panama nahita nandez from um i don't know where that is i don't know where that is i've got gregor cobell barussia dormans germany i think and then oh i got a lot why am i in here yeah i got one of me too little magic trick for you boys that's crazy oh you're guys official panini playing cards for the world cup for the world cup collectible that's awesome dude yeah that's hilarious looking through the cards and seeing yourself oh dude i got a me you gotta you gotta collect all of them is the idea you gotta collect so everybody has to collect all the little sasses all the leonette leonel messi's all the hollands all the how am i any though vinnie jr you're one of the collectible you're one of the collectibles this year and you're actually this is the other part you're suiting up for belgium in the next round what yes bro you're starting you're starting for belgium bro i wanted to be the first to tell you and francis you're starting for england this is sick wow so what do they got this at like like how did you get these you're playing in the world cup this year bro you think that this is a fucking joke it's not i'm dead fucking serious there's at least one special player in the world cup this year player in every pack wow pretty cool that's awesome thank you ron thank you did you do this or was this no i didn't but i'll accept you guys saying thank you who did this come from panini panini panini put you guys in the card company the famous card company put you guys in the game it's like when trent was in pga pga 2024 oh that's right you guys are in panini now is this real like are you fucking with us look at the letter like are other people going to be pulling me yeah no yeah no shot yes you're in the world cup now bro what luck that you got you in your own pack well you got yourself as well unbelievable odds yeah wow that is lucky so rare something's not adding up here i don't play soccer think back think really hard about what you've been doing for the last 20 days i haven't worn that outfit in years where did they get this picture of me if you're just living at edward norton from fight club life as like a famous soccer player and you just forget i just had no idea oh fuck i didn't do that that's what i was forgetting to do play for columbia for my country guys you got to cancel the wyoming trip i forgot i got to play for my country you see that argentina came back from two nothing against egypt oh they did we were on this during that yeah it just happened damn so are they tied or no they won oh they got three they got three that's who's just calling francis you think that was just a tease then it was argentina just argentina argentina it was argentina telling francis he needs to get in the game yeah get over to metlife we need you friend damn i would have liked egypt to have upset them mo salah had a great run that they disallowed because of fucking var outside of belgium of course who are you guys rooting for england was your guys picks before i i had uh spain and mexico you had i think i had saudi arabia and iran yeah he did yeah he did are they both out yes didn't iran that they uh they got really close what what happened in their game was there oh there was a goal on an offside that got disallowed because someone like yeah they're like hair was offsides damn yeah i've only watched the only world cup games i've watched were all the u.s ones except for the one against turkey i missed that one because i was checking in for a hotel for an hour and a half and then i watched the the brazil mexico game was good and then what was the game before that on saturday was it england norway yeah yeah both those games were good yeah it is fun though i mean it's fun to like watch it was fun going out like i haven't gone out for like a sports game like that tell us about your time with uh with lev it was good it was just we just hung out what'd you guys what was like some jokes really we were just watching the game holy shit talking ball who was the entire roster who's out there whole crew deep squad really yeah yeah what was the seating arrangement i was definitely at the poor table you're at the kids table yeah yeah definitely that's so where was this uh shades of green what is that a bar it's by the stand uh-huh it was um i know that one that's the long one yeah yeah yeah i've never seen it like it was like fully packed cool for the game so it was pretty cool some pints not for me what'd you get a vape no i had uh guinness zeros how many two three actually that's fucking indulgent yeah they were good we were all hammering them that's very indulgent except for those that were drinking real guinnesses of course but it was fun guinness in the heat is fucking insane it wasn't that hot out yesterday oh i guess not yesterday it was kind of raining do you know how many guinness zeros go into a full uh a full gallon my drapes and q's on this one i'm gonna go 16 no you actually can't divide by zero wow wouldn't it be one we're gonna want to cut that no no no we're gonna leave that in for a while i don't want that that's definitely staying in in the but wait isn't it if you divide by zero isn't it one uh i think anything divided by zero is an irrational number it's i did someone make a blunder i thought anything divided by zero is my right or wrong i think something's raised to the zero power is one i that might be right anything divided by zero is i an irrational number you can't do it huh it's starting to feel like it's see you guys next week time undefined yeah starting to sound like all right time all right all right we will uh see you guys next week thank you for listening you guys have anything to promote or anything no i don't think i do either actually no i think i'm gonna have new dates on my website soon so but not until at least next week this week on monday of next week where pop punk is playing at paw tuck it during a foreplay event let's go cool so i think we're just playing at like a golf course nice that'll be fun that will be hot i don't know what it's gonna be like i don't know if that's the crowd for that type of music it's gonna be like woodstock yeah it's gonna be people dying in the crowd all right all right all right we will see you guys next week goodbye you