Parasite Queen | History Hyenas

Alright, this is our last episode of the year. You have to listen to this entire episode because we ended it with the ppw winner of the year. The best Patreon name of the year was crowned. This episode at patreon.com says history hyenas is the only way to be a part of this. But we told red out all the names at the end and it was amazing and we also talked about ants. We talked about ant colonies and how crazy they are and how it's another animal that is a matriarch which is nuts. You're going to enjoy this one of our favorite episodes we've ever done. See me on the road. You can see me in San Francisco, Detroit, and Calgary. Those are three places. Yannispeppascomedy.com. Merry Christmas. Happy holidays. Merry Christmas. San Francisco, go to the Yannis. It doesn't even have any power right now. All the cars, all the Weemold cars broke down. And I will be New Year's Eve. Count Basie Theatre, red bank New Jersey, christiecomedy.com, particularly wiki's happy. Merry Christmas. Happy Hanukkah. Happy Kwanzaa. Right? Yeah. We got to remember the Leroy holidays. Leroy, happy just it's all happy. It's a happy time of year. You want to give us a gift patreon.com/history. Yannispeppascomedy for weekly bonus episodes. We'd love to see you over there because that's what Santa wants. It's what it is now comment below. Do you think we picked the wrong name or did we pick the right one? We think we picked the right one. And in the immortal words of Christus Stefano from the first Reich of Hyenas, Santa's Peace. All right, everyone. Welcome to another episode of history. Hyenas. We are here at the end of the year. And we are queer. Now buckle up. I'm Chrissy D. Yannis is about to talk. And he has a call. So he's got that rough fold man voice. So if you have a if your balls are full, you're going to want to go relieve yourself. And then listen to this episode for the safety of you and your family. Because you might split. Jeremy Spoken. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's just makes you automatically sexier now. Because I like your mask. So you pick it wet. Just listen to me. Yeah, because and I like that's why I just let you go on and on and on about a story that you've told before because you have dementia. And I said because I just was getting a little p going from your voice. And you just sound like the kind of woman I want. Yeah, yeah. Because I don't acknowledge this is the end of the year. Because I go by Chinese New Year's. Yeah, so whenever that is, yeah, that's what I'm that's the new rear. I go with the new rear. It's what it is. Yeah, it's the new rear and Chinese New Year. It seems like in 2026. It's just going to be the year of Taiwan. They're just going to take it. They're going to get taken, right? Yeah, I feel like they're probably going to take it. And I got to be honest with you when they take it. Not much is going to change in my life. Yeah, I've had enough of islands. I've had enough of here about islands. Yeah, I don't want to hear about Epstein's Island. I don't want to hear about Taiwan anymore. Yeah, I don't care at all about anything. I'm just worried about my block and my neighborhood. That's what I'm worried about. And I just urge people to do the same because you're taking in too much info, hun. Yeah, okay. Who cares? Then let them eat Thailand. Yeah, I don't know what you want me to say. But yeah, yeah, I should've said, how are they going to tell who's who? Oh, yeah, that was an original job. Some shame. Yeah, yeah. There's their paranoid over there. If you talk to, um, not Ronnie Chang. Bobby Lee. It's the wrong way. No, not Bobby Lee. Um, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, uh, he's my friend. Desbishop? Not that Chinese guy. Allie's friend. This is brutal. We're gonna have to cut this because he's my friend. Taiwanese. Allie's friend kind of deadpan talks like a black guy. Oh, Shane Wang. Shane Wang. Shane Wang. Sorry, Shane Wang. Sorry, I, I, I, I widened out his name. Yeah, you widened his name. We, yeah, we, sorry. No, what do they call it? And when you whitewash? Yeah, whitewash that, um, and I'm sorry, Shane. Hopefully you'll hear this. Please, Shane's a great comic. He's a great comic and a great guy. Yeah. My friend of mine is one of the people I really enjoy. And I like, and I'm sorry I just haven't had my coffee yet. It has nothing to do with me, like forgetting Chinese people. If you think it did, okay, you caught me. Yeah, um, but anyway, he's Taiwanese. And he was telling me that they are like very paranoid of mainland Chinese. Like they live in constant fear. Taiwanese people. Yeah, like they hate China and they live in constant fear of China. That must be wild to be this like little island. Sure. And just you got one big friend. Right. That you're, that you're hoping is going to get your back. Right. But they might just take you for the table. Yeah, but you got this red fucking line who just invented a drone ship. Have you seen what the Chinese are doing? No, I haven't seen that. They invented this, they came out. They beat us to this massive mothership. They call it like a mothership that just sends drones out. Cause we were, we're, we're, we're, we're going to talk about Aunt Kong. Whoa. Yeah. They look cute though. No, they, so the drones just shoot out from this mothership. It's a fucking spider giving birth to all these spiders. It's wild and these drones just shoot out. They call it the killer whale, the killer whale. The killer whale. Yeah, and that's, and so that thing. Yeah, unfortunately, we aren't just going towards Terminator. And there's nothing we could do about it. There's nothing we could do about it. It's really just make me a cyborg. Let's let's speed it up. I want to be a cyborg, put the neural link in. Yeah. Half woman, half man, I'm ready. I'm ready to go. Yeah. I, I, uh, yeah, I don't know what to do anymore other than just as I've been saying it. We care if the week there's only one person that can save you and he has two names. Got a church. Jesus Christ. You've been going to church. I've been going to church and I've told people in my family, if you're not going to go to church and get out of my way, that's what it is. That's what you've been saying. That's what I've been saying. And I got to be honest with you because the only person who does come to church with me is my dog, Josephine. She's the only one that will listen. Right. That's Siberian Husky, that Trans-Siberian Husky. She listens. Now, we're doing a little segment on this show now called Checking in with Josephine. Yes. Where are we at? How's it going? What furniture do you got left? I got. So what I have, what we've been doing a good job is keeping her in one room at the house and not giving her, not letting her explore the territory. She has all of a sudden, though. We have a little bit of a regression. We had 10 days in a row with zero accents. And then this morning, she shit and pissed in the house. So I don't know what happened there. Just puppy stuff. Had a little regress, but that's OK. And things have been good. My daughter, my little one, squeezes her head and will accidentally kill her one day. It's just what it is because she squeezes her head too hard. But kids just want to squeeze puppies heads. Yeah, yeah. But she's a cute, cute dog. And she looks her vagina all dead. Yeah, my dog likes to lick his own prick all the time. Yeah, it's what he's just licking her vagina all day. And it's just asshole cans. Not a bad life because you can reach it very easily. Now, here's the situation. If we all could, we would. We would. Who would it? If I'm going to jerk it, I'll definitely suck it. Yeah, I'll suck it. Yeah. The thing that I've known-- Have you tried to suck my own piece? Yeah. Well, and I can't do it. So what I do-- You're a tough cookie to fold. Yeah, I can't do that. And I don't have the flexibility. But I'm working on it. But I do just sometimes I like to eat my own glow. Now, do you think yoga guys just definitely do it? I can't understand why a guy would be doing yoga other than to suck his own penis. I mean, look, if you put that on the flyer, I might show up for a few sessions. What is the-- what? Don't tell me if you're a man. It's because you want to be more flexible. Right. It's because you want to be able to suck your own pier or lick your own ass. Right, that's it. Why would a guy do yoga exactly? That's the only reason to do yoga. So guys who do yoga, self sucking is a real thing. Guys who do yoga who don't want to do that. I don't-- I mean, this guy's got a missile. Yeah, I mean, and talk about something to do when you're having a little anxiety. Yeah, instead of putting the thumb in the mouth, just going down there and giving yourself a blow, it would definitely set your nerves just the right-- That's your right cause you could stick a thumb in your ass like Josh Hart. You could do that. I mean, the kid Josh Hart-- He's up with that. He's just sticking his-- I mean, he's a funny kid. He's what it is. Yeah, what is up with that? He's just funny, guys. Those guys, you know what's funny? It's like the black guys now are different from the black guys. I think we grew up. Sure. Cause they engage in a lot of like white boy fun. Sure. Like, you know, putting a finger in a friend's butt is definitely a white friend move. Well, you realize too being gay is a worldwide thing, but it is most-- it's big in America. Being gay is big, huge in America. Because you don't like in China, there's just like no out gay people in China. There's just don't exist, really. Is that a fact? Or they exist in very, very, very small numbers. But here, it's every race is kind-- there's gay. We should know that. I mean, yeah. I mean, does anyone know that? Nick, have you, do you need a research on that? Yeah. Are they out and open? And here it is. Let's see what happens. Nick's his finger in his butt. There it is. And, you know. Yeah. Listen, maybe they're going with the sacred band of thieves. Kind of vibe, maybe that's what they're such a good team. Maybe they're all banging. Yeah. It's very possible. It's just what it is. Yeah. And they probably mess around like that all the time. And he got mad. Jalen, but I don't think he got mad. I think he got mad in like a dude like we're on TV way. I think that they-- because here's the thing that you don't want to happen is this, a little prank right here. And now start, you're going to have people in the comments that get serious and be like, that, it sucks all the time. Yeah. And it's like, no, it's just guys having fun. It's just athletes having fun. You should see what they do in the shower. Yeah. Or maybe they're fucking-- That's fine. Maybe we've gotten to that. that point in society where it's just kind of happening a lot, where that breakdowns kind of happened like an ancient Greece and Rome. Maybe the guys coming up now are just like, - Yeah. - You look hot, like in the shower? - What do the comments say? I mean, I know people have probably spoken about this. It happened a week ago, but I do like to sometimes see the, oh, and you got to log in, I forget it. - I know what the comments are saying. I can, they're predictable. - Yeah. - Right down the color line, for sure. White guys are going, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. And black guys are going, told ya. - Yeah. - Once you get into the illuminati, you got to pop that ass, Cherry. - Yes. - What it is. - I mean, every conspiracy theory in the black community leads back to, they're going to poke your ass. - Oh, they're going to make you put a dress on. - Yeah, they're going to make you put a dress on, or they're going to poke your ass. Which, if that's the worst thing you do, I mean, you're not bad. - Not bad, now here's it. - Here's another thing that I did this weekend that was interesting is my dad did this when I was a kid and then I did it again. The groceries came. - Put a little money on Jake Paul and lost it all. - I lost it all, yeah. - Yeah, and Jake Paul, you know, and it's interesting. I've sent now two texts to Jake Paul, and I've gotten no response. So I think I might have pissed him off. - Well, it's well that you thought he would respond when he was about to get his jaw broken. - Well, I was busy. - Well, 'cause I said, I said, dude, miss you. This is on Tuesday, December 2nd. I said, dude, miss you. How are you going to find Anthony Joshua and not get hard in the ring? Do you have a plan for that? No response. And then I texted him Saturday afternoon. I said, great, fine, great fight man. You looked awesome, seriously unreal. And also, Anthony Joshua broke my jaw once too, but not with his fist. And then I put the emoji of the guy like that. And then I said, enjoy all your success, babe. And he just didn't respond. - Yeah, well, so it's just, I think I've pissed him off. - No, I think he's a little busy, 'cause he's in the hospital having major surgery, and he can't, you know when you get your jaw broken, it's highly unpleasant. - Have you ever gotten your jaw broken? - No. - Yeah, I deserved it a few times. I think that's the only way to get me to stop being black and white cookies. - It's just to break your jaw, right? - I think the only way to get me to stop being black on white cookies is I have to start eating black on white people. - Yeah. - I think I have the Jeffrey Dahmer. - Yeah, well, let's make a note for a barrage boys episode where Chrisy goes on a mission to have his jaw broken so he can stop eating sweet. - Yeah. - Yeah. - He's making note of that, 'cause that's a good, that's an episode. - That would be very funny. - Yeah. - Which is going around going, "Please break my jaw," so he starts doing things in order to get his jaw broken. - Yeah. - And nobody will break his jaw. - Yeah. - Yeah, and then I'll figure out a way to maybe put black on my cookies in his smoothie. - Yeah, or in your ass. - Never mind that. - Yeah. - Take your ass cheeks and watch them down. Yeah, he's just busy, 'cause when you break your jaw, you gotta go on a liquid diet for like two weeks or a month. - He can't eat. - And he is grown out of his beard now to the point where he is looking like a white muzzle. He is looking like one of those people who just got radicalized. - Like a G-Hot John. - Online, yeah. - Now, my boys were saying at the dinner, "Oh, you had a wild meal." - Yeah, we had a nice meal. Well, one of my friends brought a gun to it. - Let me ask you, in Dave Chappelle's late, especially he talks about FBI lighting at the club, was the lighting at the restaurant just a little brighter, was that dinner under surveillance? - It was under surveillance and my boys made it a point to say out loud at the table, which was fully open to the rest of the public, to call Dave Chappelle's special by the name Dave Chappelle intended to, which is the unstoppable. - Lab 14. - I said, you know, that's not the name, it's the unstoppable Dave Chappelle. They said, "No, no, no, that's what Netflix said, "but they said if you watch it special." And they said, "He actually wants to be called the unstoppable." Yeah, and they did. - So that's what they were saying, 'cause they were saying we respected Dave Chappelle what his wish is all. - 'Cause that's the David's special. And what was the name of the restaurant you read? - I can't say. - You know what, get in trouble. - Let's just bleep it. 'Cause I wanna know how Italian the Dave's out. - Yeah, it's called. (laughing) - Yeah, yeah, just bleep it. Yeah, so it might have been an establishment where you could let that fly. - Well, actually it's the title of the special. You can't accurately tell someone what you just watched. - That's what they were saying. That's what my boys are saying. Like it's not, we are actually being less racist by doing what Dave wants us to say. - Right, right. - So, whatever, but we had a good time, I ate four desserts and it was, it was a real nice time in drinking a special martinis. - Yeah. - And oh, everybody at the table's got good benefits. - Good benefits. - Including D-Ball. - F-D-N-Y-N-Y-P-D-V. D-Ball was filming me eat dessert, after dessert, after dessert. - High-chair or no? - No, he didn't have a high-chair, but he did, we got baked clams for the table. And D-Ball ate 19 out of the 20 clams. - I liked that. - So, we said, what the hell's going on with you? He wanted to match the amount of clams. He ate to the amount of cold beer he drank. - Yeah, yeah, no, the kid had 19 beers. - Well, he would, no, he was, everybody was told they have to drink a special martinis, but that, don't forget, that's a big glass for that. Really, it was big for D-Ball. - Yeah, it was like, it was like, what are those spring break joints? - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's great, two hands like that. - Now, this is just an annual dinner that you, this is a yearly dinner, which we were, I invited you to, but you had had the shows, but then you wound up not doing the shows. - That was a lot. - That's being the only theater table. - Yeah, I mean, I do get called that word a lot, but that's what D-Ball actually said. He goes, "Y'all honestly need to come next." Let me go and say, "And he needs to put the fucking wig on." - That's what they did. - That was an exact quote. Yeah, so they want you to put the wig on. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's just, "Hey, would you do it?" - Yeah, I fucking do it. - Yeah, why not? - I fucking do it, it was fun. - It was fun, I got it. - It was fun for Reese's. - Yeah. - And multiple FDNY Christmas parties and kids engagement parties in Bay Ridge, and I got invited to about six different parties. - Now, what do they feel like when we do ladder 14? Do they like it or do they think we're making fun of them? Do they hate it? - I think that they ultimately like it because we save the things that they want to hear. - That's what they really want to hear. - Yeah, yeah, that's, yeah, they're going, "How the fuck does he get so accurate?" I mean, for a kid who does skits, how did they know what they do? - Well, what's interesting is, you know, that my friends are all, you know, FDNY, NYPD, elevator mechanics, but the topic of the conversation about two hours was Elon Omar's Medicaid smiling fraud. So I said, I didn't realize that that is what you guys were really focused on, is about Elon Omar and this freaking Medicaid fraud from the Somalis. - Yo, 'cause what have your friends been doing for news since Charlie Kirk's passion? They haven't been able to tune into the American network. If my mother-in-law watches big, big, yeah. - So they, you know, I don't know, they just talked a lot about Elon Omar. - Elon Omar is in an interesting situation. - Do you think that she took money and herself and pocketed some money? - I don't know, but as we did cover, I do know that this, that a large percentage of the people that didn't happen to be Somali. - Yeah. - They were really running a little thing. I think we're gonna-- - But she also happens to be Somali. - She happens to also be Somali. - What is it? - She also happens to be in a position of power in that particular district. - Yeah. - So I think right now they just rated Tim Walsh's office. - Where it's what it is. - So if you're on one side, you're going, this is federal overreach. On another side, and racist, and fascist, and then the other side, you're going finally, somebody's doing something about all this fraud that I would guess, I think the Somalis are kind of like, they're kind of like the Louis CK of Medicaid fraud. They're making an example of the Somalis, but I would guarantee you that if you go to state by state, it's probably gonna be pretty hefty. - Right. - Because the thing about socialist programs, and I know this from doing social work, is people just take advantage of them, because you're dealing with people's whose job is to be empathetic. You don't want to be discerning, it's seen as cruel, if you're asking questions like, so what's your real job? They go like, I'm already a victim, and you're asking me questions, so it's like, people just hand over the money. I know I did, I'd get a call, and I'd go, how were you affected by 9/11? And they would go, well, I got sad for 10 minutes, and I'd go, here's some path-marked food vouchers, and let me get your rent paid for it. - Yeah. - You don't want to be the guy that questions a victim? - Yeah. - So it's built in, it's kind of baked in, it's a flaw. Just like every system has a flaw. Socialism has mostly positives. Just like capitalism has mostly positives. But they're baked in flaws. - Now, do you think Somali and people who have pools would do they have a diving board? It doesn't look too much. - And if you're Somali, you just say that's catnip. It's just catnip. - Yeah, catnip, catnip. - 'Cause they love piracy. - They love piracy, but do they have diving boards in the pool, or does it look like a plank, and they don't want to go down it? - That is a very good question. - Have you thought about that? Do they race flags outside their house? Like it's on a ship mass? - What do they do? - That's a very good question. Yeah, I mean, I don't understand why they're flags in this skull with two crossbows. - Yeah, I don't get it. - I don't understand. - 'Cause I say when I go to the Somali neighborhoods in Minnesota, I say that a lot of you guys have two legs. I didn't think pirates had two legs. - Yeah, and I'm saying, how come all these same guys have different names? - It's just what it is. - Now, how does the same guy everywhere? 'Cause they just happen to look very much alike. And I know Yasin is listening to this. He's a friend of mine. Yasin, I gotta do my job. - Yeah. - Now, I got a text. I got a text, I don't know where, from the honest, a random yesterday, 11.45 AM, I'm just going to do my Sunday chores. Going to church, trying to get bagels for the kids, trying to get Chris's together. And he goes out of nowhere. Remember, evolution favors energy efficiency. So I said, do you mean that I should convert my house into geothermal energy and change oil? And then he goes, it's what it is. I said, okay, what's going on here? He goes, I've been down a rabbit hole of ant colonies because it's wild and fascinating. You realize survival and evolution is not about working harder. It's about not wasting energy. Peace isn't laziness. It's returning energy to its rightful owner. Working harder can kill you if someone is working smarter or more accurately, more efficient, more efficiently. And then you should want your mind blown. Or do you feel like, today? - Ways on seeing. - And then, and then he said, we're going to start reading about ant colonies. We're going to do it together. I said, wow, wow, wow, wow, wow. I said, I got to read about ants. And then you sent me an article about ants and it's absolutely wild to know that all you got to know about ants is that there's a type of ant colony, okay? And the Italians and Bensonhursts and Staten Island who are loyal listeners to the podcast, we really appreciate your love and support. You're going to want to put earmuffs in right now. because what these ants do is they spray a chemical on the queen ant when they want to take over and then they make the little ant babies eat their own mom. They eat their own mother. They eat their mother something that would never happen in an Italian household. - No, you would never attack your mom. - Yeah, Italian's go, "Whoa, I'm turning your shorts." - Yeah. - Just like you said, I can't listen to this mattress. - They can't, yeah. - 'Cause ant colonies, while there's 14,000 that we know of, different types of ant species, but only about a dozen of them, are kind of dangerous to humans and very few deaths. - Right. - The bulldog ant down under in Australia is one that takes a couple of human lives, maybe three, in the last 10 years, but they can really hurt you. Their bites come with a little fucking out. Ants are why, yo, first of all, Australia, everything can kill you down there. - Everything can kill you. - Eat the rocks or a lot. You step on it and it'll fucking kill you. But ants are a wild thing to contemplate because, first of all, there's a cotrillion of them. - Right. - And I want to make it very, very clear right now. We're talking about ants. We're not talking about Chinese. You're not doing this. - Last 14. - We're talking about little ants. - We're actually talking the minor, this is a unique situation on history of the heinus, where we're actually talking about the thing we're referencing. - Yes, we're not using it as another term. - We're not doing a slur here. This is about ants, the bug, the ants. - Yeah, we're not talking about, oh, there's a lot of them, so-- - Yes, so don't get twisted. - Although, if you want to use it that way, it technically wouldn't be wrong. I mean, it wouldn't be a great analogy. - Yeah. - I mean, they are a lot of them, and they a lot of them are on the ground. - Yeah, but when we're not saying that, we're not saying that. - We're not saying that. - We're not talking about actual ants. And plus, these ones are red. - Exactly. - So, we weren't talking about, they're not the color you would, you know what I mean? - Exactly. - Red ants. - Yeah. - We're not talking about birds. - Right, right. We're not talking about anything that looks like a banana color. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - There's more of a Native American look. - Yup, yup. - There's more of a Nick look. - It's the one it is. - It's sort of a red ant. - There's red ants. - Yes. - Yup. - So, there's American ants. - I got you. - I just want to make it clear to the audience that they weren't taking anything out of context. - Yeah, we're talking about ants because some of our fans are a little, they're unshackleable. - Sure. - And we want you to know that we've seen on the Patreon, what we call walked into ones, and we don't support the new nickname that you have for Nick. We don't like it. - We don't like that. - Yeah. - Okay, as far as we know, it is Nick the stick. - Yes. - Nick the stick or theater kid Nick or something like that. We're not going with the one that rhymes that a few of you have made at your favorite. We don't agree with that and we don't like it. - Yeah. - Glad for me. - Thankfully Nick can't afford the Patreon. - Yeah. - That's good, but this little band, we don't want that on our community. - Yeah, yeah. - We had to send up illegal reasons in case Nick sews us in the future. - Yeah, it's what it is. - We didn't create it, we don't condone it. - It's what it is. - Yeah. - So, first of all, God can they make babies? This queen, 'cause I mean, Patrick, it's got nothing on it. - Nothing on it. - Ants. - Ants could make like a million babies. - That's what it is. - And they're a wild, it's wild because they, and that's why I was talking about energy efficiency because they're so amazing, but they just stick to their particular job. They don't waste any energy on anything else. And that's how they survive in harsh conditions, like all life species. - They get really good at one thing. - One thing. - They're not trying to do a million things. - They're not trying to do a million things, they don't waste energy. It could be life or death for them. So, the soldier ants, a lot of people that know, the soldier ants, they're fucking lesbians. - Wow. - Yeah, they don't, but they're like celibate lesbians. - Interesting. - They're like lesbians, nobody wants to fuck. They're all female. The soldiers are all female. So we located another species that is a fucking matriarchy. - Wow. - So it's right away, you know, it's gonna become another favorite animal of ours. - 100%. - Yeah, so you got the queen, and then all the soldier ants are chicks. - Yeah, so you're telling me it's matriarchy, and they're gay, we're in. - We're in, and these ants, they're female, technically, but they got no fucking pluses. - So they look like Ken and Barbie dolls. So then how do they get banged out? - They don't get banged out. They just fucking work for the queen, and then they die like sacks. - If socks, I couldn't think of a life, not get banged out. - 'Cause I think it may be the only solution for your peace. - Yeah. - Take your fucking, to make you look like a Kendall. - It's what it is. - Yeah. - I mean, talk, that's like being in the pro, they're all in the program on steroids. - Answering the program, yeah. - Yeah. - I mean, up close, oh yeah, you know what, we're gonna tell you all about ants, this commercial break right after this from Quinn, so whatever other bullshit company sponsoring us. - 'Cause you might think you have a solid handle on your budget, but you don't. - You know what you need? - Rocket money. - Ooh. - Yes, rocket money, because your spreadsheet says you should have an extra thousand dollars left over each month, but where the hell is it? - Rocket money's gonna find it. - I use rocket money. - Me too. - To be honest with you, I just use it. 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All you got to do is enroll in ASPA, pet insurance, just enroll in a pet health insurance plan, and you could get a $25 Amazon gift card. It's a little treat for you while you're waiting to do something great for your pet. Listen, 'cause it's been around for 20 years, and it's covered over one million pets. Okay, that's a lot of pets. Now, here's the thing, okay. Eligibility, eligibility, eligibility. - It's a tough one. Let's apply. - Yeah. - So, you got to visit aspcapetinsurance.com/amazonterms for more info, that's aspcapetinsurance.com/hyenas. To explore coverage, visit aspcapetinsurance.com/hyenas. Now, you know, with ASPCI, I got to read something verbatim. - Yeah. - Okay, this is a paid advertisement. Insurance is underwritten by either Independent American Insurance Company or United States Fire Insurance Company, and produced by PTZ Insurance Agency Limited. The ASPCI is not an insurer and it's not engaged in the business of insurance. - Ants, when you look, they are squeaks, but when you do like a really close up, they aren't disgusting looking. - They're disgusting looking, and they're strength, even the smallest ones, like the Carpenter Ants. They're strength, if, you know, you know, you know, I say, pound-for-pound may weather as like the strongest fighter, even though he's a squeak. - Yeah. - Pound-for-pound ants probably could be the strongest living thing on the animal. - Really? - They like firefighters in New York, they could carry their body weight plus like a hood. - They're big guys. - So these guys would do good in a lot of 14. - So they, so because, so they, oh, I see what you're saying. If you'd like to be stronger than like chimpanzees and everything. - Yeah, I mean, not even close. Like if we were down, if we were their size, we'd be a big, big, big, trouble trouble. I think there's a stat, if you put all the ants, or might just be insects in general, if you put all the insects on a scale, all the humans on a scale, the insects will weigh more. - Yeah. - Then the humans. - No, that means there's a lot of insects. - I mean, these ants on the floor right now that we can't even see, right? - Yeah. - I mean, have you ever put like a little piece of peanut butter in your butt and let them just walk up there? - 30%. - It tickles and it feels nice. - Nice, yeah. - I think it's a colony and they burry in there. - Burry in there. - Yeah. - I mean, I don't, I gotta be honest with you. I don't mind ants. I don't even mind roaches. I don't care. It's mice and rats. I don't like. - Yeah. - Well, here's the thing about the Northeast and I'm just sorry to all the Austin comics, I'm sorry to LA comics, I'm sorry to whatever your situation is that you're running from home from, if you're from New York. But the Northeast is just kind of the best place to live. - Right. - First of all, just like you see all these weather patterns in other places, they look a little suspicious, they look a little bad. We don't deal with that as much. We're having some milder winners, of course. But we really only have to worry about one thing that can hurt you and that's techs. But when you go to like Texas or the Southwest, or you go to California, where you talk in rattlesnakes, you talk in fucking tarantulas, you talk in brown recluses, black widows, you go to Australia, you go to the desert, you talk in Muslims can hurt you. You know, there's just so, there's too many. - Ways on seeing. - Then we tend to get hurt. - Yeah, you know, it's like you go to South America, they got ants that, red fire ants. We just got like these little squeak ants, they don't do nothing to do in your kitchen eat crops. - That's all they do. - Yeah, the most dangerous thing to us in the Northeast, and that's why the Northeast is the best place to live. The thing, the animal that kills the most humans you know what it is. - Dennis Whalens. - Lad of 14. - Oh, sorry. - It's a good guess. I mean, the kid took a guess. - Yeah. - You can't, you can't. You can't blame a guy for taking a stab. - Yeah. - And what is it, it's what it is. - It's actually a deer. It's actually deer, cars hitting deer. That's the animal that causes the most death. We don't got to worry. Brown black bears are pretty, try to stay away from humans. We don't have any wolves anymore, no gray wolves. Coyotes generally don't want niestatic. And so it's number one is deer hitting your car and number two is ticks. - But ticks don't kill you. They just fuck your life up. - They fuck your life up. - I didn't realize that. We don't have any more gray wolves in the Northeast. - Don't know. - We got nothing. And when you go to the southeast, I mean, dude, you think I, they got, they got cougars. - Yeah. - I killed Joe Rogan's dog. - Really? - Yeah. - Mountain lion. They got mountain lions are huge. They got mountain lions. - When did that, his dog did he always post? - No, Marshall's okay. - Yeah. - I think it was a little dog. - Like a little dog. - His predecessor, no. It was a rego sized dog. I mean, cougars will just kill it. - Yeah. Well, we have up here we got the, what do you call it? Not the cougars, but we got the, my brain is not working. We have a cat up here that can be vicious and kill your dog. - Bobcat? - Bobcat. - Bobcat's up here. But they rarely do. They avoid humans and the dog could win, especially if there's two dogs. But if you see a mountain lion, I mean, you're gonna need like three, four dogs. - Dude, I didn't know. I'm still watching this Revolutionary War documentary. That was a big thing when soldiers would desert in certain parts of the Northeast and go through the woods by themselves. They would get eaten by wolves a lot. - Yeah. - They would get killed by wolves. - Yeah, think about it. - Animal deaths was a part of Revolutionary War death talk. - Yeah. - You would get eaten by an animal in the middle of the woods. - That's crazy to think about. - Yeah. - Back then they were just flourishing. - Mm-hmm. - They were another predator on the planet. - They were everywhere. - Yeah. - And when you would go faraging, the British or the Americans, you know, leave the lines of food, they would have to eat the desperate winters. If there were no deer, they would just eat the wolves. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's crazy to think about. - Yeah. - So we don't have to worry about all this stuff because there are a few couple dangerous species of ant, like the red ants, if they get ahold of you, then they're just gonna climb all over you. - So they get people when you're sleeping, right? - Yeah. - They just climb on you, they'll get, they'll climb on like dying animals or weak animals. - Right. - They'll just overwhelm them. They just, they really know how to like crash the border. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I mean, they just overwhelm you with numbers. - They overwhelm you. - They overwhelm you with numbers. - Yeah. - And the thing about red ants is they bite and they hold on, so you can't even jump in the water. They'll still stay on you. - So once you start to get hit with red ants, you can't get them off of you. - No, you gotta, you gotta really pat them off or you gotta put dish soap all of you so they slide off. - Really? - I think it's a bullet ant that'll also try to overwhelm you and you can jump in a water and they'll fall off. - Got it. - But with the red ants, you just kind of cocked, cocked. - You just, now what made you so obsessed with ant, how did you find the ant literature? - Well, yeah, I spend my days at my nights when my daughter goes to sleep, something will catch my attention and then I just go down a rabbit hole based on curiosity. - I saw a video about the parasite queen and I was like, this is one of the wildest things I've ever seen and that's what I passed on to you guys, but that took me down the rabbit hole advance and we're going to tell you about the parasite queen right now because it's fucking wild. So their wild to begin with because the males fly and their only job is to fuck. They get in the air and they're just looking for plus. - All they do and then they die and here's the thing, cuz I am ant man. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Cuz you're fucking ant man. - Yeah. - Yeah. - All right. - Yeah. - And so these fucking, so they're weird, they're just a weird living thing because the women are born as soldiers, like basically workers with no genitalia. Their whole purpose is to serve and protect the queen. - That's what it is. - Like, good British people. - So only the queen has a push. - The only the queen has a fucking push because if you're saying the ants are flying around the male ants flying around to have sex, if none of the other ants have pushes, what do they do? - They try to fuck the queen. They're all trying to fuck the queen. - But different queens are the one queen. - Now every reproduction cycle has like hundreds of thousands of queens. Most of them don't make it one to three percent and usually it ends up being one queen survives. The rest of them get eaten by all the shit, you know, take in the air, the birds are eating them. - And then the queen. - Cuz all the queens take flight, right? So they grow wings to fuck. And then the dudes grow wings to meet them in the air and they fucking the sky because they join the mile high club. - How is it? It's like Avatar. - Yeah, they fucking the sky. Which I think you know that. - I did not know that. - The sky? - I mean, but to the sky, to them, is that like, is that like, buy our shoes? Or do they go away high? - No, I think it's more like, yeah, I think it's buy your shoes. - Yeah. - Yeah, I think it's like a little person, you know, having a party in a shoe box. - Yeah, it's just what it is. - It could be a club. - Yeah. - So the male ants will fly in the sky and they get picked off, tons of them get picked off eaten by birds and other shit. - Sure. - And then the queens take the sky and two lucky Romeo and Juliette's fine and they, I just love that they fuck while they're flying. - Yeah. - I mean, they just fuck while they're flying and then the queen falls back to her colony. She chooses her wings off because she's like, I don't need those anymore. And then she just gives birth to all these different, this is the thing. All these different larval and shit, but there are different types of ants. So she'll give birth to some queens, she'll give birth to some, to some what they call drones. - Okay. - Because the males are called drones. - What it is? - And then give bunch to like millions or hundreds of thousands of, of genderless women. - It's it. - But they're women. - So how long is the gestation period? - I don't know. - Yeah. - I don't know. I don't know. I think it's months and then they have to protect the colony. So they have to protect the colony against other rival ant colonies. And then it's just straight empire building and warfare. And then you got these fucking evolution, has these parasite. So every, every of these, these queen ants give birth to all this a variety of different types of ants. - Okay. - And one of them occasionally is this fucking parasite queen. - Wow. - Now this is like the couch potato kind of like the troll insect, lazy, just looking to steal. - Right. - You know. It's kind of like the small queen. - It's what it is. - Ways of seeing. - Looking aboard somebody else's ship. - Right. - And take over. - Right. - So the parasite queen will come in to another colony, right, and ants recognize each other by, by scent. - Yeah. - They can smell. Which is what? Cause it got tiny little noses. - Yeah. - But everything's by scent. They're like blind. They don't know what's going on. - Yeah. - So you could trick them just by smelling like something else. - Yeah. - With the ants before the attacker, usually they'll get killed. - Yeah. - Usually the soldier ants, the worker ants will identify the threat and beat the shit out of her and eat her up, rip her arms apart. - Yeah. - But occasionally one of these fucking parasite queens will come into the colony, successfully rub against these other fucking ants. Get the smell on them, right? And just go undetected through the colony. Just like that. You know, just undetected, go right to the queen and then fucking vomit on her and throw like a spray on her that makes the soldier ants think that their mother is actually the invader and that she is the mother. She's a real gold diggin' fucking whore. - Damn. - This is an Instagram thought that'll ruin your fucking life. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's like that, have you heard that new song? - Hands off, Gabriela. - No. - Have you heard that song? - No. - It doesn't have a playlist yet. - Okay. - Yeah. - It's just basically this, hold on. - Yeah. - Yeah. - 'Cause it's just one of those things where you realize too that even in the human kingdom there are just women like that. - Yeah. - That just want to take your man. - Yeah. And that's what I was thinking about parallels. When you think about Hitler, for example, Hitler was the like perfect parallel, he was the perfect parasite ant. He came in, took over, and said, "Be careful with what you talk about Germans." - Right. - Lie 14. - But he took, you see a parallel, right? He came in like a parasite ant, brainwashed everybody which is sort of like analogous to the hitting everyone with the spray, and then like had everyone working for them because once, 'cause then the soldier ants attacked their mother, killed their mother, and started treating the parasite ant queen that killed their mother as their mother. And she just takes over the colony, and then she goes and fucks it dude, and just takes over. So, she didn't build the colony, she didn't defend the colony, she just comes in and takes it over, and I think in human nature, we have people like that who just come in and cheat their way in. - They cheat their way in, or they always want to take what you have. One of them is named Puff Daddy. - That's right. - They always want to take somebody else's girl, so in a way, he was just, you know, he was the, what was the parasite queen? - He was the parasite queen, in a way, because he just wants to get his hands on everybody else's things. Now, ants are also fascinating because they have that strength, and they build. They know how to build, and they know how to use their energy efficiently. - 'Cause they're the Mexicans of insects, they can build you anything man. Sometimes they will build a bridge in a river to let the queen cross. So, everything is for the queen. They're not doing every, nothing is, so in other words, they're not, they're not self-motivated by, by furthering themselves. They work for the queen, right? And that's what I found so fascinating about them because you always find as a human, you're at the most at peace when you're at peace. and you're in service of something specific. - Yes. - You know, when you widen your range, right? Like, you're almost like wasting a lot of energy. - Yeah. - But like, the thing I thought about ants is like, when you look at the amazing things they get done, it's because they're like singly focused. I mean, these things are like robots. - They don't worry, they're not doing podcasts and stand up and trying to act and on TikTok. - Right. - They're just serving their queens as I'm serving Jesus. - Yeah, and that's just their singular focus. - Yeah. - So they'll do anything like, if the queen needs to cross the water bridge, they'll build an ant bridge and a bunch of them will just sacrifice themselves. - What it is. - And the ant queen will just walk across the bodies of other ants. - Yeah. - And a lot of them will perish, but it's all, their whole focus is about propagation, ensuring the survival of the colony and making us, ensuring that we go forward. - Now, do you think that the queen and how long does she live? She just must have some really sweet puts. - That's what I was thinking. - That's all I'm saying. - Well, I was thinking I was actually trying to think about getting on Instagram to DM this ant. (laughs) - I think this ant really got, I mean, it must smell like honeydew. - I mean, it must be unbelievable. - It must be tiny. - I would love to ask when are you sold rants like to shift formate? - Yeah. - What's going on? - You can't just gotta be numb. - I think absolutely no formate. - I mean, you're making your body a bridge for this girl. - Yeah. - What's up with her? - What kind of puddle will she go with me? - Yeah, I mean, with this fucking, can I call and have a go with me? - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, she must have such an unbelievable bus. - Yeah. - It's hard to imagine. - Maybe we can get Deebo down there start talking and then see what's going on. - It's the only way. - It's the only way we've got to send the squeaking. - Yeah, we've got to get the squeaking that's the only way if you want to infiltrate. That's why it's always good to have a squeak on your team. - Yeah. - It's what it is. Now, we at some point, maybe this episode or another one we should face time Deebo and just catch up. - Yeah, oh boy, you also got another squeaking your pocket. - Steve Coney writes her own. - Yeah, you got Teeny Steady. Teeny Steadybo and Teeny Steadybe comes with a camera. He comes with a camera so he can go in there, really infiltrate, and know what's going on. - Yeah, when you sent me that AI nano technology, I think it was like a little camera inside someone to soften gets her asshole. I thought that was Steve the squeak and I texted him and said, "You're supposed to be on my show." - Yeah, I mean, they're creating these nano robots now that can just go into your arteries and clear it out. - So that's good science. You know what's something I was reading about the other day with AI who's saying there's a lot of things that science can do right now that they won't do because it could potentially, even if it's a 1% or less chance, they won't do it because it could potentially cause catastrophic cataclysmic events. For example, they already, science has already gone to the point where they believe they can change the climate. They just can. However, they don't know if they start experimenting with this, what it will actually do. Will it cause irreversible weather patterns that will wipe out and kill millions of people so science doesn't do it? AI, they have these same risks of, there's over a 1% chance that it can really damage society but the people are still going forward and doing it. So this is why you have a lot of AI scientists saying, you're not applying our basic rules to this. We have so many other things that absolutely, we have, they can make another human right now if they wanted to but they know that it could have potential cataclysmic events but AI, they're just allowing to happen. So it's very interesting as to why. That's a great point. That's a lot of, that's the truth that I think. Yeah, that's a great point that is true. They can clone. They can do all that, can do all that stuff but they wonder about that. They also have flying cars. They can do flying cars but they don't, they can't keep it safe right now and they know that a lot of people would die. Yeah, so they won't do it but they can do it. If Elon Musk said to himself, "I, Elon Musk, I'm just making one flying car." It can happen in an hour. Well, they would have to figure out what the driving test would be and how intricate it would need to be for women in Chinese people. That's what it is. There's way so much accidents happening. 100%, you can't have a one flying car in the Indian guys in Canada driving trucks. You just can't do it. Yeah, unfortunately, you've got to figure out what that's going to be. So that's what it is but it's interesting with AI because I mean, everything you're listening to now with the AI is the negatives but I like to hear some of the positives where, you know, yeah, you could get a camera in my ass. You can clean out the plaque. You can clean out a couple of polyps, a couple of warts. Yeah, you know what I mean? Yeah. You get my piece, clean that out. Yeah. You can maybe give me a haircut. You could do a lot of different things and the only thing that is standing in the way of that is this arms race. Yeah, that's why they're moving forward. It's because they don't want the enemies to have it first. Right, but then everyone's in this arms race. But so then somebody eventually, though, was going to get the power and someone's going to win. And if it's not us, you've just got a big problem on your hands because the chances of, even if we had the power, the chances of humans doing the right thing with it is very low. Right. The only thing you can hope for is a detent based on mutually assured destruction, yeah. Similar or akin to nuclear weapons. Everyone, oh, we got it, you got it. Let's not fuck around. Well, the AI, they were saying the AI also has the capacity. If they do truly make it autonomous, it could have this reverse effect where even if they put it in, even if they put it out there to help humans, it could, the first thing it could do was disable all the nuclear weapons. It was truly autonomous. And then that would cause more war. Yeah, yeah. Which is what they claim alien technology has been doing is turning on and turning off the nukes. That's what they say. Could just be AI. I mean, I don't know. I don't know. And I do think, especially those of us that have children, I, we've said it here in the pot. I mean, I just think our kids should all be either plumbers or a little carpet or ants because it's not gonna, I don't know, all these jobs are just gonna be obsolete in 20 years. Yeah, I mean, when you have kids, it just kind of breaks your brain because you love something so much. You just want them to be okay. Yeah. And you hear all this stuff in the news. That's why I can't really relate to anyone who doesn't have children. Yeah, and I'm not coming down on anyone who doesn't, but it's like, I got not yelled at today, but I got emailed today to go do something basically co-host a morning New York morning show, not like a new show, like all of the co-anchors, and I said, oh, I can't do it because the times they want me to do it, it's like, then I can't take my kids to school. And because there's people are just so embedded in the entertainment, they're like, just miss one day. And I'm like, no, I don't want to actually just miss one day. So I could just sit on your show. I rather just take my kids to school. I got an audition that was supposed to do this weekend, and it films in Hawaii. So right away I was like, I don't do them. I'm not gonna do this. For me, I've made it clear, if it doesn't film in New York, I'm just, I'm out. I mean, I'm not doing that. No, I don't care. I'm gonna go to Hawaii for what? Yeah. For $750 an episode? Yeah, no thing. Like, some show that is not gonna, I mean, what are we talking about? N-C-I-S Hawaii? I don't, yeah, let's do it. Yeah, do the audition for me. Yeah, let me just do it. Yeah, I want you to do the audition. The studio audition? Yeah, it's just what it is because I'm in a fight with my wife anyway over electrical outlets. She wants the white ones, I want the black ones, so I just want to do the audition 'cause I'm probably gonna have to move to Hawaii. (laughs) Let's fight. Just, at the end of the day, you just let them win, right? Is that how we survive? If you just kind of just let them win, you kind of have to. 'Cause I just don't want to fight about outlets. Yeah, they kind of. But it's also the black ones are nicer, and it's more newer and chic. Yeah, they're something in them that they always are at war. We talked about that. I don't know what that is. Right. It must be some maternal instinct or something. Like, they're always at war, they want to start wars. Yeah, with repairmen, with neighbors, with whatever. Whatever it is, housekeepers, people driving to fast pass your house. They're like always with their husbands, right? It's like, we went to this thing last night and it was cold outside. We had to be outside at this event for the kids. And I was putting the kid and I was putting my child in the car and I go, okay, I mentioned the hat and she just goes, she didn't ever fucking hat on? And I was like, calm down. Yeah. She dropped it. Yeah. She dropped it. I'm not the enemy. I'm also her father. I don't want her to be cold. Yeah. Why are you accusing me immediately of letting her be cold? Right. Like, that's the first instinct that came out of you is that I let her not have her hat on. Yeah. And that's all you care about. Yeah. Why matter? It's like a fucking worker ant. Well, you are. A lot of times, if my kids ask me anything, I'm like, just ask your mom. Yeah. I don't know. Just ask, I'm like, one of the kids. I'm like, you got to ask mom. I don't know if you can have that cookie. I don't know what your dental schedule is. Yeah. Same. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Just ask mom to do it. Yeah. So this, it's cold. Yeah. The scene takes place in a Hawaii police station. Okay. And I. So do I have one of those days on T's. Oh, cool. You look like him. Yeah. So you're detective for T's. Yeah. And I go, I go find who, Danny Burkett. Yeah. Bob Ortiz, DEA Operations Division. Yeah. Thank you, Lieutenant, though we had an agreement, Kyle. Yeah. But doesn't seem to be the case. I was told that case is closed. The killer was found dead. Whoa. Oh, is this NCIS Hawaii? I don't fucking know what I'm doing. Get in. Yeah. So here, yeah, I'm the captain. I'm meeting Pineapple. Yeah. Do you see him? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We're going to do this. This is highly illegal. What we're doing. It is, right? Yeah. But who cares? Yeah. We're actually supposed to be doing this, right? Yeah. But it doesn't matter. Here it goes. Okay. Here we go. Where are we going to get sued for this? No, we're not going to get sued. Okay. All right. I'm Turner. Yeah. I should have brought him in. Thought I could press him. Get him to give me something. Well, find him. Find who, Danny Burkett. Jumped on the first flight available out of Oahu, Bob. Actually, you, the entity, Hello, copter. Bob, TDA, operation, division. Yes. You got more. Yeah. You have room and the Turner. And I can speak privately. All yours. Thank you, Lieutenant. This is it. Don't we have an agreement, Kylie? Yes. Yes. Yes. You got more. Yeah. All yours. To stay out of Ray Burkett's operation that I'll try a different thing Though here in agreement Carl. Yeah, but it doesn't seem to be the case You put Ray on the family plan Bob because I'm not touching this business I'm investigating his son's murder and Danny Burkart is a suspect. The killer was found dead hell of a deal you and Ray made He's not only untouchable, but also gets decided to decide who's guilty and who's not it's his son Kyle He's satisfied. Well, I'm not I've also got two other bodies and a dead cop Listen to me. You got damn fucking white trash Those aren't your cases your job was to work the Michael Burnett murder. That's over Hawaii PD will handle any other possible open investigations so you can head back to the mainland Bucco I'm a little fuzzy from Danny Burkart hitting me in the head with a bite But I'm pretty sure I don't work for the DE a Bob which means I get to side when my case is closed You're a good agent Carl and I'm trying to help you This is coming from way up the food chain So don't risk your career you got me Trying to punch above your weight class It won't end well. What makes Ray so valuable the information he passes on to you or the information he has on Kyle go home Wherever that is I got to go eat a pig. Yeah So it's that shit what it is so that's what it is so this podcast is just better than that shit It's just better than that shit. It's just what it wants to watch that fucking scene I don't know what they're talking about but I was bored. I was bored with it Yeah, the only way to make it good is to make fun of it on this podcast That's the only way to do it now. Whatever Hawaiian show that is I got to think it's Hawaii 5.0 Which Bobby Lee has been in yeah, he's been on that show now. What are you gonna do if you get it? Are you gonna go to Hawaii through the audition? Yeah, that's what I've been doing is I don't do it Is I just been saying not I've been saying oh, yeah, I'll get that right to you and then I don't do it Yeah, so is that is it career sabotage or is it that we just generally don't want to do it? We genuinely don't always sabotage and it's honest. Well, I'll tell you a story, right? You tell me Remember when Theo Vaughan walked off of a movie set sure and everyone in the industry was gone holy shit his career is over He walked off a movie set and then he became Theo Vaughan and then he wasn't as big as he was it's his career over It's no, it's not 20 years ago. What has career been over? Yes, yeah, but is his career over now? No, it's a lot bigger It's a lot open it for him this weekend It's a lot a lot bigger. Yeah, so you tell me. Yeah, yeah, it's true It's just something that I understand that causes a lot of people a lot of anxiety Yeah, who depend on you getting this role? And I don't even know if they depend on you getting this role right now because how much would I get paid to be fucking Dr. Orteez does this tell you in the body of the email? Usually they give you some info Let's take a peek. Hey, let's just take a peek. It doesn't have that problem I'm gonna get into this for this well the answer is not a lot because the power the beauty of the internet is it just comes and goes Yeah, so they'll get mad for a few minutes and nobody cares So his name is Bob Ortiz, but this is open ethnicity. Right. He works with the DEA operations division on one of the islands So I'm definitely Prime candidate for this he's been doing the job for many years and his finger is on the criminal pulse. It's just what it is Of the island living in the gray and between law and order. This is a guest starring role and There is no money in the guest star. There is no money mentioned Just shooting dates of February. I mean are you kidding me February to June in Hawaii and who why it's not gonna happen It's not gonna happen because then you can have to cancel your Bakersfield California data Yeah, I know why I gotta go to Bakersfield. I mean, I mean what am I gonna who would do that for a guest starring role? That many months ago the thing is though there are a lot of people who would do it But they don't may not have families like you your circumstances different you got a wife and kids that you want to be a part of their life and also other Income that's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is if you didn't have this going on if you weren't doing stand up in pods You probably would have that what else are you gonna do? Yeah, I would take a nail at it and I wouldn't be a happy camper now I imagine right now. It's not a great time to just be an actor I would think that it's a tough time for that no because when we pull up that AI actress She sent I just just because she's so The AI actress that that yana sent here is this new AI actress that's gonna be in a movie and the creator said I didn't want to make her look perfect and so beautiful and this is one of the hottest one I've ever seen and I go Puying every time I see her so this isn't it. This is a child drawing Jesse and you and this is the wrong time to get hard Yeah, there's yana's throwing hands. Let me ask you this question No, it's down a little bit Jess. It was because it was from today. It was from this morning Yeah, have you also ever done like a full production like that that was actually not like a little tedious having to sit around all day It's all this stuff and no you always the only things I've ever enjoyed is stuff that I did that actually had fun doing because we could just shoot it right away Could you imagine us trying to pitch this idea of a show to the industry? They would have stopped it at the name history. Hyenas. Oh, yeah, they would have just made us change the name I don't even understand the name the acronym is a little weird and we're like that's unintentional Yeah, we didn't think of that what it is. Yeah, just like Hyenas and we like history. Yeah, at least we're not making it a promo code like who's what company makes it a promo code Yeah, yeah, yeah, someone that's last age. Yeah, yeah, yeah, they didn't think that through. Yeah, it's just what it is Yeah, so this is a full I know this happens to my Instagram sometimes too. I go to click on it And oh here it is. I mean look at her. They said they said she's not too beautiful, but pretty I disagree I disagree as well. Yeah, I mean she's as beautiful as beautiful as could be and I mean Nick You would go to town on that right and this is the woman that created her. Yeah, who's also pretty I mean, I just it's so funny how women just want to take jobs from women Well, you know what's crazy though because because we look at our minds are blown and they think it's and listen I know it will get to the point where it's indistinguishable, but my daughter I was watching this right with jazz and my daughter didn't know That this was AI she wasn't but she looked my daughter right away. I'm telling you so I was like, oh that woman that she's AI But she knew it right away the kids know. Yeah, so but here's the thing this Jess came out Right like it just if you look at Grox animation from a year ago right and now the animation in in a year's time in 12 months how they have Advanced it. This is like the first incarnation of it. Right. That's what saying so it's gonna get to a point where it's absolutely Indistinguishable. All right, so this is almost indistinguishable. Well, I think what this woman had a nice point to she's the creator of it She said she thinks it'll be three categories. They'll be human actors and actresses that will still exist They'll be anime. What's there is right now? And then they'll be an AI category 100% like AI categories will win Oscars Yeah, right? I think you're right and I think that's fine though. That only leads in my mind to one Potential conclusion is that I think live plays Well, people will get a taste for that. I want to do a one-man show. What do you think they want to do a one-man show? What you're gonna call it? What do one-man show with you? So it's two-man, but we'll call it a one-man show what me and you will get an opponent suit together How about Christopher Stefano versus the black and white cookie. That's what it is. That could be a good one Chris Stefano verse dessert diverse dessert or in the program Chris Stefano in the program Chris in the program calling Christopher Stefano. Yeah, I want to do one-man show big because I just I'm looking for ways to stay in Norway if I hold yeah Or I can do a one-man show called Yannis Papis. I'm talking but nobody's listening. It's what it is. Yeah Yeah, I mean I just I mean this girl's got beautiful eyebrows beautiful teeth and note the thing about AI is they have no fumes That's the thing about them when the robots come out. You know you're gonna be able to tailor the fume that you want right and I'm going straight to Neck the reen with a little mix. Yeah, I've cantaloupe. It's just what is and some guys like a little fumata and they're gonna There'll be a button for that. Yeah, they'll be a button for that It'll be called over 50 and a little more perverted. Yeah It's because it's something about when you get older where you like a nice little tang you like a little kick What it is you like a little kick like you know how you get even with your taste buds as you get older you want a little spice Yeah, because it's been matted down by so many years of your teeth was being assaulted that you need at a little extra hot sauce When you get a little older you want a little kick There was one of our friends at the dinner the other day was telling us about how his neighbor who's like in his early Sixties had sex with a homeless woman in Philadelphia last weekend So that's what so guys just start to do that. Yeah, he went down to Philly. Yeah, and he had sex with a homeless woman Yeah, and it's a paid art and it's a prostitution thing But she was a homeless woman living on the streets filled up here and he banged her out. Yeah, he has no regrets no regrets Yeah, and it's just what it is now Jesse do you like a little kick? Nick and Jesse you guys like a little kick it's getting a little more appealing. I got to be honest It is right as you get older just a little bit like a little imperfection Yeah, right right right. Just a horned up just like a little. Oh, you went a little head like Fat Joe lean back where you first take you just whoa. Yeah, yeah, Nick. What do you like? Do you like a little kick? I like it a little bit Yeah, yeah From now on he's nick the kick he nick the kick Nick likes a little kick Nick likes a kick It likes a spicy meatball By the way speaking of spicy meatballs, you know, a movie I watched this weekend that I haven't seen in so long the mask With Jim Karen. Yeah, he's so unbelievable in that and what I've noticed is my kids without even Choosing it Stay focused and watch the movies from the 90s Ace Ventura the mask these Jim Karen they watch them and are paid attention to these movies For so much longer than all the new movies Maybe this they're the generation after Z right maybe they'll come back to more long-form they like it Maybe they will be the ones who come back to more long-form my daughters told me that YouTube shorts gives her a headache Yeah, it's too much rapid fire. I also think AI with the help of AI it's that's gonna help these kids that are raised with it, it'll help them kind of understand the world at the speed, 'cause it's obvious that our nervous systems have not kept up with technological innovation. So the technology's ahead, but our nervous system hasn't caught enough. - Sure. - That could be the generation like the first generation that starts adapting and catches up. And we could be heading into a very, very, very honest future when it comes to entertainment, friendship, everything like that, because AI can assist you to discern who you're dealing with, you tell AI, like I have this friend, this is what they're doing, and AI will just go covert narcissist, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, childhood wounds, being masked by this, and you go, oh, that's that. - But you gotta be careful with the AI, and you have to specifically tell it to, to not just tell you what you want to hear, 'cause it's a little bit of bias. - Yeah, you can always go, give me the non-politically correct, truthful answer, and there's ways to prompt it. - Don't be biased. - Yeah, like really, it can tell you things that are like, you're like, ooh, sometimes they cut. - Yeah. - Like tell me about me, tell me what I don't want to hear. - Yeah. - And then it will do that. - Well, and it's reversing now too, because I went to a party last night, and they specifically told us this in the invitation that they will be a person that had those yonder bags, you're putting your phones in the bag when you come into the party because of just we want you to socialize. - Yeah. - And you really do, when it's not on you, now granted, I was with my family, so I had my kids and people near me. I probably would have had a little bit more anxiety if I was like, I don't have a way if my family has an emergency, they can't get in touch with me, right? But that's really your brain just manipulating you, saying you need the phone. But when I was with them, you're very at peace without it. And I think more people are starting to understand that. I think more, because it used to be, just five years ago, that same party would be like, scan this QR code, and it's Snapchat, filters, and all that, and now it's reverse, now it's get the phone away. - Yeah, right? Yeah, but I think the phone is gonna be an archaic version of what's coming. So it's just gonna be implanted. - Yeah, I mean, it's just the technology, there's never a rebellion against the technology. I mean, it always just, there's a symbiotic relationship that develops eventually. And we're just a generation that can't handle it. Like it's too strong for us, we grew up without it. And then you have the Gen Z who grew up on it, but they're the first generation that's just getting confused by it. And then I think the generation afterwards, maybe the ones who are able to pull back and kind of deal with it the right way, and then take it wherever it's gonna be, because the internet's not just gonna be on your phone, they're gonna fucking implanted, you gotta resist it. We're gonna become cyborg, or not resist it, you have to coexist with it. - Right. - It's not going away. And it's too convenient and it helps too much in too many capacities for people to outright reject it. - You have to figure out a way how to filter out the bad. Healthily, filter out the bad, and deal with it just like on the internet, it's most allotic pros, and then there's some cons. You do have your child traffic, and you do have here, all this other stuff, but you also do get your news, you do, you know, we're able to learn so much more, faster, so it's just one of those things that I think people eventually will adapt to. I do think, I do think, if you think about it, I think authenticity will become more of a currency, because it'll just be so much harder to pull the wool over anyone's eye. - Sure. - Because with the assistance of AI and their analysis, and the just sheer exposure that people get now, they're gonna be able to like locate to pinpoint, like just fraudulent personalities and scams and thinking a lot easier. - A lot easier. - I think that is without a doubt. - 100% cuts, because this was an era where you see like a lot of people learn the ways of marketing firms, and then now I think the people are back lashing on that, going like, oh, wait a minute, they're just doing a lot of waiters. - Yeah, like with the now, I used to be like, when everyone, anything anybody would post something on Instagram and be like, oh, if you wanna get this book, comment the word, book or whatever, right. Now I look at that and I'm like, I actually I'm following you now for that. And the kids are starting to go to know that, they're gonna look at a guy like Jake Paul, they're gonna understand that this was like a gas light. Like it was an internet era, like kid can box, kids got one punch, but you know, he hand picked his opponents to be smaller or older, and marketed in a certain way. - Do you think he told Joshua to hold back a little bit? - No, no, I think he ran. I think he ran and he grabbed his legs. I think he was fighting a fighter who's been out of the ring for John King. - Joshua broke his jaw for 15 months. And he broke his jaw in two places. - Just what it is. - So it was like reality coming down. - Right. - So it was like, it's one of those things that we see in comedy. I mean, no offense to anyone. I love the internet, I think it's the greatest thing. But you know, there's just a lot of career features out there who, you know, live. You're like, that's a feature. - Right. - Who's just like, or selling out, you got a lot of these gimmick comedians who are selling out. And that's great. It's all great because they've been consumed in one minute bits. But it has nothing to do with the pro ranks. - Right. - Like for live standup. - Right. - The comedians know the pro ranks. Just like the boxers know the pro ranks. So a boxer watches Jake Poin goes, that's not that impressive. He's got a little power in one hand. But he's drying people out. Or he's fighting smaller guys, or he's doing all the things that a lot of internet personalities do to hide the reality of the situation. And I think the younger generations you're just going to be like, look for the catch more and go, nah, that's bullshit. - Right. - Nah, that's bullshit. - Some real stuff, yeah. - They're going to be able to figure it out. - Now, 'cause it's just a YouTube episode. It's just a Patreon. - How to create. - We will decide. Well, because we got it, we wanted to do, because it's the end of the year. For the list, we're going to do, for this list, we're going to do the P.P.W. list. The actual Super Bowl winner of who is the name of the year. And we actually went all the way back to the beginning from when we started this podcast. When we brought it back, November 5th, 2025. - Yeah. - No, November 5th, 2024. All the way through every week of 2025 and we have the list of all the P.P.W.s. - I'm excited. - So, do you want to do it now? - Let's do it now and then we can either leave it on this episode or copy it's what it is. So, it's either going to be right here now. We heard it on YouTube or it's patreon.com/historyanies. We don't know. - We don't know. - But this is the list. This is kind of a big moment. Now, this is going to be really difficult. This may take some time to shift it because this is every name that I'm about to read was an actual winner. - Yeah. - And then next week's episode is the walked into one list. You don't want to miss that one. - So, that one will 100% be on Patreon. There's no debate about that. That has to be only at patreon.com/historyanies because it is the names that were so bad that we had to make it, we couldn't even say them public yet. That decision's been made before it even was asked. That was made by the United States government. - That is made by the legal system. - Okay, so here it is. So, here are the names from the every winner from week one till now. Here we go. So, starting off, the Vatican's daycare would not return me to my mom. Fumariana Grande. - This is going to be impossible. - Well, but we're going to have to just list this. - It's going to be impossible. You're going to have to tell me on the list. - Yeah. - So, I don't know how to do this. I don't know if it's, do we just read them? - Fuck. - I didn't even think about how hard you actually mentioned it. - Yeah, it's good. - I didn't even think about that. - I'm looking it over, it's dead. - Whoa. - So, why don't we do that? - I mean, if you start with that one. - Yeah, so why don't we do? - Why don't we do this? Why don't we, it only gets to make the list if it gets a collective laugh from the four of us. Because, let's go back to, as Dostoec said, you never step in the same river twice. - Right. - So, we're stepping back into river, but it's a different river. So, under different circumstances, under different guises, we may not, it may not hit us as hard as it did when we first read it. - Okay. - So, if it's still going as she's a laugh from us now, out loud the four of us, it's gotta make the list. - Yeah. - Now, I just want you to say, I'm no scientist, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I know 100% for a fact, this is gonna be as hard as string theory. - Yeah, this is how hard it's gonna be. - Yeah, this is fibonacci right now. - This is fibonacci right now, this is gonna be nearly impossible. - Okay. So, the Vatican's daycare will not return me to my mom. Fumari on agrande, the virgin Fumari. - I think we can Drexler Fumari on agrande. - Yeah. - Well, and now listen, the reason why it's on the list is 'cause this was the first time we had heard, people have copied it. - Okay. - Right. - But just when it goes up against the one before, it's the deficit. - So, you know that one's out. - Yeah. - Yeah. - The virgin Fumari, we're gonna Drexler that. - Yeah, we know that one's out. Yeah, we can also say we know some are out even though they're, they won. - Yes. - Jewish tunnel tour guide. That one's gotta stick around for that. - That one's gotta stick around. - Yeah. - The diarrhea of Anne Franks and Beads, we gotta keep that around. - We gotta just keep it around. - It's Christ. - Yep. Don't we got squeaksling shot? - That's so good though. But I think people are on the fence. We're gonna Drexler. - Drexler, yep. What do you think? - Yeah. - Drexler. - Yeah. - That's yeah. - Baroque is a queen 'cause he sucks on big mics, Penelope. - Cuddy. - Cuddy. - Cuddy. - Cuddy. - That's just what he means. - Cuddy. - Cuddy. - Very funny. - Yeah Drexler. - Benjamin Nutton on you. - We're gonna Drexler it. - Okay. - My big fat Greek ass pussy. (laughs) - So that one has to stay. - Got to stay. - Got some luck. And Nick actually hasn't hurt all these 'cause Nick came on later, right? - Yeah. - Yeah. - This one I think is gonna stay because it's a classic one. We still talk about a Greg Lou Danis. - We're gonna keep that around. - Yeah. - Yeah. - If you don't know the swimmer, Greg Lou Danis. He was a gay kid who hit his head on the diving board. But he was a very famous Olympic. - And I believe you did he have HIV? - He did have HIV. - Yeah. - Or Somalians called the diving board the plank. - They called the plank. - If you were a gay guy in the 80s or 90s, I mean HIV was just synonymous with the plank. - Yeah, yeah. - There's another way you could refer to a gay guy. - Yeah. - Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around. - Cuddy. - Shit like a deer. - Ender. - What it is? - Shit like a deer. - Yeah. - Make no mistake. I'm dating a four foot 11 Latina and fully expected. to wake up when my piece cut off, but it's okay. We're gonna Drexler it, okay? Uncle Touchy's puzzle basement? Good one, we're gonna Drexler it. - Yeah, because I think that one also was from, I believe the Art Garbage Patron. Something, it was also fake that one. - Oh, I think that one. - That one was a Peyton Oswald bit. - That's what it was, Peyton Oswald. - Good memory, Yanni. - Then we got Yanni C's tits like a Venn diagram. We're gonna keep that one. - Yep, because the eyes are very close together. We can keep that. - Then we got no DSP, so I decided to cut it off and just have a crease, it's what it is. - Really good. - Gotta go though, right? - I think it was really good. - If it's really good, we gotta Drexler it. Unfortunately, if it's not a hell no, if it's not a hell yes, it's a no. - We gotta go, that's hard. - That's the rules we have to do. - My trans cock has surprised more Italians and Mount Vesuvius. - We're keeping that in, we're keeping, we got, this is hard, I'm telling you. This is trying to do a top five basketball players of all time, it's very fucking-- - Very hard, and there will be, there will be a lot of people in the comments who disagree with us, but you have to understand the position that we're in. - You have to understand the difficulty, the degree of difficulty. - I live in that awkward space between Johnny's eyes. - We're gonna Drexler, 'cause the other one's better. The bend diagram's better. Rekindling with my wife after Donnie T. sends my guma back to the DR. - We're gonna keep it that. - Yeah, it's just what it is, 'cause that just feels like a guy's telling the truth. - Yeah, that's just funny, yeah. So he's kinda like, you know, he doesn't hate the idea. - Yeah. (laughing) - Yeah, he's kinda made peace with it. - Yeah. - He found the solution to his problem. So we got rock hard from Bluetooth. I have to think of my wife's sister to glue glue. My dad's a juju, but my mom is not few, few. (laughing) - We gotta keep it, what are you gonna do? - Wife thinks I take Paul, 'cause Yani makes me which hazel my hole? - We can Drexler. - 'Cause if the Yani wants, we do feel that the strongest Yani one is Yani sees tits like a bend diagram. - And that's also very inside baseball with the witch hazel. - Nice. - Very inside baseball. - Nate Barnazzi, we gotta keep it. - Okay, we gotta keep it because it's fun when someone actually gets it right. - Yeah. - We only got Akash Singh, better laugh and agree, or Shultz is getting a new H1B. - I mean, pull out, pull out, I'm talking about, I don't want a fucking pull chain cannon. I want a solar powered double barrel fucking catapult. - It's just what it did. - It wrote that one over the wall. - Okay, so that one's a big contender. Then we got Make No Mistake. If the boys lived in 1940s, Germany, Chrissy D would definitely die out Yani P to a sharp dress goose stepper F.A. - I don't think it makes the list. I think it's great, but it's just, this is a different thing. - It's a different thing. - We're talking Hall of Famers. It's obviously excellent. - Yeah. - You know, but you're not first ballot. Michael Rockefeller's barbecue penis. That's because he was eaten by cannibals in the New Guinea. - Yeah, and we just-- - The son of Nelson loved it. We're gonna drag Slure. - Okay. - Even though it's very funny. What it is, we have to make tough decisions. - This is really tough. - This is Sophie's choice. - Yeah. - Two knuckles in, and now my P turned white. - We're gonna drag Slure. - Okay. - Casa Godzo Resort and Casino Jajadi Jackpot dealer. - Okay. - That should be on the walk, didn't we, Leslie? - Yeah. - Might vote Democrat because Donny T took my landscapers. - We're gonna keep that. - Okay. That's a good reason to switch your allegiance. - Now, we got call me Pest Control, the way I'm bug chasing. (laughing) - We're gonna drag Slure. - Yeah, because he's looking to get A. A, it's called Pest Control. - What do you think? - Drag Slure. - Drag Slure, I mean, this is too hard. - Sorry, D-Ball, that was D-Ball's personal favor. - Was it? - Yeah, but sorry about that. - Unemployed crisis actor? - It's a good one, we're gonna drag Slure. - Drag Slure, we're gonna chicken finger drag Slure. - Two things that make Yanni Puyang trans women and cute radiator covers. (laughing) - What do we do? - I think that we have to, it is. - Yes, drag Slure. - It's from the first Reich and I do appreciate it. - I'm sorry. - Jesse's dad is the one who makes the radiator covers. - Yeah. - But I don't think it's good enough for this specific list. - And also, that can be, you know, when you hear one like that, you know we're talking about a hardcore, serious fan. - So we want to salute you. - Some of our members when Chris was making it, saying that I love radiators. - Yeah, so I want to make it, I want to make it clear that we support your long-term belief in the show and it's just, it's a great name, but we're just doing something different here. - Doing something different here. - That's all. - I yelled, I saw in the seventh train because I wanted to see. - Put, it's gotta keep it. - It just gotta keep it. - I'm just not comfortable getting rid of it. - Yeah, yeah. - Just what it is. - I took Ayahuasca, but the shaman touched my titi kaka and now my fumes are interdimensional. - Yanni's eyes having a border crisis. That's what it is. - Really good. - But then diagram, yeah. Romanian Camgirl, AKA no fumes through zooms. - Hey, good one though. - Hot Wheels in my ass call it the Lincoln Tunnel. - Gotta laugh from Nick. - We're gonna have to keep that. - Yeah, we gotta keep it. - Yeah. - He guys put matchbox cars in his ass. - What in his ass? - The fucking Lincoln Tunnel. - I respect it. - Yeah. - Muzzy woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. - Way song she ain't. - It's, it's too good. - It's just a good one. - It's just too good. - We're gonna keep it around because it's just what it is. - Why does Akash sing always fuck up my order at Dunk Donuts? - 'Cause the other Akash one is better. - Yeah, 14. - On the runway, but the pilot's a DEI hire. - That's an inside one. - Probably walked into one. - It's a walked into one. It's also inside, 'cause on the runways, one of our expressions that means you're close to dying. - Right. - Means you're not gonna die because the pilot's a DII. It's very brilliant. - Yeah. - Solutiu Drexler. - Boodie and the whole fist. - That's a good one. We're gonna drag Slure it. Glenn Greenwald's Bunyan Removal Service. - Personal favorite. The news is kind of come and went. - Yeah. - I'm gonna drag Slure it. - And just so the people don't Glenn Greenwald, what was it he liked to jerk off to women's feet? - No, no, he was the journalist that made the video, the gay guy who the video was released where he had a young Brazilian guy and he was looking his feet. - That's what it is. - Yep. - Do you remember that? - Yep, I remember that. - That was one where we still-- - Yeah. - We didn't have the studio. - And he was doing it in a dress. - Yeah. - Yeah. And his name publicly was Glenn Greenwald. Privately it was Janus Poppins. - That's right. - So then we got, you can lead a horse to water but you still need a step stool to fuck it. (laughing) - We gotta keep it working. - We gotta keep it, it gotta laugh from everybody. A muzzle kid who likes money, AKA Lebanese or Scrooge. - Lebanon is so good, but we're gonna drag Slure it. - Drag Slure it's not for this list. Dog, this $5 was going to a Cambodian cam model. Anyway, might as well learn something. (laughing) - Keep it around. - Colombian cam model, sorry. - Yeah, yeah. - Andrew Cuomo's tit handshake. Very funny, we're gonna drag Slure it. - And chicken finger. - Metal lady boy and told her, don't tuck it. I want to lick Thai sweet chili off your chicken. - Can you just keep it around? - I just can't get rid of it. - Yeah, Jessie's massage handler. - We're gonna drag Slure that. - Drag Slure it, right? - Okay. - Yacht and Yale cleaned off my grill, cheap labor from across the border. We're gonna drag Slure it, okay? - Neck brace, AK Jewish turtleneck. - That is a known thing. So we have to drag Slure it. - It's not an original one. - It is funny. There were no Leroy's on Epstein's list because Carnival crews didn't stop there. - Get out the solar power. - Double barrel catapult. That was a big one. - That was a big one. - Hunter Biden's camera lens that has 10 pounds and a crack pipe. (laughing) - We're gonna drag Slure it. - What did the Frisbee do to the oven? Walked into one. - So good. - Yeah, but it logs on the walk that one. - That's okay. - Yeah. - Gluey CK says don't look away from the spray. (laughing) - It's really good. We're gonna drag Slure it and just add respect for his greatness. - Use the rib condom on Helen Keller and her pussy started speaking to me. We're gonna keep that around for a second. - Yeah, that's just 'cause it is funny to think about. It's braille. - Um, tada tada tada. - Shirt and crying dude. - So we got Shirt and Pool, AKA Mexican ozampic. So good. We gotta keep it. - Gotta keep, okay. There's a, all right. I know this is a problem. - Fine, it's fine. We knew it was gonna be hard. Accidentally came in her ass, now expecting leverage. - We're gonna walk. - Gotta get out of there. - Okay. - I can't believe that we got through the goalie. I identify as a U.S. citizen, Rodriguez. - Very good. We're gonna, we're gonna check and figure that out. Double parked on 3rd Avenue, got a muzzle coupon. - That is a classic. - Yeah. - That may be the lexas. - The muzzle coupon is a parking ticket from a parking meter who are mostly a Pakistani. - Pakistani in our city, yeah. I'm a torta pounder, call me an ice pick. - Really good, we're gonna Drex through it. - Soaping my ass so Chrissy troubles can blow bubbles. - We're gonna Drex through it. - My side piece is Jewish, so I call her my Jumar. - So good, we're gonna Drex through it, okay. Call me a lesbian pirate and scissor me timbers. - We're gonna Drex through it, okay. Conqueaf the door, Drex through it, chicken finger. - Taking Leroyd, so I finally have the strength to leave my family. - We are gonna keep that around and we're gonna get out a catapult for it. - Then we got, don't walk Josephine through brushing trees. - We're gonna keep that one around. - Okay, so here is the, this is, let me read out. - Fuck. - We're gonna have to do this. I mean, we got about 15 or so of them that's made it to the second round. - God, this is like, you know, moving up, it gets harder and harder. And then we just have to do it. Jewish tunnel tour guide. Let's chicken finger that. - Okay, right. - Yeah, I don't think it's holding up. The diarrhea of Anne Franks and Beans, we're going to Drex through that, okay. Baroque is a queen 'cause he sucks on big mics. Queen, I'm sorry. Pean, light of 14. - You know what to do with that. - Gotta keep it around. - Going to the next round. - Yeah, that one. - We're gonna chicken figure that out. - Hey, that's outta here. - Hey, Drexler. - Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shit and like a deer. - Well, you know what to do with that one. - Okay, so that one's moved on to the second round. - Yeah. - Yani's, Yani sees tits like a venn diagram. - Really good. - What do you think? - Drexler. - Drexler. - My trans cock has surprised more talents in Mount Vesuvius. - That one's got it in the next round. - Yep, so I just know, rekindling with my wife after Donnie T. sends my gumaard back to the DR. - I think that one's got to stick around. - Okay, that's fine. Rock hard from a blue chew. I get, I mean, you're laughing, right? I feel like you're just-- - I can't take it. - Okay. - Can't get rid of it. - Nate Barnati. - Yeah, okay. - Out of respect for his greatness. - Then we got Akash Singh, better laugh and agree or Shultz is getting a new H1B. - I can't get rid of it. - Okay, that's fine. - Yeah, we can get rid of it. - That's fine, so right now on that first row, we still have one, two, three, four, five, six still. Okay, around, then we have a yellow ice on the seventh train because I wanted to see. - Good one. - Right, it's got to stick. - Okay, you know? Keep it, I mean, this list, what do we do? - Oh, it's really hard. - I think it-- - What do you think? - Dressed. - Yeah, if we're not all in agreement, it just has to. - Yeah. - That can't go anywhere. - Okay, so that just can't go anywhere. Hot wheels in my ass call it the Lincoln Tunnel. - I hate to do this, but we have to. - Drexler. - This is hard, we gotta just, you know, gotta trust our intuition on this one. You can lead a horse to water, but you still need a step stool to fuck it. (laughing) - I feel bad getting rid of it for that laugh. - Why do we have to though? Well, I don't want to be on my own. I don't want to be the only guilty party. - I say Drexler, it's a-- - Drexler Nick? - Really funny, but-- - Yeah. - It brought in scope, it's not as brought in scope. - Yes. Dog, this $5 was going to a Colombian cam model anyway, might as well learn something. - I'm not comfortable getting rid of that. - Okay, then that's what it is. Metal lady boy and told her, don't tuck it. I want to lick Thai sweet chili off your chicken macknugget. So that's gotta stay. - I thought it was chicken meat. - He said chicken macknugget. - Oh. - There were no Leroy's on Epstein's list because Cornelville Cruz didn't stop there, so that one's in there. - Yeah, that didn't finish saying it. - I hate to do it. - You gotta get rid of it. - Yeah, got it, we got a chicken finger. Oh, we got it, yeah. - Shirt and pool, AK, Mexican, or Zampic? - There's no way we're getting rid of that. - Okay. - Okay. - And then we got taking Leroy's, so I finally have the strength to leave my family. - There's no way we can get rid of that. - Okay. - And then don't walk Josephine through frushing priests. - I think we're gonna chicken figure that 'cause it's a borderline walk then what? - Okay, that's fine. - We have to. - We have to. - Oh, God. - Okay. Here we go. - There's the next round, we're in the semi-finals now. - 'Cause I feel like I'm playing chess against Magnus Carlson. - This is very, very difficult. We're not saying this is easy and we thank the fans for sticking around and you know, this is hard for us too. Baroque is a queen 'cause he sucks on big mics, peeing a lot of 14. - It's making it to the next round. - Still around, okay. Frozen grapes in my ass then walk around shitting like a deer. - You were keeping that to the next round. - Okay. - These are the heavyweights. - The Transcock has surprised more Italians in Mount Fesuvius. - Okay. Rekindling what my wife after Donnie T. sends my good mod back to the DR. - We have to get rid of that. - Yeah, if it's not, if it's not initially, bang, we gotta go. - This hurts. - It hurts, but it's out. - I feel like choosing between your kids. - It's bad. Rock hard from blue, chill. I have to think of my wife's sister, the glue glue, my dad's a juju, but my mom is not a few few. - It's gonna keep her right. - All right, it's the funniest one. - Our gosh, saying better laugh and agree her shoulder's getting a new H1B. - Oh, he's a friend of ours. - He's a friend of ours. We're not gonna have this up in lights anymore. I think we gotta just get rid of him. Also since his come out, he's been through enough. - He's been through enough. - Yeah, he's been through enough. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. As a matter of fact, now that I'm rereading and I think his wife might be on the page right now. - That might be hurt. - So I just don't want to do it to the kid anymore. - It's what it is. - Yeah. - It's what it is. - What it is. - So, Muzzi, woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not a lot to vote. - There's no way that's going anywhere. - Okay, so that is, okay. Dog, this $5 was going to a Colombian cam model anyway. Might as well learn something. - I hate to do it dress. - Yeah, I don't think it's gonna make it. I want a lick tie, sweet chili or chicken McNugget. - I would have preferred chicken meat. - So then it's gotta go. - I am going to dress through it. - Gotta go. - There were no Leroy's on Epstein's list because corn of a cruise didn't stop there. - What are we, oh, we get this in a way. - Yeah, it's in a way. - You have to keep it, okay. - Shirt and pool, AK, Mexican, Ozembek. - I think it's gotta go. - It's gotta go. - Right? - Yeah. - In comparison. - In comparison. - That's all this is. - Yeah. - Taking Leroy's, so I finally have to strengthen to leave my family. - I can't go anywhere. - Okay. - Okay, so I mean, I know these are borderline walked in ones, but they're too good. - So now we have still on the list. One, two, three, four, five, six, we have seven left. We're down to seven. - Yeah. - Now, I want you listening at home to understand, I want you to try to figure this out, okay? I'm telling you, this is like figuring out actually what fucking dark matter is. - I know. - There's no way to do this. It's very, at the point now where this is like, this is impossible. - To the point, do you think that we have to call in someone and ask for help? We may have to do what we call. Who do we phone a friend? Who should we phone? Who do you think? Who do we think? - Who would pick up Tim? What do you pick up? - Tim or Debo? Let's go Debo. Let's go Debo. I think I think call him on the Fisher Price phone. - All right, let's do it. Yeah, let me see Debo. - Call Debo. - Okay, hold on. - I'm not having this hang on my hand. - Okay, here we go. Yeah, here we go. It's great 'cause we know he's home. - Yeah, well, he could be loaded up. - He could be at the, he could be getting ready to take flight. He's actual pilot. - Oh, yeah. - Are you in the plane right now? - Yeah, I'm in the plane. - All right, let's take cause. You're on history, Hyenas. - Oh, what's up? - Yeah, Yani's here, Jesse's here, Nick's here. Got it, can you hear it now? - I can hear it. - Yeah, be here. Okay, Debo, we got a situation. We're doing the PPW, the pseudo penis of the weak list. We've gotten this thing down to seven names and we really need your help to help us pick who the winner is. - This is for the year. - This is for the year, okay? - I was for the year. - I know you liked Call Me Past Control the way I'm bug chasing, but that's a good one. - That's the good one. - But that, right, you do do that. But that one's out, that one's out of, you know, we couldn't, that one didn't make it, right? Okay, 'cause this is just too hard, right? All right, so here's the name. I'm just gonna read out all seven. And then you gotta tell me which one you liked the best, okay? - All right. - All right. - Barak is a queen, 'cause he sucks on big, sorry. Barak is a queen-- - Can you read? - Yeah. - I know. Barak is a queen, 'cause he sucks on Big Mike's peen, Lada 14, frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitin' like a deer. - That's a good one. - My trans cock has surprised more Italians in Mount Vesuvius. - Oh. - Okay. - Rock hard from Bluetooth, I have to think of my wife's sister to glue glue, my dad's a Jew Jew, but my mom is not a few-few. (laughing) Okay. - That's a lot going on, man. - Then we got Muzzy Woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. (laughing) Then we got, there were no Leroy's on Epstein's list, because Carnival Crews didn't stop there. - Oh, I've seen those. - And then we got taken Leroy's, so I finally have the strength to leave my family. (laughing) - Oh, man, they're all good. - I like the deer, deer-shitting one. - Deer-shitting one, you think you like that over my trans cock has surprised more Italians in Mount Vesuvius? - That's a good one too. And you know what, yeah, that is better, that one's better. - So you think out of all those, okay. - Yeah, I'm gonna go with, I'm gonna go with Ginza, I'm gonna go Italian. - You like the Italian one, but you do think, in second place is the deer frozen grapes in the ass. - Yeah, that's a good one, 'cause something some worm would have gone. - Right, worm, I know, we probably have frozen. By the way, I told them that we went out to dinner and one of our friends had a gun. - Who? - Oh yeah, that he did. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And it's funny, 'cause he was the guy who, at least supposed to have a gun. - At least supposed to have a gun, yeah. All right, 'cause, what are you doing? You got the airport today? - Yeah, 'cause, you know, just chillin' cockpits, you know. - How are things around? - How are things looking out there on the runway? - Cold, cold, real. - Cold, right? All right, 'cause, safe to fly though, no? Safe to fly? - Definitely safe to fly. I got everything on the control. - What it is? - It'll fly, you're playing right into middle village, 'cause. - There you go, right, so you can walk it. - Yeah, all right. Thank you, bro. - All right, you're welcome, man. - I have a Merry Christmas. - Merry Christmas, Deebo. - Yeah, and happy Hanukkah. - A squeaky, squeaky, you guys celebrate up. What's it? Did you watch your stand the whole day? - Oh, I'm. - Festivist? - Festivist, yeah, squeakedivist. - Yeah. - Yeah, happy squeaksivist though. - All right, later, bro. - Later, later, later. - Doesn't he have to go 'cause he's gotta get the Macy's and get his outfit on? - Yeah, he does, yeah. (laughing) - Let's do, I wasn't confident in that. We're gonna get a couple of opinions. - Okay. - We'll call Sergio. - But he does like Mount Vesuvius. And the dear grape one is interesting. - Interesting. - But I mean, we're, we're, we're overlooking, we're overlooking Leroy and we're looking, overlooking Carnival Cruise. - I also did skipped up. - Who's this? - This is Yannis, you're on history hyenas. We need your assistance. - What's up, Yannis? How you doing, Sergio? It's not available, he's taking a shit back out of you. This is his girlfriend Deebo. - Yo. - How you doing, Deebo? Here's the problem. Jerry, your voice is so recognizable, there's really not much you can do to hide it. - Yeah, yeah. No, you guys twist the puppy. I'm smoking so that's why it's a little hoist right now, but what's up? I know. Oh, yeah, the problem is your accent twisted. I'm not a man. I don't got a man's voice. But I'll forget it twisted. Yeah, the thing with you is your accent is not just New York. You have an accent that's specific to having you be. Yeah, it's sick one block and and it's specific and no matter what, you always have a little bit of a list because your front tooth comes up a little too far. It does. They're over by and the upper lip is just a bit too short. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, you're I told people all the time my mouth and see the lip is the indication that life is just not fair. Yeah, I wear right on my face. It's okay. One of your tooth is just like a dog door to let the dogs outside just flaps up once in a while. What can you do? Yeah, when I first got my wife's father, he said a Spanish to Liz. He nudged her with his elbow and he said, "Sergell's mouth looks like through dog fighting." Yo, Spanish and you're out of speak the language, right? Right. I knew something was up because everyone was laughing. I was just sitting there with a super close mouth smile. Yeah, like a dick with a little beanie hat on. Yo, like a dick. All right, so here we go. So we need help picking that this is the the PPW, the best Patreon name of the year. We've narrowed it down to about six or seven. So listen to an actual new name for the Patreon. Yes. You got history. You're naming the the Patreon. Got it. We're naming the best name for the Patreon members. You know, we do the game where we pick the funniest names. So we've narrowed it down to six names for the year. So these are the all-time Hall of Famers and it's just too hard for us so we had to call a couple of friends. Here they are. Are you ready? Can you hear me? Yes. All right, Baroque is a queen because he sucks on Big Mike's peen, Latta 14. Then we got frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around, shit in like a deer. There we got. All right. Then we got my trans. I'm not gonna lie. You know, I got the itchy ass, no matter frozen grape. I do the job. In my yeah. Then we got my trans cock has surprised more Italians and Mount Vesuvius. Okay, so that's a good one. Then we got. Then we got rock hard from Blue Chill. My dad's a juju, but my mom is not few few. Yo, there's a hearty. Okay, but that one's okay. Then we got. Muzzy woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. Then we got. There were no Lee Roy's on Epstein's list because Carnival crews didn't stop there. Then we got. Yes, and then this is the last one, taking Lee Roy's, so I finally have the strength to leave my family. Oh, man. What do you like so far? What you like? I think I like the Muslim one. The voting voting booth. Yeah, the voting booth one is fun. I also think that women should be dressed as people are forced to cloth because they're very distracting and I'm trying to work. Yeah, because he's my he's converting to mother reads a caron and everything. Yeah, yeah. Now, what do you think? Do you think out of all of them? No, what do you think out the biggest laugh from you? What's? Oh, shit, man. There was another one before that. I'm sorry. My memory is shot. I've had too many times. So wait, I mean, I like the voting booth one. Did you laugh? You laughed at the frozen grapes in the ass. Frozen grapes. Yeah, and I would say frozen grapes in the ass name you laughing. That's gonna try it. Yes. So this is, this is because we call Dibo and he also like frozen grapes in the ass. Okay, we're getting closer. Sergio, thank you. Love you brother. The fact that you called Dibo before me is obscene, but whatever. I mean, it's not like the guy has a job, right? He still lives on a basement. No, no, no, he's a pilot at JetBlue for sure. Yeah. No, I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure. I wasn't sure if you're going to pick up the phone, if you were busy on a three mile run with the camera too close to your face. Well, obviously, it's between my teeth. Yeah. We love you brother. Love you, man. Later, bro. All right, man. Please, please. See, he won't say I love you back. These guys like that can't, it's too gay for them. It's too gay. Yeah. So I don't know, man, it's very illuminating that two outsiders have said frozen grapes in my ass and walk around shitting like a deer. It also got the biggest laugh from Yannis. Yeah. Right? I personally think if it was me, I would have my trans cock has surprised more towns in Mount Vesuvius. To me, it's between just those two. It's good during the Mount Vesuvius, but I don't know. I mean, my, you know, because this is hard, I just think you can't discount two random people who don't know what the other one said, both pick deer. You can't, you can't. I think that's a good call. I think we're down to Mount Vesuvius in this. I don't get the other one, right? I mean, what out because Mount Vesuvius, the thing is frozen grapes in my ass then walk around shitting like a deer has made two people outside of this podcast. Say that's the one. We've all thought it was the one. And then, but then on the other hand, my trans cock has surprised more towns in Mount Vesuvius is one of the names that actually changed the way I think and live. Because it was so funny. I couldn't believe how, because it combined history, it combines trans and he's gay. And it was just made me feel like this and bodies are show. Right. Wow. That's what it is. No problem here. And here's the deal. The winner is getting a free t-shirt. It's what it is. You are getting a free t-shirt. So I think the only thing left to do now that it's down to two is we have to call our wives. We got to call our wives. So I'll go first. I'll see if Jasmine will pick up the phone. Yeah. She may not. But I will see. And then if not, I'm going to call my mother. That's this will all we can do. I mean, if you call your mom, that is gold, but I don't recommend you do it. Okay. Let's see. And then you're going to have to call your wife. Because if you called your mom, it might be the funniest thing that ever happened in my life. But it's the worst thing you could probably do for your life. Jazz. Hey, listen, you're on history hyenas right now. So it's going to take 30 seconds. Hello? Hello? Why? Okay. You're on 30 seconds. Okay. Just we're out that we're out that Patreon name of the year. And we I'm not going to be on the podcast anymore unless you pay me. Okay. I'm going to pay you. Yeah. I'm going to pay. I'm going to buy you what I'm doing. I'm glad that you want. Okay. So here we go. It's down to these two. Leave it in here. I'm sorry. Go ahead. Is that Josephine? Yes. Okay. One of the names that one of the names that didn't make it that we cut out. The name was don't walk Josephine through brushing please. Do you get it? Okay. So here we go. These are the two names. These are the two names and we just need your opinion. You don't have to like them. You just have to, you know, what do you think should be the winner? Because we just have to both. It got down to the point where we both have to call our wives. You're honest. It's going to call Brittany after this and we just need to get into your hurry. I'm putting bread baskets together. Yes. So we got frozen grapes in my ass then walk around shitting like a deer or my trans cock has surprised more talents in Mount Vesuvius. That's a tough one. I'll say him again. Oh, my trans cock has surprised more talents in Mount Vesuvius. Why do they both have to be so gay? Because you're, because unfortunately, we have two gay men who host a podcast. Yeah. And maybe should we read a couple of alts just in case it prefers one of those. Okay. So those are the two that aren't contentioned. Just a couple of alts that are just a little bit, you know, not as gay. You cannot see Brittany entertaining this. Okay. It's probable that that's true. Yes. Well, we have a couple of alts just so you know are there were no Leroy's on Epstein's list because Carnival crews didn't stop there. Okay. Or, or, um, daddy's at work. Or, yes, girls, daddy's at work. Or muzzle woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. I kind of like the last one. Muzzle woman forced to dress as a voting booth, but not allowed to vote. Yeah, because it's, it's a really good one. Yeah. I like that one and I like the deer shitting everywhere. Oh, you're shitting. You're the third person now. Debo said deer shitting and Sergio. Oh, Debo picked it now. Forget it. Okay. All right. Thanks. I need you got to get back to what you're doing. Yeah. Thanks for wasting a minute of my life. Well, I'm here. You know, I'm making doughnuts. I'm supporting us, babe. This is what I do. All right. This is the wrong audience. All right. I love you. Bye. I love you. Bye. Bye. Jess, I think she's got to call your wife. Sometimes you got to tell the girls, daddy's at work. Yeah, daddy's at work. I call your wife. And then yeah, it's just going to see what she has to say. Sometimes you got to let the kids know daddy's at work. And daddy and mom, you're having a work conversation. This is just what we do for a living. Hi, babe. You're on history. Hyenas. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. We need help. We're calling a bunch of people. And we're trying to figure out the ppw the year, which is the funniest patreon name. We have it down to a few. And we need your, we need your help for you to let us know which ones you think are the funniest. - Oh God. - Okay, hi, Brittany. That's Chris. - Hi Chris. - This is a call of friend to be a millionaire. - It's being a, yeah. - So, Brittany, this is to be a fucking retard. - Yeah, so, okay. So, Brittany, here are the last two names. Between these two, we just need your honest opinions. Take 30 seconds, and are you good? - Yes, two. - Yeah, we're down to two. Okay, so we got, it is between frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around, shitting like a deer, or my trans cock has surprised more talents in Mount Vesuvius. - Oh my God. - The first one made me laugh. - The deer made you laugh. - Yeah, it is. - Yes, because, and is there a slight kind of bias you may have, 'cause you know the second one, my trans cock has surprised more talents in Mount Vesuvius could be your husband? (laughing) - Across my mind. - Right, okay. So, Brittany, she's the fourth person. - Yeah, thank you, babe. - Thank you, Brittany. - You're right here kissing the head. (laughing) - Wow, so it's a kind of, it's unanimous at this point. - Yeah, the winner, I think that would save to say now, the PPW, the winner of the year you need to message us. Get us your address, you will get a T-shirt. This is a guarantee, congratulations to, whomever you are, wherever you're from, we will mail you a shirt, as long as you live in the continental United States. Frozen grapes in my ass, then walk around shitting like a deer. You are the winner, the PPW of the year. - I literally, I'm not even joking, I got chills, just now down my back, because listen to this. This is the winner of thousands of entries, many beasts. - Yes. - You are the king of kings. - King of kings. - You are, shall I say, the queen and. - Yes. - You fucking are top of the food chain. That is, I think that's a bigger feat than my entire career. - Yeah. - He went up against thousands of fucking names of the year and one, and it was multiple people's opinions. - Yeah. - You go down as legend now. - Yeah. - I don't know what you're doing. If you're working at sheets, I don't know where you are. - Yeah. - You know, you stocking shelves, maybe you're a lawyer, maybe you're a pimp, maybe you're a sex trafficker. Whatever it is, you also can add this achievement to your curriculum v-tie. - You, I don't know if you're a man, if you're a woman, I don't know. I know that, and I know that you probably already, if you look out your window, there's probably someone standing outside your window right now with a sign that says you are the P.P.W. And that person is always permanent 'cause he mirrored our phones. (laughing) - So that's how you do it. (laughing) - So, yeah. - I know, yeah. - So I'm just kidding, but congratulations to you. Congratulations to the P.P.W. It really is, you have to think about the odds that you overcome to win this award. - Crazy. - It really is, believe in yourself, for the kids out there listening to the podcast, you can do anything. 'Cause this person is probably just a regular. You know, they probably work in an auto body shop. They listen while they're doing other things. Maybe they work for Amazon, they're driving a UPS truck. You don't know, maybe they're a school teacher showing the history stuff to their kids. You don't know who they are, you don't know where they live, but they are no longer anonymous. - That's right. - Because now, proudly, frozen grapes in my ass then walk around shitting like a deer. You've changed the course of your own life and we salute you, you are the P.P.W. of the year of 2025, the year of Jesus Christ. Anything is possible if you dare to dream big enough. - Yes. - If you're willing to let grapes freeze and stuff them in your ass to shit them back out. - Yes. - You can be a king. - You can be a king and you will get a T-shirt on us. We'll sign it if you would like. Please just message us a message to Patreon and we will get that shirt out to you. So congratulations and Merry Christmas. - Yeah.