Our Favourite Canadian(s) w/ Ian Bagg | Your Mom's House Ep. 829

- Will you guys be upset if I do it in English? - That's okay. - No, you do it your way, you do it in the honors way. - Okay. - I don't know any other way to do it. - We don't speak any other language. - Do you speak like a telegar or something? - Oh, two go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go-go. (dramatic music) - Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house. (upbeat music) - Now that the weather's finally cooling down, I want to take a second to talk about my go-to supplier when it comes to lighting up a cigar. Whether you're a seasoned smoker or you just want something to hold while you're hanging around a fire pit this fall, cigars international has you covered. I can't think of a better excuse to go outside, carve out some alone time, when you find yourself desperately in need of a break from any turkey day induced stress. As the industry leader cigars international enhances these moments with unbeatable deals so you can stock up or try something new without breaking the bank. They've even got free every day shipping, no codes, no minimums, you just buy the cigars and they show up. That's it. With cigars international's unbeatable deals and discounts, there's no better time to stock up and take advantage of what is arguably the best time of year to be a cigar guy. Use code YMH at checkout for 20% off your orders of $50 or more or visit cigarsinternational.com/YMH. And the discount applies automatically some exclusions apply. - Muganda, umaga, everyone. - Wow, that's pretty cool. Welcome to the diverse world of your mom's house. - Muganda, munchaka. - I guess that's more any, but fucking crazy. (all laughing) - That's fucking 10, 30. (all laughing) - Oh my god. (all laughing) - How did they do it, my man? - I was like, fucking, that was some A rap shit. - You can't, you can't, you can't. - Oh, no, no, what the fuck was that? - Oh no, man. - I'm gonna do that shit. - Don't you have to go out into the woods right now and grab lunch somewhere? - What the fuck? (all laughing) - And any is very tall and slender? - Yeah. - Look, if we dropped him somewhere in Namibia, he could ease a little pass. - Yes, absolutely. - Yeah. - You're gonna fuck shit up, no problem. He'd be like, he's there, he's home. - Yeah, right. - Do you think he would whip them into shape though? Like he would be their leader, probably, very quickly? 'Cause I don't know how receptive they would be to like, oh, the new guy's here, he's the leader. I don't think so, I think they would be like, this was all the clothes. And yeah, just kinda go from there. - That's true. - But Muha-galala-galala-diana is half Filipino. - I forget about that. - Right? - I've totally forgotten that. A quarter. - A quarter, sorry, a quarter. - Okay. - Well, it's still something. - So am I, by the way. - You're a quarter Filipino? - Yeah. - I always forget that. - Yeah, everybody forgets that. - Tanner is also Filipino. - Jesus, that's enough. Can we put a fucking hiring freeze in place? - You're telling me. - Jesus. Three Filipinos, insane. - I even know that we're Filipinos in Texas. We brought them. - Yeah. - We brought all three. - Jesus, that's a lot. - Yeah. - Well, anyway, we're done with that shit. You don't have to worry about any more of those. Welcome to another episode. I'm here with. - Nory. - And I'm Tom, and we are. - Nory. Muha. - We're excited. Today's gonna be a lot of fun. - Our man. - One of our all-time favorites is coming in. This is gonna be fun. - He's an old school guest, and we went to South Africa. - We did. - Yeah, we actually did. We saw it all there. - I know, I miss him so much. - The dyed orange beards and. - It's so cool. - Yeah. - Yeah, I can't wait to see bagels. - Yeah. Real quick, of course, happy rush of Shana. I know that there's a. - Of course. - This is coming out, I believe, during rush of Shana. Is that right? - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - And I see you wore your especially Jewish hair. - Thank you. - Yeah, what's going on? - It's terrible, but it's okay. - It is terrible. - You know what, I finally tried to embrace the Jew. - Sure. - And I'm doing it to celebrate rush of Shana. - Hey, fucking Jew. - Did you have the Jew for I was a kid? - As a kid, yeah. - That's sick. - It wasn't, it was terrible. - No, that's sick. - I'm bringing it back. - Whatever you had before was much better. Do you think, Tom? - Well, I kinda dig this. I feel like we're watching him evolve and you know, like he's turning into like a real adult. So you gotta kind of fuck with different looks. Yeah, I love the stash. - I appreciate it. I don't know if I believe you, but thank you. - No, I do. I like the stash. - I know Christina hates it. - No, I like it. - I'm not interested. - I like it. - What do you like about it? - There's masculine energy that kind of comes off of it. - That's true. Josh is a very masculine young man. - Yeah. - Yeah. - But I don't like his bangs. Curly bangs are very hard to do. - Well, push the bangs back. - Push them back. - So I know this is being recorded obviously before, since you're taking off your holy day, what will you do on rush of Shana? - I'll say happy new year if I see a Jew and that's about it because I don't really know what else we do on this day. - You don't even know, you don't know what happens. - Never in my life have we really done anything for rush of Shana. - Your family never did anything growing up? - Yom Kapoor is what comes like after it I think and you like fast and repent or whatever. - Did you guys do that? - My dad would do it. - Yeah. - Just your dad. - I'd try a little bit, but it sucks. - So rush of Shana though, nothing. - We would do nothing. - No, what's traditionally done, like service gifts. - Yeah, I'm sure a big dinner. - Yeah, I'm sure they go to temple, they eat a bunch of shitty food. - Yeah. - Is it really shitty? - You're an exemplary Jew. - I'm a terrible Jew. - Wait, is it the motto, like the unleavened stuff? - That's Passover. - What do you guys eat? I mean, what's a, like, creplox soup and the good stuff that I like? Locks, you guys have locks and bagels? - Locks for sure, I think. - I love them, like, dry shitty chicken. - Yeah, chicken. - Do you guys, do you, other people types, do you guys do something special for, like, Filipino special holidays? - No, I think they're just happy to be here. - Yeah. - And not in the Philippines. - Wow. - Philippines are great though. - Have you been? - No, but I've heard wonderful things. - I think it's a, I think it's great if you're really rich. If you're not, it's not that great. - Yeah, I heard you can get a house really cheap. - Yeah. - That's pretty cool. - That is cool. - And you can have a living servant who sleeps in your laundry room, isn't that true? - Jeez. - No, I'm serious. You can have, like, a slave, like a living. - That's a different word, but, okay. You just said, "Live in servant." - Oh, but they barely paid them anything. And then I saw this documentary where, like, on the servants day off or one day off, they go into, like, the city center and they play card games and they talk. It's all, they're all cramped up together, it's different. - Okay, this is, wow. What, am I wrong? Neon, I haven't been there? - Yeah, my family lives below the poverty line there. So it's a one bedroom house with 20 people and the living maid is my aunt that's deaf and mute and she sleeps in the backyard. - Told you. - Yeah, you were shockingly accurate. - No, you never believed me. I know these things. I have Filipino fans. - I'm shockingly accurate. - Remember my Filipino friend, back up, she'd tell me this stuff and she'd make lumpia for us and all that stuff. - Okay, well, I'll go out and just say this. I'd like to visit the Philippines. - Go ahead. - Okay. - Is there four seasons there? - Oh my God. - Oh my God. - Stay at the normal. - I want the real experience. - The real, with the people? - Yes. - Hmm. - Yes. - Yes. - I'm sure Neon is family. I'm sure they're the nicest people in the world and they put you up 'cause they're so sweet. - What about you, any, do you ever visit family in the Philippines? - No, I'm pretty sure all my Filipino family is here. Okay, yeah, I don't think I have any. And. - Good move, buddy. - Good move. - Yeah. - Yeah. This is where it's at. (laughing) - All right. - I was just telling Tom this morning about - Fun times. - When I would go to Hungary, like right when communism fell. - Yeah. - And I ordered spaghetti in 1990 or whatever and they brought me pasta with ketchup on it. And I was like, what the fuck is this? - What is this? - They don't have tomato. There's no sauce here. There's like nothing in 1990. - Wow. - It's pretty shitty. - Yeah. Kind of cool though. (laughing) Kind of looks very serious. - You guys have lived there. - One of my sisters, she lived for a summer in the Republic of Georgia. - Mm-hmm. - When we got, she got back, we were like, what was the food like? She goes, wait, flowers a lot. (sniffing) Like we just eat the petals of a flower. - Dang. - All right. - It's better now though. - Yeah, yeah, this was a 93 or four. - That's wild that they let her go alone to the Republic of Georgia. I'm not sure I'd want to go there now. - Yeah. - I was a lady. - Yeah. - I check it out. (laughing) - I'm curious. - I'm curious Cosby. - I'm curious Cosby. - All right. Ready to start the show? - Yeah, for sure. - Good stuff for you, man. - Yeah, bro. - Here we go. - Yeah, dog. (laughing) - Hello, my name is Sandra. - Hi, Sandra. - Give me a file. I've only been with one man in my life, and we're divorced. - Oh. - I'm looking for me in. - Okay. (laughing) - Whoever. - Oh, it's Randy. - Don't bring anyone loving to this. - No, Bubba, no, Bubba is dead! - I'm diva worst. - I'll follow. (upbeat music) (laughing) - Christina. - Yeah. (laughing) - Tear. - Man's house. - Yeah, man, yeah. - This is one of my. (upbeat music) - We love him. Favorite uses of social media and me too. He's really good Tom little give me a follow-up. Do you know? Do you realize that this lady is my new model for my lipstick? Oh, wow that's great. She's the one and I have this new shade coming out. It's gonna come out later this year. That is exclusive to Sandra and you? That's right. She's my first official TikTok influencer, okay? She's wearing one of my new shades. You're gonna like the way you look at Guaranteed and I've got four other colors. Christina P dot com by your lipsticks here, okay? They're so good. But yes, Sandra's testing Test piloting a few different things. What do you think? She got your attention. She got my attention more than one way I think the lipstick is the first thing, you know, it's then you won't notice other things, but the lipstick is great So don't forget to get Christina P's, you know, perfect red or Berlin or Madison or Islamic red or something for everyone. There's something for everyone. Well, we chose this color for her. What do you think? What do you think of Just putting it out there like this. I guess this is it's the only way as a woman and it says everything. She says everything What do you think of the choice of doing social media call for love as opposed to just getting on a dating site where it's Designed for that. I'll tell you what I think it's a little better to go on tech talk and just put it out there Om diva worst versus getting on hinge or One main because I can do a deep dive on your posts on your socials. Oh really see who you are and really get in there whereas I guess on the apps. I'd have to like hunt for you. Yeah. Well either way you guys know what to do go go on Instagram. I think it's from Instagram and Give me a fella. Give me a fella. Give her a fella and see if maybe you're single. Maybe you're looking for someone I have to say he's living with one guy and that's the big selling point. Yeah, I'm not run through. I'm not a fucking trash bag That's what I'm talking about and I really like that. I do too. She's like, you know, saving herself for somebody worthy. Yes I think she's gonna find that person that man. Yeah, and she specifies. Hey, I want a man. I've only had one D in me. I'm available I'm recently devol works. Yeah, and give me a fella. Yeah, she's four things I need. So you like this. Love it. Oh, okay Well, that's why she's the official spokesperson for my lips. So there's one way to do it. Another way I've always been a big fan of When you use social media as a public forum to address one person. I think that's one of the most clever things you can do is Just publicly address one person when you think game day you probably think wings beer. Maybe you're lucky Jersey But you know what you should add to that list. Way fair. Way fair is the best kept secret for incredible and Affordable game day fines. They've got styles and options. You just can't get anywhere else and it's all in one spot I love way fair for everything if I've bought benches on way fair. I've bought chairs You can buy anything and everything and it's all great quality and it gets shipped right to your front door Does it get any better than that? I don't think so. Way fair has everything you need to get ready for the season whether you're Hosting indoors or tailgating outdoors. 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You're fine the next day You're staring at your brush wondering what's going on as where hymns comes in hymns gives you access to doctor Trusted clinically proven ingredients like finasteride and monoxidil to stop hair loss and even regrow hair in just three to six months I love that it's all 100% online no waiting rooms no hoops no awkward doctor visits whether it's choose serums sprays or oral Medication hymns has options that fit your routine and your goals There are no hidden fees just straightforward care that helps you feel like yourself again For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss ed weight loss and more visit hymns.com/ymh That's hymns.com/ymh for your free online visit hymns.com/ymh Individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral monoxidil In finasteride prescription required to see website for full details restrictions and important safety information Jennifer, I hope you get this video. Yeah, on a 200 hour lithium batteries. No, you only get eight hours Yeah, yeah, I got 5,000 B2. Oh shit. I'm probably running the same kind of water. Oh My generator charges up the batteries because the panels ain't gonna do that. That's what I've heard. Yeah, so I have a rate for the next day Try not to use anymore in your app, right? I mean I see everything showed up right now. I see I see that. Yeah Uh, it's cool. Lopping up in here. I don't need it. Yeah Open a window or something to kind of Yeah, I got a 2400 watt generator Yeah I run The batteries. I don't run them all down. Right. See then and what's interesting is that this is for Jennifer But everybody gets to see it. That's why I think it's cool Well, I think it's interesting as somebody who just lives in the scaffolding of building He elected not to put in insulation. Well, he's in the attic. Yeah, it's cool. He's living in an attic So that's why he needs all those BTUs. You know, we got to start energy just seeps right out. We have to start doing Public videos for one person to have to start. I cannot believe it. It's Christina. Yeah, listen Ellis is sick and needs coughs here. Hey Ryan. I saw that what you sent So what I'm using over at the house right now is there's some water glass bottles that come and it's just you don't waste as much as with the plastic Here's my setup and it's just this just for Ryan Just for Ryan I don't know but hey, who does to him for even getting on tick time? Hey Kirk, we're moving the slide up to one I don't know when you're getting town But the airport is the same when we go out of please start. I'll just start see. I'll see you there. Okay. We start doing this You know furious people would be yeah. Why are you fucking posting this? I'm like so in case Kirk sees it It's just for him It's like back in the 90s when you'd have a dorm room and then you'd put like a post it known on your friend's door Like I fucking hope they see this. Yeah, we changed the plan for we used to have a Codes for I'm fucking no kid or I'm trying to get some in this room So you put a certain color no pad on the door. I thought that just meant don't knock don't try to come in wow What was your color? I can't remember around something like that. Yeah, I just meant like Walking don't know yeah, I'm jacking my D right now speaking. I'm jacking my D right now. Yeah fuck around and find out sold for US dollars Thank you. You did it man. You just had the wrong price point. It was the wrong price point I made it more accessible whatever and now I'm selling prints a fuck around and find out you can find that now in the YMage Website. Yeah, sold gone Incredible. Oh, are we are we gone already? That's the original, but that's not the posters right Anyway, the poster is there you can buy an autographed print For a measly $50 wow, but that's way that a lot of people can get the great artwork. Yes, and I've I've decided after much going back and forth I'm going to put Tom Segura naked with the bear the original for sale on YMage.com this one. I'm gonna lower the original will be on sale for $1,000 US dollars And if you're wondering why my sticker is covering the best part of the picture the drawing obviously the terrifyingly accurate section That's right. We were flagged on on the service. Yes putting videos on they said it was a you know nudity Which is which is it was barely nudity because it was barely there And it's called art. You know it dig is Michelangelo's David Lude lurid. No, it's art. This is such an American. It's an outrage It's a very American of like is there is there a hint of nudity. What if somebody sees it There was a fucking time where they were they wanted to put cloth over the like the you know the statue of justice It's in yeah, yeah, why show her to the breasts are out. They're like what the fuck we got to cover these up It's like a statue of a breast. Okay, especially because everybody has these parts and it's like who's who's flipping out that you saw That's a statue of a breast and it's not like the other statue was sucking on that statue No, it wasn't like there was not all over the tits. That would be crazy like here's your justice Yeah, no, it's so crazy. It's crazy here. No, they are very good about that. It's so weird. That's why I'm fighting the good fight Tom. So you're making this an accessible price - Yeah, $1,000, the original for sale. - Wow. - At YMH.com, and then we'll see if I sell Chris. - You're really for the people. - I am for the people. Thank you, and spreading my art through the world. - Yeah, that's really cool. - And that is so funny. Why are Americans so tight about this? - It's so weird, man. - Boobs, and there's like no Nutanon on new beaches, whereas like Germans always naked, they love it. - They're just not weird about the human body there. - No, they shouldn't be. - I know, I agree. - All right, this email came in and we're all, we've been narrating on it. - That was so interesting. - It's so interesting. - Yeah. - Should I read it? - Yeah. - Okay, it's actually addressed to you. So it says Christina, I don't know if you ever, if you'll ever see this, I hope you will. I'd like you to settle an argument between my husband and I. My husband, nobody cared a story of mine in front of a group of friends. So as in, I'm telling a funny story, and he says, nobody cares. It's two days later, and I'm still not talking to that motherfucker. I've got 15 years of service in with this bastard, and I can go much longer than two days. I think nobody cares, and it wasn't that funny, are two of the meanest things a person can say to someone who is a natural born comedian and parentheses me. As a real comedian, do you agree or am I being ridiculous? Thank you, Jen. - Jen, I mean, this sparked a hot debate. - It did, because here's the thing. One of the things that's being left out of this scenario is the context of what is happening. In other words, if you're just having a good old time hanging out with friends, somebody, let's say you in this case, tells a story, and in that, hey, we're having fun atmosphere, I go, nobody cares. I think it's like, it's one of the most dismissive and rude things that somebody can say. It's really rude, right? Oh, boy. - I'm out on the pee. - You ready to register? It's back. It's back. Thank you, guys. Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate everybody that works so hard to bring back the fart and leg. I'm sorry, are you saying something? - So, that one, you know, but my question is like, - Yeah. - Okay, but paint the full picture. - I agree. - What I'm saying is, were you being a fucking bitch all day? - Wow. - Are you kind of an asshole? Was the story one that ridiculed him? - That's what I was thinking. - Was that why it's funny? - It feels like we don't know, 'cause like I said, if everything's great and anybody, whoever you're a spouse or girlfriend, a boyfriend is just go, nobody cares. Like, that's a real asshole thing to say. Why is this guy saying that? Is he saying it 'cause he's just a huge dick? - No, I think there's two possible scenarios. One is that the story is actually so bad and insufferable and she's told it numerous times that it never gets a laugh, but she insists on telling the story. And he's like, he's heard it for 15 years and he's like, dude. - Right. - Nobody likes this bit, stop doing the bit, Jan. - We need more information. - But another one too is, maybe it is a story where he feels degraded and diminished. - That's another possibility. - It's been fucking 15 years of this. Nobody cares. - Yes. - Melissa, that one time I took out the trash and there was a hole in the bag and the trash fell out. Everybody does that. - Right, right, right. - We just don't know, but it's a blanket, like just as on that from what information she provides. Like, could you even imagine? - That's what I'm saying. It's so clearly that he's on the wrong with the presentation of this story. I want to know, are you an asshole? - Yeah. - And is that why he's saying this? - 'Cause that is such a dismissive thing. - It's terrible. - It's grounds for dismissal. - It's really bad. - Like if we were dating and I tell the story and you go, nobody cares, I'd be like, oh boy, this is done. - Wow, wow, you're with a group. - No. - And everyone's like having a good time just to toss somebody a nobody cares. See, I think she belittled him. 'Cause we have-- - We have couple friends. - Yes. - Where the woman constantly diminishes the man in front of everybody. Maybe that's the one time he stood up for himself. - All this is possible. And look, to be clear, maybe you hear all of this, what we're saying, and you go, I understand your questions. None of those are true. We were just having a good old time. - Oh, Jen. - And this guy tossed me a nobody cares. Two days, I wouldn't talk to him for two years. If you said to him, nobody cares. Communians don't even do that to each other when a joke bombs in the room. - No. - You never go, nobody cares. - No. - If a heckler did that, you would fucking punch him in a stupid face, right? - Yeah. - Nobody cares. - Nobody cares is like a fucking Instagram comment. Like it's really rarely said, you know what I mean? In front of people. Like I guess if you were like super tight and you guys have a rapport of like bust and balls of time, nobody cares. But like there's also a way in which you say that to like your friend, you know? - Yeah. - I have to say though, particularly when like a female celebrity posts some stupid selfie or like something. - Yeah. - And somebody goes, nobody cares. - Yeah. - And the comments, it makes my day every time. 'Cause I would never do that, but I like when someone else does it. - That's nice. (laughing) - I have that shodden for it. - Yeah. - And you have like, oh my god. The Thrive Market isn't just convenient, it's a lifesaver. 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And if you're new to Vaya, get a free gift of your choice. After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them, please support our show and tell them we sent you. Enhance your every day with Vaya. - I did kind of a nobody cares at one of these Emmy parties. - You did. - Yeah, this lady comes up to me and you know, she's in her evening gown. And she was like, she had an accent. She was like, do you have a cigarette or a vape or something? - Oh, a vape or something. - And I go, now I have a nicotine pouch and she goes, "That's so gay." And I go, "It's not as gay as a fucking vape," like that, and I pointed in her face. And she was like, okay, okay. And I'm like, so that's what I got. You want one? She was like, no, I'm like, okay, cool. - Well, first of all, I agree with you. - Yeah. - What you do is not gay at all. It's very masculine. It's not gay in the least. She's a gay lord. She's a fucking gay. - And I got to dismiss her in a fun way too. - Yeah. - 'Cause I said that and I was like, so you don't want one? She was like, no, I go, where are you from? She was like, "Gaace." - Gace. - And I was like, I don't know. - I'm a gay town. - Norway, Denmark. No, no. And then I was like, all right, so where? She goes, well, guess. I go, I already guessed. And then I turned. - Wow. - Yeah. - You know what? I'm so glad that you're rude to strange women in public. That really warms my heart. - Yeah. It was fun. It was fun to like go like, I'm not interested really. I was just being polite, you know? - Yeah. - That's nice. - Yeah. - I like that you're mean to attractive women. It's cool. - Cool. - It's why I like male comics. They don't care. - No. - For hot chicks. - I was beaten up by the women. I was like, fucking, go suck on a vape somewhere else, lady. - Yeah. - Yeah. - That's my man. - A big gay fucking homo lady. - That's like me when that lady was like, do you have a husband? I was like, of course I have fucking husband. - Well, the next thing that I was going to say, if she was like, keep guessing, I was going to be like, nobody cares. - Nobody cares. - It's not that interesting. - Yeah. You're not that interesting. - No. - Gosh. What was I- Keep guessing, it's like, what do you, what, it's not, you know, if you want to be like, guess where I'm from, I'm like, all right, I'll guess. Bop, bop, no, okay, where are you from? Keep guessing. - You just don't keep guess, don't do that. Nobody really wants to guess. - Yes, it's not. - Nobody wants to guess. - Do you think woman gets 30 countries? Like no. - Well, and not only that, she probably gets asked that question so frequently, where are you from? She should have a better answer by me. - I know why I can react to this way. - What? - 'Cause my mother loves that game. - Guess. - My whole life whenever we're anywhere, they go, oh, where are you from? She'll go, guess. - Yeah. - And then they go. - Oh, God. - Russia, no, and they're like Germany. She's like, not even close. And then they finally go over to Latin America. And of course, they're like, Mexico, Honduras, Guatemala, keep guessing. And I'm like, just fucking tell them where you're from. Like, he's not going to get it right. Just tell them. - They're never going to, socially Americans. They don't know where anything is. They're not going to want to, my dad had a good answer when people will be like, where are you from? He's like, China. - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - The dead face. I'm like, that's kind of funny. I like that. - She would do that sometimes. But she didn't do that on the long guess. She would do that as the immediate answer. Like he did. - Yeah. - So they would go, where are you from? - And then they'd go, no, I'm hungry. - And then they would go, for real? And she would go, yes, I speak Chinese. And she would do that to them. And they were like, all right. - It's a little too far. - And then I would pretend to translate. That was when it was fun. I go, oh, she says you have really pretty eyes. They were like, oh, tell her, thank you. - I was saying, oh, it was awful. - Yeah, it's fun. Yeah. - Yeah, whatever. Nobody cares. - Nobody cares, Tom. - Yeah, no. I know. - I know, I know, I know. What happened to him? I'm looking for a girl. - I'm looking for a girl. He's probably out there. - A girl friend. - Dude. - But he's switching teams now. It's been so long. - Possibly. - Hold hands with him. Remember, he got so excited. Let's go to the movies. - I hope he found love. That was a sweet kid. He was sweet. - It was one of the more innocent clips we've ever played. - Here's another one. - Oh. - What did you say? - You doing some drugs? - No. - No. - Well, I just want to body your sex, yes. - That's all right. You step back. - Oh, boy. - Boy. - High five. - Get out of here, kid. - Hey, don't make me get a sexy bite on you. - Are you serious, kid? - Yeah, I'll eat the fuck out of your ass. - Dead serious. - So that's what you're trying to do. Pick a fight. - I want to eat your ass. - That's what you're trying to do. Pick a fight. - I just want to eat your ass. - So you work for Walmart? - No, I want to eat your ass. - I'm coming for you. - All right. I'll eat your ass one day. - See, that was sweet, too. - I could watch this all day. - I know. - Like some young kid going up to old dudes who have never even heard such a thing in there. - Yeah, what? - The real move for that old guy. He should have just grabbed him by the collar. Just like, I'm like, try to, you know. - Grabbed him by the pole, his pants down and grabbed that kid by the collar and mush his face and his ass and go eat. - He does ask to like, eat. - And you know that that older man, he doesn't have the freshest ass hole right now. - Nope. He's been out. - He's been eating. - He's probably had a few drinks. His ass is pretty gamey. - Yeah. - So if you shove that young kid's face in your ass hole right now, he's gonna remember it. But that is the move if you are an older man. - Is grab someone by the collar and making me dress? - It sure is. - Well, that's the move. - It is the move when you're being disrespected in public on fucking somebody's stupid phone. And you're like, yeah, come here little shit fuck. - Yeah. - Come here eat my butt. - Yeah. I don't, I really don't like actually, honestly like fucking with people like this. - I do. - You do? - I don't like it. - I like it when it's between two males 'cause there's always the danger of a fight breaking. - You know, but here's the thing. That guy that's getting into his car. - Yeah. - He's not bothering anybody. - I know. - That's why I don't think it's cool. - Well, I think here's why I think it's okay. Because older guys are generally calmer. They're usually dads and granddads. So they're used to kids being kind of jerks. Like, you know what I mean? Older persons like us. You're like, all right kid, what you got? - But you want someone to come fuck with you? I don't think you do actually. - I don't know. - No, I do know. - No, you don't like it. - I don't see it. - But if some lady was like, I want to eat your box, Jordan Jensen's like. - What? - What? - I want to eat your box. - You know, like some older lesbian, or younger lesbian comes to me and she's like, I'm going to eat your box. - She's not gay. - I know. I know we know that. But this is a bit. - Okay. - It's a bit. - Okay, tell me the bit. - Yeah, and it's her, it's like her prank thing. - Going up so like an older baby. - Told her ladies and be like, I want to, can I eat your box? - I might be like, all right. - See, I know you too well. None of this is true. - But like, you want to what? - No, if you were like going to your car right now, you'd go, hey, fuck off, man. Okay, yeah, that's how you would be. - Yeah, that's true. - Yeah, and you're like, oh, it would be fun. No, it wouldn't. - But I like to watch other people suffer. - I see. - That's my, I do enjoy, I love Shadon Freud. - Yeah, Shadon Freud is fun. - I fucking love other people's misery. You know what I really love? This is pretty dark too. I love it when people get all the fame and all the success and all the money, and they're still empty inside. - Yeah. - I fucking live for that. Like what? - The Instagram where you just know that person is so fucking empty inside. - But you get by what they post, you can tell. - Yeah, you're like, ooh. This thirst trap, like this empty void inside, like, oh, it's so deep, it's so bad, you know, when the external is like, everything's great. That makes me so fucking happy. - It's always big, the big one that I consistently see, as the big tell, is the people who constantly post about the joy of their relationship. - Big time losers, yeah. - And especially in like celebrity culture. - Ooh, I hate each other. - I'm with my love. - My partner. (laughs) - I really like it now. - Or like this man and I, this wonderful man and I have spun around Earth, the sun, 30 times together. We have two children. - And if it's a self-taken photo, and the image is of like, you know, like, like this was a captured candid photo. But that means you went like this, and then you were like, look at me and you're like, oh yeah. - And they're like, that's it. - That's it. - It's just us natural. - And you're like, that's not how that photo came about. - I know I read, sorry. I probably saw some TikTok thing that was like, women in relationships who pose, who do like thirst trap photos, who are the unhappiest. - Oh, it's yeah. - If you're a married lady and you're like, oh my god, look at me, my bikini. - Seriously. (laughs) - Something's wrong. That's not gonna last too long. - It's okay. Here's what you want. Speaking of. - Am I the worst person? - Because I love it when the more success someone gets, the emptier I know and they feel. - Well, this is not necessarily that you know that they're empty. It's just, you're like, so anyone who has success. - The people that I know that are doing things are, I know. - Oh, but you're talking about a specific combination of things. - Yeah. - You're not saying that anybody who has success is unhappy. - No. There's a specific type that I really get the joy from. - I know what you're saying. I know what you're saying. - 'Cause it's never enough. - I know who, I think I even know who you're thinking. - It's never enough. - I know. - Yeah. - Yeah. It fills you with joy. - Yeah, they're spiritual on us. - No, it's honest. What you're saying right now is something that people are reluctant to say, but a lot of them actually feel the same. - Their piece is a shit like me. - Yeah. - But then I'm pretending like I'm so spiritually enlightened and I'm not, 'cause I'm enjoying someone else's existential self. - Well, we're all fucked up and nobody cares about anything but themselves. - Nobody cares about me or you. You know who gives a fuck about you who should is your mom. When you're dead. - But see, that doesn't count 'cause they don't. - So. - They later did mine. - Yeah, they don't, yeah. - That's why I'm so fucked up. - I mean, I think my dad did, I don't know. - Your dad loved you. Your dad really gave a shit. - And now, you know, he liked you very much. - He liked you very much. - I fucking cried watching, I can't believe, I cried watching a Steve Harvey clip. It was in my stories. - The family feud? - It wasn't from family feud. It was him talking about when his dad died. - Oh, I don't know. - And I watched it when I cried. It was really good. - Yeah. - Can you tell me what he said? - I mean, we should probably just play the clip. - Yeah, I can't. Now I'm gonna cry. - Yeah, it's, it's tier worthy. - Can you find it? - If you go to my stories and through something. - Is this a sad app? - No, no, no. - Bitches, you pussy. - No, no, no, no, it's not, it's not. It was, it was really good. - I wish I had a dad that loved me. - Well, it did make me cry. - For even a mom that loved me. - Quote that I learned that helped me with my father's death. And I couldn't understand why I was beating me up so bad. When a man's father dies, he realizes that the one man who truly wanted him to be better than him is gone. Your father is the only man that has ever wanted you to be better than him. They ain't another man living want you to be better than him. - Bruh. - I've never heard that. - I love you, man, but I don't want you to be better than me. - That's real. - Your father wants you to be better than him. And when he dies, you realize it. And what the part that fucked me so bad was. - Oh no, I don't feel like crying today, man. - The only thing-- - How about that? - Listen, man. I didn't have nobody. When my daddy died, I didn't have nobody to say that it was proud of me. - No. - That fucked me up. - Yeah. - 'Cause you know what my dad. He used to call me and say, "Man, so proud." And when he died, man, nobody said that to me, no more. Nobody. And it's kind of crazy, man. Until I married Marjorie, nobody said they was proud of me. So lose it, that's what the fuck part for me was with him. He came to all my shows, a lot of the flying out. My mother never saw me. 'Cause she didn't want to hear me cussing. So my mother never saw me. My dad, even if the show was sold out, I'd make them take a folder with you and pop it up for him and my brother. My dad would sit down there. And he would sit next to his lady one time. She said, "Oh, well, you must be special, sir." They didn't put a folder away chair in there. He said, "Yeah." You know that boy that finna come out here, Steve Harvey, that's my son. All these niggers in here, didn't pay the seat, didn't pay. And my father would sit there, man. And I sent him money all the time. My mother said, "Your daddy go down there with that check and his pocket with his gun." And everybody was trying to fit. Mr. Harvey, where's you getting all this money from? You seeing the TV show, the Steve Harvey show? They said, "Yeah, that's my boy right there." And all that gave me the juice I needed. When he left, man, that fucked me. - So yeah, that broke me last night. And then you know what the funny thing is, I've reposted it, so I was just like, yeah, you know, I don't think too much about it. I just reposted it. I got hit up by so many people about how it affected, people who have lost their debts. Like so many people replied to it. - That's gotta be, yeah. That's gotta be crazy to have someone that actually really, I mean, he really did love and support you. - Yeah. - If they were out, like we were the broken, leanest years and the best. - Yeah. - That's gotta be hard. - I have someone who actually really rooted for you. - Yeah, and he was the only person that would basically call about anything. I'd be like, "This is happening." It was always like, yeah, and it just goes away. He's right, it totally just goes away. - I'm proud of you. - I know you are. - It doesn't count, it's not the same. - Yeah, but it's still nice. - Yeah. - Are you proud of this guy? - Sure. - Oh, it's fancy and nice, though. - The actual thing is, you know, this was interesting. - Yeah. - He took this down. - What? - I don't know. I don't know if he was, it was, it wasn't up to his standards of like videography or the, maybe the food wasn't exactly as, we couldn't figure it out, but he actually took this one down. (laughing) Huh. Interesting, right? You just want someone to call you and say I'm proud of you. - Let's go. - What happened there? - I don't know, but it was crazy that he put that on Instagram, isn't it? - And it wasn't a frame. It was a nice, long, deliberate, here's something else that I have. - Well, is that also on his menu? Is what I'm wondering? - I believe, if the price is right, - Is that-- - Is that-- - Is that why it costs $5,000 an app? Does that, is that included? - His scale and how it slides is fascinating. - Well, can I say something, as an artist? - Yeah. - How right? - That's right, 'cause you just sell artwork. Some days, he's just like, hundred grand. Some days, he's like, it's a hundred bucks. Next day, it says four million. - Yeah. - Next day, five, it's all over the place. - Of course. - But I guess it's just kind of how you feel. - It is how you feel. What do you think possessed that? (sighs) And he's not one to make edits. That's really crazy that he didn't edit in this video. He usually doesn't do that. - You want to tell the audience that can't see this? What we saw-- - Oh, so we saw cakes, and we saw strawberries, and a table set, and then what happened next? - Well, it was like a big chocolate bar. - He was a chocolate bar. - And it was a King-sized Snickers. - Yeah? - It was his Snickers. And the thing, his Snickers bar was there. - He put his three quarters full penis. - A wrecked. - Pretty close. - And he didn't touch it, but he wagged it. - He wagged it from the bottom, so you couldn't see his hands, but it said, "Hello." - Yeah. - And then it came down. - And for a minute. - Yeah, that's the thing is it wasn't like, "Hey, what did it?" You got to go, "Oh." - It wasn't spliced in there. - Maybe he was just super horny when he made this. - I think so. Yeah, he just put it out there. - Mm-hmm. - Wow, that was crazy, dude. - Pretty crazy. - Is that for your next promo for your upcoming books? - Oh, I'm doing that. I'm doing that, yeah. - We have to put his in there, not yet. - I would like people to know what I got. - You they do, they can buy my photo. - Yeah, that's right. - I don't have to show anybody anymore. That's pretty cool. - They know exactly what you're working. Look at that physique. God damn, Tom. - They're working hard. All right, let's take a quick break. - Sure. - And we'll be back with one of our all time faves. - Oh. - All right. And we are back. And our guests who were so happy to have here is currently on his institutionalized tour. You can get tickets at embag.com. You can see his podcast, Husky Boys, which he hosts with Robert O'Burs. Give it up for Ian Badge. - Yeah, bagels. - All right, so good to see you guys. - No, we love you. - It's been too long. And you guys have been too busy. And I've just watched you from the sidelines. - It's been long over trip. - Open for a trip. - Yes. - I'm so sure I get happy. - Great. - Great. - You guys have gotten hurt a couple of times. I get uncomfortable reaching out 'cause I do care about you. - I know. - You know what I'm feeling. - I'm like, holy fuck, guys. - Yeah. - Are you okay? - Yeah. - And then stay here to sleep. - I guess. - That's what you do. - You shouldn't have done that, huh? - Yeah. - That's a little bit. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You know how Canadian folks, you know how they are. - Yeah. - We've known you 20 years, man. - We've known each other for five hours. - Yeah. - It's really been crazy. - Yeah. - We did five hours with you. - Yes, 20 years. - 20 years. And we went to South Africa with you for a comedy festival. And that was a million years ago. - That was 2012. - That was yes. Yeah, right after apartheid, we went. - Yes. - Oh, yeah. - I'm still very fresh. - It was. - Very fresh. There were fountains. Remember down at the beach? There was that fountain. Do you guys remember that? - Yeah. - And the apartheid museum. - Oh, the museum was a bummer. - And then we all were bummed out. And then everyone said, "Look how sad they are." Isn't that hilarious? (laughing) - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, David Cowell. - Yeah, David Cowell does on stage. - David Cowell. - He was like, "We took the lights "to the apartheid museum today." (laughing) - Left them there. - Yeah. - He was, he was, South Africa's number two comedian. - Yeah. - And he was, he was, he's such a nice guy. - Fucking hell. - That got to him. - It got, it was. - He's just like. - Oh, right. - Being number two. - Yeah, he was just like. - Oh. - Number one was the export. - Yeah, yeah. - Traveler. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's right. - Yeah, and he's just like that guy. It's taking everything. - Yeah, but David had blacks only. - Blacks only. - Blacks only. - With one white on it. - Yeah. - Who was the white? - He'd switch whites up. - He'd switch a white. - I would love to be the one white. us t-shirts for Blacks only. And then we had it. And then people were like, what's going on? It's a gym in South Africa. Blacks only. You all black. Black. Black. And what else will we say They were down there. Blascha. Blascha. Blascha. - Blascha was like creepy. Blascha. - Blascha was so creepy. Blascha was there. - Blascha. - It was their way of saying, you're welcome or don't worry about it. So you go, thanks for bringing that. - Blascha. - Blascha. - Smiling with their dead eyes. - Yeah. - Blascha. - Blascha. - Blascha. - Blascha. Remember that hotel that was how weird it was? - With the Jobberg one or the-- - The Jobberg one. - Oh, it was like a casino. - It was like a villa. - Yeah. - And then they were like, don't go outside. - Yeah. - You'll definitely get robbed or die. - Yeah. - You're like, all right, right? - I went another time with Bobby Lee. - He got robbed. - And he got robbed. - No. - Yeah, and I was in a store and he comes running in and I just got robbed. And I go, it was a guy black and he goes, it's fucking so hard for me, of course he was black. (laughing) - Was he like tackled or something? - No, I think he just got pushed around. I don't know, you never know with Bobby how the story starts. - Yeah. - Was he out in the mall or just walking? - He was out looking for cigarettes. - Yeah, you're good, right? - Yeah, you're good, dummy. - Where are they told you not to go? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I'll go there. - Yeah, I'll go there. - Yeah, and remember Zane, remember Zane? - Yeah. - Yeah. - And he was all like, I tell you, remember Adielis? I tell you not to go! (laughing) - Yeah. - He was Indian South African. - Yes. - Yes. - Yeah. - Yeah, so when my, my-- - All right, all right. - On the other trip, my wife came over and it was in Cape Town, right? That we went to Johannesburg and what was the other place? - Durban. - Durban. - Yeah, where a million blacks go to the-- - The ocean, yeah. - On New Year's Day. - That's right. - They touch it and come back. - And you referenced that during a-- (laughing) You referenced it during a show and it fucking, 'cause you were like, he's like, "I know you want them to keep going in the ocean, "never come back." - Cool. (laughing) - They do. - Oh, that was hilarious. - It was so much fun, in which way. - Their racial system there, or what they came out of. - Yes. - So people don't know, it's not just white and black, right? All the shades matter. - Yeah. - There's white, black, and colored. - Colored to a mix of white, black. - There's a huge Indian population in South Africa. - Huge. - They're considered colored. And what he would take pride in, he was like, he's like, yeah, you know, the whites, you can tell whatever you could say, whatever you want to us, he's like, well, we can say whatever you want to the blacks. Watch this. (laughing) - I'm right in the middle. - He was so funny, though. - He was like, oh my god. Yeah, and then at the end of the tour, you're like, oh, he's got a bunch of guns under that thing. He's trying to protect us. I had no idea. - I didn't know I did it. - But he would also yell stuff out the window. - Yeah, while driving. - Well driving us. - And he was too big for the car, really? (laughing) - Africa. - Yeah. - And you know why it was so special. - It was an old joke. - That's an old joke. - We always tell him to pull his jeans up. - That's the old joke. - Pull your jeans up. Pull your jeans up. - That was the joke. - Is that where jeans came from? - Yeah, well. - It was a starting where we were just like, hey, why don't you get bigger jeans? (laughing) And we would all ride him. And then the second that he's like, he said, oh joke, keep making the old joke. (laughing) - Come on, guys. (laughing) - And then his partner, do you remember his partner? - No. - His partner was serious. He would only show up in like a Mercedes. Check things. - He was like, oh my god, this hotel's really nice. And like, the food was good, remember? - Yeah. - Also, we got clowned by other people because we enjoyed the first beach. Was it the Durban? - Durban, I love Durban. - So we were like, we were at the beach. - Yeah. - Beautiful and people were like, in Durban, we were like, I mean, it was the ocean. - It was gorgeous. - Yeah, I was just, we're down there. - You don't wanna go there. - We were there. - We loved it. - Yeah. - And they're like, oh my god, like this hotel is really nice and like, the food was good, remember? - Yeah. - And they're like, no. - No, don't go there. - Disgust. - Yeah. - Yeah, he trashed it. - But like a beautiful Durban. - Yeah. - I thought it was great. - That's right. - That's right. - And then monkeys would steal sugar from your table. - Yes. - It was really fun. - Mm. - Good times. And then the other comics were interesting. - Interesting. (laughing) - Woo! - Was it like six of us or five of us? - Yeah. - Snow, no six of us, right? - Okay, it's Finesse Mitchell. - Finesse was there? - Mitch Faital. - Mitch. - Meow, meow and meow. - And Dave Count. - And Dave Count. - Six. - Was there another role? - Was there any other role? - Or Lando Jones? Or Lando Cainer? - Oh yeah. - And Brian Hainer. - Brian Cainer. - Oh, Hainer. - Hainer, right? Because Orlando wasn't rolling with us or show, though. - He came in Joe Berg. - He came in Joe, yeah. - Yes. - Joe Berg. - Joe Berg. - That's what I call it. - Brian, you, me, Ian, David. - Wow. - And David. - He was literally like, you're doing like a show here and then you're like, and to bring his home. Chris Rock, everybody. - Yeah. - It was crazy. - It was crazy. - Yeah, it was crazy. And I did the other one with Trevor Noah. So I see-- - Oh my gosh. - Both of those, like there was a billboard of him selling Range Rovers in front of the hotel. - Yeah, so that would inform me. - I'm just like a comic selling Range Rovers with the cells going on in this country. - I know. - But I do, what I've always loved about standup and the dudes do really well is hierarchy. You guys know what the pecking order is and as a woman, you just go, oh, okay, this is my place. This is your place, great, thank you. And you just all roll. There's no, usually no ego about that pecking order. - We pretty much had fun. - Yeah, we had fun. - We had a lot of fun, dude. - We had a lot of fun. - Yeah, I'd still finesse, you know, I'd still consider, I'd see him all the time. - Yes, we run into him. - I consider him kind of like, you know, that's my buddy, we went to South Africa together, right? - Yeah, yeah, so for sure. And, and Hainer, I haven't seen since. - Well, I email with him every few years and see how the wife moved. He's in upstate New York. - Oh. - Upstate New York. - I believe so. I think occasionally, but no. - Not just music. - I'm not sure, I think he did, he's not touring anymore. I know that. He and the wife were like having a nice calm life. Retired. - Was Sun made a lot of money? - Yes. - Oh, right. - Sun was a vengeful 17, yeah, 6,000,000 nine. - Fools. - A lot of fun. - That's a cool, yeah, it's a cool game. - It's so cool. - And I think Brian may have played some music on a couple of those. - Nice. - So he would have got some. - He was super talented, but also so nice. - Remember, we sit around and he played the piano. Afterwards, we sit in a hotel. - Yeah. - And people would say, oh, you've got to go to bed now. Pleasure. - Take yourself, upstairs. - This is before we had kids, Gene. - Yeah. - Three years before we had our first kid. When life is free. - You guys sleep in. - Do you remember when you guys ran that room in Culver City? Bert took me there one time. - When I ran it with my friend here? - I thought it was you two. - No, he never did it. Probably Eric Lundy and me. Yes, I think you closed out a few of those. - I did, yeah, Bert in Culver, right? - No. - Was it in Culver? - No, it was in Hollywood somewhere and I had you headline and you roll in, kind of grumpy. - That's me? - And I'd be like, I don't know what's up with Ian Bag. I didn't know you at the time. - Autism. - Yeah, I was like, is this guy gonna be angry? Like, is he gonna, and then immediately, he got on stage like, I remember how to go on it. You just were full of Ian Bag. It was amazing. - I'll explain it. - Yeah, please. - I just kind of shut down so I can have it for there. - Yeah, I see that. - Right? So I'm not, we have another friend that can be on the whole time. - Yeah. - But I can't, it's in concentrate. It's me in concentrate on stage. - Yeah. - So I have to. - Totally get it. - Have that time. - Yeah, and it's not grumpy. - You know, but when you showed up at places, yeah, a lot of times you showed up like, I've done a bunch of shows with you where you're like, kind of, you know, inside to yourself. - Yes. - And then boom, you come on six. - Just kind of quiet. - Yeah. - Taking it all in. Sometimes I'll go sit by myself. Like I, I never go into the green room in most of these comedy clubs. I'm just sitting with the staff because the staff was busy, so they're not really bugging me. - I'm a lot like you. - Yeah, so. - I kind of hate a busy green room. - Really? - Afterwards, it's fine. - After I lost. - That's totally true. - Yeah, afterwards, yeah, let it rip. But I don't like a pre-show happening. One time I got, I got booked for this gig. It was in Houston. And I remember that it was right when I was like, starting to sell tickets. I was on my second tour. And I don't know how this happened, but the promoter was like, instead of just going with the agent a lot, he was contacting me directly. And I was like, okay, you know, blah, blah, blah. Well, we're coming to pick you up and they pick me up. They take me to the venue. And when I walk in, we go, you know, to the right here, you walk in. And there was like, this was straight, there was like 12, 13 people. And I go, hey, man. - You had to do a meet and greet before. - Well, I was like, who are all these people? And he goes, oh, they're like friends of mine. - Oh, no. - And I was like, why are they in here? - Yeah. - And he was like, do you not want them here? I go, of course not. Like this is supposed to be like my room to chill in, right? - Yeah, yeah. - This is a free show. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, okay, I mean, I can get, and I was like, this is nuts. So he was turning it into like, come hang in this room. I was like, he's making it another venue. - Yeah, I was like, no, bro. - Charge his friends to come hang in here. - We cannot do this, no, no, no, no. And even on my now, like, I'm like, real low key. I don't like it to be busy. - My buddy played the NHL, and he's a goalie, and he wanders into the dressing room one day, and the owner of the team's got all his buddies down in the dressing room, and they're in his equipment. - No. (laughing) - Yeah, and he's just like, I kind of skidded in the ditch for quite a while after that. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, people just don't get it. Like, they're like, yeah, yeah, I get that we're toys. - Yeah. - Right? We're toys, but we still need to stay in the box for a little bit until you play with us. - Yeah. - Right? - And I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm really not trying to be a dick. - No, no, and it's before, to be fair, it's before I had ever really spoken with you. I just, I'd only seen you on stage, and different Eric, and I were like, we have to get you in back. Like, we were total fangirls, and so you showed up, and we were like, oh, he's in there. - Oh my god! - I thought we didn't want to scare you. - We didn't want to talk to you. - I will stand by this in the conversations, if you're talking, like in the last, however many, 20 years, if you go, who do you not want to follow? You would be always in my top, - Of course. - But like, don't you don't want any part? - Oh, I fucking, I still don't know if, we still have to swear on this podcast. - No. - Of course, it's like what death brought you guys to say, - Frig, Frig, Frig and stuff. - Yeah. - You know how I know? 'Cause I said, hey, Tom, I'm struggling a bit. Can I open for you? - Oh, yeah. - And you're like, no. - No. - And I'm like, Tom doesn't like following me. What do you do? - I would never want to follow you. - But you guys, you're incredibly funny. - You guys are very sweet, but at the same time, you're famous. They are never gonna turn on you. - No, they're not gonna turn on you. - No, I'm not talking about, like in that, I'm just talking about when you're talking about somebody's comedy chops, like just forget like the turning or thing. - Tell more. - I just mean that like, you, there's some people who just have a capacity. - Right. - To kill. - And that's you. - I love rush. - Take that and people. - Yes. - Have fun. - Yeah, I'm sure. - Yeah, it's weird how much fun I have there. compared to a lot of life because you have so much fun up there and it's fun to watch you because you have zero fat like you not like I don't fucking care but it's more of like you're so playful and you're so not set like a so serious guy up there who has to be the smartest guy in the room yeah you also have no that's not my show but you have like you have this stream of consciousness thing where you're either when you're up there and you're like going you're riffing and you're using the room and you're using the information it's it'll be like funny funny funny and then if you do something and it doesn't work your way of dealing with it is funnier than if it had worked so like it becomes funny like you you really are a savant up there we had on on the podcast the other day we had Chris candy who was John candy son yes okay so and he talked about how when he was acting or in a sketch he wasn't afraid to look like a dork right but in real life he was terrified of looking like a dork John right yeah right I kind of have that yeah like it's free there but in real life you're just like oh oh oh do I have nose hair what's going on you know I made like yeah where it's like I hope I have no tear when I'm on stage right anything shaved I was out and it was in Chicago not long ago and my wife always says you know if you do anything you know if you're doing it beautifying get it done professionally not me I shaved off half an eyebrow okay yeah so you know so I went on stage like but mine are massive so it's very noticeable I'm just like I shaved off my eyebrow on you know and the rest of the time I was in Chicago it's terrified people were looking at it yeah and while I was on stage it's terrified they weren't looking at right right yeah was Chris were you guys promoting the new dog yeah is it out or is it coming it's coming out in October I got you guys you want them I'll give you well yeah we've we've he and I have exchanged messages before but I would love like a to be connected connected yeah he's his it's it's it's such an interesting you know like they did it because everybody else was starting to do it so they wanted to be ahead of everybody else doing it because they've been saying no for so many years right really yeah no to one about him yeah no it's crazy right now now people are just doing their own documentaries on them I like I guess we should do and we should talk about her dad yes that's amazing I would love to love that thank you you're not from here so maybe you'll relate to this well you've gone Texas oh my dust side that because that irritates me and I punch bloods in the mouth for saying that don't you dare say that my family have been in this country for a hundred and forty years right so you and if you're saying thing like that I have on many occasions punch bloods in the mouth this family's been in the country for a hundred and forty years he's been there for 112 I love when we'll guys want to fight it's it's so good it's so great and the accent on Australians yeah no no no no no no no no I don't hear it comes all right I'm sure don't worse camera man ever a right he's right he's right he's yelling at a flight attendant right stupid land I like the way he wants to fight the guy from 1940 yeah check him up I'm a right back to the book he said he's a Lebanese Lebanon yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah I can see it he's right 140 years you're you're Australian at that point man you're part of the country at some point you're from BC yeah British Columbia yeah I mean I was using short I thought you meant before Christ well you're from your very old I might you are also very old but you look good for somebody that's a couple thousand years old that's true I wake up weird I'm wondering do you feel connected still to like people like other notable people from BC or no you know I mean like do you have a kinship with like when someone like there's a no celebrity that's from BC like yeah the only one is that that guy Ryan no he's van city but he's van city you're from I'm from the middle of nowhere there's a guy Taylor Lochner or something like that yeah he's from colonial like Taylor on no no no no that's Tom Green's a Canadian but he's from he's from he's from the other's coach okay but there's a guy there's a guy that was in like a football movie or something tape is it will Blunderfeld nope who's will Blunder oh this is will Blunderfeld here oh I should have worked last okay hold on let me get him for you in this episode of what does the well make him a drink I'm gonna fill this beautiful mason jar with my beautiful orin which is medicinal orin especially after some I never caught that orin pump up some iron got quite the faucet on them it's a form of self love when I drink my own piss I get this enhanced benefit of self-approval and self-acceptance right now and really that's all guy didn't get the finger bang in high school and here he is so no wonder the yogis have been doing it for over 5,000 years a lot of piss now everything that's so BC zone go ahead my brother he was filled he had already peed in that and that was putting water in it that's what that faucet was it wasn't his day no no yes don't you dare you calling will Blunderfeld a fraud yes I'm calling I'm calling he had a little bit of pee and a lot of water really yeah watch it again listen to it there's just no way I don't know anybody that can get that kind of stream into a into a little jar and not be wearing it you're wow you're using him a fraud I am right now right here on the people's court he said you get so many benefits from doing this I'm wondering if you're drinking your orin breath your breath your breath smells great breath sounds like it smells like a backup like injecting heavy metals and awarded fetal cells right into your body is made they made to seem good and everything that's good for us like drinking your piss is made to seem bad we live in an inverted clam world so try it for yourself and be your own I mean that's just like one of the he also he teaches like seminars you're drinking your pee no that sometimes it's about pee drinking you know like sometimes he does it's up yo you so me and Brian career just taught a really juicy enus workshop today and got a little bit into the prostate too there he goes again I caused some pre-come to be secretive from my manhood so a little bit of sperm seeped out a little bit of sperm a dime which is from muscle growth a little bit of nerve growth factor which is really good for your brain and your nervous system what else came out a little bit of vitamins minerals oxytocin bonding hormone which will lowers cortisol and waste the only am I getting the benefit of the urine therapy which is powerful on the shivam blue I should call it but I'm also getting the benefit of the brain it's a tiny bit of semen that's been mixed in with my urine oh fuck I just got the chills oh and into the beard yeah a little piss yeah yeah it's like drinking stamps here's the thing I just now I'm going on Ian's theory that he's faking this because look how still his face is when he's peeing and just casually talking to you are you able to casually talk into a camera and piss at the same time no and and it's just that noise there's there wasn't even a you know like anything like that it was just like instantly turned off I was like what do you got the breast prostate in the world you know come on I bet his prostate is pretty healthy I bet it's bad he works it he does these other workshops oh hello guys so in my in my live workshops we do a beautiful caulk exercise and this is actually inspired by a good and very sharp um yeah basically uh he does these workshops called penis wellness you know oh my fucking god no I love will so much caulk on caulk right now I love it's beautiful Ian what's wrong with you this is what we do in Texas this one's a little hard for me to watch what it's just a little personal now his mom comes in well I didn't realize the plane going by too I wish she would have time that well man what if he's just got the camera upside down and he's doing that from standing position and he's the most amazing man ever just for hitting his face with the big wattage is I'm fearless I'm down I love having a little mantra you know I'm fearless I'm down I'm going to start saying that after I have to when I when I jack up not when I'm having sex imagine saying that after you have sex I'm fearless I'm doubtless I'm doubtless my wife would slap me in the face I'm enjoying the taste of it really I'm fearless I'm fearless I'm doubtless yeah it's cool it's a good tattoo I'm shameless I'm fearless all right that was a lead to fart afterward let's - Also, can I just say we've watched a lot of cool guys over the years, 20 years now of cool guys. I've never creeped out by Will Blunderfeld. I believe this is really spiritual for me. - Well, he's been right here, he's sat in studio. - He sat naked in that variation. - No way. I feel like my prostate is doing better since sitting in the chair that he sat in. - And I went and did cock exercises with him. - You didn't hug him, did you? - I did hug him. - Naked? - Yeah. - You're an impressive fellow. You were just, was I? - That was, that was, that was, and if I've ever seen it, that was, but I did, like, reluctantly get pretty hard and I was kind of pissed about reluctantly, yeah. - No, no, no, okay. - Were you trying to look bigger? - I was trying to, yeah. If I don't go, if I don't go in hard, I'm gonna look like I got a little penis. - Yeah, yeah, I was like, I was trying to fluff and then it just stood up, you know? - Yeah, yeah. - Well, here you go. - It's all the weirdos that have massive cocks too. - I know. - Oh, wow, I didn't make that correlation. - Well, I'm gonna, I'm gonna put it out there. - Put it out there. - Yeah. - Have you ever had, like, you're looking at, you're looking at a red tube, right? - Or whatever, right? - Oh, you know, yeah. - And there'll be a, there'll be a, you know, I don't know, I don't know, they keep changing trends, they keep changing their name. So I just can't keep up. I'm always saying the wrong thing, and if anything. But they're hum, like, fucking mules. - Yeah. - And I'm just like, well, why, why, why? - Yeah. - Why would God put that on them if they didn't want to be that way? (laughing) - The people that want to switch. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Why'd you got this piece of equipment, this is crazy. - I can give you mine and look more like a couturist. (laughing) - I love that we just left that on there. - I know. - Here, I'll give you something to say. - So how did you guys get them to come in? - We just, we were playing his stuff, like the clips we were showing you. And then we just had-- - Did you have to get a work visa? - I don't even know. - That's so interesting. - I don't know, but he came down and crossed boarded that. - He was a great interview. He was really amazing, guys. - He's a good guy. - Like, like a lot of, any knowledge? Like any knowledge? - Lots of knowledge. - Lots of stuff. - You know what? - Well, do you know the samurai's to suck each other's nipples before battle? - Well, they're probably on some sort of drug. That's what you're like, you get all fired up and suck each other's nipples and go to war. - Did you know that it's gay to not eat your friends ass? (laughing) - I did not. - Stuff we learned. - Do research. - Yeah. I am so good. - He's, he's right, all these ancient warrior cultures. All, have you even cupped your friends balls? - Yeah, like the Celtic warriors would do that. Maybe just hold each other's nuts. - Well, trying to get over a fence. - Probably. - I'll help you out. - Making sure nobody gets a little bit of barbed wire in there. - Yeah. - That's not gay, that's helpful. - That's helpful, yeah. - Totally helpful. - I love it. He told you all this? - Mm-hmm. - And where did he learn it all? - Some other guy. - Yeah, some other dude in the forest as he was sucking his nipples. - Cool guy. - Hey man, we're just going to work. (laughing) - Uh, this, here's a good palate. - I'm sure he's a sweet guy. - He's a sweet guy. - Yes, yes. - Old jizz basement. - Oh shit. - Oh my god. - That's your trip to Saudi, Tom. - Oh my god. - This is what they're gonna do here. - Oh my god. - It's like, shut up. I like when they're like, stop fucking crying. Okay, okay, okay. I'm gonna help you here with this next one, okay? You good? Yeah. - What prison is this from? (laughing) - Can you imagine paying for this? You're like, my next kind of-- - Oh! - There's no worlds in which that is beneficial. - Ooh! - Ooh! - Oh, kid needs. He's got his punchy glove. - Oh yeah. - His punchy glove is on his right. He's like, I'll wrap it up. (groaning) I'm not being racist in any way, but if I was a white guy and I walked in a room to get something like that done and that guy was wearing that hat, I'd go, no. (laughing) - Whoa. - I know what our people have done to you, so I'm gonna turn around and go out and probably just find somebody else for my massage. - Who wants more like me. - Yeah. (laughing) - You gotta be smart at times, right? - You're in that hat! - Yeah. - What is with the hat, buddy? - Hey, buddy. - See, you got no brim. (laughing) - You got half a hat on it. - Can't trust you. (laughing) - You're definitely not trying to keep the sun out of your face. - You're gonna go down the street by your hat. - A real hat. - Then you can punch me in the neck. - Oh my god. - Such a good thing. - How hard do you think he's trying not to get him to roll over and just punch him in the throat? - Oh, he wants. - Yeah. - This guy's in so much pain. - And that, how about the guy in the blue? - Just his face is just like you. I'm been waiting for this moment. - Waiting for that. (laughing) - Yeah, enjoy our land. - There's no therapy where I've ever made that sound. You know? - Not even in the car. - Just crying afterwards. (laughing) You go right there at a hospital right after that. Just straight to hospital. - Well, my neck was sore but now it's broken. - Yeah. - My favorite. - That is kind of what it feels like. - Yeah. - He's like your next bothering you? Have you ever had it? - Let me finish it off. - You're completely crushed. (laughing) - Here's what we gotta do son. We gotta get your neck off your head. - And then it won't hurt there. - You're gonna be fine. You're not gonna feel a thing after that. - Holy shit. - That's true. You might just be severing all the nerves. - Yeah. - So you're not feeling a fucker? - Doesn't look like he's severing him well though 'cause the guy's in a lot of pain. - He's in a lot of pain. - I am feeling it all. (laughing) - I like when they do old women, these chiropractor, and they fuck up old ladies. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Just kill him. - Yeah. - He's like a fixer. - Fixer. - She was living too much life. - These next ones are within a game. - You guys have never let me down with your videos. - Oh good. This is our game. I show you a clip. - Okay. - You tell me is it genuinely horrible, like not funny, or is it hilarious? - Okay. - Do you have an LLC? (laughing) - Oh, not a tooth, fuck. - A tooth can't help. - Oh, fuck, I hate that. - Yeah, he lost his tooth. Funny, funny. - It's funny. - Funny. And by the way, they should just put the advertisement right afterward, yeah. - Yeah, true story. - This is a fun one. - It's been marketing, yeah. - I have to tell you, a lot of times they're really sad. This was a good one. - Yeah, it was funny. - Plus, you've lost a tooth, right? It's the worst feeling. - When you're like, "Fuck, now I have to get this dealt with." - Yeah, you lose a hockey tooth. - I've never, I've just got chips. But I, uh. - Oh, you do a pod with Robert? - Yeah. - Is he a big hockey guy? - He likes hockey, but he's not a big hockey guy. Robert, Robert's the American monster strong man. - I know, I know, yeah. He's football, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But you guys became friends? - Yeah, I seen him on, I seen him on righteous gemstones. - Uh-huh. - And I was just like, "Who is this guy?" Like I didn't know about him before. I'm just like, he was funny, and I was, he was weirdly talented. And he was nothing like what he looked like. - Yeah. - And I just sent him a message. And I said, "I think you're hilarious." And I said, "I think you're so talented." And he said, "Are you trying to fuck me?" (laughing) And he was like, "Yeah." - I'm like, kind of. - Yeah, strong and funny. - Wanna come over and rub cocks on each other? - Does he live here in Texas? - His wife is from here, he lives in Boise, Idaho. - Oh, he lives in Boise. - Yeah, that's a white haven. - Yeah, that's good. - He looks like he fits in there. - Sure. - Perfectly. Yeah. - Yeah, I like him, I'm a big fan. - All right, here's another one. - Oh my gosh. - Oh shit. - Take it myself, people. (gasping) - Oh. - Oh, you made it. - I made it. - I made it. - That looks like a lot of blood, man. - That's a lot of blood from your head, too. - Yeah, he's gonna have to go to that chiropractor. (laughing) - Yep. - But that's funny, right? - That was very, well, for a second, you're like, "He's definitely dead." - Still funny. - It's still kind of funny. - Can I say it again? - Because he was such a douche. - Back did he fall, man? Oh my god. (laughing) - And so there must be, - Oh. - 'Cause it looks like he's falling a hundred feet, right? - Yeah. - So he must have, oh my god. - It's weird that a rock and chair was in the middle of nowhere. Do you think these two, this is like the day they got a camera phone? Like they just, they're like, "You can make video." - This is an Afghanistan. - Yeah. - You can hold this. - Yeah, they just got it off an American soldier. - After a battle. (laughing) - I'm posh too. - Yeah. - I'm posh too, I think. Yeah. (laughing) - I think he's got that massive stick too. Like that's the biggest stick I've ever seen in my life. - Yeah. - There's no way they have a bunch of those. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of them. - This is the town stick. - Yeah. - The town stick. - Ravi, what did you do with the stick? - Where is this thing? - I know, and it's like a wooden stick. - We just practiced our dance routine. We want to put up and now you lose the stick. (laughing) - What? He's doing an advertising for a mountain climbing. (laughing) Hey everybody. - You know, there's this thing every year. There's these like touristy type places all over the world that are high rise. You know, like cliffs and things of this nature. We're like every year, they're like, you don't go over there to take selfies. Everyone's like the Grand Canyon and me and they just fucking fall over. - Yeah, I can believe it, yeah. - And do you care? Like, well, like no. - Yeah. - There's always somebody that goes just out and they're like, no, not for me, I'm very-- - Why? - Yeah. - Oh my gosh. - I have a feeling, I have a feeling there's no signs. - Yeah, I was gonna say it first. - Here, no. - No, no, not at all. - No one's telling you not to sit down. - I want to know what's in front of them. - The edge of their cliff. - Wouldn't it be great if they just, you turn this way and it's their house. - Yeah. - 'Cause they'd like live up there. - It's like a cliff with goats and shit. - And his mom's face is just in shock because they lost his, her favorite stick. - Your chair. Rocking chair. - This could be like, you might have a lot of blood coming out of them, you know? - He could have more brain damage than the first guy. - Yeah. - Do you think this is on like Afghanistan's funniest home videos like do they have that show yet? And if not, wouldn't this be great? - This would be one of the first ones. - Yeah. - That would be fun. Do you guys watch that guy that's in an Iraq that calls everybody transgender? Do you guys watch? And he just walks around Iraq. - No. - And he says the funniest thing. - He's an Iraqi guy, right? - Yeah, he's an Iraqi guy. - I'll be fine. - Yeah, I follow him on Instagram. He's hilarious, but he calls everybody wacky transgender, bender, fender, you know, kind of makes right up to people. - He's like, no, just like to the, into the camera. Hey, wacky transgender, benders, listen up. Here's what I found a dog today. And this is what I taught him. Yeah, it's, he's got like a million followers. - Oh, really? - Yeah, it's crazy. - Yeah, 'cause their culture hasn't done all this nonsense. - No, they haven't gone. - Like this is the beginning of this nonsense. Just what I'm saying, like, would make you kill him, you guys. - Yeah, they're not trying to figure out what to do. - They're still, there's still a lot of places in the world where if you were gonna, like rack probably, where if you're like, oh, pronouns, they would be like, huh, what? - Yeah. - They wouldn't even know what you're talking about. - Yeah, they don't. - It's not, at least not like the, like, most of the population. - No way. - It also, it also isn't really that important to them when they look in their backyard and they're, everything's gone. - Yeah, of course. - Well, what am I gonna call you? - Yeah. - But at the same time, do what you wanna do. - Places like that should, of course. - But places like that also, like, you know, modesty, you realize there's a luxury of, like, I'm gonna cover up, whatever, I shit in the street. (laughing) Like, yeah, I'm not really thinking about. - Probably haven't been to my neighborhood. - Shit in the street, public defecation. - Have you ever made eye contact with somebody pooping? - I'm not even him, he won't let me. - Yeah. (laughing) You've been trying for so many years. - So many years. - Yeah, just running in and sneaking. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - He won't even talk to me through the door. - No. - So exciting. - Well, have you made eye contact? Like, with the animals pooping? - No, with a person. When I moved to New York, this, I was just walking down the street. La la la la, and this guy was, was shitting into a tree and we fucking locked eyes while he was pooping. I just liked my world was different from that, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I was like, oh, oh. - Did he say anything? - No, he just got on, he was pooping. - Yeah. (laughing) - And regular? - So regular. - So regular. - And those people would be bunged up. - And they're not. - No, he didn't push it all. - You know, do you remember when you see people shitting in public? - Or jacking off, yeah. - Those are me. - That's his him, fantastic. Do you know this guy? - No. - No. - I love to see this, let's see one. - The ocean of Antarctica. And this store, I don't know if you can see, it's like different. And also, look here, for the first time in my life, I'm going to drink from the ocean of Antarctica, and I'm going to drink the water. - That looks fresh, you shit. - It's very salt like urination, I'm sweat, but. And first time in my life, I drink him. And also, 1999, the volcanic erection started here. That mountain used to be volcano. He, look at his comment here, it says my main account is suspended. (laughing) - Probably from his. - And he's freezing, freezing, freezing. Come to the ocean, the ocean cold water, hot, or lava, it's a finishing hand. - Okay. - The king of knowledge. - What's the next one? - We have a house, right? - They want it, yeah, find one with, yeah. (laughing) - It's more baby doggie. - Meow. - Where's your mother? - Oh my gosh. - He keeps sucking my toes. I think he's LGBTQHDTV candidate, but I don't mind. - Now you wet your flake. It's like every day I clean for you. Now today you clean your salad. Today I take my baby doggie to get rabbi's vaccination. - rabbi's. - Sometimes that's it down. It's the endomissioner that you good. I don't understand why baby doggie have to get rabbi's vaccination. So what if he's racist? He's not racist, he's just a baby. - This is it enough. Here's another one for you. This is a fun one, okay? Okay, here we go. Here we go. - Boom. - Boom. - This is good. - And you have to get the boat ready. (laughing) - Yes. - That's good. - That's a good one. - I'm sick of it. - Sorry. I didn't mean to laugh. - This was real. - This was real. - This was real. - This was real. - This was real. So they went to the hospital, minor injuries. The driver told police they thought it was in park, just rolled into the restaurant. That's not rolling. That didn't seem like rolling. That was the rolling roll. And that was it. That's that song. High impact. Yeah. One more. By the way, do you think it was in Texas and it wasn't Houston and they looked like an interracial couple. Do you think it might be? Somebody was trying to send a message. Yeah. Let people know. Yeah. No waiting together. We didn't think about that. We were free, uh, free, uh, free rip, free rip, though, for the, uh, this is great. He's like loading an AC unit up a ladder. Holy shit. Holy shit. Oh. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, Superman's here. That's a little late, buddy. Oh, man. That looks, that's about, but here's a question. How, how do you bring a heavy AC unit? I'll tell you one thing you do. You're going top. I'll tell you something. You have a second person. You don't do it all by yourself. Yeah. It's me to help her. You should, he should have had a wife. Don't have your wife hold the ladder. Yeah. Or like a crane, you know, like when they fix the traffic lights, the guy that's in the thing. Oh, like a cherry bucket. Yes. Yes. Yes. I think I think it would have been using ropes and going to the top and pulling it up. Like an Amsterdam. Yeah. But again, another person would help. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Somebody to catch it as it's falling. Yeah. Oh, my God. Well, these were pretty funny today, guys. Good job with that patch. They were pretty good. There was a lot of cock. There was. Do you guys always do a lot of cock? Not always. You guys just surprise people. Some days are like horny guy days, some days are dick days, some days are horny chick days. Yeah. There was a horny chick that opened the show today, really. Hello. My name is Sandra. I've only been with one man in my life. What? We're divorced. Oh. I'm looking for me. Me. I'm going to sell you right now, Chris. You know, your lipstick is selling good. Thank you. How did you know? This is my socks. This is the model. No, is that really? Yes. It's fantastic. This is my new liquid lipstick line. Yeah. I've got an instant. Fantastic. I like to be viral. It is. This next one is for me. It's just one of the shirts I'm selling. Bro, do I look like a fucking homo to you? I have that shirt. That is a great shirt. What is it saying in the back? That's me. Not a homo. You have to look like a boyfriend. We had shut the fuck up. Let's see. Shut the fuck up. Yeah. I'm a fucking queer. Fuck no. That's the back. That's the back. That's not even saying I'm into dick, grandmother's either because I am most certainly I'm not. Oh my god. That was awesome. It's family. Look at that. That's family photo in the back. It's grand. I never never pictured that. That's very cool. No. He's that. That's just how much I fucking. I mean, I don't see how you guys do it. You can just either put your genitals in another dude's fucking bottle. It's fucking gross. That. That. That. I'll tell you something else is gross. But your mom is safe around me, bro. Either is your grandma. I don't give a fuck. Damn. Dude, he's hard as fuck. Who needs sex? You know why? Cause he likes cookies. That's why. That's why he likes grandma's and mom. I am just fine, ladies. That's a weird one. Is that like in a live chat? Is that what's going on? I don't know. Or is that a video to somebody specific? I always feel like. Well, he just said you guys are saying, you know, I think this was actually a meant for public consumption. It's always interesting when those people go viral with hate. Yeah. Yeah. I think that might be one of those. That's the. This at least I think is made. He's like you guys that are saying this. Yeah. Sometimes it's one of my favorite lanes is when they make a video that is for one person. I'll just publicly upload this. I mean, by mistake, right? They think they're sending it, I think so. They're sending it into DM. We can't tell. We can't tell. We can't tell. You can't tell, but like. Jennifer, I hope you get this video. Oh, no. Yeah. This is like three minutes long, but it's all for Jennifer. It's all. It's all. I've ever seen somebody upload that there was a guy from my hometown that Uploaded him just standing there with his cock. No, I posted it on Facebook. No, I definitely didn't mean to I remember I was I was a doctor Grins in a grand rapids and I just this a long time ago And I was just kind of scrolling through Facebook, and I just like oh fuck. I was a mistake for sure That shouldn't be your proof Wasn't there a famous celebrity that did a lot of stories and there's a bunch of them done that the best is that Like a month or two ago, economic record. Mm-hmm posted his dick. Yes, and hung a weight from it And like and that was a DM that he had sent the following week He announced his presidency his run for president of Ireland Yeah, and then just like three days ago. He's like I guess I'm not gonna run for president anymore His timeline's fantastic. It's amazing. It should have been it should have been dick I'm not gonna run for president I am gonna. Yeah, but he had it all backwards. He could have been president right now But he had too much weight on his cock and he just fell apart pretty pretty impressive He needs to go to your boy with the beard. Oh, yeah, yeah, it would have been awesome I need I need a little bit of jizz in my pee Get myself going in the morning. Will you try that will you try your in therapy? Would you be open to now? Have you no, but I'm not from BC. Oh, that's true It is a region It's regional. Yeah, I'm from British Columbia. Therefore what pee drinkers. Yeah, that's what we do Can I ask a stupid question? How is he getting the a little bit of jizz in the pee right because don't those valves One shuts down so that the other one can know maybe he was like, you know Deadling before so you have a little more in the urethra like, you know I mean you were twig it to kind of little and then you have a little little got in the pathway Mm-hmm, and then you shut it down and then you had a pee and now they're mixed together. I love the fact that you're you or confused by it And you have an answer to it. That's that's what's great about it. It's like how do you well? Let me tell you how it happens to me When I did a little bit before I pee, I can tell there's a little bit of something on top of the door right now Do you see the little bit of sperm is sperm and dynal spermicides? Well, but That's what he calls it sperm. If you get all like worked up, uh-huh, and then you don't go all the way right some of that's gonna Seep into your pee path. Thanks sting. Yeah Ton tracks, it's true. It's gonna seep in there. Yeah, but I'm gonna be honest with you one of these guys I just yeah, I just get there and then I walk away and I shake you must be horrible at a four-way stop Go I think a lot of women need this reminder because there are so full of themselves about how wow are the ones that bring life into the world And then sometimes you need like a doctor or somebody to tell you the truth, which is Bus talk. Yeah, this is my only regret. I never lived in New York City Yes, I only regret in life that and the talent on the trains. Yeah, right? Yeah, the talent on the trains is impressive Dancing the same thing. Just the public ladies and gentlemen. Yeah I am not asking for your money. Yeah, you're way to work. Yeah You want to see some shit? No, somebody like I am a magician. Yeah, I Have two minutes until the next stop. I'm gonna need a number from you I want to need a number from you and I'm gonna guess which card it is Yeah, I hit play in that boombox real quick. Check this shit out What's worse public magic hold on or public acoustic guitar singing? Oh, can I add one to that sure? Plastic no plastic drums. Oh Yeah, with real drum stick. Oh, it's so loud. Oh my god And you see somebody who's oh wizard on that. Yeah, but yeah, I know What they do with their drums. I don't know. But that's a thing though is it's kind of a useless talent to really to really get good on the plastic bin Yeah, you're not gonna play in a band with plastic. There's no there's no bass drum on that. You don't know how to double kick Symbol I had nothing on right now. There's someone listening who's so like I could show fucking Ian how to fucking Yeah, you take a bigger barrel You take a big old barrel. I think the public plastic drumming. I forgot how that's your favorite those three I actually like my I like magic. Oh see I was shut down magic first. Yeah, but you can watch it and not get involved Yeah, we have no joy guitar guitar playing It's not that loud, but the singing with it in the acoustics in the subway So I was thinking about that for the drumming. It is. Oh, it's loud. It is always have that I like the loud You know, I'm I'm always like like we're talking about on stage and off So I'm like extraordinarily polite off stage like just to you know I mean in general and I remember I still remember I was in Columbus, Ohio. I had done this show Doug Benson was standing there with me and we're talking and this guy comes up and he goes would you like to see some magic? and I was like I do this and then he looks at Doug. He goes not really dude And I always suck with me because the guy was like Really he was like now. I'm good. How about the guy that smokes so much weed doesn't see want to see magic It doesn't it was great though. They always want to see magic It's a magic's worst Shut it down the guy was like so like defeated. He was like all right Walked away. You were like I was like that. I just couldn't say it. You're like, yeah I've never been able to do that. I've never been able to shut that down. How did you do that? Yeah, and then Doug's like what happened? Actually, I think what he said was I'm good. That's what I think he said and that which is even better. I'm good I'm good. I'm good. I'm so funny. Seeing enough magic today. Yeah, I do take care of yourself. I'm so funny though. All right All right, you want to show them what you've collected. Yeah, these are my TikTok curations as always I like to highlight the marginalized people in the marginalized communities. Spend on the truth. Yeah, let them have Just before we do that pull up Ian bags website please in bag calm so that we can all right So things that are coming up at Lana, Raleigh, Houston, Phoenix, Tempe, Brea, East Providence, Rhode Island, Boston massive huge tits Pittsburgh VA Seattle meat rattle and Spokane. These are great great cities and great cities. You're doing not too bad. You're doing the old Mother Neptune. Yeah, it's great clubs. It's kind of exciting. It's fun. That's awesome. And I'll start with you guys by the way When you had me come to your show during the pandemic. Yeah, that's that's when that's one of this all started really. Yeah, that's awesome Yeah, so thanks guys. Get tickets. He is seriously one of the best in the world at doing stand-up. Go see I will not bring my own Pete. You might be able to convince him. Here we go. All right Unbox my dead cat with me. Holy shit. Are you fucking serious? Yeah, so you can have your your dead head. She's fully breaking down. That's great I don't know if I could actually that's not much more than what a cat usually does. Yeah, it's kind of chill. Yeah, so it's kind of I think we should maybe do that dog cats. Yeah, would you do this? No, but yeah, but if you love cats. Yeah. Yeah, you have a dog. We have dogs. Yeah dogs. Yeah, we want to preserve them when they pass. No, my wife has them takes them has them Incinerated yeah, and then she brings home the ashes. Yeah, yeah, and they say you know you can do that sit next to my mom. It's fucking weird You could do that on a big green egg. If you have one of those Oh my god, yeah, that's really funny Big too you can get the big son. Oh, yeah, absolutely Over there and say what I can do with my fist Oh my god, what is this from What is that? What's the name of that portal I don't want this thing. I don't know Any and he's not a big son. It's from your feed. That's all I'm it's from my feed. Yeah, what's this one any time? I love one of me and close my panties to the side My balls just flop Makes me laugh that will never get old. That's great. I'm afraid from Howard Stern used to do them Oh, yeah, so good Don't go change it. All right. Well, that's a good one So as somebody in the AP Asian field, I just want to let you know your airport fit matters It matters what you wear to this hair airport and let me tell you why it's a couple reasons why But let me just tell you all something You never and I mean never No, we don't come across. I always said I might meet my husband here. Mm-hmm You don't never know ladies put your best fit one is right men put your best fit one don't know who you bound to run and cross in the airport. And I'm not even just talking about like romantically. Your next boss could be very flexible fingers. I know. Your next business partner. Like you just sky's the limit when it comes to the airport. Right now, fresh your best coming and going. I got to say, I'm a I'm a big fan of what she's saying. Same here. Having seen the absolute bottom of the barrel on so many flights where you're like, what the fuck is going on? I don't I wouldn't go as far as to say we have to go back to the 50s where it was coat and tie to fly. But the amount of fucking PJs, house slippers, fucking a body wrap. You'd wear at the pool. You're just like, what the fuck is wrong with this? I'm going right to the airport from here. But that's but that's at least a cool t-shirt. I saw the oasis show. I'm so bummed that you think it's sometimes though a little too much in the extreme of absolute shit. At the airport, it's yeah, but at the same time, I'm more concerned when I see a girl get on with with like leather pants. Are you fucking as soon as you get off the plane? Like what's going like gigantic like stilettos. You're like, is that straight club in Chicago's airport that I'm not aware of? Yeah, like it's it's a lot. But yeah, I also flying on winter when you have to wear giant coats is also bothers me because some people will wear I'm just like they're expecting this plane to go down and we're gonna have to hike out of here. That's me. Is that you? Well, I used to fly with the North face for thing. That's the one I was thinking of. But I would zip it up and just sit in the middle seat. She also wears that when it's like 62. Oh my God. Yeah, that's why I love Texas. Nice and warm. I love Texas. I never been so much warmer in my life. Anyways, do you think this lady's mad at it? Is she gonna show the picture? Because she's just this is a collection. This is a feeling where she has she's feeling compelled to say this because it's been probably years of her being like why is that person dressed in a garbage bag? Well, she did bring out her necklace while she told us that she showed us. It's her friend. No, I think it's her and like her BFF. I was trying to figure out who the photo was up. Oh, do you think she was taking down her best friend? What are you fucking wearing in the airport? Maybe. Oh my God. My name is Summer. I'm a freak and I like to fuck on the first day. So if you think you can keep up with me, add me one, two, three, eight, one, two. Oh, she does not know how to use a phone. They she is the Idaho Correctional Program and they do a lot of these. They do these video messages for pen pals. Yeah, you can put money in their commissary and stuff. But Summer's like one of the hotter and the hot and she's also telling you I'm down. Yeah, she's not like sometimes they're like, I want a friend. I like to get to meet somebody. I'd like to have, you know, conversations. She was just like, I'm down to fuck. What's up? She's in prison. I put my pussy on the glass. Yeah. On the first time you come in, your mom and dad will say my bad genie. It'd be fun if we could if you can do a Google search real quick with her name to find out what her offenses. Oh my God. Yes. Okay, can we guess? Yeah, we can definitely guess. I'm just gonna go simple. A couple of DIYs. DIYs. Yeah. She, she stacked them. She was stalking. She had a bit. Oh, I'm going for a salt or battery. I actually think it's a violent altercation. Yeah. Oh, no, no. Public indecency. Oh, that counts. She's a freak. So she's going to do go to jail for that dog. I don't know. Maybe she maybe got drunk and fucked too many dudes in public gang, bang, public. She's in the system. You know, this isn't jail. Oh, you're right. Sorry. So she's really. This is a correctional facility or she had a bad boyfriend who let her down the path. And he's good at this. Any, what do you think this bitch did? Would that be prostitution? Net maybe. I mean, this bitch definitely fights. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. I'm assuming there's some a soldier battery. Possibly. Yeah. I still think stalking. I think stalking isn't just with a weapon. Well, do we find anything, guys? It's been crazy. It should be crazy. Go. Okay. Control possession. Grand theft by common law, larceny, embezzlement, extortion and receiving stolen goods. It's very Idaho. Injury to child is also one. Oh, yeah. That's not good. Still hot. We're still. I'd still take you out. Yep. Control and control of whatever drugs. Yeah. Drugs and control of drugs. That sounds like she did drugs well. Sentence. She never got a kid. She's a satisfaction date. She's locked up till 2030 for the child injury. Oh, somebody got hurt. Yeah. She's getting through Grand Larsity next year, controlled substance 27. And then another few years for hurting a kid. She should probably say, I fuck on the first date, but I'm not going to look like this. She's 28. Yeah. What she's going to be in there until 2030. Yeah. That's true. Yeah. Yeah. Good eyebrows for prison. I mean, she's really put together. I'd love to know more about what this stupid fucking kid did. Is there a new story? Look for a new story under. Well, she's 28. She's young. So she'll still be cute when she gets out. She'll be good. Yeah. Yeah. But after prison. I know. All the foods bad. All bad. That's why we got a donate. Okay. Number one, two, three, eight, one, two, write that down. We can send something today. I'm sorry. We got to keep her hot. Initiate, Aaron. Oh, my gosh. Approach. So these are like fat nerds in the park. Jedi, apprentice. Congratulations. Neil. Neil. These are adults. No kids. Yeah. By the right of council. Okay. By the will of the force. My name you. Jedi apprentice. Rise and speak your name. My last. I hope he is the only one. All right. Like, I hope they're doing this for him. All right. All right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I just put that together. Like maybe they're doing something. They're now. Definitely not happening. By the way, if he's special needs to see, I think he's actually chasing storms. No, the school. That guy. It's like that storm. Yeah. There's a storm. That's right. That's right, guys. God bless the LVBTQ. Oh, God. See to shiny sea from every mountain. Mountain. Mountain. Mountain. Mountain. New. You're just putting your hand on her heart, too. God bless the LVBTQ. You think there's a part of her that just hopes this song catches on. Yes. Just like that one that was doing that stuff. All right. That one's amazing. Oh my God. Well, this one. Live and indigenous people of color. Latinos and Asians. And Creole. She got everything. She lists almost the whole world. Yeah. She just goes through all the colors. Yeah. She really does. I like that. Her life. Sure. That's fucking right. Definitely a kill Tony winner. Guess who's getting a ticket. Guess who's getting a comeback. Thrown a little joke. You did it. It's a feeling like you're not enough because your partner wants to open up their relationship. Oh, tight. I have a rude question for you. When has your partner ever required you to be enough? Your partner thinks you are essential to their thriving. Yeah. That is why they want to partner with you in this massive transition. You have always been a source of magnificence in their lives because you're just being you. They love you unequivocally because you don't know me. It's a essential part of their wholeness. So why are you requiring yourself to be enough? Okay. I'm always confused when Asians get really round glasses. Are you trying to make me look like you're surprised? Sorry. Yeah. By the way, that brings up your guys' relationship. Yes. Do you guys feel much? We're so open. Too much from super open. We've already had this conversation. That's why we want to share it. We're checking out. We're trying to do each other's enough. You guys are doing good. You're okay. You're okay. What about you and your wife? For you guys like. Fuck that bitch. No. I love it. Yeah. She's open. She's open. Yeah. Yeah. How many partners do you or does she have right now? She's got probably about 16 every time. Do you have that thing where you get super excited when she's going on a date for the first time with someone? I do. I'm just like, uh girl. Yeah. I'm so excited. - Side is for you. - Side is for you. - What position are you gonna do? - Yeah. - No. - Anyone hear the detail? - I just like, "Mom, did he get a hand D2?" - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That NRE. - You think that's what you're saying that everybody's open? - Yeah, so her account, I've been following her for a minute, it's these really detailed videos about being polyamorous and how to, why you should do it, why it's good for you, and good for, it's a lot of intellectualizing, a thing that seems really hard to do. Do you know what I mean? I just think on an intuitive level, she knows that this shouldn't feel good, so I have to rationalize this. - She's trying to put it all together. - Yeah, some guy, usually it's some guy that starts, checks into this, and now she's telling you, and she's convincing. - It's a 20s thing. - Yeah. - Right. - Maybe that's just-- - Just having fun in games. I'm always confused when you see people like 50, 60. - We're still swinging, I'm like ugh, huh. Interesting. (laughs) - I agree. - We have a hard time picking what we're gonna do to the kitchen. (laughs) - How are these people so juiced up in their 50s and 60s? - Yeah, yeah. - Push through the limit. - 'Cause as you get older, you're like, you can, I talk about this on stage, you can't have sex the same day you eat, right? Like it's Monday, eat, Friday, sex, or you're pushing farts out of each other. That's all you're doing for an hour. An hour. - An hour. - You definitely don't want to go to dinner and then fuck you. - No. - But when you're at 20s, you can have a big ball of spaghetti and still like pound out two bitches, no problem. - Yeah, no problem. - Show those bitches what's up, what's up? - Show those bitches what's up. Surprise! - Hey Peter. - Oh shit. - Peter. - Oh. - This is Joe from Co-Hop. - I love it. - Yeah, I'm a cop. - Oh. (laughs) - He makes transversal easy. - Yeah. - First of all. - This is a real cop. - Of course, it's a real cop. - You gotta change the battery and the smoke detector. That was kind of crazy. - That was just right off the top. - First time I've seen it from a white guy. It's pretty cool. - So who's house do you think he's better? (laughs) - Jump. - Man, if I were you interested in that. - I'm very interested in showing us and like just being us. Just probably be like not verbally checking in but just like looking at you a lot stepping back. - I'm just admiring you and rope. I think I'm interested in something a bit more comforting. I want to be like really close and connected to you. I definitely want like really soft and tender moments. What do you need for aftercare? I think I'd like a full meal (laughs) and to do a debrief and a walk through. Just to talk through each part and to see how we both feel about it. - I think I need all of those things and then I would love to just check in maybe tomorrow or the day after even though it's been a day or two. I just want to make sure you're still feeling good. - Awesome. Anything else we need to cover? I think I can think of. Check out the next video if you want to see what we do. - Just for aftercare. Deal with your own shame by yourself. Just go in the corner and think about it. - Aftercare, you know. - Sounds like it. It sounded like it was going to be fun before we did it and then after as soon as I came out I was really an uncomfortable person. (laughs) - That is aftercare. - Is this like the ideal? Is this like basically how you're supposed to talk to somebody? - Tom, what do you need? - During, what are you looking for? - You guys need to wear your headset, headphones when you do it. But these in, you gotta put your Chris tightest headphones. - It's so much for fucking. Like this ultimately is for fucking, right? - I think well, they said rope. - So they're gonna Shibaru, Shibuitsu, that Shibaruitsu-to-rope tight. - Are you making your own name? - Shibuinu. - Yeah. (laughs) - You make your own name. (laughs) - What do you need for Apricot? I need a good burping. (laughs) Oh my God. - Love the kimchi. So they're, yeah, it's about rope and stuff and I guess that's a fairly involved sexual- - Yeah, what do you look at for when we're doing this? And then they were also like, I'd also, I'd like to check in in two days to make sure you don't hate me. (laughs) - And for what I'm gonna do to you. - Yeah. - Is it cool? (laughs) I'm gonna tie you up, hang you. Those people get like all boned up when they go near boats. (laughs) - Probably. - Probably, right? - Probably. - Yeah. - That's a good point, like two days from now. Are we still cool? - When you're gonna be like pretty fucked up over these memories, can I call you? (laughs) - Yeah. - Whenever I see those, they're always hanging upside down. - Oh yeah. - Can we see what the kids are in a vice? - Yeah, you get a sense. - Squeeze, like the tid almost comes off. - Is it like a mammogram thing? - Yeah, the guy that does a mammograms, that's just after work fun. - Hey, your tits went from purple to black. Are we still good? (laughs) Just fine, Tom. Just fine. - Thanks for checking in. - Oh yeah, this is a labyrinth. Yeah, it's cutting off all kinds of circulation. - That reminds me of a girl I knew in college actually. - Yeah, okay, all right. Oh shit, okay, so this does require a lot of check-in. - Oh my god. - This is, this is. - Yeah. - This is a labyrinth. And you gotta make sure that like your safe thing isn't, get me fucking down from here right now, 'cause that's gonna be like, no, baby, shut up. - Do you fuck while you're tied up? - I don't think so. - I don't think they have sex. - No. - I think they get off on the being tied up. - Tied up and no control. - And then see you later. - 'Cause how do you get into that? - Yeah, that's a lot. - And that's it, there's no fucking. - Well, maybe they fuck it up. - I know, you don't fuck during that. - You fuck after. - Yeah, maybe. - After she's cut the purple heart. - After she's, after she can't, when she is down. And she's like, ah, ah, oh, there you go. I'm gonna fuck you now, stupid. - Tommy. - I love this. - Tommy. - Okay. - This was the best, dude. - Can I say it? It's just, it's not cuties. Do you want this shit? - Okay. - These two pigs. It's never like bodies. Like, is there like, there's like a hot mannequin? I'm not, not these two fucking hearing eggs. - Go see. - Tits, speards and tits. - Ian back. - Hey man, do you like to be tied up? - No. - Oh yeah man, a little bit tied up. - Well they both were like this. - Oh boy. - It sounds like, it's gonna sound like a scribble. - Is that the fart microphone? - Yeah. - Oh my god. - Yeah, you were here for the original fart mic. Do you have to fart? - No I don't, but if I did, I would take this studio down. - Yeah. - I'd nail it. - I just want to watch you and communicate with you. - What are you looking for for, after care? - I'd like a full meal. And I'd also like you to call me and say hi. - Some sov for all my rope burns. - I'd also like a new rope. - Okay. - Ian Back. - Ian Back is on tour. He is absolutely one of the best comedians. - Go see Ian Back. - Go to Ianback.com. If you're in any of those cities, check him out. Check out the Husky Boys podcast with him and Robert O'Burst. It's always good to see you man who missed you. - Your friends, right? - Of course. - Okay. - Did me. - Just check and make a sure, 'cause it's weird when you're in an episode and we're still supposed to be wrapping it up, but when you first start out, that's the best time. - Yes. - 'Cause nobody's running around trying and doing everything. - Yeah. - Now you barely ever see any friends. - It's just so true. - It sucks. - It sucks. - Of course we love you, man. - Okay, just check and make sure. - You love us. - I've always been a big fan and when you guys, I was so happy for your success and when you guys had kids and it's just, you guys make me giggle. I get stuff all the time and yeah. And then you do these things like get nominated for awards and I'm just like, "Mother fuck, it is awesome." - That's great. - So, I don't know how your friends with Burke. Anyways, he is so fat. All right, we will see you guys next week. Bye-bye. (upbeat music) - We've been looking into Fartmix, which has been a long time coming. - A lot of people need-- - Fart, my fart, my fart, my tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth, tooth - Yeah, I've got the perfect part. - Thank you. Yeah. - We got the equipment, part mic. I felt like a lot of our listeners were sitting like about wanting it. - Can I have the part mic? - Yeah, can I just hear it? You're kidding! - Part mic. - Oh, it's so upsetting. - You did all that work. - Well, these chairs, like you've said before, they're not conducive to work. - Part mic. - You got everything. - It smells bad. - My tears come to my eyes. That was-- - It doesn't smell good. - You really got to be proud of yourself. - Yeah. - But you cut that on-- on the spark mic. - You got to really lean over. You got to practically lay in your-- in your shithamage. - True.