Our Moms Play Agree To Disagree

- Did we get married too young? - Agreed. - Agreed. (laughing) - This is no big secret. - Yeah, right now is how we thought that. - You want to sell the record straight on anything, specifically I think we're thinking some of the second time. - We had the talk. - You just weren't listening. - I'm pretty sure, if I heard sex, my ears would have perked up. - I think you're a PDA, I see dads smack your butt a lot. - You sit on dad's lap. - Yay! - And you guys had a love corner in our kitchen growing up. - Glory! (upbeat music) (upbeat music) - Welcome back to Always Here. I'm your host Abby Howard and Abby Howard. And we have some other guests today. - Woohoo! - Woohoo! - Our moms and our mother's day. - Thank you. - Thank you. - Thank you to Lori, my mom, for being here and Ruth, Ariel's mom, for being here. - Yes, it's such a treat. - This didn't come easy. - If I'm totally honest, the moms, the moms, they had their reservations. - They had their reservations. - Yes, we did. - Well, we're listening. - I have my demands, I'm going to have reservations. - That's true. - I have reservations. - She had reservations, you had demands. I think we already kind of failed some of the demands because the seating is a little. (laughing) - It's a little slumber party vibe, isn't it? - Good thing for you. - It was. - It's an honor to have you guys on. Thank you for stepping outside of your comfort zone. - We're going to try to be nice to you and make this as seamless as possible. - Well, we actually had about 60 minutes of hard-hitting interview style questions that we did not want you to prepare in this. - Okay. - We know we're in a little about the podcast right now. - Just make you sweat. Seriously. - No, I'm just kidding. We have a game. - So, put us on the spot. - Yeah, exactly. - Okay, okay. - No, we're not doing this. - Oh, we're not. (laughing) - Well, we thought we would click off the episode with our hope in our hearts. - But we're not going to do hearts, we're just going to do our hopes. - Okay. - I mean, you would like to do hearts, I'd be, but I didn't do it. - Sure. - Our guests probably don't want to be vulnerable to the internet. - We don't need to make them do that. - We don't even make them do that. - This is our, this is our thing. - This is our, - This is our cross the barrier. (laughing) - I'm not saying that so much, Lily. - It's true, though. - So, once your guys is hopes, what do you have? We told them in advance to prepare one. - Okay. - I helped my mom prepare hers because she's humble queen. - Okay, what is it, Lori? - Like, you know, that is new or that's happy this week or upcoming. So, she told me to share that I did have a book that I such a nice wrote, and it came out like, "We could go." So, to put it about that, we worked really hard on it. So, that is a great book. - She worked a lot on this book. It's really cute. It's like a kids travel book. And it's perfect because it's all about Hawaii and where our family is going to Hawaii in a week. So, it's going to be perfect for the kids. But, mom worked really, really hard on it. - It's my sister. - My sister, Gina, yeah. We both worked on it and-- - And your mother. - My mom was a contributor on it too, yeah. - So, anyway, we worked on it hard and the first one's about Hawaii, but it's going to be a series. - No, I can't wait. - And the teacher and the author and Gina came out and travel lovers in both of you came out. So, it was the perfect combo. We'll link it in the show notes. - Yay! - Yeah, when we were little, like my sister and I, we would be in the basement. My dad was an artist and so I kind of liked the artist stuff. We had like little offices in the basement and my sister would do the writing for a book and I would do the illustrations and we'd publish these little books and hang them out for people. - Oh, that's cute. - Oh my gosh, that's really good. - Yeah, we kind of forgot that we used to do that. And then about 10, 15 years ago, we had thought of, again, about writing a travel book and I guess it was when you were still at home, but it's like, you know, how it is, everything's busy and we're working full-time. We just didn't have time to do that. - And you guys travel a lot too. - Yeah, we always enjoyed that growing up. You could go, we'd get in our little Winnebago and we'd drive and drive, go to Alaska, go different places in our Winnebago. And so we always look forward to it and so I think it's something that we always enjoyed as a family and then we had kids traveling. So it was like a natural fit. - Well, I purchased one and I wanted to sign it by the author. - Oh, of course, yeah. - Yeah, it's easy to write, it's on Amazon. So I'm proud of my mom and my aunt, Gina. - Yeah. - And I'm proud of you. - What's the next book? Do you guys know the next day, too? - We don't know when it's coming out for sure, but we know the place. - Don't have to say it, we'll save it. - Yeah, it's a teaser. - Yeah. - So I wonder about it. - I think it's exciting. - It's a great hope. - It was fun. - It was a great hope, about you Ruth. - Makes mine seem kind of silly. - Here's what it's like. - No! - Mine is silly. Well, you know, I've been here. I ran away from home. So I'm not in my real home in St. Louis. I'm snow birding and winter's over and I'm still here. (laughing) - You're all right. - Oh, that's hard. - You're all right. - Did you move there? And so my husband is coming next week and I'm excited about that 'cause I actually missed him. Like, I've been gone for a month without him 'cause he comes in and leaves and comes in. But it's been a month, so he's coming in. But then, and then we'll go back to St. Louis. So I'll see my other daughters, my other family. But then it's kind of also part of my heart, is that what? - Yeah. - Isn't, I'm gonna miss her. - I know. - And my little babies. - I know, that was my heart this week. - Yeah. - I was like, my mom's leaving soon and that is just, - That's my heart, too, 'cause I'll be sad. - Yeah, we know. - Yeah, we should say that our moms are also friends. - Yeah. - And it's really sweet and fun. - We did last together. - We were, yeah. - It wasn't too long ago that we had walked from my place over to get. We just took a long walk, went through some open houses and we went and got Atsia Bulls. And we were sitting there and I was like, who would have ever thought when we had, when you guys had that joint wedding shower that however many years later, we'd be sitting here, this is exactly what I said. - Yes. - Under palm trees in Arizona. - Right. - How do I say people together? - Right, exactly. - 'Cause we met the first time. - It was summer around then, yeah. - Summer around then. - But I mean, it was just kind of crazy that like, painful circumference sitting here, just relaxing. - Yeah. - Under the palm trees here. So that was fun. So yeah, we do lots of fun. - You go to the gym together. - We're a gym, we go shopping, we go shopping. - We go to brunch, we're going to brunch with Addy's mom on Saturday. - Yeah. - Bye. - Yes. - Yeah. We're at the grandkids swimming together. - We come here. - Yeah. - Yeah, that's nice. - You guys are active. - Like, wow, you look like you're tired. - You're on the go. - We're in bed by eight. - Yeah. - That's so fun. - She is not. - I'm not. - You stay up so late. - I am tired a lot. - I don't think I would have guessed that. - I think it would only be fair if we give the moms opportunity to set the record straight because we talk about our moms, they come up frequently on our show. - Oh yeah. - Sometimes we're not exactly, apparently credible. (laughing) I feel like I've become home and it's like, I never said that. - I never did that. - So are you my checkers that will hold us accountable? - Yeah, and it's themselves. - Ooh. - So if you want to set the record straight on anything, specifically I think we're thinking some of the sex tone. - Well. (laughing) - I think Abby was actually correct on that one. - Yeah. - She was incorrect. - You, we had the talk. - Really? - Yeah. - She just weren't listening. - I'm pretty sure, if I heard sex, my ears would have perked out. - Well, I don't think I used to turn it. - Well, it's sex. - I used to turn respecting your body and private parts and different terms is like that. - Yeah. - Sure. - Sure. - And the American Girl-Dow book. - Yeah, I feel like we had good puberty talks. But I wouldn't say I learned about intimacy. - I learned that from a girl at my middle school's mom. Tell me. (laughing) - What? - It's an overstep. - No, her mom didn't tell us. It was a summer party and she was like, "You guys will never guess my mom told me." And she told us that the mechanics of it all, and we were all like, "What?" (laughing) - No. (laughing) - Say it's not true. - Hold on. - Well, for some context, you guys, we were talking about like giving our kids the talk. And we talked about our experiences growing up with our parents. And we all said me, Abby, and Abby, we never got the talk. But then, Shada, Abby's mom. - I'm not myself, but I just had the record straight for my mom. She did call me and tell me. (laughing) - I know. - That's funny. Abby said that. - I know. - Abby said that. Abby's mom said that. And then Ruth, you said that and then her mom was like, "No, I don't think so." - Well, she didn't do that. (laughing) - Did you have any issue with that? - No, I mean, yeah, I wasn't one of my issues, but. - You have an older sister and she should have taught me. (laughing) - No, but I think sometimes as parents, we have schedules of how things should go. And then they just don't do that. - Sure. - Because some other kid will tell you something or be to do it or something happens. It wasn't in our schedule. Or just the way you thought was gonna work. - Right. - But you learned about it? - Yeah, I did. - We were there. - I mean, when we had questions, do we answer them honestly? - Yes. - I genuinely didn't know for some reason. (laughing) - I'm sorry. - I was very sheltered. I didn't, you know what? Everything worked out just fine. - That was great. - But you did, I was interested. - I knew it wasn't really dating a lot, so I think. - Wow. - Yeah, I didn't, I didn't show any answer boys, really. But also, I did, I was telling you, I remember when you gave me the puberty talk though, we were in a subway after dance. Do you remember that? - A little bit. - I remember literally, I like my soul left my body at that moment. I was like, you're telling me. Blood! Like I was like, I only saw, I was like, I just told Chloe that wasn't true. - What's before after that school? - It was before we went to school. Because then when school happened, I was like, oh my gosh, she was telling the truth. - I remember the school talk too. I remember you sat in the gown before the school talk and you're like, you're gonna have a talk at school where you learned about these things and then you kind of explained what my period was and everything. And I'd be like, oh, I just don't want that for a long time. Yeah. - Good thing she didn't have to worry, 'cause. I got it like five years later. Well, I was used to the talk at school because when I taught fourth grade I had to bring my class. Like, you had to divide up the girls and the boys and I would always take the girls to the talk and then the other teacher would take all the boys and they'd watch movies about baby animals. And I don't know why that one, but every year that's what they did. And then we'd come back and then the boys would be like, "Rucho has gone." And the girls would-- They'd swipe. They'd swipe. They'd put all your stuff in your locker before you go back and you don't have to tell where you went. Yeah. It's such an ominous day for you guys, I'm sure. But give you a singular maxi-pad. And I was just like the tiny, just forked right there. I was like, "This goes where?" I was just like so scared and I kept that in my locker for like five years, just like a big secret. Any day, no. Just in case. I went and it was 14. You were 14. When you got your baby? That was pretty old. Well, you were 14. At least 14. I don't remember. I remember dad brought it up when I got home that day. Or maybe it was an eighth grade, but I don't remember. I probably told him. I was 14. Yeah. I think I was 12 or 13. Didn't I take you out like for a special lunch or something? Yeah, you did. We did. Yeah, we did. We did. We did so with all the girls. Yeah, whenever. You did so with all the girls. I was just kind of like a little transition into motherhood or-- Not motherhood. Adulthood. You know, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah, I was kid and just kind of into-- Kind of into-- Yes. I'm becoming a young adult. I do remember what you said. That wasn't quite correct. Yeah, we also-- I said my parents had married for 25 years. No, it's over 32 this year. Oh, my God. You really don't know. So anybody doing the math? She did have to count before this episode. I was like-- I know it's more than that, but-- Because I learned when she said it. She said it. She's like, you're scandalous. This is not correct. I need credit for everyone those years. Yeah, yeah. You need credit. It's been 30 years. So she did fact check. You know, that was like, why? No one-- I didn't even-- I said it so confidently. We even did something for my-- Yeah, I already did. But she came with. But anyway. Are you guys at 35? 36. 36. We're 36. Yes. You guys are both impressive. And we want to hear all your guys' advice throughout this episode. OK. So I'm glad that we set the record straight for you guys. Sorry about that. And sorry for any other misinformation we spread about you in the future. Yes. And probably won't be the first time. It's always good information. I'm OK with that. Yeah. We just landed your name. Yeah, I was like, Maul's been married for 25 years. I'm 27 years old. I'm going away. Well, should we move on to our segment? We put some further fun little data for you guys. OK. OK, this game is called "Agreed to Disagree." OK. Han is going to pass out our paddles. Thank you, Hannah. It's just for you guys, I guess. OK. This is just a fun game. I don't know. I think they offer a lot of conversation starters, too. Yes. So OK. I'm free to expand upon your answers. OK, with the categorized marriage parenting, working mom, that's it. [LAUGHTER] Working mom. OK. That is OK. The first one is, you guys agree or disagree that you should never go to bed angry. This isn't the marriage category. That you should or that you have. You should never go to bed angry. I agree. That's a good plan. [LAUGHTER] You should. Has it always happened? That's good. I disagree. I think it depends on what you want to get back out of the fight. Like if you want to keep talking about it. Like if it keeps happening and it hasn't changed, then go to bed angry and wake up the next morning and see if you can get what you wanted out of it. Although that is a point, maybe if you're heat of the moment, you would say things that you shouldn't. Right. That maybe if you sleep on it, you could be more rational about it. Right. Right. Thank you. Now, I can't maybe sleep as well. But-- Yes, that's true. But yes, yes. You can't sleep with thoughts. Yes. I mean, for the most part, no. You should not go to bed angry. No, you should. That's not good. But I think every once in a while, you just prove a little point. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. Yeah, you're not feeling it. I mean, this is a generational thing in a way. Whereas their advice was like, it was like, you should never go to an angry, but now our generation is like, you should sleep on it. Sleep on it. Sleep on the rest. Yeah, I agree with you. I'm like, I usually need like-- I'm an internal processor, so I usually have to sit on my thoughts for a long time before I can verbalize what I want to say. You're like, I can't sleep. Oh, I'm just like, usually I bring it up. But if there's something that comes up the next three days, I'm like, you know, three days? Because I'm thinking about it. She's so patient. That's a long time, but I'm a diary of the mouth. OK, the next question. Do you agree to disagree? Your spouse should come before your kids. Oh, this is tough. I know the right answer, but I don't know if I-- Well, I disagree, too. I'm going to disagree. OK, elaborate. I mean, I know the right answer just fails to be your husband first, but-- Right. I just put my kids in front of everything. And my husband's OK with that. And you guys both did it. Yeah, we both did it. It didn't jeopardize our relationship. It's just we worked out whatever the kids need it. And one of us took care of it. It wasn't. What we need isn't always what the kids need. Kids need different things. I want adults need. Adults can satisfy what we need when the kids aren't there. It's true. Does that make sense? Yeah, you know? You know, when you've got kids, they need you and they need you, you know, more than your husband does, I guess. Right. Once you're a mother, you're always a mother. And we're not our husband's mothers. Thank you for taking care of themselves. You're dad's mom. I hope they don't watch this, no. Do you think dad's going to watch this episode? I don't know. Yeah. I know dad will. You guys have to watch it. You want to get a mom. He watches them all. That's so sweet. I get what you're saying. I also wonder, too. I feel like this is really popular advice. Obviously, keep your spouse first. And I agree with it. And I feel like we'll always try to do that. But I also wonder, I'm like, when you have multiple kids, and they're at different ages and different phases. Like some times, I feel like the need is just so high or great. So I'm sure they'll fluctuate throughout the years. Yes, it does. The seasons, it changes all the time. Different phases of school and-- Yes. Different ages, you know, it changes. Yeah. That's good. Yes. OK, marriage gets harder after kids. Would you agree or disagree? I don't even hardly remember time. But yes, I'd say agree. I agree. I agree. I think marriage gets harder. I mean, there's more people to consider. And there's more issues that come up. And where the money goes and where time goes. Right. Right, right. I wish I could hang out with you and dad when you were 27. That would be so fun. I'd be like, what, but we have been friends? Sure. Who do you think you had? Sure. I don't think dad would put it out with anybody. Dad's kind of introverted. So I don't know if he would have hung out with a lot of people. But it's just so interesting to think about our parents being-- Yeah. Sorry. Oh, wow. It's-- I'm sorry. Oh, wow. That one is parents with littles. You're age. You're age, you're age. Yeah, it's like, we're friends now. So surely we were friends then. Yeah. But it is like, I wish I could just see a snapshot. I wish you guys had some videos. I know. We do have videos. Oh, there's a videos. No, videos. I mean, I feel like we have videos of obviously our family growing up. But not video of you and dad. And like, you're dating. And when you were younger. And you and dad had us later, too. So I feel like you had so many lives before you had kids. We did. My dad was 40 when you had me. He was 40 when you had-- Because he had 45. He was 45. Oh, yeah. It's Sophie. OK. Almost 45. Yeah. And so I feel like that's just a whole life right before. You know, I'm like, right, you're like in your 30s. I was 28, 29 when we got married. And he was 34. So yes. But we did have. Yeah. We were cool back then. I know you were. Oh, we were. You were. And I just wish I-- yeah, we did have fun. It was fun. Yes. But we would have been friends. We would have been friends. Um, well, we had kids right away when we got married. But we wanted kids right away. So I mean, it only gets harder if you can't compromise on stuff. So as long as you're talking through issues and talking about stuff and you compromise and then you're on the right page for everything, I never thought it was harder. It was just different than not having kids and being single. But I think it also-- when you're young parents or just parents of young kids and stuff, you learn to communicate with each other. So pregnancy and postpartum are some of the most nutritionally demanding times in a woman's life. And there are so many options for supplements. That's why we wanted they needed for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Needed offers products that are formulated by experts in women's health and recommended by over 6,000 practitioners. Their starter plan includes a prenatal multi-made with bioavailable nutrient forms paired with a sustainably sourced omega-3, which these two essential products are designed to meet mothers and babies' optimal micronutrient needs. Up to 95% of women in the perinatal stages have nutrient deficiencies. We deserve to thrive, not just survive. Needed offers radically better nutrition products, education, and advocacy rooted in clinical research and practitioner validation. I feel like as a woman, there's so much about my body that I don't know much about. And so I really appreciate how neat it has put a lot of time and effort into clinically validating their products and just really doing the research that we can trust, that what they're giving us is actually good for our bodies. - Right, I just knew that something was different about my body. I was like, something is different. - I don't know what's going on. - But I love that also that it has that validation by practitioners too, that really adds to my trust of them. - Absolutely. - Head over to thisisneeded.com and use code always here for 20% off your first order. That's thisisneeded ThISISNEDED.com and use code always here for 20% off your first order. Okay, the next one is you should combine all finances after getting married. Financial question in there. - Here we go. - This is what works for us. - Not maybe what works for everybody. - Okay. - So is an agree or disagree? - I'm agree, because that's what has worked for us, but it could totally work different through somebody else. So I don't think it's like a hard and fast rule for people, but for us, that's what we did. - Because that made me pretty young too. - I was right out of college, yeah. - It's not like you had like years old. - I lived this career, made your own independent. - We didn't have any money to combine everything. (laughing) - It's easier when you don't have it now. - Yeah, you got nothing to combine your life. - Yeah, let's do it together. - Yeah, so that's how we've always done it. Ever since we were married. And I think actually before we were married, we went to like a financial counselor and they said, that's what you should do. So we just did it. - Do you like check? - Yeah. - So we didn't have our own money kind of like a bunch of money saved up before you're married, then you know, have to change our ways and how we did it. We just always had it combined. - Yeah. - I agree. I don't think there's anything. I think unless you're marrying into somebody with some generational wealth, it gets a little spicy there. I think as women shop differently than men do, and most of the time, mothers are the ones who shop for the needs of our kids. And so if the father is in charge of all the finances and he can't figure out why every time you go to Target or Walmart or something, he has a ton of bucks. - Yes. - And you get tired of explaining? - Yes. - That I think it's okay for the mom to have some little fun money that she can go out and do. You know, if she wants to get her nails done or is just her money that no one can ask her about what did she do with that money. - Yeah. - That's because in our marriage, sometimes that became conversations. They weren't disagreements, they weren't fights. They were just like, oh my gosh. You went to Target for the five times this week and you, you know, how much toilet paper did you buy? You know, just that kind of stuff. So it's like, well, no, I didn't really go to Target, but I went and got my nails done. But if you want to think I went to Target, okay. You know, just kind of like, you know, just something's just, yeah, make life a little easier all around. - Well, that's what we do, we just combine finances, but we each get a budgeted fun month. - Yeah. - Monthly alone, each of us. - And we get to not ask. - Yeah, I still have my fun money, baby. (laughing) - The next one is, it's okay to keep small secrets from your spouse. Do you agree or disagree? - Well, you just said you have small secrets. - Well, the Target versus the nail. - Well, I bet that's not really a secret 'cause he knows about it. - But it depends, I guess what the secret is. Small secrets? Like, what's a small secret? Like, anything that you're intentionally, like if it didn't come up that doesn't count. Like, anything that you're like, I'm not gonna, I'm gonna intentionally avoid bringing this thing up. - Okay, I'm gonna go disagree if that's the definition. If it's gonna eliminate a problem by not bringing it up. - Sure. - Especially if it has to do with the kids. If your kids say, don't tell dad, you know? - I think I just always assumed you did tell dad. - Well, you know, I mean, my whole thing was, I don't keep secrets from dad, but if it's something he doesn't really need to know, then of course I don't have to tell dad. But-- - Yeah, you don't need to tell about my periods and stuff like that. - No, but I did. - Oh, well, she did, she told my dad. - I think that when I got my first bra, it embarrassed me so much. - Well, when you're walking on and you're crabby and oh, I'm in pain and I heard, I'm gonna go to school the next day and dad's like, what is she saying? No, it's, you know, ant flows visiting. - Yeah, yeah. - That thing. - So, yeah. - You did not keep any secrets from-- - I don't know. - I don't know. - I think you'd have secrets from dad. - I didn't. - No, it's not worth it. You're getting a big fight. - I don't think you'd find out. - It's okay if I don't think you do. - I don't do it, but it's okay. - Yeah, I should. - You guys would have to appease the people. - They would go away together. I don't know what you could do in secret from dad. (laughing) - Now he's working from home. - That's kind of, they're always together. - Oh, that's why he would die or do. - Well, not right now. - You're like, yeah, not right now, no. - Dad would not survive if you'd gone a month. - He wouldn't, he wouldn't eat. - I don't know, I would have to go over and do something. - This isn't about us. - Oh, this one's about, okay, we're taking it about us. Okay, be honest. You think, did we get married too young? - Agree or disagree? - We got married, yeah. (laughing) - Agree. - Agree. - This is no big secret. We thought that. - We thought that. - I know, so we thought that. - But you think that. - Yeah. - Well, that's a hard question. - Wait, was the question, do we still think that? - Oh. - You can take it however you will. - Okay. - Well, it's okay if you stay at the beginning. Yes, I thought that. - Now, clearly you've made it through, so. (laughing) - Seven-year-ich, so. - Okay, you guys showed us. (laughing) - Take that, ladies. - Take that, yes. - Both of our moms were not. - They were an onboard. - Not onboard, which is good. It's good to be the voice. Oh, good to have a voice of reason. - Totally back. - And especially when you were a young, I mean, I was 23, you were 19, right? - That was 20. - 20. - Oh, you were 19. - So 19 feels like a way different than 20. - But you were still in college. That's a huge thing. - Yes. - That's a huge thing. - Yes. - And that's why she feels like 20 years old. - I'm sorry. - She was like, "Yeah, I'm grown up." - I do want to say this. This is what Matt did on her, you know, I'm super emotional because it was in high school. It was on her last dance recital, which if you're a mom of a girl who's gone all the way through, that's an emotional night. - Yeah. - It was also her high school graduation. And we, I took him to go get flowers, 'cause he wanted to go get flowers. And he was like, "Hey, Laurie, I didn't know what you would think if I was going to, if Abby and I would get married young." And I proposed soon. I was like, "This is the absolute worst timing of all timing to say something to me about it." I'm like, "I'm already on the verge of tears. And this is what you say to me now." - I wasn't privy to that information at the time. - Yeah. - That was, I get that. - I thought about, I can remember exactly where we were, going to the flowers. - And I brought this up to him before. - That was horrible time. - She's right up many times, she's great. - And we had our older daughter, Olivia, who was engaged, and we were planning her wedding. And Caleb said something to us about, you know, if, well, I think he wanted to need us for lunch. And we're like, "No, no, we know what he wants, no." And I think at one point-- - I'm busy at that time. - I'm sorry, I'm busy every day. - My husband said, "Don't ask us after Olivia's wedding." And the day after Olivia's wedding, he text us, "Hey, you guys free Monday for lunch." (laughing) He just had a wedding! - Can you wait till next Monday? - Listen. - And we should have done that. - We should have done that. - They loved it, ladies. - That's good. - But we've been married seven years now. - Both of us, yeah. - And you guys are married, 32. You guys are 36. - 36. - Is there anything that you guys feel like, what's the biggest lesson you've learned after being married this long, that you can impart to us? 'Cause we're still growing up. - The biggest lesson I've learned. - I mean, I just think always talk and communicate, compromise on stuff. And even though you know you're always right, just let them think they're right sometimes. (laughing) - That's a big part, yeah. (laughing) - I don't know why. - I also want to clear the air. You got married super young too, Mom. - 23, right? - Is that how I would have been? - 22 or 23. - No, that was old for back then when we were young. - I mean, I graduated college. - I wanted you to graduate college first. - That was your thing. It wasn't necessarily the ages. She wanted me to graduate college first. Did you think I wasn't gonna finish? - Well, there was a very distinct possibility. I felt like that was important. - I did. - I graduated. - She did, but it's good for you. - No, I graduated. - No, I thought it was easy. - I thought it was easy. - She'd do with grades, no. I just, because I felt like you were just gonna bail, but you did get your degree, so. - Yeah, I thought I was gonna bail too. I was losing interest quick. (laughing) (laughing) - Yeah, can I also just say this? We needed to err this out. Blake got married before he graduated too. And I don't think he heard two words about it. - Well, at that point I'd given up, so. (laughing) I mean, what could you like, Eddie, better than Matt? Is that what it was? - Well, that is real. (laughing) - No, she tried to set me up with Matt. Like, oh, then she-- - That is true. - Oh, that is true. - That is true, okay. - From a very young age. And yeah, 'cause in a tree, since I was a friend-- - He was married, she was a Matt's mom. And I were friends, and we met really early on, and she was at the meeting. Matt was at the meeting. And I loved Teresa, and I loved Matt, and any other boy that would be around to be like, "But he's not Matt Howard." - Yeah, she's like, we don't, like, she's like, I don't know Matt. - You know, we're not even in the same town, and somehow that worked out. - And back to-- - Four years later, yeah. - Oh. - Yeah, and then I'm like, "Wow, I didn't ask for it this soon, though." (laughing) - So funny. - Well, that's cute. I didn't know that. - I asked earlier before he filmed that. this. What advice you would give or what you've learned in 30 years of marriage, you got to just kind of keep your mouth closed sometimes of things that like you'd like it to be a certain way and you'd maybe like things to be done a certain way but you're like in the grand scheme of things is not that big of a deal. Let's just go with it. It is really funny to see how you and dad, it wasn't until I got married myself like some of the flows that you guys had fallen into. I was like that was really unique to them. This was how they did it. Like how, because you just learn to just adapt to each other and I was like that's just how their marriage works. Yeah and it's not necessarily because I always want something that's certain way. It's just like whatever. We'll just go with it. Yeah. But she'll make every single phone call because my dad cannot make a phone call. She's like that's on me. Everybody has their strengths right? Yeah so yeah. I mean for years, for years because of my husband's occupation, if he could, he was not a complainer. He didn't want any controversy. So if there was something that was slightly controversial, I took care of it. Like what, what do you mean? Just a nice way of saying that I had to be the mean person sometimes. Yeah. So he's like public facing. Yeah, he's a look figure, yeah. Yes, in St. Louis. So you know, I had to handle that stuff too. Yeah, I love the admin stuff. Yeah. Get on people. Yes. That's good. That's good advice. If like both of you guys are like compromise and pick your battles. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think those are good. That's great advice. Yeah. The next one is do you agree or disagree that date nights are essential? Not optional. I'm going to say agree. But it's also hard to do at some, I'm sure at some stages. I mean, you know, if you are a parent living in a city where you have nobody to watch your kids and it's expensive probably to hire babysitters plus you've got to be careful with who you hire. You know, you got to know their trust really. And I can see where a lot of people would be uncomfortable with that. But so then I guess like I think you've done this too like date nights at home and stuff like I have to put the kids to bed like, you know, you don't have to go out somewhere and maybe you don't, you know, not everybody wants to spend the money on it or like I said, has a child care. But I think it's important to do things without the kids because at some point, your kids aren't going to be there anymore. Then you're like, well, now what do we do or what do we talk about? And so you have to have something all along that you're still just like the two of you can connect on. Yeah. I totally agree with everything you just said. Growing up, mom and dad went on dates every Friday night and we stayed at Grimm and Grimm and sometimes the maybe they weren't fun. We just would go home and fall asleep because that's what you do. Yeah. Yeah. But we stayed at our Grimm Herndt House Friday night Saturday morning and that we just knew that that was mama dads. Well, I mean, we did actually go to dinner with us usually and then you just would spend the night there. Yeah. That was nice. Yeah. Because you girls would go over and spend the night at Grimm Us too. Yeah, you know, not consistently, but consistently. But yes, it's so good that we did that though too because I was a separation excited. And if I had it, like, I don't know if I would have ever been able to do a sleep over at a friend's house if I hadn't been staying regularly overnight with my grandparents or even got a college. Oh, I'm probably having college. I was literally just like, you're just going to make me hear. I'm literally going to like watch the drive away. Like, I was just outside the dorm holding a toothpaste and toothbrush. I was like, we were in the car sobbing. I think so. Yes. Yeah. I thought about that moment for years before it happened, just making myself miserable. The whole weekend of setting out the dorms has just ill. I was like, they're going to leave. I know if I would have said the word I had to keep my mouth shut. I think it was like the most awkward goodbye because I was like, well, I hated all the, you know, I could have been a better parent and been so looking forward to all the college visits and stuff, but I dreaded it because and then you were looking at colleges that were far away. I thought, yeah, that's a whole another episode. Shopping for colleges. Oh, I'm ill forever. I want to go to California and Hawaii and you're like, you'll never see me. You're not even considering it. My biggest thing is staying in Missouri. No, she didn't go one semester to Indiana, but thank you, Mom. No, my hope big thing with that was that I'm not paying for another state, state school. So if you're looking at a state school, you're not getting a scholarship. You're going to our state school. I think that's a good rule. Yeah. But if you look at a private school and you get scholarships, let's let's go look at them. And that's what our oldest daughter did. She went to TCU and that was great and it was fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you had a scholarship at Yua Bindi? Yeah. And you could kind of call it that. It wasn't much. But you did. You did. Next she was. So fine. Yeah. 1000 dollars. It's like a semester book. Yeah. Yeah. Should we do the rest of these marriage ones rapid fire? Yeah. Do it. Okay. This one. You should always consult your spouse before making big decisions. Agreed. Disagree. In your marriages, who do you think wears the pants? You or your husband? Well, I'm going to say that. I'm going to say that. Mom, for sure, where's the pants? I think we equally wear the pants and our family. I think when he thinks he's wearing the pants, I put those pants on him. You're like, I agree. She's an orchestrator. I'm dad handed the pants to mom. I mean, he's like, please take care of this. Take care of this. Okay. So back to that one. Yeah. Agreed. It's great. Rapid fire. Sorry. Agreed. Yeah. I agree. Yeah. I agree. Okay. Going for your partner's phone is okay. Ooh. I agree. I agree too. Laura, I never honestly thought about it. Yeah. I've never done it. I've never done it. Why would it not be okay? Yeah. I guess. Yeah. Is it a breach of privacy? When you're married for 36 years, there is no privacy. Yeah, that's the privacy. That's what I said. He wouldn't care. He wouldn't care. I don't care. Yeah. Yeah. My husband doesn't care. Mm-hmm. It's healthy to spend time apart regularly. I agree. I know she was going to have a fast career in that one. My husband's a whole family. He's on her algorithm speeding her people solo living their nighttime routine. I just like this is great. I'm like, wow, she just comes home to her clean apartment every night. She puts on her jammies. She's like that by herself. She's like, her house is perfectly clean. Just how she likes it and she makes it. She will serve in dessert. This girl has a lot of people on her because everybody wants that. I'm thinking dinners with no protein. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. That's so great. I know you agree. You've been here a month without that. I know. Social media has a negative impact on marriages. Agreed. I think agree a lot of time. You think that all the time, but I think social media would not be good in a lot of instances. Not just with marriage. I don't know what to say about that. Maybe because social media is new to my generation, you're a little bit younger. If you let social media mess up your marriage, that's dumb. I don't know. I agree. Okay. What are your thoughts on Abby and I sharing our lives online? I don't have a problem with it. I like it. I have mixed feelings. There's some things that are good and some things that are. Again, yeah, we didn't grow up with social media. Let's just say everyone in my family is very private. Maybe a little bit more introverted as well. And there's me. I mean, we're gonna do about it. But I think nobody talks about how hard it is. Like, you have little kids and everybody thinks it's hardest, but I think it's the hardest when you kind of have lost that control kind of and what they're doing. And then they become an adult. And all of a sudden, like, you don't have that. You can't say, well, now we're going to dance or now we're gonna do this. And it's like they're doing their own thing. And it's hard to switch over that control of knowing what they're doing all the time and directing all that. And then saying, this is their life. And this is what they want to do. And it may not be my favorite thing always, but it's not my place to say it. Yeah. I'm proud of you girls. And I think what you guys do. I think the way that you handle the what you're doing is very classy. You're always very kind. You're not controversial and stuff. And I think that's good. Well, and they're also the exact same way online that they are in real life. Like, there's no different. Exactly. There's no like, this is fake and this is real. And this is, I mean, so often, like, I've heard like online, like, either you guys are talking in the podcast or you're filming something and I'm oftentimes you've been feeling something and I'm like, thinking she's talking to me because that is exactly how she is all the time. And it's not like a put on. It's not a show. It's just filming how she normally would be or right to. So this is a big reason why I don't even share my kids on social media, but I imagine being in your position, seeing your child be subject to yes, scrutiny, like things like that. That would make any mom uncomfortable and so it's worse for you than it is for me. Nobody wants to see or hear anything negative about your child and then yeah if you put yourself out there no matter who you are people are going to do that sometimes and that is hard as a mother to see that. That would yeah so these people out here we don't see they should stop. They should just be kind to you girls in our comments. I feel like you were desensitized to a lot of it just because of dad's job. Yes that's my true. Yeah my dad was on radio for 50 years 50 years and so he's always just been. I feel like you're just kind of desensitized to some of that. Some of the public face in his life. Yes. Okay the next one is you should protect your marriage from outside opinions even family. Agree or disagree? From like your own kids not liking your marriage or no. I don't know exactly what. Well I think if you have a good marriage there's nobody is pointing fingers either way. I think if you have a bad marriage and people you should listen to them if you have a bad marriage and people are talking to you about it. Yeah so true. Yeah last one for marriage PDA is fine especially in front of family. This is a wide range of PDA. Yes. We're so mixed on this group and so funny. We probably land non PDA you guys land more PDA. Yeah. Am I included in the day? I think you're PDA. I see dad's smack your butt a lot. You sit on dad's lap. Yes she is. I see dad's hugging kids and you guys had a love corner in our kitchen right now. That's weird because I would not have considered myself a PDA. I don't think you consider yourself a PDA but when it comes to you guys are way more. Is that bad? No. She's like please stop. You used to it. You have one kid that's PDA and one that's not at all. Yes. Look at Addy or not in the air and he and Matt are two PDA clearly. You did live in my house. I think you guys are happy medium. Thank you. I've seen you kiss and say sweet stuff just once. I think we're like mildly PDA. I'm not as embarrassed about it as I used to be. I used to be really nervous about it. You were? I was like don't even hug me in front of my parents. They're right there. Oh my gosh. Yeah. Well. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why I was just vulnerable. He would look like, "I'm sorry but my parents are here." Yeah. Now it sounds weird. Well now I feel weird. Moving on to Baron J. Thank you so much to Quinn's for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. Lately I've been more intentional about what I wear day to day, especially in this postpartum season. I'm like I want to feel good about what I'm wearing. So I've been leaning into pieces that feel effortless, comfortable, but still put together. Quinn's has been my go to. Their fabrics feel really elevated. The fits are very flattering and everything just works without overthinking it. I love my cashmere dress that I have from them. It fits the bump and I know it's also going to suit me after the baby comes too. And it just feels like such an elevated classic in my wardrobe that I can dress up and dress down in multiple different ways. Quinn's makes it easy to refresh her every day. This spring with pieces that feel as good as they look. They use premium materials like 100% European linen, organic cotton and ultra soft denim. Their lightweight linen pants, dresses and tops start at $30 and are effortless, breathable and easy to wear on repeat. Everything at Quinn's is priced 50 to 80% less than similar brands. They work directly with ethical factories and cut out the middle man. So you're paying for quality and craftsmanship, but you're not paying for the brand markup. Seriously, I can't recommend Quinn's enough to you guys. I feel like it is so underrated and what you get is so high quality. So refresh your every day with luxury you'll actually use. Go to Quinn's.com/abbey for free shipping and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to Q-U-I-N-C-E.com/abbey for free shipping and 365 day returns. Quinn's.com/abbey. Pregnancy is more mentally difficult than physically difficult. I agree. Disagree. You think pregnancy is more physically difficult than mentally? Yes, I do. Yes. Especially after your first. Let's just off physical. You already know what's happening. For me, because of previous situations, it is the most mentally difficult thing I've ever done of anything. And it's so way more than physical, yes. Pregnancy brain is a myth. Disagree. Disagree. We also, you are working full time. You're pregnant? I can't. I can't imagine you're working at school. And you taught school so you had your home kids and your children. Overloads. Yeah. Having kids made me lose a part of myself. Agree or disagree? Disagree. Disagree. Disagree. It's a good sweet idea. Disagree. I love seeing my body made that look like me. I love you look nothing like me. Yeah, that's really true. But you were in here. Yeah, I sometimes have been asked if I have different parents. I think you had the same smile. You think so? Yeah. I can see it. No, I feel like you did. You did, like, what's the word? You prepared me well, though, for like that brief postpartum period, like right after you have the baby where I was like, I'm having an identity crisis. Like, I don't. Nothing I used to think sounded fun. It was fun. You like kind of prepared me. You're like, it gets weird at the beginning. Postpartum is a real thing. And if anybody thinks it's not, they're wrong. You can't help it. You really can't help it. But you get over that quickly. And yeah, you told me you're like, it'll feel way different soon. And it did. Yeah. It was good advice. Breastfeeding is better than formula. Agree or disagree? Disagree. No, I don't know. I don't know. I just some saying that because I didn't, you know, that's why we put those questions in here. You didn't burst it. You didn't burst it. I did not. I tried in a dim work. Say, yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of benefits to breastfeeding. But if it doesn't work, it doesn't work. And I don't think you should, I think what's worse is stress yourself out about it, stress your body out about it and think. And I also don't think you should think that you've done something wrong or, you know, less of yourself as a mom, if you don't. So is it, you know, medically better? I don't, I don't know, but it doesn't hurt your child at all if you don't. Right. I think they've come so far with formula. Yeah. That it's probably just to equal. And I think that I don't think it's equal to be just like science. Well, I think it's equal. I think the benefits, okay, we're, that we won't get into those hot tanks. But I think there's more that there's more than one way that is the right way. Sure. And you just want to have a healthy, happy child. Yeah. And you have to do it works for you. Yeah. Also, mom, you went back, you had to go back to work like six weeks later. Well, yeah. That would have been, I mean, that was part of the problem. Part of it is that work. It was kind of it. Your birth was a little traumatic. We pump it quickly. So we had metal pumps. You guys have these fun little plastically plastic metal pumps. We had metal pumps. I don't know. That feels like a cow. Yes, it was. And it hurt. Yeah. But women did it. Oh my gosh. Mom will do anything, man. If men had to give birth, humanity would end. Yes. You got to hold your sign up. Oh, great. I say. I agree. There'd be a few, there'd be a few men that would keep a few kids coming. But that's what I said now. That's what I said. And Abby said disagree on that question. I was like, there would be a few guys that would come through, but yeah. And I said, if they do, they would have one. That's what I said. No one that would have multiple, no, men would have no. I said, it wouldn't end. No, I think men would have one and then never do it again. But then you pointed out the fact that that wouldn't that would end eventually. Yeah. Two people only making one, right? Doesn't add up to three. So doesn't add up to even two to human to stabilizing the population. Exactly. So I get I get it. I changed my answer on that one. Okay. Thank you. I stand by that. I'm doubling down. Gender reveals should be canceled. It's fine. I disagree. I don't know. I don't I think you're just celebrating. You're just happy. And yes, you know, don't care what you're having generally, but it's just kind of a fun celebration thing and get together with your friends and you're happy either way. So why not celebrate with people? Right. Yeah. Right. People have a good party. You do. You guys are both good party throwers. That's so true. Yeah. Okay. I don't even know if you know what this is, but gentle parenting is the best approach. Do you know what that is? Like the method. Well, I think I'm kind of learning through something you do. Gents of parents are gentle. Um, no, I don't think so. I disagree. What was the question? Gentle parenting is the best approach. I don't even know what the method is for me. I would need more of a definition of. Well, I think that your parenting was gentle. So. Okay. You didn't really have say yes. Any search rules for me. And you said the best approach. I don't actually really think I had any consequences. There weren't there were it was pretty smooth sailing though. We didn't have a good kid. I mean -Yeah. -Yeah, we had consequences. -I had a lot of time out. -I remember all my knees facing that wall. -Oh, yeah. -And don't touch it. -Don't touch the wall. -And don't look at the TV. -I'm actually proud to say I bought CJ his timeout chair. -Oh. -Yeah, we don't make him nearly just sit. -He just sits. -He sits. -These kids have so easy these days. Okay, gentle parenting is way easier today than it was back in the day. -I agree or disagree? -I'm going to say disagree. -I'm going to disagree. -Really? -Yeah. -I think it's harder now. I do think because of social media and because of so many things that are easily accessible to kids that you didn't have access to at one time. And so there's more things to have to figure out than just your friends that you go to school with. It's people online and how to stay safe and what's appropriate, not appropriate on that kind of stuff. And so that was not even a thing. -Right. -You know, however many years ago. -Right. -And you knew your community is better. When you lived in a neighborhood, you knew every neighbor, everything about most of the neighbors and the kids. I don't feel that that's the way it is nowadays. You know, in certain, in your neighborhoods. And it doesn't matter what social, economic figure. And I just think that you just don't know that. -No, I think that's like a fact. -That's, that's a fact that people are becoming more individual. -Right. -For sure. Like we don't, now we have Uber. So you don't have to call your friend and take you to the airport. -Right. -We have DoorDash. So if you need a cup of sugar, you don't go to your neighbor's house for a cup of sugar. -Right. -We just keep trending that way. We often feel like we're inconveniencing those around us. -Right. -Where I was like, it used to be more like, yeah, like, carpool. -Right. -We relied on each other. -Right. -Those are really good examples. -But just there's so much access to things that are unsafe too. -Right. -Now that there was never, there was a telephone, you know, at one point, and that's it. -Right. -That's true. -Right. -Okay, you guys brought up good points. -Yeah, this is really good. -It's good for kids to be bored. -Agreed or disagree? -I agree. -I agree. -Oh, come on, mom. -I feel like all of a sudden, we'd be like, mom, we're more like, go find something to do. -I mean, I don't think kids should be catered to, and like, you should be supplying something for them to do all the time. -So if that's what you mean to them. -Yeah, that's kind of what that means. -Yeah. -No, I don't think that as a parent, you should be constantly giving them something to do. Because, you know, you lose your imagination, you lose play, all that kind of stuff. But do I like it if you're bored? No, I would probably say, yeah, go find something to do. -Right. -Yeah. -That's a good one. -It's more harmful than helpful. -I agree, and I disagree. -Same. -My kids had screen time, but they did not have their own TVs. But we didn't also have our own computers or own iPads, I think. But what we watched was like Sesame Street or Barney, or which was helpful in learning. I thought that was very helpful in learning. -But screen time, playing video games, and I don't like that. -Yeah, I think, you know, everything in moderation. And if you are choosing the right programs with the right amount of time, then that's good. -Griffin's been loving Zabumafu recently. -And it's very educational. He knows more about certain animals than I do. -Yeah, absolutely. -What is that? -What is that? -It's a 90's show. It's like this lemur and these two brothers. It's like real people and real animals. -I watched this. -It's a 90's show. -I had never heard of it. -I've never heard of it. -But the other day, he's like, "Honey, did you know Jaguar is a number on predators in the whole United States?" -And I'm like, "What?" -No, I actually don't know. -You don't know the states. -He said the world, though. -He said the world. -He said the world. -Griffin's playing the whole world. -No, he said the world. -I spread it wrong. -But he knows, yeah, he's-- -Watch out. -Wait, wait, say the name again. -Zabumafu. -I feel like I did watch this, but also probably not. -99, and she doesn't want it. -I did. -I've never heard of it before. -I did. -It's multiple times. -He doesn't-- he's like, "Zabumafu." -He loves it. -And I'm like, "This is something that feels good for him to watch." -He's like, "So obsessed with it." -But I agree. I feel like, "Here's my thing." -As a modern day, no one asked my opinion. -Give it-- -As a modern day parent, I feel like it is more-- -I feel more of a responsibility to limit it because of the access that you guys were talking about. -Yeah. -And also because of the fact that it's completely whatever-- -Everything is out there when, whereas when we were watching TV, we had to have it-- -I knew the channels I was allowed to watch and not allowed to watch. -I had to wait through the commercials. -I didn't get to choose exactly what I wanted every single time. -Mm-hmm. -And so there's something in your brain where it's like a slower pace. -I had to sit down. -I've seen this episode of Hannah Montana five times, but-- -Yeah. -Sit and watch it again. -And it's not like the short form content or like all these-- -Everything's like your fingertips and you can kids know how to operate these things. -They're just born with it. -Right. -So I feel like that's where we have to like be aggressive with it. -Mm-hmm. -And monitor it. -And monitor it like crazy. -Yeah. -That's really good. -Oh, you should limit how much you share about your kids online. -I agree. -I totally agree. -Mm-hmm. -Well, not-- I mean, for their safety for-- and plus at some point they might say, "Why did you ever say that about me?" You know, I don't want that shared about my life. That's not their choice. -Mm-hmm. -So totally. -Thank you to Honey Love for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. -Why is it so hard to find comfortable bras and shapewear? -I don't know. I've never actually been successful until now. -I'm really genuinely excited about Honey Love's products. Honey Love is an independent female-founded brand. All Honey Love products are intelligently designed by women who actually wear them, including founder Betsy, who is highly involved in the development of each product. -The founder, you know, is wearing loves of products. You know they're good. Their bras are supportive and wire-free thanks to Bondi technology that lifts without underwire. You deserve a bra that's lightweight and comfortable without sacrificing support. Shout that again for people in the back. -We made the support! -We made it! Honey Love shapewear uses targeted compression to enhance your curves instead of squeeze them. It's designed to work with your body not against it. It's just as easy to get on as it is to take off and was made with a convenient opening in the panty area for super easy bathroom trips. -Wow. -No costume change required. We can all use a little extra confidence boost sometimes. Especially as women, we go through so many changes like a little boost. -In the ease of getting them off and on, are you sweating when you're wearing your formal wear? -And you go to take your strengths off? -I literally can't get out of this. -So I love that they make it easy to get off. -I feel great in them. -Treat yourself to the most advanced bras and shapewear on the market and use our exclusive link to save 20% off HoneyLove at HoneyLove.com/Abbey. That's HoneyLove.com/Abbey. After you check out, they'll ask where you heard about them and please support our show and tell them we sent you. Experience the new standard and comfort and support with HoneyLove. -Mom Guild never really goes away. Agree or disagree? -I agree. -I agree. -Well, first of all, your kids never let us. -It go away. -You always bring up things that we did wrong. -Well, remember when mom said that or mom did that or something? -We don't think. -We can't. -She's too sensitive. -I get hurt. -I get hurt. -If you cry more often, we'll lay off now. -Yeah. -Okay. -Mom doesn't tell me. -I don't get mad. -No, I don't think-- I don't-- nothing comes to mind. -We all have things we think we could have done better, which at the time was just perfectly fine for you guys. You know, when we were raising you, but in our minds, we think we could have done stuff better. -I think that's healthy. -Yeah, totally. -Yeah. -Doesn't make it easier to live with. -Right. -This one says, "You should trust your parenting instincts over advice from other people." -Yes, I agree. -I think there's nothing wrong with if you have some good people that give you advice that you need to take it under consideration, I guess, but no matter what, you would know better than anybody else. -Okay, we're moving on to a short working mom section. There's like, "Oh, this one is actually-- this one I'm really interested on what your take is on it." -Yeah. -Because I think it's a conversation that is hot nowadays. Not, like, controversial, but there's just-- I mean, controversial in the sense that people think differently about it, but there's this narrative that, like, you can have it all. Like, you can be an excellent, like, boss mom or boss-- like, woman-- I don't explain this well. -Yeah, there you are. -You can be an awesome, like, girl boss. And also, like, 100% awesome mom. Like, the best mom possible. So, you can have it all as a working mom. Agree or disagree? I agree. -I'm going to say I disagree as I was a working mom. I mean, I think I did my best with both of them, but I did feel I was torn always. You know, like, if I was only at home, I could have been a better job with some things at home. And if I didn't have kids to come home to, I could have spent longer at school and done more things there. And I mean, I did feel torn a lot of times. And probably that's where my mom, Gilt, would come in. But as I'm sure most of the moms at work, it has something to do with that, you know? -Well, and I agree, because I think you can do both and have-- have it all. I think it just is a little harder. I worked with our oldest Olivia, and quit when she was about two or three. And then I was a stay-home mom. I thought it was pretty hard being home all the time. And there's a lot of expectations on you. And people think you can do everything. And, you know, you end up doing a lot of stuff that you just don't get paid for. Because you're staying home all the time. I wouldn't have changed anything, it was just the way it worked in our dynamic, but I think you can have a career, and you can be a good mother, and you can run a good business with that too. I just felt torn, but I think there is guilt, you will always have guilt, no matter what, you will have guilt. I feel like I'm starting to lean on it where it's like you can have it all, but maybe just not always all at once. And I think that's okay too, you know, like there are seasons for everything. Well, I think you just have to realize that if you do work outside the home, even if you work in the home, and you also have a family that you better have a good support system with your spouse, that you're pretty equal when it comes to the household stuff. It shouldn't be, oh, I gotta do all the laundry, I do all the cleaning, you should just, you should both do it, or you should make enough money, you just pay some money, you do it all, and then it's a problem. Yeah, the drink, yes. I think that's a good point though, but to mom, I think there's certain benefits too, to like, it's not always like, okay, you're working mom and the kids suffer, or you stay home with the kids and the kids thrive. Like, there's certain benefits are unique to working moms. Like, I grew up watching you have this insane capacity to be on all day for your entire classroom, and then come home and be on for us. Like, give us your all, and then prepare once we went to bed for the next day at school and do it again and again and again. And I think that also just like, empowered me too, would be like, okay, I can say yes at things, I have a big capacity, and like, I can work hard. That's a unique way to view your mom, specifically when they're working mom too. My answer is probably based on some of the mom guilt, so, but I mean, no matter what, whether you're home or whether you go to a job, it's just a lot for a mom to do, you know, it's just to tackle all that totally. I think the narrative is more so, like, you can have it all, and it's easy, and you're be happy. The easy part is what. And it's like the dream, and it's like, well, actually, this is just like a lot. Yeah, it's a lot. And I think the guilt is true, and there's a little people don't talk about that. And a little overwhelming, you know, that like, gosh, am I ever going to get my head above water and get this 10 care of or that 10 care of? Right. It's hard, you know, either way. You know, when you think about children, they're only babies for two or three years, and they're toddlers. Then they're in school, you know, then they're in school for 12 years. Then they go away to college. So it's just when you think of it like that, you may be taught the first five years, you know, just or, you know, like right now, you know, okay, they're going to be potty trained, then they're going to buckle their own car state. So they're going to open the car door by themselves. You know, then they're going to be able to make their own lunches. So just so everything goes in cycles, and you just have to find your way through that cycle. And then you're okay, you know, you're 50 years old, and your wish you were doing that again. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally. Yeah, there's a great good thought. Yeah, there's no new problems out there. It seems like. No, no. It says being a working mom is harder than being a stay at home mom. That one's really, that's kind of a spice one. I'm going to take it out because I'm going to have to say you wouldn't know. I mean, unless you've done both and you for your own life, how that works, you know, which one was harder. You don't know the other, you don't know the other way. So I would not judge that and say once harder than the other now. No, I wouldn't either. Not at all. And I think both sides probably have their own arguments, but you're right, unless you've done both. And I have found that when I quit, my my younger, and I have found that women who quit when their children were maybe like seven, the greater eighth grade have said, oh my god, how'd you stay home like this? What'd you do all day? Like because they're used to be on a different pace. So I think I agree as like people that kind of split that time. Obviously I am hesitant to put myself in the working mom category sometimes because I have such an untraditional job. But I do think there's a lot more untraditional jobs out there now. I agree. So maybe I can insert myself in this category. It kind of depends on your personality type. Like what for me, my easier part of my day is with my kids because it's, it fills me up so much that I'm like, it just doesn't feel taxing in the way that something that doesn't necessarily fill me up as much. Maybe that's so bad to say I was like, oh, on your job. No, I'm so grateful for what I do, but maybe if it's someone's like, I feel so much purpose in my workplace, that it's like, it doesn't mean that they don't feel purpose. This doesn't mean that I don't feel purpose in my workplace, but wherever you feel the most filled up, you're not going to be as drained by. Right. Right. So, well, in the workplace has come a long way, right? I mean, I was back in the 80s and the early 90s and I had a sales job. And when I had our first daughter, Olivia, my first baby, I approached about job sharing. And I had another lady in the office who wanted to do it too. So we would work, you know, she'd work three days a week. I worked two and then we switched next and we shared the same clients. Well, they didn't like that. They didn't want that. So both of us had to stay on full time. You know, I think they make more accommodations for a few months now. I was just talking to a mom yesterday and her husband got the same paternity leave as her maternity leave. They both got 24 weeks, which is great. That's amazing. Wow. Wow. They worked at a university. So I do think that they're like more progressive in that way. But I'm like, that's just so different from even what my friends currently that our teachers get. It's the same as what my mom had, which I'm like, where's the progress for teachers? I have to say shout out to teachers, so because they are, you know, at school, I mean, they're doing some of the same kind of things at home and at school. It's just a lot of a school with a lot of kids that aren't really theirs. But yet, and there's so many of them there and there's so much neediness there with the kids and so much caregiving throughout the day. And you're doing the caregiving all during the day with your job. And then there's more that at home with your own. And so, yeah, teachers to a lot. Teachers and nurses. My friend, that was a labor and delivery nurse. She got a six week six weeks maternity leave and her husband worked for a bank and got 16. But you know, you have to use your sick leave as a teacher. There is no built-in sick leave. You have to use your sick leave. And then if you need to take more, you get docked. I got docked. And that was, and I got, I can remember one time, I had four weeks. It's you're using your sick pay, like they took pay for your paycheck. And that was only after four weeks because like, and you're using your sick days for all that. You're sick days that you've accumulated throughout the years. You use that for maternity. And then if you don't have enough to like physically heal, you know, your six weeks or whatever, you get docked. Wow. Do you think it's still that way? Or do you think it is by school districts? Maybe some private schools have different policies, but I think across the board, this is what I hear from my friends at Teach in Public Schools. So that's why everyone at the teacher tries to have summer babies or like Christmas birthdays. Yeah. I actually had a principal once that said when I was pregnant with Abby, say, oh, you should have gotten pregnant had her in the summer. Well, listen, well, it doesn't always work out exactly that way, right? I remember that. Oh, I'd have a hard time holding my time. Yeah, be a hard one. Okay. Financial independence is essential for women agree or disagree? Financial independence is essential. What do you mean by financial independence? Yeah, I don't that's a good question. Yeah, that's having your own income. No, I don't think you need that, but I don't know if that's what you meant by the question. I think being financially savvy about your household income, whether you're single or married, you should always be on top of. I would agree. You taught us that our whole lives, you're like, hey, like because you and dad had combined and you always said, yeah, but I know everything that goes on. Right. And you're like, just because I'm not like doing paid day-to-day billing doesn't mean I don't know, not know what's going on. Right. And you have to, you have to. Right. Right. And I think that's great advice. Yeah. Actually, it's like a stay-at-home mom. You're like, I'm not like earning an income, but my income, I do make an income from like, you know, it's shared. And so it's important to stay on top of it. I think that's good. I would think you would agree with that. This will be our last one. And then we have a few more that we're going to do a room, our Patreon for a Patreon fan. Okay. Always home girls. Okay. I like it. I like home girls. Is this a soft launch of always home girls? No, we're just workshopping it, we're shopping it. I'm just going to keep testing the different options each episode. Yeah, you're cooler than me, so you get to decide. I'm handing that crown over to you. Okay. This is the last one that we'll get a Patreon. Hustle culture is toxic. Agree or disagree? Hustle culture. I don't know what you're talking about. What is that? We're ending on something that neither of us know what you're talking about. Hustle culture is like, I'm going to wake up at 4am and grind my day away. It doesn't sound great the way you're describing it. No. No, it doesn't. That's not tempting. You don't want to grind and hustle? You mean like for a 21-year-old? Or for, you know, it does feel way more for like young adults, doesn't it? Yeah, my mom, like I feel like there's also this opposite side of the internet that talks about soft life. Really? I don't know. You guys just stay on the internet. You're on too much. - The soft life is like low stakes, low risk, everything's safe and comfortable. That's where I'm getting fed. And I think that's good for me and my mom with this. (laughs) - It's like soft and different, soft and living. - The lady that I like that just is something like that. The things I'm seeing are like, people opening their kitchen windows, they're cooking to jazz music. It's like, they're staying home. - Okay. - They don't. - Okay, it's beautiful. - That is gorgeous. - We're the soft livers. - Okay, so they're soft livers. - But every night of the week, you're wet, bad. - I'm on the dude. - It'd be great to have the hard of every day. - That way, yeah. - Yeah, I think these people, - You know, a lot of us, a lot of us are really all the way. - She has a hard culture. - She's about four o'clock. - No, you hustle. - Yeah. - You always, you're moving. - You work hard, but you are like, so maybe I value that. - You value, but yeah. But you're definitely like, what's the purpose of that? - I feel like, let's just take it easy. - Let's just have a cup of coffee and relax. - Yeah, like you like, you like comfortable. - I do like comfortable. - Her favorite word is cozy. - Like, she likes that. So yeah, I don't think you don't remind me of hustle culture. - I don't think you're the one for taking the name, I like. - Go see me. (laughing) - So would you confuse Housa with being maybe just a little competitive? - No, I think I do think hustle culture is like a, I'm gonna wake up at 4 am, get six hours of sleep because I'll sleep what I'm dead. I'm gonna work, work, work, work. - I feel like you and dad were like, make what you have to make and then just enjoy your life. Like, it wasn't like, we don't need to, we don't need to climb a corporate ladder. We don't need to be our own bosses. We don't need to like, it was like, let's just work our jobs so we can get home to our families and like, let's not. - I'd say that's true. - I feel like you're personality type. You're like a little energizer bunny. Like, you're like, go, go, go. And even with being a stay at home mom, I feel like you were like, my job is to clean, it could take care of my house and my family. And like, you were very involved in things. Like, I felt like you were more go-go-go. - Yeah. - Not in a bad way and like a good way. So people would say I was posse. - I think you were competitive. - Competitive to be in charge. - Yeah, but I mean, that's just your personality type. - I mean, so are things I did. Yeah, yeah, we were good at it, you owned it. - So I think if you were in today's culture end, I would say you probably were a hustle culture girl. - Not the toxic hustle culture. - No, not the toxic. - Yeah. - Yeah. - I don't know what the toxic hustle culture is. - I don't either. I don't know. - I don't know. - We're talking about it, and we really honestly don't. - I'm not on that side. - Okay, the Patreon questions should be really fun. - I know we cute, yeah. - If you care to join our Patreon, hop over there, and we have some extended material over there. Some more hard-hitting questions for the moms, but now we're gonna switch over. - Thank you to Flamingo for sponsoring this portion of today's episode. - I never turned down a good bath. - You love a good bath. I love a steaming hot shower that just sinches my skin. - But nothing is better than getting out of the bath or shower and having a fresh, smooth shave. - You just feel better. - Unless you have a crappy razor. So many women's razors are just flimsy. - Fearful. - The potato. - Ow. - For some reason, those shaving cuts never stop bleeding. - Seriously. - What the fuck is that? - My towel looks like a crime scene. - I like what's happening. - But not with Flamingo, you guys. - That's right. - The women who helped build hairies found themselves rolling their eyes when other companies were just shrinking men's razors and making them pink. So they decided to shake things up a little bit. Flamingo has no pink tax pricing, no flimsy design, and no irritation. Flamingo was born to give women shaving solutions made with their bodies in mind. - Their starter set has everything that you could need, whether it's time for it, everything shower, or even if you just need to shape up your brow line. I actually love their Derma plan face razor. It's really sharp, but I haven't gotten cut, and it just gets all the hair and dry skin off my face around my eyebrows for a limited time. Our listeners can get the Flamingo starter set for only $7 at shopflamingo.com/abbey. This set includes the Flamingo original razor, one five blade cartridge, a one ounce Flaming shave gel, and a shower holder. Just head to shopflamingo.com/abbey to clean this offer. And after you purchase, they'll ask where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them always hear say you. - Ask, ask, ask, Abbey. - Okay, we are back. We just hopped over to Patreon. I added my, I freestyle the random spicy question. And I kind of regret it, but it's okay, it's on there. So for those of you that are on our Patreon, you'll know what I'm talking about. Now we're gonna move on to our voicemail component. We have specific voicemails with you guys in mind. - They were sorted with you in mind. - I have Ethan Addy. I love the show. I wanted to know what your favorite comfort movies are. Mine are Twilight, The Hunger Games and Shrek. - Big fight. (laughs) - Shrek, the Hunger Games. - Hunger Games and Shrek. - Hunger Games is a horrible comfort movie. - I'm just watching movies. - I have a hard time concentrating the whole thing. But I'd say, I don't know if they're comfort movies, but my favorite movies are The Sandlot and Matilda. - Oh, I like those books. - Don't you like eat, pray, love, or something like that? - I mean, I've seen it, I don't know about that. - Julian Julia, I mean, again, I've seen it, I don't know. - Okay, you know what I mean? Okay, let's say I'm a Sandlot, I don't know. - Let's say I'm a Sandlot. - What are yours, Mom? - Anything, the hallmark would be a channel, love 'em. - I love 'em too. Because of you, you know that I love the way. - I know, they're just so wholesome and sweet. - Everybody falls in love at the end. - Yeah, I'm in the stress ever. - Caleb likes hallmark movies now too. - Oh, does he really? - He likes Christmas. - He likes Christmas, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I do love Sweet Home Alabama. - That is, that is my number one. - Yes. - It's a good one. - Are we entering this too? - Sure, I know you like She's the Man. - She's the Man. - Oh, yeah, I like that one too. - She's the Man. - She's the Man. - She's the Man. - High school musical three, but don't tell anyone. (laughing) - I like that one too. - One and two, no, but three, that's all. - Yeah, one and two, I don't like her, but three. - Yeah, that's a hot take. - I don't know, I'll say any Christmas movie, probably. - Yeah, I like a good one. - There's a comfort movie. Oh, I love Chiever by the dozen. - Oh, I love that movie. - I honestly like the second one, maybe more than the first, too. - Really? - I actually like it both so much. Chiever by the dozen is probably my comfort movie. - I was so jealous of all the kids in that movie I wanted to be in it. - I know, it sounds so fun. - I know. - I liked that girl with the skateboard. I thought she was so cool. - Yeah. - Allie. - Allison. - Allison. - Yeah. - Allison. - Don't hurt. - It's down there, there it is. - It's a good one. Love that question. - Okay, next voicemail. - Hi guys, thank you so much. I just wanted to come on. Me and my husband are purchasing our very first home and I was wondering if you guys had any tips for decorating on a budget and making a small space your style. Thank you so much, love you guys. - Just designed for Lori and mine. - Oh, you both of you. - You're both good at this. - You're both good at decorating on a budget. Maybe get an inspiration from a style that you really like that you can't afford necessarily but then just trying to find all the accessories and do as much of it as you can yourself. - Right, right. If you like pottery barn but can't afford pottery barn then you can find the doops for it. - I think there's small things you can do to a new home that you don't have the big money to go in and rip out the cabinets and buy on new appliances but the little things like changing lighting and changing knobs and paint color. And carpet goes a long way. What else? - I feel like you guys are both. - Yeah. - I always think you're very talented at like making a house like a home or-- - Yeah. - I feel like just getting little touches that-- - Right. - You always have the little details. I think you do too, Lori. - I like having things that are personal to you that makes it homey and not just look like a storefront, things that nobody else wouldn't necessarily care about but that little piece of something that you got on this vacation or something that belongs to some in your family or from your past or whatever that make it homey but obviously aren't expensive because they're things you're already owned. - Totally, right. - I think my biggest tip is go slow. I think the urge is like you get in this new house, you get excited and you want to fill it but like our house we've been in it almost two years and our walls are still, you know, we're slowly adding things and like curating each area of our house and so I think it's just having the long game in mind. 'Cause especially if you're on a budget, like maybe you add one picture frame here and like one small thing there and like slowly the puzzle starts to come together and I also think it helps keep you from just buying things that are trendy at the moment. 'Cause you're slowly doing it. - Totally agree. I have a horrible decorator. I have nothing to add in this conversation. - That's not true. - No, I genuinely-- - You don't have an interest in it though. I don't want to do it. - You have a beautiful home. - Thank you too. - Hi Abby's and Abby. My name is Grace and I'm a first time mom of a three month old when I'm currently trying to birth. My question for you is what is the biggest lesson you've learned from motherhood? Since Mother's Day is around the corner, I've been thinking a lot about this and I'm curious what you guys have to say. Love the podcast. Can't wait to hear. Bye. - Sweet. - Your biggest lesson learned from motherhood? - She has a three month old. - I'm don't get comfortable. 'Cause soon did you think you have a schedule that just changes? - Yeah. - It's just gonna change. So you just have to change with it and embrace it and enjoy it. That's what I would say. - That's great. I've been really thinking recently about how guests don't get comfortable. I have also been amazed this is like a different. I fully believe that 100% and then also the other thing is that's a been amazing amazing me about motherhood is that like I remember just being so baffled by people and future life stages in me and just realizing that as you go through each day your capacity grows and that has been really encouraging to me. Like every day is equipping me for the next day and like I think that's also helped me enter the stage of like multiples with more confidence because it's like how could one person be stretched so thin but it's like you grow and so that has just been really like encouraging for me that I didn't necessarily because I was like how am I going to divide by myself when I have like if I we had this goal of having four kids like how can I divide myself into fours. Oh you're actually going to multiply times four. So that's what's going to happen and so that has been like cool to see like those changes in myself and like in other moms it's where I really like saw that first exemplified that was like encouraging to me like I could that that capacity will change with me. That was exactly mine too I'd be actually the first thing that came to mind. I'm like I have I just feel like sometimes I'm like oh wow I'm more capable than I thought I was and it's just that yeah you're you just get called to a higher standard and you figure it out and it's encouraging it's challenging it's stretching it's fun and it just makes you just like an all-round better person you can do it yes I mean this young lady she can do it you know so we're all moms what do you all do it exactly yes and I was going to say I guess it's not and it's not what you can give your child as much you know like you may not have the finances to do you know give your child this and this and this toy it's it's how much time you spend them with them and enjoy the time that you have and you don't have to have the money to do all these you know ridiculous vacations or or give them all these toys but you know just having a game night or having you know a special tradition that you do every night before bed or something like that that is what actually matters most and not the big things yes we play games every single night after dinner that's why I'm so good at bananas and actually that's how we knew Addie so well is because during COVID when everybody came home from I mean she I mean she spent a lot of time there and all I mean of course what else we're going to do but we just like constantly play games and that's how we all that's what I said kid we play Disney scene it we played every yeah Disney scene it we memorize them we get Pete gem city pizza play Disney scene it and it's the part where Blake the does memorize all the cards I guess it's not funny but we didn't have a lot of game nights yeah so I remember what happened when we have game night yeah my sister my younger sister would when she started to just like feel that she was going to lose she would flip the board flip the board like game night was over get in time out right now flip the board flip it everything she's like I can't live that's a power game night took a doctor and then we would play are you smart and a fifth grader and when we pass a take oh my god am I not smarter than a fifth grader I don't know how those questions are hard we should do that on this podcast we should we should we're going to be like and a tour sign that's going to get clipped and the men are going to find that's it but men are certainly there they're there that I mean we're stupid women that's great those are all of our voicemails well I love that that's a good question thanks for asking and calling in if you guys want to call and live a voicemail then where did you do this number no okay 602 456 9690 we love answering your guys questions so thank you guys so much there are last segment of the day moms is always hungry oh we're always eaten so what are you cooking up for us I don't know I have tremendous great recipes but one that I do like is a Tuscan chicken soup that I make it's healthy it's filling I think it tastes great yeah and I have a no bake cheese cake that I make that I swear is the best and I just made it for you yes yeah you made it all you hit it from me I only got one piece okay so if we're going to make a whole meal with it you can have my meal your dessert I also have a dressing for salad that my friend Tammy I know it's her dressing recipe it's for raspberry I'm happy see happy see dressing that's oh yeah yeah mom is your Tuscan chicken soup is that a weight watch your recipe I think it could be can you send it to me she sent it to me in college and it was titled zero points no no no no it was zero points uh turkey chili and the Tuscan chicken zero points that came what would be a point in history from Italy it was I mean history from Italy made it it's not it's not okay but it could be because there's zero point there's probably no point so if you're following the point system yeah that's not around I think it is so right actually hey watchers they rebranded WW I believe they approach you with a brand deal a couple years ago I was like I can't do that I have too much of a trauma for my grandma doing it I love it I think I can't help you if you're over the age of maybe 30 everybody's tried it she just she put broccoli and other shoes in our yeah for her point system oh yeah seductively delicious no not seductively no I got to find it Jerry Seinfeld's one yes oh wait there's the first thing that came up was Jerry Seinfeld's wife yeah cookbook controversy deceptively delicious that's famous for featuring pureed vegetables hidden in meals to get children to eat yeah people got better for that no I don't know why it's controversial it's my controversial because I think I think because they wanted they want kids to learn to like vegetables and not just have somebody hide it in their food they want them to learn but you know was it like that was his wife right no no actually the yeah the controversy was actually completely separated okay it's allegations of plagiarism and ideas that from missy chase lapines earlier book the sneaky chef sneaky chef does sound familiar yes okay I don't know I don't want any that's why whenever people pose we reveal the same way about this don't put cottage cheese in the dessert don't put don't put sweet potatoes don't put avocados I don't want to do it do it in your meal time I don't want a nice cream no ice cream well don't you like I don't know I don't oh I do it's not hidden it's a known it's a known it's a known yeah you're right you taste telling you're right and it's not it's a it's a front-facing flavor it's not like oh the back the aftertaste is giving right spinach right well that's true yeah yeah anyway that was a tangent uh thank you for your recipes mom sir yeah thanks for being on this episode yes I just want to say um we're gonna make sure the people are nice in the comments because I know that you guys are gonna read every single one I don't think they would be mean you guys had great things thank you for all your wisdom and your advice it was great thank you for loving us and our babies and just being good examples of what good mothers are so true I feel like we I mean I'm gonna get emotional I just feel so grateful that we have such good relationships as adults with you guys because that's very unique nowadays yeah it's more and more adults feel like they need to for whatever reason probably very valid reasons need to disconnect from their moms and their families and um you guys are just you lean in to all the things that we do all these crazy ventures and um you offer very wise advice along the way but in a very appropriate way and the way that you have stepped into the role of being a grandma or a honey oh yeah is just it's touching on a whole different level so just I can't tell you I enough how grateful so I'm gonna say it publicly too but how grateful we are I think every day about how how thankful I am that like I'm here with both kids and both spouses that we love so much and now extra kids that I have now but I mean you both make such an effort to be a part of our lives too that it's like it feels really good yeah thank you all you're welcome you guys make it easy thank you so much you guys and as always remember we're always here