People Share The Biggest Lies They Live With

Have you ever wondered how movements start? I'm Ashley C. Ford, host of Into the Mix, a Ben & Jerry's podcast about joy and justice. This season, we're talking to unexpected progressive heroes who found purpose in unexpected places. People like Marley Diaz, making sure every kid sees themselves in books. Kyle Mesteth, a native skateboarder building a movement for kids nationwide. Joy Aladakun, whose music moves from protests to daily commutes. Find out how they started something bigger than themselves and listen wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back, ladies and gentlemen. Today, we are gonna find out some of the biggest lies that people live with. I don't even know what that means. It sounds very serious, but I heard some of them are funny. Let's go. My husband has no idea that I still visit my ex for foot massages. It's strictly platonic. What? I don't know that you can really say that. I wouldn't say that secretly visiting your ex, we could stop there. And then you're adding in the dessert of this whole thing with foot massages. This isn't platonic, and you know it. That's why you're doing it sneakily. My ex respects my marriage, and neither of us have ever made a move on each other. He simply gives the best foot massages I have ever received, and we sort of just made a sneaky agreement to continue letting him give me them. It only happens once a month or so. Sometimes months go by. We catch up on life, and he rubs my feet. That's it. That's cheating. I feel like this is, come on, what are we doing here? Like, if you're sneakily doing things behind your husband's back because you know subconsciously that it will upset him, this is bad. Maybe it's not cheating by the, you know, but I, this would be a devastating piece of news to hear. It's just a foot rub. He just gives the best ones. I mean, do you need it that bad? Like, what are we doing here? Greg is asking if it's breakup territory, and I don't even, I don't know. I would have to be in the situation, but it wouldn't surprise me. I think more than anything, it's not necessarily about the situation. It is the fact that you're willing to lie to me to go to your ex to get your foot rubbed. Like, that's an intimate thing no matter what. He's rubbing a part of your body. Like, let's be serious here. And you're willing to share a secret with someone who isn't me. That would kind of be devastating to me if you're going to do that. So, yes, I think that we are definitely entering breakup territory. I don't think that you should continue doing this. I also think that maybe you should come clean about it. Honestly. My son's biological mother passed away when he was just two months old. I ended up marrying my husband, my son's biological dad, when my son was just nine months old. Quick turnaround for him. I know, but it's a long story. Please don't judge. Anyway, we made the choice as parents to hide all the baby photos with his biological mom and tell him I'm his real mom. We don't really have a big family, so everyone is on board with the lie. He's four now, and we just wanted him to be able to grow up without having to learn his real mom died. I'm starting to regret it the older he gets, but I also fear telling him. Oh, man. I'm Ashley C. Joy Aladakun, whose music moves from protests to daily commute. So, uh, I will throw you a bone here. This child is very young. The child is four. I get not wanting to, to tell a two-year-old your mom's dead. I get that. However, erasing the memory of a woman who gave birth to this child is evil. We should not be doing that. Like, I get it. I mean, a one-year-old can't conceptualize death. A two-year-old, not either. Four, we're getting warm here. And, uh, yet personally, I don't think this is the right move. I think that although, this is a very difficult thing for a child to go through, I just, I just don't think that the mother should be erased from the memory at all. And I definitely don't think that this is something that should last forever. Like, if this was like, hey, we're not going to tell a fucking two-year-old that his mom died, but eventually when, you know, they're at the age where they can kind of like understand a little bit better, we're going to explain this and we're going to make sure that the mother who passed away is part of this child's life and they know the truth about, but trying to like the erasure of a, of my actual mother is kind of fucked up here. Not even kind of fucked up. It's fucked up. All right. We should definitely not be doing this, but the fact that the child is four, I guess, I don't know. I can't remember what my nephew was like at four years old. I think they're pretty cognizant of things. Iris is four. Iris is definitely, Greg's daughter is four years old and she wants to fucking start a podcast with me. So she's definitely able to conceptualize. So yeah, I think that the child may be this, this, should be something that you definitely, you got to come clean about this. You can't just, you can't just do that. That's messed up. The husband willing to do this, by the way, outrageous, outrageous. I have to subscribe to the fake it till you make it mentality, but I can now admit it's gotten me into some trouble. I thought by now I would have earned a lot more. I drive a G wagon, have multiple luxury watches and pay $8,000 in rent. I'm known as a rich guy in my friend group and I treat people to dinners and cover vacations. There was a point where I was doing really well, but in the past two years, I have far outspent my earnings and I'm currently in $162,000 of debt from credit card loans. None of my friends know my girlfriend and family don't know, but I can't bring myself to change my lifestyle and let them know I'm actually failing. Oh man, this is sad. This is so sad. I feel bad for people like that. I mean, listen, this is a, I think this is something that maybe a lot of people who find success in their younger years struggle with, that they think that it's all going to last forever. So they live a certain lifestyle and then it becomes, this is the reason why people like me is because this is my lifestyle, which maybe that's right, but also maybe that's incorrect. This just tells me that this person sees their value in materialistic items. Like if I don't have the G-Wagon, if I don't, you know, buy people dinner, then people won't like me, you know? That's what I'm getting from this. So this is something you need to work on yourself, my guy. Okay? People have to like you for reasons that aren't money and aren't cars and vacations. And things like that. And if that, I just saw a B. I think I saw a B in here. What's going on? I think that if you are truthful and you're a hundred percent yourself with people, then people will understand like, hey, I'm actually going through a tough time right now. I have to sell this watch. I have to get rid of this car. I have to downgrade a little bit because things aren't really going my way anymore. Ultimately, you're going to find yourself in a situation like this if you don't do that earlier. You have $162,000 of debt. That's going to be very difficult to clear with all the interest payments that you have to make now. And you could have just been more truthful. About your situation in the beginning to avoid this. And listen, you would hope that people would still would, would be like, hey, like, how can I help? And still hang out with you and still be friends with you or whatever. And if they don't, you don't want these people. You don't want people that are just your friends because of your status or because you buy them dinner or because you have a nice fucking watch. Who gives a shit about any of that at the end of the day? Is that worth $162,000 of debt that could potentially hurt you for the rest of your life? It's not, it's not worth that. So I think, unfortunately, what happened is you started finding success and you believed that that was more interesting than who you are as a person. And you put so much stock into that, that now that you don't have it anymore, you're like, I have nothing to offer people, which is not true. You have other stuff to offer people. You just got to find out what those things are. And you got to ignore some of this shit now. Good luck with that fucking debt though. Good Lord. All right, before we get to the rest of this video, we do have some sponsors. The first one being SeatGeek. SeatGeek is where you're going to want to buy all of your tickets, okay? This is an app. They're the number one rated ticketing app in the app store, in fact. And I've been with them for years. I've bought many tickets from them. I just bought tickets to NOAA Con this past summer. Best concert I've ever been to. But I like their interface because there's a lot of transparency in the price of the ticket. Sometimes they let you know like, hey, this is a very expensive price for this particular ticket. And they'll mark that as like red or dark red. And then there's like a scale from like yellow to orange, or I should say orange to yellow to green. And then dark green's like this is a very good price for this ticket. So I like the transparency there, you know what I mean? I know what I'm getting a good deal. I like getting a good deal. And with SeatGeek, there's over 70,000 events there listed all the time. Concerts are happening right now. The football season's happening right now. Some playoff baseball, if you want to do that. And yeah, so go download SeatGeek and we're going to save you some money as well. So if you download SeatGeek right now and then you pick your tickets and then you go to checkout and you use the promo code JOE2026, you will save 10% off of your next set of tickets, all right? So go download SeatGeek. Go get yourself some tickets and save 10% with that code JOE2026. You're welcome. And we also have Quince, okay? Quince, they make high quality staples made with premium materials like 100% Mongolian cashmere, 14 karat gold, and Italian leather, okay? I just got a jacket from this company. First of all, the fit, perfect. I don't even know what it's made out of, but it's the most comfortable thing. And it's just perfect. I just love it. They have great stuff on their site, high quality, they have cashmere sweaters that start at just $60. This is the best part about this company is that everything is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands because they work directly with ethical factories and they cut out the middleman. So you're getting things like cashmere sweaters that start at just $60. I got that jacket. I forgot how much it was. Very good deal on it though. Go to their website, you'll see what I'm talking about. High quality stuff, fashion forward too, I would say. Like it definitely looks really nice. I love it. But you can give the gift of this quality, of quality this holiday season. The season of giving is coming up, and this is the time. You've got to start your holiday shopping now. Download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers, or go to quince.com and get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. It's now available in Canada and the U.K. too, and when Quince asks you where you heard about them, you let them know that I sent you, okay? It's the best way to support the show. Let them know that the Joe Santagata Show sent you, okay? But, yeah, you can go to quince.com. It's spelled Q-U-I-N-C-E.com. Go check out all their stuff. Like I said, they have a lot of premium clothing, cashmere sweaters, things like that, okay? And they have a really sick jacket over there. I want you to go check it out, all right? But go to quince.com and, yeah, get free shipping on your order and 365-day returns. And, yeah, let them know that we sent you, all right? Enjoy. My wife doesn't know I watch porn. She's very religious and thinks it's a sin to masturbate. We have sex, of course, but masturbation is a sin to masturbate. Masturbation isn't allowed. The truth is, I obviously watch porn. I said that already. Damn. I obviously do and I do also. I also specifically love the little people porn. Didn't think we were, didn't know that was a complete left turn. For some reason, this is the genre that really has stuck with me. It's not that I wish my wife was a little person. It's just the best porn for me. Sometimes I'm in the next room doing it or in the bathroom when she's right in bed. It would kill her to know, but I guess it's not worth shaking up the marriage. Oh, and I told her I was a virgin before marriage, but I definitely wasn't. There is so much going on here that is not good for your mental health. I actually think that everything that is in here is bad. Not that little people are bad, but I think that lying to your wife about being a virgin when you weren't, false pretense is not good. Don't do that. The fact that you're in the next room watching porn to satisfy something in you that your wife who's in the next room, who is a human woman that you married, we need to shift this energy. You understand? Clearly, there is a coping mechanism or something. You're leaning on dopamine addiction or something. Your wife is right there. You can connect with your wife. It seems like from the beginning, that is not how you go about relationships because you could actually have a closer connection with your wife if you wouldn't do things like lying before you got married. If you were able to have an open dialogue with your wife and be like, listen, I'm actually not a virgin. You're very religious, but I really love you and I want to be with you, but I'm not a virgin. I'm not going to lie about that. Then you guys can possibly move on from that. That would create a system in your relationship that allows you to have an open dialogue so that when you discover, you know what? I'm actually into little people porn. Maybe there's a possibility that you could bring that up to your wife. I don't know really what you can do about that, but also she's able to talk to you and maybe let you know, hey, I love you. I'm your wife. I don't really enjoy the fact that you're in the next room. I'm watching little people porn and it's not about the little people. It's just about the porn and Jen. You understand? But if you're going to continue to create these systems where you have to lie to quote unquote, protect your marriage and protect your wife and it's not worth shaking up, there's just going to be more examples of this. It is absolutely worse worth shaking up your marriage. If you're going to be truthful, because then you can be yourself in the marriage. If you are creating systems that only allow you to do what you want, while they think you're somebody else, this is bad. It's better to create systems where you can be honest and have difficult conversations because then you can be yourself and then you won't have to do this stuff. You won't have to sneak around. Maybe she's like, oh shit, I'm kind of into that. I don't know. You know what I mean? People make sacrifices in great relationships. This is what you want to do. You need to be truthful in your relationships, as truthful as you possibly can, because then you're as comfortable as you could possibly be. You can even find parts of yourself that are new and you're not. I'm afraid of those because, you know, I have an open dialogue with my wife. I can talk to her and then we can kind of figure this thing out together. That's what you want. But if you don't have that, you end up in the next room, you're sitting on the toilet watching little people porn while your wife is in bed. Like, this is not good. This isn't good. My husband thinks I have a degree from a pretty prestigious university. I mean, I do have one framed, but it's a complete fake. I was very insecure about not finishing college when I was younger and created a lie for myself. I'm not from the US, so my family isn't here and the job I have now didn't require any real, in fact, checking on my degree. I always wanted to tell him the truth about my life, but it feels like the time has passed and now it would just be weird to bring it up. He brings it up a lot to people, but I have my lie down to every detail and luckily haven't run into anyone who's actually went to that school yet. I guess it's not hurting anyone. Is this that wrong? Listen, I am sympathetic to the fact that you were so insecure about a part of your life that you created a lie so that you can defend or protect yourself and protect yourself. I'm Ashley C. Find out how they started something bigger than themselves and listen wherever you go. Get your podcast. At a certain point. However, I do think this has gone on for a significant amount of time. This kind of goes back to the other ones, but if you want to have the type of relationship where you and your husband are on the same team, which you absolutely do want that, by the way, you should tell them. And listen, it's okay, I think, to be like, look, there was a time in my life where I was so insecure about this thing and I made it up. That's a fake thing on the wall. I printed that at Macy's. So like, I printed that at Office Max. It's completely fake. It was $1.29 and I put it in the frame. The frame was very expensive. Framing shit is so expensive. What the fuck is with that? What is the deal with framing? Oh, who's running this fucking, whatever. But I think it's okay to be like, I didn't know how to tell you or when to tell you, but I want to tell you now. Also, I would like to keep it going. Like, at least be on the same team with your husband so that he doesn't feel like, okay, we're going to lie to everyone else, but you're also lying to me. That's kind of crazy. Like, I'm your husband. So I think bringing it up in a way of being like, you know, I'm embarrassed. I'm sorry that I lied to you. This is just a lie. This is just something that was like, I was very insecure about and I regret it, but here we are. And I don't want to have to explain this to everyone else because at this point, maybe it's not everyone else's business, but I felt like I owed it to you because you're my husband. So we can be on the same team and we can continue to lie about this thing at parties. Pretty fun. But I do think ultimately, you got to relieve yourself of this. It's too much stress on your shoulders to be like, I have this secret that I'm keeping from this person that I see every single day that I sleep next to and I'm lying. And I, and I don't have anything. Like, I'm just like keeping this one. Like it's better to let it go. And also at this point, what's going to happen? Is he going to be like, whoa, I'm going to leave you. I would never be in a marriage with someone who didn't graduate college cares at this point. I'm not fucking gluten free. I eat bread and shit whenever my wife isn't around. Um, all right. Why did that start? Like why even say that you're gluten free? Is it something that your wife is gluten free? And you're like, oh, me too. Maybe on a first date to make it a little less, like uncomfortable. If they felt like they were insecure about like, oh, I'm gluten free. It's like, oh, don't worry about it. Me too. Eventually though, like you go on like your third, fourth date, you're gonna be like, yo, by the way, I just said that because I thought you were embarrassed by it. So I wanted to be on the same team, try to make you as comfortable as possible, but I'm not going to let this keep going. You guys are married. How long has this been going on that you're gluten free? Brother, I don't know that I could give up bread for that long. Maybe two dates and be like, well, I won't touch the bread basket and I may fail honestly. Because the bread basket is one of the best parts of going to dinner, but doing it when your wife is around, this is kind of crazy. If you're the type of guy who's like, oh, I can only do the things I want when my wife is around. Doesn't that make you feel weird? Like, are you afraid of your wife? You shouldn't be afraid of your wife and she shouldn't be afraid of you. You guys should ideally be yourselves when each other are alone. You're a gluten free guy for no real. What does she care? What matter? Why does that even matter? I don't understand. You think your wife's going to leave you because you ate a piece of toast? What are we talking about here? How long can you eat lentil pasta before you miss the real thing? Before you want a big fat rigatoni? The OG way. Are you going to wait until your wife leaves the house and then you're eating bread like a little rat? Come on. Figure it out. My wife doesn't realize I put in a butt plug sometimes. She is very vanilla and wouldn't go for it, but she doesn't notice. Yo, we got to stop this, bro. We got to stop this shit. If you want to fucking sneak it in the back, sometimes and she doesn't notice, bro, give her a shot. She's very vanilla. She would never go for it. How do you know? Also, bro, the vanilla, not, I don't want to speak like I, you know, I'm not, this is a theory, but, but I feel like if you're honest with your wife, you could be surprised. Also, what does she need to be into? You're the one fucking with the shit in there. If I'm putting the plug in, I'm plugged up. She's not plugged up. What do I need her to be plugged up for? She can still be vanilla, but I'm plugged. You know what I'm saying? I'm hooked up. I'm hooked up to the wall right now. Also, she doesn't realize that I put a butt plug in sometimes. Yeah. What is she checking your asshole all the time? You're walking around the house and she's like, wait, hold on. Pull your pants down. Show me your asshole. Is there anything in there? Obviously she's not going to notice that, but dude, listen, you want to have, you want to, if you're into that fucking ass, if you're into that, let your wife know, even if she's vanilla, she loves you. She's your wife. You never know. Maybe one day she's like, fuck it. And she fucking goes to the store and she gets some crazy shit. And now you're, you're both hooked up. Maybe. Or maybe you're getting hooked up like crazy. Like she starts plugging you like you can make. your life a lot better here you know what i'm saying be honest just be honest with your wives i'm telling you it makes for a better relationship especially sexually you got to be sexually honest with people okay because that is the the the truth will set you free the truth will make you jizz here okay just be honest about what you enjoy and like little thing oh what up because in the event you're hiding it because you're like she's not gonna like this but then what if she's like yo that's fire your life is changed after that you know what i'm saying now you're the butt plug guy now she's plugging you all the time and you're in heaven you're in butt plug heaven not the heaven that i'm accustomed to to be honest with you but for you my guy you could be living in nirvana right now but you're hiding it from your wife because she's vanilla how do you know she's not plugging behind your back she maybe she thinks you're vanilla and you think you're this freak because you got a you know a sparkly uh dildo in your ass or butt plug in your ass like maybe she's got one too you never know i don't know i guess that's where we're ending the video there but that's all we have for right now thanks for everyone for sharing not that they wrote in we definitely found these on the internet but anyway don't forget to subscribe we'll see you next time choice hotels get you more of what you value here's a little tune to help you remember same drive different day don't you wish you were getting away pack your bags and come on through texas ohio alaska we're up there too comfort in it's calling your name save on the stay oh and free waffles are