Phantom Menace | EP 1 | The Confidante

This is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed Human. Lisa, tell them about our new show. We have a new podcast. It's called Don't Lie to Me. I'm Lexi Juanu, we're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa de Julio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. Listen on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast. The True Crime Comedy Podcast, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. Each week I bring on an amazing guest. Ooh, I scammed them. What? I could talk to you for an hour. You're a generational yapper, like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job. And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. Start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, this is Kylie breakman, Angel Jaretana. Jeremy Colhane Cash McDonald. And we're the hosts of the artists on artists on artists on artists podcast. The improvised character comedy podcast, where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants. And we do a little Halloween sometimes. Does the Pope dress up? Hi, he winks on Halloween. It's right up next to the microphone. I hear you get the elbows here. The eyelashes hit each other. You never seen Italy so quiet as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Listen to artists on artists on artists on artists every Thursday on the iHeart Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. Self-care September is your reminder to slow down, check in with yourself, get off your phone, and maybe ask why am I like this? I'm Gemma Spake, host of the Psychology of Your 20s podcast. And this month we're helping you make sense of the person that you are becoming from setting boundaries and navigating friendships, to understanding anxiety, confidence, relationships, and attachment. Sometimes our biggest decisions, without us even realizing it, aren't driven by what we truly want, but by what will prevent us from feeling lonely or being alone. Listen to the Psychology of Your 20s on the iHeart Radio app. Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Hi, it's Andrea Gunning, and I'm excited to be back with season 6 of Betrayal. If you listen to Betrayal Weekly, I hope you'll stick around for our full season of Carl's story. It'll be told over the course of 10 episodes with a new one dropping every Thursday, whether you've been a fan since season 1, your Betrayal Weekly listener, or your brand new to our show. Thanks for being here. Now onto the episode. We all have a person in our lives that we trust with anything, a partner, a parent, a sibling, a friend. I'm thinking right now about my best friend Teresa. We have been each other's persons since 9th grade. She's been with me through the best moments in my life and the difficult ones. She knows my secrets. She sat on the phone with me for hours when I've been nursing a broken heart. We became adults together. We've cheered each other on in our careers and celebrated our successes. For years, we shared a place at the Jersey Shore, where we'd end each day with a beach walk and a glass of wine. Every one of us needs a person like that, a confident, someone you can be vulnerable with, and also share uncontrollable laughter with. Someone you trust beyond reproach. Now imagine that person isn't who you think they are. Imagine that every secret you've shared was in stored in confidence. It was collected, catalogued, saved for later. The audio we're about to play was caught on a security camera. I acted totally nice like sociopathically and I like completely like put on the act and I was just like they don't deserve to be happy. The man you just heard, he'd been plotting for years. Against someone who trusted him more than anyone. Then he was unknowingly caught on tape, admitting to it all. This confession is almost five hours long and it contains some of the most sinister details I've ever heard. Not just about the crimes he'd committed, but about his darkest fantasies and the people he was willing to discard to get what he wanted. Like, if I could have kept doing shit, I would have like put viseas, fucking stir fry. I mean, what is that to kill you? Do you want me to just tell you the whole story? I'm André Gunning and this is Betrayal Season 6. Episode 1. Van to Menace. For five seasons, we've explored Betrayal inside marriages. We've shared stories about families of all kinds, and complex relationships with parents, kids, and colleagues. But then we heard this story and our interest was peaked. So, we decided to take a trip out near Chicago to Kenosha, Wisconsin. It's home to one of the men at the center of this story, Carl Bryan. I was excited to meet him. From our calls in the months leading up to the trip, I knew we had a lot in common. For both die-hard sports fans, the two of us spoke for hours about teams we ride hard for. For Carl, that's the Cubs and the Packers. For me, the Eagles. And, for both 90 skits, with an appreciation for metal music. We spent an entire breakfast talking about Judas Priest and Osfest. I'm sorry, I'm just really loving that we are working with someone that is around my same age. We also talk about ourselves in a similar way. I'm a nerd. I'm such a nerd. Beyond his teams and his bands, Carl has one fandom that always comes first. I'm a walking encyclopedia of Star Wars knowledge. I mean, you'll never find a better person to have on their trivia team for Star Wars. That's just about as far as that knowledge will take me, unfortunately. Hearing Carl's big laugh, you'd have no idea what he's been through. He's a survivor. There is no easy way to articulate what it feels like to realize that someone you once trusted was secretly behind the very horror you were trying to escape. That was Carl just one year ago in a courtroom holding back tears, trying to get someone he once loved, sent to prison. I couldn't understand how someone could be so calculated, so cruel, and storyletless, but he knew exactly what he was doing and he never once stopped. He weaponized my past to gain control over me. To understand this crime, you need to understand Carl's past. So let's go back to the early 2000s when Carl was a teenager. Picture like the typical rocker kid out of the 90s, that was Carl. That's Carl's sister, Rebecca. He had really long hair. He would wear banty shirts every day. I even had like a denim vest with Judas Priest patches all over it and like iron maiden patches. For teen like Carl, clothes were a way of telling the world who he was, which is why when Kenosho was considering a mandate requiring all kids to wear uniforms. I said absolutely not so I went to the school board meeting and I might have terrified some of the parents with my appearance. At just 18, he stood up in front of a room full of people, parents, teachers, and elected officials, and delivered a speech. It seemed to have a real impact on the vote. Because there was such an uproar from people like my brother and other peers at the high school, it ended up being shot down. There would be no uniforms at Kenosho schools and no small part because of Carl. He had a real talent when he came to organizing people and speaking his mind. Rebecca saw that spark in him and she got an idea. I have a very keen memory of telling him, "Hey Carl, you should run for school board." I'm like, "Why not? You're about to be 18, right?" When I was 18, I filed a paperwork and I ran. I lost the first time, but the following year, 2009, this was my freshman year in college. I did get elected at 19. Carl went on to serve two consecutive terms on the Kenosho school board, all while attending the University of Wisconsin. He was a go-getter, charismatic, a face in the community. Privately though, he was hiding something. During his late teens, the time in life when you're still getting to know yourself, he wrestled with his sexuality. I had acknowledged but buried it for a long time that I was queer. I lean towards dating men, but I am bisexual, and I did not embrace this because I remember my dad telling us very early on, "If you are gay, I might as well just disown you." Shame got wired into Carl early in life. He was very culturally conservative. And he still is, still very religious. It was for that fact alone that I chose to just not acknowledge it. It was just easier for me just to suppress it. Carl spent years hiding parts of himself. So when he finally found people who accepted him, he held on tightly. In high school and college, Carl dated women and had girlfriends. But once he graduated, he wanted to explore his bisexuality. I was encouraged by a close friend of mine at the time who just said, "Well, why don't you just go on dating apps and maybe try going on a date with a guy and see if you like it?" And I did, and I liked it. I was like, "Yeah, I want to do more of this." And then it was easy for me to be like, "Yes, this is who I am. I am bisexual, and I'm going to tell people that." Carl and his younger sister, Rebecca, were close in age. He was 24, she was 21, and he felt safe with her. Well, I was the first one in his family he came out to. Was it something I ever suspected? Honestly, no. But when he told me, it wasn't like I'm gasping, catching my pearls, that type of a thing. It was just, "Oh, okay. Thank you for telling me." Next, he told his mom, "Remember it being later at night. He came home crying and came out and told me." Sue is Christian. She'd seen people in her community get ostracized or bullied for coming out. I was fearful of that and how he would be judged and how he would not be taken seriously or looked at as a freak or whatever kind of a thing. But Sue accepted Carl as he was. I believe 100% that that's how you are born. God makes you who you are. God does not make mistakes. It was a huge weight off to know that people in the family were in his corner. But he still wasn't ready to reveal the truth to his dad. Then a year after Carl came out, a pride event forced his hand. I was on the school board my first time. Kenosha pride was just getting started. It started with a gathering in the park and I decided I was going to go and speak. Anna said that I am the first out bisexual school board member. That made its way into the Kenosha news. I haven't even had the conversation with my dad yet. I even called the editor that night before it went to print and I was like, "Can you please not print that because this is going to really mess up a lot." And he's like, "Yeah, it's already at the printer. There's nothing we can do to provide that conversation with your dad." There was no more kicking that can down the road. The next morning, Carl's quote appeared in the local newspaper. His dad did not take it well. He didn't talk to me for a couple days. And then eventually he confronted me and he's like, "Is this true?" And was it this friend that got you into this? Like I can be convinced to be gay, which couldn't be farther from the truth. They eventually made an uneasy piece. They just wouldn't talk about it. But his dad's disapproval made it hard to fully embrace who he was. So Carl started trying to meet other gay men, people who would accept him, understand him. And I think that was really where this whole story took off. [Music] Lisa, we should tell them about our new show! Oh my god, Lexi. I'm Lexi Iwaneo, we're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart. And I'm Lisa Julio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions. And at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. I'm not gonna get any of your fighting. That is wild. I learned that about you today. And I've always got something to say. If men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world. We're gonna talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser. We're best friends, but we don't always agree. Because you told us how accommodating you are. Obviously, I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Don't lie to me. Liar. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I don't really care. Hi, this is Kylie Breikman. Angel Jaretana. Jeremy Colhane, Pesh McDonald. And we're the hosts of the artist on artist on artist podcast. The improvised character comedy podcast were each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. Join us for a panel of wellness influencers. What I try to do is foe journal. I don't know if you guys heard of foe journaling. Yeah, it's reading. It's called reading. So you're so we don't like to use that word anymore. Okay, a panel of New Yorker cartoonists. Have you guys done Terry Gross's "Pelaton" class? No! I've been dying too. I'm so sorry. I'm seeing a reading of Sadako in the Thousand Paper Cranes by Auderman Donald at the Wonderland bookstore. 14. That's crazy. I went to the Wonderland bookstore yesterday and I heard Nora Jones do a reading of Zero Dark Thirty. No way. We'll have to come to the last bookstore though. Kim Katrol is reading the guitar tabs of yesterday. A panel of Eurovision participants. I hear you'll get the elbows here. You've never seen it least so quiet. As when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween. Listen to artists on artists on artists on artists. On the iHeard Radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of SCAM Goddess Podcasts. Each week I bring on incredible guests like Conan O'Brien, Iowa Debris, Lamor and Morris, and Nicole Byer. Ooh, I scammed them. What? And the scams run the gamut. I'm talking about scams from the 1800s, all the way up to today. I also warn you and keep you safe against scammers. Call your grandparents. Tell your parents to stop clicking on links. Please. If there's a scam, I'm here to protect you. And I'm also here to laugh with you. So if you like fun, if you like comedy, and you like learning and protecting yourself from criminals, start listening to SCAM Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcasts. SCAM Goddess! Self-care September is here, which means it's time to rethink what self-care actually means. Yes, self-care can be a long walk. It can be an everything shower. It can be putting your phone on Do Not Disturb. But sometimes it's actually about sitting with the uncomfortable stuff. And understanding your patents, your boundaries. Finally, figuring out why you keep doing things that you swore you would never do again. I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s podcast. And each week we unpack the psychology behind the experiences that shape your 20s, from relationships and friendships to money, anxiety, confidence, attachment, just becoming more comfortable with who you are. Unlike the quarter-life crisis which is depicted as the collapse, the quarter-life reinvention is the expansion, and the course of something. When we develop the ability to be happy by ourselves, nobody else can take that from you. So this self-care September, don't just take care of yourself. Get to know yourself as well. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. When Carl came out, he felt excited to jump into the queer community. One of the main ways he tried to meet people was online. I started downloading some apps and one of them I downloaded was okay, Cupid. It was the time. It was the time, you know. It was that and plenty of fish. For Carl, meeting people on the apps was no walk in the park. Especially because many profiles didn't have a picture of the guy's face. It was just a picture of their abs. It has become so emphasized in queer spaces. It's to the point that it almost seems toxic. If you got a nice looking torso, that's your profile picture. To the point where it's been mean to death wear, like you'll see a person where their head is a torso. Carl can laugh about it, but he's never been that guy. And he's struggled with that for as long as he can remember. Did you grow up over a weight? Oh yeah, I was a fat kid when I was growing up. Yeah, for sure. - Yeah, for sure. - I really relate to Carl here. I was overweight as a kid too. And the most painful judgment I received about it came from my own family. It was the same for Carl. - My dad was quite vicious to me and my sister when we were growing up. Our food choices and you can't have that, that's too fattening and we're gonna have to break down the wall to get you out. And so that's just awful things, awful things. When Carl entered the world of dating apps, that same judgment was there. - It's not a good feeling to put yourself out there and message somebody be like, "Hey, how's it going?" And then just be blocked because that person is not interested in you. - Or to like have on their profile. - I prefer people in this weight range. No fats, really definitely had a way of impacting how I see myself. - Even beyond his weight, Carl didn't always feel like he belonged in the queer community. - I'm not the guy that goes every Thursday night to watch RuPaul's drag race with everybody else. - His profile didn't get a lot of swipes. But one day, he was scrolling on the apps when he saw someone. His name was Paul, Paul Augustine. - I thought he was attractive. I messaged him and he responded. He seemed very engaging and interested in setting up time to get together and hang out. - Paul lived in Milwaukee over an hour away, but he drove to see Carl. They met up for pizza and quickly one thing became clear. Paul didn't fit neatly into the gasean either. - We were both a little outsider-ish from the community. - He wasn't a nerd or a sports fan like Carl, but he was over the top. Everything was a performance. He'd take the tiniest detail, like the way the waiter took their order or a typo on the menu and turn it into a bit. For some people, that might be a lot, but for Carl, it wasn't. He thought Paul was funny. - He had a quirky side to him that, you know, he made it very easy to laugh. - With Paul, Carl didn't feel like an outsider. He was in on the joke. They were shooting the shit, like they'd known each other forever. Carl had never had a gay friend before, and Paul was out and proud. He moved through the world like he owned it. - My understanding was he came out at a very young age and it was quite clear that yes, he is gay. He was somebody who, you know, is unapologetically open about their sexuality. - Very out. - It was a confidence that Carl didn't have yet. Watching Paul be so comfortable in his own skin, he yearned to feel the same. The dinner ended and Carl felt excited about the new connection, but after dinner, Paul told him he just wanted to be friends. - So he turned you down. - He did. - Paul was upfront. He didn't feel physically attracted to Carl. That was hard for Carl to hear. Of course, he felt like it had everything to do with his weight. Still, Paul wasn't like the other guys on these apps. He didn't ghost Carl when he realized the attraction wasn't there. - He did show commitment and willing us to, you know, make plans to do stuff. - That kind of followed through men a lot. It was a lonely time in Carl's life and Paul was always down to hang. - We were foodies whenever we got together. We always like trying new places. We go to Italian restaurants, Mexican places, Asian places. And then afterwards we go out for drinks and just would be innocent, fun, lighthearted time. - They got to spend even more time together when Carl was offered a job in Madison. - I got a job working in education policy in Madison. That was really where I began the process of truly finding myself in terms of my queer identity. - Paul was a big part of that. He took Carl to bars and introduced him to other queer friends. Between their in-person hangs, Paul and Carl stayed in touch. - He sent me voice memos often. If there was anything that would come up in regular daily life, he would find some way to put some quirky spin on it. Like, there was one time he was commenting on the fact that there was a date that he had planned with somebody and this particular individual wanted to go to Apple Bees or something like that. - Paul sent a lot of voice memos and Carl enjoyed them so much, he saved them. - Strike one, suggesting Apple Bees, are you serious? Do I look like I eat processed food? Didn't think so. Look at the thigh gap, motherfucker. - Like, I don't know what about the voice memos. Just got me to laugh, but it was hilarious. And then sometimes he would do stuff in funny voices. ♪ Release your inhibitions, feel the rain on your skin ♪ - Or, there would be like certain phrases he would pull out of everyday conversation that would turn into like an inside joke. Like, I took him to Frank's diner one time and he never called it Frank's, he called it pancakes because of something funny about the pancakes and we were always referring to it. Like, yeah, let's do pancakes and we knew exactly what it was. - We've all had that friend, the one that you talked to and it's like you're speaking your own secret language. Paul made Carl feel like they were a club of two. - It was a very unique connection that I think did not characterize any of my other friendships with people, but I just, it was interesting and it's what kept the friendship entertaining, I think. - Paul had his own way of doing things and some weird ideas of fun. - There's a theater in Milwaukee that it's like an Asian movie theater and there's gold lions everywhere and he would like to go there just to stare at the gold lions and kick his feet up. - I feel like I'm in the lion king except like classier. - We would just get popcorn and soda and just sit there and look at the gold lions and act like bougie bitches. - You know, and it was fun. - Paul could create his own reality like that. At other times, he was willing to follow Carl's lead. Carl took Paul to his first ever Cubs game. - He didn't know a damn thing about baseball but like he expressed the openness to not just hang out with me and enjoy the time but also invest in another part of me and just enjoy that side of myself that it was just really nice to have a friend. - They quickly became close. Paul was a good laugh and always down for an adventure. Still, Carl continued to crave a romantic relationship. He knew he wasn't getting that with Paul so he kept his eyes open. In February of 2016, a year after moving to Madison, Carl took a visit home. - I had come down from Madison to hang out with some friends and family and went out to the gay bar here in Kenosha. - At the bar, Carl was introduced to a cute guy. He had dark hair, soft green eyes, and a cheeky smile. His name was Adam. Adam, me, he, up. - They have dancing cages at the club and I definitely wasn't dancing that night but I was just like looking over at him while just like chilling on the side, having a couple drinks or whatever. I was like, damn, he's a really good dancer. I like his vibe. - But Adam was more than a good time. - Later that night talking to each other, I saw really quickly that this is a person who just really has a big heart. And I come to find out as I'm getting to know him that he's also a nurse and that compassion really shows up in his work. I immediately thought like, yeah, damn, he's really cute. - There was only one issue. Adam had a boyfriend. That's who he was out with that night. - This is my first time meeting them, you know, just getting to know them. I kind of thought there's a chance I'll probably never even see these people again, you know, whatever just enjoying the time. - Carl had no expectations. And he had no idea how important Adam would be coming in his life. - But I remember quite distinctly that about a month after that hangout session, him and his boyfriend had broken up and he was already asking my friend about me and I was really quite flattered because I was kind of a person that I would have preferred to like blend in because of my insecurities. - The abs made him feel invisible. Paul might have meant well, but he had made Carl feel like he was only friendship material. Finally, with Adam, someone saw him. And Adam liked what he saw. - And I was like, wow, is this a chance at actual romance I'd ever had a boyfriend before? - Their friend connected them and they set a date. - We met in a little town called Burlington at one of the little coffee shops out there and we headed off really well. - Immediately, the connection felt real. - It was just easy for me to be myself. Eventually, we would drive around town. We ended up having a little lunch in McDonald's or something like that. And before you knew it, like, yeah, we were making out in my car the side of the road in some way. It was a good first date, but Carl knew it couldn't be serious. "He was coming out of a previous relationship and dealing with some stuff with that." Things stayed platonic for a while. For years, Adam was another best friend. Still, Carl held out hope for romance. "There was something always about it that just felt like, you know, this isn't the end." It was disappointing. But Carl liked Adam so much he'd settle for friendship. He wanted Adam in his life. With Paul, he could goof around and keep things pretty light. But Adam was soulful, thoughtful. It was no surprise he was a nurse. He cared about people. "Adam's really down to earth. I loved that about him. He is not afraid to be himself. He's very secure in his own skin and he leads with all of his heart. There is a person there that really has a lot of love to give." Both Carl and Adam dated other people but hung out as friends. And then a few years into knowing each other, Carl sensed a change in the dynamic. "He was calling and texting more. I mean, we would make plans to hang out every day and there was definitely a lot of, you know, touching. There was definitely a lot of nice words being exchanged. And the vibes seemed a lot different like he was ready to explore the possibility of a relationship." They started hooking up. Adam began spending the night. "It was really hard to put a label on it. I mean, the L word was thrown around all the time and we were doing boyfriend things all the time. But I was totally afraid of trying to put a definition on what we were or placing boundaries on what we were doing because I didn't want to upset him. I didn't want to feel as though like I was overwhelming him or anything like that." We've all been there. So enthralled with the new fling that we're afraid to say anything that could rock the boat. For Carl, it went deeper. He'd spend his whole life struggling with his weight and body image, trying to make himself smaller, more agreeable, more worthy of love. He was prepared to stay silent if it meant holding on to what they had. But eventually, Adam got there on his own. He chose an indirect way to let Carl know he wanted to be together. "We were just hanging out chilling in his bedroom and he's like, you should check Facebook and I looked and then a status had changed and it was like, Carl Bryan is in a relationship with Adam and he said, 'Whoa!' That was something I was hoping for for a long time, right? Probably the first time that he was willing to acknowledge it and do it publicly. I'm like, this is going to be real, isn't it? This is going to happen." It was the winter of 2021 when Adam became Carl's first real boyfriend. He definitely was a guy who saw me for who I was. I had always kind of come around this idea that being overweight was just simply unacceptable. It was always easier for me to just hide myself because I just did not want to be seen and he made every gesture to show me that weight did not matter to him. This was finally somebody who saw me as a person. Carl was happy or happy enough to not see what Adam was carrying. Both Carl and Adam drank a lot. "I think I was like every other Wisconsinite to be quite honest with you when it came to alcohol. Like, I like to party, I like to, you know, hit the sauce." But when Adam drank, chaos always seemed to follow. At the time, Adam was living with his parents. His parents basically said, "You can stay here, but if you ever get drunk again, we're kicking you out." He was doing everything he could to, like, push past those boundaries without getting caught. Carl helped him with that. "When he was drunk, rather than go home directly, I would show up right on time and we would be going to McDonald's or playing Pokemon Go or whatever just to kill the time." I started getting into this trend of renting hotel rooms to rescue him from his parents so his parents wouldn't spot him being drunk. That started to really take off. "They got into a routine." And at first it was fun because it was like, you know, hey, if he's gonna drink then whatever, I'll drink too. We'll just have a hotel party, whatever, no big deal or we'll just have a night on the town." The fun came first. Carl was 29 and in love for the first time. So he was okay with being part boyfriend, part drinking buddy, part caretaker. He was willing to do anything to feel close to Adam, at least for the time being. The whole thing was amazing, but I honestly had no idea how off the rails it was really going to go. "Lisa, we should tell them about our new show." "Oh my god Lexi, we have a new podcast. I'm Lexi Iwanyu, we're two best friends, 22 years apart, but so close at heart." And I'm Lisa Julio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions and at this point in my 50s I've lived it all. "I'm not gonna get anywhere to fight you." "That is wild. I learned that about you today." "Now in my 30s, being the founder of new shoes, good taste is my business. And I've always got something to say." "The men were just honest about this, there would be so much more peace in the world." "We're gonna talk about dating, relationships, beauty, getting older, and a little wiser." "We're best friends, but we don't always agree." "Because you told us how accommodating you are." "Obviously I would do what I think I could do to fight the fight, but there's only so much fight I can fight." "Don't lie to me, don't lie to me, don't lie to me, don't lie to me, don't lie to me." "Don't lie to me, liar. Listen on the iHeartRadio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts." "I don't really care." "Hi, this is Kylie Breikman, Angela Jaretana." "Jermy Colhane, Cash McDonald." "And we're the hosts of the artist on artist on artist podcast." "The improvised character comedy podcast, where each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft." "During us four, a panel of wellness influencers." "What I try to do is foe journal, I don't know, I think I sort of foe journaling." "Yeah, it's reading, it's called reading." "So you're, so we don't like to use that word anymore." "Okay, a panel of New Yorker cartoonists." "Have you guys done Terry Gross's Peloton class?" "No, I've been dying too." "I'm so sorry, I'm seeing a reading of Sadako in the Thousand Paper Cranes by Audrement Donald's at the Wonderland Bookstore 14." "That's crazy, I went to the Wonderland Bookstore yesterday, and I heard Nora Jones do a reading of Zero Dark Thirty." "No way." "I'm going to have to come to the last bookstore, though. Kim Katrol is reading the guitar tabs of yesterday." "A panel of Eurovision participants." "And we do a little Halloween sometimes." "Does the Pope dress up?" "He, he winks on Halloween." "It's right up next to the microphone." "I hear, he'll get the elbows here, the eyelashes hit each other." "You've never seen Italy so quiet, as when the Pope gets up to wink on Halloween." "Listen to artists on artists on artists on artists on the iHeard Radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts." "I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of Scam Goddess Podcast." "The True Crime Comedy Podcast, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it." "Each week I bring on incredible guests like Conan O'Brien, Iowa Deppery, Lamor and Morris, and the Coldbuyer." "Ooh, I scammed them." "What?" "I could talk to you for an hour." "You're a generational yapper, like me. That's why I had to make yapping a job." "And the Scams run the gamut. I'm talking about scams from the 1800s, all the way up to today." "I also warn you and keep you safe against scammers. Call your grandparents, tell your parents to stop clicking on links, please." "And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube." "If there's a scam, I'm here to protect you." "And I'm also here to laugh with you. So if you like fun, if you like comedy, and you like learning, and protecting yourself from criminals, start listening to Scam Goddess on the iHeartRadio app, Apple Podcast, or wherever you get your podcast." "Self-care September is here, which means it's time to rethink what self-care actually means. Yes, self-care can be a long walk, it can be an everything shower, it can be putting your phone on Do Not Disturb, but sometimes it's actually about sitting with the uncomfortable stuff. And understanding your patterns, your boundaries, finally figuring out why you keep doing things that you swore you would never do again. I'm Gemma Speg, the host of the psychology of your 20s podcast, and each week we unpack the psychology behind the experiences that shape your 20s, from relationships and friendships to money, anxiety, confidence, attachment, just becoming more comfortable with who you are." "Unlike the quarter-life crisis which is depicted as the collapse, the quarter-life reinvention is the expansion and course of something. When we develop the ability to be happy by ourselves, nobody else can take that from you." So this self-care September, don't just take care of yourself, get to know yourself as well. Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the iHot Radio app, Apple Podcasts or wherever you get your podcasts. Just as Carl was turning 30, his life was starting to take shape. He had his first boyfriend, Adam. And now that he had a boyfriend, he didn't see his friend Paul as much. Adam didn't like Paul, and Paul was busy with the new relationship of his own. But by this time, Carl had a ton of other queer friends in Madison. And he had a great job working in education policy for the state of Wisconsin. In like 2018 or 2019, I had heard that for state employees, they were going to cover gastric bypass. So I talked to my doctor and I was like, could I get signed up and she's like, yeah. For Carl, this was about much more than his appearance. He had high blood pressure and other health issues exacerbated by his weight. Still, gastric bypass surgery is not a quick fix. It's a commitment. It was like a eight months program before the surgery. Carl complied with all the diet and lifestyle changes required to move forward. The day arrived in early October 2020, sitting in his hospital gown in a chilly prep room. Carl thought about the risks he was taking with this type of procedure. When he considered the worst case scenarios, he thought of his boyfriend, Adam. I remember telling him before the surgery, if something happens to me in surgery, I just want you to know that I love you. Thankfully, the surgery went well. In fact, it was life changing. Over the next several months, Carl lost 150 pounds. I'm so glad that I did it. I went down from like a size 44 to the size 36. I do not have sleep at me anymore. And my mental health had improved insanely. October 1st, 2020 was my surgery. I actually have that date tattooed on me. Why? It was significant. It feels like it's an important milestone. It really feels like that was kind of one major step into me becoming myself. Carl was improving his relationship with his body. He had embraced his sexuality and become part of the queer community. He had accomplished so many goals by his 30th birthday. If you could make his relationship with Adam what he envisioned, life would be perfect. My lease was coming up at my apartment in Madison, and I think that was when we had explored living together. So we landed in Burlington, where we went on our first date. So it felt like this was meant to be. Carl thought the move would bring them closer, but it didn't take long for reality to set in. Day 1, he was at the bar downtown. I got the keys. I started moving boxes. I wanted to show him the place. He got off work and he got real drunk. I was like, so what's going to happen? Are you not excited about this? I just signed a lease we're going to live together. He was so hopeful and he wanted this so badly that he refused to see what was right in front of him. Adam had a problem. Drinking came first. That night, instead of talking things out and settling in at their new place, Adam got in his car. He sped off to his parents' house, drunk. I followed him home. He was driving into the wrong lanes. He luckily got to his parents' house, not without him going to the gas station on the way and getting some gym beam or whatever it was. The next weekend, it was the same thing. While Carl was setting up the apartment, Adam got drunk. And I had a nervous breakdown on the carpet. I laid on the floor just having a breakdown because he was completely wasted. I just signed this lease and I just uprooted my life and were already off on this foot. Then in the morning, Adam said just what Carl needed to hear. I'm really sorry. I'm going to cut back on drinking and I'm still committed to this relationship. We're going to work on this. Become the next weekend. It was wash rinse repeat. Looking back on it, Adam was just simply not ready for a relationship. I did start to wonder if he was in this for the freedom of being out of his parents' house. I mean, I knew that when he moved back to his parents, that if they knew he was drinking, they would kick him out. I'd gone into with the intention of trying to rescue him because, you know, I loved him. There's so much hope. Yeah. Even if it's just like not meant to be in like this move should not happen, you want to believe. Right. Right. And it was so impulsive. When he was eventually fully moved in, there would be trucking arguments all the time about any random thing. He asked one time if he could take my car to go to his parents' house to run a quick errand. And before you know it, he was gone for five hours. He would come home completely drunk. And I'd be like, what the hell is going on in your mind? You said you were just going to be gone for an hour. You were gone for four or five. Sometimes when the two of them were drinking, they got aggressive with each other, like this night. He's starting to get like belligerent once to start fighting. And I think he charged me and I close the door and then he starts kicking in the door. So the door is completely off the hinges and is damaged. Carl was frustrated, he wanted to be enough for Adam. To be the reason he cut down on drinking. In his fantasy world, they would be the perfect couple. But Carl's day-to-day was much more about navigating the next blow-up. Even in the thick of all of this, there were times when Carl felt like he was with the best version of Adam, the one he had fallen for. He saw it when for Adam's birthday, they took a trip to Lake Superior. Honestly a whole different world from the rest of Wisconsin. This untapped natural beauty that like when you're in it, it just feels spiritual where you're there. We did a lot of hiking for three days, did a kayak tour, and we were on the beach just looking out on the water and he was like teary eyed because of just how beautiful the scenery was and how just perfect the trip was and there was just something about it that felt so pure and so like I was exactly where I wanted to be. And then we made little heart in the sand, you know, calling Adam 2021 and took pictures of that. It was just really adorable. It was something about that weekend. It was just magical the whole thing from beginning to end. For all the volatility in their relationship, moments like this, made being with Adam feel worth it. There was no one else he'd rather drive for hours into the middle of nowhere with. No one who made him feel more comfortable or more attractive. It was worth all the chaos. If, at the end of it, he could call this person his. The vacation high felt good. It felt normal, but the peace didn't last. After we had gotten back, everything was like downhill after that. More and more, Carl was at a loss. There were many nights when he drank with Adam just to feel connected to him and to numb his own pain. At other times, his frustrations would break through. When I got angry, I knew exactly what I needed to say for it to hurt. I'm not proud of that trait at all. Did I say things that didn't mean totally a hundred percent? The two of them were going down a dark road. Carl knew that, but he wasn't ready to let go. He threw the relationship a Hail Mary. We got a dog together. We went to an animal shelter in one of the counties over and found the cutest little beagle bass at a hound ever. I love dogs. He loves dogs. The whole bit. Carl was smitten with the little guy. He was so friendly and he was like wagging his tail, giving his kisses. This new addition was more than a pet. It was another step toward the life he hoped they were building together. It was like, yes, this is what could really seal the deal. Some shared investments in another life. We kind of feel like a little family, kind of just doing the thing. As a tribute to the Cubs, they named their new dog Wrigley. It was such a band-aid. About two weeks later, we broke up. It was over the drinking. He was out at the bar all night. I think this was one of those I'm going to have one beer kind of thing and he didn't come home until like 3 a.m. or whatever it was. The next morning, I came in and he was visibly hung over. I said, this is done. We are not saving this relationship anymore. We tried and after every single attempt, it always comes back to the same thing. "You are packing your stuff and you are leaving," and he accepted that, and he did. But that day of the breakup wouldn't be the last of Adam. Adam had been out of the apartment for about a week. It was after Thanksgiving and my birthday. The whole family wanted a low-key celebration. His mom and sister had been there supporting him through the heartbreak. So that night, his family came over with some pizza, a birthday cake, and beer. Carl's sister Rebecca remembers. It was a really peaceful night because we were just like, "It's over. We could kind of get this in the past." I think we're probably about a half hour into hanging out when I get a knock at the door. I already knew who it was when I had heard it. Adam showed up. He comes to the front door and he was drinking quite heavily. Carl blocked Adam from coming into the apartment. He wanted to keep whatever this was from escalating. His family was watching the whole thing. He's like, "I just want to see the dog. I just want to see the dog." So I put Riggly on the leash and I let Riggly kind of do his thing and, you know, I let Adam interact with him. But after a few minutes outside, it became clear how drunk Adam was. And I'm like, "I'm sorry, but you can't be here." When I told him that he needed to go, he was like, "Fuck you. I'm never talking to you again. Never speak to me again. This is the last time you're ever going to see me." He hops in his car and he just speeds off. And I had this pit in my stomach. I'm thinking to myself, "Oh my god, something bad is going to happen." I'm thinking to myself, "After the heat of that moment, I should have called an uber." The whole scene left a heavy air over the family party. Carl cleaned up and went to bed, but the moment haunted him. It was a night Carl would come to replay over and over in his head. I had no idea that everything to come and all of the chaos that all of us went through would come back to this moment. The next morning I'm on a work call and all of a sudden my phone's getting blown up. Adam was calling from the Racine County jail. He'd gotten a car accident with another person and both of the cars were totaled. Adam ran a red light and rear ended another car. The other driver was a man in his 70s. Thankfully, both of them walked away with only minor injuries, which is a miracle. Because the front of Adam's car was completely crushed on impact. For Adam, the accident was life-altering because this was his fourth DUI. He was arrested on the scene and brought to jail. It was just like a man's guilt, a man's guilt that I was feeling. I should have called an Uber. I read the police reports and I was just immediately horrified. The police had opened up the door to Adam's car and all these empty alcohol bottles were located and things like that. In December of 2021, Adam was sentenced to 15 months behind bars. He wouldn't be released until the spring of 2023. Adam and Carl called each other regularly in those first few months. The conversations grew increasingly tense. He said it quite frequently that like, yeah, he was upset that I didn't call an Uber. They often got into it on the phone. And I heard a lot of stories about what he wins through, especially being a gay man like in the Racine County Jail, not a pleasant experience at all. I was feeling a lot of guilt. Eventually, Adam cut off contact entirely. He didn't want to talk to me anymore. Suddenly, his greatest love was gone. The person he came to share every story, every laugh with, dreamed of a future with, disappeared from Carl's life. There was no chance of getting back together. But in his time of need, when he felt more alone than he'd felt in years, Carl reached out to his old friend Paul Augustine. The friend we told you about earlier, his first queer friend. I spent time with Paul significantly after Adam and I broke up. Did he bring like laughter back into your life after the start times? Yeah, he did. After what I had gone through, that's what I needed to cope. It was just nice to relax and not think about the reality of what I was facing. There was more to their relationship this time around. I know it was a difficult time for him, too, because his boyfriend had passed away. And he was having a hard time of it himself. Earlier that year, Paul's boyfriend died suddenly in the middle of the night, seemingly from health problems related to alcoholism. I think that shared experience of being two axes of individuals that have had significant alcohol problems, trying to make sense of a really traumatic fallout. Paul was there. He was somebody I could lean on for support. Over dinners and drinks were sitting on the couch in Carl's apartment. The two of them talked about everything. Stories of hard conversations and blow up fights. I shared a lot of stuff about that relationship with him. He was somebody that I confided in quite a lot. Carl felt safe with Paul. So much so that he opened up to Paul about his biggest fear. What was Adam going to do when he got out of prison? I don't know what his intentions are, like that was kind of what was going through my mind at that time. Those calls from the early days of Adam's incarceration stuck with Carl. The way Adam blamed him for not calling an Uber, for letting him drive away. After getting transferred from the local jail, Adam was now serving his sentence at a state prison. And it was no country club. He was in the company of murderers, rapists, the most hardcore criminals in Wisconsin. Carl couldn't shake the question. When Adam got out, would he come looking for revenge? Carl didn't know it at the time, but from the moment Adam went away, a plan was set in motion, a betrayal that no one would see coming. A long con so calculated and ruthless. It would leave their community in pieces. This season on betrayal. Hello, this is Adam. You know who this is. He said someone there had a knife. He was asking me like, if I wanted you to kill somebody, how much would be charged? Basically, put it all on me like I was the one responsible for all of the shit. The obsession became insane. What the fuck is going on? If you would like to reach out to the betrayal team or want to tell us your betrayal story, email us at [email protected]. That is betrayal, [email protected]. Or follow us on Instagram @patrialpod or me @itsundraygunning. To access our newsletter and additional content and to connect with the betrayal community, join our substack at betrayal.substack.com. We're grateful for your support. One way to show support is by subscribing to our show on Apple podcasts. And don't forget to rate and review. Five star reviews go a long way. A big thank you to all of our listeners. Betrayal is a production of Glass Podcasts, a division of Glass Entertainment Group and partnership with iHeart Podcasts. The show was executive produced by Nancy Glass, hosted and produced by me @andrayagonic. Written and produced by Carrie Hartman and Caitlin Golden. Our story editor is Monique LeBourd, also produced by Ben Fenerman. Our production manager is Kristen Mulcuri. Our associate producer is Leah Jablow, additional support by Carrie Richman and Olivia Hewitt. Our iHeart team is Ali Perry and Jessica Crinecheck, audio editing, mixing and mastering by Matt Delvecchio. And special thanks to Carl Bryan, Adam Mejia, Matt Roelsey, and their communities. Betrayal's theme composed by Oliver Baines, music library provided by my music. And for more podcasts from iHeart, visit the iHeart radio app, Apple podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. And I'm Lisa Giulio, the old one, which means we have wildly different references, occasionally different opinions, and at this point in my 50s, I've lived it all. Hi, this is Kylie. - Hopefully breakman, Angel Jaretana. - Jeremy Cole, Hank Cash McDonald. - And we're the hosts of the artist on artist on artist on artist podcast. - The improvised character comedy podcast were each week a new panel of artists discuss their craft. - Join us for a panel of Eurovision participants. - And we do a little Halloween sometimes. - Does the Pope dress up? - He winks on Halloween. - It's right up next to the microphone. - I hear you get the elbows here, the eyelashes hate each other. - You never seen it least so quiet as when the Pope gets up to ring on Halloween. - Listen to artists on artist on artist on artist every Thursday on the I Heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. - I'm Lacey Mosley, author, actor, stand-up comedian, creator, and host of scam goddess podcast. - The True Crime Comedy Podcast, all about robbery, fraud, and those who practice it. - Each week I bring on an amazing guest. - Ooh, I scam them. - What? - I could talk to you for an hour. - You're a generational yapper, like me. - That's why I had to make yapping a job. - And now you can catch full episodes of my show on YouTube. - Start listening to scam goddess on the I Heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. - Self-care September is your reminder to slow down, check in with yourself, get off your phone, and maybe ask, "Why am I like this?" I'm James Beck, host of the Psychology of Your 20s podcast, and this month we're helping you make sense of the person that you are becoming from setting boundaries and navigating friendships, to understanding anxiety, confidence, relationships, and attachment. - Sometimes our biggest decisions, without us even realizing it, aren't driven by what we truly want, but by what will prevent us from feeling lonely or being alone. - Listen to the psychology of your 20s on the I Heart radio app, Apple Podcasts, or wherever you get your podcasts. - This is an I Heart podcast. Guaranteed Human.