Phone Addict? Start This Today

[Music] Welcome to today's episode of the Mindset Mentor Podcast, I'm your host, Rob Dyle. If you have not yet done so, hit that subscribe button so you never miss another episode. And if you want to master your mornings, go to thePerfectMorningRoutine.com right now. I created a free video and guide to help you create the perfect morning routine based on science for you. So it is thePerfectMorningRoutine.com. Today, I want to talk to you about something that I genuinely believe is stealing people's lives in real time. And not in like a dramatic villain movie type of way. Not in like someone that breaks into your house, ties you up and steals 10 years of your life. It's something that is way sneakier than that. It steals your life while you're sitting on a porch in front of a beautiful sunset that you're not paying attention to. It steals your life while you're sitting on the couch next to someone that you love. It steals your life while your kid is trying to show you something that they've made. And the whole time, it convinces you that you're not really losing anything. You're just checking your phone or you're just scrolling for a second. Or you're just responding to a message or you're just watching one more video. And then one day, if we're not careful, we will all look up and realize that we have spent thousands of our precious hours staring at a glowing rectangle instead of living our lives in this ridiculously beautiful magical world that we were born into. And I don't say that to shame you. I shame it because I'm in this with you as well. We're all in this. In these devices, these phones that we have are designed by some of the smartest people on earth to hijack the most primitive parts of your brain. So if you feel like your phone has this weird little tractor beam attached to your soul, you're not weak. You're a human. And your nervous system has been basically hijacked and is hunted for attention. So I don't want this episode to scare the shit out of you, but I really, really hope that it's a wake-up call for you. So let's go ahead and dive in. We used to think that money was the most valuable thing that you could have. Money matters. Sure, I'm not going to pretend that it doesn't, but today there's something way more valuable than money. And it is your attention because your attention is your life. Where your attention goes is where your life goes. If your attention goes to your relationship, your relationship will grow. If your attention goes to your body, your health will grow. If your attention goes to your purpose, your purpose will grow. If your attention goes into nature or silence or prayer or journaling or friendships or laughter or your children or creativity or movement, all of those will make sure that your actual life will grow. But if your attention goes to a feed that never ends, your life starts to feel like this weird thing where you're technically alive and still breathing, but you're not like really here inside of your body. Like you're breathing, you're functioning, you're paying the bills, you're answering emails, you're liking posts, you're sending memes. But are you really here? Like really here? Or are you just living your life through a screen watching other people pretend to live their life? So I want you to understand something when you look at it. Your phone is not neutral. Social media is not neutral. The algorithm is not sitting here going, well, you know what'd be really good for Brittany today. Maybe she should call her mom and go outside and drink water. And remember that she is a beautiful soul living inside of a meat suit, having a temporary human experience. That's not what it's doing, right? The algorithm has one job to keep you there to keep you addicted. It doesn't care if you're happy, doesn't care if you're healthy, doesn't care if your marriage is falling apart, doesn't matter if your kids are trying to get your attention. It doesn't care if you go to bed anxious and wake up exhausted. It cares about one thing. Can we keep this person looking? Because the longer that you look, the more money that it makes off of you, you are the product. And that means that you are attention in nervous system and dopamine and insecurities and curiosity and your loneliness and your outraging compassion and in boredom, all of those things become monetized. And that should piss you off a little bit, not in like, hey, hey, I'm helpless kind of way, but like, oh, I forgot that I'm the one who gets to choose my life kind of way. And so I want to talk about what phones are doing to adults first. And then for those of you with children, I really need you to hear the studies that are coming up on kids and phones in screens. Because, you know, adults love to talk about their kids in their screen time and say, oh, you know, they need to get off their phone. Children are spending too much time on their phones. It's ruining their brain. And then they're checking their phone 197 times a day. You know, like, we're all sitting here like, oh, these kids are addicted nowadays. And then, you know, we're hiding in the pantry, scrolling on Instagram away from our children like an addict trying to hide the addiction from their family, right? Like, so if you look at that, if you look at an adult, what's it doing to us? It is fragmenting our attention. You cannot build a deep life with a shallow attention span. You cannot build a deep, meaningful relationship when every quiet moment gets interrupted by a notification. You can't build a focus brain when your brain has been trained to need dopamine every 14 seconds. And you cannot build deep peace when the first thing you do in the morning is inject the entire world's panic into your nervous system. And then your nervous system is sitting there. And it's like, dude, we've been awake for 90 seconds. Can I like pee first? And this is why so many people in the world feel overwhelmed before their day even starts. And they're so anxious and depressed. Your brain has not evolved to hold the entire planet's problems in your mind. Let alone in the first 90 seconds of waking up. And so one of the saddest things that's happened, like, the biggest thing that phone have stolen from us is this pause that we have in our life. This sacred little moments where you're waiting in line or you're just sitting at a red light or you're standing outside and being bored and like looking around and letting your mind wander and allowing it to just chill for a minute. Like those moments used to be where your brain would process your life. That's where your creativity and new ideas would pop up. That's where you heard the little whisper inside of your head. You know, the little whisper that said like, man, I'm so unhappy at this job. Or you thought to yourself like, man, I really miss my friends. Or like you thought to yourself, I should actually go after that dream. And we will be right back. And now back to the show. But we don't have that pause anymore. Now it's just like there's a pause boom. We pick up our phones, right? And we don't let ourselves feel anything. We don't let ourselves heal anything. We don't let ourselves process anything. And then we wonder why we feel so disconnected from ourselves and from other people. Of course we do. You can't hear your soul whisper when your phone is screaming at you. You know, your fears will scream at you. Your inspirational whisper. And if you're constantly overstimulated, you will never hear the whisper. So that's what's happening when you actually look at what's happening with adults. But if we talk about children, we really need to talk about children. This is super important for me as a father. Hopefully it's very important for you. If you are a parent or if you have nieces or nephews or whatever grandchildren, because this is where I really want parents to wake up. This is not shame. Parents are exhausted. They're overwhelmed. They're super unsupported. I understand. I get it. And sometimes the screen is the only reason why dinner gets made or why you get 10 minutes to breathe, right? I get it. And it's not me saying that you're a bad parent. It's me saying this. We need to be really honest about what kids brains need. And a child's brain is not just a smaller adult brain. It is under construction. Their nervous system is being built. The language is being built. Their emotional regulation is being built. Their attachment system is being built. Their sense of self is being built. And the building materials are not just good food and good quality sleep. The building materials are eye contact and conversation and play in movement and nature and boredom and in touching things and facial expressions of the people in front of them conflict repair of co-regulation, like real world exploration. They don't get from a screen and kids learn emotional regulation by borrowing your nervous system. That's how they actually build their own. A screen cannot co-regulate your child. A screen can distract them. It can numb them. It can entertain them. But it cannot look them into their eyes and say, I see you. You're safe. Let's breathe together. That is what children need. There was a study that was done by Jama Pediatrics, more than 7,000 mother and child pairs. They started screen time with these children at age one. And their developmental outcomes, they studied at ages two and ages four. And when they found, there's a thing that's called the dose response relationship. More screen time at age one was associated with a greater risk of cognitive delays, especially in the their communication and their problem solving. Children with four or more hours per day had much higher odds of communication delays. Like that should stop us in our tracks because communication is not built by passively watching something. Communication is built in the serve and return of human interaction. A baby makes a sound, the parent responds. A baby smiles, the parent smiles back. A baby points, the parent names that thing. That little back and forth is what creates the brain architecture for the child. It looks simple, it's not simple. It's literally building your child's brain. And when you're putting on these things like insane, shifting and moving and switching every single second, I don't know anything about it, but I've definitely never put on for my son when I've seen other kids watch it. It's like cocoa melon where it's insane and it's one bright colors and things going from one every two seconds it's shifting. That's training your child's nervous system. They're attention span. Right? So you have to start thinking about what you're putting your child's brain in front of. Right? Then you look at like it's not just children, it's teenagers as well. When they become teenagers, now the danger shifts. Right? Now we're just not talking about passive screen time. We're talking about social comparison. We're talking about body comparison. We're talking about likes and comments and exclusion and seeing everyone that's hanging out without you and the filters that make them compare themselves to someone whose filters all over their face. And now they have beauty standards and these algorithmic rabbit holes that they can go on. And you have to understand the constant feeling that everyone else is better off and prettier and richer and happier and more successful and more wanted and more loved and more included. Do you remember being 13 years old? How hard that was? Like middle school? That you're already insecure. You're already hormonal. You're already trying to figure out who you are. And then you're carrying around a device that gives you endless evidence that you're not enough. That's not a phone. That's a comparison machine for a child. Right? And the research shows that all of this matters like it causes sleep disruption and negative self-image in interpersonal trust. Right? Interpersonal trust. That means social media can start shaping whether kids feel safe with other humans. That's terrifying because humans heal through humans. And if a child starts seeing other people as threats as competitors or judges or audiences, they lose the very thing that they need the most. That's connection. And the scary part is that the teenage brain is also still developing, which means social media isn't just influencing out teens spend their time. It's not just like they're just wasting time on it. It's actively shaping how they see themselves and their self-worth. There's a major study by John and Pediatrics as well. And they found that teenagers who spend time on social media and screens showed significantly higher rates of depression and anxiety and emotional dysregulation and lower self-worth over time. So this isn't just like, hey, let them have a phone because their friends do. This requires more of a looking at this and saying, what type of adult do I want to raise and does a phone support or hinder that? It's that kind of thing. And so the question I really want us all to sit with is like, what is our phone costing us? Like really think about that. I don't mean like financially. I mean like spiritually, emotionally, intellectually, creatively. What's it costing, you know, your marriage, your relationships, your relationship with your children? What's it costing your kids? What's it costing your dreams? What is it costing your sleep? What's it costing your peace? What is it costing in your ability to hear your own intuition and your own wisdom? Because the bill always comes due. And the scariest thing is that we might not notice the cost of all of these things until years have passed and we become fully addicted to these things or our children have become fully addicted to these things. You don't notice it until your kids don't want to talk to you anymore or your marriage feels like you're just roommates living in the same house or your body feels like shit or your dreams feel so far away or you realize that you spent most of your alive years watching other people's lives on a phone. And so what do we do? Like what do we do? I'm not trying to scare the shit out of you. I really just want you to wake up to this, especially if you have children start actually really thinking about this. You don't have to be perfect. We need more intention with this, right? So let me give you like a practical reason. The first thing I think is super important I say is all of the time is make sure that you do not yours your phone for at least at least the first 30 minutes of your day. I would recommend 60 to 90, but at least the first 30 minutes of day, right? Do not let the world enter your nervous system before you enter your own life. Wake up. Breathe. Drink water. Go outside. Journal. Move. Be a human before you become a consumer. Okay. Another thing that I would recommend is just a standard thing that's important for you that we have here in my house is no phone. It meals, right? Food is connection with other people. Dinner is not just calories. It's where families attach. It's where friends will bond. It's where your nervous history remembers like, "Oh yeah, I belong here. I belong to these people." Next thing that I recommend is replace scrolling with walking. If you're someone who does feel like you're addicted to your phone, when you want to scroll, I recommend walk, even if it's just for five minutes, especially outside. If you can't go outside, if it's snowing, you got a treadmill, it's a rainy day, whatever it is, get on the treadmill if you need to, right? Just five minutes at least. Train your body to seek regulation in movement instead of digital sedation. Okay. Next thing I recommend is have hardcore phone bed times. Times where your phone is not allowed to be used, right? And so, maybe you say at seven o'clock, "I come home, I'm usually home by 6'30, seven o'clock my phone is done for the day." Right? Put in a different room if possible, because your sleep is not like an optional thing. Your sleep should be one of the most important things that you protect. Okay? So have some like phone bed times. Next thing is please, you have to understand you need to give your kids boredom. Let your children be bored. Boredom is not a problem to solve. I'm gonna say that again, because I think it's really people think it's a problem. Boredom is one of the most incredible doorways to imagination and creativity and ideas. It is necessary for your brain to have moments of just boredom and nothing going on. Okay? And then the last thing I'll say, start focusing on building a life that you don't want to escape from. Like this is a really big one, because sometimes we're not addicted to our phones. We're addicted to not feeling our lives. Think about that. Sometimes we're trying to escape the fact that we don't like the life that we built. It's too hard to change, right? It isn't too hard to change, but it feels like a lot. So you got to ask yourself, what am I avoiding? What do I need to face? What do I need to build? Who do I need to call? You know, like what dream needs my attention? Because one day we will die. Super light ending, right? Whoa, super light wanted to really hammer it home with you. But seriously, right? One day this whole thing ends. This body, this meat suit, this wild human experience, it ends. And when that day comes, I don't think that you're going to care how many likes you got. I don't think you're going to care how many videos you watch. I don't think you're going to care about the comments section. I think you're going to care about whether you lived or not, whether you loved, whether you paid attention, whether you felt the sun on your face, whether you had experiences, whether you looked people in their eyes and had meaningful connection, whether you built something meaningful in your life. If you followed your dreams, like whether you actually lived this life that you had. So please find some more moments, put your phone down, go outside, you know, look at the sky, touch grass. Like literally, I know a lot of people say that like as an insult now, but touch grass is one of the best advices that you can get on the internet. Touch grass, hold your children. Like look at them, look at those beautiful little eyes in that little face. Those chubby little cheeks, hold your children, kiss your partner, take the walk, have a conversation, build a life because this world is way too beautiful to miss just because you're looking down. So that's what I got for you today's episode. If you love this episode, please share it on the Instagram stories tag me in @robdialjr. And if you want to create the perfect morning routine, once again, you can go to the perfect morning routine.com right now and get it for free. And with that, I'm going to leave it the same way they'd be every single episode. Make it your mission to make somebody else's day better. I appreciate you and I hope that you have an amazing day.