Portugese Man O' War | Son of a Boy Dad #417

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Welcome back to the son of a boy dad podcast. It is Tuesday, July 7th, and we are here back in HQ Trace. Is that the end of our Chicago episodes? Yes. Cool. So yeah, that was it. We completed all those. Yeah. Awesome episodes. Yeah. And now we're here. Now we're back in the studio. I mean, it is a scorcher in here today. Yeah. Perfect day for a wool flannel. Well, you're wearing a fucking denim jacket, can you say in that? I got to look cool. Well, I'm trying to look cool too. You do. It's also only like 68 degrees. You guys both, you guys both look cool. That looks cool. To both your credit, you guys have good color palette and really nice layering. That might be my favorite shirt of yours. It's a solid shirt. That one and then the sweater with the with the fish on it, I love the green one. Oh, yeah, yeah. You're kind of getting a little bit too wrapped up in how you look though big time. I just want to let you know. Yeah. That's why I'm here now. You're out. You're putting too much time into them. Yeah, you've gone corporate. Yeah. Big time. You sold out badly. Your jokes are suffering. Oh, big time. You got too good looking suffering. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But if I had known that you might wear something like that, I might have extended an invitation to the dinner of the seat. Yeah. Let's hear about this dinner. We're going to the 86. You would love it. But unfortunately, it's not like kind of term that people use for garbage. Yeah. Or like when you 86 a menu, yeah, yeah, it's 86. Cancel and order. Yeah. The 86 has a dress code of smart elegant attire. Any guest who does not appear sufficiently well presented may be refused entry. That's you. I mean, this is the smart attire as it can get. You are dressed for the 86 today. This is smart. You're dressed like all of that they put in the martini. If I had known you had that in you, I might have said we're three. No, I don't mind. It's all good. Look, you mind a little. No, I really don't mind. I'm going to Wyoming tomorrow. I'm on VK mode right now. Wow. Well, what better way to kick off a VK than like one of the top 10 toughest reservations to get in the city. Yeah, but you know, I don't like that. What do you mean? I like to find the easiest reservation to get in the city. I'm more into places that don't have reservations. You can just walk right in. Yeah. We don't accept reservations. Yeah, exactly. You don't get donuts. Yeah. You just stand up and you can also get ice cream. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. They serve breakfast all day round. Yeah. That's more of my speed. Whatever you like to go. You got to be fired up for Wyoming. I am. I'm very excited. I can't wait. I'm looking forward to it. What's happened with the hotel situation? Well, it's so funny enough. I like forgot about that completely and then Bo hit me up and he had listened to the podcast. And he was like, so should we just get a hotel then? And I was like, yeah, I was like, I've been saying we should get a hotel the whole time. And then we got a hotel. But it's not actually. It's like a mode. We're in like a shitty motel. Did they contribute or you thought? Yeah. I was like, I'll pay for the whole thing. And they're like, no, we'll split it. We don't want to hear about it. Yeah. Fuck that show. Yeah. This is our lives. We didn't choose the life of being in a contact to get fucking poked fun at for our. Yeah. How much of the hotels a night? Well, it's a motel. And I think it was like for three people, it was like, I want to say it was like 250 something like that. Total. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty like Jackson's expensive. You have your own rooms for a motel. It's like super eight per room. No, for one room. Oh, you got one room. Yeah, we got one room. Two for two. Two beds in a couch, I think. That's not bad. It's not terrible. But for a motel, it's not great. But I know you're not sleeping on the couch, but like since you split it evenly, you should have the option to wind up on the couch. Yeah, I'll probably, I mean, there's a chance I'll end up on the couch. Yeah. I get no problem with that. One third chance. As long as we can just shower before going home, I'm fine. I just don't want to sit on a plane after being in the woods for a week. Is this a group of friends with whom you have such comfort that all of you guys can like walk around naked after a shower? Yeah. And it's not weird. I don't think I have any friends. I thought this would have been that group, a single friend that I would do that way. You're telling me you can't go bear shafts in front of your friends. You know, you're just like, you have, you come out of the shower with a towel and you're going to have to change. It would just like anything you'd be like, I'm dropping trial, like turn around. Oh, you would say that. Yeah. Yeah. You come out with the, you come out of the shower. There's one towel. You put it around your hair and you just walk out there. Yeah. Exactly. And you walk out with your pubic mount. Yeah. No, yeah. We're not flash and pubes or anything like that or cock, especially not cock. I feel like girls do that like, definitely all the time. Yeah. Girls don't care about that shit, which is crazy. Yeah. Yeah. They're like, they like piss together and stuff. Yeah. And the same toilet. Imagine pissing with one of your boys. I thought, you can leave. It would, it, yeah. And the urinals is fine. But if there's one toilet and a single use bathroom, also, I think the assumption would be like, those guys are doing drugs in there. Like if me and you were at a bar and we were just in the bathroom together, everyone would be like, they're doing coke. If the bounce was like, yeah, the fuck out of there. Yeah. Yo, chill dude. I'm my boys pissing. We're both pissing in there. Yeah. We're talking about something. He's having a hard time. Do you mind? Yeah. Man can't get away with that. Yeah. It's bullshit. Yeah. It's a double standard. But they're walking around, clams out, cans out. And I think that it's. I really think that it's because there's nothing that's like, dude, their penises are the one piece of privacy men have. Exactly. And women have no privacy because of athletes. Yes. Yes. Very, very right. Well, there's a lot of logic being poured in here and I'm not sure I follow it all. I'm not a big alike. You can't see girls all know it. There's no like surprise is when girls all get naked with each other. They're all like you know the girls like if she has big boobs or small boobs, kind of kind of. Kind of. Not like a dick where it's like you could have the fucking corkscrew dick like a fucking duck. But wait a minute. Hold on a second. Maybe girls are better at reading that than I am. But there have been times where I have unearced breasts that I thought were large and they ended up being smaller or vice versa. Sometimes they were a well kept secret. Well, they don't feel they need to fool each other and they want to fool exactly. Exactly. They're not just fooling me and not fooling them. I guess. I think they're just like, yeah, like I'm doing whatever. I think they're fooling you and specifically not fooling them. Oh, I'm going on a date with Francis tonight. Let me wear a three sports bras. Yeah. Help me with much more likely to happen going out with you than going out with her friends. I don't want him to think. I want him to like me the way my friends do for my big boots for how honest I am about my large breasts. Yeah. I really think that's what it is. I want him to think I'm humble. I really think that's what it comes down to. There are there's not many friends that I have that I'm going bare shafts in front of as well. But I think that's because I didn't play many team sports. Yeah, I think that's me as well. I think the team sports brothers are more likely to like do's that play soccer. They like run trains. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they're pretty. I think I don't think it's soccer so much as a talky football lacrosse. I would say soccer won hockey too. I do like I do think hockey is right. I don't think basketball is that high round. I think that a lot of those basketball teams have individual stalls. Yeah. I think they're all small so they can do that. And they're also deeply homophobic. We. Yeah, correct. We had to shower in the type of shower you go through when you check in at Rikers. - Exactly. - Do you think they changed that though? Like do you think since you've been there, like they probably added like curtains? 'Cause I remember when I was in middle school, we didn't have like the lot, the gym, I mean obviously you were only going there for gym so you weren't known was really actually showering after. But then I remember going to high school and they updated everything and they had curtains now. - We didn't, they don't have curtains. There's a team building element to showering together. - That's how like the on used to be like, "Hey, you need to, as men you need to be able to showered together." Which means like you need to just be able to have all your insecurities and flaws laid bare. And I think that that's probably what it does. And with basketball players, they have the most to lose because like if a seven foot dude has a small dick, it's like, "Yeah, if Wamby's got a fuck in." - Yeah, if he's just got a nub, if he's got a little button. Then like, yeah, that's pretty fun. - Yeah, yeah. - That shit's actually hilarious. - And that'll, but honestly that, that'll probably hurt the dynamic of the team. Like if you find that you're all star player, has a micro penis? You're like, there's this supposed to be the guy that's leading us into battle. - I'm not passing him the ball. I'm not giving him the rock bro. You got a micro pin and you want him to take the last shot at the end of the game. - Yeah, the game winning shot. - Yeah, yeah, that's gotta be tough. But I mean, there has to be dudes who have all the secrets. - I think soccer, like judging off of people, I knew that place, like the soccer kids were always just like not even like as an insult. Not, it's not like a gay way. Like they were all just like, like the got, I don't know how to describe it. Like they were like energetic and like, like didn't really care about anything but soccer. So it was like they were kind of just like, like I could see them pulling their dicks out and stuff in the locker room. Like that was like a brother. - You're telling me that like dedication, it was a brother really leads to like forced nudity. - Yes. - Yeah, no, I think it does. - I don't think that's, for me, it was more like fratting us. - I guess that's kind of what I was looking for. - But we, I played on both teams and I can tell you that it's soccer team, it's regional. - But he played in college, he played soccer too. People never talk about that with frances, but he played on the soccer and the Latin knee. - And I showered with the both teams and I can tell you that the soccer team was much more shy about it than the other one. - He was on the ground. He's outside. - Yeah, they were, for sure. And part of that was that the soccer team was very diverse. Where's the lacrosse team was just all white. - Yeah, I can see that. That actually, that plays a big factor. - Yeah. - Race. - Correct. - Yeah, the U.S. men's soccer team penises has to look like the rainbow. (laughs) - You have all races. - Did you guys watch that whole game? - Yeah. - Yeah, that was pretty tough. - Socced. - I knew that was gonna happen. - Yeah, I did too. - I went out, I went out with some pals. I went out with Lev and Chain and all those guys. - Gillis? - Yeah, yeah, Gillis. - Fair. - And the famous one. - And was Sean there? - No, Sean wasn't there. - Oh. - But I looked at Lev 20 minutes into the game and I was like, this is over. - Yeah. - Before anyone had talking about, man, no, it's not. And I was like, oh yeah, it's not. When in the back of my head, I was like, this game's fucking over. - Oh, it started, we looked like fools. - Yeah. - You know, then we scored a remarkable free kick. That guy. - That guy was sick. - Unbelievable. - I was like, some hope was back. - And then what do we do? - 30 seconds. - Yeah. - And you're like, yeah, it is over. - Bro, I honestly, I was gonna save this joke for the pod 'cause I made it at the pub last night. Big pop, big roar, of course. And then I looked on Twitter and Trent literally said the exact same thing word for word. But it was a funny thought. - Trent. - Trent from Barstool. - Trent Ryan. - Yeah, and jokes from Trent now. - Yeah, well, so that's why I had to say that before. But just like the idea of like the goalie getting scored on and then being like, by the fuck am I in the center of the field right now? Like he was so far up. He was insane. I don't even watch soccer. I can't imagine that's a normal. Like he was. - Well, he had to come out and play the ball. - Yeah, but he was out. - Well, he was though. His problem was that he hesitated once he had the ball at his feet. All he did, no, he stopped. All he had to do was just kick it. - By the way, Harvard guy embarrassing. - That's a disgrace. - He's a Harvard guy. - Yeah, I could have been you. - I know, genuinely could have been. - I had a joke. - Like that could have been you now. I think you could have been the goalie on that. - Well, you would, I mean, yeah, it wouldn't be hard not to make that move. He has to have been so embarrassed. The way his foot like hit the ground trying to kick it, it was like his powers got zapped like his base jam. Like he got everything taken away from him. He was like the, it was like the yips. It was like the video of Charles Barclay swinging off. - Yeah, yeah, that was, that was tough. But like, if it was, if they had lost three, two, it would have been way more painful. They got fucking boat wrist. - The fourth goal was almost as bad as the, as the third. - Yeah. - No, that one was pretty bad. - Fourth, the third was as bad. That's like historic. That will. - Dude, the second that guy, Romalo Bukaki, came on the field, I knew we were absolutely fucked. But he was built so differently from anyone else on the soccer field. - Bukaki. - They're so fast to the ball, the Belgians, like their first touch, just so pretty. - Dude, they didn't even play one of their best players. - Yeah, that's like a, - That guy who's plays for Man City or did, what's the blonde-haired kid's name? - I forget what it like, I found it. - Fucking Tommy. - It's one of the best assists, guys. Then the guy, whatever, we should, we should move on. I don't wanna talk about soccer. - Although I wanna. - Why? - 'Cause this is gonna come out on Thursday by that point and it'll be better. - Yeah, it's true. - But everyone wants to rag on the team, you know? - They let us down. - The truth is, we still do have Belgium for our draft draftings thing. - Yeah, we did drafts Belgium. - We are traders. Dave actually was just for us for that. - Yeah, that's treason. - But Pierce Morgan, yeah, Dave was like, then leave. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - He was like, then get the fuck out of the country. If you're gonna have Belgium and your draftings in the pool. But Pierce Morgan's having us only show this week. - Yeah, so that'll be good. - Should be sick. - I don't understand. Is Pierce Morgan having someone, is Dave on? - No, Dave and Pierce Morgan are arguing on Twitter. - What? - And Pierce Morgan's like, fuck, and you dial in the standard rules in days like-- - Oh, it's about soccer, yeah. - Okay. - And he's like, you've invited me on your show a hundred times. - Well, Dave said that or Pierce Morgan said that. - Dave said that about Pierce. - Pierce. - Pierce. - Pierce bullshit name. - I don't really know what his job is. Is he a journalist? - I have no idea. - Judge on Britain's got talent through the golden years of that show. I used to watch that on YouTube all the time. - If you're British, there is like a job for just being sassy. Like you don't even have to have a specialty. They'll just like put you in stuff. - Yeah, there's a little bit of tune. - Like Simon Cowell being like the guy who decides like, for 20 years, what musicians get to be on the radio. And he's just like a guy with big teeth and attitude. Like what, he doesn't sing. He doesn't like the right songs. He's like, you're good, you're not. - Yeah. - He's just a dick. - Yeah, he's just a fucking arrogant dick. And there's just a. - Yes, but he's also made the right call so many times. He's the one that told Harry Styles. He was like, you should be in a boy band. And here are the other people you're going to be in that with. And there's one direction. - That's definitely got to be his like biggest thing, right? - Like that, that's got to be his claim to fame. - Maybe so. - But I mean, when American Idol came out, like Kelly Clarkson was like, immediately. - But 1D. - Super dark. - We're talking 1D here. - I know, but like way before 1D. Clarkson, maybe not stadiums. - Stadiums. - Having all of them, the fact that he had zane too. - Did he get a slice of that, do you think? - Okay, they get like signed to like American Idol's record label or some shit. - I think Simon Cowell has a production company, probably. - He's probably richest fall. - I know on Shark Tank, they tried to do that. They were going to be like, we get 3% of every company. And I think Mark Cuban was like, I'm not doing the show if you guys, if you guys do that. - They wanted 3% of every company that came on with it. - Yeah, and it came on. - Yeah, that's fucking nuts. Wow. - That bastard. - Fuck you up. - Pigs. - Yeah, he gets paid for everything, but one direction does. I wonder if he still gets styles money. - Probably. - We got to get out to a style show. - It seems like one of the best representations of girlhood. - Is he touring? I don't think he's touring right now. - Harry? - Yeah. - Buddy. - What? Wake up. - Is he? - Get your head out of your ass. - He's not even on the internet and he knows that. - But I thought, am I wrong? I think you guys are both wrong. - Oh. - No, you're wrong. - I'm wrong. - I think you guys are both wrong. Listen to yourself. - I think that, I would have both. - Oh, let's say why. - I'm not sure, and it's two on one, and you're still thinking you need, I'm gonna need to see the fact. - No, no, let him stay his case before we fact check it. Why do you think he could? - Because I remember last time he was on tour, it was the only thing on my timeline, and I haven't seen anything about him in months, years maybe. I've seen anything about him since he did MSG, like 20 times. It was his next show. - Like in two weeks. He's gonna do a-- - So he's getting back on the road in two weeks. - No, he's gonna do a-- - He just did London last week. - He's doing pop-up shows here and there. And he's getting back on the road in a couple weeks. - Look at how many MSG shows he's doing. He's doing like a fucking month. - And that's this, that's right now. - Holy shit, dude. - That should be illegal, that's a monopoly. He shouldn't be allowed to do that many shows. - Look at how many MSG shows it is. What is it, 30? Is he doing a whole month there? - It's gotta be a week. So he's just any weekend, they don't have something, he's like, yeah, I'll just do one there. It's not even the weekends, it's Monday, Tuesday. So do you think that is like nerve-wracking to him at all? No. It's just like, I gotta go do this. I think he's just got it, dude. I feel like music, too, it's just like once you are successful, it's gotta be the easiest shit ever. I don't know about that. Unlimited discography of music, and he can be like, oh, they didn't like that one. I guess we'll just play the one that has two trillion views on YouTube. It's exhausting and you got to sell the shit out of it every night. You got to sell it hard. You got to like perform it, especially because everyone going, it's like the biggest thing of their life. Think about dying for this. Think about the energy difference between us being like, I was at a bar the other night and anyway, I do understand like I'm probably dancing and sweating for three and a half hours and being like, are you out there, New York City? Yeah, yeah, I do agree with that, but at the same time, like there's no stress of like, is this gonna work? That's not the issue. He needs to uphold a level of showmanship that if he doesn't, then he's not selling 30 shows the next time he comes to New York. I'm kind of with Harry on this one. I think it's awesome for him every night. He's treated it in a way that human beings shouldn't, should never, we're not even like biologically prepared to be treated like that. Like 20,000 people like singing your thoughts to you is fucking insane. That's like a Aztec emperor, like no one should be, no one should be doing that night after night. His soul is getting fed in a different way. That's both of you feel that way, I will admit that I don't believe in my point. That's how that's supposed to work. Actually, yeah, wow, I've never heard that before. I seed my point 500, I was just about to say, are you seeing what Prince is doing in a lot? I am. I am, yes. Seating his point. It generated 11.5 million pre-sale registrations. I think like in the end, I was in bed and Kelly Keves just flew out to England. It went to London. They went to see him at Wembley. It went to Washington at Wembley and I think his shows are all fucking girls. All girls. I think it's a billion girls. Yeah. Like more so than like Taylor Swift. Yes. Yeah, probably. I don't think the boyfriends are coming. No, I don't think so. If the three of us went, every girl there would be like, look at those three soccer players. Yeah, probably. Probably showered together. That must have been knocked out of the World Cup really. Yeah, that was. I don't know if there's any bands out there, unfortunately, that I would travel for. Honestly, that sounds like a nice way to do a trip to have a central thing of the trip. Yeah. Like, I'm going to this. Yeah. Like, the Eagles play in London in October and I think I'm going to go with my family, but go to London, but also just like, boom. Okay. More come. I guess. What would you guys like to? Should we sit? Oh God. I'm not bringing my fucking kids. Oh, you're not bringing your kids. Oh, no. I don't know. I don't know. They're not going on a flight until they're at least in high school. Why am I getting so many calls to this one person? You got to answer it. It could be the isn't a. It's not a. I'm just going to text them back. You have to. We're just giving them a bunch. Do you know who it is? I think so, but I'm not entirely sure. Well, it sounds urgent. We get edited out. We could easily edit it out. No, this is this is spam. I've been getting banned by the spam lately. Same non-stop. Same. Why does it come in waves like that? I don't know. Do they get new spam technology? I think it's like somehow know where you are because when I like get back into a certain region, I get it all the time. Oh, really? Yeah. I was thinking I thought it was just like, maybe you went on the wrong website for like signed up for the wrong thing. Your number has been leaked. That's what's happened. Yeah. There was a, I saw something pop up on by the way, you said I'm off the internet, I'm back on the Instagram. Really? Couldn't stay away. Just the Instagram. How does it feel? I mean, I'm totally like aimlessly strolling again. Yeah. Just instantly re-hooked. Yeah. I could tell you look so much better. You look, you look happy. You look healthy. Well, you look well-rested. The one thing that's changed, which is good, is that I'm not like shopping anymore. Oh, that's good. I haven't spent money in like eight weeks, seven weeks. I don't know what. Since I got back from, since I left Paris, that was where I said no more and I'm just saving. I'm saving endless. That's great. That's great. Not only am I saving. I'm selling. Oh. Selling shit. You're liquidating? I am streamlining my life. Everything's going. Just close. I sold my guitar. I don't. I didn't know you had one. I didn't even. I haven't played it in so long. I got sick of it. I was like, this is embarrassing. Someone deserves to play that. It's a beautiful, beautiful guitar. What kind of guitar was that? It's a Gibson ES-335, I think. Can I say that G? I know. Yeah. There's a big time. A Gibson. How's the coffee game? Coffee game is great. Okay. No, no, no, no. Okay. I love those. Thank you. Thank you. That's an electric? Yeah. That's $3,500. No, I bought mine used. It's an East. But it was beautiful. Yeah. It's like, I don't know what it cost when I bought it. Sell it for. So I say that I sold it. I listed it on Facebook Marketplace. Yeah. A lot of hits though. I haven't checked. I just did this. You should sign it. No, I don't think I'll do that. As someone else. You don't have to use it. Like do you like Mon Jovi or something? Yeah. A former owner of the guitar, so signed it. Like it was his son's coat. Put your phone number on it. If lost, please return to this reward $50. You got to sign that guitar. You can probably wipe it right off. There's probably some nice finish on it. What color is it? Beautiful. It is very much that dark wall nut, all brown one. I like that one more. Yeah. The dark one on the right there. I didn't even know that you were a sick string man. Okay. 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With NFL Sunday ticket for out-of-market games and YouTube TV for local and national games, YouTube TV required terms, restrictions, and embargo supply. Commercial use excluded. No refunds. Can I tell you guys a little secret? Of course. I have a bit of a nervous habit that I've developed, which is that I scratch my head. Oh no. What do you get in surgery again? No. Well, again. Well, you got the hairline. Oh right. Right now. No, I just sort of scratched my head all the time, and it was really starting to annoy me that I was doing this all the time. And I looked up ways to stop it. And one of the ways they said to stop it was to wear hats, like winter hats, wool beanies. But I can't do that because I get too hot. So I ordered a do-rag. [laughter] And now you've patted. Oh, I figured that would be like nice and cool, and I'm going to wear do-rags as I'm relaxing at night. That should be so nice. You think that's okay? Yeah, of course. White. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Got to be white. Eminem wore them. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, Jamie Kennedy wore one in that one movie he filmed. I'm going to wear do-rags for now. That's hilarious. Not in public, just in my private time. No, what about maybe in the morning if you go out to get the paper? If you forget your bonnet's on. [laughter] Just said, I need to wear it during my heavy scratching hours. Yeah. Which are? It's evening. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's the most failsafe way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I don't see anything wrong with that. Speaking of scratching, I lost a lot of golf balls this weekend. I went looking for them. Look at it with my leg. Look what I did to my leg. Oh. Okay, that looks like a pagan symbol. That's right. There's an ex and a crescent moon. [laughter] Were you kidnapped by Turkey? [laughter] The fuck is that? Yeah. I was just waiting through brambles looking for more golf balls. Where did you hit it into? The mouth of an alligator? It was all over the map this weekend. My golf game is a problem right now. Don't say that. Do not fucking say that. Do you know what I mean? No. I might need to sell my golf clubs. You dialed in for the invitational, me and Sats are putting big futures on you. I love it. I love it. Hell yeah. Yeah, we're kind of depending on that money. Yeah. [laughter] As a show. Dave is too. You went to Portugal. Yeah. It's present Tuesday. Oh, hell yeah. It is present Tuesday. Oh, my God. Francis, I got you a limited edition commemorative piece of Cristiano Ronaldo. - Hello, chocolates. - Wow. - Oh, I love his chocolate. - Cristiano Ronaldo chocolate. - I just wanna have some. - Seven. - Beautiful. - C.R. - Seven. - Seventy percent. I think that you'll really enjoy that. - This is awesome. - We've been honestly bite right into it. And Sass, I got you a can of sardines. - Oh. - Oh. - Thank you. - That'll be eaten by Harry. - Yeah. - You got you a can of sardines. - That's actually really cool. Look at that tin. Harry, I like that tin a lot. - Oh, you can use that for your weed. - Yeah. - This is crazy. - I don't know if it's big enough to hold all your mouth. - These reels. - Yeah, they're sardines. Try one. - Those are chocolate sardines. - They're chocolate sardines. - This is it. - Thank you. - Oh, of course, bro. You got to share them with the boys on the man. - It's great. - Thank you for this. This is awesome. - You'll bite into it. You don't have to, I mean, what are you gonna save it forever? - No. - Some commemorative chocolate. - 'Cause they're going for like 30k. I was gonna say, do you think I can sell this? - Yeah. - Just bought, he just opened it. - At the white party, Mr. Wonderful is wearing one of them as a necklace. (laughing) Mr. Wonderful is wearing Christiana Ronaldo chocolate box around his neck, like some bling. - Enjoy the trip. - Bye bye. - You like some? - I better not. How is it? - See you next Tuesday. (laughing) - I better not have a dinner tonight. - Big dinner tonight. - Hero dose. - Yeah, that's just some nice, I mean, Portugal's beautiful. Have you been? - No. - Oh, you fucking love it. - I was the flood. - The flight was bad. (laughing) - Are you alive? (laughing) - I'm alive. - Did you have the kids? - Yeah, I brought my kids with me. - You would know this if you were on the JAPY CC more. - Yeah. - I, of course, I saw that. (laughing) And also, I knew he had his kids. (laughing) - Oh, I brought them a wreckage. (laughing) - It's like a 17 hour travel day. And it was an overnight flight. And on the way out, I was really trying to prepare. And like, I, so I worked out stretch. You know, hit the weights, hit my protein goals. - Of course. - Overhit the protein goals. How to salvage, start a farting, start a farting. - Yeah, it's a lot farting. - Walked the CVS, got the Gasex. Was so fucking locked in. - Did you do his Gasex? - Do you do anything for you? - For me, it kind of like, I think it makes it worse. - Walking. - Yeah. - Makes me hurt. - Yeah, really? - Yeah. - Huh. - I just don't like shoving pills up my ass. So, I don't know why that's the right method. - I had the big one though, so I really just kind of, it kind of nuked, it was like when Trump threw the nuclear weapon at the hurricane. But it was a fucking terrifying, like the whole ordeal of the flight was fucking, just from the time they sat down on the plane, until seven hours later, when we landed, they were, one of them was screaming for the entire time. - Oh, my God. - Everybody has always been like, it's like five minutes or my kid was fine, it was not fine. No one has ever told the horror story that I went through. And it was so fucking bad and so stressful, I was drenched in sweat. - Oh my God. - Having arguments in my head of everybody else, with everybody else, in my imagination, of what they were thinking about me in Delta 1, as my kids are going back and forth screaming. Imagine if you were in, then I gave flight attendant to, gave flight attendant, and it was fucking worse. - Beating me to death with dirty looks and fucking overporers of other people's wine glasses, just to like be like, yeah, you're gonna need this because that guy's fucking, can't handle his children, they were sick, they were teething, it was fucking insane. - That is brutal, Delta 1, too. - Delta 1, there was no luxury to the experience. - I don't know about that. - I said in the JAPCC, if they had put Al Qaeda through what I'd gone through, we would have known Osama bin Laden's location on September 12th. There's no doubt in my mind. It was fucking, it was so bad. It was so, Francis said after he read it, he gave him so bad at home, but said to me, he's a penny. - Went in with my pen, like Jason Bourne, like my guyver. - That's pretty brutal. I mean, were all did anyone say anything? - As everybody was getting off, there was another guy who I'd even seen in the Delta 1 lounge with another his little daughter. And he was like, "Oh, look, there's two of them." And then on the way out, he was like, "Hang in there, buddy." (laughing) - He looked me dead in the eye, was like, "Hang in there, buddy." - Okay, so you get off the plane, you get your bags, you get to your hotel, you said it was a two and a half hour drive. - Two and a half hour drive to the hotel. We had gate checks, the stroller, the stroller's not there. We had to take like a bus for 20 minutes to get to the actual place and then walk like three miles. My wife's carrying both kids under each one of her arms and I'm carrying every duffle bag with my leg dragging behind me. It was like, it was like dragging bodies off Hacksaw Ridge. (laughing) It was so fucking violent and just so, like I was so sweaty and like embarrassed and everybody's morale was breaking down around me. We had a dead serious conversation about like, just going back. - Like when you got when you went. - Just being like, this is not good. This is not going to be worth it. Like we talked about turning right around. - Wow. - It was as bad as it could have been. (laughing) - But it was an incredible, I mean. - The vacation was nice, but I was thinking about staying. - Really? - 'Cause I didn't want to fly back. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So bad. - That's almost just move, just have someone ship the house out. - Do you know that as recently as a couple of years ago, Portugal had this thing called the Golden Visa where it was like, if you bought real estate there, they would just give you a visa. - Really? - They're trying to like grow out their country. - Really? - Yeah, I don't think it's happening anymore. - They might be, I don't know. They don't fuck with foreigners though. And they don't, like I guess a bunch of British people came down there, a lot of German people came down there. And then the Algarve where I was, they do not. - Colonizers, the Brits. - You see the Brits, you run? - Yeah, they're absolutely being racist. - So you're at the hotel and you crash and you guys all get to finally sleep. That must have been a nice nap. - Did you sleep right when you got in? - I slept when we got it. We got the hotel for a night earlier. So when we got there, we could just check right in. - So smart. - We slept, took a nap, woke up, took another nap, so wealthy. - Yeah, I love it. - And then they just slept till like 11 o'clock the next day, they just slept, like fucking. - Two and a half hour drive post flight, it's pretty bad. - It was like 17 hours door to door. - And there's like a stormy head. - But we had an hour and a half drive, I think in Birmingham, after the flight and I wanted to blow my head off. - And you're an adult with like control of your emotions. - I was the only one I was responsible for. - Yeah, you know what you're going through. Like I couldn't even explain it to them, but it was gonna be longer. They're just screaming at the top of their lungs. Like one of their ears must have popped on the way down, just like they don't even know what that is. - No, no, that's the first time the power fell. - Yeah, it was insane. - There's a gun in my head. - Somebody has shot my head. - I have Havanna syndrome, there's a buzzing. - Oh my God, that must be hell. - It was so funny. - So I'm sorry. - No, no, it was just nuts. - So you get to the hotel, you fall asleep. At what point did you finally get to the point where you're like, oh deep breath, we're here, we're relaxed. Now we're on vacation, this is nice. How long did it take? - That night going out to dinner, it was already awesome. Cause there was like these big steps, like these sprawling staircases and the kids were like learning, trying to crawl and like, cute handsome outfits. And I was like, okay, this actually fucking rules. And then the next day we dropped them off at a fucking daycare, and we're at the pool, fucking slugging daquaries, talking with you from Dallas and it's like, oh, I'm home. - Yeah, good, good, good. - Start talking to these daycare. - Yeah, start talking to these daycare. - How long were they at the daycare for? - The whole week. - Yeah. (laughing) - That was the vacation. - They saw the staff. - We heard they had the best daycare. And no, they went for a couple of the days to daycare. But we would take them to like little towns nearby. - Yeah. - It was fucking, it was lovely. It was like, is it like hard to get into the full relaxation mode when you know you've got the flight home? Is it in the back of your head or are you like? - I was like, it literally, it cannot get worse than that. And I was like, I've already walked through the valley at the shadow of death. I already know what hell smells like. And I've been there before. And so I was like, it can only be a little bit better. Flight backs during the daytime. So it's like, at least they'll be up. But it was truly just something, some absolutely beautiful dude. There's a 13 course tasting menu that I went to, a couple of Michelin stars. It would have knocked your socks off. - Wow. - 13. - I actually ordered six bottles of wine that they gave us. I need to bring one back for you, present Tuesday. Would you like one of them? - No, no, I'm okay. - Are you sure? It was a bit, it was a smoky wine. I mean, contact with the, - It should be, I should. - With a producer on Instagram, messaging with the producer. It was fucking, it was a lovely trip. Maybe you wanna travel with you boys. We gotta get on the road together. - Gotta get to Portugal. - We gotta get to Portugal. - I was, I was asking all those detailed questions because I'm just trying to get a sense of what it's like to have young children and whether or not that's something I want or if I want to just continue to focus on my career like I have been. - What about having getting old children and just kind of like jumping third base? - Yeah, housebroken kids. - Hypoallergenic, housebroken kids. - Yeah, go to the shelter, the battered boys shelter and just scoop up a boy or two or something. - I like that. - Give them like seven years and then get back. and get back to the career. - What if you just got like two like 10-year-old boys? - Yeah, seven or eight years, and then they go off to college, you're kind of good. - I think 10 is you've been in the system too long. You start, they know all kinds of tricks. - You're institutional. - They're, they're, they're bad, they're bad. - At that point, they're already bad. - It's bad stuff has happened to them. They're gonna be bad. I think you want like five. - Yeah, but five is like. - What five though, you can, sorry. - Emotionally immature, five-year-old. - Yeah, you want one who's mature. - And emotionally stunted five-year-old. - You just drop a, you take him to like a town square and you'd be like, find your way home. - Yeah. - So you wanna do everything you want? - Yeah, you're right. - I don't know about this. - I think that what you want, you want like a 22-year-old Russian girl pretending to be a five-year-old. - I like that. - And that's the best. - That might be the plot of the movie, the orphan. - Okay, maybe that's what that is. - You just don't wanna be on that flight to Portugal with like a screaming baby, but the baby's five. - Yeah. - Some people are gonna be looking at you like, "Yo, can you tell him to shut the fuck up?" - Yeah, I understand. (laughing) - He was in a home. - You really don't hear shit about orphanages anymore. - No, I don't, I feel like they were everywhere. Are they out of style? - Big time. - A big part of it, I don't know, this is actually, I don't know if this is true. - Say it, say it anyway. - I'm excited, I wanna hear the theory at least. - I know that when are relations with China and Russia cooled the ability of an American set of parents to adopt from orphanages in those countries became much harder. - What do you mean cooled? - Like we don't get on that well. - Like we don't be like not going well. - My uncle is in like tension settled down. - No, and things got worse. So my aunt and uncle adopted two beautiful girls from Russian orphanages. And I don't think that. - You can do that. - I don't know if it's possible anymore. - I don't, I would be shocked if it was. - I don't think they're letting American parents adopt. Maybe they are, but I know it's harder. And I think that's also true of China. - But they have to go to Russia. - Yeah, they have to go. - I don't think can Americans even go to Russia right now? - Talker. - I would think, I would think they can, but it's probably ill-advised by the state of parliament or whatever. - I think that they're also like, the problem is they're training these babies' despise. And so it's like from our colleagues, like they know the craft, they know spy craft very well. - Yeah. - And it's not safe to have them on US soil. - Oh, so you can go to Russia, but it's got a level four, do not travel advisory. - Yeah, but it's only bad when it gets to level 13. - Yeah, yeah. Tyler, could you just quickly look up whether or not it is more difficult now for American parents to adopt from Russian orphanages? - That should be a standard, just yes or no. (laughing) - Populating. - I know it's a big process for them to get them from China, but they also might be hiding the fact that their birth rate is crashing. - Definitely. - They might just be like, oh no, you can't have them. - It is not just harder, it is entirely impossible. American citizens have been legally barred from adopting Russian children since Russia enacted the Dima Yakovlov law. In 2012, this band completely shut down what was previously one of the largest international adoption programs in the world. I've never been more right on the podcast. - Yeah, now it's pretty solid. - Yeah, that's so good. Never had something be more true. - Harry, I invite you to argue with this point though. - No, no. - Find a way that I'm wrong and you're right on that. - I'm sure someone's adopted. (laughing) - There's somebody out there who's gotten a Russian baby past 2012. - I love it, I love it. - I wonder why they stopped it. They just thought that are, that like. - Think about it, right? - Parents that want to adopt children are. That is like a monumentally important and. - They're the best of us. - Happiness inducing also could be that they've struggled to have kids for a long time, whatever the case. And Russia hating us is like, yeah, we're gonna take away that joy from me. - Oh, yeah. - You think that's what it is? - Absolutely. - I think I thought it was just like, we don't want Russians being raised by Americans. - Oh, no, I think it's they don't want to give us kids. - They don't want to have the joy of having kids. - That's right, they're punishing us. - Because we were adopting kids from Russia for many years. - Well, I think China, I get why they do it 'cause they want to slow down the growth of the Ivy League schools and stuff like that. (laughing) But Russia, it's not like what the Russians are coming to the US and thriving at sports or anything like that. They're opening up barbershops and fucking. - If you were to adopt a Russian baby, does that baby now become American? - Yes. - Your US citizen? - 100%. - So like your Russian baby could play in like the US Olympics. - Yeah. - Yeah, and not only that, dude, but they're not growing up with Russian accents. - Well, of course. - I know, I know that. - They're not like, where is my worst? I want my bottle, mother, take me to football practice. I'm tired of look, give me vodka. - I definitely didn't think that. (laughing) - They grow up as little ballet dancers who are drunk and like to climb to the top of buildings. - Yeah, they're like, "Oh look, the bachelor's is on again." - I can't wait to watch this in text with my group chat about it. - I just didn't know like the logistic, like if that was possible 'cause I know they're like pretty. - I bet that the US baby could find a way to play for Russia. - Yeah, I think when you have the duel, you can kind of pick. Like, bow again once you're adopted, they don't have the duel. - They don't have duel citizenship. - Good, they shouldn't. - I don't think Russia has a further law or a dreamer law, right? - Oh, I have no idea. - Where like if you're born there, you're necessarily retained citizenship. - I don't think I bet you that any baby that leaves Russia to be adopted by an American family is automatically loses their Russian citizenship. - Yeah, they're petty about it. They're like, "Find and leave." - I can't imagine that there are too many people who have duel, Russian and American citizenship period. - Probably, yeah, Snowden. - Uh, maybe a Ovechkin. - Like lives in Russia. - Does that mean he's a citizen? Mate, was he granted. - I pretty sure does, and Russia have Snowden. Like, he's like living there and they like, it can't even know they'll like threaten to give him back to the US. - I think we're waiting into those murky waters. We often find ourselves in where we start to guess at the end of that. - I don't think Snowden is a citizen anywhere to be honest. - I'm pretty sure he's like a Russian baby from after 12. - He's like multiple different governments own him. - He's like, "Ant man." - Yeah, somewhere in the realm we cannot see. - Can you do the same question, Tyler, with China last China baby adopted? That was probably like 10 minutes ago. - Yeah, earlier this morning. - They might still allow it. - Oh no, they determined it. - It's pro-Gran, that's recent. - And no one's talking about it. - Wow, no one's talking about this. - Except for us. - Yo, nobody's fucking saying the shit. - I'll be honest, I kind of guessed on the China one. So I'm glad that was right, too. - But the fact that they're being greedy about their birth, about the people that are Chinese. Like that shows I think they are afraid of the collapse. - Well, the question would be, is China still allowing adoptions to, you know, England and China? - China, it says it's not impossible. It says exceptions are made for step children or blood relatives within three generations. - Don't fuck. - That shit doesn't make sense. - So you could get one. - I don't understand how to even read that. Does that mean that if someone, like if your step brother was already adopted by an American family and you're born, you can still get adopted by an American family? - No idea where step children can be playing a part in that. - Yeah. - It is a wonder that you never see the Chinese adopting American kids. - How do you have a stepchild if you're adopting them? - I think that you can adopt people within your family. You can adopt. - Oh, I guess that's true, yeah. - Your stepchild or something. - I guess anyone can technically do that. - Claim legal guardianship or parenthood. - Yeah, yeah. Was Portugal great, though? - Dude, it was fucking beautiful and awesome. And felt European. - Frozen thorn. - I think the thorn was the flight, but the rose is just to get, getting to spend the quality time. I think it builds synapses in the youth. Let them dig around and just being on a boat, you know what I mean? Got back on a boat, so nice to go on a boat. - Love that son was going to be hot. - It was so nice to get the check, too. It was so nice to get the bill at the end of it, just to see how much I owed that hotel. It was so fucking sweet to see that fucking number and all those commas was fucking amazing. It was such a fucking blessing to be able - Was it all inclusive, like was in the boat through the hotel, and shit? - I booked it through the hotel. It wasn't all inclusive, though. That was an ad on it. (laughing) - That was a big ad on. - He's fucking gulp when I saw it. - Yeah. - We leave it like 4.30 in the morning. - That woke me up real fucking late. - I felt like my ears had just popped like my kids. - What the fuck? - Is that number? - You guys go ahead. I have to work here for the next six years. - This is in the back, you've got the roll of your sleeves. - I know, work for the hotel. - Yeah, it was fucking insane. But so worthwhile, yeah. - Damn, Ron, that's awesome. But I do remember the days when I used to spend like that and-- - Yeah, you'll be alright. - I'll tell you what, man. fun or does it is like those those highs are fleeting and it's going to catch up to you. As someone now who you know is a saver Harry and I are both savers. Yeah. We're planning for the future. Well, maybe next time the three of us all go together and we can split the hotel room freeways like Harry does with his friends. Yeah. Yeah. So the like you guys can take the beds and I'll sleep on the boat. Yeah. Yeah. It's not bad. I do. Yeah. Sleep on the boat. Sleep on the boat. At Boorshead we've been going back to school for over 115 years and this year every school lunch is reason to celebrate with the flavors your kids love and the exceptional quality you expect. Helping you make school lunch fresh. Easy and delicious. Bring the bell. The Delhi is open. Boorshead committed to craft since 1905. Work hard and hydrate hard with body armor flash IV whether you're working an extreme heat or powering through a long shift body armor flash IV delivers faster longer lasting hydration with more than 2000 milligrams of electrolytes vitamins B and C and zinc coconut water and no artificial sweetener flavors or dies body armor flash IV keeps you performing at your best. Get body armor flash IV at your local 711. I was scared to jump in the water about the Portuguese man of war. Oh, I didn't realize that the Portuguese man of war is out. Do you know what that is, Harry? Is it, uh, wait, don't tell me. You know, is it a stingray? No. What is it? It is a jellyfish. Oh, I knew it's done. It's the nasty one. Yeah, that's a giant tentacles. Bad. Those are the big, big boys. Yeah, but they said they're not there. The finding Nemo one, right? Yeah. Wait, are those Portuguese man of wars in, in finding Nemo? The ones that they're like bouncing off. Yeah, yeah. I think so. I think what is it? Dory? Like gets gets beat up bad. But she lives. They run the, they run the gauntlet drill. Yeah. With the football. So keep your pads down. Go forward through the tentacles. Yeah, you've got to get low to go to the tentacles. Yeah. But that's a really because doesn't she, isn't she fine? She is, but those weren't Portuguese. What the fuck is this answer? Man of war. That's a jellyfish forest. It says in Disney's, in Disney Pixar's fine Nemo, Marlon and Dory do not actually battle Portuguese man wars. They navigate the iconic jellyfish forest. It's like, you know, we didn't think they actually were battling real life man of wars. Right. I think that's pretty self explanatory. You saw that Google is now just AI. It's all AI. Google is exclusively AI. I like it. Yeah. It's wrong, though. You like to think that it's wrong. I thought, I thought they battled men of war. I thought that they battled them in the movie. This answer was for me. They actually go through the iconic jellyfish forest. Jay Will's buddy was in here and he was like, and he didn't even realize why it was so funny that he was like, dude, I went on AI. He's this guy from South Jersey. And he's like, I went on AI. And I was like, if your life depended on it, and you had to take an 18 foot jump shot, who would you put out there? And I asked AI if it's life depended on it. You're asking something that doesn't have life. The basic value of that question is for living creatures only. If you're asking AI, that question, that shit doesn't fly. I haven't I haven't been on AI at all lately. I feel like I was on it a lot. But I guess I was when I was building my computer. But since then, I've pretty much used it for nothing. Oh, I did ask it if I had something on my head. I forgot about that. Like a mole on my head. So I guess it's going to kill me. And it's that go to the dermatologist and I went, what they tell you? Nothing. Yeah, I was like, it's nothing. If you had something on your head, I took a photo of it and sent it. And I was like, what is this? They gave me a bunch of wrong answers. Told me a bunch of things that it's not. I mean, I'm sure that they're also like designed to do that. They're probably would like get a lawsuit. If you're fucking asking your AI, like, hey, like, am I going to die from this? I don't even fucking ask me. Just go to a doctor. I do get that. Like, it's definitely for the best. Like it shouldn't be giving out like a medical advice. Especially to tell people that they're fine. Yeah, yeah. But at the same time, like, like dermatologist is a job that could very easily be replaced by AI. And it would probably be like better off for humanity. You don't think so? I'm not going to say you can scan everything that you're worried about and it would tell you if you've got something or not. But that's not just what dermatologist do. Well, I know they do like fucking biopsies and whatever. But like for me, they just looked, they did the same thing that could do that one part would be well served. Yeah. But you just admitted that they said they didn't know. No, no, they said it's not anything bad. AI didn't know. Yes. AI did not know. But that's what is that because of the dermatologist? But is that because they're not allowed to say? Oh, I don't know because it knew. But it was like, I actually can't tell like it tells you like ideas of what it could be. But it's not going to give you an actual like this is this because it can't be positive. What they say was this plastic compound Nevi? No, it's just a mole. Got it. Yeah. But what did the AI say? It was like what scared you about what AI said? Oh, AI was thrown around. It never and ball never even came up. Warts, fucking a bunch of different shit. Cancer. Yeah. Of course. Of course. That's why I went and got to check it out. I haven't had to do that in a while. Did you do a full body scan? Or did they just look at the head? I went in for the scan and I left it just the head. What? Once I was already in there and he was like, is that it? And I was like, hmm, yes. You made it all the way in and you didn't want to do the peace of mind kind of body scan. I only really had that thing on my head that I needed the peace of mind from. Got a couple other things that I'm like, maybe I should check them out, but not like this was like, this is like, yeah, exactly. Yeah. The head was like, I got to get this checked out now. I wonder if they would have allowed you to just do a top, top up body scan. Yeah. I mean, it seems like it's very, you just get to like, they just ask, what do you want us to look at? Well, then you would have gotten 50% peace of mind. I got full peace of mind. Most, uh, most doctors offices, people, people booked the appointment just so they can get naked just have an excuse to have someone look at the naked and excuse to D row. The, uh, there was like a massage place at this hotel in Portugal. And there was like a famous masseuse, uh, that like, I don't know what this fucking guy is doing. Did he, did you, did you, uh, go to him? I said, my wife, him. I was like, see what this guy's all about. Cause I saw him take a client back and he fucking, like, grabbed the client, like, buy her back to like, greet her. He was like, Oh, how's it going? I'm like, kind of like embraced her as he walked down the hallway. He does those head neck and shoulder. And, uh, she said his, his breath was fucking terrible. What he was doing, but he was a good kisser. He was doing like sound bath shit and like just like fucking, but she said, I mean, I don't know, she said it worked. I just said he just was like the cockiest bastard. She said that, uh, when he, he, uh, she got there, he was like standing on, on the roof of the massage building, like waiting for her, like, pasting back and forth. Like posing, it was like pasting back and forth, like, impatiently on the roof of the building. That's crazy waiting for her to get in. And, uh, I'm not a massage. I don't, I've never got one. So I can't say, but I don't think I'm a massage guy. I'm not a massage guy either. I don't think that would relax me. I think it would just make me uncomfortable. Yeah. More way more than the relaxation. I think that, uh, you just need to really jacked Swedish guy. I think he's gonna be looking at me and being like, you're not jacked at all. Yeah, but that's not, that's not what you're paying him for. I don't think they, I don't think they judge that hard because they see all kinds of bodies. Yeah, it's like the guys on the soccer team. It's like the pharmacologist, honestly. Yeah. Yeah. We, I, I need you to work with people like that because when I go in because of my body, I'm doing him a favor, and I don't tip. Uh, you subsidize me by having such a worse body. You go in, you have to over when you go in, they like thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you for keeping. They take their clothes off. Francis has a massage parlor where people come in and massage him. They pay a premium to massage him. Yes. That's right. Get me. I only allow three a day, though. Oh, it's not bad. It's like, uh, yeah, like a small, famous kitchen. I'm like, I've run out of lotion. It's like a tasting menu. Yeah. People love to come in and get some some of Francis's bod. But bro, it was so fucking hot this week. Yeah, it was really. It was so fucking hot, uh, where I was upstate that, um, I lost seven pounds. Damn. What? Yeah. Seven. What? Like I weighed myself this morning versus the start of the week. Uh, and it was just, you know, I just, I was playing golf and tennis and fucking Padelle at like, you're playing golf in that from like 11 a.m. through deal seven or seven p.m. And even at seven p.m., it would still be 94 degrees. - Would you say that was hotter than it was when we did the Ryder Cup? - Probably about the same. - That second day of the Ryder Cup was something else. - Right. - Did you take a Carter walk? - Well, I was taking a cart for golf, but I mean, I was playing like racket sports through the hottest part of the day and then going to play golf. It didn't even matter. It was too fucking hot. It was miserable. - It was pathetic. - Yeah, I went fishing. It was like the fish were not even, they weren't fucking with it. I wasn't even trying to catch them. It was like, I'm gonna die if I catch them. - Were you fishing in a river? - Yeah. - You fly fishing? - Yeah, yeah. - Where? - Upstate. - Oh, that's right, you were in the Berkshires. - No, cat skills. - Cat skills. - Yeah, but I was fishing and I saw like four rainbow trout stacked on top of each other under a rock. And I was like, they're all dying. 'Cause if the water gets over 68 degrees, trout start dying. - That's how I feel about going to bed at night. - Yeah. - Yeah. - My room. - Did you guys set your ACs to 78? - Of course. - Dave sent out that email saying we had to send them to 68. - I thought he said 58. (laughing) - He said we're gonna crank the, (laughing) Dave was in the office like Mr. Free. - Yeah, exactly. - He said he wanna frost on the windows. (laughing) - He said open the windows and turn the air conditioning down as low as possible. We're gonna get this city cool one unit at a time. (laughing) - I saw a clip of Tim Dylan saying that he was, he's wearing a hoodie and drinking hot cocoa. (laughing) - He's a fartman. (laughing) - You have to. - Oh man, oh man. - That's a crazy thing to ask. - My shit was at 85, 'cause I wasn't there. - That's your eco mode? - Dude, it's defaults to 85. And then you have to go manually turn it down on the AC to like whatever you want. And then you only get an hour with it. And then it goes back to 85. - There must be a setting that's busted. - There's gotta be a log against that. - That can't be right. - I don't think there is. - You haven't looked carefully enough. That can't be right. - I promise you. - You have resigned yourself to like thinking that's the way the system is. - It was 100 degrees outside. I was looking for every mode that I could find on the thing. - What'd you do to beat the heat? - It's AC. - That was it? - Yeah. - Fuck. - What did you do? - Was it, it wasn't that hot? - It wasn't, it wasn't that hot. - Yeah. - Oh. - I have a funny story. - Talk to his brother. - So on the 4th of July itself. - The classic. - It was so hot. And I was a little tired of being, you know, in the sort of curated world of club of the club. Of course. So I said, you know what? I want to go mix it up with real Americans, with real loaks. - What? - And I drove about 20 minutes to a swimming hole. You guys ever heard of a swimming hole? - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. You went to a local holler. You went to a fucking hole. - Is that like, what do they call it? - The one with the cliffs. - Swimming hole, probably. - Oh, a swimming hole. - Is it like a quarry? - Yeah, like a quarry. - No, not quite a quarry. - I love a quarry. - Me too. - Doesn't love a good quarry. - A quarry is dangerous though. - A quarry is very dangerous. People drown in, yeah. - People drown in quarries all the time, brother. Be careful. You just want to go to a quarry, I mean. So yourself, swimming holes are like universal. They have Puerto Ricans. - Well, so. - Yeah. - So, there was a rope swing that I knew about at the swimming hole, right? And it was all the way across. And by the way, instantly I went there and it was a lot of people, but they were all sunning themselves, but they all had, you know, horrible tattoos. - Yeah, yeah. - That's how you knew it was a local swimming hole. - A couple anchors. - Just like, doughy, shitty people with bad tattoos. - Yeah, like a Bible verse written on a scroll. - Yeah, like that. - Around their read, anywhere. - Yeah, yeah. - Roses around their belly. - I don't like if people get like involved with like the part of the body. It's not like, no. - What do you do? - Stop, yeah. - How about people that just put lines on their body that are just like, you just wanted to do something and you couldn't even think of an idea? - People have the sleeves that it's just the sleeve. There's nothing, there's no design or anything. - Yeah, that's black face, dude. That's very close to black face. - Yeah, black arm. - Black arm. - Yeah. - What did you want to look like you were about to play outfield for the rest of your life? - Yeah. - Fucking shooting sleeve on. - What about people that like mark themselves, like cut themselves and stuff? Like I did that on my leg this weekend and it was not as cool as I thought it would be. - The brand. - Yeah, like a black fraternity. - Scars, yeah. We all we got. (laughing) - We all we got. - If not us, then who? - Yeah, so you went to the whole and everybody's got Rose's tattooed in a circle around their belly button. - Yeah, and I went into the water and I had to swim out a long way across the pond to the rope swing that I was so excited to try. And as I approached the rope swing, I'm swimming up to it and it's very deep until you actually get to the back. So there's nowhere to stand. And I'm swimming over and I noticed that there's like six of the most Mexican looking dudes I've ever seen in my life. They're up behind the rope swing with a grill that they had rolled in. And I mean, these guys are, I'm not making this up. It's the 4th of July, it's 96 degrees. They're wearing blue jeans, work boots, long sleeve shirts that are tucked in. They're all like five foot one. - They're from Pueblo. - Yeah, I mean, solid grill. They were. - That sounds like an amazing crew. They were. - They're probably the funniest guys you've ever met. - There were six guys and I was like, "Hello, Ola." And like one of them was like, "Ola," which is a universal sign for like not one of us speaks a single fucking word of English. - Amazing. - And my Spanish is really, really fucking weak. - But you had to use some on this. - Well, I tried, but I was like trying. I was like, "Do you know rope swing safe?" And they were like, "No, no, no, no on gaze." And I was like, "Oh, okay." And then one of them came over to me and goes, "Stedivasa?" And he handed me a fucking beer. - Oh, hell yeah. - So sick. - And I drank a beer on the 4th of July with guys who turned out to be from Guatemala. - Ah. - That's where they were from. - Very nice. - Now, Guatemala, I don't know if you guys know, they're not doing so hot. - Well, they're getting there in upstate New York. - Yeah. - It's glad that they had escaped. - Guatemala's basically like, it's like the tip of Mexico. It's like the northernmost central American country, right? - I don't know, other than I know that Guatemala is not, does not have a lot of money. - But they got surveys. - Well, these guys do. - Plenty of surveys. - Mucho surveys. - Grande surveys. - Yeah, yeah. - I was drinking coronas, and it was awesome, and I drank this with them, and I tried to communicate with these guys. I was like, I was like, (laughing) - I was like, you have eight. - Well, I only had the one, then they finished it, and then they brought me another. I was like, no, no, no. And then they were like, "Cardney? Cardney?" - Oh. - You want me? Did you try some card? - I was flippin' this meat like it was a pancake. - Did you get any of it? - No, I had to eat in 30 minutes of fire. - That's what I just swim back at. - It was the best card I ever had. - You're not wrong. - Yeah. - But. - Oh, wow, that you're invited to the fajita cookout. - I had a-- - Especially if you had the carna, and then you had to swim, puke everywhere. - Right. - Yeah, so I had a beer with these Guatemalan guys, and then I hit the rope swing a couple times, just by myself. - That's so amazing. - And it was pretty fun. - How'd you hear about the rope swing? Yelp. - I had hiked around this pond before in the fall, and I saw the rope swing then. Being initiated into the Mexican group is such a dream. And how nice is it that these Mexican Guatemalans, none of them, like, they don't try to be anything they're not. They just drink corona. It's like they're not like-- - And Modello. - Oh, yeah, we drink corona and Modello. It's like, they're not trying to be like hipsters about it. - No. - Actually, we like this. It's like, no, we like corona. - Yeah. - That's amazing. - I thought that was cool. - Just Americans, if all everyone's just like, yeah, we just like Budweiser. We drink Budweiser and Miller-Lay. - I said at the end, I was like, Feliz Navidon, Quattro de July, and there you were like, what? Which made me think they didn't know that it was the 4th of July. - We celebrate like this every day. - I was like, it's always a party to us. - Yeah, I don't know how much of a clue they had of what was kind of going on, but they were great. They were really kind to me. And it was weirdly a very American thing to have a beer with a bunch of Guatemalan beers from Mexicans. - Yeah. - Yeah, and hit a rope swing and then swim back. - That's pretty sad. - They probably saw you like waiting across the water and like whistled like, I just coming. (laughing) - Yeah, I got to the grill. Everybody ran away. (laughing) They left some meat. - That sounds just for me. It sounds like I grade fourth. That sounds like such a fucking. I mean just being initiated into the group shows Yeah, it's just that that's a all-time dude experience. It was cool It I was embarrassed at not knowing more Spanish. I was embarrassed by that That's kind of know a little bit of Spanish. Everybody here should know some Spanish at this point, right? But I mean these guys don't know much in the other way. Yeah, I think they're probably gonna stop even teaching that Dude come on I mean you everyone learns they all learn I get that I get that but like Every other country you know so many countries are bilingual they have like a dialect and then a language or whatever Majority I feel like like it wouldn't be that hard for me to have like a fifth grade level of Spanish. Yeah, and I don't have that But I think that that's like telling to be in like they will like it wouldn't be that hard for them to learn some English Like they don't know English. You don't know Spanish. You know French is like you guys learn English. I don't I feel like I swim up to them They had the beer true. They had the carne they had the sir Vasa Suck in the sir Vasa, but I also think that there's some power in the people from other countries who are super famous I was thinking about this last night when I was watching Portugal play when Christian Christian honor Ronaldo's playing his last game Remember he used to like bang Kim Kardashian. Oh, yeah, and they didn't have a single word that they could speak to each other because he doesn't have any English And she doesn't have any Portuguese and so they were just like do you believe that he doesn't have any English? He's got some English. I bet he's floating. He's done interviews in English. I've seen yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I bet he is played for Manchester United for like four years I think that he just does his thing. He's just that good I think he just chills out and just like doesn't really have to communicate like I don't buy a single professional athlete who's been in Professional sports for as long as these guys have that claim. They don't know English I think I think Chris Gianna's got more English than you think I also don't have a word of it. I don't think he has my Otani's reading Harry Potter books every night before bed. Like he's fully he knows he doesn't have a fucking word of it Bro, you I don't think you can be around people that only speak English that much and explain the watering hole where Francis was swimming. He was only there for five minutes and they could be here and meet. I was Exact this one. So that's my point exactly. I had like half an hour half an hour. He knew Surveysa and Karnay already He already had learned their language. Well, they they were able to figure it out. I do. There's no way that show Hey Otani if someone if one of his play if one of his teammates was like hey, you want to go warm up in the field He's not going to be sitting there like okay, but like he's not going to be letting out one of those like he clearly would understand like oh yeah Let's go warm up It is like it's like NPC sounds But I don't think that like I think that those guys know English for sure I think there's some people that just don't know English. Did Christian Hanoin and Kim Kardashian really date Tyler maybe if you could look this up But I think that they would like fly to each other and I don't even think that their private jets would leave the like teeter burrow Like I think that they would just put like their their private jets next to each other And they would bang on the jet ways that came out for whoa I could see uh, I mean 2010 he might have not known English Six years ago. No, because that was after his rent Manchester United spell or like right around it He was he was there during that time maybe they were meeting up because she was teaching him English He doesn't know and people like Ron had in the gutter Run with it and make it this like perverted story There's no way that they were dirty talking in English. I don't care what a Google AI says this guy doesn't speak Can't count to 10 in English he can't order he can't ask for the library or the bathroom is dude You open up your folder. Can we open these? Yeah open the open your folders guys You've been served yeah Do you have any idea what it is? Of course open that packet that came out Whoa, so round did open his rip that open or these from round Whoa, whoa, oh are these tickets rip that thing open Bro, no way Wait, I can't read this no way I'm confused oh Wow, I'm nervous. Wait a minute What the heck So What what playing cards did you get which what who are some of the famous soccer players that you got in your pack Adele Escobar I got who plays repayment about now he's on nandas from Um, I don't know where that is I don't know where that is I've got Gregor co-bell Borussia dormant Germany I think and then oh I got a lot my mind here Yeah, I got one of me too Little magic trick for you boys That's crazy Guys official panini playing cards for the world cup for the world cup collectible That's awesome, dude. Yeah, but there is Looking through the cards and seeing yourself Oh, I got a me you gotta you gotta collect all of them is the idea you gotta collect So everybody has to collect all the little sass is all the Leo net Lino messies all the Hollins All the how my name is though Vinnie junior you want to collect a you're one of the collectibles This year and you're actually this is the other part you're suiting up for Belgium in the next round what yes, bro You're starting you're starting for Belgium bro. I wanted to be the first to tell you and French is just starting for England. This is sick Wow, so what do they got this at like like how did you get these You're playing in the world cup this year, bro. You think that this is a fucking joke. It's not I'm dead fucking serious There's at least one special player in every pack Wow pretty cool. That's awesome. Thank you Ron. Thank you. Did you do this or was this no? I didn't but I'll accept you guys saying thank you did this come from panini Panini panini put you guys in the the guard company the famous guard company put you guys in the game It's like when Trent was in pga pga 2024. Oh, that's right. You guys are in panini now Is this real like are you fucking with us look at read the letter like are other people gonna be pulling me? Yeah, no Yeah, no shot. Yes, you're in the world cup now, bro. What luck that you got you in your own pack Well, you got yourself as well unbelievable odds Yeah, wow, that is so rare something's not adding up here I don't play soccer Think back think really hard about what you've been doing for the last 20 days. I haven't worn that outfit years Where do they get this picture of me if you're just living at Edward Norton from fight club life as like a famous soccer player And you just forget I just had no idea. Oh, fuck I did do that. That's what I was forgetting to do Play for Columbia for my country Guys, we got a cancel the Wyoming trip I forgot I got a play for my country. You see that Argentina came back from To nothing against Egypt. Oh, they did we were on this during that. Yeah, it just happened damn So they tied or no, they want all they got three. I think I three. That's what he's just calling Francis You think that was just a tease then there it was Argentina. I just Argentiza Argentine It was Argentina telling Francis he needs to get in the game. Yeah, like get over to met like this We need you friend damn. I would have liked Egypt to have upset them Most all I had a great run that they disallowed because of fucking VAR Outside of Belgium, of course, who are you guys rooting for England? Really who's your who's your guys picks before I had a Spain in Mexico. You had I think I had to Saudi Arabia and Iran Yeah, he did Are they both out? Yes, didn't Iran that they They got really close. What what happened in their game? Was there an all there was a goal on an offside that got disallowed because someone like Yeah, they're like hair was off sides. Yeah, I've only watched the only world cup games. I've watched where All the US ones except for the one against Turkey. I missed that one Because I was checking in for a hotel for an hour and a half and then I watched the well the Brazil mexico game was good and then what was the game before that on Saturday? Was it England Norway? Yeah, yeah, both those games were good. Yeah It is fun though. I mean, it's fun to watch. It was fun going out like I haven't out for like a sports game like that. Tell us about your time with, uh, with Lev. It was good. It was just we just hung out. What'd you guys do? What was like some jokes? Really? We were just watching the game. Holy shit. Talking ball. Who was the entire roster? Who was out there? Whole crew. Deep squad. Really? Yeah. Yeah. What was the seating arrangement? Good. I was definitely at the poor table. You're at the kids table? Yeah. Yeah. Lev. Were you at the kids table? So where was this? Uh, shades of green. What is that a bar? It's by the stand. Uh-huh. It was, um, I know that one. That's the long one. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've never seen it like it was like fully packed for the game. So it was pretty cool. Some pints for me. What did you get a vape? Now I had a Guinness zeros. How many to three, actually? That's fucking indulgent. Yeah. They were good. We were all hammering them. That's very indulgent. Except for those that were drinking real Guinness's, of course. But it was fun. Guinness in the heat is fucking insane. It wasn't that hot out yesterday. I guess not yesterday. It was kind of raining. Do you know how many Guinness zeros go into a full, uh, a full gallon? Major P's and Q's on this one. I'm going to go 16. Now you actually can't divide by zero. Wow. Wouldn't it be one? We're going to want to cut that. No, no, no, we're going to leave that in for sure. I don't want that. That's definitely staying in the. Wait, wait, isn't it, if you divide by zero, isn't it one? Uh, I think anything divided by zero is an irrational number. It's, uh, uh, uh, uh. Did someone make a blunder? I thought anything divided by zero is my right. I think something's raised to the zero power is one. That might be right. Anything divided by zero is I, irrational number. You can't do it. Huh. It's starting to feel like it's you guys next week time. Undefined. Yeah. I'm starting to sound like, all right. All right. We will see you guys next week. Thank you for listening. Do you guys have anything to promote or anything? Oh, I don't think I do either. Actually, no, I think I'm going to have new dates on my website soon. So, but not until at least next week. This week on Monday of next week, we're, uh, pop punk is playing at pot-tucket during a four-play event. Let's go. Cool. So I think we're just playing at like golf course. Nice. That'll be fun. That will be hot. Oh, no, it's going to be like, I don't know if that's the crowd for that type of music. It's going to be like Woodstock. Yeah. There's going to be people dying in the crowd. All right. All right. All right. All right. Goodbye.