PAUL BETTANY Grew Up In Many Different Religions

Hey, Bashi! Hey, Sufi! How are you? I'm good. I'm back in New Hampshire. I bought a backdrop. So you don't have to look at mine. We don't have to know that you're in New Hampshire. Well, you don't have to know that I'm in my bedroom. I like knowing you in your bedroom. Yeah. Yeah. Are you. We saw our uncle Kurt. Yeah. And our cousin. Kurt? Yeah, I guess. Kurt. Yeah. I've never quite understood that, like, second cousin or cousin once removed. Yeah. Yeah. But our uncle's. He's our uncle's son. So he's his own story cousin. Then he's also Kurt. He's also Kurt. Yeah. Those are their names. They're not, like, short with you. No, no, no. Yeah. Definitely not. Yeah. Yeah. They came out. I was home. And I'm still home, but mom's birthday. So we went out to. Had a nice dinner at the Copper Door. Yeah. But, of course, shout out to Copper Door. Yeah. To feed their parents for 25 years. Yeah. Initially, I didn't think, mom, I was like, hey, you know, what do you want to do for your birthday? And she's like, well, it's a Sunday. So there's football on. So I just think watch football. And I was like, wait, nothing? Like, nothing for your birthday? She's a guy. And then, I guess, Kurt rang her up and was like, hey, let's go out. But in, I guess, there was a game in London. So we had a, we had football on from 9/3 in the morning until, like, six. So you were ready for a break. You were ready for a break. Yeah. We need a break. I was, there was no stealer game based on when you're hearing this. The stealers played the Thursday night game and lost to the Browns, which was bad. Yeah. But it is, I do feel a real freedom on my weekend. Oh, right. That I don't have to, like, play this weird game with myself. Where I'm like, this weekend's about my kids. I'm not going to look at my phone. Am I a peak, though? Am I a little peak? Oh, no. I'm not going to peak. It was, uh, yeah, it was another one of those, you know, I'm letting, I'm enjoying my life rather than being beholden to football. And that Thursday night game was a day before I flew home for, like, a 10-day trip. So I was leaving McKenzie back in Los Angeles. And we had tickets to a concert that I bought before I knew that the stealers were going to be playing on a Thursday night. And we went to the concert. So I saw the first half of the game and I was like, oh, this could go any either way. And I went to a lovely concert and checked the score when we were coming home. And I was like, oh, I'm so glad I didn't watch that. I was, uh, I was at a lovely dinner. And I was going to, uh, now watch the game. And then I was walking out of the restaurant and did not strike me. This would be a restaurant where the game would be on the bar at the bar. But it was. And then I saw it. I'm like, uh, I have to watch it. When you see that, do you sit so you can watch the game or do intentionally sit so you can't? Oh, sorry. On the way out. So we were in, we were like, uh, the restaurant side. And on my way out, I saw the score. And then basically had like, I was, you know, up until like midnight, which was not what I wanted to do. And then sad. It went to bed like late and sad. Yeah. Um, well, we've, uh, yeah, we're, uh, we're planning on going to Pittsburgh for Halloween weekend. Yeah. I'm very excited. Uh, and your boys have gotten very into the Steelers. Yeah. And there's chatter. I don't know if there, this is what's going to happen or not. But there's chatter that Ash might be, uh, Terry Bradshaw. And it's Halloween. So he's going to dress up like I mean, he wouldn't just be. Yeah. It's right. He would be like, he's going to dress as, as Terry Bradshaw for Halloween. And then probably just wear the uniform to the game. Yeah. Uh, uh, the promise axles insist on wearing shoulder pads. Trying to tell him not to wear shoulder pads for Halloween. And they both want helmets. And I'm like, don't wear helmets. And they're like, no, well, you are checking a bag. They're like, well, they're like, yeah. And then they're like, no, the helmets will be, that's where we'll put our candy. And I'm like, no, you're not. It's you're going to want a bag. And then I'm going to carry the helmets. I don't want to carry the helmets. Uh, but I think I'll probably be carrying the helmets, bro. Do you think we could buy a bunch of candy and put it in their helmets when they wake up and maybe trick them to think that they've already gone? Well, I don't know. I mean, you know, it is like we, we always talk about it. And look, you know, part of our, you know, when we do our, our ads for Airbnb, right? We always say the nice thing about like booking a house on Airbnb is we're in a proper neighborhood. Like, I think we might be in a proper neighborhood. Yeah. We're definitely in a proper. And so I kind of think in a way that maybe, you know, again, our kids trick or treat in, you know, uh, greatest village in New York City. And it's amazing, uh, but it's not, you know, it's not classic Americana trick or treating. And like, this might be their best chance to like, you know, yeah, it's, it's not crazy mayhem New York, but it is like, you know, it's not some Burby either where you have to like walk, you know, uh, half a mile between houses. So I think it might kind of be fun. The danger will be that you will lose your children because there's going to be so many kids. That's the Steelers. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, it was interesting because they were saying that I was like, be Terry Bradshaw and Freggers because they were trying to figure out who to be. I'm like, be them. And we can say we're being the immaculate reception. Yeah. Uh, by the way, there is a chance I'm going to buy you a raiders jersey because we are going to go as the immaculate reception. And I'm going to need you to be Jack Tatum. I haven't told you this yet, but you're putting a target on my back. I know. I know. But I think people really like it. Anyway, I'm like, and they're like, nobody's going to know. They're like, nobody knows who Terry Bradshaw is. I'm like, everybody in Pittsburgh and I know Terry Bradshaw. Yeah. Yeah. So, uh, we'll see. But I, I think I think a trick in treating, tricks in treating, you know, pretty fun. Yeah. And for sure. In the bird. Um, uh, yeah. So I'm definitely, uh, definitely looking forward to it. Great. Um, well, oh, I know what it was going to tell you. You were talking about going to a concert. I just had a David Burn on my show and, uh, you saw David Burnett of Hollywood. Boom. Incredible. Yeah. And he was, uh, I said, hey, my brother just saw you at the Hollywood Bowl and he said, it was fantastic. I go, you've probably played there a lot and he's like, actually, no, I think it's only the second time I've ever played the Hollywood Bowl and I, and I go, is it as good as I, you know, as it is from the audience, he goes to some believable. It's like one of the, he goes, the only thing is like upfront, um, you know, there's like people like eating dinner on like white tablecloths. Yeah. And I guess this is just the sort of high-end VIP Hollywood Bowl experience, but he's like, yeah, it's like, you know, there's, uh, there's tablecloths and, uh, you know, people like, you know, watching you and they're like eating, you know, like ribeye steaks and poshie. I was so, I felt so happy that moment because I knew I was like, I then I know it wasn't my brother. Yeah. No. It was a steak. It wasn't my brother. Yeah. God, yeah, we saw Maggie Rogers play there. Uh, great. And, uh, amazing like ascendancy, we saw her at the troubadour and the next time we saw her, she was headlining the bowl with, uh, but she came out and, uh, you know, uh, hot start to a show and then she did ask the, uh, the booth. She was like, I'm sorry. All I can see is this guy eating steak sandwich, apparently the steak sandwich like it sticks with me. I'm so, can, can you turn the lights up so I can see other people who might be enjoying this? She's like, please for my own personal and she's like, oh my god, thank god you're there because the way the lights are, if you're performing there, you just see those first people and they don't. It's not every show that it's like food there. They should, they should, you know, get the food done by the time the headliner comes on, but it must be very disconcerning to be like I was like, I, that guy paid extra. He's like, I only want to see me and my family. They're like, we can't turn the lights up and I fully called him out. She fully called the dude out for eating the steak sandwich. And man, I would tell you this, there's, I, I would not like, and Pasha, you could attest this. I would not like my favorite singer to see me eating a steak sandwich. No, no, no. Yeah. Yeah. Um, hey, this is Paul Bettany. Oh, my gosh. Well, why do you get so ready for a treat? Yeah, out of the gates hot, I mean, he's going to tell you he's got no good stories. He's, that's what he says early on he has no good stories, uh, a ruse, if I've ever heard that. He proceeds to launch into. Yeah. Sort of like 10 tail, 10 bangers. Yeah, epic tales. Really? Yeah. Um, do give him a listen, do enjoy and do check out, um, vision quest. Is it cool? Is it? Yeah, vision quest. It's out. Yeah. You enjoy vision quest as I am currently doing. Oh, yeah, I mean, does anybody wear a better pair of glasses than Paul Bettany? Raging, in raging, well, Seth, you're not, you're not tough to top, Seth. I know. I'm new to glasses, Paul, and they're just filthy. I haven't figured out how to keep the thing. They're disgusting. Absolutely disgusting. Do you? I'm going to be honest. If there's, uh, there's one thing I like more than your glasses, it's your voice. And I'm hearing it all the time because my kids are just like knee deep in the Marvel cinematic universe and your voice is all over that thing. Are they really? Are you just saying that? No, they are. I really are. Yeah. Oh, good. They're ten and eight. Okay. And I, you know, I just, um, I mean, sorry, the big time you posse, but Paul and I just saw each other at, um, little, little event called the World Cup Final. - Oh my god, yeah, that's so great. - It was really great. It was really great. - It was so great to see all those Argentina fans and I just fed off all the sadness. - That's true, as an Englishman, you must enjoy the tears of Argentinian soccer fans. - Oh, it's so good. Hey, before we get started, don't you think, I think we should talk about mutual friend of ours? - Oh, I'm very excited. - Matthew Reese. - Yes, yeah. - Have you seen him since his double Emmy win? - As you changed, is he worse? - He's insufferable. (laughing) - It's just what a loss, 'cause he was a good person. - He was a really good person and it's kind of, I've had to break friends with him and he wants his kids to school with his Emmy. It's awful. - That's awful. - Well, he's got two. You have to be a really good person to maintain that on a night you win two Emmy's for two different things. - Yeah. (laughing) Only the best of us, only the best of us, Paul. - I think the secret is that he also won a third for producing. - Oh, he did. - He did, and he's also, and he had won before. I mean, it's so, from the Americans, it's just, it's unbearable. - I know. - It's too much for me to live with, I think. - I, you probably see him a lot too. - I do, he lives down the block. He brings them over when he comes to coffee. (laughing) - He, I'll tell you how he changed, 'cause I remember I saw him in the summary shot with Osbe, and he's like, "Oh, I have nothing to do with it." It's, you know, it's not me. I'm just lucky to have to be in it. And then, when he won for producing, he's like, "I had a vision." I always knew. (laughing) - That's slightly right. - Yeah, I've never seen Matthew. I've never asked Matthew, "Hey, how's the show going?" And him said, "It's going great. I think it's gonna be a hit." He's always like, "It's the worst thing." So I'm bouncing. It's the end of my career. Cut to him being lauded. It's, it's just easy. - I'm sorry, you have to. - I'm sorry, you have to live through that. - We came up together. We were in our first play together. - Get out. - Well, get out. - Get out. - Yeah, true story. And it was called One More Wasted Year. And the reviews came out and said, "One More Wasted Evening." (laughing) - And we were kind of prepared for it because Stephen Daldry was the, he was the director of the theater at the time. And he came in on press night, after press night, came into our dressing room. And he brought us two big glasses of wine. He went, "It might not be the play the world needs, "but it's the play we have." (laughing) - I feel like there's always a danger in plays with titles like that, that you make it too easy for the reviewer to track it. They might not trash it, but it's like, "Oh, I have to do such little work to write a headline "that's gonna take a little stab." - My wife was in a film called What's Wrong with Virginia. And the review just wrote itself, you look so cruel. (laughing) - Fun to look back and reflect on. And obviously, you, Matthew, Stephen Daldry, all have had numerous successes since then, but how gutting was it at the time? Like, do you remember that at that night, was it really dreadful? - Yeah, because that's the problem with theater, is you then still have to do it for six months. - Yeah, they didn't cut your run short. - No, with dwindling audiences. No, no, no, it's, you know, it's a government-sponsored theater. - Yeah, do you have a good sort of radar for how it's gonna be received? Like, did you think before the reviews came out, we got a hit on her hands? - No, I was too young. We were just too excited to be employed, I have no idea. We were just out being drunkards of us. - When you read the reviews, you said to Stephen like, but we still get paid, right? (laughing) - You had done some street performing in London as well, yeah, was that prior to this? - Yeah, I was a busker on the streets with a guitar. - See, I feel like everything after that has to be a little bit easy. That's the hardest thing in the world. - It's a hundred, you're a hundred percent right. And when I, I was a little older than the other students when I went to drama school. So having been, having been a busker on the streets and everybody was, everybody was terrified of drama school to get in cut. And I just thought, I've got a grant. I mean, I've got a flat, they're paying my tuition. I was just, I can eat. Although, the first term that I got a big check from the council for my living expenses and I spent it all on a stereo. (laughing) So I literally lived on crisps at the pub for the next, for the first three months. - That is, Josh and I both performed at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival. And we would have to sort of give out flyers, try to get people to come to our show. But on high street, there were also actual buskers. And I just, the, I don't know, the ability to like work past the disinterest of 95% of the passers-by is just such a good education in rejection. - Yes. - And I mean that in a positive way, which is like ultimately like you can be a head if you convince 5% of everybody to stop and watch you. As long as you just can live without the, like carrying the people who didn't wanna see it. - That's right. And you kind of, you learn to sort of profile your audience, you know, you're like, oh, these kids look like the French students, I'm gonna play the cure. (laughing) So yeah, yeah, it was, it was a terrible time. And I was thinking about this, I was thinking about this. I was like, fucking hell, what am I doing? Coming on this podcast, 'cause literally nothing funny happened to me in my childhood. (laughing) And just to give you a, for instance, I was thinking, well, what was some funny story? And I remember that this is how I found out that Santa wasn't real. Was we have a slightly different tradition in the UK? We don't put our stockings up by a fireplace. We put them on the end of our bed, which is already darker. A darker story as a sort of old man and leather boots, in a fir tree, in costume walks into York. But I woke up to find my dad stuffing presents in my stockings. And we just, we locked eyes. And with his cigarette still dangling from his mouth, he went, how, how, how? (laughing) That was pretty good. That was pretty good. Hey, we're gonna take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. Support comes from Blueland. Hey, Pajee. Hey, Sufi. Between sports practice, starting back up, busier schedules and everyone's routines ramping up again. My laundry pile has basically tripled overnight. I need a detergent that can actually keep up. Real quick, Pajee. My laundry pile, when I was 12 years old, tripled. How big would that have been? I mean, as big as all three of your children. Smushed together? That's about right. 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Find your next fall favorites at Quince, download the Quince app for app-exclusive offers to go to Quince.com. Get free shipping on your order in 365 day returns now available in Canon UK2, and when Quince asks where you heard about them, keep it to yourself! Wait, no Sufi! Let 'em know it was family trips. It's the best way to support the show. In partnership with Airbnb, I'd like to share a travel story. Hey, Baldi! Hey Sufi! It's here. Our big trip to Pittsburgh. Yeah, very excited. Three generations of football fan going to Pittsburgh to see the football team in Pittsburgh play. And my wife is coming. She's part, she's your generation. Yeah, but it's going to be her first time in Pittsburgh. I like that she's going to be able to enjoy it, like a local, because we're going to be in a neighborhood that our father was very familiar with as a child, and that we've been staying in for years now. I like the neighborhood, I like the bakeries, I like the restaurants that are right near there, and I also like that Mackenzie and I and mom and dad are going to get there a day before you, but it's not like we're going to score the best bedrooms, because we've got a five-bedroom house, and I've seen the pictures. It looks gorgeous, comfortable. The living room's got a nice wrap around couch. We've got some college football to watch on Saturday, so we're going to be able to cozy up in there and play games. And we're going to have our snacks, and we're going to have our drinks, and we're going to have all the things we want to have, because we have a nice little kitchen. And I hope Mackenzie is ready to play dad's favorite game when he gets back to Pittsburgh, which is what did that bank used to be? It is such a great way to travel, and it's such a great way to be with a group of friends or your family. I'm so excited for it. It would be less excited if we were not staying at a house that we booked through Airbnb. Support comes from Boris Head. The holidays are here and they're about bringing people together, and one of my family's favorite things about hosting is having everyone gathered around the table, and when we're entertaining, I want to serve a really delicious food, but I also want to be able to enjoy the party. That's why I love Boris Head for the holidays. Their how-to shark cuterie solution makes creating a premium shark cuterie spread so easy. You can mix and match from so many Boris Head favorites. Just pick two meats, two cheeses, and two akutra malls. It's a great way to give everyone something to snack on while you catch up and get the festivity started. Then for the main event, there's Boris Head, a sweet slice uncured ham. It's a savory centerpiece for your holiday meal, slowly oven roasted, and delicately smoked for a subtly smoky flavor with the traditional taste of a bone and ham and a boneless cut. Made with premium ingredients and no fillers or byproducts, it's a delicious, effortless way to bring everyone together around the table. Boris Head has been family-owned from within 120 years, with a commitment to exceptional taste premium quality and trusted craftsmanship so you can serve something special for the people who matter most without making hosting more complicated than it needs to be. Find sweet slice uncured ham, as well as their full line of a shark cuterie items at your nearest Boris Head deli and for holiday entertaining inspiration recipes and more, visit borset.com. He was teaching and my dad was just doing it. My dad was a gay man who lived in a very religious household because I guess he was trying to be not gay and he moved through all of these different religions. We were Catholic, we were all denominations of Christianity, we were Methodists, we were Church of England and one point we were in the quasi-Christian Native American thing called Church of White Eagle Lodge and then then we became Mormons. How long did each one last, like as a kid? As a kid, were you aware we're probably going through these a little bit faster than you're supposed to? It was just normal. The moment one stopped for a while and it's actually where I think it's the experience. So this is 1970s England and the Church of the Latteday Saints was in on a street called Exhibition Row and this becomes important later because on a Sunday it's the busiest street in London because it's where all the museums are. It's museum row or the natural history museum and all the science museum and all of that and we would be there three times a week because they really get their claws into you and on this particular Sunday I became an atheist and I must have been 70 years old and I remember there was this little boy and he ran out that he was wearing these. You remember those sort of like flare bell button trousers and they had a really wide band at the waist with like six buttons and he couldn't get the buttons on down and he's going, "Mom, I can't get the buttons on down and I'm going to pee myself and I'm like, "Oh my god, this kid is going to pee himself in front of the congregation. It's going to be excellent." Then his mom, his mom runs and he says and she shouts to the congregation, "He's only got one kidney and now everybody, all of these mums are trying to undo his trousers and she says, "Just do it, just pee yourself." And he does and he pees himself in front of the entire congregation and it stops being funny because it's so utterly humiliating for this kid and I'm just filled with this sort of sadness for him and it was at that moment that my mom lent down and whispered in my ear, "Take off your trousers." And I went, "What?" And she went, "Take off your trousers." And I said, "But why?" And he said, "Because he's peed himself." And I went, "I know, he's peed himself, mom." And she went, "It's the Christian thing to do." And so I took off my nice fucking dry trousers and I handed them to this kid with the wet trousers and then my mom and I walked back to the car in my tidy whiteies down exhibition rows with millions of tourists just walking by and I just thought, "This can't be what he wants to be what he wants to be what he wants to be what he wants to be what he wants to be." Also, you know, you didn't say it, but obviously it was clear from the story. You had no trouble getting your buttons undone, did it by yourself. No trouble, no. You're the hero of this story. I'm the hero of this story and a really good Christian boy and I'm just a double kid need to boot. Double kid need to. And then by the way, right is your good, what right is your good Christian boy, they switch you over to some other religion where you can't take any of the points with you from the previous religion. It did nothing rolls over. Would your dad just like collect the old books, would he be like, "All right, give me those books. We got new books today." Yes, yes, it was a bit like that. Yeah, it was, and my dad, who was a really big drinker that he and a hilarious drink are always super fun, but he was him sober as you have to be as a Mormon was just just the household was miserable. I mean, I feel like if you can get over the hump of like a household with no caffeine and alcohol, like if you can get like two, three years in where everybody's like off their, you know, dependence, but I mean, I mean, early years of late, late breaking Mormonism seems like a real drag, if you got. Yeah, and then, and then I suppose the end of this story, which is equally sad and hilarious, is that my, so my dad finally comes out at 63 and everybody to everybody's relief and total non-surprise. So at what age would you have been not surprised to hear that from your dad? Like, we're like about 11, 12 onwards. And I think we would have gone. So this is about 20 years after that? Yes, exactly. So he comes out as gay and then he falls in love with this man called Andy and, and you know, they have a 20 year relationship and then Andy sadly dies and I'm living in, in New York at this time, and my dad, my dad, was coming over to visit me and just by way of nothing, he went, "Oh, I should tell you, I'm a Catholic again." And I went, "Wait, what?" And he went, "Yeah, I'm a Catholic again." And I went, "How does that work?" And he went, "What do you mean?" And I went, "Well, how does it work?" You're being, "You know, a guy." And he went, "I'm not gay." And I went, "Well, what about your relationship with Andy?" And he went, "Well, that was only sexual for like 15 years." And I went, "That's really gay." That's super gay. And he got all flinty. And then when my, what I realized was, my brother had died when he was eight years old, I was 16, and I realized that my father was desperate to get into heaven and the whole religion thing was both as supposed to be the sort of bomb, you know, but was ironically the source of all the shame. And he wanted to get into heaven to see my brother. But when he died, I was with him and I was getting him ready to go to the, be picked up by the funeral parlour. This doesn't sound funny. It's going to get there. But in his pocket, I found a vile, little glass vile of Andy's ashes. And it was so moving. And I wanted to do, I managed to get him into a Catholic graveyard. And I thought, God, I put a bottle of, a little bottle of scotch on his pocket and I put a packet of cigarettes on his other pocket. I thought, "Alright, well, we've done right by the old boy. I got him in a catholic grave game." And they drilled down the thing, right? And then the next day, the next day, I'm with my sister, with Lauren, he means there's a howling. He lived in Scotland. It's a howling fucking gale, just like, you know, and I, Lauren down into the grave and it hits the water because it's full of water this grave. And I went, "Oh, I don't want to see that. I don't want to see that." And I was like, "Well, you did right by the boy, packet of cigarettes and a bottle of scotch." And then out loud, I went, "Light up!" And I, I am to this day, haunted by this image of him going, "Oh, boy." "Oh, yes, oh." "Oh, come on." "Oh, come on." Was Scotland a place, did you, did you go there often as a kid? No, we didn't go to, no, no, we didn't go to Scotland often. He sort of fell in love with Scotland in his, uh, leg to years. But I mean, his name was Thane, which is Scottish name, for, oh, like, faint of cord or in hamlet. So I think there, there were definitely Scottish family members and he felt like he was a scot by the, by the end, for sure. Uh, the very British scandal, that was, that was, you were Scottish in that, right? Wasn't that a Scottish castle? Yeah, I was, I was, I was, yeah, the, the, the guy that I was playing had been, I mean, he's, he, he was a Scottish lad, but he was, um, he was definitely raised in England and, you know, what we call public schools, which are private schools. I believe there's a really interesting story about that, which is the reason we call private schools, public schools, is they used to be, like, eaten used to be a public and it was a charitable organisation. And then people started, as they realized the education was so great, they started paying off, you know, the board to get their kid in there. I mean, it's, right. I think that's how that happened. And they were just like, we got to keep the name. It's too good. It's too good. Um, but I, uh, yeah, I loved doing that with Claire Foy. It was great. I was a great, many series. Josh and I once took a, a vacation to a Scottish castle, and they're not all there cracked up to be. No. Like you describing the wind on the day you buried your father is like, and we were there in like August. And it was howling, just howling and just a Scottish castle is mostly like where you go to feel the breeze. Yeah. Yeah. And yeah. And you, I remember being in this like fancy hotel in, like, in St Andrews or whatever, you know, right on the golf course there. And I was just like shivering and I was like, can we, is there, you know, heat? And then when it's, you know, it's not snowing yet. These are hardy people. They are hardy people. They're hardy, tough people. Did you, uh, did you guys go at it? Where would you travel? Would you go on vacations when you were kids? We used to go to Cornwall. And, um, we, uh, we lived in this tent in a field. Oh my god. And it wasn't like a camping site. It was like a, my dad used to work on this farm when he was a young, young lad and, and they would let us come and pitch our tent there. And, and I love, I mean, I loved Cornwall. And I remember it was one time and we must, I must have been like 13. And we were, we were in a pub because we were always in a pub with my dad. And I went into the bathroom and I noticed, and I thought, I'm 13, right, there's this town called Bude. Some point I'm going to go down there and I'm just going to be, I'm from London. I'm going to be a hit with the girls. I'm just going to, I'm going to be a hit. And I go into the bathroom of this, um, pub and there's a condom machine, right? And so I was like, it's, it's like, it's a sign. So I've got to, yeah, I've got to get, stock up, get ahead of the game. So I put my 50p or whatever it was in and I turn the thing and the entire machine empties out onto the floor. And initially, I'm, I'm like, it's, you know, terrified that somebody's going to come in and then I think, well, maybe I'll be a big hit with the girls. Yeah, even bigger. And I'm stuffing them in my pockets. And I get back to the, um, I get, we get back to the tent. I'm like, what am I going to do with my every pocket, every, everything is stuff full of these condoms. So I put them in my Wellington boots. And so I stuck them all in my Wellington boots like full to the brim. Yeah. Rubber's in rubbish. Yes, it's I've rubbers in rubbish. So I sold itself. Yeah. And, uh, and, um, I know I was, I was a tall fella. So unfortunately, I have the same size. Jesus, my dad, and there was a howling gale that night. My dad had to go out to fix the tent and he tried to put on my, my Wellington's and just an, an avalanche of condoms scattered all over the 10 ground ground sheet. And, uh, yeah, I don't, I don't remember how that I've probably blanked out what my mum said at that point. Yeah. It's weird to me to use that as a 13 year old boy. Uh, the problem, uh, would be not having enough condoms when you were sleeping in a tent with your parents. Like that seems to be the bigger barrier to you sort of closing the deal than, than safe sex. Well, they were compartments. Oh, okay. Oh, you got a 50 tent. Yeah. Now it's a tent. I would love to have you back to my tent before, excuse me, before you walk away, there are compartments. I, I, I haven't really thought it through that much. I don't think, yeah. Um, I don't know what was going on in my head, but maybe that we were going to kind of go back to the airs or something, but my God. And I was so awkward. And, but I thought awkward, but from London in Cornwall, yeah, might be like Brad Pitt. You know what I mean, might be. Had you had like girlfriends at 13? Did you? No, God, no, no. Okay. So yeah, you weren't looking for a relationship. No, no, no, no. But I also wasn't buying condoms. Yeah. I wasn't feeling my boots full of condoms. I had a better sense of things. Listen, I went into show business. I'm just a deeply optimistic person. Yeah. I dreamer. You're a dreamer. Did you, uh, was the first time you came to the States on your own as an adult? Uh, yes. The first time I came to the States was to the Long Wharf Theatre in, um, in Connecticut. Um, and it's in the meat, it's in a meat-packing place. And, um, it's, uh, it was a rude awakening. As an actor, it was rude awakening? No, as an actor, it was great. The show was was great and we had a great time and it's a storied theater. But in my head, I thought, I'm going to America and I'm going to make it and cut to, I'm in the meat packing district of Connecticut, but yeah, that was my first experience of America. And then I remember getting on the train to come to New York City and I just couldn't believe it. I mean, I'd grown up on all of those great 1970s, you know, Scorsese movies. And yet, and I was so frightened that it wasn't going to sort of deliver, you know, and you just, you get out. I got out of Grand Central Station and I was like, fuck me, it's all real. I loved it. And did you, did you have a sense like when you first saw New York, would you have predicted then that you would live here as long as it's been home now? No, I mean, it's been home for what 24 years or something, right? No, I fell in love with an American by mistake. And she brought me over like a, like a mail or a Russian bride. And we'd never, we'd never lived together. So I mean, I read a little bit about your story. Yeah, I read a little bit about it last night. I don't know how true what I read was based on Google, but it sounds like one of the most romantic, insane stories wrapped in tragedy. So this is Jennifer Connelly. Fantastic actor as well. You guys have been in a movie. Beautiful mind together, right? Yeah. Yeah. But no romance starts there. No romance. I, I mean, she was, I'd never, I'd never been that close to anybody that beautiful. You know, I mean, look at the fucking condom fiasco. You know what I mean? It was a long, cold. And I've spent time with you and I, nothing has shown me that you've matured past that month. No, no, there's something you can't get over. Yeah. So I sort of, I sort of figured it. I just, I thought rather cleverly to myself that I bet every man that's ever met her has tried to flirt with her. So I sort of just talked politics with her and, and she thought, I look, I'm British, I wear glasses. Yeah. She, she assumed I had read, you know, swans way. She thought you were smarter than you were. She really did. And I have, I have just been watching the light die and arise for twenty three years. She realizes how it'll educate her. Well, one of your children is like a genius, right? Yeah, he's pretty, he's pretty, well, yeah, he's pretty smart to be the one. But isn't, I remember me being in the show, don't you have like a scientist or a mathematician in the family? That's right. He is, he's an avionics. He's an aeronautical engineer and he's not mind biologically, which is exactly why he is an aeronautical engineer. So, and again, though, this is obviously like Jennifer is obviously, you know, she's capable of, of creating someone like this. So she must have, I mean, when it dawned on her, what you actually were, it must have been heartbreaking. It was really, it was really hard. And yes, I've literally never, she should have been a federal prosecutor. I've never, I've never won a single argument with her ever because she's brilliant at leaving space. Yeah, for you to hang yourself. Oh, yeah. And I might be right. I might, but I carry on fucking talking. And then I say something so awful that the whole show becomes about that now. It's, she's fucking clever. She's really clever. Yeah. So, where will we? I've watched the light die in her eyes. Right. But oh, so you do beautiful mind. You trick her into thinking you're, you know, smart. Yeah. I played, there was, I played, I played guitar for her. Great. And I'm like, well, yeah, I played, I played Nick cave into my arms. Okay. And I was like a fucking gotter. But nothing romantic ever happened. And we just stay friends. And but calling a lot, we called each other a lot. And then I was in Umbria in Italy. And I was buying groceries. And I saw this like a, like a tavern and had a huge crowd outside like you would get if there was a football match. But they were silent. So I was kind of my curiosity was peaked. And I went there and I looked in and they were all looking at the TV and I saw the second plane hit the tower. Right over there. And I ran home. And then I called, I just found myself calling Jennifer for like 48 hours. And at some point it dawned on me. I was like, why am I calling this? Oh, fuck. And I kind of realized I was tightly in love with her. And so, and so I told her so. And we, we kind of got together and we hadn't, we literally hadn't, we hadn't dated. We hadn't lived together. I mean, it was, it was at the stuff of madness. I was shooting a film, I was shooting Mastering Commander in, in Mexico. And I was coming back on the weekends to see her and, and, and then I went home to England to pack up my things. And we got married in Scotland because they will marry. It's like the last Vegas of the North. They'll marry Eddie. Did your, did your parents come to the wedding? And what did they think about the speed at which this had happened? My parents initially weren't invited to the wedding. And then I, I broke, I broke down at the end and I invited them. And yeah, my dad didn't do any, and we had 10 people at the wedding and we rented this really beautiful like casa outside Edinburgh. And we were there for a week with all of our friends. And the idea was, we'll get married and then we'll play Twister. And we did. And we'll keep it really low key. And nobody will know about it. And my, my, my, thank God bless him. He took pictures and sold them to the press. Which is the most, yeah, peak dad thing. I don't know. I don't know if he deserved a lighter, Paul. I think that was a good last prank. I think that was a good last payback. Hey, we're going to take a quick break and hear from some of our sponsors. Support comes from I am eight. Hi, Pashy. Hi, Zuby. I am eight is the way to simplify your supplement team once for all. 16 supplements replace 90 ingredients across nine major organ systems and one drink. Whoa. Yeah. That's a lot. That's a lot. Yeah. That is some, that is some fine tuning that has gone on. Because sometimes you're trying to get, you know, all these little things that you need, sooth, and you could have vitamin bottle after vitamin bottle after vitamin bottle. I mean, I started taking supplements, Pashy. 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The holidays you're here and they're about bringing people together and one of my family's favorite things about hosting is having everyone gathered around the table and when we're entertaining, I want to serve really delicious food, but I also want to be able to enjoy the party. That's why I love Boorshead for the holidays. Their how-to shark cutery solution makes creating a premium shark cutery spread so easy. You can mix and match. From so many Boorshead favorites, just pick two meats, two cheeses, and two a-kutramol. Then for the main event, there's Boorshead, a sweet slice, uncured ham. It's a savory centerpiece for your holiday meal, slowly oven roasted, and delicately smoked for a subtly smoky flavor with the traditional taste of a bone-in ham and a boneless cut. Boorshead has been family-owned from within 120 years with a commitment to exceptional taste premium quality, entrusted craftsmanship so you can serve something special for the people who matter most without making hosting more complicated than it needs to be. Find sweet slice, uncured ham, as well as their full line of of charcuterie items at your nearest Boorshead deli, and for holiday entertaining, inspiration, recipes, and more, visit boorshead.com. Do you obviously, you guys have had two kids together, correct? Do you remember? Yeah, I've raised Kai, my eldest since he was four, so he really, he fills my mind and genuinely, I mean, there feels no difference between my biological kids and my and Kai, and I was just, he went to Yale to study physics and engineering and whatever, because I didn't understand a word he said to me since he was seven. And I was, I had this amazing moment, he was in this little band and called Tangled Up and Blue, which is this traditional band that has, that started in the 60s, and every year there's a turnover of new students that take up, and it's basically a bunch of really rich kids singing about being dusty by us. It's hilarious. And Stephen Cobbaird, some, and there's this tradition where they, they ask up, you know, one of them asked their parent up, and Kai went, "I'd like to invite my father up," and I went, "Oh, I didn't know David was here, and I want to invite my dad up," and I looked around for David, his dad, and I was, "Oh, it's me." So I went up and we did this sort of traditional thing where I have to say, the drink isn't poisoned, and then I sat down, I was shell shot, and his best friend was sitting next to me and he went, "Are you alright?" And I went, "Yeah, I mean, he's just, he's not, that's the first time he's ever called me dad." He went, "I mean, he always calls you dad to us." And I went, "Oh, I'm too good." So yeah, I feel like I've raised three kids, and we're all still super close, and we all gone holiday together, you know, I mean, still. I will tell you that like my algorithm has decided at some point due to how I've responded when they've shown me, but like videos where children, like tell a step father, like, "I want, I'm going to take your last name on a legal duck." Yeah, so I've seen you guys, you can't, or like, turn around with their basketball uniform for the first time and show them it's their name on the back, like, "Oh my gosh. Have you adult me?" Did you, how much of your kids operating? I would assume you bring them back to England, is that, is that a trip you guys do? The problem with England is that, well, Greece is just right there. So they tend to come over when I'm working in that damp bog of a land, and then we are laughing, but I do think it's true. Like, even English people are surprised when American show up there for a decade. Yeah, like, what are you doing here? This is a place to work. We don't even have whiskey. Yeah. But they come over when I'm working, and my son now, my son, Stalin, who is my middle kid, he is at the Royal College of Music doing his masters in classical composition, so he lives in London, so it's lovely. Whenever I go over there to work, I can hang out with him. That must be so special. When they were all littler, where would you go if you would take vacations? If you really just needed a getaway that wasn't, Jennifer's not working, you're not working. Like, let's just go somewhere. Well, we have, I love Greece. I mean, Europe's great for that. You fly for five hours from London in four hours, and you're in Morocco. You fly for the five hours from here, and you're in Los Angeles. And it still smells of burgers. And so there's that being able to get them into sort of different cultures, and hear different languages spoken, and Jennifer's one of those really irritating Americans that speaks lots of languages. She speaks Italian and French. Oh my God. And so the kids speak Italian. Well, they're the kids speak French, and talk about me behind my back. Well, in front of me, I'm just too stupid and English to be able to speak another language. And so we've done a lot of Europe, but we have a place in Vermont, which I love. And we get up there, we get up there a lot. And we ski, and then once a year, we usually go to Switzerland to ski as well, but we ski in Vermont. I've heard from like about city kids, which obviously I'm raising younger city kids and yours. What age are they like bum to leave this city on weekends? Because like we also get out of the city. And then I do think there's a moment where like the social pull of New York is hard. Like all of a sudden Vermont doesn't sound as enticing. Yeah. For us, it was more like when they had projects or sports stuff kind of got in the what got in the way of it. But also I tend to force the issue. Yeah. Yeah. And I was I was I was really I think I was a difficult father in that regard. Like about hey, we're going to a party. Oh yeah, who's who who's a parent? Well, I don't know. You could speak to John. So you go and speak to the kid and they're like, oh, well, my uncle's in town. My parents are like, listen, I admire your balls, but it's not where my kids come to your pie. And and and so yeah, we I was really I was really because nobody watched me when I was I mean, it was the 70s, right? I mean, and then the 80s and nobody was watching and I got up to all sorts of shit that I shouldn't be getting up to and I wish I had. It's so funny how we it's the same thing, right? Like you instead of being like that was great. I'm going to give that to my children. We like it. We're like, you will not. You will not have fun like that. I mean, but I remember like I grew up in a place called Halston. Well, we and we move from Hal's we know I moved from Willston to Halston because Halston was up market and for any people from London who know what Halston is like, you know, it's it's really it was it was it was it's that those it was a tough neighborhood and and my parents during summer holidays we think they didn't think about putting us in camp. They just in the morning and I'm not I'm not joking my mom, she would she would make a sandwich for me and the sandwich sandwich was white bread, butter and sugar for energy. And she's like, "I'll give you lots of energy." So I'd eat this, like, granulated sugar sandwich, and then you'd just be out, and there were no trees, there was no park, there was a Martian yard, and it had a billboard like hundreds of feet over the Martian yard that we called the tree house. And we were all in there and we built a tree house in this rickety billboard. And at the end of the street was a working man's club which had that barrels of beer outside. And we figured out that if you flipped off the cap and got a stick and took your shoe and smashed it into the top, it would shoot out a jet of what we thought was like lemonade or whatever. We're like, "Well, this is weird lemonade." And then we were just all like, "But from five years old, just running around the neighborhood drunk." Oh my god. I know I gave you our time earlier. You are so much smarter than you should be based on like your diet of sugar sandwiches and summer beers. You're a success story. You're a success story, Bob. I'm a survivor. Oh yeah, truly. And then you would hit a stick with a shoe onto a barrel of beer. Yeah, and it would shoot out. And then really what happened in this sort of gray, miserable London was Star Wars. Star Wars happened. And I was transported into this other world where a kid from nowhere could really become something special and it changed my life, I think. Star Wars changed my life. Was it, did it change your life and that you were like, "I want to be an actor?" Or did it change your life and you were like, "There must be something more than shoes and sticks and barrels of beer." It must be something more than sugar syrup. By the way, until you said Star Wars, if people just listen to that thing, they're like, "I think you might have grown up in the 1880s." Yeah, Star Wars. Okay, so what was this about? He's a dickenscare. He's in the stick and I'm running out. It really was. It is like a dickens. My mom called me when the ice cream van came. I would, everybody would run home to the house to try and get money off the mum. And I would run to my mum. And I'd go, "The ice cream van is down the road and she'd go, is it playing music?" And I'd go, "Yes, playing music, she went, that means they're out." When you started finding successes in actor, was your dad as somebody who had pursued that for a period of time as well? Was he excited, proud of you? Where did he land on that being your profession of choice? I think he was happy for me and proud in the way that he could be. I mean, he had gone back into the theatre at that point because often my brother died and I was out of my sister and I were out of the house. He decided he didn't need to sort of earn a regular income and he went and became an actor again and worked and was happy and sort of found himself. And so I think he was thrilled and always super encouraging in that way, you know? Were they would come and see shows and happy to come? Yeah, they would come and see shows and my, you know, I would bring them because they were separate at that time because my dad had a boyfriend. So my mum wasn't, I don't think particularly keen on that. The press night with my dad and my grandmother would come who I loved and my mother had found this very, she found the most stable guy in England, you know what I mean? Like just, which after my dad, I totally understand, but he was very, I remember he came to see a show and I was above a pub and my grandmother came and in this show, I had to get naked and I stood up, I got into the show, I get into the bed and I'm totally naked and I just look out into the audience which is six feet away and you know, it's a tiny little pub theatre and there's my grandmother right where I have to stand and put on my trap, put on my trousers. It was terrible and it was a really, it was a really great play by a guy called Joe Penhall and it was called Love and Understanding and it was really funny and it's the play that we ended up bringing to the long wall here and it was it ran forever for this little pub theatre and my grandmother and there's loads of swearing, we went out for dinner afterwards and my mum's, my mum's boyfriend was like, I thought it was disgusting and I was like, oh I'm so sorry, what did you think was disgusting? All that swearing, it was not necessary, none of that swearing was necessary, it was disgusting and you stand in a naked on stage and my grandmother who was, you would have thought was the queen of England but she actually was brought up above a pub and notting them and had come down and become an actress and just totally invented herself. Anyway, she said that she went, she went, you don't know what the fuck you're talking about, it's eight year old woman, she was five fucking good, she was so, she was such great fun. Oh that's fantastic. How much older was your sister? Two years older than me, yeah. Gadget, were you guys close? Yeah, we were, yes, we're very different people, we're still close, we still talk, you know, we're talking at the moment a lot about our mum and that's really nice but we went in totally different direction. She is a very shy, thoughtful, self-contained person whereas I'm an exhibitionist that just, you know, shallow took your pants off in front of your grandmother. You took my pants off in front of my daughter, talk about myself on podcast, you know, essentially she's a good person. Yeah, we invited her, we did, by the way, we only asked you because she said no, just FYI, we started very, we went after her. Would you, would you visit, were your grandparents local or was your grandmother up and nodding them? Was it, would you see them? She wasn't, she wasn't in Nottingham at that point, she had, she had come down to seek her fortune in land and town and and she became quite a star in that era and actually, in fact, she came over with a, a light operator called the Mary Widow and there she met Frank Lester's pianist, a man called Leslie Kettle and he became my grandfather. And she said, so he was a New Yorker and she was doing the show in, in New York City I guess in the late 30s, early 40s and he said, I'm totally in love with you and I want to marry you and she says, well, I go back to England in two weeks and if you can lose that ridiculous accent, you can come and he did. I never heard my dad, my grandfather speak with a American accent, that's a true story. He was a native New Yorker who I never heard speak of a American accent. Wow. That's incredible. Well, see again, it's no surprise like how your marriage started. This was, you came from a, a long line of people who make bold, impulsive choices and then just stick with them. That's right. I'm not convinced that you don't have an American accent, you put this British one on to get Jennifer. It's true. I'm from Hoboken actually. This is just a, it's always such a delight to see you and this has been such a fantastic conversation. I'm so excited for Vision Quest. It's good. It's really, I mean, I'd say that anyway, but it's actually genuinely, really good and it's much nicer to be outselling something that you really believe in. The show's great. I love an actor who, who admits that there are times when you'd be selling it anyway, but yeah, yeah. I got to keep the kids in private school. I'm out there hustling. Who do I'm with you? I'm on the hustle as well. So I can't wait for that. And you know, I will say for my money, one vision is the, the best television show about superheroes that's ever been on television. That's really kind. And I think it's a worthy, it's a worthy finale to all of that. And yeah, I'm really proud of it. You can't wait. We are going to now give you a speed round question. before we let you go. - Oh Jesus. - All right, here we go. You can only pick one of these. Is your ideal vacation relaxing, adventurous, or educational? - Oh, educational. I think it's relaxing. - All right, no one thought you were gonna say education. - Even for me at this point. - Nobody thought we were. (laughing) - Oh my goodness. - You didn't have to make the face. Yeah. - Even if it was, you know, even when I go skiing, I basically ski to lunch. - Yeah, there you go. - What is your favorite means of transportation? - Oh, that's not an either role. And my favorite boat. - A local boat. - Oh great. - If you could take a vacation with any family, alive or dead, real or fictional, other than your own family, what family would you like to take a vacation with? - Wow. I would like to take a vacation with, oh my god, that's that's so huge. I would like to take a vacation with John Candy's family. - Yeah. - Wonderful. - And I mean, I think it's safe to say it was probably Matthew Rees until a couple of weeks ago. - Yeah, no, that's over. - Yeah. - He's dead to me. - If you had to be stranded on a desert island with one member of your family, who would it be? - That has to be, I mean, it's the truth. She's my best friend and it's so soppy to say it, but my wife, yeah. - That's good one. - What is your dream destination for a family vacation? - Yeah, okay. It's Zahmat in Switzerland. - Great. - There were no cars and the skiing was amazing and the food's fantastic and the Vino is great. - It's all done. - Great. You are from London. If you had to get more families to come visit London, what would you tell them about that city? - I would tell them that you can be in a pub all day long with your kids and nobody will look at you as scants. - Pretty good, sold. - Great advice. - Sold. - Great tip and then Seth has our final questions. Paul, have you been to the Grand Canyon? - I have. - Yeah. - Was it worth it? - Not really. I mean, it was really grand and I did, you do go up and you go, "Fuck, that's a huge hole!" And then you're like, "Yeah, I mean, it's a huge hole." - And then you're like, "Where's the pub?" And there's like, "There's no pub." And you're like, "That's not the point." - "Where am I here? - Where am I here?" - No, it was amazing, but then I, it says more about me, the kind of the awe of it really diminished really quickly. - That's how I felt. - No good. - And I don't care. I don't really mind what it says about me. I think it says, "I have an active mind that can't spend a lot of time on how big the hole was." - Yeah, and now people are talking about this hole and they're not talking about me. (laughing) - "Where's the outside?" - Seth just wants to get back to his algorithm and see "Stepfather's" - I want to see a stepfather find out. - Yeah. - He's just. - Paul, you're the best. Love to your family. - This was so much fun. - Yeah, you too. I'd love for us all to have dinner at some point. - Yeah, it's fun. - Let's do it. - But not while we cut Matt out. - Yeah, yeah. He would have been in. Last year he would have been in. - I'm bearable. - I'm bearable. (laughing) - Great to meet you. - Thanks, buddy. - Take care. - I'll find out. - Take care, everyone. ♪ Family trips with the miles ♪ ♪ Brothers, family trips ♪ ♪ With the miles ♪ ♪ With brothers, here we go ♪ (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) ♪ Paul, I super feel has seen that break ♪ ♪ That bastard Matthew Reese, he said ♪ ♪ They used to be friends and said ♪ ♪ But Ami's gave him a big head ♪ ♪ We find a lift here that ♪ ♪ Paul worries ♪ ♪ And he says ♪ ♪ God knows stories to you ♪ ♪ No good stories to you ♪ (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) (upbeat music) ♪ Well, Bruce seems to tell us ♪ ♪ Dale's, oh windows and zero fails ♪ ♪ God is not as Santa Claus ♪ ♪ He's that said, oh, oh, oh ♪ ♪ Church of saints and lavages ♪ ♪ One day on exhibition roll ♪ ♪ And can he bring me hat to be ♪ ♪ He only had one kidney, mom said ♪ ♪ Take your pants off, all the scouts ♪ ♪ It was a standoff, he came tiny ways ♪ ♪ Walking back the world and to all this ♪ ♪ He came in eight fields, this can't be what he wants ♪ ♪ This can't be what he wants ♪ (upbeat music) (upbeat music) ♪ Fuck 'cause he was from London ♪ ♪ That he had it going on ♪ ♪ He filled his boots up with condoms ♪ ♪ But dad wore the same size ♪ ♪ The boots they tipped on, oh no, oh no ♪ ♪ The condoms all fell out ♪ ♪ The billboard that was where he lived ♪ ♪ Played in it like a tree house ♪ ♪ A barrel of fruit ♪ ♪ He hit a stick with your shoe ♪ ♪ He hit the tits, he's what you do ♪ ♪ On a sugar sandwich ♪