266: Overwhelmed!

Hi friends, I'm Crine from the end of the episode. You will get there soon, but if you could just please subscribe on YouTube. Even if you're an audio listener, just, you know, over to YouTube and subscribe, we're almost to a million, which feels insane, and I just really want to get there. So if you'd help me out, that'd be amazing. Lauren, do you want to give us a little kick off in another country accent? I did it. I did my part. I was so good. Again, you guys will get there, but I hope you enjoyed this episode. Always watching. That's you always watching. What do you mean? Always watching. Are we supposed to know where that's from? I have no idea what is going on right now. Everyone knows where that's from. I'm watching you. Was asking. Always watching. Do you? I don't want to put you guys, but you know what? Apparently. That reminded me of, which actually I don't know why I did because there's like really no correlation, but welcome to a brain of ADHD. If you guys have watched jury duty, it's literally you have the first season. Have you seen the second? No, I haven't, but I haven't either. I'm like obsessed with the concept. Would you like to be honest without knowing? Yeah. Yeah. I feel like it'd be pretty good. I could get down that reality show. I genuinely think it would give me such trust and paranoia issues. I'm already a little paranoid and putting me in that show and then finding out after that it wasn't real. And everyone was messing with me and all the emotions I just felt were unjustified, I would crash out. Yeah. It's like watching Austin land. I was just going to say that. That's why that's such a big effect on me. I was going to say it's wild to me that Justin is like casual about it and that you're freaking out because Justin freaks out about something that was like, I tell people that sometimes Justin and they're like about Austin land and how traumatized him. Yeah. And they're like, are you sure that it's the correct book/movie? Are you sure you're, you must be referring to something else and I'm like, no, yeah, that's the one. It's true that you literally cannot trust a single person, 100%, you just can't. I feel someone offended. Well, you can go 99.99999999999999% of the speed of light, but 100% is impossible. I feel like it's the same with trust. Okay. I totally agree. Actually, yeah. There is no 100%. You can add a million lines on the 99.99, add a million lines to it. Okay. So we're talking a, the smallest fraction of a percent you could even possibly, our brains can't even fathom. You know, I feel like even 99% trust, I feel like that's pretty good. We can stop there. We don't need the 9s. Good. 99% decent. You're like, not after what I've been up to. You're like, what do you think I've been up to? I'll take the 99. No, I just think it's funny. He's saying, what do you have mine, Lauren? He's just saying how much he can trust you and you're like, actually, let's subtract feels. The way you like, you like, you could have point, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you just found it annoying. Just give me 99. We'll call it good. Okay. Well, like the point zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, zero, one. Don't need that. All the mysterious clothes that show up at our house all the time. It's aggressive and it overwhelms me. Oh, and we found some of yours, too, by the way. Yeah, Morgan told me a, she specifically told me not to leave those jeans there and what did I do? I left them there. It overwhelms me when people leave items at my house because my house is a mess you guys. I wish I could include a picture without being so utterly embarrassed and just disappointed in myself, but we are in the middle of cleaning and it gets a lot worse before there's any sliver of hope that it will get better. But I'm donating a lot. I literally want to like, I don't know, like have a free yard sale somewhere where I can just like show up and drop a pen and be like, hey, close, that's actually called goodwill. No, no, I want it to go for free to people that need it. Goodwill is highway robbery. Goodwill be charging, Lauren. I don't know if you walked into goodwill lately. I have. I dropped off stuff there and then I was like, hey, let me take a look around and I did and I literally got like seven items and then they were like, your total is $7 and I was like, what? You're going to a good goodwill because the ones I've been going to are insane. Like $12 for a she and top and I'm like, this is weird. I am going to donate whatever I don't give away to people to like the American Cancer Society. Does goodwill not do that too? Is that like goodwill? It's like a really insane for-profit company. Huh. I always thought that it was like, the good stuff, they're like putting out there to sell, like the other stuff that's not like super great, they're donating to wear. Where does- now I don't want- I like where would goodwill donate if they don't want it? I don't know. Like you just said, like- They bring it to another goodwill. They do ships. Someone please enlighten me on goodwill. Maybe the- Like who delivers the mail man's mail? It's the same kind of concept. Goodwill donates to other goodwill. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know. But then what happens if they get something that has like a hole in it? Because those two are landfill. I thought maybe they'd repurpose it somewhere. No. There are places that will recycle fabrics. I'm unclear if they're one of them. If you know things about goodwill, please put them in the comments. Please enlighten us. Am I wrong? Maybe I don't know anything about goodwill, but I don't know. I'm overwhelmed. Which is kind of the vibe with today's stories. There she is. It's overwhelmed, overstimulated. I don't have a title because my brain is too frazzled to even think of one. But I know how these stories made me feel when I was finding them. And it was at a loss for words. So- Perfect. Without further ado. Without further ado. Let's dive in. Let's do it. Yeah. Let's go. [MUSIC] This episode is brought to you by Planet Oat Oat Milk. Some people like their coffee hot, some like it iced. But if you want the perfect pour, that's rich, smooth, and delicious every time. You've got to check out Planet Oat. It's made for every cup. There are varieties like Planet Oat barista lovers oat milk, great for frothing and steaming, or Planet Oat on sweetened oat milk coming three varieties and are zero grams of sugar. Whether you're a team hot or a team iced, discover your favorite oat milk at PlanetOat.com. Not a low calorie food. Yeehaw! Howdy. Yeehaw, little doggies. I'd have my cowboy hat on, but it's still in Minnesota. I know. We got to get that back for you. Speaking of dressing up, this first one is coming from Amideas Hole. It is eight days old. Titled Amideas Hole for not quieting down at a Renaissance fair and walking away after my boyfriend sided with a stranger. I, 23 female, went to a Renaissance fair with my boyfriend, 26 male, and my sister. My sister and I go to events like this regularly, but it was my boyfriend's first time. At these events, people dress up, interact with performers, and cheer loudly during shows. I was acting how I normally do, engaging with the environment, and cheering during the performances. During a joust, I was cheering along with the crowd. Being inappropriate, just typical cheering. A man sitting in front of me turned around and said I was "scaring his child" and asked me to stop. Before I could respond, my boyfriend told me I should, quote, "quiet down a little." That upset me, especially since the event itself encourages loud crowd participation. Another person nearby even commented that the man was out of line. I felt embarrassed and unsupported, so I got up and walked away to calm down. My sister came with me. We had already planned to split up after the joust, so I didn't think it was a big deal to take some space. A few hours later, my boyfriend found us and was upset, saying I had abandoned him at an unfamiliar event. He also said that if a child is scared, people should adjust their behavior, regardless of the setting. "No, you should remove your child." I disagreed and felt like I shouldn't have to change normal behavior in that kind of environment. We ended up arguing and escalated more than it should have. At a details, before the joust, we had a detailed plan of separating for an hourish after the joust. We each wanted to do different things happening at the same time frame, so we planned to partways and meet back up at the place I wanted to go since it was a group activity. My sister and I did separate for a time, and she came back and joined me at the location we talked about. I figured my boyfriend would do the same. Which is why I was more okay with walking away from the situation. Also, before the just even started, the kid was side-eyed my sister and I. A look we are very familiar with as African Americans, when children clearly aren't exposed to other people. After the dad told me to quiet down, other people around pulled me aside and said how he had no right to do so. All I was yelling was, that's my wife cheering for the female knight and the man was there with his husband, so that comment really shouldn't be an issue to him. Am I the asshole for not quieting down and for walking away? My vote is no, Justin. I agree. But you have thoughts. No, I feel like you're, there's something you have. Rock paper scissors. You know what? No, I think I can read his mind. I think that. You didn't want to lose? No, I think that you would feel the same way as the boyfriend. No. But the thing is, I wouldn't have the same stance to begin with. So I don't think I'd end up feeling like him because I wouldn't be in the position to begin with. Yeah, I don't think he would ever tell me to quiet down. Like, especially at like a sporting event, a Renaissance festival, I don't think there's any situation unless I was like being obscenely loud in like a library. Yeah. And then that's, then you get a justifiable reaction from the dad, then it makes sense. But in this case, it comes with the territory. If your kid's scared, like Lauren said, bring your kid somewhere else. Go to a different side of it, whatever. I can't imagine it's like getting the rail at Justin Bieber and you've ran there and you've holding the spot all day. This is a jousting event at a Renaissance fair. Like I get that some people are very into it and I'd be really into it too. But you didn't buy these seats for a thousand dollars and save them. It's like, it's not that big of a deal to move, especially when you're the odd one out. But the person doing what they say, everyone else was also doing. Yeah. If you go to one of those things, jousting for those that don't know, like you have two nights that ride at each other on horses and have long poles and they try to knock each other off the horse with the pole and they do ride around asking for cheers. Yeah. There's gestures or other supportive cast members that are amping up the crowd and acting as an MC. Yeah. This is very par for the course. This is normal. And I also think that guy, the dad was probably just being a jerk because he wanted her to quiet down. I'm like, was your kid actually scared? I don't know. No. Also, if your kid is scared, they're scared from someone yelling or they're scared from the jousting. True. Like, what are they really scared about? Because I mean, maybe the kid's overstimulated, maybe there's something going on. Then, like, find a better spot for your kid to participate in an activity that aligns with them or is more individual and not in a crowd setting with intense screaming. Right. Yeah. I don't think the kid was scared. No. I think that's an easy cop out for parents who just want to say something. Yeah. He just wanted her to shut up and then he believed in his kid probably. I will say so. My overall vote too is not the asshole for OP getting upset and feeling unsupported, but I will say this is a pretty crazy level of communication breakdown and just like, I'm going to walk away, not say anything to my boyfriend and then also not see him for hours. Like, that's true. There's no mention of like cell phones, like, maybe they were really committed to the bit and didn't bring them. There was nothing really constructive about this and I think you're fair for your feelings, but then to the point where they say, we ended up arguing and escalated more than it should have. You guys got to get your shit together. What are we arguing about, you know, feeling unsupported, you telling me to be quiet. You abandoned me like, well, I get that, but what's he arguing that he felt abandoned? Oh, after I forgot that, or I guess I just didn't fully realize that she didn't say anything. Nothing. Stupid to do. Bye. Yeah. And then I think it was, how many hours, a few hours later, my boyfriend found us and was upset. Like, there's no mention of a text, a call. How did he find you? Was he walking around this whole thing, trying to find you? Why were they going to split up anyway, though, is my question? They all wanted to go to different activities. So, but he was, he was somebody else. No. Oh. Not how I would go to an event. I want to stick with my friends and have a good time vibing together, but maybe there was a sword making exhibition and she wanted to go to Fairyland and so they were like, hey, I didn't conquer. So the reason I think that Justin would feel the boyfriend's feels is because you don't like loud noises. You wear headphones everywhere. You're plugs. But I got him ready to go through the best things. Honestly, anyone should get them. And the worst thing that can happen to you is you end up in a place where you're just like, oh my God, I'm obviously not going to sit here and plug my ears like a little kid. Yeah, you can't do that. But I would do anything. I need something. And venues are getting really good at that. Yeah. It's venues are getting loud, man. It's anywhere. Maybe it's us getting old. No, I went to a dinner the other night and it was a small restaurant. There was like 35, 40 people in there with everyone trying to talk at once. It was so overwhelmingly like earplugging loud. I put my earplugs in. Well, and if you actually watch the decibels, it's really bad for your ears. You don't understand how even a restaurant like that can be up to 90. And there's, I don't know what it is, 30 minutes at that level starts to actually cause permanent hearing damage. I even know some people that are our age that are like, what, what, when they're sitting right next to you because they can't hear it's like, do you really, I get it's cool to go to a concert and blow your ears off, but do you really want to not hear like if that was your site, you wouldn't be messing with it at all. So all of a sudden hearing, everyone's like, oh, I'll be fine, I can, whatever, it's just it doesn't make sense. And I need to protect my ears because it's part of my job. It is. And I also, I haven't had this experience in years because I wear earplugs and the kind we get, they're called edimotic, ETY, M-O-T-I-C, and they just, they don't change the way it sounds. They just bring it down. So it's like comfortable and you're not leaving the concert with your ears ringing. I can't even remember what that sounds like anymore because it hasn't happened to me. But like going to a concert and your ears are ringing after, that's so bad. So actually at Coachella, there was a DJ, and it's funny because I was kind of thinking about like the concept of like how loud this all must be, you know, but I'm watching from my TV. And he said, like at the very end of his closing statement, he's like, drink some water, and he's like, and seriously, wear earplugs. He was like, I'm not even kidding you guys. He's like, I have to get ear surgery, like he's like, wear earplugs. That's David Getta. No. I can't remember. It's, I would have to look it up, like I would remember, I remember like the face, but not the name. Insane. Yeah. No, wear earplugs, everyone. Maybe even if you're going to a Renaissance festival in Washington, a joust. Top comment on this one with 18,000 upvotes, your cheering scared his child, but men on large horses charging at each other with lances, doesn't. Where did this guy think he was? That's hilarious. Next one, wait until the kids see a death joust. We know our blood packs are good if we manage to create splash zones in the first row. My favorite choreography was the year the night popped my squares, head like a watermelon. Where I fatally stabbed him, so much blood. What is going on? I have never seen like those jousts that that was descriptive. I am very confused. Don't wear white to that one. I feel like that was a game of thrones episode like I, so people have questions that like, where is this rent fast? Because their kid friendly events that generally don't allow fake blood, like even having just fake blood on your costume design can get you banned from an event. Anything that splashes is strictly forbidden. And the blood jouster responds midwest. We advertise it as a death joust in the program, and it ends with all the dead jousters magically resurrecting and learning their lesson. The good guys always win. I used to make the blood packs. We actually keep it far enough on the field that the audience rarely gets splashed. That was a bit of a hyperbole on my part, but once in a blue moon, I can't think of any walk around characters that had fake blood on them other than the butcher. You'd have to have a good character reason for that to be an established part of your costume. Everyone's like, where, where, where is it? I need to go. I need to do a deep dive onto this. A friend of ours works at a Renaissance festival in Shakopee, Minnesota every year. I've been a few times, and it's an absolute hoot. I can also afford that. I used to go every single year growing up. It was one of my favorite things. Did you dress up? No. - I would like to go and dress up this year. I got a wax hand every year. That was like my one like present thing that I thought. - Yeah, and it melted in the car. - One of them melt in the car was very upset about it. But I used to keep all of them and like, I just think it's so sad that I don't anymore because like, that would be the car. - No, I don't know. - I think that yeah, they're like thrown away. I, one of them I remember like cracked. But like how cool would that be? Like the fact that that was like the thing that I loved to do. Cause like my, my brother and like everybody else like picked like their own one like prize. And that was the thing I always loved. And like the fact that I was like keep like, my hand was getting bigger and bigger. That's like kind of cool. - That's adorable. - It's kind of like the height chart on a wall. - Yeah. I think people do that with their babies and stuff. That's really cute. The opia on that one comment does reply and say his bloody joust is Kansas City. I sorted comments by controversial just to see if there's anything else. And this one has negative 12 upvotes. This is against the group feeling but this is the message you sent to your boyfriend. I consider what I want to do more important than the feelings of a scared child. And when criticized, I will walk away and abandon you. Rather than express my feelings calmly. If that's not the impression you wanna give, then reconsider your actions. Otherwise, hurrah and carry on. Another controversial comment with negative 16. You're the asshole. Not for being loud, but for storming off and punishing your boyfriend for three hours when he uttered one sentence. Not even unkindly, but a mere suggestion. That reaction is not the reaction of a stable person. And it's manipulative. And then opia adds that they did have a plan to split up. I don't think that was in the original post, but she edited it to make it seem like it was. So I think after getting some yearly assholes, I think like she did an edit, but didn't label it as an edit and just put it on there. So to me, it looked like it existed the whole time. And is that true? We do have a couple comments from OP. I think people were criticizing her for commenting on a female knight. And she says, I'm bisexual. The night I was cheering for, I was a female. The man who talked to me was a gay man. I think people were trying to rationalize the behavior. I have no idea. But I was just talking to you about this Morgan the other day. I don't want to be around people that make me feel like they have any shame about anything that I say. If that's how you feel, just don't be next to me. Don't be seen with me. If I'm too loud, then just walk away from me and go be seen with somebody else. Don't police me. So this girl was probably even though it was such a small, little simple thing that her boyfriend said, like it probably just felt really like unsupporting and like that he's ashamed of, you know? And like, yeah, when someone feels like they're ashamed of you, it can trigger a lot. Well, an OP does share that they work with children are very considerate of children. It seems like people were really trying to find any way they could discredit her story. Whether it was about making a comment that felt queer or something like that, like OP is like here defending, like rent festivals are very open and supportive of the queer LGBTQ+ community. That shouldn't have been an issue. That a woman was commenting on a woman night saying, that's my wife. Like people I think were trying to imply that her comment was inappropriate. OP just goes to bat again. That being like, I do consider children. I've put myself in harm's way countless times for random children and their safety. I've taken punches from drunken fathers to protect their children. I'm an elementary school teacher. My whole career is about the well-being of a child. That doesn't mean I'm going to revolve my life around every single child I see when my behavior is completely normal and reasonable. Mike dropped right there. - Yeah. - You're in a public event at encourages screaming. So, yeah, not the asshole. No update on how the boyfriend and OP handled things. So, I'll keep my eyes peeled. I do feel for him too. Like if my boyfriend just walked away from me without saying anything and then I couldn't find him for hours, even if we plan to split up, I'd be like, I'd feel crappy. Yeah. At an event I've never gone to and I'm walking around for hours by myself. Ew. I'm so curious if they had service too. 'Cause that would be, I would be like, I know, beyond myself if I don't have service and he just walked away from me. I don't think we really had service at the Shaka P1 when we went in Minnesota. I feel like I was trying to post on my story and I feel like I didn't have service or something. - I don't know. - You also just like don't see a lot of people on their phones there. I think they really do immerse themselves. - Phones don't exist? - No. King and Queen are walking around with their ladies and wading. - That was cool. - The holding court. - And the knights. - And the knights. - Knights marching around. We should go to one. That's what I'm saying. I would even settle for like medieval times. We can get, we can get a little party bus. Round the people up, Brian wear some costumes. Brian literally got bait and switched by chill because she said she was down and so he literally went and bought himself an outfit and I'll give him an opportunity to wear it. He still has it and he just was so sad he had put that, he had to hang it back up in the closet with his head down. - I'll give him a shot. I'll get it on the radar. - I'll give it, I'll put it on the radar. I've also, Justin and I were hanging out with Kaelin and her husband, Matthew the Knight. We came up with this new idea of doing a mezcal and magic night and we hire a magician. - Yay. - Yeah. - I love that idea. - Recurring. - Yeah, let me know if you guys would be interested. Maybe we could hold it a big version of it in LA. Once we, we got to like test out the magicians and make sure they're good. - I think you guys need to like reserve like one night a quarter at least of like no matter what you're not working. You guys are unplugging and like spending some time with your friends. - A game. - Once a quarter. - Once a quarter feels low. Well it is low but I'm saying that that's the like non-negotiable. If it was once a month and it's just like, I'm sorry but this month got away from me but like once a quarter that's like a- - That's a tanable. - I appreciate that. - Thank you for looking up for us. - Yeah. - Okay, this next one. This is coming from trough my chest. It's three days old. Titled, "I think I know why no man takes my friend on a fifth date but I am not telling her." - Oh my, I miss so cute. Like this is- - Fifth is, I see second would be. - Right. But fifth it's like- - What happens after the form? Usually it's the third. - I just got back from a week in Bali with a close friend. And I think I finally get why none of the men she meets go past three to four dates with her. - I'm so excited. I don't know why but I am. Tell me what is it. - And I feel awful because I know I'm never going to tell her. She's actually great, smart, funny, kind, but there's something I saw on this trip that I can't unsee now. - God, I'm freaking out. The cat. - What? - The cat who wasn't there but her ghost followed us everywhere anyways. Everything. And I mean everything came back to the cat. Every couple of hours we were back on it. At dinner in beautiful places she would go quiet and then start scrolling old photos, worrying if the cat was depressed. She would do multiple facetimes with her pet sitter every day, full baby voice at night. She would literally sing lullabies to the cat over the phone. She'd leave beach parties to go get updates from her sitter. At first it was cute, then it got a lot. We walked past a tattoo shop and she seriously considered getting her cat's face tattooed. In a cafe, she saw two cartoon characters kissing on the menu and went, quote, this reminds me of my cat. I asked how. She said once her cat sniffed another cat and they looked like they were kissing. Like everything filtered through the cat. One day we spent three whole hours finding the perfect gift for the cat. The re hours. The cat is going to break it in five seconds and we could have done something else in that time. Explored a new place maybe, but nope. And then I learned how she lives and it got worse. She has a no closed doors policy because of any door closes, the cat screams all night. Bedroom, bathroom, everything. Open. (screaming) This means that the cat sleeps on her chest every night. Follows her into the bathroom. Sits on her lap while she's on the toilet and also watches her in the shower. Like normal, by the way. I tried to imagine a guy coming over. And yeah, not all of it, but that's probably where things end. She also wants this insane k-drama level of love like can't live without each other kind, but then casually said one day that she'd always choose her cat over a partner. So what is someone even signing up for? By date three to four, I'm guessing the guy has heard about the cat 30 to 40 times. Seeing her face time at mid-meal, maybe bend to her place, maybe gotten scratched and realized, this isn't she has a pet. This is the pet is the main character and I'm not and never will be. So he leaves. Rightly, she thinks the men aren't trying, gets upset, goes back to the cat, bond gets stronger. Next guy sees, and even more intense version of this, and leaves faster, loop. And the worst part, she has no idea. And I'm not telling her, because I know how that conversation goes. She will get defensive, and I will become the villain who doesn't get her bond with her pet, and our friendship will be over. So yeah, now every time she says he just wasn't feeling it, I'm like, I think I know exactly what he felt. Note, this is not me saying people with pets or cats can't date or are difficult to be with. I know other people who are perfectly fine pet parents. This is just an exceptional case where someone's deeply enmeshed relationship with their pet might be affecting their dating life. Huh. I was going to use that word too, and mashed, I was actually going to use it. Were you? I was ready. And then all of you out there should be so proud of me. I have not used that word in ages. I used to hear it. I feel like more than daily, yeah, because I'd be like, you're enmeshed, I do use it. It was like everything, it would be like any show or commercial, it'd be like up, enmeshed. She, I remember this phase two. It was a phase. Yeah. It's just unfortunate that we batch record episodes and everyone had to be in that phase with me. It might have been a two year long phase. It was outside of the episode, Lauren. It was. Yeah. What? What? Your response? My response to the story. Okay. But there's kind of a lot going on right now. That's the nature of the theme here. The show, the podcast. The belly of the beast, as they say. Uh-huh. Nothing. Okay. Um, I don't know that phrase. I also, it might be nature of the beast. Okay. Lately, the beast is Lambo field. Yeah. I think it's nature of the beast. I'm, I'm just, let's move along. Okay. So, my question is how long have they been friends like, why did friend not see this before? Why did it take a trip? Let me see if there's any comments from OP. It's true. Maybe it was an aha moment like it clicked. But I'm also like, maybe the trip was, she just missed her cat extra on the trip. Like are we sure that this is like a, in the middle of a date, FaceTiming her cat type of thing? I think it is. I do. I mean, that is aggressive. You're in Bali and you're FaceTiming your cat multiple times singing the cat lullaby wise. Well, maybe they were drinking like, that sounds like a fun drinking activity FaceTiming your fat. You inserted that. There was no mention of the cat's weight, no mention. I'm like, I've been sleep deprived for like two weeks. And so I start to like mix up my words and stutter when I get really sleep deprived. Which isn't good for you guys. So you're doing great to me to keep going. Thanks. But I think I'm just going to throw it back to Justin. Fat. Go ahead. Fat cat. I, you know, I, I kind of like the lullabies. I would sing "Dismarty" in Cognume and we're out of town. That's what I was thinking. You guys would totally do that for me. Yes. This, for me, for me. This person is probably undatable because I just, it's to such a level. But that's for me. I do think there is someone out there that would be down with this and that would be, that would fit right into that mold. I agree. I think she's got to find the guy that's willing to face time to cat with her. There is someone who is down for that and listen, I am all for someone that takes exceptionally good care of their pet. I am all about it. So as extreme as you want to go as long as you're giving that pet a happy, healthy, awesome life. I'm all for it. Go for it. It's just, it's not going to be everyone's cup of tea. It's a little bit niche, but you'll have your cat and what can, no one can take that away from you. So it kind of just is what it is. And as the friend, I don't think you need to disclose it unless there is some sort of breakdown and it gets the point where she can't figure out why does this always happen to me. No one likes me and it starts to take her down a path of, you know, bad thoughts about herself or some, or some depression or something where she starts to look inward and says, what is wrong with me? Why does none of this work? Then we get to a territory where we might want to cross that bridge potentially as a friend to be helpful. But as right now, she's just kind of like, well, they didn't even work out. It seems like it's kind of like, oh, well, back to the cat. I feel like you necessarily don't need to mention it unless you plan on taking another trip with that person because then I would want to mention it. I would want to say, hey, on this trip, can we not FaceTime the cat so much? I would really love to make sure we're spending quality time together and exploring. But if you aren't going to take another trip with this person, then it probably isn't going to affect you why bring it up. Are we as returning over there, I see him. Well, I just, I didn't think Justin was going to say this because I didn't think Justin liked cats. So I'm just happy because it's like, it's, it's kind of where my thought was that too. But I also think that like, it's fine to say something. You don't have to be like, you're a flawed human. No. Because she's not. You could just be like, hey, your cat's awesome. I know you love your cat. But us looking for a toy for your cat for three hours, like, out of the left. I felt was a bit excessive and I just feel there's a little bit of a balance to some things. Especially when it's a trip with me and you and like, I'm at your back and back. Like you're together on this trip. I'm not going to abandon you. So and you can just say like, I wanted to spend like, quality time with you and as silly as it sounds. I felt like you were so focused on your cat that I couldn't really fully spend quality time with you. That's a great way to put it. Yeah. And I think that like, you can let your friend know that and then they can do with what they want with it. You don't have to be like, hey, I think that no one likes you because you like your cat. Like you know, I wouldn't even bring up guys because I don't know if that's the case. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Exactly. Because it could affect your friendship going forward if the cat is always coming between you guys. Well, it's also just like, it's projection at this point, right? Because we don't actually know. We don't have evidence. She didn't be like, Oh, one of the guys DM me and said, this is why she just felt that that could be why because she didn't like it. Yeah. So it's like, if one of my friends were to be like, Hey, you know, none of the guys you want to end dates with worked out, I think it's because you smell bad. Like, I would be like, what? You don't even mean like, I just like, not something that you should ever, you know, and then if it gets to the point where they're like begging you, like, please, do you have any ideas of what it could be? Like, then sure, you can be like, well, maybe because that's how I felt. But just to like go in like that and be like, so I'm pretty sure I know why. Right. Like, I feel like that's just out of place completely agree. We have cat people chiming in in the comments top comment with a 9.1 K up votes as a cat lover. This sounds exhausting. Next comment is from OP. It really was. Thank you for understanding. Next comment, I adore my cat. My husband adores my cat. While we are away, we await the cats that are updates, but we don't stay glued to my phone waiting for it to come in. We, you know, enjoy our holiday for reference my cat is 19 this year and is a lot had husband for 12 years, her for 16 slash 17. We also have a no closed doors policy, but that doesn't include the bathroom or us time. I also have a lot of interest and can hold serious conversations and not divert back to my baby when doing so because while she is my world, I have to, you know, adult. I'm sorry your trip had this on it and wasn't quite as brilliant as you had hoped. Tell her direct, but maybe when it starts going back to the cat, steer the conversation another way, OP responds, I have tried to steer the conversation away. It only works for like 10 to 15 minutes max. I think I'll continue being friends with her, but avoid future trips. Thank you for your kind words. That's all we got. Yeah. So you can, I mean, you can decide how much you want to be friends and how far that extends to trips and what you want to do just as much as someone can decide how much they want to date this person or not, but it's not really a situation that you should step in and change how they live their life until they're expressing hurt or concern over why things are the way they are. But then you get into more of a therapy territory. Now my other last thought is where do we think the cat is during the love it? I mean, do you think like if you get that far because we're talking date four or five, I mean, everyone moves at their own pace, but let's say we get into the bedroom, there's no closed doors. There's none of that. - Are you staring the cat in the eyes? - In the bed. - Are you just like watching you? - Yeah, it's in the bed, a hundred cents. - Where though? - I've seen a TikTok of someone who was at their boyfriends place or something, and they shut the bedroom door on the dog. They weren't actually doing anything, but they were trying to record to show what the dog does. And of course, it was like a little friendship who was just at the top of its lungs going nuts. I don't know how you have sex when you have a dog like that. - I wouldn't imagine. - I would go crazy. My dog would literally get so uncomfortable. He would want to be out of the room. - Yeah. - Bear, he was like, "Mom, no, thank you. Goodbye." How do you guys? You know, that's like the nice thing about the place that I'm at right now, is that there's two doors. It's separated by the living room. There's like the bathroom area has a door. And they walk through bathroom and then go to the room. - Or it's like kind of a get ready, interesting. - Yeah, so you have two layers. - Yeah, there's like another layer to it. So it actually worked out really nice because when fostering, we didn't typically have them like in our room at night because they, a lot of them had fleas. - Well, they also have zoomies and wake us up in the middle of the night. And like we had like a couple of times where they just like ran across our face in the middle of the night and it's just like, it was like, you know. - No way. - Yeah, we got we're going. - Yeah, I know, I know. - That would say, they get really hyper in the middle of the night and then they like want to be with you, the human. - Yeah. - So, I love you. - I know. - So, but that was what was really nice is because the other thing too is having the two doors is they didn't even yell at the door when they were closed because I don't know exactly why, but I think it's maybe because they couldn't hear as well. - They couldn't sense you in there. - Yeah, like when you, like when there's, you can see someone moving or like when the door's right there, you can hear them rustling around. I think that like animals get louder, but I think that double door, like genuinely, they just like did their own thing, they're fine. So, if that's a problem that anyone's having, maybe looking into an apartment like that because could be good. - Yeah, could be good. - Could be good. Okay, well, we are moving on to this next one, my friends. This episode is brought to you by Duluth Trading Company. We put our butts through a lot. And when is the last time you said thank you? Well, Duluth Trading Co says now's the time. Duluth engineers workwear and gear that help you outwork average. But a great wardrobe starts with the underwear and Duluth delivers their men's and women's under cradle cool and wick to keep you comfortable through any job or any weather. Treat your seat at a Duluth store near you or at Duluthtrading.com. Duluth Trading for folks who work their butts off. This is coming from our very own to how it takes subreddit. - Ooh, it is titled "My Husband is spoiling the spicy scenes in my romance books by acting them out before I get to them." I'd be pissed. I, 32 female, read a lot of romance novels like four to five a month, not the super smuddy stuff, more like Emily Henry type books with the illustrated cartoon covers, enemies to lovers, tropes, that kind of thing. About two months ago, my husband of 11 years, 38 male, started acting a little dot, dot, dot, different in the bedroom. Not bad, different. Just occasionally, there's this vibe, like he has something planned. We'll have what I can only describe as a themed night. And I think, okay, that was fun and a little random and move on. Then, a few days later, I'll be reading my book, hit a spicy scene, and actually have to put my Kindle down because it's the same scene. Like the same vibe, the same moves, occasionally, almost the same setup. It's already happened four times now, four. Okay, maybe that's kind of awesome. I finally said something to my sister and she immediately started crying laughing, which was not helpful. She thinks he's reading ahead in my books and essentially performing the scenes on/with me before I get there as some kind of prank. But here's what I can't figure out. I read on my Kindle. He'd have to get into my account, figure out where I am in each book, read ahead, and then coordinate. He's a big tech/numbers guy. So if he's doing this, I guarantee there's a spreadsheet involved somewhere. I'm honestly not even mad. Genuinely, if this is what's happening, it might be the most unhinged, romantic gesture anyone has ever done for me. Yeah. But he is technically spoiling the books. How do I tell him to stop spoiling the plot without accidentally telling him to stop being the most high-effort partner I've ever had? So you guys think this would spoil the scenes for you? No, not at all. So then why would you be pissed? I wouldn't. I wouldn't. I initially said I would be pissed because I thought that he was like, oh, you know what happens to so-and-so? Yeah, I thought he was like mocking. Actually, like, let me hop on my dragon and go to best guys. Yeah, exactly. Because I always get, I get really pissed off if I'm watching a romantic movie with my boyfriend. He starts making fun of one of the characters. Yeah, it misses me out so much. No, I repeat lines when they're just ridiculous. Yeah, and then I have to be like, don't ruin this for me. And it takes away from it, because you're-- I'm sucked in. I'm sucked in. I'm sucked in. I'm in a different world. You're pulling me out of it and I don't like it. I don't care if it's cheesy. I know it's cheesy, but sometimes I want the cheese. Yeah, exactly. Lay it on, put that feta on, grind up that crumble, mac and cheese. Tortilla me. I wish I had an example right now, but sometimes it's just-- I know it's bad, but it doesn't mean I want you to make fun of it and suck me out of it. Yeah, exactly. It's not making fun of, though. I merely repeat lines. I've heard enough. I've heard enough. Yeah. All I do is repeat it. In a mocking voice. No, no. I'll match the tone and the-- no. No, I'll match the tone and everything. And it just-- I think it makes you realize how ridiculous it is. Or maybe you just-- I think that's what it does. Maybe your voice just can't achieve that seductive nature that the actors can. And maybe that's why you're not. We're talking like D level actors at best. I mean, the acting you can see right through it, they might as well be holding the script in front of them. We're going to agree to disagree. I didn't know which movies those are because I want to add them to my list. I don't have the example. I need the example. Honestly, I don't really watch many like that. I do. During Christmas time, that is. No, I feel like they're all good. No, even the hallmark ones. The hallmark ones are getting like really good actors. Now, hallmark movie channel Christmas holiday shit has up to their game. They're getting Lindsey low-hand. Yeah. You watch yourself, buddy. I'm not saying it's all of them. It's the ones where I've coated some of the lines. I'm going to record you next time. We'll see. Let's do it. I'm down. Back to the question, though. How do I tell him to stop spoiling the plot without accidentally telling him to stop being the most high-efort partner I've ever had? I feel like for me, I don't even think he's really spoiling it 'cause you don't necessarily know what's coming. Now in your head, you might, anytime he sets a scene for you, be like, oh, this is coming up in my book. So I don't know. It's not really a problem. I would just let it happen. I feel like it makes the book hotter when you do happen upon the scene, then. Yeah, I think so, too. I, I don't, this wouldn't bother me, but I don't know. I also just don't think with, like, smut books like that. Once, once they get together for the first time, I don't really care about, like, when or what they do the next time that that doesn't take away from anything. 'Cause unless he's role-playing character names-- Right, exactly. It doesn't sound like he is, though. It's not, like, it would be a surprise that these two characters came together. You know, it's like, oh, okay. But does it take away from the scenes that you read because every new line is like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. But you're already know where it's headed, so you don't get that, like, whatever you guys are getting from this thing. Like, you don't just, the, you know, the temperature meter just stops going up and up 'cause you're like, I know where we're headed, so it's not so exciting. That must be it. 'Cause you're not spoiling the plot of the book, per se, but you're taking away the hotness out of the scene because it's not this uncharted territory. You kind of know where it's headed. I don't know if it's taking out of the hotness, though, because for me-- Then what's the issue? What was the right-- I don't think there is. Yeah, obviously it's spoiling it for her now that she's made the connection that he's acting out her books. So I guess you could just be like, hey, I love that you're taking inspiration. Please don't stop. But, maybe pick a book that I'm not on currently or maybe you-- the inspiration a little more loosely. What if, yeah, what if she just asked him to do it after? She read it. There's a compromise. Let's get into the comments, though, on this one. Okay, top comment made the mistake of reading this post to my husband. And I think I actually saw a light bulb turn on above his head. I'm going to start locking my Kindle. Seriously, though, if the biggest worry in your relationship is him spoiling the spicy scenes in your books by acting them out with you, I'd say you two are in a great place. True. Someone replies that person, don't lock it. Leave it open on those scenes that you really want to act out to OP. I think this is adorable. What a lucky person you are. And OP does respond to that first comment. Keep me posted on this one. We need the data points to compare. Someone responds to OP. Bookmark your favorite scenes. Give him a selection so they're still an element of surprise. That'd be a really good compromise, actually. Like, here's your options. Here's the ones I've read that I love. Take your pick. Surprise me. Does that take the fun out of it for him a little bit? Because he is not aware she's caught on to this yet. I don't know. Maybe it would take the fun out of it for him. Because like he's doing this all undercover staying right ahead. Nobody knows how he does it. Where's the spreadsheet? Maybe that's the fun for him. I don't know. There's another comment OP responds to. Someone says this. LOL, that's so sweet. That's like living the dream. For him to be involved in your hobbies and what books you read, maybe let him know gently, but he's a good egg in this current age. OP responds he really is. Eleven years and he's still out here finding new ways to be surprising. I genuinely don't deserve him and also he is ruining my books. We do get an update. Does she reveal? Does she reveal what? That she knows. I haven't read any of the updates so we shall see. I want to start by saying thank you for all the comments. I read them all and I want to clarify that I absolutely love my husband and I'm floored by his efforts on this. With that being said, I decided not to talk to him about it yet and to mess with him back instead. Love it. What I did instead was rush to finish my current book faster than usual. Left my Kindle open to an earlier chapter I had already read in case he went to check where I was up to and then made the spicy scene from that book happen in real life last night. Initiated it and went all in. Oscar worthy performance honestly. If there's a spreadsheet tracking all of this and I definitely believe there is, it's about to get a very confusing entry. We'll update when one of us cracks. I kind of want to know what they're doing. What books are you reading? I know I'm like what book is that that like each. She mentioned some. Yeah, she mentioned what's this book? Emily Henry type books. Like not not props and costumes. We're not there. No, it doesn't seem like that. It's like actions. Emily Henry wrote people we meet on vacation. That is a recent Netflix movie. Loved that movie. Oh my gosh. I literally was obsessed with that. I watched them on the plane and like cried and it was so good. Emily to her, certain ways too. I just thought it was amazing. I love love love the actors. Emily Bader, Tom Blay, both so good. Emily was in Lady Jane Gray or my Lady Jane. The Amazon series that didn't renew for season two. I also just bumped into two famous people today. I can't remember their names because I know their face but not their names, but I looked it up, which was actually really funny. I typed in a hot Bernette famous person in their 40s and I found her. The whole way. Yeah. There was a list of a bunch of in that category. And then she was number five. I was like not ranking, but just like that was the list. I was going to say dang. What tab did you click on? 31 Brunette actresses who are beautiful on the screen, probably. I didn't even put actors because I wasn't sure if she was an actress. But what was fun from that is that I recognized the guy too. When I looked her up, I saw that they are in a movie together. And it's a rom calm or just rom maybe. I don't know about the calm, but I'm so excited to watch it now. You don't remember the name? No, I can't remember. Okay. Well, anyone has any guesses? Let me know, because I would like to know because I'm no Z. But okay, the top comment on the update is this is both hysterical and very sweet. OP response update coming. Let's just say he's now aware this thread exists and update number two final update. My husband has been spoiling the spicy scenes in my romance books by acting them out. There is a spreadsheet. If you read my original post or my last update, you'll know that my husband has been acting out the spicy scenes with me from whatever romance novel I was reading before I even read them a few days ago. I set a trap for him. I read ahead and initiated a specific spicy scene with him from my current read before he could get to it. Nothing happened the next day, which I thought was weird. So I decided to escalate. This time, the bait was that I started to read It Happened One Summer by Tessa Bailey. If you've read it, you might understand why I chose that book. While we're adventurous, there are certain things we don't usually do. A couple of days ago, we were eating lunch. We were both working from home and he said, "Fully serious. If you really want to, you can." When I asked him what the hell he was talking about, he finally broke. Turns out you all were right. He had access to my shared Kindle Library and got this idea for a prank. But once he did it a few times, he really got invested. He's going to stop spoiling my books, but we did come up with another arrangement. Also, thanks to the comments here. I'm going to give him a list of pre-approved spicy scenes and he'll choose in no specific order which he wants to surprise me with. Yes, there was a spreadsheet. Chili pepper emojis for spice level, a column for notes, needs wine, links to Spotify playlist, etc., color coding, multiple tabs, more organization than even I was expecting. It will be ongoing and is now shared so I can drop in my own chili peppers and notes. After all of this, I showed him my original post and the update. We listened to how it takes together every week, so he knew exactly what he was looking at. By the end of reading the comments, we were both crying laughing. He doesn't have a Reddit account, but he's offered answer any questions or DM your man with tips on how to be this level of iconic. We'll respond to as many comments as we can. 11 years, I really should have seen this coming. Oh, so cute. That's the first story I've ever been a part of where they talk about listening to the show. Really? Oh, I think there's been a few now. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. Same. You're out there right now here in your own Trinanigans. Well, because I'm so used to on Father Knows, of course, but I just never think that with this show. No, I've true. So true. That's why I love when people put submissions into the two outtakes sub-readed because it's just like, it's our family. Our people. Hello. Yeah. This is a different type of overwhelms. I didn't know when you said the theme was overwhelmed. I thought like, you know, chaos. I didn't know like all different overwhelms. Steamy, overwhelmed. Yeah. So what was the thing? If you really want to do that, you can. Oh, the compromise she gave him? No, the where she had put the certain book and he came in and said during lunch. Oh, I'm googling the book and sexual activity. It might be a rim job. I've never heard the book. I'm unclear. But you know, when someone, when a guy is going up, I mean, like, if you can do it, if you really want to, it doesn't sound enthusiastic, which I don't know. That's why I'm so curious what it is. Yeah. I don't want to spoil the book for you. But I think it's leaning towards rim job and people were criticizing it because they went from back to front and the person on Reddit was like, why are they doing that? You're not supposed to go from back to front because of infection. They were really analyzing the book. So I do think it might be rim job. Okay. Well, glad I asked, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You did. You brought that upon yourself. Provide that to everyone. Yeah. But I think this is so fun. I hope people listening are taking this as their own inspiration and there's so many scenes. I feel like in books that I've read where I'm like, this could be fun. So now I'm going to like go back and find them and highlight them and just here you go. Yeah, I love that. You just thought that to yourself. Just now, yeah. No, but when you're reading, you're just like, yeah, it could be fun. Yeah, I mean, it's hot. I feel like when I was reading fourth-wing, I texted you because you were out of town the whole time I was reading fourth-wing and the Imperium series because I got through all three books in five days. And Justin was basically gone the four days and he came home like the last day I was finishing the book and it was it was kind of at a point in the books where I like I was just kind of crying a lot and there was less hot stuff happening. Like I hadn't even come home. No, I kind of ignored him. I literally he got home and I fully ignored him because I'm like, I'm just going to finish my book. Thanks. And but I did text you when you were gone. I was like, God, this book is so hot. I have to have you read this page. You just lose yourself in reading, and I really hadn't enjoyed reading for a while until fourth-wing again and I was depressed and I read that book and I was like, life is great. Yes. And I don't know what it was. It's just like that romance to fantasy wrote so far fantasy. What are we calling it? Oh, I don't know. Romantic, romantic fantasy. I don't know. I'm gonna stop trying. I'm embarrassing myself. But I just I feel like that genre is so fun and light. And I'm really trying to get an avatar guys with that first book is I started it. And then I put it down. You didn't like it. I'm having a hard time. But people are like, just get through the first one. You'll be good. I will say actually that the first one I still liked it. But I remember thinking like people are saying this is the greatest love story. I was like, it feels very like mid to me. Well, and I'm also coming off of fourth-wing, which I feel like I shared on my Instagram story and everyone was like, yes, I literally was so depressed after reading the three and getting done. So I think a lot of people felt the way I felt where I just wasn't ready to move past fourth-wing. I actually started the graphic. I get that audio version on Spotify because you get, I didn't realize you get 15 hours a month of audiobooks on Spotify. Yeah. So I was like, I was like, oh, let me go. And then I've now got it out of my system to where I think I'm ready to give avatar fresh eyes. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I still love the first book. But I just remember being like, I'm kind of surprised. People are saying this is like a insane, insane love story because it just felt a little like not that insane. But then you get to the second book and it's like, oh, yeah, baby. This is where it's at. I'm so excited to get there. I had a friend who, whenever I was reading, avatar, she said that she started acting out the scenes with her partner. And I was like, stop. You're ruining it for me because then I'd be reading the book, trying to like be in a total different world. And then they pop into my head and I'd be like, ah, get out. Yeah. Oh my god. I sound like a little kid. Ew. I wasn't happy about it. No, that's the last thing. Oh, my dude, that would actually ruin the book for me if you told me that. And I was like, you're like, yeah, well, when you get to that one scene, me and Brian did that. I feel like, what the thought? It would just be like an intrusive thought that floats by. And it's just so unfair. Okay, we're moving on to this next one. Okay. This is coming from our slash relationship advice. It is titled boyfriend 21 male is upset that I'm 21 female going to the zoo with my mom while pregnant. I'm looking for another perspective in this because I think he may be overreacting, but he says it's perfectly valid. For more context, my mom and I had booked tickets for a comedy show nearly two years ago before my boyfriend and I even got together. We always had a plan to have a mother daughter weekend together as it is in a different city. And we never spend one-on-one time like that together very often. I got with my boyfriend a bit over a year ago now. Please no judgment on how quickly I got pregnant. And it's been a bit rocky. He's never really liked my family and my family hasn't liked him. Anyways, I'll be 34 weeks pregnant for this comedy show and my mom really wants us to go to the zoo as well because she hasn't been since we were babies and she never gets to travel out of our hometown to do so. I thought it was a great idea and I would love to do this with my mom. When I brought this up with my boyfriend, he instantly turned cold and angry saying that it's not right that I'm taking away something special to him, being our daughter's first zoo experience. Wow. He was already upset about this comedy show for a while because it's also his favorite comedian, but I kept telling him we booked it well before you came along and now we are doing the zoo, which also turns out to be his favorite place as well. He thinks my mom is doing this on purpose to spite him and shun him from his daughter already, which I'm trying to explain that she isn't even born yet. This is for my mom and I, but he won't listen and is still very angry about it. I don't really want to say no to this zoo trip, but if it's causing this much drama, then maybe I should. Run. Run. This level of whatever you want to call this is scary to me. That's something that could, in my opinion, turn scary. This is insane behavior. Yeah. Controlling abusive manipulative insane behavior. Exactly. You're 21. This is not normal. You might not know yet, which is why OP I think is written in saying I think he may be overreacting, but he says it's perfectly valid. No, I'm sorry. His feelings. This is the one time where I'm like his feelings aren't actually valid. His feelings are possessive and goofy and fucked up. A lot of this happens slowly. And so somebody might be like, Oh, yeah, well, he loves the zoo. He wanted to go. He like blah, blah, blah, but it's like, no, this is the details of this is what makes it scary and what makes it snowball to a point one day where she's in danger. I mean, I think the very common thought is the fact that, well, I'm pregnant. I need to stay with the other parent because we're about to have this baby together. And that's what people do. And that's how it's supposed to go. And we need to stay together for the child, which I mean, if you've listened to the show long enough, we've all seen we've all seen that it can be so much more healthy for a child with you guys split up and happy than it is with you guys together and unhealthy. And there's a lot of different. He's subriding her from her family. Yes. And we're on a very rocky foundation as it is. And, you know, like Laura was saying, we're starting to see through the cracks. And we're seeing, we're getting a preview of what forever is going to look like. Yeah. And it's probably going to get worse because things tend to get worse, not better. Right. With this sort of thing. Specifically, if they get away with it, if she says like, okay, I won't go with my mom to not cause drama, then that tells him it's like, it's like a toddler. Like, it like tells him that that's okay. And then he continues this bad behavior. And honest, I mean, that isolation, that is, that's a manipulation tactic. And to isolate from her mother, who wants to go to a zoo. Mom's not saying, let's go to the club, honey. Let's take some awesome shooters. No, she says, I want to go to the zoo. Like, that's crazy. If you're going to have a problem with that. And also, if I'm pregnant, I'm going to do whatever I want. Yeah. Lauren, damn straight. All of your daughter is not going to know she's at the zoo. Well, that's okay. That's, yeah. I mean, I know that isn't literal. I know that's just like saying that to just use another manipulation tactic, but just I was going to ignore that one. But yeah, you know, you can't though. It's just like, it's so, but that's the emotional abuse of it. You're taking away that experience of the first time my daughter goes to the zoo. I'm going to the zoo. Yeah. She's not born yet. I'm going to the zoo with my mom. Yeah. This is the last time me and my mom will go to the zoo without me having a baby. Like, this is quality time. Also, if the zoo is his other favorite place, why haven't we been at the zoo? Yeah. Truly. Why don't we have a membership? Why are we going to the zoo all this time? Truly, the baby's been in the belly for nine months. There was nine months to go to the zoo with you. 34 weeks. Why haven't we been at the zoo yet? If that was important to you. Yeah. No, it's manipulative. Top comment does talk about this too. The daughter that's currently in your womb. That daughter's first zoo experience. I think I can see why your family doesn't like him. Oh yeah. Next one, someone responds to that. I was pregnant in jail. Does that mean my son was also in jail? He'll be excited to know. I'm just like, "Yeah, I'm excited to know." I was like, "Did I just read that right?" Someone responds, "My mom was five months pregnant with me when she and my dad went to Disneyland's opening weekend. I absolutely brag about being there for the opening and if my mom had been in jail instead, hell yeah, I'd be bragging on that instead." I mean, yes, you are there, but you're not experiencing it, but yes, you were there. You were fucking floating in amniotic fluid. I don't think that counts. You're there, you're not experiencing it, but you're there. Yep, because when you're in the womb at Disneyland and mom eats a Mickey pretzel, you're getting some of that pretzel. So maybe you are experiencing it on some level. You're getting that pretzel, Lauren. Goes right through the tube. I feel like we're going backwards. We're going backwards and we cannot give this person an ounce to stand on. A lot of people do call in a question the fact that OPs says we booked these comedy tickets two years ago. However, people come to bat quickly. Someone says, "You think this is real?" If she booked a comedy show tickets two years ago, someone responds, "Darcy and Jer were supposed to tour in early 2025, tickets went on sale in 2024, then Jer got cancer and it got pushed back a year. It happens." And then next person comments, "Depends, I know at least one comic that delayed their tour because of their partner's cancer." And a lot of people keep bringing up that same comic duo or comedian and partner. Someone else responds, "I booked tickets for a comedy show 18 months ahead, an international act, with many stops through my country. Finally, get to see it next month. It's possible the show had been rescheduled as well in that time." Someone else responds and just goes, "True." A lot of people say, "Cut the kid loose. He's not mature enough to handle being a boyfriend. Let alone a dad." Yeah. A lot of people just say other things, like, "He's dumb as a rock." The moderators of relationship advice have removed the post. However, OP's account is still active. It's a year old. It has a verified email they've posted. A couple other times in various subs, clash of the clans and ask Reddit subs, things like that. So seemingly real post. So I hope OP realizes this isn't normal behavior and does not get separated from her family and just finds a way to co-parent because I do think in a lot of cases, it is the healthiest, especially when you have someone who's exhibiting very toxic behavior. Yeah. I just think, I didn't think as deeply about this when I was younger, but it just scares me so much the idea of people having a co-parent with somebody who they just don't trust. That they don't trust 99.99% Yeah. That's likely your greatest joy in life and you just have to hand it over to someone that your stomach turns and you're unsure about. You know what I mean, and that's just such a scary. I think it is why a lot of people do stay together. Exactly, because I then know what's going on. I can control where my kid is. We're under the same roof, and I fully understand that. It is so hard because I was that kid. I would get dropped off at my bio dad's house for holidays and my dad, Jerry, would be a block away sitting at the gas station in case I needed him. My mom was petrified, stuff did happen. And so it was really hard, and I think my mom had faith too that I had protectors around me. My grandma was amazing. There were other family members that were really good and whatever, but they can only do so much. And so there were times where I was racing into the house trying to get away and calling my dad, Jerry, like, "Okay, come get me, come get me." And it's crappy, and that's a very real fear. A lot of these parents have. And it's just. And specifically, not knowing who they're gonna bring around your child, like when they start dating again. Like, it's like, "Okay, maybe I can kind of trust this person, but do I trust who they're bringing over?" Oh, and that's the other thing. I know someone who shares custody with their ex, and he's now seen someone else, and her daughter is like staying at this new girlfriend's house. And instead of like, at home and her bed, and when she stays at the girlfriend's house, she's sleeping in a living room on a couch. And it's like, so you can stay at your girlfriend's? Like, no, this is a three-year-old baby that should be at home in her bed. And that's the trickiness of navigating custody. And just so tough. It is, it's insane. Be careful you have kids with. And that's a thing. You should be choosy who you have kids with. And I don't want to shame OP. I mean, she even set it in her post. Like, don't give me flak for how quickly I got pregnant. And accidents happen. Whatever, you know, here you are now, but how do you deal with it the best way forward? The safest for you, the safest for your child. And you got to determine that, but you shouldn't lose touch with your family. Definitely not. Do not do that. No, that's when things go bad. Anyone who's listening, don't let your partner isolate you from people who you know you love, like your family. I will say, too, like, don't be afraid to talk to your friends. Don't be afraid that your friends are going to judge you. And if I tell them there's no coming back from this, your friends are going to want what's best for you. And they should know what's going on. If you're in a tough spot, they should keep an eye out, like, tell people you, you have to at least tell someone. And I get a lot of messages, like, I don't know what to do. I'm trying to leave. I'm trying to plan. And the less you say to the person, you're trying to get away from the better. Like, if you need to leave in the middle of the night or while they're at work, do it. Do what is best and safest for you. There are so many resources out there with domestic violence hotlines and shelters and local organizations in your area. Do what you need to do to be safe. But you do not need to be stuck under someone's thumb. Unhappy, unhealthy situations. Like, you don't have to be in them. I know it is so hard to get out and finances can be a big barrier. But there are resources out there. And if you have family that can help reach out to them, friends, like, just to get out and get back on your feet. But be safe about it. Moving on to this next one. It's titled, "I, female 25, found out that my boyfriend male 27 is sexting AI girls." Is this crossing a boundary? My boyfriend is sexting AI girls. I feel like it crosses a boundary. What are your thoughts on this? Am I being irrational? In some aspects, I understand why he would do it. My boyfriend has a very high sex drive and I don't. It's something I'm trying to work out slash work on. I know it's hard for him. I never really want to have sex. And I never really feel horny either. We have sex usually once a week. I'm 25, and he's 27. We've been together for almost six years. We also both work very stressful demanding jobs. I'm a teacher, so I come home after work. And having sex is the last thing I want to do. So it usually waits until the weekend. It hurts my feelings that he's doing this. But I also know that I don't fulfill that desire for him because of how rarely we have sex. He doesn't know that I'm aware that he's doing this. Please be kind. Any thoughts, advice, or suggestions are appreciated. - It's better than real girls, I guess. I mean, like, you know-- - In tears things? - Yes, I mean, like, you know? - Well, it's like, I don't know. This is such a new territory. - But the thing-- - I've been waiting for this to come up. - Have you? - Yes, of course. The time has come. This is now going to be like a topic of conversation moving forward because it's going to become very normalized. - I mean, people are having relationships with AI to the point they are marrying AI. So respect. - I mean, how's that even, like, legally recognized? - I don't think it is. - I'm just kidding. - Don't make that face. Ew. - It's like marrying your car. But like, even weirder because your car actually exists in front of you. - Actually, yeah. - Like you can stick in the tailpipe if you want it. - When I saw, whoa, did you just say what I thought you said? (laughing) - Trusting's off the rails. - That's the new one for you. - I mean, there was that guy who did-- - Yeah, that's what I'm thinking about. - He did do his car, he was on that TLC show. But I have so many thoughts with this one. Number one, I know someone who is pretending to be an AI girl on Instagram to gain followers and then get money. And a big part of that is then opening up a business and responding to these people. Do you know who that person is running the account of a hot AI bomb shell? A guy. Who do you think you're sexting when it's an AI girl? - Oh, the tables have turned. - So, I would ask your boyfriend, you're probably texting a guy. Is it as hot knowing that you're sexting with a guy pretending to be a hot girl? Is this like an Instagram thing? I thought this-- - It's a big thing. It's like, literally I've talked to them about it. It's like a pyramid's game. - I figured it was an app that he was on. Or like some type of-- - No, they create these profiles on Instagram. But are we sure that's what this is? Or is this-- - Well-- - He is sexting AI girls. We have no idea what it is. And that's also kind of a boundary thing for me where I'm like, you're sexting so you're communicating. It almost feels like an emotional affair. It's not just going on and watching porn where you're not physically talking to or interacting with those people. They're sexting. That's kind of a different thing than just watching porn. - I feel like sexting isn't sexting. - Also true. - Check me. - It's also still technically in that fantasy scene. - What the hell is happening? - I don't know, are you rage-baiting me? - It's a weird story, okay? Would you be okay with your boyfriend texting an AI girl being like, wow, my girlfriend doesn't put out? - No, we don't line up sexually. So I'm so glad I have you to talk to you. Please talk to me till my dick gets hard. So I can get off. - Okay, calm down. - That you're okay with? - No, I'm not. Are you sure that that's what's going on? Or is he just like- - He's sexting AI girls. That's all I have. - Yeah, well, what if he's just like, ooh, like, what would you do to me? And then he's, and then he's picturing his girlfriend do that to him. I don't know what it is, like. - Well, he's probably not picturing the girlfriend. He's probably picturing the AI girls. But then we're just still in a weird territory 'cause it's someone or something that doesn't really exist. So it's all like fantasy pretend, make believe. You might as well be thinking about it just in your mind making it up. 'Cause it's not real, but the messages are real. And the responses are real. But it's from something that doesn't really exist. Or it's from some person behind the scenes pretending. So it's like it never would actually become a physical relationship, obviously. - But I think that's why OPs confused on if she should be upset or not. And I guess, yeah, that makes sense. And I guess for OPs, some people enter relationships and they think that literally looking at some, like someone's direction is cheating. Like, obviously I'm being hyperbolic. - Yeah, hyperbolic. - Over exaggerating. But my point is is that when you enter a relationship, cheating is what you guys decided is. Some people are in relationships where they hook up with people, other people. And they're very happy in those relationships. So it's like every relationship, like it doesn't have to be what a society say. It's like what feels right or wrong for you guys in your heart and your stomach. Like, yeah, that's a very valid point. I mean, we've talked about this quite a bit in the past. Some people view strip clubs as a form of cheating. That is so fair and valid for their relationships if that's the boundary they set. So I guess for this, now you found it out, set the boundary and then like, but you shouldn't have to keep monitoring him. - She doesn't really know what boundary to set though. It's kind of like, well, what is this? It's almost like you're looking for other people that are in the same situation because there's no examples or context to pull from. It's so new. - Exactly. And I think that's why she's trying to figure out like, is this how should I feel? Because I think she does have mixed feelings about it because like you said, it's never gonna turn into something real because it's not a real person allegedly. Like, I don't know who he's messaging, but like, let's say it's just a robot, it's AI, it's just words that are being, you know, it's not a person. So I think she's trying to like wrestle with it in her head. Like, does that mean that it doesn't bother me or is it still hurtful because the idea is still there? The fantasy is still there and it's not me. So we do have some comments from OP. Someone goes, everyone has a different line of what counts as cheating or crossing a boundary in relationships. For some people it's porn, for others it's kissing, and others it's sex, et cetera. Personally, I wouldn't stay with a man sexting anyone, whether real or not. However, it all really depends on whether you care or not. I'd be worried if it ended with AI girls or if one thing leads to another. I would also be worried that I would personally not feel good that I'm not fulfilling my partner's desires, even though that's just a compatibility thing and not a reflection on me as a person. It sounds awful, but sometimes people just aren't compatible sexually and the relationship can only go so far. OP responds, it definitely makes me feel like I'm not good enough. If he said the things to me that he said in the messages, I'd probably have more desire to have sex honestly. Someone goes, maybe tell him that. Perhaps he thinks you wouldn't be into that kind of talk or sexual expression. It will be an awkward convo, but I would tell him you found it and that you feel sad because you'd enjoy that kind of chat, but he's saying it to a robot instead. Yeah, totally valid. Someone responds, "I'm not being devil's advocate, but you let it reach a point for a long time where you're not giving him any physical intimacy. You can't sit there and say you feel inadequate. How do you think your partner has felt being rejected for years?" She said, "They hook up once a week." What do you mean rejected for years? The person got downvoted five times and I'll give him a sixth. Someone responds, "Bruh, it's not that she's denying him sex. They still have it once a week, which seems to be in the normal range." So other comments from OP say this, "I don't like that he watches porn and we've had that conversation before." He says that watching porn is just a release and it doesn't feel any emotion behind it, but it makes me insecure, I guess, which I know is my own issue that I'm trying to work on. I don't know how to approach this conversation with him because he doesn't know that I know. We have sex once a week, sometimes twice on the weekends. I will admit I usually do have sex when I don't really want to because I know it's an important part of our relationship for him. He never makes me feel pressured or obligated. Anytime I've said no, he's respected and understanding this whole AI thing just makes me feel icky. I know I don't want to tell him that I found out because the whole conversation will shift to me looking at his phone. I do like sex. In the moment I really enjoy it, it feels good. I feel connected to my boyfriend and loved. It's getting to that point that I struggle with. It's the buildup I struggle with, not the actual sex. I'm curious because somebody had said this to me randomly how she was on an SSRI, an anti-depressant, and she had to get off it because it was hurting her intimacy with her husband. I'm just out of curiosity because I didn't know that was the thing and so I guess that's why I'm saying it out loud because I wonder if that has anything to do with OP's. It definitely could. I mean, OP does have a comment here. It's like you were reading my screen. - Really? - OP says I do take medication for anxiety, ADHD, and I'm on birth control. Like I said, I'm trying to figure it out because I can't really function without those meds. LOL. Can fully understanding. I think that would be worth going to Dr. Therapist and like talking through potentially switching and trying a different medicine. 'Cause like for some people it just doesn't, it just doesn't work with you. You know, like for some people an anti-depressant can make them more depressed. Like it's like everything is different and there's different recipes for every person. - Yeah, so I think it might be worth looking into that. - I agree. - As far as approaching the conversation. - Yeah, back to the actual stuff. - I don't really know if you, my gut is almost like, you'd probably be really hard to catch. But my gut would be wait, just be like, be more of a hawk where you can catch a message popping up or something. I don't know, but it wouldn't happen when you're watching. - It sucks you don't even have to do that though. - You need to communicate your feelings because it will snowball into something bigger and it will start to really make you not interested in him. And it will have larger implications than just the intimacy in your relationship. It'll have relationship-wide consequences. And if you guys have been together this long and everything's amazing, yeah, we're figuring out the intimacy part a little bit here and we all, go up and down and on a roller coaster with that, that's normal. Then there is something worth saving here and to see if we can get to the point, but I also understand the concern about bringing it up because that will be the response. That's always the response. Even when someone's cheating and they're caught right handed, it's, "Why did you come home early?" You're not supposed to be here. So it's like. It's flippant on the person. It's so tricky. But that's not necessarily right. That's not healthy. You should be able to communicate with your partner. But honestly, reading that comment where she's like, "No, I do enjoy sex. It's just getting there." Right. Well, that's also what made me wonder about the. And I could see medication playing a role, but also like me. I'm not on any medication and I'm not instantly ready to go. I think a lot of women out there need more of a buildup. You need more of like, I don't know, a gentle butt squeeze. You're at the kitchen sink. That emotional, mental intimacy that comes before actually having sex. And I feel like you need that for play before you're even in the bedroom, kind of like making you feel hot, making you feel heard. And I feel like all I'm hearing in this story is his needs and how horny he is and how much porn he watches and how he's sexting AI girls now. Like, I think this person has an unrealistic idea of sex, maybe an unhealthy obsession with it, and is even potentially neglecting their partner's needs and just expecting them to perform when he wants to perform. And yeah, he might be respectful when she's like, "I'm not in the mood," but that's the bare fucking minimum. Like, where is mention of connection and how she's being pleased? And granted, the post is not about that. So maybe there's not context there, but there's also none in the comments of him initiating and trying things. And I don't know. What are you doing? Razzle dazzle, baby. There it is. I was waiting for it. I can't believe you danced around that term the whole time you were talking. Razzle dazzle. Because I know that's all that was in your head. Every time you were about to say four-player or something, I knew that was right on the tip of your tongue. I feel like I'm missing something. Trust and explain what Razzle dazzle is. It's a very commonly used term. Okay. Very. I guess I'm just so rare that I don't know where you picked it up. I just started all of a sudden. I feel like the Razzle dazzle is like a jazz show. I think for me, when like, I want to be intimate, I'm like, okay, lay the Razzle dazzle on me. And I like, that's so the common thing. I know like, I know the phrase and like, but I just didn't know that it was like associated. It's not, I don't think it's a common thing. Razzle dazzle, noisy, showy, and exciting activity and display designed to attract and impress. When she says Razzle dazzle, I picture the birds on like Nat Geo where like the male species bird needs to like dance and do the little circle and do the display. So I feel like I need to start doing that. Pamper me spoil me compliment me. I guess I think I want the love. Whenever I hear Razzle dazzle, I think of it as like being like decorating for a party and like going the extra nine. Go to extra nine. I've never thought of it. Yeah, I never thought I don't think I've ever heard of it in like a sexual term. I don't know if it exists. Like, this is something that I've been like Razzle dazzle. Like, that's cute. Pepp it up. I like that better than when you used to always say goofball. But I did like goofball too. That was funny. You don't do that anymore. Why not? Probably because people like you make fun of me. Yeah, Lauren, you killed it. I like it. No, it's like a good make fun. She just doubled down. It's like not to make fun of you. It's like, I'm making fun for us. You know, I'm out here trying. I'm trying to not say enmeshment or goofball or at the end of the day or literally or like. Like is a hard one. I've in my head tonight restarted sentences to avoid like. It's hard. Yeah, it's really hard for me. It's hard. I'll try to be better this year. I mean, I'm a new webbie winner. I got to be better. What's that mean? My clues podcast won a webbie award. I don't know what that is. It's an award. Cheers. Well, you have to pour me more. Okay, thank you very much. Where did you come up with the red? The razzle debt? Oh, I brought the red from home sneakily. There was only one glass left. That's a rosé. This is a buttery chardonnay. It's looking a little buttery. You want me? Okay, thank you. Okie dokie. Disorderly conduct. That's pretty good. I like, I like the label. We don't have an official update from OP yet. You know what the update is going to be one day is instead of just talking about sexting AI girls. It's going to be my partner went to Westworld. I was just thinking that robots and where's the line? Because while in Westworld, it goes beyond the Westworld world. But if we imagine that they stay, I mean, in Westworld, the guy literally falls in love with Dolores. Right. I mean, we're ahead of there. We're already there. We're already there for some people. When I watch movies like that, I always ask people the question if they think that they could fall in love with a robot. And people always tell me no. And then they follow it up with what about you. And I'm like, for sure. Yeah. Because a robot can be really cool. Absolutely. Exactly. If it was like Westworld, where they are like humanistic, how do you tell the difference? If you cannot tell the difference. Exactly. Yeah. Taylor Thomas and talks about in her last special, her new special. She talks about like being the person that would fall in love with AI. Yeah. That's me. Have you watched it yet? No. It's so good. But now I feel like she's my girl. You would love her. You would love her. She's so fun. It's like humans is the other show that I was like, oh, I would fully fall in love. I haven't seen that one. And there's this one guy who like, she basically, the robot basically falls in love with the guy. And he like kind of like plays with her heart and then just ditches her. And it's so heartbreaking. She's heartbroken. And it's like, when there's consciousness, it's like, what's the difference? I don't know. I know there's a difference. But it's like, when there's consciousness, it's like lines will be. Remember that first movie, artificial intelligence with Haley Joel Osment and Jude Law. It was like this kid robot. He was the kid that was in everything. And this family couldn't have a kid. So they got this robot. And he had this little teddy bear this movie. I knew that that's what his face was, but no, I never saw it. Kid and everything. Have you ever seen the movie Second Hand Lions? I think so. Are you kidding? That's a happy watch. That's a good like put on it. Oh my God. Hands down top 10. One of my favorite movies of all time. Okay. Second Hand Lions. You would knowing you, you would love it. It is so good. He's in that movie as well. But it kind of is this. It was the first movie. It was called AI, artificial intelligence. And it was the first movie that kind of brought forward robots and robots developing consciousness. And they have feelings. And you retire slash get rid of them. But you treated them as a part of your family. It was a crazy movie. And it's from what years is from. Okay. It's 2001. But it I swear to God, it felt like it was from the 90s when I watched it. But it's crazy concept. Crazy concept. I love like futuristic movies. So if anyone has good wrecks, send them my way. I think you'd like that one too. It is really, really good. But with this person, I think you are so fair to have your boundary. And you do need to talk to him and get on the same page. You're dating. You're not married yet. You're also 25. Yeah. This potentially is just not a good match for you. And maybe there's a lot of factors. There's a lot of context missing. But there's a lot going on here. And I think you're fair to have these boundaries. Does OP have more responses? Or we kind of got into them all. Okay. The last response. I guess I never really had this boundary until I found out about this. I never thought about this scenario before. So I haven't had a boundary for it, I guess. If you don't have anything to contribute, just keep scrolling, dude. In response to someone kind of trolling her and just being a dick. But very real account seemingly a part of the two-year club. A lot of different achievements, including streaks, exploration awards, community moderation awards. Very seemingly real account. Got a detective doggo award. I like that one. Very cute. Look at this little guy detective doggo I know me - got it back in 2024 so those things do you guys pose? I don't really post from my THT Read it anymore I used to have like haters literally like find my comments and just like like fuck you Morgan So I stopped posted on that one and I was like fuck your fuck Okay, so but do you have like a I have like a throwback on that? I but you posted stuff on I haven't put no I haven't posted anything No, but I just like I like to leave comments like if I see a post or someone's Really struggling and just like I don't know what to do. It's it's I don't know. I'm just gonna be like Throw my hat in the ring of like here's resources like there was someone I saw struggling like find therapy And I like sent them emotions anonymous, which is like not therapy, but it's a free group where you can at least go talk to people connect with people so I like message people or We'll comment from time to time, but I just like it's nice to not Have it traceable like I'm not totally I'm not trying to get karma. I'm just like no I'm trying to participate in Reddit in the way I used to because That's why I started this like I found joy Mm-hmm going on Reddit and just Being a part of a community and helping and contributing. Yeah, and that's What we try to do here every week. I love it But yeah, I do have one last one for us How do I female 24 nip my boyfriend's male 26 weaponized in competence in the bud My boyfriend and I have been living together for about a year now. He moved into my apartment for reference It's been amazing, but recently I've begun to notice more and more instances of just flat out in competence from him That are either new or no longer Explainable by him being new in my apartment which him and I both consider hours now Some examples being me asking him to put away our mop and him saying quote, I don't know where it goes It's never not been in the pantry Me cleaning and asking him if he could just finish by mopping the floors And after I asked him later that day if he did it He said he looked everywhere and couldn't find the mop This was shortly after the last incident where he ended up putting the mop away himself More examples are me asking if he could vacuum our bedroom I have bad allergies and vacuum often and him playfully saying quote, I don't know how yet still not doing it He does the playfully saying I don't know how I don't know where I don't know what thing And then proceeds to not do it more and more often now Just looking for a way to confront this behavior asap because it feels like when I get frustrated with him when he does this stuff He acts the part harder and doubles down that he genuinely doesn't know how what or where When I refuse to help him, he simply does it wrong or just doesn't do it at all I can't keep walking him through basic tasks Having to keep tabs on everything in the apartment that needs to be done myself And keep doing everything for too by myself So frustrating. I want to throw him off a cliff Wow Just kidding It's like I'm sassy from the wine Well, and it's like my partner is like there's things that he's done along these lines too But like I can't tell if I don't know if it's weaponized The thing is is that he Grocery shops and cooks Every single meal So he makes up for it in other ways. So I feel like I'm like I'll get frustrated But I'm like, I mean, I guess I can pull my weight too Yeah, so I mean if I were to be doing the cooking and that I would lose my mind And I would literally be like this is not gonna work But like I feel like there's there's a lot of weight pulled so it's it's really it feels like a fair tradeoff for you Yeah, but it's not have to cook Oh Ever like literally. Yeah, but it's just but it's still really annoying when I'm just like I'm like, can you could you just clean the counters? I'm so busy and he's like yeah Clean the counters and I'm like Did you clean the counters and he's like yeah, and I'm like no you didn't I wiped it with a paper towel Is your definition of clean different than his very like I'm like no I'm like there's a dried-up sauce like spilled all across the counter. What do you mean? He's like I cleaned No, you didn't I think I've come to terms with the fact that my definition of clean will never be reached until there's a full-time staff like in Bridgerton that is constantly cleaning everything I am a tornado I Don't know how it happens I'm it's your love for clothes. I'm a messy person, but I really feel like I do try I try you guys are clean though. She tries like brine brine clean yeah, yeah Fuck you guys, but but you guys are clean like you're Like kitchen and bathroom like those are all like clean. It's not untidy I just have too much stuff. So my goal right now is to really purge and donate and declutter. I'm I need to declutter. Yeah, but I also live in a very very teeny tiny house like It's tiny. It's 1100 square feet and I just don't have enough room for how money Things have accumulated over the years It feels bigger than that because you guys have like the like the front in the back area. I didn't realize it was 1100 yeah, and a lot of our space is the living room in the kitchen like bedrooms are Like 10 feet by 10 feet. So you're kind of in a box in the back, but like the common areas do feel open right Hence We're doing a bigger house soon. So it's like yeah, okay, but I I'm trying to be clean I'm really trying oh we'll get there We'll get there But I really don't know how to deal with a partner like this because it's Feels like there's always a way out It's just got to get to the point where it actually turns serious It's not an ultimatum, but it's like this is starting to actually take a toll on me and how I view the relationship Well, otherwise it'll never be taken seriously. It'll just be I don't know because it's a game that they're getting away with They can't get away with it. That was gonna be my question to you guys Is it more so the fact that he's playing dumb? That's the problem versus Not doing it. I'm like I understand like you forgot to do it you didn't do it or you attempted to do it and you didn't do it well And you're just kind of spacing it out But I think it's the fact that he keeps genuinely Continuously playing dumb. I don't know where the mob goes He put it away last I think that weaponized incompetence is like way worse However, if it's just like somebody they just genuinely like are like I don't know where the brim I don't know how to do this and like and you try to teach them and they genuinely don't understand and it's not weaponized Then it's kind of like well, that's concerning too. Sure. Yes. Why can't you like if this is important to me Like why can't you take a second to let your brain like take this in take notes like I don't know like what you need to do Did you go to a class? Is that how you would confront them? What class? Do you need to go back to eighth grade home back? Yeah, about all the people just in the class like This is how you wipe a counter and they're all doing it together Like it's actually hilarious Honestly, I would like to go to that. Yeah Everyone needs there's so many like common little skills. You don't even know you need did you know you're supposed to open the front of your washing machine and drain it There's a lot of things like that. I have not had a washing machine Well, I'll let you do it on mine I'll let you attempt it on mine because I tried it once and it flooded my laundry room That's my next like stage in life that I want to get to is like having an in unit washer and dryer because like I Like over this past year. I realized I have never had one besides when I was a kid growing up I will say though the one that I lived in with all I like most recently It was like right downstairs So and it was only a one floor so it almost felt like it was downstairs. Yeah, our place. So versus like a Common area you got to walk through a whole complex. Yeah, like I've had it before where I literally had to like Walk a mile through the desert Yeah, not actually, but like it felt like that. Yeah So the top comment on this one with 10,000 upvotes When he does the I don't know The response is quote are you serious or are you just saying that to get out of doing work around our house And if he says he really doesn't know then say well, you may not to find your clothes and shoes in the apartment every day, so I'm not sure why you can't find the mop. And he'll probably say something like, "Well, those are my things." And you respond with, quote, "So what you're saying is it's not up to you to keep our place clean so you don't need to remember where it is." Followed by, so how many times does your boss have to tell you exactly how to do things at work? Or, "Well, how do you manage to play X video game if your memory is so faulty?" But honestly, about halfway through that, you'll find out whether a light bulb goes off over his head or if you'll be having this conversation or doing all of the work for as long as you live with him. Well, honestly, his reaction to my first question will tell you everything you need to know. That is actually something I've used before the work thing to try to get it through to partners. It actually does help because if a partner is trying to tell you that they just can't, and it's something that they could, if it was to their boss, then you're like, "Okay, so you can. You just choose not because you're not prioritizing something that I care about." And then, like, that's like, they're like, "Whoa, you're right." I mean, there's got to be trade-offs. Is mopping fun? No. Is doing laundry fun? No. But there's got to be trade-offs and a team effort. If you're all splitting the chores evenly, everyone takes a turn. You, I do like your scenario. I kind of have a similar one. I don't cook much. I hate cooking. I love a meal kit delivered right to you. But like other than that, Justin does a lot of the cooking. So I will try to do laundry or I went hands and knees and I scrubbed our grout in our shower over the course of six hours. And I'm still working on it. But like, I'll do more things like that. Like, we have trade-offs in terms of what we do. And he's really good about all the trash bins and he wheels those down all the time. And we house cleaner. Why would you do that? Like, six hours scrubbing your shower? Like, my house special tools for that. My house isn't clean enough to bring a cleaner in yet. I have too many clothes all over the place. And I need to just declutter before someone can come in my house. You can go on taskrab it and be like, "Who has special tools to get this off of my shower?" And just have them do the shower. Six hours? You're doing that for six hours? Well, you know that dawn dish soap, the power scrub. It's meant for really crazy dirty pants. They have better stuff than that. Justin's like, please quit telling the people our house so messy. Oh no, I'm just, I'm listening here. And Lauren's trying to give you cop out ways to not contribute. I thought I was doing a good thing. You are. No, we definitely want to get there. Yeah, we want to get there as after really clean. I mean, oh, I see what you're saying. It's just like it's not awesome. We want, we definitely want help. I just need to, I need, I need less shit. Call the closet organizer. I'm going to declutter. I'm going to downsize. But it's also again, small house. I can only do so much. I've already packed up half my clothes and put them in the garage. Whatever, besides the point, we do get a minor update on this one. I'd like to thank everyone for their rage, first of all, because it was driving me absolutely nuts. And I felt quite sane after reading everyone's comments. I'd also like to say I have no intention of breaking up with him. People are imperfect. Men, especially so. This I have always understood and genuinely do, but have room to tolerate. Yesterday, I confronted him directly. We were about to settle down and relax. And I basically told him I'm constantly stressed about how dirty the house is. He said it is not dirty. I told him to look at the floor. There's dirt and dust visibly on it. He said that doesn't take long to clean. I was baffled right there. I said then clean it right now. It takes 10 minutes. He complained that he wanted to relax. Oh wow. I saw it pissed. So do I. It's hard to relax when I know there's a pile of dirt on the floor and that I seem to be the only person capable of picking up a broom. He said, "Get this." Have you considered that I just don't want to? Done. Move out. Oh my god, I was pissed. I said, have you considered that no one wants to clean, but we do it anyways because it's our shared responsibility to clean the place we live in. Then it clicked for him. He cleaned the floor and I sat my ass down and did nothing. He cleaned all the floors, found the mop, figured out the vacuum. I know this could be a one-off thing that he could never clean again. If that happens, I will take your 1000 please of leaving him more seriously. But for now, it seems that it's gotten to him. Did not see that one coming either. Like what? I thought things were about to go down. Oh yeah. I was ready for a brawl. Then homie cleaned. Did I say that right now? Yeah, brawl. I mean, I know. She genuinely, did you hear this sentence? People are imperfect, parentheses, men, especially so. What does that mean? She's not wrong. But I know what you're saying. What does that mean? And then to be like, for him to look her in the eyes and say, have you considered that I just don't want to? I was so livid like that. How did that click for him when she's like, oh yeah, I don't either. And he's like, oh, okay. I know it took like a very, I don't know. Maybe he thought she genuinely liked it. Maybe he was like, she gets a lot of joy in vacuuming. That could be true. Which I do love vacuuming. But that's not the worst one thing I like when it's possible. I'm trying. You know, it bothers me putting dishes away. I hate the noises. I have to wear earplugs a lot of times. No, I get stressed out because I know there's always going to be something in there that's like a wonky random thing that I don't know where to put it. Start away. No, it'll be like something like I was fully kidding. It'll be like something that like Brian uses. It's like a blender smoothie cup or something. And I don't know where they go. And I don't know where to put them. And there's not room in the regular. Like the broom. Yeah, exactly. Where does it go? No, literally. I'm just like, I'm too stressed out. Where do I put this? So then I'll leave it out. And I'll be like, oh, I left out your things. I don't know where they go. Can you put them away? How many times have you put them away now? Me? I put them somewhere random every time. It's like a musical cup thing. Kind of like that though. Keep it interesting for him. Well, his counter cleaning and you're leaving the cups out almost like balances itself out. You guys are pretty balanced. I guess so. We do have a lot of trade-offs. Yeah. I think we have a lot of trade-offs too. We're getting there. You got a lot of shit to my guy. Don't act all innocent. Lauren's guest bed. She's supposed to sleep on covered with your clothes. Those are all of my clothes. I don't give him much space in the closet. We're all organizing this weekend. That's what we did. I know. I know. Deep breaths. Deep breaths, guys. I hope a lot of you out there listening had a great time cleaning your house while listening to this. I know we've got a lot of cleaners out there. A lot of work outers out there. Let me know how you're moving. I'm going to go back to Pilates sometime this week. I would love to do a poll of a breakdown of what most of the listeners are doing. Do we think that the cleaners are in first place? I'm not sure. We've got cleaners, work outers, a lot of drivers, also workers. Like people who are working. Absolutely. Would running be a workout or is that get its own category? Running would go into workouts because we only have limited poll options. We could put that up. I'd love to know. Me too. I'd love to. Traveling. Traveling. Because you could be on a plane. Should we do traveling to include work commute? Transportation. I'd be the number one if we leave it on its own. But I think I only get four poll options total. What about on YouTube? Do they have stuff like that? They just implemented a quiz feature, but I don't think I get more on that either. Really? No. What if one of them's having sex? Yeah. I did have one other story where some guy has a mustard fetish, but we'll go to that later. People put Spotify playlist on. What if all of a sudden they're in the middle of it and THD comes out. on. That's the goal. Like getting a stop and hit like, no, no. That's the goal. Do you guys listen to podcasts? Podcasts? Yeah. Like in general or like in general. Oh, well, I mean, I understand the confusion. And PR life kit. Some other true crime stuff like Annie Elise. I love her. She's great. But some other true crime stuff to like, especially if I'm researching cases, I'll listen to like their episodes on it to see. But no, I'm in podcasts every day all day. I just don't. I've started to listen to music more, which is like something new. That is new for you. Especially when I drive. That's amazing. I know. I was just, I just mentioned this the other day that you're not a the biggest music person. If I have someone in the car with me, because I want to talk to them, if I'm by myself, music, and it's loud. See, I'm bumpy. That is what I'm worried about with my ears is that when I'm in my car by myself, like, I turn it up so loud that like, I'm like, why am I doing this to myself? But I like, I love it. It makes me so happy. And it's good in the car. Yeah. And then after I get out of the car, I'm like, or if you get back in, and it's like, oh, yeah, a situation and you're like, whoa, this is loud. That's exactly how I know it's bad, because I turn it up little by little. And every time like the beat drops, I'm like, yeah. Or like the chorus, you know, just a little bit more. What's your song too song right now? Oh my gosh. I don't know. I mean, I'm obsessed with like the entire Ariana Grande album. Like the new, did she come up with something new? Yeah. Oh my god. I haven't listened. I mean, not super new actually. It's a bit, but she is coming out. She's going on tour for it. There's so many artists I want to go see on tour. Yeah. So many. I'm obsessed with it. I've listened to like all of the songs on it so many times. But when it comes to like blasting the music and getting louder and louder, there's like one of my all time favorite songs is drive by by train. It's like that. I just crank it. Oh my gosh. It's just it's so good. There's so many others. But what I didn't realize is that sometimes they'll get like a phone call, answer the phone call. Blast you. Hang up the phone call. And I'm like, oh my god. It's terrifying. Yeah. No, it's bad. Go to song right now. Click, Clack Symphony by Ray. Okay. Little Hans Zimmer feature. Okay. So good. So, so, so good. Love Olivia Rodrigo's new one, especially Justin pulled up the music video. He's like, don't watch it. I can show you. And she's I don't think I knew that we'll put it on and the car's on the way home right now. Okay. She's running through Versailles. Running through Versailles just her. And we kind of had a weird experience of Versailles. We were the last ones there. I think we like got lost in the gardens and they missed us on their security sweep. And we literally have pictures of just us. Versailles empty. And where they're not on the inside like Olivia was, but that song is really good. But Ray, her whole album is super fun. What have you discovered? Any good songs recently? Well, I don't listen to music for the same reason you don't listen to podcasts. Yeah, kind of in it. But that's a lie. You listen to like orchestral stuff. Yeah. I don't listen to like we have we have a concert coming up soon. We're seeing the organ girl from tick tock. I listened to the campfire song song. They can't fire song song. Is that from vegetales? Does it need another reference that the people will know that you guys are just missing. Okay. I mean, he did introduce me to purse first before anything. Yeah, we're seeing Anna Lapwood first first. She's an organ player. We're seeing her in concert. That's soon on the third. That's soon. We booked that forever. We booked that like feels like a year ago. It's crazy. But drop any new songs you're listening to in the comments. Any podcasts, any like good rain, refreshers, resetters, and PR life kids really fun. But like any books or fourth wing was incredible. Things that will make me smarter. I love that. Yes. Yes. Audio book or podcasts like either way. I have long drive. So I always you are really good about that. I like to mix it in with some knowledge once in a while. Yeah. Yeah. Drop whatever you've got in the comments. I'm going to remember to put a poll up. And hey, again, please subscribe almost to a million on YouTube. So even if you're an audio listener and you want to pop over there and just hit subscribe on YouTube for your good old friend Morgan, I'd really appreciate it. Well, just hit that scribe button. Hit that subscribe button and maybe head over to Patreon. There's some good episodes over there. I don't like this at all. You guys are looking at me like I'm going to participate and I'm not. You've never done a western accent. Try it. I don't you just just try like a little cowboy accent. You look like one of those clay figures like Grommet and Wallace. Is that figures? You flipped it. It's Wallace and Grommet. Just try a country accent just once. Until next time. Can't get that image on my head. No, that's not going to happen. Just once. How much? We will sit here all night. How much? How much? How much money? 20 bucks? 20 bucks. Okay. I don't know how to do it. You got to be like, okay, that's all we got partner and giddy up on out of here until next time. You got it. Like for 20 bucks, it's got to be good. I don't know. I'm not. You got it. Just try. You did British really well. I'm ready. I'm locked in. Don't look at you. While giddy up there partner because I just had a great time with my pal Morgan and Justin. Well, look at here now. We got Laura to join the party. Was that good enough? I don't think anything that sounds similar to that has like ever come down. That was the absolute wrong time to drink. Until next time guys. Bye! [BLANK_AUDIO]