Our Jeans Are High & Tactical | Your Mom's House Ep. 840

welcome welcome to your mom's house welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesdays abbott is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abbott elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys all new wednesdays on abc and stream next day on hulu no the fart mike what are you doing it's on your thing do you gotta fart come on dude be a team player what are you fucking doing look at how you're doing what are you doing you gotta do it if you're gonna do it do it right wow it's been so so long and you finally are back i'm so happy i had that on my vest yeah me too perfect timing it's important welcome to your mom's house you got a little uh sneak peek what happens behind the scenes before we record um it should be no surprise to anybody that we're shifting the focus of not only this show but everything that comes out of this studio into preparedness uh safety um knowing how to navigate any situation anything could happen at any time so as always you know you know if you if you stay ready you don't have to get ready if you're prepared you're not paranoid um if you're just always considering that anything could happen at any moment at any situation you really are going to move through life in a much more uh calm and settled state whoa double flashlights look how fast that was really quick boom and that's a really good point is that you don't you don't want to be like a lay person no who goes no should i think no law enforcement you go overhead right and you can move and then boom you can just put your weapon right over you it's the way to walk me through that though so why is this like an inferior way it's just just because it's like yeah you're not in control you're a newbie up here is i'm in control of the light source i control i mean the source is coming from above you can see you can scan got it you have more ability to move right about with this hand right but this guy gets in the way over here i don't know what i'm yeah and also you're going to be doing eight to ten second scans one two three four five six seven eight nine ten that's a long time not long enough in my opinion but yeah that's how you scan i would say from to five yards out and then you reset and you you go further maybe 20 yards out and you do another 10 second scan and that's for any room you walk into or any time you leave a building a home a residence a store an airport you step outside you want to do those two scans well i did that scan i parked here near the studio and then even though it's just in front of the front door i stopped i scanned i scanned right again and then i walked up you don't know if there's a bunch of clowns hanging around that aren't normally there yeah a lot of clowns yeah this neighborhood you don't know where they're coming from it's definitely something to be thinking about so as you can see um we have a bunch of suggestions of um of equipment that every listener and viewer of this podcast should buy immediately for the holidays definitely yeah i would gift this to probably everybody in your family and certainly the friends you care about um but it's just basically a way to navigate life you realize how many of us myself included we're just going through life willingly oh everything's fine there's never danger anywhere yeah and then you you walk outside clown car pulls up and now you're you're in a situation and now you're aware you may have to drive away from a gas station with the pump still in your in your gas tank and you know what which is which is fine because then you can also live on one of these yeah it's an mre i got 365 of these times two yep i've stocked your trunk and my trunk full of these so god forbid you need to pull over there's a tornado you're getting away from clouds ready to eat and that's pizza which i'm sure is it's fantastic that is a fantastic piece of pizza uh the department of defense makes those yes we used our connections to get um a couple hundred of them but i would say you know imagine you're out you go oh i'm just going i'm just going to the movies and then a situation that you're not expecting takes place yeah you leave the movies you know clowns started rioting and then now all the restaurants are closed yep uh all the windows have been bashed out of every grocery store restaurant all the water's been stolen the clowns take water so then then what happens well now you're like i don't have any food like what how am i going to eat for the next year mres that's the thing about mres not only are they flavorful calorically dense yes this this one right here the pizza slice you're talking five thousand calories five thousand at least wow i eat one of these a day and also it backs you up you don't have to stop what you're doing to make a bowel movement that's why i love these so much one thing nobody actually um brought up in any of this is trench foot which is something that happens when you have too much moisture in your boots yep and your socks get all wet and then all of a sudden you know you got a real situation so we'll put some links into our description for socks that we believe are higher quality and of course how to resolve trench foot once it's taken over that's such a good point tom not enough people discuss that you know especially because we are in texas climate it is moist that is humidity and such you should be prepared for any climate at any time let's say you're walking down the highway let's say you're starting in dallas you're like i'm going to walk to houston today yep you don't think your feet could use a sock change i'm kidding yeah also i've been training our children to drive uh our four-year-old son julian could drive already yeah because i don't trust these ai robot cars okay they're trying to rob you of your own license your own agency yep that's why i only do gas powered cars and i teach our children how to drive in case they need to get to safety we're going to cover it all today but it's um it's a it's an episode about safety and preparedness and um i think it's the right way to go into the new year absolutely safe and secure i got my trauma shears hell yeah let's go let's ready let's get into this let's get safe so you're out on town with your friends and you're going into a new environment once again you're going to perform the 10-second rule you're going to go into the new environment scan see for the best spot to sit and the best exits alternative exits so let's go inside and see what we have oh yeah dude think about the exits yeah bro you know what that theme song needs yep what's the need a saxophone it's smooth listen to that wow that is some smooth sax that's really great dude it was it was like hotter why are we smiling why are we having it like this is a serious topic when you walk into a restaurant any restaurant ever yeah you scan the room you look for exits yep you need to know where people are what's happening in that room don't think about what you're going to eat your friend that's joining you for a meal oh i hope this is a good place to eat that it's safety first of course so when i did my scan i noticed i have a fire extinguisher over here fire extinguisher is great for an improvised weapon if you need something and it's also helpful if you need to put out a fire so i know where it is i can access it quickly and then it's also close to an exit so if i need to exit i have an exit here and an exit down the end of the hall what level of anxiety do you think he enters every day with he wakes up and he's like is somebody in the home like that's the first thought is there someone in the bathroom i don't know is there someone in the bathroom i don't know is there someone in the bathroom i don't know is there someone in the bathroom i don't know is there someone in the bathroom i don't know is there someone in the bathroom i don't know is there someone in the bathroom is there someone in the bathroom i have to pee i just woke up check the shower open the closets look under the bed and then 30 minutes later he's like oh you have to pee also i didn't realize you could use a fire extinguisher as an improvised weapon oh yeah i knew that that's what i usually think of when i see fire extinguishers i'm like great i can bash someone's heaven with that if i need to some clown walks in here and talks to me i'm gonna smash his face in with that if i need to some clown walks in here and talks to me i'm gonna smash his face in oh my god he's he's i'm surprised he leaves the house without his tactical vest i don't understand how and i cannot believe that he doesn't like non-stop talk about concealed carry permits i cannot believe that but he's in arizona i mean still it's just like i cannot believe he's not talking about ankle holsters with like you know what I mean? Like carry six magazines on you at all times. Like it, to me, it would be, I'm like, when is that coming? When are we talking about shooting? Now, once I'm outside, I have to make a decision. Is it safer to go to the parking lot and go to my car? Or is it safer to go to another area? It really depends on the scenario. If there's a fire or a situation over there, I'm not going to want to go through it. I'm going to look for an alternative exit, which is that way. So to me, this restaurant gives me a lot of options. It's safe, it's secure, it's monitored, and I have options to get in and out of. So good job. This is a great place to come with your family and friends. Be well, be safe. Well, there's a fire on your left. You want to go to the right. That's what I learned. First of all, that was such a great observation on your part. I have often thought, what if I leave a place and there's a fire over there? Do I go towards it? Or do I go the other way? But he laid it out clear for me. Now you know. This is why you need shit like this. Also, if we can't get him, can we get his videographer? Because he's bringing this motherfucker everywhere. You know what I do like about his attire? Here's another thing I want to ask, though. Pockets on the pants. You need a lot of pockets. What if there's a fire to your right, but there's six clowns to your left? Oh, no. Then which way do you go? Where do you go? Because those are both very dangerous situations. Very dangerous. God damn, I might take the fire. You want to be in a clown fight? I'm scared. Or do you want to be. engulfed in flames? I think he'd rather take the flames. I think so, too. I think he's afraid of clowns, big time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's, um. Well, also, too, I like that safety dictates just every decision he makes. He's like, you're done eating your tacos. Is there a fire on here? Is there a tornado or a hurricane or are there clowns around? That will dictate what I do next as a human, where my day goes. One of the things I'm having trouble grasping is how much of your thoughts and energy is going into preparedness, because I feel like. Not enough. I feel like you're walking in and you're like, I'm scanning the room, where are the exits, is there a fire extinguisher, are there people coming in, what is potentially dangerous here? Yeah. You eat and then you're like, I'm going back into the fucking combat zone, like, are you just on high alert 24/7? I think so. I think that's kind of how he lives, right? He's in a combat zone. All the time. All the time. Stay fucking ready. This guy, in his mind, he's in the Helmand Province in Afghanistan. There's Taliban everywhere. Now, this is illegal in a lot of states, but I highly recommend getting some brass knuckles, you know? Yep. One of these right here, keep it on you at all times, lie to law enforcement if they ask you if you have them, and if you're having trouble dealing with that, here is, it's like a paper, it's the thickness of a credit card. But it's actually, it folds, and then it's a, it's a blade. That's brilliant. Brilliant. And I highly recommend every listener to get one of these. You keep that, that one in your back pocket. You keep it in your wallet, just like you would a card, and then if, like, pretend you're a bad guy, ready? Yep. Okay. Get over here, man. Hold on. I'm going to kill you, I'm going to kill you in the face. One second. Hey, you'd better fight me now. One second. I'm going to get you. I'm a clown. I'm coming to clown on you. You better get your knife. If you're anything like me, you've probably found yourself met with empty shelves and out-of-stock messages when trying to wrap up your holiday shopping. 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Go to shopify.com/momshouse. That's shopify.com/momshouse. Here you're first this new year with Shopify on your side. Here I am. There you go. There you go. Perfect. I don't fuck around. Wow. That was awesome. That was awesome. Just shit like that, you know? Yeah. That's a good one to carry around. It's good to carry in your wallet. The thing is--. The thing is, though, Tim, as we've learned wearing these vests, the key is accessibility. You got to get to the--. You got to have it. Well, that's why these tactical vests are fantastic. Also, I'll say this, comforting kind of feels like a thunder shirt. Yeah, like for animals when they get scared. When they get scared, it feels nice. It does feel snug. And then you don't have to, "Oh, is it in my bag?" Just have it all accessible, you know? You know what this reminds me of, too? Oh, there you go. Get it. Flash it. Very nice. Huh? Yeah. The other thing I would do, too, is put my passport here on my neck. All my identification, everything I need for the day here, right here. That's a great idea. So I don't have to fumble. Can you board a flight with one of these? I think you can. I think you should. Yeah. I think you should try. Hold on. I need my trauma shears. Trauma shears are mandatory. A must. And, yeah. Imagine you can even just cut your food up with this. You know, the Asians like to cut food with scissors. Yep. It's just easier. It is easier. I could cut your steak. Sean, who I travel with, he was the one that first brought up trauma shears. Trauma shears. Now, I feel like his are better because his folds. Yeah. He got better ones. Yours are not very good. These are not good. Here's Sean. Yeah. So, safety check today. We're about to make our drive to the next city. You always want to make sure that all your friends are in the car. So you always want them to sound off. Tom? Here. Kirk? Check. There we go. We're a bus. All right. We're a bus. We're a bus. Okay. We're a bus. All right. We'll make sure you have your knife with you. Yep. Just in case you run into some trouble. There we go. And, of course, trauma shears. There you go. Yeah. He's full. Stay safe out there. They fold. Thank you. Thank you. You're welcome. Stay safe. Yeah. But can I tell you what I didn't like there is that he didn't have good technique with the switchblade. Exactly. And you got to practice. And then these right here. Show me practice. Well, I'm not an expert in these, but this is the kind that you can, you know. Really get some stuff done. Yeah. You have to get, you have to practice. Right? Yeah. But be able to. I feel like I'm going to hurt myself if I do that. It's like West Side Story. It's like the Jets. Yes. The Puerto Rican kids. The Greasers and the, yeah. They were good with those. Yep. You got to watch. The Spicks and the Mix. Yep. West Side Story. That's a great one. Yep. This right here is, I don't even know what this is. Oh, it has a blade and then this here, which can break a window if you get stuck in a car. You know? Oh my God. I want one of those. Break the window. Yeah. It's really. Oh, and then this here. So you can, you can again. It's a carabiner. Yeah. Is that what that's called? You can. Put that on your bike. Exactly. Right here. Add this to the vest. Yeah. Which is really smart. And keep, keep everything, you know. Yeah. Oh, wow. There you go. Again, easy to get to. Easy. Yeah. Yeah. Right there. Anytime I need it, I just. Yeah. Pretend you're a bad guy. There you go. There you go, Tom. Yeah. Get back at me. Yeah. Yeah. I got caught in an elevator once and I wish I would've had these tools. Yeah. I don't know how to close this. Can you put the MRE on your body? Yeah. Because I do feel like I'm hungry a lot. Oh yeah. Of course you can. And I want to walk around with snacks. Yeah. That's great, man. Let's see. I got a machete there. Our guy. I think he has some more stuff out there for us. Hey, everybody. Just like we use the Cooper color. I'm going to use this. All right. All right. So, everybody, just like we use the Cooper color code and the Ota loop to help scan our environment and make safer decisions, the bad guy is always watching as well. The bad guy is looking at the way you walk, the way you dress, the way you talk, and eye contact. So, if you walk around with purpose, head up, scanning your environment, you're not a prime target. Okay. Bad guys use something called the hostile planning cycle. I go into the hostile planning cycle in great detail in my book, Situational Awareness and Safe Family Travel Strategies. Link in my bio. And go to the Prepared University. There you get your copy of my book. Be well, be safe. He's not wrong. No. And by the way, see how that's like a blousey oversized shirt? Fantastic for keeping weapons on your waistband without them being notable. You can strap them around your stomach. That's a really good note. He didn't mention it there, but it's something I've observed. Family safety. We've got to get our kids tactical vests, too. Also, why get a pen that you can only write with? Where this one also has, see on the other side, this is like a weapon. Again, you could break a window. You could pop someone in the face with it. Stabby stabbies. Waiter mouth off at you. Oh, yeah. Let them have it. Fuck up. And I see you got your mace there, too. Yeah, of course. You always want to carry this with you. Defense spray. Again, this is another great Christmas idea. Oh, are you kidding me? If I got that in my stocking? I know you cared about me as a lady. Yeah. You want me to be safe. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Yeah, there's just, there's so many things. Let's see here. We've got to, here we go. Hey, everybody. Larry here from Prepare Not Paranoid. I want you guys to take a look at this video of a bunch of clowns in Virginia. Oh, is it? Oh, wow. Mm-hmm. So, as you can see, this whole thing was caught on videotape. I believe that was Halloween. Yeah, right? I don't think they just showed up in. I don't know. It felt like Halloween. July dressed like that. Maybe. I mean, they, yeah. Right? Clearly, cameras are not a deterrent. They're great to record what's happening, and a camera could help give you some time to implement your safety plan, but a camera's not going to stop a bad guy from doing bad stuff. Yeah. So, you want to make your home a hard target. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. You want to make your home a hard target and get into habits to protect you and your family. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, we're going to be covering things to make your home a hard target. That's a really cool thing. You know what, then? Because cameras, I agree, they're kind of useless. Well, those guys were all masked up, so they didn't care. Yeah. Maybe if you. A bunch of clowns in Virginia. Yeah. Maybe if you could have something that just automatically sprayed bullets when somebody came to your front porch. Ding dong, spray bullets. Yeah, right away. There you go. And then. Ask questions later. Ask questions later. Yeah. We were watching that documentary last night. Damn it, dude. The Perfect Neighbor. Did you guys watch that? Oh, my God. No. It's. Oh, so sad. I don't think so. What was the plot? So, it's really well done. It's mostly body cam footage from police officers and who have basically, they got called over and over and over to the same residence. By this old white lady, right? Yes. I did see this one. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. It was good. I saw it. Yes. It was very sad. It's very sad, but very well done. Very well done. It's very well done. Yeah. But she did exactly that. It was knocking on her door and she just. Sprayed. Shot through the door. Yeah. It's so crazy, dude. She was like, I think I felt scared. I think I felt scared. And then they're like, how long did that take between knocking and this happened? She was like, oh, 10 minutes, 20. And they're like, actually, we have the call log. It was less than two minutes. She's like, felt like longer. Yeah. And then I heard her switch her tone. At first, she was like, oh, so scared. I didn't know what happened. And then this motherfucker came rolling up to my house. Yeah. Like, she is cookie. Yeah. Cookie for Cocoa Puffs. Yeah. She dead? I don't know. I haven't finished yet. I haven't finished it yet either. Ay, ay, ay. But it was really. It's a really well done documentary. It sucks because I really liked the neighborhood that those kids lived in. It seemed like a really fun. Yeah, everyone was having a good existence in this neighborhood. Except for one person. This. Fucking clown. Who just ruined it for everybody. She really did. I fucking hate her so much. Kids who. One time, the cops, they're like, what's going on? She's like, kids are out there, and they're screaming and running around. They're like, playing in the field. And they're like, she's like, yeah, it's so distracting. They're like, yeah, you live somewhere where there are kids. It's a whole neighborhood. And it's like an ideal neighborhood for kids. It's all kids the same age playing, having fun. I mean, I wish our neighborhood was more like this. I wish it was more like that. But, you know? Oh, it was so sad. It was so sad. It was really sad. What could they have done to prevent that, though? Because she wasn't doing anything illegal, necessarily. No, no, she rammed her truck into that fence. Yeah. And they didn't, like, arrest her? Well, you can tell a few things, I think, about her watching this. One, I do think psychologically, this is like a hyper-anxious person internally. You know, like, you can tell that there's psychologically that I think her panic stuff is probably, there's some root cause of that, that she is somebody who actually just doesn't do well with, I don't think she probably, that's not the first time she's had neighbors. I bet you if you went back in time, she would have issues for years and years. Oh, yeah. You know, she worked from home. That's because she can't work in an office, dude. No one wants to be with her. You can't be around this person. You know what? This is true because I've had, yeah. This is how my mom was. Like, no matter where she was, she would find enemies. This is. That's a personality. This is the trait you often find, though, in true textbook psychopaths. Yeah. Because they want to engage and provoke and win. It's always about, like, getting one up on somebody, you know? And there's always an enemy. There's always a perceived enemy, a battle to be fought. Yeah, exactly. To her with these kids. And it's every little thing becomes that battle. You know? The things in my yard. The noise over here. Yeah. My mom was like that. The thing, like, they're always, like, and you're just trying to, like, provoke and win that battle. And then you move to the next battle. They're never, like, satisfied. No. And, yeah, they're all interchangeable enemies. Yeah. Invisible people that are fucking with me. I believe true antisocial personality disorder with this one. Oh, for sure. Gosh. At the least. God, it sucks. I think at one point they go, did you use the antisocial? The N-word? And she was like, no. They're like, ever? And she's like, I mean, it may have slipped out. And he goes, in what context did it slip out? She's like, I don't know. They were there or something. Then they talked. So then it slipped out. It's like, slip out. And she called the kids retards. Yeah. Which is really funny to hear the kids be like, she called us retards. Those were such good kids, by the way. And then the B-word, I know. They were such good kids. I know. It just crushes me. Yeah. It was a very sad thing. But it's a fascinating documentary. But, you know, again, safety first. The holidays are here, which means it's getting colder. Days are getting shorter. And you're probably getting busier. Whether you're inside prepping to host everyone and their mom, or you're out shopping for them, getting good sleep is the key to staying healthy this holiday season. Don't forget to gift yourself a great night's rest with a new Helix. Helix. Sleep on a Helix mattress. And what I love is that it really adheres to whatever it is your needs are. Unlike any other mattress. If you're a side sleeper, they got the side sleeper mattress. From night sweats to back pain to motion transfer, say goodbye to the sleep issues that keep you up at night. Helix's sleep quiz will take your personal needs and preferences into consideration to match you with the perfect mattress. 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And right now, just for our listeners, Monarch is offering 50% off your first year. That is a great deal to get your finances under control. Finally have a place that helps you organize and stay on track with your financial goals. I really believe that getting your finances under control is the key to getting your life under control. Say goodbye to the guessing, hiding, and arguments that start with, I didn't know we spent that much. Don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use the code YMH at Monarch.com. In your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first year at Monarch.com with the code YMH. So another thing you're going to want to get are tactical gloves, you know? Ooh, what are those for? I've never seen those. Let's say you're in a situation where you might need to get your hands dirty, you know? Do you want them dirty? No. No, you don't. Or with chemicals on them, what if you get bomb chemicals on them? Yeah. Like TSA, you know, when they put on their gloves before they look through your shampoo bottles. Make sure you're not carrying nitroglycerin on a plane. I would go through the airport like this, too. This is a good look for flying. If you're a single guy and you're going out on a date, this is a perfect way to show up on a date. I feel safe. You feel safe. I like it that you're ready for any. And your date might be like, hey, what's up with the vest? What's up with the gloves? Why do you have so much rope? Why do you have this improvised shovel? And you go, well, you know what? I don't know where this date's going to go. You make it a joke. But the thing is, you don't know what that woman's like. You don't know if you're going to have to, I don't know, bash her over the head with your brass knuckles and then dig a hole, drag her body, and bury her. That's so true. You don't know if she's going to provoke you or say something to humiliate you. You got to show her what's up. You do have to show people what's up. You have to constantly remind people. And you have to be ready for them trying to show you what's up. It is a good way to go through life. It's a great way to go. I feel relaxed. I feel just as relaxed as Larry, considering every possible threat of every moment. Can I tell you something? I think I was Larry before I started therapy. Like 28-year-old Christina. Kind of Larry-ish? Kind of close to Larry. Had a little PTSD from my childhood. Check out these clowns. We're Pete. We're Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Pete. Oh, what's up? Oh, what's up? Oh, what's up? Oh, what's up? Hey, police. I just got skinned on. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That was my friend, Sam. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He hit. He hit. He hit. He hit. He hit. He hit. He hit. He hit. Your daughters are she/her. I got it. This is Luna, not the dead man that you keep calling your father. I got it, Sam. It's Sam! This is wild. I feel like this actually represents academia today. I can't imagine what it's like to teach in Portland. Oh, yeah. This definitely has Portland vibes all over it. That's strong vibes. That's no Texas vibes. No. That's Portland strictly. That ain't down here. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Mm-mm. Well, I mean, you know, what are you going to do? How hard is it just to call someone by their right pronouns? It's not that hard. Even if those pronouns change every day, you just got to fucking ask. God damn it. Yeah. Just, I mean, I don't see the big deal. I don't see the big deal. Like, he is this guy's-- he is being-- he's being kind of a dick. Kind of a knucklehead. Yeah, he is. Yeah, he's antagonizing. I mean, it's putting on a show for everything, but it's-- I mean, he's-- look what he's doing. He's like-- Yeah. Sir! Is that my boy? Is that my boy right here? Oh, he's a man! He's a man! He's more of a man than you are! and dry and dirty like what a bold girl would let off in a school dormitory at night good night my little farting nora my dirty little fuck bird sweetly dirtier dirtier i love this jim that's right no this is this is literature now i would have gotten into james joyce the book was like that if this was the book same dubliners is fucking boring yes this i could read all day and why aren't you writing me letters well i remember i remember uh that like 40 years ago when i met you um uh reading some buchowski yeah buchowski and then the story of the eye by george batai that's right both of those is a very vulgar too about orifices and shoving eyeballs into my asshole and jizz and cum and story of the eye story of the eye george batai and and buchowski too filthy filthy wonderful i was like this is good i like this i like it too yeah i like james joyce i didn't realize i was a fan that was pretty cool he's really into butt sexing i didn't like farts yeah i know my dirty little fuck bird that's rad why don't you call me your dirty little fuck bird i mean we can add it dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside yeah could you imagine just being appreciated this much i just i love that he has he has to take pen to paper because he's so juicy about this chick's farts and his farts yeah that is so romantic having her fart while he while they're fucking that's also pretty gnarly well he recalls it every thrust another fart came out of you long windy ones and yeah he was really into it i really like this guy there you go the irish wow somebody should release the james joyce letters as a book that'll be a bestseller we'll pump it i'll pump it for sure because i've read like what is it albert einstein's letters boring not a lot of these guys boring let's see some fun stuff check out these clowns i know you don't want to speak to me after what i said but you know i've been doing some thinking and we can work things out baby i guess what i'm trying to say is that i'm sorry you know i've been doing some thinking too um i like that they didn't hold for the like for the plane flying overhead a lot of times on set if you have a plane or a helicopter you hold hold for sound you say hold for sound and they were just like just keep it's okay that's okay i love you i love you i love you too baby you're still my man i love you that was kind of beautiful that was so beautiful and what do you think man i'm fucking i'm tired of coming here man i'm just i'm getting tired more tired every day um i don't have thoughts uh did you dissociate during that or something probably yeah something like that yeah i don't know it kind of looks like niggas i know is that right i don't love that you know these two i hope not dear what's that guy's name on the left i don't know i don't want to know they're fucking jack but you know what's nice his earring matches his nipple ring that is fucking hot i mean cool that's cool and also they're having sex on the hard stairs yeah they are so into each other that they have to do it on the concrete they can't they can't even do it on the cushion where the guy was incredible that's so hot right any don't you think that's romantic man would the right any fucking fuck out of here with this shit man black twitter will hear black twitter is gonna hear all of this about all the abuse i've been put through this is unacceptable if only we had hr they would be getting a call you know i didn't realize and i'm not into gay male porn i think i might be into black gay male porn oh wow i might be into this because it's so different it's so foreign to me i never see men black men expressing love this way yeah you know i just read this letter that tupac wrote to madonna this morning just let me eat you yeah he was so tender and sensitive you know what's so funny he wrote on the letter he goes you know as a black man it's not acceptable for me to show love to an older white woman that's what he said i was like you fucking dick yeah and older older how much older could she have been back then in the 90s you know 35 and he's 25 or something yeah an older white woman maybe god damn dude you just fucking ruined this whole fantasy for me i'm imagining he's writing me the letter really because you're an older white woman i'm an older white lady yeah tupac i mean that would have been that would have been such oh he was so pretty yeah he's a good looking guy yeah he's still arty and stuff yeah so you have that fantasy the tupac fantasy that he would write me a letter from jail yeah because he wrote madonna letter from jail yeah explaining like why their relationship didn't work out yeah a lot of it was societal he's like look i don't know i don't know how to treat an older white lady basically yeah and i'm a thug and i'm you know i'm no good yeah i'm no good i'm sorry and i'm sorry but if you want to come visit me in jail come visit me and this and that but you know what's interesting is that he called her madonna in the letter and i'm like is that like that's her real name oh for weird to call somebody by their stage name yeah i think that is her real i think that's madonna chaconi will you look up isn't it am i wrong i don't know what's her britain yeah oh madonna wow that's wild to name your kid that madonna madonna louise chaconi chaconi madonna madonna i mean that's basically naming your kid the virgin mary yeah basically the virgin mary yeah no wonder she's like has this complex yeah like she's a star yeah when you name a kid that people out today too if you're in your 20s or even 30s you do not understand how famous this woman was no like the peak of her fame was like it was you i mean it was it was everywhere like you could not get away from the presence of madonna's impact in in that time like the 80s late 80s i would say is like the peak oh my god maybe like 80s into the early 90s right oh she's huge for decades but that era was like really dominant i know and i just re-watched desperately seeking susan while i had aids this last two weeks or so and she's so charismatic yeah she really captured the the generation and she was this was at a time too where you know you turn mtv was was the internet yeah so every time you turn on mtv you were joining like 50 million people watching it and it was a lot of times it was just madonna crazy just she dominated that channel oh yeah yeah and i wanted to be her that this was my role model every girl did that's who i wanted to be right there but yeah far right corner yeah top row madonna that's me she's so rad i still want to be her look at that all right we're getting sidetracked we're just madonna talk madonna and tupac we got to get back to fucking preparedness and safety so he's pinned me into a scenario i can't get out he's doing the tough guy thing his arms are out i'm using the top back part of my head and this is a hard area pretty cool pretty cool i like that he's demoing his head on a helmet yeah this guy has banged that thing a lot of times yeah yeah yeah yeah comment ready to start trading now ready ready ready i'm ready too bro i'm fucking ready i love this shit man i love it too he got to bounce off the wall that's tough to do when a guy's coming at canteen yeah dude this should be on you all times too well yeah 24 7 oh yeah water that's honestly i should have mentioned this first no this should always be on you you don't have water for 72 hours you die bro yep food is one thing how long can you go starvation months months but water yeah no not long not a joke you should think about it you should really think about it you should be thinking about it every day every minute every hour every week every time think about threats times think about being able to see in darkness yeah think about improvised weapons you know tripod right keys bottle of booze what anything around you could you can make a weapon and then think about water a lot too you can make that into a bomb if you wanted 100 percent molotov cocktail yeah here we go let's um let's see some funny stuff what just happened did he just break his ankle yeah he just stumbled and broke that was so fast bro because it was his weight that broke his ankle yeah it was yeah yeah he's so he's so drunk and he's really drunk he's hammered yeah that's good holy holy shit yeah because i gotta say when i broke my ankle i didn't know it was broken at first either i wanted to get up you don't know you don't always know that's crazy that he stepped on it again yeah he's shit oh man it's terrible tom that was terrible that was great that was if you're listening it's a it's a looks like it's like a pro level cycling race yeah and after a turn a guy crashed and then a whole bunch of bikes crashed into him and then you can hear people screaming tour de france you have to imagine that's a big thing yeah it's a big thing yeah it's a big thing yeah it's a big thing yeah this happens a lot in the bicycling in the cycling world i would think it happens fairly often yeah like you've trained for this like i you should be looking for this again if they were safety minded i know that's a great point you should have turned the corner and then you didn't scan scan obviously he went into it just too fast 100 yep good point ah god damn dude all right it's always oh yeah oh yeah yeah yeah he went to grab that i guess there's like an electrical wire in there yeah and then you got electrocuted you should have someone else touch things for you tom especially as a celebrity like you're very important yep you shouldn't be touching anything until you have someone an assistant do it for you yeah oh yeah oh yeah yeah see if you had one of those he would have been okay you're seeing so many reasons why larry's on point yeah a lot of things that happened here wouldn't happen if they had bought larry's book absolutely yep absolutely grabbing an electrical wire with i mean come on without rubber gloves what are you out of your mind he's stupid yep he lost consciousness for a brief moment this guy i mean who would even expect that that would be electric though would you even in a million years think that would be a good idea you're seeing so many reasons why larry's on point yeah a lot of things that happened here wouldn't happen if they had bought larry's book absolutely yep absolutely grabbing an electrical wire with i mean come on without rubber gloves would he out of your mind he's stupid yep you lost consciousness for a brief moment this guy i mean who would even expect that that would be electric though would you even in a million years think that would be a good idea that was a good scream that shocked the hell out like he literally there was no reason to think no no yeah i would have grabbed them why would they electrify plastic grapes anyway i don't have no it's so silly here yeah i have no idea just one of you know nature's safety hazards it's it's always everywhere that's the thing that's the thing i'm trying to get to yeah you know what you're better off doing just never leaving the house of course that's that's preferred and make it a hard target yeah so that people don't try to break in yep but then you don't have to worry about any shit happening because you're just home yeah that's what i try to do yeah minimize risk at all times at all times oh my god timing's off i could have told you that already yeah he jumped way too late he jumped way too late that they didn't do him a lot of favors on the speed of the truck of course dude you know you could have gone five miles and i think that that's holy shit that was crazy he didn't anticipate the motion he he jumped after the truck was already passed i mean yeah he didn't i mean we've all done this you gotta one hey jump down jump now come on guys come on this guy hasn't seen the a-team you haven't watched macgyver growing up he landed on his tailbone he sucks he's so what is wrong with you dude the timing oh my god yeah idiot idiot yeah he needed his ropes this would have that would have helped a lot god damn it tailbone cover dummy oh jesus best so ridiculous man so fucking crazy we are one week away from uh teacher uh coming out on netflix it's my new special it uh premieres christmas eve december 24th on netflix um please put it in your queue put a reminder in call the fam watch it with the family and friends and i thank you very much very excited very excited i can't wait to see it come out it's so cute i'm very excited so pretty it should be a very fun thing um you know who has the right idea like i can't believe that i just said it and now it's in my to my video bank here is uh about not you know you're not going to be in danger if you stay home yeah my name is skip i'm 49 years old and i'm starting something today that scares me a little on january 10th i'm locking myself into this room for an entire year great 365 days on january 10th i'm locking myself into this room for an entire year 365 days i won't leave i'm going to live stream 24 7 i'm doing this because i'm tired of the being the version of myself that avoids hard things i want to get control back one goal is simple by the end of the year i want to do one perfect pull-up the pull-up is the proof but the real goal is rebuilding who i am from the ground up this is day minus 70 i'm starting the preparation now if you want to follow the in the process stick around i have a feeling the people that are in his life are not into this idea like the people in the photo frames yeah his children they're not like cool idea man you know you don't have to lock yourself in a room for a year to achieve your pull-up goals right i mean this is but that's funny because that's the only goal that he lists yeah to do one pull-up well you can do that and leave the house you can you can now you're going to be in way more danger obviously all the time but the the isolation for a year i don't know if you'll leave a better person you know there's a lot of studies about people who are in isolation that it doesn't usually go it was the best thing that ever happened to him it's usually yeah this is what psychologically broke this person right that that's how they feel about being a prisoner is solitary confinement that's right that's so yeah you you know you want to create yourself in relation to others in relation to the world being in the world safety first obviously yeah be very safe does he does he tell you what his other goals are just right now it's a pull-up yeah okay um he uh he wants to break habits rebuild and i think this is this is his uh approach to doing it so his greatest fear is to not leave the house to face himself is that what it is i think he feels stuck in life and he goes how do i get out of this rut i'm gonna do something dramatic and stay i'm gonna stay in a room for a year well look you're definitely gonna have a nervous breakdown yeah so he's right about that yeah it's gonna reset some things for sure he will definitely start to break down emotionally very soon like remember that show alone that the nature show yeah yeah that's always what broke those people was being in social isolation yeah and diarrhea you usually get diarrhea you get both yes eating sea otters yeah non-stop for uh seven months or so yeah uh but yeah he'll start crying in a week oh yeah if you're you know because i used to want to do a silent retreat when i was in college and then i was like i think i would go crazy within like right i mean really think about it how long can you stay silent i don't know but i think this is gonna really go poorly for this guy can we live stream i'd love to sign up he hasn't he yeah he starts next well he starts in like a month oh okay well let's let's keep track of him yeah over the year what is this breaking news mary magdalene who is the model and uh influencer that we based tina off of has passed away really yeah can you pull that up oh no 33 oh no oh she was gorgeous and says the surgery addicted social media star known as mary magdalene has been found dead in thailand 33 year old whose real name was denise yvonne jarvis gongora died after falling from the ninth floor balcony of a high rise on tuesday daily news daily mail has reviewed information released by the police that verifies her identity and independently confirmed the death with a source the mexican canadian model's body was discovered by hotel staff in the parking area oh damn jeez shit that sucks bro yeah yeah yeah that reminds me of tina so much yeah yeah she was huge influence on us yeah she really she went wild with that wow fucking a man yeah he might come out of his one year looking like that you never know i hope so yeah i don't think he'll last i don't think he'll last either well plastic surgery gosh that's very painful she really went for it though look at her how she was before all that yeah oh my god rest in peace lady damn yep rest in peace denise yikes that's fucking crazy um you have some friends that are single ladies yep all the single ladies Have you ever thought of giving a suggestion that might help them not be single? Oh, like what? Here's the advice for young single women who want to be married and feel as though they're being passed over. Lose 20 to 30 pounds. Duh. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a young woman. I'm a Christian. I love the Lord. I'm not a boss babe. And you might be thinking like, why, why am I being passed over? Yeah. There could be a lot of reasons, but one common one is. Drop some LBs. You could perhaps need to maybe be intentional over the next three to six months. I love the soft language. To strive to lose 20 to 30 pounds. 20 to 30. Yeah. I'm actually willing to be criticized publicly in order to tell. Women the truth so that they might live more God pleasing, satisfying, fulfilled lives. That's the opposite of misogyny. Yeah. That's actually loving women. It's actually loving women. Yeah. He loves me. It's the same message. I will say it is really the same message that Kevin Samuels was spitting. Right. But, but, but Kevin Samuels was direct, direct and open about it. And he's, you know, he's doing his whole, I'm just like a loving Christian guy. Yeah. Yeah. I just got to tell you as Christians. This is really a soft way of getting in there. It's, it's how you be an asshole in today's world. People are so afraid of being assholes. So they have to go, I sort of, I kind of feel like it's sort of a data. This is why I love 50 cent and this whole P Diddy 50 cent thing going on is that 50 is old school. He's like, go fuck you. Fuck your mother. And it's so respected. Yeah. It's so respected because he's just, it's just out. Yeah. This guy is still trying to be a nice guy. Just still like me. Like, yeah. It's like, shut the fuck up. Shut up, bro. Just, just call chicks fat. Like people have been doing for forever. Yeah. Everyone calls chicks fat. Well, that was like, that was the great thing about Kevin that I always miss. Yeah. Is he'd be like, what do you weigh? How tall are you? What's your job? What kind of baggage you have? Yeah. How many kids? He's like, no one wants you. You ain't shit. Next caller. Yeah. Well, is he married? He's married. Yeah. So who's he talking? Who's he telling it to? He's telling the young Christian women of America. This was only to Christians though. This didn't apply to you. No, no, no. Man, those trauma shears look great. I like the way they're resting up on your throat. Thanks. I like to keep them right there. Yeah. Just in case. As a reminder, if you're ever going to be like, where are my trauma shears? They're right. I feel them. I feel them. I like touching my skin all the time. That's pretty cool. Thanks. Yeah. But I mean, this, by the way, this goes both ways. You can make this message to. To young single men too. To not be fat. Yeah. And lose 20, 30 pounds. I know. But the, it's never that it's always just be richer, be more successful. Yeah. Get your shit together. Work wise. Yeah. Cause the whole thing is like guys like looks, women like money. Isn't that the big trope? I mean, yeah. Yes. Yeah. I don't know. But I think it applies to both. Right. Yeah. If you're single and you're like, what's going on? I don't know. Have you looked in the mirror? Yeah. Have you thought about getting a facelift or a nose job? I know. And it's so easy to be hot these days. Yeah. You can just like pay for it. Everything's available. I know. Just go get plastic surgery. Yeah. Fuck man. I know. Now that I've done it, like it's so awesome. I want to do everything now. Do it. Go for it. Go to where Tina was. That lady looked great. Yeah. I don't think the butt lifts look good. Like Madonna's butt doesn't look good. You don't think so? I don't think you can do like pec, like the pec, the muscular implants don't look real to me and they don't look good yet. Like, I don't think. I don't think that, that looks crazy. Yeah. Those, those look insane. Yeah. She didn't need it. God, she's done so much to herself. It's too much. You can't do too much. Yeah. No. Why would you do that, dude? I don't know, dude. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe she's, look, I don't have a big ass either, but that's kind of what, you know, you got to work with what the framework is. You know, she's petite. Yeah. She can't have a big ass. That's how it goes. That is how it goes. You just do more squats. Yeah. She was in such good shape for so long. Really? Yeah. And then also, if you get too crazy world famous, this kind of happens to you. I think this happens to the women who get crazy, crazy famous. Yeah. Because you want to stay forever young and forever relevant. Yeah. As a young person. And it's just not possible. It is possible. I think you can age. Just do it. You just can't do the same things you were doing when you were 60, 70. Yeah. You got to, you got to change your style a little bit. Yeah. You can't insist on being 20. Because you're not. It doesn't work anymore. It's so true. Yeah. Just age. It's okay to age. There's nothing wrong with aging. Yeah. Just be 70 year old Madonna or whatever. Oh, we got some. Yeah, of course. We have, we got some young Herc. You know, Herc Jr. Of course I know Herc Jr. Where's my guy? Where is he? There we go. Yeah. You fucking retard. Here's the spirit of Herc. Yeah. Hey, Michelle. You got a cell number? Name and cell number? Chief Barista, why is she refusing to ID yourself to me? Look at your fucking gray hair, you old fucking lady. Look at your hair, old lady. Chief Barista, why is she refusing to ID herself to me? Why does she have to leave the unit running? And again, he's always on the move, which was a real Herc trait. Yeah. You're always in different cities, you know? Yeah. Where is this? Do you know where this is? That might be Miami. That was going to say, those colors, right? He's in Miami a lot. Yeah. That's fucking awesome, dude. Here we go. Yep, that's Miami there. What is your name and cell number? Huh? My name is serial number? Yeah. Are you asking for my badge number? Your serial number. 4-6-6-3-7. Division? City of Miami. Brickell Division? No. No, what division in the city of Miami? The Special Operations Section. These guys are always like, is there something? I have to say, he always engages like really like, usually like willing police officers who are like, "Do you have like an emergency?" They're like, "I'm sorry, what?" Yeah, because he comes in hot. He comes in aggressive. He always comes in hot, which is the trait of meth. You come in hot, dude. What's your serial number? You don't lead with, "Excuse me." No. Fucking as soon as that window comes out, "Name and serial number." You know, "Hi, how are you?" No, none of that shit. Or, "Sir, can I talk to you?" It's just straight into it. Here we go. Are you a certified peace officer in the state of Florida? Duh. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's interesting that you can take the unit home and you can live counties over. That's pretty interesting. Do you need police or medical service? Yeah, they should require you to turn into a unit at the end of the day. That's the right response. Yeah. Well, he was like, "Oh, this guy's out of his fucking mind." Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Out of all the police we've seen, that's the normal response you should be having, which is, "Okay, buddy, enough of this." Sometimes they're like, "Why are you doing this?" I love when they're just like, "I'm just sitting in my car." He's like, "Yeah, you're fucking running the car, wasting gas." They're like, "What?" It's like, "What?" Yeah. But this is Miami, where it's home of the locos. This is another fucking dummy. So crazy, bro. Excuse me, ma'am. He's like a tickler. He's like a tickler. He's like a tickler. He's like a tickler. He's like a tickler. He's very cowardly, what you're doing. You should shave. And don't support this business. This business is tied to Scientology. Don't support this business right here. Then look open. Yeah. You don't have to worry about that. Yeah. I think we did. Yeah. Good. Fucking A, man. Yeah. He's doing his thing. Stuff like that. Yeah. Shave your face. I thought his facial hair looked fine. I thought it looked good. Oh, he has a. Okay. Oh, yeah. He's at Sigma Chi Audits. Yeah. Real name is Keem James. Oh. He is a political science major at UCLA? What? Holy shit. And the reason he harasses the Sigma Chi is he believes they are affiliated with the Illuminati. Sure. Yeah. Duh. Everybody knows that. Yeah. Fucking A. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. All right. All right. All right. I like that it says he is known amongst fraternities as the guy who harasses people. Yep. That's pretty accurate. Illuminati. I guess he wants. You know what it is? He wants to be a part of their group and then they're not letting him in, right? Yeah. I think he just wants to be a Sigma Chi. Everybody wants to be part of something. Everybody. And then he just doesn't know how to make friends. He doesn't. He really doesn't. I'm just jealous. Yeah. Jealous of all the fun they're having. Yep. Yeah. If you can't join a group, I would say just be prepared on how to handle them. Just think of, yeah, every possible scenario. Mm-hmm. Look left. Look right. Look left and look right. Look for the fire. Move to this other direction. Yep. Keep going. Keep going. Look over here. If you see a fire, walk away from it. Walk away. Shit like that. Yep. Stuff like that. Smart. Here's some of your talks. Yes. Hello. If you're going to sell shit on Facebook Marketplace, e-mail a plot of me. Don't leave me alone. Don't leave me on red. And shit like that. Okay. That's. What? Thank you. Thanks for that. Well, if you're going to put your stuff on Facebook Marketplace, don't leave her on red. yeah reply dude and this is just out there for people well yeah do you know how to use facebook marketplace i haven't used it so then this would could have been for you yeah you stopped it that is true i'll save this one but i'll watch it yeah watch it later okay take notes thank you for following me on here but i don't want to have long conversations on chat rooms at the moment okay thank you bye he doesn't want to have long conversations on chat rooms he doesn't want to why do you keep asking him this is oh my god what i don't know how are people going to know he doesn't want to have the long conversations in the chat rooms unless he puts a video out it's a good point it's a good point i love anal yep i love anal can you meet your party at the customer service desk you had to say it more than once or you last name venal first name's isla i love anal yeah attention shoppers i love anal can you please meet your party at the service desk thank you i was wondering if you can call for my sister to meet me back up here real quick what's her name uh last name is venal and her first name is isla i love anal yeah she's got a rub and tug shirt on this is very good oh yeah so good that's great such a classic menace formula yes it's just timeless it's good fun every time i go to the bathroom i'm like oh my god i'm so excited i'm so excited every time it's always good it's always good and you should keep this up yeah forever and if you're you're a kid you go to your local store and do this this is good fun it's good for everyone i've been pushing uh never give up on my stories and i hope you guys have a great day by her cd because she's got cds for sale for the holidays too never give up it's really nice of you you got it if you guys like the craft and you better hurry up because this is about to be flying off the shelves the forever roll by shaman 555 feet of shit paper i mean this is never mind technology like ai or or evolving into the bidet this is doubling down like wiping till your butt bleeds we'll get a kickstand in the static kit stainless steel this is if you're a janitor you gotta get excited with us i'm talking i gotta get this for the teachers faculty room because they go through it like nothing this is i'm gonna crap forever yeah dude 500 feet they should only be making forever rolls yeah why would you buy anything inferior to a forever roll because that's big toilet paper the the corporations they want you to give you a little bit couple shit tickets and then you are you're out i need more of course yeah keep you on the line that's right keep coming back yeah they're like drug dealers yep they they this is like a hidden thing no one knows about this i never heard about this until so this guy yeah thanks for putting that out there man shit kate can you please come and open the gate i can't because i have a date what do you mean you have a date kate kate kate kate i'm happy for you that you have a date don't forget to make him wait otherwise you won't appreciate go out and also have a debate because it's nice to have a debate on a date she does rhymes for any name any name she can do i was so surprised how upsetting that was to me i i it really bothered me what all of it come on it's really bothered me she can do this for any name like i said tom tom you're the wrong her expression bothers me too yeah it's fun it's just fun hey i had to change the name of my name i had to change the name of my name i had to change the to my sweater because it'd be getting cold as fuck out here that's a good one that's a nice quick one she's amazing she's always right here yeah you have to be like with me yeah my favorite monday morning moan oh my god plenty to moan about hashtag afraid to fart oh my god do you ever have a bad stomach oh i've got a really bad stomach today yeah we had a bit of a mix up last night at dinner and we made potato salad there were three varieties of potato salad there's only three of us i don't like raw onion like i do not like it i fucking hate raw onion my whole body hates it you'll read about it in the book why it's so bad okay why it creates such a negative trigger in my body okay the book is called afraid to fart and the fine art of following through yeah if you've ever been afraid to fart you need to read the book do we not order that book so last night we made potato salad and we chopped up some onion for one of my friends really finely she likes it very fine and then we chopped up a rough bit of onion and i help because i quite like chopping things because i'm still quite good at chopping things yeah when i know what i'm doing with the knife and the board and everything i've stopped chopping the ends off my fingers i've got used to the blindness over the last couple of years she's blind sounds like it yeah okay i do like her eyes though i thought i think they're a really cool defining feature on her face i find her face very interesting it is i like watching her talk and yeah i like her and i agree onions are a great chopper i'm a triple virgo i think i've said that a few times she's a triple what is that it's you three virgos god triple so this raw onion is on two plates you put the potato salad on top and mixed it and i had my potatoes okay that's um thank you for that jesus christ you don't want to hear the potato salad no it's a good story it is a good story well she chopped it she could still chop okay and they gave her the farts and then there's three different types of potato salad i don't know if you caught i caught that and the one she had with the onions gave her gas and because she didn't know she was eating the one with onions is that what happened i think so so finally chopped i don't know you need a six minute video to get to that she's got to write a book about it too oh it's so good it's so funny you have to show that to the boys of course their fucking minds so there's like i don't know if this is true but they're like in and out had to stop doing number 67 because kids were doing this of which is so funny makes sense well that guy had fun with it that's nice yeah i really now i'm really thinking about the onion story yeah yeah because i think it would have the same effect on you the onions don't onions affect your no not well yeah maybe yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i didn't even tell you that i solved the the fart mystery well tell us this is a huge ymh exclusive what are you doing why did you bury the leaf you wait until the end of the episode so i have been farting fucking wild right like so so so crazy and it coincided with my following this meal plan which has me eating just following these macros eating 200 grams of protein a day which is not that crazy but you have to like stay on it right and i was starting my day with yogurt which i used to do i haven't done in a while and protein powder whey protein those are both dairy products oh and i think i've always been lactose intolerant wow and not really realized it and then i remembered that that gi doc i talked to was like you should just take lactate before you have any dairy she's like that's what i recommend to people my i do it my family does it started doing that and guess what what farts just kind of went away this is crazy yeah so you're just telling me you've been lactose intolerant this whole time i think so yeah yeah she also said that 70 of the population is some level of lactose yeah 70 i know every time i eat yogurt i hate it it feels bad yeah every time i eat dairy it feels bad pretty crazy you're not supposed to eat curdled cow's milk curdled animal milk it's really not you know why the fuck are we doing that in the first place yeah why are we drinking cow's milk it's so weird dude you know what actually just rips dude is like when you're vacuuming and you just hit that one spot dude like you're just on the carpet it just starts crackling dude like what what is that and it just smells good this is your sign of vanquish some vacuuming today dude it's sunday let's get our castle ready yeah he's so right though everybody knows that feeling smells so good that shit does rip yeah and it just starts to pop you're like this is tight yeah but the smell it's like the it's like the burnt dusty smell yes oh it's so good it's fucking so good i felt this so hard one of those things that i don't think i've ever heard someone articulate and as soon as they did you're like yeah yes dude that shit is dope fucking rips yeah fucking rips hard um rips vanquish some vacuuming you're going into the last week before christmas it's one of the most dangerous times of the year so i just want to leave everybody um knowing that you know the amazon package thieves are out there oh boy um porch pickpocketers are out there there's basically clowns in every direction car break-ins hide your shopping bags in your trunk lock it up and stay ready stay ready um of course i didn't point out the travel first aid kit you need that handcuffs all these things you can pretty much get away with uh if you get pulled over by the police um some of them might give you a hard time but you know just ask for their name and serial number you probably get out of it um yeah but i just want everybody out there to just you know remember stay vigilant um stay ready stay alert never relax and i think this is actually what i would call like a day one purchase if i was going to say how do you stay prepared this is what i would get day one and then i would just add to it you know obviously we're going to talk about night vision goggles coming up we're going to talk about um weapons explosives well i didn't see a compass in here either how do you even know where north is and this is ridiculous that's a great point yeah we didn't we didn't we didn't get everything we should have gotten which is you know i blame the guys but um there's a there's a lot of stuff that i think is is you know if you want unless unless you just go oh i want to die today you know then don't get any of this stuff but if you want to live i would i would go in this direction i would follow larry uh prepared not paranoid and get his book and um hopefully we'll be talking to him soon about how to up our game about staying ready if he feels safe enough to talk to us yeah well we'll be very secure the day he comes in here extremely i'll bring in extra security that day yeah okay but anyway um hopefully you're listening or watching in a safe environment um maybe a panic room or something of that nature uh lock yourself in a closet but um you know stay prepared stay vigilant and uh scan every room from left to right and avoid fires and that's uh that's kind of it for today but thank you for watching thank you for listening anything else stay safe stay safe stay safe we'll see you next time good job all right here we go she's got tits and she knows how to use them she takes shits and she knows how to use them she knows when to do some oh my god she has tits she takes shits she has tits she takes shits she's got tits and she knows how to use them she takes shits and she knows when to do some oh my god she has tits she takes shits and she knows how to use them she has tits she has tits she takes shits oh shit okay okay oh shit okay okay that's how we do it she takes shits she has tits she takes shits oh man oh man oh welcome back freaking frack welcome to the jungle abc wednesdays abit is back it's gonna be the best year yet thank you now we can finally turn this up and everyone's going wild y'all think you run this school but you don't it's going great abit elementary anything can happen in the jungle right guys all new wednesdays on abc and stream next day on hulu