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Speaker 2Do you ever wonder why two people can go through the exact same event in recovery, the exact same trauma, and one grows from it while the other one relapses? Why is that? Same situation, different outcome. Or even at a different point in time, different point in your life, you can go through something more tragic, more difficult than you did a different time when you relapsed and stay sober through it this time. What's changed? Why? Well, today we're going to talk about one of my favorite things recently to talk about, which is perception. Everything is perception. In life, in recovery, it's the way I look at things. I have a distorted view. I'm looking at things through glasses that are up. Upside down, backwards, green, yellow, anger, sadness, shame, whatever the mood of the day is. And that's what we're going to talk about today. Recovery isn't just about stopping substances. It's about how we interpret life, the filter by which the outside world comes in and how we interpret it. Our perception determines our emotional reactions, our decisions, whether something feels like a setback or a lesson. And here's a hint for you. If you focus on the outside world, you're not going to be able to do that. lessons learned, you'll never fail. You can't fail because everything is a growing opportunity. Everything is a lesson. Easy to sit here and talk about, way more difficult to conceptualize. And when you're actually in it to go through it and see it like that. Early recovery feels brutal because our deception is completely distorted still. Not because life suddenly got worse, but because you took away my medicine, my drugs, my alcohol, people, places, things, whatever. If everything feels harder while you're sober or more boring, it might not be reality. It might just be the lens that you're looking through. But for real guys, this one is a game changer for me especially because the more I focus on how I'm viewing things and that maybe I'm wrong and first thought wrong, the more I live like that, the happier I am in recovery. The easier it is to get through situations which used to baffle me and now I can take them back. I can take them back, I can take them with Zen, with ease, let it roll off my shoulders. And that doesn't mean that it's not hard. It just means that it's not ruining my life anymore and determining my decisions and my outcomes. So addiction versus recovery perception. Addiction narrows perception. Everything becomes personal. Everything feels urgent right here, right now. Everything feels unfair. It's happening to me, right? We're getting self-involved. The addicted mind interprets discomfort as danger, emotions as emergencies, and delays as denial. For example, somebody doesn't text you back. I'm terrible at this by the way. Sorry to everybody who's listening. I'm so bad at texting back. I answer in my mind before I actually answer on my phone and then I never end up answering on my phone at all. In saying that, I just remembered I had to text one of my friends back after this podcast. Hopefully I remember. If somebody doesn't text back, my perception might be they don't care about me. If I feel anxious, my perception, the story I spin. Again, remember, we're movie projectors projecting our movies onto the screen around life. My version of the truth is constantly being projected onto the screen. I feel anxious, turns into in my brain, something must be wrong. I'm failing. I'm a failure. I'm uncomfortable, turns into I need relief now. This is never going to end. I need to get out of it. And that's why we go and pick up when we don't check that. So the recovery shift is recovery. You don't get sober and then discomfort gets removed. I'm sure a lot of you know that by now. If anything, it gets harder, it gets louder. The voices, the anxiety, everything gets turned up because you took away my medicine, my solution. My liquor, drugs, alcohol was but a symptom of my disease. My disease is me. I'm wrapped in self all the damn time. I need to get out of self. I'm wrapped in everything is happening to me. I'm the center of the universe. When the bus is late, he personally attacked me and ruined my day. It's all about me. I'm the center of the universe. When the bus is late, he personally attacked me and ruined my day. It's all about me. So recovery doesn't remove discomfort. It reinterprets it. Discomfort becomes information, growth, and evidence you're doing something new. So when I go out into the world and I was at the Raptors game last night and there was this guy that was coming from the floor of the court, clearly had a lot of money, wearing super expensive designer clothes. And he just had that face, that look, like he hated everybody. I don't know. This is the story I spin up in my head, right? Judging people. For you, it might be a little different. But he walks right in front of me and doesn't even say sorry. Nothing. Just completely ignores me and cuts me off walking to the bathroom I believe we're going to. In recovery, so in addiction, I see that and it sits in my head. If I don't do get punched out or get into a fight, get kicked out of the Raptors game in active addiction. If I let it go, which is not often in addiction, I usually act and do stupid things. If I let that go in addiction, it's in my head all night. And I'm festering this resentment about how this guy's a piece of shit and he wronged me. And I'm going to say this to him and he's going to say that. And then I'm going to embarrass him in front of his girlfriend or wife. And this is how it's going to go. And I'm planning and plotting and I'm stuck in self when I could just burning energy foolishly, when I could be of service to somebody else or just present with my family. Anyways, that's how it's going to go. Anyways, that didn't happen last night because I've been practicing mindfulness. I know how my brain works. I start to get these thoughts and I noticed them. And so the recovery lens is, well, there's that discomfort. I really hate this guy right now. What is that about? I should probably check that. You know what? He seems like a nice guy. I don't even know him. I love him. These are the new thoughts that I'm replacing with, right? We can't just remove behaviors and we have to replace them. It's addition, subtraction by addition. We are adding new behaviors, new plans, new formulas, new routines, methods that we are learning, and we are implementing them into practice. But you have to practice it. You can't just turn the switch on and then you become spiritual and you're helping everybody every day. It's a practice, repetitions. So the key line of this is the problem isn't the pain. Pain is inevitable. The problem is the suffering, the meaning that we attach to pain. Pain times, resistance equals suffering. Okay. Think about that for a second. Pain is coming in. Pain is inevitable. Suffering is optional. Pain times resistance. So my inability to let it go, my fight equals suffering. You decide how much you suffer. What a beautiful thing. Recovery is fucking amazing. Again, it takes practice. So we're going to talk about emotional sobriety again quickly. Perceptual maturity. Emotional sobriety equals perceptual maturity. Meaning I'm an adult. I'm mature in my perception. I am not taking everything personally. I'm actually trying to take nothing personally. And I'm going to try and understand that person's situation. Maybe he had a rough day. Maybe he's driving to his wife to see his wife in the hospital. And that's why he's racing around. I'm not sure. Emotional sobriety is the ability to experience feelings without believing the story you're telling. Stop believing the lies in your head. We are reprogramming in recovery, right? We're reprogramming. We're unlearning. We're discovering. We're uncovering, discovering and discarding old ideas. Chuck C, new pair of glasses. Recovery is giving me a new pair of glasses. I don't have to flip out on life anymore and see things negatively. I can see the good in people, places and things. I can see the God in people, places and things. Feelings are real. Conclusions are optional. Love that. Feelings are real, but they are not reality. Conclusions are optional. Stop spinning stories in your head, Anthony. So feeling lonely doesn't equal I'm unlovable. Feeling anxious doesn't equal I'm unsafe. Feeling bored does not equal life is meaningless. That is essential in recovery. Just because you are bored does not mean it'll last forever, one. And two, that your life has no meaning now. You're just at a stage, a season in your life that has fear in it. Boredom is fear. I haven't found my passion yet, or I'm not getting excited about things because I'm used to dopamine level being on 10,000. Just stick it out. This too shall pass, friend. Emotions are weather, not facts. They're passing through like trains at a train station. Recovery teaches us to observe instead of react. So just be an observer, observer of. Consciousness, thoughts, sounds, actions, people, places, things. Just because something feels true doesn't mean it is. Question your emotions, your thoughts. What is this about? Why is this happening now? Where did that come from? It works. Perception creates triggers. So triggers aren't events. Triggers are interpretation of events, memories. A bad day isn't a trigger. The thought, I can't handle this, is a trigger. I'm not going to, This is never going to end. So the event turns into a thought, turns into a feeling, turns into an urge and then into an action. Consequence, event, not consequence, circumstance or event. Same thing. Something is happening. Then there's a thought. Oh, poor me. I can't believe this is happening right now. That guy just cut me off. What a dick. There's a feeling. I hate him. I'm angry. I am scared. I am anxious. Then there's an urge. I don't like this feeling. I want to escape it. And then there's an action. I can go and tell the guy to fuck off or I can leave it alone and let it go. Or I can go pick up drugs and alcohol. You decide. Most people try to control the urge. This is the problem. When we try to force it away or push it away instead of just riding it, urge surfing. Recovery teaches you to question the thought. What story? So I want you to ask yourself a question. If, think of something you're, you're dwindling about. You are, that's the wrong word again. Think of something you are ruminating about in your mind that keeps coming up. Whether it's a fear, an anxiety, a resentment towards somebody. Think about it. What, and ask yourself this question when it comes up. What story am I telling myself right now? About recovery, about life, about my boyfriend, girlfriend, my boss. What story am I telling me? Is this true? And what story am I telling myself? And then bounce it off somebody. I'm very good at justifying my own truth in quotations. When perception changes, cravings lose authority. Victim perception versus responsibility perception. Ooh, love this. Let's talk about being a victim. Any victims out there? Former victims? No. Same. I was never a victim. Everything is happening for me. It's, they're doing it to me. Victim. Let's be honest and careful here. Victim perception sounds like this shouldn't be happening. Shouldn't. If you use the word should, or shouldn't in recovery, run. No, I'm kidding. Notice that. Those are dangerous words. I should be here. I shouldn't be here. I should be this, this way. Expectations. Smash that. If they changed, I'd be okay. If my husband just cleaned up after himself, I'd be okay. If I had the car, I'd be okay. If I lived in a better house, I'd be okay. If they would stop doing this, I'd be okay. I can't stay sober because of blank. I'd be sober if it wasn't for my damn husband who's drinking all the time around me. What's your part? Maybe you shouldn't stay there if he doesn't stop drinking around you and you've asked him several times. I don't know. What is your part? Responsibility perception sounds, this is happening. Now what? What's my role here? Boom. What is my role? What's my part? Where am I to blame? Nobody likes that word blame, but I don't, you know, whatever. What's the next right action here? Responsibility does not equal blame. Responsibility equals power, freedom. The moment I stop asking why me and start asking why, what now? Recovery begins. So move from why me to what now? Acceptance is the answer to all of my problems today. Daily practices that shift perception. So we're getting into the practical stuff here. Practical tools, pause and label. I'm feeling anxious versus something is wrong. Two, separate facts from meaning. What actually happened? What meaning did I add? What story did I tell myself here? Three, delay interpretation. Don't decide what something means in an emotional state. Don't make any decisions in an emotional state. Delay. Four, ask better questions. What else could this mean? Be curious, not judgmental here. Very important. Walt Whitman, great quote. Be curious, not judgmental. What else could this mean? And how would a grounded version of me see this? How would a grounded version of me see this? So pause and label, separate facts from meaning, delay interpretation, ask better questions. These are nervous system regulation tools, not mindset hacks, okay? Long-term recovery perspective. Early recovery perspective is raw, loud, and dramatic, right? The sky is falling in early recovery. All my problems seem like the worst problems any human has ever had. That's you spinning a story. We in recovery and as spiritual beings do not have problems today. We have a bad perception. We are so clouded. I am so clouded. I'll speak for myself. I am so clouded by poor me. This is the worst day of my life. I'm never going to get out of this. The stress and suffering I put around said circumstance that I have no mental bandwidth to solve the problem. None at all. I am so wrapped up in self that I will never get out of the problem and solve the problem because I'm so concerned with how to solve the problem right now. I'm so concerned with poor me and I'm going to die and this is the worst day ever. I'm never going to get out of this. Stop spinning the story in your head. Ask for help through your higher power. What I do is I think of it like going into a movie. When I go into a movie, I leave my problem at the door. I watch the movie and I come back and I left the problem with the universe. God, whatever you want to call it. Higher power. Hold on to this God, higher power universe while I go and watch this movie. I'll come check with you when I'm back. You go spend two hours in the movie theater. You come back with a different perception. Now the answer to solve the problem comes. It works. Trust me. Peace is not found by controlling life. It's found by changing how we interpret it. Put on a new pair of glasses. You don't have to change your whole life today. You don't have to solve all your problems today. In fact, you don't have to solve any problem right here, right now. You just have to question one story your mind is telling you. Just one story. What am I spinning here? What am I projecting onto the screen? What movie am I projecting today? Recovery isn't about seeing life as positive. It's about seeing life as accurate. Removing the foggy lens. Turning the glasses the other way around. Accuracy brings freedom and peace. Peace of mind. Thank you for listening today. If this episode resonated with you, sit and question today, is this reality or is this just my perception? Please like, subscribe, follow the podcast. I love you all. Send me a message on Instagram. Have a wonderful day of if no one's told you this yet, I love you.
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