People Need to Keep Their Fun To Themselves! | Vile and Horrendous: Episode 3 | Joe DeRosa

(upbeat music) - What's up? What's up, what's up, what's up? Welcome to episode three of "Vile Horendus," my God, it's an embarrassment of riches. See, the execs listen. He can plan about the snacks. Look at all these snacks. The worst flavor of every snack, but they're here. Look at this jalapeno cheddar to read it. Spicy sweet chili, Doritos, those were Cheetos. Sorry, let me say it again, because I know you'll sound off in the comments. Spicy jalapeno, Cheetos. Sweet chili Doritos. I didn't even know they still made sweet-- What the fuck are these? Lime and potato chips? - I didn't even pronounce it like that one. - Oh, the moan, not lime and like sprite. The, oh my God, apple chips, Jesus Christ, guys. All right, look, you're doing your best. The, folks, we're back. "Vile Horendus," episode three. I am your host, the "Vile Horendus." Big announcement right off the top, people. You complained and we listened. Just like the network listened when I complained about the snacks. You said, "Why, by weekly?" We said, "I don't know." We're going weekly, folks, starting this week. So this will be coming out every Thursday now. My God, the demand is overwhelming, hundreds of people. Wanted it, and here we are, we're doing it. We are going weekly, every, every week. I'm excited about it, you know. What could go wrong? It's a podcast, right? Also, I do wanna address something that's been being asked since the last episode. Am I red or is it the lighting? It's definitely the lighting. It is the lighting, but I mean, you don't look red today. I didn't think I'd look red last week, and then I saw the thing and I was like, "Oh my God, I'm about to have a stroke or something." And then people were like, "You look really red." My favorite comment, it said, "The Austin Redding has begun." 'Cause we all do, we're not living the healthiest life. The boys, it's fun. Okay, so I'm not that red, great, that's good news. And this is the first week where I haven't lit up a cigarette immediately. You know, I smoked one at home, and I gotta tell ya. And they don't make you feel that great. Apparently, they're not good for you, so I'm gonna hold off. Let's move with all of this wonderful, exciting new news. I'm not red, we're going weekly. Let's move right into retractions, people. Retractions, here we go, just a quick one. And this is why I corrected myself on saying Doritos when I was holding Cheetos. I said last episode that cocaine came from the Coco Bean. I meant to say Coco Leaf. That's what I meant to say. I slipped and said Bean. I didn't catch it, 'cause I'm human. But God forbid, you say one wrong word. But boy, do the people let you know. So there's your retraction. All right, people, we're moving into the first segment this week. We're gonna start with more on morons. I know that we often start with that. This is, look, this is gonna kind of flip around as we go. And every episode isn't gonna have every single segment in it. Sometimes it will, sometimes it won't. But for now, it seems like more on morons is the right place to start. And all right, this is just, okay. I've been seeing a lot of party buses lately. At least I think they're called party buses. I don't know. You may or may not have them in your city. They're not literal buses, what I'm talking about. I'm talking about these things where it's like a circle of people on a thing and they all have petals, not flower petals, petals. And they petal the thing around the town and they drink. It's like a giant bike. I, look, I don't know what the fuck it's called. I didn't even know how to Google what it's called. I don't know how, I don't even know how people book one of these things. The search, when I did the search for it, I wrote, "Service where six people petal on a community bike and get drunk." And believe it or not, that brought it up. It's this thing right here. We got a picture of it. These things. Have you seen these things? God help us all. God help us all, if you've encountered one of these things. All right, you can dig it down. Big surprise people, these things annoy the shit out of me. They annoy the shit out of me. Why? Because every time one goes by, there's a song blasting, okay, out of some Bluetooth speaker that always sucks. It's never a good song. It's never like Black Sabbath or Ice Cube or Wu Tang or whatever. It's like a Katy Perry song about how powerful women or rocket ships or some shit like that. Just some god awful fucking song. And everybody on the goddamn bike is screaming at the top of their lungs, trying to get everybody around them in the street to notice what a good time they're having. I'll be gonna say this, learn how to contain your fun. Keep it to yourself. This is out of control. People going through the street on these things, okay, and we don't need to see it. We don't need to see it right now. We don't need to see it. People are dealing with their lives. Can you imagine, I just want to pay the picture for you. Can you imagine the, the blind rage you would feel? You're on the phone with your doctor. And just how, just as he says, I'm sorry, it's malignant. One of these things goes by. People doing kamikaze shots to a doja cat song. I mean, it's murder-inducing. Contain your fun, rent an actual bus with windows that can close, so nobody else has to witness your abomination. But no, these attention-needy cheap skates are gonna do this half-ass version of an actual, look at these dickheads. They're gonna do an actual version, a half-ass version rather of an actual party bus, and annoy the fuck out of everybody for 10 square city blocks. And guess what? Maybe you can't afford a party bus. I get it, they're not cheap. Here's an idea if you can't afford a party bus, go inside a goddamn bar and have a good time. Go on a bar crawl, and in between the bars, shut the fuck up. But when you're in the bars, have a good time. There are bars that service this exact type of fun. There are bars that will play all the shitty songs you like, serve you all the colored sugar shots you want, okay? And those bars suck, and that's why I don't go to them. That's why I don't go to them. You pick the spot that matches your fun, okay? I should have a choice of what type of other people's fun I want to experience. If I'm in a bad mood, I go to a dive. I don't go to Dave and Buster's, okay? It's that simple. If I'm in a great mood, I don't go to Dave and Buster's. That's my business, okay? But here's my point. Dave and Buster's is an assaulting me on the street with a roving, drunken arcade bar on wheels. It's insane. It's so imposing and just, and look, don't get me wrong. It's not just outside stuff. People overdo their indoor fun as well. People don't know how to conduct their fun inside as well, even when they're in a place that they think they're sort of in congruence with everybody else in that place. I'll give you an example. You go over go to a concert. Not any concert, okay? But sometimes you go to a concert. Here's the thing. Whenever you go to a concert, no matter what the concert is, there is a general consensus. It's unspoken, but it's understood. Here's how you act at this type of concert, okay? You don't act the same way when you go see fucking slayer as you do when you go to the symphony, okay? There's an understood thing, right? But did you ever go to a concert? And this is just an example. That's fairly chill, kind of a cool, calm, collected concert, you know, groove type thing. And everybody's sort of just standing there, kind of calmly, maybe bobbing, maybe even sitting, maybe it's a sit-down concert. But without fail, there's always some big dumb fuck. And he's always right next to me for whatever reason, of course. You know, spinning his arms and gyrating, he's just, "Well, you just fucking feel it. Feel it." Everybody's feeling it, look at me, I'm feeling it, woo, woo, I'm feeling it. Sit the fuck down, you fat load. It's always the fact that I'm sorry, I'm sorry it just is. Can your interpretation and enjoyment of this song, not in peed on mine, it's disgusting. Have some dignity, all right? And by the way, if you're this excited to be here, get out of the house more frequently. This is not that big of a deal. It's the Black Keys. Okay, they're a great band, but you shouldn't be having a full-body, uncontrollable experience during the show. Somebody call a goddamn exorcist for Christ's sake. It's crazy. It's crazy. And it happens, it happens in my own line of work. I'll turn, turn this on myself, not just my line of work, my own shows. Sometimes I'm at my own shows, and there is somebody in the audience that is laughing way too hard. Way too hard. Some lady cackling at the top of her lungs at every single joke, Jesus Christ's lady, even I don't believe in the jokes this much. Have you ever heard a joke this before? Ever? Have you ever heard a joke? It's not that funny. Do what mannerly people do, and just piss yourself. That's the greatest. When somebody goes, "Oh my God, I was laughing so hard, and I didn't want to make, I pissed myself." That's what you're supposed to do. You're supposed to cackle at the top of your goddamn lungs, contain your goddamn fun. It's social etiquette, okay? Emotions come along with social etiquette, because I'll tell you something else. I'm seeing way too much crying in public also. Jesus Christ, people please, crying is like throwing up. You hold it in long enough until you get to the bathroom, okay? If you're so fragile that you're liable to burst into tears at any given moment uncontrollably, you shouldn't be in public. You shouldn't be in public. You should be in a facility somewhere being monitored and studied by doctors. Something's going on with you. When did we lose shame with the emotions? When? Your emotions should have some shame connected to them. You should be a little embarrassed. I'm sorry, you just should. You should be a bit embarrassed if you're having an emotional breakdown and snot crying in the meat section of the supermarket, or you're so excited to be peddling and drinking that you're screaming at the top of your lungs. By the way, I feel like a fucking moron when I'm just riding a normal bike. I can't imagine trying to draw attention to that. Let alone if I'm with six other dickheads in matching t-shirts and party hats. If you're overbiting a favor over the emotional people, stay the fucking side. Stay the fucking side. The rest of us are trying to navigate our very challenging and sometimes very shitty lives. All right, let's move on. Folks, we are going to the flight log. We got a big flight log this week. The flight log, this was initially intended to just kind of be a shorter little thing about the shittiness of flying, but it's spinning already into something a little bit bigger. Because this started with just the talk of an episode one of the ripoffs of the airlines. Episode two, we didn't do a flight log on episode two. But the stuff I talked about in episode one, I'm glad we didn't do one last week because I had a feeling if we waited it was going to be worth it and I was right. So, okay, let's just get into this. As many of you know, or have heard, spirit airlines, spirit airlines. The most affordable travel option, as long as you're willing to make a few sacrifices like bringing clothing with you on your trip, has permanently closed its screen doors. When we show the headline, let's see the headline, spirit airlines is closing down thousands of employees and travelers are impacted. Flights were canceled and spirit, airport check-ins, desk set, empty Saturday morning with little help on hand for travelers figuring out what to do next. Oh, I bet they're going to refund all those people. Oh, I bet everybody's going to get a refund. You know what they'll do? They'll go, we're willing to give you a credit. Oh, for a closed airline, great. Now, here's the thing, spirit like so many other mom and pop businesses has been struggling since COVID, okay? And now with the soaring fuel costs due to all the horseshit going on in Iran, the company is fully collapsed. So, what does that mean? Two things. Number one, tragedy, great for business, great for business, and the bigger the tragedy, the better. A lot of COVID-19 continues to benefit big business and wreak havoc on the smaller guys. And yes, I know it's insane to refer to spirit airlines as the smaller guys, but that's where we're all at in this shit sucking corporateocracy we are living in right now. Tragedy also wreaks havoc on the actual smaller guys. And by that I mean poor people, kind of poor people, almost poor people, and people like me who could be poor any day now. So meanwhile, what happens? The rich go on skates, okay? They go on skate, they scope, skirt butt. Now, I'm not saying COVID was orchestrated or planned, but God damn, it was capitalized on, wasn't it? It surely was. And I say that as a vaccinated and twice boosted man. Why am I seeing colors? It's a vaccine joke. Ooh, it bombed. All right. I knew that was going to bomb. Look, I live in Austin, you have to make fun of the vaccine if you took it. You sign an ordinance when you enter the city. Did I say that right? You sign an ordinance? No. I did? Oh. No. We get it. You get what I mean. I can't say anything anymore. It's going to be 300 comments, it's up with an ordinance, it's a dickhead. All right. Number two, my second point, as if the big dog airlines weren't already fucking us enough, they are going to stick those big dog dicks right up our asses even further. Okay? I'm going to show you a headline here. This is an NPR article that was written just before Spirit officially announced their shutdown. Here's the headline. How the airline industry could be impacted if Spirit Airlines is liquidated. Okay. So let's jump to, I got two highlights here from this article. Let's jump to the first one. Jan Brockner or Brookner, I don't know how to say it, a retired economics professor who taught at the University of California Irvine says spirits competitors would benefit greatly from the airline's closure. The consumers would be left in a bad spot. Okay. We're getting warmer to my point here. We're getting closer to what I'm ultimately driving out here. So here's the thing. This is what Jan is saying. And it's not that complicated to figure out. But these top airlines, they're going to run hog, hog-wile, they're already running pretty wild with prices. But then now they're going to run hog wild, hog wild, not just yet, not just yet. They've got to stomp out all the little guys. There are still, I think there's still one low price option available, frontier airlines. People get those frontier flights while you can. I got news for you. Frontier ain't going to be around much longer, not just because it sucks, but also because it's like flying on waffle house. An airline can only weather so many videos of their employees getting into altercations with customers before the customer starts saying, "Yeah, fuck it, I'll eat it home. I don't need this right now." Anybody thinking there's the slightest chance, okay? If you're sitting there, devil's advocate style, and you're thinking even slightly that there's even a minute chance that the top airlines will do the right thing and not just even further. So you're going to go now to a quote from Delta CEO, head-best, ad-bestane. And again, I think that's how you say it. This is from Delta's first quarter earnings call, which took place on April 8th, okay? Which was before the article about spirit-potentially closing that we just looked at was written, okay? That was written before spirit actually closed, which means these fuckers are always patiently waiting to pounce on an opportunity to capitalize on fucking us. Here's what Ed said. Like many airline executives, Delta CEO. The CEO Ed Bastion has been forced to respond to the ongoing oil crisis caused by the Iran war, excuse me, by raising fares and cutting flights. But he sees bigger changes on the horizon. Oh, I bet you do, Ed. I bet you're rubbing those little fucking dirty dick hands together. Sustain fuel price hikes could lead to sweeping, restructuring across the aviation industry. Bastion or Bastion said during Delta's first quarter earnings called April 8th. This fucker has been had a boner about this since April, at least over my career. I've seen many periods of disruption in the industry, said Mr. B, who has been CEO for a decade and has helped the airline navigate crises like 9/11 bankruptcy and the COVID-19 pandemic throughout his 30 years with the company. Ooh, tragedy, tragedy, tragedy, and yet another tragedy with the oil crisis. Time and again, high fuel prices have been the most powerful catalyst for change. Don't you love how these fuckers talk? He's talking like it's a cancer or a cure. A catalyst for change. That's something they would say at like an AIDS walk. Getting the winners and forcing the weaker players to rationalize, consolidate or be eliminated. Something like the goddamn Hunger Games, Jesus Christ. I think we have one more quote from Ed, or is that it? Oh yeah, last one. Despite the turbulence, oh, a very funny observer. Ed remains optimistic about demand from affluent travelers. Oh, he remains optimistic that the affluent travelers are going to just still need to get their flight. Consumers shaken by the Trump administration's tariffs and its recent Middle East conflict have largely maintained their travel plans. Rich people are still traveling. The higher end consumer, this is the quote, the higher end consumer, the premium consumer is candidly immune or becoming immune to the headlines. Un-fucking-believeable. In other words, what Ed is saying is, we have to raise the prices because of the tragedy. Thank God, the rich people didn't pay the high prices, but the poor people did just stay home. Oh, we can't wait for the next tragedy to raise the price even more. Oh, I love COVID and 9/11 ran. I hope there's a world war and we'll really get a lot of money for our flight. This is fucking disgusting. And by the way, people, by the way, and I'll close with this, it's no fucking coincidence that while we're all forced to stay at home more frequently, doing not be doing, due to not being able to afford to travel, the goddamn price of Netflix keeps increasing. Think about that. Alright, let's move on, folks. You know, people, while we're just, you know, this is, this was, this has gotten me in a headlining mood. Let's, let's just jump into what a world. How about it? I'm gonna pour myself a cocktail here. We're going out after the show tonight, being the crew, and we're gonna have some drinks. I need it, which reminds me. Oh, this would be a fun thing to toss to the viewers and the listeners. We need a name for the crew, but I don't want to call them like the, the vials. I don't want it to be like the podcast name, you know what I mean, because everybody does that with their podcast, you know, the podcast will be like, you know, let's eat. I'm just making that up. There might be a podcast called Let's Eat, I don't know. And then, you know, the fans or whoever, they're always called the eaters or whatever. We did it on taste buds, they were taste buddies. I don't want to do that with this. I want them to have their own original name for this crew of fucking scumbags in the other room. Here's my pitch. Here's my pitch. Guys, sound off in the comments, email us, whatever. And we will, we will review these. We will review these. Maybe not by the next episode, but by the one after that. But we, I promise you, we will, we will read some of these. But here's my pitch. I think they should be called the, I want to call them the pussy hounds. That's what I want to call them. It's not a bad thing. I want to call them the producers. I want them to be called the pussy hounds. You got something better? Throw it at me. Do you think I'm a lesbian? No. No. Now, and I am offended that you're attaching gender to the word pussy. Boys can have a pussy. It's not a bad name to start with. It's a great name. I mean, you would call this the peanut gallery, I think, in the first one. No, I'm not calling you the peanut. If I did, I'm sorry. I was just joking. The scumbag gallery. I was just joking. I have a feeling a lot of people are going to suggest pig something. I want to see if somebody beats pussy hounds. Pigpen, we already used on my old podcast. We already used, hog house has been used on my previous podcast. Pigpen has been used on my previous podcast. Taste buddies has been used. I should just call you the taste buddies. And Sal will be like, what the fuck, man? All right. Beat the pussy hounds. Don't beat them. You know what I mean? All right. Let's do what a world. Give me our first startling later thought provoking headline, please. All right. Benedict Cumberbatch involved in heated exchange with fellow cyclists during the alleged road incident. I love him already. He Benedict was fighting the cyclist, verbal fight. Yeah. Great. Yeah. The bicyclist was probably being a lousy fucking little prick because every bicyclist thinks they're saving the world. They're arrogant. They're rude. Look, David, the bicycling community has attempted to cancel me. They're getting no sympathy for me. Oh, wait. He was bicycling, too. Yes. Well, fuck you, too, Benedict. Oh, God. How do you pick this? This is like watching-- I can't think of anything. Onlookers refer to it as the most British road rage incident they've ever seen. I couldn't think of an example. When I said this is like watching, it's like, I couldn't think of an example that wasn't politically charged, or-- you know what I mean? It's like watching-- it's like watching Candace Owens argue with Chelsea Handler. Who could you root for? There we go. I knew it would come to me. All right. Benedict was seen getting into a verbal altercation with fellow cyclists in London. The mask man on a bike called the Marvel star deluded, accusing him of running red lights. Cover badge can be heard, denying the claims and saying the man verbally abused him. OK. Scroll back up to the picture. First of all, I'm sorry. Fuck this dude in the mask. You're masking outside still? You're still masking outside. And no, I won't give the benefit of the doubt of immunocompromisation. I'm not giving it anymore. I'm sorry. I gave that for a long time. I've run into a lot of people that are still masking outside. They're always shitty little snotty dickheads. So fuck this guy for masking outside still. OK. And fuck Benedict for going, you verbally abused me. And I bet you Benedict was running red lights, because I've seen by some-- when I lived in New York, cyclists would run red lights. They would blow-- I'm not exaggerating. They would blow through crosswalks, almost hitting children. They had no respect for the rules of the road, yet as soon as something threatened them, they acted like they were just these unprotected, harmless little, you know, you know, just defenseless babies in the woods that couldn't have possibly done anything wrong. They act-- they most bicyclists embody every awful trait of the asshole drivers in cars, you know, grown-up vehicles that they hate, yet they want to contain and hold on to all of the protections they think they deserve as being somebody that's not in a real vehicle, meaning a bicycle. And it's extraordinarily contradictory, it's extraordinarily hypocritical. And I can't-- by the way, scroll back up, this guy is this guy delivered-- is this guy's real bike? This is his bike he rides around, or is that like a city bike? Like one of the like. Well, we don't know. Who knows? I bet you Benedict's bike is fucking amazing. I bet he's got the best bike. Probably got like the Dr. Strange logo on it and shit. Yeah, look, all I can say is I like this story. Why do I like it? I'll tell you why I like it. Because the bicyclists are now turning on each other and they will start to eliminate each other and get them out of our lives and out of our hair. I hate these fucking people, get these, oh my God, they just zip by you. I talked about it in my special, so I'm not going to reiterate the joke here, but I will reiterate one line from it. You want protection by cyclists, you want protection, start riding like you deserve it. If you want to ride like assholes, get out of your pussy lanes that they made for you. You got little bike lanes, okay, get out of the lanes and you want to start acting like real vehicles, get into the street with the real men on scooters. That's what I'll say, all right, because this is, I've just never seen a group of people that have everything, they have bike lanes, they don't obey traffic laws, they expect everybody to look out for them while they don't look out for anybody. I am not saying it is not traumatic or horrifying to hit a car door opening and fly over it. But you have to take some responsibility in keeping your eyes open too. You can't ride this close to the cars and just willy-nilly, like, oh, nobody's going to open a door. It's fucking crazy, man. It's crazy. Bicyclists, it's the whole script is flipped with these people. It's like Uber drivers, okay? Yellow cab drivers in big cities became shitty. They were assholes, they drove like maniacs, they were gouging us on the prices, and then came Uber, the smarter, the more affordable, the more humane way to travel through a city. And now all the Uber drivers are acting worse than the cab drivers did. So that's what happened with Bicyclists. We're going to try to fix the problem. And now they're just contributing more to a problem from a different direction. So I'm going to side with Benedict, though, because he's not, is it masked? All right. What else we got here? So on the subject of cab drivers, Waymo recalls 3,800 robotaxies after glitch, allowed some vehicles to drive into standing water. Oh, yeah. Who would have thought something would go wrong with the Waymo's? And fucking people can't operate the goddamn cars. Oh, fucking iPhone, do it. Jesus Christ. My fucking iPhone can't even tell what I'm talking to Siri or not. Siri's responding to me throughout the day. I'm yelling shut the fuck up at the phone from across the room. 3,800. This is not the first incident with Waymo, by the way. I don't know if it's true, don't pull this down, because I want to look into this a little bit. But see if you can find it while I'm going over this. I believe all the Waymo's shut down at once in San Francisco, and they were just blocking all the streets. See if that's real, because I heard that that happened. But anyway, Waymo has issued a voluntary recall of about 3,800. I love how they act like they don't know the number. They know the exact number. About 3,800. It's probably like 41. They shaved it. Robo taxis to fix software issues that could allow them to drive into flooded roadways. Well, of course. Of course. Yeah, a computer doesn't know the difference between a roadway that has flooding in it or not. It just sees an open roadway. Yeah, it's funny, man. My friend, Kyle, he got a cyber truck, the Tesla one, and he's like, he took me for a ride in, and he goes check this out, this bad ass drives by itself, and he hits the button whatever. And it did. It did a great job. It just drove by itself. It even parallel parked. It was really cool. And my friend Scott from back home, he's got a Tesla, and I called him, and I was like, no, dude, I was kind of like, didn't really get the Tesla thing until I saw the automatic driving thing. Like my friend Kyle just showed me, and holy shit, that's awesome, man. It's so impressive. It's like flawless. And my friend Scott was like, oh no, it's completely flawed. There's tons of problems with it. He's like, I've had to grab the wheel many times to stop it from running into like traffic cones and shit, because that's the kind of stuff that can't pick up on. Good of thought, a computer doesn't have the best attention to like little human variable details that can happen on the road, like people putting traffic cones out, or some flooding or whatever it is. Was anybody hurt in this? No, it was just flooded roadways, right? It wasn't like a drove into a lake. No, it just drove into a whole shit, little water. Yeah, dude, I was in the car. I saw a Waymo, I went to Chick-and-Shit Bingo, one Sunday, for those of you that don't live in Texas, Chick-and-Shit Bingo is a thing where there's a bingo board, and it's got chicken feed all over it, and it's a chicken coop, but the floor of the chicken coop is a bingo board. And there's chicken feed on all the numbers, and they put a chicken in, and the chicken walks around and eats feed until that's shit, and the number it shits on if it's your number you win the money for Chick-and-Shit Bingo. It's a hell of a lot of fun, and it's as bad shit as you would think it is. But I saw a Waymo when I was there, and it was like repeatedly, it was empty, but it was repeatedly like slowly just bumping into a wall, because it couldn't figure out how to turn around. And it was almost like pathetic, it was almost sad, it was like when you see a bug on its back, and it's like, eh, and you help the bug, but I wasn't going near the fucking Waymo. I think I'd take off and run me over. Yeah, guys, these things, look, I think that there's a lot of really great conceptually ideas behind Waymo. I do think it's nice that it could theoretically eliminate drunk driving. It can get people who are inebriated from point A to point B safely instead of the making a dumb decision. And also too, you know, this Uber lift ride share thing ain't the greatest. I mean, we're just getting into people's cars. I never thought I would find it that disconcerning, but I am at a point where I am finding it. I mean, Sebastian Manescalco called it out years ago. As soon as the ride, he had a bit, as soon as the ride shares came out where he was like, we're just getting in people's cars, like it's nuts. And at the time, I thought it was funny, but I was like, I'm not worried about it. Now I'm like, it's weird. You know, there's been no shortage of complaints from female drivers with, you know, certain male drivers acting in a predatory fashion or getting caught masturbating while driving and people getting into physical ought to get drivers getting attacked, you know? And I know that these things will take jobs away from people, but it is one of those things from a philosophical standpoint that makes me wonder if it is the type of job that maybe shouldn't have existed in the first place. Because why? Well, this goes back to the stuff I was saying about news reporting last episode. There's no filtration system. There's nothing really monitoring any of it with Uber or a lift. It's all kind of like you sign up and your car passes a certain inspection and you just kind of go, you know, at least with cabs, you know, there was the cab stand and you had to pass these tests with the cab and, you know, you had to know a certain amount of stuff. And there was the dispatcher and the guy that managed the cab stand and, you know, that stuff not existing isn't great. I'm not saying robo taxis are the answer, but I do think they do have some promise, but it's too soon. It's too soon. Seinfeld's got a great line. Somebody leaked one of his new jokes, which they shouldn't have done. I probably shouldn't have repeated here out of respect for his, you know, I wouldn't like it if somebody leaked one of my jokes. But it's such a perfect line. I'll just say it here. He goes, he goes, "All of a sudden we got AI. For years we just had eye," and he goes, "I'm not worried about it because most of the intelligence I've ever encountered has been artificial." And I agree with him and I think that this is a great example of it. All right, let's go to another one. All right, this next one is, "AI Helps Man Recover $400,000 in Bitcoin 11 years after he got high and forgot his password." No password recovery system? No, he got high and then he changed the password on his wallet and then he just completely forgot what it was. Yeah, but you can say I forgot my password and they send you an email and you change it. No, when it comes to cryptocurrency, there's like, you know, secret keys and a bunch of stuff that you got to find. It's overly complicated. How funny. What a coincidence. What a coincidence. other fucking thing, there's nothing. 19 security codes you receive every time you log in. There's a million ways to change your password and use your name if you forget if you're locked out of your Gmail or your bank account or whatever else. When it comes to the magic phantom currency, not stuff shit, you forgot your password. We got your 400,000. God almighty this world is sinister. Jesus Christ. So AI helped the man recover it. Well, that's good. This is a good use of AI. Yeah, and since it was locked up for so long, it kind of like compounded value and it got it's way more money than it was when he originally put it in there. Good for this guy. I mean, I kind of have a question about it though. Isn't that not good? So AI just figured out the password. Like, I feel like that's not a good thing. Well, I have used AI to recover his password then. Well, cocaine's not good until it is. Sometimes a bad thing comes in handy when you're in a pinch, you know. Look at that fucking. Wait, they posted the password. Yeah, this is the password. Why would they show the password? I mean, I'm sure he changed it, but this was the password he was trying to read. But so you can change it though. What is going on? I don't understand. Well, I think you have to like get into it and then change it and he wasn't able to actually get into it at all. This story is fake. LOL420, fuck the police, is the handle. Is the password of the guy that got so high he forgot his 400. This is, I am calling this. This is bullshit. This is AI propaganda. This is planted by the AI developers to make us think AI has some good uses. I don't believe this. Yeah, he claims he tried trillions of possible password combinations and just none of them worked. Trillions of passwords combinations couldn't remember. Of course, you couldn't remember this asshole pet dude. My password will be like my first name. I do the dumbest passwords. And the computer will be like, you sure? (audience laughing) You sure you want your phone number to be your password? I'm like, yeah, I don't have a shit. Look, if this is real, good for this guy, oh, I tried like 7 trillion passwords, laughing my fucking asshole. This is the guy that just made 400 grand, by the way. This is how we write. It looks like the comments we got on the weed fucking post. (audience laughing) No punctuation. And of course, by the way, I should've pointed out, got too high that he couldn't remember. How did I miss that part? And it's written like a guy that gets too high. And then, you know, dump my whole college computer into Claude. So he's a college student. Found an old wallet file with the new man, pneumonic. All right, well, you know, good for this kid. I hope you live a happy life. And I don't mean any part of that. All right, let's do one more. We have one more? Yeah, I got one more. Great. Student blast school board for not axing member who said she was hot. Wait, I gotta read that. Yeah. Student blast school board for not axing member of the school board who said she was. Wait a minute. Stupid, wait a minute. Oh wait, okay, sorry. The student is blasting the school board 'cause a member of the school board said she was hot. Yes, and it was very inappropriate and they didn't really fire him from his post. Well, was she? And that's the guy. Well, you can't look like that and say you're hot. You give, that's the first thing. You gotta look like Benedict Cumberbatch. (audience laughing) And you can't say hot. You gotta say it in a stunning, you know. Thank you. Now, I'm kidding. You shouldn't have said that, obviously. Tennessee teenager, oh my God, it's a teenager. Jesus Christ. What is wrong with everybody? Wait, scroll back up. No, no, wait a minute, just the first paragraph. Tennessee teenager called her school board a group of cowards last week for not firing a member who hugged. This is getting worse by the word. (audience laughing) The remark she was hot during a public meeting last month. Dear God, what was the part you highlighted that you wanted me to read? Oh, this is the quote, "God, you're hot." Do you know that? Damn. Again, terrible. The worst word you could use. (audience laughing) And I guarantee there was a little whip in that damn. It wasn't damn, it was damn. Gotta dip in it. Where do you go to school at? (audience laughing) She went to his school. Put his arms around her and hugged her from the side. Dear God. All right. I'm assuming he was, he must have known she was a student there. I think he was trying to be funny, which doesn't excuse it. If he actually didn't know that she went to school there, it's still very inappropriate. It's slightly better if he didn't, but I have a feeling that's not the case. I have a feeling he fully knew and he was trying to be cute. And obviously it wasn't. Some other board members at the table lightly left and the meeting went on according to a livestream of the meeting, shock and anger broke out through the small community. Many residents calling for Irvin to be removed from his post. Yes, but he's kept his position. Where was this? Tennessee. Course. (laughs) Of course, this did not happen in Portland. (laughs) That's, that's bad shit. When I mentioned, this is a quote from the guy, when I mentioned she was hot, I meant she was on a roll, which is why I hugged her and pressed my boner into her hip. (audience laughs) By, on a roll he meant on a roll of giving me heart ons, 10th day in a row. And it had nothing to do with her appearance. This is, people will say anything to not just say, hey man, I fucked up. (audience laughs) This guy would be better off going, look man, my dad touched me. I'm fucked up. Just say that. Say something. That's not what I meant. That's exactly what you meant. Oh, that's insane. Change.org petition was started calling for his removal. Irvin is not a great name for this guy either. Irvin. It's just, just every, the handlebar mustache, Tennessee, Irvin, it's just, they're painting a real picture here. Keith. Keith Irvin. I thought he would have a creepier first name. Like Wyatt. I don't know, Keith isn't. Keith isn't great. I've never met a great Keith Robinson. That's the only Keith I ever met, to be honest, I think. Yeah, this is, that's crazy. That's crazy. I mean, Jesus Christ, wait, now to be on a school board, does that mean you, are you, you have to be a teacher to be on the school board or can you just be on the school board? You can just be on the school board. Yes, he should be removed. That's insane. Was this a college or a high school? I think it was a high school. Oh my God. Oh my God. Jesus. God, you're hot. Do you know that even if he was, this is how bad his lie was. I meant she's on a roll. You don't go, you're on a roll. Damn. (laughing) Yeah, this guy should be fired. Well, he is truly, out of every headline we've read so far on the show, this is the most violent horrendous. Nice work. All right, folks. Let's close it out with a, some pig talk here. We got time for one. Well, I just, I picked this one up, so let's just do it. Here we go. I love that, by the way, listeners and viewers, I love how much you're leaning into the concept. I love that these letters were getting, or these emails that were getting, you're saying the words violent horrendous. I really, really appreciate you guys and gals and everybody out there embracing the concept of this whole thing. Speaking of guys and gals, I looked at my YouTube statistics the other day and it was like male viewers versus female viewers. I'm gonna take a guess. 98. Yeah, male viewers, it was like 91%. Female viewers, three, then a half percent. All right, root awakening is the title here. There's nothing more violent horrendous than waking up to my dementia, riddled and completely naked mother. Oh, come on, man. Don't, it's just got dementia. (audience laughing) This is not, I can't read this. This is disgusting. I can't, guys, this is a first of perhaps many. I cannot read this. I'm telling you what is on this paper. I cannot read it. That's the, it was emailed us to us like that verbatim. You, you're not fucking with me. I'm not fucking with you. Even the name, that was the name that he gave us. It's, it's, I can't read it. I can't read it. I can't read it. No, I can't. It's so depraved, it's awful. He's talking about his mother. She's got dementia. There's mention of her doing things with his finger. There's talklets of mones of his dead father's name from his mother. And then we basically already heard him as well as the dead. She's slapping him. And then at the end, he wishes her death. (audience laughing) I'm not reading it, it's horrible. No, no. The guy's name is psycho stench. I'm not reading it. Sorry, psycho stench, I'm sorry. I think you might be wrong on this one. (laughing) All right folks, that's the show. Thank you all for tuning in. We'll be back next week. How about that? That's the first with another episode of Val and Herendus. In the meantime, you can check out any upcoming show dates. I have at Joderosa.com. I really don't have any for a while. I'm not doing much over the summer. I am doing the Joke World Festival. I'd like the Joke World Festival in Tampa, St. Petersburg, Florida. In August, I think it's the 14th and 15th. Get your tickets for that. I have fall dates being announced very soon. In the meantime, please come to the YouTube, at Joderosa Comedy, subscribe, hit the like button, all that crap. Send us your thoughts, sound off in the comments. Keep these horrific emails coming in. I'll see you next time, but before we go, as always, my favorite segment. The documentation of the crumbling psyche of the American white woman, we leave you with white women's. Lady here, she was going to buy merchandise. Unfortunately, I can get her a discount. When she said her brother, I have to follow Ross policy. She does not want to leave the store. And I'm going to have to trust her. OK, ma'am. All right. You hear me? OK. You have to leave the store, right? You've got to leave the store, right? If you choose to leave, you'll be subject to arrest. Give them points that come to my boyfriend works. For the combination, we have to find another one. So I don't have to. Well, they're not going to give any discounts. OK, that's fine. It's fine to think that's not what they want people to post. They don't have to hold the post for you. OK? They're Tuesday. You can replace under arrest, OK? For trespass after warning. I've given you more. Yes, you are. I'm allowed to be in the store. Not if they're asking you to leave. She told you to leave. You're not going to be able to speak to owner of Ross. You've got one more time. I'm going to ask you one more time. And if you do not leave, you're going to be placed up. Are you going to hurt me? So just don't hurt me. I'm not telling them anything about me. Next vote, you're going to be next. So while you have me, if I leave, I will make sure I don't hurt you. Don't want to be my boyfriend with 20% off, and he will work right here. OK, your boyfriend is not here. He is-- he will be here after 7 p.m. So are we here to look at him? You're going to-- he's really your boyfriend. You're going to make a losing job. OK, well, then I'm not going to pesk at me and desk. No one's going to give you a discount, OK? There's no other solution you can leave right now, because you're not under arrest. They're asking you just to leave the store. You're not going to get arrested for wanting a discount. You're going to get arrested for trespass after wanting. Right now, you can leave the store. I'll leave. Oh, yeah, yes, look at him. He's going to get arrested for this game. He's going to get arrested for this game.