Parenting through grief, career vs. motherhood, and raising confident kids - with the Abbys

Want to be the one who's always in the know about the game, the scores, the plays? Here's a tip. The Apple Sports app. Just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules. And when your team scores, it shows up right on your iPhone lock screen, making it easy to check in anytime. So rule the group chat and download Apple Sports for free on the App Store or find it on your new iPhone. Reimagine how you do wellness with new first-of-their-kind Mochi Bites from the number one gummy supplement brand, Oli. Multi, beauty, energy, and sleep Mochi Bites are certified vegan, gluten-free, made with naturally sourced sweeteners, delectably tasty, and take your routine from mundane to extraordinary, all while delivering the same expert benefits. Elevate your wellness with Mochi Bites today. Sold exclusively at Target. These statements have not been evaluated by the Food and Drug Administration. This product is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent any disease. I'm not showing up at all for my kids because I'm just so wrapped up in my own grief. There's this narrative to women that being a mother is such a burden and like children are chains. I've felt that in the past. This is probably going to get cut, but when I was thinking about pros and cons to getting married. This is unhinged. Found out I was pregnant, my business was failing, and I was like, dang, this is just not at all what I pictured my life to be like. It'd take a long time for newlyweds to catch up. You'll never catch up to us. Oh my god. Always here to share the hope and the heart with heart and humor. Welcome back to Always Here with Abbey and Abbey. Is that how we're going to do it? I like that. Okay. I feel like this week has been crazy with the launch and the announcement and everything. I know. It's a big week. I'm really excited about it. And we just want to say thank you also so much for all the excitement about it. You guys spoke, we listened, and it's been so fun. I literally think about this like all the time. I'm like the fact that we get to call this working. But it's just hanging out with your sisters and just like having fun, like what a blessing this is. I saw a comment that said that they're like, how fun is it that you guys get to just work and spend time together? I'm like, that's so true. It's the best job ever. That's how I feel. It's fun. I feel like the build up to the announcement and the first episode was so much work, like anticipation, figuring everything out, like we were super intentional and serious about things. And I felt this pressure and like nerves. And now that then we announced it and then doing the first episode. I'm like, okay, so hopefully it just feels like, oh, like this breath has been released in a good way. I'm ready to get into a rhythm with it. Same. And like also just connect with our like community more. Like right now it just feels like this ambiguous like thing, but now as we like start to build the community and like people are listening to it, it just makes it so much more rewarding and fun. Totally. I was, I'm logged into the always here email and I've been getting the emails of all the voicemails coming through and I'm like, oh my gosh, there's so many that come through. Really? Yes. That's great too. Does that go to your phone Addie? Um, no, I just have it on my email. Oh, okay. I was going to say. I have it. Sorry. It goes straight to voicemail, so they don't have to wait through like the tones of it. Smart. And then they get your little jingle. Smart. Really quick. I wanted to hop in here to just say we produce this podcast for free to you guys. So I think it would just be a very kind gesture if you took the time right now, five seconds to just hit follow, subscribe, heart, like it, basically just show whatever platform you're on. So you can enjoy our show and that you intend to come back. Um, we would really, really appreciate that. And yeah, here's your five seconds. One, two, three, four, five. Okay. That's all. Thank you so, so much. We really, really appreciate it. And thank you in advance. Let's get back to the show. Yeah. I think we like to start off every episode a little bit, like just kind of saying what this is for, but our like motto is to share the hope and the hard with heart and humor. And, um, yeah, it'd be fun to share like a little bit of hope and a little bit of something that isn't as fun, maybe that we're dealing with, uh, in life. And so I have, uh, a hope, which I kind of feel bad saying, actually, I had like a, I had two little versions of me on my shoulder when I was thinking of mine this morning, I was like, it's not nice because I have two sister-in-laws with little babies that probably aren't sleeping. Oh no. She's sleeping like a princess. My hope is that I sleep in a season where I'm sleeping really good and I feel guilty saying that guys. Yeah. You can look at it as a hope to your future. I hope that you're sleeping well. For our sake. You should be sleeping. We hope that. We can't, we're not sleeping. So we're not sleeping. Great. That was actually my heart. Oh, really? I'm so sorry. We're on the same wavelength. I hate that. And I think the reason this feels so rewarding though, is like knowing like where I've been, like where. Oh yeah. And it's funny just because like the nature of my children, but it's like my oldest one is always the one that's going to be, and he's surely in our room sleeping with us, but at least we're sleeping. But at least you're sleeping. I just hear the door creak at like, cause we have his light set to turn a different color. So he was like several light cues that happen in his room, but it turns blue after 11:30. So we can have like alone time and don't have to go to bed at like seven o'clock when he goes to bed. Yeah. But, um, usually he wakes up somewhere like around one o'clock and I just hear a little, our door squeak. He doesn't even say anything. He just scampers into his little mattress on the ground and goes right back to sleep. But because he's with us, he sleeps so late. He's just like, I'm just in mom and dad's room. Sometimes he's awake, just like laying there and then Augie is sleeping in because Griffin's not waking him up. Wow. So Griffin woke up at 9:20 on Saturday. Did you think you were like, are you okay? I didn't think he was in there anymore. I thought Matt had gotten up with him and I was just like, oh, what are you doing? He was asleep. I was like, oh, I, I, I just laid there awake, but so I feel bad saying that, but maybe you guys can look to your future. Yeah, no. I feel like with the newborn stage, it changes so often. This age is a hard one. So I don't get sad about it. Yeah. I don't get that sad about it because at this point Vivian's three months, she's trying to roll. And so the sleep has been really bad. They sleep so much better when they can get on their bellies. Yes, they do. Brielle, when she gets on her belly, she cries. She's like, get me back over. She sleeps on her side though. Kind of weird. That's cute. No, it's cute. Yeah. So I feel like when they go through those transition or milestone transitions, you just don't sleep very well. Dang. So I know it's, I know it's going to be short. Three, four and five. Those months are like pretty tricky. Yeah. For sleep. So we'll get through it. Yeah. We'll get through it. But that was my hard was that the sleep the last couple of days hasn't been the best. And I feel like this postpartum, I'm coming out of a lot of the like hard things and it's been feeling really good, but the brain fog has settled in and I just could not, like during the day it's not that bad, but in the evenings when I start to get tired, my thoughts do not form into sentences and I cannot think of words and I'll look at Caleb and I'm like, ugh. What's that thing that I'm trying and I'll like explain it and he'll have to tell me what I'm trying to say. So that has been a little, that's just been really hard, heavy this week and maybe just because it's been such a busy week with holidays and like the new year and everything, but yeah. My brain is not working. That's tough. Yeah. But we'll get, you know, we'll get through it. It's just a short, short to see his head. My hard was not that serious, but I just genuinely hate the month of January and now that we're in it, I'm like, I don't know what it is. I just have a really hard time like transitioning out of the month of December, I guess like December. So I'm someone that like loves things boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, and like all exciting. And then January always feels like we got to make our own fun and sometimes it's kind of like, I just feel like my motivation's low. My productivity is low. I feel like every single night recently I've just been like, what did I really get done today? And I'm just like down on myself at the end of the night, every single night. And I'm like, I don't even like, I want to do more, but I actually can't get myself to like do more. Isn't that called the post-holiday blues or something? Because you're, you're so expended from the holidays and then you get into the January and you're just exhausted. That's how I feel. And I want to feel, I want to be one of those people that like kick starts the year, like discipline blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, ugh, I don't want to. And I think part of it is that I'm not in any kind of routine. Like I haven't been going to the gym and I did go to the gym today and I'm like, huh, like, I feel like I got lost. I feel like I got a little bit like back into me, but just in general, I need to just suck it up and just like try to find fun things to do in January. I'm planning a shower for Val. Oh my God. And so that's like kind of getting me excited. I'm like, that's a fun thing to do. And like, we need to. Can I help you? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. It's going to be Galentine's themed. Cute. A little sweetheart is on the way. I was going to say we should call it Valentine's, but that's her, that's actually a great idea. I like it. A little sweetheart is also cute. Sweetheart is on the way. Valentine's day. That's really, that's a cute, that's a cute theme. I got it from Pinterest. I did not. I'm not creative in that way. Like with wordplay stuff. No. No, me neither. Well, I'll leave it to the Pinterest people. Fine. Okay. I want to help you with that. Um, okay. What's crazy. Wow. Wait, wait. What's your hope? My hope. Oh yeah. Abby. Gosh. Well, let's think about this. I only thought about my heart. It's been that hard. Yeah. Well, my brain just isn't working. We've had so many friends come in town. Which has been fun. And my parents are back too. They do the snowbird thing. Which is so fun. Yeah. And it's sweet. Just, I love any time our parents or like my parents or Caleb's parents come in because CJ loves his grandparents so much and it's so helpful when they're in town too. Um, that's definitely been a highlight. That's good. Yeah. That's my, that's my hope. Okay. Should we move on to wow. That's crazy. Wow. That's crazy. Wow. That's crazy. That's crazy. This has become the new TikTok viral sensation. And I am currently obsessed. I have genuinely no clue. I know. We should try it after the episode. We should. we'll make a video of us trying that's a good idea okay this tiktok girl her name's courtney cook she is the cutest gal ever she looks like a who which she says is a compliment not with her nose like she just has the sweetest cutest little like she's just so cute okay anyway she got famous on tiktok i think she's grown over a million followers within the last month that i've watched she has over two million followers and she does the craziest lunches and meals of all time but they're not crazy to her but i stopped on her videos the first time it's called a plowman's lunch she teaches british history pretty sure and a plowman's lunch is basically like a really random charcuterie board of stuff like raw vegetables and random chunks of cheeses and breads and boiled potatoes weird onions and she'll just eat them like really right right right right right right I would like watch her videos i'm like this is the most disgusting bizarre combinations of food and like the weirdest way to eat these foods but i want to do it and her responses to them are just it's so amazing lady who did the chicken sausage in the cottage cheese and mustard um i don't know i didn't see that okay but maybe if that was like what do you know no but i just put the video on your ipad so you can take a look at it the one that's going really crazy it's her sweet potato trend where she she roasted sweet potato and she's like oh my god i'm gonna eat this potato and she stuffs cheese inside of it and then just eats it like out of her hand like a hot dog i don't know it's so crazy what is this cheese definitely butter classic cheese what does she do for work she's a teacher oh cute so she has a whole series of teachers lunches oh my god so gross how did that's actually potato like this last night i love that she loves this she is such an endearing person to watch that is the one that has gone so viral really people love to watch her eat this and everyone's trying this concoction of really and do people like it they love it that's why i want to try it i want to try it we should do it for a video it'd be super okay let's try it it's so and just the way that she eats things i've been inspired to eat raw vegetables i'm like oh i can just eat a bell pepper like an apple sure i did it you did it well with ranch but yeah kind of no i did slice it i didn't eat it like an apple that's how she eats it she just eats the most random raw vegetables like she'll take green onions i took a video of it green onions green onions should just start it's crazy there's a video val our friend val we're talking about her again she knows i was talking about her yes i brought her up and she was like me and her husband or not me her and her husband were watching her videos at night before bed and there was a video of her eating the dumplings at 7 a.m she loves soup dumplings she puts them in these onion cups and puts soup dumplings in them and then tops them with mayo and soy sauce and seeds and all kinds of stuff and then she puts the whole onion cup in her mouth and she just goes oh yeah yeah and you're like oh i want to eat that never have i wanted to eat a raw onion cup in my life this is so funny to me this is like i love i'm fascinated by what people eat but i think this is fascinating this became a trend oh she's she's absolutely bloomed bloomed she's not gonna be a teacher anymore no all of her food looks so good i'm looking at her page it doesn't sound good eating plain green onions and she i'm trying to find food so it's a lot of stuff that i've never heard of it's just so random but she's just such bizarre combinations that i want to try gosh you guys got me sold and the comments are always hilarious they're like yeah this is what i eat when i'm trying to clean out my fridge or you know it's like the leftovers that's just how she said i just know that no food is wasted in your household literally well that's funny i know i want to try it she is the i'm always like oh gotta stop my tv shows on that's how i feel with her videos really yeah that's fun i like that yeah that's wholesome that's her wow that's crazy that is crazy because what she eats is truly crazy it's truly crazy hey it's kelly roland you may not know this but i have eczema so i get how it can steal your time but why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about ebglis ebglis labrakizumab lbkz a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate blood pressure and a low blood pressure and a low blood pressure and a severe eczema also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies ebglis can be used with or without topical corticosteroids don't use if you are allergic to ebglis allergic reactions can occur that can be severe eye problems can occur tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems you should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis before starting ebglis tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection paid partnership with lily respect your time ask your doctor about ebglis and visit ebglis.com or call 1-800-lily-rx or 1-800-545-5979 next segment i thought we could talk about this is like i feel like last episode we talked about goals it's kind of fun and tiffy but this episode um caleb showed me the kelsey ballerini song i sit in parks and i have not cried listening to a song since maybe i was a little child this song is so beautiful and i feel like it's just a good conversation for us to have so i'm going to share it with you guys and i'm going to share yeah you listened to the song yeah you sent it to me and you were like i haven't cried since listening so i was like i'm scared i my immediate reaction was like i'm not gonna listen to it because if you cry then it's gonna make me cry but i listened to it and it didn't make me cry but it is like i was just blown away by her what's the word i'm gonna say i was gonna say humility but like vulnerability yeah vulnerability in this like in writing a song like this especially from like some so okay so she made her career huge basically is this true from her divorce album that was when i first knew her so i think that's when i first knew her so i think that's when i first knew her when she first became like a more she went on call her daddy and i think that really like pushed her career well it wasn't call her daddy recently no she went on when they got her divorce oh okay so since that was like her divorce was such a big part of like her like rising to fame i think this song comes as like it's even more impactful then because okay so wait should you play the song or do you wanna yeah i don't think we can play this yeah we can't play i do want to listen to it again just to have a chance to listen to it again i don't have like the fresh thoughts from it but i let's just play it and we can keep talking about it don't cry right now i literally i listened to it this morning again and i almost cried again oh my gosh i know i've never touched like that i am gosh i feel like the first time i heard it the first time i heard it i was like dang i feel so sad and grateful at the same time that is such a and maybe it's like being almost 30 and having two kids it's like man i just feel grateful i think it just put in perspective like dang these are the years and like i have two kids and i take them to the park with caleb and like it just feels like this really sweet time of my life and i was like wow i'm very grateful for that i'm also sad that like these years are short with the little kids but also like i felt very sad that i do feel like there's this narrative to women that being a mother is such a burden and like you can't live this like amazing life and like children are chains and she's like that the line about um do they look at me and want my freedom as much as i want to be a mother and i'm like dang like i felt that in the past like i let me get it together for a second um like when we found out that we were pregnant with cj my oldest that was a very much a surprise i was 26 when i got pregnant i had started a business that i had ran for five years with him um that caleb had come on and joined and at the time that i got pregnant like the business was failing i had all these big goals and dreams i was like i'm gonna be a businesswoman all this stuff so i had like found i was pregnant my business was failing and i was just not at all what i pictured my life to be like and i felt scared i felt um yeah i just felt like a lot of these things and now i look back and i'm like dang i'm so glad that we were able to start our family when we did yeah i just i felt all those emotions yeah when i heard that yeah i think the thing that like i respect the most in her writing this song is that she first of all i think in today's like culture it's very like frowned upon if someone changes their mind on things i don't really understand why that is or if other people feel that way but if people are like you hypocrite it's like yeah we all like change our minds or we evolve or we you know wish we would have done things differently i feel like regret is also something that is like kind of like you're not supposed to have regrets which obviously like you can't let your regrets like hold like chain you back or hold you down but i think it's really admirable that she's willing to just like publicly be like yeah I I'm wondering if I made the right decision or like everyone can look at me and like envy where I'm at right now but do they know that I'm envying them back and I think that takes a lot of that takes so much bravery and it's it's also I think the other thing that the thing that stood out to me most in listening to this song is that her acknowledging that like her decision had a cost because I feel like a lot of the times this this maybe is an American thing probably where it's like you can have it all you can be it all you can do it all and I feel like this messaging is I I hear more geared towards like moms like you can do it all you can have it all you can have the career you can be the best mom you can do all these things and I also think that women have a unique pressure to to like I feel like just naturally I don't know if everyone feels this way but like there's always this like quiet voice it's like you're not enough you're not doing enough you're not you know meeting the standards that you need to do like there's more you can do and comparison all this stuff and so her acknowledging like every decision has a cost is refreshing I told you when you started talking when you sent that song to me it reminded me of Danny Austin who's like another creator and also like mega business owner her admitting that she like in her own words she said something about like how she blew up her life like trying to have it all and for me as a listener hearing that it felt like a deep sigh of relief because it's just not true that you can have it all and it doesn't mean that one decision is right and one decision is wrong it doesn't mean that career is wrong and motherhood immediately is right or vice versa like it just means that there's a cost and you have to kind of weigh those constantly I feel like that's what motherhood is with like we're both working moms and I feel like I'm always kind of on this teeter-totter of like how do we balance that and like what and which like what cost is too great where we need to make adjustments and then this benefit I'm not seeing it here so then we got to make adjustments the other way I don't know if that makes sense no it makes a lot of sense yeah I would agree it's so the balance is hard and I feel like I was I was totally bought that live like oh I can have it all as a kid and I feel like I I um reach for that for a really long time and I don't know I think I get sad hearing that video because I think that there's that narrative that like women think oh my life we've talked about this before but my life is gonna stop when I have kids um and I don't think that that's true at all you know it like looks different and like you're saying we have to adjust things around but I don't know it's like man the the my life has started when I had kids and like even with work it's like being a mom has made me more efficient it's made me work harder it's made me want to like balance my time better like I feel like all around having kids having a job like a healthy marriage all these things like has forced me to become a better well-rounded woman and I'm so grateful for that and yeah it's not like oh I can go be this I don't know it's so hard I don't know what I'm trying to say no I think it makes sense and also hearing from your perspective too like you were career driven at one point you had these like high aspirations in like the career area and like you still do but it's like I almost feel like there's maybe two different people listening to this podcast because for me like I actually never had career ambitions like I did before I got married and I'm like I don't know how many years I've been married and I'm like I don't know how many years I'm having kids because then I like can't I felt like you said it I felt like I couldn't start my life until I had kids because that was like kind of like my like tunnel vision like I was like gotta have kids gotta have kids it's like I don't know why I literally it was just made that way like literally in high school I remember just being like whose babies can I watch like all the time and I just felt like I couldn't get like I feel like that time three years of after getting married I was just like which isn't a good place to be either like I feel like there's a bit a good thing about like contentment and also just like yeah enjoying early marriage and not like rushing into all that stuff but like because I didn't have like huge career ambitions I feel like it's like women have to decide right like what are you gonna do you're gonna be a mom you're gonna be a working lady like and it's like oh gosh totally that's a tough place to be and then I feel like a lot of women too like they they go into the career field and they're like really excited and passionate about it they get pregnant have a baby and they're like I actually don't care about any of that anymore and so like there's that too totally there's so many different aspects of it but um on the angle of like being a working mom I thought like I used to something Sadie Robertson actually once totally changed this around for me but I used to feel every time I like had to do something for work and be away from the kids I would like literally try to condense everything jam-packed which I already condense it to part-time but like I would literally like be like okay maybe what can I get done in one hour like and try to get everything done and then I would just be super stressed the whole time and like try to never be away and like I felt really guilty like my my default is kind of like going towards guilt usually I'm like I'm not doing good enough mom not doing enough for them and something she said is like I'm gonna butcher it so I'm not even gonna try to quote it but something about like taking pride in what you do for work can gives your kids confidence too and how like that can also serve them so now when I talk about it I'm very intentional I'm like I'm gonna go work and you're gonna do fun stuff like with grandma like things like that and then now they talk to me about it they're like oh you're gonna go to work and I'm gonna play with honey or I'm gonna go like do this activity I'm like yeah and I think it's really cool that my kids also can see me as their mom having this role in providing for the family and like also like we talk about the purpose of work and like working hard too and I feel like it's good that they see their mom having this role as well and not that it's only in the career realm but also like within the house but I don't know it's it's helped me just like be more intentional with my work and my role as a mom and like how I talk about it more because I felt like really weird like I had to like be vague about it I was like I'll be right back like I was now I'm just like oh I'm gonna go work and I don't know I just feel like for some reason that didn't click for me in the beginning totally I get why like there's so many I get why there's so many opinions across the board of this and I understand why women want to wait especially like if you go to school you go to higher education you spend all this time and money and then you go into the career field and it's like I don't want to just blow all that away because I think people do probably assume that like once they have kids they won't want to work anymore and that will shift in their life and I understand that is like a really hard thing for women to like tussle with and like make that decision on um but then yeah there's also the flip side of the coin where like we have these jobs where we can work from home which is nice and like we can kind of do our hours how we need to to like focus on our family the most but it is hard when these early years like you these are the what do they say like your kids are most impressionable from one to three like that's when you have the most influence on their life or one to five so it's like you want to give them as much as you can in these first three to five years so I get why that's hard where women want to wait where they're like okay I've done the career thing I want to do it but then I feel this like sadness for a lot of women that do wait and then there are like complications or you know different things and it's like you never want to say that in a way that's going to fear monger women until like wanting to have kids earlier or whatever yeah yeah it's just like I don't know a reality of things sometimes and I just feel like I know a lot of women that have pushed off um starting a family and like could have the opportunity to make it work well and sometimes I just wonder I'm like dang are they gonna be sad about that decision later which it's okay you know but I just feel like we have been sold the slide like oh just wait just wait just wait just wait and like I feel like I've thought that like I always thought I'd wait till like 30s to have kids and like do the career thing for a long time I just feel so grateful that that wasn't the case because I feel like I have been able to fortunately figure out a way to do both like have work and be a mom and I feel like it's just it's been the greatest gift upon my life yeah I don't know I just feel sad for women that that it is like a hard choice yeah it's super hard well I think on the flip side of it too is that I think like people waiting to have kids or people are also waiting to get married which we obviously didn't and I like have just been that also started the conversation of like young marriage like where it was like okay because also she's not married anymore and like when she says like god damn it he loves her I feel like there's like this like longing to like what was the quote there's some podcasts that Matt and I always talk about where someone's like marriage is like choosing someone to be a witness to your life and and we I just like think about that a lot I'm like that's how do I say this it would just it'd be hard for you to imagine it'd be hard for me to imagine like going through life without someone who's like I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know knowing everything that's happening my thoughts like what I'm going about my day gosh like what my one-stop shake order is like it's like someone that just like knows you so intimately like one person that like that would probably feel I can imagine that where that could feel lonely where it's like it's not even the fact that he like he like this this family she's looking at that he loves her but that like he knows her and that they're like in each other's lives I don't know and so I don't know where I'm going with this but just thinking about like life how it looks so differently depending on when you enter into marriage yeah because I mean we're very I got married at 20 which is crazy now saying that yeah but um just thinking about how Matt and I were actually just talking about this I was like Matt I literally know you so well I was like I literally remember when you were a kid and I saw you become a man and you were like I'm not a man and you saw me go from like become a woman and we have like this insane library of memories together that like I can't imagine even now at 27 how old am I I don't know this is actually real I stopped aging at 25 in my head I started aging at 23 which is much too young to stop aging every time I'm like well I'm 25 and I'm like nope I know I can tell people I'm young 20s and I'm like I'm literally 29 and that's the oldest 20 you could possibly be the oldest 20. You're the oldest 20 but I was like the fact that like we have some friends that are single and they're dating right now like gosh they have to fill them in on like you also can't really that's there's something so unique about like having that type of history by that age that it's like it's really special totally so that's not to say one's right or one's wrong like i feel like this is just something that looks like unique about young marriage it's like gosh we literally have so much history yeah like by the age of 27 totally which is wild i guess what i imagine who we're speaking to right now are those people that are like they've been dating for five years they know they're gonna get married but they put the brakes on i'm like just get married start your life like get married have kids like you can make it work like i feel like that's my charge and i feel like that's there's obviously a million perspectives on this discussion and they're not all there's no right or wrong but like that's my point of view i'm like dang just do it because it's so fun to like live your life with someone it's so fun to have kids it's just just special um i don't know it's just such a special it's really rewarding it's so rewarding and like obviously people look at marriage and kids as like such a sacrifice because it is but making those sacrifices also has like a way of like refining you as a person where it's like i don't know it has completely changed how i view so like honestly everything in life both of those things and it's just a it's just a practice every single day in selflessness and i think that's the thing that we have to counteract the most as humans i feel like our nature is like very selfish which kind of have to be gosh there's probably some evolutionary reason like you had to be selfish if you're a pack but anyway like just it is a practice every single day in like selflessness that is really good and also it's healthy too like i don't know i respect kelsey in this song i'm like i'm sure she made that decision to like get divorced to not have kids because she wanted to pursue being selfish for a little bit and her dream and like she knew it'd be a cost like she wouldn't be able to have a child important to a child no it makes sense like that was the cost yeah that was she was like waited and she was like yeah yes this isn't what i want down the line totally and well that's what she thought and actually i noticed in this that listening that song again she literally says what i want she it's like she changed like she just fully changed her mind she said that's what she wants totally which is interesting do we know what her ex-husband's up to um he's dating a new person now and she was just dating chase stokes and they recently broke up um the guy from outer banks yeah they did it for like two years oh damn um and an interesting thing is that she froze her eggs so she when she was married to her ex-husband oh so i think she was always planning to have kids a little later or maybe he didn't i don't know that when yeah they were planning on having kids but she froze her eggs so that's also interesting in relation to the song is that she has eggs when you're thinking about getting older having those eggs but not being ready to like get pregnant yet i guess that might be another thing people are having kids later because they know they can freeze their eggs like that's a more common thing now wait why are you wait i'm dumb am i am i dumb so wait if you no no no so you can't have kids though after you've gone through menopause right no even if you've frozen your eggs yeah no but i'm thinking that these eggs are healthier eggs because they're like younger eggs than when they would have them yeah well it's like as you get older every year you have less eggs so maybe if you have you're having trouble getting pregnant you can use your old your frozen eggs yeah so they don't have to do an egg retrieval then and then start that well you just don't pre you know you aren't women born with the amount of eggs that they always have like we're born in the room we're created one a month but no it's like your body has multiple but only one gets she froze her eggs when she turned 30. i just think when people go through ivf this actually brings up a bigger conversation that we don't know anything about women i don't think we drop multiple eggs but no we don't drop multiple eggs but like when people do ivf in their cycle and they can extract multiple yes oh they might have 11 this cycle and then like 50 the next like that are available is that not viable viable i don't know but see this is something we also need to work on you have more when you're younger okay so if you freeze them you have a higher chances of them being successful later on okay well that's that is interesting well i guess 32 she's 32 yeah she can still do this thing totally she just has to find the person that she wants to have something killed but i talk about a lot because my mom and dad were much older when they had kids my mom started she had my older sister at 30 waited five years had me at 35 and then had my little sister when she was almost 40 so they like really spaced them out and stuff but your mother looks great yeah i did not realize my dad turned 70 this year wow uh-huh wait yeah no i'm sorry he's 69 this year he'd be really sad if i said that um but yeah there i have older older parents on the older side and like kilby we're talking about this if we want four kids and we didn't want to do four under four and i was 31 32 like that just really changed your timeline on things because i'm like i don't want to be pregnant back to back to back to back if i wouldn't have any space and time in there you think you're pregnant for nine months then you're postpartum for a year that's a long time you know and then maybe you want to like have a little bit of an age gap between your kids so i'd like that's something that i don't know i didn't think about before having kids you know it's like it comes quick it's come so fast and those years are not you know if you start having kids later you're probably i think that's why the average of kids has gone down like most families just have two they're probably gonna start later so getting married the average for men is 30 and women is 28 that's younger than i thought it was gonna be yeah that's a as of 2023 in 1960 it was at 22 for men and 20 for women so it's changed that much oh my goodness that's crazy wow the average age for women for their first birth in 2023 was 27 okay okay that's when i that's when i gave birth you were the average talking about you guys i'm literally the culture in 1970s it was 21 so it's changed since since then hey it's kelly roland you may not know this but i have eczema so i get how it can steal your time but why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about ebglis ebglis labrakizumab lbkz a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies ebglis can be used with or without topical corticosteroids don't use if you are allergic to ebglis allergic reactions can occur that can be severe eye problems can occur tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems you should not receive a live vaccine when treated with ebglis before starting ebglis tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection paid partnership with lily respect your time ask your doctor about ebglis and visit ebglis.com or call 1-800-lily-rx or 1-800-545-5979 and i also think one interesting thing about you guys is you both are married to your high school yeah and you know what percentage that is it's about two percent of people get married to their high school sweetheart man and so you guys both of the two percent of america you guys are both in that situation which is interesting so you've dated your husband for a long time you've been with him for a while yeah i've been 12 years for caleb and i i feel like i have to be careful sometimes talking about these subjects because i do feel like i've been very privileged in this area like i lack perspective i yeah i'm like i definitely probably like just marry them i know just don't wait have kids earlier you know i'm like dating you know but i understand dating is super hard that means we can bring up the cons of dating and marrying young i got some cons i feel like i went through a little bit of an identity crisis i feel like it hit right after we had our first kid where i was like i just remember one morning i was like i like my eggs scrambled and i was like it was like a big proclamation because we had been eating for like a year and a half and i was like i've been eating over easy eggs for like two years and i was like i like them scrambled and i was just like and i like cheese like i just started to think of like all the things where i was like man we have just like i have adapted and like grown around you so much and him vice versa but where i was like gosh where would i be independent of you like what decisions would i have made like and i think that it's not like it's it's not like oh gosh the grass is greener on the other side of this but it doesn't matter it's not like it's not like oh gosh the grass is greener on the other side of this but it doesn't matter it's not like it's not like it's not like oh gosh the grass is greener on the other side of this but it doesn't matter did come to a point where i was like my gosh i've literally become an adult with you like i formed around you we formed around each other like what would i be like what in this alternate life like what would i even be like and so i feel like it did kind of cause like a little bit of like what is happening like what do i like where do i like what is happening i don't know and so i do think that other people that get married young feel this way too because i feel we brought it up on a podcast one time i think other people were like yeah like that's great and it's awesome but certain times where i'm just like what would i what would i have been like if i had been single in my 20s until i was like at least the average of like 28 what was it 27 i can't even imagine that i can't imagine it either i don't know who i would be that's what that's what made me spiral that i don't want to think about that actually no but it did kind of i was like like my egg scrambled and then it was just like so interesting i was like you know and then i started to think i was like i don't cook with cheese because i live with you and i i just started to think i was like we do this for our job we live here we and i and it was like we had agreed on all those decisions together and like we were excited about them but it just comes i feel like there was a time where caught up to me i was like what would i be like totally and i think that that is something interesting yeah a pro is that it was really easy to adjust to marriage yeah because we didn't know any different i never lived independently you didn't have an identity we had no money we had no money and so like the financial transition the life transition was actually really easy like i don't remember having any like major hiccups because i was just like yeah yeah you didn't have any like routines that you were set in or yeah you didn't have a stable job that i was like i need to be here for this job like we were just very flexible like everything was i was in college like everything was so flexible at that time everything was so low stakes where i was like say i had been with my job and they're like wanting to transfer me to a different state and i was like like that would have been like a logistical problem more than anything but and then you do have to make decisions like what's more important at this point and so like everything was just really low stakes at that point so that was a really easy transition yeah i was like yeah everything's fine for sure i was gonna say the same similar thing i we have a very high tolerance for risk caleb and i do because our whole 20s were just risky like we had nothing we didn't have careers we didn't you know like stable careers we just had no money which was a con i remember i was listening to some of your unplanned podcast episodes and you're talking about how disciplined we were with their money and i was like we just had nothing no choice we just had no choice and so that was a con but there are so many pros to that too where i feel like you did have a choice though a lot of people go into serious debt yes we did so you did have a choice thank you we also did have a choice to get normal jobs and we chose not to so we did choose to stay poor if you're curious we used to have a clothing boutique that i started in college and then caleb and i ran that together and that was five years i kind of touched on that earlier and then we had a really bad uh like season where we lost all the money and yeah it was really hard there was a year we made combined thirty seven thousand dollars combined uh that's no money that's really low it was hard in kansas city missouri um no that's when we lived in phoenix that's how we had to move because we couldn't afford our rent even more yeah bad it was really yeah high living low income but we taught we learned so much from those experiences and i feel like that helped shape us and i think that's one of the reasons why i think that's why i feel like that's why i feel like that's one of the reasons why i feel like that's why i feel like that's why i feel like that's why i feel like we're like not afraid to take risks because we lived these lives where yeah it was low stake or we kind of had to make hard decisions a lot of the times and if we lost everything we had we knew that we'd be okay like we could figure it out um it kind of made us a little scrappy uh-huh so i feel like there's so many fun things like that and i think you build so much trust like you're not going to take risks with someone that you don't trust but like when you have all this history it's like you've shown up for me every time like we can do this together and like you're not going you know that you know your person's going to be with you and going to be along for the ride no matter what totally like that's a major advantage too totally yeah we didn't have those 20s where we like go and travel the world and do all these great fun instagram things but hopefully we get that in our thirties we said we're gonna go clubbing when we're ending nesters we'll go with you so our wild the ellen pompeo video i kind of just wrote out exactly what she said i think it's wait what's ellen pompeo um gray's anatomy oh that's what you said yeah that's what you said so i wrote it out um because i thought it was i listened to it and i was like wow this is like really cool especially being a new mom on my end but especially being a working mom and figuring out how to do that um you cannot be a mother and have children and give a hundred percent to your job it is a part of you that is somewhere else you split into different pieces you are no longer just you you know what it does it gives you more soul richer funnier more empathetic angrier it gives you a range of emotions you can't even imagine having without this person you will be yourself times a thousand you will just be a better version of yourself it doesn't matter that you can't give a hundred percent to this because by the way we are as women we evolve but if it's something that you want it will only make you better i am so much better for having children it's so good i feel like she kind of clarified what we were saying about you can't have it all like you can't give a hundred percent of your all to work and do like the crazy grind hustle culture culture and give a hundred percent to your kids like there's got to be a give and a take and a take i do think like obviously we're examples of you could be working moms and i know a ton of women like i know women that in med school that have had kids and families like they make it work you know yeah i mean my mom was a full-time working mom my entire life yes and i think of her as nothing but present and attentive to our needs like totally it's not but yeah you just have there's gonna be gives with work and your your number one cannot be your job i feel like when you have kids it's because we're limited like you're literally just you can't not yes i think that's one thing you said to abby too is you said that your marriage is above your career too yes your kids are above your career but your marriage also is as well yeah that was actually something that the we brought up when we were talking about the song too is that matt and i consciously like we so we went into college to be theater performers actors whatever that meant and we i was just laughing about that this morning because i was like matt realistically things were going to change anyway but early on we're like you know this is like what we were going to school for like this was the dream right and so then after one semester we had talked to like a lot of our professors which a lot of them had ended up going into teaching like acting or whatever their their class was or subject was because they were like yeah i wanted to have kids and i want to have a family or like they were like i toured i was in a tour in asia and my partner was over overseas for nine months a year and we were just like oh like that's that's pretty that's i don't know if we wanted to make that sacrifice and so very consciously after one semester we were like yeah it's more important that we're together we can prioritize us and like we already knew then that we wanted to get married and like soon so we're like we want to just prioritize this marriage like our marriage over career and i think it was really good for us to make that decision really early on because it just made everything else really easy honestly and let me tell you people were like worried in my life like happy you're gonna give this up like this is like you're gonna give this up and i was like i'm gonna give this up and i'm really like you've done this since you were in second grade like you were really like shooting for this and i just remember just being like i didn't i didn't grieve it which that doesn't mean that some people won't make sacrifices that they were like this was hard and i really miss it and like to this day like i still love theater and i still like miss like matt and i saw wicked live and we told you that we like literally sobbed both of us when the opening number came because it just like brought something awake inside of us we're like oh i like miss that passion that time like to consciously make that hand off early on like it was pretty different and i think people were like what but it made everything really easy because we're like well yeah that's if that's the cost i don't want to pay it and yeah i think that's a lot of things in life are like that yeah so that to say like me saying like you can't have it all it's like you cannot you yourself are a hundred percent you can't give a hundred percent to everything and if you do you're just going to feel like you're just going to constantly be beating yourself up yeah it doesn't mean you don't work that doesn't mean you don't have kids that just means that you are constantly in this tension totally and that's part of it and i don't know why that feels like controversial to say really i don't know i don't i mean i don't think it is but i feel like people would be like if i say you're a mom you shouldn't give a hundred percent to your job over your kids like i feel like that is like a universally like if the man was like i'm a workaholic he doesn't give a time to his kids i think everyone would be like you're a jerk but then when a mom when a work you could do it you know what i mean yeah that's true and i just don't actually think that that's normal yeah do you know what i mean i feel like i feel like i'm navigating that right now of like working and being i actually feel the most guilty when i'm with her and working rather than her being with someone else i'm like it's so i feel so much better when i know she's with someone who can give them their full attention right and hang out with her and play with her and then i can give my full attention to work for a little bit of time and then i feel so much better on all aspects i think it's because they're so little they don't understand that like exactly what's happening so it's like why is my mom here and like not playing with me like i think about that sometimes and i feel like now just like having that conversation i'm just like i'm working and like then they're like super good with it yes um but yeah i think that's just a tension that i'll live in constantly be evaluating and that's okay and it's going to change and it's going to look differently but to summarize this like abby was saying if you're dating and you're like you've just pictured your whole life with this person and you're just like no just not the right time or like i need to do x y and z first i don't know i think the timeline is here nor there i remember that being a huge thing when we got married because everyone's like you have to at least graduate college first and i was like no we're not going to and yeah matt never graduated yeah hey it's kelly roland you may not know this but i have eczema so i get how it can steal your time but why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about ebglis ebglis labrakizumab lbkz a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults and children 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies ebglis can be used with or without topical corticosteroids Don't use if you are allergic to Epglyst. Allergic reactions can occur that can be severe. Eye problems can occur. Tell your doctor if you have new or worsening eye problems. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with Epglyphs. Before starting Epglyphs, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. Paid partnership with Lilly. Respect your time. Ask your doctor about Epglyphs and visit epglyphs.com or call 1-800-LILLY-RX or 1-800-545-5979. I never felt ready. Like, I did not feel ready to have kids. And then I had kids, and I was like, oh, you just get ready. You just figure it out. You make it work. And so if that's your thing where you're just like, oh, I just don't feel ready, don't feel ready, just have trust in yourself that you are resilient and you can do it. And if that's something you want in the future, my encouragement is to just pull the trigger and do it. Yeah, and having kids is actually great. Like, I feel like there's a lot of – that's the thing that's hard. I keep quoting these other things, but remember the thing that was, like, huge with, like, Chapel Roan, which I hope she – and I don't mean any hate to her, but I honestly think – I just disagree. I disagree with her, but I don't – Well, no, she said all of her friends that had kids young or something like that were miserable, and I think that it's just so interesting because that's, like, her perspective of, like, looking at it as, like – and I think that also can reflect on, like, us as young moms. Like, how are we presenting to people that don't have kids? Yeah. Like, it's not totally on her, right? Like, if you're griping and moaning about it in front of people that don't have kids, like, that's not – that's not a good thing to do. Like, honestly, like, there's a time and a place to be like, this is really hard. Like, we're in a stage where we're not sleeping. That's really, really hard, and you should have space to say that. I think that community is with other moms, and I think that's really great. And it's not that you can't say that, but it's just, like, the messaging should be positive first. And, like, this is awesome and super rewarding, and I'm sure those moms are like, yeah, I'm sure they're exhausted. Yes. But I'm sure if she were to come back and talk to them, like, do you think you made a mistake? Like, do you regret it? It would be absolutely not. I know. And so maybe those conversations could be a little bit more redeeming. I don't know, like, how – That's a good point. I get so frustrated online when I'm scrolling all the reels, and it's just people dogging on their kids, like, in a humorous way. I'm like, yeah, these jokes are funny, or, like, it'll be a video of a kid doing something crazy, like smearing poop. You know, something that is really gross and really hard and, like, does sometimes happen. And the comments are, this was great birth control. This was great birth control. I'm like, that's not the point. Yeah, because you can't control that audience at that point. Yeah, and I'm like, dang, I just – I never – if that's what people think kids are, smearing poop and an inconvenience to your life, like, that sucks, you know? It's like, that's not the message that we want, because that's not true. So, yeah, it's like, you can share those stories with your friends and your family and, like, other moms, but to people that aren't moms, it's like, man, think about how they take that stuff. Yeah, I think you just learn and adapt. Like, it's so interesting. Even, like, over the holidays, you have a baby. You're going in and out. Naps are crazy, all those things. And what did we do yesterday? We were like, okay, we're not going to go to this thing because our daughter needs to nap, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You just learn and adapt, and it's not miserable. Totally. Like, I guess it's just everyone's perspective. Also, baby years are short. I feel like people forget that. Like, the nap stage is short. We're still functioning. Like, you see us. We're talking. We're alive. Yeah, yeah. You aren't going to go tell someone at the supermarket, I'm not sleeping. Like, we still – your body adapts as a mom. Yeah, I just – people always think that, like, the baby stage is forever, and it's like, no events, but in three years, the kid's not going to nap, and then in five years, they're going to be in school, and you're not going to see them. So, I don't know. Like, you're going to have your life back in a couple of years. Do you know what I mean? I'm not dropping them off at school. Kids are so inconvenient. I am not dropping them off at school. It's just like – I don't know. Like, it's just such a short time that we're inconvenienced. It's great. And the grades come over our life. Yeah. And also, gosh, I can't – I can't say this and not think about someone that's, like, struggling with infertility or, like, going through a loss, too. Mm-hmm. So, like, not to say, like, this is, like, the end-all, be-all, or, like, your life can't start until that next thing happens. So – No. There's so many people listening to this, and I just had to think about that, too. Like – Thanks for saying that. Yeah. Like, there's so much joy in where you're at now, and it can feel like everything has to be on pause until that next thing happens or this thing or this stage enters or, like, maybe motherhood feels like this club that you're just not ever going to be a part of or, like, it's just really hard. And so, all I have to say, I'm, like, I'm thinking about you, too. Like, it's a great – Yeah. That must be hard. Totally. And so, yeah, not like it's, like, the ultimate end-all, be-all. Like, everyone's life looks different. Everyone's timeline looks different. And a lot of that is out of your control, too. And so, try not to beat yourself up and try to find contentment. I know that's such a general thing to say right now, but – Not at all. There's a purpose for the season that you're in. Mm-hmm. As much as you – it doesn't look like what you want it to be. Like, there's a purpose for it, and lean on your friends. Yeah. Thanks for saying that. Yeah. I think that's good. I'll say that. Marriage and kids are amazing. Yes. And if you're in that season of waiting for those things, and those are things that you want, and they don't feel accessible right now, like, I hurt for you. Yeah. Yeah. Like, that's hard. Totally. And our lives aren't, like, better than yours. No. It's really different. Yeah. I would say I look back, and I wish I would have enjoyed those seasons more than, like – I was, like, I was so excited to get married that I kind of just, like, tried to rush into getting married. I wanted kids, so I rushed into – and then I'm, like, ah, I should have soaked it in a little bit more. So, while it is hard while you're waiting, I'm, like – Just soak it in. Yeah. That's the hardest thing. I know. It is finding contentment where you're at. Gosh. Especially, like, for someone like me. Like, I don't even feel like I'm a planner at all. Like, I don't even, like, really think ahead, but I'm just, like – I love looking forward to things. That's how I always – like, even as a kid, I, like, looked back, and I was, like, when something was ending, my mom was, like, well, this is coming. And, like, I feel like that's how I always, like, kept propelling myself forward. So, that's kind of life. Yeah. We love women. We're pro-women. We're pro-children. We're pro – Marriage. Marriage. Ask, ask, ask, Abby's. Wait, this is fun. This is our first time having a listener do it. Yeah. Oh, my gosh. I'm kind of nervous. This is going to be fun. We're going to do three questions – or, three voicemails from listeners, and here is the first one. My name's Francesca, and I was wondering what's your best advice for getting motivated to help with my, like – Like, self-image, and how I feel about my body, and basically how to motivate myself to lose a bunch of weight. Love you guys. Oh, my gosh. That's such a sweet, honest – Francesca, thank you for sending that. I feel like probably a lot of people relate to that, or one of the same things. Mm-hmm. I feel like my initial reaction is weight is just – it's just a number, you know? And that shouldn't – I don't always feel like – that's not a bad motivation for things if it's, like, unhealthy, but I think your motivation should just be health. And I feel like that's – I don't know. Especially postpartum, I've felt that a lot. Like, especially when your body changes a lot, you know? I feel like as women, our bodies go through a lot of ups and downs, and it's been motivating and really fun, and it's helped, like, keep my health forefront of mind when I just think about, I want to feel strong. I want to feel like I have the best energy levels and all that. So, finding – that's been motivating for me. Mm-hmm. And if it's – I feel like if I'm just like, oh, I want to lose weight, or I'm not feeling confident about my body, and I want to – wait, wait, wait. Mm-hmm. And that leads me to want to do unhealthy things, like not eat the way that I should, or, like, you know, eat less calories than I – that's correct, or go too crazy in the gym, or it's overwhelming, and I don't want to do anything at all. And so, I feel like that's almost not, like, the – I feel like there is other factors that could be maybe more motivating than weight on the scale. I don't know. Yeah. Find a way to move your body that you just actually really like. Yes. And that can be a lot of trial and error. I think the great place to start would be group fitness, because – Mm-hmm. You have that built-in accountability, and you don't have to think. You literally just show up, and they tell you what to do, and you leave, and, like, almost every time you get a good, well-rounded workout, because someone that's really well-trained in all of this is, like, writing it for you. And more than anything, like, if you find a community, that's, like – that's the best way to stay accountable, in my opinion, and something that you like. Now, something I want to say is that, like, you can't hate the way you look or hate your body into change. Mm-hmm. I think you have to love it into that, and I mean that. That sounds so cheesy, but I mean that in the sense of, like, you have to love your body in the sense that, like, you want to do good things for it and, like, move it and feed it well and also treat it. Like, do those things, and then you'll – that will be the change rather than, like, I just despise what I see, and that's – that's just not going to be long-lasting. Mm-hmm. I feel like – this is my conversation with my mom a lot. Like, I'm like, hey, your goals should just be to show up. Yes. Yeah. That is amazing. That's my only goal is to show up, and, like, I want to do it because I want to do something good for my body because I love my body, and I want to be able to do things with it for a long time, and so I feel like the motivation has to come from love and not, like, hate. Now, the self-image part, that is hard, and gosh, I don't even necessarily know how to tackle that. Like, I feel like that's something that everyone struggles with. Yeah, and I think it shifts a lot throughout your life. Yeah. Yeah, and I feel like, Francesca, you sound young, which is sweet. Mm-hmm. Thank you for, like, listening, and I just feel like, too, as you get older, that will change. Like, I remember feeling very insecure about myself when I was in high school and, you know, worrying about all these things. I look back at pictures now, and I'm like, why was I ever, like, insecure? Or, like, why did I worry about these things at a young age? And as you get older, I feel like you get life experience. You kind of get out of, like, oh, these are the certain images or standards of beauty, or this is what's right and what's wrong, and you kind of get this overall – which is, like, silly to say, like, oh, just wait, you know? That's not my problem. point but I'm just saying like as when you're young it feels like it's your whole world and it's everything that you're thinking of and it's really important feels really important so yeah i just like give yourself some grace when you're young and in the interim i feel like when i have felt like low self-image times just doing a little bit like maybe this is bad guys correct me if this is bad advice but sometimes i'm like let me just get myself done up like one time and then i just feel like it just like kick starts me and to like i I don't know. I know. Okay. So say I do my mascara and I'm like, oh my gosh, my eyes, like they're really standing out. And then you start to notice the things naturally about yourself that you really like. And so it's like less of a crush and more of just like a kickstart. I don't know. Like find, find things that make you feel more confident. Like if there's a certain way you do your hair or like a little bit of makeup or an outfit that you feel like really flatters you. I feel like that's just the thing that you can kickstart you into like social settings in which you're going to have people that are like actually going to like speak life into you and like fulfill you in other ways and kind of get you out of that headspace where it's like the only thing that matters is like how I look, which maybe that is like how it feels. But then once you're out and like, oh, people like me because I'm funny or people like me because like they like the things I have to say or the energy I bring to a room. And it's like, maybe that's just all it takes to get you in those settings. You know, I don't know when I'm like in a down world, I'm like, I think I just need to like curl my hair, do a little mascara. And then get out, get out of my space and be with other people. And that really kind of helps like get your thoughts out of your own head. Yeah. Yeah. That's good. Thanks for saying that question. Hi. Hey, it's Kelly Rowland. You may not know this, but I have eczema. So I get how it can steal your time. But why let eczema take over when you can talk to your doctor about EBCLS? EBCLS, Leberkizumab LBKZ, a 250 milligram per two milliliter injection is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with eczema. EBCLS is a prescription medicine used to treat adults with 12 years of age and older who weigh at least 88 pounds or 40 kilograms with moderate to severe eczema. Also called atopic dermatitis that is not well controlled with prescription therapies used on the skin or topicals or who cannot use topical therapies. EBCLS can be used with or without topical corticosteroids. Don't use if you are allergic to EBCLS. You should not receive a live vaccine when treated with EBCLS. Before starting EBCLS, tell your doctor if you have a parasitic infection. EBCLS can be used with or without EBCLS. Call 1-800-LILI-RX or 1-800-545-5979. Hey guys, this is Kamari. I have been watching you all for quite some time. My question is, how do you find the strength to keep going as a mother even when you're going through things like grief, postpartum depression, and just life itself? It's fresh for me still. But yeah, you saying that does reveal in me. I feel like there was a lot of times, especially at the beginning, where I was like, I'm not showing up at all for my kids because I'm just so wrapped up in my own grief. I just felt like I couldn't show up for them. I think you gave me this advice, Abby, so this was good. But you were like, it's good for them to see you grieving. It's good for them to see you sad. I don't know how you said it. And I think other friends gave me that advice as well because I was like, I'm so stuck in this. I can't be around them if I'm just such a bother, if I'm just so down. And so then it was me retreating and Matt was doing everything for the kids. And that's a privilege because this mom who called in, she might not have that as an option. And I just want to say, it's okay because I needed to hear this too. It's okay for your kids to see you down. It's, I think, important to follow up a conversation though about like, what you are down about in a child-appropriate way. And finding ways to do that was really important for me because I think this is how kids also start to learn how to cope with their own feelings. Knowing that, I've heard it said before too, like when kids experience like an emotion and they feel like mom or dad never had, like they never experienced this. They don't know what it's like. And it can, that can feel really confusing and lonely for kids. So like saying like, mom feels sad right now. And I would like tell them like why I was sad. In a child-appropriate way. And that like felt like a relief to me that I didn't have to just completely disappear because I was just like sad. And I also feel like for them, like then they had a frame of reference where it's like, okay, like then they would bring it up to me. And so I feel like that was like, I'm not explaining this well at all. But basically don't feel like you have to shield your kids from that. I do think that you should reflect like, how am I going to like, especially with some of the things you can be grieving can be really like, really heavy. And maybe not necessarily like, because also I was like, if I start to talk about this to like my two and three year old, I could really unload on them. And that's not their job. So just like, do this thoughtfully, but don't feel like you have to hide that up or bottle that up or just completely retreat. Because they're smart. They're really smart, no matter how young they are. Totally. That's a good answer. Yeah, your grief came from a place of love. And that's a really, that's a really important thing for your kids to see it in your specific. And I think anyone who's going through loss, like if you're grieving a loss of a parent of a child of anything, like you're feeling super sad because you loved them so much. And that's a really sweet thing for your kids to see. And for you to explain to them like, this is like, I love them so much, you know? Yeah. And like, that's, that's a what's the word? Like honorable thing. That's not you know, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. And I think that's a good reminder. Like grief isn't bad. Like it's coming from a place of like, love and sadness. I think have grace on yourself too. That's so hard to do sometimes. But just like know that this is a tough season. It's not going to look like this always. So I've for me, like your question is about keeping going. And it's like, I think set small goals for yourself, like as a mom would be like, just a really easy, like, depending on how old your kids are, it's like, I want to do one guided activity with them today, or I want to do 10 minutes of just like, play with them. And then just like having those like, little goals to start help get you back in motion too. And then you can also just be like, I showed up for them. And you don't have to just deal with that guilt of like, maybe I can't be as fun or as like lively or imaginative. Like I was like, I can't use my imagination right now. Like, I just remember feeling like I can't just like run around and be goofy. But like, I'm like, I can, I can. Yeah. I can sit down and do play with them for like, 10 minutes or things like that. So just set small goals too. Because like, eventually, three weeks into small goals, you'll find yourself in a better place. Like I guarantee it. And doesn't it fluctuates to as I'm sure anyone who's gone through grief knows, but yeah, yeah, you don't have to hide that from your kids. Like your kids are older, and they look back on that and like, Oh, wow, mom really struggled with postpartum depression, or mom was really grieving during that season, they're not going to think she was so weak, you know, they're gonna think, wow, like, oh, how strong my mom is. She got through that season. And she's still this amazing mom. And she loves us. So how they might feel confused if it's not like, a conversation, if that makes sense. Oh, for sure. Yeah. And because I think kids tend to put things on themselves, like they're how their parents are doing, like with on themselves. So yeah, what are some tips or advice that you have for when you just found out that you're pregnant? When you just found out you're pregnant? Yeah. Oh, you probably sweat a lot. By deodorant. I literally listened to a podcast. I was like, what do I do? Would you find out? Oh, like, what do you like, actually, actually, what should you do? That's a great question. That's what's hard. At the beginning, there's not a lot to do. Totally. You kind of have to wait because you call your doctor, you need to make a doctor's appointment. And they're gonna tell you, you have to wait until eight weeks. Find an OBGYN. What'd you say? They tell you to wait till eight weeks. Yeah. And you're like, oh, my gosh, I don't know how many weeks I am. They'll help you calculate it, help you figure it out. Gosh, it's so exciting and so fun. I remember when I found out with CJ, I was obviously like really surprised. And I drove to Starbucks and I was sweating so much and trying to hold back tears. And I hadn't told anybody. Yeah, I drove immediately to Starbucks. I was going to get a drink. And I told the guy at the counter, go, can you write on it? I'm pregnant. And he's like, did you just find out? I was like, yeah. And he gave me a hug. And it was really sweet. Yeah. So I feel like after that emotions kind of like settle, you could decide then with your partner how you want to tell people and when you want to tell people. I think that's kind of it. You just kind of wait. Yeah. It's a little waiting. Yeah. Would you agree, Addie? Yeah. I had no idea what to do. And we were recording a podcast that day. And so I listened to a podcast from, I don't even know who, someone, somewhere. I was like, what to do when you find out you're pregnant? Yeah. What'd they say? Yeah. What'd they say? They said, make an appointment. Call an OB if you haven't found one. Start taking a prenatal if you're not. Oh, that's a good tip, Addie. I wasn't taking a prenatal. I should have been. Yeah. And then a lot of waiting. But I also just told everyone that day. So. Oh, yeah. That's the hardest part. It's like, can I just have to tell someone? Tell at least one person. I had to tell. Get it off your chest, you know? Oh, he told Abby and then she convinced us to go tell everyone. Well, I also knew that my mom would be so mad if I knew. Yeah. Well, like long before her. Yeah. I was like, are you waiting for a specific date? For a specific reason? Or. Blake was. Because I was like, if you're not, you better tell Lori. Yeah. Blake was the one that was like, let's wait. And I'm like, come on. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's funny. That's fantasy. That's so exciting. congratulations yeah congrats oh my gosh it's great i had an unhinged this is probably gonna get cut but when i was thinking about pros and cons to getting married this is unhinged but i just had to say it okay if you get married young you're gonna have sex a lot you get a lot of practice time like i literally mad ass chat gpt a lot more as in a lot more in your lifetime yes yeah it's so true like there if you're just doing one night stands there's literally no way you'll spend your whole life coordinating partners like i mean it's just not gonna work out um matt ass chat gpt like where are we at as far as like a total caleb and i also just calculated that up just ourselves though just ourselves i'm not gonna give it but no yeah i was like no one it'd take a long time for newlyweds to catch up you'll never catch up to us oh my god hey okay we cried a lot this episode i had to do something oh thanks guys for supporting us it's like obviously we're we're working out our podcast muscle together yeah it's gonna get stronger over time but we're new to this it feels i know you're like this is a new role for you yeah this is definitely a new role for me so yeah thanks for listening to episode two thanks for listening we'll be back next week if you want to leave a voicemail for next week's episode be sure to call in and the number is 602-456-9690 if you're driving or doing laundry or something it'll also be in the description and on our instagram page follow us on the instagram page that'd be really fun subscribe on youtube and subscribe on youtube and tiktok we're there as well thanks so much for being here and being a part of the always here community that makes this like so much more fun totally doing this with you guys so and remember we're always here you want to be the one who's always in the know about the game the scores the plays here's a tip the apple sports app just pick your favorite teams and get automatic live updates without even knowing their schedules and when your team scores it shows up right on your iphone lock screen making it easy to check in anytime so rule the group chat and download apple sports for free on the app store or find it on your new iphone reimagine how you do wellness with new first of their kind mochi bites from apple sports app store the number one gummy supplement brand ollie multi beauty energy and sleep mochi bites are certified vegan gluten-free made with naturally sourced sweeteners delectably tasty and take your routine from mundane to extraordinary all while delivering the same expert benefits elevate your wellness with mochi bites today sold exclusively at target these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration this product is not intended to diagnose treat cure or prevent any disease