Peter Crone on Why You Self-Sabotage and How to Break the Pattern

The following podcast is a deer media production. Welcome to RealPod. It's your host Victoria Garrick Brown and this is the podcast where we hold nothing back. Oh, so we're getting deep, huh? I really cried for 12 days straight. Why do I want to be perfect? There's nothing in my life that is perfect. Every week I'll bring you honest, unfiltered and eye-opening conversations to help uncover the real in all of us. I crave the type of content that you're talking about. I actually felt insecure. Oh, my God, am I going to cry? Let me just unload everything. New episodes every Wednesday leave those filters at the door because it's time to get real. Hello, everybody, and welcome back to RealPod. Our guest today is someone that I have been dying to have on the show. I've talked about him before. His name is Peter Crone. He's also known as the Mind Architect. You may have heard me talk about Peter's live workshop, I attended with some of my friends and family in LA and it was just so transformative and special to see him help people in real time unlock the subconscious beliefs that are keeping them trapped inside of their own mind, which has made them unable to live their life to the fullest, most joyous potential. First inside event, I've been following Peter on Instagram. I love his account. It's just Peter Crone. Make sure you're following it. Definitely check it out. He also has a YouTube channel. His videos are just the perfect little pause in my day to recalibrate and feel grounded and kind of come back to center because if you've ever dealt with anxiety or depression or rumination, you know what it's like to feel constantly trapped inside your own mind. And today Peter is going to explain exactly how we can break free from those persistent negative thoughts. On today's episode, Peter is going to share how to not just solve your problems but dissolve them. The answers we seek we already have, we just need to remove the thinking mind. Peter is also going to share how to stop avoiding a bad future that hasn't happened yet. So he's going to explain how to stop creating the worst case scenario in your head so you can actually enjoy the life and people around you. And then at the end of the episode, Peter is going to do a one-on-one session with me where he helps me identify the subconscious negative belief that has been keeping me chain down. This was super eye opening and special for me. It's a conversation I keep listening to and coming back to because I want to make sure I take everything I can from it and I feel like it perfectly exemplifies how you can do this work and begin to develop the awareness to start thinking about the subconscious beliefs that you might have that are also keeping you trapped as well. If you love today's episode with Peter, you can work with him at petercron.com/mastermind. Peter offers three month intensive sessions where he workshops and does exactly what you're going to hear today and so much more. If you go today to petercron.com/mastermind, you still have a chance to sign up for the three month intensive that is going to begin on February 21st, 26th. So if you are interested, make sure you go register because that is going to close soon. Without further ado, let's get started and dive into this episode with Peter. He is truly so smart, so insightful. And for me, life changing. I hope you feel the same. Here we go. So Peter, I'm so honored to have you. Thank you for taking the time. Of course. Joy to be with you. It was so honestly life changing to witness you do your work live. I think my mom and I got your last two tickets and I was blown away. I was like, this guy is helping everyone realize they're telling themselves a lie that's keeping them trapped in their life. And ever since then, I've been like, what is my lie? But it's so hard to figure it out yourself. It is. It's very so. First of all, thank you. I'm glad you came and it was so nice to meet you and your mom that night and it's always so fun. Like there's definitely a different side of me that comes out when I'm on stage because otherwise I'm a bit more of a recluse and kind of quiet, but the entertainer comedian in me comes out a bit. But it is powerful. I never know what I'm going to say. Obviously, because I don't know who I'm going to talk to or what their story is. But yes, correct that everybody's walking around within these sort of unconscious constraints or lies and pretenses about themselves. And the slippery part is the you that's trying to figure it out is part of the lie. So sort of that double blind, the quote I used is the person trying to get rid of the ego is the ego. It could take a while. Yes. It's so true. Yeah. I remember actually like a day later, I was like, I have mine. It's that I want everything to be perfect. Like it was a very complimentary lie. You know what I mean? It was a huge lie. No, it was like a positive and I was like, Victoria, that can't be it because all the lies are basically negative statements. Yeah. But for those who are unfamiliar with their work, they call you the mind architect. Yeah. Why? Just the sort of by the virtue of whatever it is like invention being the mother of necessity, I think is the quote. I had been called a series of different monarchs like hit man for the ego, the happiness guru and man for the ego. I love it. And it sort of sounded a little bit too violent. And I just was like really sitting down once, you know, looking at, well, what is it that I'm actually doing? And so I don't think the mind architect fully captures it, even though that's the arena in which we're working, you know, we could say that I'm more like the sole liberator as well. And that might just sound a little too as a terrible for people. So it was, yeah, just really recognizing that most titles are already contaminated. And then people would attribute meaning to what I'm doing, whereas the mind architect was nothing that I'd heard before when I came up with it. And I felt that it was both in the arena of what I'm doing, accurate, not fully sufficient, but would nonetheless inspire curiosity. So there wasn't an assumption about what I did because oftentimes you hear what someone does. And the brain fills in, you know, the visual of what that means before you've even had a chance to meet somebody. And that's why most people don't listen. They're not really present with people. They're like, oh, he's like a shaman. And then your brain just automatically fills in like robes and feathers and you're around the wilderness and talking to owls or, you know, whatever it is, you're not talking to that person anymore. You're talking to your own memory of what you think that word means. So, yeah. So mind architect was born and how would you describe what you help people do? So going back to the name that I said might be more appropriate. It's like without sounding too grandiose, I'm really liberating the essence of the soul that we are. Right? This, this meat suit and all of our stories and upper longings are all sort of on the three dimensional manifest level of the human experience. But really, many people would have heard you're a spiritual being having a human experience. So I'm helping the being to recognize the constraints of the human that has the being feel unsafe, unloved, not enough, powerless, you know. And the byproducts of that is basically feeling trapped in a prison. And Carl Jung's quote was beautiful. He said, you know, until you make the unconscious conscious, it will drive your life and you'll call it fate. Right? So that's just, I knew that would happen. I was too good to be true, right, that's the fate way of describing circumstances. I knew that they, I'd, he'd leave me or, you know, I'd lose the job or that's not really just fate. That's because of your wiring. So I'm revealing patterns and wiring the people oblivious to so that they can fundamentally find liberation and freedom on the other side of that. And there's bedfellows to that because as soon as you find freedom, you go from the predominant human experience of fear to the more the soul's inherent quality of love. And as soon as you go from a limitation of fear to freedom and love, you also then experience instead of suffering, you start to now experience joy. And then instead of in the old model, what I call the old operating system that runs humanity, you have disease, which manifests in the body, you then reveal vitality. And then instead of like the abundance world, it's scarcity and lack in the current model. And in mind, it's like, you know, abundance and wealth. So they're two distinct worlds. So I'm revealing the constraints that I assert people arrive with. That's what this dimension is. As a human being, you come with your constraints, you're going to get triggered typically, you know, consistently until you get over the limitations that you're here to, to break free from. Yeah. So like cosmic hide and seek, you know, I'm like a, who do you need for the spirit? And I think it's so important. I feel like that's the place I'm at in my life currently is just like desperately wanting to live more as, I guess, my soul, correct my terminology. And you, you try to just keep getting rid of the ego and I feel like I make great strides. And then I always think of my ego as like wearing a totally new outfit and like taking on a totally new persona. And I don't even realize it until I'm like, ah, it's done it again. Slippery burger. You were talking about subconscious in that a little bit. So you're essentially saying that someone might subconsciously be pushing away the people that they love. So that when those people leave them, they're like, oh, I knew this was going to happen. It always happens. Yeah. But little did they know it's actually them that's causing what they don't want. Yeah. It's the good and the bad news is that everything that we have is us. Right. And that's not in any way dismissed the fact that obviously outside circumstances people have a contributing factor. And in terms of what we manifest in our life, it's always an extension of who we are in our programming. It's not who we are in our essence. But if someone's wired to think that they're not enough or they're not loved or that they're not worthy, then that is the platform and the foundation upon what all of their thoughts are generated and then their feelings and actions and then consequently results, right? It's a cascade. So when people do say things like that, I knew it was too good to be true or I knew that this would never last. That's a very subtle but very insidious way that the ego finds some remnants of value in an otherwise very painful situation, meaning it hurts if you get fired. It hurts if a relationship ends. It hurts if a loved one passes or a parent dies. But if you can find some semblance of self-righteousness in it, it's sort of, it's like no vacayne for the soul, you know, it's like, yeah, but I knew that. Right? So again, my quotes you've heard, I use a lot of quotes I say being right is the poor man's version of self-worth. So if you really get that, it's like, I had an athlete, for example, I worked with a ton of, you know, pro athletes and one of my first one was a professional golfer and I cadded from once. We tripled his winnings in two season, it was incredible results. He went from an average about 900,000 to three million in a second season, you know, like if you're a company and I can triple your revenue, they'd be like, I'm, how much? You know? So, but he hadn't had a win and I cadded for him. And I remember the balls on the green, you know, and excuse me for the non-golf lovers out there. But you ideally want to make the first part, that's called a birdie or you do a two-parten, it's a par, whatever. And he said to me as a hand in the putty, he said, watch me three putt this, by which is, you know, like sort of the antithesis of what he actually wants to accomplish. But the subtlety is that's an unconscious way of his ego being right before an event. So does the disclaimer of a pending potential performance and outcome that if that happens, which of course we don't want, we want the antithesis, at least then I can feel right. Yeah. Yeah. And that's how really ugly, you know, the nature of the persona in the ego is that it will unconsciously often like the words that come out of people's mouths where they're blaming and shaming either themselves or other people without knowing that they're actually constantly sabotaging what their heart truly desires. And that's sad. And even if we stick with this golf example, him saying, watch me three putt this, allows him to not be like really vulnerable and raw when he does three putt it if he hadn't called it. Because then he'd be saying, I really wanted to succeed in this moment and I didn't. Yeah. And now I feel like I feel in some way or I feel small and that's like so emotionally vulnerable. People do anything to avoid getting there, right? Yeah. And that's why I said it's like never came for the soul like it's a numbing technique that the ego uses to in the case of worse case scenarios, at least I can have some subtle like relief knowing that I was right. Even though it's about something that was an outcome that goes completely in conflict with my desires. And that's the crazy part of the ego. You know, when I first started my work 20 something years ago, I was fascinated by how many people were actually more committed to being right about their shortcomings than fulfilling on their true desires. This reminds me of one of my favorite quotes from you, which is most people are trying to avoid a bad future that hasn't happened yet. Yeah. When I heard you say this for the first time, Peter, I was like, oh my gosh, we are, we drive ourselves crazy. Will you please explain what that is? Yeah. So if you've got to understand that most human beings are stuck in the illusion of linear time, right? If anybody listening to this is on the impression they have a history, they're in the moment listening to this now, and then they've got some sort of future that they're heading towards. So that's all psychological time like you've never been in your history and you'll never be in your future. It's an eternal now without getting too like spiritual. You can get spiritual. We go there here on real part. Okay. This is real part. Welcome to real part. Yes. So yes. For people to understand, I'm not in any way dismissing the experience of the progression of us through time, but it's really that time exists in us in the way that we relate to circumstance. So you don't have a past, you have a memory, you don't have a future, you have a projection or some sort of superimposition, which is typically of a history that you haven't yet reconciled. So to go to the quote, most people trying to avoid about future hasn't happened yet. What that is is actually the protection mechanism of the survival operating system that people are stuck in, so the brain being designed to predict and protect is really, I've been hurt, stuff sucked. I felt, you know, people were nasty. Whatever it is, the people of experience, which is part of human journey, trials and tribulations, disappointments, then the brain is like, well, that hurt. So just as a much more simple analogy, if you touch your stove and it's hot as a kid, you know, you typically are going to shy away from the bad future, which is really a reflection of something that hurts you behind you that you haven't yet integrated accepted or maybe even just forgotten. So that's why for the most part, people's lives tend to be very cyclical and repetitive. You know, people tend to attract the same circumstances in their health and their relationships in their careers because they're the consistent theme, which is really the perpetuation of a history that is still defining them. So it looks like a future that they're trying to avoid, but really it's a history that they haven't yet accepted. And a history that they're choosing to remember, to serve their storyline in the present. This episode is brought to you by Premiere Protein and I love Premiere Protein so much. I feel like I don't go a day anymore without having a protein drink because it's just so hard to ensure that we're getting enough protein and the amount that we need every single day. And sometimes I'm super busy. I just like can't think about that in every single meal and I don't like to hyperfixate on it, right? So that's where Premiere Protein is the solution. It's easy and delicious and a protein-packed way to power your day. There's so many incredible flavors. 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This is advanced magnesium to calm the nervous system and guarantee deep sleep and overnight recovery. I am always looking for more ways I can ensure my body is getting all of the nutrients, vitamins, supplements, antioxidants that it needs, and peak has made that so easy. Commit to intentional health and unlock 20% off and establish your powerful foundation for sustained well-being at peaklife.com/realpod. I've been thinking about that a lot about who I believe myself to be and how there are certain memories that I have from college, for example, that are super crystal clear. Then there are times and weeks I have zero memory and it's like my brain took the people call them core memories now, but the core memory is that serve my story of who I am. And then I've completely decided to forget. I think if we all look back on our own lives, we could cut a Hollywood trailer to show us being a thousand different types of the people that we are, right? But then our brain chooses the one that it's like, I don't know, most, how do we decide what we choose to make our story? Well, that's what I was going to say. It's semantics, but we're not choosing it. That's the thing it's automated. So let's see if I can unpack this in a way that people can track. So yes, you have a fantastic observation of how, if you think of like, you know, most people listening have probably got at least two decades, maybe three or four of history. It's a lot of content, a lot of data, right? Like if you were literally recording everything in some sort of database somewhere in the middle of the country, you know, you've got terabytes and terabytes of visuals and experience and emotions and dialogue. So why we cherry pick unconsciously, automatically certain events are because typically they're going to be laden with some sort of traumatic experience, right? And they can also be the extremes of joy that we really remember that moment of this timeless feeling of love or we're on a cliff top watching it to sun on the horizon with a lover or, you know, they can go in both ways, but the things that typically define us are the more painful experiences, you know, the fact that we grew up in a household where parents were arguing or it was very mercurial, father was very disciplinarian and angry or there was this shunning of a child or shaming going to the room or criticism of her performance for a lot of my guys who became athletes is, you know, that the father was that quintessential sort of in your face, like what happened with the fifth abat? Why did you only get three or four? You know, and the kid is shamed and these imprints then sort of create the foundation of our identity because at the subtlest level, we really want to feel love and acceptance, right? We're here. One of the primary needs of a human being is belonging and I would assert at the deeper spiritual level because we can go there on real part. We're all interconnected, right? Unified field theory, consciousness, the absolute, there's no separation. As really the hallmark of the main contributing factor to suffering, as long as you think you're a separate entity, you have no choice but to survive and the story. So you're going to suffer. So we want to be loved and accepted because we know at the deepest level, no cis, got not knowing mind, that we're all interconnected, but from the human level, we don't feel that you're there. I'm here. And then we're going to have differences in nationalities, opinions, values, religion, politics. So it creates division and so in that division, they're suffering because it's in conflict with the underlying truth, which is interconnectedness. So to go back to why we hold on to certain memories is we need evidence to validate the core underlying platform of our own identity of separation, otherwise it all collapses. And so it sort of seems counterintuitive. We want to feel love, which is the essence of who we are and especially when we understand the interconnectedness of everything. But it's almost like I said cosmic hide and seek where, you know, who we are underneath the surface is love and we're all connected, but I'm going to forget, you know, and therefore that's the game is like I become misidentified with the illusion of separate self, which hurts. And then I'm under the impression that through social pressures and norms, what my parents told me I should be, what my spouse or siblings and friends tell me I could be, there's this feeling of I'm not who I'm meant to be, but I'm going to try in order to fit into the gang. The fundamental was never a part of. So the cherry picking of memories is automated to sustain the illusion of the separate self, which is really the ultimate goal of being human for me is to transcend the constraints with which we arrived to reveal and liberate the essence of the soul that we actually are. It's really quite simple. Definitely not. I'm like, oh my god, I'm trying to hang onto everywhere. So the illusion of self and for people listening, this could be I'm the perfect mother. I'm the best daughter. I am the smartest person at my job. I'm going to be the star athlete, whatever it is that we've identified with. And I love the way that you sort of tend to be the roast into glasses like I'm an incredible mother. Yeah. They're all listening like I'm a fucking shitty mother. Oh, I don't have kids. I was just getting generic. No, but everything you were saying was a compliment. I mean, they're all great identities. Occupy they might be symptomatic or like strategies and compensations for the deeper story, which is I'm a horrible person. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. And I think I have that's one of my problems. It's conditionally half glass full. Yeah. Definitely. So a lot of those beliefs, the illusions or the subconscious narrative, it's very hard for us to see. And you often call it a blind spot. Yeah. How can people begin to develop awareness of their blind spots? So that is tricky, not to be again, tried or dismissive, but it's like, just live life. That's what's going to reveal your blind spots by where do you get upset? Who triggers you? Who pisses you off? That's the only way. That's the funny thing about we're all unified. We're all connected. But consciousness as a unit, as a unified field, doesn't have any experience because there's nothing else. Right. If you think about oneness, oneness experience only happens through relativity. That's why relationships and to relate, you're lying in bed and you're hot and you move your leg and it's cool, right? You had an experience because of the relativity of temperatures. So we have to, ironically, have the experience of separation in order to have any experience. So it's kind of like, we're all one. And then we pretend that we're separate. And so then through the pretence of being separate, we're going to get triggered so that we can remember that we're not separate. Anything that anyone's dealing with right now, if they're having any experience that is not peace, joy, freedom and love, they're being triggered. So that's basically every day for every human. So that's why what I'm offering is, you know, not for the faint of heart, but it is nonetheless what every human being's looking for, right? So we need the illusion of separation, you know, in terms of Victoria Peter, Emma, names, boys, girls, nationalities, to feel and experience anything. So that's where it's sort of such a beautiful design because underneath it, we're all connected. But in order to feel anything and to through, really, I feel that the predominant energy of every human being is curiosity, you know, like you're not a mom or a dad, but every kid, you know, ask a parent, what's the number one word a kid uses? It's usually why? My mommy, why daddy? You know, so it's a wanting to know. So curiosity, again, getting as a terror, consciousness as an entity wants to know itself. You know, whether people are egotistical and all statistic into themselves or not, everybody looks in a mirror. And sometimes it's practical. You want to check if you've got something in your teeth, you're checking your face, you're brushing your hair. But there's also a bit of a fascination. Most people looked in the mirror so many times that they don't think, but it's almost like an unwritten intention of like wanting to know oneself, like that's wanting to understand my potential. What am I here for? What is my purpose? There's this underlying narrative that is sort of almost an unanswerable question that people have. And so that to me is the nature of consciousness is curiosity. In order for consciousness to know itself, it has to have the illusion of division and diversification to have experience to know, oh, I have the capacity to hate. I have the capacity to love. I have the capacity to lie. I have the capacity to laugh. I have the capacity to feel like a failure. It's sort of all frequencies are present. Surprisingly, I did track that to become functioning humans in this society. Yeah. We have had to understand and find a way to comprehend the space, the things that surround us. All that stuff. Yeah. But it's taken us away from the inner self, which doesn't need the labels, the talking, the judgment, anything. No. Do you believe it's possible? How can we get closer to that version of ourselves? And then it's so difficult to stay present or to stay mindful or to stay in your wise mind when little sparkly things and triggering things are pulling you back into the ego and the subconscious all the time. Yeah. So if you look at your question in terms of how can we get closer to that version of ourselves? The language itself creates space. It implies that I'm out here as Peter Victoria and then underneath it, there's the real set. Like how can I get closer? And it's the other way around. The essence of the soul is you. You can't get closer to you because you're you. So it's not getting closer to that which you already are. It's the disillusion or the detachment of the illusion of the misidentification with the form. So it's removing this exactly right now. This talking, this thinking, this making it something. So, you know, I'm sort of nervous. again, obviously for quotes, but insights and statements. And I say, I don't solve problems I dissolve them. Somebody has anxiety. They go and see a therapist, they go and see a psychologist, a psychiatrist, and they do, they want to deal with their anxiety. Makes perfect sense, right? Anxiety doesn't feel good. And there's an expert who deals with anxiety. So now what happens is typically, sadly, especially in the States, it's a prescription for whatever it is that they give them, if someone has a high blood pressure, they get beta blockers or depression, SSRIs or whatever it is, you know, then they walk away, they get their drugs. And like, it seems like anxiety, depression, blood pressure has been reckonsome. It hasn't. Nothing's actually been resolved, right? So if somebody comes off a beta blocker, then all of a sudden they have high blood pressure again. Nothing actually got resolved because they're not looking at in, you know, common functional medicine and all of these terminologies now in the world. It's like root cause, right? So root cause, I'm not in any way saying that that's not an accurate statement, but really what I'm pointing to in my world is that who you are at the deepest level is a conversation of some sort of inadequacy, scarcity and insecurity. And so nobody has an addiction to a substance. I have helped so many people with addictions. That's the byproduct of the ultimate addiction, which is to the idea of yourself as somehow flawed. You did this live at the seminar I was at. I think I actually might have told the listeners, if you guys remember my solo episode, but there was someone who said, I, I'm a smoker and you were like, you're not smoking right now, you know? And then the long story short was her whole family had passed away tragically and she felt she didn't deserve to be alive. Those were deep-seated subconscious belief and so the act of smoking is like an act of self-harm, right? So I mean, that's an example right there of how you helped show someone. Yeah. This is happening because of this belief, but if you no longer believe that, you most likely won't be reaching for these cigarettes. You can give out the most likely, they won't, right? Because it's like I use very simple analogies like if I picked up a pen here and it had red ink in it. So manifestation is automatic. Like people talk about manifestation all the time, right? And I think most people have a very poor interpretation of it. But the red pen with the red ink is going to always create red outcome. What most people do with willpower or trying or self-judgment is like, I want blue, you know, and if I'm a bad person because I can't, but your wiring is red. So until you change the fundamental way that you've constructed yourself in dialogues and conversations, you're not going to have a different outcome. It doesn't make you a bad person, it just means that the programming is doing what the programming does, which is self-fulfilling. You know, when people say self-fulfilling prophecy or self-sabotage, it's really unconscious commitments. So, you know, this is one of the things that I talk about in my mastermind and teach people that commitment is typically a word that people think of as lacking either in themselves, a partner's life or whatever, like I'm not really fully committed. If you ask particularly in the workplace, you go up to a job, an owner, CEO, manager, like, you know, of your team, how would you say, how many people you say are fully committed? Not as a judgment, there was a, well, you know, Dave and Sally, they, you know, they're close, but there's no one here who's fully committed. They're not all giving their all. And we probably could all say that about ourselves. But ironically, the teaching is, no, everybody is fully committed. But you're fully committed to your unconscious programming, which might mean that your unconscious programming has it show that you're not committed. Does that make sense? Yeah, no, it does. In terms of your full potential. Yeah. So, that's what I'm really helping people to discover is that underneath it, it's all wiring. Yeah. And the wiring and the programming and the conditioning that goes back to what you were saying about the memories that we cherry pick automatically to confirm our wiring. Because my brother got more accolades and praise from my parents because he was smarter and faster and a better athlete. So therefore, my programming that got created at that moment is I'm less than I'm not as good as, you know, Dave. Right. Right. Something this reminds me of is in a new earth by Eckhart Tolle. He has this moment where he's like, you can go to therapy to learn about yourself. Yeah. But you can't know that yourself. Right. And I carry that with me because I want to know the why. And it helps me. But then I know that the next step beyond that is a surrender. I guess my next question for you. And I just struggle with this in my own life is, you know, if I'm struggling in this relationship with a person I love. And it's like, I know that I'm carrying so much of what the relationship is supposed to be or who I'm supposed to be in it or who they're supposed to be in it. And I'm trying to like have the perfect closure, the perfect sentence or communication. But I feel like all of this is telling me what I need to do is stop thinking about it. Yeah. And just like, let it be and then meet the relationship as I am the next time the relationship intersects. Yeah. Is that like how I should approach it? It's so hard to just shed so much. It is. It takes in an ordinary amount of wisdom, experience, maturity to not be at the effect of life. Right. Like most people are truly under the impression that they're hurt, they're sad, they're frustrated, they're angry, you know, they're depressed because of a circumstance, a person, a situation. And that's why this game is so seductive because really we're generating our own experience or be it unconsciously because of the way we're programmed, which is a byproduct of the history we've had, which is typically littered with traumas that we still haven't reconciled. Dumbling it down, it's like, I have an emotional patterning. Yeah. That I'm bringing in to a present scenario that I'm not over. And it's manifesting in this small way. And I still can't let it go. And I don't even realize that it's from the thing I didn't get. But that's the thing that I'm sorry from someone. It does feel good. The validation that they understood that they hurt you. It does feel good. So it's hard for me to think I can't want that because then I'm like playing victim and we're not supposed to be victim. Yeah. But it's unavoidable. Most people until they get beyond their constraints are always going to be in victim mode. It's always because of something else, like in that word, because it's sort of implying I feel what I feel because, right? As soon as you're in that state, that's blame and judgment. And it's really saying that I'm the effect of life and circumstances and other people, which I totally get. I have compassion for being there plenty of times myself. And I'll probably revisit from time to time. But I know instead of because it's be cause, if you break the word up, right? I'm not the effect of it, but I'll be the cause of my own experience. Right? So it's just the word play on words that for me is very powerful because it's like, it's not to say that I want to be around someone who's angry, dismissive, rude, accusatory, unpleasant, but can I be in the presence of that and not be affected? Doesn't mean I'm going to stay. That's not fun. I can't be in the presence of McDonald's shitty food and GMOs and God knows what else they have in their meat. Yeah, but I don't want to engage. I don't want to keep that in my system or in my space. But I'm not going to be upset and raging outside of McDonald's, right? So it's learning to be fully responsible. I go again, one of my curts to say, you're either a victim or a hundred percent responsible for your life. It's it's an on off switch. There's no gradient. Interesting. And that's hard. Say that again, you're a victim or you're a victim or a hundred percent responsible for your life. What about someone listening who's like, but I lost my job and it was totally out of my control. I showed up. I did everything in my criteria and they fired me because the company didn't have money. How was that 100% there? Not full, I guess. No, it's the difference, right? The semantic. So in that person's language, they are. So this is why I get so deep because it's not the person who had the job that got laid off because the other company had enough money. I'm talking about the responsibility of the soul. I'm speaking from the level of your essence, not your human experience. In the world of cause and effect, you know, if for some reason God forbid, not to wish it upon us, like a meteor hit this building, you know, are we at the effect of and are we victims of that? Yes, you could say that, right? Like, you know, I'll give a personal example. I was riding my Vespa and I was at the bottom of Santa Monica incline and as I was coming to the traffic light, it turned green. So I had a little bit of momentum versus just been sitting there waiting for a few minutes because I was so quick, the car that was coming down the incline and going onto PCH was still stuck waiting for traffic and the lights. And so I'd gone and he then went and T-bone me. And so on the human level, fortunately I was fine. I mean, I was covered in road rash and my bike was written off, but you know, other than that, I picked up my bike and I was actually on my way to Premiere for Heal, the documentary I was in, which seemed appropriate. I'm like, this is about to heal. And so I can remember the guy was, he was in more shock than me because of course, it's an accident, right? Like I'm thrown across PCH. He's just hit someone. It's scary, all the things. And he's like, I think you're in shock. I'm like, no, I'm good. He's like, no, no, because you're just so calm. You're like, no, I'm Peter Kroninger. Well, I don't want to get too heavy because I've never met you before. We have to trade papers and I need to get somewhere, but this all had to happen. He's like, what do you mean? I'm like, well, because that's what happened. He's like, yeah, but if I hadn't hit you, I'm like, yeah, but you did so that it all becomes irrelevant. So I understand then the nature of the unfolding of life, everything's interconnected. And for whatever of reasons at this moment, life could not be different because it isn't. And so I'm not going to fight life because that would mean that I think I know how things should be. And he's like, hit a fucking. Yeah, yeah. So that's powerful though. It is. And to the example, then it's like, this person's like, well, I got fired. I literally did. So me sitting here and thinking, I can't believe it's like, nothing can happen. It's like, it says Astonine is going outside and saying, yeah, but the sun should be over there. Yeah. So you don't, you wouldn't have that conversation because you know the movement of the sun, which is a movement. It's relative to us. So the responsibility part is that the deepest essence of who we are. So to go back to the, because it's a periannesia visual for people, I get hit by a car, T-bone, my bike is written off, fortune, I'm okay. We trade details, drivers, license insurance, whatever. In the manifest world of the human three dimensional experience, he in legal terms is at fault. So his insurance company writes the check, buys me a new bike. That's where humans get caught up in the good, bad, right wrong fault conversation. What I'm speaking from is, by virtue of anything happening in ways that I don't know as a human, I know I must be responsible because this is what my soul signed up for. Yeah. Do you see? It's so much deeper. It's not responsible as Peter Cron, a man riding a Vespa. He's a bad, bad man, hit bike. There's like caveman. It's like, no, for whatever reasons, that I don't know. This isn't a knowledge-based responsibility. It's a deep, profound accountability, ownership responsibility, that the person who lost their job, first of all, didn't lose their job, because even the word loss creates victimhood. No, what if I told you that in six weeks you get hired for a job that pays you twice as much in an area of town that you love the six months after that, you fall in love with a person who works in that building. That's your future. They'll be like, "Fucking him. I'm so glad I got laid off." You see, same event, different story because of how it's perceived. The person who's "I'm dead at R" is because they're being informed by the underlying scarcity mindset, probably, fear of being able to pay rent mortgage. They're now in a state of operating system, limitation, fear, and suffering. Eventually, that creates disease over time because if you are in a state of suffering, your body's going to manifest it. It's about the way that people don't accept the unfolding of life. They're in constant resistance, which itself is part of the suffering. Even this conversation right now, it's unfathomable for the brain to try and comprehend the trillions of events that had to occur for anything to happen. When you really understand it from that perspective, the matrix of everything being interconnected, this conversation could not have not happened because it's happening. I know it can seem a little overwhelming, but it mitigates any kind of feeling of victimhood or even control. It really allows us to acquiesce and lean more into surrender. We're both willing participants in the unfolding of life, but co-creators in it. But also at one level, there's no such thing as legitimate choice because choices are being made on conditioning. As the young ones say, you're cooking right now, Peter, you're cooking. I know you know this, but I could just talk about cozy Earth all day long. I love cozy Earth so much. 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I feel like thrive market is such a great place to go because you know that they are providing you with foods that have fewer sketchy ingredients and more nutrition. So if you're ready to make some healthy swaps and become a member, join thrive market with my link thrive market dot com such real pod for 30% off your first order plus a free 60 dollar gift. So that's thrive market dot com such real pod for 30% off your first order plus a free 60 dollar gift. I have two big things I want to talk about about what you just said. Sure. The first is I love this example about the Vespa and well, I don't love that you've heard, but the example was helpful. Love that you got to. Yeah, no, love it. But what about a situation where someone important to you doesn't come to your wedding or your counting on someone to meet you for this romantic date and they stand you up and it feels like there's more hurt there because of the relationship. Are we supposed to just be like, I accept it. This is the moment. Like it hurts. Like someone's going to want to cry and be like, wow, my trust was betrayed or I was let down. Yeah. So how do we move through those moments? So beautiful question. I think it's both, right? It's both having the human experience and allowing for the full self expression of what I would call a natural feeling versus a dysfunctional emotion. My parents passed when I was young. And so no one would begrudge me the feeling of like sadness that my mama died or confusion because they're so young. And then when my dad went to work, never came back, you know, devastation. Like it's an appropriate response to life. To use your example, someone stood up on a date, you know, the feeling could be like, oh, that sucks. I really thought this might be something. So the natural feeling of disappointment or sadness is great. Don't deny that. What happens really quickly is that cascades into something wrong with me. I fuck it. Like I'm such an idiot. Why did I think someone so cool would want to see me? Do you see? Nobody is going to love me. Yeah. I got to tell my friends now that it's a bearish thing. Yeah. Like I look like an idiot. You're sitting in a bar by yourself. And it's like, should I just stay here? Because people might. Now you go into a whole story, which is automated and generated from the ego's constraints of inadequacy and security and scarcity. So now you're using a natural feeling, which in a bit of itself is complete. Yeah. To give further evidence and fuel to the ego that will then be the self-fulfilling prophecy with eventually fine courage. And you meet someone as like a month later. And now they might say, hey, you know, this is cool restaurant on Wilshire. Like, let's go then. That's where you went. You're like, I don't know. Like, can we go somewhere else? Like, you're still being informed by the history and the pain. Do you see? Right. You won't go to that restaurant because of this thing that happened and you're telling yourself, how sad that I'm going to be at this place again. And I know what happens when you go there. Right. So this is the trying to avoid about future hasn't happened yet. So that person, they've already now sort of suffocated possibility because of past trauma. So as kids, we think everything's possible. I'm going to be an astral. I'm going to be present. I'm going to be a train driver. Whatever kids they don't yet have the trials and tribulations and trauma and hurt of experiences and workout to inform them to make narrower, narrower, narrower choices. Yeah. Which is why for me, the illusion of time moves faster as we get older. Most people say that it's not the time has changed. It's just your sense of possibility has become increasingly less. Yeah. If this reminds me of another quote of yours, if the only problem you have is a thinking problem. You have a problem. Right. Thank you. So now it's like this person in the future who's now going to go back to the restaurant has a problem in this moment that's going to now talk to the girls about it for 20 minutes, but it doesn't exist and it's like all made up. They're just talking about a memory. Right. Like for example, you know, I again, worked with a lot of athletes and people can relate whether they're like sports or not, but you know, an MBA guy asked to help. He had the worst free-throw shooting average in the league, 37% and the average is like 78 or something. Steph Curry's of the world, 90%, you know, whatever. But it was embarrassing because he's getting paid millions of dollars to perform, not performing in the delta. between his performance and not could often be the difference in the game. So like say he went to the line 10 times and he only makes three, you know, and the average would be seven or eight. Those four to five points could be the difference in the game if people are tracking, right? So it's a lot of weight. So I was sitting in his house and I said, so when you step up to the free throw line, what do you think he's like, I'm nervous and I'm trying not to miss. Which is exactly the being informed by a history you haven't accepted yet. So actually he's not trying to make the basket. He's constantly trying to reconcile his history, which is why it's impossible and self-fulfilling. Do you see? Yeah. So I said to him, I said, well, what if I told you that for the rest of the season, you should league average. It was like the first month of the season. And then he'd lit up like a kid who prayed, you know, just first picked up a basket. But when he's like, that'd be a fucking amazing. Like he was about ready to write me a check for any amount, you know, and he said, wow. Like how do we do that? I said, well, all I did was propose a future that is different to the one that you're worried about. We're still sitting in your kitchen. You know, it's so it's really understanding that we're creative beings, that most people's use of the energy of creativity is reactivity to a history that they haven't yet accepted. So all of it, it's something they're trying to avoid. They're still creating it. So that's the self-fulfilling prophecy. Isn't that though getting his ego excited about a belief that's also false that he's a league average shooter? It's all made up. So why not choose like you were saying earlier that I'm an incredible mother and then I'm a like, but doesn't that keep you trapped? They can, but it's much more inspiring as opposed to so you're being informed by a future that you can aspire to versus being defined by a history that's holding you back that's giving you a sense of avoidance for worst case scenarios. Okay. And I honestly, that's helpful to hear because I do think a lot of this work makes me think I'm just supposed to like never have a thought again. And I'm like, that's tough, but I'm impossible, so yeah, good luck. So do you function off of that more like a positive projection of the future? No. So there's different stages, right? So again, things that I cover in the mastermind for anyone who's interested, you know, because that's my three month most powerful offering to get out of this whole trap of the operating system of survival and step into freedom and joy. If you're into that kind of stuff, anyone isn't to that, just eternal healing or just, you know, just stay where you are and just be miserable and dysfunctional and living in scarcity. But so most people are trying to get away from a history that was painful, but to keep it simple, that's the lowest form of a creation. You got hurt. You've been upset. You've had trauma. Which unfortunately you've gone because it's in childhood. And that's why these are blind spots to use the word earlier. But nonetheless, because it hurt, you're trying to get away from it. So the cigarette smoking woman, like I'm a smoker that you saw in the live event. No, smoking is, you know, one aspect, as you said, is because she feels guilty for being alive when her family's not and so it's a way for her to slowly destruct herself. For me, it's more subtle. It's more that she's in a state of suffering because of the guilt and smoking like alcohol, food, sex, whatever drugs is a way to mitigate suffering. That's a form of escape, right? So in that case, like she's trying to get away from the pain of what's transpired. It's done. Like my free throw shooter MBA guys trying to get away from the embarrassment, the anxiety, the disappointment, the failure. So that's the lowest form of existence. Then you can get to sort of more of a state of neutrality. Like some people become sadly through cynicism or resignation, like I don't know, like which is actually still being informed by a history where they've been hurt enough so many times that now they just kind of quit. But there is a state of neutrality where you can sort of be, well, I don't know what's going to happen. Let's see, you know, so it's sort of more positive, but it's not proactive. So reactive, neutral, proactive is like, no, it's all going to work out kind of what I did with my basketball player, right? Right. So that is a necessary step in the evolution of someone's identity to becoming more powerful. So that's why I used it with him. Maybe then went into another state which I'll talk about. So proactive is yes, that can be slippery. You use the word trapped. It's not so much trapped, but that's excitement, right? Excitement and fear of bad fellows are two sides of the same coin because their future-based propositions fear is worst case scenario, excitement is best case scenario, but you're still being informed by a future that you really don't know. But nonetheless, when you can be proactive leaning into something that you're excited by, it shifts your state and that's what we're ultimately wanting to do. So with my athletes, I use like goals, aspirations as a means to turn on an individual frequency. So literally, sitting in his kitchen, he started to become animated in a way. He's like, fuck, do that be awesome. He's looking forward, moving forward. He literally said, I wish I could go and play now. He still doesn't know, but he's experiencing the shift in his frequency that's gone from disappointment, shame, and failure into possibility, inspiration, and joy. So then you let them go of the outcome, which can still become a trap, because that can lead to disappointment like the day, you know, I'm excited to go and see this person. They don't show up. Now you've got disappointment and suffering, unfulfilled expectation. So we're really fundamentally what we're trying to do is not get away from, not work towards, but live from, and what we're living from is the essence and the qualities of our soul. That one I'm going to have to listen back to. That was actually a moment of, I don't know what to say to that. No, I literally am like, I'm just processing, and I'm thinking too, so much about like my own life about, oh my God, like how I need and want to do these things better. But then I'm like, making it a thing that my ego can like achieve and like celebrate. My last thing I was going to ask you, Peter, can you just break me before you go? I'm all but we can do a speed down. I think you're doing okay. I mean, you seem like a sweetheart. What's the area that you're struggling with? I was told by another expert, like I have an unworthiness wound, possibly. I think that like I've been a very high achiever my whole life. And I truly don't think that I would have not received a love from my parents if I didn't achieve. But there was a component. I think not of love, but just like the expectation, maybe I think I naturally was very talented kid. I just was good. A lot of things. And that made my parents very happy. I was somewhere along the line, like mixed up, I'm getting love and attention. And I'm achieving. And so that must be the reason I'm getting love and attention when maybe it really wasn't. I would have been like loved anyways. And so now I think I'm at this place in my life where it is a struggle for me to think like why someone would want to be around me, like if I didn't have all my achievements. And it's okay. That's beautiful. Yeah. I can see the pattern and the fact that it moves you to a little bit of water behind the eyes. You know, it's really beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. What's it like to live inside of that space? Well, it's exhausting. It's exhausting, right? Yeah. It's a lot of pressure. Yeah. Yeah. Like how does that manifest in your day to day? Well, I think I've gotten a lot better in the past like 15, 18 months of trying to like do less and not judge myself as much. But I think it's just my identity, especially in my family. Like I am the perfect family member who doesn't bring the family problems. Yeah. And like I'm sick of that. So let's look at language and because words is all that we're ultimately being trapped by. Right? So the way you started it, like you've said a number of things that I can already see where you're trapped, but you know, you use the term like high achiever, very talented as a kid. How do you even get to those words? High achiever relative to relative to the people who were around me. Yeah. So through comparison, which goes back to what I was saying earlier, relativity, and you believe that who you were was talented and a high achiever. And then as you said, that becomes correlated with attention accolades and fundamentally love. We collapse those as though one is the cause of the other. But it's also the lies, see, I'm always looking for the lies, right? Right? So what if you weren't a high achiever, so what would be another way to look at what you did instead of saying you're a high achiever? How could you delineate what you did? Hard work, perseverance. That might be true. But if we were to really look at it objectively in terms of whatever you accomplish, whatever you didn't accomplish, because every human being has only accomplished whatever they've accomplished and they haven't accomplished what they haven't accomplished. And then the story on top of it is what creates the suffering. So instead of saying I was a high achiever because I did da da da da da. What would be a much more objective way of saying it? I did things. It's about it. Very good. Great, Stu. Great. So when you start to get out of the narrative of I'm a high achiever, which now you're starting to put all of this pressure and exhaustion to try and maintain something that you've collapsed with being loved and accepted, if you just can see, no, I'm not a so high achiever, I achieve whatever I achieved and I didn't achieve what I didn't achieve. We could argue, you know, like maybe you go up to heaven and God's like, well, you know, that was kind of disappointing, because you've really got a lot more skill. So you've been living as a high achiever, I'm the, you know, the golden child and the family and the gods that created your whole DNA and set up are like, actually, you kind of function at 20%. Right. Right. Like it's relative to what I think is high achieving, but to God, it might not be. That's my whole point is made up, yeah. It's all made up. So the truth is you did what you did and you didn't do what you didn't do. The story on top of it is what creates the exhaustion, the pressure, the suffering. And so much so that now at 28, I'm like, I haven't caused my parents a lot of pain. No. How exhausting is that like to be a kid who like never did that and then now as an adult wanting to maybe make some different decisions that will do that is like really hard for me and my parents because they're not used to it. Yeah, but this is a facade and the pretense everyone creates. So you're like, you know, there's sort of this badge of honor unconsciously that I haven't created my parents any pain. Meanwhile, you're constantly in a state of suffering. Do you see how counterintuitive it is? So for you, being somebody who's constantly trying to. keep your parents happening at your own expense is all ego. If you are under the impression, albeit very unconsciously, there's no fault, no guilt, no shame, but that you have to be someone in order to prevent the suffering, disappointment, pain of your parents. What is it saying about your relationship to others and particularly to them? - That love is conditional. - Yeah. So if love is conditional, you're not what? - Lovable. - Yeah, or loved. So just consider the lie that you're living is that you're not loved for just being you. - That, that I feel way more. I know my parents love unconditionally. However, this-- - They don't, they're human. That's another lie. They can't. - I've know I've witnessed it. They love unconditionally. - Well, let's say they're close. I haven't met them and that's their like in line. - No, you've never met my mother. Like, my mother is like, "If you shot me in the face, I would love you from the heaven." That's my mom, I swear. So like, which just should almost help me free myself because I have a mom saying, "You could do the worst thing to me." And I would love you and I know that. I'm suffering if I have to show up perfectly to cause them no pain. And then I'm suffering if I set the boundary 'cause I ruminate on the fact that I'm doing the thing I shouldn't do. So I feel stuck in both scenarios. - Of course. So again, it's got nothing to do with external circumstances. You can obviously be loved and adored all day by your parents no matter what. So that's why it's never out there. It's always our relationship to ourselves where there's somebody feels like useless, helpless, powerless, worthless, or in your case, not lovable unless. - Everyone who's suffering with anything are stuck in their own story and a story. There's no external person or thing that is creating your suffering. And you've just got this perfect real case scenario. Parents have loved me unconditionally. Show your mom in the face. She's still gonna make you an apple pie and whatever. So for you, it's to see without being cliche that what you're actually looking for is self-love, self-acceptance. Your story that you're stuck in which creates your quote-unquote exhaustion and the pressure is that Victoria has a story that in order for her to be loved accepted into the gang of humanity is redicated on you performing. - Mm-hmm. - So is it an absolute truth that the only way that you get loved is if you perform? - No. - What would it be like to live in that space? If you never had to be formed in order to be loved, how would that feel? The being you is enough. Just let it sit in your body. Being you is enough. There's nothing you have to do in order to be loved and accepted. How would that feel? - It's like so foreign. Like I don't know it. Like I see it in like glimpses with like my husband and like my best friend. But other than like be those two relationships, I don't know if I, it's so hard to see it, you know? - Yeah. And that's really beautiful. And I'm grateful that you went there. And this is why when I work with you know, I say I'm introducing you to a world with which you're not familiar. So let's go back to the question. What would it feel like if just being you is enough? How would that just even feel in your body? I know the tears came, but like that breath. - Like calm. - Isn't it? - Mm-hmm. - Isn't that nice? - Mm-hmm. - Yeah. - Yeah. It's calm and like safe. And it almost feels like finished. I guess I'm like always in pursuit, but this feels like we're just like we're sitting down. - Yeah. - You know? - Yeah. - And that feels nice. - Yeah, what happened here is there's nothing for you to escape right now, being you is enough. And that's real love because it makes space for your capacity to not perform well, to be ugly, to throw up, to have stomach cramps, to have a heavy cycle, to you know, equally perform well. Like it's really what I'm inviting people is to include the gamut of your own experience of being human. - And I think I maybe know it to be true on paper with my parents, but I've never actually tested it. And I think that's the deep fear, right? It's like I know it, but I still convince myself, don't don't test it. - And here's the rub. It doesn't matter. - Yeah. - Because it's not about them anyway. - Yeah. - And the real love is for you to know that you are enough, even in the presence of people who don't believe you are. - Yeah. - I've never said those words before, but I like the way they came out. - Yeah, great. This is where you formed your next big quote. I'm real fine. - Exactly. - Real love is believing you are enough in the presence of those who believe you don't. - You're not, yeah, exactly. What is the potential devastation if like you felt being you is enough and then all of a sudden you didn't get the love and affection and adoration from your parents? What's at stake? - The people I care about the most, my relationships with them. - Yeah. And why does that have to be lost if you don't feel for a moment for a day for a week loved in their presence? Does it matter if you love them? - I see. So if I'm gonna love them no matter what, why does it matter what they decide to do? - Even if they short you in the face. Now we start to tap into something much deeper as your essence is love. Right, so Rumi had a beautiful quote. He said, "Seek not for love. Seek merely for the barriers you've built against it." - I love that. - And so what we've done here today is remove the barriers. One of the barriers being that you think you have to perform in order to get it. - Yeah. - And if you seek the barriers that you've built against it and what we've done, I said, "I dissolve, don't solve." Desolving the barriers reveals the love that you are. So can Victoria tap into the love that she is versus the child who's trying to get the love from others to compensate for the absence of knowing she's love itself? - Yeah. - Then where's the need to perform? - Right, 'cause I'm giving it to myself. - You are it. - Right. - I always say, as you express, so you experience, as you express love, you are also the beneficiary of it. If you express anger, hatred as a curve played, as Shakespeare said, drinking poison, hoping to harm another. - How do I keep this with me? And how do people keep their awakenings and the moments they feel presence and clarity with them? - First of all, there's nothing to keep it as who you are. Practically, it's time and practice, right? Like meaning you, like anything, you play a sport, you're learning it, you might be good, but you've got a new move and it's gonna take a little bit of time. Everything that people are experiencing right now is a byproduct of conditioning and time, right? So that's why it can be, you know, a little bit tiresome to begin with and lay person to become aware of it and then break it. So for you, you know, I think you're smart enough, young enough to really get from this conversation. If I just come from love itself and realize that that actually is the highest form of performance that allows you to be human, you don't have to do anything. As I said earlier, being you is enough. And then your parents and anyone else will feel whatever they feel, but love doesn't mind that. Love has no agenda, it doesn't need other people to be different. So in fact, even though you have parents who you claim love you unconditionally, you even had a fear of like, well, I've never really tested it, which means ironically, and this might be hard to hear, you're not actually in a relationship with your parents. - What do you mean? - Well, because you're so scared of what might happen if you were to let go and be your authentic self, which means you can be ugly, messy and not perform very well. That means that you're living inside of a pretense. If you're living inside of a pretense, like a facade, you can't be fully connected. You've got a mask. Your mask is around high performance. So then if you've got any kind of barrier there to who you have to be, you can't be fully connected with somebody. - I see what you're saying. Just because this is a podcast and a bunch of people are gonna hear it, I definitely feel like my parents have seen me be bitchy, ugly, mean. - I am no doubt, and then no way here to dismiss the quality of what sounds like an incredible relationship that most people would wish they had for themselves as parents and child. I have no doubt your parents adore you. I'm much more interested in the way that you view yourself, which has become very evident during this conversation is with a high level of like expectation, which means that there's no room for your humanity. They might see you ugly. They might see you blah, blah, blah. They love you that we could argue is the role of a parent, especially an authentically loving one. I'm much more interested in your relationship with yourself and for your listeners to realize, oh, where am I doing the same with my spouse and where my siblings, my children, my parents? I'm pretending that I need to be someone in order to fill in the blank, be loved, accepted, and mired. So if you're trying to be someone to in order to get an outcome, you don't actually have an authentic relationship with that person, that's what I'm saying. So as good as your relationship is with your parents, you have an opportunity to actually create more affinity. That's the invitation. Your parents could adore you all day, but if you're still in the world of you have to perform in order to get, like you see, you're not in a relationship with them, you're in a relationship with your own idea of yourself. - I see it, yeah, I see it. - And that's why most people don't have a good relationship 'cause they're not actually with the other person, they're with their story about themselves and within that story, they have an image of the other person. For good or bad, you know, some people might think the other person's an asshole, so they're gonna relate to them like that. Some people might think the other person doesn't like them, so they're gonna relate to them like that, as opposed to relate to them how they are. It's super slippery but super powerful to see. - So powerful. - Allow, I always say, allow life to surprise you. - Thank you, thank you, Peter. Thank you for doing this work and thank you for breaking me. - A little bit. - I'm gonna take it with me. take what I said and really put it into the high-performance bucket so that you really get it right. No, no, exactly. Exactly. That's what I say. It's putting on a new outfit to come back and say, "Okay, how do we do this perfectly?" So Peter says we're the best student he ever had. Exactly. I'm going to be so good at knowing that being me is enough. I'm going to show people. I'm not going to be affected when somebody doesn't like me. Yeah, that's the track. Yeah, yeah. Gosh, we're all human going through something, suffering. It's really back to your whole thing. That is like what unites all of us as we all have that in common. That's why I started this podcast in the first place. I want to feel connected to people through like our mutual sharing of suffering. Yeah. Yeah, that's the joy being human. I say, please never become perfect. You'll have no one to relate to. Another singer. Thank you, Peter. I really appreciate it. Thank you, my dear. Pleasure to be with you. Thank you so much for listening to this episode of RealPod. If this hit home or helped you in some way, send it to a friend, a teammate, roomie, share the love, share the realness. New episodes of RealPod come out every single Wednesday. So make sure you are subscribed to this podcast so you never miss an episode. To leave a rating or review of the show, head to iTunes and let me know what you think. I love hearing from you. Not to mention you can stay connected with RealPod throughout the week, seeing behind the scenes info and sneak previews of upcoming guests by following the @RealPodAccount on Instagram. All information about today's show and guests will be linked in the description of this episode. Thanks again for listening. I love you guys so so much. Let's go dominate the day and, as always, keep it real. Dating in this era is in casual. It's strategic and emotional, and sometimes it still feels absolutely ridiculous. Welcome to We Met Adacme, the OG dating podcast that meets you right where you're at and gives you the real rules for dating, marriage, and life beyond the ever-illusive happily ever after. I'm Lindsay Metzelar and I've been through it all. The apps, the ghosting, finding the one, the ring, and yes, even the baby. Expect ultra-honest guest conversations, personal hot takes, and unfiltered advice where I give it to you straight no exceptions. So sit down, tune in, and take notes every Sunday because the rules of dating may have changed, but the standards higher than ever. Please note that this episode may contain paid endorsements and advertisements for products and services. Individuals on the show may have a direct or indirect financial interest in products or services referred to in this episode.