Personal Branding: How to Become Obsessed with Yourself - How to Stop Being a Loser

Intro Hi guys, happy Wednesday. This is how to stop being a loser the podcast episode 4. I am going to be posting every single Wednesday consistently so thanks for coming back or welcome. This is your first time listening and I have been talking so much about relationships and dating advice just because I feel like that's been a big theme in my life recently. And I like to talk about things that are organically coming up for me in my life. And that has just been a big theme. So we're going to switch it up today and talk about confidence and really how to start feeling like the best version of yourself. Everything I wish I understood about confidence when I was younger, Things that I've incorporated in my life that make me more confident, Habits, tips, tricks. And then also just my theory because I feel like I see so much advice on confidence and there's so much information on TikTok, podcasts, YouTube about things that will help you, help you feel more confident, build confidence. How to build confidence And I think so much of it is just bullshit. So I want to kind of talk about, and that's just my opinion, but I do want to kind of debunk some of those things based on my personal experience and my perspective. And this is coming from someone who like I, I have this question, I answered this in AQ and a on my YouTube. Actually, someone was like, have you always been this confident? And I said, if you were to ask people who've known me like since I was a kid, since I was a teenager, they would probably say yes because I was not shy and I was always very extroverted. But being extroverted and, and having the ability to be loud and maybe not afraid to speak your mind, that's not confidence. They're 2 completely different things. And I think it was the kind of confidence that when you're younger and maybe more naive, you think is real. You think, oh, my God, that girl is so confident. She, you know, talks so much, and she'll say anything to anybody. And she's got this sort of commanding presence, which really that's just code for. I was obnoxious as hell. Like I was such an obnoxious teenager and like needy for attention and needy for validation. And I think that that just came from a huge sense of insecurity, which obviously is the opposite of confidence. And I think confidence is so often masked as or like people will like a lot of times I think girls, younger girls will mistake narcissistic men for really confident men because you can't tell the difference between overcompensation and confidence. Confidence as it's like as an entity, I think comes in so many different forms, but it's not something that needs to be projected or needs to be displayed or performed. Like you can tell that someone's confident by the way they carry themselves, not by how much attention they're able to command or how much, how accomplished they are, how successful they are. That's not confidence, it's over. That's overcompensation. Like the kind of confidence that is super loud and in your face is a lot of times it's fake. I mean, unless it's accompanied with like real, authentic inner confidence, it's been built from the inside out. And what I mean by that, I use this analogy all the time because I feel like people are so concerned about their confidence purely because they want other people to see them as confident and they want to be accepted by other people. And it turns into this very external thing. Confidence should be an internal thing. Like it's about your relationship with yourself when you're alone, not about how you come off to other people, other people's opinion of you. And really it's, it's kind of hilarious because I feel like most of the time when people are looking up like how to be more confident, it's how to appear more confident, how to seem more confident, how to be more confident, not how to like love myself more and like feel more confident from the inside out. And it's because your concern is other people's opinions of you. And that is a, that question, like that question of what other people think about me and doing things for other people. That's from a place of insecurity, which is the opposite of confidence. So it's kind of antithetical. And you know, those things are, they end up being, it ends up being a paradoxical thing because you're looking to be more confident, but the the ways that you're going about trying to achieve it are counterproductive. You know what I'm saying? Maybe that's a little bit too philosophical, but I really do think that's true. And so I think instead of, oh, So what I was saying is like, I use this example all the time of, you know, so often when we're younger, we want to seem really confident because we want to seem more attractive, because we want to seem more magnetic. We want people to like us. We want to like own the room because it makes us feel good about ourselves in that moment. And you feel validated for a second. And a lot of times it happens in bars or parties or social gatherings, even when you're around other people. And so your thought process is like, I'm going to decide that I'm super confident. I'm going to walk into this bar like I own the place and I'm just going to be like the hottest version of myself and like really turn it on. I think everyone knows what I'm talking about. That is just not going to work because there's nothing behind it that's fake it till you make it and you'll never actually make it because it's fake. Because it's a synthetic performative display that you're putting on that's going to make you feel pretty good in the moment, but there's nothing behind it. There's no foundation there. So it's not actually like a thing. You're just sort of taking what you think is a potential symptom of real confidence or a truly confident person and doing everything you can to project it for a couple hours. Like that's going to make you feel really miserable. Because when you go home that night and you're alone, you're still just as insecure about how you look. You're still just as unhappy with your career. You're still just as unfulfilled with your life. So really, what does that gain you? And so that's why I don't like the advice. Fake it till you make it. I don't like the advice. Oh, well, if you want to be confident, you just need to decide. Just decide, girl, that's not going to work. And I get the philosophy behind it. And I think that there is something to be said about, and I talk all the time about walking into rooms intentionally. It'll like you act like the person you want to become. I think where people get confused is they jump, they don't do any of the work and then they expect the result to be that they feel really confident out in public and that's just not the truth. Real authentic confidence comes from two things. The first thing is a deep understanding of who you are and who you're not and a respect and love for those things like self love and self respect for who you are and who you're not. And getting really clear on that and, and really owning that, That's the first thing. And the second thing is a sense of accomplishment and personal achievement in your life that's going to help you carry conviction. That's what that is. Competence breeds confidence. If you're not a competent person, you won't feel confident because you have nothing to feel confident about. Does it make sense to like, if you want to feel confidence is not just like a trait that you carry around. Like it's a, it's about specific things and it's about building a amalgamation of things within your life, like a, a very comprehensive life full of things that make you feel confident because you know, you know, like someone who's really, really smart, who knows that they're smart and isn't care about it, doesn't need to tell everyone how smart they are. Someone who, and furthermore make other people feel stupid and constantly compare their intelligence to other people. That's the biggest telltale sign of someone that's not actually that doesn't actually believe that they're intelligent and they're probably not because anyone that is saying someone else is stupid is probably not an incredibly intelligent person, in my opinion. But anyways, so things you can do to feel confident. The thing is, who do you think is going to feel more confident? The person that walks into the bar and they're wearing a designer logo on every single thing on their body that they bought with the last of their money that they, you know, they think is going to make them look like they're rich. And they talk about how much money they have and they buy the most expensive drink on the menu and they're just like flaunting. Do you think that person feels confident? Or do you think the person that has spent that week, you know, like, let's say it's a Friday, they've spent the past five days, whatever, consistently putting an effort to improve their financial literacy skills, to save their money, invest in a savings account, learn about investing that's actively working towards a, you know, higher, more long term goal. And they're learning about real estate or they're learning about, you know, whatever it is like actual actually building a foundation to build generational wealth or to build wealth for themselves. But they go in and they're wearing the outfit, the same outfit that they wore last weekend, and they order the cheapest drink. Who do you think feels more confident? Like who? It's it's two. It's, it's option 2. Because if you know, like you really, really know where you're going, you're not gonna be as obsessed with where you are or like you're, it's not gonna bother you as much that you're not there now. Like if you really knew that you were gonna be wealthy, you wouldn't be as concerned with appearing wealthy right now because you were so constantly doing things to improve future you and to improve your future. You know what I'm saying? Like there's such a big difference. A big thing is looks. I'm not ever going to say that your physical appearance doesn't have anything to do with your confidence, because that's bullshit. It absolutely does. And this does not come out of arrogance. But I was, I'm I'm pretty and that's not, it's just is what it is. If you're born pretty, you're born pretty and that's great. Sometimes what happens is people constantly tell you how beautiful you are. It's the first thing they notice about you. It's the first thing they say about you. And then you start to think that that's where all of all of your value lies. And so you start doing everything you can to make sure that that's maintained and that turns into an obsession and then it turns into an insecurity. And it might be your greatest strength. Those kinds of things can happen. And I think it's just about learning the balance between, OK, like this is a good example, actually physical appearance, finding the difference between work and obsession, putting in work into something consistently and being proud of yourself for it and enjoying the work and it being a positive thing. Coming from a place of self love versus obsessing, fixing, covering up, changing because you're actually coming from a, a place of like self hate. They don't seem that different on the surface, but they really, really are like this is and look, do whatever you want. I am not saying never get plastic surgery. I'm not saying never get work done. But I just think this is a good kind of example of things where there's such a clear difference is like, OK, if you are you've decided you wanna improve your physical appearance or maintain your physical appearance. Like do you think, OK, option one is your you decided that you there's a lot of things on your face that you don't like. You don't like a lot of the features on your face. You don't like your skin tone, you don't like this, you don't like this. So you've decided you're going to really, really cake on the makeup and wear a lot of it. Never leave the house without eyelashes. Never leave the house without a full face and makeup on. You're going to over process your hair, you're going to get extensions, even if they're cheap, you don't care. You just want your hair to look bigger. You're, you're, I mean, you know what I'm saying? Like it's this overcompensation of things like focusing on how good you can look with all this other shit, like with the nails, with the tan, having an artificial tan. Let me get veneers. Let me get a but my face filled up with filler to the point where I could survive the Titanic because my face would float to the top. Like, let's get enough Botox so that I don't have a a, you know, an inch of natural facial expressions anymore. And how much can I dye my hair to get to look as different from the way that it does? And all of those things together is the problem. I think there's a big difference between going, well, I feel more confident if I had my lips were a little bit fuller, I think they might go get a little bit of lip filler so that I can feel a little bit more put together without makeup on and not always have to put lip liner on. To me, and this is a personal thing, everyone's different. If it doesn't apply to you, don't take it. I already know people are going to get offended by this, which is insane. You're allowed to do whatever you want with your body. This is just my advice. You can take it or leave it, but that to me is a huge difference from let me go overfill my face. And anyone who says it's different for everyone, it is. But there's such an obvious difference like everyone knows I'm talking about OK, if you have pillow face, if your lips are protruding further than your nose, if your cheekbones look like they could cut glass, if your chin looks like a witch, we have a problem. OK, And if the obsession and all of the focus is on how much makeup can I put on, how good can I get my makeup routine down? How many different things can I do to add on to change things because I hate the way I look now that's different from. I think I'm going to start working out like 5 * a week, four times a week doing workouts that I really love because I know that it's going to help my acne and it's going to help me regulate my hormones. What can I do to regulate my hormones to get my acne inline? Or what can I do to start prioritizing my gut health so that my skin looks better so that I'm less bloated? What can I do to lower my cortisol level so that my hair starts flourishing? What can I do to make sure that I'm always hydrated so that my body looks good and that I'm glowing? What can I do to my skin care routine? Like, can I start getting hydrofacials and doing, you know, these ritualized nighttime skin care routines? Are we doing a Sunday reset routine? Are we elevating our supplement routine? Are we changing our diet? Are we going to start spending time in the sun? Like there's such a big difference to me. And doing everything you can to cover up and hide because you hate the way that you look versus doing everything you can to take really great care of yourself to, to embrace the things that you do have because you love the way that you look. Do you know what I mean? Like get the nose job, get the filler, like work on the makeup routine, but it needs to be from the inside out. None of those things are going to make you look as good as you could. I'm firm believer that most people will never realize how beautiful they could be because they don't take good enough care of themselves. Like, I really do believe that if your stress level's low, if you're getting enough sleep, if you're hydrating yourself, taking care of yourself, if you become obsessed with self-care, the beauty will follow. I'm telling you. And I think that needs to happen before or in tandem with all the other stuff, you know what I'm saying? Also this is coming from someone who my I'm a fake blonde and I have self Tanner on my face 24/7. I will not leave the house without it. I mean I I leave the house without it but I always do that and I've definitely considered getting a nose job before I'd ended up not. But like I I want to get my boobs done. Like I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, I'm just saying I put a lot of effort into loving how I look without makeup on and doing everything I can to maintain like a healthy glow and taking really good care of myself. Like the confidence that you'll get from that is astronomical and the sex appeal that you'll gain from that. Like I think you'll feel the most beautiful when you are taking amazing care of yourself. Like like the hygiene routine. If you actually feel like you have a clean taken care of body and you want to be around other people because you know that you smell good because you're clean, because you're put together like always having your nails cleaned up, having your skin super clear, your hair is clean, like you shaving your legs every day. And it's different for everyone. Like, that might not make you feel, you know, whatever it is, but for me, like a serious shower routine where I get out of the shower feeling like a brand new person, Like my oral hygiene is insane because I always want my mouth to feel clean and I just always want to feel fresh. And you'll actually want to be close to other people and embrace your own body when you're taking really good care of it. And another thing, people get so obsessed with looking pretty. That they forget, I think that sex appeal is so different from that. Like you could be an objectively less attractive, not less attractive, less objectively pretty person and have 10 times more sex appeal than a girl who's prettier than you 1000%. Like it's a, it's a very different, it's how you carry yourself, it's how you speak, it's your movements, it's how you, it's yourself care. But yeah, I'm telling you, like, there are girls I've seen that are really, really pretty girls that are just not nearly as attractive as other women because they've got amazing sex appeal. Like, what's a good example? Lady Gaga is a good example. I think Lady Gaga has amazing sex appeal because of how she carries herself, because of her voice, because of her. Like, she just loves. You can tell she just loves her body. She's super comfortable in her body and the way she moves is super sexy. But I wouldn't say that she's got like a, you know, super, super, like, you know, the top zero 1% pretty face, you know what I mean? So that's something to think about is like you being so obsessed with looking pretty. Sometimes it's not about that. Sometimes it's about knowing that the sexiest you will ever feel is when you feel, I think when you're not trying so hard and you've you've gotten to a place where you love taking care of your body. You love your body, you love your hair, you love your, you know, your lips, you love your boobs. You know what I mean? Like when you really love all those things about you, like, it will show and people will see that and feel that. And that's a very different energy from I look so pretty. Like, yeah, maybe. But you look like a fucking mannequin. And you've got the energy of a brick wall and you look like boring and like you hate yourself. You don't look like you're having a really good time. Like the most attractive you will ever be is when you're not trying to attract anything. Like when you're super present and you're having a good time and you're like, imagine you're sitting at a bar with your girlfriend having the time of your life. The only thing you're thinking about is what's right in front of you. You are having like, a the best conversation. You're laughing, you're having your favorite drink, and you're just like having a ball like that is much sexier and much more attractive, I promise you, than the girl who's sitting in the corner, mute, who's been, you know, sitting there obsessing over how she looks the entire time. I mean, I don't even know why she's there because you, it's, it would be a better environment. And it seems like what you really want to do is just sit in front of your mirror all night. Like, why are you out? You're out so that people can see how pretty you are. And all you're doing is sitting there observing yourself, thinking about how pretty you look and hoping that you look really pretty. Like that's not sexy, it's not attractive. It's just weird. So yeah, your face looks great so you know what I mean? Two different 2 very different things, two very different levels of confidence in those two kinds of women. So something to think about but that's what I mean with competence breeds confidence. Also, your you know you won't. It's going to be harder for you. It's going to get harder and harder for you to feel insecure about the things that you're actively working towards. Like if you are actively doing things to improve your intelligence, to keep yourself educated, if you're reading, if you're doing things to improve your vocabulary, if you're reading articles, you're keeping up with current events, you have, you feel competent enough to have those conversations. You're going to walk into rooms carrying all of that with you, all of that competence with you. And then the confidence comes. You know what I mean? You won't feel the need to prove to everyone how well spoken you are and use a big word that you learned 2 days ago over and over and over again because you think people are going to find it impressive. Like anyway, confidence breeds confidence. That's the, that's the, that's the second part of confidence. The first part, which I guess I did this kind of backwards, is getting a really good understanding of who you are and who you're not. Self definition Self definition, in my opinion, changed my life so, so, so drastically. And this is kind of the process that I took that worked for me that I recommend to people 1st is to accept that you cannot be everything. I mean, I can just kidding. I feel like people that are especially people that are like really multifaceted, like I've always been someone that's just really interested in different things. I love so many different, so many different, How do I say this? Hobbies, aesthetics, countries, cities, kinds of music. So when it comes to self definition and like how would you describe yourself? It's taken me a really long time to be able to define those specific things because I was always pursuing so many different pursuits, so many different avenues of career of interests. Like I did cheerleading, gymnastics, tumbling, I did art, I did fashion, I did acting. I was interested in so many different things, like I majored in sports management. I obviously do social media full time. I love health and Wellness. I'm super interested in science. I want to go to law school. I love cars, like all of these different things. And a lot of people are like that. Human beings are super malleable, super, super multifaceted, dynamic beings. And some of us are much more dynamic than others, of course. But you know, sometimes it's hard realizing that there's only so many hours in a day and there's only. So you got one brain. It's a very capable brain, but you can't be 47 different people. And if you try, you'll end up exhausted and drained. Like the biggest thing I would say is learn to play to your strengths and lean into your strengths. Like if you are someone, that is not to say that these two can't exist at the same time. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying like if you're someone who what you're really good at, you're kind of you're an intense person, you're type A, you're very driven, you're very successful, you kind of intimidate people, people respect you. You're a go getter. You are very like if that's you, you're organized, you're responsible, you're great at time management and you're spending most of your time trying to be really chill, laid back and funny. Why? Why would you do that? The only the answer why you would do that is because you feel like you're not adequate with the traits that you do have. Meanwhile, the people that are super laid back, chill and funny, or are trying to relax a little bit or are naturally more relaxed, or doing everything they can to figure out why they can't be as time management oriented, why they can't achieve as much, why they're not as type A, why they're not as high achievers. Why would you do that when you have a a whole other skill set and this goldmine of traits and gifts and skills to offer? Why would you just stop doing that? Like, I know so many people that if you say like for them to admit I'm really not very creative, I'm really not very goofy or I have a hard time not procrastinating. I have a hard time relaxing or I feel like I'm really not that funny or I feel like I'm really not that sexual. People have a really hard time admitting those things, which I think is bizarre because it makes you so much more interesting. It makes you so much more interesting when you can be like, no, that's not me, Absolutely not, that's not me. I don't like that stuff doesn't work for me. This is really what I'm like so much better. That being said, kind of contradictory. Well, not really, but it might sound contradictory at first. I'm a firm believer that you can be. You can be anything you want to be You can be anything you want to be. And if you really don't like yourself, if you're not someone that you're absolutely obsessed with, change it. Like you can change it. If if you're not happy with yourself, you're not happy with your life, you feel like you're not as happy as you could be. You feel like you're not as confident as you could be. You feel like you want to be more relaxed. You want to be more. This. First of all, the first step is understanding that you wouldn't be able to recognize those traits within someone else if you yourself didn't possess them. You cannot observe or recognize a trait in someone else unless you also have it. I will prove this to you. Everyone knows you've seen someone and you're like, why the fuck would they say that? Why would they do that with their lives? Why do they find that interesting? Why would they wear that? Why do they think that that's a good idea? You don't. You don't understand their sense of humor. It's because you don't have that. Don't have that trait. Don't try to be something that you're not, but understand that if you're able to recognize those traits in other people, it's because you have them. If there's something, this is the difference, OK. I think everyone has a movie character, a book character, a person in their life, an athlete, a celebrity, where they're like, that is the coolest person ever. Like, I think they just inspire you. They light you up. You think they're the coolest. Why? Like, why do you think they're so great? Why do you think they're so cool? Figure out what it is that's making you so enthralled with this person. Write it down. Get really specific. Like is it is it the way that they speak? Is it their mannerisms? What about their mannerisms? Is it they they speak with confidence and they're super assertive. Is it that they're so funny? Is it that they're so slick? Is it that they you know what is it? Is that how they dress? Is it how they whatever? Figure it out. Realize that you, if that's lighting you up, like if that's inspiring you, it's because you, you got to do something like that, like those kinds of feelings where you see things and it really inspires you. That's not like a random thing. That's not something that inspires everyone and inspires you for a reason. And I think it's important to run with it and start leading with those traits. Like if something that you really admire and other people is kindness, softness, femininity, grace and you that really inspires you, like that really does it for you. Start leading with those things more. You know, start being more cognizant of that and being like, how would I handle this if I was being more, if I was going to be kinder, if I was going to be more empathetic, if I was going to be more graceful? That's it. There's a big difference between that and seeing things that you don't understand and trying to to be something for the sake of fitting in, not because it inspires you. If it doesn't inspire you, if it doesn't make you feel good, don't do it. Don't pursue it, don't think about it. That's not you. So I think that's the difference. But yeah, like my whole life, I like, I moved houses 10 times before I turned 16. I didn't grow up with a sense of tradition or structure or religion. I didn't have like I just had no sense of groundedness. I had no stability at all. Like only child moved around a lot. I had no one telling me, like, this is who you are. And I and as I get older and I think as I become a parent, I will absolutely I see so much value in that because it just makes for a much. It accelerates you to be a more carry yourself with more conviction because you have that sense of self definition and it sets you up with a strong foundation of who you are and who you're not. And human beings change all the time and you're a million different things all the time. But knowing like this is my roots, like these are my roots, like I am from the country and I like this is what my family does and this is what we believe. And we do this every Sunday and we do this, you know, we do this on the weekends. And this is the kind of person that I am. These are the kind of people that I surround myself with. This is what I believe. These are the kinds of things that I like. This is the kind of, this is the way I like to dress. This is the way I like to speak those kinds of things or, you know, whatever it is. Having a really strong comprehension of that I think is huge. And I had to build it for myself as I'm sure a lot of people do, although I think few of us get lucky enough to have a really strong sense of orientation like that. I think it's really strong. I'm from Dallas, big city, but still like in the South. And I've always really liked that about the South is like there's a such a strong sense of like roots and structure that I think is is really beneficial. But anyways, I'm getting off topic. So yeah, I had to decide that for myself, which was really challenging, but it also has made me have a strong sense of self love and a stronger maybe sense of self assurity because I literally picked it. Like, how can you not love yourself if you had to kind of customize your own avatar? You know, it was harder and it led me to be really insecure and sort of, I kind of felt like I was drowning. Like I feel like that's kind of what it leads to is you're so lost trying to like trying to kind of tread water with your own identity and to like navigate how, how, how like, how do you react to things? Like how do you behave? How do you, what's your personality like? Like what kind of friend are you? What kind of student are you? What kind of daughter are you? And you don't know those things and you don't have anyone really guiding you. It's like you end up obsessing over it the same way where it's like you're sitting there and observing yourself all the time. So it's, and I mean, I remember always feeling out of my body. I think people can relate to this. Like you're sitting there with a group of people and the only thing you can think about is how you're coming off to these people and you just sit there and obsess over it. And then you're like, well, I feel like I'm not being that fun and so I need to be more fun. So let me be really let me be as fun as possible. And then you end up just being fucking annoying because you're trying so hard. And it's like, who told you that you needed to do that? Like where did you get this concept of like being super fun has all this value? Or I sound kind of dumb right now. Maybe I need to sound smarter. Let me pull out a big word. Who told you that being that having a stronger vocabulary means that you're more intelligent? And why does that have so much value to you? Like, where are you getting this? And I realized that, well, you're getting it from nothing because because you have nothing to base it off of. Like you didn't have anyone to tell you that this is what's valuable. And you know what I'm saying? I really hope this is translating because it's so important and I hope I'm articulating myself well enough for it to hit someone. But yeah, so getting a really strong sense of who you are and who you're not for me, step one, finding someone or something that inspires you, figuring out what it is, specifically leading with those traits, and then just design yourself. Like you do not find yourself. You're either told who you are and then you base it off of that or you create it. I mean, I think there's probably both exists, but you create yourself. You design yourself. If you, I'll just tell you, I've done this so many times, it's hilarious. I've always been obsessed with personality traits, always been obsessed with defining myself. Like my friends that I was, the girls I was friends with in high school, if they're listening to this will actually be laughing their asses off right now because I was so obsessed with it. I couldn't watch a movie or ATV show without being like, this is me and that's you and that's you. Like I just could not. I was obsessed. I mean, I should have been a psychology major actually. Probably not because I would have ended up in a psych ward, but I was just so driven. I had the strongest need to define myself because I didn't know who I was because I didn't have anyone telling me who I was. And it makes me really sad for my younger self because she was just drowning. That being said, I don't think I was that off. I think taking personality quizzes is great, but I also think like you're deciding all of it most of the time, most of the time for most of those things think you you can you really have more control over thing you realize. And I think you tell people who you are not the other way around, which I'll get to in a second, but look, mood boarding, Pinterest boarding, like I just decided, OK, when I look at people that inspire me, it's always women that are super smart. It's always really intelligent women that prioritize their education, that prioritize their brain, that are like tough and still really feminine. Like I always was really, I was always really inspired by women who I was like, you're super feminine. Super. Sexy, like confident, kind, empathetic, patient, but tough and assertive and not dominating, but strong leadership skills. Like I figured out exactly what it was that was really inspiring me and I realized like, OK, well, that's that's me from now on. And it always kind of was, which is funny. But now that I've decided like this is who I am, I'm just not someone who's ever going to be shy. I am not an introvert. I'm just not. I don't need to spend time alone to recharge. I don't, I don't, I just, I'm just not. And it's, there's nothing wrong with being an introvert or being shy. It doesn't have anything to do with confidence. It's just I am an extrovert. I recharge being around other people and I love being around other people. Like me having alone time super, super often is just going to depress me. It just is. I've also learned I'm not really a goofy kind of person. OK, I am hilarious, of course, but I'm hilarious because I'm sarcastic and because I'm quick witted, not because I'm like super goofy and can go do like dumb shit. I just can't do that. I don't get it. I don't, I just don't. It doesn't compete with me. And everyone's got a different sense of humor, but like, I don't have that kind of slapstick humor. I've never understood it. I just don't. No, I have a much more sardonic caddy sense of humor and I'm also not. What else? I'm trying to give examples so hard. I am so good at everything. Oh, there you go. Not always the most humble person. I think my biggest weakness is my overconfidence. I'm definitely an optimist and an idealist, which makes me overly optimistic and overly idealistic and overly overly confident. I kind of tend to think I can do anything and that things will just work out all the time and I'd rather be that. I love that about myself. See, that's the thing. Like that's my biggest weakness because it bites me in the ass the most often. But I do love that about myself. And I love that I'm not super goofy, slapstick, stupid humor. Like I like, I like my sense of humor. I like my sarcastic, sardonic, more witty sense of humor, you know, So that's just an example. But growing up, like in high school, I remember trying so hard to be all those things that that I wasn't sort of naturally inspired by, just because I thought if I was lacking, then that meant that was bad. So I started mood boarding like crazy. I'm feel so strongly about personal branding, the art of personal branding, how it can change your life and why I believe so strongly and act until you become and start with a personal brand. Write down 20 things that you love about yourself. You need to be able to answer basic questions about yourself like if you were a color, what color would you be? If you were to describe your patience level, what would it be? If you were to define yourself in five words, what would it be? What are your strengths and weaknesses? If you were a book character, what book character would you be? What's your perfect Saturday? What's your dream career? What's your dream life? What's your interior design style like? It doesn't have to be these these serious like things like it doesn't always have to be these really deep philosophical questions. I have found so much value in just deciding, you know what my favorite color is? Gold. I feel like sparkly gold really works for me and makes me really happy and I that's going to be my new thing and I love it. There's something about embracing the things that you love wholeheartedly and not being afraid to be like that's the other things are just not me. Like having a signature drink, having a signature thing that you do, a signature hairstyle, a signature style hobby, like those kinds of things that are just fun that you enjoy, that help you define yourself, that help you come back to yourself. Like it's so great too. Because if I ever start feeling lost or like I get off track, I guess, you know, that feeling of just like God, I don't feel like myself. OK, well, you, you know, now you have this amazing brand that you've created and you're not a brand, you're a human being. But you have all these things that you love. You have all of this, this, this personality that you've created that you can always come back to because your personality is not real. It's not real. The brain is neuroplastic, which means that it can change and shift a million different times. It's not something that is just, it's not like a tangible thing. I mean, there are parts of the brain that are responsible for your personality, but they can change, OK? They can change all the time. It's not real. So don't make it this real thing. Like if you're not stuck, if you don't like yourself, if you're not happy, change it. Like, make this list, make this mood board, create this person. It's almost like an author writing a character. You know how authors are always, like, they'll write themselves as a character, but it's always like a fantastical version of themselves? Yeah, that's what we need to do. So you're now the author of your personality. OK, So let's you know, you're stuck with this bitch for forever. So you need to make her really interesting. You need to make her someone that you are obsessed with, that you think is awesome because, yeah, you're stuck with her. And then just aside from now on, everything I do, especially behind closed doors, is going to be in the way that this version of myself would do it. You know, so changed my life, absolutely changed my life. I mean, the way that you feel maybe this is something, this is kind of niche. Well, not really. I mean, OK. Like if you've got a show like you like Game of Thrones or you've read a book or you've gotten into ATV show or even a song and you, I feel like everyone has one that they were just so obsessed with. Like everyone, like so many people are obsessed with Game of Thrones or Harry Potter or fantasy book series. Like the way that you feel. I want you to feel that way about yourself. Like I want your personality to be as interesting as the books that you read or as interesting as the shows that you watch or the you know. And not, not everyone has that. I know not everyone's as imaginative, but I think you should be someone that lights you up. Like I think you should inspire yourself. And I don't know why this isn't taught more because to me that will get you to high higher levels of success. And when I say success, I mean happiness and living the life that you want to live and financial freedom, being surrounded by the people you want to be surrounded by, achieving all of your dreams. How can you achieve your the dreams of the best version of yourself if you haven't defined the best version of yourself yet, You know? So yeah, if you do that, it's going to be very hard to not feel confident. And then you end up like me and you're just an overconfident, arrogant asshole. So beware. What else do I have to say? Yeah. Art of Personal Branding Art of personal branding. So important. Pick something, pick things, pick that you from now on, you're always going to you're always going to order a French 75 because that's your drink and that's what you like. Like, what do you love? Do you love the color red? Do you love? I mean, it could be fucking strawberries, it could be lemons, it could be braids, it could be your car, whatever. And and you know, you post about it all the time, you talk about it all the time. You actively seek out things that are adjacent to your things, like what makes you you like what makes Bella Bella. And of course it's so much deeper than that, but it's fun and it makes you memorable and it makes you more secure. And another thing I want to say about this is like copying. I'm a firm believer you wouldn't give a shit if anyone was copying you if you really were securing yourself because you would see it as flattery. If you can get to a point where OK, I get copied a lot on TikTok. Girls will literally take my videos word for word and remake them and not give me credit. I will repost the video 'cause why do I care? Like how does that affect me at all? The only reason you would do that is because you think it's taking something away from you. It's just not. It's so flattering. Like, I think there's a difference between stalking and fully impersonating you to the point where it's like, OK, this is actually, like, fucking weird. And I'm concerned they're going to do something, But do you know how many? What's the sort of thing? Impersonators. Yeah. Like Ariana Grande has, like, people that have literally designed their entire life around her who've gotten plastic surgery to look just like her. Do you think she's, like, super offended by that? No, she's probably like, wow, like that is a super fan and that's really, I must be doing something right. You know, like that's so flattering that they would, that they think I'm so interesting and they think I'm worth doing this for. That's what she's thinking. And that it's because she's achieved such a high level of success that she knows it doesn't take anything away from her. Someone else's beauty does not take away from your own. Like if you see a woman walk into a bar and you think she's just drop dead gorgeous, her beauty doesn't take away from yours or someone posting the same content as you and making money off of it. That doesn't I don't know, I don't I don't feel like that takes it away from you. And I could I could definitely understand different perspectives on this because it used to really bother me. Like I would get upset because I'd be like, well, that's my thing. Like my roommate Taylor is like I say all the time, we're not even friends. We're like siblings. And people know us as like siblings now because we've lived together for five years. And like, we literally spend holidays together. Like she's my sister. So I used to get really pissed off when she would copy me and I would make little like, passive aggressive comments. I was like, oh, you look like me. Looks like something I would wear. And instead now I'm like, why does that bother me? Like, if you love this thing so much, wouldn't you want everyone to love it with you? Like I love gold, sparkly things, I love horses. I love what are some of my little signature things? Dirty martini, champagne braids, blonde, What else? Fireworks. I don't know. Just like I'm just thinking of things that are like on my mood board and I would get really offended when other people would do those things. It's like you don't own the color gold, like you don't own or the color red or whatever. It is my signature thing. But trust me, with the amount that I have like embraced it, people know. And like I know like I know my signature things. Like I know who I am and what makes me mean and the things that I love and I know that embracing them makes me really happy. So why wouldn't I want everyone to do that? Something to think about because I noticed that that happens a lot and like younger girls especially like or I mean, I have always been really good about this. Like instead of being like they're copying me. If they wear the same outfit as you, like no, you're like twinning, you're matching. It's adorable. I love going out matching. Like do you know how much stronger it is when you're like like you got to see it as a good thing? Like if you have a friend or like a sister and you guys are super similar, Like that just makes both of you way more interesting. It just makes both of you way cooler if someone copies you or you copy them. But you guys are doing it in a way where it's like we're not copying each other. Like we're matching, like we're twinning or we're like, that is that makes you so much more. That's a huge testament to your confidence as an individual and how good of a friend you are. Honestly, it makes you a much better friend and it makes you guys so much more interesting because there's two of you. My twins are so cool. So yeah, something to think about. Also, I touched on this earlier, but I want to go back to it. You tell people who you are, not the other way around. I do believe I'm not contradicting myself. Let me explain. I do believe that people will see you how they want to see you, and they will perceive you in the way some people will perceive you in the way that serves them best. Probably the wrong kinds of people to hang out with, but that's a whole other topic. But you're very transparent and people are really good bullshit detectors. Human beings are really good bullshit detectors. Men are actually very good at this as they get older. And I think that you why I say that is that you don't need to. If you just are something, it will show. It will be glaringly obvious if you just are smart. People can see that. You don't need to tell people how smart you are. Show people how smart you are. It will be obvious if it's real, if it's real, if you're really learning out, if you're really learning and educating yourself and prioritizing your, your intellect and maintaining your creativity in your intellectual curiosity. If you're really maintaining that behind closed doors, it will show. People will know they're real. Your people are so easy to read. You don't even realize how much people know about you and how transparent you are. So that's why it's so important to just let things be and let things speak for themselves like your energy, the way that you speak, the way that you carry yourself. It will show for it will show on its own. And most of the time if it's on the mood board, it's going to show like if it's on the mood board, and I know that sounds crazy, but it's just, it's true. Like you, the brain will expect what you feed it most. And there are mirror neurons in your brain that the more you put in front of it, that's what it's going to reflect. You're a mirror of everything that you feed yourself. So you feed yourself something, you're going to reflect it. If you're constantly feeding yourself bullshit, negative self talk and depressing thoughts and sad things, that's what's going to reflect off of you. And unless the person is blind, they're going to be able to see that. So what you need to focus on is the other part of the mirror, which is what you're feeding it. Instead of focusing on so much on what is being reflected, it's a lot easier to what's a good analogy here? It's we could say it's a lot easier to change the painting than to try and change how other people perceive it. Does that make sense? Was that a good one? I feel like that makes sense. You know what I'm saying? Actually change. Change it instead of trying so hard to change how people perceive it. That's the goal. Change it for you and find the motivation within yourself. You know what I'm saying? OK, we're at about an hour, so I'm probably going to cut this, but that's kind of everything I have to say about personal branding, confidence, how to become someone that you're obsessed with. You are who you surround yourself with Wait, no, I'm going to say one more thing. This is a whole other topic, but let me tell you, you are who you surround yourself with and this is going to often, if you're not with the right people, when you start doing this, when you start really becoming the version of yourself that you love the most, you, you know, people might not want to be around that. A lot of times people just want to be around people that make them feel better about themselves. And if you make them feel insecure because they think that you're better than them, because you're doing better, because they're insecure, you might, you know, God might take those people out and replace them with people that are going to support you in this. And I think it's important to be around people that lift you up and support you and contribute to how much you love yourself. And that will kind of happen naturally. But just a little warning because I have experienced that. OK, last little tidbit. Thanks so much for listening. Please subscribe or this is not YouTube. I always say subscribe please follow Spotify. I'm also on sub stack YouTube, TikTok, Instagram. Everything will be linked and I will see you guys next Wednesday. Bye.