Parenting and Postpartum Depression | Episode 33

Intro The minute attention is the kids well-being, they also need emotional support. You didn't say you're doing a good job. Let's talk their topics and both conversations here at Bear All Podcast with Danny Barreto. Hey guys, welcome to another episode of the Bertol Podcast SO episodes. Speaker 2 Greetings and salutations. I like being needed. I love my feeling that in the problem. Speaker 1 Wow, problem. Speaker 2 Or, and that's today's episode guys. Thank you. Speaker 1 OK. And topic that of the day is what no one tells you about the journey of parenting. What no one tells you about the journey of parenting Wow. So these are basically the things that you don't really get to talk about or it doesn't come up in conversations. It's just something that you basically deal with. Speaker 2 Because like most of the most of the parents on social media, I say they only show the glamorous. Speaker 1 Parts. Speaker 2 And you know, and there are also some then some moms online that openly share then the struggles that they go through. But of course, generally speaking, people just want to show the good side. But you know, we're here to discuss everything and in between when it comes to parenting. Speaker 1 And the best thing about this episode is that we are talking about this with also celebrating another milestone of our lives because the last episode we I was pregnant and now this episode is we already have two kids because Riley is now born. Yes. So our Christmas just got better and more festive. Speaker 2 Early Christmas gift. Speaker 1 From Para Para having to begin early Christmas gift to say so it's not only a Christmas gift for our family, but also to our parents, our siblings, Yeah, basically the whole clan, yeah. Speaker 2 Our loved ones as well. Speaker 1 My baby, it's like the best gift. So even a young times a young guys, you already have two kids. I think when we started this podcast, we were really different people. When I started this podcast last year, I was a totally different person at a different time of my life. Yep. And a year after, I am now also in a different time of my life. And my God, we're ending the year with a bang. Speaker 2 Yeah, cuz I mean like, you know, for we're still young, you know, I'd like to believe in, but remember five years has a big difference. Our relationship grew because you had, we had maybe how old were you? 25252526. Now, five years later, we're in our 30s when we were. Speaker 1 Yeah, personal growth, yeah. Speaker 2 Because I remember when Lily was born, this after the whole NICU thing, then I was like OK, so now what? This. Speaker 1 Time around we were more prepared, even if Naman Riley was like a surprise also to us because this year, but of course you're blessed with one. So we're more than happy. But like we were more prepared this time around as parents. Mellie's now five years old. She's turning 6 next year, so we already know basically what to do. We weren't as clueless as we were 5. Speaker 2 Years. Speaker 1 Ago certain certain worries and this time around also I've I did more research now on like what to do or what to take what to drink you awareness yeah first pregnancy this time around. Speaker 2 I remember when Millie was born. First infant baby is a family. So I remember. So, yeah. And I took care of Millie. I would feed her. I would, you know, carrier, all that stuff. That was since then. And I was telling you, like, I don't know how to burp. I don't know how to do these things. Like after the five years, it just came back naturally. I can take care of Riley and all of that. And it gets better as he gets older and especially with Christmas coming up. Favorite holiday to celebrate this Christmas Which is your favorite holiday? Speaker 1 To celebrate this Christmas and the most main reason is really. Speaker 2 Yeah, I mean, we have our own reasons. Like, you know, her personal career has been going so well. You know, I've been doing pretty well for myself. And other than that, even if you put focus on our separate things, our family, then it's super solid, super intact and sitting in. AM I gonna answer? Speaker 1 That question Celebrate. It's Christmas like the last time. The thing gusto is celebrated when Millie was born because September same Millie so Christmas was also kind of like this also yeah this time around so brown and damning to be grateful for because millies been such a great at they also instinct when it comes to Riley. She's so loving and giggle and very much like aware. Speaker 2 Yeah, aware. And that was our fear. Well, of course. Speaker 1 I'm not going to lie. So they're sick. There's love. Yeah. Speaker 2 So I think animal like, if I had to ask you, what were your learnings from Millie, which was five years ago? That's pre pandemic. So not in applying Moody to say nothing bag on. I see Riley like, yes, he's a baby, but he is a boy, you know what I mean? So of course for me it's like I'm still very careful, but there's some learnings I tell. Speaker 1 You sometimes you're like, sometimes you tend to also like put the blame on yourself. But then this time around, emotion, this this pregnancy. Speaker 2 Actually, I have one thing I will learn then, because like of course, in front Pasha, you know, the site comes at first major close. Are they farsighted or near sighted? Farsighted. No, they're farsighted and you know, they're not really receptive to what you say. But one thing I really wanted to apply is that you want to raise him right. You know what I mean? Like you don't want to argue in front of the baby. You want the baby to grow up in a loving home and stuff like that. Dito Palang, even as a baby, even if they're not replying to you, you still want to instill good morals and values. Then I think that's the one number one thing that I learned in this process then. Speaker 1 But this time around must not. But I was organized this time around. Speaker 2 Actually. Speaker 1 Like that. So I always had to ask help, but this time around, but I knew what to buy, I knew not what to take. I knew the proper things to take for the health of my pregnancy and the baby. Young parang must not focus also well-being this time around. It's a pregnancy. Cool. It's a latter apartment, full short now, but the whole duration I was more at peace. Yeah, young Parang I, it was on my own time when we announced. It took a while. Parang 6 that announced I six months. It was a more peaceful pregnancy. I was less stressed. Speaker 2 Yeah, so in regards to routine, like I, I could say I can attest the parents sober, unprepared. Yeah, like, of course before we, before she gave birth, we had to move in back, back into our house in Vietnam. And then she was saying like, you have to get this done right away, 'cause I have to nest, I need to do this, I need to do that. Speaker 1 This time around, next steps for everything to be more comfortable for the whole family. Yeah. Speaker 2 So in like with the routine of like the baby. How We Take Care of Riley So let's share with them how we take care of Riley. Speaker 1 It's a pretty odd. Speaker 2 That's the proof. Speaker 1 That's the proof how tired I am, right, the exhaustion. But like again, it's more the our routine is not the same as others. You probably get you probably might have a different routine and think ours is weird, but it works. It works OK. The firing this time around 'cause I wanted Riley to be with us for. Speaker 2 A longer period A. Speaker 1 Longer period of time 'cause I'm here to say entrusted. I'm newborn. Speaker 2 If you can take him or if you can be with him, why not? Speaker 1 Already. Hindi Copa or at least newborn when he was born. Guys. Respiratory infection hospital this time around. So emotional torture, OK. Speaker 2 So let's bring them. Let's start a normal day. OK, so let's say 8:00 AM. What's 8:00 AM like? Speaker 1 Yeah, the shifts, yeah. Speaker 2 So it's like she takes care of Riley from like 8:00 AM until the whole day, the whole day basically. Then come 11:00 PM, he gets so. But that's when, you know, she washes up all that stuff then and I'm the one that takes care of him. So my shift is from 12 midnight up to seven AM, 8:00 AM sometime 6 sometimes because I was telling her she needs to rest more because #1 Riley needs her more and #2 so that she can give both equal attention then. Speaker 1 OK, so basically that's just a typical day for the past few days. And if I can do some of my work at home, I do it at home if I need to leave. Yeah, like now episodes. It gives me peace. Speaker 2 Yeah. So it's like, of course we still work, we take care of our kid and we sleep, but of course doesn't stop. Exactly. So the best thing you can do, I mean, it's bad to say, but you have to compromise your sleep and just take naps in between cassettes. I think the sleep. Speaker 1 For me is not even the biggest sacrifice. Speaker 2 Of yeah, of course, but it's like if you had to choose something to lessen. Speaker 1 For me, my newborn, I'm still a mom to another toddler. Yeah, I'm I still have a job to do. Speaker 2 Like last night she went, she had work last night so not. But like with the 3-4 hours she was gone, I was the sole guardian of Riley. Speaker 1 Doesn't stop, you just have to manage your time better better and properly and like for me, excuse excuse some parents even have it now. What you're going through is like, intense. Speaker 2 So would you say because of course before the baby comes, it's an overnight adjustment especially so did you, did you have a harder time? How to balance work and family To divide myself #1. Speaker 2 Good morning. Speaker 1 That changed. That changes day by days because 67 AM, she'll just barge in and like, So consideration, yeah, swap, swap. Being a parent to two kids is already hard enough if you're in a household. This indie photo in general if my partner kayo he balance. Speaker 2 Both You're a team. Remember, you're not, you're not individual 2 individuals. You're a team. Like let's say for example, let's say it's 3:00 in the afternoon. While she can nap with Riley Tapos after then, you know, then let's say after her nap, she'll sleep an hour and a half after the nap, spend time then together because it. I mean, with every child you have, the responsibility gets bigger and bigger because you really need to balance your time between. Speaker 1 Both the sleepless nights, every cool, yeah, every sound that the baby makes smile. Speaker 2 It gets more and more worth it every day because the baby, they grow so fast. Speaker 1 You still have them 24/7 because your. Speaker 2 Mom. Speaker 1 Always says that when I think about it, now that I have two kids, every time I look at even Millie, which is she's so big already, when I think about her, like there will come a time that she won't think that hanging out with us is school. Speaker 2 Or she doesn't want to hug us anymore. Speaker 1 Yeah. Like we've all gone through that phase and I, I don't think I'm ready for that. Yeah. Speaker 2 Yeah guys, so hug your parents if you still. Speaker 1 Hug your parents if you still. Speaker 2 Can and your grandparents too, Yes, but for me, it's like there are times where you shift to let's say 6:00 AM. That was a look at Riley. That's much like. Speaker 1 You guys like gets immune system? Speaker 2 Oh yeah, especially the moms. Speaker 1 Pregnant OK Riley When I was pregnant Riley, I was actually very. How to maintain a strong immune system during pregnancy Active. Speaker 1 Active When it comes to working, I never really stopped myself from working, but the adjustment that I had to do was if I had to make sure that my immune system was intact, my immune system. Speaker 2 Was strong. Speaker 1 Strong. So I really went the extra mile by researching the best possible vitamins, the best drinks. Nah, safe a call. Safe young baby, developmental baby. The development of the babies in line. Yeah, Indisha delayed Delisha. Yeah, molasses immune system called the baby's getting the proper nutrients and the whatever you take. I say guys, when you're pregnant gives you the proper nutrients and also your baby. Speaker 2 Yeah, cuz you're attached. Yeah. Speaker 1 You're literally one person. Yeah, that's why when you're pregnant. But you have to be extra careful. Careful. Speaker 2 That's why what I noticed with you then some parents can say they think that I have to give all of my 100 three 100% care and attention to the kid. But when you're pregnant, you have to understand that you also need to take care of yourself too. Like you don't just start taking care of the baby when the baby is born, you take care of the baby even when you're pregnant and in line of take care with taking care of the baby, you take care of yourself as well. Speaker 1 Madame, Madame, this time, like this time around, the Explorer drinks out there. We have a business that's in line with this wonders of having to drink Wellness drinks or Yuma drinks the maraming supplements. Yeah, so now discover and mom and mom case is good for pregnant women and for lactating women also. So and mom is basically 100% nutrients and mom and some reason to me by your immune system. My iron, my folate, my calcium. It has DHA not only for you but for your for the fetal development. Speaker 2 DHA is good for brain. Speaker 1 Development for brain development. I know that. So in fairness, OK, you add mom for. Speaker 2 Me. Yeah, I think that goes back to what I said. The baby gets supplements not when the baby is born, but also while the baby's in your stomach. Yeah. So you take care of yourself and the baby. The. Speaker 1 Baby starts when you're pregnant, so you have to take the necessary measures. So when I was pregnant with maybe because this time around I really did my research. I know best. Pregnancy drinks or I can drink nahindi masamai lasa, Yeah. Or mix drinking supplements extra for like paraba extra or any sense. And I just wanted to take something because I couldn't even eat so much sweet. So I really wanted to have like a chocolate drink or a vanilla drink that's actually good for me and the baby, yeah. Speaker 2 Like the thing I said with caps and stuff. Speaker 1 Oh yeah, so you know, I know, oh, it's a some of our factors now I can get I can drink something sweet, but that's not bad for me. And at the same time and damn it, a lot of nutrients and of course DHA is so important guys. So I had moms Jennima pregnant moms always take supplements and drinks. MIDHA for brain development, folate for a healthy pregnancy. Of course, calcium for stronger bones not only for for you, but also for your baby. Speaker 2 Well, you know, if you want to take all of that stuff, just take and mom. Speaker 1 Yeah that's why and mom exactly I had this time around friends going to pregnant then they recommend they recommend if you guys to really drink anything drink or eat too much sweet so Sabiko guys if you want like a treat there's a chocolate yeah flavor and vanilla flavor na and mom soyo aside from the other supplements that I took when I was pregnant and Riley to keep a strong immune system yeah 'cause you're. Speaker 2 Attached literally. Speaker 1 So, you know, this time around to pregnancy when I was pregnant with Bailey, so growth Copa, but this time around so I really have to pull all the stops. I have to be able to take a lot. I mean to be able to research and based on my research and. Speaker 2 Look, Riley is a big boy. Speaker 1 Yes, and doctors they back up the fact that and mom is good for pregnant and lactating women. So it's I would say some factors and consults about obesity before taking anything. I consulted with mine and then you get 100 and go signals and mom. So if I say I'm pregnancy, so you have to consult your doctors MUNA when it comes to those things, but and mom has been there for many years now. I say so backed up my end with. Speaker 2 Science. Speaker 1 With science and doctors, but again consult your doctors first before taking anything when you're pregnant and lactating. So Speaking of parenthood, parents like, yeah, emotional support through and through pregnancy go and after pregnancy, the our parents were always. Emotional support from parents There they call us like every. Speaker 1 Day. Speaker 2 You. Speaker 1 Support. They always ask. Speaker 2 Riley. Speaker 1 The support is always there. The whole family, parents, the whole family has always been supported. Speaker 2 And like, they even offer if you want a babysit. Yeah. Speaker 1 The baby like becoming a one and a support this time around. Excitement. I love the family this time around. Speaker 2 Yeah, and it's just nice long because like of course they give insight because of course they've been parents longer than us parents. The more kids actually would be smart if you got your mom on this. Speaker 1 Series. It's not the same time like it's it's not the same feeling as the first if you're a mom of two or more kids like a hoe for melicase. Actually, I was very happy through and through like Messiah La La Hoya Emotion school, but this time around fierce and I still not over the past few weeks. To be honest, postpartum depression in the past few days, some sense. Now you feel very alone. My sense exhaustion and damning factors, yeah. So I'm still recovering from that. Speaker 2 Yeah, postpartum depression is real, man. It's real and like. Speaker 1 Of course. Speaker 2 Of course, like for me, like, so like whenever she goes through it, I kind of want to take care of Riley more so that she can focus more on resting because of course it's a shared responsibility when you parent. Speaker 1 You have to check on your partners. You guys have to check on your partners. It's it's a big thing to even ask them how they are like. Don't ever neglect the fact don't be so focused also just on the baby. Please also check on the moms. There is like high chance that you see that they're OK, but they're really struggling like I'm lying. How are you promise for me just like talking about this, but a simple how are you or I think about it. I had to recover fast, OK, I had to recover fast. It was not it was not on my own time. I had no time the home lata homega or just to listen to my body. I had no zero time to do that. So this is the only time that I feel that Oh my God Parangwala parang the past few weeks. By the time this comes out, one month to see Riley, two months to see Riley probably. And the past few weeks discoil exhaustion and more emotionally and mentally apparent feeling corner and daming than Yaris Atawanco. For the past how many weeks sober and damning changes. I was cut open. Not even that I everything. The recovery was insane. I was mostly alone in the hospital. We had to divide our time, so I had to take care of myself while taking care of my child that was having a hard time breathing for the first five days of his life. Do you know the emotional trauma you go through? The gritty cover Kapa from from AC from AC section. The hospital was so uncomfortable, the hospital. Speaker 2 That is so. Speaker 1 Uncomfortable for me, I couldn't sleep. I lacked sleep and till this day. So it's like plus you have to tend to another kid that also needs your love and affection. So moms take on a lot of shit on a daily. I'm not discrediting fathers. I'm pretty sure they're also going through a lot of shit. They're also my sleepless nights. Then say they're still also emotionally strained. But you have to think about your wives or your. Speaker 2 Partners. Speaker 1 Like please check on them. So check on them guys. Speaker 2 So, you know, given that some people have a partner and some don't, what is the advice that you could give to a single parent trying to find someone to like, give them comfort? Advice for single parents You find comfort in many ways, the man, but I think I'm just talking to those, the emotional support or support system. No ma moms Nina and Kayla and partner Kait Ma hai vegan kait family members. Just check on them. I think our moms are neglecting Agadi. The minute attention is the kids well-being. They also need emotional support back on forth. You didn't say you're doing a good job. You know, you're not lacking help them in ways physically emotional support that moms are going through postpartum depression and Hindi a good a good manifesto. Yep, like I'm going through it the hard way because you you have to be happy. But in a sense it's a journey. It's a journey and kudos all the mothers that are like going through it and pulling through like it's it's an everyday struggle. You're a great mom emotional support. You're a great mom. Speaker 2 So what, knowing that you're well aware of these things, what self-care practices do you take so that you know? Self-care practices I think you have to just take a breather. You have to have kite how many minutes of time. But when I have that quiet moment, like I talk to God all the time, when I can't anymore pull through with my day or everything for me, just like a little bit of moment to yourself is self-care or just by taking care of yourself, you still take your vitamins. I still take on mom until now. It's for me, it's that's myself care I cannot break. I cannot deteriorate. I still have to have a strong immune system to pull through. Speaker 2 Exactly. So other than on mom or actually, no, not other with on mom. Advice for parents But like, so of course, you just mentioned you take a shower to like think and like reflect you take care of your body. So what's the advice that you can give to some parents who have a hard time putting priority to their own health? Speaker 1 And. Speaker 2 How can your mom always I remember your mom always saying, how can you take care of your kid if you're not taking care of? Speaker 1 Yourself, for yourself. Figure out is it eating something? Can you crave more? Is it taking a bath? Is it watching? Speaker 2 TV Is it cooking? Is it cocaine? It could be so many things. It could be. Speaker 1 The simplest of things, but it gives you some sense of fulfillment and some sense of like rest. It doesn't have to be anything grand. Taking a bath is such a luxury. Yeah, daily. Speaker 2 Yeah, you have. Speaker 1 No idea how great I feel after I showered or just like which is very rare, but when I do I feel like oh that's a luxury or my God. Hi hi welcome self. That looks familiar. She looks familiar to me for a while. It made me happy. Like you can find comfort in many ways. It doesn't have to be a very, very big thing. Don't have to be grand, doesn't. Speaker 2 Have to be grand. Speaker 1 Enjoy the little things. Speaker 2 When I gave birth. Speaker 1 My nails were pissing me off. I called the person who was doing my nails sense of happiness. I was like Oh my God, look at those. You can find happiness in the simplest of things. Amen. Speaker 2 So. Speaker 1 My advice moms or pregnant moms gender some of my new moms a healthy mom make a healthy baby. If you're healthy mentally, physically and emotionally, your babies are going to absorb that. Your babies are going to see that Hindi it's in general. So alaga and mayon sarilemo alemco mahira. It sounds hard if you actually say it out loud. Alaga and MU sarilemo most especially if I love mohindemona alaga nusarilemo 99.9% of the time. But even again, the simplest of things as simple as taking your vitamins or drinking your and mom anything that makes you feel stronger. Nah, at least immune system more intact. You have to rest out of Commission for a few days. So at least young health. So if you have to take all the necessary things for you to have a healthy body. So if you have a healthy body, a healthy mind can follow after and then it follows. You know, it flows. So for now, I think as moms or as As for me as a mom that just gave birth most important to Sahana healthy. So I take all the necessary necessary things. So it's pregnant and breastfeeding moms, breastfeeding nutrients, vitamins, not only Sayo, but also to your baby. Yes. So ever since that areas like mentally Hindi 100% at least so. Alam code that this is one of the reasons come back at the home recover is because of this. So if you're currently pregnant or you're breastfeeding, I suggest you try and mom because for any mom there's and mom I am. So thank you guys so much for joining us. This time around, but how do you feel better? Speaker 2 I do, I do feel better. Speaker 1 When you talk about it, when you talk about what you feel also. Speaker 2 For the for couples there, sometimes as a husband, your wife just wants to tell you and not solve it because she just wants someone to listen. Speaker 1 Exhausted. There are so many things that you know new moms go through or like. If Ekoi husband and ex struggle wife going through a lot of changes or going through a lot of moods, guys and her hormones are all over the place. She's exhausted. She's taking care of your baby. She takes care of your baby more than you. So be considerate. My God, you guys take care of your wives, OK? Not only your babies take care of your wives. Hello. So thank you guys so much for joining us Titus episode Nathan and Sana thank you for joining this episode. Hello. Speaker 2 Hi, guys. Thank you. Speaker 1 So much for joining us. We'll see you on the next episode. Bye bye.