This is a head gum podcast. Handsome child, friends on the handsome pod. Child in the friends on the handsome pod. Cheers. Welcome to the handsome pod. Hi, fortune, it's TIG. I took it's fortune. Hi, who else do we have here? Hey guys, it's me. Hi, me. How are you? How are you? How are you? How are you guys? Yeah. What is up? You were in Palm Springs? I was in Palm Springs for a night and then I went to Idol Wild for the first time. How was that? Did you see my hair and makeup artist? I bet I did. I bet I passed her. It's so nice up there. It's very queer. I couldn't believe it. How queer? What was going on? I used rainbow flags everywhere, a lot of, keep it handsome coming at me. It's nice up there. Wow. Would you relocate? Absolutely not. Well, it's a little too quiet, yeah. It's a little too quiet, yeah. If there was a big lake maybe, but I like to jump in a big lake, you know. If your house falls off the cliff, you could just put it on a trailer and drive it up to Idol Wild. It's park the trailer. That's a good idea. Putting my house on a trailer. Yeah. How are you? How are you? Where are you right now? I'm in Colorado. Oh nice. Yeah. There's been a lot of, it's really crazy. I mean, I'm surrounded fully by fires in like every, oh my god. But for like my, you know, it's like miles away, but completely surrounded by fires. And there's massive wind storms, so that's why my internet was out yesterday and today. Oh my god. But all is all right, you know, it's just always a pleasure to be in the mountains, but luckily there's no, it's far enough away where, you know, there's no smell of fires or anything like that. Yeah. So when you look at the map on your phone or something and you just see the fire emojis all around you, I mean, it is truly that kind of situation, yeah. And Colorado had it's, I think, driest, driest winter since I think 1981. Oh geez. Oh no. Yeah. It's just, it's such a bummer. It's so sad, what's, you know, what's taking place on the planet, but on our sweet planet. On our sweet, sweet planet, but it's so good to be out here and experiencing the outdoors and all the cool mountain folk and the cool music coming out of different places. And I just love, I mean, I love Denver, I love all of the different places that I get to go in Colorado. Yeah. Yeah. It's your happy place. It really is. I mean, it's so nice. Yeah. Did you always have a connection with it? When did that start? Well, my mother went to college. My mother and father, actually, I don't think my, did my father go? He went to Southern Mississippi, University of Southern Mississippi, so did my mother. That's where they met. My mother also went to college here in Colorado. She was in a crazy car accident where she went through the windshield and was in a coma. Yeah. In college? Mm-hmm. Yeah. Holy shit. Like, they took the guy, the driver to the hospital and then realized later that there was somebody else in the car, I went back and found my mother. No. Holy cow. Mm-hmm. She was just unconscious on the road. I think in a ditch and yeah, she was in a coma and broke a lot of bones in her body. And she was such an athlete and a dancer and like even like a, she did fancy dives like high dives and my mother couldn't lift her arm very high as long as I knew her. And so she would dive like, she'd do her fancy dives but she'd have like, rickety body doing it. Oh my god. And also that accident. Yeah. Like, she didn't have any meat on her shoulder, on her, on her right shoulder. And so she would just, it was just bone and then she's all, she broke all of her toes and they put these long thin screws in each toe and then went that, I mean, that isn't all she broke. I mean, she broke her leg. And she was a mess and but she, I mean, I am my mother's daughter but she, she had these long thin screws that went into each toe and when she got them out, she used, she used them for olives for martinis when, when she would have, when she would have people over. And people would be like, oh my gosh, this is such a great idea with the screw in the olive and she'd go, oh yeah, those were in my toes. Oh my God. Yeah. But she also saved the, like, you guys, she saved the vomit and bed tries. No. What? And how long was she in hospital for? For a while, I think months, you know, weeks, yeah. And she is those for, or derves and nuts and snacks. Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God. You are cut from the same cloth. Yeah. And I think that anecdote says so much about you like that. Yeah. Yeah. So funny. And she just, she did a funny wild things and she was a funny wild thing. Like she hitchhiked in Colorado in a blizzard, gotten a pickup truck that had no windshield in it. She in her bed. She in her best friend, Tina, who was my Godmother. Um, when I said, she can you pick up his hikers? That's right. And um, I remember my Godmother Tina got me um, shoelaces when I was really little that just said bullshit all over her. Um, but anyway, so that's, that's, and my father lived in Denver years ago. I think maybe when I was alive, but I don't know. He was hard to track, um, and then my brother went to school out here. I moved out here as soon as I dropped out of high school. And um, we just have a lot of, um, connections and old friends and yeah, um, in Denver, Fort Collins, Gunnison, all these different areas and um, so anyway, um, it's awesome. Breckenridge, a lot of, a lot of different places. And um, it just, yeah, it feels really good pulling into the mountains and having my, my, my mama. Yes. My house. And it's just also so fun to see Max and Finn and Stephanie really take to it because Stephanie had absolutely no connection. And um, she is serious mountain mama, man. Yeah. Really? And those little cups. Yeah. They like it. And mountain biking and kayaking, rafting. It's just like, it's such a great summertime. People think of Colorado for winter, but it is top notch summertime. Yeah. Get away. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Anyway, that's what I'm up to. Well, I love this for you guys. I love you too. And so what else? Um, I see your yellow background fortune. You're, you're in the south, um, I'm in the old south. Yeah. I, uh, this week's been really fun. I, I got to go to two of the World Cup games. Nice. So many people message me saying peanut butter bitch was on TV in the first day. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I made it on television. Kind of a big deal. Um, well, the first game I went to was in LA. I hope her numbers go up, and I hope your star meter guys, uh, how much are we going through the room? Yeah. Thomas, check our star meter. Our star meter is low right now, because I was with Will Ferrell. So his star meter went up high and I was his sidekick, um, and he was dressed in character, right? Uh, he wore his hawk, um, 132, you're at 132, fortune and it worked. Oh my god. I was like, four thousand a week ago, and he was like, what's that gender? It worked. Yeah. I went to the game with the USA game with him. And he's so fun to go to sports with because he loves sports and I really love sporting events too. I get so into it, um, and he, our seats were, um, down, you know, a lot of the, uh, celebrities like him are in these boxes away from everybody, but he likes to be in the mix. So we were in the, in, uh, surrounded by all these people and, um, so they were like doing the camera to these different celebrities in the boxes and he had his hawk, um, had on because to, to promote our, um, uh,
TV show for Netflix and nobody knew he was like the camera guys didn't know he was sitting there so he kept yelling at the camera guy trying to get his attention. We all started me. We all started yelling at the camera guy. Finally the guy looked up at him and saw him and gave him a wink and we're like okay well got a wink we'll see what happens. So later in the second half they start going around showing different people in the stadium and they were showing like Leonardo DiCaprio and like all these different people and then I said will the camera guys looking at you. I said get ready so it came on me and will and our whole section starts going nuts because all of us had worked hard to get the camera guys attention. So we're jumping up and down and I'm pointing at the hot cat and he's doing the hot thing and they put it on TV and so my phone just started blowing up because you know it's the world cup like everyone in their mother is watching this thing and it was so funny but Will and I turned into like 12 you know how like 12-year-olds get pumped when the cameras the jumbo trunks on them we turned in those 12-year-olds where we were like oh my god oh my god and losing our minds so it was really funny just seeing us get so giddy about being on a jumbo tron. Well and it must be exciting for him just to finally get camera time. I know finally can notice and America won right so we're people. No they lost in the last five seconds. Oh fuck. But it didn't it didn't affect anything because they were already won the round. Oh yeah they're all through yet. But man he is loved he at half time it I said we'll get ready and I look up there is a line of people all the way up the stairs. A lot of kids um just he basically it turned into a meet and greet him taking pictures for the entire um a half time so I was like I'm gonna go get us drinks yeah and hot dogs and that's so nice. I just left him be and he basically did a meet and greet for everybody and um and then you know walking to his car afterwards it is I mean he's been in so many things for so many years and he's six four what he's so tall yeah and so our whole we walk you walk through all the parking lots for like 20-something minutes it's just like one person out there will throw a wolf arrow you know you're my boy blue or like yeah whatever whatever quote you know more cowbell yeah I was like he is living a very different life than most people he is just so recognizable but yeah it was a blast yeah I had so much fun and then I got to go to another World Cup Cup game in Atlanta to watch the Congo they won that was an incredible game oh my god it's just so fun having this huge tournament here in our that's incredible I should go see a game I just like to see it up close on TV yeah you can really fun to yeah yeah I should go see these fans from all these countries are so passionate and so I really wish I could see an Argentina yeah because their fans are on unbelievably excited it's you get wrapped up in that energy like everyone's got drums and they're cheering and the sections are full of people they go nuts it's like the coolest like fandom I have an Argentinian friend called Martina and this year she was like you know this year I can't like it's so much effort and energy like I'm just not gonna get into the World Cup this year and then I just saw an Instagram story of her like yeah I got this huge party with a drum and everyone's going nuts you can't help it's it's contagious he scored six goals already in the yeah it's crazy yeah now has Abby still maintained the highest scoring I don't know doesn't she the highest like I thought she was the highest all-time soccer player out of men and women or really don't know is it just Abby and Pele that I know about I want to know that's great I think she has the most for overall international goals out of men or women nice I did not know that that's absolutely insane Abby was incredible to watch oh my God that was like Abby was just like a like a clinch player like yeah it would be like they need it one goal to win you're down down to the wire and just somehow it always just like be there fans incredible so fun to watch that team was incredible with Megan Rapinoe and Tobin Heath and Charlie Lloyd that I mean just watching them was I mean such such a unique team so I mean we've had so many great teams in the women's and the men's the U.S. men's seems so much better this this time too well we might notice Tom is looking distracted at some point because Canada's playing in about 15 minutes it's your Tom's is gonna have it up in a little quarter or recording a little head of time be it because of summertime yeah so as of this airing with a lot a lot a lot may have changed in the world cup yeah so just know we're a little ahead at the moment and it's ginger into it no she's not I mean she loves it there's like a cool thing going on she loves it I'm into it but she's never been she's I mean she's grown up with us taking us to all these sporting things she's grown up she's grown up she's queen grown up with her taking us to sporting events it's been such a pleasure watching ginger growing up checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance not checking that I packed the right clothes when I go out on the road now I have a fashion dilemma on my hands I accidentally packed five pairs of jeans and zero t-shirts for a week away from home and now I'm gonna have to do some emergency shopping yeah checking first is handsome so check all state first for an auto quote it could save you hundreds you're in good hands with all state potential savings vary subject to terms conditions and availability all state North American insurance company and affiliates Northbrook Illinois is anyone else feel like august is the sunday of summer it's the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush and for me 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ass person online like your skateboard through the internet or you're like you're surfing through the web square space gives you everything you need to claim your domain showcase your offerings with a professional website grow your brand and get paid all in one place I like that it's on one place I know I like that I don't have to go around you know like different stores or something is just all mine well it's like oh do I need to go to like a do I need another type of website to like find the right pictures or to like another type of website to upload it's all in one place the video or the audio or like no I want it makes it easy make it easy on me please yes and you can do all those things photos videos changing fonts you know being the designs are amazing they're catering to all your different needs they're SEO tools which I know what those are and their custom domains oh what's come up with a domain right now it's the one for to exist www dot friends meeting friends meeting friends dot com that's an original thing that we came up with friends meeting friends anyway so check out squarespace dot com slash head gum for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use offer code head gum save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain hell sounds easy anybody could do it I mean she's one of those people that if you're like hey come let's go do this thing she'd be like great let's go with like she's not yeah see me it out right guys I um I said in the last recording I wanted to tell you about something that happened with my car oh yeah and I've processed it a little more now oh no is it a traumatic thing that well so I and I'm back on the road let's just start there and I drove to idle while and everything but was your horn stuck no what happened how you do it was that a broken one so some broken one I guess but you know when it won't shut off
so fine. Oh my god. No, what happened was, and yeah, maybe you can advise. Well, so I was dropping off some film to get developed at like a strip mall. And so there's a little outdoor parking lot. Sure. And I park and then I, I'm leaving. And I guess I'm like, I wasn't distracted or anything. And, and there's a, in my periphery, the, the park's car. And I guess I judged where the exit to the little parking lot was based on that car. And I didn't realize there was a concrete wall shutting it out. Oh, no. Okay. Well, the Titanic on an iceberg, I crunched the entire side of my car like, like, destroyed my, and I mean, I was going so slowly too. But I didn't know what was happening. So I kind of just turn into the wall. Yeah, like the corner of my car just hit the wall and just like that. But I guess that's the worst, that's the worst when you're, it's like happening. And you, it's like time. So you can't stop it. Yeah, getting out of it or going into it, you're still scraping it right. And because I was trying to reverse and it was just taking deep. Cowboy. Tiny as little cowboy. There was a man standing there who kindly told me, Hey, how to drive? You hit something with your car. I know. And so I stayed really calm. And I got out of the, I was like, I better look at the damage and I get out of the car. And then this woman comes pops up out of nowhere. Like she kind of, I, I see her in my periphery. And she goes, she's like, what the fuck? And I'm like, yeah, I hit the, I hit the one. She goes, you almost ran over my foot. And I said, Oh, no, I said, I'm so sorry. I, I didn't, where were you? I didn't, because she had not been there. Yeah. And then within five minutes, she starts saying, you ran over my foot. Oh, my god. I said, you almost did. And then she said, you did. And she said, I did. And she's walking in the hands of pod. And I'm always anywhere. So I said, I'm, I was so confused and radical, but I'm like, really calm. And she's getting more and more hyped up. And she's going, what the fuck? She said, you're fucking up. She, she, I said, I know. I'm really upset. I know. Yeah, I said, I'm, I'm really upset that I was this woman. Maybe 30s. It's trouble maker. I start to realize like something's up with this woman, right? And she, I said, I'm so sorry. I'm confused. And I'm like, look at her in there. I said, did I, did I hit your body? Like, did I? And she won't answer. She won't lie directly to my face. But she keeps going here. And she then she stands in front of my car. She says, you're not leaving. Then she starts going, Armando. Oh, not Armando. Armando. And I'm like, he was over two. She goes, I'm calling my brother. And what's Armando going to do? Well, killing, I guess, not to find out. Armando's in the mafia. So I'm looking around. I'm like, I'm, and then I see this old lady in a car that's parked near me. And she's looking at me and she's going like that. And I'm like, what? And I go, did I hit her? And she goes, no, she goes, get back in your car, drive away. And I'm like, okay. And then I said to the woman, hey, this lady says I didn't hit you. Then the old lady is pissed at me for routing around. And she rolls up her, rolls up her window, drives away. The old lady's giving you the bird. Yeah. So she's a mess. I know. So she's, well, the woman said you're messing up. Yeah. And then I said to the woman, okay, I said, you can't just block me in here. I said, let's check the security cameras. Yeah. You know, and I said, I said, do you want me to, I can call the police? She goes, no, I'm calling them. I'm calling them. Then we both make fake phone calls to the cops. Neither of us want to call them. So I make a fake, I go, hi, hi, is this the police? There's a woman blocking my heart. She goes, yeah, police are on their way. She doesn't even say anything. Wow. So I'm like, both are doing this. Yeah, she fingers. And she seems crazy. She's starting to seem pretty strong. But like the way she looked, oh, she seemed strong out like on drugs. She's just waiting for someone to smash into a brick wall. So that this could happen. Yeah. Like she doesn't see her comes like a boy, like an unhoused person. Like she seems, you know, she's got her phone, but she's her, she's pretty manic. And she's Armando ever come over? Well, so she's yelling at Armando. Then she says to me, you got to go to an ATM and cash me out. And I'm like, I knew it. So I mean, this is coming. And so I'm like, what do I do? Because part of it, there's like the 1% of my brain that's like, did I run over her? And then I gave her $5,000. No. But you wouldn't be walking on your foot if you ran over it. And I keep saying to her, what's interesting is that she won't lie to my face. Because I said, can you look me in the eye and tell me, did I hit you with my car? And she won't say that I did. She's just blocking the car. And then I said, okay, I'm in a park. And at part of me is like, give me your, I said, if you want to give me your Venmo, I said, I'm not going to go to the ATM. If it's going to take $100 for you to get out of my way. And we can both go on our days like, fine. And she still is blocking the way and going Armando. And I'm like, Armando will kill me. I don't know who he is. Or if he's real. And then so I said, I'm just going to park. And she went, turned her back for one second. And I just reversed. And I went out the other exit of the place. And thank God my car was still functioning. But it's all destroyed. Oh, I was like shaking. And then I got home and then I've had to put my car in the shop and stuff. But I was like, I, I, what is that about? If you had that, were someone's trying to get money out of you? I mean, I'm sure that's a thing. I mean, I told you how I got bamboozled on my, wait. What did you get? No, who'd you get bamboozled by? Well, I didn't tell you how there's a rule in our house that I'm not allowed to push buttons anymore. I don't think he did. This is not Thomas. You remember this when I got bamboozled this a long time ago. We didn't talk about it on the pod, right? Okay. Well, it's embarrassing, but I'll share it as long time ago. Probably a decade or so. And I was on my computer and it froze. And this message popped up and said, you've been hacked. Call this number. Oh, no. And I was like, oh, gosh. And so I call the number. And they were like, you know, if you pay us this, we can get your, your computer on. And so I paid. And I was so, I was like, thank you so much. I want to get my assistant this protection. I'm going to get my wife this protection. And so, um, so I, I was, Thomas was my assistant at the time. And he was helping me do something with my, with my money because clearly I needed help with that. And he was like, TIG, what is this payment here? And I was like, oh, I meant to tell you, I want to get you this protection. And he was like, he Googled the company. He goes, this is a scam. This is not, they, they robbed you. And I was like, what? And so I told Stephanie about it. And then you guys, I don't know if it's good that I'm announcing this to the world. But I've changed. I am not as, you're not goalable anymore. No. And so Stephanie over here is me. Take a phone call, which is the bamboozling company calling to see if I'm happy with their, their product. And I was like, how dare you? I was like, I found out you guys robbed me. I want my money back. And then they, the guy says, man, we didn't rob you. But we're happy to refund your money, just to open your website, your bank account. And so I'm in my office and I'm like, on the computer. And I want you again. No, no, no, Stephanie overhears me in the office. She comes in and she goes, what are you doing? And I was like, this is that company. I told them that we caught them. And they're going to refund my money. And she goes, close your bank account. She was like, you're about to rob you again. I go, no, no, they're refunding me the money. And she was like, hang up the phone. And I was like, oh my god, you're trying to run me again. And then I'm so sorry. We'll return your money. Go back if you're begging. Yeah, open your bank account. And then after that happens, Stephanie was like, you are not allowed to push any buttons in this house. You're not allowed to answer the phone. You're not allowed to answer the door. You're not allowed to get on your computer. You can't turn the TV on because anytime I turn the TV on, the whole house blows up. And so it's a rule that's been in our family for a decade now that I'm not allowed to push by. So he's like, oh, I'm so sorry. You can definitely take care of this. Absolutely. It's so like galling, talking to someone going, you're, you're robbing me. And they're like, it is so, yeah. It's so crazy. And it's also like, what is wrong with me? It's like, I'm the person that people that was cool. I smoked. I, you know what I mean? Like, I can, like, booze like me.
you've lied to me again. But I have this weird part of my personality where I can sniff out certain things that you know like I feel like I have an extra sense but then I also have a problem. I think it I think it's a power and a weakness sometimes it's that often I just take people for face value. People tell me something see I probably shouldn't be saying. You wouldn't assume a little tears with someone who's like. But it's pretty rare that someone is like blatantly lying to you confidently like that. It's so hard to sniff that out because you're you would just never assume that someone's just blatantly lying. Right, but then there's certain people in personality types or behavior where I'm like I don't like that. You know what I mean but then somebody calls just bamboozles me. I mean if Stephanie had not been home and I had been by myself I can't even imagine that Thomas hadn't found that in that would happen Thomas. Am I remembering this all correct? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You were convinced it was Apple but it was just bamboozling. It was so humiliating. Like I really came down hard on myself on that. I was like what is wrong with me? Yeah. I'm sure it feels very disorienting. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. And I think it was it was like the beginning of my relationship and I I feel like even though Stephanie and I had a sense of humor about it it was like the early like first couple of years of being together and I just felt like a loser. I was like yeah you're like do you think I should know better? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, whatever. It was a learning curve and I think it's I I don't think I was as tech sap. Nothing I'm terribly tech savvy now. You would fall for that now. Yeah. Yeah, but I feel like also since that happened I constantly sent Thomas things and go is this real? What is this all-screen chat things and I'll be like should I click on this? Is this good? No, I know, but like I yeah, but that all stems from that like even now even though you're not my assistant I'll be like is this weird? Is this real? And he'll be like delete that. Don't click on that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So should I like and not go back to that film photography place? Like what happens if I bump into this woman? Yeah, she took pictures of my license plate and stuff, but I didn't. I don't know. I shouldn't prove that you did it because it didn't happen. No, where they're the security cameras would would because you literally had someone watch the whole thing go down like that did not happen. Yeah, but wait, are you saying like she might hang out at that photo place? It seemed like she hung out there because she was yelling that Armando was in a nearby house and stuff. I might just go to a different. It was also embarrassing because there's really hot queer people that work at this photo lab. And when I get more people, I had just been in there. Shout into these cool people and then they saw this whole thing play out of me being like, I'm already upset about my family. Picture me in May handling a bamboozling. Now look me in the eye. Tell me you're not bamboozling me. I need you to be honest. I so relate to that. Also, I said to her, yeah, look, can you look me in the eye and tell me, did I hit your body? I kept saying that phrase, but when I've done if she was just like, yes, and lying, I would have been like, okay. Well, then you doubt your set. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, go to a new place. Go to a new place. Don't take any more pictures. I really though it made me feel so stupid with my car. I felt so embarrassed because I was like, I just drove into a wall there. Like, how does that happen? Listen, I bought computer safety for everybody. Yeah, it just happened. Sometimes you just have a total brain fart. And it's like, yeah, and you'll be like, why did I do that? Have you done that? Have you like clipped a parked car or done something like that? We're driven into a wall. Yeah, that's way. I mean, yeah, you always do something stupid. Like I drove off a curb and it scraped the whole bottom of my car and you're like, why did I why did I not just like pull? Is that recent? Every couple of years ago, but yeah, there's always like something. I'm like, God, that was so stupid. Yeah, I know, I know better than that. It was a good reminder because I had been feeling really confident and good. And I'm like, but that's also just being on a driving vehicle, you know, they're very large cars that, you know, that's why you always tell yourself that you need to be very present. Yeah. Yeah, Lord. Anyway, that was being online. Yeah. Should we get to a question? Yeah. Yeah. Yes. We should. Today's question, Oscar, is an Emmy-winning Grammy-nominated actor, comedian and writer who started movies like Ratatouille and Young Adult and TV shows like the Goldbergs. His new stand-up special T and Scotch is available to watch now on YouTube. Pat Noswald is asking today's question. Woohoo! T and Scotch. What a combo. Yeah. Hey guys, it's Pat Noswald. I am in Terry Town, New York, also known as Sleepy Hollow. Over the head was Horseman and that got me to thinking if there was an urban myth or a cryptid that could be proven to be real and exist and true, what would you want to be proven to be real? This, of course, being the town of the legendary headless horseman. Oh, this is so amazing. Yeah, classic May. When Thomas is like, May can't wait to get to Patton's question. I was like, God, I wonder what Patton's question is. And I'm here going like, God, what is an earth? What urban myth can I think of? I don't even. It's also classic Patton. It's just. It is perfectly him and it's perfectly you. I think we'd get along. I don't. I've counted a couple of times, but never like properly chatted. So he's into nerdy stuff like that. Oh my God, his whole brain is nerdy. Oh really? Okay. And he's so knowledgeable about all of it. Yeah. You guys would like go into a deep hole of conversation for sure. And never come out. If I could just say also, I completely forgot he was in young adult. Did you guys see that movie? Oh, that's right. Was that with Charlies? Yes. My soul ganger. Where she's like. Is it where she goes back to her hometown? And she's. Does he wake out with her? I don't even remember what it's about, but I remember loving it. Diablo Cody wrote it. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. And Stephanie and I, when we got together, we both not only loved young adult, we went to the theater to see it numerous times. Oh wow. Really? Yeah. Really loved that film. Yeah. Yeah. I want to read it. That is the reason I had Diablo Cody on my list of who I wanted to write my Amazon series, One Mississippi with. And that's who I ended up working on it with because I was like, I loved the tone of young adult. Yeah. You should get a question from her. Oh, yeah. I could reach out and see if she'd do that. I know her. Brook. Yeah. Yeah. AKA Brook. AKA Diablo is a much cooler name. I sort of thought that this question was more about mythical creatures and less about like a cryptids are more like a Yeti writer. I have to admit, I've never heard cryptid. A cryptid is like a zoological marvel that people always say is really like a like a giant squid or crack or like a centaur or something. I think a centaur is more like a mythological creature from myths and legends and stories, but a cryptid is more like the Sasquatch, the Loch Ness monster. Oh, okay. Yeah, that have never been big groupings, blood or something. Yes. Yeah. Totally. Okay. Oh, I guess that is the Sasquatch. Is that the same thing as Sasquatch? I think so, right? Yeah. Yeti. So it's either an urban myth or a cryptid that you wish were true. I mean, I want them all to be true. I want to live in that kind of world. I need to google some urban myths because none of them are coming to life for me. I mean, I was really excited because I was going down the road of like what, yeah, what mythical creature and I was thinking about how um. So you're not as excited? I'm not as into it. I mean, I need to switch gears in my brain. I'm still thrilled. This is, you know, a pretty basic, obvious, probably biggest one, but would be big foot. I mean, how fun would it be? Or Loch Ness monster? I may.
And can you imagine if it was like, no, it's real. Yeah, there's a job. Well, a lot of us monsters probably the most likely to be real because we don't know what is deep down. Well, because there are a species deep in the ocean that we don't, you know, a prehistoric aquatic dinosaurs. Are they in a lake or something? Yeah, yeah, you're right. That's Scottish. Yeah, you're right. It's like in a lagoon or something. And we do have the technology. Yeah, we could just go swimming and feel around. Yeah. We don't need technology. We could just swim. We could, we could put a bunch of people in the, I think is it a lagoon? That's a lake. It's a lake. It's a lake. It's a lake. What makes something a lake? And what makes something a lagoon? A lagoon is a Disney world. Yeah. Thanks, Fortune. I did. Oh, I really don't know. Thomas, can you let us know? Thomas, can you help us? Let's hear what May thinks a lagoon is. Okay. Yeah, let's see. Because I would confidently say that a lagoon is an inlet from off of the ocean that's like maybe with a, with that a river feeds into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good one. I believe it is a bean. A lagoon. Very good. Fortune, I need you to mute yourself and walk away. It's often flicked and walk this off. Okay. Okay. Thomas says a lagoon is that's flicked. A shallow sound channel or pond near or communicating with a larger body of water. Oh, I love it. I think a runoff. A runoff. I think a runoff. A runoff. I mean, it's so, it's so hot. Because is it like a runoff from the ocean and not a bio? Oh, God. No, we've got a good bio. This is a disaster. This is also a Disney World Disney World. You know what I would, what I hope is not real that I really don't want is a werewolf or and I would need to be a werewolf more than anything. Well, now we have to tell you what a bio is. Okay. Okay. I'm going to make a secondary water course or minor river that is tributary to another body of water. Now we got a Google secondary water course and I wouldn't mind googling secondary water course as well. Can I tell you to go back to Bigfoot, I just remember as a kid being in the woods and always, always looking for Bigfoot or looking, looking for prints on the ground and hoping that he was going to run by. Bigfoot was really alive for you. Oh, yeah. Oh, my gosh. Quick sand, Bigfoot, all of that stuff. When I was in the, when, you know, Huckleberry Tig was out in the woods. I was always on the lookout and I told you had my little clipboard and took notes and followed little bird tracks into the woods and would follow the river creek or sewage ditch as far as it would go. The clipboard is really, it's really a good part of the image. Oh, my gosh. I read a news story recently about a guy who was, there was an owl in the next yard and so this guy was making owls sounds and forming a friendship with this owl back and forth and then it turned out it was just his neighbor also making owls sounds, they were both, just, they both thought they were having this like beautiful connection with nature. Well, yeah, I'm going to stick with, I'll say Bigfoot because I feel like it's so specifically tied to my childhood and I search for Bigfoot so many times. Yeah. To know. I mean, maybe urban, maybe Atlantis would be cool to discover something that doesn't fit with the paradigm of history, like something that was way too advanced for when it was, something like that would be cool. Like a city under the ocean, you mean? Yeah, well, Atlantis was not originally under the ocean apparently but was, is now under the ocean. But yeah, it would be very cool to find an underwater city would be. Yeah, I'll see, don't worry, it's better, don't worry, it's better, take it from me. I would love to see a singing crab. Can anyone make that happen? I would love for Sebastian to be real, is that Disney? Yeah, it's, girl, there's, there's like a Japanese thing called a kitsune that's like a fox spirit. That's just very sexy, like a, they're shape shifters, they're tricksters, they're playful, they're always falling in love with humans. Is it guaranteed? No, this is a mythic creature. So it all seems the same. We started out very excited about this question. This is going very sideways and you should have an answer on the tip of your tongue, me. Well, they said Atlantis, Atlantis, and now it's going into a mythical creature, not encrypted. Okay, fortunate. What do you have? Okay, I did Google Urban Myths, because I, I just, you know, I loose sight of how many are out there because I hear like these urban myths and you just go, whatever, that's not real. So we're a lot of them, I don't think about it, you know, I present them as facts. Yeah. Well, there, I'll give you a, one that was intriguing that I heard about at a comedy club, I was doing a show in Huntsfellow, Alabama. Congrats. They said there was a town nearby that had a, um, a long road that had like a dip in it where it like dips down and then there's a hill up, and I guess I don't, I could be butchering this story, but there was an accident there at some point. So they swear that if you park your car in the dip that something will carry your car up, start carrying it up the hill, like your car will start moving on its own up the hill. I don't know, but that would be kind of cool if that was real. Or guess who has a car, and it's going to try this out. It's only in Huntsville, Alabama or some neighboring town, I don't think it's in Huntsville, but everyone knew about it. And I think it would be cool to try to test that out. And then, then I looked up, no, that's it, no, I want more, no, no, I'm giving you more. I got one. On this, on this list of, um, urban myths, um, from the test of time, there are two that are very intriguing to me, uh, one is the alligators in the sewer system. Mm-hmm. Well, no, what's up? I don't know why this is like fascinating to people, but, and that was a long time ago, right? The alligators. Really that a long time ago, they just believe there were alligators in the sewer systems and that you want. You want that to be true? Yeah. Why not? Yeah. Let's, uh, let's spice things up down there. Yeah. Very like Gotham City. Yeah. I guess that the, that these alligators originated from pet owners who, you know, after purchasing an alligator, it's, it's too hard to keep an alligator, so there's dumped them all somewhere, so now there's all these alligators in the sewer. Um, but, but one that's more, that feels more, um, like cool is the, uh, curse of the pharaohs. You know about that? No. No. What are you reading on Google? I am. The curse of the pharaohs, uh, has captivated the world for over a century. Are these your own words? No. Is this the, is this about, like anyone who excavates the tombs, yes, yes, well, that's, that is true. That's a hundred. The legend warns anyone who dares to stir the tomb of an ancient Egyptian pharaoh will suffer dire consequences. Those are your, your own words. Yep. That sounds like fortune. Often in the form of violent premature deaths, incurable illnesses are unexplained misfortunes. Huh. It's, the curse is said to be a supernatural force, uh, placed upon the burial sites of the mighty rulers of Egypt to protect them from grave robbers and those who would dare violate their sacred resting place. That's really, I would, I think that should be true because I mean, that's like pretty demonstrably true. Isn't it like when we should be able to prove that there's stuff, there's stuff behind it saying that, uh, the legend gained worldwide fame because following the discovery of King Tut's tomb in 1922 by this archaeologist Howard Carter. And this is all from memory. I'm not reading this. No, no. It sounds like your own words. And I'm assuming that you've finished telling us that you'll also tell us what tributary is.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, in your own ways. They said that shortly after opening the tomb, several members of the expedition, - Yes. - Including the wealthy guy who funded the excavation, they died under mysterious circumstances. - Can we be finished with this? - No, the wealthy guy passed away months after due to blood poisoning, caused by an infected mosquito bite. - All right, well, she was like a pharaoh, it seems like a pharaoh thing. Another one, Jesus, fortune. This is enough. You do know what they were. - But these people, stuff from my own memory of history. - The mosquito bite feels like that is, - Yeah, that was really a mosquito, yeah. - Wait, this is your memory of history? - Oh, I have a vast memory of ancient Egypt. (laughing) - Although I did take an ancient Egypt class in college, of course, but I did not learn about this anyway. - I think that's kind of cool, and I think it should be real because don't mess with these pharaohs. - That's right. - Yeah, I think so. I always thought like when the disaster happened, they were gonna go explore the Titanic, remember? - Uh-huh. - Yeah. - I was like, they're messing with basically a gravesite. Like, I don't know, something, I don't know. But I, the, I want it to be true that-- - I cannot imagine getting into a submarine, but anyhow-- - No, no. - No, no. - I can't imagine how long are you thinking. I got into one that was on land. - And I got to get out of here. - Yeah, even if someone said it's just, it's for a photo shoot, it'll be fun. We'll just go down a few feet. - No, no, thank you. - No, thank you. - I want to get in a submarine is like a little baby submarine as much as I want to get in the space shuttle. - Yeah, I actually, I don't want to do either of them. - I got what you meant. I totally followed that. - I don't need to go to the bottom of the ocean, and I don't need to go to the galaxy. - But those were hostile environments not meant for us. - Yeah, I'm good. - No. - No, just Jeff Bezos. - The urban-- - And he listens, you know, he listens to the show. - Do not beam me up, Scotty. - Yeah. - That's my old show. - I know that's your stomping realms, but I'm gonna say it, I don't need to go to either place. - Nobody's invite new. - Good. - Okay, fine then. Should we hear what Pad knows to say? - We should. - But wait, real quick, we have something to add. - I just really quick, I want to say-- - I'm about to see it. - I think it's better. - I'm about to take it from me. - Sorry. - I want to say, there's a documentary about a guy who went around to all these mystical people that saying, put a curse on me. I want to see if it's real. Curse me. So I want to watch that documentary and not sure what happened. And then also-- - Got cursed. - Sorry for adding that, when it went nowhere. - But also-- - No, no, no, no, no. - It was very helpful for the episode. - Yeah, great. (laughs) - Also, the urban myth that I want to be sure is that Stanley Kubrick filmed the moon landings. He was part of a conspiracy, and that he confessed to that in the shining, and there are clues all through it of him confessing to, and there's a whole documentary very compelling. - Okay. - This is why people think you spread conspiracy theories. - This is what people think I'm a gullible immature, flaky little, cowboy, you know, before we go to, to, to, to, um, Patton, when you were little, was, do you remember that thing where you look into the mirror and you count or something, and then you say, "Bloody Mary." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, and then they kill you. - Do you say, "Bloody Mary" in the mirror? - Yeah, candy man, candy man as well. Yeah, did you guys, I'll try that? - Yeah, and I lived. - No. - You lived testing fate. - I had a babysitter that would come over. - And, uh, I'm scared of shit. - Terrifying you. - Terrifying you. - Oh my God. - But anyway, - I'm terrible. - Yes, but, you know, I, that was wild. - That was a 70s. - Oh, so, yeah, they were, they were wilder. - And no wonder you were out, out in the woods terrified of Sasquatch's and-- - Well, I was searching. I was searching. - Searching. - What would you do if you found it? - I'd probably hide behind a tree and peek. - And just observe, yeah. - Take some notes on my clipboard. - Yeah. - Who's the nerd now, Pam? - Yeah. - All right, let's see what Pam has to say. - I don't know why, but I would really, really love it if the Loch Ness Monster was real. I think that would be really cool if there was just this giant dinosaur that managed to find a way to live in a lake in Scotland. There's something very beautiful about that. So, my choice is the Loch Ness Monster. All right, keep your heads about you. - Oh, I thought he was gonna stay keep at hands. - I thought he was gonna stay keep at hands too. - Oh, me too. - Yeah, yeah. - You can keep your heads about you because of the headless horseman. - Duh. - Duh. - I don't know if you guys know what a callback is. (laughing) - Duh. - Duh. (laughing) - Yeah. - Oh, you guys. - I wanna know more about the ancient Egyptian pharaohs. - Honestly, yes, I would do it. I could do another hour. - Wait, I just saw Thomas yield mermaids. - Yeah, well, is that from the under the sea? - Yeah, just 'cause that could be a cryptid. - Mermaids were real. - Oh, you were like, "I really want to weigh in on this too." - Yeah. - We find that Thomas has a mermaid fat. - Yeah, I was gonna say, would you guys date a mermaid? - I know you would, maybe. - Yeah, I would. - I would. - If I'm not much of a water gal, as far as being in the ocean, so it's not for me. - Oh. - What if she would swim in your tits out tub? - Tits out tub. - Might be nice to have a mermaid in the tits out tub. - I mean, now we're talking. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Okay, I'll reconsider. - But she'd have to be kind of a, the mermaid would have to be kind of a top, 'cause I don't-- - Okay, you could get a mermaid. - Yeah, a mermaid would be good. - What do you mean by that? - Oh, 'cause I don't want to go down below the waist really, but if the mermaid was doing all that stuff, don't great. Anyway, okay, so let's see how it happened. - Okay, yeah. - Yeah, that was a very fun episode. - It was. - Patent's question really took us on a ride. - Really? - A roller coaster. - You know what I want to say to our listeners, if you are a handsome listener that is a public figure and you have a question for us, send it in. We might use you. - Please use you. - Come on. Send it on in. - We just started getting random videos. - Yeah. - One from Kid Rock, they're like, "I haven't news me a monster in DB." (laughing) - I would like that, I think that would be cool. - What? - To random videos. - The newscaster in Omaha. - Yeah. - From a random newscaster. - Look, I love a newscaster in Omaha. I do like Omaha a lot. But that's not why we're here. I wanted to tell everyone to please subscribe and rate and review our podcast wherever you listen. Same on YouTube and we are available a day early on Hulu and go to handsomepod.com for all of our wonderful, wonderful merchandise. - Yes, are you guys touring coming up? - Oh, I'm at Largo Beach. - I have one tour date at Largo on the 29th tomorrow night at Largo in LA with lots of fun guests. What about you guys? - I'm picking up my tour August six in West Hampton Beach, New York. And then I'm going to Foxwood Casino in Connecticut then Red Bank, New Jersey, Halifax, Canada, Provitz Sound, Massachusetts, Greenville, South Carolina, Wilmington, Boise, Portland, Oregon, Austin, Chattanooga, Dayton, Louisville, Madison, Durham, Oakland, Vegasville, Los Angeles, Denver, Palm Springs, Nashville. And then my tour is done. That's over. Oh, that is so exciting and sad. But you can catch me. I'm locally in Los Angeles. And I'm also in Rochester, New York, Calgary, Iowa, City, Des Moines, Omaha. We're the newscaster lives of Oklahoma City, Cincinnati, Charleston, West Virginia, Chattanooga, Knoxville, Olympia, Washington, Fresno, Napa. The list goes on and on go to Tignotaro.com. - Oh, and we'll get go to Hortons time. - Check out Hortons time. - Are you still working out? - I'm sure not. I've been real bad about it. - And until next time. - Give it a thumbs up. - Handsome. - Handsome. - Handsome is hosted by me, May Martin, Tignotaro, and Fortune Feemster. The show is produced, recorded and edited by Thomas Willett. Email us at
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