Plan Your Life Like a Business

(upbeat music) It's no big secret that over the years, I have made really detailed plans for myself, where I map out exactly what I want from my life. I do this in my personal life, from a business perspective, for my family, for new things that I wanna learn and everything else in between. Now today, on my birthday, I wanna share the answers to something people ask me all the time. How do you actually create a plan that turns dreams into reality? Now be honest, have you ever set a big goal in January only to forget about it by February? Have you ever worked nonstop, done all the right things and still felt like you weren't moving closer to the life that you really want? I for sure been there. That's why I built a system. It's simple, it's practical and it works. And today, I'm gonna show you the exact framework I use to map out my life and my goals step by step so that you can use it too. 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At that time, I called it the 30 plan. I was turning 30. It wasn't about turning 30 at all, actually. It was about what I wanted by 35. And it worked so well, I never stopped. Now, every year on my birthday, I start afresh, I spend weeks refining a plan for my personal life, career, for my health, everything. With the same level of detail, most people reserve for running a business. Because I really believe that my life deserves that. And I think yours does too. So let me ask you, what if you walked into your new year, not just with intentions, but with a plan so clear, it feels impossible not to succeed. Stay with me, because I'm about to share the blueprint, starting with the five questions I ask myself every year in order to build that plan. And by the end, you'll know exactly how to build a plan that will change your life too. Now, you might ask, why bother? Whatever's gonna happen will happen, no? We'll know. I think the absolute opposite. And I believe that everything in my life is directly correlated to what I know I wanted and what I did to get it. Another factor to my incessant planning is that because of where I come from, I learned at a very young age that life was fleeting. The time was precious, that nothing was given or should ever be taken for granted. And the older I get, the more I know this to be true. Planning is one of the ways that I take control of my life and my time. Instead of just letting years slip by, I give shape to every single year. Sometimes that means planning a meaningful trip, like the girls' trips that I take with my best friends every year without fail. Sometimes it's starting a new venture or committing to something deeply personal. Now, to give you an idea, I've done so many things. I've learned transcendental meditation with a teacher. Gave me more energy than I ever thought possible. I went through the Hoffman process to work through childhood trauma, not as fun, but definitely necessary. I've hired coach years. I even learned to swim. Yes, I'm 43 years old and I only just learned to swim after two years of taking lessons. We'll talk about that a little bit later. But here's the thing, planning isn't just about the present. It's about your future self. How do you wanna live? What do you wanna experience? Do you wanna move to a new city, more money, finally write that book, start your own business, travel more, whatever it is, none of it happens by accident. If you've ever said to yourself, one day I wanna do the thing, then you need a plan. You need to figure out those goals. If you still doubt the need to plan, well, what I want you to think about for a second is how to think about your time. A framework that I am obsessed with is one I learned from watching the entrepreneur Jesse Itzler. This particular way of thinking asks that you think about your life in moments rather than time. So for example, my eldest son is 11 years old. Maybe he'll go to college when he's 18, but he's gonna wanna start going on summer vacation with his friends around that kind of age. That means that we don't have the rest of his life or my life, we have another five or six summer moments where all four of my kids are together with the family on vacation. That really puts my life into perspective. We all know how I work and I could work all the time, 24 hours a day, but I've chosen to make the summer's epic, to take real meaningful time off and to sacrifice some professional things because that's part of the plan. Making the most of my kid's childhoods and creating these epic and credible experiences together that I know will be the single best moments of my life and of their memories forever is the point. I'm telling you this because planning well allows you not just to think about where you're landing professionally and to make your ambitions a reality, but it allows you to make the most of the life that you live in all areas of it. Now, I mentioned already that I start planning on my birthday. It's today, by the way, in case I haven't said, but it happens to be just ahead of the last quarter of the year. So that gives me plenty of time to cement my plan before the new year starts. So here's the first thing to make a note of. This is for you. When you decide to make a plan is significant. There's actually a lot of science that links why habits work when they're tied to specific landmarks or moments in time. Could be the start of a new week. Could be your birthday. Could be leading up to another momentous moment in your life. But research from Catherine Milkman shows that we're more motivated to start new habits at meaningful landmarks. Mentally, separating past me from the new me makes change feel so much more achievable. Hence, why I thought a three-year-old Emma is gonna be so much better than 42-year-old Emma. So start the planning process on a day that means something to you. Harness the fresh start effect for your goals, even if it's just the start of a new week in your life. I personally love any good Monday to start a fresh. Another thing I want you to consider is that you should limit goals and increase repetition. The science says that the brain resists too many changes at once. We know that feeling. And studies on habit formation show 66 days is the average to lock in one habit. So don't set yourself up to fail with a list of too many things. A list of 50 things isn't helpful. A list consisting of four major categories with three stepping stone goals in each that all complement each other. That's something else altogether. That you can make real. Remember, focus and repetition strengthen neural pathways. Multitasking and spreading yourself to thin weakens them. So let's get into the practicalities. Now, I'm a person that keeps a journal. I love a pen and paper. But because of the frequency that I check in and track my goals, which is weekly at this point and sometimes even daily, I like to keep the goals in the notes section of my phone. I name the note me and whichever year we're going into. So this one I'm working on is me in 2026. And then I pin it to the top of my notes section. Basically, I'm optimizing for the note always being easily accessible and easy to reference. That's important and I'll explain why a bit later. Now, I do insist that you write down your goals in whatever form makes most sense to you. Writing your goals down increases your commitment and clarity. And according to Dr. Gal Matthews, people who write down their goals are 42% more likely to actually achieve them. So I always start this yearly process by asking myself a series of questions, which I'm going to share with you next. They're the same questions every year and the questions require two things. Radical honesty, you can't cheat your way through this part. And it has to be all about you. You can't blame external factors. You have to look at yourself. You have to start with yourself. And you have to make sure that you understand your own role in everything that is or isn't happening for you. Got it? And look, if being radically honest feels hard and it feels hard because it is hard, then find someone you trust, someone who's willing to be super honest with you. In fact, do me a favor and share this episode with them and make them your accountability partner as you work through the questions together. So let's get into the questions. Question one, now because I'm a crazy planner, I'm always looking back at the goals that I didn't achieve last year. And I'm asking myself, what were the main reasons I couldn't get there? So that's your first question. What goals have you had that you didn't achieve and why didn't you get there? So if you didn't write anything down, just think about resolutions or promises or goals that you wanted to conquer in the last couple of years. And then think about why they didn't happen. And remember, don't lie to yourself. No excuses, no blaming the external. Make it all about you. Write it down, please. Number two, what are three things you wish you did more of last year? Don't overthink this part. Start simple, make a list of three things that genuinely make you happy. Things that feel aligned with your purpose, things that make you feel accomplished or they leave a positive impact on your life. Goal setting isn't just about productivity or achievement, it has to include joy. That's the kind of energy I want you to think about when you're setting goals. Not just what you think you should do, but what will make your future self genuinely happy. Write it down. Question three, what are you avoiding and what are you scared of doing? You know the quote. The magic you're looking for is in the work you're avoiding. Well, you have to be brave here. If you can't say it out loud, if you can't write it down or even admit it to yourself, it is for sure never going to happen. So now's your moment. What frightens the life out of you? What embarrasses you to say out loud because it's the truth and you really, really, really want it? Now, think about it hard and write it down. The fourth question. What do you want to learn in the year to come? Don't overthink the practical side of this one. If you start by saying, "I'd love to take this course, but this course happens on Tuesday and I can't do Tuesday," well, then you're never going to get anywhere. Instead, just start with the intention, one thing that you'd like to learn. And here's why this matters. Studies show that lifelong learning has huge benefits. It's not just about picking up a new skill. Learning something can actually help improve your memory. It keeps your brain sharper as you age. And even boosts your overall health. It also increases your earning potential and opens up loads of career opportunities. And maybe, my favorite part, it makes you more connected to other people. When you're learning, you're engaging, you're building relationships, and that has a massive impact on both your health and your happiness. So don't think of it as learning as an obligation or something that you're done with. Think of it as an investment in your brain, in your future, and in your joy. Write it down for me. Okay, the fifth question. Habits and boundaries. Here we go. What habits do you want to create and what boundaries should you establish? Now, I've put these two things together because to me, they're both about defining your limits and your non-negotiables. If you want to get home to have dinner with your family three nights a week, say, you're going to need to leave work at a certain time. If you want to work towards a promotion, you're going to need to be open to feedback. And if that's something you're avoiding, you're going to need to habitually find a way to hear it. So spend some time here and make them highly, highly personal. Don't say, I want to get fit. Why do you want to get fit? For exactly what reason? Be specific and make it all about you. So let's just recap. The questions you must ask yourself before building your annual plan are first, what goals have you had in the past and what didn't you achieve and why? Second, what are the three things you wish you did more of, the things that bring you joy and a line with your purpose? Third, what are you avoiding and what scares you to say out loud? Fourth, what's the one thing you want to learn in the year ahead? And fifth, what habits do you want to create and what boundaries were you set to protect? What matters most? Find someone you trust, share this episode with them and make them your accountability partner. Go through the questions together because you'll be amazed how powerful it is when someone else like holds a mirror up to you. And then let me know how it went. I need you to drop me a comment. You got a DM me or Instagram me because I really want to hear your answers because so much comes out of this. Now, hopefully you've written all of this down and what I want you to do for the next few days is to read it to yourself. Give it a moment to really sink in. I like to read it myself, first thing in the morning and last thing at night so that it literally lives inside me for like a few lovely days. During this time, questions will come up. You'll start to feel that some things are more important than others. You'll start to think about how you can make certain goals happen. But the point here is to think deeply. You can't chat GPT this stuff. Consider your answers and what you know about yourself and start noting what's most important to you. After a couple of days, I then want you to ask yourself one last question and it is a big one. What gives? You've all heard me talk about trade-offs and they are so real. No one, no one gets everything they want without giving something in return. You want a promotion? You might need to put some extra hours in. A little bit of extra effort in the office. You want to start a family? You might need to sacrifice some of your social plans. You know the drill. But by getting yourself into the headspace of what might have to give, you actually allow yourself the time to accept exactly that. To get something you've never had, you're going to need to do something you've never done. It's not just a quote, it's actual, factual facts. Radical honesty from where you can take responsibility doesn't happen overnight. So give it a moment and consider what you're willing to give to make your goals a reality. Really think about it. Once you've had a chance to consider and look at the answers to the question, next starts the process of writing down and prioritizing your goals. Now, I never allow my list to get longer than about 10 things and usually it's six big goals. Personally, I like to categorize mine into like personal, professional, health, finances, learning, et cetera, et cetera. So write that list down and make it crystal clear. Super actionable, bullet it. It's not a novel, it's not a love letter. It's a to-do list and it needs to work for that purpose. - What's up, guys? It's Candice Dillard Bassett, former Real Housewife of Potomac. - And I'm Michael Arsenal, author of The New York Times bestseller, I Can't Date Jesus, and this is Undomesticated, the podcast where we aren't just saying the quiet parts out loud. - We're putting it all on the kitchen table and inviting you to the function. If you're ready for some bold takes and a little bit of chaos, welcome to Undomesticated. Follow and listen to Undomesticated, available wherever you get your podcasts. Next starts the task of breaking the goals down into tiny, concrete, and actionable steps. And here's a little example for you. It'll be an easy example. I have tried to learn to swim for what feels like my entire adult life. It wasn't until I felt a responsibility to learn to swim, being a mother of four children that rely on me for their safety, that I took it really seriously. So I had a reason. Not being able to swim was no longer an option. Now, I work out four or five times a week. Adding a swimming lesson was just never gonna work with my schedule. So I decided that one of those workouts would have to give, and I would do a swim lesson in its place. As it turns out, my little kids, Lake and Rafi, were having their own two-year-old swimming lessons. So instead of trying to find a different teacher, I just tacked my lessons onto their lessons. I was already watching. So by turning up in a robe and a swimsuit and watching them and then doing my lesson at the end of their swim lessons, I removed all the friction. Now, I had a reason, I had a plan, and then I'd removed all the friction. There was no big deal here. Just a series of small, concrete steps that made it possible. Here's the secret. The big changes that you want in your life rarely come from big, dramatic moves. They come from small, consistent actions that build over time. And the science actually backs this up. B.J. Fogg, who wrote "Tiny Habits," shows that when you make changes so small, they feel almost effortless. You lower the resistance to starting, and that's what keeps you going. James Clear's research in "Atomic Habits," one of my favorite books, proves exactly the same idea. Small habits compound like interest in a bank account. Over time, the results are massive. So instead of thinking, I need to overhaul my entire life, ask what's one small thing I can do today? That's how you build momentum. And momentum is what turns a plan into progress. And it works because completing microsteps gives you a dopamine hit, which reinforces your progress and makes the next step easier and so on and so on. Then anchoring what you want to do to existing routines, like I did with my kids' swim lessons, is another hack. We know habits form faster when you connect them to something you're already doing every day. It's called habit stacking. For example, when my kids have their swim lesson, I take mine too. The teacher's already there, the routine's already set up. So I'm just stacking my habit on top of this. I do the same thing at work. After every big team meeting, before I move on to the next thing, I take five minutes to jot down the top three priorities that I need to act on immediately. That way, the meeting doesn't just end and vanish into thin air. I've built the habit of action right on top of something that I'm already doing. This works because you're not relying on willpower, just expanding a habit loop that's already hardwired. Lastly, you have to say it out loud. Tell people. Accountability adds gentle pressure. And if you're anything like me, a little bit of pressure can go a long way. So decide now who's going to be your accountability partner and send them this episode because you can do this together. So as you write, begin with your really big goals and then write the three things that will get you there practically. Essentially, I'm asking you to break down the goals into daily or weekly actions that ladder up to you being able to achieve the goal. Now, only does this step allow you to break down what you need to do into digestible actions, but it actually familiarizes you with what needs to happen to make your goals a reality. They're there. They're stuck in your head. They're on the piece of paper. One of my big goals for 2025 was actually to start this podcast. Now, I knew immediately that I would approach this like any new endeavor, like a startup business. I'd begin by learning everything that I could about the podcasting space. I spoke to everyone I knew that was a great podcaster. Thank you, Stephen. Thank you, Jay. Thank you, Mel. I need to take meetings with every single podcast network to really understand where the opportunity lie. I need to hire an incredible team. I can tell you, I met so many people way more than I needed to because I was information gathering. I wanted to better understand what success looks like in different places and at different levels. And of course, I landed one of the best producers in the business because, you know, how I do things. Anyway, I did all of this ahead of starting the podcast in order to set myself up for success. And within each one of those little actions, there was multiple steps. Learning about podcasts meant I had to listen to my podcast, I had to get to grips with YouTube, I had to understand the ad space, I had to set up meetings, I had to read and gather information. I had to engross myself in the business of podcasting. I'm telling you this so you can approach your goal setting in exactly the same way. Have the goal, I'm going to launch a podcast, and then figure out the micro steps that ladder up to that goal. Then set realistic timeframes. I have one or two full-time jobs, as we know. So this took me a little longer than it might take someone else. It meant that I had to put other people and systems in place to stay on track. But it worked because I planned it. And here we are. Now, I can hear you all shouting through the screen or your phone. What happens if you have a goal where the answers aren't so obvious? They're not right in front of you. Or if your goals feel so far away from where you are today. And let me tell you, I have been exactly there too. And all you need to do is create more audacious goals and be realistic about the timeline. If you're trying to get somewhere that is a giant leap, do the work to understand the steps. Look at who has done it and look at how they got there and start by breaking down those steps. When I spoke to Charlemagne the God, one of my favourite guests on this podcast, about his incredible career and where he is today, it was unimaginable to think that this guy, who grew up in South Carolina with zero ties to the entertainment industry, would be where he is today, having a hit show, best-selling books, his own publishing imprint, a podcast network, just not on the cards, not on the cards at all. But Charlemagne had a plan and he knew exactly what he wanted and he mapped his way there. He started locally, he then got a sidekick job with Wendy Williams on her show. He did a great job at that and he leveraged it into another position where he was fired and then another position where he's fired. And again, as the story goes, you only need to be fired three times to be a superstar. Charlemagne took that plan and he took the incremental steps he needed to get there over a decade and then he rose to the top. So you have to remember, there is no such thing as an overnight success. What I want you to consider and actually please more than consider, what I want you to know is that with all the best plans, they likely will fuck up. So plan for the fuck-ups. You can actually design into them with something called if-then planning. Peter Goldwitzer, a professor of psychology at New York University, actually talks about this a lot. His work shows that pre-deciding how your handle setbacks doubles the odds of success. If I miss a workout, I'll do an hour while taking calls. Now, this works because we all know how unpredictable life is and this removes decision fatigue in the moment of stress. So based on what you know about yourself and how you've failed in the past, I'm going to go back to your questions. You make a plan for when it doesn't all work out. And you should be literal here and write down the if-then scenarios. This is maybe one of the single biggest hacks I can give you because life always gets in the way. And by planning for the fails, you're going to prevent a slippery slope before it even happens. Now, as I was planning this episode, I poured over all my old planning for me docs and I saw that things almost never happen in the time you expect them to. We overestimate what we can do in a year, but we underestimate what we can do in 10 years. But that's OK because all we need to do is feel forward momentum and no one ever complained about getting to exactly where they wanted to be just a little bit after they expected nobody. The important part is to be reflective when we fail. Ask ourselves what inside of me is stopping this from happening? What are the patterns and the commonalities that show up time and time again? And if you have a breakthrough on that front, well, you can thank me later. But it will be useful for you to know and you'll use that information in the future. One of the most important steps in making plans that stick is the ability to track your progress. Tracking makes behavior visible, reinforces momentum, and it gives a little dopamine here that will actually help you continue to move forward. My tip, though, is don't obsess over perfection. Focus on the trend, on your momentum, on the bigger picture. Are you in for the future? Now, depending on how you learn and how you work best, you can track your progress in so many different ways. I like a simple, bulleted checklist in the notes section of my phone that I can tick off as I complete tasks. I also have a printed note on the inside of my bathroom cabinet that I use as a reminder because I see it first thing in the morning and last thing at night and that helps me keep track of my progress. I also have a printed note on the inside of my bathroom cabinet that I use as a reminder because I see it first thing in the morning that helps me keep my eyes on the price. You might choose to use a habit-tracking app, you might write in a journal, you might put it all down in a spreadsheet or use a physical calendar. Whatever it is, make sure the list is something that you can and will look at with frequency. And if you need to, make copies that you can keep in your desk at work, on your phone, in your bathroom, wherever you'll be able to look at it, a lot. The idea here is that you're creating a critical feedback loop with yourself. And what you need to do here is reflect on the winds, figure out what didn't go well and adjust the year's plan. Now, before we wrap up, remember this. The life you want won't happen by accident, it happens by design. And every plan you create is one more step towards the future you deserve. So to summarize everything we talked about today. Number one, decide on a great day to start because meaningful dates give your plan more power. Number two, ask yourself the hard questions. Radical honesty will set the foundation for real change. Three, limit the number of goals. Focus creates clarity and avoids overwhelm. Number four, write specific goals. Clarity turns vague wishes into actionable steps and get an accountability partner who will be honest with you. Number five, break your goals down into small daily and weekly tasks. Tiny actions build momentum and consistency. Six, accept the trade-offs. Remember, saying yes to one thing means saying no to another. Seven, create the conditions for success. Habit stacking. Attach new habits to existing routines for faster results. Number eight, plan ahead for setbacks using the if-then method because life happens and you'll need a backup plan. Number nine, track consistently, ideally with a visual method. Seeing progress will help keep you motivated. And number 10, review weekly and reflect. Reflection is where the learning and the growth really happens. So thank you for listening. If you found this valuable, do me a favour and subscribe to the Emigreed YouTube channel and share your notes from this episode with a friend who needs a little inspiration to it. If you're loving this podcast, be sure to click follow on your favourite listening platform. While you're there, give us a review and a five-star rating and share an episode you loved with a friend who'll be so grateful. Aspire with Emigreed is presented by Odyssey. I'm your host, Emigreed. Our executive producers are Kareen, Gilead Fisher, Derek Brown and me. Our executive producers from Odyssey are Maddie Sprunk-Kaiser, Leah Rhys-Dennis, Asha Salooja and Jenna Weiss-Burman. Stephen Key is our senior producer, sound design and engineering by Bill Shorts. Angela Paluso is our booker, original music by Charles Black. Video production by Evan Cox, Kurt Courtney, Andrew Steele, Carlos Delgado and Arnie Argersie. Social media by Olivia Hoeman. Special thanks to Brittany Smith, Sydney Ford, my teams at the lead company and WME. Mora Curran, Josephina Francis, Hilary Shuff, Eric Donnelly, Kate Hutchinson-Rose, Tim Meekol, Sean Cherry and Lauren Vieira. If you have questions for me, you can DM me at Aspire with Emigreed. Greed is spelled G-R-E-D-E. That's Aspire-A-S-P-I-R-E with Emigreed. Or you can submit a question to me on my website emigreed.me.