Paul Anka | Club Random with Bill Maher

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To attract a partner with similar interests and live happily ever after. I've seen crazier rom-coms, so head over to clubrandom.com and bring home some random. I'll never forget a conversation I had with people that were close to government, and they said something really interesting. He said, club random. Now, the Kessler twins were six feet tall. Okay, well, this is a very rock star thing if you wanted to use it for the answer to that question. I hear footsteps. Be still, my beating harsh. I feel the aura. Hey. Hey, you got all dressed up for me, buddy. Not just for you, as you. Oh, he's hot. Get his gig in. This is my best. It looks good. Listen, your lady saw me like that in Florida. Look at this gold watch, diamond, and onyx cufflinks. You see, I don't wear cufflinks anymore. What? I don't wear cufflinks anymore. I don't either. I don't like to do it to a garden, but when you're here, I can't believe the classiest guy in the world is here in my rat skeller. Listen, this is sub-seller. I got to tell you. I look at the memories on this wall. $4.50 for the Beatles ticket, and I was responsible for getting them over here. Did you know that? Oh, that Beatles poster, right? Chase Stadium, August 23rd, 1965. I was nine. Well, I was 18, 17, something like that. You were a teeny bopper star. I was a teeny everything. Oh, I know. I've remained a teeny other. It's just amazing, the chapters in your life. The documentary, HBO. We talked about it on Real Talk. Oh, we did, yeah, yeah. It's, you know, if anybody was begging for a documentary, because, like, you just forget so many different compartments in your life, and then you put it all together, and there's just not a dull moment in the thing, because it goes from, you know, teeny bopper, that's kind of interesting, and then, you know, to down for a while, because the 60s and, you know, the Beatles, those assholes came in. They were good assholes. I was happy. No, I was happy it happened. It happened, frankly, you know, because I'd met them in Europe and kept hounding my agents to bring them over and trying to educate them who they were, not in a media-driven society. They had no idea. But you know what happened? When they came, Bill, it was really good for me, because up until then, you know, even though we had shifted the culture, all the teenagers, the pop music was not accepted, you know? It was our fans, and then no one liked us. That's true. Everybody. Everybody. You got your fans, and. Yeah, we had our fans, and the adults hated us, clergy hated us, et cetera, et cetera. Well, that's why the kids liked you. Yeah, exactly. Because that's what you want. Yeah, yeah, totally. But then, when they hit, Madison Avenue opened up. There was a lot of attention on pop music. Oh, I see. And then I said, wow, this is cool. And I was writing, and I was living in Europe. It was cool for me. A lot of my buddies got hurt, but, you know, it's the way the business goes, right? You know, the superpower. I guess everything they call a superpower these days, but some people do have it, is writing and music. You know, it's like in basketball, we say creating your own shot, you know? You don't need a guy to pass it to you. That's right. That's rare, but some can do it. And same thing in music. I mean, that's really. To me, that's what they and Dylan. That was the biggest revolution, was that the artists were writing their own material. Before that, artists did not. No. Right? No, very rare. Sinatra never wrote a song. Never wrote a song. Presley didn't write. Put his name on a few, as we discussed in the show. That's right. That's a whole other thing. No, that's true. But most of them did not write their own music. Yeah. But as I stated on the show to you, you know, I realized that early, that without the writers, whether it's TV, movies, songs, what have you, there are no success stories. There's no record companies. There's no lawyers. There's no. There's nothing. The writer or. The written, the plays, the thing is everything. Everything. You know what I never understand about songwriting is, how could it possibly be? There's only like 12 notes, right? That's right. How could it possibly mathematically be that there's any song that hasn't been written? It just seems like it's the hardest thing in the world. I don't write songs, but to like. How can those. How can there be. How can there be so many combination of notes that are different if it is a finite number 12, which I'm sure does have a, you know, multiplication factor? Of course. And yet, they keep doing it. Yeah. And it has to be simple. You want to write a hit song, you got to do it with one finger. When you look at those notes, if you can play it on one finger, you got a chance of having a hit. When you get too fancy, it's all these great composers that have done these films, et cetera. They've never written hit songs. It's so complicated. If you just keep it simple on that finger, that important finger, that active finger. I mean, look, as I always say, I'm just the young man in the 22nd row. I'm just a fan, which is very liberating, not to have any musical talent, but to my ear, and I am a big music fan. Yeah, I know that. I mean, I cultivate my collection very carefully. Yeah. And I'm so glad we're having this time as opposed on the show. When you were plugging like nine things, now I can talk to you about the music, which I'm a big fan of. But it just seems to me, from my ear, that it's a little more complicated than bing, bing, bing, because there's a certain sort of crying quality in certain songs that just gets to me. You know, like, Hold Me Till the Morning Comes, a perfect example. I mean, to me, that's. You know, who is it with? Who is it with you on that? David Foster? No, no, no. Or Peter Cetera? Peter Cetera. Peter Cetera. Yeah, he did a great job. Great singer. Yeah. But you know, when you construct those songs, we're very aware of the kind of buttons that we have to push. And going back to good being the enemy of great, you can't just sit down and write it. Everybody can write a song. Most people do. But to hit the real magic and to get the money notes, it takes a little crafting and awareness, and when you look at the success of Cole Porter, he wrote in a lot of minor keys. And in a minor key, you can really evoke a lot of emotion. Irving Berlin had a piano that was put in one key, the key of F. He never played in any other key. I've heard that. Yeah, true. And I think intuitively, I think even the casual listener gets it, that it is the minor keys. You can hear that. You can hear it, absolutely. But still, like, since that secret's out of the bag, it's not like anybody could just sit down and go, oh, well, I know the secret, minor keys. It has to be some further, and it doesn't have to play off of major keys, because it's the change that evokes the emotion. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. No, it's a craft, and everybody's given a craft. Everybody's given something. But that gave you eternal life. Oh, totally. It was the gravitas, and it gave me the longevity factor. Right. You could reinvent yourself as many times as you needed to. Yeah, yeah. And, you know, for me, again, in that, I was way too young for your early teeny bopper thing. Okay, yeah. I was in the crib. Okay. Right. So, but by the time I was listening to music, like, in the late 60s. Right. Like. Folk, Dylan, all that stuff that happened. Well, Beatles, and, you know, I feel like I got onto you in the 70s. Right. You were, you know, I was like a young man and you were like kind of guy i wanted to be you know tan i always wanted to be tan and of irish you know it's very easy just get out in the sun well everybody i love the sun that's because you're a heritage my irish people that doesn't that doesn't work for us you know just go in the sun yeah you just look better the more you're in the case of a tie i get a tan because i hate makeup you know what taught me carrie grant he said don't wear makeup and this goes way back to vegas and he never wore makeup and even dean you know a whole bunch of us were kind of taught to get a tan and don't put that stuff yeah you fucking guineas don't need makeup exactly yeah no kidding right your skin is olive that's what i always want so i like you in the 70s you were like you know i if you weren't in the rat pack you were on the waiting list you know you were like the oh he's in there you were always a junior member without doubt oh absolutely i saw it all no no one did it i mean i felt like you were anyway so as a young man of that age it was like that is oh this is what i want guy in vegas the songs were all like about sex as much as you could do but you know she's a one man woman and i'm a two-time man and not apologizing and i can't help myself i'll do it again yeah listen the women yeah first thing i got into was the women you know i wasn't a great guy with chicks as a kid i got a hit record it flooded open and then i'm sure i mean up for it you know all of a sudden i was getting action i never dreamed of getting no in every country every flavor so i stayed with it as opposed to other naughty things and that was it for me yeah because music just really gets to women my theory always is i mean besides that we all love music on a very visceral level right but for women what they crave is men being more open more communicative saying the things they want to hear as opposed to grunting guys sure i love you or whatever me too you know so that's what a lot of music is it's it's a man if it's a man can be a woman but certainly uh you know two women uh heterosexual women and of course that could be anything you have to apologize for everything we've been saying to start the point um it's just they're hearing the things you know uh you're two times three times a lady and it's a door opener it's the door opener music yes exactly and the other goes to the brain right yeah that's comedians comedians i know that's why we all want to be singers that's why i want to be a canadian i'm sick of the other i don't want it so easy who wants that to go through the brain christ it's like that straight or her moves i gotta go through there to get when you get to sex it's all the brain but no no no no no it came it all came up you know you can't write songs i left my brain and said it doesn't sing somebody came up with we're gonna use heart the heart does nothing in sex it's all up here you know that the heart's me remember dr ruth sure exactly very good impression thank you sir the kids don't know what she has she's on tv all the time it for a while as this sex therapist this little hermunculus uh german lady she was a she was a uh a fire what do you call fire she was just hydrant fire hydrant i was taller than her her sammy davis i towered over dubious distinction but she would always say the most important uh sexual organ is the brain mm-hmm you know um and i guess it's true i mean it's very true well it's certainly true as you get older as i'm just speaking i won't speak for all men but for this man and i think this is all men yeah you know you're so you have so many hormones racing through your body when you're 15 20 years old that's right that you know the brain yeah it's involved but like your dick gets hard when the wind blows you know so so you're but the older you get which is why people also go to perverted things because they just get jaded that's right but whoever it is gave us a dick and a brain and not enough blood for both and that still prevails into your later age and not enough blood for both what's the most rock star thing you ever did oh god do we have the time oh my god you know it's so eclectic in many years i think it all i think i have to go back to vegas you know because we had uh you know working for those guys and working with the red the mob it was such an experience for me i learned so much from them believe it or not these were gentlemen i mean these guys yeah they they were the coolest guys ever but i think the craziest thing i did out of the box it was always show girls we had everything that we want i think i wound up with you know i wound up in a steam room with about 12 of them with jimmy webb you know the composer of course jimmy carter park is melting in the dark that's right we took please i think there must have been i don't know eight twelve of them into the steam room at the sands hotel and of course at that point in time we knew what to do or tried our best was it was the steam on i couldn't tell i was so affected because like i i mean the idea of like having vigorous sex while you're in well you gotta get out of the steam you gotta get on the massage tables oh yeah we were out when i'd stay too long in there i'd have a hose put in there with water and i used to dose myself with cold water that's how i'd stay long in a steam room but when we were in action no no no we'd go in play around gloating but that's a very thing to do right to go to the steam room yeah we always everybody met there afterward and everybody got here we all went together when you got naked and went in there together well i'm just asking anyone who had clothes on he was not allowed i'm not implying anything that you want to apply anything you want you'll get an honest answer spend a great deal of time naked with other men that's perfectly fine and you'd sit there poor dean was in the corner singing oh little things mean a lot because frank was hung like a horse oh god bless him it's the old joke that was the rumor when they it's not a rumor ava gardner somebody asked her many years ago because i never talked out of school about him because i adored him she said somebody said is it true about mr sinatra that he's it's she said let me tell you this he weighs 120 pounds and 20 pounds and he's got a lot of weight and he pounds his cock that's the famous ava gardner line and she was right did you read the biography by his valet george albert no george george yes i did it's one of the greatest books i've ever read it's the best of all of them and i hear someone's doing a movie about it it's really first of all it's brilliantly written it's funny as fuck all the way through and it's so insightful and it's a guy and it i i believe it word for word because um he's not he doesn't spare frank um mentioning his flaws including he could be very cruel yeah and was cruel to george yeah but george he was generally so great to him uh that he doesn't he doesn't have any bitterness about it even though like he did like just mean practical joke sometimes like and in this case he left him in israel like with no money and they thought that was hysterical yeah but he was a true hero in breaking down racial barriers absolutely and he treated he like on a one-to-one level him and sammy davis jr i mean he treated them in an era where where white men did not always do that black men and treat them with equal you know and i was there in vegas when sammy could not come into our hotel and frank put his foot down and right moved them all out of the black hotels and said they work in this hotel or i'm not here he changed it so not right everyone came over and lived at the hotel they were not allowed to i love when you do his songs i'm not anyone what the song i'm not anyone you mean sammy's or frank's frank's oh no like you've covered a lot you did september of my year no oh yeah i did when i was 17 17 you should do september of my years i was thinking about i'm looking at it right there i've got an arrangement on my piano but i lyrically it's you know i look at my whole gig when i do it and i try to not repeat lyrics i don't want to get into it it's very similar to when i was 17 and when i was 17 i'm 17 but the song i wrote pivoting for sammy davis i thought you saw it in the dark that's one of the most important songs to me that i've written and one that i cherish called i'm not anyone and he and i do it together on stage but that was a real moment for me writing that for sammy because he was the most talented guy of all of us and even frank would agree that man was something when you look at prince or you look at mars all these kids today even michael they're all copping the moves of sammy davis and james brown and jack wilson but sammy was the guy i'd sit off stage bill and watch him it was remarkable what he did he was a terrible guy yeah i mean that's in the george jacobs book that even frank - That's correct. - And that Ava, he was so talented, And Ava, he said, I kind of had a crush on him. On Sammy? Yeah. A lot of women did. Yeah. He scored big time, Sammy. But that's the one. Frank didn't want to hear that, though. I mean, that's why. And in this book, I feel like it really captures both sides accurately. Because he was kind of bipolar. I mean, you see it in the music. I forget who I was talking to about this here. But the music is either very up. Out of the tree of life, I pick me a plum. You know, all this. Fly me to the moon. Very up. You know, optimistic people were in those days. You know, like, I got the world on a string. A rainbow. A lot of plum picking and rainbows. Good times for white people. Very good times for white people. Yeah. Or it's. It's quarter to three. And no one. Pass me the gun. I'll shoot myself with me. Well, you know, when he's sitting in a bar. We used to sit with him. He never forgot that chick. When he listens to a piano. He truly loved this woman. It is the theme of the book. Yeah. Because George was with him from, like, the early 50s when he got with Ava. Yeah. He had already been with her when George. Yes. Frank poached him from some. Swifty Lazar. That's right. The agent. Right. So and and through the and his downfall was he he when Frank was married to Mia Farrow, he was at the Peppermint Lounge, like, with her. I think it was that club, some club here in L.A. And, you know, kind of like bodyguarding her. But they were friends and was photographed with looking like he was dancing with her. Oh, OK. Well, then, you know. And when Frank cut you off, it was like it was complete. That's right. You know, there was there was no no smiley faces being texted. It's got to lose my number. But, yes, the theme really is Ava. Like he has at one point he says something like every love song he sang was about Ava and every woman he was with was an attempt to forget her. That's so he did have that. Side to him. No, he did. There's no question. Yeah, right. No, you you saw the many moods, you know, but for me, I adored this guy, you know, what I learned from him and being around him. And I understood, you know, people have this misconception of who we are as artists, because I don't know that all artists when they start to know who the hell they are, they're trying to pretend to be somebody. They're trying to be somebody that they think they are. And I've seen that for so many years. You know, the first thing most of us came from modest backgrounds. You get on this this kind of journey of success. And all you're saying to yourself is, well, I ever get smart enough to deal with it, find out who I am, you know, and I see that in so many. Really? Oh, absolutely. You saw that yourself? Well, I was trying to find out who I was. Up to what age? I think it started breaking through lives around. At 22, I started believing and getting a grasp on who and what I was about. Yeah. Wow. That was way before I got a clue. 22. Well, you were in comedy. I was in music. I started at 13. No, you. Right. I mean, I can't imagine what it's like to have worldwide fame when you're that age. Oh, well, it's a huge obligation and challenge. I was all over the world, right down to was the first one to ever go to a communist country. I was getting on a plane. It's Switzerland and these militia were coming with dogs and, you know, the guns and they're putting this guy on the plane. And he sat right in front of me, big, big guy, ball head. He sat down. They all sat around me and I was flying from Geneva to Paris. And he said, what do you do? I said, I'm a singer. What do you sing? I said, I sing my own song. He says, what's your name? I said, Paul Anka. He said, Paul Anka. Paul Anka, I'm the president of Poland. I mean, what are the odds on it, right? I said, well, nice to meet you. He said, would you ever come to my country? I'm going to say no. I'm at 30,000 feet with guys. I said, yeah, whatever, you know. So I get home, fade out, fade in. I get a call from the State Department. Like two months later, they said, did you meet the president of Poland? I said, yeah. Well, there's $15,000 in the Bank of America. And we would like you to go. I said, really? Go to Poland? To Poland. Why? To sing for his people. You know, I was a. Oh, he deposited $15,000. Oh, yeah, he did. Yeah, yeah. Well, whoever. Before you even said yes to the gig? Before. They had to go through the State Department. He went through the State Department. And what did you do? I went. You did? I said. Why, if you didn't want to? I didn't say I didn't want to. I couldn't give him a quick answer. It wasn't like going to Vegas or. It's a fountain, bro. It's Poland we're talking about. So now. So I'm. And I'm curious. You know, I've lived my life being curious. What year was this? 1960. Oh, so they were still behind the Iron Curtain. Oh, yes. Was it 63? Yeah, I'll tell you when it was because I'm spacing it. I go over. Wow. First of all, we check in a hotel. One bathroom for the whole floor. No room service. And dark and bleak. I go to the Canadian Embassy. And I say, can I have some ham and some food and some bread? I mean, it was a true. The only thing I had was vodka. The Polish vodka with a straw in it. I mean, we blasted out every night. What did you eat? Ham, crackers. Oh, they did have that. Oh, yeah. Well, the embassy gave it to me. Oh, I see. So now, they started bringing these people to these shows on these streetcars. And the tracks went right into the stadiums. And every night when I'd go to work, I'd see, like, old factories in the distance and one light. It was depressing, right? But the people were amazing. They were unbelievable. They knew the music because they were manufacturing postcards and putting my music on a postcard and selling it to the people behind the Iron Curtain. Wow. So now, the point of all this, I'm sitting with this guy from United Press like this around 6 at night. Wow. Old radio in the corner. And they were pumping in radio-free Europe. And they have a limited vocabulary. It's like talking Arnold Schwarzenegger. It's like 60 words. So now, it's like 60 words. And I'm sitting with this guy, and I hear the guy goes, and President Kennedy landed in Dallas at 1, and he was shot. And it's just, do you know when you're so removed? That's where you heard it? Sitting in a dresser. In a dressing room in Poland with this guy. I said to this guy, I said, "I think Kennedy is just killed." He said, "What do you mean?" And we go over to the radio, sure enough, I start crying. I go on stage, a few minutes later, and place was packed and all government people. I said, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'm going home. My president has just been killed, but I will come back one day. I just have to go home." Right. The police, they loved him. They went nuts. The next day at the airport, people were coming up on matchbox covers writing, "We loved him. The Russians did." I'll never forget that day. Well, I mean, it's especially poignant for the kids who may not know that in 1963, when this was going on, Poland being behind the Iron Curtain was supposedly part of the Warsaw Pact, of course, led by the Soviet Union, and we were the enemy. We were NATO and the West. We were in America, and there were communists and in the Soviet orbit, and we were supposed to just totally fucking hate each other. That's right. So the fact that they reacted this way shows you it was all a facade. And I had the same, a total, because when I went to Czechoslovakia, they heard about Poland. I went back a couple years later to Czechoslovakia, and they assigned a communist member, this woman, Natalie Lechewa. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. She was a communist member, and she said to me, "You know, they're not all communists. There's only a million of us." And she'd show me her card. And every night at dinner, we'd debate about my country, the US, what we stand for, and what she thought about us, and we would go back and forth after every show. They'd show up. I'd go down and do a show in the bar. There'd be a few hundred that would show up, and the last dinner when we said goodbye, I said, "You know, hopefully one day you'll understand." They'd say, "Yeah, I'll do it." I said, "Yeah, you'll understand where I'm coming from." Fade out, fade in. I get a letter from this woman about a year after the date. Remember when the Russians moved in with the tanks and took over Czechoslovakia? '68. Yeah. They move in. She writes me a letter. She said, "Dear Mr. Anka, you were so right about what we have to live through. You were so right about your country. Can you help me? My daughter, who you met." This kid of hers. I've smuggled her out of Czechoslovakia to Belgium. and I don't have any money to pay. I said, this is from the U.S. I answered her. I sent her the money. I put the kid through school. Good for you. It makes me so frustrated when I see so much sympathy for communism among kids today because they just are not taught history. And just because we lived through it doesn't really reach them because they're entitled and they think they know everything. And that's a lot of youth of every generation. Of course. You think you know everything. Yeah. Okay. But we did try this. It is an evil, evil system that just doesn't work. I don't know what debates you were having around the bratwurst barrel there at 12.30 at night when you were 22 years old arguing for America. But, you know, my argument would be you're fucking standing in line for a potato and have you seen our supermarkets? I mean, you have to harness human nature to make any institution successful. Human nature is selfish. That's right. Communism pretends it is not. That's right. Propel Fitness Water with Gatorade Electrolytes, zero sugar, and vitamins. Propel hydrates better than water to help you get the most out of your workout and get back to your best self. What propels you? Chronic migraine. 15 or more headache days a month, each lasting four hours or more, can make me feel like a spectator in my own life. Botox. Onabotulinum toxin A prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. Effects of Botox may spread hours to weeks after injection causing serious symptoms. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis, or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications, including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Ask your doctor, visit BotoxChronicMigraine.com or call 1-800-44-BOTOX to learn more. If I had to write a book on communism, I would just put that sentence in there. That's it. That's it. Thin book. Thin. I mean. Bill Maher's thin books. Bill, I'd come home. In both countries, you'd see lines around the block in these little stores for toothpaste, for food, for a T-shirt. Everyone in my band and myself, we left everything we brought. I left my clothes, everything. My suitcases were empty in both countries. I just gave them away. Gave them away. I saw in the documentary, somebody comes up to you in some foreign country, and it was very similar to what you just said. Like, oh, you're so modest and humble, unlike so many people in this business. You're so gracious about, if somebody doesn't know you right away, you have none of that, really? You don't know who I am? And like in two seconds, they do, oh, that guy. Oh, you mean the three kids from Chicago? Yes. With the ice cream in your mouth. Yes. Yes. Yes. They were like from somewhere. They're from Chicago. Yeah, okay, but they were not American. Yeah, American. The kid was from Chicago. His father had all my albums. One kid was from Australia. But as soon as you said your name, they were like, it clicked. Yeah. You know? And that's a great quality, you know, because people, you know, you do your career with great joy. It reads. You know, when you sing, you know, you do it more, you're joyfully, you know, you're such a worthy successor to Sinatra. Yeah. Like, you're the only one still kind of hitting that beat for a lot of us who love that. Oh, yeah. No one can beat Sinatra, and I appreciate that. I get it. No, but you do great covers. Yeah, yeah. That's why I'm suggesting. You know what else you could do? You're So Right. For what's wrong. Oh, my God, you've got a good one there. Yeah. You're right. Not my version. You know what? You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah. You're So Right for what's wrong in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's very romantic. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, well, listen. If you heard, the thing about Sinatra was, no matter what you listen to, as soon as it came on, within five seconds, it puts you in the mood. Five seconds. And he's ruined it for every other singer for years for trying to stand in front of a big swing orchestra because nobody liked him. Big swing orchestra. Oh, I'm so glad you reminded me of that because, you know, this part, you don't. Well, I do, but I'm driving. Okay. Yeah, but I'll take a hit. Okay. Awesome. This is a. Let me see if you're as good as mine. Oh. No, usually when I get home, I get a red letter date for me. It's all right, everybody in the room. Oh, so what were we just talking about? It was something. It's on the Beeswine Old Big Orchestra. Oh, yes, yes. And you bumped. Yes, thank you so much. You know, my favorite record of yours is Rock Swings. Oh, man, I had fun making that. I mean, you have so many great singers. I love the 70s singles. And Peter Cetera, Celine Dion, that song. Yeah, yeah. I mean, so many great songs. And, of course, you know, I love. I always play it on my birthday. I have a little birthday. Time Is Your Life? Yes. Yeah, that's from the Having My Baby album. Yeah. Yes, Having My Baby. More 70s. You know. Yeah. Well, you know what I did. She's my best friend's wife. Oh, yeah. I'm kind of hitting that, too. Wow, you're really hitting them. Oh, I hope. My best friend's wife is the love of my life. You, wow. There's a. There's a song you had out that was. It was, like, almost exactly Barry White. It had, like, the complete. Oh, the disco with Odia Coates? Oh, Odia Coates is on. Never gonna fall in love again like I fell in love with you. Is that the one? Never, the disco? I think it's called You Can Pay Me Back in Love. You Can Pay Me Back in Love. Do you. Boy. No? I don't want to remember that. That I don't know. No, it's actually not bad. It sounds. But it does sound like you're just completely channeling Barry White. You know, I love Barry White. I love Barry White. Oh. He. His, like, top ten are awesome. He is so authentic. He is so honest. The groove and the vibe. Yeah, when he gets it. That he puts you in. When he gets it, it's. Nothing like. I agree. I would sit in Paris, you know, when he first came out. My friend was Regine. Did you ever hear of Regine? No. She started all this discotheque stuff. And when I knew her, she was a hat-check girl. Wow. at this great restaurant. She started everything. Everything that you see today in discotheque started with this woman, Regine. She had the place in Paris. She opened in New York. Everyone copied this woman. And when she first started, and I would meet with her, I said, you've got to put Barry White. And the people went nuts for him. This is back in the 60s. Barry White was absolutely the most unique-vibed disco R&B master at that stuff. He was a big man. He was a big man, I was going to say. Like, it doesn't even matter what. You can be bad at music, you'll still get. Like, you can be playing in a bar. Yeah. You can be a church fucking organist. You know, you can barbershop quartet. Fat guys. The guy on the corner playing the saxophone. I'm telling you, as long as it's music, you're going to get some pussy. Yeah. It's amazing. I can't. I can't argue with you. Listen, when I got to Paris, you know, when I first met the Beatles, right? And I kind of got there on a pivot ricochet, because I was living with two twins from Germany called the Kessler twins. Now, the Kessler twins were six feet tall, and believe it or not, I might have been two inches shorter, because I started so young. Okay. Well, this is a very rock star thing, if you wanted to use it for the answer to that question. So now, I see them at Moulin Rouge, these two chicks, these two women. And I hit it off, right? And I'm living with them. I was like a human pretzel between the two of them. I had never in my life, you know, you learn from experience. These two women became my best buddies and everything else. Really? Yeah. And then one night, I needed to come up for air. So I said, I got to go see these guys. My friend is opening at the Olympia Theater in Paris, and there's some act on there. Anyway, I go. And I am my friend. My friend is on. And then they announce this. Ladies and gentlemen, s'il vous plaît maintenant, c'est une Angleterre, s'il vous plaît, les Beatles. I'm like, what the fucking Beatles? These guys walk on, and I see the Beatles for the first time. Now, as a musician, and somebody who's totally in the music. Before they hit? Oh, yeah. This is like, they were just fringing. They hadn't written, was it Love Me Do? That was the first one. That was different. So I can't believe what I'm looking at. I never say anything like it. But we hit off. They come to my show. I buddy up with them in England. Now it's starting to percolate. And that's when I tipped off Normie Weiss, my agent in New York. She said, you got to go see these guys. He said, what do you mean, Beatles? What are you, crazy Beatles? I said, Normie. You know, because when you looked at an American band, it was ants and animals and bulls. You know, I mean, English bands. We were Supremes and Royals. But the English, they were all these shit names, right? So he said, what are you, crazy? He said, "Normy, They're unbelievable. I'm so excited. Anyway, they went over and signed the Beatles with Epstein and brought them over in what, 64? Yeah, 64. February of 64. But they already had, Beatlemania had already been. Oh, before that. That's correct. 63 all over England. Oh, yeah. And I knew them before that. And then it was, yeah. Amazing. Wow. And when you follow the career of those two writers and the impact of McCartney, different than Lennon, it's, you lose in all of that translation how important a guy like George Martin was. He's an unsung hero in there. I don't think he's that unsung. Well, to some people. To the layman. Well, some people, Paul. Most people, Bill. Don't get me started on some people, because if you want to go down that road. Yeah, no. To most people, other than industry. I think if you know the name, you know what he did. And if you don't know the name, then you're just the casual, especially younger people. You can't expect people who were born in 1998 or something to know everything about the bit like we do. But if you know the name George Martin, I think people know who he was. It's like Quincy Jones. Exactly. Yeah, it is. But the point I was making that I never lost sight of, we're just the cherry on the cake. You know, artists get so full of themselves, the team effort in most cases that's put around them. When you see Quincy's contribution, Martin, there's always a producer engineer that's sitting there helping you. And these artists, they take all the credit for it, and they're not usually the full participants. Well, that's one reason why Rock Swings is such a great record, because it's a great primer in the idea that songs are written, and then how they become the record. It could have gone in a million different directions. It was all about certain choices. But as the fan, you don't think that. You just hear the record, and you go, oh, great, here she come down, moany, moany. Of course that's how it sounds. But they could have done it with an organ, you know what I mean? They could have started with the chorus. These are all choices. So some of those choices you made, I don't know, are those your favorite rock songs? Some of them. But, I mean, it's just genius, because, like, I never was a great big fan of Jump. It sounds like it should be done this way from the Jump. Same thing with Eye of the Tiger. Was never, like, a great big fan of the original. It was okay, but it was very sort of not, it sounded like a movie song. Yeah, which it was. I understand that, but I'm just saying it did not rise above a movie song. You weren't invested. It wasn't Moon River. You know, like, that was a movie song. That was. Okay. But, Bill, you know what it was? It could have ended my career, I think. You know, people were telling me, were you crazy? Pat Boone tried it. I said, and it was after the Buble. You know, I helped with the Buble first album, and it was a swing album. And the record company said, why don't you do a swing album? I said, I've been swinging all my life. I don't want to just do a swing album. I said, but I've got an idea. I want to take some of the rock songs that I hear. You know, as a musician, you hear songs that can be done in different ways. Every song can be put in a different vibe. And all I did was go through 150 songs that I liked, and I said, how would I do this? And I sat with the arrangers, and I said, let's try this vibe. Let's try this vibe. I tried one of you two. It didn't work. I got a lot of stuff I threw out. But the ones that ended that were authentic. It's awesome. I mean, Smells Like Teen Spirit. Oh, that was a challenge. I left out a lot of it. That one and Black Hole, son. Yeah. One that, you know, when I listened to that record, the first thing that came into my mind was, wow, this is so awesome. But if you missed, you'd be Bill Murray. You know what I mean? Doing that character in the lounge. If you miss by this much, and you didn't. Yeah, you're dead. You didn't. Yeah, Wonderwall was another one I loved doing. Wonderwall. Wonderwall, right. I don't remember that. Maybe. Was that? Was that Oasis? Gonna be the one who's Jamie. Yeah, Oasis. Yeah, sure. Yeah. After all, you're my Wonderwall. Now, I didn't love that in the original, and even you couldn't revive it. I didn't. It was a challenge for me. No, it's a song. You have to love the song. Yeah, I liked it. Usually your taste in what you like as a song is my taste. Yeah, okay. But that one, Oasis. Hey, I never got into Oasis. Yeah, well, I was a big fan of Oasis, but I liked that song a lot. That got my attention. You did an R.E.M. song. Yeah. That's. Everybody, it's Everybody Hurts. Everybody Hurts. I love that song. Me too. Really a cool song, and it really worked with the brass band. Are you ever gonna like that? Yeah. I'm so sorry. That's the problem. I'm watching you waiting for me to suck on one interval. I don't know what it is that makes me forget things. I can't keep trying to. I'll let it free. Okay. But yeah, I mean. You sound on those songs. Yeah. I mean, to me, it sounds exactly like the Count Basie band. Yeah. Purposely. Oh, yeah. We went into Capitol, and we said, Count Basie, swing. We used old microphones, the Sonata. Oh, is that right? Oh, we went into Capitol. We approached it like it was being cut years ago, yeah. Absolutely. I wanted to be as authentic as possible and have it appeal to the critics. To the critics first. But, you know, now you put up music, it's a different business today, Bill. Ain't like it used to be, you know. Did the critics get it? Oh, we had rave reviews. We went gold in a lot of countries, sure. Yeah. I'm sure. What year was that, like 15 years ago or something? 05. 05? Yeah. I just finished the Bublé album, and yeah, it was 05. I went right in and cut it, yeah. It's amazing. Yeah. I mean. Here we are today. What? In this wacky, different world and different business, AI. It's reproducing everything, music, whatever you want. And I'm not afraid of it. I'm for a lot of it. I am. Well, I understand what the back end could be, but I'm not afraid of it. I mean, I'm afraid of it in general, not just, you know, music will be the least of it if they send off nuclear weapons. You know, I mean, it's very dangerous. Yeah. It's, I'm sure it'll do great things. Yeah. But it also could. It has to be managed. Well, it's not being. Yeah. That's the scary thing is because it's about a profit. Yeah. And when a human being smells a dollar, they tend to go for it. That's why capitalism works, because it harnesses that motivation. But it is true. When it goes wrong, it goes very wrong. And, you know, people, you know, money makes people do horrible things. Well, it's all about the money. Always has been. But, you know, I think that when it evolves to a certain level with it and they can get their arms around it, if they do, I think it's going to be a different and better place because there are jobs that you're forgetting. I don't think a robot can do plumbing. I think people like that. They absolutely could. They will. No. No? I think plumbers and tradespeople for a long time will have an incredible income flow, I think, between government and corporate. I think they will. I think they will. I think they will. I think they will. They'll sit down and take care of the majority of the people. They'll give them a three-day work week. They'll find a formula like they always have historically where there is a balance. Now, in that balance, will we be number one in this corridor of Canada, Canada, South America? I don't know. You know, you've got China and Russia. There's a lot of moving parts out there that this whole scenario can change. But you'll never replace what this country represents in terms of a democracy. I think this is why. You look so good at your age because you're basically optimistic because I don't see it at all the same way. I totally think a robot will be doing plumbing on your house. Not for a while. I think they'll construct it, but I don't think they'll. They have a car. They drive cars. I know. So you think plumbing is more. Last on the list. I don't think a goddamn robot is going to dig it up and go up in the ceiling and say, Hey, Hank, what's the measurement on the two? I think that's exactly what they'll do. We'll talk in two years. Let's have a bet. You got it. How much do you want to bet? I'll give you a gold record and you're going to give me that sign over there with the Beatles. I will bet you 10 Trump coins. Wait a minute. He's got his. No, he's got his. I want some value. Oh, boy. Next couple of weeks are going to be interesting, pal. What do you mean? Well, you mentioned our president. Yeah. About what? Well, I just think we have to calm down. I think we've got to get an off ramp here. And I think there has to be some changes because you're dealing with 100 million people that are very stubborn and smart and et cetera, et cetera. I'm, you know, I think this ain't an easy one, pal. It's not an easy one, but all great endeavors. And it could turn out to be a great endeavor. Because if they do get rid. of that horrible, it's a fascist theocracy. like the worst of all worlds as a government. For years. Okay, and fucked up the Middle East constantly. Just the biggest troublemakers. It turned out it wasn't the Arabs. You know what? It's like in The Godfather with the Arabs and the Persians. Tartagli is a pimp. It's Barzini all along. It was always Iran. Absolutely. So, like, it brings, it's fine with me if this is where it stays as far as damage done. Nothing, I think it's unrealistic to ever expect anything, any great endeavor not to cost lives. The Civil War was a great endeavor and it cost 600,000 lives. Sure. At a time when that was a hefty percentage of the population. And the French in Asia, millions. Yeah, I'm not saying this is on that level. But I'm saying it's, if it could transform the Middle East. Which has been one of our biggest problems in my entire life. Mine too. Yes. And recognize that Israel is our most natural ally. Not just in the Middle East, in the whole world, quite frankly. It could be a great thing. It may not. It may turn out to be a bad thing. And I just hope that I can count on Donald Trump to be the abandoner that he always has been. Yeah. I just think the reason the stock market hasn't compensated. Completely tanked is because they know, you know, at the end of the day, this motherfucker will abandon you in a heartbeat and get out and leave you holding the bill and three casinos in Atlantic City that are bankrupt. And whatever, you know, he got out of that one when, you know, he just owed the banks too much. It was one of those. I worked for him. Too big to fail. Yeah, yeah. So I just think at the end of the day, he's not the kind of guy who's going to get boggied down. But I could be wrong. I mean, I could be wrong because they're flirting with it. Yeah. You know, you've got to think of the two guys right now, especially the Wynn Hotel. They've got a $5 billion investment outside Dubai that all of a sudden they're going, what? They're putting up a $5 billion casino in the middle of all that. Yes. And, you know, I go to Israel a lot. I love singing in Israel. And they're such great fans. I'll never forget a conversation. I had with people that were close to government and I'd met Netanyahu. And we got on the topic of the nuclear. And they said something really interesting. They said, we don't think there's ever going to be a nuclear bomb dropped here for one simple reason. It led me to believe that they're all talking to each other. You know, smart as everybody is, we think we may be, or you're at dinner. There's a backroom story going on all the time. You're like a fucking idiot. Absolutely. Especially in that part. Of the world. Absolutely. And you know what they said? The wind blows from west to east. And if we drop everything over here, it's like Burbank and Beverly. They've already called, Muhammad, don't be schmuck fucking idiot. Don't drop the fucking bomb. You're going to wipe out Russia, China. They know the collateral effect. They all know it. But exactly. The problem is. And this is the. The part of it that people get squeamish about because it's very politically incorrect these days. But the truth of it is that you're talking on the assumption that we always had with nuclear weapons. That it is a deterrent that we're all going to die. But if you fervently believe in martyrdom. As is in the doctrine of fundamental Islam, which is more popular than fundamental Christianity. We have crazy in both religions. But they have much more fundamentalism. If you really think that the way to paradise is through this kind of martyrdom. Then that is not a factor. Then that is not something that. No, I think when people get hold of power like the Ayatollah, they don't really want to die. Yeah, they don't. They don't. The people. They're not shy about putting them as cannon fodder. Absolutely. And human shields. Nobody escapes that though. I mean, they better be out of town when that hits. Which Israel would never do. And if you don't understand that sort of moral geometry. Yeah. Then that's why there's so much anti-Semitism now. Yeah, yeah. I think they have. It's opened up all that bullshit. But you know, when you go back to the effect when we dropped those two bombs on Japan. It was over. Yeah. Those guys had meetings. It was no way. There was no comeback out of it. And you know, when Oppenheimer and all of us could put that together and, you know, it was Roosevelt when they decided to drop those two. No, Truman. Oh, Truman. I'm sorry. That's right. It goes back to, didn't the Japanese, didn't they, wasn't it Roosevelt that they handed the, they came in and said that there was going to be a declaration of war and they were late? Do you remember they failed that? And then Truman came in. I think Truman came in after, didn't he? Yeah, FDR dies, gets reelected in November of 1944, dies, I think, in February, so like a month after he was inaugurated for his fourth term. Right, and Pearl Harbor came. Well, Pearl Harbor was 1941. Right, so he was in office. Oh, yeah, totally. Well, that's my point. He died in early 45, so it's Truman who inherited the end of World War II. Exactly. And made the decision to drop the bomb. But you know what's amazing today, I'm getting the kick out of it, because I've been going to Japan since 57. When I went there, there were still bombs in the ground, and I was going to these hospitals with all of these people with no arms, no legs, and I've been going back ever since. I love that culture. When you look at that region, when you think about the end of the war, when they started divvying everything up, they have been so true to their people. You're keeping that country together. But point being, it's no longer let's go to Kabul and Dubai. Everyone wants to go now to Japan. That's the hot new place. They want to take their kids. People are rushing to Japan. Yeah, I just saw somebody on social media. I can't remember who it was. Like, some big, yeah, you're right. Well, you know, it's cherry blossom season. Yeah, but they go all year round. You can't get a hotel. Right, but that's a good excuse for like the, you know, there's always a crowd who thinks, you know. There's people who like. They see each other frequently and yet it's always somewhere else around the world. Literally, they call them the jet set. That's right. People who just jet from one cool place. Influencers. I mean, you know. The masses are now involved. They're going. The masses save up and they make those kind of trips. They save up and go broke the rest of the day. The masses? Yeah. Get those people. Bring my piss boy. And my scribe. I knew something about the masses. I don't think that's cricket that they're impinging on our privileges. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Lord Anka. Yes, sir. Prince Bill. What's your favorite country that you. Oh, tough, tough. Now, listen, I spent a lot of time. You said Israel. In Paris. You like Israel. I love performing in Israel. That's performance wise. I hated Paris. Well, I've been going. I speak the language. I've been going there since 1958. Of course, you're Canadian, right? Well, I learned it with the two twins in bed, the Kessler girls. Right. You know, you hang with a couple of chicks over there for a year, you're going to speak French. You must have times a hundred what most guys have. But even regular guys. I mean, I think we're alike maybe in that way, but like with sex. I can live without sex. I've had that challenge many times. I just can't live without good sex. You know, if it's bad, like sex, it should always be like you just got out of prison. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? Sometimes it's like breaking back into prison. When they're wrong, I walk back in prison. It's right. I'm not waking up in the morning with a four when the night before it was at 12. But Bill, you know what it is? I learned later in life that when they say to you, I love you, you know what it really is? I love you for now because everyone's got an agenda. I hate to sound like that, but you got to be. You got to be totally on top of everything to understand the reality of shit that you get into. And then you bear the consequences if so. Because it's scary. That is the title of my autobiography, Shit You Get Into. It's perfect. You can't avoid it. The shit on it. Every day somebody gets up and there's something. I don't care who you are or what you got. Life, I feel, is. Thank you, Ed. Yes. And I try to tell this to young people. I like to be a mentor. Yeah, of course. It is somewhat about what you get. That's true. And I don't mean just me money, but achievements. But it's also happiness a lot about what you avoid. Yeah. Just what you avoid. A drug habit. Gambling. A feud. Drinking. Debt. Just like beefs that are unnecessary. But you got to be real clever to. Yeah. You know, the mob guys used to say to me, if you become a gambler and you've got the wrong women in your life and you do drugs, you'll never be a success. And these guys, they had the great, and these weren't great looking guys. These were like tough guys who dressed in shirts and ties and they're on that casino. I never saw a group of guys like that unilaterally in my life. And the way they ran their life and the code and all that, learned a lot from them. But they had more women. A couple of them at the Sands, they had the greatest women, were carried out in a stretcher. They died fucking. The women are screaming. I think that's a bit of an exaggeration, sir. Of course it is. But I'm just giving you the full menu of what it was when you say, hey, that's going to be great. Wow. What propels you? Chronic migraine. Botox. Anabotulinum toxin A prevents headaches in adults with chronic migraine. Tell your doctor your medical history, muscle or nerve conditions, including ALS, Lou Gehrig's disease, myasthenia gravis, or Lambert-Eaton syndrome, and medications. Including botulinum toxins, as these may increase the risk of serious side effects. Why wait? Oh, it was wild when we heard those stories. Oh. Yeah. I always think when I'm, you know, romantic singers, like you, you know, that get the panties wet during the concert. Yeah. You know. Well, now I get support stockings. There's no underwear coming up. And there's about three walkers in the lobby. So, like, you'd have to figure people play the records of, you know, romantic singers while they're fucking. Yeah, of course. Right. So, I mean, you must have been played many times, you know. In many ways. I'll sadly admit. During. I think De Niro plays Godfather's scenes while he's fucking. No. He's listening to Johnny Mathis. That's for those guys. Don't cut it. Chances are. Exactly. Great artist. Great stylist. Yeah. Johnny. Johnny Mathis. Oh, yeah. He's a great stylist. Good guy. You know, stayed true to what he did. I really. Oh. Yeah. He just retired. So, what was I saying there? Back to something we haven't touched on in 20 seconds since I've met you. Oh, damn. Anyway, it was an important question. Oh, I know. Yeah, go ahead. I know. So, yes. So, people listen to you and Frank Sinatra and other romantic people. Yeah. Who does that person listen to? Who does Frank Sinatra listen to when he's fucking? Who does Paul Anka listen to? Interesting. Well, sometimes. You can't listen to yourself. Or maybe you can. It's like. Maybe it's better. I never listen to myself. Ever. So, while you were fucking, you never. I never. Oh, my. God. Some chick must have asked for it. I think it'll bend in the middle. I think there's not a chance I would listen to myself. So, no woman. No. In all those years of all this ocean of love. I guess. You know, but it's not. I'm going to accommodate them with something substantial. I'm going to play when I'm sick of hearing. No. No. No. Well. No. I've got a wide. As long as you play the hits, Paul. He will. Even the hits. You want to fuck the lonely boy? Or puppy love? I had a day called a puppy. No. Nobody likes to be fucking you and hearing deep cuts. Okay? They want to hear the hits. Well, I'm going to hit you with the bat between my legs. That's it. There's no way. Too much to ask. Yeah, what is this? No, no, no. I sit at a piano beforehand. Well, you have a repertoire that, you know, you're not unique. But it is one of a big, to me, level of people who. You go to their concert, it's all hits. For the most part, yeah. Yeah, except what they want to, you know, but they can. Yeah. You could. Yeah, sure. Eagles can do it. I mean, obviously McCartney, but Billy Joel. But, you know, Streisand, if she chooses to sing. But, you know, it's not a lot of people on that list who can do the whole concert. Yeah. And it's hit Elton John. Well, all the acts. It's a lot of people. Yeah, it's a lot of people. I'll be talented. It's not a lot, but it is. But it's a lot when you think about the ratio. Because all the older acts, the vintage acts, they're the ones selling out. And there's a couple on the younger level, you know. Madonna, she can do it. Yeah, well, she's in her 60s. You know what I'm saying? Yeah, yeah. 60s, what? 60s, what was that? Oh, my God. I see her in the paper. She looks 27. Of course. She had work. She must have had. I mean, I never thought Madonna would be that person who went in for that much. Because she was always such a tough chick. Yeah. I thought she'd be like, yeah, this is what I look like at 65. What are you going to do about it, bitch? Not her. Not? No, baby. Listen, the United States, what we've introduced to the world, and I've traveled it, is the visual and the aesthetic and the sexuality of how we look and what we present. You go to these other countries, they didn't do that years ago. We started all that. Really? Oh, God. God, yes. How you look, the aesthetic of your face and your body. Other countries didn't care about that? No, when I go to Israel early in time, they'd say, what are you people sending us all this sex stuff and all these stuff? All these countries would bitch at me. No, you go to Japan. When I saw this film with the ping pong player, the kid. Yeah, Marty Supreme. And I saw the scene with the Japanese at the end. Yeah. And they were in that time period. Yeah. And they're standing up and freaking out. Right. It's the one part of the film. It was a great film. They did a great job. They did a good job. Then I said, wait a minute. They didn't do that for years. You didn't see that enthusiasm or sexual or aesthetic in Japan all the years I went there from 57 on? No way. They're an amazing culture. The way they educate their people, the way they look at life, all of that stuff. And sex was like, no way. This isn't like France and Italy. You go to France. Your wife is the other woman. You know, it's a whole different culture. Always has been. Not down there. You don't even meet the wives in Japan. So what I'm saying was, when I saw the film, that wasn't it. And they weren't sexually like the other countries. Like when I went to Brazil. I mean, my back, you'd think a tiger would run its claw down. They're maniacs. I mean, if anyone wants to go to the most swingiest country, go to Brazil. Okay. But even I, who am not a world traveler. Yeah. Could have guessed. Could have guessed both those things. I wouldn't get. Japan versus Brazil. Oh, okay. I mean, Brazil is a country of 190 million people. All with a great ass. And that's just the men. And they have Rio. Yes. To me, Brazil, you know, they might as well have a hot chick on the flag. Oh, yeah. Absolutely. But Japan, you know, I think it traumatized from the war. Yeah. And also a lot of ancient culture. Shinto. Shinto or whatever the Buddhist, whatever culture, religion, I should know better. But it's a mixture, I think. I don't know. But very religious because before the war was over, they had an emperor who was a god. That's right. You know, he was a god on earth. In fact, one of the stipulations of the surrender was. Let's keep him there. No, he had to go on the radio. Yeah. Yeah. He had to go on the radio and tell the people that he wasn't god. Correct. Well, the advisors around him, when they sat down and made the decision. They were going to end the war. They said, you need to end this because your position and what you represent to our people will be gone. Dissipated. That was part of the decision making. I mean, after the bombing, all the people would be gone. Well, there were still some, whoever's left. We were, I mean, this was a lot closer to genocide. Yeah. Than anything Israel has ever done. Yeah. We've never done anything like that. Nothing close. Nobody's come close. But when you wipe out 60 to 90%. Yeah. This is what genocide means. Anyway. Yeah, sure. We won't get all. I think this, we could just say people back then did not take any shit. You owe me a trip to Japan and we'll go to Brazil together. We'll see how you feel. My days. I'll take you to Japan first. My days of traveling overseas are over. How about Japan? Even in the country, I don't really travel anymore. You're made of sterner stuff than I am. Okay. Because you're still traveling. traveling a lot. - Oh yeah. - Yeah. - A lot. certain countries and that's it for me. But I agree with you. I won't go to a wedding. Somebody's getting married in some stupid place over a record. Oh. Nothing. Not even a. But you must go to Japan, Bill. It's a 10-hour flight. You'll have your own bedroom and you'll see a culture and you'll come back so impressed. I'll take you. I'll buy you the ticket. Paul. What? Come on, Bill. Bill. I'm 70. I know what I like. I'm 84. I know. You don't know what you like yet. I do. You have to know what you like. Your mind can be swayed. I promise you. You got to give me that much. But 70, if you don't know what you like by then, wow. Oh, there's no question. You have not had your eyes open. But Bill, you. I'm just not a good traveler. You never. Well, that's a whole other issue. Yeah, well, it's my issue and that's why I can't go. That's your issue. I got it. But in life, you never know. A little curiosity. I do know. A little trying, you would be amazed. I've tried. I've been on the road my whole life. I always love it when people argue with you about you. Oh, right. I'm debating. I'm debating. It also bugs me when people say, you're going to love this song. Like, okay, there's no way you could possibly know that I'm going to love this song. It's like, it either hits you or it doesn't. That's why record reviews are so stupid. Like, you can't put it in words. I have to hear it. You know, so they basically review the lyrics, which 9 out of 10 times, I don't care. Yeah. If the lyrics aren't great and the song is great, I love it. The lyrics are an extra. Love your lyrics. Yeah. Very moving. Yeah. You know, never corny. Yeah. You know. Lyrics today aren't important. You're old, but you're never corny. That's great. But single, you know, I'm sure many chicks. When you say single. You said, you're single. I understand I'm single, but why single? I'm just not married. Well. I'm not involved. Do you know what I'm saying? Yeah. Single. Do I know? Did you look what I'm talking about? I fucking know, brother. I just love it. I love the peace of mind. I do. I love it. Well, you know what I'm saying. I'm not single. Oh. I'm single in this chair. But beyond that. No. Single just. As opposed to, you know, the. Fighting for a remote? Well. I want to watch that. The journey we've all been on. You know what song I love? The one you did with. Gloria Estefan. I think I'm in love again. Wearing that silly grin. Look what a fool I've been. I love songs like that because they're like adult songs. Because, let's be honest, I mean, the music industry is mostly for the very young, and it should be. Today. Every day. Always has been. Every decade. Always has been. Rock and roll is a young thing. That's right. But, you know, we keep living. And then the music isn't really made for us. Right. So, you know, us fans have a special appreciation for people who keep making music that tickles our ears. Right, right. Without selling out or just being an oldies actor, you know, doing interesting, good music. And again, the lyrics that I can relate to. You know, I think I'm in love again. Yes. You know, you get to a certain age. You've legitimately been in love more than once. That's right. And you could say that there's an inflation in that that isn't healthy. I don't agree, but I know that argument, like, well, if you thought you were completely in love once and it didn't work, everybody else is going to be like, sort of, yeah, this could fail too. Yeah. Well, think of the other side. How would you like to be laying in bed with someone for a few years wishing you were single? How would you like to be laying with someone? I would rather be single than laying in a bed with someone. No, I. Than wishing you were single. You're miserable. I could not agree more. I just. A bell went off one day with me. I don't want to be miserable laying to somebody I don't want to be in bed with. And, you know, and who cares? It's just my little personal thing, and I'm not trying to tell the world how to live with it, but I just don't see a way out of it because it only gets worse. Every wife who is a friend of mine who's married, you know, of course she's married, she's a wife. Like, I guess I know her through whatever. Maybe I know her, maybe I know the husband, has said to me at some point when I was asking about a marriage, if it's somebody who you can, you know, be honest with, and I have lots of friends like that, some version of, you know, we have great times, but then there are some times I wake up and look over and go, who is that? Like, who is this person? I don't even know this person, really, and they're in my bed, and I don't particularly like them. Yeah. That's a terrible way to start the day. Would you ever go to the, go to the dinner and go out and you see a husband and wife or a couple and you see the look on a woman's face sometimes looking at the guy she's with? Do you know what she's saying to herself? This is not my first choice. I promise you, this is not my first fucking choice, and you can just see it. Uh-uh. I don't want to be one of those. I see it as a song title. If my heart had a voice. So Richard Belzer, you know Richard Belzer? Of course. Okay, he used to kill me. He had a bit, you know, he never wrote a thing down, only got stoned, went on stage. Yeah. And one of his things he would just go into was, hey, why do all singers give you this move? Everything's gonna be okay as soon as I get my neck fixed. Straightened out. That's Sinatra. He started all that shit. It's the same with rock bands. Why do they break guitars and they jump up and down like they're on a. No, I've seen you do it. Oh, we all do it. It's a cool move. It's the cool. It is. That's the warm spot. It's like when the gangster holds the gun like that. Yeah, yeah. And the asshole can shoot you like that. But if you do that, it's a. It's like the football players. They all have certain moves that will replicate, you know? No, you sing with such joy. Jump. And. I might put that back in the show. And Eye of the Tiger, what? Now that you mention it, I may put Jump in. Oh, you should. And It's My Life? Yeah, I'm going to put it back on the new gig. I'm going to put a lot of that in. Oh, it's great. You have the whole, of course, that band with you? Yeah, and I might do it on the California tour. That band is so. Yeah, they're popping. spot on. Yeah. I mean, they just sound exactly like the Basie band on the, you know, my favorite Sinatra of the happy period. It might as well be. The happy Sinatra. It might as well be Swing. That's Frank in a great mood. I don't know what happened that day, but, you know, it was a lot of. More than the greatest love of the world. No, I got to hit you to one. My guy was Don Costa. He was responsible for my success. He found me at 15. He's a ranger. Yeah, a ranger producer. I introduced him to Sinatra in the 60s. Have you heard the Sinatra album Sinatra and Strings? Probably. You want to fuck in bed and you want to really get turned on to that mood of Frank? That's one of the best albums he's ever done. Sinatra and Strings and the best live album he ever made was at the Sands. The best live album anyone has made. Technically. I have his. something from the live at the Sands album and, man, you. Oh, the lady is a tramp. And the energy that you feel in the crowd, I think this is when they were making Ocean's Eleven. Yeah, yeah. Okay, but it could have been any of those years. No, no, it was back then. Okay, back then. I don't know if it was exactly then, but. Yeah. But you feel this energy, you know, when he comes out, you hear it, it just. But you can tell it's when he arrives and then, like, all through the song the crowd is, like, buzzing. Yeah. It's, uh. Yeah, those guys in that era, man, if you could go back in time and be anybody, anywhere, that's. Nothing like it. Back then, it was magical. You walked in that room of 800 people, you knew what it was going to be. Everyone was dressed. Yeah. You'd. Oh, shirt and tie. You couldn't get in a place in a T-shirt. Everyone was in a shirt and tie. Even when we started as kids, when you look at American Bandstand, every kid would go in with a shirt and tie and a jacket. I mean, that was the culture. Now, you're lucky you can get a guy to patch up a pair of jeans. So. Back then, Bill, but when you walked in that 800-seater and bassy band and you knew what you were getting and that music started, it was magic. It was magic. Listen, I cherish those days and I would have given back the money. It was just something, what I learned from all of that. No, some of those songs really are so much better done that way. The two I mentioned. You also did one, I don't think it's on there, but it's called Time After Time. Time After Time. I told myself that. No, no, no. Cyndi Lauper. Oh, that's on my second swing album. That's correct. That's correct. It's the first track. That's a very bassy sound. Yeah, yeah. And that's a great song. I mean, her version is great. No disrespect for her version. I love it. But it fits very naturally in that swing thing. But as I said earlier, you can take a large percentage of music. and you could change it and put it in a way the vibe if it's well-constructed. It's not any Herculean effort. But if you're a musician and you hear it, you can take a well-structured song from here, whether it's country or whatever. Country. Swing. You should do country. Country swings. Have you ever thought of that? Yeah. Really? You know who I was talking to about it was Michael Buble. Because country. Because he just did one. Country music is not my father's country music. Right. It was when I was a kid, I hated it. It was twangy and corny. Hank Williams. It was fucking hee-haw. Yeah. It was a pickin' and a grinnin'. That's right. That's right. It was like, let's just say ambivalent about racism. Right. Let's just say proud of their heritage. And that's all they could do. And they can't do what I do, and they don't know anything. Elvis, who I love. Oh, man, I loved Elvis. He has aversion. I'm sure you know what he did. He was a big fan. He was a big fan of Elvis. He was a big fan. Yeah. I remember when I did not know this and made a bit of a fool of myself in a restaurant. Right. And the point is. It was a Chinese restaurant. The point is, you're not born knowing that this pie, this soup. Of course not. There was a moment, everything you know, you learned at a single moment. Correct. You just didn't memorialize it. But every. So, like, at some moment, she will hear about banjo for you, but I don't think that moment has arrived, and why should it? It's not one of the more important things. But you never know. You never know. Some people have done homework and. Oh, I've got to ask you this. So, I mean, Michael Jackson, amazing singer, amazing dancer, songwriter, unconventional babysitter, we would acknowledge. No comment. And you. The weirdest thing about him to me, after even everything else weird, is he didn't release the song you wrote with him, the. This is it. No, no, the other one. Love Never Felt So Good. Which was, like, maybe my favorite Michael Jackson song of all time. Right. And I was like, why didn't they release that when they cut it? Why did I have to wait until after he died? Okay. I mean, why. Why did they put that one in the vault? So, let me give you the background. I think you do know. We started that project in the 80s. I was doing a duets album for Sony. Major artist, Michael McDonald. Yeah. Oh, I know. And Michael wanted to be on the album. And we started in my studio in Carmel. Oh. And I laid down these three songs that ultimately came out. And he was living in my guest house. And you wrote them? With him, yeah. With him? Oh, yeah. Well, that's what I know, the process. Yeah. So, we sit in a room and I give. I give him some different chords because he's not a musician. And a lot of them are today. They work off computers. But so, it was a true collaboration? Oh, absolutely. Absolute collaboration. McCartney always said that he and Lennon wrote nose to nose because they would be on the bed, little bed in there. Right, right. Not that Michael had a nose. But if he did. No, I'm sorry. I knew the old nose. But it wasn't. I knew the old nose. I go back to him, the family season. But was it like that? Yes. Like it was truly a collaboration? Yeah, yeah. Oh, that's good. Okay. He's dead. I'm not going to sit here and go, oh, no, I wrote 90%. That's bullshit. We sat in a room together. Okay. And when the juices are flowing, we collaborated. Great. It comes out. I don't care about percentage. All I wanted to know. Okay. So, we're sitting there and we finish these basic tracks. Me at the piano, his vocals. Thriller comes out and goes through the roof. And Michael was so absorbed and every minute of the day was about show business, what he could. But he was totally involved, this guy. And I'd sit at dinner and I'd talk and talk. He was a sponge. We finish the first stage of these and I had to go to L.A. to finish them because I'd finished everybody else. Loggins, McDonald's and Sony wanted the album. He leaves my home. Whatever changed him in terms of where he felt his gravitas and who he was, he stole the tapes out of the studio. And I say that affectionately. He took the tapes out of the studio and the studio called and said, Mr. Anker, Michael Jackson came and took the tapes. I said, what do you mean? They belong to me, can't they? No, he took them. Who let that happen? The studio, because he was on the box with me. Hello, I'm Michael Jackson. I'm ready with Paul Anker. He went to the studio, Sunset Sound, and they gave him the tapes. No big deal. Michael Jackson walked in and said, Bill, I need this book from when I sold you the house. So they gave him the tapes. I go to his lawyers. I sit down with them. I'll try to, listen, as Mark Twain said, give me a little more time and make it shorter. But here we are. So I get his lawyers. We get, and I say, guys, we have a contract but we go around. Finally, he gives me back. There's no litigation. Gives me back the tapes and they sit because I can't finish the project. They sit there. I can't get them. He won't come in the studio. Years later, where he passes, they go into his drawer and they find he copied the tapes. They find them thinking they were his. They now bring in other producers and they start sweetening all those songs which means they add rhythm sections, violins, everything that you heard and they called me. They said, thank you for settling this because when it got into an issue, they said, just give me 50% of everything. Okay, that's all. I'm not going to hold you up. They would call me each time they'd find a song. After this is that, the guy that ran his music and all that, the guy's name Malone, nice guy. He said, oh, I've got this other song that we found. He starts playing it over the phone. I said, I wrote that too. He said, what? I said, don't worry about it. Just do what you want to do. And they conversed and they were very amiable. Don't they? But they sweetened that and then released everything the way they saw it. They hadn't found Love Never. It felt so good. They just found a box of tapes. But it wasn't the tape that they returned to you. It wasn't that? No, he copied. He took out of the studio, copied them. So you had your own copy of it? I had my own copies and he had his own copies. So you could have put it out? No. Not without his participation. Really? He wouldn't come in and finish. No. He doesn't have a, I mean, Paul McCartney, I don't think, talks a lot about it because he's a classy guy. He doesn't want to talk a lot of shit. Publishing companies. I feel like there's a lot of bad blood there. There is. There was, yeah. And that Michael Jackson was sort of a ruthless shark in business. I mean. You know, that's. It's hard for me. I liked him as a talent and working with him. I guess if you call it ruthless taking the tapes, it's business, okay? Is it the right business? Maybe not. But he was on top of his business and he ran everything. He was very hands-on and that was it. That was his reputation. But I can't blame a young guy. I mean, a kid that's got all those issues in his life trying to protect his life. You can't blame them. You know, most of these young talent, all of us, you wind up in the wrong hands like a lot of them. You're in trouble because you're coming out last. The record company's making the money. The agents are making the money. The artists don't wind up with all that money until down the road if, if, if, if. It doesn't work that way. It never has worked that way. Look at today. Writers don't get royalties. All this streaming. They need a totally new format so that everybody gets paid properly because right now the record companies are getting paid but the artists and the writers, there has to be a whole new menu implicated with all of this streaming and everything that's going on. I thought nobody was getting paid because of streaming. Record companies get paid. They make the deals. Yeah. I think the streaming companies will make money and go in and use AI and create their own artists and put that up. Watch that. That'll be the next stroke. I do feel, not that it's true, not that it's a competition between us, I do feel that your business is more susceptible to being fucked by AI than mine. I've yet to see them really be funny. Like, funny, what? Correct. Oh, okay. Correct. Hello. But they can write, but they can make a song. I think there's already been a song. Still, number one country record in the country is AI. Is that right? And there's another one out. Some guy, he's making a fortune. That's it. No, you think they're going to be a Bill Maher? They're going to sit in a room like, and people see you up there, you're cool, you're doing your shit. I know, like, as a creator, you're up till four in the fucking morning writing and preparing. They don't see what goes on in the background. Right. I'm up till three in the morning getting arrangements together, doing, doing, just like I'm sure you do. You're hands-on with what you do. No, I'm telling you, you're, I work a very full week and I do work very hard, but I feel like you are definitely made of Turner stuff. And I say that, I'm not jealous at all. I don't want to work that hard. I got off, I, was toured as a stand-up for 42 years. I stopped last year. I'm glad I stopped. I miss doing it. I miss being on stage. There's nothing like that. A theater of people who bought a ticket to see you. So they, they're pre-fans. They want me to do the thing I do and I want to do it for them. I miss that love. That's very prevalent in your concerts. I know, I've seen, and I got the report. But, you know, I just, I don't want to push myself. You know, at 84, I cannot imagine traveling even domestically, let alone, you know, wherever the fuck you're going. A world tour where, you know, you don't speak the language always and like, a new bathroom and a new hotel and always unpacking and packing and having to like cut open an orange with a can opener because there's no fucking knife in the room. That ain't me, baby. There's a knife in a room and there's everything. No, no, no. Always. I mean, I don't have a retinue of 50 people kissing my ass. I don't have a retinue of 50 people kissing my ass. I got a couple and we've got it all blueprinted and I travel easy and I love it and you should go out and do a few dates because I've seen you and I've seen all the stuff. There's no rush like it, Bill. You can. There's no rush like it. I know. For an hour and a half? You've been there. I get it. I get it. I know. I know. Never say no. Well, first of all, stand-up is it's not the kind of thing where you can just suddenly pick up and pick it up. It's like playing the cello. You have to like stay in practice. You have to have an act. mileage well you got to work yeah you know i mean i always had three not always i but i always had two jobs my tv show yeah and then stand up and then i added the podcast so for a while i did three jobs two is plenty and travel is not healthy you know just travel itself is not that healthy and uh but some people you know you're obviously very adoptable i bet you you sleep well on the road i sleep when i sleep i don't i don't say i gotta get eight hours i don't yeah i'm up and i'm doing but i get what i need to protect my throat and not to feel like shit right well i never feel like shit i'll never go on a stage feeling like shit no no no but like if you don't get enough sleep don't you oh i'm sleeping i'm gonna get six hours minimum so you never feel like shit from lack of sleep because i do on the road oh anywhere oh anywhere yeah oh no when i'm not on stage or committed there oh fuck yeah no i'm not saying you can't i mean we work look we're from a generation that we work even when we don't feel good that's you know they smile when they are low you know come on that's that's not how the kids are today no they're weak i mean weak i told you we're raising a bunch of weak entitled kids chapel roan has a hangnail that show has canceled because i mean they just don't even give an excuse the some of them or just like it's basically i feel shitty i don't feel like it tonight i don't feel like i know you all got babysitters and fucking arrange your life around this for three months but sorry you know i'll do it when i feel better and the fans put up with it that's the power of music that's how powerful music is the fans do put up with a lot of shit from these brats these days and and they don't you know canceling an hour out tickets fourteen thousand dollars yes where are these money coming from daddy who is this daddy and mommy yes are you look at that on the wall four dollars and fifty cents to see the beatles it's a ticket to my fair lady um was six dollars for four years in how many years in 1956 how many years is it on four years six years long run oh my fair lady yeah one of the greatest i'm in the middle of my broadway thing i'm working with a writer now oh yeah that on real time what is the tell me about well i'm working with a very talented guy rupert holmes very successful very successful what was his hit he did a few things on broadway i don't want to misrepresent he uh but the point was i went through a few writers i finally got a guy that gets it the point i'm making is that process now of working with him and the selection and the songs is not a jukebox show we got to find two actors got to get the director that gets it and now that think tank, hopefully to be done in a year and a half. - So what is the one liner to sell the show? Like what's the-- - We're not even there yet. - No, but if somebody said, what's the show about? - It's about a young kid from Canada who, blah, blah, blah, wrote a bunch of songs and. - Right. - Sold. - You had me in Canada because I love the Canadians. - Oh, I love Canada. - Those are my people. - I have a lot of history in Canada. - Yeah. - And it is different, I mean. - No question. - I remember, not that long, maybe 10 years ago, I was there a lot. I was seeing somebody there and was in a bar in Toronto with a bunch of her friends and there's a lot of drinks and I think I tipped the bartender like twice and the third time I went to do it, he pushed it back, and he said, no, you give me enough. I was like, you know, in America, you could be arrested. - That's right. - That would, Trump would take a very dim view of someone turning down money and that's Canada. I mean, I always think of that as Canada as opposed to America, you know, just. - Different, homogenous. - Nicer. - We're not a homogenous nation here. You look at homogenous nations, Asian, wherever, different cultures. We're not homogenous. That's been part of what we have to deal with, but that's the greatness of America. - Yeah. - But Canada is homogenous. Only now are they feeling it. A city like Toronto, there's over 400,000 immigrants. - Yeah. - And their crime rate has gone through the roof. - Yeah. No, Canada and England. - Oh, that's a whole lot of this. - You know. - Eight million. - In my lifetime, and again, this is not a complaint, haters, for the better, became way more diverse. I was in London. The first time in 1984. So, I'm not saying it was better that it was an all-white city. I'm glad, historically, I got to see this thing back when, like, it looked like World War II Britain. The food was horrible. Everything was Brussels sprouts and some boiled. - There was no English cuisine. - Right. The television had two channels. - That's right. - You know, there was an England. - That's right. - And I'm not saying it was all better. And I think London now, is like, well, I mean, it's like, I think 70% minority or something. - Yeah, yeah. So, we're nine million down. - So, you know, this is called progress. - That's right. - And I just, I'm always-- - And they're leaving England, just like France. - But I'm always having to beg progressives to like, enjoy the product you're selling, progress. They really hate progress. - Yeah. - You know, there's something about their psyche that has to say, no, we haven't done enough. Yeah, of course we haven't done enough. - Yeah. - I mean, look at this. - Yeah. - Could you just take the W once in a while? - That's right. - Do we always have to bitch? - Yeah. - I mean, if I wanted bitching, I'd get married. - Yeah. It's a different landscape out there today, big time. Certainly on this part of the world. I mean, you look at Sweden the other day. They're saying, now they're vetting out those that they let in. If they don't have jobs, they're going back again. I've spent a lot of time in Scandinavia and there are a whole other different culture over there. - What was the name of the sisters over there? - There was only one. The only sisters were the Kessler girls. - Oh, really? - No, they were little blonde beauties with blue eyes. And I was up there singing my little heart out, sending my roadie out. That one, that one, that one. We were stopping from city to city. I was taking them in the woods, up against a tree. I couldn't wait another two hours. I was a naughty boy. - I'm so glad you can enjoy your past. Like, I'm telling you, this is a re-- - '84. - So what? - I know, but-- - What am I hiding? Why? - No, sweetheart. - You get it. You get it. - This is the right attitude. - Of course. - I'm just trying to tell you. - Yeah. - It's rare. People just don't have the confidence, the assurance, the made man-ness that you possess to just do that. Because it's, they're afraid. And you know, there's nothing more attractive than actually not being afraid. - Right. - Especially since you're not saying anything that controversial. - Listen, doesn't anybody dream about jumping out of a car with the beauty of running in the woods up against an oak tree? - Of course. - What? - Why are you gonna spend money on a room in, in Rachmarburg? No, I had some great times over there. It was a cool country. - You seemed like you were always having a great time. - You gotta have fun, Bill. I realized somewhere along the way, you gotta have fun, man. Humor is the final refuge of sanity. If I meet someone with no humor, bye-bye. - Right. - Bye-bye. And I'm sad at many things. - Yeah. - I'm sad at many things. - He is insane. - Yes. - What a-- - What a stupid notion. - Sucker bet. - It's just-- - Total sucker bet. - So you wouldn't get married again? - No. - No. - No. - But you're open to a relationship. - If I'm open to a relationship and I'm with somebody and I'm with them and I don't go out at night till 10 in the morning without calling, right? You're married. - Right. - What are you talking about? - No. - You're married. - There's nothing like freedom. - It's nothing like freedom and grace. To be graceful and peace of mind and non-toxic in your world. - Right. And people in serious, beautiful relationships can have freedom. I mean, not complete freedom in every way, perhaps, and that's appropriate, but like, for freedom than most relationships allow for I mean and once you've make someone feel like they are in a prison they're going to shiv you we're breaking out baby gonna make it out of something with the soap no not always but it is it is you know it is it it's a world where you're taking on your problems and somebody else's problems and they're doing that for you and that's the deal and sometimes but I mean and sometimes it works out really absolutely there's no question right but a lot of the young people today get it they don't want to get married they're not gonna have kids all right why get married right oh no why I don't I mean kids are very smart today and the well they're savvy about certain things like that yeah and I must tell you they're not educated no we don't want to talk about our educational system no they're not educated they're teaching the wrong thing but you're right they're savvy yeah in a world worldly kind of way yeah and about social media which gives them a great advantage over us totally totally we're like big big time apes you know you know what I'm gonna sell on the internet you know I'm gonna get I'm gonna get a lot of flack for this but by and large kids are overrated the right guy bro I mean I see the stories and I hear the stories it's frightening what's going on in some of these families well it's and the commitment that you put into them these women that work so hard pop them the only real person you'll ever meet in your life is your mother in most cases I must tell you the New York Post sent some reporters down to spring break that's going on in Florida yeah yeah and ask them the kids on the beach about the war in Iran hmm didn't ring a bell nothing I know straight or her moves once that sounds like a dish in a Lebanese restaurant give me last night with pita bread I mean ayatollah what did I do you know very true I mean I don't my parents generation who fought world war ii i asked my mother this and you know they're called the greatest generation and i said you know wow you're the greatest generation and she said yeah we weren't until the war came and we had to be but i'm not really sure if the war came these kids would like my mother's and father's generation i'm not sure they could get their shit together but you have kids that age that are how old is well i've got uh i've got six kids i've got five girls in their 50s i've got a son who's 20 and i have 20 and i have nine and i have so do you and the 20 year old have a we're locked you're close so close awesome so he's not like makes you crazy with woke bullshit no he's cool i'll talk to him all the time he's cool listen it's it's uh he's got a good head he's got he's figuring it out it's poker some chicks weed uh has an opinion about what's going on no no i sit and i vet his friends i'm very proud of my son i got a great son yeah that's good yeah because 20 you know you're just you don't know that 25 a male brain at 20 is maybe the worst thing of your whole life yeah anybody's life yeah really you're you're you're old enough to be able to do damage in some way and you do and you yeah you don't have yeah you just hey everybody's been there bill it's what it is part of the process you come in alone you're going out alone you make your choices you know i learned listen i got real lucky at a young age started figuring shit out had my lumps but i just tried to make fewer mistakes because it was tough man 15 years old in that world and then no no so when the grim reaper comes how do you want to go out i don't want to go out i don't want to go out i don't want to go out i don't want to be there i don't know you you don't look like you're anywhere near it no you know it is right now i look at everything and i go it's not mine it's all rented i can't get attached to any of this shit because everything's temporary in life you just get ready and know that one day you're gone you're over nobody will remember you now your music but when i look at it all you just have to be ready and know that you're not alone you're not alone you're not alone you're not alone you're not if you live the moment properly you don't live in the past you don't worry about tomorrow when it's time it's time i take care of myself i have a very strict diet i all the bullshit that you hear i do it but i'm ready you know i look at my home it's not a big stuff guy i got one car but it's not mine it's fucking rented well you might be ready but your your your body and your mind aren't ready because you don't you don't like like we can't hide that we're like 70 and 84 we can't hide that we're technically old people okay but there is an energy you give off that's old person energy and neither one of us at least finally i mean at the end of the day is doing that yet yeah and as long as you have that going yeah you know people just you know there is ageism in this country a lot of it oh a lot of ageism you can overcome it rather quickly in person anyway because people just it's it's it's instinctive it's below the intellectual level they just feel a certain energy it has to do with the way you move like how you there's just a you know a doddering sense if you're not that yeah you know biden-esque shall we say poor guy but you know yeah you just don't read old yeah and that's my goal too yeah and you can do it you can and you can do it you can do it if you're your own detective and you're really on top of it you do it i pro and when i read about what's coming down the pipeline in terms of longevity it's going to be magical because we don't all have this shit that's happening i see it coming but i can promise you they are now on the cusp within the next two three years every child born after the year 2000 will live over 100 they know that but for us one day we wake up oh new york times whatever there is shit coming down the pipeline that we will take that we will live a healthy coherent life over 100 and we'll talk about that you and i when we go to japan in four years and they're waiting at the airport we are going to get there the question is when um my point of view is i don't mind dying i just don't want to be the last guy before they figured it out you know what i mean i don't want to miss it by a week you won't you won't you don't think i will no you'll be cool so you think we'll be here and oh next two years absolutely i think no i do you but you died like 200 no no i'm talking about medically they're going to be coming out with stuff that's going to give us a lot of longevity that's what i'm saying i think within two three years we'll know that but longevity but it does end at some point or of course 100 110 20 well i mean the goal would be to actually cure all day you know i mean i wouldn't go that far right now no it's like i want some proof about ufos i want some proof about uh god you know i i'm a guy that i want to look at proof i need to look at the facts on the table to make a decision otherwise you know you're not going to get a fight out of me you're not going to get this but i'll give my opinion no you always conducted your career with class you know you never you weren't and didn't do stupid things you never did anything that we had to read in the paper and go oh jesus christ you know not over yet no it's true you know you didn't get robbed by your managers because you're a fucking idiot i never once saw you get out of a limousine and there was your crotch exposed you know i mean it's just you always were like classy i think again that's like when i was a young bow in the 70s looking at other men as role models i just feel like oh yeah that guy in vegas with the you know doo-doo and the rat pack shit and uh it's all surface shit for most of them all the guys some of them you look at even when i look at people you know a long time ago i got scared to death i was going to sing for the queen of england command performance and i came with a tool that triggered me for a lot of people i picture people nude it calms me down i do too it's called masturbating you're just hammering that rubber no no i look at people nude and you the reality of the reader room and know who's bullshit and it's not all a lot of it's for show bill everybody's going to wind up at home in a fucking bathrobe eating a sandwich and farting for two minutes there's no none of those guys are cool all the time i can promise you singers are cool all the time no yes because they sing like this and then they go home and it goes to the other side let me tell you if i could if i could make a bargain with the devil and if he would give me the power to be able to sing i would accept having my neck permanently stuck here as long as i could sound like you when i say i'd be okay with that i'd be on my show Boy, Trump did some weird shit again this week, huh, folks? But as long as I could sing, I'd be cool with the market. I'll forfeit my neck. It's like, what, Peter Stellars and Kubrick? Yes, Dr. Strangelove. Remember with the hand that did it? Genius. All right, I could talk to you all night, but I probably should let you go. I've had you here for two hours. It seemed like ten minutes. Well, listen, we're having fun at flies. That's what they say. I know. Well, we're going to do it again. Well, Harvey Levin, our mutual friend. Oh, I love Harvey. I love him, too. He's a smart, good guy. Okay, can we all have dinner here? Yeah, we'll throw it together. Are you going to Zasloff's dinner Monday night? Do you go to dinner with David? What an awkward question. Isn't he your boss? Way pivoted. Is that your boss? He absolutely is. Yeah, but— Well, why don't you come be my date Monday night? I'm going along. No, no, I think if I'm— Until I get there. Until I get there. Look, he knows a lot of people. You can't be at every party. This is my first. Oh, yeah. I've been— No, I don't think you just show up at your boss's party, Paul. I would think— But you're not just anybody, Bill. I guess this is your gazpacho soup moment where you learn. But he's such a—he's a nice guy. He's a cool guy. I'm really happy for him. Oh, he's—oh, my God. Oh, he's a sweetheart. Let me tell you. Well, especially because everybody was, like, shitting on him and saying, like, boy, you're failing and taking over this company. And then he comes up with a year where he has, like, unprecedented number of six or seven hits in a row. That's right. From one studio. That, you know, so— Yeah. Yeah. He's in the right place now. The right guy got him. He will not be having to drive an Uber. Let's put it that way. Yep, and no shooty. All right. No shooty, man. Okay, Bill. Well, I can't thank you enough. Oh. You know what? Wait, wait. I got— Did you see what this is? Yeah, this is— For Bill, all the best. The what? Stan Cornyn. Oh, he wrote all the liner notes. Liner notes. Wow, he was brilliant. Yeah. So— Oh, is he alive still? No. I don't—well, I shouldn't say that. I have not been in touch with Mrs. Cornyn. No, I don't think so, but I— Stop saying those things. You'll laugh at it, though. Okay. It's like— Well, you make me laugh most of the time, so. Club Random.