People Share Their Most Embarrassing Mistakes

From the studio that brought you WandaVision. I was an Avenger, but I'm not a hero anymore. The Vision returns for the final chapter of the groundbreaking trilogy. That family wasn't real. You sure about that? I had a father called Vision. How is this possible? Don't miss the two-episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Nothing bonds a family together quite like Mortal Jeopardy. Now streaming only on Disney+. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Today, we're finding out people's most embarrassing mistakes. They're mistakes. We all make them. Not me, but other people. Let's go. Once texted my husband, my nipples are as hard as diamonds and vibrate with desire for your fat sausage fingers. What the fuck? That's such a crazy way to sext your husband. My nipples are vibrating with desire for your fat sausage fingers. Am I going to be like, whoa, can we just say, fingers? Except I sent it to my father-in-law instead. No. And her father-in-law simply responded, my fingers aren't fat. I think you got to get out of the family after this. Like, I mean, the text alone is like hilarious. My nipples are as hard as diamonds and they vibrate with desire for your fat sausage fingers. The fact that the father-in-law saw that is just outrageous, dude. He's probably like, what is your? Wife sending you on a day-to-day. This is insane. Christmas is going to be weird. Was on a date and it was going so well, I didn't realize the dessert she ordered was made with almonds. After a bunch of bites, my throat closed. I was gasping for air and I had to hand her my EpiPen to stab me. The next day she texted me and said the whole incident was a bit of an ick and she'd never be able to unsee me gasping for air and begging for help. Women have gone too far officially with the icks, okay? Like, I get it, dude. You know, the famous ones. It's like a guy jumping into a pool holding his nose or a guy chasing a ping pong ball. This guy is on his last breath. He's dying from an almond and you have to stab him with an EpiPen and you're going like, ooh, that wasn't cool. Ooh, you dying and gasping for air was kind of cringe in this restaurant. There's a line if you've crossed it now, okay? Like, if I almost died in a restaurant, you saved my life. First of all, that's like a love story right there, okay? That's an awesome movie or whatever. That's a really nice meet-cute that you could tell people one day. But you're going to spoil that by at the end of it being like, ooh. It was an ick, though, when you were like, ooh, trying to breathe. I just didn't love that you have allergies. It's kind of like, ugh, I don't like it. We've gone too far, all right? I'm all on board for having icks and they're funny, but if I'm dying, if I'm gasping for air and me dying is turning you off, I have to be turning you on even in my last breath. Give me a break here. Stab me and then give me like an hour and I'll get back to being cool, all right? Just keep the fucking almonds away from me. My parents were staying over because I had just had my second child. I was in the kitchen doing something, tired as hell, and my dad, who was making coffee, asked, is this regular milk? I just said, yeah, without looking. He was halfway through his coffee when I realized he had used the milk from the mason jar. It was my breast milk. Ooh. I broke the news to him and he was angry and disgusted. Eventually, he was able to laugh. He was able to laugh about it and said, crazy thing is that was a damn good cup of coffee. I don't like, I don't like that response. You know what I mean? Like, I think that him being angry and disgusted is probably too far. Like, it was a mistake and it's not disgusting. Like, it's breast milk and it's your daughter's breast milk. Maybe it is disgusting. Never mind. Maybe it is kind of gross. Also, what the fuck is with your dad? What year does he think it is that you go to the fridge and there's just a random mason jar of milk? Like, my guy, these are coming in plastic gallons now. Or the foldable fucking, the origami ones where you gotta open up and you can pour it out. Like, this is milk. You know this is milk. In what land would I just have an unmarked mason jar filled with milk? This isn't like Little House on the Prairie. This is a society. This is kind of on you. You know that there's a, you know, milk-filled breasts around the house. You have to be able to deduce. It's the breast milk. Was finally hooking up with the girl I was seeing. Things were getting hot and heavy in her apartment and I was super excited. Uh, you know where this goes. She whispered, slap my ass. Yeah! She whispered, slap my ass into my ear and for some dumb reason I pinched her ass instead of slapping it. She let out a yell and pushed me away. Safe to say nothing else happened that night or ever. Or ever. Um, I think that's an overreaction. Personally. A slap and a pinch, although different. Have a similar ending. If you're asking for a slap or if you're asking for a pinch, you want the hurt. You know, you kind of want it to hurt. I want it to sting a little. Like a slap is more, you know, a pinch like has no place in the bedroom. Um, maybe that's not true because you can pinch a nipple, but you don't pinch butts. And that's different. But I don't think that like that's too far from, you know what I mean? Like if I'm slapping and I pinch, whoops. Give me one mulligan. Even the professional golfers hit it into the woods every once in a while. You said slap. I'm excited. I threw a pinch because we're close to St. Patrick's day. Like I just confused. Give me a second. I will say, I think again, this is an overreaction. She's like slap my ass. And you went for a little playful pinch and she was just trying to imagine her being like, what the fuck was that? Like, that feels like a heavy reaction. You should have immediately started spamming the slap, hoping that you forgot about that. From the studio that brought you WandaVision, I was an Avenger. I'm not a hero anymore. You sure about that? Don't miss the two episode premiere of Marvel Television's Vision Quest. Pinch honestly. Like, no, no, I meant this. I meant this. I don't know, but. It's embarrassing. I mean, I've had, I've said the wrong thing. We've all said the wrong thing during a hot and heavy moment like this. You know, one time I said, I want to ride you, which is not what I wanted to say at all. And it was just kind of like a beat. We took a beat and we're like, that was incorrect. And I was like, yes, it was. And then we continued. Sometimes you just got to take a beat. You know, we're all in there. We're kind of going crazy. It's an exciting moment. I'm going to fumble the lines or I'm going to not do the right thing with my hand. So just give me a second. We'll take a beat and be like, incorrect. That was wrong. Let's move forward. Not this. You don't push them off and say, get the hell away from me forever. I was on a first date and it was going really well. She was a dancer. So I made a joke about having some moves myself. At the next street lamp we passed, I did a little singing in the rain move and swung myself around the pole. Unfortunately, I swung way too hard, propelled my body like a slingshot into the street and got hit by a car. You know what? I take back the original one that we did. About the guy gasping for air and not being an ick. This is an ick. Okay. If you're trying to be like singing in the rain and you get hit by a taxi, I'm going to be like, ugh, brother. How, what did you think was going to happen if you swung your body that hard that you swung out into the street, dude? What are you doing? This is parkour. This is no longer a dance move. You're trying to scale this thing like a cat. You swung into the street and got hit by a car. That is awesome. And also embarrassing. That is the most embarrassing thing. And I could definitely see, I could definitely see a girl just being like, I'm going to make sure you're okay, but ooh, can't get over the sight of you getting hit by a car. All right. Before we get to the rest of this video, we do have some sponsors. The first one being Prize Picks. Prize Picks is a fun little game that you could play this NFL season on Sundays. All you're doing right now is creating these lineups, two to six. Parts of a lineup. And all you're doing is picking against a projection, the Prize Picks projection, more or less. So is Patrick Mahomes going to throw more or less than 205 passing yards or something like that? Is Travis Kelsey, who's having a resurgence, is Travis Kelsey going to have more or less than three and a half catches? Something like that. 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You can save 10% off your next set of tickets with the promo code Joe2026. So go download SeatGeek. Pick out a nice event to go to. Save 10% on your tickets with that promo code Joe2026. And enjoy. Was leading a meeting at work with a bunch of high up management people and was sharing my screen. Oh, please don't tell me. I had to visit a site called ProHub to log in. Stop! Dude, I'd be pressing the buttons like how my dad texts. I had to visit a site called ProHub to log in and show data reports by instinctively typed in PornHub. The site flashed on the screen and I immediately clicked out. I know they all saw, but nobody said anything. I mean, that's good. You know, people had to have known that like, hey man, I could have made that. I mean, a lot of these people are probably hit the P on their keyboard and like it's coming up anyway. Not a lot of people are taking care of that. Search history. ProHub is an insane thing to name your company, especially when you know that PornHub's right there. Like you're just setting someone up in a professional setting for failure. You can't have that. But it being flashed on the screen, immediately clicking out, it would be hard enough for me to lose my mind laughing if that happened to me. But no one said anything. You're kind of in the clear here. Went to a bar with friends and ended up sitting next to a guy at a bar and talking to him the whole night. My friends left. His friends left. We stayed. We had at least five or six drinks. Deep and feeling it. And I said to him, what if I lean over and kiss you right now? Ooh. Smooth. He said, I'd let you. I don't love that. That's how bad dudes are, dude. What if I leaned in right now and kissed you? And he just goes, I would consent to that. I'd let you do it. Say something else. Mind you, we're on one of those tall bar stools. No, no. So I started talking to him. I started talking to him. I started leaning over hard to kiss him, and the stool completely falls sideways. I fall into him and knock him off his stool. He knocks over the girl that was sitting next to him. It was like a line of falling dominoes at the bar. My most embarrassing moment ever. I mean, it's kind of cool. I will say, this is not as bad if it's the girl leaning in and falling down. If the guy was leaning in for a kiss and he fell down, and then everyone at the bar started falling down, you're never coming back from that. All right? It's a great story. It's a great story, but you're never coming back from that. But a girl, you can kind of like, you know, unfortunately, there is a double standard there. You know, she could be like, ah, you know, it's kind of quirky of like, whatever. I mean, I'm never letting that go. You know, like, I once dated a girl that the first time she came over to my house, she fell down my stairs. She fell down my stairs. She was okay, but I never let that go. I was just like, remember when you fell down my stairs? Like, that was crazy. He almost died. You're saying it's kind of an ick that the guy fell, even though the girl fell into him and pushed him over? Craig's like, don't fall. It's like, imagine she gets an ick about that. She's like, yeah, I get it. I fell, and like, I did a thing, but you should be like, strong and not moved. An immovable force. Like, that's how I like my men, but you fell over and knocked over a girl. Yeah, no, that's awesome. Five or six drinks will do that to you. Definitely lose your balance. The bar, you know, the floors get slippery. Some bar stools are just not built for it. They're not built for leaning. All right? You got to be careful out there. Submitted my Johnny Depp fan fiction story instead of an essay to my professor. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Didn't realize until the next morning. In the first paragraph, I have him dripping hot candle wax onto his balls. Hey. You got to get a separate computer, dude. Or like an iPad. You can't be doing this in the same fucking place that you're doing chemistry. First paragraph, I have him dripping hot candle wax onto his balls. I told my professor that my friends pranked me by switching out my paper, but I don't think she believed me. I would have probably said the same type of thing. There's no way I'm owning up to Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp dripping wax on his nuts in the first paragraph of a fan fiction. There's no possible way because I can only imagine what the second or third paragraph have if that's what we're leading with. Because if you're a writer, which you clearly are, I mean, you're no stranger to details here. It's got to lead somewhere. You start off hot, you take people on a journey, and then there's the big finish. I can only imagine what that is. And if the professor got that far, it is what it is. But I mean, I would probably go with this too. Of being like, hey, my friends, they're scumbags. They wrote out this whole fan fiction, this whole fan fic of Johnny Depp, who you know I love. And they wrote a very detailed essay that's five pages as a joke and then submitted it. That's what happened. Not really believable, but it's the best you could do. And I'd never change your story. I was at a kid's birthday for my daughter's friend. I didn't really know any of the parents and thought it would be a funny icebreaker if I went down the slip and slide on the lawn. I launched myself a little hard and went flying. I ended up with my shorts around my ankles thonged out. Embarrassing butterfly tattoo on my lower back on display for all the kids to see. This is a woman who did that? Unless it's a dude with his thong out. I think it's a woman. Shorts, thong, butterfly tattoo. I'm so confused at the outfit. What is the outfit? So she wasn't in a bathing suit? It was just like, I got jean shorts on, and I'm just going to send it down the slip and slide? This is insane behavior. I was thinking that it was a guy. When I heard shorts, like, yo, you're bathing suit shorts. But then Greg's like, no, she was just wearing shorts and her thong's out. So I'm like, now you're just wearing a normal outfit sliding down a slip and slide. Most people, you know, get a little socially awkward and they're like, I'm going to go strike up a conversation with someone or I'm going to take out my phone and look at the weather app or do something like that. You're like, I'm just going to fucking send it on the slide. Your whole ass and butterfly is out. Yeah, I mean, that's tough. I would say that a good rule of thumb is that if you're at it. If it's your kid's birthday, don't partake in any of the children's stuff. Because I've made the mistake of getting into a bounce house with a bunch of kids and not realizing that I don't weigh with these children raised. So when I hit the bottom of this thing, I am sending children to hell. They're bouncing off the fucking roof. I almost killed like three kids in one shot. The kids are, you know how children have like big heads compared to their body? They're smashing their heads into each other. Like, you can't partake in these things. And a slip and slide is not for anyone over the age of 20, I would say. Last one here. Didn't understand how those dumb Instagram instant things worked and uploaded 16 photos of my pants around my ankles while I was shitting and didn't realize it until my wife called me. Dude. I feel like no one really understands that feature. And I'll go on record and say, it fucking sucks. I have never seen one of those that I'm like, this is interesting. It's horrible. And it's usually people just posting like photos like. Accidentally. And there's like five of them. So this is not, you know, you're not alone here. Hopefully you didn't like catch a fucking, you know, the tip in one of those things. That would be super embarrassing. But yeah, no, we got to get rid of this feature. I don't like it. It sucks. Also, all the people on your Instagram now have 16 photos of you. We're like, oh, great. Now we know Jerry's taking a dump right now. We instantly know he's taking a shit. That's pretty embarrassing. Yeah, that's tough. I don't know, man. Life is embarrassing. This is what makes life fun, though. You know, when you have those moments of like, ooh, that was not good. I don't like that at all. But it makes for a good story. And it goes right on Reddit. And now you're in the video. Love it. But there you have it, folks. Don't forget to subscribe. And I'll see you next time. I was an Avenger. But I'm not a hero anymore. It's like I'm losing my. You sure about that? Now streaming only on Disney+.