Our Lived Nuanced Experiences

You have got to be out of your gourd if you think that I am recording a podcast with someone who's 5-4-11 right now that's mean I almost did 5 on 5 under and I don't even know what 5 under 5 and under no 5 foot 5 because it's like no one's gonna see me without shoes do you I feel like being petite these days is a bit of a super power no I like yes but 4-11 is like people don't know what that is you know like people over 11 and think like oh 4-1 or like you're like literally like 4-6 no I think it's a lot shorter than it is and I don't think I appear that way so I think I'm actually being more straightforward about my appearance when I say 5 I know what you mean yeah because I would have like a tough time with like a point of reference for 4-11 I'd be like what yeah we'll compare that to right exactly a summer's day yes exactly so I'm being more when a girl lies about their height on hinge it's honest and when a man does it it's deceiving I've been so anti-man recently which I think is good it's the bangs I'm telling you it's the bangs it's literally the bangs I am I feel I feel I feel to I feel like a new person I feel like a new person Connor um we're not we're not starting with the be sweet we really need to just milk every every time we slip up on words we need to go right into a riff about who who's the individual that is feeling did I say be sweet no but I saw it in your face that was the next two words to come out of that mouth no because we don't even need to draw more attention to the fact that I said food but you you know that you did say food and there's no shame in that I don't want to talk about it you're 4-11 and you said food I those are two things that I don't want to talk about I do want to talk about how amazing my bangs look okay I feel like your bangs are making you I feel you feel he she we feel you're making me you're making me very mad and you do not want to make this girl mad especially because of the bangs no I trust me do you like them or what I told you before we even saw her to make it on camera okay I feel like it's amazing on camera is it even no you're right no you're right and I okay your bangs look amazing thank you thank you I said it earnestly earlier so anyone saying that I'm just like saying it said like I did say it and she wants it on camera let the record show that I feel like her bangs look amazing thank you I just wanted you to say it on camera thank you of course I feel like an art teacher no you know what I feel like you are someone about to get architecturally digested no you know what I actually felt like looking in the mirror this morning which was scary like a woman on the brink of 30 broke there's so much power in that I felt that way for the first time I looked in the mirror and I said instead of thinking oh my god I'm almost 30 I thought oh my god I'm almost 30 can I so I just but not necessarily almost there's a no no one is no one is I am I just had a coffee meeting just now and I am I kind of keep slipping into like existentialism with people that I'm casually talking to and it doesn't have that like it's like an actual business meeting and I'm like yeah and all my friends have two babies now so it's kind of like what am I do you know and I slip that in and this young man was 40 something and he's walking me through he's like my thirties were my favorite part of my life because my life was easier because not because I was better at it because I made less mistakes so it was like twice as easy which made the like twice as easy made it like double as fun and enjoyable because you like learn and you're better at life isn't that crazy that makes mistakes I know it's just like wow I've never thought about you're just you're just better at it so the sentiment seems to be your thirties are the best decade yeah but what I don't like about that is the fact that like if I'm living in them it like gives me less to look forward to like in my 20s I could be like at least like my thirties are the best decade but when I'm in my 30s it's like I'm about to be my 40s next I feel like I'm gonna be really good at being in my 40s like I just feel like such a 40 year old in my heart I just like can't stop thinking about the fact that like men truly like keep getting better with age I know I'm gonna be a hot 42 year old yeah which sucks I'm gonna be trouble at 42 you're gonna see me coming be like oh you might be trouble at 42 I don't really have the option to be trouble at 42 yes you do not really with those bangs broke I mean with the bangs yeah things might be a little bit different now but it's harder for women dancing through life with your bags yeah yeah can I tell you about my nightmare that I had I was gonna bring that up I you know how I usually have the dream about like I'm driving in my breaks don't work and I'm approaching an intersection and that's just like really a reflection of feeling out of control in my life yes well I feel like I had a new out of control dream but it's completely different David corn sweat DM to me and I was trying to respond but somebody like a phantom was responding on my behalf and I could see them typing out and there was nothing I could do and there were so many typos and the phantom just kept sending them and I was like screaming at my phone like please like please not David corn sweat not to David corn sweat and everything it was just out of my control somebody on my behalf was having a conversation with David corn sweat in my DMs and there was nothing I could do to stop it or edit the typos that's out of control yeah that's that's almost worse than cruising up to an intersection no that's my 20 25 version of the intersection dream DC and the day but I wonder why I would feel that way the day that I just got my bangs if anything I should feel the opposite but I finally have a new lease on life I think those are two isolated events I don't think those two are related I feel like I should feel completely in control now but honestly I think it's because I've been watching so much girls what episode are you on I just watched the episode I think it was the season two finale where Hannah's OCD is like really really bad and she called Adam and he's like stay right where you are and he stays on FaceTime with her and he's running across the entire city to get to her that to me was the most romantic scene of anything I've ever seen and I went from being like they're gross to like they're so gross and perfect and amazing and I want exactly what they have I might have to rewatch you might I might I don't remember that but I really just wonderful and all I will say about girls so far I think I'm somewhere in season three right now is that Hannah gets so much shit for being a narcissist whereas like why aren't why isn't everyone going for Marnie she's awful not to pit women against each other but I do think we should like be talking about Marnie right now because she's now slept with the second one of her best friends X's and I think that's probably one of the worst things you can do so to do it twice and then be going at someone else for being a narcissist is really remarkable I hope Marnie like I hope I want someone to scream at Marnie is what I want because she's screaming at everyone else I price someone screams at her soon Shashana did a little bit but I need Hannah too I need everyone else to she was my least favorite character yeah for sure she's the top but like intentionally yeah I'm good about the writing is just like the characters are all so unique that it's like they've never been done before and they can never be done again and they feel like real people because they're so unique like it's like you can't make this shit up but someone did which is insane I think the writing is so just like so nuanced that's that's one of those shows where like there's there's little thing and this is what I like in TV this is my this is my bar for television I think Feep does a really good job at it always sunny sometimes like the jokes that they don't care if you get and you rewind and you watch it again it's like wow that's so tiny but that's such a good detail yeah and they're fast yeah try to keep up bitch I just love like I think and get the more reading. I've been doing the more I'm like sometimes, and same in TV shows kind of too, but it's a little bit harder in TV shows 'cause every character is played by a different actor. But in books, sometimes it's like every character is the same. You're just giving them a different name. Like no one has a personality. So I think in writing, like when you're writing characters, like it is so hard but so key to like make every character have such a different voice and such a different personality and give them like key characteristics to differentiate them and Lena Dunham is so good at that. - Well, it's definitely pulled from lived experience 'cause it's way too detailed to just write that into a character. - Yeah, but everyone's lived experience and not everyone can do what she can. - I agree, but that definitely came from things she's like gone through. - Well, yeah. She's so talented. - As a girl. I had a booker in my nose all day today until it's noon. I had it since I woke up at 8.30. - Did you leave it in there on purpose? - Yeah, Brooke, I left it in there on purpose. - Okay, are you being sarcastic? - Yes. - There was no reason for that. - What kind of question is that? I might, my nose ornament. - Maybe you just were like, what's the point of taking it out? - 'Cause it was just going to be another one. No, I was an accident. Yeah, I'm leaving this one there. - This one is for me. - Okay, well, I used to have a cousin that my bookers on her face, so I don't know what you're doing. - Okay, let's circle back to cousin. Someone's banging in my door one second. - Okay. - Just while he's gone, I need it. I'm flagging that the, I need everyone to listen to the grease. - I can't, I don't want to talk about it. Is he slapping? - What are you talking about? - I said, "Litian," instead of "Litian." And I tried to do his breast, but, but. Oh my god, "Litian up everybody." Brooke is fooling a little breast off today. But everyone, thank you for listening. - I want to start talking with like Google Translate. I don't want to be used by mouth and vocals. - Do you know what's amazing about us? - No, I don't. - Besides the obvious, AI could put its entire pussy into making a podcast and could never write anything as nuanced positive connotation as this podcast, 'cause it makes little to no sense. - 'Cause the AI's not programmed to be dumb. - AI's not programmed to get from point A to point Q before going to B. - Yeah, I'm going backwards, too. - Yeah, and then we reverse engineers like such common sense thought processes. But we're the breast at it. - Totally. I'm like cracking up thinking about our conversation about girls as being like, wow, it's like nuanced and like she made it each character really different. And she's the genius. - Me saying nuanced for hundreds of years. - It's probably from lived experience. And me saying, yeah. - No, what's working about TV like that? - No one's talking about how characters are written based on people's experiences. - And they're all different, too. - It's cool when characters are different. - I mean, when characters are different. - Like, yeah, that was tough. - And you saying all characters in every book are the same? - I think I genuinely feel that way sometimes. I think that's what differentiates a good book from a bad book. - The characters? - Yeah, because sometimes when they're, when you can't see them being played by different actors, they all feel like the same person because it's just the author's voice. Does that make sense? Or are you whispering? Is your mic out? - Yes, it makes sense to me. - Okay. Well, anyways. - What? - I think your mic is really far away from me. - I was just gonna talk about it. - What? - I think your mic is far away from your face or something. - It's like about as close as it's ever been to my face. - That better. - Here, I'll point it more directly at my mouth. - Thanks. Just the thing is, when I was in my role for Noelle's horror film, I was flailing so much that I knocked over my mic and it hasn't been the same since. - Can I be honest about something that happened in Noelle's horror film with my character? My last scene, spoiler alert, when I was being stabbed in the back, like physically, not metaphorically, like within knife, I was supposed to, I did, I had a blood capsule in my mouth and it spilled out like really beautifully out of the side of my mouth and that was cut. - Oh, that's a bummer. You should ask for that clip. - I wanted, I want it back. I'm really upset about it, not upset, but like I worked really hard on that scene. - That's hard. - I was really scared to put the blood capsule in my mouth. - That's hard. - Yeah, so now I know how actors feel when their scenes are cut, it's like devastating. - Yeah, that sucks. - Totally sucks. - That's like, what? - It's okay. It's not right, but it's okay. - Yeah, like people do hard things. You have bangs now, so. - Yeah, at least I do. - My, okay, so before I got on, I was thinking about this. Did she Tom Brady, he, you know, a ton about Tom. - I know, he played for the Patriots, and he was free to Gisele, and he could send a son on the lips. - Brooke, those are kind of the only things you need to know about TV. - Yeah. - TV 12. - And he's featured in the film "80 for Brady." - Which I heard was, which I heard was a masterpiece. - A freaking masterpiece. - Well, that's amazing. - But Tom just cloned his dog, and people are like, you didn't hear that he cloned his dog? - I did. - I didn't, and I told Tweet that it was like, I didn't know we were here yet, neither did I. - Why did I, this didn't even make me blink? Like why, why, I thought people have, I know, like I know people that have cloned their dogs. - I only know people from the season two of the rehearsal that cloned their dogs, but I was kind of like that can't be real. - Well, I don't think we're, I don't think cloning is the right terminology. It's just like DNA, right? - Well, they're not, they don't have the same personality. - It's a different dog. - So I don't understand what they're cloning, like. - The DNA. Like I guess if you cloned me and made me in an embryo, what I looked the exact same, but it would be a different person, with like different behaviors. - That would be a personality. Did a dog just walk in the studio? Okay. - Why did you say that? - Oh, I thought I heard a dog, but it was just Evan's backpack. - Now I hear something. - What? - Now I hear, oh my gosh. There's a group of school children walking by and they're all tied together. - Oh, I love when that happens. It's so cute. - I wish I'd talk to my kids together. - That's the dream one day is to one day tie 12 kids together. - Yeah. - Okay. - Aw, did you make your heart warm? - Yeah. - How many kids do you want? - What kind of kids do I want? - How many? - Three sounds right, but that doesn't make sense numbers wise, 'cause I feel like they need to be even. - I have three. - Do you guys gang up on each other? - We have in the past. - Yeah, I feel like it's always gotta be, like there is, there ends up being a majority there and I feel like that's not right. - Well, imagine when it's three to one, if you four, that's even worse. - I don't think it ever would be true. - We can gang up on each other in an even number. - Okay. Well, if it was three to one, then like the, the one like, sorry, that is truly, like there is, that's your fault. If you don't even have a single person that will vouch for you. - Me and Gabby and I gang up on Noah said that. - You gang up on it? - Yeah. - So. - Bad last year. - Last year? - Yeah, it was like one of the worst gang ups. Like I've ever seen. - You shouldn't be ganging up on your family. - Yeah. - You deserved it. - What do you do? - My bank's feel really weird right now against my forehead. They're fine. My, this was the family cruise. And it was actually like me and Gabby were like, we wanna go on a family vacation, we never do that. And we'd been saying that for years. And so I think we had planned to be with our dad for Thanksgiving and he texted us like surprise. Like we're going on a cruise. And Gabby and I were like yeah, we're so excited. Thanks dad, like we love you. And he's like I love you guys, like I'm so excited and Noah responds and was like, wow, don't know if I can come, had plans. And like that was all, he's only response. And so Gabby and I were like, text him on the side and we were like dad was so excited. He gave us such a special gift and that's how you repay him. Like you're really a bad person. Linda and Nathanael. those words. But we were really mean. I can't imagine if you and Gabi group texted me. And well, it's like sad when your parents are like old and they do something nice and you watch one kid to be like, I'm not interested. Did well, he said, I can't make it, right? Like did you? Did you know? It was like it was worse than that. Double checking his schedule. Wow. Wish you had told me. But my dad was like doing this like grand gesture surprise. It was really sweet. I don't need to be on Noah's side. I don't need you doing Noah's side right now. No, if my parents booked a trip, that seemed really fun. And I had work. I'd be like, why didn't you double check with me? You didn't have work. What did he have? I don't remember. But it was like something fine to skip. Yes. Oh, well, I'd still be like, Oh, like we should have been like, look, I bought these things. What dates is everyone available? No. I mean, it was just like a sweet surprise gesture. You do want to check availability? We were also supposed to be with him for Thanksgiving. Oh, you didn't say it was a thing. I did. I did. I had said that. Well, don't you remember? I went on a cruise over Thanksgiving and I said, we were going to be with my dad with Thanksgiving. Pish Posh. We were taking a bath. I can't fiercely play devil's advocate when you're not even listening. I locked and loaded over here. Anyway, I'm going to clone my shots. Someone. Someone outside is singing, but not good. It's a little spoo. It sounds like a ghoul. I keep having to look out because I don't know where people would be outside this window. You know the window in this room. I kind of forget. Well, there's this room that I'm in here. You kind of know this area. Uh-huh. And then there's one window there that looks out kind of straight at a brick wall. Right. And then it also looks into my neighbors like houses, but I don't know where people could be singing out there. It's also so cool. Oh, this is not the street. But there is a street. Yeah, but they're back. Anyways, it's fine. They can sing their. They can sing their hearts out. Wait, I have been loving saying eat your heart out. What context do you use that in? Like, um, eat your heart out. No, we'll be on this Thanksgiving trip. Yeah. It's like go fuck yourself. I think. Oh, I wish I had the screenshots of all that. It was so funny. Eat your heart out. No, at your plans. Yeah. We'll we'll be with Papa. Yeah, he did end up coming on the cruise and he did end up sleeping on the plank. Oh my god. He got planked. He got totally plank. That's why did I'm still not over you guys putting like 12 adult people in that one. It wasn't okay. And we knew it was bad because usually my dad, like when things are bad, like, hope you like, wow, this is incredible. And try to make us feel bad that we're like not appreciating a situation that's like clearly shitty. You know, and he walked into that suite, which I think was sold and marketed pretty differently. And he said, this is pretty bad. I would have I would have jumped ship. I think. Oh my god. They're really singing. Um, that was like, this, this, this makes me feel similar to that, similarly to that. Like the vibe of teen older teenage kids with their AirPods in the whole time on a trip and like looking at their phones and like, their parents are like, we took you to California, you know? And it's like, take your AirPods out. You know, like when I when we went to Yellowstone with my family and my dad was so excited because he got a convertible. And it was like we there was like a rogue winter storm and it was like 30 degrees outside and it was dumping snow and he was like, no, we have a convertible. We're putting the top down. And no one spoke. We were no one was talking. Everyone was mad. There's buffalo everywhere. We were like, I couldn't enjoy it because I was just pissed off the whole time. Yeah. I had the worst haircut during this time of my life that you could, you could see my scalp like it was that then. And then on, it was like back for. I know that one. Yeah. You do? Yeah. From from bottoming and bottoming out on your Instagram or something. Oh, it is like it's it's way down there. Yeah. It's far down. I need to archive that. It's one of it's like that. When you have a haircut like that, it makes you wonder if any of your friends really liked you, you know? Because how come no one was like, oh my gosh. Why did you do that? Oh, I think the opposite. Like the fact that they're still willing to be friends with you through that. I like to say something. If it's fixable, you can't make a comment on your friend's bad haircuts. That's really mean. When it grows out, I would be like, hey, you can't cut it like that ever again. Well, did you like your haircut? I must have. But like, I'm if my friend likes their haircut, I'm not going to be like, hey, this looks really bad. That's a really mean thing to say. No, you don't say it when someone doesn't get a tattoo and you're like, that is horrible. You know, it's just like, oh, but like hair is fixable. So I think when it grows out, I'd be like, hey, you should not do that again. Oh, I don't agree. Because your friend may like their haircut, but do they also like being hot and being hot and sexy? If they feel good in it. I'm agreeing with you to a point, but then I'm like, I promise you as your friend, like this is bad. I don't agree. I'm not all for like, oh, you feel good in it. Because I'd be like, I promise you from from from the outside looking at you, you shouldn't feel good in it. That's really mean. I don't I'm honest. No, but just because it's honest doesn't mean you should say something. If I was getting ready to post a picture of myself, a selfie, and I show you and you go, oh my. Does it make you feel good? Like I'd rather have you be like, I promise you, you don't want to post that picture. Well, maybe if it's you and I know that you feel that way, but like most people just like want to feel good about themselves and not have people ruin it. I feel like the way I would feel good about myself is when I got validation from other people. Well, I would encourage you to change your entire way of being. Easier said than. I agree that's one thing we can agree about. Okay. We got here. We got here. And the characters, the characters in girls are new. It's like at the end of the day. At the end of the day, it's like they're different characters. Right. So Lena Dunham is an incredible writer. You know, it's incredible about Lena Dunham's characters. They're based off lived experience. And they're based off lived experiences. And there's more than one of them too. And they're all they all have differences. Next time we disagree, like that's something that we can come back to. The one, the one thing that you and I, we can like, like shot chaser, the chaser's always going to be Lena Dunham created characters, created characters that are different. And they're nuance. And then she really did that. Things she did. I love just throwing the word nuance in the conversation when I like don't really know what I'm saying. I don't know what nuance means. I want you to try to define it. Okay. Defining words is really hard even when you know what it means. A nuance is like a subtle difference, right? Or like a subtle detail. That's like so well said. Okay. That's amazing. That's exciting for me. Wow. The actual shape is characterized by subtle shades of meaning or expression. That's great, Connor. Suttle T is the key word there. I'm glad. That's a great one to tap into. Suttle T. Yeah. What is subtle, like little and almost unnoticeable? You're like really good at defining words. Yeah. So delicate. It's supposed to be difficult to analyze or describe. Pretty much. Well, the the Oxford dictionary really stepping out. Oh my god. I just thought of a new page for my Hobo Nietzsche vocab words. Oh, bone. Hobo Nietzsche. Oh, I haven't. I haven't dived into my, I haven't dove in into my Diven. Didn't hop. I haven't dived into my words. I like lists and so long. Yeah. That's crazy. You should get a Hobo Nietzsche and add a page for that. I should because have you known or you don't use the notes app, right? On your phone. Did you say that? No. Okay. Someone told me recently they don't use it. And I was like, that's insane. Because it's all I use. And then they kind of opened my eyes up to the fact that I'm sorry. Like that needs to stop. The fact that you can't search for anything in the notes app. Like if you search for I have written very specific jokes in the notes app or something or a list or names for a show that I need to add to the guest list or whatever. They will just disappear. It's impossible to search. I feel you can search everything. No, it like disappears your notes a lot. I don't think so. Anyways. Okay. So we recorded yesterday. Right. And so we did a really, we thought we were going to have nothing to say. Like whatsoever because we recorded yesterday and felt yesterday. Like we had nothing to say. So I'm pretty proud of us for having that really nuanced conversation. Well, it was different and it based off of lived. totally based off of lived. - And there's a ton of differences between you and I and yesterday and today. Which is the experiences that we lived from yesterday's recording to today's. We're so new on and so subtle. It actually gave us 30 minutes of talking material. - We talked for 30 minutes. Okay, but we had to dive into the DMs where people had sent in several submissions which were just groundbreaking and so nuanced and really amazing. So much so that I want to go through them. Is that okay? - Yeah. - Okay, so and we just asked for really, really general stuff. Right? - Right. - Well, first of all, we asked for family drama and that one didn't work out so well. So we moved on to just more of a general. - Okay. My room, this is advice that's when sent in. Are you ready? - I am. - It's kind of relevant. - Okay. - It's also nuanced and different. - Really? - My roommate's boyfriend picks his nose in our room. All the time. I don't know why this is, he's really hot so she never addresses any of his issues. But what can I say besides get your boyfriend to stop leaving boogers in our room? He literally picks his nose and then flicks them. There is this feeling in my soul that I have with booger picking where like when I flick it, like I'll never see that. It does like kind of disappear. - You think you're flicking it into the void? Like at a numbed bell then consumes the booger? She like, I know that that's not the case. By the way, I'm not doing it. - What a good idea for a children's book. Where'd all the boogers go? Booger like that. - Well, I'll tell you where the boogers go. Because I, what was I gonna tell you earlier is that like this is, there was someone I knew that I slept over at their house and. - No, like growing up, like a just sleepover vibes and I was in a bunk bed. - Did they have a booger corner? - They had a booger wall. My cousin, the white boogers on her face, I found her booger corner too once. - So the boogers do not exist when they leave your nose? - Well, 'cause they were doing intentional wiping. - Like building a team. - That's different than the flick. - They're putting a team together. - They were building an army where they could see them. - Like spackling. I don't like that. - I don't like the spackle. - Yeah, when I said spackle, you're, I saw your mood, your demeanor changed a little bit. - I, one time, I hope this doesn't change the way anyone looks at me, but when I was little, I had a spot. And one day I was just like so consumed with guilt that I started sobbing and I confessed my spot to my, to my mom. And she, she cleaned it. So it's handed the story. - Consumed with guilt. - Why am I so lean and done with that one? - Just nuanced and different. - Yes. - Woo! - I just kicked over the computer almost. - I didn't need to tell that. - It's okay. - It just like didn't have any meaningful impact and all it did was tell people that I'm gross. - No, I think it opened you up to being so transparent with this group of people that already knows everything about. You and I. - I think what wasn't okay about my book or spot is that it was on fabric. (laughing) - Oh yeah, broke, oh, that's the part. - What fabric? - Which is what, my, which is what's not good. - What fabric? - Where it's my cousins was in the corner on the wall. It was on the back of the couch. But a couch in a room where no one sat. A couch is a couch is a couch. Oh, sorry, that's nice. - Connor. - That's gross. - I was four. - For you? - Yes, Jen. - How do you remember that? - I do kind of want to call my mom and ask her what that confession was like from her POV. - That would be funny. - Should I do that? - Yeah, you should do that. - Give her a shout. - You're worried about her. - Let me see. Oops, I hung up. (laughing) - Ooh, call failed. What's wrong with her? Hello? - People's phones are breaking right now. - Are they actually? - Yeah, my parents don't ring. - It just keeps saying call failed. - It could be your phone too. I heard those phones are having issues. - What phones? - The new one. - Now it's working. - She's not available. Are you there? Okay, hopefully we can catch her later. - No worries at all. - But anyway, that's that. - Okay, so low to horse shit. - So your friend's boyfriend is picking his nose. - Oh yeah. - In the room. - Listen. - I am all for. Well, Brooke, your opinion is, what if it makes them feel good? - No, that's not my opinion. This is totally different than someone's haircut. I think it's really reasonable for you to not want, for you to not want someone to drop their boogers in your room. That's not the same situation at all. It's telling someone their haircut's foggy. - Yeah, I think you just have to be like, hey, you gotta come up with like a, I think you gotta come up with like a really good, funny burn. I'd be like, hey, hey, Professor Bugs. Like, where, why are you flicking your boogers everywhere? - Yeah, I think make it light, nice and light. Make it a little bit. - Yeah, something nice and light. - You don't need to make it like a big like sit down. Like I really like, please stop. - Undervention. - Licking your boogers in my room, blah, blah, blah. Hey man, why are you flicking your boogers in my room? - Hey man, put that thing back where it came. Or so help me. Yeah. - Okay. - I think just like next time he does it, make a joke. Or like call it out in a funny way. - Okay. - If someone was really hot in doing that, though, would you care? - Is it possible for someone to be hot and flicking their boogers all over your room? - Awesome question. - For more eye'm standing? Yes. 'Cause I'm really sick. 'Cause I can convince myself anything is endearing when it's the right person. - Balls deep in your mouth. - I'm thinking about Jonathan Bailey flicking his boogers in my room. Go head, King. Hey, here's what, here's my couch. Make yourself at home. - Put them all in one area with me. - I want you to have a space where you feel comfortable putting your boogers in my home. - That's insane. - Connor. - No, it's okay. (laughing) It's okay, feel free to be you. - Thank you. - A lot of the advice pieces were really actually kind of upsetting and depressing. There's a lot of people that can't get out of bed in the morning. - I get that. - Yeah. - Do you know what helps me, genuinely? Like, I don't know why I just started screaming. You just have to. And like, that's the worst thing in the world. But like, not giving myself an option is the only thing that helps me. - Do it miserable. - You know what woke me up this morning? - Do it with the frown. - No, I like, I like took a water bottle into my bed last night. So I was like watching TV and I was like, I know I'm gonna get thirsty. And it was like, screw on top. I like woke up, like I woke up in the middle and I had unscrewed and it was my bed soaked right now. - I'm sorry. So maybe put a bottle of water in your bed and you won't stay in it for very long. - I need to wash my sheets if that helps. Like really badly and I can't. - Mine are washing right now. - Oh, I'm jealous. Well, you know, actually like, I need to stop saying the most disgusting things. So I'm gonna look inward and not say that. - What's in there? When you looked inward, what did you see? - I saw someone that needs to not say what they wanted to. - I want you to say it. - No, it's like gross. - Is it, well, I mean, we were talking about your sheets so now people are just filling in the blanks. - No, it doesn't, it doesn't really have to do with that. It has to do with something one of my cats did. - Oh yeah, I don't say it. - They didn't like go and my sheets are anything. It's not that bad. I just don't wanna talk about it right now. (laughs) - No one's making you. You don't talk about it. - They pooped on Rob. (laughs) Puped. He didn't even poop. He's so good. He had poop on his butt, which was not his fault at all. He's the most amazing guy. - He just couldn't get to it. And so he wiped, he scooted on my bathroom mat. And so I cleaned it. Why are you shaking your head? - Oh, I mean, 'cause I'm just, I'm finishing your sentences before you, but I've been wrong at every turn. So go ahead. - Oh, so I cleaned the bath mat? is my name. as I could, it was a little bit. It was only a little bit. And then I put it in the wash, in the wash. But now I'm like, I don't really want to put my sheets in the same washing machine. Even though it was like not even a like perceivable amount once it went into the washing machine. But I'll just be thinking about it. Should I have thrown the bath mat away? Dirt goes down the drain with the water during the drain cycles of washing machine eventually flowing into the sewer system. The detergent helps to spend the dirt. Is he, can you Google, can you put poop in the washing machine? Like a hood, like not even in that, like if something, if you poop, yeah, a little poop, can you put a little poop? Let's pretend it's on your underwear, yeah, in the washing machine. Can you put a little poop in the washing machine? Yes, you can put a small amount of poop in the washing machine. But you must first remove as much solid matter as possible. It's exactly what I did in washed items separately. It's exactly what I did. Thank you, Google, thank you, Google Gemini for coming through with the answer so easily. Can you, can you search on Google, and see if Google Gemini answers this? I am a baby seal. I can't find my mama. What is that from? I want to see if, I want to see if, can you do, can I see it a little bigger? If you are a human who has found a baby seal, no, wrong, I'm a baby seal. What do I do? Can, I'm a baby seal. What are you trying to do? What do I do? I'm lost. If you are a baby seal, you should remain still and wait for your mother to return to nurse you. If your mother does not return, this is so sad. If you're a baby seal on the beach, stay put. Your mother may have a band in you and you will need help from a local wildlife rescue. Luckily, baby seals can, this is easily accessible information for them, so they'll need to stay put and wait for a local wildlife rescue to come pick them up. If you're a baby seal on the beach, stay put, wait for help, and if you, you are a wild animal and can bite if you feel the rut and humans should not approach you. Okay, thank you. That's so interesting. Google Gemini is coded. Google Gemini AI. Yeah, but so like, or when we Google something, even if I'm not using if I'm not like seeking that that out, it's still like we're using AI with every Google search now. I think so. I think we are done for that. So crazy. Yeah. So the backward came from so help me. 80 degrees. Yeah, I just keep getting texts from people that are like, Hey, I wanted to come to your show, but tickets are $900 now. It is sold out. I don't know where $900 like it's so insane. Those are scams. I'm not who whose tickets are Taylor Swift, $900 tickets, right? Yeah, but Beyonce. I mean, it might be your ticket. I think that they might be real tickets, but it's because Step Hub like buys a bunch and then resells them based on demand. Right. Just flattering that the man equals $900. I think they were. My God, it's actually 900. That's crazy, Connor. You know, it would be even crazier if someone bought it. I really pray. I told people do not buy it. It is sold out. But they, I think they're real. Or Step Hub tickets, always real. I got scammed recently for Book of Mormon. I think it's important to be aware of some sellers may attempt to sell counterfeit or duplicate ticket. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Okay, ready. I'm going to do another one. I really like this guy. I'm hooking up with, but he smells so bad. That's, that's for me at the end. Really? Also, but like, what is, like, what kind of smell? Like, from where? Mentioned deodorant. But then that, like, if it's B.O. I don't know why I said that in that way. You didn't hear that. What? Okay. If it's B.O. that's fine. Just like Tommy needs deodorant. See, I think if someone is so unaware that they smell like B.O. And it's like an intentional choice that they're making to not address it. I think that's signs of an underlying bigger issue. Also, if he was your soulmate, you'd probably like his B.O. Right. Oh, Brooke, where did make that leap? Thanks. Pat your back. Well done. Yeah. That's a good point. Thanks. If you're not loving that mosque, he's not your evil. I kind of agree. Wow. Okay. That was easy. Dump him or, or just only, only fucking the shower. Good idea. My best friend's dog is the cutest sweetest dog ever. He has gigantic balls in a really big butthole. I love him so much. Okay. You never find you up. Gigantic balls in a really big butthole. That's so Henry. Henry Henry. Nice. Okay. I love him so much and want to pet him but hate getting his balls all over me as well as his butthole at times. Any advice for squeamish dog lovers? Put, yeah, put it, put it, put it on some pants. Put some pants on them. No, I would, I feel the same way. I can't do, I can't do dog balls. I don't like see a world where the balls would get on you. If it's sitting, if it's like jumping and sitting on you. I guess, yeah. Well, I was thinking a big dog. If he's got a huge butthole, like a big of a butthole could like a yorky have, you know. It's not a yorky. I don't think. They didn't say. Yeah. No, I would assume it's like more like a bigger dog. But a bigger dog like the front of them would be on with it. Maybe it's with eyes. Okay, regardless. Maybe just focus on the head. Maybe you don't, maybe you don't do as much, maybe you don't do as much butt stuff with the dog. Well, it's kind of hard just not to like, like I could be focusing on the head, but like I know what's back there. I, with Max, I never, I'm never, I'm never really, I'm not back there ever. I feel like my catbub will throw it always in my face. This is like, no, I feel like cat butt holes are like, yeah. Just like, but there's no everybody. Yeah, they're not a problem and they don't have balls. Cats do have balls. Mine don't. They're fixed. Yeah. The balls are gone. Right. Oh, that makes me sick when I got Max fixed. Oh, it makes me sick. Like you had to. I couldn't really talk to Max when he had his balls. Max is like so big in flood. I mean, his balls were. Yeah, I couldn't really, I couldn't really like navigate that. I mean, and oh, my God, them thinking about Max's balls, they're like, they looked like human balls. Yeah, it was upsetting. Max had like a ball sack. Yeah, this is, it was upsetting. I forgot about that. Now, he's just kind of like ballless king. Yeah. What a bummer to like, he never really humped either. But just like, oh, my gosh. Oh, my gosh. I'm thinking too much about this. Give me a panic attack. Thinking about only having a penis like me out. I know that that I know that people, I don't know, but I, oh, okay, I gotta move on. None of these are really relevant to us. Hang on. I stole my coworker's jewel and gas I did her into thinking it was missing. And she wanted me to turn around to look for it. So when we were already late for work, so I said, no, she jumped out of the moving car. Wait, I don't know that advice. Carpooling with your coworker to work. Yeah. Start over. And then she wanted me to turn around to look for it when we were already late for work. So I said, no, so she jumped out of the moving car. Okay, so that's why you need to yeah, that's why you need to quit with Jones, which is a sponsor of this podcast and I'm wearing their sock. Are you? Yeah, they're cozy. Look at how cool and look at that. Look at that. Jones socks. Oh my god, I have Jones socks too. That's amazing. Yeah, I think you're, if you're putting yourself in harm's way to hit your head of the tool like really truly that's it. That's a sit down come to Jesus moment. Yeah. Like that should be your last day with the jewel. Unfortunately. I think so. I also, I realized I'm addicted to lead. Really? Yeah, because I've been trying to stop and I can't, which is actually like not a good feeling at all. Yeah, I remember Jake Shane quit weed and he loved people. Oh, my mom's calling me now. I don't really want to talk about my book or couch. Let's just do it. Hey, mom. You're on the podcast. Oh, hi. Do you remember when I was young and confessed my book or hideout to you? Yeah, that's it. What was that like? What was that like? like for you? Like, can you walk us through your experience? Do you have the same hideout? Remember memories I do? I don't know. Just tell us what it was like for you. Well, I came in and I asked you. If you picked your nose or what you were doing or something about picking your nose and said, yeah, and I said, what do you do with them after you pick them? And you said, I eat them. Okay, it's different. That's different than what I remember. So that's not at all what I remember. So let's just call it a wash. And I told you I wiped them on the couch. Well, you might have done that, but I remember specifically the eating one. Okay, cool. Thank you. Bye, mom. All good. It's not live. So I don't remember. I mean, I'm sure that you did wipe them on the couch. But I don't remember having a reaction to that. No worries. Thank you. Bye. Bye. So I don't remember that? Well, no, you don't need to. You were four. I eat them. That sounded like I was a lot younger. That was like Fred armistone level. I'm a baby. I eat them. I'm a baby. Do we have to cut that? No, we have that is like, that's like something that is the magic of what we do is like that, something stuff like that. I must wait. I must have been like two. Just shoot her a text and ask what how old she thinks you were. How old was I when I was when I was eating them? I eat them. Oh, cool. I eat them. Great. It was so good to catch up. Oh, nice. Not my memory. It must have been because I was so young. I don't remember it. Right. You were so full. Dude, probably. Okay. A girl from my high school named her baby, my exact first and last name. It's my Instagram handle and it's what everyone from high school knew me as when my boyfriend showed me her post and said, OMG, she named her baby first and last. I looked up her Instagram and realized that she had blocked me. So I wouldn't see that she named her baby after me. Wait, did she make your last name, the middle name of the baby? It looks like that. Yeah. My mom said I was three. Okay, cool. Yeah, that's fine to do when you're three. It was a different time. Yeah, I was in a crib, she said. So that's fine to do when you're in a crib. Yeah, when you're in a crib, all the rules are off a completely agreed. Sorry, I'm still thinking about that. It's okay. It's a crazy. That's the same person. It's not from over here. It's the same as this classy woman with bangs. Right. That's growth. Yeah, that's on growth. That's on growth and bags and being different and nuanced now. You people can change. People can change, change, change. When they have access to other things to eat, I was hungry. Connor. It's a crazy girl. I'm sure you ate your bookers when you were three. I promise you I didn't. But I know you did. I promise I did, I did not do that because my mom scared me about like, my mom is good at putting the fear of stuff like that in your mind. And it saves me forever. However, I learned later on from my aunt that she was, she would eat her scabs on. Wait, sorry, you learned from your aunt that she would eat what? That my mom would eat pick her scabs off and eat her scabs. Yeah. Which is that's gross. That's much closer to me than eating your bookers. Because boogers come from the same system. No, no one should be eating scabs or boogers. I think we didn't say it's less gross. Eat your brothers because it comes from the same place. I just, I don't want to, I don't want either of them. Scabs, I guess what goes in must come out. What goes out must go back in. It's not going to kill you, but I don't think it's necessarily going to make you stronger. It's good for you. Proteen raise your glass or protein. Okay. So what do we think about this young woman in this predicament where someone has named their first first and last baby? That's freakish that she blocked you. It's, it's freakish. I have never had a baby. But naming, name in terms of namesake, you do assume sort of like hang on. It's not illegal to do. No, it's just, it's just weird. But honestly, like if I, if there was someone's name for my high school that I was like so obsessed with, and it was like, you know what? A message. This is going to be my kid for the rest of my life. And like this girl from high school means enough, like I don't know her. Like I'll, I'm going to take the name in it. That's it. Like it doesn't have any effect on you or me moving forward. But if it was someone I knew well, I wouldn't. And I also wouldn't have blocked the girl from high school, though. That's the weird part. No, I would have shot the message. But I think I would have messaged them. Yeah, always loved your name. We are going to name our baby that. Yeah, actually, maybe I wouldn't. Maybe a blocker. Hmm. I wouldn't block her because like it's going to get back to her. Yeah, but she's not affected by it. It's again, it's not illegal. I think the blocking is weird, but also like if you guys aren't in contact, and she just really liked your name, like that's fine for her to do it affects now one, but the blocking is weird. I agree. Okay, I had one family drama one. Okay. Um, a little over a year ago, my, oh, wait. Okay, a little over a year ago, my grandma passed away. She was the best person on this planet. My uncle, 57 years old, has lived in her house and rent free for about 14 years. He now pays utilities like water, electric and chip because my grandma isn't here to pay it for him anymore. So here's why I'm pissed in her will. It states that when she died, her house was supposed to be sold and divided into three for my mom and two uncles. He has completely destroyed the house like hoarders type shit. It's so sad because I have so many memories there. Um, he drives a 2022 Corvette. Why? Because he is perfect credit because he hasn't had bills in over a decade. I want you to put yourself in my mom and other uncle's position. Could you kick your sibling out? Because you'd think you'd have savings, but nah. Yeah, you could kick your sibling out. Yeah, I think I could too, like with pretty limited issues. Yeah. See ya. Yeah. Okay, because that's like not a normal thing to do. No, it's disrespectful. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, if it's in the world, it belongs to the three of you. Yeah. Or he needs to buy them out. Yeah, there's like this is not even a question. It's going to cut. It's that will be the end of their relationship probably until they die. Just thinking about that, randomly the plot of so many movies. What? The house is left to multiple siblings and then one sibling lives there in like hordes. And then the other siblings are like, you need to get out. I have not heard of a single movie like that. Definitely. Hello, my name is Doris. That's like the exact plot. I've never heard of that. That's the one with Sally Fields and Schmidt. Is it field or fields? Field. That's one with Sally Fields and Schmidt. Oh, is it good? Yes. I want to see that. Oh, I'll watch it. I love it. But yeah, she's hoarding in her mom's house. And I feel like there are other movies where there are siblings that are like, you need to get out. The show that I watch that I love and I no one will ever watch it. I can't get anybody to watch it. It's so weird. The gentleman. It's plural, gentleman. Brooke, that's a perfect example of woman versus women is the gentleman. Like there's not no plural and singular. That's the same old. Gentle man. Yeah, the gentleman. Gentleman. But like, ladies and gentlemen. Yeah, wait. I don't know. I feel like you would say gentleman for both. There's one gentleman at my door. Yeah, you would say man, you get that man in for both. It's both for gentlemen and different for women and women. Another double standard that women have to deal with 100%. That's sick. It's. This is not it either. This is not it. The O James is the main person in it. So many people have watched that show. This one's plural. Yeah, the gentleman. Yeah. That show is so good. because you. - There's only one. - There's only one for singular. - No, you wouldn't. - But what's weird is for woman and women, you're changing the first vowel and the second. 'Cause you're never saying gentleman. - Oh, yeah. Did you watch our level A yet? - No. I don't think I need to. 'Cause it's like so close to home. It's just like a TV show, like another TV show. But I was, I guess I was in the minority of people that really liked it or like enjoyed it. - I feel like I haven't heard too much, but maybe I'll watch eventually. - I told people I liked it and they said, "Are you fucking serious?" And it actually, I don't know if they'll respect my opinions on stuff anymore. That's like how little they liked it. - Who? - Maggie and Xavier. - Oh, really? - To her with? Yeah. - Maybe I'll watch. - Maybe you should. Just like maybe it's so close to home that it could be like, "Oh, interesting." It's like the influencers of it all. - I know. I feel like I just like live it. So it's like, I don't need to consume it in TV form too. - I know. - But maybe I will when I'm done girls. - It's very nuanced. I'm being serious. It's like a word that I would use to describe it too. - Or in no way. - Yeah. - Are there like different characters in shit? - Yeah, which kind of makes it different. - Wow. - Yeah, I will watch it. - It's an ensemble. - Holy shit. And they have like different personalities. - Yeah. - Okay, I'll watch that. - I think it is based off of Rachel Sinett's experience. - This is where I'm like, you're fucking kidding. There's no way. - Yeah. - Better believe it, darling. Okay, so here's the deal with what's happening right now. - You have to make. - No, ew, brook. - That could be pee. - I don't have to do anything. But what I want to do is head down this hall. Check on a few outstanding items. Housekeeping items that I have. - Yeah. - And then I want to hop into bonus. And I want to discuss something very top secret with you. - Okay, that sounds good. 'Cause I got a big week, if anyone coming to the New York show, leave everything you thought you knew about me at the door because it is my last show. I am going to rock out with my out. - Oh, you're going with the W. - Yep. - All right, looking forward to hearing about it. - Oh. - Yeah. All right, well, I'll see you guys in the bonus. - Ah, see that. - Thank you so much everybody for listening and writing. - Sorry about all the booger stuff. - I mean, it's just like that is what it is. Everybody poops. We'll see you in the bonus. If you're coming, if you're not, get, you know where the door, don't let the door hit you on the way out. - That was a situation that I've done this a lot of times before where I say something that's like not funny. And then it's like, let's talk about it for a really long time until it becomes funny and it doesn't. So let's head out. - What? - Booger. - Gate. Sometimes I do that, I can't let something go, like the first time I mentioned it and it doesn't get the reaction I want, it has to keep coming back. - Yeah, like no, you don't understand. - Until something bad has happened, like I eat them. - Yeah. (laughing) - I eat them. - That's like when I was interviewing to work at Bird, and I kept saying, and the interview was like, oh, I was hit by a car on a bird. Is that funny? And no one ever laughed, and then I learned later, they're like in so many hundreds of lawsuits 'cause people get hit by cars every single day on birds, and it's like very serious topic, which was you got hit by car, but I shouldn't be saying that in my second, third round interview for a job. - Sure. - But I meant like, endearingly, I'm like, I still want to work here, even though it's smashed to bits. - Yeah. - Yeah, anyways. - I know you're hard. - And you guys know mine most importantly, as a classy woman, so let's just call it, and I'll see you in the bonus. - Okay. - See ya. (laughing) - Lord help me, I pray for peace. (audience cheering)